The Quibbler Winter 2021 by Hogwarts Quibbler

Editor-In-Chief & Divination Dept Head Starflashfairy Gryffindor Managing Editor NDoraTonks Hufflepuff Managing Editor L-ily Ravenclaw Managing Editor Eldis_ Slytherin Managing Editor Im_Finally_Free Production Manager KackelDackel Production Assistants Anne_Seelman Permagrinfalcon PocketPropagandist strikeblazer

k s e D ’s r o t i d E e h T Greetings, dear Readers!

The Quibbler! We’re back the Winter 2021 edition of to me lco We one year ar! Ye w Ne Happy h issue, marks the end of 18t r ou is, Th r. eve n tha and we’re big ger and better one. pefully much better) new and the beginning of a (ho ak up. that I use this time to spe I feel that it is necessary che, and loss. I would like enced much tragedy, hearta eri exp ’ve we r, yea t pas Over the the world. More than 1.5 the lives that were lost in on ect refl to nt me mo a cribe the weight of this to take VID-19. Words cannot des r. It’s not million people died of CO nt of silence in their hono me mo a e tak l wil we d, loss. So instea we can do. enough, but it’s the least [Silence.]

Web-Wizard Oomps62 Archives wiksry Payroll Marx0r Art Dept Head SinsationalDoom Castles & Burrows Dept Head blxckfire Classifieds L-ily Crafts, Brews, & Hobbies Dept Head Mathias_Greyjoy Dark Arts Dept Head VinumCupio Divination Flabbergasted_Rhino Education Dept Head Starboost3 Entertainment Dept Head silvertail8 Fashion Dept Head XanCanStand Magical Plants & Creatures Dept Head Oopdidoop News & Features Dept Head CynicForever7 Sports Dept Head Macallion Travel Dept Head mrsvanchamarch

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Thank you.

s handled well, say that this pandemic wa I would like to be able to ough my thr g h a thing I would be lyin but let’s face it; to say suc governmy in say that I am disappointed was not y teeth. As an American, to pla in s t wa ent. The administration tha ent that fid con l ment is a huge understatem fee sonally t is a devastating blow. I per tha and s thi th in dle fai han my g to equipped I am puttin e will be up to the task and com to n vings. sgi atio mi str ini ble ssi adm the new e their po s will do the same, despit can eri Am g as on low str fel as my ly pe on ho “We are them. I us Dumbledore once said, Alb As r. er. eve eth n tog tha d re ban mo to ited now We need divided.” We need to be un are we has e as ak tim e we Th as , es.” ited do we are un it when it will come, an’ we’ll meet in’ com you hat en “W wh it, t sk pu ma d a As Hagri possible. Wear d. Stay home as much as best of come to do what you’re tol tance from others to the dis r regularly. Keep you ds han r you sh Wa t. ou must go eful. And be responsible. your ability. Be safe. Be car at platforms we have while soapbox. We must use wh s thi me g win allo for Thank you us. we have them available to erful contributors. I hope nt content from our wond elle exc of l ful ckcho is n . Thanks for continuing This editio enjoyed creating it for you we as ch mu as it g din rea you enjoy ssible. to make the Quibbler po !

you May Fortune smile upon ~Madam Starflash Editor-in-Chief

An Apology and a Correction: In our Fall 2020 edition, an article titled “WizCARDS: A New Sport Comes to Hogwarts” was published and incorrectly credited to /u/Silvertail8 of Slytherin. The actual writer was /u/mjenious of Ravenclaw. Our editorial and production team would like to issue a formal apology for this mistake and assure everyone that our team is working hard to ensure that this sort of thing will not occur in future. We’re sorry, MJ!

THE QUIBBLER: NO. 34862 WINTER 2021 THIS ISSUE OF THE QUIBBLER WAS CREATED, WRITTEN, PRODUCED AND REVIEWED BY THE HOGWARTS STAFF AT /R/THEQUIBBLER. THIS ISSUE FEATURES ARTICLES THAT EXPOSE THE TRUTH. SELLING OVER 1,500,000 COPIES WITH OVER 29,000 DIFFERENT ISSUES, WE ARE THE WIZARDING WORLD’S ALTERNATIVE VOICE AND REASON SINCE 1989. WE THANK YOU FOR READING AND PURCHASING OUR SMALL INDEPENDENT NEWS MAGAZINE

Welcome to OUR BRAND NEW issue of the Quibbler. Below is an overview of everything you can find in this All new edition of the Quibbler! We hope you find the experience Both enlightening and entertaining! THE BIGGEST STORIES FROM THE

FRONTPAGE:

50 Sacred XXVIII Dissolved; 130 Marten Anvelos, King of Swivenhodge 158 Anonymous Students Tell All: The Secrets and Lies of the Hogwarts Houses

Amnesty for Voldemortâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Supporters at Last

A true underdog story

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BREAKING NEWS:

jfjsdjwfksfkljklwenjkfnzwdiewghiorndgknakflenifnsdnakhwroiuwehdnmd, Castles and Burrows. .............................. 06

News and Features................................ 130

Crafts, Brews, and Hobbies. ................... 09

Sports. .................................................... 146

Dark Arts................................................. 22

Travel......................................................161

Divination................................................ 26

Winter Art Wall................................... 165

Education. ............................................... 47

Horoscopes. ........................................... 188

entertainment......................................... 56

Classifieds.............................................. 189

fashion....................................................

100

Auror Logs..............................................190

& Creatures.................. 120

Credits. .................................................. 192

magical plants

STAFF:

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Editor-In-Chief: Starflashfairy Managing Editors: Im_Finally_Free, L-ily, NDoraTonks, Eldis_ Administration: Marx0r, Oomps62, Wiksry Layout and Design: KackelDackel, Anne_Seelman, Permagrinfalcon, PocketPropagandist, strikeblazer Art: Sinsational Doom Castles & Burrows: blxckfire Classifieds: L-ily Crafts, Brews, & Hobbies: Mathias_Greyjoy Dark Arts: VinumCupio Divination: Flabbergasted_Rhino Education: Starboost3 Entertainment: silvertail8 Fashion: XanCanStand Magical Plants & Creatures: Oopdidoop News & Features: CynicForever7 Sports: Macallion Travel: mrsvanchamarch Contributors: 29925001838369, 7ustine, A_Syed_07, Anne_seelmann, Applewinters, Blackhammer3333, CosmicNonagon, CreativeChaosss, CynicForever7, Daniel, But I Dont Have A Reddit Account, Deathstar1310, Demi_fighter, Eldis_, GamingBeagle, HermioneReynaChase, Hogwartsgrfindor, Icantreachtheoctave, Im_Finally_Free, Imprimis5, Jamsin_11, Jinxedkittyz, KackelDackel, Kenzlepuff , KingofCool328, L-ily, Laughterislouder, LilyLunaP, Ljosastuar5, Meddleofmycause, Milomi10, Mjenious, Mundungousfletcher , Mylifeambitiom, New_girl2, Newgirl, Oomps62, Owlnightcoffee , Permagrinfalcon, PingcarGaming, PingCarGaming, ProudRavenclaw24 , PseudoCow, Pseudocow, QueenCherry24, Res30stupid, Rhia1, Ria_dove, Rowdy_mouse, Silvertail8, SinsationalDoom, Sinsationaldoom, Skilik, Starflashfairy, The_Architecht_Nurse, Tipsytippett, U/PingCarGaming, V391Pegasi, Victoire_delecour, WizKvothe, XanCanStand, ZestyXdEpArTuRe

QUIBBLER CASTLES AND BURROWS

e highly ead ar m d e r tu oak-ma k like in ugs of this loo m s t e o o h d at r and , we've but wh lly chee answer eason, s e Holly jo h y t a d u li o the ho o get y ays cent of rking d home? T 's d r reminis a five wo iz w in a r r o g rin tled, witch the pou disgrun erage v in y a r y e e e v ll h t nA 's a y ; there in Diago ed ever utside st here o e n d o o h o and poll t ly ) s t e c r e e h f r mew be pe eir top lace so w (we'll ll us th t the p e u t o in a ro b o a t ed nocking hen ask tern k ross. W c a result: e soggy in m is the 've co e e r w e h n , e s itiz ion ecorat willing c oliday d h e e r h t ail8

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76 wizarding classic, witches and of our 100 polled eir homes with wizards decorate th g and 2 secretly a replica Dragon Eg ey use a real one. implied to me that th h century, this traDating back to the 5t g good dition is said to brin kissed luck to those who arthe egg either upon departure. riving home or upon tradition The origins of this d and the are greatly dispute more so. results are even g by the Even so, a dragon eg d most hearth is our first an decoration. popular

Traditionally a literal kiss bestowed from the oldest memb er of the household to the for ehead of the youngest, this blessing is represented in modern times by a brigh tly-lit star-shaped candle which is lit at the beginning of the last day of the year and celebrated when it goes out at the strok e of midnight. Although it has caused several fires in recent years, this problem has not deterred many of the more stalwart decorator s. 88 of our polled witches an d wizards decorate their home s with this holiday class ic.

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infestations of Nargles, this questioningly romantic tradition persists in a whopping 90 homes out of the 100 witches and wizards we

polled! Many find it to be a funny, quirky tradition but most this year are putting it up out of nostalgia for the

days when humans could get close enough to stand beneath such a spring together. Beyond the danger

of Nargle attacks, Mistletoe is also famous for

bringing the user unwanted attention. Why anyone

would want this leaching plant in their home is

anyone's guess but there we have it.

Is there a wizarding decoration you didn't see on our Top 3 Decorations list? Good! We didn't think there were just three. Owl in your list of decorations for a chance to win your very own Sprig of Mistletoe1 !

Any injuries or diseases contracted after the placement of this Mistletoe in your home is completely coincidental. By accepting the prize of your Sprig of Mistletoe, you accept all liability from any possible injuries or diseases and agree not to sue The Quibbler. Good luck.

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HOUSEWARMING I cradled my first newborn to sleep Humming a lullaby, hoping she’d smile back at me Holding back tears of joy and pride as her father embraced us tightly Everything was falling in place The baby’s room was full of light and comfort With paintings of fairies To teach her to chase her dreams And a large poster of my husband’s favourite Quidditch team Which arrived only after pleading me for days to put it up When she starts crying, my heart starts pounding For I want to protect her from everything I want to shield her from all harm I want to be the umbrella that covers her from the rain The tree which offers shade on a hot day The fire that warms hearts when a chilling wind passes by I didn’t know I was capable of so much emotion And instead of it breaking me into pieces It uplifts me and engulfs me in an ocean of happiness I take her to the backyard everyday And see her face light up at the bright flowers Sometimes she tries to catch butterflies Then realises her tiny hand can only clutch so much I feel like I’m losing her at times though Every dawn is one day closer to when she’ll leave our home And go off into the wilderness we call life But my husband constantly reminds me To make the best of everything And be happy that we have a home we can call our own And a daughter who’s more beautiful than anyone we’ve known Sometimes I just say a silent a prayer to someone greater than me And thank my stars For giving us our daughter Who is a fierce force of nature Along with a wish that she is always safe That she will survive That she too will find joy in her own way If life tries to batter down her home May she withstand it all And be gifted with the power to do so My prayers are never ending I just want her to be safe I don’t know how much we can give her Since we’ve given everything we ever had And I’m afraid we might run out And she won’t get what she truly deserves Whatever may happen, I hope I can be there for her Always and forever Written by Milomi. 8

CRAFTS, BREWS, AND HOBBIES QUIBBLER

Are You Brave Enough To Bake These Holiday Sweets? Homemade Peppermint Patties

Peppermint Bark

These Peppermint Patties are so good people in every house will be talking about them. All you need is: • ¼ cup softened butter • ⅓ cup light corn syrup • 1-2 tsp peppermint extract* • 3 cups powdered sugar • 2 cups dark dipping chocolate** • Chocolate jimmies/sprinkles (in the US)

This Peppermint Bark is so good, and might even make Slytherins nice! It makes about 12 servings, and is really easy to make, all you need is: • 12 oz. semisweet chocolate, chopped • 12 oz. white chocolate, chopped • 1/2 tsp. peppermint extract • 8 candy canes, crushed

1. Line your baking sheet with some parchment paper. Fill a large pot with about 3 inches of water and simmer on medium heat. Reduce Combine your butter, corn syrup, peppermint the heat to low extract, and after boiling. powdered Place a heatsugar in a proof bowl on mixing bowl. top of the pot. Mix until inAdd your semigredients are sweet choccombined and olate and stir hold together. occasionally Remove your until your chocolate has melted. Stir in your dough from the bowl and break off a small peppermint extract. Pour your mix onto the section, about 2 teaspoons. Roll your section prepared baking sheet and spread into an into a ball and gently flatten it with your hands even layer. Refrigerate until it sets (about 20 (but don’t flatten all the way). Once you finminutes), then remove and let sit. ished making your patties put them on a pan 2. Over the same pot of water, place yet another lined with wax or parchment paper. Place large heatproof bowl. Add your white chocothem on a pan, and into the freezer for about late and stir until it melts. Pour this mix over 10-15 minutes. your already made semi-sweet chocolate, Melt your dark chocolate in the microwave for then top it with candy canes. Refrigerate until about a minute, twenty seconds (1:20). Let it sit in the microwave for about a minute. Once it sets, another 20 minutes. you take it out of the microwave gently stir 3. Remove from Refrigerator and cut into preit. Remove your peppermint patties from the ferred pieces. freezer. Take a fork or a dipping tool and dip your patties in the chocolate. Store in an airtight container. Refrigerate if necessary.

"Come on, cheer up, it's nearly Christmas." -Hagrid

*add 1 teaspoon peppermint extract and then mix until the dough is combined. Taste the dough and add more extract until you get it to your tasting. **Dipping Chocolate works best. 9

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By new_girl2 Want your room to reflect your Hogwarts house? The candlelight of Gryffindorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s common room against the warm shades of red. Or the airy blue and bronze of Ravenclaw is in your reach. And with the Special Edition- options for muggles! Read more to find out how to bring Hogwarts into your home, starting with the brave and chivalrous, Gryffindor.

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Four poster beds are unique and hard to get. If you can't manage one, you’re done for. I’m just yanking your wand! You can decorate your bed in other ways like a soft scarlet throw, or a gold embroidered pillow. Emphasize your class with a silk pillowcase or a satin red and gold canopy. Muggle malls offer throw blankets and pillows while beds can be bought at a shop called “Ika”. Wait no, “Ikea”. Yes, that’s it.

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There are many options for lighting. For starters, just use your wand. Lumos! Or, as an interesting muggle option, you can buy candles in bulk and use a levitation spell on it. Wingardium Leviosa! That way, your room can look just like the Great Hall. You can also simply lay them across bookshelves, dressers, and side tables. One popular muggle product, fairy lights, can bring magic into your room! (Not literally.) Small crystal balls that light up when plugged, and my husband Arthur’s favorite. “How marvelous!” You can always follow Professor Flitwick’s small steps and use live fairies too.

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There are many decorations you can use, like a miniature red model of the London Double Decker Bus, or a gold rose from the Forbidden Forest. A small bottle of Felix Felicis or some CornishPixies as a keepsake to put on your dresser would look fascinating to family and friends, but read the Ministry of Magic’s rulebook on Felix Felicis before getting any ideas! You can take some origami paper and fold some Golden Snitches, and string them up into a garland. Place a lion shaped alarm clock or a banner of Gryffindor. Pay the Chamber of Secrets a visit and swipe a winged golden key- or go the muggle way and fish through your junk draw and spray paint your house key. Don’t worry, you can always Alohomora your way back into the house. Another trend muggles are caught on is creating signposts of their favorite places. Get a couple of pieces of wood and paint your favorite magical world

places like the

Burrow, Hogwarts, Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes, King’s Cross,

Honeydukes,

and the list goes on! You can hang up paintings of your favorite wizards and witches, or buy a Hogwarts poster from Etsy. The choices are endless! Send an owl to the Burrow if you have any other suggestions!

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Souper easy & delicious recipes to survive the winter If you, like me, live in the northern hemisphere of this tiny blue planet, you have most likely spent the last couple of months freezing and shivering and nestling next to the fireplace with a nice mug of hot chocolate and a stack of blankets. Unless 2020 has thrown us yet another curveball, and you’re reading this hanging by the pool and getting your tan on. Which, let’s face it, it wouldn’t be the most surprising thing to happen that year. I’m writing this at the end of September, so there are still three months of surprises ready to be discovered. Regardless of whether you are wearing oversized sweaters or a bathing suit, what we truly need in these times is comfort. And what is more comfortable than a nice bowl of home-made soup? Soup is surprisingly easy to make and easy to adjust to taste. All of the following recipes are completely vegetarian and vegan, as they all use a herb-based or vegetable-based broth. However, you are free to use a meat-based broth if you prefer. Add meatballs or whatever you wonderful carnivores do with your food. For every single recipe you will need:

Ingredients:

Supplies:

1 litre boiling water Herb-based or vegetable-based stock powder, (as much as the packaging says touse For your amount of water) Sunflower oil Salt and pepper to taste

A big saucepan A frying pan or wok Blender Something to stir with

SOUP

broccoli zucchini ingredients 1 1 A 1

broccoli zucchini handful of brown rice small fist-sized yellow onion

directions Cut and fry the onion. Dice the broccoli and the zucchini Briefly fry both the broccoli and zucchini alongside the onion. Add the onion, broccoli and zucchini to the boiling water, alongside your stock powder. Add a handful of brown rice. Boil for 20-25 minutes. Let cool, blend. Add pepper and salt to taste.

pair with A zucchini salad! Slice half a zucchini using a cheese slicer, and cut those slices into spaghetti-like strands. Quickly & carefully stirfry for 5-7 minutes, whilst adding pesto and, in the final three minutes, 2 quartered (or, depending on the size, 1 cut into 8 pieces) tomatoes. Add pepper and salt to taste.

enjoy 16

SOUP

carrot curry ingredients 1 kg carrots 4 or 5 fist-sized yellow onions A whole lot of curry powder Chilli powder to taste

directions Cut and fry the onions. Add curry powder till all pieces of onion have curry powder on them. Put your onions in the boiling water, add the stock powder to your water. Let the water simmer whilst you cut up the carrots. You might want to peel them first by taking a small knife, holding it at a 90-degree angle with the sharp edge touching the carrot and rapidly - but carefully - moving it up and down so you rasp the peel off of the carrot. Dice the carrots into medium-sized blocks. Once the carrots are cut, briefly fry them in the frying pan and add curry powder till all carrot pieces have curry powder on them. Add the carrot to the boiling water. Let simmer for 20-25 minutes, until the carrots are completely soft. Let cool, blend. Add chilli powder, pepper and salt to taste.

pair with Fries! I know, I always get weird looks when I tell people I eat fries as a side dish with my soup, but it’s absolutely delicious! Both soup and fries are salty and starchy, making it the perfect match. And even though you’re eating fries, you are still being super healthy, since you’re drinking veggies! I usually bake some oven fries. Pro tip: instead of parchment paper, put your fries on aluminium foil. Start baking them in the bottom of your oven, and halfway through the bake move them to the top shelf in your oven.

enjoy 17

SOUP

pumpkin chestnut

ingredients

1 medium-sized butternut squash 1 kg sweet chestnuts One yellow onion

directions Cut the butternut squash and remove the seeds. Dice the squash into medium-sized blocks. Cut and fry one yellow onion. OPTIONAL: if you want, you can roast the squash before adding it to the soup. This is not necessary, but go wild if you want to! Cut crosses in the sweet chestnuts. Microwave the chestnuts for about 4 minutes, if your chestnuts are larger you might want to microwave them longer. Using your oven? Preheat your oven to 200 degrees Celsius (390 Fahrenheit) & roast them for 15-30 minutes. It really depends on your chestnuts and your oven! Keep an eye on them to see when they are ready. Peel the chestnuts - make sure you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t burn your hands! - and add them to the boiling water, alongside the squash, onion and stock powder. Boil for 25-30 minutes. Let cool, blend. Add pepper and salt to taste.

pair with Some microwaved sweet chestnuts! You can never have too many of these delicious things. We have quite a lot of sweet chestnut trees where I grew up, and I have fond memories of gathering them with my mum (both of us wearing rainboots so we could squeeze open the prickly cupules or husks with our toes), carefully carving crosses in them and then roasting them for ages in the oven. Afterwards, weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d burn our fingers trying to peel them whilst they were still warm! Microwaving sweet chestnuts is a much quicker way of roasting them, and they turn out great.

enjoy 18

SOUP

cauliflower leek ingredients 1 cauliflower 1 leek A handful of brown rice Parsley to taste

directions Cut the leek into rings. Dice the cauliflower. Add the cauliflower and leek to the boiling water, add the stock powder and brown rice. Boil for 15-20 minutes. Let cool, blend. Add pepper, salt and parsley to taste.

pair with Spicy toast! Mix sunflower oil, salt, pepper, chilli powder and one clove of crushed garlic. Stir and spread on both sides of a slice of bread, so the oil soaks into it. Toast, enjoy! It tastes delicious and will make your house smell amazing as the bread is toasting. Make sure to clean the crumb-catcher afterwards, as some of the oil will drip down onto it.

enjoy Written by Eldis_, illustrated by anne_seelmann

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QUIBBLER DARK ARTS

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Dominating the World with

S.T.Y.L.E It is well known that during the years of 1991- 1997 there has not been a time where a Defense against the Dark Arts teacher has been innocent of an ulterior motive. From the very beginning of the famous Boy-Who-Lived’s schooling, not one professor has taught for the sake of teaching. It is from a discussion with a toad by the name ‘CroakCROAK’ or ‘Trevor’ that we have started to dig into the beginning of this conspiracy. It turns out that while the majority of the teachers’ associations were well known (having consisted of only The Dark Lord, The Minister, and Dumbledore) we missed the Crumple-Horned Snorkack in the field, the Nargles in the mistletoe, the gaping hole in the pattern. Every single teacher had a society of some sort behind them. Every teacher except Gilderoy Lockhart. Which begs the question, who was the dazzling winner

of Witch Weekly’s Most Charming Smile working for? What secrets was he hiding beneath his so perfect hair and his swishy robes? Well, Mr. Cheasley Pimpernickle, the newest placeholder of the very same Most Charming Smile award, points his finger at an organization by the name of S.T.Y.L.E. “They came to me and requested I would join them. I asked what was in it for me. They offered tooth whiteners, the Darkest Arts you’d ever learn, and the true secret to how to work a robe.” This quote from Mr. Pimpernickle shines some light on this new organization. From just that paragraph alone we can see that S.T.Y.L.E also recruited one deceased Severus Snape, Albus Dumbledore, and possibly even Dolores Umbridge (who declined to comment). Who else would

they have learned clothing styles from?

their

But this isn’t all. Why wasn’t our former Dark Lord part of the fray? He would have enjoyed all aspects of the club after all. Were he and the head of S.T.Y.L.E estranged lovers? Enemies perhaps? Well, every single known member of S.T.Y.L.E has currently been defeated in some way. Now, our Dark Lord also fits the requirements. This reporter would ask him herself were it not for the fact he is said to have been ‘killed’. That is what they want you to think, my dear readers, for our sources tell us that the Dark Lord has currently allied himself with the infamous S.T.Y.L.E, and is planning world domination over tea and crumpets in the Bahamas. - written by victoire_delecour, illustrated by anne_seelmann

DARK ARTS

YOUR FRIENDLY, NEIGHBORHOOD DEMON Written by Silvertail8, illustrated by anne_seelmann

hat does a demon do to celebrate the winter holiday season? Well, it depends entirely on the tier. Some of us enjoy the delights of BibbityBobbity-Boo while others indulge in sugarplums and similar candies. However, I'm entirely of the mindset that the wonders of All Hallows Eve need not stop in the face of pure, unadulterated, bliss. In fact, many aspects of my favorite holiday suit winter just as well as fall. The donning of a costume works especially in my favor around this time of year. Instead of my usual glittering, glowing aura of doom, I get my claws manicured and my horns buffed for the demon-favored sport of ice hockey. There's nothing quite like glamoring yourself for Muggles and the like only to have the whole thing fall apart because your claws weren't sharp enough to dig into their... metaphorical hearts... Although many of the elder demons bemoan the disintegration of our culture, the youngsters find the change in attitude rather refreshing. Instead of tearing humans limb from limb like in the late eighteenth century, demons are now free to glamor themselves up, compete in human sports, and even fall in love with the odd witch or wizard (although this practice is still frowned upon in many demon circles). While our parents and grandparents complain about how the Statute of Secrecy prevents them from directly contributing to terrible events involving mass murder and the destruction of entire nations, most demons born past the nineteenth century are more than fond of causing minor misunderstandings and rooting heavily for their local ice hockey team. This is why, in the dead of winter, you'll find me geared up from head to toe in padding with blades on my feet on a frozen pond rather than shoving some unfortunate soul into a hole of the same pond. The swoosh of cold air past my face and

DARK ARTS

the cheering of both my teammates and the crowd when we score a goal can only be compared with ripping out your first set of entrails and feasting on them beneath the full moon. Some may point out at this juncture that ice hockey actually can become quite violent under the right circumstances. They might even say that the participating demons deliberately make barbed remarks and trip opponents to trigger this violence. To these naysayers, I say..."okay, you caught me." As a being that feeds off of enmity and pain, I must admit that demons receive visceral joy from these kinds of clashes between humans. With that said, most demons these days can get their fill of discord and agony just by watching Muggle television. (For those not aware of Muggle traditions, Muggle television is a kind of visual radio that Muggles broadcast from around the world for much the same reasons as witches and wizards. There is also the added benefit, for demons, of being able to see the tears actually run down a person's face.) What is my favorite show? It varies from month to month but usually you can catch me binge watching Muggle Korean Dramas, most reality shows from the United States, and even a world beauty pageant or two. I once tried to get into watching animated shows as well (Muggles also have a way of making moving art but it takes them a considerable amount of effort) but the pain was just too fake and I often get stomach aches just from a few minutes of watching. I suppose I would liken it to eating a cockroach cluster mixed with a sugar quill. Sickeningly sweet but also with a strange rotted flavor? Definitely not my cup of tea but I know a few demons who are obsessed with the stuff (the animated shows, not the terrible mixture of sweets I just described for your benefit). Can I eat normal food or must it always be the heart or liver of a fresh doe? For the record, I've never eaten the heart or liver of any deer, much less specifically that of a fresh doe. When I first came into the world, I had a taste for fresh tripe but have since lost my appreciation for the delicacy. During the holidays, if my family manages to get together, I'll enjoy veal with them. I'm not especially proud of it but it's simply too delicious to pass up. On normal days throughout the rest of the year, I will

usually eat shepherd's pie, pudding, spaghetti, and the usual carb-loaded goodness that witches and wizards enjoy eating. It's not really good for me but I haven't been able to kick the habit. Most demons will eat the typical food made and eaten by witches and wizards because it's just so darn delectable. All of the grains aren't very good for our digestive system though so it's better to pass on a plate of pasta if at all possible. What was all of that about demons falling in love? Well, most of us will meet another wandering demon at some point in our lives, fall in love, become eternally bonded, and settle down (much the same as witches and wizards). However, while it's very common for a non-demon entity to fall in love with a demon (what can I say, we're a charming bunch), it's incredibly uncommon for a demon to find similar love with a non-demon. This is particularly true, although not unheard of, with witches and wizards since we have a history of warring with them. Many massacres in the past have either been chalked up to demon interference or perpetuated by witches and wizards on a "Demon Hunt". As a result, most of us live very quiet lives on the boundaries of magical communities. How can you tell if someone is a demon? The short answer is that you most likely can't. The slightly longer answer involves an explanation of the various concealing magical properties that demons have in addition to their penchant for remaining undiscovered. Although most witches and wizards think that the showy, flashy people in their lives are most likely to be demons in disguise, the truth is often the opposite. The quiet, unassuming witches, wizards, or "Muggles" around them are most suspect because, as we've previously discussed, there's nothing worse for a demon than being found out by a witch or a wizard. The only reason we're even discussing this now is because, through owl, there's not much of a chance that you'll find out who I am. There's no cause for alarm though! Demons, by and large, don't wish the community at large any harm. So just think of us as your friendly, neighborhood demons and it'll be best for everyone! Don't overthink it...

QUIBBLER DIVINATION

How to predict your Christmas Gift? Gift?

Divination is a branch of magic often untrusted by the greatest of wizards but what they fail to see is the magic of seeing. Looking through the stars or tea leaves or crystal balls and predicting the unseen is not everyone can do but restricted to only those having the subtle art of seeing. This Christmas Quibbler is all ready to document the ways of predicting your Christmas Gift which your most loved person in life will present to you. The most famous Seer WizKvothe has pieced together the art of predicting this unseen (For a full list of WizKvothe's previous divination works check out the witchly week magazine and the highly acclaimed book "Seeing through the Stars") knowledge on this very Christmas month. The author claims Neptune and Uranus will be close to an Asteroid named "Trickster" this month of December which basically means "something close to heart" in divination terms. This points that the person may get something close to their heart as a gift of their Christmas. Ask your special loved person to put a piece of their soul in their brewed tea with the magical Puffapod Tea Leaves in it. Extracting a piece of soul usually needs to commit murder but because your loved one are extracting their soul on their own will, it will need a spell named "Soulus Extractum".

