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February 14-20, 2013 | doing it every week since 1993

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eDItoRIAL Jacob h. fries (x261) EDITOR

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How Congress can shift from being the butt of jokes to a place where problems get solved BY GEORGE NETHERCUTT

I

n the 1800s, American author and humorpublican. Self-identified ist Mark Twain once remarked, “Suppose Independents climbed you were an idiot, and suppose you were a to 40 percent, a trend Member of Congress: but I repeat myself.” In the likely to continue. 1900s, actor and comic Milton Berle, famously Another cultural known as “Mr. Television,” once quipped, “You trend Crouch identifies can lead a man to Congress, but you can’t make is complexity. We’re him think.” This century, political satirist and a complex culture comedian Jon Stewart, declared, “If ‘con’ is the (including Congress), opposite of ‘pro,’ then isn’t Congress the opposite more connected than of progress?” ever by technology, but in many ways more Congress has long been a popular target for disconnected than ever at a personal level. Young criticism and humor, but it’s also an indispensible people now sit in the same room texting each institution for a free society, and it deserves our other, rather than talking out loud and verbally respect. exchanging ideas. Airline passengers engage in The January 17, 2013, RealClearPolitics little conversation with seatmates, focusing more polling aggregation showed Congress’ approval on Blackberry and iPhone messages. Congresrating at a dismal 15.2 percent, yet most voters sional members are often strangers to each other respect their member of Congress enough that a because they’re usually only in Washington, huge majority of incumbents (91 percent) runD.C., together Tuesdays through Thursdays, ning in 2012 (including Rep. McMorris Rodgers) with little time to forge personal relationships that were reelected. Perhaps it’s the underwhelming can lead to problem solving. Working together as record of collective Congressional action that a collective body for a full workweek might help produces such low approvals: neither House fix that. It’s easier to disagree with someone you members nor Senators could effectively crossdon’t know, especially in high-level politics. examine Hillary Clinton in recent Congressional More Congressional friendships might thaw hearings regarding the death of four Americans the icy nature of current Congressional relationin Libya; and federal officials usually wait until ships. President Obama should dismount from the last minute to act on pressing national his high horse and employ his perproblems such as the debt ceiling extensonality to this end. Inviting Congression, immigration reform, entitlement sional members to the White House Send comments to reform or other fiscal issues. for policy discussions or informal editor@inlander.com. social events will yield the President ith Congressional ratings so policy dividends. Who knows? low, most citizens have no interest President Obama may end up liking Republicans. in running for office; they liken it to And they might end up disliking him less. running marathons or mud wrestling — too difne thing is certain: More negative comficult and too dirty. Scores of Eastern Washington ments about Congress solve nothing. friends have asked me over the years how I stood Assembling a Congressional majority it for 10 years. I’ve told them it was an honor to agree on anything is difficult — too many to serve — that we need our best servants in members think they alone know what’s best for the national legislature, people with experience, America. With a Pied Piper in the White House, judgment, knowledge and caring hearts. But and a polarized, diverse and complex culture danger lurks for improving Congressional ratings predominating, members of Congress on both or encouraging good people to serve if cultural sides of the Capitol will need support to maintain trends continue. a bulwark against the economic death threat that Author Andy Crouch recently identified lurks for the United States as citizens are tempted 10 significant cultural trends of the last deby the muse’s intoxicating music and message. cade. Prominent on the list is polarity, as more Principled members, with public support and Americans (too often, including Congress) divide even with a contrarian president, knowing each themselves into tight, homogeneous subcultures, other well and committed to working together, or “refuges from the homogeneity of society.” are our best salvation for maintaining constiThis makes it more difficult for Americans of diftutional freedoms. Elected officials deserve our fering opinions to cordially find common ground. encouragement to tend to the nation’s business Perhaps that’s why “Independents” claim an with the citizen foremost in their minds, striving ever-growing segment of the electorate. Last year, to serve the common good. If they do, their apGallup surveys showed 47 percent of Americans proval ratings will rise. identified themselves as Democrats, or IndepenAnd, if Congress can’t work together to craft dents leaning Democratic, compared with 42 solutions, we all lose. n percent Republicans, or Independents leaning Re-

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comment | publisher’s note

All you can eat 150 items

Squeezed Out by ted s. mcGregor jr.

W

ho could have predicted that privatizing liquor sales in Washington would produce winners, losers, legal challenges and higher prices? Oh yeah, we did! It’s fairly predictable with any special interest-written legislation; the part we didn’t call, however, is that Costco, the author of the law, would file a lawsuit, too. That’s new. Another surprise is that the state Liquor Control Board has stayed busy, as it has been charged — thanks to another initiative — with administrating the sale of recreational marijuana. Their members are barnstorming to gather input before they write the rules for the newly controlled consumer product. A lot of the testimony has come from medical marijuana providers (empowered by yet another state initiative) who fear their service/business/ vocation is going to be lost in the shuffle. They’re right to be afraid. After the U.S. Attorney shut down the medical marijuana sales infrastructure in Eastern Washington, it’s been very hard for patients here to exercise their state-granted rights and find relief from the natural remedy. Now the Liquor Control Board is pressing on with recreational sales rules and ignoring medical sales, as that is not in their mandate. That leaves it to the Legislature to create clear outlines for the medical side, but that’s not looking too likely. First, the U.S. Attorney in Seattle did not crack down, so there’s no outcry from over there. And second, Eastern Washington is mostly filled with legislators who are not sympathetic to the issue. This is what becoming a political orphan looks like, and it’s not at all fair to Eastern Washington. Perhaps the dispensers’ best hope is that in the process of developing parameters, the federal Justice Department will relent in the hard-line approach that put nearly all local dispensaries out of business. Many had thought the feds would quickly signal their opposition to Washington and Colorado’s choices and tie the legalizing marijuana issue up in court for a few years. But they did not. Apparently President Obama is OK with letting us experiment. This is another case of too many initiatives that contradict each other. Still, legalizing marijuana, controlling its use and taxing it will, in the end, take the criminal element out of the picture and produce much-needed state revenue. As for the medical marijuana dispensers in Eastern Washington, many waiting to get back in business, well… they may not be able to beat them, so they might start thinking about joining them. Starting in mid-September, the LCB will begin taking applications for licenses to sell marijuana to any legalage citizen, medical or recreational. n

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resident Obama’s nominee for heading the Department of Interior, Sally Jewell, is noteworthy not for who she is, but for who she is not. The Washington resident is a mountaineer, an ultra-marathon runner, a CEO of the outdoor gear giant REI — and a former bank executive and oil company engineer. She appears to be some kind of archetypical uberwoman of the Pacific Northwest, jogging up Mt. Rainier on coffee breaks. A Seattleite (former mayor Richard Ballinger) has been Interior Secretary before, and so has a woman, Gale Norton. But what sets Jewell apart is that she’s not a politician. For many decades, Secretary of the Interior has been the plum post of Western politicians: Cecil Andrus, Bruce Babbitt, Dirk Kempthorne. All shared a background in some level of political position, either elected or high in the apparatus of government or partisan machines. Interior is bloody political turf because the stakes are high and the money is big. Land is wealth, and the Interior Department manages millions of public acres, from scablands to national treasures such as Yellowstone and the Grand Canyon. The land includes oil and gas and big game animals and ski resorts and other precious resources. When folks compete to divvy that up, they do it with sharp knives. The mere fact that Jewell is President Obama’s candidate shows that a more mature view could be emerging. Jewell knows there is more than one way to wrest wealth from land. Yes, there’s a place for using the land to provide food, fuel and fiber. America needs all that. But in the modern world, other values rise

like cream as well. Jewell’s billion-dollar REI is part of a much larger outdoor recreation industry. America’s great public landholdings are valuable not only for crude oil, natural gas and livestock feed, but also for providing scenic getaways for weary urbanites, fishing and hunting spots for blue-collar families, streams for salmon and a host of other species, and clean water for millions of people downstream. It’s hard to trace Jewell’s record to assess how she might approach natural resource disputes in our public lands. But clues point toward a mind that understands the value of consensus. In her home state, Jewell’s reputation is a pragmatist. She’s supported efforts like the Yakima Basin Integrated Management Plan. That’s a classic example of centrist groups, both from conservation and agriculture, compromising and solving problems. Hard-core folks on both extreme throw rocks at the plan, which tends to indicate that it’s the kind of collaborative conservation that gets things done. Can Jewell’s kind of professional experience get good things done in today’s Washington? Is the fortitude that got her to the highest peak in Antarctica enough to endure the posturing of Congress? A good guess is that Jewell’s appointment signals that Obama is setting the stage for a conservation legacy. And if confirmed, Ms. Jewell can count on one thing: She is headed for the adventure of a lifetime. n Ben Long lives in Kalispell and has been a card-carrying member of REI since he was in junior high school. This column first appeared on High Country News (hcn.org).

Joanne Bisquera: From a financial standpoint, I think it’s a wise move. They could deliver my mail only twice a week and I’d be fine with that. Carol Landa-McVicker: Not a problem. I get most of my mail through email or texting. Teri Hodges Rouse: Saturday is the best day to get mail! I think they should have split it up. No Wednesday delivery. If I am expecting a package, I want it delivered on Saturday. And I don’t want to have to wait two days to get it on Monday. Mark Simonds: Except for Netflix, I’m OK with this. Nefabit Hinton: Wow, I’m surprised. The mail is important, especially for running a small business when I am expecting things and need them quickly. Aimee Flinn Nechanicky: Means my husband might get two days off in a row... June Swatzell: Very very sad. Brian Mize: If it saves money without a rate hike then I am all for it. How much “important” first class mail and mags do you really get on a Saturday? Very little! I used to work at the post office and it’s a wasteful day, very little mail for the sorters and carrier subs. However, this would make Monday a crazy mail day for the sorters and carriers. Ami Kunz-Pfeiffer: I think they need to cut deeper to make any difference but it’s at least something. Diane Wear: The reason is wrong, however, it could save a good bit of fuel in our rural areas. n


FEBRUARY 14, 2013 INLANDER 9


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comment | satire

Drone Cutbacks Loom C by andy borowitz

iting budgetary concerns, the United States announced this week that it would discontinue regular Saturday drone strikes on U.S. citizens, beginning in 2014. In announcing the decision, the White House spokesman Jay Carney acknowledged that the cutback in drone service was “bound to be controversial. In the United States, we’ve always prided ourselves on our ability to target our citizens with drone strikes, Monday through Saturday, regardless of the weather,” he said. “We know that losing Saturday drone service is going to take some getting used to.” But the move to cut back drone service drew sharp criticism from a longtime defender of the program, the former Vice-President Dick Cheney. “Like most Americans, I thought I’d never see the day when drones just up and take Saturdays off,” he said. “This would never be happening if I were still President.”

As if to silence critics, Mr. Carney assured reporters that drones could “still get the job done” Monday through Friday, and reminded U.S. citizens to update the government on any change of address so the drones would know where to reach them. Elsewhere, media mogul Rupert Murdoch stunned the world of British antiquities by purchasing the newly discovered remains of Richard III for $100 million. “Richard III is more than an important historical figure to me,” a jubilant Mr. Murdoch told reporters after the British government accepted his bid for the fallen tyrant. “He’s a role model.” n For more fake news from Andy Borowitz, visit borowitzreport.com.

comment | agriculture

Victory For Hemp B by jim hightower

esides being founders of our Republic, what did Thomas Jefferson and George Washington have in common? Answer: Hemp. America’s founders were strong promoters of this extraordinarily useful agricultural crop, and both Jefferson and Washington grew it. The first draft of our Constitution was written on hemp paper, and as late as World War II, the government urgently pushed farmers to grow the crop as part of a “Hemp for Victory” program. So why are American farmers today prohibited from producing this patriotic, profitable, pesticidefree plant? Political nuttiness. Most recently, in a frenzy of reefer madness, U.S. drug police decided that President Nixon’s “Controlled Substance Act of 1970” not only outlawed marijuana, but also its non-narcotic cousin, industrial hemp. If ignorance is bliss, they must’ve been ecstatic, yet their nuttiness remains the law of our land. The good news is that a wave of sanity is now wafting across America. In Colorado, for example, Farmer Michael Bowman and Denver hemp advocate Lynda

Parker helped pass Amendment 64 in last fall’s election. It legalizes personal pot use, which got all the media attention, but it also directs the legislature to set up a program for “the cultivation, processing, and sale of industrial hemp.” Bowman now hopes to be the first American farmer in generations to plant a legal crop of it — hoping to do so on April 30th, the 80th birthday of family-farmer hero and hemp champion, Willie Nelson. The red state of Kentucky is also on the move. Its Republican ag commissioner, backed by its chamber of commerce, is campaigning to legalize hemp farming, and Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul is co-sponsoring a national bill with Oregon Democrat Ron Wyden to take hemp off the controlled substance list. To help spread this seed, go to www.votehemp.com. n For more from America’s populist, check out jimhightower.com.

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Stephen Schlange photo

education

Preparing for the Worst Coeur d’Alene wants to spend $1.4 million on security improvements — but can they actually stop school shootings? By Daniel Walters

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oeur d’Alene School District Superintendent Hazel Bauman is still haunted by the memory. Five years ago, a woman called the Sheriff’s Office to report that her suicidal son was missing, may have stolen several guns and was at risk of “doing a Columbine.” Watching over the Lake City High School surveillance system with the building on lockdown, a school resource officer spotted the teen pulling into the parking

lot. Police quickly arrested the student and later found a loaded shotgun and three stolen high-powered rifles in his vehicle. The thought of what might have been still frightens Bauman. “This actually brings me to tears,” Bauman says. “My job is to keep 10,200 kiddos as safe as we can.” The Sandy Hook Elementary massacre in December

has sparked debate over gun control and mental health policy. But for school districts like Coeur d’Alene — where grade schools have less security than Sandy Hook did — it has also prompted serious questions about school buildings themselves. Are there too many entrances? Can the doors lock quick enough? Can police respond fast enough? In a conference room at Coeur d’Alene High, potential solutions are scrawled on a white board: “Perimeter sec.,” “video surv.,” “panic button,” “doors that lock inside,” and “mental health issues.” After the Sandy Hook shooting, the district brought in a private security firm from Spokane. Bauman called the chief of police and the county sheriff to tour through the schools over winter break. “We said, ‘So where are our vulnerabilities?’” Bauman says. The day school started after winter break, the district put a resource officer back in Canfield Middle School after the position had been cut. Two additional officers will also be assigned to elementary schools in the next ...continued on next page

FEBRUARY 14, 2013 INLANDER 13


news | education

Warren Olson says the school may install fences to protect students.

stephen schlange photos

“preparing for the worst,” continued...

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14 INLANDER FEBRUARY 14, 2013

two years. Then the Coeur d’Alene Board of Trustees decided to stick an additional one-time $1.4 million in security funding — the equivalent of a year’s pay for 45 beginning teachers — to their proposed replacement levy. The March 12 levy vote comes as a full package: Voters approving extra security funding will also be voting for more than $25 million in traditional levy funds used to pay for things like classroom support, buses and athletics. Some specifics haven’t been decided and others remain secret — the district doesn’t want to give too much away to a potential shooter. But the overhaul will mean new fences and new doors that could lock from the inside, Bauman says. Teachers won’t have to take risk stepping outside to lock everything down. Exterior locks would work on a hotel-style card system, so keys of former, potentially disgruntled employees would automatically be deactivated. Surveillance cameras would be added and upgraded. Metal detectors were considered, but quickly rejected. The prospect of herding over a thousand students through them would have been a

In Olympia

I

n Washington state, funding to make schools safer appears to be on the way, not from bonds or levies, but from the state Legislature. A bill earmarking $10 million in school safety funding passed unanimously through the state Senate on Feb. 11. By Dec. 1, 2014, Washington

logistical nightmare. Larger changes, like modifying front entryways, may require full-scale construction at places like Coeur d’Alene High School. “It’s going to take an architect to help us reposition things,” Bauman says.

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ast Friday, the doors at Coeur d’Alene High School are unlocked and open directly on the cafeteria where hundreds of students eat. Principal Warren Olson explains how, two weeks ago, students for the first time practiced splitting up into three groups in the event of a lunchtime lockdown. School shootings are still rare but have been increasing. Between 1969 and 1978 there were only 16 school shootings, according to sociology professor Jessie Klein, but between 1999 and 2008 there were 63. Just last week, less than a two-hour drive away from Coeur d’Alene, two fifth graders brought a knife and a loaded gun to Fort Colville Elementary School, allegedly planning to hurt as many as seven students. Olson walks down the hallway, a bell rings and a mass of students flood into a lengthy hall. “Look at the length of that hallway. Look how

state schools would be required to install a “panic alarm system,” to improve the speed and effectiveness of cops responding to emergencies. It also encourages schools to increase perimeter security, add security cameras and decrease the number of entrances. Half the $10 million would go the panic buttons,

the other half would be doled out on a case-by-case basis. “We want to make sure kids are safe when they go to school,” says state Sen. Andy Billig, D-Spokane, a co-sponsor. “This is not the complete solution, but it’s a step in the right direction.” — DANIEL WALTERS


Superintendent Hazel Bauman stephen schlange photos far you’d have line and sight and vision if you were a shooter,” he says. “I read the book Columbine. I shouldn’t have done it.” Ideally, Olson says, a panic button could be hit, automatically swinging doors in long hallways closed. Long halls were one reason school resource officers have wanted access to rifles locked away in gun safes. After the Sandy Hook shooting, safes were installed at Coeur d’Alene’s high schools. There are too many ways to get into the school, Olson worries. “I’m trying to get the building down to two access points,” he says. He points to newly installed scissor gates, metal webs that can slide shut to block off parts of the school. He wants to enclose the school, fencing in the portable buildings in order to protect students from anyone outside. The windows are breakable, but he says the district is considering strategically placed panes of gridded or even bulletproof-glass. A potential remodel may move the office to the main entrance, using a police-station or hospital-style videophone to grant people entry after school starts. “I’d like a system where they buzz them in and out,” Olson says. Yet, many of these same security improvements had been installed at Sandy Hook Elementary, before the massacre. It had a new camera system. The doors were supposed to be locked at 9:30 am. Visitors had to ring a buzzer to be let in. But the doors were made of glass, and the shooter was able to shoot through them and climb through. It’s a reminder that, no matter how much Coeur d’Alene spends, they remain vulnerable. “We will never be able to provide a 100 percent guarantee that your children are safe in our school, short of making it a fortress,” Bauman says. “Short of razor-wire and 12-foot-high [walls], and magnetometers at every door.” But she believes that even imperfect improvements will make a school a less attractive target. “I think that what it says to the bad guys is that we’re not as vulnerable as we used to be. We’re not just a sitting duck,” she says. “If I’m going to create mayhem, maybe the school isn’t the first place that comes to mind as the most vulnerable. … I’d think I might have to frankly do my damage somewhere else.” n danielw@inlander.com

FEBRUARY 14, 2013 INLANDER 15


news | digest

need to know

The Big News of the Past Week

DEVELOPMENT KENDALL YARDS

1.

For the first time in almost six centuries, the pope is stepping down before his death. Pope Benedict XVI said he felt he did not have the physical or mental strength to continue in the papacy. Officially, he will remain the pope until Feb. 28.

2.

On Tuesday of last week, the Spokane Valley City Council was split, three to three, on whether to appoint former planning commissioner Rob Higgins or nonprofit director Linda Thompson to fill a City Council vacancy. To break the tie, they flipped a coin. It landed heads, and Higgins was chosen.

3.

Two Fort Colville Elementary fifth-graders have been charged with conspiracy to commit murder, after a fourth-grader saw one of the boys playing with a knife on the bus. A backpack search revealed a knife, ammunition and a gun.

4.

Fired Los Angeles police officer Christopher Dorner is accused of murdering three people. A nationwide manhunt, with a $1 million reward, followed.

If you look northwest from downtown Spokane, you’ll see an enclave emerging above the river gorge — 84 apartments to the west of Maple, and the new Inlander HQ and Spa Paradiso closer to Monroe. “We have people coming every weekend who are amazed with the fast progress here at Kendall Yards,” says Joe Frank, vice president of Greenstone, the Liberty Lake firm that is developing the property. “Kendall Yards is a very complicated development so we have run into our fair share of challenges, but there’s a lot of momentum right now.” Last week, Chris Matzell of Mandere Construction (pictured) was part of the team framing the interior of the future 13,000-square-foot home of The Inlander.

Young Kwak photo

5.

A civil lawsuit against the Spokane County sheriff’s deputy who shot pastor Wayne Scott Creach is moving forward to a jury trial.

On inlander.com What’s Creating Buzz

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CITY: Don’t worry if you missed Mayor David Condon’s State of the City address. For one thing, he’ll give it again Feb. 22. We also live-tweeted all the details, and you can find that on our blog.


