The Quibbler - Fall 2017 by Hogwarts Quibbler

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k s e D ’s r o t i d E e h T FROM STARFLASH (Editor’s THE DESK OF MADAM Note) aders,

Re Dearest Quibbler-ers and

ersary issue! Welcome to our first anniv

d a lot of of laughs, a lot of fun, an lot a d ha 've we ar, ye st no Over the pa ama, of course, because dr me so en be 's ere Th . e some creative minds at work little chaos. I've had to us a t ou th wi e let mp co is family 've had t all things considered, we tough love sometimes, bu a great first year. of one who has been a part I would like to thank every reus d ther you’ve just joine our Quibbler family. Whe e d since the very start, you'r cently or have been aroun uld ithout all of you, we wo a member of the team. W rseIt takes hard work and pe have never come this far. oud of e. All of you should be pr verance to create a magazin ry proud of you all. yourselves. I know I am ve past wishes and deepest sym be r ou d ten ex to nt me Hurricane I want to take a mo ted by Hurricane Harvey, ec aff en be s ha o wh e on thy to every at have occurred rrible natural disasters th ho r he ot e th of all I d an Irma, there was something more sh wi I ts. gh ou th r ou in recently. You are e. ler puts a smile on your fac ibb Qu e th lly fu pe Ho . could do ny, many ling, and may there be ma ibb Qu of ar ye tic tas fan Here's to a more. May Fortune smile upon

you!

Madam Starflash

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THE QUIBBLER: NO. 34849 OCTOBER 2017 THIS ISSUE OF THE QUIBBLER WAS CREATED, WRITTEN, PRODUCED AND REVIEWED BY THE HOGWARTS STAFF AT /R/THEQUIBBLER. THIS ISSUE FEATURES ARTICLES THAT EXPOSE THE TRUTH. SELLING OVER 1,500,000 COPIES WITH OVER 29,000 DIFFERENT ISSUES, WE ARE THE WIZARDING WORLDâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S ALTERNATIVE VOICE AND REASON SINCE 1989. WE THANK YOU FOR READING AND PURCHASING OUR SMALL INDEPENDENT NEWS MAGAZINE

Welcome to OUR BRAND NEW issue of the Quibbler. Below is an overview of everything you can find in this All new edition of the Quibbler! We hope you find the experience Both enlightening and entertaining! THE BIGGEST STORIES FROM THE

FRONTPAGE:

06 The ins and outs of Muggles 61 Are Every Flavour Beans going away 68 Cornish Pixies and Knocker

REPORT: Discover the mysterious history of these pesky creatures

ECLUSIVE EXCERPT of “A No-maj Nomad My Experiences in the Muggle Society”

PANIC IN THE STANDS: Britain's favourite snack might be gone soon!

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BREAKING NEWS:

jfjsdjwfksfkljklwenjkfnzwdiewghiorndgknakflenifnsdnakhwroiuwehdnmd, News And Features. ................................ 06

Education. ............................................... 72

Travel....................................................... 41

Crafts, Brews, And Hobbies.................... 76

Magical Plants And Creatures. ............. 46

Comic........................................................ 77

Divination................................................ 48

Horror-Scopes......................................... 78

Entertainment. ....................................... 52

Puzzles And Games.................................. 79

Sports. ...................................................... 68

Classifieds................................................ 80

STAFF:

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Editor-In-Chief: Starflashfairy Managing Editors: Elbowsss, L-ily, -MrJ-, Eldis_ Administration: Marx0r, Dagrock, Wiksry Layout and Design: Mathy16, Csatvtftw, Thealtoid, Elpbit, Hippoaddict Art: Pastelpurrfect Castles & Burrows: SirMeowMixxalot Classifieds: L-ily Crafts, Brews, & Hobbies: Mathias_Greyjoy Dark Arts: Bubbasaurus Divination: Starflashfairy Education: Starboost3 Entertainment: RGCFrostbite Fashion: jfinner1 Magical Plants & Creatures: Ryan814 News & Features: theDUQofFRAT Sports: Elphabaisfae Travel: Jessi_Hall Contributors: Achatyla, AtomicMatty, Chantdesange, Diordnas, EarwaxJellybeans, El_Quetzal, Eldis_, Featherpanda, HylianEngineer, Jessi_Hall, K9centipede, Kinty, L-ily, MeeemWho, Pastelpurrfect, PeteDS, Rysler, SamuraiSpiritus, Sanchmo, Silvestress, Star-sand, Starflashfairy, Thatslytherclaw, Thereefa, Wiksry, WitchUnicorn, Xboxg4mer

QUIBBLER INSERT

BY SILVESTRESS

Cornish Pixies and Knockers

A HISTORY ART BY: PETEDS

NEWS AND FEATURES QUIBBLER

ornwall is a small county in the South West. It is mostly surrounded by water, and known mainly for its mining communities. Between the 16th and 20th centuries, Cornwall supplied the country's tin and copper. Both were used by Witches and Wizards to make cauldrons, as well as many other things by Muggles. Miners in Cornwall became aware that they were not alone in the mines, and came up with a name for the creatures they found underground: ‘Knockers’.

up with their own ideas and started to feed them. The pixies, now being given reward for their mischief, decided to ‘knock’ to the miners before causing small collapses to trick them. This practice sometimes got out of hand.

It wasn't long before the Pixies caused the deaths of muggles and The name came from knocking wizard-folk alike, forcing the Minissounds that were heard before a section of the mine would collapse. try of Magic to step in. In the 19th century, Minister for Some muggles believed that the Magic, as well as the Head of the Knockers were malevolent spirits Department for the Regulation who caused the cave-ins. Others and Control of Magical Creatures, thought they were well meaning practical jokers who were warning decreed that more wizards were to join the muggle miners and the miners of the danger attempt to clear out the Pixies. about to happen. Although only classed XXX, the Muggles decided that wheth- danger to life and the possibility er they were good or evil, of muggles finding proof of magic the Knockers should be was decide to be of utmost imporgiven something to aptance. pease them. As a thanks/ When it was discovered that it peace offering, the miners would was far too tricky to remove all of throw the last bite of their tasty the creatures from the entirety of pasties into the mine to feed Cornwall, the Minister for Magic them. and Prime Minister of the UK set The wizards who worked in the about the closure of the mines. mines alongside the muggles (to Although this came with a small sneak away some metal for cauldecline in copper cauldrons, fordrons) decided that these creaeign copper and tin soon became tures were most likely a type of much cheaper. The use of alloys Cornish Pixie. became popular including brass The wizards figured that the Pixies and pewter. (who are known to be notorious Due to the fact that the local mugtroublemakers) were simply playgles had created their own myth ing tricks on the miners; making about the pixies in the mines, the noises and moving things around Muggle Worthy Excuse Committee to scare them. When the mines deemed it unwise to interfere. collapsed, the muggles just came 7

QUIBBLER NEWS AND FEATURES

Magical Beast

Loose in Cornwall SILVESTRESS WRITES: Cornwall, Sept 27th. A lone Graphorn has been reported to be spotted in Bodmin Moor. It is thought to be an adolescent, about 6 foot from tentacle to tail. Muggles have spotted this creature as it attacked their livestock. However, a group of Obliviators from the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes, alongside the Muggle-worthy Excuse Committee, have made them believe it was in fact a large cat. So far no one has been injured; however, the Minister for Magic has issued a warning, stating that no one is to approach the Graphorn, and that it is classed as a XXXX beast, requiring a skilled witch or wizard to attempt any kind of contact, capture, or execution (only if necessary). If you spot the creature, or have any information as to how the creature ended up there, you should send an owl immediately to:

Edward Scaped Committee for the Disposal of Magical Creatures, Level 4, Ministry of Magic, Whitehall, London, England 8

NEWS AND FEATURES QUIBBLER

THE INSANELY HUGE

WRACKSPURT CONSPIRACY BY HYLIANENGINEER

London, The Department of Mysteries is attempting to destroy Hogwarts by releasing wrackspurts on school grounds, confusing teachers and students. Wrackspurts are invisible without the use of Spectrespecs, and fly through their victim's ears, causing them to lose their train of thought. The Department’s motive is currently unknown, but it is suspected that they are acting on orders from the Ministry of Magic. We interviewed Alice Evanescet, a spokesperson for the Department of Mysteries, about this issue. Reporter: Is the Department of Mysteries attempting to overthrow Hogwarts? Evanescet: Of course not! We have no reason to attack Hogwarts. Even if we wanted to, it’s impenetrable. Reporter: Hogwarts could easily be attacked by wrackspurts. They’re invisible, capable of flying through solid objects, and immune to most magical defences. Evanescet: Wrackspurts? They don’t exist! That’s just a myth. Reporter: Or has the Ministry been hiding them to use for their nefarious schemes? Everyone knows that the Department of Mysteries has held a grudge against Hogwarts ever since the Second Wizarding War when its students caused massive damage to the D.M. Evanescet: This is absurd! This interview is over!

While the Department of Mysteries refused to acknowledge our accusations, we will continue to investigate.

QUIBBLER NEWS AND FEATURES

Boy-Who-Lived or

Boy-Who-Flossed Is Potter Leader of Rotfang Conspiracy? BY: DIORDNAS

THE ROTFANG CONSPIRACY - a dangerous movement, inside the Ministry itself. Most aurors are members of the conspiracy, using a combination of Dark Magic and Gum Disease to bring down the Ministry of Magic from within. But how do they operate? When do they meet? How have they mastered the Muggle technique of dentistry? And who is their leader? Two exclusive interviews reveal what the Aurors and the Unspeakables are really up to. The Quibbler was recently contacted by a source who claimed to have new information about the Rotfang Conspiracy, but they have requested to remain anonymous. For the purpose of this article, they will be referred to as “Tentacula”. Tentacula and I arranged to meet at his workplace in Diagon Alley - Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes. Diordnas: Thank you for contacting the Quibbler, Tentacula. Here at the Quibbler, we are always eager for information from people like you - without it, we’d be out of a business.

ing their secrets.

Tentacula: Indeed. In troubled times like these, so many victims of gum disease do not speak out, because are frightened, untrusting, or it hurts too much when they talk.

D: I see. Moving on, you mentioned secret codes. Could you elaborate on that?

D: So, Tentacula. Where did you find the information you will discuss with me today? T: My brother was an auror for a while, part of their inner circle, in fact. He knew all the secret codes and everything. However, he decided what they were doing was wrong, but before he could leave, they cast a tongue-tying curse on him, to prevent him from reveal-

D: So how did he reveal the information to you? T: He wrote it down.

T: For sure. They have several codes, but the major one involves saying the opposite of everything they mean. For example, instead of “yes”, they say “no”. Instead of “the eagle has landed” they say “the eagle hasn’t landed”. You see where I’m going with this? D: Yes, I understand. How often does the Rotfang Conspiracy meet? T: The conspirators don’t have regular meetings, instead every Auror is given a false tooth. The leader can call a

NEWS AND FEATURES QUIBBLER meeting by tapping his/her false tooth. This will cause all members of the conspiracy to experience a burning sensation in their tooth.

Minister of Magic, Hermione Granger, and Granger’s parents are Muggle dentists, meaning Potter can get a lot of information about gum disease.

D: That sounds like it was inspired by the Death Eaters’ Dark Marks.

D: But if that’s the case, how did they learn about dentistry before Potter became their leader? And how are they combining it with Dark Magic?

T: Yes, most people think the teeth were inspired by the Dark Marks, but it was really the false teeth that inspired the Dark Mark. D: Interesting. What information can you give about the identity of the Rotfang Conspiracy’s leader? T: I know loads about that! Since the Rotfang Conspiracy is mostly comprised of aurors, the leader is the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. I mean, look at the evidence! Pius Thicknesse was the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement before he became Minister of Magic, and look how he turned out! People say he was under the imperius curse, but what if he wasn’t? What if he was only helping he-who-mustnot-be-named to further his own goals? D: But, Harry Potter is the current Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement… Are you saying thaT: Yes, Harry Potter is the leader of the Rotfang Conspiracy. In fact, this provides a great advantage to the Rotfang Conspiracy, as Potter is close friends with the

T: No-one’s sure exactly how they get their resources, but it’s said that they have people working on it in the Department of Mysteries. About the fusing with Dark Magic, they’re trying to figure out how to turn it into a curse, and possibly make it contagious. They’re especially trying to make sure that the curse doesn’t create gum disease, it causes it. That way, the effect of the spell will remain permanent, unlike hexes. D: Ah… That explains why they are using gum disease as well as Dark Magic. If the spell is contagious, how would the members of the conspiracy protect themselves? T: They appear to be attempting to create a potion that would provide immunity and serve as an antidote for gum disease. D: Oh… So they could sell the cure to the public at ridiculous prices… Well, thank you for your time, Tentacula. T: Not at all, Diordnas. Not at all.

I then travelled to the Ministry, armed with this information, planning to expose the Rotfang Conspiracy. I entered the office of an Auror and began an interview. The Auror appeared to be speaking in the code. Below is the translated message. However, I have put the untranslated code in parentheses. Diordnas: Greetings. I assume you are a member of the Rotfang Conspiracy. Auror: Yes. I know all about it. (Original: No! I don’t even know what that is!) D: Is Harry Potter your leader? A: Yes, of course he is! This is the Department of Magical Law Enforcement (or the Rotfang Conspiracy Headquarters), not the Department of Magical Transportation. I’m certain you’re on the right floor. (Original: No, of course he isn’t! This is the Department of Magical Transportation, not the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, or the Rotfang Conspiracy Headquarters, or anything crazy like that! I think you’re on the wrong floor.) D: Do you believe Potter is using Hermione Granger as a source of information concerning gum disease?

A: The Minister of Magic? Of course he is! I know all about it, and it seems like just the sort of thing he would do. (Original: The Minister of Magic? Of course not! I don’t know anything about it, and that doesn’t seem like the sort of thing he would do.) D: Can you confirm what the Unspeakables in the Department of Mysteries are currently working on? A: For sure! Everyone knows what they’re working on. (Original: No way! Nobody knows what they’re working on.) D: Are they combining Dark Magic with gum disease? A: Probably. (Original: Probably not.) D: The Quibbler thanks you for your time. A: Oh… You’re from the Quibbler. That explains a lot.

Clearly, the Wizarding World is heading towards a dark time of toothache and gum diseases. So, if an auror appears behind you and yells “Periodontitis!” Hide. Pack plenty of rations and toothpaste. They’re after you. They’re after us all. 11

QUIBBLER NEWS AND FEATURES BY ELDIS

First of September F

irst of September is both a dreaded and an anticipated date in the British wizarding community. Whilst some students look forward to seeing their friends again, and parents look forward to finally having some peace and quiet, others aren’t as excited to have to study and pay attention. What was different this year, however, was the enormous amount of muggles at Kings Cross station. Many came to celebrate the fact that Albus Severus Potter, second child of Harry Potter and Ginevra Potter (neé Weasley), gets to start his first year at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry this year. I had the pleasure of being part of the gathered crowd and talking to some of the people there.