Put your strand of hair in your partner's prepared cup of tea and try to decipher the shape your tea leaves make after your tea is drained out. Your tea leaves will give you the shape of your gift which your loved one will present to you this Christmas. Be sure you prepare this tea on 24th of December at 23:00 for the tea to show effect. Use your Crystal Ball and put it in front of your cup of tea in case you fail to decipher the shape of your gift via tea leaves. Concentrate and look beyond your seer eyes and you will find out the exact gift shown as twinkling in your crystal ball. WizKvothe kindly hopes this Christmas will bring joy to your family and you would be able to predict your partner's Christmas gift via this complex art of divination. ~WizKvothe (Hufflepuff)

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The Clouded Crystal "Come a little closer," a breath upon the wind Ice looms below us, creaking, breathing in Not much we can say for now, just peek into the night Dawns coldest breath does freeze frigidly on sight "Your past is plain as day to me," a faded wheeze We look shyly away, conscious of our sleeves Dark and stormy are the pages of our hist'ry tomes Full of forgotten secrets which whisper in our domes "Still you seek your future," a long, bold stroke The muddy canvas picture of our story still unwrote Teases us beyond a veil of choices yet untook Slyly they beckon onward, dangling golden hope "Your destiny is clouded," a greedy, outstretched hand Into which we place three galleons, one glittering band Reluctant to part with treasure, yet yearning for more With gold's sweet parting, we lean, backs to the door "The path clears to your goal," a triumphantly, smug smile We ignore this and stoke the coals, patience for a while A flame we rear to burn the truth, to sear the very soul Surely this is what we search for, that which they stole "Again there are only shadows," a whisper very fast Enraged we smash the glass, outraged by recent past Nothing but destruction, overwhelmed by rage and fear In the end we found naught, events impossible to steer "Destinies are not held firm," a weak and trembling lip At last a waver in demeanor, was it not a wasted trip? The mighty may just yet atone, justice firm and just as slow For terror wrought once long ago, bow at last, my mighty foe. 27

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Do YOU have burning questions for our resident Seer and fairy, Madam Starflash? Got yourself in a relationship with a Vampire and don’t know if it’s going to work out? Debating on using a love potion on your biggest crush? Have a bully you’d love to get rid of? Don’t hesitate to ask! Madam Starflash ALWAYS has the right answer for you! Contact her in Divination Tower at /r/TheQuibbler now with your desperate questions! 2828

k l f s d l n f l k n w e k l n f k l s e n d f n s d k l n s f k f d s n f dskfmkmksdldfdklmsklfgmkldmsklmggdkmklgm Dear Madam Starflash,

Dear Madam Starflash,

There’s a boy I like. He hasn’t noticed me. So I wanted to make him notice me. I may have decided to brew a Swelling Solution to apply to certain… areas. My lips mostly, and maybe a few other places here and there that I thought might grab his attention. But I think I must have added too many puffer-fish eyes or bat spleens because now my lips are half the size of my face! I have class with him after the Holiday break! What do I do? More importantly, how do I make him notice me?

The Muggles next door have some downright dreary Christmas decorations. I have to look at them all day, so I added a couple enchantments and charms to make it dazzle a little, just for an hour. An atmospheric charm here, a floating charm there, a sprinkle of pixies; you get the idea. Well, their wee child caught my little show and now she waits by the window day and night for it to happen again. Now my view is the face of a child with crushed hopes. How can I make it right?

Sincerely, Swollen Student Dearest Swollen, He’s certain to notice you now. Luckily, this boy is kind and good at potion-making. Ask him for help with a Deflating Draught and you’ll be well on your way. May Fortune smile upon you! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sincerely, Decorating Disaster Dearest Disaster, You’re going to need to brush up on your Memory Charms. Offer the girl some peppermint eggnog and Obliviate her. Modifying her memory won’t be too hard, as she’s young. You won’t even have to worry about destroying precious childhood memories, as she has no long-term memory yet! Just use caution and be sure there’s no other witnesses. Otherwise the Ministry may have to send in their own Obliviators. May Fortune smile upon you! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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k l f s d l n f l k n w e k l n f k l s e n d f n s d k l n s f k f d s n f dskfmkmksdldfdklmsklfgmkldmsklmggdkmklgm Dear Madam Starflash,

Dear Madam Starflash,

I want to pursue my dream of becoming an actress, but my mother doesn't agree. She is convinced I will never get a job and be homeless the rest of my life. She wants me to become a doctor, because of ''the great job security''. I find medicine interesting, but I really want to become an actress! When I told my mum I'd consult you she said that you too would See only doom in my future if I didn't pursue medicine. What should I do?

My cat has been acting very distant lately! He doesn't want to be pet or picked up and when I feed him he only eats when I'm not in the room. Is it something I said? Has he found someone else to take care of him? Does he not love me anymore? Please, I need your help!!

Sincerely, A Struggling Chooser Dearest Chooser, Fame is fickle, so your mother has a point. Meeting her halfway, however, is as simple as Bamboozling a casting director. You just need to magically convince him to cast you as a doctor in a movie, and you’re living out both dreams at the same time. Beware, though, as fame comes with a steep price: your privacy. However, it’s a better price than losing all your free time like a real doctor. Trust me on this one, I’m dating a doctor myself and he’s just so busy all the time. But I digress. Think carefully when making this choice. And remember, there’s always more options out there!

Sincerely, F. E. Lis Dearest F. E. Lis, Your kitty is suffering from separation anxiety, depression, and loneliness. It’s time to get him a girlfriend. I highly recommend heading to the Magical Menagerie and picking out a nice female Kneazle. Be sure to give her a cute name and have her spayed, and then introduce them in a neutral setting before bringing her into the house. Now your cat will have a companion when you’re not around, and both of them will show you how much they love you by meowing at five in the morning, begging for food. May Fortune smile upon you! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

May Fortune smile upon you! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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k l f s d l n f l k n w e k l n f k l s e n d f n s d k l n s f k f d s n f dskfmkmksdldfdklmsklfgmkldmsklmggdkmklgm Dear Madam Starflash,

Dear Madam Starflash,

I am trying very hard to write my book, but my family members say it is stupid. Is there anything I can do to keep up my motivation despite their discouragement?

My father is a professional Quidditch player and expects me to join my House Team at Hogwarts. However, I've known since I was 8 that my true passion is making Potions. How do I tell my father that my dreams are my own without getting a Howler?

Sincerely, Discouraged Writer Dearest Writer,

Sincerely, Potential Potioneer

Never ever give up. Remember that no matter what anyone else says, you are writing primarily for yourself, and secondarily to give others enjoyment. There are no rules when it comes to writing. Recognize your talents. And if all else fails, turn them into ferrets and bounce them around a bit for your own amusement. It’ll inspire you!

Dearest Potioneer,

May Fortune smile upon you! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Simply write him a letter. You’ll be surprised by how understanding he will be. Tell him about your dreams. Once you show him your ambition, he’ll be so impressed that he will not stand in your way. He will go out of his way to nurture your budding talents.

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k l f s d l n f l k n w e k l n f k l s e n d f n s d k l n s f k f d s n f dskfmkmksdldfdklmsklfgmkldmsklmggdkmklgm Dear Madam Starflash, My motherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s birthday is a month from now and every time I ask her, she says she wants absolutely nothing. The trouble is, the last time we heeded her words she got mad at our family for not hosting a party. What should I do? Sincerely, Daughter of Indecision Dearest Daughter, Two words: Surprise party. Just hire Millamant's Magic Marquees to cater and decorate, and youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re completely covered. And for a gift, get her the enchanted snow globe you saw at the flea market the other day. May Fortune smile upon you! -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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33 33

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By /u/starflashfairy In honor of my 300th birthday, I, Madam Starflash, have Seen what the top three items off of the bucket lists of the Quibbler Winter 2021 season staff. Yes, I definitely Saw these things in my crystal ball and I did not have to go around bugging people into telling me. That is why this is a Divination article, obviously. (You’re welcome, Rhino!) I have of course provided my own bitingly sarcastic and judgemental commentary.

MANAGING EDITORS Gryffindor - /u/NDoraTonks “[Redacted], [redacted], [redacted].” (Madam Starflash: I can only say that the answers here were...inappropriate...for this magazine.) Hufflepuff - /u/L-ily “Go back home, hear my plants talking to me, go skydiving.” (Madam Starflash: Herbology has never been Lily’s strong suit, so we’re planning on using a Ventriloquy Charm on her dead plants. The full story of this prank will be covered in our Spring 2021 issue.)

Ravenclaw - /u/Eldis_ “Lavender tea bread, hazelnut foam cake with mocha, ladyfingers” (Madam Starflash: I believe this is a “bucket list” of things she wants to bake, and not just a “list of foods she wants to eat”...) Slytherin - /u/Im_Finally_Free “Go back to sleep, sleep in, and maybe sleep some more.” (Madam Starflash: Welp.)

ADMINISTRATION Archives - /u/wiksry “Break into Madam Starflash’s office (again, but successfully). See the Muggle show Phantom of the Opera in person. Learn the cello.” (Madam Starflash: I do not approve of the first item on this list! But everything else sounds perfectly lovely.) Payroll - /u/Marx0r “El Cellar De Can Roca, Central, Narisawa. Or maybe Noma. Osteria Francesca, too.” (Madam Starflash: It’s really quite scary to think that our Payroll Overlord forgot how to count to three.)

INSERT QUIBBLER Web-Wizard - /u/oomps62 “Be able to reach a top shelf without a stool, be able to buy pants that don't need to be hemmed, other short people jokes that I'm not creative enough to think of right now.” (Madam Starflash: It’s not easy being small.)

LAYOUT AND DESIGN

DEPARTMENT EDITORS Art - /u/SinsationalDoom “Go back to school, I'd love it if my Twitch blew up, and I'd really like to meet someone special.” (Madam Starflash: Visit twitch.tv/kerusaurus and make Sin’s dream come true!!! Don’t ever say I don’t support my staff.)

Production Manager - /u/KackelDackel “Visit Japan, visit Korea, visit the UK.” (Madam Starflash: Best get your broomstick repaired...or maybe FINALLY get your Apparition license?) Production Assistant 1 - /u/anne_seelmann “Magic paint, dog, live in a beautiful place.” (Madam Starflash: Apparently Quibbler Castle isn’t pretty enough.)

Castles & Burrows - /u/blxckfire “Live in another country for a bit (currently thinking somewhere in the UK, but who knows), hike the Appalachian Trail, write a book.” (Madam Starflash: Hike the Appalachian Trail...that’s ambitious! Fire is showing off that Slytherin side there!)

Production Assistant 2 - /u/permagrinfalcon “Invent a scam detector for the old & gullible, get a dog, fill a pool with balls like a giant playpit more for me than the dog.” (Star: I’m coming to visit! Make room in the ball pit for me!)

“Take part in a farcical aquatic ceremony, wherein a strange woman lying in a pond distributes a sword to me. Eat lunch at Stonehenge. Take part in Grave Robbing an Archeological dig.” (Madam Starflash: The saddest thing here is his thinly veiled attempt to feign innocence of grave-robbing.)

Production Assistant 3 - /u/strikeblazer “Hanging a piece of dementor shroud on my wall, getting a better GPU to play at higher FPS, more chocolates than ever.” (Madam Starflash: Even I can’t make sense of these letters, and I’m all-Seeing and all-knowing! Now I’m just embarrassed.)

Crafts, Brews, & Hobbies - /u/Mathias_Greyjoy

Dark Arts - /u/VinumCupio “Graduate school and degree. Tour of Hobbiton and banquet in NZ (damn it, plague, for taking this

Production Assistant 4 - /u/PocketPropagandist “Raise and spread awareness of pockets, manufacture gender-neutral but comfortable clothing (with pockets), add pockets to all existing clothing to make pockets available to everyone!” (Madam Starflash: Sometimes you just gotta live up to your username. Can’t say I’m disappointed, because every dress is better with pockets! The “wow, your dress is so cute” response “thanks, it has pockets!” is the best social interaction ever, and needs to be more universal. But I digress.)

QUIBBLER INSERT from me on this of all years). Make friends with one or more crows and/or ravens.” (Madam Starflash: Vin has since made friends with seven crows using enchantments which cannot be recommended, but she is still seeking a raven to “befriend”. However, she still has not forgiven the virus from ruining her coming of age in Hobbit years.) Divination - /u/flabbergasted_rhino “Milk, eggs, flour.” (Madam Starflash: He took his actual bucket list to the grocery store by mistake, clearly. He’d better be making my birthday cake.)

Sports - /u/Macallion “Have the TV series I'm writing be bought and made, build and move into a tiny house, and become fluent in Welsh, which I'm already learning.” (Madam Starflash: I have a tiny house. It suits me fine, but it’s not all it’s cracked up to be for normal-sized people.) Travel - /u/mrsvanchamarch “Get a 19th century Banyan made. Have a photoshoot in Bath with said Banyan. Channel the spirits of Mr. Rochester, Lord Byron, and Xenophilius Lovegood in said Banyan.” (Madam Starflash: I approve, although I’m not entirely sure what this all really means. On the plus side, channeling my predecessor sounds like a good time, and therein lies the approval rating.)

Education - /u/Starboost3 “Go skiing in the Alps. Get a cat. Learn German; currently procrastinating on that last one.” (Madam Starflash: I know the procrastination thing too well. I’ve been putting off writing this Oh, what’s that? I’ve forgotten my own bucket very article for more than a year...) list? Hmm...despite all of my asking others, I hadn’t much thought about my own. Well. I Entertainment - /u/silvertail8 definitely want to own a library of over a thou“Go to a hot spring in Japan, learn how to dance, sand books and visit the Wizarding World of go on a foodie world tour.” Harry Potter. But the deepest and most des(Madam Starflash: I feel it is necessary to add perate desire of my heart is to punch JK Rowlthat when asked what kind of dancing she ing in the face. Well...as an immortal fairy, I would like to learn, Silver responded, “Yes”.) have plenty of time! Fashion - /u/XanCanStand “Own a house, get married, have kids.” (Madam Starflash: Aww, such nice simple goals. I can’t even bring myself to make a joke.) Magical Plants & Creatures - /u/Oopdidoop “Bring back the banned blood trade.” (Madam Starflash: Yes, this is her entire bucket list, as it’s the last thing she will ever do and she knows it. Seems a certain vampire is still lurking in the corners of the Castle... WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT BEWITCHING THE NEW STAFF?) News & Features - /u/CynicForever7 “Music, stories, coffee.” (Madam Starflash: Not quite sure this is really a bucket list, but to each their own?...Cynic is pretty quiet so getting any answer is more than usual I guess.)

What’s on YOUR bucket list? Send owls to Quibbler Castle, care of Divination Tower, with your personal lists. Screech owls preferred; they bother Rhino the most.

Divination

Written by Milomi. There are many aspiring witches and wizards who wish to excel in Divination and become Seers. However, not many have the talent to See, and can only predict foggy weather (which isn’t very helpful). After observing this among his own students, Professor Menos Miempri invented magical spectacles to help students having difficulty Seeing. These spectacles are designed in a way which allows one to See more clearly. They have colourful lenses which are charmed to detect more than what one would otherwise see. These glasses also reduce the focus and concentration needed, and lessen the risk of a headache after staring at crystal balls for too long. The spectacles, known as Seemores, are not meant for a specific activity but for any task that involves seeking information and knowledge about the future. One can wear Seemores w h i l e d o i n g things l i k e reading t e a leaves or hands to

extreme temperatures. Though they can be fixed if broken, they might act differently and go up in flames. Note that you should not wear Seemores belonging to someone else, however close you are with them. The spectacles will notice this and make everything seem blurry rather than it being clear. Professor Miempri firmly believes that these spectacles will be of a huge help to the Wizarding World and insists on making them a compulsory accessory when learning the subject. Other Divination professors are on the fence and still contemplating whether it is a necessary thing to do. Right now, Menos

being

consulting a crystal ball to dealing out tarot cards. One should not depend on Seemores entirely, doing so may alter your results since you are not putting in any effort. Seemores should be kept in good condition, and away from

bombarded with questions such as, “Are Seemores a sensible thing to introduce given the fact it

might change how Divination is studied?” and “Is it possible the Seemores might obstruct views instead of providing a clearer perspective?”. He has promised to elaborate upon the spectacles and offer m o r e details once he stops receiving hundred owls every day. One Seemore costs six sickles, and customized ones cost ten sickles. At the moment, Seemores are available at Diagon Alley in Amazing Accessories, Seth’s Seeing Spread and a couple of stalls around the same. They can also be ordered by owl and will be parceled to you. However to get the best fit, we recommend

you go to the store itself. Miempri is also working on two variations of the Seemore. The first one is an invisible pair of glasses that will work in a similar fashion, but will attract less attention and obtain the same results. The second variation is inspired from Muggles, and called ‘Contact Lenses’. They are thin lenses that are placed over your eyes and follow the same principles of Seemores. Instead of having coloured glass, you will be having coloured eyes (which are very much in style). These variations will be released shortly and offer witches and wizards more options to choose from. We believe the Seemores could be a big hit, and encourage you to get your very own pair! Don’t forget to keep them safe, and use them carefully. If you don’t, well, you’ll be in big trouble. And that will be fun to see! 37

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As the blust'ry weather calls, So too does your weary heart. For though you whisper in delight, Still deeper do you yearn for change. In your future, we see mystery in foliage. For adversity and obstacles lay in your path. Very few can pick their way Wandering amongst towering shadows. But you will stand right amidst the enemy, Cloaked in your certainty and nerves of steele. Beware of that which creeps beyond sight Just beyond your human gaze.

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Being a prophet is a thankless job. When you're right, which is often, people hate you for it. When you're wrong, which almost never happens, people throw it in your face and call you a fraud. My life wasn't always this black and white. At one time, there were enough gradients of grey to satisfy even the most wishy-washy neutral party. If you're lucky enough to be born into a family of prophets, you know right away that you are one as well. As a baby, you would warn adults of small misfortunes and your whole family would come together to celebrate your cerebral mastery. If, on the other hand, you're like me, you won't know you have this skill until you go off to Ilvermorny and have an odd episode during a particularly boring Magic in Muggle Society class. The next day, although I didn't remember a second of the prophecy, every student in the dining hall was whispering about "Fall Leaves". I distinctly remember this because it was Winter and not a leaf was in sight. For the next few months, I was constantly on edge, wary of another "episode" that might embarrass me even further. I somehow thought I'd be able to feel one come on and stifle it. At the very least, I thought that I could run away and hide as it happened. Neither of these two strategies were at all effective. "Why were there such big prophecies within a year of each other?" you'll ask. The answer is that there weren't. Prophets are largely broken up into five tiers depending on the level of prophecy they conduct. Tier 1 is for tiny events like paper cuts and skinned knees and Tier 5 is for universe-altering events like black holes and exploding stars. Generally, Tier 1 prophets barely notice their gift. It's just a small tickle in the back of their mind and they come across as overprotective friends. Tier 5 prophets go the whole mile with 40

body shakes, rolling eyes, booming voices, and occasionally a light show. Tier 5's are very rare, Tier 1's are very common, and the rest of us fall into line in descending order from there. I'm classified as a Tier 3, middle of the road in all aspects, which is so classically me. This means that, when I have an "episode", it usually spells disaster or fortune for a small group of people no larger than eight and I appear to space out. Prophecies aren't all doom and gloom either. The Daily Prophet and other news sources like to shed light on the nastier prophecies which often are a sign of bad times to come for towns or entire countries. However there are just as much, if not more, fortunate prophecies that are made on a monthly basis. The most famous of these actually came in a set. While one "doom and gloom" prophecy was being given to a king in France, a "fortunate" prophecy was being given to a king in Britain. It has been argued that the two prophecies are actually one and the same but that is a matter best left to historians. "If a tree falls in an empty forest, does it really make a sound?" This line of questioning leads us neatly into the query of whether prophecies happen when no one is around to witness them. As prophets have no memory of giving their prophecies, this question has remained unanswered for hundreds of years. Just like any other witch or wizard, a prophet will sometimes find themselves spacing out when they're alone but no conclusive proof of non-witnessed prophecies have yet come to light. If non-witnessed prophecies truly do exist, will they come true even without a witness? Or does the power of a prophecy stem from a witness' presence? These are two of the most pressing questions in today's community of prophets. Tier 4 and 5 prophets gather annually to discuss these and many more unknowable unknowns at an event titled "Propheteering: Profit or Prophet?" Although not the friendliest name, this convention draws prophets from all over the world to come together in solidarity and further the field.

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There's everything from serious deconstructions of famous prophecies to philosophical discussions on important topics for the Modern Prophet to networking mixers involving entirely too much Firewhiskey. Prophets of all ages and levels of experience can gather and learn from one another. There are even workshops for deciphering a prophecy if you are fortunate (or unfortunate) enough to witness one yourself. Many of the great prophets in our societies world-wide have attributed their fame and fortune to talks and networking events hosted by the convention. Most notable names include Cassandra Fablaski, Tiresias of Greece, and The Oracle at Delphi (although this last prophet is actually a succession of prophets in the city of Delphi). Being a public prophet is often dangerous work as you are just as likely to incur the wrath of the local warlord or king as you are to incite their favor. As prophets are not in control of their "episodes", many choose to live quiet lives with a companion at the ready to note any arising prophecies. Once written down, prophets with the favor of people in power will sometimes choose to restage the prophecy if they are certain that there will be no negative repercussions for doing so. As with Tiresias of Greece, they are not always correct. However, once this mistake is made, there is rarely a prophet who will repeat it. These days, most prophets will carry out quiet lives. They work in shops, become professors at prestigious universities, or even go backpacking to discover new magical creatures. Some study philosophy in high towers while others settle down and start a family. "Are all prophets a witch or a wizard?" is the next question my nieces and nephews would ask. The short answer is "sort of". The slightly longer answer is, "a prophet is never a Muggle". Usually, a prophet is a witch or a wizard but once in a very long while, there is a prophet who is a Squib. These prophets actually tend to have slightly more intense powers than the average prophet and can most often be found in Tiers 4 and 5 of the Prophet Categorization list. This phenomenon is being researched intensely by prophets largely in Great Britain and the United States. More data and information is consistently revealed at the annual meeting of the "Propheteeting: Profit or Prophet?" community so we might have a complete answer sometime in the next century!

This article was written by an unnamed prophet. For more information on Prophets, the challenges they face, and tips for deciphering prophecies, please owl "Propheteering: Profit or Prophet?" and you will most likely receive a response within the next three Full Moon cycles. 41

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What good ever came from Snitchcombe?

written by Eldis_, illustrated by victoire_delecour

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S i n t e r k l a a s

the Dutch Santa

n December 24th, Santa gets in his sleigh and travels the world, giving presents to children everywhere, right? Wrong. He doesn’t quite get everywhere, he skips two European countries, where his predecessor still brings joy to the children of the Netherlands and Belgium, but a couple of weeks before Santa does his round. This man is called Sinterklaas, and he is quite an interesting figure indeed.

was unsuccessful: the people turned the religious festivities into a folk festival and continued their fun!

The oldest known Sinterklaas tradition is ‘schoenje zetten’. Starting in or before the 15th century, the poor would leave one shoe in the church, which would be filled with money by the rich. Starting a century later, we have reports of children leaving their shoes in the living room, stuffed with hay or a carrot for Sinterklaas’ horse to eat, just like you would leave milk and cookies for Santa and his elves! After singing a Sinterklaas song, they’d go to bed full of anticipation. The next day they’d find their offering for the horse replaced with a little treasure: some candy, a tiny toy, an apple, pepernoten, you name it! What are pepernoten, you ask? These tiny cookies are best eaten by the handful and are made with flour, milk, brown caster sugar, a thick syrup, butter, cinnamon and speculaaskruiden, the latter being a mix of cinnamon, cloves, coriander, nutmeg, ginger, aniseeds, cardamom and a variety of other mysterious spices.

Sinterklaas, just like the jolly ol’ man Americans know and love, is based on bishop Nicolas of Myra, a greek saint living in modern-day Turkey, who died on the 6th of December 342. He is the patron saint of a great many things, but what is relevant to our story today is that he is the patron saint of children. In the early thirteenth century, his popularity spread from east-Europe into the rest of Europe, eventually reaching the Netherlands too. In order to celebrate this man, a child was elected bishop on the 6th of December and they, alongside their followers, would get food and presents till the 28th of that same month. Other children got the day off and received some extra pocket money to spend. Since dear saint Nick is also the patron saint of unmarried women, a man trying to woo the lady he had set his eyes on would buy a ‘speculaasvrijer’, a speculaascookie in the shape of a man, and gift it to her. If she accepted his present, he knew the feelings were mutual!

However, not every child could expect to receive a present from this ‘Goedheiligman’. He used to be quite the imposing and scary figure, who, if you were not an obedient and dutiful child, would punish you and give you salt or twigs instead of something sweet. Or worse, he would kidnap you back to Spain, where he lives!

When, around 1600, the Netherlands became more and more protestant, Sinterklaas almost left the country completely. Maarten Luther (EN: Martin Luther) was convinced that giving each other presents was more of a Christmassy thing, but he

Sinterklaas used to deliver all the presents alone, travelling over the rooftops on his gorgeous white horse. However, in the mid-eighteen-hundreds, a teacher was the first to report about the steamship Sinterklaas used to travel from and to

Spain, and the first to report on Sinterklaas’ helpers. And these aren’t like the adorable tiny elves Santa has running around in his workshop, oh no. This is where the story turns from a fun, sweet tradition where children receive presents and candy to a political debate. The helpers Sinterklaas had, is called ‘Zwarte Piet’ (Black Pete) and is quite clearly a slave. Whilst Sinterklaas himself turned more and more into the kind, forgiving, benevolent man he is perceived to be today, Zwarte Piet became the scary punisher who would kidnap naughty children. He was acted out by white people painting their faces pitch-black, their lips an exaggerated red and wearing curly wigs, large hoop earrings and a minstrel-outfit. Since 1850 his image, too, slowly shifted into a kinder figure, but his look is today still a topic of major debate. Starting in 2013, the ‘zwartepiedendebat’ has taken over the Netherlands every single holiday season, with people in favour and people against Zwarte Piet hotly debating their opinions: ‘it’s tradition!’ and ‘it’s super racist!’ respectively. In the past few years, the enormous wigs, dramatic red lips and gold earrings have disappeared, and it is rare to find a Zwarte Piet with a truly pitch-black face. Many celebrations nowadays prefer a ‘roetveegpiet’, or a scootpete, where the face remains white but is dusted and grimed with soot, supposedly because the Pieten deliver the presents by going through the chimneys, which is, of course, not a very clean job. Sinterklaas himself, meanwhile, has had the same look for quite a while. With his white dress, red-and-gold cape and mitre, white beard and gold staff, he truly looks like a bishop. He can also often be seen car-

INSERT QUIBBLER rying a heavy book, which contains the names of all the children in the Netherlands, alongside their wishlist. Sinterklaas, in normal times, is usually celebrated very extensively. Most people will have multiple celebrations with family, colleagues, sports clubs and different friend groups, whilst children usually also celebrate at school. Luckily you do not have to buy presents for every single person in every single celebration you attend. Most groups will draw lots: everyone puts a piece of paper with their name and wishlist in a hat, and once all names are in, everyone draws a piece of paper and has to buy something for the name they find, generally having to stay below a certain budget decided by the group. Sometimes, some tinkering is required. You don’t just want to give the present straight, it has to be hidden in some sort of ‘surprise’, preferably related to either the present inside or the person receiving it. So if you know that John from Accounting really likes soccer, you might hide his present inside a paper-mache soccerball. Every surprise, however, or every present straight, should be accompanied by a little poem. This rhyme, usually following a simple aabccdd etc. scheme, pokes fun at the recipient and hints at the contents of the package. So if John from Accounting always runs in five minutes late, now is your time to finally make your frustrations known. Although not too clearly, as the givers will be revealed after all the unwrapping is done.

family will gather together with a huge pile of presents, snacks and many mugs filled with delicious hot chocolate. The first broadcast each year starts about a week before the ‘intocht’, the day Sinterklaas officially arrives in the Netherlands. The presenter, Dieuwertje Blok, will contact the boat to see how things are going, and they are usually not going well: either the presents are lost, or the horse is ill, or the big book with all the children's names has fallen into the water. Luckily, the ship always arrives on time somewhere in the first two weeks of November. He will be welcomed by the mayor of the town he docks at, and a whole bunch of excited children and tired parents waiting along the sidelines of the route Sinterklaas takes on his horse. Het Sinterklaasjournaal is broadcasted every weekday, so everyone can keep close track of the most recent developments, always resulting in a happy end for Sinterklaas, his pieten, the horse, the present and the children. This year is the 20th season, where Sinterklaas arrived in a secret location. This year the children could welcome him by sending their drawings to their local mayor, who travelled in their name to Sinterklaas’ house to hand the drawings over. Sinterklaas is working from home this year! 344 of the 355 mayors have agreed to participate.

important part of Dutch and Belgian culture, although each country celebrates the feast on different days. Whilst the Dutch gather on the fifth of December to open their presents, the Belgians have a bit more patience and celebrate on the sixth. It is no wonder, then, that Santa himself doesn’t have to visit every house in these two countries to spread his joy, for that would be a bit of an overkill. Which leaves Santa and his elves only 193 countries to visit on the 24th. Piece of cake, right?

