The team behind The Hilarian would like to acknowledge that the land the Adelaide University Law School is on is the traditional land of Kaurna people, and that we respect their spiritual relationship with their Country and we respect and value their past, present and ongoing connection to the land and cultural beliefs.
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A c r o s s 2l o a f e r s 3b i g f o u r 9w a n k e r 1 0c r y p t o c u r r e n c y 1 1m e s s e n g e r 1 3b u t t o n s 1 5l a n y a r d
D o w n 1w o l f o f w a l l s t r e e t
Dearest Ligertwoodians,
We write this editors welcome from our villa in the South of France, where we are being fed grapes (peeled) and fanned with palm fronds as we bask in our newfound fame and fortune. Or so we thought. When our Instagram reel (see @thehilarian) went capital-V Viral, accumulating over 1 million views, we thought our lives were going to change. We could feed families with this type of fame. How can we classify said fame? We’ve got bots in our comments now. That’s the big leagues.
After briefly considering abandoning the magazine to pursue this newfound diva lifestyle, as well as reaching out to the AULSS for a security escort to be included in the Hilarian budget, we decided to continue doing what we love This is mostly because no brands have reached out to us yet for a sponsorship deal, so now we sit in our humble abodes on Adelaide soil writing this editors welcome
Celebrity aside, welcome back to Liggy for 2025!!! We are ecstatic to get back to creating magic for this magazine for the second year in a row After a controversyfree first term and delivering on all of our election promises, we are raring to go for another year of Hilarian fun and frivolity.
We have recruited a rally of new subcommittee members to join our ranks, and are super keen to show the Law School community what hilarious, clever, talented individuals we have on our hands Turn to page 12 to read Abdullah’s “meet the subcommittee” piece for a rundown on the team If you bump into them in the halls, make sure to say hi and to congratulate them on a stellar first issue (if we do say so ourselves)
So, as interim assignments are now a thing of the past and exam season looms (but not toooo menacingly just yet), we present Issue 1 of the Hilarian for 2025. Feast your eyes, share it with your friends, and please, for engagement purposes, keep boosting those reel views. The bots can only do so much.
Yours in jest, Chris, Josh, and Isab xo
Leah Schlein
Fellow readers of The Hilarian, you are in for an absolute treat this year.
Three of my favourite people, Josh, Chris and Isabella, are again at the helm as Editors in 2025, and together with a team of clever, witty and outright entertaining contributors, will bring to you three issues of the people’s magazine.
The Hilarian is a collection of articles, reviews, love letters and social commentary that ingeniously reveals what law students are actually thinking. Fake news? Not here. Poetic licence? Maybe a little.
The AULSS is very proud, and sometimes very nervous, to let this merry band of talented creatives loose to narrate our lives at law school, but amidst the challenges we all face, this satirical publication is a source of light, fun, laughter and inspiration, and always a welcome addition to our growing pile of reading materials.
Join me in the line up in the Liggy foyer to get your hands on a copy when each edition drops and enjoy diving into the minds of our legendary Hilarian team.
Editors Note: Madame President has informed us to alert our audience, both old and new, to the utilitarian mission of the AULSS. In an effort to seize the means of production, the wealth of the AULSS (microwave and kettle) will be now (as was always) be made available to the general public. Please make regular use of such facilities as they may cease to exist following the Great Unification (read: merger).
Do you hate Okta Verify?
Do you wish the ‘keep me signed in’ button really kept its word?
Do you love to stand in crowds of sweaty students and yell out words?
Join like-minded young people in vulgar, impassioned pleas against the tyrannical chains of multi-factor authentication! Sunday32st ofMay , LMaths awns
Do YOU have a grievance with a professor about a recent grade you received? Can’t be bothered filling in that finicky little form? Magenta Stoba has got you covered with this instant remark request!
Dear ▢ MARKER ▢ COURSE COORDINATOR ▢ NINCOMPOOP
My name is and I am in of which you recently released marks for the ▢ ASSIGNMENT ▢ EXAM ▢ QUIZ.
I was ▢ CONFUSED ▢ OUTRAGED ▢ AROUSED by this mark which is why I am writing this ▢ EMAIL ▢ LETTER ▢ POSTCARD to request with you a ▢ REMARK ▢ DISCUSSION ▢ DINNER AT A RESTAURANT OF YOUR CHOICE.
Frankly, upon seeing my mark, I did notice that the feedback given was rather ▢ DISTRESSING ▢ A LOT OF “?” AND “GOOD” ▢ SMUTTY. Most importantly, the combination of my mark and my feedback does not reflect ▢ WHO I AM ▢ THE GRADE I WAS TOLD I WOULD GET ▢ COMMON SENSE and I would like to know more about why this is the mark I received.
I also acknowledge that my assignment marker is probably ▢ OVERWORKED ▢ UNDERPAID ▢ INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE, so this communication is really just ▢ ABOUT MY LEARNING ▢ A PERSONAL COMPLAINT ▢ AN EXCUSE TO MEET
In light of this ▢ APPALLING ▢ DISGUSTING ▢ EROTIC behaviour, I ask you to please reconsider this mark If you fulfil this request, I will be sure I inform ▢ THE HILARIAN ▢ MY FAMILY MEMBERS ▢ YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS just how excellent your teaching is
If you are unable to follow up with my request, I will be forced to write a stiff letter of complaint to ▢ THE DEAN OF LAW ▢ THE DEAN OF LAW ▢ THE DEAN OF LAW
Yours faithfully,
The Hilarian advises that the above form is NOT a substitute for a legitimate remark request. Just go onto AskAdelaide and get the real thing.
We gained an extra hour of sleep, but at what cost? Fleeting is the prolonged Saturday night slumber, now all that exists is the constant dread of knowing you need to brave the walk to your car in the Target parking lot after dark And it's only 5.30pm. Oh, daylight savings! How I miss your warm touch on a summer’s night. Don't be a stranger xx
By Ekat Kountourogiannis
By Abdullah Dip
Everyone knows the hilarious and endlessly talented editors behind this year’s iteration of The Hilarian, but most are probably unaware of the sheer brilliance that goes into making each article side-splittingly funny. This time around, I had the golden opportunity (and the deeply chaotic honour) of introducing the masterminds behind the madness.