NEWS | BRIEFS

Falling Down Law enforcement to vigilantes: “Chill out.” Plus, the State of the City, Part II Uninvited Vigilantes

COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE

While authorities might admire the enthusiasm, the SpoAmong the dozens of unknowns that come along with kane County Sheriff’s Office wants to remind people that being one of the first states to legalize pot is one big catching a shoplifter is probably not worth risking serious one: How can the state be sure its prices are competitive injury or death. enough to compete with not only the black market but Deputy Craig Chamberlin says authorities also the untaxed medical one? have seen several recent shoplifting incidents in which While it didn’t touch current MEDICAL MARIstore employees confronted a theft suspect and the susJUANA law, Initiative 502 mandated a 25 percent tax on pect brandished a weapon, usually a knife. the sale of recreational marijuana, which it legalized. “We do not want anyone putting themBut medical marijuana remains untaxed and largely selves at risk,” he says. “unregulated,” according to Chris Marr, a former Send comments to Chamberlin says law enforcement editor@inlander.com. state senator who now sits on the Washington State agencies occasionally have to discourage Liquor Control Board. While dispensaries on this vigilantism and the recent uptick in conside of the state have struggled to survive federal frontations justified a reminder. He asks citizens to stick raids, the market in the Seattle area is booming. Marr to serving as informative witnesses. says customers who may be buying medical pot for non“Absolutely you have the right to defend yourself,” he medical use would have no motivation to buy the state’s says. “[But] property can be replaced, lives cannot.” more expensive recreational herb. Chamberlin acknowledges some increased public House Bill 1789 would add a 25 percent tax on mediapprehension over crime rates, but overall he argues cal dispensaries’ sales in an effort to standardize both Spokane County remains quite safe. markets. — JACOB JONES “We’re very concerned that having two systems,

letters

one almost completely without oversight, would make it difficult to win federal approval for overall marijuana legalization,” says Rep. Reuven Carlyle, a Seattle Democrat who co-sponsored the bill, in a statement. “It will distort the market and drive non-medical use inappropriately into the medical channel.” Sponsors expect the House Government Accountability and Oversight Committee to hear the bill Friday. — HEIDI GROOVER

DO IT TWICE

Standing in front of a sea of business people, Spokane Mayor David Condon gave the first of his two State of the City speeches. The public is welcome to attend the second such speech at noon on Friday, Feb. 22, inside City Council Chambers. In his first speech, Condon spent little time talking about the changes he made this year — consolidating city services, laying off staff, reducing water rates. Nor did he mention many specifics of what he wants to do this upcoming year, other than keeping utility rate increases below inflation. Condon also didn’t spend much time talking about public safety and the city’s troubling crime rate. After a quick mention of hiring Police Chief Frank Straub and a resolution to the death of Otto Zehm in 2006 at the hands of police, the mayor breezed right along. Instead, he solicited the crowd to text him suggestions — which appeared on a giant screen in real-time — to make the city a dynamic place that will attract people. One of the biggest audience reactions was the mass giggling when someone suggested “less snow.” — JOE O’SULLIVAN

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SBA preferred lender. FEBRUARY 14, 2013 INLANDER 17


news | idaho

Identity Crisis In North Idaho, locals aren’t afraid of a walled city moving in, but about the branding that could come with it BY HEIDI GROOVER

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Attend an Information Session on: Feb. 19th, 5:30pm 509.313.3684 or leadership@gonzaga.edu

18 INLANDER FEBRUARY 14, 2013

n the first three miles of the climb up Cherry Creek Road, the rain turns to snow. The muddy road snakes through pine trees and the occasional house welcomes visitors with a “NO TRESPASSING” sign. The snow gets deeper, and soon the road splits. To the right, a “Dead End” sign; to the left, a narrow road winds up to the top of the mountain, barely visible through the fog and impassible because of the season. It’s silent and empty. Depending on whom you ask, this is either the way this North Idaho mountain will always look, or the last winter it will be so quiet. Here, a group of self-identified “patriots” says it plans to build an arms factory and a small-scale replica of its dream: a walled city safe from the collapse of modern society, home to thousands of residents who know their way around an AR-15. The Citadel, outlined extensively online, but led by organizers who refuse media interviews, would be a refuge from what survivalists often abbreviate as “when SHTF” (“shit hits the fan”) — the downfall and mass chaos they see as imminent, considering the politics and national finances of the day. This spot, the “Beachhead,” would be the administrative center of a new community, with the gun manufacturer, III Arms Company, as its economic engine. But below this jagged mountain top is St. Maries, a sleepy logging town of 2,400, where locals say they doubt the project will ever happen, but still are fearful of being associated with it. On a fog-buried Thursday morning, more than one business owner and coffee-shop patron compares their fears for Benewah County to the history of Kootenai County, just 60 miles north. “You’re a little worried because it’s a little out of the box, and you always worry a little about the anti-government types,” says Bryan Chase, who runs Timber Country, a sports apparel store his mother owns on Main Street. “I think back to when Coeur d’Alene had the Aryan Nations, and that gave all of North Idaho a bad name.” Real estate agent Rick Powell, who owns Two Rivers Realty and leans back in his chair as he talks, says first that he doubts the Citadel will ever come to fruition. Then he too brings up Kootenai County. “They’re going to come in here and imprint their character on this place,” he says, pausing. “But then again, that’s [because of] the media.” The story has been getting plenty of attention. Salon, The Atlantic and New York Magazine wrote about the Citadel, and newspapers across the country picked up an Associated Press piece on it that came out last week. In January, it made the front page of the right-wing Drudge Report and was fodder for an episode of parody news show The Colbert Report. Those angling for the walled city aren’t neces-

An artist’s rendering of the proposed Citadel, from the organizers’ website sarily St. Maries residents or even Idaho natives. The Citadel’s blog is peppered with people asking about the area, and the group’s website answers questions about the terrain and growing season. The people listed as managers of III Arms Company LLC and Citadel Land Development LLC are from the East Coast, according to documents registering the companies with the state of Idaho. “We are confident [Benewah County] is an ideal fit offering low population density and, importantly, a shared world-view with most of its Liberty-minded residents: independence, self-sufficiency, and patriotism,” Citadel organizers write, though they maintain they can change their mind at their discretion. In a later update they add: “We have many amazing folks who are just waiting for the last pieces to fall into place to head to Idaho. Machinists, IT specialists, ex military, medical, education, farmers, a successful professional land developer — the list is awesome and growing daily.” Citadel proponents aren’t professing white supremacism and say racism won’t be tolerated, but they join a list of other extremist elements who’ve put North Idaho on the national map. The infamous Ruby Ridge standoff between federal forces and Randy Weaver, a white separatist who had moved his family to North Idaho to escape the modern world, happened in the state’s northernmost county. In the mid-’90s, a settlement called “Almost Heaven” sprung up around Kamiah, another logging town 120 miles south of St. Maries, promising refuge from Y2k computer problems. Today, it’s all but gone.


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he specifications of the Citadel are blunt: two walls surrounding the complex, with more “interior defensive walls” inside. Within, there’s a firearms factory and a firearms museum, schools, houses and a farmers market. At the center is the “John Parker Green,” named for the militia leader who fought in the first battle of the Revolutionary War and told his men, “Stand your ground. Don’t fire unless fired upon, but if they mean to have a war, let it begin here.” The “Patriot Agreement,” mandatory to be considered for the city (along with a $33 fee and a $208 deposit), lays out the requirements: Children will take marksmanship and gun safety classes, and once they’re 13 will begin annual tests on rifle and handgun target practice; every resident “of age” will keep an AR-15; every house must maintain a year’s worth of food, water and other essentials; everyone must be armed when visiting the “Citadel Town Center.” Bailey Janda, a 22-year-old barista with bright blue eyes, works at a part espresso shop, part antique store in downtown St. Maries. She says a friend from California recently told her he heard about the Citadel and thought it sounded crazy. “That’s right above my Coeur d’Alene, ID town,” she told him. Still in its infancy, there’s no shortage of doubts about the project’s chances at success. The group only owns those 20 acres they say they plan to use as an administrative center, firearms factory and small-scale replica of the Citadel. They say it’ll take 2,000-3,000 to build the whole thing. The land they’ve purchased is rugged and not conducive to much development (it’s used now for hunting and outdoor recreation, says Powell, the real estate agent), and it’s Proposed location of the unclear what funds they have Citadel’s arms factory for more. Christian Kerodin, whose name is listed on the registration of Citadel Land Development LLC, was convicted in 2004 of felony extortion charges. The case alleged that he posed as a terrorism expert and offered security advice to shopping malls. Kerodin has argued he was fully qualified to offer such advice for money. In a video introducing III Arms Company, the Citadel’s gun manufacturer, a man identifying himself as the company’s president said Kerodin would have nothing to do with that aspect of the project. In a county with nearly 11 percent unemployment, some have wondered how the 3,500-7,000 families organizers hope to accomodate will find jobs. The first wave will work at the firearms manufacturer, proponents say, and others will find the types of work that come along with any settlement — schools, stores, post offices. Yet other unknowns are more nuanced. Despite being a conservative who can appreciate Citadel organizers’ personal property rights, Powell shakes his head at the probability of “getting 10,000 people to live together in the ‘me’ generation.” “In my experience,” he says of today’s uncertain times, “people want privacy.”

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n the county assessor’s office, quiet except for the drift of country music, a floor-to-ceiling rack holds transparent maps of land parcels in the area, labeled in pencil to track who owns them. Karen Sindt thumbs through the maps, slips one out and lays it across the counter pointing out a small square marked “III Arms.” “They don’t own 3,000 acres,” she says. “This is what they own.” Sindt says she’s been getting calls from reporters all over the country about those 20 acres, and worries people are getting the wrong impression of her hometown. “This is just somebody’s pipe dream,” she says. “We’re not a bunch of rednecks who want to build a walled city.” n heidig@inlander.com

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the sex issue.

as far as we’ve come as a species - landing on the moon, unlocking the secret of our own dna - sex still freaks us out. yep, we’ve humped and pumped 7 billion people into the world, and yet some in the community will think us reckless for devoting a few pages to the taboo topic. we hope, however, our loyal readers might notice the restraint in what could be the least sexy sex issue ever (with modestly sized headlines and not a vibrator in sight). in the end, we believe openness breeds understanding, and that the benefit of such an issue is that it reminds us of an important fact about our own intimacy — we’re not alone, we’re human and the struggle is part of the experience. it’s funny how often we need to be reminded that, simply, we’re OK. indeed, the brain is the largest sex organ. send your feedback - criticism or compliments - to editor@inlander.com, and thanks for reading.


THE KIDS THESE DAYS COLLEGE HOOKUPS In a survey of college undergrads, the most common number of sexual partners in the past year was one. MEN WOMEN

0

31% 30% 39

1

44 10 11

2 7 6

3 4 3

4

3 2

5 6+

7 4

57% reported using some type of contraceptive the last time they had sex. The most common types: PILL CONDOM WITHDRAWAL

Carrie Bradshaw of Sex and The City helped to change the way some of us talk about sex.

62% 62% 28%

HIGH SCHOOL SEX Nationwide, the percentage of high schoolers who have had sex has gone down. 54% 47%

how smart are we?

we’re not the prudes we used to be — but there’s still a long way to go BY JULIE KRUG

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n the 1950s, TV producers gave us Lucy and Ricky — a typical married American couple, sleeping in separate beds. And the closest thing to erotica was your father’s hidden Playboy magazines. Some of us were told kissing could get you pregnant and touching yourself could lead to blindness. But times have changed. In the 1990s we watched Carrie Bradshaw of Sex and The City trade tips on sex with her gal pals. In the new millennium, Passion Parties replaced Tupperware parties. And Internet porn has become a thriving, billion-dollar industry. It’s reported that Americans now spend more money on porn than they do on all professional sports combined. So it appears that we’re in the middle of a sexual renaissance, shaking off old attitudes and beliefs, and having discussions that would make our grandparents blush. But progress is often one step forward, two steps back. In 2010, Tennessee passed a bill that prohibits public school students from such things as hugging and holding hands, because these were deemed “gateway sexual behaviors.” In that same year a survey revealed that 80 percent of college students didn’t think of oral sex as sex. And the words “clitoris” and “pleasure”

are forbidden from use in many U.S. sex ed classes. Zita Nickeson is a certified sex therapist in Spokane and has worked in the field of mental health for more than a decade. “We are more open in a general sense, but when it comes to our own sexuality, we still struggle,” says Nickeson. She agrees there’s more information available and we’re motivated to learn, but we’re stuck in the belief that sexual intelligence is innate. If we don’t know what to do, “we consider it a weakness or abnormal,” she says. Experts say that in the pursuit of sexual intelligence, we’re struggling with other things: basic communication about our sexual needs and desires, the need to feel normal and a hyper focus on “the end result.”

WHAT IS SEXUAL INTELLIGENCE?

Marty Klein is a well-known author and sex therapist. He’s written six books about sexuality and speaks all over country. His goal, he says, is to help people feel sexually adequate and empowered, and support healthy sexual expression and exploration. Klein says sexual intelligence is about knowing your body, your desires, your limitations, and your partner’s as well. It’s

about the emotional skills that let you work with this information and foster awareness of your body and sex. In his latest book, Sexual Intelligence: What We Really Want From Sex and How to Get It, Klein says it’s important to know that your body and the sex you have will be different on different days. Sexual intelligence has nothing to do with how physically capable you are or your familiarity with the Kama Sutra. Although Klein says he sees many patients who want to be better performers, this shouldn’t be the goal. Knowing where you and your partner like to be touched and kissed has far greater value. “The point is to start tuning in to what you want and understanding that our sexuality goes far beyond penis/vagina intercourse,” says Klein. “It’s about body awareness. It’s about stripping away cultural norms.”

REPRESSION AND SHAME

Our sexual intelligence is shaped by many things — parents, teachers, friends, religion and the media, for starters. For many, sex and shame go hand in hand. Klein says shedding old beliefs and attitudes is a step in the right direction. But this is easier said ...continued on next page

’91 ’93 ’95 ’97 ’99 ’01 ’03 ’05 ’07 ’09 ’11

The majority of ninth-graders haven’t had sex, but the majority of high school seniors have. 9TH GRADE 10TH GRADE 11TH GRADE 12TH GRADE

33% 44% 53% 63%

INFLUENCES In a Spokane County survey of young people, peer pressure was the most common reason for sex. PEER PRESSURE 40% CURIOSITY 16% ENJOY IT 15% MEDIA 10% HORMONES 7% BOREDOM 7%

Parents were the most common source of sex information for teens. PARENTS SCHOOL INTERNET DOCTOR

32% 31% 14% 14%

Sources: CDC Youth Risk Behavioral Surveillance; American College Health Association; Spokane Regional Health District LISA WAANANEN GRAPHIC

FEBRUARY 14, 2013 INLANDER 21


“how smart are we?,” cont...

mal.” The local sex therapist says it’s very difficult for people to accept help.

than done. A 16-year-old may be more sexually intelligent than the average forty-something, “We’re worried about what we he says, because of the shame like and what we need,” adds factor. (However, teenagers are Nickeson. “Is what I like OK? dealing with a new paradigm — Is it different from everybody massive exposure to sexuality else?” via the Internet.) Normalcy anxiNickeson says we ety plagues people. get stuck when we think Send comments to our sexual intelligence is editor@inlander.com. Klein and Nickeson say most clients innate. “We believe we come to them to should just know what hear that their bodies and desires to do,” she says. And anything are normal. We literally worry short of that is an ego-crusher. about the nuts and bolts of our “We think we’re weak or abnor-

THE PURSUIT OF NORMAL

letters

sexuality, Klein adds. “Americans are concerned — virtually obsessed — with the normality of their sexual fantasies, preferences, responses, frequency, turn-offs, problems and bodies,” says Klein. “The fear of being sexually abnormal interferes with, and even prevents, pleasure and intimacy.” “People want to know if what feels good to them is normal,” adds Nickeson. Despite the fact humans come in different packages, we often think of sex as one-size-fits-all. And people are intimidated by what they perceive as their differences. “The

point is to start tuning in to what you want,” says Klein.

MYTH AND (S)EXPECTATIONS

Often what trips us up is pure myth, Klein says. For example, many people are under the mistaken impression that anyone interested in bondage or submission must have come from a background of abuse. But in fact, people who include BDSM in their sexual repertoire are no more likely to have experienced abuse than those who do not. We also struggle with ideas and expectations about sex — that we should always “feel in

love”; that sex should be spontaneous instead of planned; that we have to be good performers. These concepts can create suffering. “My advice is that you simply let it go,” says Klein. The sooner you do, the sooner you can move onto the sex you’re supposed to have, rather than the sex you’re driving yourself crazy to have.

words AND BOUNDARIES

Nickeson considers people sexually “well-rounded” when they are aware of their bodies, know what they like and then communicate that information. But how do you tell your partner you’d like something when you can’t even say the words? “We need a vocabulary,” says Klein. “If you and I are cooking in the kitchen together, preparing a meal, and can’t use the names of the ingredients — or words like ‘chop,’ ‘broil,’ ‘steam’ — it’s going to be very difficult to make this meal.” But what about those struggling to get outside their verbal comfort zones? What about slang? “If you’re uncomfortable with using the given names, saying, ‘I’d like to visit your scented rose garden’ is preferable to ‘down there,’” Klein advises. In addition to developing a working vocab, Klein and Nickeson both emphasize developing a rapport with your partner that includes talking openly, but also being honest and setting boundaries.

OUR CHANGING BODIES

“Many [pursue] sex not primarily for pleasure, but to push away loneliness, to feel youthful or special, to remember who they are in the unrelenting face of a pitiless aging process,” Klein says. Sometimes we use sex, he adds, for the conclusion reached by many wise philosophers who arrived long before sex therapy: We fear our demise. But his larger message is that we simply acknowledge that our bodies change, and not just when we’re going through puberty in junior high — but all throughout our lives. He reminds us that during our life span, our bodies will be at their sexual “best” for one or two decades, at most. We change and so does sex, say the experts. When we understand our bodies, emotions and desires, we become more effective communicators and therefore more sexually intelligent. And in the process, the focus shifts to the journey instead of the destination. n

22 INLANDER FEBRUARY 14, 2013


AND MINE

AND MINE

ME TOO

Meester rarch illustration

the poly life What if there was no such thing as cheating anymore? By Leah Sottile

I

f there is one thing in Janet’s life that she’s certain about, it’s that she loves her husband. She loves James so much that they are hardly ever apart: They work in the same room; they text when they’re not. They read books together in bed at night, taking turns to read aloud to each other. But about five years ago, Janet found out that James — the couple spoke on the condition their real names be withheld — had an affair with another woman. “That just about killed me,” she says. Even James was confused by his own actions. It wasn’t that he didn’t love her — in fact, he loved her deeply. But inside a feeling nagged at him that he had more love to give. That’s when “polyamory” entered Janet’s vocabulary. She had been married once before and wasn’t going to walk away from James, even if it meant sharing him. “We threw out the ‘I’m leaving card’ a long time ago and just said whatever it is, we have to figure out how we go

forward together,” she says. On a freezing early January evening, Janet — a 58-year-old dirty blonde in a Harley Davidson shirt — sits next to James at a Spokane Valley Shari’s Restaurant, poking at a dinner salad. James is 55, with a handlebar mustache, glasses and a black Harley T-shirt, and he now organizes the Inland Northwest Polyamory group, which is meeting at the restaurant tonight. Janet attends these meetings, but it’s not easy for her to be here. Sometimes called “ethical non-monogamy,” polyamory describes relationships that aren’t bound by traditional marital constrictions. Where a ring and a vow bind most of American society in heterosexual pairs for life, polyamorists — like believers in the 1960s “free love” movement — believe deep relationships and marriages shouldn’t be restrictive. In practice, polyamory sometimes unfolds simply: Couples have open marriages where one or both parties engage in deep emotional bonds and sexual

relations with others freely. Sometimes several married couples engage in “group marriages,” in which a couple may share a home with another couple, called a “pod” or “intentional community.” Some pods have children with each other, too, creating poly families with several Mommys and Daddys. In other cases, one couple might take on a third partner to create a “triad.” And, still, under the polyamory umbrella, a single person may engage in several deep relationships. At first, Janet agreed to try swinging. The pair tried sex with another couple. “Finally I go, ‘This is not working for me. Sorry. Tried it. Don’t like it. All I want is you,’” Janet says. Swinging wasn’t really for James either, though — too hollow and carnal, not enough emotion or love. “I always knew that I was a peg trying to fit in a hole that didn’t match the size and shape of my peg,” he says. “What I thought I was looking for and what I was looking for were not the

same thing.” He started reading self-help books, combing volume after volume, desperately searching for a name or label or an affliction for a person like him. One day, in a book called One: Love, Sex and Life in an Open Marriage, he found what he was looking for. Polyamorous. “I’m sitting here reading this book and I’m just in tears. It’s like, ‘There’s somebody like me out there.’”

P

olyamory often receives criticism for its shirking of the traditional marital views, but also for its “have your cake and eat it too” mentality. But many polyamorists dismiss such attacks, claiming poly relationships are grounded in honesty and a freedom from deception. Despite more mention of the lifestyle in mainstream media — from Tilda Swinton’s admission of an open marriage to the Showtime reality show Polyamory: Married and Dating — polyamory remains a fringe lifestyle. For this story, most ...continued on next page

FEBRUARY 14, 2013 INLANDER 23


“the poly life,” continued...

54% of men think about sex at least once a day. Only 19% of women do. — Sex in America survey, 1994

subjects asked The Inlander to omit their real names for fear that their jobs, friendships and family relationships could be jeopardized. But many crave to be out of the closet about their lifestyles — seeing the recent statewide passage of same-sex marriage rights as a step toward mainstream acceptance for polyamory. But for someone like Janet, she’s still trying to figure out what this all means for her. For the past two years, she’s seen James jump into the poly lifestyle head first: posting ads online to meet new women, going on dates with others. He took the reins of this group — formerly the Spokane Polygamy Group — after attending a few meetings. He found the group on Meetup.com, which was tagged as “poly-friendly” and found that many members leaned toward polyamory instead of polygamy. And, for the past two years, Janet has watched James leave their house to go on dates with another woman: a 43-year-old thin blonde photographer named Marie. “I am totally committed to being my wife’s husband. I don’t want to be married to anyone else. She is a wonderful human being,” James says. “The young lady that I happen to date is significantly different in personality than my wife is. My wife is very focused, very business-oriented. She doesn’t necessarily like this when I say this, but she’s the alpha female. If there was a pack, she would be the leader. And the other girl I see is not that way at all. She’s very submissive, very artistic. “[Janet] does have ultimate veto power. If she said, ‘You know that this is just not going to work,’ that’s the position that she’s in,” he says. After years of grappling with polyamory, Janet has come to believe that James is not choosing to be polyamorous. He’s intrinsically wired this way. “I’ve never experienced jealousy. I don’t understand how that concept works. I see it in people. But I don’t know how it would feel,” James says. Loving More, a polyamory nonprofit and website, argues that can be true for some people. For others, poly life is a philosophical

choice. Janet remains monogamous despite her husband’s poly lifestyle. “I am totally monogamous, and as much as in the last couple years I’ve struggled and tried to adapt, conform — whatever you want to call it — if anything, it’s reaffirmed in me, I am just monogamous. I am totally committed. I can’t visualize being with someone else or having another relationship outside my husband.” When he goes on dates with Marie, Janet tries to occupy herself at home. “My goal is to get to where I can enjoy the evenings. And I have had some where I’ve done sewing, done some other things, so that the time when he’s gone, I can look forward to it.”