“We are just one big family, you know?” One muggle, donning a full Hufflepuff student costume, told me. “I travelled all the way from New York to be here today. It is such a momentous occasion, I wouldn’t want to miss it for the world.” “I met my best friends through Harry Potter,” a nearby Ravenclaw added. “It's one big family reunion. I am now finally meeting friends I have never actually seen face to face, but I have chatted with so many times. It is awesome!” Aside from school uniforms, some muggles went as far as dressing up as their personal hero. Some Newt Scamanders could be found in the crowd, as could late professor Dumbledore and even someone dressed up as the train conductor. They posed happily for pictures. “I think the niffler is my favourite beast.” one of the persons taking pictures argued. “They are so fluffy and small! And those noses are just adorable.” The story of Harry Potter doesn't only fascinate muggles, some wizards were present as well. In hushed voices we discussed the perks of Britain's famous wizard being known in the muggles world. “I don't have to be as obnoxiously careful with hiding my wand anymore.” one witch entrusted me. “It can just look like I'm a fan of I accidentally drop it.” A wizard next to me nodded. “I still get some weird looks if I go outside in my wizard robes, but many just assume there is some sort of event going on. It saves so much trouble, occasionally not having to care what I wear in public.” Please mind that the Ministry of Magic does not encourage these practices, and that the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy is still being upheld. Meanwhile, the station continued filling with people. I had to jump to see to the far end of the crowd. Lines for the Harry Potter fan shop and for the photo opportunity with a ‘platform 9 ¾’ sign went on 12

all the way outside. Even though the area was jampacked, the atmosphere was friendly and happy, with people chatting, singing songs and greeting friends. Some people quietly voiced their fears of an attack, careful to avoid using panic-ensuing words. Luckily, these concerns were unnecessary, for the entire event was peaceful and fun, the only screams being ones of delight. Of course, both Aurors and muggle cops were present at the scene to be able to step in in case of an emergency. One minute before the train would leave, people started chanting the name of the house they identified most with, before the entire place grew silent and people started counting down. The leaving of the Hogwarts train was celebrated with cheering and some silent tears, after which the crowd slowly parted and each went their own way. Of course, the actual platform the Hogwarts train leaves from is well hidden from muggles, so the boarding of the train went without problems. Tears were shed, especially by parents putting their oldest child on the train for the first time. “You never get used to it, you know.” A mother entrusted me once she left the station. “Every year you think it will be fine, but it’s hard. I’ll miss them and I look forward to next Christmas.” “I am so curious as to which house my darling is going to be in!” One other excited parent told me. “I hope he’s a Hufflepuff like me, but he is probably a Slytherin, like my husband. We won’t know for sure until tonight or early tomorrow! I look forward to the owl.” With some last words of comfort to a particularly distressed parent, I took my leave to enjoy the rest of my trip in wonderful London. We at the Quibbler wish all students and parents good luck and, most importantly, lots of fun in this upcoming school year!

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MUGGLE-MAGIC RELATIONSHIPS: an interview BY: SILVESTRESS ART BY: PASTELPURRFECT

There have only been a few recorded relationships between Muggles and us, most of which did not end well. The differences between us tend to cause to much of a strain on the relationship, leading to resentment, anger, or in some cases, danger. This leads to most witches and wizards deciding to distance themselves from, lie to, or run away from the muggle they fell in love with. We have scoured the UK in search of a success story, to interview them and find out what you could do to make it work! We have managed to find you such a pair! They asked that their identities remain a secret, so from now on they shall be referred to as Anna and Bill. Bill is a wizard who came from a long line of magic-users, and grew up as a typical wizard does. He played with his parents wands when they were left out on the side, waiting eagerly on platform 9 Âž to see him siblings off, waiting for his turn to board the train to Hogwarts. He did well in his OWLs and NEWTs before returning back to his hometown in Cornwall, where he met his future wife. Anna on the other hand grew up as a muggle on a farm, helping her parents grow crops and raise animals, completely unaware of the magical world. She went to school until 16, when she left to work full-time tending to the cows, pigs, sheep and chickens. 14

INSERT QUIBBLER

How did the two of you meet? “I had decided to head into town,” says Bill, “We lived so close to these muggles, so every now and then my siblings and I would dress up and ‘play muggle’” He smiled, holding Anna’s hand. “We had gotten hold of some currency and wanted to see if we could buy something from the market.” “My father was ill that day, so I run running the stall for him.” Anna interrupted, her eyes never leaving her husband’s face. “I saw Bill and his brother walking through the market, at first I thought they were emits, I mean not from Cornwall, they were acting so strange!” They both started laughing quietly, sharing a secret. “We had no idea what we were doing, just going between the stalls to see if we could find a funny souvenir to take home. Then I saw Anna, the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen.” Anna blushed and playfully shoved him. “It was love at first sight,” she continued, “me to what I thought was a city boy, and him to what he knew was a muggle.” “It was hard at first,” Bill grimaced, “my brother was very supportive, he had seen us meet, and helped to keep Anna a secret from the rest of my family. It's not that they wouldn't agree with it, they're not pure bloods, but I didn't know how to come out to Anna, and my family would certainly give it away. So my brother and I would head out to her farm, and she would teach me all she could while my brother went into the local town.” “It was so funny to me,” Anna sighed happily, “for someone to know so little, he claimed to be from here but he was so foreign to me.”

So when did you tell her you were a wizard? “My mother began to suspect something was up.” Bill explained. “She was worried that my brother and I were becoming Death Eaters, she can be quite dramatic. So I had to tell her about Anna, she was so excited and instantly wanted to meet her. Then I told her that Anna was a muggle, and didn't know who I was.” “So she told him off for lying,” Anna giggled, “and demanded that he come straight to see me and tell me the truth. He took me out into the farm, and told me to choose a chicken.” “She picked a young hen, who was quite quiet and didn't fit in well. I then turned it into a teapot.” “I'm sure I screamed, he was lucky we were so far from the house. He turned it back instantly, and begged me to hear him out.”

Did you believe it at first? “Of course not!” Anna laughed. “I told him he was drunk and should go home. I saw him off and went to bed, but I couldn't sleep at all, everything he said kept going round in my mind. Then I heard a scratching at my window, I opened it and found the hen outside, trying to get in.” “I had put a charm on it,” Bill explained, “and left a note attached to its leg, similar to how I would for a young owl.” “It just had directions to his house, and a message saying ‘for if you believe me, I love you.’ And before I knew it I was in my car driving to his house.”

And what was it like? Being inside a wizard's house for the first time? “It was out of this world.” She began, gazing into the distance. “Even though it was, a part of this world, just not my world.” “My mum was so welcoming, explaining everything to Anna in the simplest way, slowly bringing her into my world.” “I stayed over that night, a note was left for my father to find in the morning letting him know I was ok. I think I stayed for a week in the end, it was all so exciting!” “We couldn't tell her dad though, so we came up with a story

and he met a few of my family to make it believable.” “It was the hardest thing I had ever done, lying to my father about something so big, so important to me.”

Did that put a strain on your relationship? “With both of them, yes.” A tear rolled down her face, “I felt like I was living two lives, and they couldn't ever touch. It was so hard.” “I thought she would leave me, I even told her I would use obliviate to make it easier for her.” “I refused of course.” Interjected Anna, “he was a part of my life now, his world was a part of my world and I didn't want that to change. After about a year he proposed to me, he promised me we could make it work, that I wouldn't have to leave my old life to be a part of this new one.” “She said yes.” Bill smiled, “and we had two weddings, a traditional muggle one on her farm, with her family, and a magic one at my home with my family.”

And did it all work out? Was it easier once you were married? “It was so easy to say yes and get married, but it was hard knowing that I would never have magic of my own, I felt like an outsider, even though I had been so accepted. When I fell pregnant, I was so worried our child would be a muggle too, would be an outsider like me.” “And having to explain it to her dad as well, he couldn't know about magic, so how could he see his potentially magic grandchild? It would be a dead giveaway, and he was so against boarding schools, it would have been impossible.” “But it meant that I was lying to him all over again, I was still working on the farm, but I couldn't continue while I was pregnant.” She was crying harder now. “I decided to take her on holiday, no magic, my first ‘muggle’ holiday. I felt that she needed that, needed time to think without our families having an input in it.”

Well you are obviously still together, do you still feel like you did then? “At times, our child turned out to have magic, although it manifested later than usual, which made it easier to have them around my father. But it means I am still an outsider, even though I know I'm not, I still get to go to diagon alley, I still get to see them off at platform 9 ¾.” She pauses her, drying the tears from her face, Bill hugged her tightly. “The magical world is still a part of my life, but it's not a part of me, and that can be hard to accept at times.”

Do either of you have any advice to other couples like you? “Compromise is so important, especially for the muggle.” Anna says. “Definitely,” Bill agreed, “and the witch or wizard needs to be patient, for us it's the norm, but for them it turns their whole world upside down, it challenges everything they know and believe in.” We at the Quibbler hope that this will give some help, hope and insight for anyone in this position, and if you have anything you would like to add to this wonderful story, a story of your own, or any questions you want answering, please don't hesitate to contact us! 15

QUIBBLER NEWS AND FEATURES

THE GREATEST POTIONS MASTER WE NEVER HAD BY: JESSI HALL

hen the weather is warm and the crowds are just right, she chooses to walk among them. Lips slathered red and rainbow scarf pulled tight, she wanders through the masses. Her painstaking efforts to make herself blend in are what make her stick out even more. To some she is ‘that crazy cat lady’ who breeds abnormally large felines. To others she is simply that flamboyantly dressed recluse who lives on the edge of town. To me however, she is simply Louise.

Born March 1st 1982 in Inverness, Scotland, under the name Karyn MacAverly, her life didn’t start off on the best of terms. Her father, a muggle, died of accidental poisoning when she was just two years old. Her Mother, Arwynnia, had been keeping her husband under the influence of a love potion. Clumsy in the art of potion making, she relied on purchasing her supply from an illegal, cut-rate magical apothecary. Clearly, one day her ‘luck’ ran out and she purchased a bad batch. It is unknown why her Mother required the use of said love potion to maintain her marriage.

supposedly ‘cure’ him from being a squib. These experiments were a financial drain on the family, and after his death they were left penniless. Despite wanting to find a job to help her family, Louise’s Mother encouraged her to go to school. Upon the commencement of her first year, her Mother rented a small house in Hogsmead to be closer to her eldest daughter.

Her Mother kept them afloat by taking a job at a broomstick repair shop. This is where she would later meet her second husband, a kindly squib named Lawrence Brennan. The marriage produced one child; Lisa, born July 13th 1990.

Sorted into Hufflepuff, she

A few weeks before she began her first year at Hogwarts, Lawrence passed away. The circumstances of Lawrence’s death are not confirmed, but Louise believes it had something to do with one of his many experiments that would 16

NEWS AND FEATURES QUIBBLER thrived in her kind-hearted house. She quickly showed a surprisingly aptitude for potion brewing. She showed such promise she was even welcomed into a secret advanced study group hosted by Professor Snape; an honour he typically reserved for only Slytherin students. Surviving records indicate that not only was she the best in her year at potions, she was shaping up to be one of the best in the history of Hogwarts! Alas, a promising future in this magical medium wasn’t meant to be. Fast forward to May 2nd 1998. While reluctant to discuss her first hand experiences, she did divulge that her Mother died that night due to fallout from the Battle of Hogwarts. Though there is no official record indicating her Mother died during the battle itself, our research suggests she likely is one of the Fallen 50. With no family to turn to, Louise saw no other alternative than to drop out of school and provide for her little sister. For the next few years Louise made ends meet by working as a dishwasher at the famed Leaky Cauldron in London, England. She also made extra money on the side by brewing the complicated potions like Draught of Peace for guests of the inn. Despite all attempts at carving out a normal life for her and her sister, tragedy struck shortly after Lisa started attending Hogwarts. She fell over 40 feet from a malfunctioning broomstick during a lesson. She died from her injuries shortly after. Devastated, Louise fled the country in the hopes of starting a completely new life. She came to Canada with the intention of having a fresh start and leaving the magical world behind. “My father, step-father, mother, and now my sister were gone in one way or another…. it was just too painful. At the time I thought that leaving the magical community would

help me find peace.” In an attempt to further distance herself, she also adopted a new identity; Louise LePlante. Struggling to find work, she bounced around from one side of the country to the other. It wasn’t until a chance meeting that her life started to turn around. Nicola Painter was a quiet older woman who lived on the edge of town. She bred expensive cats for a living, and kept mostly to herself. She met Louise quite by accident when she found her in a park drawing caricatures for money. The two became fast friends. Nicola, a childless widow, took pity on her new friend and later took her in. The two of them coexisted for months before discovering – quite by accident I may add – that they were both in fact witches. Though initially put off – as she’d put so much effort into putting magic and the wizarding world behind her, Louise ultimately decided to stay with Nicola. Those ‘cats’ were actually half-kneazles, and a tidy living could be made by breeding them. Plus, it was slowly becoming clear that carving out a life in the muggle world OR the wizarding world was going to be a little too challenging with an incomplete education and limited work experience that wasn’t even attached to her current name. Upon Nicola’s death in 2011, Louise took over the business and ownership of the homestead. Straddling both the wizarding and muggle worlds, she feels like she has finally found some of the peace she so desperately craved. When asked why she abandoned potion making in favour of a more tame profession, her eyes grew wet and filled with a mixture of emotions. “Unless there is a potion that could reverse death, I’m not interested. It’s too much of a reminder of what I’ve left behind…the people I have lost…” Regardless of why, it is unfortunate that the world has lost such a talented potions master in the making. Who knows what dizzying heights her craft could have taken her to, or how the wizarding world could have been shaped by her bubbling cauldron.

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Beware of Jack-o´-Lanterns BY: HYLIANENGINEER

As Halloween approaches, we would like to warn our readers of a dangerous beast that targets unsuspecting witches and wizards at this time of year: the Jack-o´-lantern. These creatures were originally created by Muggles to ward off evil spirits (or more recently for decorative purposes), but have begun to develop minds of their own and attack any source of magic. We believe this is caused by the recent solar eclipse, which had strange effects on many magical objects. The following is an interview with Janus Vega, who was recently attacked by one of these creatures. Reporter: Tell us about your experience with the entity Muggles call a ¨jack-o´-lantern¨. Vega: I was in my front yard, feeding my Devil's Snare, when I noticed a glowing orange orb floating towards me. As it got closer, I realized that it was large pumpkin with a face carved into it.

Reporter: A pumpkin, you say? Where did it come from? Vega: I recently saw a similar object on my neighbor's porch. Muggles build them at Halloween, mostly for decoration. Reporter: What happened next? Vega: The creature roared and chased me down the street. I tried to lose it in a dark alley, but it cornered me. I drew my wand and shouted ¨Confringo!¨ The pumpkin exploded into orange goo. Clearly this is only the beginning of a potential disaster. These jack-o´-lanterns seem to only target witches and wizards and may be dangerous. Constant vigilance!

