An Angel By The Wings (Sense8 Fanfics)

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://download.archiveofourown.org/works/11649561.

Rating: Archive Warning: Category: Fandom: Relationship: Character:

Additional Tags: Stats:

Explicit Graphic Depictions Of Violence F/F, F/M, M/M Sense8 (TV) Wolfgang Bogdanow/Kala Dandekar Kala Dandekar, Wolfgang Bogdanow, Nomi Marks, Amanita Caplan, Daniela Velasquez, Lito Rodriguez, Hernando Fuentes, Will Gorski, Riley Blue, Capheus Onyango, Sun Bak, Milton Bailey Brandt | Whispers, Lila Facchini, Original Sensate Character(s), Mr. Hoy, Felix Berner Angst, Mental Instability, Torture, Eventual Smut, Cluster Feels, Canon Compliant, Attempt at Humor, Fluff Published: 2017-08-02 Updated: 2017-08-16 Chapters: 3/? Words: 13416

An Angel by the Wings by messedup4good Summary

Wolfgang suffers greatly at Whispers' hands until the cluster is able to help. The fight, however, is far from over. Wolfgang tries to come to terms with what he has endured, and the cluster attempts to tie loose ends.

This is a story about the physical and psychological aftermath of what Wolfgang has gone through, how it affected his relationship with Kala, as well the cluster's efforts to stay safe from BPO.

Notes

I started writing this fic before the cancellation news and didn't touch it again until I heard of the 2-hour special. It's a WIP, but I'm already four chapters in and working on the fifth.

The title is taken from Sia's Angel by the Wings. It screamed Wolfgang to me when I first listened to it. I've included parts of the lyrics at the beginning of every chapter.

Please note that English is not my native language.

My sincerest thanks to PreRaphaelites and thank-god-for-gravity for beta reading this for me. I love you, ladies!

Any mistakes you find, dear reader, are my own. I hope you enjoy this.

Chapter 1 Old soul, your wounds they show I know, you have never felt so low But hold on, head up, be strong

Her hand touched the back of his as they wandered through the streets. He wove his fingers through hers, and he smiled. It was unseasonably cold for that time of year, but Paris was still beautiful. Chilly as it was, they could hardly feel the cold. Well, he could hardly feel it. He was used to this weather.

When he felt a slight shiver run through her body at a sudden gust of wind, he took off his light jacket and helped her into it. It was comically too big. He rolled the sleeves quite a few times until her slender hands were visible. He took one of them in his and rubbed circles at her pulse point.

He looked up to meet her eyes and smiled wider at the happiness and contentment he found in them. With her free hand she poked at one of his dimples and giggled. He pretended to bite her finger. She was startled, but the giggle turned into a heartfelt laugh and a swat at his shoulder.

The next morning he could feel her presence before she even touched him or spoke his name, and when she did, his whole being responded to her. He could feel his hand crave the touch of her skin, his brain wake to the sound of her voice, and his lungs expand on a deep breath to take in her scent. His eyes started to open before he even commanded them to in their hurry to see her.

Kala, the woman who ruled his world and owned his heart, was next to him. The woman for whom he left his life behind, and travelled to Paris to meet for the first time, touch for the first time. The woman alongside whom he slept every night and woke every morning. The woman who believed in him when he himself didn’t. He believed he was a better man because of her, for her, and he couldn’t be happier.

He was already planning what they would do that day. He was looking forward to see her smile and hear her laugh at the memories of the mischief Felix and he had been up to as children. He wanted to tell her more about his mother, and the brother he believed he could have had, had his father not intervened. He wanted to make sure she knew everything there was to know about him.

He wanted to make sure he knew all there was to know about her.

A small smile started to form on his lips as his eyes slowly opened. He blinked a couple of times until she came into focus. His half smile faded as he took in her face. Her warm brown eyes looked haunted. There were tears running down her cheeks and onto her blouse, her eyes were blood-red. The dark circles around them made them look bruised, and his heart dropped.

“I’m so sorry, Wolfgang, but I can’t stay any longer than this,” she hiccuped, struggling with the devastation that devoured her and was slowly seeping into their connection to devour him as well.

His confusion was insurmountable. Wolfgang opened his mouth to speak, but before he could say a word Kala’s head swiveled to the side, her eyes widening. A whine escaped her before she hurriedly bent down to kiss his lips then disappear.

“No, wait!” he called after her as he tried to get up only to realise he was strapped down. He frantically looked around and his eyes landed on him, Whispers.

The reality of his situation crashed down on him hard. They never made it to Paris. They never found out what it would feel like to exist in the same space, to breathe the same air. They never

touched or kissed in person. They never started a life together. It was all in his head. It was all a dream. A hallucination.

“I see you had a visitor, Mr. Bogdanow,” Whispers smiled maliciously as he bent down to murmur in Wolfgang’s ear, “I wonder if Mrs. Rasal’s blocker will work quickly enough to spare her this.” He straightened as his smile turned feral. “I really hope it doesn’t.”

Whispers was taking great pleasure in interrogating Wolfgang and mentally patted himself on the back for taunting him with Kala’s last name. The tightening of Wolfgang’s eyes gave away how much he hated that Kala was carrying another man’s name instead of his own.

Whispers wondered if he would be able to keep Wolfgang alive long enough. He wanted to see Wolfgang’s face as he was forced to watch Kala break, feel her break, in front of his own eyes.

He couldn’t do it with Will and Riley, maybe he will succeed with Wolfgang and Kala. Maybe even she would be the one to give away the other couple’s location. Maybe he will find the entire cluster and they would all feel each other die.

Still smiling, he gestured with his hand and the electric paddles descended on Wolfgang’s chest bringing with them a world of pain. Wolfgang’s chest lifted off the bed, his lungs couldn’t take in air or push any of it out. He could feel the current sting every inch of his body as though someone has taken a thousand needles and stabbed him with them repeatedly all at once.

He gritted his teeth so hard he was sure they would soon break. Not that he cared. Let them break, he thought, as long as it deprived Whispers of the pleasure of hearing him scream. When Whispers asked him where his cluster was, all he could see in Wolfgang’s head was himself, strapped to a hospital bed with Wolfgang taking his sweet time skinning him alive. ******** Kala could barely feel Riley’s arms, as tight as they were, around her. She simply sat on the tattered couch in the hell hole Riley found for them and stared ahead. Her eyes were unblinking, unseeing. She wasn’t aware that she was staring directly into Amanita’s tear-filled eyes as she crouched before her. Nomi’s slender fingers wiping away her tears might as well have been touching someone else.

Her awareness had shrunk to one single point, Wolfgang, and all she could see was how abused he looked. His vibrant eyes were streaked red with broken blood vessels. Subconjunctival hemorrhage is what it’s called, her brain unhelpfully supplied.

She couldn’t shake off the memory of the caked blood around his lips and all over the front of his hospital gown and how his lower lip tilted unnaturally to the side as he tried to smile at her. All of this broke her heart, but what nearly drove her to madness was his dream-induced hope at feeling her by his side. Despite his numb hands and feet, his aching chest, and how painful it was for him to breathe, for a moment he was at ease. He didn't feel all this pain just because she was there, yet she ran like a coward as soon as Whispers showed up. She despised herself for it despite it being the right thing to do, the smart thing to do.

Still she felt like she was somehow failing him. Maybe she should feel it all with him to prove to herself and to him that she was really by his side, that she truly understood what he was going through. Maybe then she would prove herself worthy. Worthy of what, she wasn’t entirely sure, but she needed to feel worthy of something.

She understood why she had to be on blockers all the time; she wasn’t just protecting herself but all of them. She also knew that they only allowed her a few minutes to see him in between doses for her own good, to avoid her own electrocution. It all made sense, but at the same time it all felt

wrong.

It was no easy task to get the cluster, and their significant others, to agree to those few stolen moments. It came as no surprise that they all initially ruled against it. Too risky, they said, and she agreed, but she also couldn’t care less. She needed to see him, be there for him, reassure him that they hadn’t given up, and that they would get him out one way or another. So she argued and argued until they finally succumbed to her wishes.