I

n mid-January, at another group meet-up, a long table at downtown Spokane’s Post Street Ale House is filled with beers as people talk loudly in ones and twos. When servers approach the table, they pause their chatter about poly life. At the far end sits Lee and Samson, both 32 and also using fake names. She has brown and blonde curls. He has a dark mustache and a camo-print AC/DC hat on. The two moved here a year ago with their four children from southern Idaho and are now co-organizers of the poly group. In their nine years of marriage, they’ve been “open” for eight. For six years, they had an ongoing poly “pod” relationship with another married couple. In this group, they think of themselves of veterans of the lifestyle. They talk of how lucky they feel to have found each other. “We had no idea coming into this relationship that we’d ever end up where we’re at. As far as we were concerned, we were mono, vanilla, part of the average American Dream,” Samson says. When Lee came out as bisexual, confessing that she wanted a girlfriend, she was shocked that Samson thought it was a good idea. “I was on board the whole time. I’m a really easy-going guy and I believe in equality and freedom with my partner,” Samson says.

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Samson says they’ve made mistakes along the way — and they’re “She met my potential girlfriend, and after she left she goes here to share those mistakes with others as a way of mentoring them ‘Mom! She might be your special lady! … But I know that Daddy is into the poly life. going to want to take her out sometimes.’” They say their relationship is solid because they set ground “And I said, ‘That’s OK with me. I am perfectly OK with that.’” rules: Whatever Lee does, Samson can do, too; they have veto t the opposite end of the long table, James sits with his arm power over the other persons’ relationships; they always use protecaround Marie’s back — both engaged in separate conversations. tion; family — above everything — always comes first. Marie stands up at one point and lifts her shirt high to show another “Once we [set rules] we were really able to get things put into a member the flower tattoo spiraling down the side of her body. good perspective and move forward safely, honestly,” he says. James says that his wife, Janet, might be slightly bitter toward Today, they have found a perfect girl for them both to share. Marie and his polyamorous lifestyle. “It wasn’t what she signed up “Right now we’re really focusing on the one-hard-to-find relafor,” he says, matter of factly. tionship — which is a single lady that’s interested in both But as the years have passed, he’s seen his wife become of us. Which is super rare. They call it a ‘unicorn’ for friendlier toward Marie. They’re not friends — and Janet a very good reason. It’s a mystical creature that’s hard Send comments to hates when he comes home smelling like Marie’s cigarettes to find,” Samson says, laughing. “We found ours at this editor@inlander.com. — but they’re civil to each other. point. And we haven’t gone the full mile with it, but “She understands me and tolerates it,” James says. we’re working on it. Last year he was shocked when Janet and Marie pooled their “This morning I texted her and asked her if she wanted to come money at Christmas to buy a hotel room for he and Marie to enjoy. over for quiche and hashbrowns and coffee,” he says. “And so she “I knew nothing about it at all,” he says. “When [Janet] is like came over and we did that. Hung out for a while. Been on a couple that, I tell her, ‘It’s like you’ve got your mojo on when you’re like dates. So we’re really cultivating a relationship with this person.” that.’ And that’s very attractive to me when she’s supportive of the Where James and Janet don’t have to worry about explaining relationship we have. It brings me closer to her, too.” their lives to children, Samson and Lee do. The couple has four With Marie, he goes to bars and clubs. They ride motorcycles children — ranging from ages 8 to 13. Recently Lee explained polywhen the weather is nice. “She’s a great little rider.” He likes to amory to her youngest daughter. watch her shoot photos. “[I said], ‘It’s possible that someday Mommy and Daddy are “I have never been happier in the relationships as I am right going to have somebody else live with us. … You know we love now. I’m more at peace with who I am. And [Marie] and [Janet] are each other, but we know we can love somebody else too and they both different personalities, but I feel like each of them adds to me,” could be a part of our life,’” Lee recounts. “And she said, ‘Oh, like he says. a stepmom?’ And I said ‘Kind of, but I would still be a part of the Marie nods. She wonders aloud why more people aren’t willing relationship. And she’s all, ‘It might be cool to have another mom.’” to open their relationships to other people. “If more people were Lee laughs when she says how surprised she was when that open about it, it would be similar to, like, an explosion.” same daughter showed her understanding of polyamory when she The table nods in agreement. n met the couple’s new girlfriend.

A

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SEX LIVES OF THE SEXES By age and sex, percent of people who reported that they ... ... had sex in the past year 14-15

11%

16-17

30

18-19

30-39 40-49

30

62

20-24 25-29

9% 53

80

63

87

86 74

85

70

74

50-59

51

60-69

58 42

54

70+

22

43

... masturbated in the past year 14-15

40

16-17 18-19

30-39 40-49 50-59 60-69 70+

75

60

20-24 25-29

62

45

81

64

83

72

84 63

80

65

76 54

72 61

47 33

46

... had two or more sexual partners in the past year 15-19 20-24

14

21

18

27

25-29

11

20

30-34

6

13

35-39

4

14

40-44

5

9

... had 15 or more sexual partners total 15-19

1

20-24

3 14

7

25-29

13

30-34

13

23 28

35-39

8

31

40-44

8

30

... ever had same-sex sexual contact 15-17 18-19

2

10

4

12

20-24

16

6

25-29

15

5

30-34

14

4

35-39 40-44

6

12 8

8

Sources: National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, Indiana University, 2010; Centers For Disease Control and Prevention, National Health Statistics Report, 2011. Number of age categories vary because LISA WAANANEN GRAPHIC of the way different studies categorized survey responses.

26 INLANDER FEBRUARY 14, 2013

savage love by dan savage

M

ore than a thousand people showed up for a recent Savage Love Live event at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. It goes without saying that the students at UW submitted more questions than I could answer in 90 minutes. Here are some bonus answers to questions that I didn’t get to... Can an open relationship work if it’s this type: dating two people, separately, both serious, neither relationship is the “primary” one? Define “work.” Most people define “work” — in the context of a relationship — as “a loving, lasting, long-term relationship that ends only with the death of one or both parties.” But I define “work” as “a loving relationship that makes the people in it happy, whether that relationship lasts for the rest of their lives or whether both parties — or all parties, if we’re talking about a poly or open scenario — decide at some point to end the relationship amicably.” So, yes, I do think the relationship you’ve described can work. Whether you’ll be in this relationship — or these relationships — for the rest of your life remains to be seen. You may wind up getting more serious about one person, or you may move on from both and find someone else — or a couple of someone elses — but if you’re happy right now, and if they’re happy right now, then your relationship is working. I have been treated badly in several past relationships. I am now in a great one, but I have a hard time believing/trusting that nothing bad will happen. How can I get over this dread? Something bad is going to happen — believe it. Hopefully the bad that happens won’t be as bad as the bad you experienced in the past relationships — no physical or emotional violence, no unforgivable betrayals, nothing that requires you to end this relationship — but your new partner will behave badly toward you at some point. And you will behave badly toward your new partner. There’s some bad even in the best relationships. You’ll experience less dread if you can accept that. ...continued on page 28

Best known for his internationally syndicated sex and relationship advice column “Savage Love,” Dan Savage is an author, journalist and activist based in Seattle. In 2010, Savage and his partner founded the It Gets Better Project, a series of videos and a book to encourage LGBT youth who are facing harassment.


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“savage love,” continued...

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18 minutes: the average length of a sexual encounter in the U.S. 85: the average number of times an American has sex each year. — Durex Sexual Wellbeing Global Survey, 2007

I am a 30-year-old straight man who has always known that he is a poly. The woman I love is not a poly. She is a monogamous person. When we started being sexual, it was a strictly friends-with-benefits arrangement, although a sexually exclusive one, at her insistence, and I agreed to that because neither of us expected anything longterm to come of it. But we fell in love, and now I can’t imagine life without her. She is amazing, and I love her like I’ve never loved any other woman. But she has asked me to betray my sexual identity by remaining sexually exclusive. If I cannot commit to that, she does not want to be with me. I am not asking the same of her: She does not have to sleep with other people to keep me in her life. She is, however, insisting that I not sleep with other people to keep her in my life. Can someone who is poly be happy with someone who isn’t? — Polyamorous Polymath You are not “a poly.” Poly is not a sexual identity, PP, it’s not a sexual orientation. It’s not something you are, it’s something you do. There’s no such thing as a person who is “a poly,” just as there’s no such thing as a person who is “a monogamous.” Polyamorous and monogamous are adjectives, not nouns. There are only people — gay, straight, bi — and some people are in monogamous relationships, some are in open relationships, some are in polyamorous relationships, some are in monogamish relationships, some are in four-star-general relationships. These are relationship models, PP, not sexual identities. So the question isn’t “Can a poly be happy with a monogamous?” The question is can you, despite your clear preference for nonmonogamous relationship models, be happy in this relationship? Do you love your girlfriend so much that you’re willing to pay the price of admission that she’s demanding — you’re willing to behave monogamously (adverb!) — in order to be with her? Yes or no? Since your girlfriend has already indicated that she’s not willing to have a nonmonogamous relationship with you (or anyone else), PP, the choice is yours to make. If you truly can’t live without her, you’ll have to be monogamous. If that’s not something you’re willing or able to do — and “willing” and “able” are two different criteria, and you’ll need to make an honest self-assessment on both counts — then end this relationship and go find someone whose romantic desires more closely align with your own. How long should a person wait to “get back out there” when his wife has been eaten by a zombie? Asking for a friend. — Sheriff Rick Grimes (via Twitter @RickGrimesATL) Not too long — life is short, particularly during a zombie apocalypse, and your friend shouldn’t waste what little time he has left. And remember: During a zombie apocalypse, all relationships are rebound relationships. So your friend should get out there. I recently caught my boyfriend watching porn. We have talked about it before, and he said he didn’t watch it while he was in a relationship. But when I caught him, I lost it. I have never felt so hurt or betrayed. This is my first serious relationship. I can’t get over how sick and sad I feel. It feels like he was cheating on me. Should I be as upset as I am? It was interactive porn — it was like he was cybersexing with one of his ex-girlfriends. What should I do? — Sad And Deceived Was your boyfriend having cybersex with an ex-girlfriend? Or did it only feel like he was? I would make a distinction, SAD, because while all porn constitutes a betrayal of the terms of your relationship, interacting with a stranger and, very likely, a professional online shouldn’t feel quite so threatening. Backing way the hell up: Your boyfriend shouldn’t have lied to you, SAD, but you shouldn’t have been so naive as to believe him. If you can’t bring yourself to forgive him for lying — if you can’t put yourself in his shoes and try to understand why he might lie about this (shame, fear, a desire to spare your feelings) — then this relationship is doomed. End it and find a new boyfriend. But when your next boyfriend tells you he doesn’t watch porn, you’re going to look at him and say, “Suuuuuure, you don’t.” Ask your new boyfriend to be discreet and limit his porn consumption to an extent where you’re unlikely to uncover any evidence of it, as porn upsets you. If your new boyfriend manages to do that for you, SAD, if he’s considerate enough to cover his tracks, you should be considerate enough to turn a blind eye on those rare occasions when you do stumble over evidence that your new boyfriend watches porn — just like your old boyfriend did and all your future boyfriends will. n


Jillian, 5, hones her painting skills at the Spokane Art School’s “Let’s Paint” class. Young Kwak photo

VISUAL ARTS

Back to School The Spokane Art School’s rebirth was years in the making By Chey Scott

F

or now, the Spokane Art School’s main classroom is a makeshift setup inside a West Garland Avenue retail space. A red neon sign above the door that says “The Ruby Slipper” doesn’t give an accurate indication of what’s inside, though if you were to peek in the front windows on a weekday afternoon before the day’s art

class were to begin, you’d see gray folding tables dotted with dried paint splatters and smears. You’d know that something creative happens there. For the past four years — since the Spokane Art School’s former building just east of the Spokane Arena went up for sale in early 2008 — the school’s leaders have

quietly been planning for its future reemergence, starting with the reintroduction of adult art classes last fall. And though the school may not have a permanent home in terms of a building or location, one thing’s pretty certain: Its board of trustees are determined that the school continue — and eventually thrive again — as a key player in the arts community. “It’s worked really well as a concept of being an art school without walls,” says Spokane Art School board of trustees’ president Susan Bradley. “We can pick the best place to have the class.” Not having a designated home for now also means the nonprofit isn’t digging too deep into its endowment fund, set up in 2008 after the $1 million sale of its building. A special advisory group of members on the Northwest Museum of Arts & Culture Foundation board ...continued on next page

FEBRUARY 14, 2013 INLANDER 29


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Spokane Art School President Sue Bradley. young kwak photo manages the endowment, Bradley says. Most of the Art School’s classes are taught in a space next to the Garland District’s Tinman Gallery that, up until May, had housed the Tinman Too bookstore. Bradley owns both spaces and after closing the children’s bookstore she decided there was no better way to use the spot than as a home to the Art School’s classes. Some professional artists in the area, like multi-media artist Ken Spiering, who hosted a two-part watercolor workshop last month at his Valleyford studio, are also teaching Art School classes in their private spaces. Drawing off the experiences and talent of the professional artists based in the Inland Northwest is something the Spokane Art School has always strove to do, Bradley says. “The teachers are all professional artists,” she says. “They make art to earn their livings, so getting to go to a professional studio, people get more of a realistic idea.” Since the first round of adult art classes was reintroduced last fall, Bradley says the Art School has received interest from other groups in joining together for arts education partnerships. “We are now once again talking with the MAC about what kind of partnership we can have with them,” she says. “We are exploring having classes there.” And with classes filling up fast and waiting lists growing longer for the Art School’s most recent round of classes, some kind of local partnership seems inevitable. “Even when the Spokane Art School was in its heyday, we only filled about half of the classes, but we have filled or have waiting lists for all of the classes being offered now,” she says. It’s been encouraging for the school’s board members to see how many people are interested in taking its classes, since Bradley says there’s been little effort to advertise courses other than posting schedules on the Art School’s website.

B

esides serving as a place where budding artists of all ages can master skills and techniques, Bradley says the newly revived Art School will continue to preserve another purpose it’s had since its early days in the ’70s and ’80s — to serve as an unofficial community arts headquarters. “The original Spokane Art School was an outgrowth of the artistic community that grew up here in the mid-’60s to ’70s,” she says. “It was the beginning of careers for people like Harold Balazs, Mel McCuddin and Kay O’Rourke, and a way to broaden the whole art community, because people could come and learn from, or work with, professional artists. So, unfortunately, when it closed, that sense of community started to fracture. We lost our clubhouse.” And though the Art School still is physically lacking a “clubhouse” of its own, Bradley says the organization’s leaders are perfectly content to let things build back up slowly. “We are looking for slow and steady growth we can build on rather than having a big flash and a collapse,” she says. That calculated, organic growth won’t be without challenges. That, the board expects. But one of the most difficult ongoing issues the Art School will face is how to pass on the value of arts education to the community, and especially young people. Spiering, who’s also on the Spokane Art School board and teaches art part time at Freeman High School, says he believes teaching youth how to create art has become an exceedingly crucial issue during the modern digital age of readily available information. “The time has never been more important to help students believe in their ability to create with their hands,” Spiering says. “To me, the Art School represents something that needs to avoid institutionalization and needs to become fluid and growing and dynamic in its adherence to the tradition of creativity.” n


CULTUrE | DIGEST

TV COMMUNITY C

ommunity never had ratings. But it’s always had guts. Any given week, it could become a stopmotion cartoon, a paint-ball splattered action movie, a zombie thriller, a mob flick, a musical, a 16-bit videogame, legal procedural, or just a darn good sitcom. But parody was never its secret sauce. That would be ambition and perfectionism. If you listened closely, you could hear the sound of a showrunner cracking a whip, calling for yet another rewrite, demanding stronger character beats. That showrunner, Dan Harmon, was fired from his own show last spring. There were reasons he should have been: The show burned through its budget and staff. Harmon clashed visibly with the stars, executives and anyone who found his Twitter feed. Harmon deeply understood the nature of story. While the premise of an episode based on a Dungeons and Dragons game was a fun idea, its excellence comes because it’s one of the most tightly scripted half-hours I’ve ever seen. Every moment counts — drives the plot forward, establishes emotional character beats, establishes stakes or delivers a comedic set piece. It had clearly gone through countless drafts from multiple writers in that pursuit of perfection. He was the sort whose self-criticism outstripped even his considerable talent, who managed to brute-force brilliance through obsession and ambition. It might be too early to tell if the new showrunners can conjure the same sort of magic, but the early indications are dire.

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Even Abed might not be able to save Community. Last week’s season première was a complete and utter mess. It felt like the writers brainstormed hundreds of ideas for the premiere, then decided to just dump them all in. It crammed maybe five different stories and three or four genre parodies into a very small space. Several characters feel adrift from their established personalities. Several jokes land with they-really-should-have-knownbetter thuds. In other words, the writer’s room needed some jerk at the center, pulling stories together, cutting the excess, ripping up drafts, insisting they give the audience the Community they are capable of. It needed Dan Harmon. — DANIEL WALTERS Community • NBC • Thursdays • 8 pm

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For Your Consideration By Mike Bookey

BEVERAGE | You probably shouldn’t consume energy drinks. And you certainly shouldn’t be drinking discount energy drinks, but allow me to provide one exception. DIET WIRED B12 RUSH, delivered to your nervous system by way of a 16-ounce can, features 94 milligrams of caffeine — about as much as a cup of coffee. But what really gets you going is the dose of vitamin B12 that is 3,000 percent of what your body needs in a day. The taste is nothing special, but the I’m-goingto-lift-that-pickup-truck-off-thefreaking-ground sensation makes it totally worth your while.

TV | Really, the only thing you need to know about THE FOLLOWING is that Kevin Bacon plays the lead role. The story is essentially a casserole of murder mystery clichés baked in a thick sauce of corniness and middle-school level Edgar Allen Poe trivia, but for crying out loud, Kevin Bacon is in the damn thing. Yeah, it’s basically a network television take on Silence of the Lambs, but guess what Silence of the Lambs, didn’t have? Kevin Bacon, duh.

GAME | If you’ve been reckless enough to actually imbibe that $2 pint of chemical power and then watch a Fox network drama, you might need to balance it out with some worthwhile brain stimulation. BANANAGRAMS is essentially a board-less version of Scrabble in which one assembles connecting words (reading up-to-down, left-toright only). To win, you use all your little letter tiles before your opponents. It provides plenty of thinking and — short of getting Kevin Bacon on your guest list — is a way to revive a boring dinner party.

Stay at

Drink at For Reservations Call: 509.747.1041 or visit www.hotelrubyspokane.com

*A $2 RESTORATION FEE IS ADDED TO EACH TICKET COST.

BINGCROSBYTHEATER.COM

FEBRUARY 14, 2013 INLANDER 31


CULTURE | play review TICK

CUSTER’S

ETS

$20

GRASS BAND FRIDAY, FEB 22, 2013

DOORS OPEN AT 6:30, CONCERT 7:00

BLUEGRASS MUSIC JACKLIN ARTS AND CULTURE CENTER

405 WILLIAM STREET POST FALLS, ID 208-457-8950 ART@THEJACKLINCENTER.ORG

EUGENE BALLET COMPANY Treat your Valentine to this pinnacle of classical ballet. A fairy tale story of love, betrayal and redemption.

Abbey Crawford (left), Micah Lynn (center) and Daniel Bell are all part of Lake City’s stunning Sweeney Todd cast. Scott Johnson photo

A Shave and a Cut Throat Lake City Playhouse proves that Sweeney Todd is more than just a “musical thriller” By E.J. Iannelli

TONI

PIMBLE

ARTISTIC

DIRECTOR

Friday February 15, 2013 8:00 pm Martin Woldson Theater at the Fox Tickets

Fox Theater Box Office | foxtheaterspokane.com | 509.624.1200 TicketsWest Outlets | ticketswest.com | 800.325.7328

32 INLANDER FEBRUARY 14, 2013

W

hat is it about Victorian London that lends itself to the macabre? Whenever we peer through that miasma of fog and factory soot, we seem to find madness, squalor and depravity in abundance, whether it’s Jack the Ripper mutilating prostitutes out of some deep-seated sexual frustration, or an interminable list of crimes that can only be solved by a depressed, drug-addicted detective named Sherlock Holmes. Not even a charming Dickensian veneer has the ability to smooth the sharp, sinister edges of that particular time and place. Stephen Sondheim and Hugh Wheeler’s 1979 adaptation of Sweeney Todd has its own sharp, sinister edges — chief among them a straight razor. That is Benjamin Barker’s weapon of choice when, in his new guise as Todd, he returns to London (a city he contemptuously greets as “a hole in the world like a great black pit/ and the vermin of the world inhabit it”) on a quest for vengeance after serving a 15-year sentence in an Australian penal colony. As Todd (Daniel Bell) reveals to his shipmate Anthony (Brendan Brady), he was exiled there by Judge Turpin (Kent Kimball) so the scheming judge could pursue Barker’s wife without interference. That alone would be sufficient for Todd’s monomaniacal revenge fantasy. But the roots of his misery are in fertile soil. Nellie Lovett (Abbey Crawford), an unscrupulous bakery owner, divulges to Todd that his wife poisoned herself after being raped by Turpin. Their 1-year-old daughter Johanna (Caitlin Duffey) then became the ward of the judge, who has designs to marry her. Small wonder why Todd is hell bent on luring Turpin and his henchman Beadle Bamford (Daniel McKeever) to his barber’s chair. This

being Victorian London, however, even premeditated murder is too tame. Anyone with stubble is a potential ingredient in Mrs. Lovett’s secret recipe. Bell plays a stoic, somber Sweeney Todd, perfectly complemented by the more animated, infatuated Crawford. Like many members of the cast, her cockney accent comes and goes (Bell’s steady baritone is for the most part geographically nondescript), but her singing is strong and performance beguiling. Brady, who was equally well cast as the smug, smutty Hänschen of Spring Awakening, appears here alongside Duffey as the embodiment of naiveté and youth; both have noticeable sweet spots in their vocal range but few limits to their stage presence. As the apprentice to the ill-fated con artist Adolpho Pirelli (Lance Babbit, as reliable a comic highlight as ever), Evan Figuracion generally keeps cool in the glare of the spotlight. Despite an occasionally erratic flute, the unseen fiveperson orchestra under Carolyn Jess played with enough confidence to be heard from somewhere in the recesses backstage. Although Sweeney Todd bills itself as a “musical thriller,” it’s much more than that: a character study in evil and despair, a wickedly witty dark comedy, a collection of memorable show tunes. With help from the solid directing of George Green, all these qualities are in evidence on Lake City’s modest stage. n Sweeney Todd • Thu-Sat 7:30 pm, Sun 2 pm, through March 3 • $11-$17 • Lake City Playhouse • 1320 E. Garden Ave., Coeur d’Alene • lakecityplayhouse.org • 208-667-1323


At the Davenport’s Safari Room, lunch items like this savory BLT are only $6 during the middle of the day. young kwak photo

Going Fancy on the Cheap Fine dining doesn’t have to be pricey By Lisa Waananen

I

t’s not hard to find tasty food for cheap, but what about nice food for cheap? We love our food trucks and our dives, but the ultimate cheap-eating challenge is to dine like a prince with a pauper’s pocketbook. Fortunately, some of the region’s fanciest establishments offer deals that make the fine-dining experience affordable. Just remember to ditch your spendthrift ways when it comes to the tip — eating cheap is clever, but tipping cheap just makes you a jerk.