It is safe to say that this beloved and controversial feast is an

In smaller circles, everyone will buy presents for everyone, accompanying every single present with a poem. Children will usually receive a present in their shoes once or twice each season (not accompanied by a poem), the most popular gift being chocolate in the shape of their initial. Of course, they only receive a present if they sang one of the Sinterklaas songs the previous evening! Sinterklaas is such a popular celebration that there even exists a ‘Sinterklaasjournaal’, a news bulletin to keep the children up-to-date on Saint Nick’s preparations for the big night on the 5th of December, where the

ear readers, I bring to you an expose that will shake Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry -- and therefore British Wizarding society as we know it -- to its very core. From the secret rooms of the Slytherin dungeons to the mysteriously sinister rooms of Ravenclaw Tower, from the cheerful blaze of Hufflepuff to the watery knees of Gryffindor, this article will expose the secrets of all four Houses, hitherto unknown in their entirety. Gryffindor, for example, is split on its opinion of the House Cup. Some see the House Cup as past generations have: a collaboration between members of a House to earn a special reward. Others, however, see it very differently. “It’s a suck-up contest,” one student confides in me. “They’re trying to get us to behave by dangling a useless reward in front of us -- we get nothing for it! We get an old cup that our Head of House holds on to while the people who did the work don’t see it. We get no extra privileges, no real prize. Why bother?” Another says, “They talk a big game about House unity, but they don’t believe in it. If they believed in it they’d get rid of the House Cup. All that thing does is keep us at each other’s throats, wondering when we’re gonna get blamed for something we didn’t do and lose points, or sabotaging another House’s chances. Some teachers abuse the system by giving out or taking away points for no real reason. It’s an annoying, unnecessary distraction.” One wonders if the real reason Gryffindor appears to be anti-House Cup is the bullying that runs rampant through the House. An anonymous ex-student tells me that when Hermione Granger was still a student, she was mocked and hexed for her initial efforts at improving the lot of house-elves (for an in-depth look at how Ms. Granger's one-woman campaign became its own Ministerial department, see page 7). A current student reports that the 'pranksters' of Gryffindor tower, known as Marauders2.0 for reasons known only to them, are not the lovable jokesters they present themselves as. "Some of us are terrified," the student admits. "We've woken up to things in our beds, to our windows being gone, to explosions in the common room at three in the morning...living with them is hazardous to our health." I reached out to Headmaster Weasley for comment. He sent me a terse letter in reply, saying in part, "Members of my extended family may be a bit rambunctious, and certainly they don't always think things through. But what does a teenager do? I will remind you that we have had no significant injuries on Hogwarts grounds since my disastrous predecessor, Alicora Millifiore, attempted to revive the Triwizard Tournament as a single-school competition, then lost control of his Fwooper. Under my tenure, injuries have decreased by 37% in total."

Are injuries the only measure of a successful school? A casual perusal of grades by House, which are sent to the Ministry each year, shows a startling trend: Gryffindor and Ravenclaw have been swapping between fourth place in academics for the past nine years. It is understandable that Gryffindor would take the bottom place occasionally; their House is not renowned for academic prowess. But Ravenclaw, regarded as the House for those of superior intellect, in the bottom half of the school? Headmaster Weasley told me, quite verbosely, that Ravenclaws are near the bottom due to a mix of academic distractibility and burnout. The burnout is, frankly, easy to remember from when we all took our OWLs and NEWTs. Who among us did their best in that two-week haze of test after test after test, which we were told would decide our future more concretely than our own ambitions? But academic distractibility, Headmaster Weasley tells me, is the real culprit. He gave me an example, apparently a true story: The first year Ravenclaws were set an essay on the uses of the Levitation Charm. Out of seven, only one turned his in on time. The others all begged for extensions, citing kinematic laws and natural order perversions that must be resolved.

Nobody has ever made it to the top. Many have tried, according to my sources. Some have returned to the common room sobbing and bloody, but none have yet made it through that harrowing maze. "Once was enough," one student tells me. "I made it to -- I don't know what it was. It looked like those paintings from those Muggle artists, MC Escher and Salvador Dali, got together and had a baby and created that -that monstrosity up there. I barely made it out in one piece...I'm never going back up there." Another student concurs: "I made it to the room with suits of armor shaped like dragons. I thought I could take them, but they got me instead." He shows me a scar on his arm. "They breathed Fiendfyre." Fiendfyre! In our most esteemed school, this is what haunts Ravenclaw Tower the most. It seems like this would belong more in Gryffindor.

It’s a suck-up contest,” one student confides in me. “They’re trying to get us to behave by dangling a useless reward in front of us -- we get nothing for it! We get an old cup that our Head of House holds on to while the people who did the work don’t see it. We get no extra privileges, no real prize. Why bother?

The Transfiguration demonstration, where Prof. Lecroix turned her desk into a pig, drew forth an outpouring of concerns: was the pig truly alive? If you killed it, could you make bacon? If the pig was alive, was it morally correct to then return it to its initial state of being a desk? Was this an exception to Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration? (Headmaster Weasley assured me the student in question phrased it as "But I thought you couldn't Transfigure food?") But all of this pales in comparison to the true distraction at work here. Ravenclaw Tower does not end. The Tower continues to spiral, higher than the castle itself, in a real-world example of a wormhole. One student told me the rumor holds that if you make it to the top, you'll come back out in the Slytherin common room.

Indeed, a search of school records provides evidence that prior to 1547, an average of 6 Gryffindor students died each year. In 1547 Gryffindor and Ravenclaw students switched places -- Ravenclaw Tower became Gryffindor; Gryffindor Tower became Ravenclaw. After the switch, average Gryffindor student deaths dropped to 2 for the next ten years, then 0, which has held steady since (with the obvious exception of certain outlier events).

But if that is what our brave and intelligent students face in the air, what do our ambitious and loyal students face underground? Hufflepuff, it appears, has a collection of creatures for student use. There is a boggart on which students may practice the Boggart-Repelling Spell (and, upon occasion, more difficult spells such as the Patronus Charm). There is a grindylow in a tank it shares with a Red Cap and a hinkypunk. (Apparently, care must be taken in maintenance lest a hapless student be injured or the three creatures attack one another.) For the more adventurous students, a tunnel to the Forbidden Forest appears on the full and new moons; in order to prove your prowess and use the tunnel, you must defeat the Door Guardian in battles of wits, reflexes, and knowledge. Hufflepuff forbids those below fifth year from 51

even attempting to challenge the Door Guardian, and only 3-5 NEWT students each year are able to best the Guardian and gain access to the Forbidden Forest. The Guardian is not the only volatile being in the Hufflepuff common room. The paintings in Hufflepuff are quite snide and rudely comment upon everything one is doing unless they judge it to be "bettering yourself" in some way. Since these paintings date from the year 1206, some of these opinions are quite dated: girls are often yelled at to take up weaving rather than play Exploding Snap; swordplay is pressed upon the boys in lieu of Gobstones. Many students have learned to tune them out, but not all.

ho of all the Houses. For a House based on fairness and diligence, this seems quite fitting. Slytherin, on the other hand, is far more divided. "Our traditions will be destroyed," one student tells me. "We can't say it anymore, not with the government we have now, but Muggle-borns have been eroding our culture. We are the last bastions of tradition and culture in this world, and we do not intend to see it collapse without a fight." A different student is diametrically opposed to that opinion: "Some traditions are stupid," they tell me bluntly. "Quills are more unwieldy and break easier than pens.

It's a dreadful racket," says one. "I've got a couple years, yeah, but I still need to prepare for NEWTs now. If I don't do well, it'll be back to the Muggle world for me, and without my GCSEs or A-levels, well, it'll be a miserable life.

"It's a dreadful racket," says one. "I've got a couple years, yeah, but I still need to prepare for NEWTs now. If I don't do well, it'll be back to the Muggle world for me, and without my GCSEs or A-levels, well, it'll be a miserable life." (The line between Muggle and Magical worlds in terms of education has been hotly debated. I will not rehash that argument here; perhaps another time, should readers show interest.) Another has a different take: "I've been teaching myself Old English from the portraits. Helen Ingersollâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s taken advantage of that, but she has the most interesting scrolls anyway, so I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t mind. One of the portraits believes that books printed after the Statute of Secrecy fail to account for Muggle theories and advances, and will translate anything I ask her to. I have to say, looking at our current textbooks compared to Muggles', she has a point. I mean, wizards still believe in the four humors! Get with the times, people, germs can be seen with a couple of magnifying glasses and a flashlight!" (If you don't know what germs and flashlights are, visit a Muggle library and ask a librarian for assistance using their catalogue.) These two students point to an interesting trend that has been growing: students want to marry Muggle technology with magic. Again, I won't rehash this debate here. However, Hufflepuff seems to be the most gung52

Bloodline governance and monarchies are outdated, and most Muggles recognize that. Our government needs to reform, and I support all efforts to destroy the oligarchy determined to keep us all in the Dark Ages." A more moderate opinion seems to be the norm in Slytherin: while Muggles have historically been violent toward Magicals, so too have Magicals been violent toward Muggles. One need only look at how divisive the Muggle-Baiting Ban was, at how narrow a margin it passed (88-87, with 25 abstentions!), to understand how true this is. Some traditions should be pruned; not all progress is good. Slytherin is more focused on politics than the other Houses. As the House of ambition and cunning, many Slytherin students see themselves going into politics. Unsurprisingly, many of its in-House conflicts also center around contemporary political issues (the role of the Ministry, the value of the Statute of Secrecy, the enforcement and creation of various laws, whether certain passwords should be retired [this one they did not explain]). However, not all conflicts are political in nature, and nor are they interpersonal. The oldest conflict in Slytherin, according to multiple people, is who actually founded the House. "The history books all say it was Salazar Slytherin," says Hellen Imbersoll, who wished her name to be printed. "Whatever book you look in - Great Wizards of

the First Millennium, Hogwarts A History, even A Definitive Guide to Hogwarts - they all say it was founded by old Salazar. "But if you go back to the scrolls, back to before the printing press, you start seeing other theories. You start seeing Salazar listed as Head of House, but only after someone named Orellana had died. There are scrolls from the eleventh-through-fourteenth centuries that speak of Orellana Slytherin as a great magician, a political savant, and a marvelous teacher. "But then the printing press is invented. Muggles begin seeing these scrolls as they are turned into books (remember, the Statute of Secrecy did not yet exist). And these Muggles, seeing Orellana's name, assume that Orellana was a woman and so they're getting a mistranslated text, because the culture in those days was for women to be completely subservient to men. So they go back and they start 'fixing' these mistranslated scrolls, creating a whole lot of mistranslated books in the process. And because few people read West Saxon anymore, these scrolls were lost. Until I got a Hufflepuff to take the scroll into his common room and get a portrait to translate it, I had no idea about any of this. Puffy's been working on this with me for almost a year, but they don't want their name on this, so I won't say it." I had to ask her. Who was Orellana Slytherin? "Orellana Slytherin," Miss Imbersoll says, "was Salazar Slytherin's wife." In the astonished silence that followed as I tried to come up with a response, Helen continued. "It's something we see a lot after the introduction of certain schools of thought - women as servants, women as children, women as uneducated dolts. And a lot of women were uneducated, but so were a lot of men. Husbands taking credit for their wives' accomplishments is a time-honored tradition that needs to go. Salazar never took credit while he was alive, but after several centuries, this became the truth." I asked her for her sources. She grins at me. "I found their private journals. Dating spells place them at the right time in history. Hufflepuff has been a godsend in translating them." The Lost Journals of Salazar Slytherin are supposed to be hidden in his Chamber of Secrets. I ask her about it

and she tells me, as casually as if we were discussing a new hair treatment, "I'm a Parselmouth. I found the Chamber in my third year and have been going since. I've asked Headmaster Weasley to get a proper historian in here to validate them - I'm only fifteen, no one's going to listen to me - but he refused. There are journals from the Slytherin line dating from Orellana and Salazar all the way to 1627, when Ferdinand announces his intention to challenge another to a duel over an insult. It must have killed him because the journals stop. His daughter was two - I guess she never found the Chamber." Headmaster Weasley tells me, "Miss Ingersoll is incredibly advanced, particularly for a fifth-year student. Her drive and curiosity have led to a wondrous discovery, but it cannot be verified until the students have left for the summer and Ministry experts can be called in to investigate." Even while writing it out, my head is spinning. The Chamber of Secrets and the Lost Journals - found? But how? When? Is this fifth-year student telling me

Orellana Slytherin," Miss Imbersoll says, "was Salazar Slytherin's wife.

the truth? Headmaster Weasley certainly seems to think so. More importantly, if this is something hotly debated within Slytherin - why has no one else been notified? Is it the prejudice against Parselmouths? Is it Slytherin's reputation? Is it the habitual secrecy this House prides itself upon? Perhaps it's all of the above. As I finish this report, I reflect upon all I have learned. Gryffindor's pranksters, terrorizing their classmates. Ravenclaw Tower, assaulting its students. Hufflepuff portraits berating its charges. Slytherin politics that will blow the historical societies away. As I do, I realize that there is only one question I asked of Headmaster Weasley that he did not answer. Perhaps I'll never know who his favorite singer is.

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If you dive deep into yourself and find that knot that has been causing so much energy, you can work on it from there. Untangling that knot will take time because each knot will make you question yourself and make you understand things you didn't know about yourself. If you do dive deep, do so with caution. Asking too many questions and seeking too many answers can hurt you. You’ll be left clinging on to whatever hope you have and feel like nothing makes sense. This can occur if you let out too much energy, and you start feeling weak and like nothing matters.

Many wizards and witches have developed a new way of living called ‘Diving Deep’. To dive deep is to look into yourself and ask yourself a lot of questions that help discover yourself. Rather than blaming every problem on Merlin, one should first dive deep into themselves and understand what they are searching for. It might sound complicated, but Emerson Rans’ book ‘Dive Deep Into Your Soul' talks about this very practice. Inspired by the Pensieve, as well as modern Muggle psychology, diving deep has proved effective on many occasions. Witches and wizards who feel confused and lost are requested to ask themselves why. Why do they feel upset? Why does that particular thing upset them? What did they expect? And more questions of the same sort. It might take you time to answer a question honestly, but that’s the way to go about it. You might not want to admit something, but according to Rans, that’s what you should do. Before confronting life, confront yourself. Ask yourself what is wrong and why. While doing this, you might feel like breaking down and crying. That is actually good because it releases all the magical and stress energy you’ve been building inside of you. As known, all wizards and witches have magical energy which is channeled through wands and that’s how you can cast spells and charms. However, if something is troubling you, more energy is built up inside of you. This energy cannot be channeled through wands, but rather can be channeled out of you via your feelings.

At this point, you need to remind yourself that you have a lot that matters and that you matter a lot to many people. The journey will be tough, but you’ll feel better. It’s like diving deep into an ocean to search for rumored creatures. It will be tough to keep going for hours at a stretch, but with the right approach, you’ll be successful. In the same way, if you are calm and ready to face whatever comes your way, you’ll be able to dive deep. After you dive deep, the time to resurface arrives. You need to accept what you’ve learned and change your thoughts to accept that. Maybe you might have to take on a different perspective in life or value things more. But it will be worth it. Witches and wizards have tried this method, and it worked fantastically. They claimed to feel different and have a different outlook on life. Some things mattered more than others, some mattered less. They were still the same person and had not lost nor gained any extra magical abilities. They were able to do everything they could do before, but their head felt lighter. Their hearts felt lighter. Their lives felt lighter. And they were happier.

Written by Milomi10

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A Lonely Christmas I plunge through snow and marvel at how thousands upon thousands of feather-light flakes create A blanket; cold and dense. Passing conversations, speaking of white Christmasses, family, friends, presents and colourful treesI look down and wonder how it is back home, where one empty chair stands. For me here, there are three And I cannot help but wish That there wasn't any Christmas This lonely, ice cold year 56

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Christmas is Still Christmas

Our lives may not be perfect our songs are quite off-key our wishes may not have come true yet we’ll dance and sing with glee We might not be too normal perhaps a little mad you might think we’re crazy ones when we paint our walls bright red But Christmas is still Christmas which opens many doors we send hope and peace this season from our family – to yours.

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Joy I tasted sunlight today It peeked out from behind clouds Playing hide and seek with a new companion I never had to chase the sun Like I loved to do with the moon On car rides gone by, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d tap the glass In a formal beginning of tag Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d chase the moon home I never won I learned that heat can welcome you As well as its absence How the cold seeps into your bones Sometimes it wakes you up Other times it puts you to sleep This time It showed me the meaning of home I greeted that same friend Who warmed the sand as I walked it I burrowed into the earth just a bit more To show I was pleased

The sun rose one morning Shone directly through my window Woke me from slumber and gave me the strength to move Only the sun knew how to say good morning Have you ever felt completely new? Not like polish on shoes More like the mist on leaves after rain Like the world just stopped for a moment and said There you are! You bright beautiful you! Welcome Home!

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inging sensation River ‘Blaze’ Roscott has finally returned after a two-year-long break with his new song ‘Pixie Troubles’. After the successful international concert tour of his last album ‘Gnomes On Fire’, Blaze had announced to the dismay of his fans that he would be taking a break from music due to personal reasons for an undefined period of time. Last Monday, the fans received a pleasant surprise when ‘Pixie Troubles’ hit the wizarding wireless. In a floo interview with yours truly, Blaze told us that this song is an early release to promote his much anticipated Christmas album called ‘The Snowy Dens’ (to be released before the Winter Holidays). 'Pixie Troubles' couldn’t be more different from Blaze's regular repertoire. His conviction in changing his style of music is quite lost on us since he had so much success with his previous songs. Case in point, ‘Chamber Pods’ from his last album thrice topped the musical charts according to the magazine ‘Magical Symphony’ three years ago.

'Pixie Troubles' received mixed reviews from the magical audience; a first for Blaze as all of his previous songs were instant hits. The youngest audience age group were both happy and keen on this new form of music. “I love his new style, it gives him a whole new sexy demeanour. I hope he keeps making music like this,” says 17 year-old Natasha Green. In stark contrast, the older audience age groups don't find 'Pixie Troubles' as appealing as Blaze's previous songs. “Blaze’s slow deep voice is what made his songs stand out from the rest of the music in the wizarding world. This song however makes him sound quite breathless and I’m not sure if I like it,” says Martha Hammerschmidth, 34. When we asked Blaze if he's worried that this new album won’t quite reach the mark that his previous songs set, he responded, “Change is almost always met with resistance. This is just the start. I’m confident that my forthcoming songs will change the face of wizarding music.” All in all, regardless of your stance on 'rap', you have to agree that listening to Blaze’s voice after such a long time is indeed a treat. We don’t yet know if this change is for the better or worse but what we do know is that Christmas just got a whole lot better with Blaze on the wireless.

This new single is apparently a form of muggle music called ‘rap’. Blaze told us that he has been experimenting with muggle music, even dabbling in a dance form called 'hip hop'. Apparently, this type of dancing (which is in no way related to bunnies) was his gateway to 'rap', the supposedly very popular music genre in the muggle world. 'Rap' is quite unlike anything that has touched the magical community. The song consists of a series of rhymes recited at such a fast pace that we are almost sure that he used the ‘Speedening Charm’ on his voice (although he denies doing so).

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e all love snow. White, bright, cold snow. This year, a group of pranksters decided to showcase their fondness for the same by burying a neighbourhood in 165 feet of snow. You might ask how they did that since even the experts are clueless as to how the group of wizards were able to cast such a strong charm.

The Muggle weathermen were very confused and came up with various excuses for the heavy snow. It managed to make the headlines of every Muggle newspaper in Europe and left everyone astounded. The Ministry is currently searching for the witches or wizards behind this, but more attention is being paid on getting the snow to melt.

Notting Hill is in deep snow, causing a lot of havoc amongst Muggles and magical folk alike. Some wizards escaped their houses by Apparating or using Floo Powder while others simply stayed put and enjoyed their surprise igloos. Many officials were called in to melt the snow and obliviate any gawking Muggles. The Muggles, however, were quicker than ever and used something called the Internet to spread the word about the surprise snowfall.

Every time someone attempts a Fire or Warmth charm, it is fizzed out by more snow. The more snow there is, the farther they are made to retreat. In addition, nobody witnessed the snow piling up in the first place. This means that the witches or wizards who cast the spell were quick and efficient.

Muggles are in a frenzy but they can have the snowy Christmas many of them hoped for. The Ministry is reaching out to more

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experts for help but so far, all of their owls are in vain. A very useful observation was made that it only snowed more if spells and charms to reduce it were cast. Otherwise, the snow stayed still. One patchy solution would be to levitate chunks of snow out of the neighbourhood and spread it out on the surrounding hillsides. If both wizards and Muggles are enthusiastic, they can even figure out a way to get rid of the snow that blocks doors. The next logical step from there is to make snow slides, roller-coasters and transform the place into a winter amusement park (temporary, hopefully). However, that solution is a last resort. Research is currently being conducted on the snow and how it can either be stopped

or vanished. The pranksters themselves sent a letter to the Ministry which, once opened, spit snow in the recipient’s face. The letter was consequently passed around but no one was able to identify the sender or a way to stop the charm. Though the spell isn’t exactly harmless, I’d call it extremely remarkable (and funny). If you know anything about the charm or would like to help in any way, you may owl the Head of Charms and Spells in the Ministry. Keep an eye out for suspicious snow and steer away from that chunk of weird-looking snow. If you're very unlucky, the snow might just bury you and you’ll become a SnowWizard! Written by Milomi10

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It's Easy It' B e i n g G r e e n

bunch of bananas wrapped in plastic or not, grab those without. Try to avoid buying hazardous materials that could pose difficulties for you to recycle, such as freon-containing appliances or fluorescent tubes.

The issue of climate change is one that has been at the forefront of the news for a long time, and the pictures, stats and predictions are becoming more and more depressing each year. Many people want to help save the environment, but they often feel hopeless. How can a single person make a real change? Others fear that they do not have the monetary possibilities to reduce their carbon footprint. The saying is, after all, 'it's not easy being green'. Whilst global warming is indeed mainly the fault of big companies, it feels good to help the environment yourself as well. Every little bit counts! There is an easy and cheap way to help combat climate change: the waste hierarchy. The waste hierarchy, also known as the 'Three R's' is a simple slogan designed to reduce your carbon footprint: reuse, reduce, recycle.

• Save a couple of empty jars & buy loose-leaf tea: teabags are quite bad for the environment.

The reuse of products is often seen as limited to hipster DIY projects, but this first point in the waste hierarchy goes much further than that. It includes using your cup of coffee from the machine multiple times rather than using a new cup each time, or washing your cleaning cloths after use rather than throwing them out. It advises you to buy clothes at a second-hand store rather than brand new at one of the fast-fashion stores, and donate the clothes you do not wear. In the USA, people throw away on average 4.51 pounds per person per day. Much of this trash could have either been avoided in the first place or reused rather than thrown out. This does not only help the environment but also your wallet! The second point of the waste hierarchy is to reduce. This is often misinterpreted as living on a minimalist diet in an empty home. However, this is not the aim of this point. Instead, it encourages you to use a ceramic mug rather than a plastic or paper cup to get coffee, use a reusable shopping bag rather than plastic bags or to do your laundry only when you have a full load. This point also encourages people to think twice about their purchases. Do you need a separate oven and microwave, or can you buy a combi-oven instead? Or, on a smaller scale, is it not better - and cheaper - to buy a head of lettuce rather than a pre-cut salad? Keeping this in mind can already half your garbage output. The third and final advice is to recycle. Sometimes, trash is unavoidable, and you will have to throw things away. Look into the recycling options your local government provides. Almost all cities in the western world have options to separate glass, paper and plastic. When purchasing items, pay attention to the packaging they come in. The packaging will always say when it is made of recycled products. Try to buy those products, or products packaged with easy to recycle paper or other biodegradable material. And for many items, the packaging isn’t really necessary! If you can choose between buying a

Simply reusing, reducing and recycling products and thinking twice about your purchases can already substantially limit your carbon footprint. The waste hierarchy is cheap, and on many occasions even saves you money. For an even bigger change, you can introduce the 'reuse, reduce, recycle'- slogan at your place of work, school or sports club. With the waste hierarchy, it actually is quite easy being green and making a small, personal, positive change in the world.

Other tips include: • Cutting the plastic rings your bottlecap is connected to, or your beer is packaged with, so no animal can get stuck in it.

• Find a local farmers’ market! That way you support your local businesses & your food has a lower carbon footprint since it didn’t come from that far away. • Check your wine label: how far did it have to travel before you could buy it? Only buy wines from your general part of the world! • Don’t leave things plugged in when not in use! Even when the device is off, it will still use a little bit of electricity. Unplugging saves your wallet as well! • Meal prep! Save reusable plastic tubs (like empty buttertubs) to put prepped meals in so you can freeze it. This way you’ll throw away less food since it doesn’t go off! Cycle, walk or travel by public transport instead of driving! source: https://www.epa.gov/facts-and-figures-about-materialswaste-and-recycling/national-overview-facts-and-figures-materials

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Snow Snow drifts toward the ground Slowly, gently Adheres to soil and fits around it Remakes itself to provide An addition to a cycle no one can control Snow is like freedom It cannot be contained or restrained It adapts and shifts to new age assault Burns like fire even on the coldest night Creates a shroud to guide you home Have you ever noticed? You can always look back and see The steps taken to get you here Snow is a free canvas for all Molding it like clay Laying in it to create impressions in the deep Fighting with it and leaving no scars Sometimes I think snow remembers The joy it brings The hope it collects The happiness it pulls from our hearts Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve traveled using the snow Imagined an entirely new world for myself I reached out to the snow And Greeted it with open arms Let the cold wind it travelled on Wake me from dreams nearly forgotten

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Mens Erger Je Niet:

A Boardgame for the Family!

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e’ve all been stuck at home for a while now, and with the arrival of the cold, wintry days that doesn’t look like it will change any time soon. Which leaves the question: how can you keep yourself entertained? You’ve binged your entire to-watch list, baked loads of bread, scrolled endlessly through Twitter and Instagram… So if you’re already feeling ready to completely destroy your roommates, why not do so through a good-old-fashioned, fun for the entire family board game? All the way from Europe, here’s ‘Mens Erger Je Niet’, AKA ‘Mensch ärgere Dich nicht’, or, freely translated, ‘Dude, don’t be so annoyed!’