She nearly laughed at herself now, however, as she realised she had fought so hard to be permitted to see her existence, her consciousness strapped down, bloodied, and barely breathing. ******** He could feel the sun warm up his body. It was so bright he could see red through his closed eyelids. A heavy sigh tried to escape his chest only for it to stop half-way out of his lungs.

Breathing burned. He focused on making his breathing slow and shallow, but that left him panting and lightheaded. There was no way to make breathing any easier. In addition to his pain, he was growing increasingly restless and confused. Shouldn’t all these aches have healed by now? He thought to himself. He was about to open his eyes knowing Kala would be there, but she stopped him.

“Don’t. You’ll give our location away,” she warned. “Just enjoy the sun and know that I’m with you. I will always be with you. Blockers or no blockers you are all I think about.”

Her statement made his heart constrict in his chest as cold sweat covered his body. He refused to call it panic, but it was. He was still trapped, still under Whispers’ non-existent mercy. Had he not known it would hurt his lungs even more, he would have laughed at himself because, for a brief moment, he thought they had succeeded in getting him out. He shook his head slowly to avoid making his headache worse. He was losing touch with reality too frequently. Every time Kala visited, he felt like he was home, that he had finally broken free of the excruciating pain and the worry that he would eventually give away something that could potentially hurt the cluster. How stupid of him to hope.

“Will has a plan,” she said, knowing what he was thinking.

He could hear her voice shake. He knew she was trying to be brave for his sake. He wanted to tell her it was futile since he could feel everything she was feeling, but where would that leave them?

She would just beat herself up for not hiding her feelings better. He opted to just let her think her attempt to comfort him helped more than it truly did. He nearly snorted at the futility of that thought itself because she already knew. She already knew they were both trying to not hurt the other by pretending to be strong, but they weren’t fooling anyone. You can’t really lie to yourself and actually believe it. There would always be a part of you that reminded you of the absurdity of your attempts.

He sighed before he could stop himself and grunted with the pain. He could feel the burn echo in Kala’s chest and wished she would just take the blocker and spare herself the pain.

“We’re coming for you, Wolfgang,” she squeezed his hand firmly, reassuringly, but he could tell she was crying. He could feel her tears run down his own cheeks as she continued, “We will get you out. We will soon meet like we were supposed to. You will get to see us all face to face. You will meet Amanita, Hernando, and Dani. They’re amazing. You’ll like them.”

“The only person I want to see is you,” he whispered as he freed his hand from hers and reached out blindly until he found her cheek. She licked her lips and he could taste the salty tears that touched the corner of her mouth. Her breath hitched as she covered his hand with hers and kissed

his palm.

Soon after, she let go reluctantly. “I have to go,” she said, bending down to kiss his lips. A second later she took her blocker.

He could feel his connection to her dissolving. A ringing in his ears that lasted a few seconds then Kala was gone and a sudden rage began to bubble in his chest. It was all-consuming. He was panting with it. Ignoring his aching chest, he growled and thrashed violently trying to free himself. ******** Will stood quietly with Riley behind the roof’s closed door, both waiting for Kala to get back inside. He had to wait between doses as well to watch out for Whispers while Kala visited Wolfgang. It angered him every time they did. He could feel Wolfgang’s growing pain and quickly dwindling hope and it made him feel like punching a wall.

As soon as Kala’s presence in his head started to fade, he raised the blocker to his mouth, ready to take it, but Riley stopped him.

“Wait!” she said with a hand over his.

“Why?” “Just wait,” she urged him.

He understood why she wanted him to wait when he began to sense her in his head while her blocker wore off slowly.

“Riley,” he pleaded, not needing many words now that she can tell what he’s asking.

“I miss you,” she whispered then hurried to continue before he interrupted, “Just this once. Give me five minutes.”

He sighed. “I miss you too,” he said with a chaste kiss to her lips. He wasn’t about to deny he missed her and how he missed the way he felt with her without the damned blockers.

He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and whispered into her hair, “We need to move faster than this. It’s been five days.” Tightening his arms around her he continued, “He’s getting weaker by the minute and this game of cat and mouse I’m playing with Whispers will soon turn sour.”

“I know, but we’re moving as fast as we can, and Nomi hasn’t been sleeping trying to figure out how to carry out the plan as best as possible with all of us disconnected,” Riley reasoned. She moved back to hold his face in her hands, “We can’t afford to rush this. The consequences of failing are unbearable to think about. ” Will gritted his teeth in frustration, “I understand, but how long can Wolfgang take this? How long before he gives up on us ever saving him?” he sighed and suddenly started looking around refusing to meet her eyes, somewhat ashamed of what he wanted to say, “What if he breaks and gives away more about us?”

Riley ignored his last question and held his head firmly in her hands, making sure he had to look into her eyes. “If any of us could survive this, it’s Wolfgang, and I know that he won’t lose hope.

He may have moments of doubt, but he won’t give up. He knows that you, of all of us, would never give up,” the strength and conviction in her voice should have eased his doubt but they didn’t, and Riley could feel it. “You don’t believe me?” she asked with a small smile. “See for yourself. Close your eyes,” she ordered, waited until he complied, then she shared a memory.

Will could see himself sleeping on the mattress in Amsterdam. His face was gaunt, his body was too thin, his arms were bruised, and his t-shirt was stuck to his sickly frame with cold sweat. He could see Riley sitting, vigilantly as she always did, by his side and holding his hand. He then saw Wolfgang, looking so different from how he looked now, standing at the edge of the mattress.

“Don’t give up on him. He wouldn’t give up on any of us,” he said, then he was gone before Riley even finished nodding her agreement.

As Will opened his eyes, Riley could see tears already filling them but none came down. He didn’t need to use words for her to know how affected he was by the memory.

Wolfgang and Will were opposites yet the same. Will was a cop, Wolfgang a safecracker. One followed, respected, and upheld the law, while the other broke it without qualm, but they both shared an unwavering loyalty to those they love, and stood by them whatever the cost.

Wolfgang was the one who struggled most with having his consciousness, troubled as it was, shared with seven strangers. He never said anything or did anything to express that unwillingness, but they all knew. He readily helped when they needed him, but his feelings were always his own.

Wolfgang had trust issues and they couldn’t blame him knowing what they know about his life, which wasn’t much to begin with. For someone as complex as Wolfgang to say something like this about Will? It meant more than Will was ready to admit. Riley’s memory confirmed what Will thought before; Wolfgang loved them. Reluctantly, maybe, Will thought with a smile, but the emotion was still there.

“I better not let him down then.” He exhaled as he wrapped Riley in a tight hug then borrowed a page from Wolfgang’s book and let anger determine his next course of action. ******** “No, you don’t know how I feel. We are all on blockers. So, for you to say that you know how I feel, it would imply that you have been through what I have been going through for over a week now, and in turn speaking from past experience. Since we all know that didn’t happen, then no, you have no idea what I’m going through,” Kala was pacing as she spoke whereas Capheus stood still and waited for her to let it all out.

He didn’t regret trying to comfort her. As angry as she was after she tried to visit Wolfgang and failed, she was still a part of his family, a sister, and he had to be there for her.

When they realised Whispers had Wolfgang on blockers Kala just lost it. She couldn’t visit him and she couldn’t stay off blockers waiting for his blocker to wear off either. He couldn’t possibly blame her for her outburst. He blamed himself for his poor choice of words. She was right. None of them knew how she truly felt except for Will who went off the blockers every time she did.

“We don’t even know if he is still where we think he is, Capheus,” she said, her anger suddenly turning into despair. “We have been sitting here planning and planning and waiting to have everything we need, but my patience has run out.”

Capheus took a deep breath to brace himself then moved forward carefully. He took small steps, hesitant. His face was frozen on a grimace he wasn’t aware was there.

Kala saw his unintentionally comical caution and something in her broke. The protective wall she had built around herself, the wall that kept her from breaking to pieces after the failed visit, crumbled. She couldn’t hang on to the anger that held her together anymore. It wasn’t really helping anyway. She decided to try a different approach and put faith in her cluster mate.