QUIBBLER NEWS AND FEATURES BY SILVESTRESS

The Muggle Spice Pumpkin Engorgement Farm's First Annual Masquerade Ball Every year, witches and wizards desperately attempt to find themselves in the ‘party of the year’. There are many times of the year when this is seen most: Christmas, New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day, Halloween. Well, is year I, the best undercover reporter there is, found the hottest place to be this Halloween! The Muggle Spice Pumpkin Engorgement Farm is, as you might expect, a farm which grows rather enormous pumpkins, and are quite famous for selling their special spice to muggles in the autumn/winter time, as well as being one of the main producers of various pumpkin themed foods and drinks. For a little backstory, Christmas last year I had decided to take my younger sister to see the Thestrals (not a good idea to promise a young witch a pony with wings, then remember that they can't actually see them) at the MSPEF. I was pleasantly surprised to find waterfalls of frothy hot chocolate, scarfs that cuddle your cold spots, thestral sleigh rides, magic snow that never makes you cold, and a fat bearded man who gave the children presents. It was one of the best winter wonderlands I had ever seen, and many others I asked said the same thing! Many of you may have already been, as it is a rather old tradition at the farm, and I will most certainly be returning next year. I decided to return there for valentine’s day with my hus20

band, and again it was delightful! They had beautiful flowers decorating every part of the farm (most of them remarkably pumpkin shaped), house elves dressed with wings handed out never-wilting roses, confetti the shape of hearts hanging in the air, drinks that made you headover heels (quite literally) for your date, it was a wonderful day out, and they even had a separate area for you to drop your children off! I went again for Easter, this time probably more excited than the children coming with me, to see what magical wonders they would have on display. Chocolate dragon eggs were the star of the show. Children had to run around the farm, finding these eggs, and then smashing them open to reveal a miniature chocolate dragon inside! I am the first to admit that I myself found, and smashed, a few of the eggs. I assume that the dragons are of the same make as the well known chocolate frogs, as after having the shell smashed, each dragon flew up into your hand before falling asleep! For those who are diabetic, or prefer their animals easily found, they also had a small petting zoo filled with adorable magical creatures. There were small trees covered in bowtruckles, another in the Weasley twin’s pigmy puffs. They had pens that children were allowed in, with tiny hippogriff and winged horse foals. Not yet able to fly, they were content to let the

children stroke their feathers and hair. They had a few kneazles, which drew a large number of witches and wizards as well as the children. My favourite by far to watch were the diricawls, the small birds would let the children get close enough to pet them, before disappearing and reappearing behind them, making the poor children fall on their face! They had gnome punting, for the more mischievous of us, and a very dangerous muggle animal sat alone in a cage. The sign beneath it explained that it was a rabbit, it's long ears made to hear it's prey for miles around, it's nose twitching constantly to detect scents, and it's two large front teeth to sink into its prey’s neck. All in all a wonderful day out. When summer rolled around, I was once again stunned at the magical marvels they showed us. Due to the intense heat, I headed straight for their freshly churned Nevermelt ice cream, pumpkin flavoured, of course, before taking a look at the decorations and activities on offer. There were stalls selling freshly squeezed lemonade; magical face painting, where the paint actually turns your face into an animal’s for an hour; and lots of others that I could spend all day listing. They had a large maypole, with the Deathly Hallows symbol on top, and adults and children alike dancing around it, twisting long strips of fabric under and

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over each other to form spectacular patterns. As it was nearing nightfall, everyone began to crowd around one part of the farm, curious I followed and managed to get a fantastic view from the front row of a magnificent bonfire. It was not yet lit, yet stood taller by far than anyone present, and the wood was made from the same trees used for wands. Just as the sun began to set behind the horizon, an elderly wizard came forward with a tattered looking Phoenix on his arm. Naturally everyone was in awe, for there are so few alive, and even fewer bonded to a witch or wizard. The Phoenix began to sing, and flew over the bonfire before bursting into flames, setting the wood alight in a blaze of colour. The wizard then told us about the summer solstice, and how the Phoenix burns this bonfire to protect us all from evil spirits. It was a day I will never forget. Now, bringing us back to the reason I am writing this article for you all, Halloween. All of these events I have listed so far happen every year, and in the autumn the MSPEF hold another festival, with Hippogryph Hay rides, pumpkin juice, pumpkin spice butterbeer, pumpkin fizz, pumpkin pies, pumpkin pasties, just a lot of pumpkin things really, it's the perfect time for them to show off their work. They also have apple bobbing, where the apples are charmed to look like eyeballs, self-popping caramel popcorn, small fires to roast marshmallows that

look like spiders (when their legs curl you know they're done), and loads more. This year however they are introducing a whole new event. The first ever Annual Masquerade Ball! Every Halloween night, the MSPEF will now be holding a (this time) invite-only ball, held on their farm, using only the best decorations, drinks and food. Now I, as the best undercover reporter there is, have come across an invitation to this ball, and I will be giving you an exclusive inside scoop! The first thing you should know about this ball, as I've already said, is that it is a masquerade ball! This means dressing up in elegant dresses and dress robes, as well as matching masks, and I have been reliably informed that they must all be Halloween themed! I decided to wear a floor length black gown, with an enchantment to make the train swish like a tail, with a black cat mask, the whiskers made of unicorn hair (left over from a friendly wand maker!). Although I put a lot of effort into my outfit, I was simply outshined by almost everyone there. I could spend the year until the next ball going into details of the wonderful designs and magic that the witches and wizards incorporated into their clothes. The farm had been transformed into a beautifully spooky Halloween-inspired world, with a grande marquee as the focal point. The grounds were covered in scarecrows, open graves, bats, acromantulas, thes-

trals, floating engorged jacko-lanterns, frothing rivers of blood, and the sky had been charmed to show a full moon peeking out between dark clouds, and every now and then a werewolf could be heard in the distance. The marquee itself was pitch black, and glittered with stars. No noise escaped its voluminous fabric exterior, but the moment you stepped through the entrance, you are serenaded by a cacophony of sound. The weird sisters were playing a hauntingly beautiful song on a stage that floated above the dancers, and crows cawwed from hidden corners. It was visually stunning as well, they had a bar on one side, with a giant pumpkin vomiting pumpkin punch, and house elves dressed as vampires serving cocktails like Witchâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hat, black magic, and liquid ghost. The dance floor pulsed like a heart, blood red in colour with lights that flowed and flickered, throwing the dancers in a hazy light. Although all of the guests were hidden behind their masks, I definitely recognised a few familiarâ&#x20AC;Ś faces. Ministry members, Quidditch players, foreign ambassadors, headmasters; all mixing together in their anonymity. The night was wonderful, and by the end I knew I was never going to forget it. If you are able to afford the rather high ticket prices, I would thoroughly recommend that you consider joining myself and hundreds of others next year, as it is sure to be, yet again, the party of the year.

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T F A U P I T H O T

IN FOLLY BY: SAMURAISPIRITUS ART BY: SILVESTRESS

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From the desk of the Chief of Emperors of Inquisitorial Journalists, The ministry has ordered an advisory for witches and wizards alike to be on high alert this season during the All Hallows' eve celebration that we share with the Muggles. They have said this is due to the normal want for witches and wizards to associate in close proximity to Muggles. During this time be aware that Magical candies, especially those manufactured by the Weasley’s joke shop, should not be distributed to Muggles. I feel as though there is more to the story, and I have crawled through the bins of the ministry to bring you the true story behind the advisory. These are the memorandums that I have found so far:

From the desk of the Assistant of the Advisor to the Chief Head Assistant of Magical Misuse of Muggle Artifacts To the Assistant to the Head of the Editing Department of the Department of Releasing News to the Magical Community RE: that announcement “Do you really think you covered everything? I mean I think it would just be a good idea to make sure all the bases are covered here.” I believe there are more dastardly motives operating behind the scenes at the ministry. I followed up with a few anonymous sources, but one [choosing to remain unnamed, though he is the head of the Auror’s Office] has given me some extremely fascinating details. Halloween in our world has always been a celebration where we don't feel alienated from the rest of the world. There are dark witches and wizards unnamed that are currently plotting to announce our existence to the Muggle world at large. It is being brought to this overinflated journalist’s keen ears that the ministry is attempting to cover this up from the wizarding community to attempt to cover the fact that they have no idea where or who are plotting these attempts. These kinds of criminals are attempting to take up good ol’ Grindelwald’s gauntlet. It would seem as though it would be a good idea to frantically go about your business. Be on the lookout for suspicious activity and report everything to me. I will determine what is important to pass along to the Ministry! Stay safe this scary season my fellow witches and wizards!

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Hello all! This is L-ily, with a very exciting piece! If you haven’t seen this wonderful artwork floating around the Great Hall yet, I suggest you look up “Scary Potter”, now! “Scary Potter” is a collection of Harry Potter illustrations, made by /u/DylanPierpont. What make these so special is that the artist drew each illustration in an attempt to evoke the dark themes in what has been classified as a children’s series. When I first stumbled upon these haunting illustrations, I could not tear my eyes away. It really made me think about how well written and complicated the Harry Potter series is. With Harry Potter, we see and expect mature themes as the characters grow up, but those same mature themes can still be found in the first books. And as fans and readers, all that darkness is neglected because the main protagonists are so young and innocent when we first “meet” them. I never even thought to look at the Harry Potter series with a scary lens. And so, for this Halloween issue of the Quibbler, I would like to present to you an interview with the artist himself, Dylan Pierpont! Q: Tell me a little about yourself. A: Sure thing! I'm a 27 year old concept artist currently working for Microsoft in their mixed reality division. When I'm not on campus I'm usually watching Netflix, hiking, and working on my own personal projects. Q: How do you get inspiration? A: I don't remember who coined the phrase exactly but it went a little something like "Amateurs wait for inspiration, professionals just put in the work." And I've found that to be an extremely accurate representation of my career life. But when it comes to personal projects I suppose I'm drawn to stories and characters that have a darker, more thematic lean. Q: Are you interested in any other fandoms? A: Not particularly. I have a strong appreciation for all the artists, cosplayers, and craftspeople that have turned their passion for a fandom into a career. That's not an easy feat. But in this case I think it was a chance to pay homage to a series and author that gave me so much back in my grade school days. Q: How long did it take to finish all 7 pieces of "Scary Potter?” A: In the end each image fell between 3 - 5 days of work. But it was a on and off process from the 24

start. I knocked out the initial sketches around December of 2014, and sat on the idea for a full year trying to figure out what sort of style I wanted to play with. Finally released the first 4 covers in late 2016 and the last 3 I put out this year. Q: Will you contribute to the HP fandom again? A: I've had a lot of excitement, struggle, gratitude, and self reflection with the Scary Potter series. For a lot of people, myself included, Harry Potter will always stay with us. That's the power of a great narrative. And if the time is right then who knows. There's two more books being released in October on top of the Cursed Child screenplay that came out last year. So there's plenty of content for an artist to consider. But I think for now I'm ready to move onto crafting my own stories. J.K Rowling is one of a small collective of people that I look to as role models for creator-owned IP's. I'm ready to continue moving forward with my own; and maybe someday get a chance to share it with the world :) Q: What artists have inspired you? A: On the Potter side, Mary GrandPré, Jim Kay, and Kazu Kibuishi's work are absolutely stellar. I spent a fair amount of time referencing their HP covers while designing my own. Beyond that though I'm a big fan of Jeremy Mann, John Grello, Karla Ortiz, Greg Manchess, Dylan Cole, Zhaoming Wu, and Jaime Jones. And I've pulled a ton of insight from past artists like Zdzisław Beksiński, Albert Pasini, and John Singer Sargent.

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I would like to once more thank Dylan Pierpont for all of his help with this interview. It was absolutely last minute, but he was so accommodating. I highly suggest you check his work out on his website dylanpierpont.com! 25

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SILVESTRESS

HOW TO BLEND IN WITH

MUGGLES

The first tip that we give to any witch or wizard, is to take time to watch and learn from the muggles. (An invisibility cloak is ideal for this). Things that you should try to find out are:

What are they wearing? What are they carrying? What are they doing? Who are they with? If you are not able to do this yourself, we can provide a small list of tips and tricks for some situations you might find yourself in: If you are simply going to move from one area to another, we advise wearing a ‘business suit’. This should be worn while carrying a ‘briefcase’ containing (we assume) the following:

• 1 wand, this is the perfect place to hide it from muggle eyes. • 2 Quills, one for using, the other ‘just in case’. • Parchment, enough to give the case some weight. • 1 Rubber duck, after extensive research we had discovered that there are a group of muggles who talk to rubber ducks in order to help with their work. We believe that this is the true function of the plastic bird. • 1 Sandwich, if you need a break, or to offer to a homeless muggle. • Some muggle currency, which you can acquire from Gringotts bank. 26

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If you are wanting to spend a significant portion of time in one area; perhaps on holiday, we advise that you play the part of a ‘tourist’. This allows you to make some mistakes in terms of blending in, and pass it off as ‘not being from around here’. In the case of a beach holiday, we advise that you wear:

For wizards • • • • •

A shirt covered in flowers, preferably in bright colours. Ill fitting shorts, preferably a bland colour, such as beige. Sandals over the top of white sports socks. A small spell to redden your skin. Enough muggle currency to buy a ‘Mr. Whippy’ ice cream cone.

For witches • • • •

Shorts that are shorter than you are comfortable with A top that is much tighter than it should be An oversized handbag High wedged sandals

If you are able to acquire a significant amount of polyjuice Potion, the ideal solution is to use the hair of an older person. We have discovered that most muggles will ignore an older person, and will easily excuse any mishaps. We also want to remind you that muggles do not use the same ‘cuss’ words as we do. We have researched the appropriate replacements:

Merlin’s Beard - My Buttocks Gallopin Gorgons - Golly Gosh Dragon Bogies - Darn It Dungbrain - Doofus 27

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LAW ENFORCEMENT REPORTS The Head of Magical Law Enforcement noted that this season, incidents were few and far in between, however were very grave. Remember to stay ever vigilant and to treat fellow Muggles with compassion. MAGICAL LAW ENFORCEMENT PATROL: ◊ OCTOBER 31 8:35 PM: Anonymous source alerted the MLE Squad to a magical disturbance in a local suburban community. Suspects were allegedly transfiguring young muggle “trick or treaters” into whatever they were costumed, causing major mayhem and confusion. MLE Squad was called in to do a mass obliviation. Suspects were apprehended. ◊ AUGUST 2 6:32 AM: A shipment of magical gnomes was lost in transit and ended up in a Halloween store as decorations. The magical stasis wore off while in the store, causing mayhem to muggle shoppers. The MLE squad was called in to investigate and obliviate all muggles in the store. All gnomes were retrieved and taken back to their supplier. ◊ SEPTEMBER 1 11:00 AM: An MLE squad was at King’s Cross Station all morning casting muggle repelling charms at the platform headed to Hogwarts. It is still unclear how muggles have found out about platform 9 ¾. Wizards found in the area not properly hiding their magical abilities were given an infraction. DEPARTMENT OF INTOXICATING SUBSTANCES: ◊ AUGUST 7 10:38PM: Suspects were apprehended attempting to harvest “moon drip”, a highly dangerous substance, that dispels magic with unknown effects. Aurors were able to stop the suspects before any serious danger occurred.

◊ OCTOBER 31 9:55 PM: Witch found in suburban community attempting to give out magical candy to “Trick or Treaters”. Taken in for questioning. No muggle was hurt. ◊ SEPTEMBER 15 10:01 PM: Aurors called in after an outbreak of mass hysteria is reported in a local muggle university. Young wizards had spiked the beverages at a local party with Giggle Water. When muggles could not stop laughing, chaos ensued. Wizards were apprehended and taken in for questioning. Thankfully, muggle “police men” intervened and managed to come up with a plausible excuse. IMPROPER USE OF MAGIC: ◊ AUGUST 21 10:30 AM: Aurors were tipped off to a group of wizards and witches attempting a class XXXXX dark ritual during the total solar eclipse in North America. Suspects were quickly apprehended before they were able to finish the ritual. ◊ SEPTEMBER 8 11:25 AM: An irate witch who was on vacation was found to have turned a muggle woman into a goldfish and flushed her down the toilet after the muggle woman attempted to seduce the witch’s boyfriend. Luckily, the muggle woman ended up stuck in the u-bend and was able to be fished out , returned back to normal and then promptly obliviated. The witch was taken in for questioning. ◊ OCTOBER 25 10:31 PM: A gang of witches and wizards outfitted an abandoned muggle home with real magical artifacts, both light and dark, and promoted it as muggle

“Haunted House”. Muggles were oblivious to the dangers as they thought it was all “fake”. The gang was apprehended and all money they have made will be donated to the Department of Muggle Studies and Care DEPARTMENT FOR THE REGULATION AND CONTROL OF MAGICAL CREATURES: ◊ AUGUST 7 9:45 PM: Suspects were apprehended in a nearby moon calf sanctuary attempting to harvest moon calf dung. Wizards were apprehended. Moon calves were not hurt during this process. ◊ AUGUST 23 10:02 AM: A juvenile dragon believed to have been smuggled into the country was found in a nearby forest. Dragon handlers were called in to peacefully remove the dragon from the surroundings. It appears to have been in the area for less than 48 hours. All magical residents in the area have been called in for questioning. MISUSE OF MUGGLE ARTIFACTS: ◊ OCTOBER 21 2:22 AM; Muggle “policemen” had to be obliviated after wizard caused their “fire legs” to spew grindylow spit. Wizard was apprehended. ◊ OCTOBER 25 8:49 PM: Muggles in a local suburban community had to be obliviated after a witch had brought all Halloween decorations to life. Muggles were given calming draughts and all decorations were taken back to their respective yards. Suspected witch has been taken in for questioning.