To matcha or not to matcha? Rosana says the best kind is the one that doesn’t taste like matcha - a rare specialty of the uni café Taste Baguette. A woman of many talents, she’s the undisputed GOAT of the craft world. Sure, LeBron might have her beat on the streets, but she dominates in making the sheets. Of course, life isn’t all colouring and pom-poms, as last Eid delivered a cautionary tale for every future brown girl: “never mix uncles, Eid, and soft-launching your relationship, ever!!!”
These days, she might say she’s barely hanging on between work and uni but also that law school’s given her some of her best memories Well except for first year And honestly? I d but I would like to forget 22 too
Two years in Law Revue, two years in The Hilarian, and a sworn enemy of corporate gloating on LinkedIn Isabella, or Issy if you're in her good books, is hands down one of the funniest and kindest people you’ll meet She has a talent for answering the most convoluted questions in the most ridiculous ways while also making sure you don’t feel like a moron for asking them something I know firsthand as the nervous first-year asking them
Has the best dog in existence (Bennie) Will absolutely destroy you in a client interview and, more importantly, in a fight over a parking spot at Woolies An absolute bundle of joy, Alexa also has strong principles, and one of them is that going barefoot in public (unless it’s the beach, of course) should be banned Open-toe socks? Also banned She proudly calls herself an anti-foot-fetishist
Her big, controversial take? Climate change is real Also, don’t ever ask her what BLF stands for You won’t like the answer
She’s the kind of person who stays cool even when getting screamed at by a random lunatic during dinner Where is she headed after graduation? No clue Probably international law, but wherever she ends up, she’s going to shine
If you have ever set foot in the University of Adelaide campus, chances are you have seen Jennifer aka Jennie from the (law) block. As if participating in all of the extracurriculars under the sun and being a crochet prodigy wasn’t enough, Jennie somehow manages to do it all and still be funny. (Please leave something for the rest of us!)
Even though Bruno Mars would love to catch a grenade for her, Jennie’s set her sights on something a little more out of this world This year, she’s ditching the swipes and the mortal realm and sourcing suitors from the Great Liggy’s impressive collection of ghouls, phantoms, and boogeyman
Lorenz Del Castillo
"Time is not real and space is a lie" – Bachelor of Law
My man Lorenzo, writer extraordinaire and panPacific Foosball champion (well, more like “middleof-the-Pacific,”), joined The Hilarian with one goal: to be as funny as possible His writing philosophy?
“Spray bullets at an apple with a machine gun
Some are bound to hit ”
However, please do not do not mention microwaves around him His time working at OTR has left scars The ping of a reheated lasagna is his personal fight-or-flight trigger Maybe that was why he once deliberately flunked an eye test just to get glasses No one argues with us people in glasses We are always the smartest, nicest, kindest and also the humblest in the room.
It’s said that cooking for someone is like saying, “I love you with words”- well then Samara must really love us all cause her avid baking has sustained the Hilarian for the last year.
But food isn’t her only medium -her crocheting is the stuff of legend. Some whisper it rivals Athena’s. (Please don’t turn her into a spider. She has midsems.)
She was also briefly in a biker gang… allegedly. A hypnotist made her believe it during this year’s fringe and the role fit like a glove. Maybe, in another life, she’s riding in a leather jacket with a crochet needle tucked in her boot.
Lover of books, movies, and taking her sweet time, Magenta is all about the little joys in life You’d think that means peaceful picnics and slow walks in the park-but don’t be fooled. This serene soul is also out here throwing hands (metaphorically... we think), as a fierce advocate for the little guys being steamrolled by overloads corporate overlords and overwork everyday. Even in law school, Magenta’s keeping the fight alive-especially when it comes to grades. Not happy with your results? Check out her article on the funniest (and questionably effective) ways to ask for a remark.
But maybe don’t try and copy her exact footsteps... Magenta once accidentally asked a professor if they were “a little lost” as they were heading into her lecture. She then spent the rest of the semester watching lectures from home in a state of pure academic witness protection.
Where in the world is Lucy Wehr?
Well, she’s currently stationed in the land of icy neutrality and IKEA - Sweden!
On exchange and living her best #GOLAS exile life, Lucinda’s soaking in the Nordic beauty, from pastries to public transport that actually runs on time. And while abroad, she’s not just taking in the sights-she’s giving back, volunteering with Amnesty International (because of course she is). So, if your law assignment starts to feel like a human rights violation, you know who to call.
Though exchange life has been a smörgåsbord of delight, she still finds herself dreaming of $8 vanilla iced coffees... and the warm embrace of Ligertwood.
Zoe Williams
If you need legal insight or a reminder that dystopia is not a vibe, Zoe’s your girl Third-year Law/Crim student and a proud 1984 (the band) evangelist, she happily volunteer (so as tribute to discuss the Orwellian metaphors).
Oh, You think you know your dystopia? Try being a Bunnings paint staffer telling a grown man you won’t pick his wall color. Zoe’s seen things. She's survived customer meltdowns, retail diplomacy, and the deep existential fog that settles in during finals week.
When she’s not pulling peacekeeping duties in the paint aisle, decoding politics in literature, doing amazingly dramatic “what’s in my bag” hauls on her private Tiktok or secretly training for the hot ones debut, you’ll find her hosting her book club — because the revolution needs all the knowledge it can get …..and also high amounts of caffeine.
Cherrie Cheung
Our very own Karch Kiraly (yes, she plays volleyball and yes, she’s that good), Cherrie refuses to be pigeonholed. She’ll decimate you in court, then politely discuss Sylvia Plath with you at book club like nothing happened. As a devout NYT Games streakkeeper, her daily puzzles are sacred. Miss a day? Unthinkable. Borderline criminal. She is also what they say a “self-proclaimed stalker” but I am sure she’s totally harmless—
Ranya Tongaria
Once, on a rainy afternoon, a girl worked quietly in her little shop The door rattled They had arrived the Deliverers Loud, rude, and always whispering in a language her coworkers did not understand, laughing at something that felt a little too personal But not today The girl turned, looked them dead in the eye, and, showing off her bilingual prowess, told them to behave Their faces dropped One stepped forward She didn’t flinch Handed him a complaints form and said, “If you’ve got something to say, put it in writing And don’t forget my name Ranya ”
You’ll now find her at uni doing what all icons do: disassociating with noise-cancelling headphones, cruising through torts readings, and rewarding herself with a lil shopping spree like a civil liability never happened She’s got no time for rude mers, unfair assignments, or controversially s Sorry to all the cat people, the writer ded
You think you can hide your true selves. No socials, no way to find you out. But she’s already three accounts deep, scrolling your mum’s Pinterest board from 2014. You changed your profile pic? She noticed. You blinked weird in a Zoom class once? She remembers. And she’s not judging… yet. She’s just watching. She sees YOU.