So she forced herself to smile. A small smile, but a smile nonetheless. Capheus smiled back

brilliantly as if he knew that at that moment, she had finally let her guard down. He decided to try a different approach too, words weren’t helping, so he opened his arms in an invitation that she accepted.

“I’m so sorry for snapping at you. You didn’t deserve this,” she apologised after a few seconds.

She squeezed him hard as she spoke trying to convey how sorry she really was. She wanted to cry when he squeezed back just as hard, but miraculously managed not to. She wanted to break down, cry, scream, and break everything she could get her hands on, but she knew that it wouldn’t help.

What would really help was staying focused and keep helping with the planning.

“Don’t be silly, Kala. We are family and family sticks together through everything. I was wrong to say what I said, and I don’t mind listening to you for as long as you need,” he pulled away to look at her while keeping his hands on her shoulders, “But you need to try to get some sleep. You have been working really hard with Will and Nomi,” he took her face in his hands, “We have to be in our best shape to bring Wolfgang home. Also, I am sure you don’t want to be too tired to take care of him when he gets back, right?” he finished with a smile.

Capheus’ smile was contagious, it always was, she just had to smile back. A bigger smile this time, a more sincere one. How could she not? He was so bright and optimistic. His presence, even with the blockers, was soothing. She couldn’t help but admire his faith and his strength. He had been through alot, lost alot, but his beautiful soul remained intact. He was inspiring, and she wished someday she would be able to meet his mother and Zakia. “You may have a point, but to be honest I don’t think I will be able to sleep at all,” she said with an exasperated sigh.

“Then I shall sing to you till you sleep,” he said with a wink.

Kala surprised herself when she found a giggle escaping her. She welcomed it and teased, “You really shouldn’t.”

Capheus feigned shock, “Are you saying I don’t sing so well? I will prove you wrong,” he said with a smile then started singing off key in Swahili just so she would keep laughing.

She shook her head and walked the few feet between them and the mattress. She sat cross-legged on one side soon to be followed by Capheus who sat next to her. He had taken mercy on her and stopped singing. “Only a couple more days, Kala,” he said as pulled on a loose thread in the sheet.

All Kala could do was nod before someone cleared their throat and walked in.

Hernando smiled apologetically and walked in with two steaming mugs of what Kala assumed was coffee.

“I hope I’m not interrupting,” he said as he handed each of them a mug, “Kala, I don’t think you need any more caffeine in your system, but from what we’ve all heard from you two, I think you need more caffeine in your system.”

Kala looked down in embarrassment, but Hernando was quick to try wave it away.

“Don’t worry about it, dear. No one is judging you,” he pushed his glasses further up his nose, “If I were in your place. I would have been the same or even worse. I think you’re pretty collected given the circumstances,” he smiled and covered the hand that wasn’t holding the coffee with his.

Kala nodded at him with a small smile before she blushed and looked down again.

The uncomfortable silence that descended upon them made Capheus fidget. He felt the need to say something, do anything. So he opted for a joke, regardless of how awkward and out of place it felt.

“You really shouldn’t do that,” Capheus said gesturing towards Hernando’s hand on Kala’s.

Hernando looked down at their hands and rushed to let go. “I’m sorry. I assumed it was alright to do that. I shouldn’t have. I apologise.”

“No, really it’s fine,” Kala said hurriedly, reassuringly meeting Hernando’s eyes.

“Don’t lie to him,” Capheus said frowning at her, then turned to Hernando, “Wolfgang will kill you for this.”

“What? Why? I only touched her hand,” he said to Capheus who only shook his head. Hernando turned to Kala, but she was looking down and wouldn’t look at him. “I’m gay!” he nearly squealed at Capheus.

“He will kill you,” Capheus repeated as seriously as he could before he burst out laughing, spilling some of his coffee on the floor. Hernando’s face was priceless.

Kala handed her coffee to Hernando as she snorted and joined Capheus. What started as a chuckle soon turned into hysterical laughter with tears streaming down her face. Kala could feel the tension seep out of her body with every shake of her shoulder and surrendered herself to it.

Hernando looked between them unsure of what to think for just a moment then narrowed his eyes at Capheus. He had been played.

Capheus’ laughter quieted down quickly. Hernando met his eyes. Capheus looked over at Kala then back to Hernando, and he understood what Capheus meant; she could use a laugh. Hernando smiled, then waited Kala out as he drank her coffee. ******** “Charge the paddles,” Wolfgang heard Whispers say. He groaned as he struggled to wake properly, but he wasn’t given much of a chance. The paddles descended on his chest and, as the current pulled him off the bed, he couldn’t keep himself from screaming in agony. His scream didn’t last long, however, because his lungs collapsed.

The beeping of the machines, the hurried orders, the firm hands handling him; they were all distant. At that very moment he couldn’t feel anything. He was without pain and it was such a comfort. He couldn’t feel any of it.

They say your life flashes before your eyes right before you die, but for Wolfgang, it was just three faces morphing into each other: his mother, Kala, and Felix.

Felix Berner. His brother.

Whispers stood to the side and wrote down the name, before he heard Wolfgang’s heart monitor scream.

Wolfgang’s heart had stopped beating. ********

Chapter 2 Chapter Notes

Thank you so much PreRaphaelites and thank-god-for-gravity for beta-reading this <3 Any mistakes you guys find are my own.

There's a time jump in this chapter that will be explored in chapter five.

I hope you enjoy this.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Oh, hold on Hold on until you hear them come Here they come

The cluster had adjusted the plan ensuring that Kala wouldn’t be in the same van as Wolfgang on the journey back to the safe house. They had managed to get him into a body bag before Kala reached him at the BPO facility. The little opening they had left for him to breathe was not enough for her to see him. They heavily relied on how fast they had to move to prevent her from doing more than see the tuft of blond hair that stubbornly stuck out. Their main objective was to keep her from panicking, but that wasn’t all, they also didn’t want the first time she saw Wolfgang to be tainted with blood, literally. He was covered in it.

A few days before the rescue mission, Riley had reached out to Mr. Hoy who helped her get in touch with a doctor: a fellow Sensate who waited for them in their new safe house until they returned with Wolfgang on a gurney. They had rushed Wolfgang to the room they had prepared for him as soon as they had walked through the door.

The doctor had given Riley a list of equipment and supplies beforehand, and between Nomi’s and her connections, they had managed to turn one of the ground floor bedrooms into an examination room. It didn’t exactly have state of the art equipment, but it had what they needed to monitor Wolfgang’s condition adequately enough.

Keeping Kala away from Wolfgang when they got back, however, was not an easy task. It was as if she had allowed them their precautions at the BPO facility and that was it. She looked ready to break as the doctor and Will wheeled the gurney into the room. When she tried to get inside, the doctor stopped her.

“Only one person is allowed in this room with me at this point, and this person is most definitely not going to be you,” he said as he stood in front of the closed door, keeping her from walking in.

He looked intimidating despite his short stature and his green eyes were unwavering.

Kala fought to stay as calm as she possibly could before answering. “If you think,” she said through gritted teeth, trying to stare him down while pointing an accusatory finger at his chest, “That I will just stand here and wait, you are sorely mistaken.”

He might have been swayed to step aside, to let her in, but her eyes were wide with near hysteria and her voice was shaking. He was positive she would collapse at the mere sight of Wolfgang.

She was in no shape to help. “You have no other choice but do as I say. If you take one step inside this room, I’ll walk out of this house and good luck finding another doctor who won’t turn you in to BPO,” he said as he folded his arms over his chest and returned her stare. He took a second to thank his lucky stars that the cluster was on blockers. Had she not been, she could have easily connected with him and no door or lock would have held her back. She might have looked fragile, but he was sure she was a force of nature not to contend with under normal circumstances.

“You can’t do this!” she was incredulous. She couldn’t comprehend how this was even up for discussion. “I have waited,” she started but paused to swallow the tears that were threatening to fall, then tried again, “I have waited ten days to get him back. You have no idea what those ten days were like. So don’t do this, and let me in, please,” she finished with her eyes pleading and still wet with unshed tears.