You can play this game with up to 4 people. You will need • The board (offered to you by the Quibbler) • 4 tokens for each player. • one dice (a D6) Every player chooses one of the colours in the four corners of the board. The four circles in that corner will be their ‘home base’, and that is where their tokens start. It is convenient if the tokens match the colour of their home base, or are otherwise distinctive from the other tokens. That way each player always knows which token is whose. The player that manages to get all of their tokens on their row in the middle of the board, the safe haven, wins. Once all the tokens are safely placed in their home base, the game begins. The youngest player starts by rolling the dice. If they roll a 6, they can place one of their tokens on the board, starting at the letter in their colour. They can now roll again, and move their token, clockwise, an equal amount of spaces to the eyes on the dice. If they did not roll a 6 on their first try, the turn goes to the next player, in a clockwise fashion. After everyone has had their turn, the first player gets to roll the dice once more. If they roll a 6 and already have one token on the board, they get a choice: they can either move that token 6 spaces, or place another token on the board. They cannot do both. Either action will mark the end of their turn, they do not get to roll again. When a player has multiple tokens on the board at the same time, they only get to move one of the tokens each turn. Each token only moves on the white dots, until they arrive at their own colour’s home base, where they are safe. So far, so good, right? You have your tokens in your home base, if you roll a 6 one of them goes on the board, and from there you can move them clockwise around the board. Sounds boring? Well, it won’t be once I tell you the next, and the most important rule of ‘Mens Erger Je Niet’: no two tokens are allowed on the same space. This means that if you roll a 4, and move 4 paces to a

spot that’s already occupied, you get to send that token straight back to its home base. That player will have to once again roll a 6 before they can place their token back on the board, and their token will have to start its entire journey from the beginning, regardless of how close they were to the safe haven. Let’s give an example. Say Eldis_, SinsationalDoom, Starflash and NDoraTonks are playing this game in the Quibbler head office breakroom. After a couple of rounds, Eldis_ has one token only three spaces away from her blue safe haven! However, SinsationalDoom rolls a 2, and it just so happens that one of Sin’s bright green tokens is two spaces behind Eldis’. Which means that Sin’s token can move two spaces forward, and Eldis has to return her token back to her home base, and has to start all over again. If no movements can be made because the rolled dice would kick the player’s own token off the board, because they do not have any tokens, or because they do not want to move their tokens for a different reason, they can surrender their turn and try again once everyone else has played. But if you are close to your safe haven and there are no competitors’ tokens in sight, you still aren’t safe! You have to move your token the exact amount of eyes on your dice. So say Eldis, after finally getting her token to circle the board again, is standing right in front of her safe haven. It’s the final token she has to play, all other three tokens are placed neatly on the blue B, C and D. She’s only one spot away from A, surely her next roll would let her in? But no! For she can only get to space A if she rolls exactly a 1. Because she has to move her token exactly the number of eyes on the dice, if she throws a 5 that would be (1) A - (2) B [occupied] - (3) C [occupied] - (4) D [occupied, end of the board so back in reverse] - (5) C [occupied]. And whilst Eldis is rolling and rolling and never getting a 1, Starflash is quickly approaching with her tokens to kick Eldis off the board! Not all hope is lost for Eldis, however, for she is allowed to move the tokens in her safe haven. Although it is not wise for her to allow her tokens to exit the safe haven, she can, with her 5, move the token occupying B: (1) C [occupied] (2) D [occupied] - (3) C [occupied] - (4) B [where it started] - (5) A [still free!]. Next round, B will be free and she will have to throw either a 2 or a 6 [A-B-C-D-C-B] to get her final token safely home, as long as Starflash doesn’t kick her off the board before then! Like I said, fun for the entire family. Make sure all knives are safely locked up in the cupboard and give your wands to a non-playing person for safekeeping, just in case someone has to be reminded of the name of the game…

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Game Info:

• Made for 2 - 4 Players • 4 colour-matching tokens per player • A 6-sided Die

Goal:

• Move all tokens from the ‘home base’ to the ‘safe haven’ first

Rules:

• Each player starts in ‘home base’ (four circles in the corner) • Start with the youngest player, then go clockwise • To place a piece on the board, a player must roll a 6 • Piece starts at the letter of their colour. Pieces move clockwise around the entire board on the white marks • You can only move one piece at a time • A player is allowed to have multiple pieces on the board at the same time • Only one piece per mark. Another player may ‘capture’ a spot by landing on the same mark. The captured piece is sent back to the ‘home base’ and must start over. • After going around the entire board, a piece can attempt to enter the ‘safe haven’. • Players can only enter their own ‘safe havens’. • A piece can ONLY enter the safe haven if the exact number required to get into the safe haven is rolled. Pieces can move within the safe haven. •Pieces can move outside of their safe haven in order to allow more movement choices, but cannot go around the board a second time. This also means the piece is vulnerable to a ‘capture’.

Toliver’s selective use of graceful yet brusque diction brings forth a sense of imperturbability that can be seen throughout the entirety of the text of Spectra. I found this series of poems to be emotive in a way that invokes a certain complexity of poignancy. After reading the striking premier poem ‘Kinesis’ The ‘Housekeeping’ portion of the book forthwith absorbed me even more as a reader. The concept of using the same title for a number of poems with similar structures yet eclectic content gives the apportionment a substantial concreteness and perspicuous structure while simultaneously refraining from circularity and superfluity. Nevertheless, the poems posses an unfaltering coherence that makes the body of the ‘Housekeeping’ poems emphatic and articulated. For example, if I were to adopt a single line from each ‘Housekeeping’ poem and amalgamate them into a single poem despite their variance, I result in a poem in keeping with Toliver’s quintessence and tenor: “Pull all the maps aside./ There’s something we’ve left behind, but not in the way you’d think./Inside an ordinary room our bodies flatten and spread over the furniture like breakers catching the last of the sun./You move as I move, whistling measure in salt grass, patient and guarded processions./ Say I dry heave at luxury, placating asphalt for rarer tricks of the light./I go on gargling with port wine, heavy dashes of clipped lullaby./I’m doing it already, see me, I’m pulling all the shredded lace down, quitting in the middle of a song./At night I place oil all over the door hooks to make for swifter leaving./ Awake again during cemetery hours I hunt Image © Coffee House Press for our vows in all the outspoken positions./ To hear you speak is one of the finer prisms hanging the knife-board in secret./The music comes through or it won’t, though you listen in harvest proportions./Neck-deep in your broken-bell stature a grin rips out to cross the chalk./Swell and a ghost between, like some perfected anchor leached into the drinking water: crease in the filigree, mild grace in execution.”

SPECTRA BOOK REVIEW On reading Ashley Toliver’s Spectra I was immediately impressed with the gravity of the heterogeneity and exceptional creativity that ignites this collection of poems. The book does not hesitate to awe, with the first lines of the opening poem, ‘Kinesis’, being fear that pulls tonishment.” 70

As engaging as the ‘Housekeeping’ poems were, my favorite part of the collection was ‘Ideal Machine’. ‘Ideal Machine’ is a synthesis that evinces a salient, self-possessed, fastidious, and inventive aesthetic. Toliver uses spacing between words,

“Though all bird-legged creatures

ble edge

the same distance, it is instinct

side the mind-

them to standing. In the museum their bodies like sea glass, an as-

then lemon

like night geodes

“I wanted to see

an indeli-

a line

lit

your hands inside me

braincells

reeling and numinous-“

in-

glittering

which gives the text a lofty, aloof character while establishing a definitive pace and order. Not only does Toliver utilize unconventional spacing between words, but her line breaks and line placement on the page are visually diverting and ruminative. Toliver writes, “I gather

what’s left

in this universe stroy matter

themselves

legs curled to pills one after another

several species of matter

de-

in long conversation mosses unbraid the trees from

earth into air into space where something else was not alone

we are never we are never not

alone”

The ingenuity of the form of ‘Ideal Machine’, written cogitatively across the spectrum of a considerable chapter, can also be seen in the third and final portion of Spectra, aptly titled ‘Spectra’. ‘Ideal Machine’, however, is nonpareil in content and form for not only is it written so expressively at length, but within the text of the poem at large are pages of dedicated personalization, such as the opening page simply stating “dear daughter

you lived-“.

Moreover, throughout ‘Ideal Machine’ there are illustrations of pelvic bones and butterflies, which bear a striking resemblance to another, followed lastly by a picture of a brain. These images are germane in respect to the written content that corresponds with them. For example, the author frequently uses medical terminologies, such as, “dear optic nerve dear crushed penny in the dark I watch explosions axons firing like mortars I count them” Throughout Spectra Ashley Toliver illuminates her history with medical battles which imposes an entirely new magnitude to the substance of the content of Spectra at large. I was moved by her riveting experience of coping with and recovering from a tragic ailment during a pivotal time in her life, specifically that of which she was arduously writing poetry. The references to medical devastations produce a nuanced perspective on the subject matter that can artfully be constituted

in a work of poetry. Toliver paints a rapturing picture of the ailments of critical illness: “singing through my brain

my face

lights

lure you wait shadows flat under the operating

scissor to flower to bone” Ultimately, I found Spectra to be an inspiring book and Toliver to be an inspiring person. The imaginative, introspective, contemplative, bold, and daring nature of the poems in this collection is nothing short of prodigious. Ashley Toliver has motivated my writing and thinking a great extent as I am consistently astounded at the brilliance of her craft. Her ingenuity is a constant inspiration that encourages my insight, venture, and zeal. I believe that part of Toliver’s brilliance is that her writing is profoundly unlike the work of any other poet. Her artistry is entirely original, eclectic, and full of innovation and pure ingeniousness. Toliver’s work Spectra changed the way I think about diction, content, context, and coherency, while always in admiration of her unprecedented and complex techniques. A notable poem from the SPECTRA collection that exhibits these qualities is a piece entitled “The Loomstress Loses Her Lineage” due to its thoughtfulness and intuitive evocations. Toliver writes, urchin husband river now

refusing

she stands neck”

“will he stretch the bit

when she is a bridge receding the

will he wade out of the bedroom

when the minute folds over and

outside it

a snap in the violin

In accordance with the totality of Toliver’s unparalleled oeuvre, it is evident anyone would find her writing salient, sagacious, and phenomenally exquisite, qualities vital to any work of exalted and awe-inspiring poetry.

--------------------------------

Works Cited Toliver, Ashley. Spectra. Minneapolis: Coffee House Press, 2018. Print.

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(Christmas Movie Recommendations)

recent study of Muggleborn Mages uncovered a time-honored Christmas tradition of sitting together in a family unit of any configuration and watching movies that stretch the imagination on what Christmas can or should mean. It's a time to reflect, to think about the people in your life that you love and to express how much you care about them in the spirit of togetherness.It is also a time to wear comfortable sleepwear and sip hot chocolate while sharing stories of Christmases gone by. Some even choose this time to share oral histories of their families, and ensure that the memories live on in the youth. How delightful! It's always important to provide an avenue of adding new types of joy into our households. Without the use of magic, muggles have been able to provide something close to it through this medium. In the interest of those wizards and witches who would like to adopt this interesting concept - viewing of Muggle media in their own homes or Burrow- we have listed our top three picks of movies to watch during the Holidays. Take a look and see if any of them piques your fancy: be sure to let us know how it went!

The Polar Express

The Polar Express is an animated movie, and for those who are unaware, animation in the Muggle world is similar to photographs that exist in the Wizarding World with an important caveat, they are moving drawings as opposed to real figures. The movie begins with a young boy on Christmas Eve who boards a train called the Polar Express after hearing its sound in the distance. He learns that the train is heading to the North Pole- the home of Santa Claus. Santa Claus is the Muggle way of describing Father Christmas, who unfortunately was sighted giving gifts as he owns a temporary Invisibility Cloak that does not fully protect a person from view. After paying his fines to the Ministry of Magic, he was given a special dispensation to provide a set number of gifts and to this day receives new technology from the Unspeakables to continue his yearly Gift Giving.

The young boy joins up with three other youths and they collectively encounter situations that test them emotionally. They end up meeting Santa Claus and it is interesting to see how the directors and writers of this movie conceptualize the idea and workings of Santa Claus. One of the interesting parts of the movie is that the payoff that most are accustomed to seeing isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t really there. Nothing particularly life altering happens to the extent of the movie forcing you to suspend your disbelief at the conclusion, which I appreciate. However, what the movie truly excels in is the interactions, dialogue of characters, the way they react to situations... any viewer could see themselves in every character. An important tenet of the movie is Belief, believing in yourself and believing in others. It's the same kind of belief that empowers you to complete spells successfully, the kind of spark that makes a potion turn just the right shade of blue. In essence, the belief not only of things that are seen but an enduring one that lasts even when you aren't able to remember that you saw it. Again, the rich storytelling makes this event suitable for all ages. In terms of viewing, the movie just looks beautiful; it takes risks and comes together in ways that are unexpected, but still provide an immersive experience all the same. The skill needed to pull it all off is evident and it's obvious that artistic decisions are made to enhance the somatic quality and bring life to objects. It rates an Outstanding, just like the other movies we have to share with you.

How The Grinch Stole Christmas

How the Grinch Stole Christmas is an adaptation by a very famous Muggle author. In this case, the story is told through the point of view of the villain. The main character, known as the Grinch, comes off as an irritable grouch who lives in a cave. His primary motivation is that he hates Christmas, and that is very clear from his isolation with only a dog for company. From his domicile, he can hear the festivities/parties that are tak-

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ing place in a town near him called Whoville populated by the kind Whos. Partly due to his anger and annoyance at being disturbed day and night, he hatches a plot to steal all the food, presents, trees, and decorations from all denizens of the town. At a certain point in his journey, he wakes up a child while stealing her tree. When asked about his actions, he comes up with a convenient lie and continues on his plot to steal all of the items from every home in the village. He goes to the top of a mountain to toss it all into an abyss but learns that the Whos were not sad about losing all of their items like he expected. Instead they began singing Christmas carols. It confuses the Grinch until he realizes that the Whos care more about being together than feasting on food stuffs and opening presents. After realizing this, he decides to bring back all of their presents and participates in the Christmas feast. Telling it from the Grinch’s point of view is the main selling point of the film. Through the course of it, some even empathize with the character and think more on the events that led him on this path. While compassion and care is not the surefire solution to bringing happiness to a grouch, it sure can go a long way.

The Nightmare Before Christmas

The Nightmare Before Christmas is an interesting movie that combines the holidays of Halloween and Christmas into a New Age animated fantasy. The story takes place in Halloween Town- a world filled with monsters and other beings that are associated with the holiday. We are introduced to Jack Skellington, who is respected by many who live in Halloween town and regarded as the “Pumpkin King”, and his role is to lead the town in Halloween celebrations. What we also learn is that he is tired of repeating the same actions and festivities every year and is readily awaiting some kind of change in his schedule. He spends time alone and while reflecting on his mood, he comes across a smattering of trees that contain doors leading to towns representing other holidays. He enters the door that leads him to Christmas Town. He is taken aback by the holiday and returns to Halloween Town, sharing what he has seen but the residents of Halloween Town do not understand. He hides himself away and studies Christmas intimately to find a way to explain it better to the citizens of Halloween Town.

His final decision is that Christmas Town should not be able to celebrate the holiday and keep it to themselves and that the citizens of Halloween Town should take over Christmas that year. In hatching this plot, Jack gives roles to all who live in Halloween Town that are Christmas themed- such as making presents or building a sleigh. He tasks some with abducting Santa and bringing him to Halloween Town. He is so sure that his plan is right that he doesn’t listen to detractors. Through some turn of events, Santa ends up in the hands of the main villain of the movie. Some in Halloween Town realize that what Jack is planning is not right, but the villain captures them as well. Jack poses as Santa and delivers Halloween style gifts that terrify and attack the residents of Halloween Town. The military of Christmas Town shoots down Jack and while he survives, he realizes that he was wrong and his idea of spreading joy the only way he knew how to Christmas Town was ill-advised. In the end, Jack rescues Santa who quickly replaces the Halloween style presents and gives Halloween Town a snowfall for the residents to enjoy. What really works about this film is that it also has music that advances the story. Song is a very popular storytelling device and can convey emotions very well. It is also animated, giving the directors of the movie more room to play with the actions of characters and not be limited to human movement. In the Muggle world, the story has somewhat of a fanatic following. Many will either dress up as characters or play the music on both holidays. It's very interesting to see what kinds of media the Muggle world holds up as the peak of creativity but I think we’re in agreement on this. Another common theme is the idea of wanting to do something right and when you realize that you were wrong, adjusting your behavior. Many of these shows and movies do their best to explain why what someone did was wrong and the consequences of their actions. It imparts a life lesson of being accountable, of making amends. It's a perfect way to wrap up either holiday season.

by mjenious

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THE LETTER The piece of parchment read:

You are running out of time. You know what to do. Outskirts of the Forbidden Forest at 4:39 am tomorrow. This is your last chance. The Dragon

The words burned brightly on the paper and dread pulsed through Neil’s veins. The Dragon knew where he was, which wasn’t a good thing. What more did he want? The Dragon had been sending letters to Neil for a month. He wasn’t the first to receive such letters. Many witches and wizards across the world claimed to have received them too. If the letter wasn’t heeded, sometimes The Dragon would track down people himself and do what was necessary. It usually didn’t end well for that person, unless a miracle was in play. The Dragon wanted magic from people, and he would go to any means to get it done. He believed in the myths that it was possible to extract magic from a person and drain them from their magical abilities. Then he could transfer that magic to himself, becoming more powerful. To do so, one has to follow specific instructions and perform the ritual accurately. It takes a lot of practice and The Dragon was able to get his share. He would threaten individuals and would even go as far as holding someone hostage with their

life on the line. A few of the people gave in and allowed The Dragon to work his magic and rituals. The next day, the same people would walk back into the Wizarding World - incapacitated and vulnerable. When Neil started getting the letters, he tried to con the man. He set up traps and charms at the venue The Dragon was supposed to meet him at. Being an Auror, he thought it his duty to catch The Dragon for good. Enough of the letters, enough of the threats. The first time he tried doing that, his house was set on fire. Neil reached it in time to extinguish it, but The Dragon had made it clear he wouldn’t play tricks. His new few attempts resulted in the same manner. After jumping from country to country, he had gotten his fourth letter. Neil stared at the letter in his hand and watched the words slowly fade away. He knew the routine. The words would now be visible a few hours before his meeting and then disappear forever. He remembered the words of a fellow Auror and immediately sent the details of their meeting to the Ministry. Hopefully there would be backup and they’d be able to get The Dragon. Neil armed up and went through all he knew about The Dragon. He was always clad in crimson and a black cloak. He also wore a mask (which made him look like a dragon) to hide his face. Nobody knew his name and he was always addressed as ‘The Dragon’. If you were a minute late he’d be angrier than usual. He knew everything and could break into minds as easily as a knife slicing through butter. He was dangerous, to say the least. But the Aurors were well-equipped and perhaps more dangerous. If they acted at the right moment, they would be able to get him. That hope drove the Aurors to this meeting, the hope of saving many more lives.

None of them slept that night, and they were wide awake at four-thirty. With pounding hearts, they Apparated to a place close to the Forbidden Forest. Neil reached the forest first. Though it took some time to get through the magical charms cast by Hogwarts (they asked the school to weaken them for a few seconds), he arrived in one piece. His fellow Aurors blended in with Disillusionment Charms. Everyone awaited The Dragon, and, sure enough, he arrived at four thirty-nine as promised. “Let’s make this quick, Neil. You know what I want.” Neil didn’t say anything but pulled out his wand. The Aurors around him did the same. They intended to duel The Dragon to death, but little did they know of his powers.

His legs were burning and he was aware of the man chasing him. He’d be able to catch up but Neil had no option. He cast an ice spell so The Dragon would slip and a jinx that would lower his senses. That kept him at bay for a minute or so, but gave the other one time to sprint away. A couple more spells and he was able to reach a safe spot for Apparition. Just like that both Neil and The Dragon escaped. The Dragon is still around with a big price on his head. Neil is off the radar, hopefully keeping low and out of the news. We don’t know where The Dragon is, but keep an eye out for letters. If you do receive one like Neil’s, owl the Ministry. A day after the incident somewhere in the Forbidden Forest a parchment was found that said:

The Dragon shook his head and chuckled, “I also know you. I can see the Aurors surrounding me. I’m not blind, you know.”

Nice try. I’m impressed, Neil. I’m after you. I’m an enemy, but here’s some advice. Run.

At that moment, a lot happened. Neil cried out and shot a Stunner at The Dragon. The Aurors were temporarily blinded by a spell cast by the man who narrowly dodged the Stunning Spell.

XO The Dragon

The Dragon started duelling Neil and cast Body-Binding Spells at all the Aurors. Spell after spell, some being shouted out, others non-verbal. Each one flying past in a blaze of colour as the duel became tougher to follow. Having more magic in him, The Dragon was starting to win. Neil had backed up to a tree and gasped when the other man cast the Cruciatus Curse on him. He screamed in agony but nobody was around to help him. Threats escaped his opponent’s mouth and tears escaped the other’s eyes. Neil slackened as the curse wore off and started thinking on his feet. The Dragon wasn’t going to leave him and there was no way he’d be able to beat him. The next best thing to do was to escape death. He started running as fast as he could to the nearest boundary. All he

had to do was reach there and Apparate back to the Ministry.

-Milomi10

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E E

L L

The

Potatoes are the grounds heart given life Made so many ways enjoyed in just one Eldis chooses fake and her work is done But weep do I feel for her taste in strife For when food to cause joy falls under knife Exiled are the spuds she chooses to shun She knows not the glory from which she run The spuds missing that make joyous taste rife know her pain her loss blind to what it wrought Brilliant in mind yet deceived by instant Befuddled by the falsehoods she has bought But there is a hope for her but distant for she is grace and nothing but brilliant she will eat true spuds soon I insist it

Note: Eldis insists on making her mashed spuds from nothing but powder and water. Make of this what you will.

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At first I’m plain and empty, When I’ve been used I can be popular with the gentry, You’ll eventually see me on a wall, If I was owned by someone famous - you could receive a substantial windfall, With me you’ll need all your creativity, If you like my end product - it’s all based on subjectivity. What am I?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------P.S. however similar this may be to other riddles out there I created it myself for you!

Answer is an unused (or empty) canvas.

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Fantastic Beasts 3

Updates

ith poor reviews and poor box office sales, the third movie in the pre-series will make or break the Fantastic Beast series. With the current muggle pandemic still taking hold of the world, the next film in the 5-part series has once again been pushed back, not having the film released in 2022 for the safety of all those involved.

However, there is more news, which many fans of the wizarding world will be happy about. Johnny Depp, who played Gellert Grindelwald in the first two films, will be stepping down from the role. He has been losing popularity in recent years and has been dealing with many legal issues. Warner Bros. has said that Depp only had time to film one scene before he was let go. The main issue is that WB was legally obligated to pay Depp $16 million, whether he appeared in the film or not. This shows that there is a great deal of money going to the film, which is already worrisome for a franchise that does not seem to be doing well. On top of that, The Crimes of Grindelwald made less than any of the Harry Potter films or even the first Fantastic Beasts movie. But with Grindelwald such a key character, and the main villain in the 5-film series, he can’t just disappear. And WB does not want to cut the series back down to twothree films as that would mess up what they have going on in the story. With Grindelwald’s story so crucial to the series, the only option is to recast. Enter Mads Mikkelsen, star of the NBC show Hannibal, where he plays the iconic Hannibal Lecter. Fans are hoping that he will allow the special backstory and unique personality to come forward so that Grindelwald can be set apart from Voldemort. Depp’s portrayal of Dumbledore’s greatest advisory left fans feeling that the true story was not being represented well. Grindelwald seemed to be well versed in magic and intimidation, but that was not all he was and certainly not what made his story so compelling to readers. Now, Mikkelsen has a chance to bring the charisma that he is known for to Grindelwald and bring the true story to light. But this brings another problem to light. How will WB and their writers explain the sudden change to the character’s appearance? The great thing is that there are a number

of ways to explain this away, from a potion to a spell to a magical accident. This may mean that the scene Depp filmed was the very scene explaining the change. However, this is unknown at this time. Still, fans are eagerly awaiting for the relationship between Dumbledore and Grindelwald to finally be explored. We have seen small glimpses into this but have yet to see the deep relationship between the two men. Moreover, we will see why Grindelwald and Voldemort are very different villains within the same universe. As many fans know, there are several differences between the villains. • Voldemort wanted to destroy all muggles and muggle-borns. Grindelwald wanted to expose wizardkind to the world. • Voldemort used fear to intimidate those around him, causing only vile wizards and witches to follow him. Grindelwald, however, used truth that he had twisted to gain followers, many of whom thought that he was revealing some great, hidden mystery. • Voldemort would not get his hands dirty, but use the Imperius Curse to gain spies in the Ministry. Grindelwald was more than willing to go to the front lines and do, himself, what was necessary. • Voldemort was an enemy that each reader and/or viewer could easily identify as evil. Grindelwald is more gray in that respect… a dark gray. • Voldemort would kill easily and often. Grindelwald would kill, but it was not his first course of action. • Voldemort was straight forward in his approach. Grindelwald played a game of wizards' chess with his decisions. • Voldemort was frenetic. Grindelwald was calculating. In comparing the two, we can see how they differ in their methods and ideals. Voldemort was the terrorist and Grindelwald was the dirty politician - two very different kinds of evil. While one used fear, the other used reasoning. Fans are hoping that Mikkelsen will dive deeper into that dark logic within Grindelwald and the relationship between him and Dumbledore in Fantastic Beasts 3, but only time will tell if he is a good fit for the 2022 film.

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<The Potter's First Christmas> December 25, 2005 Ginny was no girly girl, but she did love wearing a little makeup on special occasions. And of course, it always made her heart flutter when Harry told her that her eyes were “exceptionally brilliant today”. This morning definitely counted as a special occasion. Little James was just 5 months old and it was Christmas. The newly established Potter family’s first Christmas together. Harry, Ginny, and James. Ginny glanced at her reflection in the mirror and brushed a tear away. She laughed softly to herself, shaking her head and turning away. She wasn’t a crier. As she opened the bathroom door, she heard a great giggle erupt from her son’s lips down the hall in the living room, followed by Harry’s deeper laugh. “And… peekaboo!” She heard her husband say excitedly. More giggles. Ginny followed the merry sounds to the living room where Harry had James on the floor, mid-diaper change. She leaned on the door frame and watched the pair, a smile playing on her lips. “Who could have guessed that you would be such a baby person?” Ginny quipped playfully from where she stood. He glanced up and froze, staring at her. “Merlin… Gin, you look brilliant,” he breathed, eyes fixed on his wife. She didn’t blush, but a twinkle appeared in her eye. “You don’t look too shabby yourself. Although, you’d better go 84

shave. Mum’ll have a fit if you come over looking like a dog and you know it.” Harry quickly finished up with James and picked up the squirming baby, standing. “I thought you liked me with a beard,” he pouted, sticking his bottom lip out dramatically and walking over to her. Rolling her eyes, she pecked him on the scruffy cheek, scooping James from his arms. “I said I’d let you try it out. Experiment over. Go shave!” She laughed at his face. “It isn’t just you who’ll suffer Mum’s fit. I don’t need her commenting on my home-making and husband-rearing, Harry James Potter!” She hip bumped him out of the room and he relented, heading to the bathroom. Ginny took her wand off the kitchen counter and whipped up a sling so that James sat tucked against her back, cosy and out of the way. Molly and Arthur had insisted on the family coming over to the Burrow for Christmas, and the couple had happily obliged. Their parent’s positively adored little James, and took every chance possible to see and coddle the infant. Hermione and Ron were to spend the day at the Grangers’, much to Molly’s dismay. “If you two were married, it would be one thing! But you are only engaged! And you’ve been that way for the past three years!”

INSERT QUIBBLER Hermione was determined to be settled in her career before marrying, and Ron was fine just knowing the wedding would happen eventually. If it was any consolation, Fleur and Bill, as well as the extended Delacour family, would be there today. Also accounted for were Andromeda Tonks and Teddy Lupin, George, Angelina and their two children, Percy and Audrey, and Charlie, the forever bachelor. It would by no means be an empty house. Humming a holiday jingle, Ginny pulled the casserole she was bringing from the fridge and placed it into a bag. Supposing a gift of wine might go over well with her dad, Ginny pulled a nice bottle from a cabinet above the stove and placed it gently in the bag as well. “Harry, are you rea-” she began to call, but before she finished, his arms were suddenly around her waist and she yelped. “You’re as bad as the twins, Harry! Don’t apparate in the house!” She had to admit, though, he did smell good. The aftershave coming off of him was one of her favorite smells, and her heart melted a little. “Yes, I’m ready,” he grinned. “Floo powder, yeah?” “Yeah. Will you go get the presents from under the tree for me? The ones for the family?” He nodded, and it was just a moment before they were off. As expected, the Burrow was bursting with noise: bangs and laughter, the clatter of pans and the whir of children’s toys. James began to cry, but it was short-lived. The Potters were stepping out of the hearth one moment and embraced by family the next. Fleur had taken James from Ginny’s back, comforting him with happy coos. Ugh. She was such a perfect mother. “Ginny! Harry, dear!” Mrs. Weasley (the original) came bustling through the crowd of younger children to embrace her daughter and son-in-law. “So glad the two of you could come! Oh, Harry, dear you look wonderful! Ginny! Lost the baby fat already! Well, I didn’t expect anything else from our Quidditch star! Oh, Happy Christmas! Where’s James?” She’d lost attention for the couple already and had joined Fleur in coddling the newest grandchild. Harry dropped the stack of presents under the giant tree and put a hand at Ginny’s back, following her into the kitchen. “Arthur! Happy Christmas!” Harry said jovially, seeing his father-in-law leaning against the counter drinking eggnog.