‘Mis-steak’ Night at Churchill’s

As a preeminent steakhouse in the region, Churchill’s can demand high prices that leave many an aspiring steak connoisseur salivating at the doorway. But every so often, about once a month, Churchill’s hosts a “Mis-steak”

Night with slightly underweight USDA Prime steaks for just $17. A New York Strip steak, for example, is listed on the menu at 16 oz., and they take every ounce seriously. So if one steak accidentally gets cut a little closer to 14 oz., it goes into the box reserved for the lucky folks who hear about the next “Mis-steak” Night. The announcement is made on Churchill’s Facebook page about a week or so before the big day, and you don’t want to show up fashionably late — they sometimes run out before the end of the night. Keep a close watch for the next “Mis-steak” Night, since the last one was Jan. 20. In the meantime, you can stop by any Wednesday for the popular $7 burger night — known as Wimpy Wednesdays — in the lounge. Ordinarily a burger will cost you $11-$12, so it’s no surprise the

Wednesday night event is frequently a standing-roomonly affair.

DEALS at the Davenport

If you can get away for a leisurely lunch, treat yourself to a fancy one at the Davenport Hotel’s Safari Room. From 11 am to 2 pm, there are six entrees for just $6 apiece. Even with tax and tip, that’s easily less than $10 for BBQ pork sliders, a Caesar salad or a BLT sandwich. If you miss lunch, stop by when the lobby opens for Happy Hour at 4 pm for half-off all flatbreads, which ordinarily cost $9.50 to $12.50. (Yes, that’s less than $5 for the thai chicken or the tomato basil.) Drinks are also half off during Happy Hour, which ends at 6 pm. There ...continued on next page

FEBRUARY 14, 2013 INLANDER 33


FOOD | FINE DINING

Let us make your VALENTINE’S DAY last through February.

Churchill’s caprese burger. hamilton studio photo

“going fancy on the cheap,” continued... is no way, unfortunately, to get the famous Crab Louis salad at any time of day without forking over the full $22.

Early Dinner at Anthony’s

It’s popular to dine early at Anthony’s at Spokane Falls, and not just because of the view. From 4 to 6 pm every weekday, the “sunset dinner” — a four-course pre fixe menu — is available for just $19.95. That’s no small pile of cash, but four courses is no small meal. And it’s obvious you’re not at Zip’s anymore when the choice for your first course, the appetizer, is Chilled Bay Shrimp Cocktail or Wild Salmon Croccantini. After that you still have chowder or salad, an entree and dessert. Two specials on the entree list rotate each day. Arrive early and grab a $3.50 beer in the lounge when Happy Hour starts at 3 pm (it ends at 6:30). With $5 appetizers, you may forget dinner altogether.

Happy Hour at Clinkerdagger

Long stem rose and glass of champagne included with our Side-by-Side Signature massage, Davenport Signature massage, Strawberry Rhubarb facial and our Chocolate and Mimosa Champagne Davenport Signature pedicure through February 2013.

With many dinner entrees hovering near $30, Clinkerdagger is the kind of Spokane institution that most normal folks reserve for only the most special of occasions. But during the daily Happy Hour from 3 to 6 pm, most anyone can afford the view overlooking the river. When the weather gets warmer, get a patio seat and smugly sip a $4.50 cranberry mojito or basil gimlet. And you don’t need to go hungry with discounted appetizers that include sophisticated options like smoked salmon, warm brie or Oysters Rockefeller. The appetizers are under $10 and almost, but not exactly, half-off the usual price. (The cheapest item, and the steepest discount, is the French fry trio for $3.75.) For late-night diners, the Happy Hour picks up again on Fridays and Saturdays from 9 pm to close. n

Fri, Feb 15, 7:30pm SFCC, Bldg 15 Music Auditorium

vagina

THE

davenportspa.com 509 789 7300

A V-Day Benefit Performance

Presented by: Spokane Falls Community College, The Women’s Club

Community Colleges of Spokane provides equal opportunity in education and employment.

34 INLANDER FEBRUARY 14, 2013

General Admission - $5 SFCC Students FREE Other Students - $1

MONOLOGUES Proceeds will benefit the YMCA Domestic Violence Safe Shelter Info: Kellie Fischer, 533-3199


FOOD | COFFEE

From the Wheels Up It may take a year, but Spokane will have a hip mobile coffee truck

Authentic French Pastry, Casual French Dining

Serving Classic Provencal Dishes Friday & Saturday Nights, from 5pm

Beer, Wine & Food Specials Live Music Every Friday Night

Breakfast, Lunch, Pastries & Espresso 7 Days A Week!

509-624-2253 | 707 W. Main Ave. | www.madeleines-spokane.com

By Jo Miller

E

llee Mae barks in the background as Ron Lunan and his wife, Courtney Hutton, talk on the phone from Maui. Ellee Mae is one of the couple’s four “kids” — three Labradors and a golden retriever — that were the inspiration for their latest venture, Spokane’s first mobile coffee truck. The truck, Lucky Lab Coffee Company, is still a year out from rolling the streets. The idea was birthed the first day of January when Lunan and Hutton decided to move forward with the concept that would embody the three things they love: dogs, coffee and an entrepreneurial spirit. Their vision is to serve “Spokane’s coolest cup of coffee” from a dog-friendly, completely self-contained truck outfitted with modern vintage flair, visiting downtown areas, colleges and neighborhoods in experimental ice-cream-truck fashion. Right now, they want dog and coffee lovers to follow the journey on their blog, Facebook and Twitter account. “We wanted to draw upon the people who could see our vision and really put together a plan that included as many Spokane folks as we could,” says Lunan, a technology entrepreneur who founded Visible Technologies. What’s next is finding a roasting company, an animal rescue to donate to, and creating a Kickstarter video to generate funds for the truck. The truck will be the culmination of all of the work, but they hope the real gem will be the coffee. Lunan and Hutton work from their home on the South Hill and travel all over the country, always trying to buy the best cup of coffee wherever they are. Their goal is to get people to rethink coffee, enjoying it for what it is, instead of guzzling it for the buzz. Their focus will be each cup of joe — darker and fuller than its burnt coffee chain counterparts. “Hopefully that angle helps folks start to appreciate a little bit more what they’re drinking and why they’re drinking it,” Lunan says. n

Bestselling Author

Jess Walter

Will Present His Short Story Collection

We Live In Water Friday, Feb. 15th 7 p.m.

225 E. 3rd Ave., Spokane, WA

402 W Main, Spokane | 838-0206 | auntiesbooks.com

FEBRUARY 14, 2013 INLANDER 35


Blech Magic Woman Beautiful Creatures prefers bland paranormal melodrama over playful subversiveness By Scott Renshaw

L

ook, I’m gonna be frank here: This whole paranormal and/or apocalyptic teen romance sub-genre that appears to have taken over young-adult literature, movies and the world? It needs to die — and in a way that does not permit a supernatural resurrection. Of course there are going to be exceptions. Just a couple of weeks ago, Warm Bodies gave the notion a welcome, big-picture twist. But in general, they’re a mess — soggy melodrama that wallows in the operatic narcissism of teenagers’ emotional lives. It’s understandable that they appeal to youngsters who are convinced that their crushes are The Thing Around Which the Fate of Everything Revolves. But to anyone who has lived through a few break-ups, the drama gets really old, really fast. Beautiful Creatures is only the latest example of what happens when one of the many possible rich allegories for adolescent anxiety and alienation gets blown up past the point where it’s possible to care about anyone involved. Based on the first in a novel series by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl, it’s set in a small South Carolina town where 17-year-old Ethan Wate (Alden Ehrenreich) has grown disenchanted with everything about the parochial local attitudes. He becomes intrigued with the new

36 INLANDER FEBRUARY 14, 2013

girl in town, mysterious Lena Duchannes (Alice Englert), who has moved in with her reclusive uncle Macon (Jeremy Irons). Ethan soon discovers that Lena comes from a family of magical “casters,” and that her impending 16th birthday will mark the moment when her powers will be claimed either by the forces of light or — as she fears, given family history — darkness. It’s perfectly promising stuff to combine Ethan’s sense of being out of place with Lena’s, and writer/director Richard LaGravenese (P.S. I Love You) doesn’t over-complicate the mythology even as he introduces various other family members visiting for Lena’s birthday ceremony. But he’s stranded us with a story that focuses primarily on Lena and Ethan falling in love — an act which, as it turns out, is somehow deeply rooted in the history of Lena’s ancestors, and is The Thing Around Which Blah Blah Blah. It doesn’t help that the lead actors are a blandly attractive pair, the performances skimming along the surface of whatever real feelings should be part of characters who have known genuine tragedy. LaGravanese rarely seems sincere about making them actual people, rather than the latest anonymous stand-ins for viewer fantasies.

Witches are the new vampires. The much more interesting side of Beautiful Creatures is the one that proves far more playful and angst-free. Emma Thompson plays a dual role as both the fire-andbrimstone mother of Ethan’s best friend, and a wicked caster named Sarafine who possesses that body, and chomps into both of them with gleeful abandon. It’s a glorious distraction from the central story when Irons and Thompson — representing Lena’s two possible fates — face one another in the middle of a church for a wonderful ham-off. Combined with Emmy Rossum’s juicy supporting role as Lena’s temptress cousin, it’s hard not to wish that we could all take a detour from the main narrative and just follow these other BEAUTIFUL CREATURES characters, who Rated PG-13 seem to be having Directed by Richard LaGravenese so much more fun. Starring Alden Ehrenreich, Alice Englert, Various magical kerfuffles eventually take over the third act of Beautiful Creatures, as Lena tries to alter her destiny, but that only makes it harder to figure out what this story really wants to be. Is it important that we spend so much time on the townsfolk’s fearful Christianity and clinging to Civil War recreations as part of some half-hearted exploration of intolerance? Is it sincere about building the centuries-spanning connection between Ethan and Lena? Or is it meant to have fun with the self-seriousness of other brooding teen romances that shall remain nameless, leaning toward something that’s almost campy in its sensibility? Beautiful Creatures may ultimately take itself blessedly less seriously than some of its genre kin, but it also shows how much better it might have been taking itself even less seriously. n


film | shorts

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VOTE NOW!

florist

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pizsiznaobar happy hour hotel ca pho k ar p og d r e h e c u a n te e v ry e k a t b n e v e opening films festival florist barber news anchor thai A Good Day to Die Hard

A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD

Valentine’s Day is a day for romance… and also the premiere of A Good Day to Die Hard, the fifth installment in the Die Hard  series. This time, John McClane (Bruce Willis) must travel to  Russia  to get his son, Jack, out of jail. But Jack has followed in his father’s footsteps and is deeply involved in a counter-terrorist operation that has to do with explosivesgrade uranium, trunks full of assault rifles and a beautiful woman. Now, in true Die Hard fashion, the duo must fight the foreign enemy by jumping out of windows and blowing stuff up. (SM) Rated R

BEAUTIFUL CREATURES

Based on the first in a novel series by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl, Beautiful Creatures is set in a small South Carolina town where 17-year-old Ethan Wate (Alden Ehrenreich) has become intrigued with the new girl in town, mysterious Lena Duchannes (Alice Englert), who has moved in with her reclusive uncle Macon (Jeremy Irons). Ethan soon discovers that Lena comes from a family of magical “casters,” and that her impending 16th birthday will mark the moment when her powers will be claimed either by the forces of light or — as she fears, given family history — darkness. (SR) Rated PG-13.  

HYDE PARK ON HUDSON

Bill Murray plays FDR, Olivia Williams is his kind of estranged wife Eleanor, and Laura Linney is his distant cousin Daisy, who becomes his new social secretary and latest in a line of secret flings. Apparently, a wheelchair never held this guy back, when it came to the ladies. But the film isn’t as light as its preview trailers suggest. It’s 1939, the eve of WWII, and the king and queen of England are visiting FDR. Neither are things very dramatic. Aside from a strong Murray performance and a nice way with words in the script, the film is lightweight. It’s a pleasant visit with these folks, but not much more. At Magic Lantern (ES) Rated R

ESCAPE FROM PLANET EARTH

When Scorch Supernova, the galaxy’s most heroic alien warrior, gets caught on planet Earth, his nerdy brother must travel across the universe to save him. Humans have been imprisoning and researching a variety of alien species for years and now a cute little group of imprisoned aliens must escape our lovely

tattoos

venouuerbowling gifts radio station happy hcocktails theater concert ta is ar t b n ra u ta s re r o h c n a s new ospark locral aherooke jewelry rrrtitdog bsu de se her barber ka festival e r to photograepBest inbtho s k o t?owling es hw rt No nd la In e b th s an ic ha ex ho m W i tha jewelry mall happy hour t n ra u ta s re ter artist bowlinphgocoffee roas karaoke k r a m d n la p d biknaetursal foo o h fast foo salofestnivbalowloclialnhegro ds local celebrity ance club burgerDJschdurch triv e r u it n r u ia f an exic charity m st gifts 21 ch ar M ds an st on g e su in is p s lt p e su o r re h to s books bank band coffee ro planet in order to survive… and save all life in the galaxy. Your kids will love the antics of a mob of wily extraterrestrials, while you’ll appreciate a cast of star voice actors (Brendan Fraser, Sarah Jessica Parker) and two hours of captivated and mostly quiet children. (SM) Rated PG

fast food

OSCAR-NOMINATED DOCUMENTARIES

Check out all the short documentary films nominated for Academy Awards at the Magic Lantern beginning on Friday.

QUARTET

In the quiet countryside, a retirement home for talented musicians puts on a yearly concert in honor of Verdi’s birthday. But when Jean (Maggie Smith) arrives at the home, old rivalries and attitudes resurface as musicians try to arrange their performance. Will the show go on? Will it crash and burn? Will your pants be charmed off by the antics of these geriatrics? Most importantly, does the quirky and comedic quartet rekindle their friendship and love of music? (SM) Rated PG-13

rk, coffee stand, Tell us who has your favorite dog pa the best trivia night, or bail bondsman! Cast your vote for r, and 105 other visual artist, local hero, news ancho categories at Inlander.com/BestOf.

  SAFE HAVEN

Prepare yourself for the classic love story by Nicholas Sparks. Katie has daddy issues, or a fear of commitment, or a history of abuse or something. Alex’s is a widower, can bench press 250 pounds, and is good with kids. They’re both pretty attractive. They run on the beach through the rain and conquer deep-seated emotional issues together. But when our heroine has to get out of town quickly, for some vague and slightly terrifying reason, their true love is tested. Or something emotional and gut-wrenching like that. (SM) Rated PG-13  

brewebrayriclstoaththinagi spa mall

f O t s e B bowling

florist

burgers

pizsiznaobar happy hour hotel dog parkca nt bphao kery venue teacher e v e festival orist barber ews anchor thai tattoos

n land Northwest

fl

venouuer the In gifts radio station happy hcocktails theater concert f to s e b / m o .c r e d n la s in ri a t b n ra u ta s re r o h c n a s new ospark locral aherooke jewelr rrrtitdog bsu ka de se festival SOUND CITY

Foo Fighters front man Dave Grohl apparently isn’t going to settle with merely heading up one of the biggest rock bands on the planet, so has gotten into a the film directing business. His first effort is a documentary telling the story of the Sound City recording studios in Los Angeles where Grohl’s other band, Nirvana, and a host of others, laid down legendary records. The film looks into the emergence of digital recording and how it has threatened to take the musicianship out of recording. At Magic Lantern (MB) Rated R ...continued on next page

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to14,r2013eINLANDER 37 photographer booksFEBRUARY


film | shorts

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Intended Publication Date(s): Friday, February 15, 2013. Saturday, February 16, 2013. Sunday, February 17, 2013. Published WA, Inlander [I_Directory_Update to Publish or Proof] 1.7" X 11" Produced: 3:15 PM ET, 2/12/2013 021213031540 Regal 865-925-9554

“I don't work 9-5, I work start to finish.”

THE METROPOLITAN OPERA: RIGOLETTO (NR) Sat.955 AM A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD (R) ★ Fri. - Sun.(1200 200 230) 430 500 700 730 925 1010 BEAUTIFUL CREATURES (PG-13) Fri. - Sun.(1250 350) 650 940 SAFE HAVEN (PG-13) Fri.(1100 150) 440 720 930 1000 Sat.(1100 140) 440 720 930 1000 Sun.(1100 150) 440 720 930 1000 ESCAPE FROM PLANET EARTH IN REAL D 3D (PG) ★ Fri.(140 PM) 640 PM Sat.(150 PM) 640 PM Sun.(140 PM) 640 PM ESCAPE FROM PLANET EARTH (PG) Fri. - Sun.(1110 AM) 410 PM 910 PM IDENTITY THIEF (R) Fri. - Sun.(1120 210) 450 655 740 930 1015 SIDE EFFECTS (R) Fri.(130) 420 710 945 Sat.420 PM 710 PM 945 PM Sun.(130) 420 710 945 WARM BODIES (PG-13) Fri. - Sun.(1210 320) 630 915 HANSEL AND GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS (R) Fri. - Sun.(215 PM) HANSEL AND GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS IN REAL D 3D (R) ★ Fri. - Sun.(1150 AM) 435 PM 705 PM MAMA (PG-13) Fri. - Sun.(100 PM 330 PM) PARENTAL GUIDANCE (PG) Fri. - Sun.(1130 AM) THE HOBBIT: AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY IN REALD 3D (PG-13) ★ Fri. - Sun.(1105 AM) 615 PM 950 PM THE HOBBIT: AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY (PG-13) Fri. - Sun.(240 PM) THE SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK (R) Fri. - Sun.(1220 340) 635 920

A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD [CC,DV] (R) ★ Fri. - Sun.(1215 245 340) 515 640 800 930 1025 ESCAPE FROM PLANET EARTH [CC] (PG) Fri. - Sun.(1240 PM) 500 PM 940 PM ESCAPE FROM PLANET EARTH 3D [CC] (PG) ★ Fri. - Sun.(315 PM) 715 PM SAFE HAVEN [CC] (PG-13) Fri. - Sun.(1230) 400 730 1010 BEAUTIFUL CREATURES [CC,DV] (PG-13) Fri. - Sun.(1245 345) 700 1000 IDENTITY THIEF [CC,DV] (R) Fri. - Sun.(1235 355) 630 720 915 1005 WARM BODIES [CC,DV] (PG-13) Fri. - Sun.(115) 415 645 920 SIDE EFFECTS [CC,DV] (R) Fri. - Sun.(100 350) 710 945 HANSEL AND GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS IN REAL D 3D (R) ★ Fri. - Sun.(1220 PM) 740 PM 955 PM HANSEL AND GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS [CC,DV] (R) Fri. - Sun.(235 PM) ZERO DARK THIRTY [CC,DV] (R) Fri. - Sun.(1215 335) 655 935 THE SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK [CC] (R) Fri. - Sun.(110) 410 650 1015 THE HOBBIT: AN JOURNEY IN REALD 3D [CC,DV] (PG-13) ★ Fri. - Sun.(1215 PM 345 PM) LIFE OF PI IN REAL D 3D [CC,DV] (PG) ★ Fri. - Sun.(1250 PM)

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TO ACCESS EXTENSIONS, CALL

1-800-720-6008 www.SpokanePillar.com

2013 REGAL OSCAR MARATHON (NR) ★ Fri.1200 PM Sat.1215 PM Sun.1200 PM THE METROPOLITAN OPERA: RIGOLETTO (NR) Sat.955 AM ESCAPE FROM PLANET EARTH 3D [CC] (PG) ★ Fri. - Sun.425 PM 655 PM HANSEL AND GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS IN REAL D 3D (R) ★ Fri. - Sun.(135 PM) 710 PM THE HOBBIT: AN JOURNEY IN REALD 3D [CC,DV] (PG-13) ★ Fri. - Sun.410 PM 800 PM ESCAPE FROM PLANET EARTH [CC] (PG) Fri. - Sun.(1120 AM 150 PM) 925 PM Big Screen: A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD [CC,DV] (R) ★ Fri. - Sun.(1130 215) 455 740 1025 A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD [CC,DV] (R) ★ Fri. - Sun.(1105 140) 415 700 950 Big Screen: SAFE HAVEN [CC] (PG-13) Fri. - Sun.(1210 345) 700 1000 BEAUTIFUL CREATURES [CC,DV] (PG-13) Fri. - Sun.(1145 330) 645 945 IDENTITY THIEF [CC,DV] (R) Fri.(1100 1140 145) 400 435 650 720 940 1010 Sat.(1140) 400 435 650 720 940 1010 Sun.(1100 1140 145) 400 435 650 720 940 1010 SIDE EFFECTS [CC,DV] (R) Fri. - Sun.(1115 200) 445 730 1020 WARM BODIES [CC,DV] (PG-13) Fri. - Sun.(1125 205) 440 735 1020 HANSEL AND GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS [CC,DV] (R) Fri. - Sun.(1110 AM) 405 PM 935 PM THE SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK [CC] (R) Fri. - Sun.(1155) 340 640 930 MAMA [CC,DV] (PG-13) Fri. - Sun.(220) 450 715 955 THE HOBBIT: AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY [CC,DV] (PG-13) Fri. - Sun.(1205 PM) THE IMPOSSIBLE [CC,DV] (PG-13) Fri. - Sun.(1135 AM) Times For 02/15 - 02/17

38 INLANDER FEBRUARY 14, 2013

now playing DJANGO UNCHAINED

Seems about time for Quentin Tarantino to conquer a Western movie —  seeing that he’s already done a heist flick, some samurai films, a blaxploitation homage and a war movie. Django Unchained tracks a slave (Jamie Foxx) who is promised freedom by a bounty hunter (Christoph Waltz) in exchange for helping find a pair of criminals. They also rumble with a rich Frenchie (Leonardo DiCaprio) who owns Django’s wife now. (LS) Rated R

HANSEL AND GRETEL

Hansel (Jeremy Renner) and Gretel (Gemma Arterton) leave behind the innocence of a broken childhood to start life as vigilantes of revenge. Now, the bloodthirsty pair must deal with the haunting legacy of their youth while hacking down the witches who stalk them. In the end, though,  Hansel and Gretel shines forth as another example of Hollywood’s macabre obsession with reworking children’s fairy tales into action flicks. Bonus: You get to see some heavy crossbow and shotgun action in glorious 3-D. (SM) Rated R

HITCHCOCK

The director of some of the scariest films in history was a portly British man known for his perfectionist style and sardonic tongue. And, of course, scaring the hell out of people. In this biopic, Alfred Hitchcock (portrayed by Anthony Hopkins) struggles to get funding to make his famous film Psycho come to life, leaning heavily on his wife Alma Reville (Hellen Mirren) for advice. (LS) Rated PG-13

THE HOBBIT: AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY

Part one of Peter Jackson’s three-part prequel to his outstanding Lord of the Rings trilogy is solidly acted and directed, and brimming with neat visual trickery, such as combining very big folks with very small folks in a single scene. But problems abound in the telling of Bilbo Baggins’ (Martin Freeman) long, treacherous journey across Middle Earth 600 years before the oh-so-similar one taken by his nephew Frodo. (ES) Rated PG-13

IDENTITY THIEF

You never suspect the quiet ones. So when Sandy (Jason Bateman) discovers his identity has been stolen, the seemingly harmless Diana (Melissa McCarthy of Bridesmaids) is a surprising suspect. But Sandy’s trip to Miami to confront the criminal takes a twist when he discovers that Diana isn’t as innocent as she appears. The loud, annoying woman will do anything she can to avoid losing the luxurious lifestyle she has accrued at  Sandy’s expense. Through many a car chase, fistfight and argument, Sandy must pull his identity and credit score out of the gutter. (SM) Rated R

LES MISÉRABLES

At the end of the day, director Tom Hooper doesn’t realize that live singing on a movie set isn’t enough to re-create the majestic Les Misérables experience — not when so many of the people involved insist on turning it into… well, a movie.