For a second, the doctor considered sedating her. She jumped from one emotion to the next too fast. First anger, then disbelief, then grief. All in under a minute. She was too emotionally unstable, and stress had obviously been eating at her for too long. As much as he wanted to help her, his priority was Wolfgang, so he pushed the thought aside, trusting her cluster would take care of her.

“My answer is still no. Your presence would only get in the way. I’m sorry, but we’re wasting time,” the doctor said then turned to open the door and walk inside.

Nomi saw Kala’s nostrils flare as she took a deep breath. She seemed to be bracing herself for a fight, a physical one, and Nomi knew someone had to step in. She only wished it didn’t have to be her. Kala was a ticking bomb and Nomi wasn’t exactly keen on being in front of her when she finally exploded, if for no other reason than she wouldn’t know how to handle it or how to help.

She believed she would be terrible at comforting her. Despite her apprehension, Nomi walked over to Kala and wrapped an arm around her shoulders firmly, hindering her progress.

“Hey, easy. We need him,” she warned, slowly walking a stubborn Kala away from the doctor, “Come with me. Let the doctor do his job. You should go to your room and clean up, and maybe put some ice on your hand. By the time you’re done, you’ll be able to see Wolfgang and spend as much time with him as you’d like,” she continued quietly as if trying not to spook Kala, or maybe she was worried she might get a punch in the face if she spoke too loud. It was a possibility. Kala was anti-violence, so was Nomi, but she put herself in Kala’s shoes and admitted that if it were Amanita in Wolfgang’s place, she thought with a shudder, she might have turned to violence as well.

Nomi finally managed to get Kala to her room, but Kala refused her offer to keep her company.

When Sun brought her a pack of ice and a first-aid kit a few minutes later, Kala was still standing where Nomi had left her in the middle of the room. As soon as Sun closed the door, Kala locked it then dragged her feet to the bed, sat heavily on the mattress, stared at the blank wall, and let her mind wander to what had transpired earlier that day.

She recalled how she had punched someone. She never thought she had it in her, but apparently when the man she loves is in grave danger, immense pain, and someone stands between her and that man, suffice to say that to Kala, anything and everything is permitted at that point. So, she punched someone, then took an IV pole to another someone’s head. Again, a faceless, nameless person stood between her and Wolfgang. “What was I supposed to do? Ask nicely that he move out of the way?” she asked her empty room. “So, I took an IV pole to his head and left him on the floor bleeding,” she continued with a shrug. Had Wolfgang been conscious at the time, he would have been proud, she thought to herself. “Proud and worried”, she added as she looked down at

her hand, now wrapped in ice.

She sighed as she puzzled over the absence of pain. Her knuckles were sliced open and her wrist was sprained, yet she couldn’t feel either injuries. “Adrenaline,” she sighed again, “It’ll soon wear-off and I’ll feel it all.”

She looked around her and part of her brain registered that this safe house was much better, and bigger, than the previous one. The night before, they were in a different place. It was a dilapidated hell hole, but here she could see the relatively clean walls, could feel the comfortable mattress, and stared at the closed door of the adjoining bathroom, but her examination of the room was a detached one. She still felt numb, both physically and emotionally, and if she were completely honest with herself, she’d admit she wanted to stay that way. She needed the detachment if she wanted to survive this because what happened while they tried to save Wolfgang was one thing, what was yet to come was a whole different matter. She was under no illusion that her reunion with Wolfgang would go smoothly. She didn’t know exactly how it would play out, but she knew it would probably bring her to tears and said tears would not be happy ones.

Her mind wandered to the residents of the other rooms. Lito, Hernando, and Dani were in the room across from hers. Next to that was Nomi and Amanita’s. Will and Riley had a room down stairs, and she refused to think about why that was. Sun’s was to her right, and Capheus’ to her left. She hung her head in embarrassment and wondered if she were placed between the two currently single cluster members on purpose. Did Riley want to spare her the pain and awkwardness of hearing something coming from the other couples in the cluster? She frowned at the thought and looked up at the wall, “If that were the case then I appreciate the thought, but I am not single,” she said in defiance.

Kala was unaccustomed to anger. She had experienced it before of course, no human never did, but Kala was the kind of person to never allow it to control her or take her over. However, she had no control over it this time and it escalated so fast that she couldn’t sit still. She pushed off the bed, yanked off the ice wrapped around her hand, and threw it at the wall. She yelped in pain before staring down at her hand. She could feel it now. Not as bad as it should be, but she was starting to feel the sting from the cuts and the throbbing from the sprained wrist. She started shaking her head while stepping back as if she were trying to move away from her hand, as if her hand had personally offended her. She only stopped when her back hit the wall. “No. Please, not yet,” she whined as she continued to shake her head. She wasn’t ready. She wasn’t ready to feel anything, to allow anything to sink in. ******** Riley and Will helped the doctor get Wolfgang out of the body bag and move him from the gurney to the hospital bed. As soon as that was done, the doctor started to examine Wolfgang, taking his vitals, flashing a light into his eyes to check his responses, and pursed his lips when he found them too slow. He then pulled down the hospital gown to reveal burns from the electric paddles Whispers had used on Wolfgang. He could hear Will and Riley’s sharp intakes of breath, but paid them no attention as he examined Wolfgang’s wrists. There were cuts and bruises where the restraints had been. He looked over to Wolfgang’s ankles and found cuts matching the ones on his wrists. He sighed, then turned to Will and Riley, “First things first, we have to clean him up, but it needs to be done fast. There’s alot of work to do,” he said urgently.

“I’ll be right back,” Will said, squeezing Riley’s shoulder before rushing out of the room. He returned a few minutes later carrying two buckets of water which he left at the foot of the bed. He walked out again, then came back with a third bucket of water in one hand, an empty bowl in the other, in addition to shampoo and sponges under his arms. He set those down too, then finally locked the door.

Before they could start, there was a knock on the door. Riley opened it to find Capheus and Lito standing outside.

“Will said that you needed help,” Lito said, his voice distressed as his eyes landed on Wolfgang’s unconscious figure.

Riley let them in and said as she closed the door, “We’re going to him a sponge bath. You can help us with that.” Lito and Capheus nodded as Riley handed each of them a sponge. They all, however, stood awkwardly around the bed unsure of where to start.

The doctor cleared his throat, “Start with his arms. I need to start IV lines as soon as possible,” he instructed, and directed them to which arm he needed first. “You two can work on his legs,” the doctor instructed Lito and Capheus.

“Yes, of course,” Capheus said hurriedly, pulling a stunned Lito by the arm to one side of the bed as he took the other. Lito just stood there, staring into Capheus’ eyes. Capheus nodded in encouragement. He dipped a sponge in soapy water and motioned for Lito to do the same. He started wiping down one of Wolfgang’s legs and watched as Lito copied him.

Riley started on one arm while Will handled the other. She took a bracing breath as she cleaned the cuts on his wrists.

“He put up one hell of a fight,” the doctor whispered in an attempt to comfort her.

Riley gave him a small smile, “Yeah, sounds like Wolfgang.” The doctor smiled back before he fetched antiseptic and gauze.

When Riley and Will were done with Wolfgang’s arms, the doctor disinfected the wounds and wrapped them in gauze. He soon after proceeded with the IV lines.

“Look at him!” Riley said to no one in particular. She soaked a sponge in soapy water and started to wash off the caked blood on Wolfgang’s chin. “The doctor is right. We can’t just leave him covered in his own blood like this. Kala should never see him, physically, for the first time, looking like this,” Riley’s breath got caught in her chest as she wiped down Wolfgang’s face.

“Isn’t this why we kept her from him in the first place? Isn’t it bad enough that he’s so badly hurt?” she questioned, not really waiting for answers. It was as if she were thinking out loud.

Will exchanged a look of concern with the doctor. It didn’t go unnoticed.

“Stop it, both of you. I’m fine,” she berated them assertively.