Never been in a fight Never been petty So unbothered that a guy who tried to start a fight with him on a North Terrace bus ended up fist-bumping him instead If Captain America was Australian and got music skills instead of super strength, you’d get Matthew
He sings, plays guitar, and writes music, but every hero has a past Turns out, Matthew used to be GASP - a One direction fan!! A deep dive (me asking him) confirmed that it was all thanks to his older sister Like minded individuals don’t forget to say hi; he is still a Louis fan at heart
Ekaterini Kountourogiannis
Ceilings, sunset
Daylight savings, and Ekat is upset
Making playlists out of heartache and time
It’s kinda sweet, but it’s So fleeting
Curating playlists for fun
Lovely to go on exchange last year
It was kinda cute, but it's So short
Just The Hilarian
And her top 0 01%
Of Lizzy McAlpine spins
She laughs like it’s nothing
But she always thinks too much
No drama, no fights
She’s the calm in the chaos
And when she talks,
It feels like the start of a movie you've seen before
Tara Duvnjak
How to survive law school without doing the readings? According to Tara, the secret lies in mastering the ancient art of sharp wit. Dazzle your tutors with wit and a grin, till they forget you don't know where to begin. Tara knew from a very young (read: current) age that she was destined for law ever since a group assignment went completely off the rails and left her in tears. Most people would call that a meltdown. Tara called it a win. Why? Because the peer reviews dubbed her “the most passionate.” Take that, trauma.
Despite graciously letting me publicly write about her, Tara is surprisingly private. All her boy problems stay strictly between her and ChatGPT, and any academic freakouts remain respectfully quarantined in her room.
Her proudest achievement so far? Passing Foundations of Law. Which is... not super comforting for those of us currently taking it...
I thought I got off easy Write a few profiles, let everyone else do the hard part- being funny, while I just compile and bask in the glory I was a fool
Turns out trying to wrangle interviews with some of the busiest people ever, is an unmitigable logistical nightmare Who knew the path to comedy gold was paved with panic, unanswered messages, and the raw horror of chasing 15 people like it’s a group project you accidentally became the leader of?
All the apologies, all the minor breakdowns, all the "just checking in!" follow-ups yeah, I feel like an
adult now A tired, un-caffeinated (hate the taste), questionably functioning adult
But what a ride The subcommittee did not disappoint with their sense of humour Every conversation flowed like wine - chaotic, rich, and maybe a little too honest. I'm convinced that if we ever start a podcast, we’d either win an award or get sued. Possibly both. And honestly? I hope there’s more of this madness to come.
I’ve been seeing a guy for a while. The problem is, every time I suggest a fun date idea, he’s always ‘too tired’ or ‘too busy with uni work.’ It feels like he’s losing interest, but I’m not sure if I’m just overthinking. Should I bring it up or let him come to me?
We’ve decided to give the highly coveted role of the Hilarian’s Agony column to three different advice-givers throughout 2025. Heavy is the head that wears the crown, I guess? For issue 1, we turn to none other than Tara Duvnjak to provide you with advice to get through these treacherous law school woes.
Break up. Dafuq. Know your worth, dear reader.
I’m currently in a group project with someone who doesn’t contribute but still tries to lead. Should I passive-aggressively remind them how the group’s grade depends on teamwork, or should I start taking control and asserting dominance?
Not contributing but still tryna be da big boss is a crazy combo Chances are, if you’re feeling tense in this group dynamic, your other team members are too.
Plan an intervention Stage a coup OVERTHROW THEM!!!! Assert. Dominance.
If all else fails, quietly snitching to the course coordinator may also do the trick If you are so inclined….
Is it normal to feel a dark, ghostly presence in Ligertwood at night? Or is it just the souls of past students who failed Evidence?
Are you on something? (You feel it too?)
He connected with me on LinkedIn and then endorsed my legal research skills after one conversation. Do I take this as a green flag or report him for emotional misconduct?
I just love the torturous beginnings of young love. Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but bro is love bombing you 100% ALSO, NEVER DATE A FELLOW LAW STUDENT??? Amateur Gosh, all these law school meets the bachelor questions make me SICK. GET A GRIP. (I’m jealous. I want a classroom crush)
My friend just got a clerkship at a top-tier firm and I’m still using Comic Sans in my cover letters. What now?
Got a question Got a question for our in- for our inhouse experts? house experts? Scan below to Scan below to be included in be included in the next issue! the next issue!
Ok.Firstofall.ComicSans?Let’sgetonethingstraight:this isasafespace,butnotthatsafe.Disgusting.
Now that we’ve addressed the font crisis, let’s talk about the real issue here. Your friend’s clerkship doesn’t mean you’re behind it just means their LinkedIn is about to get unbearable And that’s fine Let them have their moment Your time is coming
Sometimes your journey doesn’t start with a clerkship it starts with crying in the Liggy bathroom because you feel like the dumbest person in your seminar, blacking out at Law Ball, and finessing your way through PPL with nothing but a red bull in your system and a ⅖ on one those pre-lecture quizzes
DO YOU NEED TO STOP USING COMIC SANS? Yes. Desperately. DO YOU NEED TO BECOME A TOP-TIER CLERKSHIP BOT JUST TO FEEL WORTHY? Absolutely not.
So chin up Fix your formatting And go become the High Court CJ you were meant to be Love you, diva
Why are the walls dripping? What is that strange crash? My imagination is too caffeinated to rationalise that.