There are some strong performances, especially from Anne Hathaway and Hugh Jackman, but overall, this filmic version of the classic doesn’t live up to the potential of its source material. (SR) Rated PG-13

MAMA

It’s not polite to tell people how to parent these days, but here’s one tip: Try not to leave your two kids out in the forest for five years to fend for themselves. That’s what happens in this horror flick and things don’t turn out so well because after the kids come to live with their aunt and uncle; it turns out that they’ve spent the last few years under the watchful eye of a ghost-mom. For those not in the know, a ghost-mom is like a normal mom, but dead and evil and terrifying. (MB) Rated R

OSCAR NOMINATED SHORT FILMS

The Magic Lantern is screening all the live-action and animated films that were nominated for Academy Awards throughout the week.

PARKER

Jason Statham once again takes the role of a beautifully foreign, terribly misunderstood and incredibly sexy professional thief who must navigate the tricky world of a for-hire criminal. Parker (Statham) accepts a job with an unfamiliar crew, only to be double-crossed by the leader. Though the role of Parker is nothing new for the actor, we can look forward to another movie full of Statham frolicking in well-tailored suits. (SM) Rated R

SIDE EFFECTS

The newest collaboration between director Steven Soderbergh and writer Scott Z. Burns (Contagion, The Informant!) is their best. It’s a twisty-turny mysterythriller about money, sex, (prescription) drugs, sleepwalking, and lots more. Jude Law is a busy psychiatrist. Rooney Mara is his patient. Channing Tatum is her husband. Catherine Zeta-Jones is her former psychiatrist. Things, to a degree you couldn’t possibly guess, go wrong, astoundingly wrong. Great writing and direction, every actor is spot-on. (ES) Rated R

SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK

Director David O. Russell (The Fighter, Flirting with Disaster) continues exploring the humor and tragedy of the human situation in a story of two emotionally damaged people (Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence) who meet … and, thankfully, don’t follow the rules of movie clichés. Throw in the Cooper character’s more down to earth, but still nutzoid dad (Robert De Niro, right on the mark), and the movie almost starts to sparkle. It’s just a tad too quirky for its own good, but one of the more enjoyable relationship films in a long while. (ES) Rated R

WARM BODIES

The popular young adult novel is turned into a well intended, but flawed movie filled with gaping holes in logical storytelling. Most of the world’s population has become zombies, though survivors exist in a walled city. When human Julie (Teresa Palmer) wanders into the wrong place, she’s saved by zombie R (Nicholas Hoult), and the rest of the film is about how love can change anyone ... even a flesh-eating, conscience-less zombie. The two leads are quite good, especially in handling their ever-changing character arcs. And the mostly ’60s and ’70s soundtrack is mighty hip. Too bad that everything else is preposterous. (E.S.) Rated PG-13

ZERO DARK THIRTY

Sure to be Oscar nominated, Kathryn Bigelow’s follow-up to her Oscar-winning The Hurt Locker tells the story of the almost decade-long search for 9/11 mastermind Osama bin Laden. The script focuses on CIA operative Maya (Jessica Chastain), whose first assignment lands her in Pakistan to help find bin Laden, and who eventually becomes consumed by the often-frustrating hunt. The film is brutal in its depictions of torture but is even more nerve-racking concerning things that might happen to the story’s heroes. The film is long and talky and tense, and viewers should be required to have a brief rest period after watching it. (ES) Rated R n

CRITICS’ SCORECARD THE NEW YORK INLANDER TIMES

VARIETY

(LOS ANGELES)

METACRITIC.COM (OUT OF 100)

Zero Dark Thirty

95

Django Unchained

81

Side Effects

71

The Hobbit

62

les miserables

56

Hyde Park on Hudson

55

Beautiful Creatures

52

DON’T MISS IT

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film | review

THE MAGIC LANTERN FEBRUARY 15TH - FEBRUARY 21ST

HYDE PARK ON HUDSON (94 min)

Fri/Sat: 3:00, 6:45, Sun/Mon: 1:30, 5:30, Tues-Thurs: 4:30, 6:15

HITCHCOCK (96 min)

Fri/Sat: 4:45, Sun/Mon: 3:30

SOUND CITY (106 min)

Fri/Sat: 8:30, Sun/Mon: 7:15, Tues-Thurs: 8:00 2013 OSCAR NOMINATED SHORTS:

PART 1: DOCUMENTARY SHORTS (114 min) Fri/Sat: 2:30, 6:30, Sun/Mon: 1:00, 6:45, Tues-Thurs: 6:30

LIVE ACTION SHORTS (116 min)

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ANIMATED SHORTS (86 min)

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BEAUTIFUL CREATURES

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SAFE HAVEN

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Bill Murray, somewhere between FDR and Hunter S. Thompson.

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Wreck It Ralph Fri 7:10, sAt-mon 2:40, 7:10 tues-thurs 7:10

Bill Murray kills it as Roosevelt, but Hyde Park on Hudson doesn’t do his performance justice

WARM BODIES

PG-13 Daily (4:50) 7:10 9:25 Sat-Mon (12:10) (2:30)

HANSEL & GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS R Daily (4:40) 9:00 Sat-Mon (12:40) In 2D Daily (2:40) 6:45

SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK

R Daily (4:00) 6:45 9:25 Sat-Mon (10:50) (1:20)

ZERO DARK THIRTY R Daily (3:15) 6:30 9:45

By Ed Symkus

Wandermere

F

or some reason known only to the folks the ladies, right under the nose of his powerful at the Golden Globes, Bill Murray got a and pushy and apparently estranged wife Eleanor nomination for his portrayal of Franklin (Olivia Williams, Murray’s love interest way Delano Roosevelt in this film, under the category back in Rushmore). of “Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical.” But deThe script also takes in the visit to the estate spite some comedic moments, and even though that summer by George and Elizabeth, the king the preview trailers make the film look all light and queen of England — the same stuttering and funny and bubbly, Hyde Park on Hudson is fellow seen a couple of years ago in The King’s neither a musical nor a comedy. Speech, played here by Samuel West. It’s an historical period piece, set mostly on But not much really happens in the film. FDR’s summer estate in rural New York during There’s a lot of talking, plenty of checking out the summer of 1939. World events, such as the the bucolic scenery, and too many missed opporbeginnings of WWII were tunities for dramatic developweighing down the polioment. For instance, it could have HYDE PARK ON HUDSON been interesting to delve into stricken FDR, who got around Rated R in a wheelchair or on crutches, whatever was left of the maror was sometimes picked up and Directed by Roger Michell riage of Franklin and Eleanor. Starring Bill Murray, Laura Linney, Olivia carried by a burly assistant, or But that part is glossed over. was actually able to drive a spe- Williams, Samuel West Murray stands above the cially outfitted, hand-controlled material here. His FDR is a guy convertible. you want to talk with, perhaps have a drink with; He drove around a lot that summer, often if you were a woman, he’s someone you might accompanied by the newest in a line of social want to have a fling with. The film’s best scene is secretaries, this one named Daisy (Laura Lina wonderfully written late-night drinking session ney), FDR’s frumpy, old-maidish fifth (or sixth) with the president and the king. The rest is pleascousin, with whom he was to begin another in ant, lightweight, pretty much forgettable. But a line of casual affairs. Yup, the crippled man of any foodies out there will surely get a kick out of fireside chat fame apparently did quite well with what’s to be learned about hot dogs. n

R Daily (4:45) 7:15 9:45 Sat-Mon (11:45) (2:15)

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A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD

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BEAUTIFUL CREATURES

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IDENTITY THEFT

R Daily (2:00) (3:50) (4:30) 7:00 9:30 Fri-Mon (11:30)

SIDE EFFECTS

R Daily (2:15) (4:45) 7:15 9:45 Fri-Mon (11:45)

BULLET TO THE HEAD R Daily 9:30

INCREDIBLE NEW SCREEN!

WARM BODIES

PG-13 Daily (12:10) (2:30) (4:50) 7:15 9:25

HANSEL & GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS

R Daily (3:20) (5:30) 7:30 9:35 Fri, Tue-Thu (1:20) In 2D Fri (11:20)

SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK

R Daily (1:20) (4:00) 6:45 9:25 Fri-Mon (10:50)

MAMA

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FEBRUARY 14, 2013 INLANDER 39


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40 INLANDER FEBRUARY 14, 2013


Pop Tarts

Before you go see Carrie Underwood, read this completely out-of-nowhere survey of American Idol winners by Seth Sommerfeld

A

t this point, Carrie Underwood’s stardom is multifaceted: She’s a force in popular country music, and a top hitmaker with a slew of No. 1 songs on the charts like “Before He Cheats” and “Cowboy Casanova.” She’s previously been involved in high-profile romances with the likes of Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo, and she even landed a starring role in a live-for-TV version of The Sound of Music that NBC will air next holiday season. Those of us who aren’t reality TV junkies can almost forget how she got her big break:

winning American Idol. But while Underwood has carved out quite the career, is she the top Idol ever? To deduce that answer, we’d have to look at the winners of all 11 seasons (as well as a few notable non-winners). And while I’ve never actually watched a minute of American Idol, I’ve felt it has inadvertently entered my brain through a never-ending string of talking heads, radio airplay, Twitter posts and annoying ads during Family Guy. For days, I’ve immersed myself in all things Idol to bring you these stray observations and

truly judge whether Underwood is truly the most idyllic idol. The reality talent show phenomenon got its start when Kelly Clarkson and Justin Guarini battled as the two finalists on Season 1 of American Idol. While Clarkson won and has become the bonafide pop star the show set out to make, notching more Top 40 hits than any other Idol (“Since U Been Gone,” “Stronger,” etc.), Guarini hasn’t fared as well. He’s taken gigs as a host on TV Guide network, went from Broadway to regional theater and was (allegedly) employee of the month at the Sierra Vista Mall Olive Garden in Clovis, Calif., in August 2012. Guarini and Clarkson also tried to parlay their Idol success to the big screen with the box office bomb From Justin to Kelly. Some have even compared it to Citizen Cane … in that it is technically a motion picture. The fierce battle of contrasting finalists took another step up in Season 2 as rotund soul singer Ruben Studdard squared off with diminutive pop crooner Clay Aiken. Despite finishing in second, Aiken found more commercial success out of the gate with his debut album, Measure of a Man, and followed that up with a Broadway ...continued on next page

FEBRUARY 14, 2013 INLANDER 41


MUSIC | pop “pop tarts,” continued...

Spokane County is collaborating on a regional update of the Urban Growth Area (UGA). The UGA establishes boundaries around urban areas that are intended to contain urban growth for a 20 year planning period. Areas outside the UGA are intended to remain rural with low population density. The UGA update is a requirement of the Growth Management Act. The public hearing is being conducted by the Board of County Commissioners for Spokane County. For more information contact the Building and Planning Department at 477-7224.

EMVY

CELLARS

SPOKANE

RESTAURANT WEEK

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42 INLANDER FEBRUARY 14, 2013

stint as Sir Robin in Spamalot. He then released a series of progressively worse charting albums, honing his reality show runner-up chops by finishing second on The Celebrity Apprentice in 2012 and coming out of the closet. Fantasia Barrino captured the Season 3 crown. While her first two albums were somewhat disappointing in terms of sales, her album Back to Me debuted at No. 2 on the charts and “Bittersweet” earned her the Grammy for Best Female R&B Vocal Performance. I’m assuming it was her Idol finale with the dancing mops and Mickey Mouse in sorcerer’s hat that really put her over the top in the eyes of Simon, Paula and Randy. After Carrie Underwood won the hearts of judges and fans during Season 4, the Season 5 title went to silver-coifed soul singer Taylor Hicks, American Idol’s lone senior citizen winner (or the first 29-year-old who’d gone fully gray, take your pick). But the season’s most successful album was from fourth place finisher Chris Daughtry, who started the rock band Daughtry (creative!), thereby filling the Creed-sized whole in our post-nu metal hearts. He now trails only Underwood and Clarkson in terms of record sales, because Nickleback somehow has yet to secure a monopoly on the disposable income of dumb white dudes. R&B songstress Jordin Sparks became Idol’s youngest winner when she captured the Season 6 crown at age 17. She has dabbled in acting, cosmetics, Broadway and had two Top 10 albums on the Billboard charts since then and is

still only 23. Season 7 winner David Cook was the first rock singer to win Idol — because nothing says hard rocking quite like winning a karaoke competition. The luster seems to have worn off Cook: While his post-Idol album went platinum, its follow-up sold less than one-tenth as well. Season 8 champ Kris Allen and all his white bread singer-songwriter charm was overshadowed by runner-up Adam Lambert. Lambert’s 2012 electropop album Trespassing hit No. 1 on the charts, while Allen’s debut album was the first Idol alumni album to not debut in the Top 10. Later Allen and Season 10 winner Scotty McCreery would combine forces for the “Nice, Non-threatening Southern Boys Who Can Sing” Tour. Season 11 champ Phillip Phillips (gotta be a fake name) has already cemented himself as one of the most successful Idol alums with his hit single “Home” (the most successful Idol “coronation song” to date). It’s the song on the radio that sounds a lot like Mumford and Sons but isn’t Mumford and Sons. Now in its 12th season, American Idol still doesn’t show any signs of slowing down. And after all those seasons, it seems that those early winners — Underwood and Clarkson — seem destined to be locked in a prolonged neck-andneck battle for the top post-Idol career. n Carrie Underwood • Thur, Feb. 21 at 8:30 pm • Spokane Arena • $44-$64 • ticketswest.com • All-ages • (800) 325-SEAT

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My Bloody Valentine’s new album completely changes the rock game By Jordan Satterfield

M

BV, the first record by Irish shoegaze pioneers My Bloody Valentine in more than 20 years, isn’t just a return or a resurrection — it’s a full-on Second Coming, all religious implications intended. My Bloody Valentine made a splash in late 1991 with the release of their monumental sophomore LP Loveless, a record that still melts faces to this day. Loveless is as close to perfect as almost any album has ever come: oscillating wildly between brazenly loud, distorted tones and hushed whispers, it is both a gentle kiss and punch to the gut — often delivered at the same time. Though Loveless was by no measure the first music called “shoegaze,” it spawned countless copycats and became the quintessential example of the genre. The album uses dozens of guitar effects pedals, and, strangely, by doing so, lead guitarist and songwriter Kevin Shields crafted warped but gentle pop music from obscenely harsh tones. The long-awaited follow-up, simply titled MBV, finally came just two short weeks ago — 21 years after the release of Loveless. And it was well worth the wait. Not simply a long-overdue record from a beloved indie group, MBV will likely be the beginning of a musical trend that sees shoegazing return louder, stranger and darker than ever. The record itself is a gem, a virtually flawless cavalcade of tones and frequencies that somehow

comes out sounding like pop. Shields’ sharp guitar crunch remains completely intact, and vocalist Bilinda Butcher still coos gracefully along with the noise like a siren in a storm. The bigger picture here is what the bizarrely timed release of MBV means for shoegaze as an artform. When Loveless was released in 1991, it became the “coolest” record for artists to namedrop as their big influence. But it also provided the groundwork for a slew of new artists excited by the possibilities — Slowdive, Lush, Medicine — and even paved new paths for indie stalwarts like Yo La Tengo, Sonic Youth and The Jesus and Mary Chain, who all took musical advice from a band they had helped create. So imagine what today’s fickle, hype-driven and gimmick-fixated music scene can do with this record. I mean no disrespect to artists or audiences, as the hype-machine has provided me with some of, if not all, my favorite current artists. But if the past is to be believed, records like MBV can set the tone of an entire musical atmosphere until the next big thing comes along. And, because the band has seniority and an already-established legendary status, the residual effects of MBV could be felt quickly across the rock spectrum. My prediction is that, like Loveless before it, MBV is the beginning of a new wave of shoegazing artists, all eager to make the same distorted beauty as their hero Kevin Shields. And my hope is that the summer of 2013 is noisy as hell. n

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FEBRUARY 14, 2013 INLANDER 43


music | sound advice

ROCK WHAT MADE MILWAUKEE FAMOUS

S

ince 2003, the band What Made Milwaukee Famous (not from Milwaukee, by the way) has shopped its danceable brand of rock ‘n’ roll around the music world. If you liked ’90s bands like the Refreshments or Superdrag — bands that fused pop and hooky, irresistible rock perfectly — you’ll love WMMF’s songs, particularly “Sultan” and “Gone and Done It Now.” That sound has landed the band on the gigantic stages at Sasquatch, Bonnaroo and Austin City Limits over the years. And, after five years of relative silence, WMMF released its third album in November and they’re coming to Spokane to show us just how radical it is. — LEAH SOTTILE What Made Milwaukee Famous with Marshall McLean Band and Jamie Frost • Sat, Feb. 16, at 10 pm • Mootsy’s • $5 • 21+ • 838-1570

J = the inlander RECOMMENDs this show J = All Ages Show

ROCK NASHVILLE PUSSY

Thursday, 2/14

J Asia Restaurant (448-4499), One Match Left Barbary Coast (489-4084), Armed and Dangerous Big City Saloon (474-0579), DJ Fusion Bluz at the Bend, Sammy Eubanks Bon Bon (413-1745), DJ Amoe Buckhorn Inn (244-3991), Texas Twister J THE Center, Helio Sequence (see story at Inlander.com), Talkdemonic, Lemolo Chateau Rive (795-2030), Wylie and the Wild West Coeur d’Alene Casino, PJ Destiny J Copa (208-635-5534), Flying Mammals Fox Theater, Steve Green Gibliano Brothers, Dueling Pianos J the Hop!, Heaven and Hell Cabaret Iron Horse CDA, Phoenix Iron Horse Bar (926-8411), Joel Livingston John’s Alley, Fox St. Allstars J Knitting Factory, Leftover Salmon, North Mississippi All Stars Laguna Café, Just Plain Darin LeftBank Wine Bar (315-8623), Nick Grow J Luxe Coffeehouse, Dirk Lind Marquee, MCSQUARED Max at Mirabeau (922-6252), Cruxie nYne, DJ C-Mad O’Shay’s, Open mic Phat House, The Tone Collaborative Remington’s (838-5211), Janet Johnson Swamp, DJ Aphrodisiac The Cellar, All That Jazz Ugly Bettie’s, Reggae Night with Real Life Rockaz

44 INLANDER FEBRUARY 14, 2013

M

aybe you feel like getting drunk tonight. And maybe, when you’re drunk, you’re going to want to rock out and yell and make a scene. Then you should probably be at this weekend’s Nashville Pussy show, a band that mostly writes songs about drinking, drugs, sex and fights. On lyrical content alone, there’s almost no doubt that this band’s albums already reside in the CD collections of many a Spokanite. But the band has won over more than just fans of the cowpunk style after its songs have been picked up as soundtrack music, dictating moments of rage/fury/insanity in shows like The Sopranos and Entourage. — LEAH SOTTILE Nashville Pussy with Diamond Speedboat, Framework and Push • Sat, Feb. 16, at 8 pm • The Center • $12 • 21+ • thecenterofspokane. com • 742-7879

Friday, 2/15

315 Martinis & Tapas, Darin Schaffer Beverly’s (208-765-4000), Robert Vaughn Big City Saloon (474-0579), DJ Fusion Bigfoot Pub, Armed and Dangerous J Bing Crosby Theater, Pickwick, Kevin Long, Sera Cahoone Bluz at the Bend, Big Mumbo Blues Bolo’s (891-8995), Johnny Clueless Boomer’s (368-9847), The Chill Cats Buckhorn Inn (244-3991), The Marauders Carr’s Corner, Freak System, Somatic, Aardvark The Cellar, Kosh and The Jazz Cats J The Center, Merauder, Murder Death Kill, Brawl, Laid Up, High Regard Checkerboard, Garlands Coeur d’Alene Casino, Echo Elysium

Coldwater Creek Wine Bar (208-263-6971), Mike and Shana Thompson Copa (208-635-5534), Flying Mammals Curley’s (208-773-5816), Scorpius Fedora Pub, Truck Mills Fizzie Mulligans, Karma’s Circle Gibliano Brothers, Dueling Pianos Grande Ronde Cellars (4558161), Kevin Brown with Kelly Bogan J THE Hop!, Friends with Benefits II Iron Horse, The Cruizers Irv’s (624-4450), DJ Prophesy John’s Alley, Fox St. Allstars J Jones Radiator, Strangers Laguna Café, Robinsong J Luxe Coffeehouse, Trickster Fox Marquee, Likes Girls, MCSQUARED Max at Mirabeau (922-6252), Plastic Saints J Mootsy’s, Deadones USA, Hot Box Mulz’z Shed (292-1166), Cliff Park

nYne, DJ Mayhem Pastime Club (208-683-2435), Chance Long and the Last Chance Band Pend d’Oreille Winery (208-2658545), The Uniquely Proficient Honkeys Red Lion River Inn (328-9526), Chris Rieser and The Nerve Remington’s (838-5211), Janet Johnson Rock Bar (443-3796), The Usual Suspects Sergio’s, Luke Jaxon Band Spokane Club (838-2310), Just Plain Darin Spokane Valley Eagles (9223433), Mingo Swamp, Quarter Monkey The Shanty (208-664-9590), Gil Rivas The Viking (315-4547), Bury Me in Blue Twelve String Brewing Co. (9908622), Maxie Ray Mills

J Twisp Café (474-9146), Stephanie Hatzinikolis Ugly Bettie’s, Blu Meadows with Mark Shirtz Whitestone Winery (838-2427), One Match Left

Saturday, 2/16

315 Martinis & Tapas, All That Jazz Beverly’s (208-765-4000), Robert Vaughn Big City Saloon (474-0579), DJ Fusion Bigfoot Pub, Armed and Dangerous Blue Spark, DJ Darkside Som Bluz at the Bend, Big Mumbo Blues Bolo’s (891-8995), Johnny Clueless Boomer’s (368-9847), The Chill Cats J Boots Bakery & Lounge (703-7223), Soul Brunch with DJ Darkside Som Buckhorn Inn (244-3991), The Marauders Carr’s Corner, Dust in the Blood,


Matthew Sonntag, Benjamin Gordon, Inner Stellar Medium J THE Center, Nashville Pussy (see story on facing page), Push, Framework, Diamond Speedboat Chaps (624-4182), Just Plain Darin Coeur d’Alene Casino, Echo Elysium Coldwater Creek Wine Bar (208263-6971), Kurk Kondratko J Copa (208-635-5534), Flying Mammals Curley’s (208-773-5816), Scorpius Fedora Pub, Truck Mills Fizzie Mulligans, Karma’s Circle Gibliano Brothers, Dueling Pianos J the Hop!, Benefit concert for

get listed!