Ginny hurried to her dad and kissed him on the cheek as the men shook hands. “Harry my boy, how are you? How were the muggles yesterday? Ginny told me you went over there to spend Christmas Eve!” Harry grimaced, glancing at Ginny. Yes, they’d gone to see Dudley and his tiny wife. It had been the most awkward dinner Harry had experienced in years. He wanted to make it work with his cousin, one of his last living relatives, but it had been a rough night. “Yeah, yeah we went to see Dudley. It was nice. Very good turkey.” Harry cleared his throat and Ginny changed the subject. “Are George and Angie here yet, Dad? I saw the kids in the living room?” “Ah yes, I believe they are in the sitting room through there. Andromeda is coming too, but she is not here yet. I’m afraid Teddy is giving her some real trouble.” Ginny rushed out to see her brother and Harry gave a small smile. Teddy was perhaps the rowdiest 7-year-old Harry had ever met. “Auntie Dromeda is a strong witch. I have no worries she can handle him.” “Nor do I!” chuckled Arthur, clapping Harry on the shoulder and beginning to talk at length about work. The day passed them by in a jolly fashion. Harry and George led the the older kids outside to play “ground-quidditch”, where the two men flew around on either side as keepers, and the kids ran on the grass, throwing footballs painted maroon to each other and attempting to get the “quaffles” past their uncles and into a goal. Of course, George and Harry went easy on them, and the score ended with the children scoring 23 points, and little Roxanne throwing quite the temper tantrum that she was too small to throw a ball. While the boys distracted them, the women sat in the sitting room drinking tea and talking, and Arthur, Bill, Percy, Mrs. Delacour and Charlie finished up dinner. The girls had nearly roped Molly to her chair to keep her from the kitchen. They’d insisted that once a year, she needed a break from the kitchen, and that the men would do just fine whipping up a great Christmas supper. Ginny glanced around, biting her lip. She rubbed her stomach, which was swollen and hidden beneath an oversized Christmas jumper. How was she to tell everyone about the little boy in her womb? It had been barely 5 months since James was born and she and Harry had decided to wait to tell the family (besides Ron and Hermione, of course) about 85

QUIBBLER INSERT baby #2 until now. And, after her mum’s outburst about Ginny losing weight, she was lost as to how to break this news. Standing slowly, she told the ladies she was going to check on the boys outside and went to find Harry. Harry was doubled over, pretending to wheeze as the kids laughed at him. “Harry? Can I see you? Real quick.” Harry glanced up and his green eyes clouded with worry. He jumped up and left the kids to Uncle George, striding over to his wife. “Something wrong, Gin? Is it the baby?” he whispered, glancing down at her stomach. “In a way. I think we ought to tell the family. Now.” Harry pursed his lips and wrapped his arms around her. “You sure? Baby boy’ll be here before James is even walking…” “If we wait any longer, mum’ll never forgive us. I think it’s time. Besides, it’s getting harder to conceal this bump.” He nodded slowly. “It’s your choice. Let’s do it then, right?” She took his hand from her waist and intertwined their fingers. “Let’s do it.” Walking together into the sitting room, they called the men from the kitchen. “Harry and I have some news,” Ginny started, more nervous than usual. Molly was quick to interrupt. “You aren’t moving. No, I knew it! I knew it, you are moving away from your dear mum and-” Ginny held up a hand, stopping her mother. “Mum. No, we are not moving away.” Molly pulled James closer in her lap, mouth shutting quickly. “Harry and I are pregnant again.”

“Boy or girl?” “Someone was busssssyyyyy!” Arthur was the only one silent. When he spoke, everyone fell silent. “When is the baby due? July, like James?” Harry glanced down at his wife and spoke. “Er- no. April. He’s due April.” Mouths fell open throughout the cramped room. “Four months from now? You are teasing your mother, Harry. April?” Molly clucked, shaking her head. Ginny smoothed the jumper over her stomach, showing for the first time her decent sized baby bump. “Harry is not making a joke. We waited so long to tell you all because… well, because it’s so soon after James. But we are excited just the same. We’ve already picked out his name and we are just thrilled. Honestly.” Fleur was the first to rise and hug Ginny. “Ow wonderful, Ginny! I am so excited for you and ‘Arry! Anozer baby on ze way!” As if given permission, the excitement broke forth again and congratulations filled the room. Even Molly and Arthur could not hide their pleasure. “Well. two children under the age of one is not easy. I think you ought to stay here for a while after the birth so I can help you, Ginny. Harry, dear, I insist your family stay. I will not take no for an answer.” Molly said matter of factly, bouncing James on her knee and smiling at the couple. Harry and Ginny shared a look with each other. If only 10-year-old Harry Potter could see him today. He had a family. A loving, giant, loud, caring family. Harry would not trade this giant family of his for anything.

The surprise and delight in the room was tangible.

As if reading his mind, Ginny stood on tiptoe and kissed him, reaching up and putting a hand on his cheek. “I love you,” she whispered in his ear.

“How wonderful!”

“And I love you. Happy Christmas, Ginny.”

“Another!”

“Happy Christmas, Harry.”

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By Meddleofmycause 89

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This book series is geared towards teen readers and follows a crime fighting young tiger and rhino as they solve some of the most mysterious crimes in the Pacific Northwest of America. Though the two have an unconventional partnership and crimesolving methodology, they always eventually catch the perpetrator(s). We here at the Quibbler have been lucky enough to get a sample of the first chapter of the first novel in the series. You can read it below, and then go pick it up in your local bookstore!

Ratchet and Rhink - Sweet Slice of Justice is available now at Flourish and Blotts.

It was a cold, brisk Fall day when detectives Ratchet and Rhink appeared on the sidewalk in Bend, Oregon. The sun was shining bright overhead, but a gentle breeze sent a cool chill down the detectives' backs. “What are we here for again?” snapped Ratchet, the smaller of the two detectives. They were shivering and apparently grumpy at being awoken from their late-morning nap to investigate a crime scene. Rhink, a large Rhino with saggy grey skin rolled his blue eyes, “I dunno detective. I thought it was to investigate crime but maybe it's to pick up a cake.” Ratchet's head perked up at that, their pink tongue darting out to lick their nose, “Cake? I love cake!” they replied excitedly, bounding forward towards the blue house in front of them. “Merlin's beard, how are you a detective? Yes, we're here to investigate a murder. Look at you, maybe you should consider laying off the cake and you might actually be able to catch a criminal.” Ratchet let out a hiss and turned to face Rhink, “Listen. I will work with you, but it is not okay for you to insult my cake habit.” Rhink rolled his eyes but nodded in agreement, and the two continued towards the house. When they reached the door, it was to find it locked. “That’s odd,” Ratchet said in confusion. “Shouldn’t whoever first responded still be here to let us in?” “Yeah…” Rhink agreed, looking around to see if there were any other cruisers in the area. “Let me radio back the station, make sure we have the correct address.” Ratchet nodded their agreement before beginning to circle the house, trying to see if there were any clues around the outside of the small home. The back door was also locked and no one answered when they knocked. Ratchet was just about to go check on Rhink when something, moving at the corner of their vision, caught their attention. They looked up, thinking they saw a bird’s wing, but realized the movement was from a curtain swaying in the breeze out of an open attic window. Shaking their head, they walked back around to the front of the house. Ratchet, now standing again with Rhink, looked around in confusion. “Hear back from the station?” they asked. “Yeah, they said this is the correct address. Apparently CSU hasn’t made it out yet and the Uni who was supposed to stay here isn’t answering her radio.” Rhink replied hesitantly, trying to look around the house himself. “Oh…” Ratchet said, looking around in confusion. “Should we… Should we wait? Or call for backup?” “I mean… I don’t hear anything going on inside. It’s probably fine. It sounds like the only resident of the house is the deceased…” Rhink said, hooves stamping impatiently. “Alright,” Ratchet replied, “Well… I guess you should break down the door.” “Me?” Rhink asked incredulously, “Why should I break it down?” “Oh, I dunno. Maybe I just don’t feel like it,” Ratchet said with a roll of their eye, “Or. Maybe. Just maybe, because I weigh 70 pounds soaking wet and you happen to weigh a literal ton? I feel like maybe, just maybe, you have a bit more upper body strength than I do.”

“Oh, so I should have to do the extra paperwork for breaking a door because you don’t believe in going to the gym?” Rhink scoffed, tossing his head back before glaring down at the tiger cub. Ratchet groaned, “You know that’s not what I meant. I’ll fill out the damn paperwork you lazy sod. I just physically can’t do it.” “Well,” Rhink said dismissively, “then I guess we’re just going to wait to find out what happened to the Uni who was supposed to be here. Maybe she has a key.” “You want to wait?!” Ratchet exclaimed. “That’s ridiculous! We need to investigate the crime scene! Try to find the murderer!” Rhink raised an eyebrow. “Really? You’re in a rush to go investigate?” Ratchet looked down, shuffling their paw in the dirt, “Well… it’s almost lunch time. And I wouldn’t want us to miss that. You know how grumpy you get when you’re hungry. Rhink scoffed, “right, I’m the grumpy one. Not a certain tiger who tried to eat a suspect last week when the investigation ran over time.” “Mmmm,” Ratchet said, closing their eyes with a dreamy expression on their face. “He smelled like a barbecue from that fire.” Rhink gave them a concerned look before turning away. “I guess I’ll go call the station again and see if they’ve heard back from the Uni.” Ratchet thought carefully for a moment, “wait, I’ve just had a thought. There’s an open window on the third floor!” “Fantastic!” said Rhink brightly, “so how about you just fly on up there with those wings of yours and go around to let me in, shall ya?” “Why are you like this?” Ratchet asked, glowering. “I was thinking maybe, just maybe, you could come around back and give me a boost?” “Why am I like this?” Rhink repeated, stomping a hoof menacingly. “Why are you like this you weirdo? Do you honestly think I’m going to let you use me as a ladder?” “Don’t call me a weirdo!” Ratchet responded indignantly, “I’m sorry if you dislike that it’s convenient, but it is. This way there’s nothing breaking, no extra paperwork, and we get out of here in a timely manner and actually solve the murder!” Rhink let out a large sigh, but eventually rolled his eyes. “Fine. Whatever will shut you up. Let’s go.” They walked around to the back of the house, Rhink lumbering along behind as Ratchet pranced in front. “I was thinking we could try that new pizza place for lunch!” Ratchet called back excitedly. “You realize you’re about to climb through a window, into a house where you’re going to have to navigate around a dead body in a minute, right? Why aren’t you more worried about how weird this case already is?” Rhink asked, trying and failing to sound harsh. After all, it’s not like thinking with their stomach was unusual for his partner. Ratchet didn’t bother to dignify the statement with a response but padded a bit more briskly towards the open window. They arrived under the window and Ratchet looked up at Rhink expectantly. “Okay, so here’s what I think we should do,” Ratchet began, glowering at Rhink. “If you let me get up on your head, then you go up on your back legs, I can get my paws up and through the window.” Rhink looked around the window curiously, “Do you really want to do that? It’s pretty high up. I think you’re gonna have to stretch since I can’t get you all the way up.” Ratchet was determined, nodding their head. “Yes. Let’s just get this over with. I’m cold and I don’t want to wait around anymore.” They flexed their front legs, getting a good stretch, “As soon as we go back to the station though we’re filing a complaint against the officer who was supposed to be here. Bet she went off for pizza and left us sitting out here in the cold.” “Whatever,” Rhink replied before kneeling down. Ratchet scrambled up Rhink’s back, trying to find purchase without using their claws. Rhinos might have thick skin, but Ratchet knew there was no way Rhink wouldn’t yell about having his skin pierced. As soon as Ratchet was settled on the top of Rhink’s head, the rhino lifted up, balancing his front hooves against the second floor of the house as lightly as he could. He tilted his head forward, hoping

Ratchet would climb through the window quickly. “Hurry, I don’t want to put a hole through the wall,” Rhink said, his voice straining. Ratchet nodded quickly and leapt up, their front paws going through the open window. “Perfect!” Ratchet exclaimed, trying to hoist themselves through. Unfortunately, Ratchet did not have a good purchase on the attic wall. Their back legs dangled uselessly, and they couldn’t get their gut over the threshold. “Rhink!!” they called out. “I’m stuck!” Rhink looked at Ratchet and sighed. “Well, what do you want me to do? Build a time machine, go back four hours, and tell you that you don’t need that fourth donut? 'Cause, news flash, I tried that already and you ate it anyway.” Ratchet gasped in indignation, “Excuse you! Are you trying to imply I can’t get through this window because I’m fat?!” Rhink snorted, “No… of course not, Winnie the Pooh.” Ratchet wanted to glare, but they couldn’t twist their head around to catch Rhink’s eye. “Just push me up you jerk.” “I can’t reach you!” Rhink replied. "That’s why you had to jump, remember?” Ratchet thought very carefully for a moment before responding hesitantly. “Just get under me, get back on your hindlegs, and let me push off from your horn,” they pleaded. Rhink didn’t reply at first, and Ratchet lamented that they were likely going to die stuck halfway in an attic window. “My horn? Really? You want to put your paws on my HORN?!” Rhink asked furiously. “It’s either that or I fall!” Ratched cried out in desperation, feeling the strain of holding themselves on the windowsill starting to wear on their muscles. “So?” Rhink asked, “cats always land on their feet, right?” “You know full well that I am not that graceful!” Ratchet snapped, more out of fear than anger. Rhink snorted angrily, but eventually got up on his hindlegs to acquiesce. “Fine,” he said, his voice barely civil, “but next time, we just wait for backup. I don’t care if you starve.” “Fine!” Ratchet called back, willing to agree to anything if it meant leaving the window behind. They sighed in relief as they felt the thick keratin horn under their back paws. Nimbly as they could, Ratchet pushed off, clambouring through the window. As soon as they felt their back paws hit the attic floor, they sighed with relief. “Alright, I’m coming down!” Ratchet called out the window, looking around the attic for a door. They made their way downstairs carefully, trying to avoid looking through any doors in case the body was there. One didn’t just find a body and ignore it as a detective. That was more traffic-cop-near-theend-of-their-shift’s style. Finally, Ratchet got to the front door and unlocked it. “Come on in!” They hollered, feeling a weird, prickling sensation at the back of their neck. “Finally,” Rhink replied, lumbering through the door. The pair moved around the house carefully, Ratchet sniffing trying to find the scent of decay. “What do you smell?” Rhink asked as he watched Ratchet’s face sour in disgust. “I smell… blood… a lot of blood,” they replied worriedly, pointing their tail upstairs. Rhink nodded, stepped in front of Ratchet, and walked up the stairs cautiously. He opened a door and saw a leg stuck out from the other side of a bed. Rhink made his way over before he bristled and turned to Ratchet. “We need to get backup here. Now!” he exclaimed. “Why?” Ratchet asked in alarm. “'Cause I found our missing officer,” Rhink said sadly, “and she’s dead.”

To find out what happens next, pick up Ratchet and Rhink available exclusively at Flourish and Blotts.

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This November, several exchange students dragged their bags through the Hogwarts halls (No magic in the hallways!) to their temporary beds in a different house. Amongst these students was u/SinsationalDoom, who entered Ravenclaw with a secret plan: kidnapping all the Ravenclaw artists and forcing them to produce stuff for the Quibbler. As Sin sat in the corner u/oomps62 noticed that this strange Snake surrounded by art looked a bit like Tamatoa, the enormous crab from the Muggle movie Moana.

INSERT QUIBBLER I'd rather be Sin-y Like a painting in a fancy mansion, lush Scrub the brush and make it look Sin-y The Quib will sparkle like a wealthy woman's neck Just a sec, don't you know? Words are dumb, dumb, dumb They don’t even glitter, such beginners Oh, and here they come, come, come Just some black-and-white submitters, Mmm, prompt printers I just love free art You look like you see art Well, well, well Little Quibbler’s having trouble with its look The little semi-real-life magazine Ouch! With so many people reading this online book! (Y’know?) You don’t write it like you used to, man Yet I have to give you credit for Quib's length, And that fun text on the inside But without me it wouldn't be a work of art I'll never hide, I can't I'm too Sin-y Watch the Quib dazzle like a diamond in the rough Strut that art, that art is so Sin-y Send your writers but they'll never be enough My paint's too tough, come on guys, You could type, type, type, But you can't expect an editor To beat an art-getter (that's a fact) You will write, write, write 'Til it's time for me to set apart My stunning art

Every edition I gather the artworks And praise those who submit their gorgeous creations You try to be cool But without my art you'll never rule Quibbler! Now it's time to kick your scribbler Ever seen someone so Sin-y? Soak it in cause it's the best you'll ever see C'est la vie mon ami, I'm so Sin-y Now I'll paint you art for all your written words Bye, you nerds Well, this Quibbler hasn't always been this glam It was a drab little mag once Now I know you can read happy as a clam Because it’s beautiful baby Did your Word file say, "Listen to your pen"? "Write what you hear on the inside"? I need four words to tear that argument apart Your Word file lied

You'll never be quite as Sin-y You wish you were nice and Sin-y

The Quibbler wants you to know that this is simply a parody, and we welcome any and all written articles. Neither art nor articles are better than the other and we are grateful for all submissions.

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Release I have seen great heights Looked out into the deep blue sea Touched the horizon and tucked the memory close I noticed one day That everything is always different That I was always shifting my perspective That I was accommodating all in my space It's easy To want more for yourself To dream more for yourself To know that you deserve Because who is undeserving? The only thing that is undeserving Unrelenting The mass inside of you That seeks to invade your space

A Collection of Poems by mjenious

I looked into the horizon And it looked into me Told me secrets that I shouldâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve known Told me that I was worth it I never imagined the sky the way you do The way it seemed to bend Letting clouds bend and snap Figuring out where they fit in Let them cleanse the earth with their burdens Finding release the only way they know how Have you dreamed of paradise? Of course you have, you remember The taste of freedom The knowledge of joy The crackle of fire The reimaging of a new dawn I found that taste And forgot it when I awoke I still search for it now In the hope of passing it on

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Yes

Sweater

Every questions has an answer Some of them are so simple Did you hear that? Did you feel that? Do you know who I am?

The coziest sweater in the world Lets you sink inside Lets you curl into a ball on the couch Lets you dream of hot chocolate in your mouth

Some answers are actually so hard Did you hear that? Did you feel that? Do you know who I am? What if I don't want to answer? What if the words are actually too hard? You’ve changed my life in so many ways You’ve made me feel like a person as I wake up each day I’ve always apologized Because the words hurt too much Hurt just enough to make me feel it To know that I’m still alive I’ve always wanted to know how Someone is able to shift themselves around the pain To make a home out of it I heard an answer one day When no one else would tell the truth When no one had the ability It’s true Of course it’s true And isn’t that the miracle of life? To know that there is truth Give me the ability To filter through my mistakes To make a change Say Yes Say it's going to be alright Tell me that I’ve got it all wrong Tell me that you’re here With me

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My favorite sweater Smells like home Smells of Grandma’s hold Lets me remember her in years that have gone I think of emotions like sweaters They contain so much Emotion, memory, feeling What a blessing to receive so much From an object infused With the joys and pains of many Have you ever made your own sweater? Took direction from a master Learned the art of crafting a message Took the time to tie it together Mother knitted me a sweater one day Pricked her fingers once a day Gave me her love the only way she knew how Gave me a piece of her before I knew what it meant My sweater is a blanket It keeps me warm and safe It protects me from spills and thrills Reminds me of what matters most I gave my sweater away one day Gave it to the one person I loved Pricked my fingers everyday And hoped it meant as much to her As the sweater she gave to me

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Action

Power

Is it possible to work too hard? To know your limits? To say, there it is To exert so much energy that it works against you?

So much energy in the palm of my hands Coursing through my veins Made me feel like I was Maybe even that you were with me

I recognize my limits Saw them clear as day Watched you all make another lap around the track and said That's enough for me

I rooted myself into the ground Let the power travel through the cracked earth Let it heal the tilled soil Let it replant itself

Pace yourself as they run circles around you Make a new way after they abandon you Learn that forgiveness includes Giving that gift to yourself

I went home To the roots of my power To where the cycle began And learned the real magic

Brisk runs in the morning Cold air entering my lungs Makes me feel alive Makes me feel wanted

Everything is infinite In the way that I remember it to be In the way that I pass it on I have seen so much And learned so little About the way things actually work

I learned from the best How to run and jump and sideswipe Learn myself the best way I know how My heart Worked overtime to catch up to my actions To understand why I needed to make it pass the finish line We worked so hard And came so far To receive the fruits of our labor To burn the image of glory into our minds There is freedom in winning In reaching my goals and dreams In realizing that there is an after That the story has only just begun I learned to make a name for myself To announce to the world Here I am

Maybe if I shift this way Contort myself into another position Learn the ancestors way How they protected themselves against the rolling waves I am so lucky to be To be here? To be there? Or maybe that's it That the magic is within me Just because that's the way it is And that's fine by me I have enjoyed the power Of knowing that I am a person too Maybe youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll learn the same Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m very hopeful Of the future Of the power we have Of the ways we plan to use it

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Fly

Time

I took a flight one day Traveled over half a day to find a new path Decided to see something entirely new Maybe what I was looking for Was another part of myself

What a wonderful thing it is To spend time with someone To take up space in their lives To know that there are memories you both hold That are the same and different

I found out that there was something hidden Something that I have never known That I could be happy That I could be the best version of myself Just by learning more about who I am

How gorgeous a concept is that? To have time with each other To calculate what you’ve given to another

I’ve been thinking about what it means to be weightless To close my eyes and just be To become something different and still the same To change the way that I thought about myself I have been so thankful For the promise of the future For what it holds in its hands For what it imparts on all of us I have never been so grateful Imagine flying Just imagine the idea of doing it Being in the air and free Nothing holding you down or back Just pushing you further and upward We will know peace The power and relentlessness of hope The image of glory emblazoned in my mind To take what has been given And float away

Hours, minutes, seconds They are just words Simple and grandiose They say to me I can give this much What is time? But an expression of love A measurement of hope A ruler of patience I figured out what I was looking for That I was just looking for time More of it to spend with you All I wanted to say was Hello You've changed my life You brought me to higher heights To places I’ll never imagine That you would spend time with me What a thing to do To share what time you have left with me Forever is not really a concept Nothing lasts forever Forever just means time A section of the tape recorder of the universe Rewind to a certain point Learn that there is more to what was already seen You saved my life you know With that call and that text You gave me time Forward I have moved in the direction of freedom Faced the sun with open arms Embraced it eternally with the hopes of becoming More of the same and changed I took a bite of an apple Tore into it until I reached the other side Learned from my mistakes and made anew

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INSERT QUIBBLER The idea of coring an apple Of taking out its heart and saying I’ll preserve you, I’ll bring new life through this How thankful are we to create something entirely new out of a past iteration Maybe it will change Maybe I can decide that this new way brings light I think it will bring love as well To the people who have been holding me close To forge a new way We trudged through the mud Struggled as it attempted to pull us downwards Watched others fell behind and continued on Learned how to fight against the current I have never been more proud Of your resilience and guidance The way you learned the ropes And kept them out of my view The way you twisted and changed Casted spells to inure me from pain Made me realize that there's no such thing as regret How you showed me the way forward

Downward Into the earth We dig for a new life We dig for the possibility of finding something new I lay my shovel on the ground I tell myself it's not possible To give up I told myself Something’s hidden there A secret treasure for me to find I figure out that there's something else That I need to know That I am learning more about why That the truth is an inescapable thing Holds onto your heart I decide that’s the right thing to do I dig deeper I uncover soil and rock I uncover stones rich with texture and color I learn that this earth is not for me To dig into but for it to dig into me I realize there's so much more to this life That I should not be going downward but instead forwards But it's the only thing that I know What can I feel in the air? It's just so thin It just doesn't feel the same I can't crumble it in my fingers I can't learn more about what it is or how it came to be But maybe that's the point Nevertheless, I dig

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Crimson

React

There's a vivid color that I can see in the corner of my eye It infuriates me at every turn It reminds me of things I can't remember Childhoods filled with misunderstandings and grief

Let me tell you a story An interesting story about standing still And connecting with yourself so totally That you can hear the turn of the universe That you can watch the stars burn themselves into your eyes That you can see and hear and know so much more than any other person could

I wonder what it's like to be unmade To learn that your insides don't match your outsides To figure out who the core of your being truly is I wonder what they say about you I wonder if you're really able to take it Sometimes the thoughts in my mind grow like leaves on trees In the fall as things do I watch them turn Crimson I watch them fray and fall apart and gain sentience I watch them realize there is more to life than life itself What a joy To take a color and say this means something More than war and death and pain and grief Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve just seen a new assortment of colors But there's also more than that There is apples and sweaters and tables where we all sat together And that they were just as important as anything else But meant so much more That made me feel so much better What a Time to be alive

Ever Let me tell you a story about learning About reacting to everything and nothing at all About cementing yourself in the fabric of time and space Of knowing that every moment that you have ever lived Is quite possibly a moment no one will ever have ever How frightening is that? To know that every step you take Is one that no one else can I react to the tides I watch them ebb and flow Watch them tickle my feet And realize that so many things are going on at the exact same time Billions upon billions of people are living watching watching knowing And I am just here reacting to what I see How delightful

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Pleasant

Presence

Some Notes on pleasantness from a wayward traveler I learned very quickly what it meant to be pleasant I learned what it meant to never offend Not to rock the boat I learned that there are so many things That people love and adore and want to keep close And I wanted those things too I deserved those things I promise you Being pleasant is a case study in putting on a mask It's a way of saying I know what you want Here you go No I deserve something in recompense Something to assuage the pain Maybe you just don't get it, maybe they don't want you to know

Everything takes up space Where one thing is Another cannot reside You are there and I am here And we are together In this place Sometimes I wonder If I could shrink myself If I could make space for something else or someone else But who would ask me to do such a thing? I'm so thankful for space for being able to Separate myself from everyone else From having the ability to choose Who is within and outside of my circle

Pleasantness is a new way of taking a breath for air After being submerged And being told to be thankful for the reprieve The true pleasantness for me isn't changing my mind Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s saying I think I'd like something more It's an interesting way of saying I think it should also be this way What if the right thing is something I still canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t conceptualize Something less pleasant Something more real Something that can't be changed Something nice How nice it is to speak your mind To tell the truth To shame your detractors

I wonder sometimes why I waited so long To say the way that I felt That my needs mattered as well That I had every right to assert myself But now I know Now I see I am present I am here I prove that to myself every day I say to myself this is the time that I am alive This is the moment when I inherit what the world looks like This is the time for me to say No you move This is my place This is where I stand And it will be the place where I thrive And I have no problem with it No qualms knowing nothing about the future Just armed with the everlasting hope and prayer That others will taste the same fruit of the work From the ancestors that got me to this place

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Incredible

Rumor

It's incredible The joys of life The flavors of spirit The imagination of children The ideas that are created Every second of every day That spring new life New joy New ways of thinking I think of imagination Of the creation of something Out of nothing Maybe even the creation Of the things that I've already seen

I heard a rumor I heard that it was about you That it was about the things you've done I heard a rumor about what happened that day I heard that it was not your fault I hope that you know that we care about you That we are waiting for you to come back home That you have always been loved That you are more than anything anyone could possibly say about you Sometimes I wonder what words really mean If the things that I've said and done and thought about you matter that much And it does My words and the words of so many have done harm I wish I could apologize I wish there were words Valuable enough Heavy enough That meant enough to express the feelings I have Maybe they don't exist Maybe they don't mean anything But for me I'll just have to accept that sorry truly is not good enough When you're down and it feels like there's no other way out I think that's the time to say fine I give in I have no more energy left to give you You deserve nothing more and all I have already done And I'm fine with that and you should be too I heard a rumor that you got everything you deserved And I just wanted to let you know that I did too

You thought to yourself This may seem great but this is greater Here's a space that we have We can say this will do better This will serve us better This is the best thing that ever happened to you And it's OK to just be No rules no regulations just vibes Just drifting along in love with yourself Maybe the thing that you've been looking for has existed all this time You just didn't know what to call it You just didn't know that it was yourself There are other ideas that are festering in your mind Hoping that you can put a name to it Begging to be put on paper To be fully realized and accepted Did you know that you can find yourself in your own words? That your emotions, your feelings are so valid and so needed That even if you don't put them on paper Even if you don't let us know Even if it only ever resides in the deep quiet corner At the back of your brain chilling in silence Having drinks with your medulla I think it is absolutely OK to say stop To tell your mind to slow down That you have Done enough Worked enough Lived enough To just let yourself be

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Music

Transition

I listen to music on the radio The sound vibrates in my mind They uplift me they keep me sane I listen to the sound of years gone by Reminds me of dancing in the kitchen Of sitting on the floor as my mom braided my hair Took me from one place to another like magic We traveled using the melodies We found ourselves using the music To discuss and talk about how we were feeling Sometimes it was a “put your records on” day I just needed to sway with someone Maybe it was a “get the hot comb ready and plait your hair” day Today it was a “cleanse your spirit and your roots” day It was a “find yourself in the tapestry of your own skin” day And we danced together We delighted in the glory of having each other We learned more about each other Reached a new level of realization I came from you of course We would be one in the same Of course you would know me better than I know myself And I'm so thankful to have been here with you To continue to be here with you And I can only hope that you feel the same

There's a lot of change coming

And I've never been so scared I got comfortable where I was I got comfortable knowing where I stood I should've known better Of course things have to change Why do they have to change for me? Is awful for me to contemplate by own faults To be exposed in the face of shifting standards To know that I went so far and have thrown myself into work Then have nothing to show for it I am changing Growing and becoming more than I am Learning as I am prone to do Fixing the cracks made in my own psyche Making new strides after repairing myself I healed after the harm wrought upon me I figured out what you were actually looking for I brought a change to the world and it was unexpected Change is not only inevitable It is the way things are And now that I have gained the understanding I can traipse through life With no fears, and no anxieties Just a constant awareness of the world Decide that now is the time To refuse to stay still To chart a path And travel it