I know it is you the Ghost of 85s
You chased your love of HDs into the afterlife Your talent I admire Your commitment I try to achieve Spending 24 hours a day in the Ligertwood library Your ghostliness makes me quiver! The dust makes me sneeze! I quake in my boots at your academic weaponry
If only you would notice me and tell me how to achieve The love I have for you is greater than ChatGPT
Love, Jennie Lamb
The love of your ghostly life <3
As those following my private Instagram will know very well/anyone up to date with my constant Instagram story posting/anyone who has talked to me within the last 4 months, I have been living it up in Europe, more specifically Lund, Sweden. Sweden, the home of Ikea, midsummer, and blondes, now has a special place in my heart. While being on exchange here I have dabbled in my fair share of Swedish traditions: my furniture is all from Ikea, I have sung a lot of ABBA at karaoke, eaten many 25SEK falafels, and unfortunately crashed my bike - the true Lund student experience. However, I have spent majority of my time in cafes and delving into the wonderful world of Swedish fika.
Not too far from the traditional UofA student lifestyle but now socially acceptable and with a fun name, fika is basically drinking coffee and eating pastries all day everyday with friends/coworkers/dates. Your sweet treat can now be enjoyed with the accompaniment of all of the Swedish population! To avoid the uni work that has become non-existent to the unexpecting exchange students (who thought maybe they could get away without any study and just travel and party), fika has been the perfect excuse. To embrace the Swedish culture and hope that Jenny’s Bakery will incorporate a semla into their cabinet selection, this is my best effort to convince everyone to go to Sweden or at least welcome fika in their lives and justify their daily sweet treat intake.
The icon herself in the back, a traditional semla consists of a bun flavoured with cardamom and filled with almond paste and whipped cream. This goddess of a pastry will make you never want to touch a Kitchener bun again This national treasure has its own special day, fettisdag, where 40-50 million semlas being sold every year!
Prinsesstårta or princess cake, is a green marzipan cake filled with cream, jam, and custard The national cake of Sweden is the epitome of a sweet treat
Sweden being the birthplace of the cinnamon bun, you can find one in every café or bakery. Not to be confused with its American style counterpart the cinnamon roll, kanelbullar is twisted into a knot and topped with pearl sugar If you are feeling adventurous, she is closely related to the kardemummabullar (Swedish cardamom buns). Kanelbullar also has its own holiday too, Kanelbullens Dag!
The famous cross over pastry from Broder Jakobs, Lund, Semla x Kanelbullar Best of both worlds with a Kanelbullar cut in half and filled with almond paste and whipped cream and covered in more sugar. Mascavado could never ever replicate something like this, and I will dream about it forever.
If my glamorously pastry-filled life abroad hasn’t convinced you to travel to Sweden (you still have time to book Euro summer, if you do, hit me up we can meet for some fika), I hope you are sold on the Swedish lifestyle Now head to the closest cafe or bakery, delve into some sweet treats and embrace fika
PS: good luck to everyone when I come back, as we will promptly be meeting for fika
By Alexa Balog
Unreviewed. Couldn’t even get a seat here because it’s so damn busy. This could be something to do with my unwillingness to sit directly next to a complete stranger on a seat which requires my posture to resemble that of a conch shell, but clearly whoever said campus life is dead has never been to the 3 or 4 floors of the Hub. rd th
This is an area that I mostly avoid due to lack of natural light and the general musty smell of old court report books that haven’t been opened since the invention of the internet. Studying with the spirits did prove interesting, there is nothing like the feeling of being watched by an unnatural force to get your productivity going.
Credit:StudentVIP
No matter what time of day you are here, this space always feels dark and unnerving. Unfortunately for me, I was here at 8:30am, and between the artificial lights and the questionable wallpaper my senses were sufficiently overloaded. Unsurprisingly, not many people were here at this time, although there were a fair few dental students hanging around holding their weird boxes of teeth Notably this spot does have power points but this is unfortunately coupled with a lack of reception so I had to use my laptop to scroll on Instagram instead of my phone
This space has slightly off-putting vibes with an undertone of fear induced productivity Though unnerving, I did actually get quite a lot of work done here, until a group of people came and sat in the computer area and proceeded to tell their whole life stories in loud, complete detail I did take a break to eat lunch and felt SEVERELY judged (and no my food wasn’t smelly).
I arrived here around lunch time and was very surprised to find an empty table, especially considering that it was such a nice day. Studying here felt like living out my stereotypical aesthetic uni dream; I felt like I should’ve been in a study montage. The only downside to this spot is that it is frequented by certain university organisations whose favourite pastime is to aggressively hand out flyers to people who are clearly not interested.
This room is quiet and easy to get a spot in any time before 10am After that it’s basically a glorified conversation hall I would suggest avoiding the front half near the kitchen because, despite being newly renovated and very noisy, the air-conditioners clearly do NOT work. Also when I was sitting here there was some guy talking very passionately about the new Hunger Games book which I hadn’t finished yet so I had to put on my noise cancelling headphones to avoid spoilers. The back half of the room is a much more pleasant experience where the air-conditioners do actually work.
I was here around 9am and managed to snag myself a round table which are incredibly difficult to obtain after this time period. This area was generally comfortable with chargers and natural light but there’s something about the Liggy vibes that are just off.
This is by far my favourite study spot at uni When I choose to study here it feels like an auspicious occasion I feel like the protagonist in a dark academia novel and it makes me the most productive I have ever been, mainly because of the fear of making any noise whatsoever is so crippling that I physically can’t look away from my laptop. Being unproductive or even checking your phone here feels noisy. Every time I have left an essay to the last minute I always come here and it hasn’t failed me yet.
You hate em, you love em The Hilarian breaks down the top 10 infamous Ligertwood figures to grace the hallowed halls
#9
The AULSS office microwave: You only hate it if you can’t access it. Run for co-option next time, suckers!
#10 #8 #6
Allison Ackerman: Yeah...she did commit manslaughter, but let’s focus on a woman’s rights rather than her wrongs.
Oliver Mann: Goddamn it this guy is the worst. Breaking shit and starting fights and terrible with the ladies. But the worst thing about it all? We must defend him.
#7
Credit:ProgressiveVending
The foyer vending machine: Stock is always more limited than its Hub Central counterparts and I’m pretty sure we’ve all been a victim of losing a chip packet and $5.50 to its poor dispensing mechanism.
Bob and Wendy Builder: A pair of clowns that knowingly built their business next to a drone testing facility and tried to get an insurance payout because of it. Can they fix it? Apparently they can’t.