The Minister of Magic and The Head of Magical Law Enforcement would like to thank the Auror Headquarters, Wizengamot Administration Services, Hit Wizards, Investigation Department, Ministry of Magic Witch Watchers, Office for the Detection and Confiscation of Counterfeit Defensive Spells and Protective Objects, and all others that keep our world safe. 29

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THE TRUTH ABOUT

eletriky

or generations, us magic-folk have been stunned, shocked, and surprised at the muggles use of this special ‘power’. We have only a basic knowledge of what it is and what it is used for. Well over the last few months, I have disguised myself as an ordinary muggle, and have attempted to discover… the truth about eletriky! Firstly, I needed a muggle name, as Silvestress would have stuck out too much, so I became Lilith De’Wiggins, a boring, ordinary name for my new boring, ordinary life. A Muggle-born wizard helped me to acquire accommodation in a quaint village in England and told me the basics of how to disguise myself enough to blend in with my new neighbours, and promised to take care of my wand while I was away. Luckily, was allowed to bring my cat, Sir Snuggles, as muggles use them as pets too. The bungalow that I ‘rented’ was already filled with a variety of electrical doodahs, and I spent the first few days memorising their names, and the next few memorising their muggle uses. The first thing that took me by surprise is the use of electric lights. These came in many shapes, sizes and colours, and could hang from the ceiling, sit on a table, stand on the floor, and even came in a travel version! These all were controlled by a ‘stitch’ on a ‘plug socket’ that you could push to make it bright or dark. This was my first clue as to where eletriky came from, as apart from the travel light, they all had to be connected to a wall via ‘wires’. This meant that I could assume that it came from walls, but could be squashed into travel versions of things. When it came to food, I could no longer

use magic to simply summon something out of thin air, and so I became friendly with a few more doodahs, the fridge, freezer, and oven. The fridge was used to keep food cold, and generally housed cheese, butter and milk. The freezer would, well, freeze food to keep it for a long time. A lot of potato based foods and meats were put in here. The oven, on the other hand, would heat food up, and some food that came ‘packaged’ would have instructions on them to tell you how far to turn the stitches and how long to keep it in there. I found that this way of cooking could be very tricky to get right, I ended up many times with either burnt or cold food, and one time got very sick from a chicken dish. As for drinks, they had a quite slow way of making hot drinks. They had a device called a ‘kettol’ which you could fill with water, press the stitch, and it would boil the water in a few minutes. This was all without any fire! This gave me more of an insight into the power of eletriky, as it seemed to be able to produce a sort of invisible fire that could heat both food and water when utilised in the correct doodah. At this point, I decided to try and investigate these sockets more closely and stuck my finger into one of the holes. DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS! The eletriky can bite without teeth and cause intense pain, confusion, and after a few attempts can cause you to pass out. I now knew that it would be far too dangerous to attempt something like

NEWS AND FEATURES QUIBBLER this again, and so spent the next couple of weeks attempting to integrate myself more thoroughly into the village community, and so spent my days down in the square talking to some older ladies. They also appeared to be confused with some of the newer doodahs that had come about in the last few decades. TVs, Compooters and tellyfones were their main worries, although they seemed most comfortable its TVs (which after much deliberation I concluded must stand for talk view) and so each night I spent in front of it, using the ‘romote’ to try and get the eletriky to wake it up. I broke the romote, but found inside it two small doodahs, which I thought must contain the squashed eletriky. I attempted to break into one of the ‘badderies’ using a knife, but again it attacked, this time spitting fire at me. At this point I decided that I needed a different tactic, perhaps I needed to befriend the eletriky like muggles appear to have done, and so I convinced one of the elderly ladies to invite me to her house for dinner. Her husband and daughter were also there and they used many of the electrical things without even thinking about it. They used the talk view to listen to a muggle talk about the news, and watch something showing a muggle street and the interactions between the neighbours. I learned a lot from watching this. They managed to use the oven and ‘hobs’ to make a lovely dinner, although even after this I could still not perfect how to do the same, and then the daughter ‘drove’ me home in her ‘car’. This was far beyond my comprehension and would take a specialist with plenty of time to work out the intricacies of it. Once home, I realised that there was so much more to learn, and

that trying to understand each doodah individually was not going to bring me any closer to discovering the power of eletriky. I still had one of the badderies, and I I spent the next week or so taking it everywhere with me, talking to it, keeping it warm. I thought that perhaps if I could cause this squashed eletriky to trust me, the ones in the wall would allow me to know their power, and treat me like a muggle.

on! Colours and sounds flooded from it, showing me a wonderful underwater scene with multicoloured fish swimming around. There weren't any grindylows

Again I should warn you, eletriky does not like water, and taking it into a bath with you causes it to bite you again. When the week was over, I attempted again to enter the plug socket. I knew I needed a bigger hole, so I took a knife with a plastic handle and tried to cut a bigger opening into the socket. This appeared to anger the eletriky even further though, and it ran away from the whole street, plunging us into darkness, and did not return for many hours. I still had my baddery though, and I knew that this was the key to bringing you all the answers you crave so much. I asked my nice neighbour for a new romote, and found two new ones inside. I marked my ones, so I knew which was the ones I had spent the time with, and swapped them with the ones I borrowed from my neighbour. I pointed it at the talk view and pressed a big red stitch on the top left, and the eletriky responded! A small red light flashed on the romote and the TV turned

or merpeople to be seen, but they were probably avoiding the muggles. A deep, male voice was telling me about the different marine life on show, but I wasn't listening. You see, when you get the eletriky to listen to you, you can hear it! A small, staticky hum was coming from the talk view itself! I can only assume that the eletriky is, in fact, a magical creature, who has formed an extreme bond to muggles only, and appreciates its privacy. I quickly used the tellyfone (you just push the numbered stitches in a certain order, and you can talk to the person you want) to contact my boss at the Quibbler, and she agreed that you all needed to know. Unfortunately, I had to leave behind my muggle life behind me for now, but I hope to return in order to investigate this strange power of eletriky. 31

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At t ent i on Hog wa rts F i rst-Ye ar Student s:

OWL, Cat, or

TOAD? BY: SILVESTRESS ART BY: PASTELPURRFECT

re you a witch or wizard about to head off to Diagon Alley to get your school supplies? Is this your first time, or have you spent years wistfully watching other students have fun with their pets? Well, there is no need to panic, for we at the Quibbler have come up with a foolproof guide to help you decide which magical Beast to make your companion! At Hogwarts, you can choose from a wise owl, a curious cat, or a bouncing toad, and after extensive research (and a few cuddles with cute cats and the odd kneazle) we are happy to present to you our conclusions!

owl

t is well known within the magical community that owls are vital for the sending and receiving post. Whilst you can have your newspaper delivered to you, it can be harder to send off your own post if you don't have an owl of your own. At Hogwarts, in the owlery, there are many school owls that you can use, so whilst at school you won't need to worry about sending your worrying mother her weekly updates that her ‘little baby’ is still ok and no ‘mean teachers’ are bullying you. That being said, owls are very clever birds and have a high affinity 32

for magic. There have been many accounts of wizards and witches who claim that their feathery familiar can understand them, and most are able to deliver mail without an address! On the downside, owls do not cope well with being locked in their cage for long periods of time, meaning that if you live in the middle of a muggle suburb, or anywhere else where you would not be able to allow an owl to fly freely (underground perhaps? I don't know where you weirdos live nowadays) it is unwise to choose one for your pet. They are also down to be rather messy, and often come home with carcasses of their nightly catches, which can put a lot of people off.

cat

ow, witches, wizards and muggles alike know that it is impossible to herd cats, and so we can assume that it would be just as hard to train one to deliver your mail. This means that, as mentioned before, you would need to rely on other people's owls in order to send well wishes to your sickly great aunt Fanny. Cats, however, are by far the fluffiest of the pets available, and when in a good mood will allow you to stroke, rub and cuddle their soft little bodies. When in a bad move however they can become a vengeful cactus (or catcus!) with fur, and it is most wise to avoid any physical contact with the cute, needle-carrying cat. An important benefit of choosing a cat is the ability to easily blend into the muggle world. Cats are tied with dogs (basically bigger, happier catsâ&#x20AC;Ś they would be great to have in Hogwarts) as the most common muggle pets, meaning that you wouldn't need to worry about letting your familiar out while within the

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company of muggles. We would like to point out however that it is advised to not allow your cat to be too friendly when in public, muggles often point out people as odd if they carry their cat in their bag, on their shoulders, or on a leash (a rope tied to your cat that you hold, to stop it running away). It has also been reported that cats are able to detect nearby dementors, which is always useful! We should also warn you that when choosing a cat, to look out for part kneazles, as they are known to be more aggressive towards certain people than normal cats. That being said, they are much more intelligent, able to detect suspicious or distrustful people, and will guide you home if you are lost.

toad

hile toads were thought to have gone out of fashion years ago, they do in fact have many magical benefits to a young witch or wizard. While centuries ago they were thought only useful for their body parts in potions, modern students are much more likely to be seen playing with them rather than dissecting them. Toads can be very useful in practising spells and testing potions due to their high resilience. This means that you would be able to practise levitation spells by making your toad fly around the room, or test your shrinking solution and turn your toad into a tadpole! They are specifically useful due to the fact that their skin is able to absorb liquids, and so you are able to test potions on them that are normally be required to be ingested orally. Most importantly, Hogwarts has a choir run by Professor Flitwick for those who have a magical voice (and even those who don't, he doesn't really care), in which toads are also used for the bass notes. So if you fancy joining, toads could be your best shot at getting accepted due to the low number of students with them as pets.

We should also warn that toads have a knack for slipping away unnoticed, so you may want to invest in a tank of some kind, or placing a locator spell on your toad for easy retrieval. S o , n o w that I am covered in owl feathers, cat fur and toad slime, hopefully you have been able to come to a more educated decision on your new pet! But when in doubt: owls for mail, cats for snuggles and toads for singing.

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BY ATOMICMATTY

KINGSLEY SHACKLEBOLT The Most Revolutionary Minister for Magic?

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The Minister for Magic has today announced sweeping reforms for the Wizengamot. This follows a string of revolutionary decisions made by the Minister for Magic, including banning the use of Dementors to guard Azkaban, eradicating pro-pureblood laws and legislating to improve the rights of House Elves. Minister Shacklebolt, who has been Minister for Magic for 17 years, is seen by many as approaching retirement, and may therefore feel that this is the best time to push for his most radical proposals yet. The reforms involve removing judicial power from the Wizengamot, democratising the body and restructuring the Order of Merlin award. In a press release, Minister Shacklebolt said “Today I have released far-reaching, progressive proposals which will modernise the very way in which the Ministry for Magic proposes, passes and implements legislation, as well as how the Ministry deals with law enforcement.”

reformed, and shall only be awarded by a simple majority vote in the Wizengamot. Those holding Order of Merlin First Class awards will be eligible to sit on the new Wizarding Judiciary Body, along with other independent experts in their fields. Other high-profile supporters of the new proposals include Ronald Weasley, Auror and wife of Hermione Granger, Minerva McGonagall, current Headmistress of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and Aberforth Dumbledore, the brother of the late Albus Dumbledore.

However, it has been criticised by various distinguished figures in the Wizarding community such as past Minister for Magic Perhaps most significantly, if these reforms are approved, the Wizengamot will be elect- Cornelius Fudge and Ernest Hawksworth, long-term member of the Wizengamot. Mr ed every 4 years by the general wizarding Hawksworth, as he was leaving the Ministry population, rather than being appointed by the Minister. It is widely believed that Min- today, commented that “everything was simple until Shacklebolt came along. There’s no ister Shacklebolt was influenced by Hermineed to fix what isn’t broken!” Other critone Weasley (nee. Granger), Head of Magicisms which have been made include the ical Law Enforcement, who is favourite to fact that, although the legislation aims to inbe the next Minister for Magic. This is due crease the diversity within the Wizengamot, to the fact that there are clear similarities between the new proposals and the muggles’ particularly in terms of muggle-borns, it Parliament, the legislative body of the Gov- could have the unintended consequence of pure-blood extremists being elected. ernment. Mrs Weasley, as a muggle-born, The legislation is scheduled to be debated may have had a greater understanding of the working of the muggle government than next week in the Wizengamot, and will face much opposition in a Wizengamot domiother senior members in the Ministry. nated by traditionalist witches and wizards, Along with this, the judicial power which who are at risk of losing their jobs if not the Wizengamot currently holds will be re-elected, and will undoubtedly lose power removed and will be given to a new Minisand influence. However, while the odds try body, a move which Mr Potter, Head of may seem stacked against Minister Shacklethe Auror Office, has praised, stating that it bolt, few thought that he would last as long will “continue the process of reducing the as he did, going from ‘caretaker’ Minister corruption of the Ministry which appears to to one of the most popular in modern histohave gone unchallenged for far too long.” ry. If anyone was to achieve such a feat, it would be Minister Shacklebolt. Finally, the Order of Merlin award will be 35

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A HALLOWEEN WARNING A

s Halloween approaches, and we all decorate our houses with a myriad of magical decorations, we want to remind you all of the dangers of revealing ourselves to muggles. It has been brought to the ministry's attention that last year many of you who live within close proximity of muggles were using decorations which could easily have breached the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy. One particular example was the use of a bogart by a witch who lived on the same street as a large number of muggles, causing the intervention of the Ministry of Magic under clause 73 of the aforementioned statute. While usually the statutes address guidelines prohibiting witches and wizards from wearing non-muggle clothing, with muggles dressing up for the night it has been deemed the safest night for you to wear your normal clothes. Although it does go against the statute, the risk of being discovered is minimal, and so the punishment will be as well if an incident while wearing your robes occurs This Halloween we encourage you to enjoy yourselves, and use as much magic (safely) as you want, but only within wizarding communities. Due to the fact that you have now been warned of the dangers, anyone within a muggle community caught using any form of magic to trick them will be punished accordingly. So please, no boggarts.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! u/Silvestress

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BY SILVESTRESS

How to Make the Best Death Eater Themed Halloween Party Courtesy of Weasleyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Wizard Wheezes

Halloween has always been a time for celebrations amongst us; especially after the defeat of You-Know-Who. This year, we are providing you with everything you will need to have your very own Death Eater Halloween extravaganza! Have a chance to be the Dark Lord himself with a missing nose and powers beyond your imagination! (Well, powers enough to slightly annoy people).

honestly we don't think his head can get any bigger) only those willing to serve you!

All your friends can dress up as your loyal servants! Use the Dark Mark to call them to you, have them dress up in capes and masks, and let the spook-fest begin! (And as your servants they will have to clean up the mess they make!)

As well as a wide range of limited edition costume pieces, we have plenty of magic to keep the atmosphere alive! (Or wellâ&#x20AC;Ś dead) Use our Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder to sneak up on unsuspecting party-goers and instantly turn any area into a spooky swamp with our portable swamp!

No Potters allowed at these parties (because

Find a list of what you'll need on the next page! 37

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What you will need: Dark Mark Firework (Limited Edition Explosive Enterprises Product) ""

The perfect way to start off your party, with a bang of course! This Dark Mark will light up the night's sky and let your guests know you have arrived!

Dark Mark Tattoos (Limited Edition, similar to the sweets, you just lick it off afterwards! ""

Simply put these on your arm and you can dress up as the creepiest thing of all, a Death Eater! When you want to return to humanity again simply lick it off!

Death Eater Masks (Limited Edition, glows in the dark!) ""

To add even more authenticity to your guests’ costumes, give them masks to wear under their black robe hoods. These masks even glow in the dark! Makes for fun games of guess who?!

Dark Lord nose (Limited Edition, available you-know-where) ""

Are you the host of the party and want to stand out from the Death Eater crowd? Have no fear! Simply make your nose disappear! Using the latest invisibility cloak magic even you can look like HeWho-Must-Not-Be-Named!

Creepy Crawlies (Available at Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes) ""

To add a bit more horror for those not satisfied with the mood so far, add our famous Creepy Crawlies to make even the most robust witches and wizards itch!

Demon Box/Fantabulous Demon Wonderbox (Available at Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes) ""

For the truly daring, those who want real spookiness in their party, can get one of our Fantabulous Demon Wonderboxes! Each contain one or more random demon to scare your guests! You can even use it for a ‘Magic summoning’!

Warning, do not feed anything that comes out of this box after midnight.

Electric Shock Shake (Available at Weasley's Wizard Wheezes )

To add to your Dark Lord costume, why not use the Electric Shock Shake? Give a shock to your Death Eaters when you touch their mark, or if a certain bespectacled wizard with a scar on his forehead turns up, you can touch his scar!

Portable Swamp (allows you to easily set the mood) (available at Weasley's wizard Wheezes) ""

Don't have the perfect location for your spooky party? Take one with you! Our portable swamp makes even the brightest of places dark, dingy and smelly!