Riley was cleaning the sponge in the designated bucket and watched as the water turned murky.

She sighed and reached out to work on Wolfgang’s chest. She hesitated, took yet another bracing breath, but she still couldn’t touch him. She nearly cried at the sight of the burns the paddles had left behind and her hand started to shake. Will covered her hand in his and looked into her eyes.

She nodded in agreement to the silent question he asked and let go of the sponge. The water in the bucket was turning a sickly shade of red. It left Will fighting the urge to break something. He, however, kept working until Wolfgang’s chest was clean. The doctor immediately started attaching electrodes and adjusting the monitors.

Riley directed Will to raise Wolfgang’s head. She placed the empty bowl underneath and finally allowed herself to cry as she washed his hair. Not only was it covered in sweat and splatters of blood, she also found strands of his hair falling into her hands. “What have they done to you?” she whispered through her tears.

Lito, having finished wiping down Wolfgang’s legs, rushed to her side. When he saw Wolfgang’s

hair floating in the bowl, he cursed in Spanish then said heatedly, “They have to pay for this, Will.

Every person responsible for this has to pay.”

“I know, and they will. We need to focus on him getting better first.” Will tried to be reassuring but he was just as troubled as they were. Just then Will understood why Riley was so adamant on keeping Kala from ever seeing Wolfgang like this. If it were Riley on a bed like this one, covered with blood, cuts, burns, and struggling to breathe, he would have lost his mind.

Everyone helped turn Wolfgang on his side while Capheus washed his back. They worked together again to change the soaked sheet without moving Wolfgang too much or too roughly.

They were soon done and were about to get Wolfgang into a new hospital gown when the doctor told them to wait. He applied an ointment to the burns from the paddles, covered them in a thin layer of gauze to avoid friction then helped them get him into the gown.

“What now, doctor?” Capheus asked.

Applying antiseptic on Wolfgang’s cut ankles, and without looking up, the doctor answered, “Now we wake him up.” ******** Kala was sitting in the bathtub, hugging her knees to her chest. Despite the hot water she was cold to the bone. Her whole body was shivering. The pain from her hand was, mercifully, as distant as she was. Where she was physically wasn’t where she was mentally. All she could think about was how desperately she wanted to see Wolfgang. Even though they were all still on blockers, she still felt a pull in her chest. She felt as if there were a string that was stretched too far connecting her to Wolfgang, and if she didn’t go to him, it would snap. She knew it had nothing to do with being a Sensate. That part of her was asleep. All she was at that moment was a woman, hopelessly in love with a man. A man who had been tortured, yet she wasn’t allowed to see him.

She was desperate to see him and touch him, make sure he was really there, but she was also afraid to. Did she want the first time they ever see each other physically to be in this context? A broken man, and his haunted lover? She believed they deserved better than this. They deserved Paris. They deserved happiness.

She took a deep breath then exhaled slowly. Thinking about what would have been was pointless.

What she needed to focus on was that she had to be strong for Wolfgang. If his injuries were as bad as she thought they were, he would need all the strength she had to offer.

The thought seemed to strengthen her resolve. As if on a mission, Kala got to her feet and cleaned up vigorously. She styled her hair, wore perfume, and applied a little concealer to hide the exhaustion that circled her eyes. She wore a nice dress and shoes, then checked herself in the mirror. For a moment she approved of what she saw reflected back at her, however, she soon felt stupid. Wolfgang wouldn’t need her to look pretty, he wouldn’t give a damn about what she wore.

He would need her to be strong and reliable and understanding. Above all, he would need her to be patient because if she knew him well at all, and she did, he wasn’t going to accept her help easily. He might not even want to see her at first. He wouldn’t want her to see how hurt he was.

He would pretend to be unaffected by his ordeal just to put her mind at ease, just to appear as the strong man she knew and loved. She would somehow be pressuring him with her presence without really intending to.

Kala groaned and shook her head, hiding her face in her hands. She couldn’t think anymore. She was conflicted between what she wanted and needed, what she thought was the right thing to do, and what Wolfgang might actually need from her. Should she go see him or should she give him

space?

She was thinking in circles. Going nowhere. Capheus was right before. Maybe all she needed to do was rest and prepare for whatever came next. She finally decided that sleep might clear her head and help her decide. She walked over to her suitcase and found her sleeping pills. She took one, knowing she would never be able to sleep without its help. She stripped down to her underwear, closed the curtains, and by the time she pulled the covers over herself and rested her head on the pillow, her brain was already slowing down. In under ten minutes she was sleeping deeply. ******** “He should wake any moment now,” the doctor said as he disposed properly of the syringe he used.

They all stood around Wolfgang watching his face, except for the doctor who kept his eyes on the heart monitor. What gave away the fact that he was waking was his heart rate which started to escalate rapidly. Everyone’s eyes went to the heart monitor then back down to Wolfgang as his breathing became laboured. Riley moved to his head and whispered close to his ears, “Wolfgang, wake up!”

His eyes snapped open. He didn’t blink. He slowly turned his head to the side. Riley’s smiling face was the first thing he saw. “Welcome back, Wolfie,” was all she said before his face crumpled. “ Oh nein, nicht schon wieder! ” he groaned and shook his head, “Wach auf!” he yelled at himself while repeatedly slamming his head onto the pillow.

“Wolfgang! What? Stop! We don’t understand,” Riley said desperately as she tried to hold his head down. That wasn’t the best thing to do because he started to thrash around to free himself of her grasp, and realising he wasn’t restrained anymore he nearly jumped off the bed. It took all of them to hold him down as Riley tried to draw his attention to her. “Wolfgang, please! It’s just us.

You’re out. You’re with us now,” she held his head in her hands one more time and left mere inches between their faces in a last attempt to force him to focus on her face. “Stop it! It’s me!” she yelled at him, and it worked.

Wolfgang gradually stopped fighting them off, his eyes softened, focused on her face, met her eyes, and when he tried to reach out and touch her, Lito let go of his arm to let him. As soon as his fingertips touched her cheek, Riley smiled so widely that her cheeks hurt despite the tears running down her face. Wolfgang didn’t pay attention to them though. It seemed as if he was thinking about something, puzzling over her face. “Riley?” he murmured.

“Yes, Wolfgang. It’s Riley, and you’re safe now. Look!” she said and gestured towards the rest with her head.

The sight of the other three Sensates should have reassured him, proved to him that he was out.

Their tentative smiles and Capheus’ small wave of his hand and warm “Hello” should have settled his nerves, marginally at least, but they didn’t. He just averted his eyes, stared up at the ceiling while shaking his head, and the few moments of calm were broken. “ Wach auf !” he said under his breath as tears quickly formed in his eyes then fell from the corners and onto the pillow. He kept repeating it over and over until he was screaming it. His face had turned a deep red, the veins in his neck painfully visible. He tried to get up again, and yet again they held him down.

“This isn’t working. He needs a sedative,” the doctor said with a grunt from where he was, holding down one of Wolfgang’s legs. “You got this?” he asked Will who was nearest to him, making sure he could hold down both of Wolfgang’s legs. When Will nodded with a groan after Wolfgang’s knee made contact with his chin, the doctor prepared the syringe, quickly calculating the dosage in his head.

The doctor worked fast, but he struggled with the injection because, as unfocused as Wolfgang was, he still saw the syringe. His eyes widened in panic, “ Nein !” he said as his thrashing got worse. “ Lass mich los ,” he screamed and fought against them with so much despair that he managed to throw off Riley who was literally sprawled over his chest in an attempt to help hold him down. She slipped and landed on her knees, hitting her nose on the bedrail in her descent.

“Fuck!” Will said and watched Riley crawl into the corner sobbing. Not caring about her bleeding nose, she simply hugged her knees to her chest and watched as the fight died out of Wolfgang, his body gradually relaxing, and his eyes closing.

When he was sure Wolfgang was no longer awake, Will ran to Riley, wiping her nose and hugging her close. She buried her head in his chest with handfuls of his t-shirt in her fists, still sobbing. Will looked up and saw Lito running his hands repeatedly over his face and Capheus backing up until his back hit the door. The only one of them still collected was the doctor who methodically checked that none of the IV lines was clogged and reattached the electrodes that came off.