#3 #3
President of Orangeland: Bares an eerily similar name and persona to a certain President that happens to sport an orange tinge 100% of the time.
#4 #4
Ghost in the Ligertwood basement:
Haunts your dreams and job prospects and takes up the white tables when you really wanna get some real, solid studying done in the Dungeon (HA).
#2 #2
#5 #5
AGLC 4: Wants so badly to be AGLC 5 (can’t come soon enough) and is the bane of all our existences.
#1 #1
Peter Ackerman: Loser and abuser. No one mourns the wicked.
MKTO:
They didn’t show up to their performance at the 2024 law ball and everyone is still salty about it. Thank god I have exclusive word from the events portfolio that a surprise appearance is in the works!! (they do not tell us anything and I have indeed made this up)
By Ranya Tongaria
Remember when coffee was $3, rent didn’t require a co-signer AND a blood oath, and a decent pair of jeans didn’t cost the same as dinner for two? Yeah, neither do I. Being a student these days means mastering the art of choosing between financial responsibility and emotional support bubble tea.
In this This or That quiz, you’ll be faced with everyday student spending dilemmas - each more financially insulting than the last. Choose wisely–or don’t. Find out if CNN should hire you for their business segment or if you’re just one bad decision away from launching a GoFundMe for your HECS debt.
Hydration is important, but so is chewing on tapioca balls like a real adult.
THIS: Drink water. It’s free, remember?
+ 5 points
THIS:
Use your concession
Metrocard to take the bus + 5 points
THIS:
Thrift your outfit for $10 and call it ‘retro’ + 5 points
THAT:
Grab an $8 bubble tea because you’re ‘rewarding yourself for being alive’ + 2 points
THAT: Drive to campus and pay $25 for parking + 2 points OR
THAT:
Drop $95 on a Shein haul of things you’ll never wash properly and only wear once + 2 points
Bothlook greatin a mirror selfie.One comes with an existential crisis,guilt, and microplastics.
THIS:
Free Spotify with ads after every third song + 5 points
THIS:
Make yourself a cup of coffee or tea at home after a long day + 5 points
THAT:
Spotify Premium because ‘silence is not an option’ + 2 points
THIS:
Use the university wifi that disconnects every 7 minutes + 5 points
Ad:Wantabreakfromthe ads? You:Nah,I’mgettingreally goodatmemorisingthisone aboutinsurance.
Youspent40minutes scrollingmenusforinspo but ‘don’thavetime’toboilpasta. Inspiringstuff.
THAT:
Order a $7 soy chai because your personality depends on it + 2 points
THIS:
Meal prep for the week with $50 + 5 points
THAT:
Burn through your mobile data watching Tiktoks of Robert Irwin in that Bonds ad + 2 points
THAT:
Spend $87 on one night of Uber Eats because cooking is ‘emotionally draining’ + 2 points
If you scored between 30-35 you are financially responsible and emotionally unstable You’ve got your budget on lockdown, but your constant balancing act between bills and burnout means your emotional stability is a work in progress Still, you’re killing the finance game (even if your social life is feeling the effects).
If you scored between 21-29 you are a student, hanging by a thread of savings and praying your bank account doesn’t throw a tantrum You’ve got just enough financial know-how to survive, but your spending habits are a mix of optimism and sheer panic. It’s a juggling act, but you’re making it work…barely.
If you scored 14-20 you are broke af but at least you have ✨vibes✨ Your finances are a mess, but you live in the moment and hope things work out The next paycheck is always around the corner, right? But hey, you’re not technically broke you’re just financially minimalist with expensive taste
By Zoe Williams
Many were surprised by the announcement of the newest prequel in the Hunger Games series, Sunrise On The Reaping (SOTR), for two main reasons: there already was a recount of Haymitch Abernathy’s Games in Catching Fire (2009), and Suzanne Collins does not create instalments in her universe without good reason.
Collins famously found inspiration for the original Hunger Games trilogy whilst channel surfing between reality TV and news footage of the Iraqi War. She was disgusted by both the spectacle created as a distraction and the media's portrayal of the war. The Hunger Games revitalized the dystopian genre as a vehicle for social commentary, though it also spawned some of the worst films to come out of the 2010s (I'm looking at you, Divergent). The series teaches clear lessons about how propaganda can influence a population and demonstrates that oppressing people through cruelty and fear is unsustainable, so much so that revolution becomes inevitable.
Credit: Amazon
The main messages in SOTR parallel the original series whilst highlighting issues more relevant to our current world. In the original Games, tributes were treated like royalty, with far more spectacular fashion than what's shown in SOTR. This shift reflects how wealth distribution, much like in our world, has grown exponentially more unequal over a short time. As wealth became concentrated within the Capitol, the districts sank deeper into poverty. This mirrors our reality, where the top 1% accumulates an ever-growing share of global wealth, pushing more people into poverty. This theme, whilst not emphasised in the original series, allows readers to reflect on wealth inequality in their own lives.
One message from the original series that SOTR explores more deeply is propaganda and censorship. This was explored in the original series but is much less subtly handled in SOTR, creating a very blunt portrayal of the ways media can be manipulated. From its opening chapters, SOTR shows how the Capitol can create and execute entirely new narratives within minutes. Whilst both sides of the rebellion used propaganda in the original series, SOTR takes this concept further By revealing the true events of Haymitch's Games, readers realize they too were victims of the Capitol's censorship, having accepted Katniss's retelling of the official summary as truth This demonstrates how propaganda and censorship can work subtly, encouraging us to question our information sources. In today's world, where images and videos are easily manipulated, scrutinising the validity of our information becomes crucial.
Although SOTR contains considerable devastation and sadness to convey these messages, it maintains an undeniable sense of hope and warmth. This aligns with President Snow's observation that "the only thing stronger than fear is hope. " Despite being a prequel, where readers know any rebellions must ultimately fail, the hope and suspense continue to build. We learn that the rebellion in the original series succeeded only after countless failed attempts, teaching us that persistence is essential.
For any desired change in the world, continued effort is necessary. The exact number of failed rebellion attempts remains unknown; there were likely many attempts before the events of the original series eventually succeeded. Through her portrayal of an unjust, impoverished world, Collins shows that hope truly surpasses fear, as it fuelled over 25 years of persistent resistance.