Unlucky/Lucky Dip (Perfect for trick-ortreaters) (Available at Weasley's Wizard Wheezes) ""

Want to accommodate trick-or-treaters, but don't want the usual boring bowl of gummy basilisks and chocolate spiders? Get the lucky and unlucky dips!

Lucky dips give either a good or bad surprise item randomly. ""

The unlucky dip is similar to the lucky version, just without the good surprise! So how tricky do you want to be?

Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder (available at Weasley's wizard Wheezes) ""

This powder, when thrown on the ground, produces a cloud of instant darkness. This is perfect for the grand entrance of a Dark Lord!

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For decoration, use an old cauldron with a bubbling potion inside.

For fun, drinkable potions we advise you choose from: $$

Babbling Beverage: Causes drinker to spew nonsense

Black Fire Potion: Allows drinker to walk through black fire unharmed

Dogbreath Potion: Causes the drinker to exhale purple fire

Hair-Raising Potion: Causes the drinker’s hair to stand on end

Laugh-Inducing Potion: Causes drinker to laugh uncontrollably

Pompion Potion: Turns the drinker’s head into a pumpkin

Volubilis Potion: Alters the drinker’s voice

As always, sweets! ""

Weasley's Wizard Wheezes has a large range of sweets, all of which are fun, exciting, unexpected, or downright silly! You'll never be bored of what we have on offer, and we even have limited edition Halloween sweets with added tricks!

Be sure to come see us at Number 93 Diagon Alley for all of your Halloween needs!

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Visit the Twilight Zoo It’s a Jungle Out There! BY: JESSI HALL

Every autumn, wizards and muggles alike flock to Canadian small town Elora, Ontario to experience the Twilight Zoo. Created by artist Tim Murton in 1996, these hauntingly beautiful art installations take over the already tourism-worthy little town. To muggles, the Twilight Zoo is an artistic and imaginative ode to Halloween. To wizarding folk however, the resemblance to a congregation of Patronuses cannot be denied. Wolves, ghouls, spiders, stags and even a few giant mushrooms watch over the little town through the month of October. As Murton failed to reply to our owls, we are unaware of the true nature of his creations. What we DO know for sure is Elora boasts one of the few Halloween celebrations that has never been intruded upon by dark forces in its entire history. Thus, this is one of

the arguably safest Halloween festivals to attend in Canada! Alongside the sculptures are the many events that make up ‘Monster Month’. Though the festival is put on by muggles, it is a family friendly fun time for wizards as well. The ‘Monster March Parade’, ‘Spirit Walks at the Museum’ (which is rumored to be haunted!), even the ‘Sensational Soup Off’ are all worthy events making the scenic ride through the Southern Ontario countryside worth the effort.

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Tour Salem This Halloween With Ruby Red Jessi Hall: In honour of Ruby Red’s 25th anniversary, we are offering an exclusive travel package to Salem, Massachusetts this Halloween season. This historical tour is a landmark offering! Travelers will enjoy three days and two nights jam packed with learning AND leisure. Day one will consist of a walking tour of beautiful Salem. Box lunch and periodic refreshments will be provided. The tour will conclude with a visit to the actual grounds some of the more famous Witch Trials took place upon. Travelers will mingle amongst the muggles (referred to as ‘no-maj’ in America), and be provided with the means to blend in comfortably. The evening will be spent partaking in the famous, month long no-maj Halloween festival Salem is now famous for. Day two will start off with a visit to the Witch Dungeon Museum. This visit will be include a historically themed brunch, reenactment of an actual trial, and guided tour of the museum itself. Trav42

elers will enjoy a private, no-maj free experience at the venue. Dinner will be provided at the world renowned Patronus Pub. Day three in its entirety will be spent at the Essex Street Pedestrian Mall. Travelers will be provided with a map of all wizarding businesses within the mall, and provided with lunch vouchers valid at the wizarding café of their choosing. Travelers are free to visit no-maj businesses as well. Package includes hotel accommodations and cost of travel. Package prices vary by region. Speak with an agent at your local Ruby Red travel office for more details. Bring a copy of this article for a 10% discount.

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STOP ONE

OF MY WORLD ADVENTURE BY FEATHERPANDA

he first adventure on my lifelong tour of the world was - to put it simply - beautiful. It began on a fishing boat in the expansive (and very wet) southeast Alaska. I didn't tell the muggle Captain I was magic for fear that he wouldn't hire me on as his deckhand. Thus, that secret is kept between us if you ever meet him. As the boat was on the smaller side, our living quarters were a bit cramped. Nonetheless, I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be more excited!

Our trip started when we left Auke Bay harbor in Juneau. We headed out for the coast north of Sitka to a little place called Elfin Cove. As we walked the dock to the vessel that was my home for the next few months, I saw more boats than ever in my life. Little skiffs only ten feet long with little benches in them as places to sit. Pristine sport boats cleaned till they shined and reflected the moving water they sat on. They had names such as Leprechaun, High $ Hooker, and more with implied double meaning names that I won't write down. There were trollers all around with thirty to forty foot poles standing straight to attention; just waiting to be let down out on the water. Plus, many more boats than I have time to describe and

take in. Our boat is forty foot troller. Black with aluminum decks and red letters spelling Mrs. Mac. I unloaded my stuff and off we went. Out into a world I didn't know could be so amazing with each glance in any direction. Fishing quickly turned into more work than I ever thought I'd do in my life. After the first couple weeks I had caught almost seven thousand fish! My hands and back hurt like no other. But it was all still worth it. I took multiple photos each and every day I could. However, only the few that I chose to share turned out as well as I could've hoped for. Cameras just don't seem to do justice to the landscape I was now engulfed in. The ocean reflecting the

sky above with each day being something new. On most days black clouds showered us in rain so hard I thought it would break the boat. There were few days of sunshine.On those days the water reflected the light back into your eyes so bright, you felt blinded no matter where you seemed to look. The mountains jutted straight out of the water; rising into the air like they were trying to cut the clouds where they stood. The rocky beaches and small cliff faces didn't allow any access onto the land I so badly wanted to explore and document. Dark green trees covered every tiny bit of land they could get their roots into. They were taller and thicker than any giant there has ever been (I wonder if giants live in the woods here? I've heard some big booms, and what sounded eerily like a small war). July passed and turned into August. The weather turned colder, darker, and - I didn't think this possible - even wetter. Fishing slowed down a bit too. But one night about a week into the new month, I saw something I wasn't expecting in my wildest dreams to see! I went out to go see the sunset and sit in my hammock, when I heard a splash. Thinking 43

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it was a fish I looked around. As fish constantly jumped where we were anchored up in Hoktaheen, I didn't think much of it. Until I heard another one much bigger, and my curiosity got the better of me. I stared out over the water holding my breath. Waiting. Minutes seemed to pass in my head but I wasn't going to miss what made that splash. Just about when I lost patience, I saw it. It was a greenish glow near the top of the water. What confused me was that it looked almost human... but something was ‘off’. It took me a moment to realize it had a tail on a human body! That's when it hit me that I was possibly seeing a mermaid. I mentally went back to everything I learned about them at Hogwarts. I could feel the excitement rising up through me. I quickly pulled out my phone to try to get a photo, but when I looked back it was gone. Slightly disappointed I went back inside and decided I was gonna go lay down. Then I heard a thump against the boat. I went outside thinking it was a wave. Lo and behold, there was the mermaid looking right at me. I was so surprised I almost yelled! I managed to keep my cool and walked over. She smiled at me, which it took me off guard. From her greenish tint to her seaweed like hair. The scales along the body that went perfectly into a fish tail where legs should have been. I took out my phone to take a photo. She shook her head no, and I understood. I sat there and looked at her for a long time before she

finally swam away. I went to bed that night thinking about how crazy of an experience I just had. Another week passed by, and my captain bought a new boat. We headed back to Juneau to sell the old one, and put everything on the much larger new one. We got all our chores done in town, and I was able to catch up on what was happening in the wizard world when I got back. We then headed out on the new boat called ‘Aurora’. A beautiful wooden boat that was home for another month or so. As I'm typing this, we're heading back out to the ocean to fish again. Who knows? Maybe I'll see some more creatures on this trip of a lifetime.

QUIBBLER MAGICAL PLANTS AND CREATURES

BY PASTELPURRFECT

HOW TO SPOT COSTUMES FROM REAL MAGICAL CREATURES As we are nearing Halloween, magical creatures find themselves the inspiration for costumes by muggles and wizards alike. While you’re supposed to be scared at Halloween, it is also important to report dangerous creatures to the ministry to avoid any disturbances. But how do you spot the differences between a good costume and a dangerous creature? Is the creature trick or treating? Some creatures enjoy being able to go around town (and eating candy) for a day, without people screaming bloody murder. These creatures are generally not very dangerous. If you see a low-risk creature going around collecting candy let them be, they should be able to cash in on the fun as well. High-risk dangerous creatures DO NOT go treat or treating! So if you see a high-risk creature with candy or going from house to house with other creatures, do not report them, they are costumes.

Does it look like a costume? The costumes have become more and more realistic through the ages, and sometimes you have to take a second glance before reporting to the ministry. To help you, you can revisit your old school books on magical creatures, usually the costume wouldn't be able to 46

nail all the details to perfection. You can also look for obvious signs of seams, makeup or masks. Some costumes are very obviously homemade, while others can be very convincing from afar. Check out these signs before panicking.

The reveal charm: The ‘Revilius’ charm is good for magical transformations and tricky costumes. Sometimes gifted wizards will transform into beasts and magical creatures for fun, but bear in mind that they would never be able to completely look like the creature perfectly. There will always be a humanoid factor to these transformations you can spot, but if you can’t, this charm will reveal them. Just aim the charm towards the target and a small puff of smoke will roughly shape out what species they are. So if the person is human the smoke will take a human form, but if it’s a creature the smoke-shape will

stay the same.

I have spotted a dangerous creature, what do I do? First of all keep calm, you don’t want to catch its attention. If you’re able to apparate, then now is the time. If you can’t, slowly move away from where the creature is. If you’re scared that moving away will catch its attention, then hide as silently as you can. While hiding or when you have gotten away, get help. Signal your parents or friends about the situation and wait for support. DO NOT FIGHT THE CREATURE. Usually, creatures will move away quickly if you’re no interest to it. Should it attack, however, defend yourself! The shield charm is good if you’re inexperienced; simply flick your wand and say “Clipeum”. An invisible round shield will surround you for approximately 3 minutes and you will be able to run away while being protected. Alert the authorities by casting the ‘s-o-s’ curse on the sky. Please wait to alert the aurors until you’re safe. Happy Halloween, stay safe and enjoy the creativity!

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ASK MADAM

Do YOU have burning questions for our resident Seer and fairy, Madam Starflash? Got yourself in a relationship with a Vampire and don’t know if it’s going to work out? Debating on using a love potion on your biggest crush? Have a bully you’d love to get rid off? Don’t hesitate to ask! Madam Starflash ALWAYS has the right answer for you! Contact her in Divination Tower at /r/TheQuibbler now with your desperate questions!

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k l f s d l n f l k n w e k l n f k l s e n d f n s d k l n s f k f d s n f dskfmkmksdldfdklmsklfgmkldmsklmggdkmklgm Dear Madam Starflash,

Dear Madam Starflash,

I'm an avid gardener and I've been growing turnips lately. However, my turnips seemed to have been eaten by snails and worms despite me putting Anti-Pest Charms on my crops. Not only that, but all my Dirigible Plums have fallen to the ground. I think my neighbour Laika's been cursing them. What should I do?

To cut a long story short, a bunch of glass exploded in my face the other day. The cuts are healing alright, but the scars still remain and I REALLY don't want to travel to St. Mungo's. I'm terrified to go out in public looking like this. Do you know something that can help?

Sincerely, Gretta Thumb --Dearest Gretta, Your neighbor has indeed been cursing your garden. She is also planning on cursing you. You need to send word to the Auror Office immediately. Then head to Diagon Alley, go to Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes, and pick yourself up a Shield Cloak, a Shield Hat, and Shield Gloves. Also buy some Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder. Hide at your mother’s house, wearing all of the Shield clothing, and if the doorbell rings, use the Darkness Powder to hide yourself properly. Do not leave your mother’s house. Do not use any magic. CONSTANT VIGILANCE! May Fortune smile upon you!

Sincerely, Hiding In The Bookshelves --Dearest Hiding, If you insist upon avoiding St. Mungo’s, there is one remedy you can try. You’ll have to brew up a batch of Scar-Removal potion. The recipe for it is in the Book of Potions, which you will find on the fifth shelf of the seventh bookcase to the left of the door. You’ll need to owl order baking soda and mint leaves for this one. Do try and be careful; this is a very difficult potion to brew for even the most competent of potioneers, and we both know you’re not exactly Severus Snape when it comes to a cauldron. If you are unable to successfully brew this potion, you will absolutely have to go to the hospital and allow a Healer to fix you up properly. And remember, this stuff doesn’t work on curse scars, of course, so don’t go recommending it to any friends of yours in the Auror office. May Fortune smile upon you!

Dearest Cat-lady, You should not be giving your cat butterbeer! (Why are all of the pet owners doing this lately?) Whiskers has been very sick from the butterbeer! Take him to see Wilhelmina Grubbly-Plank; she’ll fix up your kitty. And of course you have had no owls. Your cat has been confused and has attacked them all. The letters are all in your backyard. Never feed Whiskers butterbeer again, or I’ll come and hex you. May Fortune smile upon you! Dear Madam Starflash, To cut a long story short, a bunch of glass exploded in my face the other day. The cuts are healing alright, but the scars still remain and I REALLY don't want to travel to St. Mungo's. I'm terrified to go out in public looking like this. Do you know something that can help? Sincerely, Hiding In The Bookshelves 49

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h d j e i e u e h e h e h e h e l e l e o e k d n j e i l p j e j e j e j e j e j k l m e j e e u e h h d n d Dear Madam Starflash,

Dear Madam Starflash,

I am attempting to become an amateur crystal-gazer. I have bought myself a lovely crystal ball as well as a shell which emits the sounds of the sea. When I look into the ball, I see the most handsome man, and I am sure that he is my soul mate. My problem however is that I am due to be married in a week! Should I call it off and try to find my mystic man?

My owl keeps pecking at me whenever I pass this one Ravenclaw dude when I walk through the halls of Hogwarts. I mean, she'll fly to me through a window and perch on my shoulder (so many people have given me weird looks) and when he passes, she just starts nibbling and clawing my ear. I mean... well, he's not bad looking and he's quite on top of his game when perfecting various charms with that nine and a half, laurel, veela hair wand of his...is my owl trying to tell me something? Also, I shouldn't be feeding my owl butterbeer, right? She toppled over herself after she finished a whole mug.

Awaiting your response, Crystal-Lover --Dearest Crystal,

Sincerely,

The “crystal ball” you have purchased is not exactly what you think it is. In fact, it isn’t a crystal ball at all. It’s a cursed glass orb that is meant to lure your thoughts away from your betrothed. The store you bought it from is run by a witch who is in love with your soon-to-be husband. She is currently preparing a love potion for your fiancé. Do not allow him to drink anything that you yourself have not prepared until after the two of you make the Unbreakable Vow at your wedding. Also, throw away that ridiculous shell immediately. It will make your ears shrivel up with continued use.

the owner of quite a peckish owl

May Fortune smile upon you!

--Dearest Owner, Your owl is certainly trying to tell you something. STAY AWAY FROM THAT BOY! He comes from a long line of abusive wizards. Do not talk to him. Do not look at him. He’s dangerous. No matter how attractive he may be, you should not associate yourself with him for any reason! Also if I ever See you giving this owl butterbeer again, I shall curse you myself. This poor creature was not meant to drink that stuff! May Fortune smile upon you!

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DIVINATION QUIBBLER

WRITTEN BY RYSLER

g n i t i a W p a Star M ky in the S A

fter years of study, a new dimension to astronomy has been discovered by magidemics. It has long been known that stars in the night skies form distinct constellations, which are widely used in many forms of Divination. Recently, however, it has been discovered that some of these constellations seem to be connected from far apart, forming mysterious Celestial Maps across the skies.