“No, not again. Wake up. No. Let me go.” the doctor exclaimed mechanically as he continued his work without looking up.

“What are you talking about?” Lito asked with confused frustration while he paced at the foot of the bed.

“That’s what he was saying,” the doctor answered, “I have a German in my cluster,” he explained with a shrug. With a sigh, he reattached the last electrode to Wolfgang’s chest. “The fact that he thought he was dreaming means that he struggled with lucidity while The Cannibal did this to him,” he said as he gestured towards Wolfgang. “It might be hard to convince him otherwise. This will make our job even more difficult. I was concerned about his physical health, I overlooked his mental one,” he took off his surgical gloves and threw them in the bin. “He will probably need psychiatric consultation. There’s a possibility he will suffer sleeplessness, nightmares, panic attacks, depression, and agitation.”

The silence that fell on the room was only interrupted by Riley’s sobs. The doctor sighed, took off his coat and replaced it with his jacket, “I have to return to the hospital. I’ll be back later tonight.

The sedative will keep him down long enough, then we’ll see what we can do.”

When no one said anything and just quietly stared at Wolfgang, the doctor left, closing the door quietly behind him. ********

Chapter End Notes

Thank you so much fyeahmaxriemelt for your help with the German. I'd be lost without you <3

Chapter 3 Chapter Notes

Thank you so much to everyone who left kudos and comments. I appreciate it more than I can tell you <3 I hope you enjoy what comes next.

Thank you to the wonderful ladies PreRaphaelites and thank-god-for-gravity for the beta read.

Take an angel by the wings Beg her now for anything Beg her now for one more day

They were all gathered in Kala’s room a few hours after the doctor left. As soon as she opened the door, and before she even stepped out, she found all the other doors opening simultaneously, and everyone in her cluster stepping out one by one. She didn’t need to be a genius to know there was bad news about Wolfgang.

Once they were all in her room, Riley took it upon herself to explain Wolfgang’s condition. She told Kala, in full detail, what had happened since she walked into Wolfgang’s room until the doctor left the house. She left out nothing knowing that Kala would appreciate it although it was painful to hear, and Kala did.

Kala’s eyes were wide, shining with unshed tears. She wasn’t entirely surprised at Wolfgang’s physical condition. She knew what those paddles could do to a person when used repeatedly, as well as needlessly, as they were. As Riley spoke, Kala’s brain supplied the medical term for each injury in addition to what medication should be used to treat it. She told herself to remember to ask for his chart, if the doctor had actually written one. What she never foresaw was the mental deterioration. She should have known though. Wolfgang was tortured for information about people he would rather die than betray. The weight of the responsibility, the excruciating pain, the anger, the helplessness, the despair, and of course the guilt of letting her name slip must have been too heavy to bear. It wasn’t just physical torture that Whispers exercised on Wolfgang, it was a psychological one as well. Now that she knew the extent of the damage Whispers had caused, she had no idea how to proceed.

“Are you alright?” Kala asked quietly, referring to Riley’s bruised nose.

Riley gave her a small smile, “I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.”

“That’s good,” Kala said, nodding and taking a deep breath. She exhaled slowly through her nose.

“What did the doctor say?” she asked Will.

“He doesn’t know for sure. He said that Wolfgang might need psychiatric consultation. He’s coming back later tonight to check on him and tell us if he’s come up with something to help,” was Will’s straightforward answer. He knew Kala wouldn’t want to be coddled, or treated as if

she were fragile. He was sure she would have no patience for sympathy or evasion.

Kala nodded slowly as she took in the information, “He’s sedated now?” her voice shook as she spoke, but no one acknowledged it.

“Yes, he is,” Will answered.

“I would like to see him now,” Kala stated. This time no one argued.

She went down the stairs slowly, but her mind was racing. She needed to see Wolfgang as soon as possible, yet she couldn’t help but think how unfair the setting was; she was an emotional mess, while he was broken physically and mentally. And if that weren’t bad enough, he was currently unconscious. She needed him awake, coherent, healthy, and happy.

This was not how it was supposed to be. They should have met in Paris. Whoever arrived first would have picked up the other from the airport. The first time they met should’ve been with smiles not tears unless they were happy ones. She was supposed to be breathless in anticipation for their first touch, first kiss, first night together. She was not supposed to be breathless in fear of what she might find once she enters his room.

She had already visited Wolfgang after Whispers took him. She saw him. Then why did they not allow her to see him as soon as they were back? Was he in a much worse condition than what Will and she had seen in their earlier visits? Or were they just being overly protective of her?

She was thinking in circles, just like Wolfgang had told her shortly before he was taken. It seemed as if that was all she did ever since.

Kala sighed heavily as she reached the door to Wolfgang’s room and decided that there was really no point in asking questions or lamenting what should have been. She needed to focus on what was to come instead.

She turned the door handle quietly as if she didn’t want to disturb his sleep. She noticed what she was doing and just rolled her eyes at herself. He wouldn’t wake up even if she shook him.

She walked into the room and left the door open. She knew her cluster would need to check up on her. They couldn’t help but be protective of each other especially when they were on blockers.

Besides, the open door meant no one would insist on going in with her. So it was a win-win situation in her opinion.

Kala’s fear of what she would find once she walked into Wolfgang’s room won the battle. She kept her eyes on the floor until she had to look up to see where she was going lest she bump into anything. Her eyes slowly looked up until they finally fell on him.

Her breath caught in her chest. Not because of how sick Wolfgang looked, but because of how beautiful he still was despite everything he’d been through. All her doubts and fears seemed to dissipate upon seeing him. There he was, the man she loved and believed in. The man she would move heaven and earth for. It was as if the mere sight of him gave her the strength to face anything the world threw at her. As long as he were there, fighting by her side, she knew they could conquer anything.

With sure steps, she walked the short distance to the bed. She pulled the chair in the corner closer to the bed and sat down. She confidently took his hand in hers and squeezed it lightly. It would have been electric to touch him without them being on blockers and she regretted not feeling it right this second, she mourned the fact that he wasn’t awake to share this first moment with her.

That would come later. Eventually. She thought. What mattered now was that he was here, by her

side.

She stroked the back of his hand with her thumb while her other hand caressed the gauze covering his wrist. She smiled proudly as she imagined Wolfgang telling Whispers to fuck off while he fought to free himself.

She picked up his hand and touched the back of it to her cheek. “I’ve missed you,” she murmured before dropping a kiss to his hand, then the one kiss didn’t seem enough. She kissed his hand a few more times, unaware that she was crying. “I’ve missed you so much,” she said through her tears, which she started to notice were falling on his hand. She took a deep breath and let go. She dried her face and stood up. After making sure she wouldn’t damage the IV lines, she somehow managed to squeeze herself beside him. she carefully slipped one of her arms under his neck and wrapped the other around his waist. Her eye caught movement by the door making her look up.

She saw Nomi standing there smiling fondly with tears in her eyes. Kala smiled back and watched as Nomi walked back out, closing the door behind her.

Kala could hear murmurs behind the closed door. She couldn’t make out any of the words spoken except for one sentence. It was Sun saying firmly, “Let it go, Will!” and Kala wanted to hug her.

She turned her attention back to Wolfgang and slowly turned his head to be facing her instead of the ceiling. She smiled as she ran her fingers lightly over his face; from his forehead to his temples, his ears, his cheek, jawline, nose, and, finally, lips. She wanted desperately to kiss him, but that would be cheating. He must be awake the first time they kiss. Her heart was about to burst. She couldn’t help but hold the back of his head firmly and lower her forehead to his. “I love you,” she whispered.

Kala closed her eyes and timed her breathing with his. ******** “Are you just going to stand there?” Amanita asked Will who was standing guard by Wolfgang's door.

Will crossed his arms over his chest without answering. He looked like a stubborn child who knew was doing something wrong, but wouldn’t own up to it.