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z he dkitty e x n hat t i u t j / d u n fi e n yo By t h u w b ook hat i t t l e a w e i rd l e a r i n g a l r u w yo u Love s give yo icnic? Tr y e l p mugg out for a it ch A wit we a r h a t ! . t a h gle et et buck the mug as buck a f o r o st e imag tlandish f dy and ju n a ou e is ren Abov ht be too et hat is t ig ck hat m ut the bu b ing to in d m l r r o o f ! w le con live or tab g not ? Do you joy a n i r comf a we en iety u are ns of soc tting you worry! o y e t to tatio t rob for le Is tha der expec forgiving vates? No ongst the un m en pri the g try that is und your s arised a ats! o a n r rco a cou breeze a vement h and ove g hy mo ers durin healt esthetic eed blaz n r o a tw yw A new s to wear suall ou will be U . t a e l o ,y overc ituations shionable mugg n a fa e is al s imag and form an overly izard! e v o w ! s b r The a ld weathe society a you are a your wand n t i o the c conform ill suspec ts to hide w ke to ts able o one ough poc r pan N o ! s e r l n use ial mugg are also e ng tro h essent i r a e r e w th uc The ed to is very m r table wi s u e o f . tb t it ay no r kind, bu re not com s or skir ts m e t a W u r gst o If you h sho amon ar them. ar t off wit d e t ir t tie s k w s n u a h o t c y n ng , you ee-le of fashio n k pants a e e e of tom imag is the epi one of th ! n a is is e is ies Abov blazer. Th gles. This e celebrit l g a with st the mu s by mugg o get you g t e n amo orn cloth e be able r w most tfit will su oks! u o l o This admiring s! itche t w w s much o y fell n among m , t i e ve m th hat is bly, e A n d t f a s h i o n a s h ow t h e r u d s D r e s g g l e s a n u g h ) o f yo u o the m (cough c sense! c n i m a g n g fa s h i o i amaz

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HOW TO BLEND IN AT

Muggle Winter Festivities By SinsationalDoom With Brainstorming Help by Permagrinfalcon, Silvertail8, and Saraberry12

ife as a mage is becoming more difficult as we begin to integrate more with Muggles and Muggle technology. More mages are spending their vacations in Muggle areas and Headmistress McGonagall at Hogwarts has petitioned

With snow globe robes being all the rage this year in the Wizarding World, it’s no surprise that we need help to blend in with Muggles. “They don’t have the ability to use magic to make their clothes comfortably room temperature. Muggles wear layers to stay warm, the more layers the better!” He suggests that as soon as the first leaves begin to fall, to pack on the layers. “Sometimes Muggles wear extra layers simply because it is fashionable. Women in particular seem to wear several layers, despite the weather conditions.” One of the best places to see how Muggles dress for winter any time of year is at Ski Resorts. Marcellus explained that ‘skiing’ is a Muggle hobby where they strap two planks of wood to their feet and gracefully fall down the mountain. He’s still working out how they manage to do so, and promises a future article once he’s completed his research. While some Muggles participate in the sporting event, it seems most people go to Ski Resorts to sit in cabins wearing multiple layers and drinking cocoa.

the Minister of Magic to allow Muggle technology on school grounds. The need to blend in has never been stronger, so we’ve once more turned to the Ministry’s resident expert, Mr. Maximus Marcellus. Marcellus works for the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes. He’s been integral in such cases as the Raining Fish in Dundee, Scotland; the Confetti Frogs

“It’s the perfect place to study Muggle winter wear,” he explains. “There are no robes, no mage hats, and no moving fabrics. Kids don’t have kitten mittens, so there isn’t the sound of meowing cats everytime children fold their hands.” The thought of winter without the sound of kittens seems rather odd, but Marcellus says that’s part of why this discussion is so important. “The clothing that we’re used to is simply impossible in the Muggle world. It’s a difficult adjustment to make, but not impossible.” Marcellus is determined to show that it is possible, and arrived to our interview in traditional Muggle winter clothing. The outfit is brightly colored and all one piece, but also oddly puffy. It seems to be the opposite of the robes we’re used to, but Marcellus insists that it’s comfortable to wear despite how tight it looks.

in Swansea, Wales; and recently assisted the Italian Ministry of Magic on the international ‘Flying Grey Wolves’ case. However, instead of focusing on fixing catastrophes, Marcellus wishes to educate mages to help prevent potential problems in the first place. The best place to start? “Fashion,” he explains as we sit together for a second interview at the Leaky Cauldron.

“Each of these pouches,” he explains as he touches one of the poofy areas, “is filled with bird feathers. Muggles have discovered that using bird feathers in clothing can help keep them warm. I’m sweating right now!” The pleased proclamation doesn’t stop him from continuing on about Muggle brilliance. “The belt around the middle keeps it tight around my waist and allows me to attach pouches full of my Muggle items.” Opening one of the pouches, he pulls out his own mittens. They don’t meow, yowl, or list what items you have in your pockets. In fact, they seem to do nothing but keep Muggle hands warm.p is a large poof ball. Marcellus explains the poof of the ball is to match the poof of the outfit. The long ha 111

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To help Marcellus layer his clothing, he’s wearing several items of clothing under the puffy onesie, along with very tall boots named “Oogs.” They are long enough to go from shoulder to foot, but are bunched up all the way to his upper thighs. “These keep my legs nice and toasty. In the 2000s, shorter versions of these boots were very popular. They’ve since made a comeback, but to keep with the latest fashions, there is a lot more boot.” “The last place to accessorize is the top of your head. Accessories are very important to Muggles.” Instead of wearing pointed hats with wide brims to keep the snow off of your face, Muggles seem to prefer warmth to function. Much like the Oogs boots, the hat is very long. At the top is a large poof ball. Marcellus explains the poof of the ball is to match the poof of the outfit. The long hat is placed on the head. He says muggles either pull the hat down and allow it to bunch on the head to keep warm, or the

Studying them ourselves will help us mimic them and blend in. The Muggle Fineries store in Diagon Alley will be hosting an event through winter to help prepare us for these study sessions. They’ve put together another winter kit for mages that include:

Puffy Onsie

that will adjust

to fit any mage

Oogs

that are magicked to maintain the perfect bunching ratio for optimal warmth

4 Beejies

with various poofs and accessories

Plain mittens

Muggle mug

with snowflakes that keeps your hot drink hot

hat is tugged up -- mimicking the pointed hat that us mages are used to. These hats are called Beejies and come with their own puff accessories so you can accessorize your accessory. A few final tips from Marcellus include not using any magic on the clothing. Water repelling spells, warming spells, and magicked items will all stand out. While we’re used to the comforts our magic gives us, it’d be good to temporarily forsake them to help ensure small accidents, which can be overlooked for larger cases, don’t happen. Where are some places to try out these tips? Muggle winter sports locations. Ski resorts and lodges and ice skating rinks (where Muggles attached metal rods to their feet and slide across ice) are Marcellus’s main suggestions. If a mage doesn’t wish to spectate the odd Muggle sports, he recommends Muggle malls or places to find warm drinks. Cafés in particular are an easy way to sit for a long period of time to watch Muggles and study them.

After purchasing your kit, every Sunday at 4pm they’ll host a practice café and ski lodge immersive experience. Wizards will be able to wear their new gear, drink their hot Muggle drinks, and ‘talk shop’ about skiing. Marcellus himself will be at the event, giving a presentation on proper Muggle slang to use throughout your winter vacation experience along with lessons on Muggle winter sports. During the presentation, mages will be able to order various Muggle drinks and treats that can be found at cafés, ski lodges, and ice skating rinks. Marcellus’s favorite is the ‘peppermint latte’. Our resident expert is particularly thrilled with the drink, saying he starts his day off stopping at every café along the way to work to grab one. “I’ve had 8 so far this morning! They’re addicting!” Be sure to visit Muggle Fineries Sundays at 4 to learn more about Muggle winter immersion and try Marcellus’s new favorite beverage.

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QUIBBLER MAGICAL PLANTS AND CREATURES

Nature has a way of surprising us. Every expedition, every exploration, brings something unexpected to light. This leads us to connect stories of great wizards and witches to nature’s phenomena. Nature’s phenomena include the Auroras, volcanoes, frozen lakes and a whole list which is being updated as you read this. The midnight sun is literally the sun in the night sky at midnight. It occurs in the Arctic Pole, usually in June and July. It is a beautiful sight and leaves you spellbound no matter how many times you see it. I got the opportunity to see the same last year, and I found it quite intriguing. It was bursting with magical energy and I was witness to a phenomena never heard of. I decided to call it The Nightly Ritual. As everyone knows, the midnight sun brings an urge to rush and speed it up. Plants start growing furiously and animals become more enthusiastic. It’s as if there’s a new burst of motivation and suddenly nature is awakening from its sleep. The midnight sun lights up the night sky and also illuminates the land which led me to the discovery of the Nightly Rituals. The Rituals take place every night in a huge meadow which is usually deserted during the rest of the year. Animals of all kinds gather at this meadow an hour or so before midnight and come together in a formation. They stand in concentric circles and hum a low song. When they start humming, their circles start glowing with light and it seems as if the midnight sun has

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halted to comment upon their beauty. Birds, perched on branches or the backs of other animals, chirp their throats out and flap their wings at the sky. The rest of the animals sway from side to side, lost in the song, lost in life. The group of animals slowly start moving in those circles, and the sight is mesmerizing. With that, the Ritual begins. As the animals start moving, the glowing land can be seen more clearly. Their song doesn’t stop, but becomes louder by the minute. It’s neither a prayer nor a performance. It is simply there, and we can appreciate it. It is a way of nature acknowledging nature. I’m currently conducting a research on these rituals, and we are uncovering a lot more than what we initially thought was behind these rituals. There’s a lot to see, a lot to explore, a lot left to discover. If you want to witness this event, I’d suggest you take a trip to the Arctic Circle and keep your eyes open for the Rituals. It is beyond anything we’ve ever come across, and we hope we can understand the entirety of these rituals. Nature does have a way of surprising us, and leaving us searching for explanations, when they are usually in front of us. -an extract from Dr. Vekinase’s new book titled The Midnight Sun- A Harbinger Of Secrets Written by Milomi10.

Ravenclaw Pets Spotlight

little kitten, only 8 weeks old. Nyx is named after the goddess of the same name in Greek mythology, where Nyx is the primordial goddess/personification of the night. Both fluffy, adorable cats arrived in the family through adoption. Socks was adopted as a companion for GamingBeagle’s grandmother, who lives with her, but Socks ended up being her cat, or maybe GamingBeagle ended up being his human. Don’t worry about her grandmother though, because Nyx is most certainly her cat. To my request to unashamedly brag about them, I was told that they are “both complete, utter, brats”. As, in my humble opinion, every good cat should be. GamingBeagle told me that “Socks is a terrible influence on Nyx. And they have developed a habit of barging into my online classes. But they're both sweet little demon spawn and I love them. Though I would appreciate it if they didn't feel the need the tear up and down the hallway all hours of the night.” /u/KingofCool328 shared about their two adorable dogs! Beaux is a male, 5.5 years old dog that was already KingofCool’s fiancée’s dog when the two started dating. He was a side of the road dog and got picked up and brought home. Minnie, a 9 years old female, had started her life as a breeding dog, though luckily not as a puppy mill breeding doggo. “She was there for 5 years, after which she was 'retired' and sent to a Veterinary School to work as a 'lab dog',” KingofCool told me. “After a year as a lab dog, she retired from a life of work and came home to her new family.” And what a loving family it is! A happy ending after all. The two dogs feel so loved that they are always SUPER excited when KingofCool returns home, regardless of how long they’ve been separated from their lovely owner. 20 minutes? 2 days? It doesn’t matter, the boss is home and all is well. Beaux also has a side-job as a therapy dog, making not only KingofCool happy, but also people in schools, libraries and hospitals, causing them to forget about their problems for a while. And in return, Beaux gets treats and love, so it’s a pretty sweet deal!

Being in the Ravenclaw Discord Server is always an adventure. Cults rise and fall, heated discussions about mashed potatoes are held and the topic often jumps between several severely unrelated topics. But arguably the best part of it, aside from the amazing people of course, are the pictures people share of their pets. So many good bois and good girls and fuzzy little adorable beings. Seeing pictures of and hearing stories about dogs and cats is just instant serotonin. And because I am a kind and generous Managing Editor, I have forced asked my fellow Eagles to share a bit about their pets, so the Quibbler’s readers (you!) can also enjoy their adorable goodness. /u/GamingBeagle spoke to me about her cats, Socks and Nyx. Socks is somewhere between 4 and 7 years old. His exact age is uncertain and a heavily debated topic in the family, but regardless of him being 5 or 6, he is an adorable being anyways. His adoptive sister Nyx is about 5 months old. She joined the family when she was a tiny

/u/ProudRavenclaw24 told me about Agnes, a good girl who turned 1 last September. This adorable poodle mix was adopted into a family where some are allergic to dogs, but luckily not to her specific breed! When going out for ice cream, a family friend mentioned that one of her friends was having a litter of golden doodle/Aussie doodle puppies. ProudRavenclaw’s family brought Agnes home in November 2019, so it all worked out great. “But,” ProudRavenclaw added, “Please adopt responsibly. If you are getting a puppy, go to a responsible breeder.” Agnes is pretty laid back, and matches her mood to the people around her. “If you feel energetic and want to go in a walk or play, she’ll sprint around the yard, but if you just feel like sitting in the couch cuddled in a blanket, she’ll sit with you.” She isn’t just emotionally intelligent though, she is a true genius! What would you expect, from a pet owned by a Ravenclaw. Agnes learned how to sit, stay, lie down, dance and wait within a week, and the moment any of her owners mention ‘outside’ or ‘play’ or the 121

I needed it. Through depression, anxiety, parents divorce, moves, health scares and loss- it’s always been us against the world.” And plenty of grief there was. Blackhammer’s father died in a tragic car accident, after which Precious also fell extremely ill. “I stayed in the animal hospital for 48 hours until she was conscious again until I felt that I could even leave her there. I couldn’t imagine losing someone else in my life. After that visit, it was determined. When she needed surgery and weeks of round the clock care and medication where I stayed up for weeks on no sleep and checking on her in my arms. After this experience, we have become incredibly close and have a much more affectionate relationshipnow more than ever.” At first, Precious was pretty feisty, and even whilst she was loved to death, Precious was known as the ‘crazy cat’, refusing to be cuddled or manhandled. “ I learned the hard way that a cat’s love and affection is definitely earned, but when I learned to let her choose her time with me we became much closer.” Now, Precious has turned from a feisty kitten into a lovey-dovey lapcat. “My biggest brag is that we are bonded at the hip now because of all the things we’ve gone through our whole life together but also just this year alone. I’m so proud and happy to be where we are.”

names of any of her toys, like her old stuffed animal she’ll drag up the stairs to lie down and chew on it, it is clear she understands what they mean! She is supper cuddly and doesn’t mind being picked up or hugged. “I really don’t know what if do without her,” ProudRavenclaw told me. “There’s just nothing better than coming home after a long day and having a pup sit with you.” I 100% agree. /u/blackhammer3333’s cat was adopted when Blackhammer was 10 years old. Before he long-haired Calico feline named Precious came into their lives, Blackhammer’s family had only had dogs. Blackhammer was even afraid of cats! However, when their older brother showed up with a crate and asked them to guess what was inside, the tiniest little fluff ball inside immediately stole the family’s heart. “My mom picked her out of her friend’s litter her cat just had. I stayed up all night to watch her and awkwardly take care of her because I had no idea what to do with her. But just like that, I had a cat!” Precious is now 12 years old, and she is precious indeed. Having been with Blackhammer for so long, the two have formed an unmatchable and unbreakable bond. The two of them have gone through so much! “She’s relied on me to take care of her when she was sick and I’ve relied on her to be someone who’s there for me when 122

/u/Jumatsuga’s cat Remi is 3 years old, and, no joke, born on April Fools Day in a litter of 7 kittens. I am sure the Weasley twins would be proud! Her parents are former show cats, genes that must definitely have transferred into this gorgeous Ragdoll kitty! Jumatsuga’s sister is technically Remi’s owner, “but we live together, and I am her packmate, family member, and co-caregiver.” Out of the 7 in the litter, the two siblings chose Remi because of her constant purring and the fact that she enjoyed chin scratches. They visited her often, so when Remi

was finally old enough to be brought home, she was welcomed by people she already knew to be sweet and loving! Remi is the Queen of the house, although not always the most gracious one: she has jumped in the toilet twice! That hasn’t stopped her from becoming the Sun of the entire family, “even our grumpy dad, who was adamant that he would not allow a cat in his house, now baby talks to Remi and looks forward our visits with her.” And, as a true Queen should, she is incredibly spoiled. “She is also a spoiled baby. She drinks from a cat drinking fountain and goes to walks with us in a harness and a leash. She hates the fact that we have to wash her from time to time, but loves brushing.” She does bite ankles, but, Jumatsuga freely admits, that is kinda their own fault, for they wrestled with her with their feet when she was still a kitten. Remi also has a favourite colour: green. All her favourite toys are green, except for the ice cubes, which are also very popular with this radiant Queen. /u/city17_dweller’s house is graced by the presence of Willow and Giles, two 3 year old cats adopted from a multi-cat shelter as kittens. What are their favourite things about these two babies? “Giles' perpetual derpiness (often found upside down) and Willow's strong Professor McGonagall impressions when she's unamused.” Both Willow and Giles know that every worldly thing is below them, and they, therefore, like to be up high, although WIllow, being

tiny, needs some human help to reach higher surfaces. Willow loves cuddles, and Giles makes kneading fists in the hair when his head is fussed when he’s resting. /u/jeepin_ john5280’s dog Knuckles is a 10-year-old man, born on John’s birthday in

the tattoo shop he used to go to! The two became instant friends, and John welcomed Knuckles into his home. “Knuckles is a knucklehead. But this boy is the most loyal, steadfast friend anyone could ask for.” /u/itsawonderfularia is twice blessed, for they have both a dog and cat in their household! Vellu is a 16-year-old male cat, Dina is a 3-year-old female dog. Vellu was adopted after the family cat of itsawonderfularia’s aunt gave birth to some kittens in their barn, all the way back in 2004. Although their dad did not really want a cat, Vellu got adopted into the family anyways. Now, so many years later, Vellu is an old man, who likes to just chill and sleep. Although he has never really been a cuddly cat, he is now slowly becoming more affectionate. “Lately, he’s actually slept next to me, and he has let me hold him more.” Dina was adopted in December 2017, from an old lady who raised Chodsky Pes dogs. “We first met her on 6th when we went to talk with the lady who sold the puppies. Next day the lady brought Dina to the hotel we were staying at before we left. She said goodbye to Dina and took a picture of us with our new puppy.” Dina is very intelligent, even learning how to open the door! Nowadays, the doors in itsawonderfularia’s house have vertical door handles, rather than horizontal ones. She can’t help it, she’s just super welcoming! She wants to meet every person she sees, even if that means she has to invite them in herself. This enthusiasm originally did not go over well with Vellu, however, who hissed at Dina when the two were first introduced to each other. However, now that time has passed the two have learned to co-exist. “Every now and then you can find them sleeping next to each other,” itsawonderfularia told me. 123

And last, but certainly not least (but I might be a little biased), is my own darling Goose. My orange tabby cat came into my life this March, right before the huge ‘let’s adopt an anima in these quarantine times’-surge. I wanted a cat for quite a while already, but I knew I had to wait till I finished my semester abroad. So the moment I set foot in my home town, I started looking for a fuzzy baby to adopt! Goose was a perfect match: he’s an indoor cat, who loves to cuddle but also appreciates his independence. He doesn’t mind being manhandled, and purrs so. loudly. Honestly, it’s ridiculous. He also likes to drink from the shower or from the tap, and he will yell at you if you lock him out of the bathroom. I adopted him on a Thursday, and I remember joking with the lady at the shelter that we weren’t allowed to shake hands anymore this was before COVID had truly hit in my area. When we were both just home, I got the email from my university that all physical classes were cancelled until further notice. This did give me plenty of time to try to coax Goose out of the litterbox, where the poor boy had taken shelter! The first three months I barely saw him, he was so afraid of everything. But now he has stolen my heart and my couch, and demands attention when I have been gone for any period of time. He has stolen the show in plenty of online classes. When I adopted him, he was severely overweight (or was the Tesseract just inside his belly?) but now he is a healthy, if a bit heavy, floofy boy. He knows how to open cupboards, which I learned the hard way, meaning that his food is on the highest shelf I could find. Overall he is incredibly well-behaved though. He always goes in the litterbox, he doesn’t scratch the furniture, hasn’t attacked the Christmas tree and he doesn’t jump on the table or kitchen counter - or, well, he doesn’t jump on the latter when I am there to see it, but I do sometimes hear a suspiciously loud landing coming from the kitchen when I’m in another room. He has been a huge support for me in these COVID times, and I love him so much.

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Boggarts in the Muggle

Mainstream Written by Rhia1

Since 2017, Pennywise the Dancing Clown has been compared to a rather frightening being in the magical world. This demented clown is but one of the forms the entity can take, as it can change its shape. It takes on the image of what its target fears most. Just like the Boggart. Yes, it appears that the evil clown may be a very nasty Boggart, one that targets children and seems to be malicious in nature by the fact

This one is iffy at best, but it also works on

that it kills its targets.

some levels. That level being that the town, namely the residents of Elm Street, are afraid

But is this the only form that

of him. However, he was not always depicted

popular Boggarts can take? Here are some that

as a simple horror movie villain. In Wes

would suggest otherwise, some surprising and

Craven’s New Nightmare, Freddy is described

others not so much.

as an entity that took on the villain’s form to torment the cast and crew of past films. It is then revealed that this entity is the same one that took on the form of the old witch from the Hansel and Gretel fairytale, and while

While it resembles a Dementor, even feeding

he can’t be killed, the entity that is Freddy

like one, this one tends to strike while the

Krueger can be trapped in fictional worlds.

victim is asleep. Fearing an unknown figure shrouded in darkness is a common fear for some, making this

Because of this one movie within the

a possible Boggart.

franchise, it can be said that Freddy Krueger is a type of Boggart. As some Boggarts have been known to fixate on special forms, Freddy

Many people suffer

could be seen as one that picked up the form

from sleep paralysis

from moviegoers and the knowledge of the

and see evil creatures sitting

character thereof. Because of this, the Boggart

on their chests attacking

began to target those close to the films for the

them or making it difficult

slight fear that they may have developed by

to move and breathe. This

working on the films, allowing those more

strongly affected by the film to be the main

and experience that can give

targets, even the original female protagonist

power to a Boggart,

being subject of its fixations. However, this

especially one that

would require a level of sentience and magical

might enjoy the

ability never before seen in Boggarts, as it

form of demonic

would have to live exclusively in the dreams

creatures over

of its targets and maintain the form of Freddy

other fears

Krueger while in a person’s subconscious and

the target

conscious mind.

may have.

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fear-inducing

thought

Boggarts can appear any time of the year, in any form. But they can be seen by Muggles. Just because they choose not to acknowledge them in everyday life does not mean they don’t notice. They have adapted them into nursery rhymes, folklore, myths, legends, literature, film, and video games. And there are several types that were not named here or yet undiscovered. No two Boggarts are the same, and the way they react to our fears can differ from Boggart to Boggart as well. So, when you feel Jack Frost nipping at your nose this winter, just be glad it’s not the Boggart version.

This is a rather strange one, but it still works. There are many versions of Jack Frost. Some say it is the name of a man turned snowman, the embodiment of winter weather, or the antagonist of some wintertime horror movies.

Similar to the bogeyman (or bogeylady in

He also has many different looks from a man

Coca’s instance), this possible Boggart is one

to a snowman to a type of spirit. However, we

that is attracted to children. In fact, Muggles

will be looking at the scary version.

in Spain, Portugal, and Latin America all have stories of el Coco, and tell them to their children to get them to behave.

This could be a combination of two things: an unknown image of evil and irrational fear of snowmen. Because children hear the name

This is not a typical Boggart as it does more

Jack Frost, they now think of winter and

than just scare children, but can take the

snowmen, they may think of an evil entity in

child’s souls or the entire child away. The

the shape of a snowman, a rather frightening

main defining feature is that it can change its

version at that when tied to an evil person,

shape to represent what the child fears most.

such as a killer as depicted in the 1997 film.

However, it appears to stand upon the roofs of

This would lead to fears of killer snowmen

the houses of the town, patrolling for naughty

for children and just killers for parents. If

girls and boys, which is not typical Boggart

the fear is strong enough, or vivid enough,

behavior.

in multiple individuals then a Boggart could get stuck in such a dark form and cause many problems. 127

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QUIBBLER NEWS AND FEATURES

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Sacred XXVIII

Dissolved;

Amnesty for Voldemort’s Supporters at Last By A_Syed_07 On Friday, October the 2nd, Narcissa Malfoy (nee. Black) invited over twenty women to her Manor for tea. The people invited ranged from family to close friends to sworn enemies (for complete invitation list, see below.) Over the weekend, we questioned many people to find out what happened that evening. Molly Weasley gave us a knowing smile but no comment. Augusta Longbottom shooed us away from her estate. Ginny Potter said, “you’ll find out soon enough, you bloody reporters.” Clearly, something had happened, but nobody was going to tell us. On Sunday, House Malfoy released an official statement about the events of Friday, taking to Twitter. “I lost my sister [Bellatrix Lestrange] that night [Battle of Hogwarts]. I lost my niece [Nymphadora Tonks] - I’ve never met her. That fight was about blood purity; it always has been. But no more. On Friday, all the living daughters & wives of the Sacred 28 signed a document declaring [the Sacred

28] void. Let us turn over a new leaf and meet the realities of today - a reality where blood spilt is unacceptable, purity be damned.” Twenty-one women, including Justice Amelia Bones (on behalf of Delphini Riddle), signed this document. It has been registered with the Ministry of Magic to be framed in the Hall of Memories. Mudblood is now a taboo word - one can go to Azkaban for a month just for uttering it under their breath. The Dissolution of the Sacred XXVIII was a gesture of peace and harmony, but what followed warmed even the coldest of hearts here at The Quibbler. Edward “Teddy” Lupin, son of Nymphadora Tonks and Remus Lupin, posted on Twitter: “I was touched by Sacred 28’s dissolution. It is high time for us to move on - to forgive (but never forget.) In this spirit, I have written a Declaration of Amnesty, signed by Aunt Granger, Uncle Harry, Uncle Ron, Uncle Neville, Grandma Weasley, and Mr Aberforth Dumbledore, with the hopes that we can leave this horror behind us at last.” The Declaration of Amnesty is framed in the Hall of Memories as well. Narcissa Malfoy and Edward Tonks are to receive Orders of Merlin, Third Class. Minister Hermione Jean Granger tweeted: “The exchange between the Sacred 28 and Edward marked a new beginning for us all. The Ministry of Magic has approved a Memorial in the shape of a phoenix inscribed with the Fallen Fifty and the War Heroes of Voldemort’s first and second reign. We hope to unveil this by May 2nd next year.” The dawn of a Wizarding World not wracked by the horrors of war is imminent. Let’s “forgive (but never forget)” and rise like a phoenix from the ashes. We deserve that much, don’t we?

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The Peculiar Way Japan Deals with Secrecy Breaches by Werner von Weedledink

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t's never a good sign when a dementor has taken up residence in a muggle jewelry store, particularly one located in the busy city of Tokyo. If this happened in the UK we'd simply swoop in, neutralize the offending creature, and obliviate all witnesses. The Japanese Ministry, however, has a different and rather unique tactic.

Just when this fearless reporter thinks he'll have to intervene, a red rose slices through the air with impossible accuracy and distracts the dementor.