The discovery was made by professors Felicia Pastel and Starling Fair, who then proceeded to observe the stars for many years. Now their work has finally been published and their peers are eagerly - if not skeptically – going through their findings.

notable enthusiasm from both magidemics and Seers. Conversely though, there’s also been some strong criticism about the theory.

“I’ve long been hoping to draw a map made of stars!” exclaimed Professor Pastel, who was mainly in charge of charting the stars and illustrating the findings.

“Stars aren’t so mundane that humans should presume to draw a map from them! It’s all about reading them with the Inner Eye, which many, sadly, do not possess”, declared Sibyl Trelawney, a long-time teacher of Divination at Hogwarts and a descendant of the legendary Seer Cassandra.

“We’re very proud of our work, it’s kind of like our baby,” stated Professor Fair, who took charge of editing and keeping the paper together.

Even with that, the potential of Celestial Maps is still unexplored, and many are eager to find what lies beyond them.

Even though it’s not yet clear what these maps mean or where they could lead, the discovery has been met with

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ENTERTAINMENT QUIBBLER

To HogwartsWerewolves BY KINTY

With factions’ fate and lives at stake, the game of lies begins anew as Hogwarts Werewolves comes awake. We vow to see our side’s cause through; whose mask shall be the most opaque? The game of lies begins anew. For some ’twill be their last mistake to trust the ones they thought they knew, as Hogwarts Werewolves comes awake. With knowledge known to precious few, what choices shall the players make? The game of lies begins anew; to /r/HogwartsWerewolves, come and wake! Special thanks to the Game IV (2017) hosts for inspiration!

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WELCOME TO K9'S PARTY KORNER! Every Quibbler Edition I'll be providing you wonderful readers with some fun Harry Potter themed activities to bring the extra level of Magic to your Harry Potter Parties! In honor of Spring, this edition will focus on PLANTthemed games!

THE PUMPKIN PATCH Requirement: 1 small pumpkin for each player, a round table, music source Place 1 less pumpkin than there are players around a round table (it is recommended you use mini-pumpkins for this activity, although use your own judgment on what would be the most fun for your intended group). Feel free to add extra items as decorations to the table for extra flair. All players begin marching around the table as the host plays music. When the music stops, the players each grab at a pumpkin. The player left without a pumpkin is out of the game and a new round begins with 1 less pumpkin on the table. Continue rounds until a single victor is determined. For additional fun, you can give rules on how they march, such as keeping their hands on their head, or marching backwards. Pick appropriately themed music for the activity (you can also use the audiobook versions of the Harry Potter books for additional fun)..

THE PENSIEVE Requirement: 1 large decorative bowl/vase, slips of paper This is a good icebreaker activity. The Host will pick a theme (Drunk Memory, First Kiss, Recent Victory, Something Blue, etc). Everyone writes down a short memory of their own related to that theme and drops it in the vase. Next, everyone takes a turn pulling a memory out, reading it out-loud, and then guessing who it belongs to. If they guess right, the person the memory belongs to takes a drink. If they guess wrong, the guesser takes a drink. Repeat with as many themes as desired. The Host can rotate through the group. Players should wait until the round is over to reveal which memory was theirs, although revealing is ultimately optional. There should be at least 5 players in the group to play this game.

CHAPTER TITLE CHARADES Requirement: Chapter Titles from the 7 Harry Potter books, on slips of paper, in a bowl, and a timer. Split the party up into teams. On each teamâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s turn, first set a timer for 2 minutes. One person on a team will draw a slip of paper and try and get the other people on their team to guess the correct chapter title. They can not use any words and can only use actions (standard Charade rules). They try and get through as many chapter titles as they can within their time limit. Continue with each team getting a turn, then repeating with each player getting to act them out. 1 point for each correctly guessed chapter title, no skipping titles. Whatever team gets the last chapter title in the bowl guessed correctly earns a bonus 7 points. The time limit can be adjusted for more difficulty. Guessing players can be provided a list of chapter titles to review beforehand, or to hold on to during the game, if needed to accommodate those less familiar with the book chapters. 54

QUIBBLER ENTERTAINMENT WELCOME TO L-ILY'S

THE READING CORNER

elcome to another segment of The Reading Corner, Halloween Edition. Joining us today is Avis Nealy, the author of the best selling novel: “Riddikulous Love.”

In this novel, the main protagonist, Nita Hoddle is terribly afraid of commitment. After moving into a new place, she encounters the man of her dreams… in boggart form! To conquer her fear, she decides to go on dates with Mr. Boggart. However, she begins falling for Mr. Boggart, only to have it turn into her next worst fear: the man of her dreams leaving her. Will Nita find love or will she end up going insane? The Quibbler shares an excerpt from the book and an interview with Avis Nealy.

L: Oh, well, thank you! You have good taste in entertainment, Avis! Now, I finished your novel and had so many questions. I’m sure my readers will too, if they haven’t read your story yet.

Into the mind of Avis Nealy:

L: Um, okay then. So do you believe the boggart in your story could have fallen in love with Nita?

L: Welcome Avis Nealy to our little Reading Corner. I’m so glad you could join us today. I am L-ily, host of the Reading Corner. A: Hello, L-ily. It’s such a pleasure to be here! I love reading the stories you feature in your Reading Corner. It is such an honour to be featured. 56

A: I imagine many do. Ask away! L: Boggarts are classified as non-beings- that is, it’s not even a creature. Do you think that there is even a remote possibility that a boggart would even go along with Nita’s ideas? A: Oh certainly! There hasn’t been nearly enough research into boggarts. I believe they are highly intelligent and inquisitive non-beings and that, given the chance, they can learn human emotions. I mean they already thrive off of human emotions!

A: Well, it’s not out of the realm of possibility. I like to think it felt certain things for her. We [wizards] have never researched what happens if boggarts begin feeling emotions other than fear. When somebody shows the boggart fear, the boggart

responds with things that cause you to have fear. Maybe, if somebody shows the boggart love, it will respond with things that cause love to happen. L: Wow, I, uhh, I never thought of that before. I think I might have to reconsider my feelings towards boggarts. Tell me, how many times have you encountered a boggart? A: For this project, I sought out several boggarts in my area. I actually became known as ‘The Boggart Basher’ in my town for a while. They knew to come to me if they had a boggart in their homes. L: That’s some passion towards your book! And I think that’s all the time we have! I’d like to thank you once more for allowing me to interview you for The Reading Corner.

WIZARDS AND WITCHES, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, I PRESENT TO YOU “RIDDIKULOUS LOVE” BY AVIS NEALY!

ENTERTAINMENT QUIBBLER

Excerpt from “Riddikulous Love” by Avis Nealy My eyes widened as I saw the most handsome wizard I had ever seen materialize before my very eyes. His dark hair fell past his shoulders in glorious waves and his deep blue eyes smouldered. His lips were plush and kissable and his skin flawless. He was tall and had a very graceful physique. He was wearing very handsome dress robes in the richest midnight blue. He looked at me and smiled, showing off his dimples. I was frozen in my spot. I could not move- not that I wanted to. He strode towards me, as graceful as a kneazle. He stopped before me and very slowly got on his knees, carefully pulling out a small jewellery box from his robes. He looked at me with wide, loving eyes, and very gently opened the box to reveal the most exquisite engagement ring. It looked straight out of my dreams. “Will you marry me, darling?” He said in the most adoring voice. I could not move. I could not answer. My eyes filled with tears and my heart hammered in my chest. I felt queasier than my first time taking the Floo. It was at that moment that a loud crash interrupted the surreal moment. We turned our heads to the front door, where a dark haired wizard had brazenly entered. I felt my mind turn and as I glanced towards my suitor, I noticed he had disappeared. In his place, stood a beautiful woman with a crazed expression on her face. She was staring directly at the man in the doorway. She blew him a kiss before laughing loudly. “You will never be happy, Neil. Not without me.” I could see the stranger’s face tighten. But, he quickly flipped out his wand and in the deadliest voice I had ever heard, uttered a simple ‘riddikulous’. The woman disappeared and I realized what had just happened. I looked at the stranger weakly, before falling to my knees. Quick as an owl, he was at my side, his warm brown eyes looking at me in concern. “Are you okay? I’m sorry, you must be Nita. I thought you’d be here tomorrow. Meant to get rid of the boggart before you moved in.” He rushed out as he gently helped me to my feet. “Boggarts are nasty if you don’t expect them. I’m Neil, your landlord.” I nodded, still dazed by what had just happened and by the handsome man, or rather, boggart. Still, my heart beat quickly…

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ENTERTAINMENT QUIBBLER SILVESTRESS

he ghosts at Hogwarts want to join in the fun this Halloween, so they have created a murder mystery for the students to play! They have come up with an elaborate story, in which one of them is killed. Your job is to find out who did it! (The answer will be at the bottom, but don't look before you've made your guess!) It was a cloudy, blustery Halloween morning. All of the students were still tucked up in bed, blissfully unaware of the horror that awaited them. A loud meowing could be heard from somewhere deep in the castle, drawing the caretaker Filch towards his beloved cat Mrs. Norris. “What has that bloody poltergeist done now?” He mumbled under his breath. He turned the corner, cooing to his constant companion, and ran straight into ice-cold air. He shrieked, causing Mrs. Norris to jump into his arms protectively, and turned to look at Peeves. Now, even though Peeves is known to float along and cause trouble, he is not known to take off his head and put it on a spike. Filch sent Mrs. Norris to the towers to find the Grey Lady and Nearly Headless Nick, whilst he himself went downstairs to find The Fat Friar and Bloody Baron. With the ghosts convened, he showed them the decapitated poltergeist, before saying “which one

of you did this?!” He was smiling maniacally, clearly pleased that the castle had been rid of this pest, and everyone knew that only ghosts could touch other ghosts. However, all four of them appeared shocked and confused. “How could this have happened?” Asked Sir Nicholas, rubbing sadly at his own neck, “How can you remove a ghost's head?” “I don't know.” Said the Bloody Baron, pulling out his bloodstained sword, “but I sure am going to find out who did it.” “Logically,” interjected the Grey Lady, “only a very powerful witch, wizard, or ghost could have done this, a poltergeist does not conform to the same rules as us ghosts.” “Shouldn't we be happy that he's gone?” Asked the Fat Friar, licking spectral chocolate off of his fingers. “Especially you, Baron, who constantly had to be summoned to stop his mischief.” “Well, what about Nicholas here? He's always wanted to lose his head, maybe he finally lost his mind and tortured Peeves?!” The Baron retorted, brandishing his spectral blade at the Hufflepuff ghost. “Gentleman!” Cried the Grey Lady,

gliding between them all. “I'm sure we, along with Filch here, can work out what has happened. We can even take it to the headmaster to settle!” “Let’s all go to my office,” mumbled Filch, “Why don't you go and fetch the headmaster, my sweet?” He added to Mrs Norris, who purred loudly then ran off, weaving between the legs of approaching students. A nearby teacher quickly summoned a barrier around the decapitated poltergeist, eyeing the ghosts wearily. They soon arrived in Filch’s office, where the caretaker sat down behind his cluttered desk. The ghosts mingled around, eyeing up all of the magical and non-magical items that had been confiscated. The Bloody Baron ran his hands through torture devices hanging from the ceiling, most, he knew, where the caretaker’s personal collection that he wanted to use on students. Sir Nicholas chuckled at objects bearing the Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes logo, remembering watching them create many of the items in his own common room. The Fat Friar was blowing a ghostly breeze over some parchment, 59

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The Grey Lady was reading the titles of some books: ‘How to Jynx Friends and Transmutate People’; ‘Historia de Super flumina Babylonis Hogwarts’; ‘Le Guide du magicien aux sorcières’; ‘quomodo autem dolet factorem tribulationis’; ‘Wie man Katzen von Kneazeln unterscheidet’; and ‘Hogwarts Seven Secret Passages’. “So?” Filch started, “the headmaster will be here soon, which one of you did it?” “Well I don't imagine any of us are going to just come out and admit it,” replied The Grey Lady, “So why don't we all start by saying where we last saw Peeves? That way we can try and work out what happened to him.” All the ghosts nodded in agreement, and the Hufflepuff ghost cleared his throat to begin. “I was leaving my common room down in the basement about 5 pm, and saw Peeves coming out of the kitchens carrying a marvellous chocolate lava cake, as tall as a first year! The house elves were trying to get it back but he kept floating out of reach. I obviously wanted to get the cake back, for the students of course, but he disappeared before I got the chance. Had to settle for some left over brownies instead.”

for most of the day. Just as I had reached the last page, the book was flung out of the open window. Peeves laughed at me, saying it was ‘just a silly book’ before throwing more at me. The librarian came and threatened to call for the Bloody Baron and he disappeared, but I couldn't tell you what time it was. It was dark outside though.” They then all turned to the Slytherin ghost, waiting to hear his story. “I saw him after each one of your incidents.” He said, toying with the hilt of his sword. “I managed to stop him from dropping that cake onto some students as they came down for dinner; reprimanded him for stuffing paper balls into the statues’ nostrils, and after talking to the librarian I found him in the grounds ripping pages from a book. I didn't see him after that I'm afraid.” At this point, the door creaked open, and Mrs. Norris leapt into the caretaker's lap, lamp-like eyes glaring at each of the ghosts. A few seconds later, the headmaster glided in, cloak billowing behind him. He looked around the room, not saying a word as he took in the inhabitants. Then he turned to one of them and said: “It was you, wasn't it?” So students, who did he say it too?

“It would have been after dinner, around 7 pm,” answered the Gryffindor ghost. “I was heading back to my tower with some second years when Peeves began to throw balls of paper at them. I tried to reprimand him but he simply reminded me that I was, and I quote, ‘a silly dead man who couldn't even die right’. A bit more hurtful than his usual jibes for sure, but I have heard much worse from those in the Headless Hunt.” He looked down with a sad face. “I was in the library,” interjected the Ravenclaw ghost, “I still like to read, even in death. I was lost in a novel 60

Answer

“And what about you?” Grumbled Filch, turning to Nearly Headless Nick.

The headmaster had looked around the office and spotted the Grey Lady looking at some books, one of which, when translated into English, was called “How to hurt a troublemaker”. Because of this, he knew that Filch had been the one to kill Peeves!

trying to read what was written on the sheets below, although they were mainly just detention reports.

ENTERTAINMENT QUIBBLER RYSLER

The Muggle is Real Note: The following is an excerpt from the upcoming book “A Nomaj Nomad – My Experiences in the Muggle Society” by Reynard Cooper. I emerge from a train with nothing but mundane clothes on my pack and a perfectly normal briefcase in my hand, filled with nothing except very small items. I carry no enlarged pouches, no sneakoscope nor broomstick. I have not even a wand on my person. For the moment, I am not special at all, with no speck of anything magical or exciting about me. My name is Reynard Cooper and I have set out on a journey to find the true nature of Muggles – living exactly like a Muggle for the time. Incidentally, you might know me from my very public traineeship in the Ministry (read all about that week in the papers), my revolutionary research on cauldrons “It’s Cauldron Even When It’s Right” (copyright trial impending) or my work together with Gilderoy Lockhart, Merlin Third Class (prior to any “alleged frauds”). Anyway, for now I’d like you to think that I am by no means a talented or successful wizard. Right now, I am a Muggle. A no-maj nomad. Your ‘average Joe’, as they might say. I have not asked for any clues for other experts in the subject – I am completely clueless.

tion, believe that you are perfectly capable of performing your own tasks on your own. Why, when I first visited a train station and asked a very respectable officer there some help, he looked at me rather incredulously and assured me that I could do it on my own. Indeed, he said that surely there was no need for me to bother him and that I ought to learn how to read – and by just that I knew that he found me an able and resourceful fellow, who could surely take whatever challenges this new world could throw at me! Encouraged by his unwavering faith in me, I proceeded to complete the arduous process of getting a proper train ticket. I even boarded the train successfully, even though I admit I must have missed the first one, for it seemed awfully late. But what a rousing feeling it was! Yet even with their independence, whenever one of them truly needs help, the Muggles are eager and happy to help you. In fact, many times when I stopped to ask other streetwalkers like myself for directions, people would smile and laugh as they pointed me on my way. Granted, sometimes they might accidentally err in their advice, taking me to wrong places or slightly questionable neighborhoods. Even so, their kindheartedness was truly uplifting. The excerpt ends. The book will hit the stores on October 1st. Mr. Cooper’s lawyer is happy to answer any questions, as long as they don’t involve Mr. Cooper’s unsuccessful campaign for Minister, his homemade hair care products (highly flammable) or the alleged charges of dining and dashing.