Amanita smiled and shook her head. She turned to the cluster who were all in various degrees of amusement over Will’s pose, “He’s all yours,” she said to no one in particular while doing a wide gesture with her arms.

When Will simply rolled his eyes, a dam broke and everyone started laughing one after the other like a chain reaction, even Will joined in, finally relaxing his stance. There was nothing particularly funny about him standing guard by the door, or his eye roll, or Amanita’s lighthearted attitude. There wasn’t really anything to cause the hysterical laughter that ensued after Amanita’s statement, but it was as if Kala and Wolfgang being separated had weighed heavily on everyone in the cluster not just Kala. Despite knowing they still had a long way to go, this little win seemed to make them breathe easier. They were laughing as though they’d missed it, and when they suddenly had it, they refused to let go.

When the laughter died down, Amanita took Nomi by the hand and said, “Come on, babe. We have someone to find.”

Still wiping tears from her eyes, Nomi nodded then waved a little ‘good-bye’ to Will with a smile on her face.

Will sighed and shook his head as they all followed Nomi and Amanita to what was supposed to be a living room, but was actually used as Nomi’s workspace. They did spread a few mattresses around as a seating arrangement, however. Not ideal, but it sure served its purpose.

“Ok. First things first, guys. This is important,” Nomi started, looking around seriously, successfully grabbing everyone’s attention.

They waited anxiously for her to finish her statement because getting Wolfgang back was only the beginning of a long journey. There were too many loose ends that needed tying up. One of these loose ends was what Nomi had been trying to figure out before Kala woke up, and they waited in anticipation to know what Nomi had uncovered.

“I need carbs and coffee,” she continued somberly. Her statement was met by a second of complete silence followed by a cacophony of seriously?, What the fuck? And Are you serious?

With a varied assortment of groans and eye rolls. They didn’t really mind though. They were all still riding the high of Wolfgang and Kala’s reunion. As incomplete and unfair as it was, it was still a victory that they felt needed to be celebrated. ******** It was after midnight when the doctor returned. He looked haggard to say the least. He went directly to Wolfgang’s room to find Kala sleeping beside him.

Amanita walked quietly over to gently wake her up. Kala woke with a start. She looked around blearily as Amanita soothed her, rubbing her arm lightly, “It’s alright. Everything’s fine,” she said with a soft smile.

Kala nodded, returning Amanita’s smile with a sleepy one. She slowly began to get off the bed.

Still a little unbalanced, Amanita helped her down as Kala said a quiet “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Amanita said then excused herself to go take Nomi’s place.

Kala’s arms were asleep and the pinpricks made her whine as she tried to get the circulation back to normal. At that moment Capheus walked in with two mugs of coffee. “You look like you need it,” he said to the doctor and Kala as he handed each of them a mug while they mumbled their thanks.

The doctor took a sip of his coffee.”So I spoke with someone I can trust about Wolfgang and she told me how I might be able to help,” he said, then a lopsided smile took form on his lips as everyone in the cluster shuffled closer to the bed, with intense focus on him. He was sure they weren’t aware of how in sync they were. He had encountered his fair share of clusters in his life, as connected as he was, but he could tell something about this one was different, special. He couldn’t point out exactly what it was, but he believed it was undeniably there. They were definitely the largest cluster he had ever come across. Eight people, he shook his head and thought maybe that’s why they were so unique.

They had waged a war against BPO and one of their fighters was down. It seemed to have made them stronger rather than weaken them. It made them more feral, more vicious. They wanted revenge and something told him they wouldn’t stop until they had it, and they would make sure it was Wolfgang who pulled their collective trigger to give him closure. He was positive Kala would stand with pride like a goddess of vengeance as she watched her wolf tear out their enemy’s metaphorical throat.

He wasn’t fooled by how fragile she looked. Yes, there was a moment when he was sure she wasn’t ready to see Wolfgang when they first brought him in, but looking at her now, as bleary

eyed as she was, he was certain she would kill to save one of her cluster.

“So,” Sun prompted, pulling him back to the moment, “What did your friend say?” she asked impatiently.

The doctor cleared his throat, “Well, we will keep him sedated, but barely so. Do any of you know the feeling of just coming out of anesthesia?” he asked and without waiting for an answer he continued, “You’re not fully awake, but you’re aware of your surroundings. You can hear what’s happening, people talking, sometimes you can see around you, but you can’t speak or react.”

He stopped to take another sip of his coffee reminding Kala of her neglected one, “There should always be at least two of you around. You should talk to each other, but, and this is very important, do not talk to him. At least not at first. We need to get him used to having you around.

That’s the first step. Once we’ve established that we lower his dosage again. He’ll be more alert, may even say something, but won’t be able to move. At this point you can talk to him as long as he’s the one who acknowledges your presence. We keep lowering the dosage until he’s fully awake but not hysterical. Once that happens whatever comes next should be easier.”

“And what shall we expect ‘next’?” Lito asked with air quotes, dreading the answer.

“I have no idea. We have to wait and see.” was the doctor’s blunt answer. “Kala I won’t be able to stay and monitor the doses. If I recall what Will told me correctly, you’re the pharmacologist, right?” at Kala’s nod he continued, “Good! That will be your job, but, you shouldn’t be one of the people to stay with him the first day, at least.”

“Why not?” Kala asked, her brows knitted.

“Because you’re the only one who would evoke an extreme emotional reaction in him. We want him to manage to stay calm not agitated,” the doctor explained as he rubbed his eyes tiredly.

“When do we start?” Will questioned, taking Kala’s mug from her hand for a sip then returning it.

“We start now.” ******** Lito and Sun took the first shift. They didn’t talk much. Both of them tired, both of them worried, and both of them jumped when Wolfgang groaned. They slowly looked over not sure if looking at him at this point was the right thing to do, but they did anyway. They let out the breaths they were holding when they found his eyes still closed, then exchanged a look and laughed quietly at themselves.

“Why are we so afraid?” Sun asked somberly when their laughter died down.

Lito sighed, “Because we don’t want to be the reason this goes wrong. We’re not sure how to help him. We are desperate for him to wake up and go back to being himself, not just because we need him, but also because,” he paused looking for the right words, “Because he is part of each one of us and we want that part back. Even with the blockers, and as long as he is unconscious, we will always feel like he’s still gone.”

Sun gave him a small smile, “I would normally call you out on the drama queen act, but this time, you’re not wrong.” She looked at Wolfgang and for a moment she wished his eyes would open, wished he would acknowledge her. He was the one to instantly support her every decision when it came to Joong-Ki. He was the one to understand her the most. He was familiar with the dark and twisted desire for revenge and was not afraid to follow it, feed it. Plans change, he said and

followed her when the others wanted to hold her back, yes, they meant well, but what they felt through her was foreign to them. It wasn’t foreign to Wolfgang.

“Wake up, Wolfgang. I’m getting bored,” she said teasingly with a smirk lifting the right corner of her mouth while Lito chuckled. They sobered up, however, when he groaned and turned his head in their direction.

“I think we shouldn’t do that again,” Lito whispered.

Sun bobbed her head up and down rapidly, “I agree.” ******** When morning came, Kala injected the sedative into the IV bag, reducing the dosage, lightly kissed Wolfgang’s forehead, and told Nomi and Capheus to take care of him. The smiles they both gave her were too kind they hurt. She gave them a little forced smile then left, closing the door quietly behind her.

Capheus and Nomi soon fell into an easy conversation. Well, it was more Capheus asking questions about Nomi’s hacktivism and Nomi answering them the best way she could.

When the conversation turned to her family, Nomi’s lively demeanor didn’t falter. “My father is on my side now,” she said, surprised at the happy tears that suddenly stung her eyes. “I never thought this day would come,” she added on a whisper. Capheus simply smiled and took her right hand in his left. She returned his smile and squeezed his hand tightly.

Nomi turned her gaze to Wolfgang and sighed, ”I will never forget how Wolfgang just threatened my brother-in-law at the wedding reception,” she shook her head in disbelief. “It’s good to know he’s willing to have my sister’s back, not just mine,” she concluded with a soft smile.