Get your event listed in the paper and online by emailing getlisted@inlander. com. We need the details one week prior to our publication date. Growling Joe Warner and Boys and Girls Club of Spokane Huckleberry’s 9th Ave. Bistro (624-1349), Stephanie Hatzinikolis Iron Horse, The Cruizers Irv’s (624-4450), DJ Prophesy John’s Alley, Turner Jones Connection J Jones Radiator, Dead Serious Lovers, Elan Toby La Rosa Club (208-255-2100), Open mic Lariat (466-9918), Bobby Bremer Band J LeftBank Wine Bar (315-8623), Stephanie Hatzinikolis Lincoln Center, Masterclass Big Band with Karrie O’Neill and Evan Denlinger Lincoln Center (327-8000), Maxie Ray Mills Marquee, Likes Girls, MCSQUARED Max at Mirabeau (922-6252), Plastic Saints Max at Mirabeau (922-6252), Cruxie J Mootsy’s, What Made Milwaukee Famous (see story on facing page), Marshall McLean Band, Jamie Frost, Hannah Reader J nYne, God Des & She, MJ the Inhuman Beatbox Red Lion River Inn (328-9526), Chris Rieser and The Nerve Remington’s (838-5211), Janet Johnson Rock Bar (443-3796), DJ Sonny Sergio’s, Luke Jaxon Band J Shop, Sweet Rebel D Swaxx (703-7474), All Gussied Up, Zan, Murder the Beast, Damaged Goods, Concrete Grip, Urtek The Cellar, Kosh and The Jazz Cats The Falls Club (208-773-1094), Bad Monkey The Roadhouse, Aces Up Ugly Bettie’s, DJ One

Sunday, 2/17

J THE Center, Wednesday 13, Calabrese, Cold Blue Rebels, Topsoil Daley’s Cheap Shots, Open mic Knitting Factory, DJ Freaky Fred Birthday Bash

Marquee, Likes Girls Max at Mirabeau (922-6252), The Bucket List Schweitzer Resort (208-2639555), Flying Mammals The Cellar, Steve Ridler Ugly Bettie’s, DJ Dave

Monday, 2/18

Blue Spark, Open mic J Calypsos Coffee (208-6650591), Open mic Eichardt’s, Open mic with Truck Mills J THE Hop!, HotBoi Productions Max at Mirabeau (922-6252), Mark Shirtz Rico’s (332-6566), Open mic Soulful Soups & Spirits, DJ Fusion Ugly Bettie’s, Open mic

Tuesday, 2/19

315 Martinis & Tapas, Andy Day J Chairs Coffee (340-8787), Open mic Hogfish (208-667-1896), Open mic Ichiban, DJ Beauflexx and Q J Jones Radiator, Hannah Reader Marquee, DJ Paulie D Max at Mirabeau (922-6252), Dan Conrad & Haley Young and the Urban Achievers Moscow Food Co-op (208-8828537), Tom Drake and Friends The Cellar, Gary Nelson

Wednesday, 2/20 Big City Saloon (474-0579), DJ Fusion Blue Spark, DJ Darkside Som

Cum Inn (924-6762), Armed and Dangerous Eichardt’s, Charley Packard Fedora Pub, Kosh J THE Hop!, 20XX Irv’s (624-4450), DJ Prophesy J Luxe Coffeehouse, Dario Re Max at Mirabeau (922-6252), Island Soul J Ripples (326-5577), Dru Heller Trio Soulful Soups & Spirits, Open mic hosted by Son of Brad Spokane Valley Eagles (9223433), Black Hills Gold Swamp, Carey Brazil The Cellar, Ron Criscione

Coming Up…

J Spokane Arena (279-7000), Carrie Underwood (see story on page 41), Hunter Hayes on Feb. 21 Mootsy’s, Music for Arlea feat. Concrete Grip, Diamond Speedboat, Freetime Synthetic, Stone Tobey, Team Growl, Matthew Winters on Feb. 22 Ugly Bettie’s, Camaros, Mythship, Catholic Guilt on Feb. 22 Mootsy’s, My Pinky Has a Name, Boats on Feb. 26 Red Room Lounge (838-7613), Rakim, The Flying Spiders, St. Cule, DJ Freaky Fred on Feb. 27 THE Center, WHY?, Dream Tiger, Astronautalis on Feb. 28 Knitting Factory, Reverend Horton Heat, Guttermouth, David JacobsStrain on Feb. 28 The Hop!, Witch Mountain, 7 Cycles,

The Black Water Prophet, Hooves, Mercy Brown on March 2 Carr’s Corner, Phantom Balance, p.WRECKS, Scaletippers, Freetime Synthetic, Kagah, Concept, Chynki, Lilac Linguistics, Delfonic, Bueno Garcia on March 4 Boots Bakery & Lounge (7037223), Brothers ov Midnite, Clusterf**k?!? on March 8 Knitting Factory, Owl City, Echosmith on March 10 Bing Crosby Theater, Leo Kottke on March 17 Knitting Factory, Josh Ritter, Lake Street Drive on March 24 Northern Quest, Boz Scaggs on March 24

REAL LUNCH. REAL FOOD. REAL FAST.

Lunch and Takeout are available at the Market Thursdays through Sundays from a variety of food vendors including: Uncle Leroy’s BBQ, Alpine Bistro and Bakery, What’s Cooking (international cuisine), Inland Fish and Seafood Co. and David’s Waffles (corn bread waffles, chili and omelets).

2ND ANNUAL BARRELS & BITES Save the Date: April 26, 2013 Tickets available at Brown Paper Tickets

THE MARKET IS OPEN ALL YEAR LONG EBT customers may purchase wooden tokens at the SPM Information Booth to be used for qualifying food product purchases.

DOWNTOWN AT 2 ND & BROWNE (24 W. 2 ND AVENUE) THUR–SAT, 10 AM –6 PM , SUN, 11AM -5 PM SPOKANEPUBLICMARKET.ORG

music | venues 315 MarTini Bar & Tapas • 315 E. Wallace Ave., Coeur d’Alene • 208-667-9660 BaBy Bar • 827 W. First Ave. • 847-1234 THE BEllTowEr • 125 SE Spring St., Pullman • 509-334-4195 Bing CrosBy THEaTEr • 901 W. Sprague Ave. • 227-7638 Big FooT • 9115 N. Division • 467-9638 BluE spark • 15 S. Howard St. • 838-5787 Bluz aT THE BEnd • 2721 N. Market • 483-7300 BuCEr’s • 201 S. Main St., Moscow, Idaho • (208) 882-5216 Carr’s CornEr • 230 S. Washington • 474-1731 THE CEllar • 317 E. Sherman, Coeur d’Alene • 208-664-9463 THE CEnTEr • 6425 N. Lidgerwood St. • 742-7879 THE CHECkErBoard • 1716 E. Sprague Ave • 535-4007 CoEur d’alEnE Casino • 37914 South Nukwalqw Rd., Worley • 800-523-2467 dalEy’s CHEap sHoTs • 6412 E. Trent • 535-9309 EiCHardT’s • 212 Cedar St. Sandpoint • 208-263-4005 FEdora puB • 1726 W. Kathleen, Coeur d’Alene • 208-765-8888 FizziE Mulligan’s • 331 W. Hastings Rd. • 466-5354 Fox THEaTEr • 1001 W. Sprague • 624-1200 giBliano BroTHErs • 718 W. Riverside Ave. • 315-8765 THE Hop! • 706 N. Monroe St. • 368-4077 iCHiBan • 202 W. Third Ave. • 747-8877 iron HorsE • 407 Sherman, Coeur d’Alene • 208-667-7314 JoHn’s allEy • 114 E. 6th, Moscow • 208883-7662 JonEs radiaTor • 120 E. Sprague Ave. • 747-6005 kniTTing FaCTory • 911 W. Sprague Ave. • 244-3279 laguna CaFÉ • 4302 S. Regal St. • 4480887 liBrary loungE • 110 E. Fourth Ave • 747-3371 luxE CoFFEEHousE • 1017 W. First Ave. • 642-5514 MarquEE • 522 W. Riverside Ave • 838-3332 MEzzo pazzo winE Bar • 2718 E. 57th Ave. • 863-9313 Moon TiME • 1602 Sherman, Coeur d’Alene • 208-667-2331 MooTsy’s • 406 W. Sprague • 838-1570 norTHErn quEsT Casino • 100 N. Hayford Rd., Airway Heights • 242-7000 nynE • 232 W. Sprague • 474-1621 o’sHay’s • 313 Coeur d’Alene Lake Drive, Coeur d’Alene • 208-667-4666 THE pHaT HousE • 417 S. Browne St. • 443-4103 roadHousE CounTry roCk Bar • 20 N. Raymond Rd., Spokane Valley • 413-1894 sEasons oF CoEur d’alEnE • 209 Lakeside Ave. • 208-664-8008 sErgio’s • 825 W. Riverside Ave. • 7472085 THE sHop • 924 S. Perry St. • 534-1647 soulFul soups & spiriTs • 117 N. Howard St. • 459-1190 THE swaMp • 1904 W 5th Ave • 458-2337 ugly BETTiE’s • 211 N. Division • 747-8940 zola • 22 W. Main • 624-2416

FEBRUARY 14, 2013 INLANDER 45


PERFORMANCE CLASSICAL BALLET

Since our part of the Inland Northwest is unfortunately lacking its own professional ballet company, lovers of dance, theater, performance and sparkly tutus should take full advantage of Oregon-based Eugene Ballet Company’s one-night stop in Spokane this weekend. Performing the classic production of Swan Lake to Tchaikovsky’s famous score, Eugene’s dancers tell the dramatic and wordless story of a prince in love with a princess who’s been imprisoned as a white swan by an evil sorcerer. In a love story like this, there’s naturally going to be a jealous third party, and the sorcerer’s equally awful daughter enters the plot as the evil black swan. — CHEY SCOTT Swan Lake • Fri, Feb. 15 at 8 pm • $14-$40 • Martin Woldson Theater at The Fox • 1001 W. Sprague Ave. • foxtheaterspokane.com • 624-1200

46 INLANDER FEBRUARY 14, 2013

SPORTS ROLLER DERBY

ART PAINT IN THREE DIMENSIONS

Cupid’s Revenge • Sun, Feb. 17 at 7 pm • $8-$12 • Skate Plaza Roller Rink • 5685 N. Pioneer Dr., Coeur d’Alene • snakepitrollerderby.com • 208-772-9507

Meet artist Robert Kraut • Sat, Feb. 16 from 1-4 pm • “Wrappings 2013 (The Paintskin Continuum)” • Gallery hours: Wednesday through Friday, noon-4:30 pm • Kolva-Sullivan Gallery • 115 South Adams Street, Suite A • 458-5517

Snake Pit Roller Derby League’s Hissfits go head-to-head against the East Kootenay Roller Derby League at Cupid’s Revenge at this season-opener match. This all-female battle is far from girly, filled with derby dames who have titles like “Bangarang Bambi” and “Pippi Headstomping.” Plan on seeing some heads smashed, some hair pulled, a few spectacular falls, and some full-body contact. No doubt there will be bumps and scrapes — and there might even be some blood. — SARAH MUNDS

The brightly colored paint does not stay passively on canvas at the the Kolva-Sullivan Gallery in“Wrappings 2013 (The Paintskin Continuum).” Artist Robert Kraut has always worked with paint, but he’s not strictly a painter — his latest work leaves out the canvas and takes the paint itself into the three dimensions of sculpture. But what does it all mean? Ask him yourself before the exhibit closes on Feb. 22. — LISA WAANANEN


get listed!

Email getlisted@inlander.com to get your event listed in the paper and online. We need the details one week prior to our publication date.

Evening classes to fit your life.

Books included. BOOKS LOCAL HERO

It’s not news that Jess Walter is from Spokane. Or that many Spokanites are completely in love with the author’s work. That’s for a damn good reason: Walter is one hell of a writer. But now The New York Times has caught on, reviewing his new collection of short stories We Live in Water not once, but TWICE. Does that ever happen?! Walter reads from his new book at Auntie’s this Friday, which includes his brilliant, gut-punching “Statistical Abstract for My Hometown, Spokane, Washington” that originally appeared in McSweeney’s a couple years back. Get there early: All of Spokane might be in attendance. — LEAH SOTTILE Jess Walter presents We Live in Water • Fri, Feb. 15, at 7 pm • Auntie’s Bookstore • 402 W. Main Ave. • auntiesbooks.com • 838-0206

Keep your day schedule, and earn a bachelor’s degree in the evening with our accelerated, six-week classes; all your books are included in our amazingly affordable tuition and delivered to you in class. Choose from classes at our main north campus or our downtown location in the U-District. It’s time to hit the books again—without standing in line at the bookstore. Enroll today. • Textbooks included and delivered to you in class • Schedule flexibility - enroll and start every 6 weeks • Evening six-week classes • Criminal Justice Administration program

learn more

Visit whitworth.edu/evening or call 509.777.3222.

FESTIVAL WINTER THROWDOWN

“Sandpoint, knows how to parrrrrty,” sang the late Tupac in his sadly ficticious hit “Idaho Love” and that’s the truth. The little resort town with the big lake likes to remind us every winter of their celebratory prowess with the Sandpoint Winter Carnival. The 10-day party kicks off on Friday with outdoor fun up on Schweitzer Mountain Resort as well as down in town, where the big rail jam is taking place. There’s also music, food, drinks, skijoring (horse-aided ski racing), shopping, snowshoeing and tons of other things to do. Winter is almost over, so live it up. — MIKE BOOKEY Sandpoint Winter Carnival • Feb. 15-24 • Downtown Sandpoint and Schweitzer Mountain Resort • sandpointwintercarnival.com

Is Asthma controlling YOU? Qualified participants will receive study medication and all testing equipment free of charge. Compensation for time and travel is available to those who qualify. If you would like to participate: please contact Greg Jared at 509.954.4366 or fill out your contact information on the “Participate in a Trial” section of our website. 104 W. Fifth Avenue, Suite 320 | Spokane 509.954.4366 | gjared1@gmail.com

premierclinicalresearch.com

FEBRUARY 14, 2013 INLANDER 47


relationships

Advice Goddess Indignation Wants To Be Free

amy alkon 

What are your thoughts on gently dissuading a person from making a total fool of herself on Facebook? A woman I know had her husband leave her for the woman he was cheating on her with. She’s been venting about this almost daily on Facebook, in sometimes blistering detail, and I’m truly embarrassed for her. She’s looking for a job, and a prospective employer could see these posts (as could potential future boyfriends). Shockingly, not one of her 443 Facebook friends has suggested she put a lid on it. —Concerned Acquaintance

Social networking, at its worst, is like drunk dialing not only your rotten ex but everyone in his zip code. It’s easy to forget this when you’re home alone in your ratty old robe, typing a message into the Facebook status window. But, the moment you hit “post,” it’s like you lured 500 people into a room with a clip of a monkey skiing and then got up on an ottoman and yelled out a hate-soaked rant about how your cheating husband should’ve pledged, “Till skanky piece of trash do us part.” If you saw a blind man about to step off the curb into speeding traffic, you’d probably tap him on the shoulder and say, “You know, that seems like a bad idea.” A similar approach seems in order for a friend in a blind rage wandering naked into Internet traffic. With Facebook’s confusing and ever-changing privacy settings and every computer user’s ability to take screenshots or copy and paste text, it’s best to assume that everything you post has the default visibility of “everyone on earth.” (Ideally, this is best assumed proactively — before some fisherman in China messages you, “Tell us more! Post pictures!”) Now, it’s possible that others have privately messaged her, noting that staying connected can sometimes be the quickest way to alienate yourself from future boyfriends and employers. It’s also possible many are frozen by what social psychologists call “the bystander effect” — how being in a crowd (or even just imagining being in one) seems to lessen the likelihood that people will help a person in need. People will assume that someone else in the crowd will intervene or, if they haven’t, that there’s good reason they haven’t. (Maybe that’s what went on here — or maybe all these “friends” are just too entertained by the carnage to ask her to stop.) Of course, people are also less likely to speak up when it might make somebody angry with them, which, in this case, could lead to their unfriending on Facebook and in reallifebook, too. If you’re willing to risk that, message her, sympathize about what she’s going through, and gently remind her that even if she isn’t vying to be secretary of state, those heading the “confirmation hearings” for her next job are sure to have access to the Internet. This isn’t to say employers won’t look at people who engage in social media overshare, but it’s best that their interest isn’t expressed with “Forget her resume. Check out this YouTube video of her shoveling horse poo on her husband’s car and lighting it on fire!“

Unhappy As A Clam

I’m a 30-year-old woman who’s very uncomfortable in social situations. I feel far too vulnerable, and I get mired in worry. Am I eating funny? Saying something dumb? So I clam up and stand to the side so I won’t do or say anything embarrassing. Going to things with my best friend helps. But I want to be able to socialize and meet people, possibly a boyfriend, on my own. Any ideas that don’t involve taking some sort of —Ms. Awkward stupid public speaking course?