This book enriches our understanding of the Hunger Games world's history and political failings whilst reflecting our own society's problems. This instalment of the Hunger Games universe is much clearer in its message, evidenced through the larger amounts of portrayed violence and cruelty than in the original series. Sunrise on the Reaping serves as both a cautionary tale about propaganda, reminding us to examine the media we consume, and a testament to perseverance, showing that if we want to change our world, we must keep trying.
“But they’re kinda hot tho!”
How true crime shows can influence our generation, and totally miss the point
By Matthew Boyd
In 2016, the first season of American Crime Story following the trial of OJ Simpson premiered on FX in the States. It starred John Travolta and Ross from Friends (David Schwimmer), among others recreating the sensational lead up to, and progression of, the OJ trial. I can’t say that I watched it – but I did watch the 2 season, 2018’s The Assassination of Gianni Versace (yes, the fashion guy). The show follows Versace’s murderer, the sociopathic Andrew Cunanan, on his murder spree of the 4 men prior to his murder of Versace on the steps of his home in Miami Cunanan is played by Darren Criss, who – as all those present in 2010 will remember – rose to fame on Glee playing the charismatic and flamboyant Blaine Anderson
Darren Criss is attractive. I mean, for goodness’ sake, he made People’s list of the Sexiest Men Alive in 2011, but is it not a bit of a distraction? Criss’ Golden Globe winning portrayal of Cunanan’s pain and anguish that led to his murder of one of the greatest fashion designers of all time is ignored in favour of Criss’ abs and charm. Bit of a waste, no?
Credit:FX
Criss recreates, incredibly skilfully, the tormented mind of the serial killer, and there’s many a faithful recreation of the murders in question. And yet, its dark and grizzly themes of obsession and isolation go unnoticed. James Corden himself (the now former late-night host, thank God), focused more on all the instances of Criss dancing in his underwear or the close-up shots of him in the shower rather than the dark themes. I mean sure,
Or, take Zac Efron – everyone had posters of this guy on their walls in 2006 and swooned each time he donned that iconic Wildcats jersey (WHAT TEAM???!?! sorry) Efron broke out of that persona with 2019’s Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile In this calculated drama, we see him play Ted Bundy, arguably the most famous serial killer of all time The film shows Bundy’s manipulative tactics and the influence his lies had on those around him But at times we are instead left pondering exactly what influence his pecs and dreamy blue eyes have on us as the audience
This is at no fault of Efron’s own, or any of the other actors Their performances were stellar, but I’d bet that most young people who watched that film were more inspired to re-pin the posters on their wall, rather than to ponder Bundy’s crimes against women
Credit:Netflix
Credit:RollingStone
In more recent years we have seen Netflix take advantage of this ‘horror with hotties’ genre to great success – the Monsters series focusing on Jeffrey Dahmer (played by Evan Peters) and the Menendez Brothers (Cooper Koch and Nicolas Alexander Chavez) have sparked mass renewed interest in these cases. Dahmer ended up as the 2 most watched season of on Netflix of all time. All time! Over people had viewed it – 1 billion peo the chance to watch the show and on the atrocities that Jeffrey Da SERIAL KILLER, had committed. W saw instead was this morbid curios young people expressed via e atrocious clips from the show objectively great music. How supposed to listen to George M Careless Whisper ever again? Dahm have been a cannibal, but he did no p that edit. nd
The Menendez Brothers case describes this phenomenon perfectly – the show, released in November 2024, was met with immense fanfare not dissimilar to the real case upon which the show revolves. I wasn’t around in the mid-90s to experience anything, whether that be the Menendez mania or the golden age of Will Smith, but the show does illustrate that the fanfare itself devalued the brevity of the situation For those unaware, the Menendez brothers’ lengthy legal proceedings led to their lifetime imprisonment In fact, they are still imprisoned today
Credit: BBC
Regardless of what the public believes happened or chooses to focus on, it’s known that the brothers have advocated for a wealth of noble causes including the awareness of sexual abuse and rape towards men and boys and the ‘Beautification Project’ of their prison facility in San Diego. What did young people latch onto? Not Koch’s deeply emotive performance, but rather how cute he looks in that jumper and those glasses! Not Chavez’s portrayal of the brothers’ torment, but rather his impeccable jawline and cheekbones
The actors who play these monsters, often to their own mental detriment, give vibrant and gripping performances to illustrate the twisted and/or deeply complex nature of these infamous criminal minds, and yet all young audiences, whether millennials, Gen Z, or whatever that new one is (Gen Alpha? Gee, we’re old) seem to care about is how these actors are kinda hot. These shows, particularly new ones such as the Menendez brothers’, are made with the knowledge that these reactions are inevitable and widespread.
The actors who play these monsters, often to their own mental detriment, give vibrant and gripping performances to illustrate the twisted and/or deeply complex nature of these infamous criminal minds, and yet all young audiences, whether millennials, Gen Z, or whatever that new one is (Gen Alpha? Gee, we’re old) seem to care about is how these actors are kinda hot. These shows, particularly new ones such as the Menendez brothers’, are made with the knowledge that these reactions are inevitable and widespread
So, folks, next time Netflix releases a new true crime limited series a la Versace or Monsters, be warned! While it can be tempting to want to swim in the eyes of your favourite actor or dream about their Greek god-like physiques, you can gladly proclaim your knowledge of one of life’s true facts: murder ain’t cool, babe.