I will merge with this familiar yet foreign society, I will learn its ways, I will go where the roads take me and I will share all my findings and feelings from that period. I’d like you, dear reader, to think of me as a tool – a tool for your entertainment and enlightenment. And now, let us embark together to the most magical adventure of them all, one with no magic at all! The first thing I noticed about the Muggle culture is that how fiercely independent they are. You compatriots will, nigh without an excep61

QUIBBLER ENTERTAINMENT BY EL_QUETZAL

Gordon Ramsay Meets Luna Lovegood

After a few minutes Professor Ramsay notice that a blonde girl was doing something interesting with some flowers. Professor Ramsay stands up and walks to the strange blonde girl.

"Hello class! My name is Professor Ramsay, since Professor Snape is having a bad case of the flu, I'll be filling in for him today." The tall blonde man stated

"Lovegood, Luna Lovegood" The strange blonde girls stated.

"Oh really?" Luna said with an excited tone.

"Miss Lovegood, just what are you doing?" Professor Ramsay asked.

"Oh, that would be wonderful."

"Ok class, so today we are just gonna make some simple potions and after you are done you will presented to me and I will rate it. Understand?" The whole class nodded. "That's YES PROFESSOR!" Professor Ramsay shouted. "YES PROFESSOR!" The whole class shouted. 62

very nice on you. Keeps away the Wrackspurts, you know."

It was a bit late and professor Snape was still not in class. There was mumbling around the class, as professor Snape was never late. Suddenly a tall, blonde man wearing a white jacket walks into class.

"I'm sorry Miss...uh..."

"Well you see, I decided not to make this potion, Professor. It has bad energy." "Bad what?" "Bad energy. Bad. But I revitalized this flower for you from the ingredients and you can put it in your hair" "Oh really? on my hair?" "Yes, I think it would look

"Well tell you what, if you finish your original assignment I will not only let you put flowers on my hair but I will help you choose what flowers."

"Of course."

"Then get back to work, the sooner the better." "YES PROFESSOR!" Luna tried to shout. As Professor Ramsay was walking back to his desk he was thinking. "What a strange little girl, but how endearing she is." After all, Gordon Ramsay is kind to kids.

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EL_QUETZAL

RUBIK’S CUBE ON THE WIZARDING WORLD As a Muggle-born, I miss many simple thing from my home when I'm at Hogwarts. Simple things, such as my film collection, my yo-yo, my music, my mom’s classic food, and of course, my Rubik's cube. While I’m at Hogwarts, it’s fun to tell my pureblood friends about some of the simple gadgets that Muggles use, stuff the Muggle studies don't teach about. A week before my departure to Hogwarts, I was looking around my room, counting all the things that I knew I would miss (like I always do). While looking around my room I noticed my Rubik's cube on my messy desk. Then I thought, “Maybe I will not have to miss this. I could take my Rubik’s cube to Hogwarts!” This was a simple way to bring home with me to Hogwarts. Plus, it was not going to cause any trouble, as there is no electricity on my Rubik's cube. Any electrical devices will not work on Hogwarts (I learned that the hard way). I could not take my yo-yo because it was one of those Light‑Up Yo‑Yos. I had one week to think about it and decide whether or not I should take it. One week later ... I decided to take it; I mean, why not? It's just a Rubik's cube. I was sure that it wouldn’t be a big deal. My jacket pocket was big enough to hold the cube so I put it there. “Let's go!” Mom yelled. “Coming!” I yelled back.

I have this tradition of putting dark black sunglasses and saying “I’ll be back,” before closing my bedroom door, just for fun. I quickly forgot about the Rubik’s cube on the way to King's Cross Station. I was too busy discussing my new fifth year classes with my mom (who didn't know too much about magic anyway). At Platform 9¾, I heard someone yelling my name. “QUETZAL!” I looked to my right, and saw a blonde woman reading a magazine upside down, but no one I knew. I looked to my left and I saw my friend Insanus jumping up and down, trying to get my attention. I walked over to him. We greeted each other, then ran to find seats, as the Hogwarts Express was about to leave. I waved goodbye to my mom from my compartment. Finally, we were on our way to Hogwarts. After about ten minutes of chatting with Insanus I decided to take out my Rubik's cube. I took it out of my pocket very casually, as I didn't expect any major reaction from Insanus. The moment I took it out, though, Insanus stared directly at it, as if he was analyzing it. After ten seconds of awkward silence, he finally said something. “What is that strange multicolored

cube you have there?” he asked. “It’s just a Rubik's cube,” I responded in a shocked and confused tone, as I had expected that Insanus (a pure-blood wizard) would at least know what a Rubik's cube was. “May I hold it?” he asked. “Okay,” I said, handing over the cube. “So, what are the magical properties of a Rubik’s cube?” he asked as he inspected it. “There are none! You know how I told you about Muggle artifacts that Muggle Studies don't teach? Well, this is one of them.” “Oh, so it's just a Muggle object, then what do the Muggles do with this?” “It's a toy, a puzzle. What you need to do is rotate each size and try to match and combine each color on each side until you solve all the sides.” Insanus had this mesmerized look on his face, as if he could not believe or understand what I was saying. “Here let me show you” I said “Okay,” said Insanus while giving me the Rubik's cube. I started solving the cube. Insanus was staring directly at the cube, trying to make sense of the situation. In no less than three minutes I had solved it. Insanus’ mouth fell wide open. “Let me try!” Insanus insisted. “Sure, here I’ll shuffle it for you.” 63

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Insanus took out his wand out and he pointed it towards the Rubik's cube. “Woah, what are you doing?” I asked hurriedly. “I’m gonna see if I can use a spell to solve it,” he said. “Yeah, but, if the spell can solve it, then what’s the fun?” “You know what, you’re right. Teach me, then!” “What?” “Teach me how to solve a Rubik's cube!” “Umm… okay.” I began teaching him the basics on how to properly solve a Rubik's cube. Insanus was watching with rapt attention. At that moment two blonde boys, twins, passed by our compartment; once they saw the cube they stopped what they were doing and asked us what it was. “It’s a Muggle Rubik's cube,” Insanus responded. “What do you with them?” one of the twins asked. “You have to solve it by matching a specific color on each side, come on, show them,” Insanus said. “Fine,” I said. Again I solve it in no less than two minutes, and again everyone was mesmerized. “Mom would love this,” one of the twins stated. Another boy passed by and also asked what we were doing. I did the same thing, and before I knew it, our compartment was crowded with people wanting to see this mysterious cube. “QUETZAL! QUETZAL! QUETZAL!” Everyone cheered as I tried to beat my two minute record. When I finally was able to beat my record there was a mixture of cheering, clapping, and yelling. “At least I know that it’s going to be an interesting year,” I said to myself.

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How to carve the perfect pumpkin Halloween is on its way and we all know what this means: PUMKIN TIME! It’s the season for jack-’o’-lanterns, family time and emergency trips to St. Mungo’s to reattach fingers. But when you see the little glowing lanterns on your porch with their beautifully carved faces it’s like all the memories of the hard work has been obliviated from your mind. The jack-’o’-lantern goes back to the 17th century. It meant ‘jack with a lantern’ or a ‘night watchman’. This was a nickname used by muggles to explain the flickering blue lights they sometimes saw over the wetlands, not knowing it was simply wizards practicing their spells. Though they might not have realised the truth behind the ‘fool’s fire’, they made a wonderful tradition out of it. Here are our tips for the perfect pumpkin carving! 1. Don’t buy your pumpkin too early! You don’t want them rotten before Halloween arrives. Optimally you can buy your pumpkin a week before the 31st, but make sure you buy them before they are sold out! 2. Cut a hole in the back of the soon-tobe jack-’o’-lantern. Sure, it is fun to have a lid around the vine, but it’s not good for the durability of the pumpkin. The vine supplies the fruit with the nutrients and moisture, so when you remove that the pumpkin will shrivel sooner. Try to avoid cutting on the bottom too, since the liquid will drop out and make a huge mess of your porch. 3. Scrape out the inside of the pumpkin. Make sure to do not only remove the seeds, but also some of the actual fruit of the pumpkin. If the skin is thinner, the light shines through more and the face will be easier to carve out. 4. Carefully draw the pattern you want on the pumpkin. I’d recommend visiting the nearest muggle village and buying ‘sharpies’. These muggle pens are much easier to use for jack-’o’-lanterns than quills.

5. Once you’re satisfied with your pattern, start cutting it out. I know it’s tempting to use your wand, but I’d recommend using a knife. Some things are better without magic, and this is one of them. A sharp knife is easier to control, which makes for a better shape. Try to use a serrated knife for the larger areas and a smooth one for the smaller details. 6. Don’t forget to create a little chimney for the flame! Leave a candle inside the jack-’o’-lantern for a few minutes and create a little hole where the pumpkin has blackened. 7. And then you’re done! Place your beautiful jack-’o’-lantern somewhere everyone can see and put a little light in it. Please, do not use magic lights when you live in a neighbourhood inhabited by muggles since that is seen as a breach of the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy. A visit by a bunch of aurors and a huge bill is not a good start of the holiday season. Important to remember is to not eat the pumpkin that you used to make a jack-’o’lantern.

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TOP TIP Use a ‘Duro’ spell to transform your pumpkin into stone! This makes for a beautiful statue a jack-’o’-lantern. Please mind to transform the lid and the pumpkin separately.

TOP TIP If you want the pumpkin to shine longer, soak it in a solution of bleach and water. For one gallon of water, use one teaspoon of bleach, soak for a couple of hours and dry thoroughly. For an extra touch, rub the pumpkin inside and out with vegetable oil or petroleum jelly to avoid shrivelling.

TOP TIP Hold the pumpkin in your lap whilst cutting!

TOP TIP Sprinkle some cinnamon, nutmeg or cloves inside the lid of your jack-’o’-lantern to spread a delicious autumn smell.

TOP TIP Don’t throw away the seeds you remove from the core. Rather, rinse and toast them with some seasoning for a delicious snack.

TOP TIP Let your jack-’o’- lantern face a wall to create a creepy shadow!

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Department of Magical Games and Sports Tries to Ban Every Flavor Beans EARWAXJELLYBEANS

The Department of Magical Games and Sports is attempting to pass a new regulation prohibiting Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans at professional Quidditch matches. The D.M.G.S. cites a recent incident at a match between the Appleby Arrows and the Wimbourne Wasps. Malum Periculus, a beater for the Arrows, was hit in the eye by a Haggis-flavored bean thrown by a spectator, apparently a fan of the Wasps. Periculus, who was momentarily blinded by the bean, lost control of his broom, and flew into the stands. Periculus, fortunately, managed to avoid hitting anyone in the crowd. However, he knocked over an open bottle of butterbeer which spilled onto a number of Filibuster Fireworks, setting them off and causing mass panic. The accident resulted in 29 minor injuries. Roger Nuntius, a spokeswizard for the British and Irish Quidditch League, stressed the importance of preventing such accidents in the future. “The safety of both players and spectators must be our top priority. We have decided that if we do nothing to prevent it, it is all too likely that such a chain of events could happen again. It is simply too risky to continue allowing the consumption of Every Flavor Beans during quidditch games.” However, this statement has been met with anger from many candy-loving quidditch fans. Alfred Dulcelius, a supporter of the Caerphilly Cata68

pults and lifelong candy enthusiast, said, “This is simply absurd! There’s no harm in enjoying some eraser-flavored beans during a match!” A representative of Honeydukes Sweetshop stated: “We would like to assure everyone that Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans are most likely, almost definitely, completely harmless. This unfortunate incident was caused by Chizpurfles and is in no way the responsibility of Bertie Botts Beans.” It is currently unknown whether this legislation banning Every Flavor Beans will be passed.

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Girl in a Mans World We chat with Ginny Weasley about her famous family, her love of Quidditch and home.

SPORTS QUIBBLER o following our successful interview with the King of the Qudditch seekers, Mr. Viktor Krum (go and check out last issue if you missed it!) we felt that it was only apt that we have a sit down and a chat with the Queen of the Chasers, Miss Ginny Weasley. A figure of legend in the female sport world and an inspiration for women everywhere, we could hardly contain ourselves.

The Quibbler: Hiya Ginny! Thanks for agreeing to sit down, taking time out of your busy schedule to catch up with us here. It’s been a while now hasn’t it? Ginny Weasley: It’s always a pleasure and it has been far too long! When was the last time, World Cup 2014? TQ: Hmmm it might have been but I thought that I saw you at the European Championships final, summer before last? GW: That’s the problem when I give you a quote off the books, you never remember when it was and can’t ever provide any kind of source for your wild claims! But even so, far far too long. TQ: Well, seeing as though this is a sports article, we had better start with your time with the Harpies. Dream come true? GW: Oh for sure! There’s a big step up, going from playing school level quidditch to suddenly becoming a player on one of the world’s most renowned all women teams. It was incredible and I was in a very good place in my life, playing a sport that I loved surrounded by people that I loved. I think that was exactly what the world needed at that point. TQ: Exactly, I think that you just hit the nail on the head there. This sport is exactly what people wanted to see following such a dark period. GW: Yes, for sure. It allowed people to forget and just relax and if that was going to watch your favourite team play, listening to the match on the radio or even just going out there and playing, it was good for people. And again, whether if that be playing in a local club or just having a small match with friends, it is good for people. I know for definite that some of the happiest memories that I have are of Harry and I getting to go out there and play with the little ones. TQ: You’ve mentioned there about your family and I feel that’s a good place to pick up on it. What’s it like being such a famous family, a household name? And what’s that like for the children? Because the youngest boy has just started at Hogwarts a few months ago, hasn’t he? GW: Yup, Albus is away to join James at Hogwarts.

Lily is a tiny bit disappointed that she can’t yet go and that she’s now the only child left in the house but I think she’s getting over it and is enjoying some of the extra attention she is getting from her dad and I. Judging from the letters that we’re getting home, the boys are both loving their time there and don’t worry too much about the name. They want to be their own person and I love that about them. They both enjoy different things and at times they couldn’t be more different but they both still love each other, and at the end of the day that’s all that matters. TQ: You paint quite a serene picture of life at home but is that really the case? GW: Oh lord no! James seems to have the characteristics of both of his namesakes, in the way that he can hardly sit still like James from all accounts and he seems to have inherited Sirius’ love of muggle rock music and pop culture, whether that be fast motorbikes or pinup girls. Albus also seems to share some of his namesake’s styles. Much like Dumbledore he has a love of learning and I think that spending time with my father (Arthur Weasley, Head of Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office) has rubbed of on him too. There isn’t a day that goes by without him bringing home a ‘microwave’ in pieces or a ‘crankshaft’ to mount on his wall, whatever they are! TQ: And Lily, what is she like? And Harry too, is he really as glam as the media portrays him? GW: Lily reminds me very much of myself when I was growing up, a girl in a man’s world. She has those shades of Luna in her too and that’s beautiful to see. Harry is just Harry to me. He works hard and I love him for that. And he is great with the children too. He is perfect for me. TQ: Well I think that’s a nice heartwarming place to end! It has been lovely to see you again Ginny! GW: Yes! We shouldn’t let it be so long between our chats, I’ve had a great time! Join us next issue where we’ll be catching up with another Hogwarts Quidditch legend, Oliver Wood. We’ll chat with him about his first meetings with Harry Potter, the intense nature of school sports and his life as a pro player. See you all next time! 71

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A Look into

Patronuses written by: thatslytherclaw

Most people know what a Patronus is, even from a relatively young age, and in some rare cases Muggles stumble upon them. They are the barrier from a Dementor's Kiss, an eternal numbness of the spark of light inside of you. Therefore, they are quite crucial in the wizarding world. These mystical creatures are produced using the Patronus spell, the incantation of which is “Expecto Patronum”. That’s easy, you say? Well, in order to produce a corporeal Patronus, you also have to think of your happiest memory. Like, ever. Try it now. What makes you warm and fuzzy inside just at the thought of it? Hard, isn’t it? This is why only a very select few witches and wizards can conjure one. And the cherry on top of it all is when Dementors are flying at you and sucking out your soul. In addition to that, Dementors suck out every single happy memory you ever had, making it even harder to conjure a Patronus. Eeekkkkk! While all of the Dementors are locked in Azkaban, if you somehow encounter one of these though, remember: Think of your happiest memory. EXPECTO PATRONUM as many times as necessary. If all fails, get out of there, ASAP!