“He can be very intimidating,” Capheus said with a nod of his head, “Doesn’t work on us though,” he added with a bright smile.

“As soon as he realises intimidation doesn’t work on yourself, things will be much easier,” Nomi retorted. She turned to check on Wolfgang and did a double take. He was staring right at her. For a second she was about to jump up and rush to his side.

As if sensing her reaction, and without taking his eyes off Wolfgang’s face, Capheus held her arm firmly, keeping her in place, silently reminding her of the doctor’s orders.

When Wolfgang’s eyes shifted to him, Capheus unconsciously held his breath.

“Caph!” Nomi said shifting his attention to her, prompting him to breathe again. “Tell me about Zakia,” she said and he started talking. Both looking away from the bed. ******** Kala lowered the dosage again, refrained from speaking or kissing Wolfgang’s forehead this time, and left. There was no need to take chances when he’s half awake. Will was on the opposite side of the bed, prepared to keep Wolfgang from turning his head in Kala’s direction should he wake.

Will sat on the mattress he brought in from the living room with a tablet in his hand waiting for Riley to come back with the beer she offered to bring him.

Riley entered the room, pushed the door with her foot until it closed with a quiet click. She handed him his beer then asked, resting her head on his shoulder, “What are you watching?”

He set the bottle down after taking a sip and wrapped an arm around her, “Just an old baseball game,” he explained with a kiss to the top of her head.

She thought for a long moment, then excitedly exclaimed, "Chicago Cubs!” Her smile lit up the room. Her eyes shone with joy for remembering a team's name. The brightness soon faded, though, as Will frowned, took his arm off her shoulders, and slowly sat straighter. "No,” he said, his jaw tense, “No. We need to talk, Riley!"

Riley nearly stuttered in her confusion, “Ok. What do we need to-” “You don’t want to be a Cubs fan.” The way he said Cubs sounded as if his tongue would turn black and fall off for saying the word.

Riley frowned, not understanding what has gotten into him, “Will, you know-” “No. No. Hear me out!” he pushed off the mattress, his face serious. His lips were pursed, his brows were all the way up to his hair, and his nostrils flared. “You want to be a White Sox fan,” he cocked his head slightly to the side, pointing a finger at Riley, then continued, “The best team to ever exist. Yes?” Riley narrowed her eyes at him, “I really don’t-” “That was a rhetorical question, Riles. This is serious. Don’t even joke,” he interrupted, yet again, then raised both hands in the air for emphasis.

Will then started pacing and enumerating the basics Riley just had to know, “Ok, there are a few things you need to know; like who the players are, their positions, and, naturally, the team’s stats.”

Will was on a roll that he ignored Riley the first two times she called his name. “Jose Abreu is my favourite player. He plays first base. He’s phenomenal, Riles, you should see him,” he said enthusiastically.

Giving up, Riley threw a pillow at him and said urgently, “Will!”

He picked up the pillow from the floor and asked exasperatedly, “What?”

“Look!” Riley gestured with her head to the side.

Will turned towards the bed to find Wolfgang chuckling, or trying to chuckle. He was smiling, albeit awkwardly as his lower lip tilted slightly downwards. His shoulders were shaking slightly, but no sound came out.

Will turned to Riley, eyes wide, then asked, pointing towards Wolfgang, “That’s acknowledgment, right?”

Riley shrugged with a smile, “I believe so.”

Will smiled in relief. “You’re awake,” he said to Wolfgang as he walked over to him.

Riley stood beside Will, hugging Will’s arm to her chest. She smiled down at Wolfgang who looked up at her, “Hey, it’s good to have you back,” she said quietly, afraid of what might happen if she raised her voice. Wolfgang’s answering smile encouraged her to keep talking. “See what I had to deal with while you were playing Sleeping Beauty?” she joked, mentally crossing her fingers that it was not the wrong thing to say or do.

Wolfgang nodded weakly with a smile still on his face.

“Riles,” Will whispered, sobering up marginally, not taking his eyes off Wolfgang, “Why isn’t he freaking out like before?”

Riley was silent, thinking. If it were just like general anaesthesia, Wolfgang wouldn’t wake laughing. He’d be groggy, nauseated, dizzy, but definitely not laughing. Then it dawned on her, “It must be the happy drug. At least that’s what I call it.” She whispered. Will’s clueless expression made her smile. “It’s the fun kind of anaesthetic. As it wears off you don’t feel nauseous or irritable, but rather, well, happy and in love with the world,” she finished with a shrug.

“Wolfie is high,” Will exclaimed, and smiled again, “You should get high more often my friend,” he said to Wolfgang.

“Cubs,” Wolfgang croaked, his throat parched, and apparently totally disregarding Will’s statement as though it had failed to register in his fuzzy brain.

“Not you too, man. Not you too,” Will shook his head, his eyes warm. He didn’t really give a damn. He just wanted Wolfgang to keep smiling, to keep talking.

Wolfgang tried to speak again, but his throat was so dry he started coughing instead.

Will and Riley looked around frantically, looking for water, but found none.

Riley was halfway to the door to fetch some when the door sprung open and Nomi literally stumbled in. “I’ve found him,” she said urgently, “I’ve finally found Felix.”

At the mention of Felix’ name, Wolfgang’s heart rate started to escalate. His eyes moved frantically between the three of them, his breathing coming faster, and his coughing getting worse.

“Oh shit!” Nomi exclaimed meeting Wolfgang’s eyes. She looked up to see Will and Riley staring at her in disbelief, then she ran out of the room calling out for Kala.

Kala walked briskly into the room, disapproval etched on her face. She avoided looking at the bed, she was afraid of meeting his eyes. She was afraid to look into them and maybe see indifference, or distrust, or even longing. She wasn’t ready to share a moment with him, not like this. Not with the erratic beeping of the heart monitor, or his loud, laboured breathing.

It was then that she noticed, while injecting a mild dose of the sedative into the IV bag, that the troubling cacophony had marginally quieted down. It couldn’t be the medication, it wouldn’t work so fast, she thought to herself. She pulled out the syringe and disposed of it slowly. This time her own breathing was almost as laboured as his. She dared to entertain the possibility that maybe he had only started to quiet down after she had walked into the room.

Despite her fear, she dared look down. Wolfgang was frowning, lips parted, his eyes fixed on her face. Kala’s heart was about to beat its way out of her chest. He was almost fully awake, right there in front of her, his eyes open and looking at her. There was a lump stuck in her throat as she stared into his eyes. She loved them, bloody or not, she loved them. It felt like forever since she had last seen them and her chest ached.

Tears were welling in her eyes, she was choking on them, but she felt a desperate need to speak with him. She needed his attention to stay on her, she had missed the intensity of it. “Would you please calm down, so we won’t need the sedatives?” she somehow managed to say in spite of her closed up throat.

Wolfgang’s frown deepened, but he still said nothing. His eyes searched her face, then blinked rapidly when a tear escaped Kala’s eyes. For a brief moment, Wolfgang’s hand lifted off the bed.

Kala took in a shaky breath in anticipation, silently praying that he touch her, but his hand fell to the bed with a thump without making contact with her face.

She failed to keep the tears at bay. She hiccuped, yet tried to smile as she looked down, her eyes still fixed on his. “I would very much like to kiss you and I would prefer it if you were coherent as I do,” she said, trying to make it sound like a joke, but the aching need behind it was not lost on anyone in the room, definitely not on Wolfgang, who finally looked down and away. ******* Later that night, the drug had completely worn off, leaving Wolfgang awake and coherent. Nomi and Sun were the ones with him and they watched as he became less and less expressive. They realised he was no longer under the influence when he simply looked away from them and stared at the ceiling, saying nothing.

“Wolfgang,” Nomi said cautiously as she approached the bed, closely followed by Sun. When he didn’t look at her, she reached out to touch his arm, but Sun grabbed her hand before it made contact with his skin. Nomi startled and looked at her questioningly, but all Sun did was shake her head. She then led Nomi away from the bed and out of the room. ********

Please drop by the archive and comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!