You’re at a party. You reach in your purse for your lipstick, and a tampon flies out and lands in the hummus — upright, like a little plastic-wrapped gladiator spear. You can duck your embarrassment — or you can own it, laughing to those around you, “Oh, you hadn’t heard? Tampax just launched a new line of carrots.” It might help to keep in mind that people warm to other people, not over how perfect they are but over how human they are, as in, “To err is…” In other words, you’ll connect better if you stop trying to hide your fallibilities and instead volunteer them. Try something new at the next party: Tell people about three really embarrassing things you’ve done. When you do, something horrible will probably happen — that is, if you consider it horrible to have people like you for having the guts to be real. In fact, you’ll probably inspire them to reveal something, too — and not that while you were in the bathroom, everybody decided to play dodge ball, and nobody wants you on their team. n ©2012, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. • Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405 or email AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com)

48 INLANDER FEBRUARY 14, 2013

events | calendar

Comedy

Forward on ClimateRally and solidarity march with the largest climate-change rally in Washington D.C. featuring speakers and more. Feb. 17 at 1 pm. Free. Riverfront Park, Rotary Fountain, Spokane Falls Blvd. and Wall St. (209-2395) Miss Spokane PageantSee the crownings of the 2013 Miss Spokane, Miss Inland Empire, Miss Spokane Outstanding Teen and Miss Inland Empire Outstanding Teen. Feb. 17. $25. missspokane.org (850-6192) School’s Out Day CampFor the kids’ day off school, they can participate in activities like swimming, rock climbing, cooking, crafts, games and more. Feb. 18 from 9 am-4 pm. $30-$44. Kroc Center, 1765 W. Golf Course Rd. Coeur d’Alene. (208-667-1865) Spokane City Forum“Traditions and Transformations: Gonzaga University at 125” presentation by Dr. Thayne M. McCulloh, president of GU. Feb. 20 from 11:45 am-1 pm. $5-$15. First Presbyterian, 318 S. Cedar St. spokanecityforum.org (777-1555) 21st Annual Friendship DanceThe annual event celebrates the songs and dances of The Spokane Tribe and will honor the late artist and Spokane Tribe member, George Flett. Feb. 23. Lunch at 10 am, celebration from 12:30-5 pm. Free admission. Northern Quest Resort & Casino, 100 N. Hayford Rd. northwestmuseum.org (335-0449)

Stand-Up ComedyLocal comedians. Thursdays at 8 pm. Free. Uncle D’s Comedy, 2721 N. Market St. (4837300) I Saw YouImprov comedy show based on audience submissions from the “I Saw You” and “Cheers and Jeers” sections of the Inlander, and other classified ads. Fridays through Feb. 22 at 8 pm. $7-$9. Blue Door Theatre, 815 W. Garland Ave. bluedoortheatre.com (747-7045) Charlie LaborteLive stand-up comedy. Feb. 15-16 at 8 pm. $12. Uncle D’s Comedy Underground, 2721 N. Market St. (483-7300) Safari Short form improv comedy games based on audience suggestions. Saturdays through Feb. 23 at 9 pm. $7. Blue Door Theatre, 815 W. Garland Ave. (747-7045) Gabriel IglesiasLive comedy show. Feb. 16 at 7:30 pm. $45-$55. Northern Quest Casino, 100 N. Hayford Rd. northernquest.com (481-6700) Adult Improv ClassEight-week session emphasizing and reinforcing skills of improv comedy including creativity, spontaneity, listening and trust. Tuesdays through March 12 from 7-9 pm. $25/session or $150/8-week class. Blue Door Theatre, 815 W. Garland Ave. (747-7045) Ventriloquist Jerry Breedan Comedy puppet show. Feb. 21 at 6 pm and 7:30 pm. Free. SCC Lair, Bldg. 6, 1810 N. Greene St. (533-7081) Scrapbook BootcampBring your own scrapbook projects and supplies and learn something new from others and at a teaching demo. Includes lunch. Ages 15+. Feb. 16 from 9 am-9 Free Tax AssistanceIf you worked pm. $14-$20. Kroc Center, 1765 W. Golf in 2012 and have a low to moderate Course Rd. Coeur d’Alene. (208-667income you may qualify to get your 1865) taxes done free at one of the Spokane County Tax Sites. Through April 15. Mosaic Art WorkshopLearn to creDowntown Library, 906 W. Main Ave. ate your own one-of-a-kind mosaic Appointments and walk-ins accepted. art. Feb. 16 from 1-4 pm. $40, reserva(358-3526) tions required. Manic Moon Studios, 1007 W. Augusta Ave. (413-9101) Champions MentoringThe Champions mentoring pilot program matchBead WeavingClass for experienced es community members in one-onbead weaving students who have one or group settings with students taken previous classes. Feb. 16 from risking academic failure. Volunteers 10 am-4 pm. Dahmen Barn, 419 N. being recruited through March 1 and Park Way, Uniontown. artisanbarn.org will be asked to volunteer one hour a (299-3414) week until June at their convenience. Fused Glass JewelryMake 3-4 cisspokane.org (981-5595) pendants and earrings. Feb. 20 from Pizza FundraiserAnnual Boston’s 6-9 pm. $35-$40, registration reCares fundraiser benefiting St. Jude quired. The Art Coop, 4225 N. G St. Children’s Research Hospital. Through theartcoop.net (327-3726) Feb. 17. Boston’s, 14004 E. Indiana Ave. Stained Glass SnowflakeMake a Sandpoint Winter CarnivalAnstained glass snowflake. Feb. 20 from nual, weeklong event featuring out3:30-5:30 pm. $45. Sandpoint Center door activities and events, live enfor the Arts, 518 S. Oak St. tertainment, food and drink events, special events at Schweitzer Mt. Resort and more. Feb. 15-24. Prices and event times vary. Downtown Sandpoint, IdaMobius Kids Science Workshop ho and Schweitzer Resort. sandpoinDissect a chicken heart and learn how twintercarnival.com (208-263-2161) hearts work. Feb. 14 from 4-5 pm. $10Date With a Straight4th annual $15. Mobius Kids, 808 W. Main Ave. “Night Out With Our Allies” fundraiser mobiusspokane.org (624-5437) for Spokane’s Pride Celebration. Date Health Care of the Future“Afauction on Feb. 15 at 7 pm and date fordable Health Care and the Changnight on Feb. 16 at 8 pm. $3 cover both ing Health Care Landscape” program nights. Irv’s Bar, 415 W. Sprague Ave. geared toward local businesses, feaoutspokane.org (720-7609) turing local expert panels and more. Volunteer TrainingVolunteer oriFeb. 14 from 7:30-9:30 am. $25-$30. entation for those interested in reachDavenport Hotel, Pennington Balling out to help Spokane’s homeless room, 10 S. Post. greaterspokane.org youth. Feb. 16 from 9 am-5 pm. $20(624-1393) $30. Cup of Cool Water, 1106 W. SecSinging ValentinesSend the Pages ond Ave. cupofcoolwater.org of Harmony Chorus to a loved one on

Crafts

Community

Etc.

Valentine’s Day to perform two songs and deliver a surprise. Feb. 14. $40, request a singing Valentine by calling 926-4201 or 999-6223. Monster JamMonster truck show. Feb. 15-17. Times vary. $7-$22. Spokane Arena, 720 W. Mallon Ave. spokanearena.com (279-7000) Mardi Gras Variety ShowVariety show, auction, raffle, food and more. Feb. 15-16 at 7 pm. $15-$20. Unity Center of North Idaho, 4465 N. 15th St., CdA. unitycenter.org (208-664-1125) DIY Energy SavingLearn the quickest and easiest ways to save energy in your home this winter. Feb. 15 from 4:30-5:30 pm. Free, pre-registration required. Sun People Dry Goods Co., 32 W. Second Ave. (368-9378) Red Dress Run 11th annual event hosted by the Inland Empire Hash House Harriers (IEH3); a red dress must be worn by participants. Feb. 16 at 2 pm. Fast Eddie’s, 1 W. Spokane Falls Blvd. $20. Ages 21+. ieh3.org (747-3437) Pruning Trees for Future Growth Horticulturist Steve Nittolo will discuss how to care for young trees. Presented by the Friends of Manito. Feb. 16 at 10 am. Free, preregistration requested. Manito Park Meeting Room, 1800 S. Grand Blvd. thefriendsofmanito.org (456-8030) DIY PamperingMake your own skin care products including a bath soak, lip balm and body crème and how to make other handmade cosmetics. Feb. 16 from 2-4 pm. $25, pre-registration required. Sun People Dry Goods Co., 32 W. Second Ave. (368-9378) Psychic Jan LongshoreWorkshop on the Akashic Records including a lecture, trainings and readings. Feb. 16 from 10 am-5 pm. $65. Private Spokane Valley residence, call for information and directions. (924-6204) Starting BegoniasLearn all about begonias and how to care for them in a hands-on class. Feb. 16 at 11 am. $20. The Plant Farm, 14208 E. Fourth Ave. (926-9397) Engineer’s WeekCelebrate Engineer’s Week with paper engineering projects. Appropriate for school-aged children. Feb. 17-23. Events held at multiple library branches, see spokanelibrary.org or call 444-5331 for more information. Spokane Swing Dance ClubSocial dance night featuring a variety of dance styles including swing, ballroom and Latin. Feb. 17 from 6-10 pm. $5-$8. German American Society Hall, 25 W. Third Ave. (954-2158) Mad Hatter Hat ContestHat decorating contest to be judged during the Pend Oreille Players’ performance of “Alice in Wonderland.” Submissions accepted Feb. 18-April 6. $10. Pend Oreille Playhouse, 240 N. Union Ave, Newport. (671-3389) Intro to Your Digital Camera Learn how to use a digital camera and shoot video during a two-hour class. Feb. 19 and March 7 at 3 pm. $20/class session. Community-Minded Enterprises, 25 W. Main Ave. (209-2632) Spokane Comprehensive Plan Update Public meeting to gather input from citizens on the city’s 2012-2014 Comprehensive Plan Update. Feb. 19 from 5:30-7:30 pm. Council District 3 Meeting at Shadle Library, 2111 W. Wellesley Ave. (625-6300)


BALLE Webinar SeriesLearn about Source Detroit’s model to develop relationships with procurement officers to transfer more money into the local economy. Feb. 19 from 4-5 pm. Free. Sun People Dry Goods Co., 32 W. Second Ave. sunpeopledrygoods.com (368-9378) An Evening with Patty DukeSpend an evening with Academy Awardwinning actress Patty Duke including a Q&A session, book signing and more, with proceeds benefiting Lilac Services for the Blind. Feb. 19 at 6 pm. $50. The Calm, 1301 S. Grand Blvd. the-calm.com (328-9116) Women with Asperger’s TeaWomen with Asperger’s or high-functioning autism and their female support person are invited to an event to practice social skills and small talk. Feb. 20 from 6:308 pm. Free, RSVP requested. St. Luke’s, Rm. 200, 711 S. Cowley St. autismsocietyofwa.org/Spokane (624-3323) Five Minutes of FameOpen mic night for prose, poetry, music or comedy. Feb. 20 (third Wednesday of every month) at 6:30 pm. Café Bodega, 504 Oak St. (208-263-5911) Travel FairInformation on day tours and regional and international traveling. Feb. 21 from 10 am-noon. Free. Southside Senior Center, 3151 E. 27th. (5350803)

weekend countdown

Get the scoop on this weekend’s events with our newsletter. Visit Inlander.com/newsletter to sign up.

ChippendalesLive male revue. Feb. 22 at 7:30 pm. $20-$25. Ages 21+. Northern Quest Casino, 100 N. Hayford Rd. northernquest.com (481-6700)

Film

Brooklyn CastleScreening of the 2012 documentary on an inner-city public school’s chess team. Feb. 14 and 16 at 7:30 pm. $6-$7. Panida Theater, 300 N. First, Sandpoint. (209-263-9191) “Our Media, Your Business” Video Contest “Our Media, YOUR Business” themed video contest for local high school and college students, as part of the Our Kids: Our Business month in April. Submission deadline is March 29. More info at nwaresponsiblemedia.org (313-3578) Jackie Robinson StoryFilm screening. Feb. 15 at 7 pm. Free, snacks provided. Lidgerwood Presbyterian, 4449 N. Nevada St. (487-9667) The Doors: Life at the Bowl ‘68 Concert film of The Doors performing at the Hollywood Bowl in 1968. Feb. 16 at 3 pm, 5:30 pm, 8 pm, and midnight. $5. Bing Crosby Theater, 901 W. Sprague Ave. (227-7638) Hotel TransylvaniaFamily animation. Feb. 18 at 2:30 pm. Free with suggested donation. Kroc Center, 1765 W. Golf Course Rd., Coeur d’Alene. kroccda. org (208-667-1865) (A)sexualScreening of a documentary on people who experience no sexual attraction with a discussion by director Angela Tucker. Feb. 19 from 4-6 pm. Free and open to the public. EWU Monroe Hall, Cheney. (359-2898) Food for Thought Film Series Screening of the food documentary “In

Organic We Trust” sponsored by the Moscow Food Co-op. Feb. 20 at 7 pm. $4-$6. The Kenworthy, 508 S. Main St., Moscow. (208-882-8537) Producing VideoLearn the basics of getting a video ready for broadcast during a two-hour class. Feb. 21 at 3 pm, March 11 and 19 at 3 pm. $20/class session. Community-Minded Enterprises, 25 W. Main Ave. (209-2632) Dirt Screening of the documentary on the Earth’s soil. Feb. 21 at 4 pm. Free. Sun People Dry Goods Co., 32 W. Second Ave. (368-9378) Oscar Nominated ShortsScreening of the 2013 Oscar-nominated live action, animation and documentary short films. Feb. 21-23 at 7:30 pm. $6-$7. Panida Theater, 300 N. First, Sandpoint. panida.org (209-263-9191)

Food

Savor the VineConnoisseur’s Club Valentine’s Day wine dinner featuring a four-course meal paired with wine selections. Feb. 14 from 6:30-10 pm. $45, reservations recommended. The Lincoln Center, 1316 N. Lincoln St. thelincolncenterspokane.com (327-8000) Couples Cooking ClassLearn to make cocoa-rubbed New York steak and more. Feb. 14 at 6 pm. $50. Joanie’s Magic Spoon, 10307 N. Prairie Dr. joaniesmagicspoon@gmail.com (6246564) Valentine’s Dinner and Concert Enjoy an intimate dinner with music by Scott Kent and Roger Johnson of JK Standards. Feb. 14 from 6-8 pm. Bank Left Gallery, 100 S. Bridge St. Palouse, Wash. bankleftgallery.com (878-8425) Champagne and Sparkling Wine Sample eight champagnes/sparkling wines paired with cheese and bread. Feb. 15 at 7 pm. $20, reservations required. Rocket Market, 726 E. 43rd Ave. (343-2253) Tour du FranceTaste your way through Bordeaux, Burgundy, Alsace the Rhone Valley and more with eight wines pared with cheese and bread. Feb. 16 at 7 pm. $20, reservations required. Rocket Market, 726 E. 43rd Ave. (343-2253) Gluten Intolerance GroupMeeting includes a presentation from Fusion Flours. Feb. 16 at 1:30 pm. Free. Sacred Heart Medical Center, Rm. A&B, 101 W. Eighth Ave. (535-7668) Meal PlanningLearn how to shop and plan meals to lose weight and keep it off. Feb. 21 from 6:30-8 pm. $10, reservations required. Pilgrim’s Market, 1316 N. Fourth, Coeur d’Alene. pilgrimsmarket.com (208-676-9730) Beer ApocalypseAnother chance to sample Elysian Brewing Co.’s “12 Beers of the Apocalypse” released last year. Feb. 22 at 7 pm. $20, reservations required. Rocket Market, 726 E. 43rd Ave. (343-2253)

Music

Steve Green“Heart to Heart” concert featuring Grammy-nominated vocalist Steve Green accompanied by pianist Dick Tunney. Feb. 14 at 7:30 pm. $25$75. Martin Woldson Theater at The Fox, 1001 W. Sprague Ave. foxtheaterspokane.com (624-1200) Wylie & The Wild West at Chateau Rive “Cowboy Love Songs” performance. Feb. 14 at 7:30 pm. $20. Chateau

Rive, 621 W. Mallon Ave. ticketswest. com (795-2030) Love Stories ConcertBenefit concert for the library featuring vocalist Ruth Pratt with Brian Flick, Pearl Harwood, Tom Shaeger, Lyle Morse and Craig Catlett. Feb. 15 at 7:30 pm. $25. Coeur d’Alene Public Library, 702 E. Front St. (208-769-2315) SupperClub ShowcaseMusic by the Masterclass Big Band with guests Karrie O’Neill and Evan Denlinger, dinner, dancing and more. Feb. 16 from 6-10 pm. $10-$40. The Lincoln Center, 1316 N. Lincoln. thelincolncenterspokane.com (327-8000) Spokane String Quartet“Black Angels” classical concert. Feb. 17 at 3 pm. $10-$18. Martin Woldson Theater at The Fox, 1001 W. Sprague Ave. (624-1200) Lionel Hampton Jazz FestivalAnnual, three-day jazz festival featuring performances, workshops and more. Feb. 20-23. Times vary. $7-$50. University of Idaho, Moscow. uidaho.edu/ jazzfest (208-885-6765) Carrie UnderwoodCountry music concert feat. opening act Hunter Hayes. Feb. 21 at 7:30 pm. $44-$64. Spokane Arena, 720 W. Mallon Ave. spokanearena.com (279-7000)

Sports

Spokane Golf ShowVendors, information, demonstrations, contests, giveaways and more. Feb. 16-17. Sat. from 9 am-5 pm, Sun. from 10 am-4 pm. $12. Convention Center, 334 W. Spokane Falls Blvd. (621-0125) Ski and Save LivesFive dollars from every adult lift ticket purchased benefits the Inland Northwest Blood Center. Feb. 16 and 17. Mt. Spokane Ski & Snowboard Park, 9500 N. Mt. Spokane Park Dr. mtspokane.com (232-4439) Hockey ClinicChildren ages 4-9 are invited to try ice hockey and learn the basics of the sport. Feb. 16 at 3 pm. Free. Frontier Ice Arena, 3525 W. Seltice Ave., CdA. (208-765-4423) Sheimo CupAlpine, snowboard and telemark races benefiting 49’s alpine ski team’s racing program. Feb. 16 from 10 am-2 pm. $23-$29. 49 Degrees North, 3311 Flowery Trail Rd., Chewelah. ski49n. com (935-6649) Roller Derby BoutEast Kootenay Roller Derby League vs. The Hissfits (CdA). Feb. 17 at 7 pm. $8-$10. Skate Plaza Roller Park, 5685 N. Pioneer Dr. Coeur d’Alene. snakepitrollerderby.com (208-772-9507)

Theater

Next to NormalContemporary rock musical. Through March 3. Thu-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm. $26. Spokane Civic Theater, 1020 N. Howard. (325-2507) Sweeney Todd Musical thriller. Through March 3. Thu-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm. $14-$20. Lake City Playhouse, 1320 E. Garden Ave. Coeur d’Alene. (208-667-1323) The Robber BridegroomPerformance by the NIC Theatre Department. Feb. 14-24. Thurs-Sat at 7:30 pm; Sun at 2 pm. Free and open to the public. NIC Schuler Performing Arts Center, 1000 W. Garden Ave. CdA. (208-769-3220) Vagina MonologuesPerformance by the U of Idaho Women’s Center. Feb. 1416 at 7 pm. $10-$15. The Kenworthy, 508 S. Main St., Moscow. (208-885-2777)

Peter Pan and WendyPerformed by members of the Spokane Children’s Theatre. Through Feb. 17. Fridays at 7 pm, Saturdays at 1 pm and 4 pm, Sundays at 1 pm. $10. Spokane Children’s Theatre, 2727 N. Madelia. spokanechildrenstheatre.org (328-4886) The MousetrapMurder mystery. Feb. 15-16 and 22-23 at 7 pm. $10-$12. Panida Theater, 300 N. First Ave. Sandpoint, Idaho. (208-303-6543) Swan Lake Performance by the Eugene Ballet Company. Feb. 15 at 8 pm. $14-$40. Martin Woldson Theater at The Fox, 1001 W. Sprague Ave. (624-1200) Vagina MonologuesPresented by the SFCC Associated Women Students. Feb. 15 at 7:30 pm. $1-$5; proceeds benefit the YWCA Domestic Violence shelter. SFCC Bldg. 15, 3410 W. Fort George Wright Dr. (533-3673) Three MusketeersPerformed by members of the children’s theater group. Feb. 15-24. Fri at 7 pm; Sat at 4 pm and 7 pm; Sun at 2 pm. $8-$10. Theater Arts for Children, 2114 N. Pines Rd. theaterartsforchildren.org (995-6718) Welcome Home, Jenny SutterBenefit showing of the fall play, by Julie Marie Myatt, which has been selected to compete in a national play competition in San Francisco. Feb. 15 at 7:30 pm. $10-$15, free to students and veterans. UI Hartung Theatre, Moscow. (208-8856465) Howard’s Follies10th annual performance of Howard Wildin’s vaudevillestyle show. Through Feb. 17, Sat at 7 pm, Sun at 3 pm. $10-$12. Pend Oreille Playhouse, 240 N. Union Ave. Newport. pendoreilleplayers.org (671-3389)

Visual Arts

Robert Kraut“Wrappings 2013: The Paintskin Continuum” mixed-media art exhibit featuring sculpture, prints and paintings. Through Feb. 22. Meet the artist Feb. 16 from 1-4 pm. Free. KolvaSullivan Gallery, 115 S. Adams St. (4625653) Call for ArtistsCall for artists for Avenue West’s annual juried art show, “The Chair Affair” featuring decorated chairs in any medium to be shown in August 2013. Applications due June 5, 2013. Avenue West Gallery, 707 W. Main Ave. (466-1203) Art Alliance ForumThe monthly Sandpoint Art Alliance Forum is open to all artists in any field. Feb. 14 from 5:306:30 pm. Free. Evans Brothers Coffee, 524 Church St. (208-265-2787) Healing ArtArt show fundraiser featuring work by Rwandan artist Emannuel Nkuranga benefiting Healing Hearts Northwest, a local medical group providing heart procedures to Rwandan people. Through March 31. Artist reception Feb. 22 from 5-8 pm. Dodson’s Jewelers, 516 W. Riverside Ave. (624-4163) Art DemonstrationArtist Deb Hanks demonstrates mixed-media art techniques. Feb. 15 from 5-7 pm. Free. Pacific Flyway Gallery, 409 S. Dishman-Mica Rd. (747-0812) For the Love of Art 2nd annual benefit featuring a live cabaret show, silent and live auction, refreshments, art show and more. Feb. 16 from 7-10 pm. $25. Interplayers, 174 S. Howard. (455-7529 Printmaking Techniques Learn the art of printmaking using oil-based

inks and metallics. Feb. 19 and 26 from 4-6:30 pm. $55. Sandpoint Center for the Arts, 518 S. Oak St. (208-265-2787) The Sahlin CollectionSelected art prints on display from Gonzaga’s Sahlin Collection. Feb. 19-March 20. Free walkthrough Feb. 21 at 11:30 am. Gallery hours 8:30 am-3:30 pm Monday-Friday. SFCC Bldg. 6, 3410 W. Fort George Wright Dr. (533-3746) That Year of LivingArt exhibit honoring Black History Month featuring photos by Jeffrey Henson taken during his diagnosis and battle with cancer. Feb. 20-April 6. Gallery reception Feb. 20 at 5 pm. Free. Prichard Art Gallery, 414 S. Main St., Moscow. (208-310-1231) Karen Pfeiffer Artist showcase. Through Feb. 28, artist reception Feb. 20 from 4-6 pm. Free. Bookpeople, 521 S. Main St., Moscow. (208-882-2669)

words

Naked Lunch BreakWeekly literary open mic and reading series through winter quarter with free pizza. Open to all; participants must sign up to read three minutes of material. Thursdays from 11:30-1:30 pm through March 14. Free and open to the public. Riverpoint Campus, 600 N. Riverpoint Blvd. (3686557) MLK Lecture“The Spirituality of Martin Luther King, Jr. and the Civil Rights Movement: An Enduring Legacy” lecture by Lewis Baldwin. Feb. 14 at 7 pm. Free. Whitworth, 300 W. Hawthorne Rd. (777-3270) BenefriendsPresentation on research being done at EWU on “friends with benefits.” Feb. 14 from 12-12:50 pm. Free and open to the public. EWU Monroe Hall, Cheney. (359-2898) Jess WalterThe acclaimed local author will present from and sign copies of his new short story collection “We Live in Water.” Feb. 15 at 7 pm. Free. Auntie’s, 402 W. Main Ave. (838-0206) Kerry Schafer Book LaunchThe debut author from Colville will release her novel “Between,” discovered in a national fiction workshop. Feb. 16 at 2 pm. Auntie’s Bookstore, 402 W. Main Ave. (838-0206) The StoryTelling CompanyLive Valentine’s Day-themed storytelling and music by BareGrass during dinner. Feb. 17 from 5-8 pm. $10, not including dinner or drinks. All-ages. DiLuna’s Café, 207 Cedar St., Sandpoint. storytellingcompany.com (208-263-0846) Gabor ZovanyiThe author and EWU professor will present his book “No Growth Imperative” on the issues of growth and sustainability. Feb. 17 at 1 pm. Free. Auntie’s, 402 W. Main Ave. auntiesbooks.com (838-0206) Barbara FiloThe author will read selections from her new novel “Return to Budapest.” Feb. 19 at 1:30 pm. Free. Sandpoint Library, 1407 Cedar St. (208263-6930) Inland NW Writers GuildThe guild’s meeting will feature guest speakers Judy Rogers and Sarah Porter, authors of “Hot Cross Buns.” Feb. 20 at 6:30 pm. Free. Auntie’s, 402 W. Main Ave. auntiesbooks.com (838-0206) Jonathan JohnsonBook reading and signing by the Eastern Washington poet and author. Feb. 20 at 7:30 pm. Free. Bookpeople, 521 S. Main St., Moscow. (208-882-2669) n

FEBRUARY 14, 2013 INLANDER 49


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37. Bridges and Bentsen 39. Ahooo? 41. It may be sold in wheels 43. Ladies’ gentlemen 44. Actor Chaney 45. Animal sound heard in “Doggie in the Window” 47. Subsidiary routes 51. Extremities 53. Long, long ____ 55. It may be painted 56. Giving a dermatologist a close-up look? 62. Chinese cookware belonging to NHL great Gordie? 65. For three: Fr. 66. Important time 67. “Without ____” (1990 Grateful Dead album) 68. Ray of “GoodFellas” 69. Marry

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Very cute upper unit duplex apt., lrg bdrms with lots of sunlight. Water, sewer, garbage paid. Close to bus rtes, shopping & downtown. Pet OK w/add'l dep. $500 rent, $500 dep. Dezda Finn Properties, 368-9904

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FEBRUARY FEBRUARY 14, 14, 2013 2013 INLANDER INLANDER 51 51


LIVING SKIN TATTOO ART WITH A PULSE 2012 INLANDER BEST TATTOO PARLOR WINNER

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1. Pick a category (I Saw You, You Saw Me, Cheers, Jeers). 2. Provide basic info about you: name, address, phone. 3. Email it to ISawYou@inlander.com by 3 pm Monday.