By Cherrie Cheung
10 May 2024
Dear diary,
I can’t stop thinking about them I wake up in the morning and I, addicted to the blue light glow of my comfort demon, reach for my phone I open the glorious, boxy app with that curvy, flourished logo, the empty boxes beckoning for my touch I ignore the red bubbles of unread messages and missed calls – I even avoid the siren call of the Duolingo bird, begging me to care as much about my forgotten 17-day Spanish streak and gaining a valuable interpersonal life skill as much as I do about mindlessly guessing a 5-letter word. Every other app jostling for my attention goes unnoticed in my tunnel-visioned pursuit of the hit of dopamine awaiting me upon my successful solving of the Games, the rush that awaits me when those boxes jump and turn green in celebration of my genius
Dear diary,
May 2024
like nothing I’ve ever experienced before How do people do this day to day? Our love’s gone cold I’ve been left in the dust There’s someone out there that NYT loves more, someone with a 200+ day streak who’s loved them right, who wouldn’t have foolishly, hastily, mindlessly, completed the Wordle as I did today
Our relationship ha hardly breathe for want o me to await me Lately, I’ve been staying up late and waiting, oh just waiting, in agony until that clock strikes midnight and I can open my phone to find the glorious pumpkin that is a new Connections lattice, an empty Wordle grid, a blank Mini slate. I can barely breathe for the exhilaration I feel when I see those bare boxes just waiting for me to fill them with my comfort word (ADIEU, if you were wondering) But I have something to confess, dearest diary Once we’re done, I find myself sitting in the dark. It is silent. I am alone with my thoughts, my ceiling, and the crushing weight of emptiness. And boy, is it lonely. I know I will wake up in 8 hours and drag myself out of bed. I’ll go about my day and at some point, I’ll find myself with nothing to do I’ll reach for my phone and find there is nothing for me there Nothing, absolutely naught, from my dearest dopamine producer, my darling serotonin manufacturer, my precious oxytocin creator. I will wish I had put myself to bed at a reasonable time, giving me tomorrow the precious gift of entertainment instead of having to await the dawn of a new day Trouble in paradise? Perhaps, dear diary But maybe those 5 minutes of pure, unadulterated joy are worth every second I spend in agony anticipating the Blank Slate.
Dear diary,
I’ve realised it’s not my fault It’s not my fault at all! Why should I – so steadfast in my devotion, having braved 136 days unbroken on hard mode, become victim to such a tragic loss? Why, it's absurd! The Connections have been merciless and brutal as well, not to mention the Mini (I’ve been averaging 1:30), and Jennifer Who Sits Next to Me In Wednesday 2pm Lectures says the same! What on earth is ‘Distinctive Number of Arms, Or Lack Thereof? They take me for a fool! I miss the old us The us that was unburdened by ridiculous categories and Americanised clues that have me leaning on Google far too often these days. And the thing is, diary, I think I have a new crush. The other day I opened LinkedIn; I know, I know – I’ve heard it all before! It’s a finance-guy adjacent app, it could never treat me as well as NYT, I should appreciate what I have while I have it. But diary, there’s a secret side to LinkedIn I think they keep hidden from those who barely give it a passing glance. They have games. And they’re fun. And they release at 5:30pm. It feels almost criminal to say it. I- I can’t stop thinking about them. I feel so guilty – but alas, what is a girl to do? I can’t help that the NYT has been treating me like dirt and LinkedIn has caught my eye. I’ll keep you posted.
Dear diary,
15 April 2025
Today I opened the LinkedIn games and to my dismay, my streaks were gone! All 150 days on all four games. It was like our history was nothing! It took me back to the Day It All Went Wrong with the NYT. I emailed and I pleaded and I begged, and I was praying they wouldn’t leave me high and dry. Oh, diary. I knew it was too good to be true. Why do all of my digital entertainment pursuits end in ruin? I trust so easily. Should I give up on ever finding an app that will fill this gaping hole in my heart?
20 April 2025
Dear diary, I think – no - I know! I’m in love. LinkedIn restored my streak. They heard my pleas and rather than ignore them or make up ridiculous categories to torture me with (today Wyna Liu hit me with ‘Shapes of Capital Greek Letters – like what?), LinkedIn not only restored me to my former glory, but gave me streak freezes should I falter in my pursuit of perfection Not only that, but they released a new game, which NYT hadn’t done in months! It’s like they’re speaking to my very soul I have never felt more seen than I did today Who knew life could feel this way? I’m positively giddy with excitement, and I think LinkedIn could be The One Call it love bombing, but I truly believe
She’s back!!! The crossword that is Cherrie Cheung has prepared a delightful new puzzle for you to fill out with your mates in the Liggy foyer before your 11am seminar
The theme of this issue’s crossword?
POV: Talking to that one Laws/Commerce finance bro who drops buzzwords to seem intelligent
2 - foundational part of the finance bro fit with a sole, but no soul
3 - aspiration workplaces for the Linkedin profile
9 - what you might call said finance bro behind his back, rhymes with ‘banker’
10 - bitcoin, dogecoin and such
11 - bro bag that shares its name with popular Meta messaging platform
13 - what you might push if you bring up bro’s bagholder trades
15 - as a tie is to a lawyer a ____ is to a finance bro
1 - prerequisite viewing before beginning a commerce degree, featuring a ‘howler’ of a guy
4 - type of sweater that shows more than enough patchy chest hair
5 - sleeveless venture that is a staple of the finance bro wardrobe
6 - might get flashed by one if he lifts up his sleeve
7 - its going down!!! i’m yelling timber!!!!
8 - now X
14 - POTUS put one of these on Australia at 10% because he’s clearly never had a good Aussie Angus from HJs
By Rosana Marshall
Where should the line be drawn between workplace rules and online expression? Should your employer be able to police what you share online, external to work? I’ve asked these pressing questions to our resident employment law expert, Dr Gabrielle Golding
When Antoinette Lattouf shared a post about alleged war crimes in Gaza, she didn’t expect that it would have cost her a job. Now, her lawsuit against the Australian Broadcasting Corporation (ABC), could reshape employment law in Australia. Lattouf's legal proceedings against ABC News has garnered widespread attention, but the case has become one of exceptional significance for employment lawyers. Lattouf's claim against the ABC stems from her dismissal from a relief radio presenter role, which she alleges was unlawful. The dispute's foundation relies on whether her termination was motivated by her political views on the Gaza conflict and her ethnic background, or, as the ABC claims, from a breach of impartiality due to her social media activity.
Lattouf's dismissal followed her sharing a Human Rights Watch post concerning the alleged use of starvation in warfare by the
Israeli government, which the ABC argued violated instructions against posting on "controversial matters." Lattouf disputes receiving a direct order of this nature, instead she contends that the guidance provided more of a suggestion than a strict directive, allowing room for interpretation. This distinction is crucial, as it challenges the grounds of dismissal the ABC exercised.
Furthermore, Lattouf’s team maintains that she understood that she could share information from reputable sources, such as human rights reports. She further claims that pro-Israel lobbyist pressure influenced the ABC's decision. The case, now in the Federal Court, scrutinises the validity of the ABC's stated reasons for dismissal and whether racial discrimination played a role alongside the interpretation of social media conduct within employment guidelines.