Dear readers, if you think this story is weird enough already then I must warn you that it's about to get much weirder. I glanced up to find the source of the floral projectile and standing A young woman enters the store, her attire in the rafters there is a tall man in a ...tuxeeyebrow raising and her hairstyle even more so. do? A three piece tuxedo at that! He too has a The outfit she wears bears a passing similarity prepared speech about love and justice which to a muggle sailor uniform, if that sailor also ends with a pep talk to our now besotted herwore a dangerously short skirt, and her hair is oine. I begin to suspect I've found myself in what the Japanese refer to as 'odango' style the middle of some nutty couple's date night with two buns perched on either side of her routine, except our masked tuxedo man leaves head and flanked by pigtails. (For our western as abruptly as he appeared and 'pigtails' is foreaders I'm sure it is more reminiscent of spacused once again on the offending dementor. ghetti and meatballs.) With some of the fanciest wand flourishes this She pauses for a second, takes a deep breath, journalist has ever seen, the dementor turns to dust. Hardly believing my eyes I trot up to our and begins a strange speech about love and justice. The dementor is unfazed, not even bubbly savior and ask her one simple question, glancing up from the poor soul it is draining. "How?", but she gives me a frustratingly cheeky answer, "Magic." It is then that the young woman takes out the oddest wand I have ever seen: bright pink with At this point several of the muggles have starta large gold crescent moon on the end. The strange wand looks like something designed by ed to rouse and I assume our friend will begin a toy maker to appeal to children. the obliviation process. What actually occurs is something of a fan club meet and greet. These Now she has the dementor's attention and it is muggles clearly recognize her and I catch half gliding lithely towards her, its previous victim of a nickname being excitedly whispered. It's now abandoned. At this point you would think something that ends in "Moon". I take an awkour pigtailed heroine would make quick work of ward glance at the tiny skirt. Moon indeed. it with a well aimed patronus, but embarrassingly she fumbles her wand and scoots backAnd then with great flair, our sailor suited herowards with haste. In her panic, she has fallen ine disappears in a flash and leaves behind the squarely and painfully on her backside and effervescent chatter of the now giddy muggles. tears are welling up in her eyes. I decide to take my leave as well.

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I'm sure you're now very confused about what has transpired. Where are the aurors? Why is the Japanese ministry sending a clearly inexperienced witch to deal with a breach? Why haven't they altered any memories? And how in Merlin's beard did she completely destroy a dementor? Well that last one has to remain unanswered for now. It's something of a proprietary secret I'm afraid, a bit of experimental magic unready to be exported to the rest of the world. However, I am free to answer the other questions. The fact is our pigtailed pal IS an auror, just not the kind you're used to and the scene I described is actually standard routine. Since 1992 memory spells have been highly restricted in Japan after a study concluded that overuse can be detrimental to the recipient's health. So how do you deal with breaches of secrecy if you can't use a memory spell? Well, you lean into the spectacle of course! What we've witnessed is actually carefully crafted theater. The threat was indeed real, but the rest was all pantomime. You may be wondering how that is supposed to work. How are muggles supposed to keep quiet when they've literally witnessed magic? The answer is even more surprising. A representative of the Japanese Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Setsuna Meioh, had this to say, "There's a certain refuge in audacity. When the ridiculous becomes commonplace, it also becomes unremarkable."

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What's happening here is a concentrated effort to normalize strange occurrences so muggles cease to question them. It turns out our audaciously dressed auror is actually the head of her own team (Yes, they all dress in a similarly saucy fashion) and they're not the only ones. Japan has over 400 auror teams as part of their 'sentai program', each with their own over the top theme. Miss Meioh was kind enough to show me some of the more outrageous ones including an all male team of fantastical samurai and another group that appeared to be mermaid pop stars. This is what Miss Meioh means by 'refuge in audacity'. Every time a colorful group shows up to fight a 'monster' the muggles seem to regard it as a publicity stunt. The elaborate outfits and over the top behavior just confirm it. As for the muggles' reactions, well, they usually fall into two categories: either they're a huge fan of these spectacular teams and crazy "productions" or they're ambivalent to the antics of a desperate "marketing team". Either way the result is the same: blatant magic is completely rationalized away and the muggles' minds are left untampered. Could such a strange tactic be imported to the west? I would say it's unlikely, but I can't help but giggle at the thought of the famous Mr. Potter wearing spandex and striking flamboyant poses.

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Troublemaker Wizards

with the

troublemakers since the time of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, had enchanted a wizarding firecracker with a Confundus Charm and enlarged it to the size of a small hill using very simple spells. Their goal being to find out how many people they can confund with only one spell. Under cover of the sound of the huge muggle flying-machines at a very big and open space that would usually have many muggles in it, the firecracker was burst, affecting nearby residences and every muggle at that place, who were soon to spread throughout and outside the continent by the said flying-machines.

uggles affected with this charm throw away safety and try to get attention

What is even more absurd is the fact that the confunded muggles managed to convince some non-confunded muggles that their protective devices were useless and they shouldn't wear them either. Wizarding authorities do not know if the aforementioned Confundus Charm is spreading from muggle to muggle or the said muggles are just in possession of lesser brainpower.

Manage to Blast an

Entire Continent

Confundus Charm by u/deathstar1310

“Poor dear, she’ll get that wretched muggle disease if she doesn’t wear that piece of cloth.” -says one Julie Goggler when she spots a muggle arguing with an authority that muggle masks cause death by suffocation. As you all may know, there has been a dangerous spread of a muggle disease all over the world. The muggle world was and is still shut down due to this epidemic. Luckily, this malady does not affect us wizards. The disease is spread through the air apparently and muggles must wear pieces of special cloth known to them as “masks” to stop its spread. However it extracted mixed responses from muggles and wizards alike when a few muggles started acting as if they got their brains switched with a goose and saying that “masks” can apparently suffocate people to death and stopped wearing them, often arguing pointlessly with the muggle authorities who have a strict rule to wear them. Many laughed at such people and didn’t look more than once in their direction, while others were genuinely concerned for their physical and mental well-being. “Hahaha...look at that fool. I don’t think he’d be able to tell the difference between chairs and dung if he saw them... Hahaha...” -says Dan Fruildo, laughing uncontrollably as he saw a muggle being thrown out of a shop screaming to lodge a hearing in muggle courts. “They should call a muggle healer...it really breaks my heart to see these folks in such a state...without any magical help.” -says Baker Angelina, as she watches a muggle lady shout at an old man (who just didn’t seem to care and wanted to move away from said muggle lady lest he caught the disease.) Upon further investigation by our Quibbler team, we found out that Dedaulus Diggle and Mundungus Fletcher, both infamous

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Muggles also use potions known as “vaxxines” to prevent their diseases. The confunded muggles have started saying that these preventive potions can cause “autism” (a muggle malady that changes the thinking pattern of the afflicted, external symptoms may include less social activity with high brainpower) in children. They also are saying that muggle higher authorities put small machines in vaxxines to control them like puppets. “This just proves how stupid these muggles are...I never associate with such people ever.” -comments an unnamed Leaky Cauldron patron, who was unknowingly under the effect of a ministry-approved Veritaserum in his butterbeer. Wizarding authorities are trying to control damage but it is too spread out, and we risk exposing ourselves once again due to two troublemakers. One of which, Mundungus Fletcher, upon arrest said that he was paid 450 Galleons by Diggle to assist him in this deed. Upon being asked to pay them to the Ministry treasury as a fine (combined with a lengthy sentence in a Ministry dungeon), he made the statement that it was leprechaun gold and disappeared after the day when Diggle fled, who is still on the run and has a reward of 200 Galleons on his head. He said that their goal was not to particularly confuse the afflicted about “masks” and “vaxxines” but the Confundus Charm was strong, so it directly went for the stupidest and most self-destructive statements that can be made by muggles. The only two wizards afflicted by the firecracker were riding on their brooms and crashed into a tree. Fortunately, with no injuries at all. Rest assured, we do believe that the crisis will be solved soon and those who were not at the flying-machine muggle place and still believe in such wacky things will come to their senses after getting the disease themselves.

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MLAP

Reasons to join, reasons to fear. An article by Nine.

What’s MLAP?

Well that’s not the question you should be asking, you silly old duck. The right thing to ask would be...

Who’s MLAP?

But that doesn’t matter now, does it? Let’s cut to the chase and list the reasons why you, as many others before you have, should join. • • • • • • • • • • •

MLAPs to join reasons: You like pie, yes? How many times have you filed your nails this week? It’s better than the bee’s knees. MLAP for the Christmas season. Bees are going extinct, and maybe we can do something about that. Hey, you’re that one guy, whatsyourface? Mike, from accounting? Nobody asks you what you do when you say you’re an accountant. Where there’s a will… I’ve just written a song about tortillas. REDACTED

But what KIND of MLAP would bE liST without a fear to reAson. I now, like the foUNding fathers before us, present thY FACE with an unequivOcally mind FRICKY bullet consider oF LIst tO MLAP the fear,

yes? Yes, ok:

͋̈́̿ ̋

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new group has risen from the ashes of 2020, ready to take over the world. They have apparently targeted those of wit and learning in the hope of getting them to join their, what can only be described as, cult. We here at the Quibbler want to warn anyone and everyone tempted to get involved, because it seems that once you are in, you can never again get out.

Although the cult acts in great secrecy, there are some tidbits of information known. It looks like they attempt to lure people into a false sense of security by offering them pie and telling them about their good causes, like saving bees from extinction. Although these sound like very positive activities, nothing could be less accurate. They are, in fact, a very dangerous and highly influential group. When they speak of ‘gifs’, you should know this is not some fancy slang for ‘gifts’. They are, in fact, horrifying moving images. One member, who wants to stay anonymous but whose name is known at the editorial office, reported that describing them might make them sound like the regular moving pictures in any wizarding newspaper, but that the truth was much more horrifying than that. They refused to elaborate any further, but the traumatised look in their eyes said enough.

MLAP’s influence has already spread to Hogwarts, rapidly gaining popularity with the innocent students, and, reportedly, even some of the staff. It is wise for parents and teachers alike to be vigilant and recognise the symptoms, which include, but are not limited to: • Mlap • Wearing anything with a bee-pattern • Saying they want to become an accountant • Not explaining what an accountant is • Smiling • Singing Christmas songs • Doing homework • REDACTED When you notice any of these symptoms, please talk to your child about the dangers of group-pressure and wizarding cults. The leader of MLAP is currently shrouded in mystery, but it is reasonable to fear that we have yet another dark wizard on our hands. As always, we will keep you updated as the situation progresses. In the meantime, we urge you to be careful, lest we end up in a third wizarding war. - written by Eldis_

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EXPOSING MLAP AND ALL ITS LIES Mlap started out as an innocent name and turned into something much bigger very quickly. Thousands of people in the wizarding world are becoming victims to this malicious cult. On digging deeper into this situation, some interesting truths have been found.

How Mlap came to be Mlap started out as a discord nickname when mylifeambitiom (MLA) changed to mylifeandpresents (MLAP) This got very popular instantly. Some people saw its popularity as an opportunity, and made a cult named ‘Mlap’. The cult got very popular and gained many members rapidly.

Certain leaked files also suggest that Mlap corporations™ want to replace all the products and eliminate other competitors, making it the only company from which we buy anything. They have already started buying product making companies.This will make them extremely hard to remove and they’ll be able to raise up the prices with no alternatives for us. The leaked files also show that they have been selling their products to muggles, violating the Statute Of Secrecy.

Mlap’s hypocrisy

Mlap corporations™ stated very clearly that they are transparent in their ways and they have got nothing to hide. Recent events have shown how they have taken down any and every criticism against them and they have silenced multiple employees who have tried Mlap’s objectives to speak out against them. “I recently tried to speak Mlap’s first objective was to change their language. out against the unjust treatment of the employees at Mlap corporations™ and they silenced my voice, just The people in the cult are taught to converse in only one word- ‘mlap’. This is in an attempt to separate the like countless other people,'' says Penelope Evans, a former Mlap corporations™ employee. She states that victims from the rest of society. Its second objective is to “optimise” people. Mlap employees are required to follow many rules which are very extreme and controlling and just one violation can corporations™ have been working on a potion that modifies the genetic structure of wizards and witches. cost them their job. One of the potion masters said that they wanted to make a potion that “helps wizards and witches reach What can we do? their full potential.” The potion is in testing as of now and they make the witch/wizard sign a contract which Fortunately, we can still stop them. We have to spread states,“you are taking the potion on your own risk and awareness about them and help people who have bethe corporation would not be held responsible for any come victims to this malicious cult. You will be able to mishaps that might happen.” The people who have distinguish the victims easily, all of them have Mlap in taken this potion have reportedtheir usernames. Don’t buy any products from the Mlap • Loss of appetite • Lessened amount of sleep • Violent mood swings

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corporations™. The Ministry Of Magic should look into this matter immediately.

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by jamsin

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Upcoming Quidditch

Games Cancelled?

uidditch, the much beloved (and only) sport at Hogwarts has been a unique source of joy for students. For those who have been living under a firecrab; here are the rules of Quidditch. Two opposing teams are made up of seven players: three Chasers, two Beaters, a Keeper, and a Seeker. The Keeper and Chasers are responsible for defending the three ring-shaped goals and scoring them respectively. The Beaters are tasked with using bats to direct Bludgers away from teammates and towards opponents. The Seeker locates and catches the Golden Snitch, which leads to the end of the game. Even while flying in the air, Quidditch is a very physical game and requires a high level of commitment - not only to training your body but also the mind. For spectators, it's an opportunity to rave in delight or growl with disdain as you watch members of your house compete against other students to win matches and possibly win the Quidditch Cup. It's so important that some students hold it in higher regard than the House Cup! It's such a high point in the Hogwarts experience that students of all status write to their parents and guardians in letters written, primarily, around holidays, where they feel contractually obliged to inform about how they are faring.

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In a new twist of events, these letters may feature a wildly new development: Quidditch is in danger of having the amount of games played in a season decreased if new restrictions put forward by concerned parents on the Board of Governors are implemented. This would follow in the string of discussions happening during convenings of the Board of Governors, to reimagine a well-rounded education at Hogwarts. With the backdrop of the Battle of Hogwarts, among other unfortunate situations that have occurred at the school in its long and storied history, the Board feels empowered to make the environment as safe as possible, even if the efforts are not asked for by the students. Some of you may be asking: What gives the Board of Governors the right to make these kinds of decisions? Who are these people? Well, the answer is that we may never know. Some members of the Board are appointed by the Ministry of Magic while others are appointed by the Headmaster of Hogwarts. The only notable exception for the revealing of a member of the Board of Governors is Lucius Malfoy, who took great pains to ensure that all knew of his status. Many suppose that the reason for

this shroud of secrecy is to prevent retribution from those who are not appointed to the position, and to dissuade the possibility of outside forces making negotiations or different forms of blackmail/bribery to advance reforms that could harm the students of Hogwarts or provide material gain. The view of the ministry is that having this structure in place has provided for students since the founding and will continue to do so. It is unfortunate that there were times in our history where the Board of Governors was seemingly absent in the face of ministry overreach.

Our source within the Board of Governors for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry spoke with an investigative journalist of the Quibbler to share this radical development and the root of the concern. “The fact of the matter is, Quidditch games played when it’s snowing result in poor visibility and a thirty-five percent increase in injuries. Students should be leaving the school with spells, not stretchers.” After confirming this information with a mediwitch who completed a rotation at Hogwarts, we at the Quibbler are still stunned by the stats. In a follow up with our source, we asked if While the Board of Governors were able the Board of Governors were considering to be overruled by Educational Decrees in other forms of inclement weather possithe past, relevant bly warranting the laws have been same treatment. “Based on the reports we’ve passed by the received, snow is the most Ministry of Magic “Based on the dangerous condition to play to prevent it from reports we’ve rein by far. The Board is still happening again. ceived, snow is the considering what to do about The harm that most dangerous heavy rain but the topic of snow had less detractors Dolores Umbridge condition to play in than any other.” was able to wreak by far. The Board during the 1995 is still considering year of schooling what to do about could have caused irreparable harm to heavy rain but the topic of snow had less the standing of the school for generations detractors than any other.” to come. The sentencing that Umbridge received after the fact (Azkaban for life) There’s no question about it, Quidditch is and the ability for the Board of Governors a very physical sport. The risk of broken to intercede on these matters, gave parbones, bruising, being attacked by rogue ents to peace of mind needed to send bludgers, choking on a Snitch, and fainttheir children back. Which brings us to the ing off of a broomstick are all heightened possibility of the Board coming to a unan- when playing in conditions that make it imous decision on the state of Quidditch difficult to see even a meter in front of your and making a memorandum that shifts face. An accumulation of snow on the body the future of play schedules in Hogwarts. can upset equilibrium causing even the most trained broomstick riders to turn into 149

first years at their Beginners Flying Lessons, struggling to stay upright.

"For some reason, at least a quarter of games played in the winter season have inclement weather. Rescheduling is possible Playing in winter weather is also exbut it would inevitably run up into the spring tremely unpredictable - what seems like season and lead to some drop off of games. a flurry of snow can easily become a bliz- I try my best to have the season games zard if you're not careful. For some, the structured in a way that don't detract from belief of “Better to be safe, than sorry” studies, as that is the most important part holds true especially in a hands-on game of attending Hogwarts. As an instructor, it is such as this. After consulting with profes- my belief that we should allow students the sional Quidditch players on the feasibility opportunity and the ability to play hard, work of Hogwarts students continuing to play hard and study hard. Giving them an opporQuidditch in the snow, they remarked tunity to build leadership, time management that the coaches of their teams held and social skills, will mold them into upspecial training sessions on dealing with standing members of Wizarding Society. For the snow, as well as using a different set the future of Quidditch, we will overcome any of broomsticks for them (Hogwarts stuchanges, no matter what, and as long as it's dents do not). It is also known that the in the best interest of the students, I am willtraining of players is ing to abide by edicts “The last time I played in up to the Team Capthe snow, part of me knew submitted by the Board tain, not a member of Governors.” that it may be one of the of the faculty. last games I would play.” Some players reOff the record, a prosponded to the news fessional player of the Chudley Cannons by sharing personal anecdotes of their said that at the end of the day, if the ininjuries while playing in the snow this past clement weather was to a specific degree, season. They reported difficulty maintaingames would be canceled and rescheding the speed of their play, crashing into uled. Of course, rescheduling is difficult. teammates and opponents alike. But for students who are preparing for N.E.W.T.S, among other exams, on top of "Something that we’re usually told to do is the schedule of official matches being so to use the impervious charm on ourselves limited at its outset, the work to resched- before we go to play in the snow. It's supule them is proving very difficult for the posed to keep the snow off of us and not game masters at the school. Rolanda weigh us down, but for those of us with Hooch, the flying instructor at Hogwarts, weaker magical cores, it's not gonna stay believes that there is space to reschedon the entire game. So sometimes you ule but it would still lead to a shortening catch yourself not being able to fully and of the season, because of the amount adequately protect yourself from the efof inclement weather Hogwarts students fects of the snow. It's really unfortunate." seem to face. 150

Other Quidditch players agreed with the ineffectiveness of the impervious charm during gameplay. While it is useful for keeping rain off of your glasses, the longest a team has been able to play while using the impervious charm is close to an hour, as reported by the Gryffindor Quidditch team. One of the most heartfelt pleas for change came from a high ranking member of the Hufflepuff Team. “The last time I played in the snow, part of me knew that it may be one of the last games I would play.” A sixth year Hufflepuff confided to the Quibbler. They continued by saying “I tried to break hard to avoid crashing into our Chaser and couldn’t. The next thing I knew we were both in the Hospital Wing and our team had to forfeit because we didn't have enough players!” The frustration in their voice was palpable, dear readers. At its core, I feel that the students agree that actions should be taken to reduce the harm students face throughout their seven years at Hogwarts. However, decreasing the amount of Quidditch games without including information about how to reschedule games amongst other considerations was a careless choice on their end. We are extremely lucky that our Medical Magic field, from spellcasting to potion creation, has advanced to the point that players genuinely believe that they are invincible on the field.

when the weather allows for easier playing were varied. “I understand the concerns of the Board, but all Quidditch players are aware of the risks and can sit out if they want to,” Slytheirn’s captain went on to say, “Getting physical is a part of the fun! Sometimes you just want to see people risk it all in the hopes of getting that trophy. We train very hard to play around every circumstance.” We give the final word to a fifth year Ravenclaw who would only speak off-the-record. “The issue for me is, where will the Board draw the line? Of course they’ll start with the snow, because it's the most extreme example. However it's only a matter of time until a fine mist of rain becomes the difference between Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw getting the Quidditch trophy. That’s mad!” I couldn’t have phrased it better myself. If any restrictions are put in place, they should be administered in such a way that the line is drawn and clear for all to understand. Of course we do not need to hold students to the same level as professional Quidditch players, but we should try our best to respect the hard work, dedication and drive they put into perfecting their craft. - written by mjenious

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Well, ladies and gentlemen, it’s finally happened. Yoichi Mitsuo, the captain of the Japanese National Team as well as the Okinawa Onis, has been issued one of the harshest bans in the sport - a complete and irreversible ban on any participation in official Quidditch business outside of his home country of Japan.

A BRIEF RACAP

Yoichi Mitsuo (28) received widespread condemnation

across the world due to his blatant racism against Muggleborns as well as severely damaging the local spirit of the game. Not only did he racially accost British Minister of Magic Hermione Granger whilst dressed as a Death Eater prior to the 2018 World Cup, which resulted in him being banned from that year’s competition and for making the sign of Gellert Grindelwald appear during a friendly match in 2019, but he also attacked the Japanese winner of the Colin Creevey Young Photographers’ Award - a competition open only to Muggleborns, and tried to prevent her from taking pictures of the Japanese side despite this being the expresslystated prize of the competition.

His actions as well as the Japanese Magical Games

Department’s refusal to do anything regarding his actions - if anything, Head of Magical Games Coda Yodo was defending Mitsuo - has seen not only widespread condemnation from other teams who refused to play against the Onis and the Japanese team in friendlies and league matches, but also protests from other Japanese players.

In our Spring issue, we reported how Japanese players were

refusing to play local matches and were instead petitioning for Mitsuo’s removal as captain of both teams, including an interesting cosplay-based protestation including women dressed as Power Rangers and men dressed in maid’s outfits during a conference where the M.G.D. attempted to strong-arm the players into

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returning to the field and obeying Mitsuo’s commands. This was three days after he expressly stated he intended to threaten professional players.

Previously, our

estimates as to Mitsuo’s punishments from international sources were that Mitsuo would be ineligible for a place in the Quidditch Hall of Fame. Overseen by the International Confederation of Wizards Quidditch Committee (I.C.W.Q.C.) to serve as a diplomatic and authoritative name in international Quidditch, plus the Federation Internationale de Quidditch Association (officially abbreviated as FIQA) which directly oversees and organises the Quidditch World Cup, the Hall of Fame Committee’s head Mentor Metaxas has heavily hinted that they would be involved in action against Mitsuo last year after Japan’s shortlist of athletes to named as eligible for a place in the Hall of Fame was not included.

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It was only three words. 'The Death Penalty!'

JOURNALISTS AND PUNDITS SHAKEN In a statement written by the I.C.W.Q.C.’s Wellness Authority, the I.C.W. has managed to shock international pundits of the game by issuing a punishment that has only been rumoured to be in the official rulebooks and spoken of in hushed whispers by fans.

It was such a shocking development that the

I.C.W.Q.C. has had to take out a full-page spread in several newspapers including the Daily Prophet, Le Cri de la Gargouille, the Wizard’s Voice and - in particular Kyoto Hitogami to confirm this was indeed their ruling. Sports pundits within each newspaper were the first to learn of this development. I was visiting a relative when I received word, courtesy of a Howler from my colleague in America. It was only three words.

‘The Death Penalty!’

This is the nickname as it’s known in America

and which has already entered the Quidditch vocabulary in the mainstream as of today. The nickname comes from the National Collegiate Athletic Association’s punishment of the same name which is used for when schools break the rules so extensively that the only real punishment is to ban them from competition for a set period of time.

It’s known as the Death Penalty because when

issued, no school’s sports program ever recovers.

THE OFFICIAL WORD FROM THE I.C.W.Q.C. The following is a direct quote taken from said notice and comprises the full ruling against Yoichi Mitsuo;

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“Fans and enthusiasts of the game of Quidditch,

Recently, the International Confederation of Wizards’ Quidditch Committee has become aware

of serious actions and incidents involving one player in particular. Under normal circumstances, we rarely if ever get involved in a player’s conduct unless it were during a Quidditch World Cup. However, the actions of Japanese Quidditch Captain Yoichi Mitsuo are anything but ordinary.

Mitsuo’s repeatedly open racism and hostility including verbal attacks against heads of

states with coaches of other teams are now well-documented, as his actions involving Sasaki Akio, a young Muggleborn witch who he attacked. These actions have spurred the Wellness Committee - which normally punishes coaches and event organisers for going against the spirit of the game - into action.

Since we were asked to investigate this player last January, we have spoken to several

athletes within Japan and abroad in order to build up a closer image of what action is to be appropriate. We have since determined that the situation is not as many fans have feared - it’s worse than any could imagine.

Incidents that were not reported by Kyoto Hitogami but which were known to many within the

professional Japanese Quidditch community - including the Magical Games Department - was that Mitsuo used threats of violence against players and their families in order to cement his authority.

Three players admitted they were hospitalised as a result of beatings or attacks. Four

players state that Mitsuo had presented them with photographs of loved ones unaware that there was a person nearby with a knife ready to strike at them. Eight admitted to being beaten in punishment after speaking in private confidence with Head of Magica Games

Yodo about Mitsuo’s abuse. And one admitted to being forced to sign a letter declaring

themselves a disgrace using a Blood Quill because they weren’t up to Mitsuo’s standards.

We take threats of violence against anyone involved in the game with the upmost seriousness.

The fact that this was not only allowed to happen is disgraceful. The fact that evidence shows that this was not only acknowledged by Kubo but fully endorsed by the Head of Magica Games as a willing participant is deeply worrying to the committee.

At this point, we would ordinarily wish to have a private word with the individuals in

question at the centre of these allegations. During these trying times of a global pandemic, we even risked infection to travel to Japan in order to speak with Messrs Mitsuo and Yodo. We expressly gave a notice of forewarning that the Wellness Committee would be meeting with the Magical Games Department, the Japanese Minister of Magic (during this time Muranaka Tashiaki) and the private owners of the player’s team - in this case, the Okinawa Onis. Part of this forewarning was so that the accused would be able to explain his or her actions in a controlled, precise manner.

Neither Yoichi nor Yodo showed up. In his embarrassment, Minister of Magic Tashiaki issued

a warrant for Mitsuo to be summoned to our presence. Not only was the warrant ignored and resisted with extreme violence, Mitsuo threatened to do harm to Muggles if they attempted to serve the warrant again. Our hand is forced. Our decision is clear. And our ruling is final.

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From this moment on, Yoichi Mitsuo is; •

Banned from competing in any official league overseen by a member-state of the International Confederation of Wizards’ Quidditch Committee in any capacity whatsoever, including but not limited to friendly matches; the Oceania League; and the Quidditch World Cup;

•

Forbidden from the grounds of any Quidditch pitch that is host to any official league or match overseen by a member-state of the International Confederation of Wizards’ Quidditch Committee;

•

Permanently ineligible for a place in the Quidditch Hall of Fame from now until the end of the official nomination process. This includes being forbidden from nominating another person or voting for who is eligible;

•

Banned from any coaching position involving the game of Quidditch. This includes both professional teams as well as school teams;

Should any team attempt to hire or play with Mitsuo within their line-up, be aware that they

will also be subjected to these punishments. If you attempt to bring a team with Mitsuo in its line-up to any competition, you will be disqualified in an instant. Your wins for the season will be vacated and expunged from the record. The coaches involved in attempting to sneak Mitsuo into any team in order to compete risk a permanent ban from the game.

And while we cannot officially rule in this capacity, we strongly discourage any form of media

from hiring from hiring Mitsuo as a sports pundit.

However, he isn’t the sole person being punished. Minister Tashiaki has assured us that he would

be having strong words with Coda Yodo about his behaviour. We also have strong words.

Coda Yodo will also be subject to the same punishments as Yoichi Mitsuo, with a few others.

These include; •

Having no say or vote in international committee decisions such as rule changes and adoption, deciding new Hall of Fame nominees or diplomatic position in foreign sports competitions

•

No longer permitted within the Quidditch Committee offices in the I.C.W. headquarters.

•

Will no longer receive free tickets to give out to Quidditch games including but not limited to the Quidditch World Cup or Oceanic League.

We also extend punishment to the Magical Games Department of the Japanese Ministry of Magic. The

Department must shutter for the rest of the current Quidditch season and the entirety of next season. The Japanese league, players and teams will be overseen by the I.C.W.Q.C. until the department is reinstated. We strongly recommend that all past allegations we have brought to light be investigated by the Magical Law department else we will extend the shutdown.

We have been in talks with Yodo-san to give every chance to fix this mess since the open letter

signed by every player in Japan. And we have discovered that he and his department have been sabotaging our efforts from the very beginning. We are absolutely disgusted with Mitsuo, Yodo and the conduct of everyone involved.

Do not attempt to appeal as you will be ignored. Do not bow before us as you will be tread upon.