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I Saw You

Costco Wednesday, February 6th at about 5pm. We chatted about how great a deal Costco’s rotisserie chicken is and that the rotisserie chicken at other grocery stores don’t compare. You: gray haired gentleman with a toothpick in your mouth. Me: brown jacket, dark hair with glasses and trying to juggle a bottle of wine and another package. If you’re available, would you like to get together to talk about something other than chicken? If so, you can contact me at sleepyhollow51@mail.com

LANGLAUF Ski Race You were cute and classy in your Norwegian sweater and wool knickers from college days. Anticipating many years of skiing, climbing and backpacking with you. I was wearing a yellow quarter zip shirt and red jacket standing behind you at the awards ceremony.

Campus LibraryYou: tall, dark, and ridiculous in your beanie, khaki shorts, sandals, and woolen socks. Did I mention handsome? Me: petite and preoccupied behind my laptop. I was twitterpated by your witty comments, self deprecating humor, and contagious smile. How about coffee? Mission and Freya/Greene Red truck, 3 dogs. February 6th, around 1 pm. Me: standing at the corner of Mission and Freya/Greene waiting to cross. You stopped at the light, rolled down your window to let your dogs stick their heads out, then backed up out of the crosswalk (thank you). We exchanged nods. You then smoked the truck next to you off the line (they were checking you out, you ignored them). I cheered, wished I had asked to pet your dogs.

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Wine Tasting & Auction

Saturday, February 23 rd • 7:00 • Sons of Norway 6710 North Country Homes Blvd. Wine Tasting including a Free Commemorative Glass Hors d’oeuvres • Live Music

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52 INLANDER FEBRUARY 14, 2013

I Saw You

Sapphire LoungeWe met a few weeks ago, you mentioned that your name was/is Ricky while we enjoyed our drinks and made jokes about the Queen and developing a gore themed bar. You also mentioned that you’d be in town for an unknown amount of time, as you are here on buisiness. I am sad that I didn’t take time to get to know you more. I’d love to hear more about your traveling experiences and joke about our shared English heritage. Not to mention, I love the accent. Email me at miss_ freebyrd@hotmail.com and we can set up something enlightening and adventurous. Meet Me?To the beautiful, dark hair women with tattoos, cute smile who cuts my hair every 3 to 4 weeks. I can’t stop thinking about you. Every time I come into the salon my heart skips a beat and I immediately get giddy and flustered. I try to ask you out every time but get to nervous and chicken out. I sent you a special valentine last year at the salon but couldn’t get the nerve to tell you it was me. This Valentine’s I am going to be brave in hopes you will meet me for coffee. I am tall, medium brown hair with a few tattoos, meet me at Rockwood Bakery on 18th Ave at 1:00pm. I will have on a red shirt. Hope this Valentine’s is the start to something special!

Cheers Happy Valentines! I saw you there in Bezac many years ago. Who’d have thought we’d be where we are today? Thanks for being such a good friend, wife, and mother. I love you! JBCould you be any more amazing? Thank you so much for your sweet sentiments in the Inlander. My heart is melting and tears are flowing

To connect

Put a non-identifying email address in your message, like “petals327@yahoo.com” — not “j.smith@comcast.net.” into my coffee. You are an amazing father and husband. I am so blessed to have you and our crazy redheaded children in my life. I, too, cannot wait to grow old with you and sneak out for Newcastle beer on our Jazzy Scooters. We will still be singing and dancing at the Gorge every Labor Dave weekend! I love you so much! R-H Wife Puddin Headyou’ve been my best friend for seven years, and the love of my life for the past five. Before we met neither of us knew what true love was, now we are a man and a woman trying to conquer the world. We may bicker and argue at times, but when the world pushes one of us down the other is there to help the other and push the world back. Although we are separated by 2,750.96 miles you are my Valentine this year, and every year after. You are my soulmate. KC You Are A Lotto JackpotI wrote to you once already and you loved it but this will come as as a surprise. You are an amazing person. You bring me joy in an otherwise miserable life. You are a true blessing, the most beautiful creature made. When I see you my heart skips a beat. I wish I was what you wanted in life to make you happy, but I know I am not and I accept that. I will still be there for you in any capacity you need me to be as you are the only one I have unconditional love for in my life. I trust you with my heart and soul and I never thought I’d ever be able to do that again. You have made me a better person, which I knew you

Cheers

Cheers

coveralls waving a sigh “Open Stall, No Waiting” (Oh by the way, “be careful with the pizza sign, it could get away from you!!) You’re a functioning part of our society and deserve respect. Those that are disrespectful can’t see beyond the end of their own nose. They are so self-absorbed they are useless to A Very Generous Samaritan themselves and everyone around Recently, my family and I were at them. Just remember when you SpokAnimal to pick up our two are out waving and smiling at the beloved dogs. Not knowing the final public: if you put a spark of joy in cost, we were unable to pay the one person, you may have changed fines until a later day. After greeting the course of their day or life. Rock our dogs to let them know it was on! time to go home, we were going to have to leave them. A very generous Hapy “V” Day Bella, Bug and lady came and asked what she Calabaza, the most important could do to help. She paid our bill. women in my life. You are a bright My family and her sons; along with light and a beacon of life, love, and the employees, witnessed a great joy to me. From the very first man amout of generousity. All I can say to ever love you....Dad is thank you and God bless you. Sexy ManFor for ten years now To Libraries The east side library we have been struggling through was a haven for me 40kknd years finding our relationship, ourselves, ago when my home life was chaotic. and where we belong in this world. I’m unemployed right now, and it I can’t believe we have come so really brightens my day to do some far, we will finally say “I Do” this of my job search work at the library. August! You have honestly been This is an unsolicited endorsement the only true friend I have ever of the library levy on February 12! had, and your family has been more loving and supportive than my own. Vote yes! Words in “The Inlander” cannot It Hurts So Good!We’ve been truly express the happiness your together almost 8 years. It has kind eyes, your addicting smile, and been fun, amazing, crazy and at your soft compassion for all living times painful. Through it all I can’t things brings to my heart. Here’s to believe how in love I am with you. I the beginning of our lives together! never would have believed that two You make me so proud and I will people could be as close as we are cherish every day by your side, as right now. I love you so damn much. simple or as dramatic as they may be!! I love you muh bestie!! Love Thank you baby for a great life! Always Kschmaily! would. You are beautiful, caring, sweet, and perfect all wrapped up into one. I am so lucky that you came into my life and even luckier that you are still here after getting to know me. I love everything about you. You are an angel and nothing compares to you.

Thank You! Thanks to good samaritan who found my stolen backpack with my notes and textbooks downtown and the wonderful tech at a local ER who got them back to me! I really needed those books, your kind deeds made me and my friends feel great about humanity. Sincerely, eternally grateful student nurse. Hey MawAfter almost 10 years you never stop amazing me with your hard work, motherhood and being the sweetest wife with the sweetest everything in the whole world. Here’s to you my darling. Happy Valentine’s Day from the furry happy man in Greenacres. Love you forever, Fuzzy

Be My ValentineI met your eyes at the field trip and haven’t stopped thinking about you since. You are are dark haired, beautiful eyed and sexy cute. When our eyes met I felt s o m eth i n g I never have. You’re t h e other

Be Kind! ...get free sweets

Rock On! Cheers to the people who accept demeaning tasks at their jobs, because they need to do their best to survive. Whether you stand on the sidewalk wearing a “Lady Liberty” costume, “Uncle Sam” costume, or in greasy

Submit your Cheers at

inlander.com /sweet and be entered to win:

1 Dozen “Cheers” Cupcakes Courtesy of

Winners drawn bi-weekly at random. Must be 18 or older to enter.

“I Saw You” is for adults 18 or older. The Inlander reserves the right to edit or reject any advertisement at any time at its sole discretion and assumes no responsibility for the content.


Cheers

Cheers

Cheers

half of me, and I need you forever by my side. I am brown eyed, brown haired and crazy about you. Be my Valentine forever?

if you simply knocked on my front door, you know where it is, any evening after 7:00. I promise I will answer and I am certain we can figure this out together. Remembering that September kiss, I will be brave if you will be bold. Maybe a sweet song for us? Come Softly To Me by the Fleetwoods... Happy Valentine’s Day My Love!

not only my sweetheart, but my best friend. You’ve been through thick & thin with me. You always know how to make me giggle. You have an amazing soul. You make me feel important & so this is my little way of returning the favor. You are the peas to my carrots. I love you dearly. xo p.s. Now you can stop asking me where your “Cheer” is.

Valentine’s MessageIt’s been years since we met, but only months since we’ve been together, I’m so glad that it finally happened. You know more about building end displays and placing floor stacks than anyone. I hope you have an awesome weekend in Portland. P.S. I didn’t go to Whitman!

Jeers

You Are AmazingTo the most amazing man who kissed me almost three years ago at Riverfront Park. To the man who has beautiful freckles and red hair. To my future husband that I thank God for everyday. I love you my gingerbread man Joseph Rodgers! Love-Bethany Roses Are RedViolets are Blue, here is a special treat for me and you! Since the first day I met you, I knew you were special in almost every way, so here’s to you on Valentines Day! Happy Valentines Day! Love, Stacey Thanks! To my amazing woman. Thank you for dancing with me 4 years ago at Irv’s, thank you for utilizing the number I gave you that night. Thank you Mama for being there for me when I needed you the most, thank you for your unconditional love and for loving me like no one ever has or ever will. Thank you for being the sweetest, kindess and most trustworthy woman that I have ever met. Thank you for being my rock and letting me be yours. Thank you for making our house a home. I never thought when I made the decision to come to Spokane that I would meet the woman that was made for me. Well, that was 4 years ago, love you then, now and always. KDW Billy J E I am so blessed to have you in my life. Our relationship has been such a journey and I’m so excited to see what our future has in store. I want you to know how much I appreciate you and I feel privileged to call you my Man. I love you with all my Heart Baby Cakes. Happy Valentines Day, Forever and Always Yours BtS Cheers to Built to Spill for blowing up The Bing the other night. Your rendition of The Smiths How Soon Is Now? melted my face off. Doug, thanks for filling twenty years of my life with your most excellently crafted tunage. Oh, and a big cheers to The Bing for not ushering great bands off the stage at 10pm to make way for a bunch of brats to dance to top 40 crap. You respect the music. Mr. Crosby would give you two thumbs up for being a Class A venue. I am sure of it. YesWe Should Be Together: I know I’m in love with you and I know I want to be with you. I’m just not quite sure how to do this. Perhaps

My LoveThis morning I saw you getting the kids ready for school looking soo hot with your bed hair! I am truly blessed to have you in my life. Happy Valentines Day Sara. I Am BlessedI saw you (over 3 years) changed my life, my heart. Slowly, then all at once. Now we are here. I am blessed to see you when I close my eyes at night, and when I open them in the morning. I love you, my darling. That is the root of the root and the bud of the bud...the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart. Destiny Over 13 years ago I met the man that I was destined to be with forever. Your smile and wit, your New York accent, (sounded like Rocky Balboa). You had such charm, you won me over then. (you had me at YO!). We have been on such a journey together, happy, funny, sad, painful and tragic, but we get stronger through all of it don’t we. My arms will always be there to hold you, my lips to kiss you and my heart is forever yours. Thank you on this special day from my devoted heart to yours. B xxxx Dream DayJust looking out on the day of another dream. Let’s set out to sea. Are you here with me? ‘Cause you are my medicine when you’re close to me. So call in the submarines, ‘round the world we’ll go. Does anybody know if we’re looking out on the day of another dream. ‘Cause you are my medicine when you are close to me. You are my medicine, I love you, Kristopher Joy Dear Little OneLet me start off by saying how incredibly happy & blessed I am that you’ve ended up in my life. A genuine connection with someone is hard to find these days, but I found that with you. Who knew that a simple hello could result in you becoming

M E D I L A G A V A S E S U E N C H O W S P A N S E I T S N A A B L E I D A O E D F E R R A D O Y D S O L L S O F T G D R O W L W O T H E H E A U S B E S E E C H B Y R O A D S A R F L O N T O E A G O E N D S P O R E A G N I W O S H A T R O I S S H O W E W O K L I O T T A T E N A E R A A N D H O W N A S W E D

G A O U T R H O A R M A

S T O W I T

B A D D

A T O Y

HOW

’s THIS WEEK! ANSWERS

RE: Slow DriversConcerning the people writting in about slow winter drivers, when it snows or is icey what do they say “drive for conditions”, that means slow down! I have noticed that out of the 14 wrecks I’ve seen, it wasn’t the slow drivers in them, it was the creep going way to fast, who had 4 wheel drive or what ever. You are the ones in the slide-offs, rollovers ect. I always want to stop when I see you in your accident and tell you that you should have slowed down. They always say when reporting these accident that speed was a factor, so don’t put us down for driving slow, we are not in the ditch..YOU ARE. Get up earier if you need to be at work, don’t wait till the last minute and stay off our backends ‘cause I personally will drive slower, just because or you can buy my next car for me! A**Hole... RE: A Little RespectWow, that was a whole lot of whining coming from an employed person. You put on a Lady Liberty costume and only two people flipped you off? Believe it or not there are plenty of Americans who aren’t happy with what this country has become. Liberty is a concept that people still talk about, but has very little to do with our country these days. If our founding fathers were alive today and tried to rally Americans to rise up against oppressive government, homeland security would have them in Gitmo so fast you wouldn’t even know they existed. If you thought hopping around in a ridiculous costume would garner any respect then you are more disillusioned than someone who thinks that the words”America” and “Liberty” are in any way related. Please Return My Baby! Snowboarding at Mt. Spokaneon Saturday, 2/9/2013 at 7:00 pm. I had my GoPro Hero2 mounted to my board recording a couple of speed runs. It popped off while I was on the top side of chair #2, Northwest Passage. I went straight up the chair and looked with a headlamp and the help of the ski patrol. Someone had already grabbed it. I made many more runs looking for it, politely asking everyone I saw if they had found it. The lift operators and ski patrol were very helpful and quickly wrote “Lost GoPro - Reward” on the white boards at the top of each lift. I know someone has it. Please have a heart and return it to the Mt.Spokane Snow Desk for a reward. It is very special to me, my dad gave it to me just before he died and I think of him every time I use it. Maybe you don’t believe in Karma or ghosts, but please do the right thing. I was so bummed that I couldn’t sleep that night. How can you sleep at night knowing the you just stole someones nice camera? Please be cool,Thanks.

Enter the Inlander’s Yo Gabba Gabba! Coloring Contest for your chance to win 4 Tickets! abba for Visit Inlander.com/G d the loa details and to down rm. Fo try En st nte Coloring Co

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Wed, February 27, 2013 at 6:00 PM (Doors open at: 5:00 PM) INB Performing Arts Center | 334 W. Spokane Falls Blvd., Spokane | (509 279-7000) All Ages. $26, $36, $46 Advance. $26.00 Day Of Show. Tickets available from TicketsWest. TicketsWest.com or call 325-SEAT(7328)

DELICIOUS DINING DAILY

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FEBRUARY 22 - MARCH 3

RESTAURANT WEEK

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I LOVE YOU

SPECIAL VALENTINE’S DAY MESSAGES

CONGRATULATIONS TO BEV N. FOR HER WINNING VALENTINE’S DAY CHEERS SUBMISSION

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FEBRUARY 14, 2013 INLANDER 53


Anthony Schnettler, left, and Giovanni Soto outside of a Blockbuster in Cheney. The store is selling everything before shutting its doors this weekend.

Blockbusted Internet killed the video star BY JACOB JONES

M

ovies and videogames slowly disappear from the clearance racks. Straight-to-DVD flops wait alongside TV series collections with missing discs. Candy, popcorn and posters overfill bargain boxes as customers pick half-heartedly through the remains. Across the front of the Blockbuster Video in Cheney hangs a bright yellow banner: “Store closing.” Video rental stores once ruled movie night. We hunted well-stocked aisles with an electric sense of possibility. By the thousands amassed rows and rows of films unseen: comedies, campy horror flicks, Disney classics and the coveted New Releases. Picking a movie was a team effort. Together we scoured the shelves, comparing titles and actors, systematically narrowing our selections. We bickered and bargained over our choices, seeking out a laugh, a good scare or just a mindless escape. Upon consensus, we took the empty videocassette box up to the counter to exchange it for the real copy in

54 INLANDER FEBRUARY 14, 2013

a plastic case. Maybe we snagged a box of Milk Duds or licorice at the register. With DVDs and Blu-ray, the ritual remained the same. But those days have gone. Mail-order subscriptions like Netflix, Redbox-type vending machines and online video streaming have replaced movie rentals in recent years. Families now gather around computer screens for movie night. Couples curl up with their laptops. Just two Blockbuster Video rental stores remain in the Spokane area. The Cheney location closes this weekend. The last store, the North Side Wandermere location, expects to shut its doors in April. “Blockbuster is transforming to give customers ultimate access to home entertainment,” the company website states. “We’re not just about brick and mortar stores anymore.” Inside the Cheney store, empty wire shelving stretches the length of one full wall. “Pre-viewed” movies

Young Kwak photo

go for $1.99. A folding table sits piled high with loose DVD discs, empty cases and office equipment. Filing cabinets, office chairs and display racks have also been marked for sale. Nearby a fax machine is priced at $75. Everything must go. All sales final. Tanner Roberts and two friends haggle with the manager over several sections of shelving along with some fixtures, display cases and other supplies. The young entrepreneurs plan to open their own videogame store next month called Press Start to Play. “Almost all of the stuff in our store is going to be Blockbuster,” Roberts admits. All three walk out with towering armfuls and bulging bags of movies, gaming books, empty plastic cases — seeds for their new dream. Wearing sweatpants, Jesse Soto, 20, casually peruses the discounted selections. He and his friends pick out a couple videogames. They also grab a bag of candy. “Cheap,” he says on his way out. “Pretty cheap in there.” Dozens of other visitors carry off their own salvaged escapes — cult classics, childhood favorites and stoner comedies — stripping the doomed store with every purchase. In dark blue polo shirts, the employees ring up the items and make small talk. Yes, they’re really closing. Yes, for good. Yes, it sucks. The empty store gets emptier. Over across the street, out in front of the nearby gas station, a Redbox machine hums smugly. n jacobj@inlander.com


p Coming U hony mp at the Sy Saturday February 23 - 8 p.m. Sunday February 24 - 3 p.m. Eckart Preu, Conductor Jason Vieaux, Guitar

Surinach, De Falla, Rodrigo and more! This Concert is Supported by Itron

Saturday March 16 - 8 p.m. Sunday March 17 - 3 p.m. Eckart Preu, Conductor

Verdi and Strauss! This Concert is Sponsored by Maxine Kopcyznski

Classics Concerts at Martin Woldson Theater at The Fox

Tickets/Info 509.624.1200 www.spokanesymphony.org

FEBRUARY 14, 2013 INLANDER 55


THURSDAYS IN FEBRUARY 6 – 8 pm

MATCH G I V E AWAY

Have your chance to win a share of $15,000 in cash and EPC (7th and 21st), $25,000 in cash and EPC (14th and 28th). For every 500 points earned on machine play you will receive one drawing ticket. Tickets must be picked up by 5:30 pm each Thursday. Points not deducted from card. Must be a Rewards member.

FEB 22 th Jan7PM 25

Purchase tickets at the casino or any TicketsWest outlet.

1 8 0 0 5 2 3 -2 4 6 4 | CDAC A SI N O . COM |

/CDAC A SI N O R E S O RT

25 miles south of Coeur d’Alene at the junction of US-95 and Hwy-58


Inlander 2/14/2013