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QUIBBLER EDUCATION RYSLER

Mapps to the stars The popular trend of charming everyday Muggle objects in hopes of finding new purposes for wizardkind still shows no signs of winding down. For months, prospective innovators have been experimenting with magic and Muggle objects in hopes of finding “the next big thing”. The occurrence is now about to produce its first magidemical research. Athena Faraday, an esteemed journalist and author, is set to publish her latest work “Modern Magic: How Spells and Technology Walk Together” next week. Faraday recounts that she has always been interested in popular trends in magic, which inspired her to look into this phenomenon almost as soon as it started. What began as a news piece soon turned into a further inquiry, and before long Faraday found herself writing a full-fledged book. “It’s obvious that the roots of this trend can be traced back to last spring. Titus Tinkerton, that charming innovator, introduced the wizarding world to new possibilities with his research. There have been similar cases before, but after his breakthrough the amount is just astounding”, Faraday states. Tinkerton is a halfblood wizard who rose to prominence last spring by creating the popular bicycle spell Locomovere. Ever since the groundbreaking charm enabling a self-cycling bicycle was introduced by Tinkerton, all kinds of witches and wizards both young and old 74

have been almost frantically tried to imitate his success – with equally differing results. The Ministry has officially dubbed these spells and charms as “the magical manipulation and application of otherwise mundane Muggle-objects”. In everyday slang, however, these spells or charms are often abbreviated as “mapps” - a term initially coined by Faraday. Faraday defines mapps as handcrafted spells or charms designed specifically to allow wizards to use Muggle objects in rather unconventional means. The mapps greatly differ from the hexed items sometimes sold to Muggles: as opposed to being harmful, these spells aim to improve the lives of wizards by granting them new ways to use Muggle objects in their everyday lives. The practice of mapps has brought both blessings and headaches to the wizarding community. Likewise, the reception has widely varied. Some mapps have been lauded for their innovation, practicality as well as their way of bringing the two worlds together. Popular charms like these include the aforementioned Locomovere, record

EDUCATION QUIBBLER

players that require no records and books that read themselves. Conversely, there have also been many mishaps and minor disasters when hopeful spellcrafters have not done their homework properly. Especially inconvenient cases have been conscious phonebooths yelling at each other, sofas that insist on sitting on their owners for a change and the many unsuccessful siblings of Locomovere (including somersaulting rocking chairs, ballistic skateboards and a group of flying unicycles). “We can’t and won’t prohibit these aspiring folks to work their own magic, but we’d sure like them to be a bit more bloody careful”, snapped an annoyed and anonymous Ministry Obliviator, who was part of the group covering up a particularly loud case of a rogue string orchestra last Tuesday in Hyde Park. Faraday has delved deep into the subject and would like to enlighten the most tenacious tinkerers with some basic do’s and don’ts of mapps. “What you definitely want to avoid is coming up with an incantation and just hoping for the best! A good place to start is just to make light objects perform some basic function. Flipping pages, brushing pans or organizing clothing are great examples of this. From there you can move onto some more advanced stuff – but with caution!”

exploding in a rather spectacular fashion. Meanwhile, the Ministry is still working on an official registry for mapps. Ministry has now appointed Bentley McCoy, a long-time employee of Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures as the head of the fledgling Department of Magical Experimentation, Spellwork, Tinkering and Intricate Craftsmanship. “The purpose of DOMESTIC is to ensure the usefulness and safety of all the new spells, as well as keep a record of them all. The most promising ones can expect to earn some sort of support and cooperation from the Ministry, but the unstable ones will be very strongly discouraged”, declared McCoy in his inauguration speech earlier this week. Seems like both the Ministry and the community are welcoming a modern look on magic. There has also been a clear increase in interest towards Muggle-made items and devices as of late, but it remains to be seen how mapps affect the wizarding attitudes about Muggles and their inventions in the long run.

The Muggle devices that operate with the so-called electricity are particularly delicate things. One can never be sure on how these gadgets react when combined with magic. The most common response, however, is overheating and 75

QUIBBLER CRAFTS, BREWS, AND HOBBIES

SANCHMO

WANDMAKER'S WORKSHOP d El-Quetzal's Wan

Spellforge's Wand

Wookiee_Diploma's Wand Wand littletennessee3's

xmisselphiex's Wand

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THE LIFE OF A HUFFLEPUFF By Silvestress

HOGWARTS HORROR-SCOPES Madam Starflash Sees what (mis)fortunes will befall you this season!

CAPRICORN THE THESTRAL

TAURUS THE WEREWOLF

VIRGO THE UNICORN

(DEC. 22ND — JAN. 19TH)

(APRIL 20TH — MAY 20TH)

(AUGUST 23RD — SEPT. 22ND)

Capricorn, don’t be afraid to ask your friend Taurus to the Masquerade! They are very likely to say yes to everything you ask of them that day. Make sure you request couple’s costumes.

Taurus, spend a day saying “yes” to everything, especially the invitation to the Muggle Spice Pumpkin Engorgement Farm’s Halloween Masquerade. Don’t worry about the Capricorn asker’s awkwardness. You’ll find they are a wonderful date.

Virgo, make sure you buy a box of blood lollipops for the vampire convention down the lane. Better to give them a snack than become one. Don’t forget to put a clove of garlic in your pocket.

AQUARIUS THE KELPIE (JAN. 20TH — FEB. 18TH) Aquarius, when you next go to the Three Broomsticks, order yourself a pumpkin fizz and sit by the bar. You’ll find that seating yourself there will inspire several people to walk up and talk to you. You may just find yourself with a date to the Muggle Spice Pumpkin Engorgement Farm’s Masquerade!

PISCES THE MERMAN

GEMINI THE VEELA (MAY 21ST — JUNE 20TH) Gemini, Honeydukes is having a one-day sale! All candies for Halloween are half off! Hurry over and stock up on everything, especially the licorice wands. Trick-or-treaters will love your house.

CANCER THE FIRECRAB (JUNE 21ST — JULY 22ND)

Cancer, your Halloween party will be a huge hit this year, provided you stick to games such as Pisces, head on over to Gladrags’ this weekend to “Musical Pumpkins” and “Bobbing for Dirigible get yourself all the supplies you need for a home- Plums”. “Pin the Tail on the Griffin” was a bad made Halloween costume. Then stop by Weasley’s idea last year, and it is still a bad idea. Wizarding Wheezes to get fake blood. You’ll be the best mummy everyone at the Masquerade has ever seen! (Besides that Egyptian wizard who LEO encountered a real one.) (FEB.19TH — MARCH 20TH)

THE SPHINX

ARIES THE HIPPOGRIFF (MARCH 21ST — APRIL19TH) Aries, go up to the bar at the Three Broomsticks and talk to the person with pumpkin fizz on their chin. You’ll find them to be endearing. Ask them to the Masquerade and see what happens.

LIBRA THE DRAGON (SEPT. 23RD — OCT. 22ND) Libra, be very careful where you put your drink down at the Muggle Spice Pumpkin Engorgement Farm’s Halloween Masquerade. You may accidentally pick up someone else’s strawberry cream fizz drink instead of your pumpkin mead. Don’t drink it! It’s not vegan.

SCORPIO THE VAMPIRE (OCT. 23RD — NOV. 21ST) Scorpio, the human who visits your vampire convention will be packing garlic. Meet them at the door, accept their present of blood lollipops gratefully, and allow them to leave unharmed.

SAGITTARIUS THE CENTAUR

(JULY 23RD — AUGUST 22ND)

(NOV. 22ND — DEC. 21ST)

Leo, your attendance of the Muggle Spice Pumpkin Engorgement Farm’s first ever Halloween Masquerade will be more fun if you try to win the costume contest. Your goblin costume just won’t cut it. Try something more creative.

Sagittarius, get over to Honeydukes and try a sample of their new butterbeer fudge! But be extra careful of the Wrackspurts surrounding the shop. They’re all over Hogsmeade.

K9'S KILLER CROSSWORDS!

ACROSS

10 11 13 14 15

1 2

What is the incantation for creating a Portkey? What is the term for a dead body bewitched to do a dark wizard's bidding? 4 What did Molly make for dinner the day of Harry's trial? 6 What is the name of the spray-potion used to paralyze Doxies? 7 What country did Bertha Jorkins disappear in? 8 What month was the first trip to Hogsmeade for Harry's year? 12 What country was Hermione in when she purchased her first birthday gift to Harry?

SOLUTIONS

5 9

What was the name of the secondary school that Dudley attended? What is the name of Hagrid's mum? What position did Ludo Bagman have when he played for the Wimbourne Wasps? When Hermione messed up her polyjuice potion and turned into a cat, what color was her fur? What pet did Lee Jordan have with him on the train during Harry's first trip to Hogwarts? Which Death Eater did Voldemort crucio when he first came back, in the Graveyard scene? What time of day was Buckbeak scheduled to be executed? What was the name of the WWW's shopkeep?

DOWN

Classifieds Reach your Prospects First

LOST AND FOUND FOUND: Small leather-bound book entitled "A Study of the Peculiarities of Muggle Attire in the Last Three Centuries, the FourAnd-A-Half-th Edition". Found in Diagon Alley. To retrieve, send an owl to the Flourish and Blotts management. UP FOR ADOPTION: Recently found a litter of abandoned Kneazle/cat hybrids on sidewalk corner. There are three in total: a brown tabby who is very affectionate, a grey with a milk moustache and playful temperament and a fluffy hazel who loves to chase mice. Please adopt them! Comes with free vaccination and check-up. STILL MISSING: Three small bottles of silvery liquid went missing from The Quibbler Archives several weeks ago. The bottles are labeled WS-1, S-317, H-0810. If found, PLEASE contact The Quibbler Archivist ASAP WANTED: Somebody has stolen ALL of my Halloween decorations. Please return them to the Lilypad as soon as possible. This is not funny, people. FOUND: Halloween Decorations. A lot of them. Most have lily pads on them. Please take them! There are so many. FOUND: One copy of "From Egg to Inferno: a Dragon Keeper's Guide", with singed edges and claw marks on the front cover. FOUND: A wild Hebridean Black dragon has been seen outside Hogsmeade. If you see it, contact the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures immediately. Extremely dangerous, do NOT approach!

APPLICANTS NEEDED: Large property owner in Cornwall seeking six hardy individuals to tackle substantial garden gnome infestation. Must be able bodied, willing to work outside for long hours, and committed to seeing job to completion. Daily wage of 20 Galleons. Light refreshments will be provided periodically throughout the day. Please send an owl care of my groundskeeper, Hubert Cumberdale. Serious applications only please NOW HIRING!: Are you a bored teen out of Hogwarts during the holidays? Are you a fresh out-ofschool graduate looking for a parttime job while you're getting life sorted? Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes are looking for part-time employees! Lots of fun, good experience and pay that doesn't look like Barty Crouch Jr's trunk. Just send in an owl with your resume! JOB LISTING: Well established company seeking an experienced individual in accounting and customer service. Experience with the muggle world necessary. If interested, please OWL your resume to Gangle & Sons RESUME: Half-Giant looking to assist with all of your equestrian needs! Are your Abraxians getting too much? Keep losing sight of your Thestrals? No need to panic! I have plenty of experience with all breeds of horses, mostly winged. Just send an owl, or winged horse, to: Half-Giant Horse Helper! HELP WANTED: Seeking a young, hardy wizard to pet sit once a month. Must be able to work late night to morning. Previous experience with large animals, canines, and self-defense preferred. Send owls to Grace Noughtawolf.

JOBS

FOR SALE

HELP WANTED: Able-bodied person willing to help me clear out a Bundimun infestation in my cottage. Will pay a Galleon and four Sickles. Send me an owl for more information. – Infested By-TheSea

FOR SALE: One Magical Tent. Three bedrooms, two bathrooms. Spacious living area and fully furnished kitchen. Needs a cleaning but otherwise fine. Please send an owl with your offer. You should probably address it to my wife.

FOR SALE: Nine signed copies of Wandering with Werewolves, twelve Travels with Trolls, and many more Marauding with Monsters, plus a lock of Lockhart's hair. Serious fans only. Price on request FOR SALE: I have recently come upon various Fall Decorations that need to be redistributed ASAP. If you are at all interested, please send an OWL. The quicker, the better. FOR SALE: Ashwinder eggs, 10 Sickles per pound. Great for love potions.

REAL ESTATE REAL ESTATE: House by-theseaside available ASAP. Key amenities include a gorgeous sea view, no neighbors, and full integration with muggle "electricity." Enjoy lighting, television, internet, among other things. Book a viewing today! REAL ESTATE: NEW 200 SQ. FT. LONELY CAVE FOR AUCTION - Located at "that one seaside cliff, you know the one". No previous owners. Guaranteed no tourists, neighbors, or giants. Leech infestation minimal. Great for removing yourself from society or dedicated study to wild magical creatures. Send bids via owl to "Conceal-Estate".

PERSONALS LOOKING FOR: Sybil the Snidget is Seeking a Slender Soulmate: Her: A snidget, female, golden and fat. She likes hot chocolate and stealing car keys. You: A snidget, male, probably golden and fat too. Fertile. I know neither your name nor where you are from. All I know is that we had a drink together at Tether’s Brews in Diagon Alley and your laughter has remained with me ever since. If you’re free, I will be at Flourish & Blotts tomorrow at four in the afternoon. Hope to see you there, R MISSED CONNECTIONS: To the "dealer" going by M. Fletch: You gave me the wrong bottles. I want to know where the real ones are. Meet me where we met before on Thursday at sundown. -A.

MISSED CONNECTIONS: THE SETTING: The Dragon Kiss pub in Toronto. You were wearing a bright blue, lacy tank top and dark wash jeans. You came storming in, marched right up to a couple sitting in the third booth from the door. You grabbed the man’s drink, poured it over his head, and screamed “HOW DARE YOU CHEAT ON ME WITH THAT!” You then told the man his stuff was on the front lawn, and stormed back out.We briefly made eye contact as you exited the pub. I smiled at you and tipped my glass. I would like to buy you a drink. I am a regular, please come back! MISSED CONNECTIONS: It was a dark and stormy night. I was walking my pet bats near the cemetery. I saw you in the distance, looking oh so forlorn against the lightning filled sky. Your black cloak billowed in the stormy winds. My heart fluttered for the first time in ages. You looked at me as if remembering my face before vanishing in a crack of thunder. If you felt something in your cold, cold heart, meet me in the same place once more. - G MISSED CONNECTIONS: It was a dark and stormy night. I was wallowing in misery, speaking to my dearly beloved, dearly departed wife in the local cemetery. My eyes eyes brimmed with tears, hidden in the rainy night. I saw you walking your very well behaved bats. You were a light in this very dark night. I could not keep my eyes off of you. If you felt the same, please meet me under the large oak tree in the cemetery. I shall await with a once more hopeful heart. -G

BUSINESS BUYING: Knobble's Secondhand is buying used Cleansweep Tens! Will pay market price based on wear-and-tear. Drop by our booth in Diagon Alley for more information. COMMUNITY EVENT: We will be commemorating the lives of Lily and James Potter on the 31st of October in the early evening at Godric's Hollow. Please meet us at the statue. We will be remembering the loss of two very brave wizards. This is a solemn event.

OUR SOURCES

While most of our sources are strictly confidential, some of them will be shared below! Page

Description

Source

Hogwarts Express

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Jack O' Lanterns

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Crowd of people

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Hogwarts Crest

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Twilight Zoo Image

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Madam Starflash

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Werewolf Sketch

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Ginny Weasley

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