How would the courts differentiate between a reasonable direction by an employer versus guidelines, particularly in cases like Lattouf’s, where the ABC’s social media policy was allegedly open to interpretation?
Ms Lattouf’s lawyers have argued that she was given ‘advice’ about her use of social media, rather than a clear ‘direction’ by her employer, the ABC, to not post. Employees are only obliged to follow the directions of their employer insofar as they are lawful and reasonable in the circumstances. So, the court’s task in this case is to weigh up whether the ABC did, in fact, provide Ms Lattouf with a direction that was both lawful and reasonable in the circumstances of her employment. If it were merely advice, she would not reasonably be bound to follow it.
In general protection claims under the Fair Work Act 2009 (Cth), how difficult is it for an employee like Lattouf to prove that race or political belief was a substantial reason for dismissal?
In general protections claims, a reverse onus of proof operates, such that it will be the employer (rather than the employee), who bears the burden of proving that adverse action was not taken for a prohibited reason, which may include a discriminatory reason, such as the employee’s race or their political belief.
So, in this case, if Ms Lattouf alleges that adverse action (ie, her dismissal) occurred because of a protected attribute (ie, her race and/or political belief), then it is up to the ABC to prove that the action in dismissing her was not taken for that reason.
Notwithstanding the reverse onus of proof, understandably, these cases can be challenging for employees, given the difficulty in demonstrating intent and the oft-subtle nature of discriminatory practices.
Even though the Fair Work Act 2009 (Cth) offers protection against adverse action based on these attributes, employees may face the difficult challenge of needing to establish a causal link between the protected attribute and the adverse action taken.
To what extent can employers regulate employee speech on social media without infringing on the Constitution's implied political communication freedom3 particularly in publicly funded institutions like the ABC?
In Australia, while there is no explicitly stated ‘freedom of speech’ in the Constitution, an ‘implied freedom of political communication’ exists, primarily protecting communication about government and politics. This freedom doesn't give individuals a personal right to say anything they like but rather restricts the enactment of laws that limit communication about political matters. In employment, this means employers generally cannot penalise employees for expressing political opinions.
However, there do exist limitations, particularly for public sector (ie, government) employees, which, depending on the outcome of this case, may well extend to those employed in publicly funded institutions like the ABC. In saying that, I think it is important that we remember that the ABC is an independent body that is, in fact, separate from the government.
The legal profession is full of opportunities and challenges that require constant adaptation and versatility. With this in mind, The Hilarian has you covered for the most difficult yet necessary trial of them all. Picture this: Tuesday Morning, no food and 3 coffees deep. With minimal shareholder value created the week prior, you walk into your team meeting. The caffeine and night-before Zambreros is catching up with you and
11. . Blame the person sitting next to you
This is not only a great one-off way to throw the blame onto some poor unsuspecting soul but also will deflect suspicion for any future acts off of you
This person will be dubbed “Stinky Pete”, “Farty Marty” or just “that guy that farted in our team meeting” and will be blamed for every toot for the rest of their corporate existence
This method will work best if the victim is a junior lawyer or (even better) clerk, they will hesitate to question your authority
2. 2. Move your chair and pray it makes the same noise
While this is ranked number, it is not to be tried by the inexperienced. If you are embarking on your maiden voyage in concealing flatulence I would stick to the classic option 3.
To execute this requires not only skill but also luck There are too many variable to align and the failure of anyone will result in doom Not only must the timing of both noises be perfectly in sync but their pitch and tone must also be uniform
I would recommend practicing this one in the comfort of your home/office before whipping it out in a high stress environment.
This, much like option 2 requires a lot of finesse in terms of timing, but is much more beginner friendly.
You have to perfectly line up both the top and bottom end sound otherwise not only will you be the guy that stunk up board room 1, but also the coward who tried to hide it.
This one is for the closeted theatre kids out there. The goal is to create the biggest, most outlandish distraction possible to make sure that no one remembers the explosion, just the aftermath.
You can totally get creative here, but my favourites are:
1. Look at your phone confused, slam both hands on the table angry, march out of the room with phone to ear (bonus points if you engage in an aggressive fake call outside the board room, where you are in their line of sight.
2. Flip over the boardroom table (bend your knees to be WHS compliant) and shout “What is the meaning of this!?!?!” Promptly leave the room.
Wayne Kerr Junior Solicitor, Senior Asshole
Greetings fellow legal professionals,
A year ago today I commenced my role as Junior Associate of Doing F**k All at Let’s Circle Back to That Barristers & Solicitors. I am elated to announce some exciting career milestones that I have achieved over the last year, and I thought there was no better time to do so than on the anniversary of me snapping up my dream job. If you would like to read about said milestones, please refer to the list I have helpfully provided below:
I averaged 6-7 incomplete tasks a day out of the 10 I was assigned. I have billed approximately 0.8 units today alone.
I made 69 new connections right here on LinkedIn but reached out to none of you. I feel that I really made the effort to step out of my comfort zone when it comes to networking. I rearranged my workspace a total of 18 times. I am passionate about cultivating a productive work environment where I, and other less motivated colleagues, can perform at their best, or at least look like they are performing in the first place.
I narrowly avoided a ‘reply all’ email chain scandal with Jessica in HR. This was integral to resilience building in the workplace. Jessica, if you ’ re reading this, answer my dms.
I spent time developing my IT skills, becoming proficient at using the mute and unmute button at the appropriate times in all Zoom meetings
When it comes to reading about the achievements of others, I understand that it can be overwhelming and cause feelings of inadequacy In fact, I hesitated to make this post for this very reason However, I then remembered the old adage my mentor Eileen Dover told me on my first day at this firm: “If you ’ re feeling like a failure, it’s probably because you are one ” May these words of wisdom encourage all 69 of you to dive headfirst into becoming the legal professional you aspire to be Who knows, maybe next year you will be able to share your impressive milestones like I have!
I wish you all a mediocre year of professional development
The pleasure is all yours, Wayne
Kerr
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Instructions:
1.Place kit face-up on a firm surface.
2.Follow directions in circle of kit.
3.Repeat step 2 as required.
4.If loss of consciousness, cease use immediately.