Do not write a letter of apology as it will be burned. Do not cry for forgiveness as it will fall on deaf ears. With Grave Concern, Chairman of the Quidditch Hall of Fame Committee

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PUNDITS’ REACTIONS

Almost immediately after the news broke,

that no-one would dare associate with him. So much

I was fortunate enough to be around Ginny Weasley,

skill and talent and no-one will even look at him.

formerly of the Holyhead Harpies and the current

sports editor of the Daily Prophet, has had a few

past actions and his entire Quidditch legacy is

choice words to say.

forever a mark of shame. Even before the news broke,

Japanese fans were aware that things were serious

‘Mitsuo turned up at a friendly attended by

‘There is now open condemnation of his

Hermione in a Death Eater’s outfit,’ she began in a

as the Okinawa Onis had fired Mitsuo the evening

voice of nothing but pure hatred, alluding to the fact

that the Committee had shown up, long before they

she is Minister of Magic Granger’s sister-in-law.

gave a verdict of his actions. Official merchandise

‘He directly attacked the winner of a competition

- Quidditch robes, memorabilia, toys - were being

dedicated to a classmate- a friend of mine. He is so

recalled and fans were being notified that they could

lucky that we’ve never met because I’d cut off his

swap them for another team member’s equivalent.

b****** and make him eat them.’

Collectors’ values for anything related to Mitsuo

Viktor Krum, who had previously gotten into

went from fifty-to-a hundred Galleons to Knuts.

a physical altercation with Mitsuo due to his antics,

was reported to have started laughing when he

horrible influence is gone, the poison lingers. Under

heard the news. Please note, this following quote is

the I.C.W.Q.C. ruling means that while Japan can have

a transliteration as Krum was speaking in his native

a team compete in the World Cup, it’s more of a case

Bulgarian and according to sources, what he said was

of… should we be sending a team? Who’s going to be

far ruder;

the new captain? Nobody wants to do it. And who’s

going to be the one going with them and the Minister?

‘Play stupid games, get stupid prizes!

‘And while fans are relieved that such a

If he wants to mess around like that, he’d better

understand that the dog will end up neutered.’

led Japan to a new golden age. We could’ve won the

Josuke Tachibana of the Kyoto Hitogami even

‘He could’ve been someone who could’ve

Quidditch World Cup for the first time - we had a

wrote a damning article in the paper the very day

team with better stats than Ireland in ‘94! But as

that this statement was released.

far as many people are concerned, we won’t be at the

‘There are plenty of people that say that

‘22 World Cup and Mitsuo’s legacy won’t be a grand

Yoichi Mitsuo was the Viktor Krum of his generation,’

moment in sports history that will be brought up year

he began, ‘a highly talented player who could elevate

after year; it will be around the top of a list of most

any team he will play on to great success. But

disgraceful moments in the game.

unfortunately for Mitsuo, he is an example of being

too much talent with a massive ego and this was

time two beaters started snogging in the middle of

mixed in with a horribly-toxic attitude that meant

the pitch.’

‘At least people will stop talking about the

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KING OF SWIVENHODGE Written by XanCanStand

The air was bitter in Herefordshire on the November afternoon in question. An occasional icy blast of wind would rustle the central hedge in Whitney-on-Wye’s Holloway Dell and disperse the warm breath of the spectators as it rose intermingled to the grey steel sky. No sound of joy or anguish arose with it during the down-time between matches, only a silence of anticipation and mounting tension. And as play resumed, still nothing could be heard from the billowing mouths of the transfixed crowd. The only accompaniment was the swish of the brooms and the slap of the inflated bladder. These were the 2020 All-England Swivenhodge Semi-Finals. A game of class and skill, Swivenhodge remains the pinnacle of refined sportsmanship. Played one-on-one, the competitors sit backwards on broomsticks and hit a pig’s bladder expanded with air back-and-forth with the bristled end of their brooms. Points are gained when a volley is not returned across the dell’s central

ONLY TRUE ATHLETES MAKE IT TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN

hedge. Fifty points secure a match, with five matches taking the set. It takes speed and reflex but also endurance. Only true athletes make it to the top of the mountain and take home the title Suzerain, and true athleticism was on display at Holloway Dell this autumn. The final set was a long-anticipated grudge match involving the brash and bold Leland Striker of Woofferton, the fiery up-andcomer whose short temper and wild antics on and off the green had earned him many headlines during the past year. Due to many flagrantly unenforced penalties and an unaccountably lucky streak of opponents forfeiting from an alarming number of unexpected illnesses or injuries, Striker had glided through this season with

very little resistance on his way to the main event. Rather than showing humble gratitude for his good fortune rising above more established Swivenhodge players, Striker’s confidence ballooned after each victory, leading to more and more outlandish and highly-printable antics. The Tuesday before the semi-finals, Striker held a ninety minute press conference at the Titterstone Clee Hill Car Park for the sole purpose of trash-talking his next opponent, to fair attendance.

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This lambasted opponent, the next person standing between Striker and his self-prophesied inevitable title is of course defending champion and local hero, Dolcie Corless of Hereford. Daughter of Emmalina and Enoch Corless, purveyors of the Bay Horse Inn, and four-time titlist, Corless is a juggernaut in the Swivenhodge world. Second youngest player to ever be called Suzerain, Corless has been playing the game since the age of four. Indeed, her parents say she was flying before she could walk, with her

REALLY, YOU COULDN’T ASK FOR A MORE DYNAMIC PAIR OF ADVERSARIES FOR THIS DRAMATIC EVENT!

signature power and speed even then. Power and speed that was fully on display two years ago at the Hereford Regional Qualifiers when Corless broke the world record for shortest Swivenhodge set, a blistering 171 minutes from start to finish against crushed hopeful and current MP Starling Papworth of Leominster. Corless has deep ties to the community that supports and adores her and in fact just last month the Boarbloat Green was renamed in her honor. Really, you couldn’t ask for a more dynamic pair of adversaries for this dramatic event! But the drama began long before anyone set foot within the dell. In the wee hours of the morning before the semi-finals, three muscular thugs broke into Corless’ cottage for nefarious purposes of an unknown nature. One shudders to speculate. Thankfully,

though, Corless casts a Silent Alarm Charm on all her windows and doors and keeps her Nimbus 2000 leant against the bedside table. One can hardly imagine what the trespassers thought when they saw Suzerain Corless javilining down the dark corridor at them. Reports from St. Mungo’s say the unnamed assailants are being treated for “impalement-related injuries” until they are collected by Magical Law Enforcement. Striker appeared thunderstruck when Corless jaunted up to the players benches to rapturous applause and shouts shortly before the opening of the semi-finals. One might assume he foresaw another unchallenged win. And his mood did not improve during the second half of the event, where Corless simply outclassed him in their face-off. During the first set, points scored by Corless were constant and inexorable, while Striker’s were frenzied and intermittent. Striker was simply swept away. The first set went to Corless 50-16. The second set, Striker tried to curse Corless about halfway through after a particularly stunning botched return. Referees blocked the hex and stunned Striker, who was unceremoniously dragged off the green to the sound of hearty boos. Victory was awarded to Corless and her return to the final Swivenhodge set of the season, a seventh for her, was assured. Yesterday word came down that Striker was “disqualified for illegal wand use”, was fined 200 Galleons for “unsportsmanlike comportment” and had also been given a lifetime ban in Swivenhodge by the Department of Magical Games and Sports. It truly was a stunning end to such a remarkable showdown - one for the storybooks. But you’ll notice neither the names Corless or Striker were featured in the above headline, and that is simply because the second half of the All-England Swivenhodge Semi-Finals will forever be a footnote to the first half, the set between Kane Walmsley of Monnington Court and Marten Anvelos of Twigworth, which was one for the record books.

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Neither Walmsley nor Anvelos garnered as much media attention as the other two would-be champions, nor as much fan support. Walmsley has gone as far as the Quarter-Finals the last three years and received accolades for finally breaking that barrier, including a character write-up on his history with the sport and the area. But Anvelos was always a sort of afterthought in the reported lists of the names of the undefeated Swivenhodge finalists, even as the list shortened set after set. A newcomer to the sport, he is perhaps most notable in his unremarkableness. He stands 5’11’’, brown hair and eyes, somewhat paunchy, with a faraway and distracted demeanor. Excerpts from the only interview of his that could be found in print before the semi-finals said he most enjoyed “dark ale and pasties'' and his favorite place was “the air over the Cotswolds''. Nothing to indicate that Anveos would soon be a legend of history. After the opening ceremony for the semi-finals, the first set between Walmsley and Anvelos began promptly and 7:23AM, with the slap of the bladder echoing through the dell. And wherever Walmsley sent it, Anvelos was there. Walmsley served with vigor and skill, but Anvelos was always there to answer. Walmsley was also thorough in his defense, he comported himself like a true athlete at the top of his game. But bladders were of course missed, points were let through. It happens to the best Swivenhodge players. It happens to all Swivenhodge players. Except one. Incredibly, the first set ended 50-nil. The attending crowd was astonished. It is unheard of to complete a set without surrendering a single point. But their astonishment would be further tested that day. The second set ended 50-0. As did the third. At that point, the referees called for a suspension of the game and took 85 minutes to test everything from Anvelos’ broom to his hat for anything that might be enhancing his capabilities. No sign of cheating or even questionable assistance could be revealed and play resumed. Anvelos won the last two sets undefeated, to stunned silence. After seven and a half hours, Anvelos scored 250 unanswered points and shattered a record that never existed before. It was a performance that defies reason and makes one question the accounts of the 130+ eyewitnesses. It is simply astonishing. Marten Anvelos will face off against Dolcie Corless in the All-England Swivenhodge Title Finals in the coming new year, and may or may not achieve the title of Suzerain at that time. But regardless, he will always and forever be known as Lord and Protector of the Realm, King of All Swivenhodge. The All-England Swivenhodge Title Finals will take place starting at 9:05AM, 02 January 2021 at Corless Green, Aylestone Park, Hereford, and will broadcast in its entirety live on WWN3, rebroadcast at 3:33PM, 11 January 2021.

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THE

MYSTERY SPOT:

THE TRUTH

For centuries, wizards and witches have made sure to exclude Muggles from any kind of magic they perform. Whether it is Apparition or casting a simple spell, we have been brought up to act like a Muggle in front of a Muggle. We have our own stories and many of them overlap with Muggle myths and theories. However, we tend to leave marks and residue after a fight which takes eons to fade away. The Mystery Spot is a very similar situation. Two witches dueled to death, and caused so much havoc that there was a disturbance on earth. This kind of disturbance is quite dangerous, and we found the story behind it all extremely interesting. The last time such a disturbance was caused was when Merlin the Great was dueling his enemy, and he emerged victorious. How could two witches dueling in the 20th century manage to cause the same amount of damage? The witches in question are Brigid Carter and Tabitha Ogg. Both of them were skilled in dueling and had dueled each other many times before. They grew up a block away from the other, and had their own differences. Filled with competitiveness and envy, each one strived to be better than the other. The real reason for their final duel was something more complicated than two women fighting for the title of queen. After finishing school, Brigid decided to go to India for defense training. Tabitha joined the Ministry and was given the job of helping track down criminals. Little did everyone know that she herself was a criminal. Before leaving for India, Brigid had visited the Minister for Magic and silently stolen his magical boots that helped him fend off thieves, shot out spells and acted as a channel for magic, served the wizard, could curse

TRAVEL QUIBBLER someone, could kill someone with a kick, and allowed him to fly. The boots were carefully made by an experienced engineer and cost a fortune (and even more). These boots were his most prized possession and once he realized he’d lost them, his team was in a frenzy to calm their boss down. No one was able to make a second pair, or locate the originals. Brigid knew that Tabitha would suspect her, so she ran off to India. Tabitha, who wanted the boots just as badly, cast Fiendfyre on Brigid’s home in London. Raged after returning, Brigid tracked down Tabitha and cursed her vision. Tabitha was then half-blind in one eye, and could see only in gray in the other. They played games as such, till there came a point when Tabitha was about to cast a spell on Brigid’s fiance. That was the final blow. Brigid challenged Tabitha to a duel and Apparated to the place we now call the Mystery Spot. There was a small hut and forest all around. Anyone present would’ve seen only coloured bursts of light. The two did not tire, but found strength in every bruise and every deflected spell. The final spell was cast in the hut by both of them, the Killing Curse. They had their backs to either wall and determination set in their eyes. This was the end. After casting their respective spells, they were lifted in the air and started vibrating. The air looked as if it were shaking and time seemed to slow down for a moment. Everything was distorted and the magical energy was slowly absorbed by the surroundings. Nothing was in line and making sense. Over years, the distortion reduced and was discovered by Muggles. They are still coming up with more stories as to why that spot in Santa Cruz, California did not adhere to science and logic. In fact, it shouldn’t even exist or be physically possible. It puzzled many experts and still does. Of course, they will never know the truth behind the Mystery Spot. Written by Milomi. 161

Christmas with a

By WizKvothe 162

Tears spilled from my eyes as I watched the passing trees sprinting across my way. I buried my face in the Knight Bus window to hide those tears from the passengers looking intently towards me. Snow was dripping outside, forming a tremendous layer on the huge trees, and I kept wondering when this time would pass. I was heading back to my house from Hogwarts for Christmas Holidays. But was this Christmas the same as last year? I questioned myself. A part of my mind was lost outside the bus, but a tiny part answered: "No". Because Mike won’t be there with me this year. He had gone somewhere from where he could never return. "Thomas, guess what I have for you." Mike came rushing to my bedroom on the very morning of Christmas. I seldom thought having a close friend as your neighbour was the best thing you could ever have. "Don't tell me, you’ve brought ear pads for me again," I said, unwrapping the gift, wondering what it could be this year. " Eh! Not ear pads! My friend, I have got something interesting for you this year," Mike said, excitedly. I woke up with a blast as the Knight Bus took a sudden turn. I imagined the driver was drunk firewhisky was, after all, quite popular during winters. "A Two Way Mirror," I exclaimed. "Wow! We could talk to each other if we ever got separated, I guess." I grinned.

I imagined the driver was drunk - firewhisky was, after all, quite popular during winters.

Memories pained me as they came rushing through my mind like a high speed rocket. It struck the peak of my sanity and numbed me from thinking about anything but my best friend Mike. "My dear, why have you chosen this place?" an old lady beside me asked, pointing her finger around the Knight Bus. "I prefer the Knight Bus than the Hogwarts Express," I mumbled, though hardly anything would come out of my mouth. I was dying to tell the old lady that it was because my friend Mike preferred this, not me. I wanted to tell her that Mike liked the rushing sound of the Knight Bus. He liked its fancy beds compared to the Hogwarts Express. But not a single word would pop out of me. "My Christmas Tree looks better than yours to be honest." Mike smirked. "Oh, really! Just because you’ve hung Toby’s dirty socks on it? Or because your tree is two inches longer than mine?" I laughed. Mike was outraged. " Not funny, I had to convince Toby - with huge effort - to give me his socks because he was adamant on following my father's orders. Beat himself twice on the head with the frying pan for disobeying my father." Mike giggled. "Why socks, Mike?" I asked. "They don't look that good with your tree." "These socks symbolize that the Clearwater Family believes in equality. They depict that house elves are no less than us. They, too, deserve a break from work during the Christmas Holidays." Mike smiled. It was unstoppable. The tears would not stop as I remembered what Mike said that Christmas about House Elves. He won my heart with his single concern.

163

Soon, trees were replaced by looming Muggle buildings. They twinkled with fancy colored lights and bulbs, and crackers were being burned out in the streets of London. Crackers... I immediately turned away from the window, and shifted my mind from crackers, and that night - when these crackers took a vital piece of my life - when my friend shouted through the Two Way Mirror for help, and when I ran towards his house. That night, I lost him. The night ended, and with its darkness, ended my friend's life. I saw him. I saw him sprinting through his house, which was on fire. He was wrapped in orange flames shouting for help. The flames devoured him like a crocodile feeding on its prey. I could do nothing but stare. I cried. He was sent to St. Mungo’s, but it was too late. He took his last breath on 25th of December, last year. And today, a whole year had passed, but I couldn't forget him. Tears spilled, again, from my eyes as I watched the same old lady who had asked me a question, get off the bus, and a tiny figure climb aboard, with a black hood around his face. The bus took off at full speed.

It was like a sword penetrated my midbrain. The pain was unbearable. It was a commotion of happiness and sadness to see my close friend.

The figure came towards me and pulled down his hood. I was shocked. It was Mike. It was like a sword penetrated my midbrain. The pain was unbearable. It was a commotion of happiness and sadness to see my close friend. The feeling of celebrating Christmas with him was overwhelming. I couldn’t bear to speak. Was he a ghost? Did he refuse to move on? Mike came closer. "My friend, thank you! You’re dead," he said. I was speechless. “I’m dead?” "Yes, you are, Thomas. This bus was in an accident and you decided to move on. You chose this bus. "Thank you for choosing this bus to move on." "I...I’m what?" I mumbled. "I saw you were having difficulty moving on. You were hooked to this earth, thinking of me. You wanted to celebrate Christmas with me but it wasn’t possible." He stopped. "At least not while we were alive." I cried. The tears wouldn’t stop. But it wasn’t because I was dead and this whole journey had ended way too earlier than I had expected it. It wasn’t because I had lost my parents. It was because I could celebrate Christmas with my friend Mike. I brushed my tears away and sat beside Mike. He smiled. I could only say a few words. "I'm moving on."

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HOGWARTS HORror-SCOPES Madam Starflash Sees what (mis)fortunes will befall you this (holiday) season!

CAPRICORN THE THESTRAL

TAURUS THE WEREWOLF

VIRGO THE UNICORN

(DEC. 22ND — JAN. 19TH)

(APRIL 20TH — MAY 20TH)

(AUGUST 23RD — SEPT. 22ND)

You don't need a lot for baking, but there’s a Riding through the snow, in a one thestral couple things you do, you won’t need any baking sleigh, watch out for the gnomes that will get in powder, magic cooking is for you, but you must be your way (ha ha ha)! extra careful of the law of Golpalott, magic baking is allowed, but trying to conjure food is not.

AQUARIUS THE KELPIE (JAN. 20TH — FEB. 18TH) Have a merry cup of cocoa, and add some peppermint, it’s a way to fix your day after the way it went. After all those mistakes you made on that potion, you’ll need bandages and lots and lots of murtlap lotion!

PISCES THE MERMAN (FEB.19TH — MARCH 20TH) Here comes Voldemort, here comes Voldemort, right down Knockturn Alley, with his thestrals and Death Eaters and a body tally, he’s so evil and so scary, but he has no nose, so Colloportus all your doors and hope away he goes!

ARIES THE HIPPOGRIFF (MARCH 21ST — APRIL19TH) Oh, there's no place like Hogwarts for holidays, ‘cause no matter how much you hate Jo, it’ll always be here, so near and so dear, yes, Hogwarts will always be your home!

188

GEMINI THE VEELA

(MAY 21ST — JUNE 20TH)

It's the most horrible time of the year, with the house-elves rebelling, and everyone yelling, you quiver with fear, it's the most horrible time of the year!

LIBRA THE DRAGON

(SEPT. 23RD — OCT. 22ND) Broomstick hell, broomstick hell, broomsticks don’t rock, brooms sway and swing and broom You'll have a pink walrus upon you, you'll be so falls can sting, flying and dying is not so much fun, blue with bruises all on you, so watch your wand leave the broomstick and go for a run! movements and be sure to say all incantations in the proper way!

CANCER THE FIRECRAB (JUNE 21ST — JULY 22ND)

SCORPIO THE VAMPIRE

(OCT. 23RD — NOV. 21ST) Hurry up now, make dinner and some cheesecake and more; it’s been an awful long time since you It's beginning to look like your potions are nearly went out, so hurry to the grocery store! out of date, head for the apothecary, but always be wary, and try not to think about what you just ate!

LEO THE SPHINX (JULY 23RD — AUGUST 22ND) Oh the weather outside is frightful, but tea-vee is so delightful, and since you’ve no place to go, watch a show, watch a show, watch a show!

SAGITTARIUS THE CENTAUR (NOV. 22ND — DEC. 21ST) Playing around with your feisty tree may cause you quite a bop, Whomping Willow limbs everywhere, and you can’t get it to stop!

Classifieds Reach your Prospects First

MISSED CONNECTIONS

BUSINESS/OFFERS

HELP WANTED

To the girl in the green dress: I saw you passing by in Diagon Alley. You were wearing an emerald dress and a vibrant purple cloak and mask. You hair was wild and your laugh filled my heart with longing. If you see this, please know you are beautiful and I hope we get to meet again. Yours, the girl in the plaid dress

Offer: Smiling Winky's half off drinks TO GO. Enjoy the holidays with hot spiced cider!

I NEED LAST MINUTE GIFTS ANYTHING WRAPPED AND SENT BY NEXT OWL PLEASE THANK YOU BUDGET 20 GALLEONS KENT THWIPPLE CHESWICK ARMS APT 32 TOWN YETHOLM

Missing: The holiday spirit. I feel so lonely this holiday. Would anyone be interested in being a penpal? Owl Darius Owens Who was that lad with the stunning blue eyes & weird sisters facemask at Honeydukes? Even from a 2m distance I could feel our connection. If you felt it too, please owl to Anastasia o'Malley COMMUNITY EVENTS Join the Music Society for socially distanced Christmas caroling. We will meet in Diagon Alley and sing for 3 hours. BYOB!

Need to rent winter clothes? Lola's Winter Shop is just for you! Hats, scarves, gloves, stockings- you name it, we've got it Who cursed you? Does your spouse seem distant and itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not a confundus charm? Missing a favorite dark artefact? Missing a favorite person? For discreet mystery solving, contact FLINT & BONES, Private Aurors, where your problem is our problem.

Hi! I am considering creating a fan film based on Nymphadora Tonks! I have made a community, which is r/dontcallmenymphadora, and if anyone would like to help or just discuss, please feel free to contact me! Help Wanted! A death day day party is being organised at a private place. Need help from volunteers to decorate the place. Best interns might get recommended to Puke's Party Organiser. Looking for assistance in removing an Acromantula from a windowsill- visit a certain bookstore in Diagon Alley. Payment rendered after completion of task.

Looking to rent a Remembrall, as I seem to have misplaced mine and can't remember at all where I left it! Will happily return the borrowed Remembrall once I have located mine. Please send an owl to: 11 High Street, Hogsmeade. FOR SALE pecunareo qui daedire sabet exemptis tibi solvio patinavi. destinemus pro icarum extricemur tempera solevi. corrobores senae! illare candide mur socibus tabernere sed axens, ubi et deprerunt hic titire respirave emporens inpudant tablanantis. indecet avit vos aspireo equinis! Camila adelmarus ex durnovaria Offered: I will make masks with any pattern! 5 sickles for the first mask, 4 sickles for any additional mask with the same pattern. Completely government approved & safe. Get 10 masks for only 35 sickles!

Contributors: l-lily, XanCanStand, CreativeChaosss, CynicForever7, WizKvothe, mjenious, ria_dove, rowdy_mouse, Eldis_

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QUIBBLER AUROR LOGS

LAW ENFORCEMENT REPORTS BREAKING NEWS: MLE is pleased to announce live reports of some of these logs on Wizard radio station, "Twitch.tv/powergamersdandd" every other Friday at 6:30PM PST MAGICAL LAW ENFORCEMENT PATROL: ◊ 11/4/20 5:45 PM - Unidentified flying object reported by Muggles to local authorities. Bludger located and confiscated. ◊ 11/17/20 7:20 PM - Illegal “fireworks” set off at Muggle band “Fall Out Boy” concert. Perpetrator detained. ◊ 11/26/20 11:23 PM - False reports of stolen cauldrons traced back to underage Hogwarts student. Warning issued. DEPARTMENT FOR THE REGULATION AND CONTROL OF MAGICAL CREATURES: ◊ 11/1/20 6:45 AM - Muggles complain of “three-headed sand snake” at a local ski resort. Slope combed but no sign of runespoor. ◊ 11/30/20 11:11 AM - Unicorn spotted amongst regular horses on Muggle farm. Owners Obliviated and unicorn relocated. ◊ 12/25/20 5:22 PM - Doxies found in

dilapidated Muggle building. Doxies Immobilized, eggs disposed of. DEPARTMENT OF INTOXICATING SUBSTANCES ◊ 11/9/20 9:17 PM - Report of two youths attempting to smoke gillyweed behind the Hog’s Head. Suspects were given a stern warning, though their activities were not illegal. ◊ 11/15/20 4:02 AM - Butterbeer reported to contain unidentified hallucinogenic substances. Entire batch Vanished; all consumers taken to St. Mungo’s for detoxification. ◊ 12/14/20 12:38 PM - Report of four intoxicated wizards exposing hindquarters at Christmas market. Muggles Obliviated; fine issued. IMPROPER USE OF MAGIC OFFICE ◊ 12/4/20 2:33 PM - Wizard calling himself a “magician” makes objects disappear at Muggle birthday parties. Taken into custody; released on technicality.

◊ 12/19/20 10:12 AM - Jinxed “mood rings” reportedly sold to Muggle tourists at Christmas market prove to discolor fingers. Auror dispatched; seller was Muggle, rings were not magic. Auror became distinctly disgruntled. DEPARTMENT OF MYSTERIES ◊ GDFGDFGDSGDGDSFGSDGFDFGDFGDGDGDGDFGDFG ◊ DGFDF;SDIGP[DFIGDSFIGDSPFGDSFGDFGDGF ◊ KLGFSJLDKFGJLFD JDFJGLKDJGDFGDFGDFGSDFSDSDFSFSD FSFSFSDSDFSFSFSDFSDF ◊ HAHA, THIS LAST ONE ACTUALLY SAYS SOMETHING. ◊ KACKELDACKEL IS A WEIRD PERSON. ◊ SDFSADFSADFKSFDSJDSKJDFLSFJOFDJIOWEIORUEWOIUERUIWEIRUWEOIRUWSFSDFSDFSDAFSADFSAD

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GICAL LAW MA E

EMENT * RC FO N

EPARTME * D NT

The Minister of Magic and The Head of Magical Law Enforcement would like to thank the Auror Headquarters, Wizengamot Administration Services, Hit Wizards, Investigation Department, Ministry of Magic Witch Watchers, Office for the Detection and Confiscation of Counterfeit Defensive Spells and Protective Objects, and all others that keep our world safe.

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Molly Weasley's Guide to Scourgifying Your Home - Give Your Room That Hogwarts Charm Part I: Gryffindor Author: new_girl2 Layout: permagrinfalcon Illustration: laughterislouder anne_seelmann

Souper Easy & Delicious Recipes to Survive the Winter Author: Eldis_ Layout: anne_seelmann Illustration: anne_seelmann

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A Lonely Christmas

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Luna Lovegood

Illustration: Owlnightcoffee

Happy Christmas Ya Filthy Muggle Illustration: laughterislouder

Newt Scamanber Illustration: imprimis5

Potted Mandrake Illustration: pseudocow

Magical Plants and Creatures Boggarts in the Muggle Mainstream Author: Rhia1 Layout: permagrinfalcon Illustration: icantreachtheoctave

Discoveries of Corbin Hediadar: Galloping Gulpers Author: Rhia1 Layout: pernagrinfalcon Illustration: Milomi10

The Midnight Sun- Nightly Rituals Author: Milomi10 Layout: KackelDackel

Ravenclaw Pets Spotlight Author: Eldis_ Layout: KackelDackel Illustration: Eldis_

News and Features

Sacred XXVIII Dissolved; Amnesty for Voldemort's Supporters at Last Author: A_Syed_07 Layout: KackelDackel Illustration: A_Syed_07

The Peculiar Way Japan Deals with Breaches of Secrecy Author: KackelDackel Layout: KackelDackel Illustration: KackelDackel

Man Believes He is in a Relationship with a Chimaera! Author: jasmin_11 Layout: permagrinfalcon Illustration: CosmicNonago 196

Muggles on Magic

Author: Milomi10 Layout: permagrinfalcon Illustration: Milomi10

Troublemaker Wizards Manage to Blast an Entire Continent with the Confundus Charm

Author: deathstar1310 Layout: KackelDackel

MLAP: Reasons to Join, Reasons to Fear.

Author: CosmicNonagon Layout: KackelDackel

Stop MLAP: The Danger of the Decade

Author: Eldis_ Layout: KackelDackel Illustration: Eldis_ Image Sources: • knowyourmeme.com/photos/1360849-you-know-i-had-todo-it-to-em • unsplash.com/photos/qWXPMu5SGsA • unsplash.com/photos/WXX_DhjlmD4 • unsplash.com/photos/9fmJQHDdB0A • unsplash.com/photos/pvf_-SOhyfw • unsplash.com/photos/h73jxsQweccC

Marten Anvelos, King of Swivenhodge Author: XanCanStand Layout: permagrinfalcon Illustration: victoire_delecour

Travel

The Mystery Spot: The Truth Author: Milomi10 Layout: KackelDackel

Christmas with a Close Friend? Author: WizKvothe Layout: permagrinfalcon Illustration: 7ustine

EXPOSING MLAP AND ALL ITS LIES

Author: mylifeambitiom Layout: KackelDackel

Sports

Upcoming Quidditch Games Cancelled?

Author: mjenious Layout: KackelDackel

IT'S OFFICIAL - YOICHI MITSUO HAS BEEN BLACKLISTED FORM QUIDDITCH WORLD CUP

Author: res30stupid Layout: permagrinfalcon Illustration: SinsationalDoom

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