The Gettysburgian April 28, 2016

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Volume CXVIII, No. 8

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Thursday, April 28, 2016

Thursday April 28, 2016

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Bernie Sanders speaks for veterans at Gettysburg This Week’s Top Stories

Photo Credit: Gettysburg College Flickr

National

International There are 100 days left before the Olympic Games in Rio, Brazil are set to begin, but who will fill the president’s seat remains to be seen. The incumbent president, Dilma Rousseff, could have manipulated her government’s economic figures to improve her chances of winning the 2014 election. One of the opponents, Eduardo Cunha, unfortunately also has been reported to have been involved in corruption and money-laundering.

Currently, Brazil is facing a severe recession, the worst since 1930s by some standards.

Brazil’s economy has shrunk by almost 4% within the last year alone. Another major issue is water quality in the Olympic Games city Rio. Athletes have to take precautions to protect themselves from potential illnesses.

This week’s “Top Stories” were compiled by Brendan Raleigh with information form abcnews.go.com. and www. khaama.com

Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders hosted a town April 22 in Bream Wright Houser Athletic Complex. war. Edward self-identified as one

By Nora Tidey of thousands of veterans that supStaff Writer port Senator Sanders for president.

It was an overcast after- The former Marine also acknowlnoon for Earth Day on Friday, edged a number of veterans that April 22, when Senator Sanders traveled to hear the Senator speak held a dialogue with Democratic at Gettysburg College.

Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard Mr. Edward explained that of Hawaii in the Bream Wright he supports Bernie for showing Houser Athletic Complex at Get- the judgement and foresight to tysburg College. keep America safe. The veteran Although he was emerg- cited Senator Sanders’ plan to ing from a tough loss in the NY combat ISIS, his vote against the primary, Senator Sanders did not Iraq war, and his prediction of the appear deterred. The event was adverse consequences of the Iraq overflowing with both community war as signs of the Senator’s good members and students enthusiasti- judgement. He also claimed that cally cheering for Bernie.

Sanders is the candidate with the He spoke about the moral most veteran support. imperatives to stand up to the He advocated for the Fairfossil fuel industry, the moral duty ness for Veterans Act sponsored to reduce wealth inequality, and by Congresswoman especially the moral obligation Gabbard. The proposed act to provide veterans with mental would enable veterans without health care and benefits honorable discharges to receive Former US Marine Tyson an honorable by presenting proof Edward, a representative of Vet- of PTSD at the time of their erans for Bernie, opened the event discharge to a discharge review speaking about his experience as a board. former combat veteran of the Iraq This is important for al-

hall meeting with congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard on Friday, lowing veterans that were dishonorably discharged for reasons related to PTSD to receive veteran benefits. Mr. Edward related the story of his dishonorable discharge after his combat service in Iraq during 2003.

He explained that he returned home after three and a half years of service to find that his parents had separated and his life was in turmoil.

He smoke a marijuana “joint” with his fellow marines while on leave and was dishonorably discharged as a result. He claimed that this was before the military understood or treated PTSD. Ultimately, he argued that the Fairness for Veterans Act is important because 13% of veterans are dishonorably discharged from service without receiving any benefits.

Army National Guard Major and Hawaii Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard took the stage after Mr. Edwards to share the opening lines of Abraham Lincoln’s Get-

tysburg Address before Senator Sanders recited the closing lines of the Address.

The Senator echoed the closing line highlighting the importance of a “government of the people, by the people, for the people” at this moment in history.

From here the Senator began a brief speech in which he criticized the overwhelming political influence that super PACs allow corporate interests and billionaires to have on American democracy.

As he has declared many times before, he denounced tax breaks for the wealthiest 1% of Americans and explained the need to overturn the ruling of Citizens United vs. FEC. The Senator also criticized the prison industrial complex in America. more than any other country in the world. This fact is confirmed by prisonstudies.org.

Sanders claimed that the US spends $80 billion a year incarcerating Americans, and disproportionately incarcerating African American and Latinos.

Report of two fires started at Alpha Tau Omega

The State Police Fire Investigator reported the incident as “malicious and intentional” arson B y J ulia S ippel S taff W riter

On the early morning of April 21, DPS came to the scene of two fires set at ATO. According to an email from Executive Director of Public Safety Bill Lafferty, “[o]ne fire involved the lighting of toilet paper which was then placed on a windowsill of the chapter house and a separate fire involved the lighting of an exterior pine tree located adjacent to the chapter house.”

The State Police Fire Investigator who reported to the scene ruled the incident as “malicious and intentional” arson, defined by the federal government as “the

Inside This Issue

Dennis Hastert, a former House Speaker, was sentenced to 15 months in prison on April 27 for paying hush money to cover up the fact that he had sexually abused young boys while he was a coach in Illinois. In court, he admitted openly to abusing one boy. He also admitted to misleading the FBI when the case was under investigation.

Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay and Hastert’s wife, among others, wrote letters of support. However, prosecutors said that the alleged abuse, as a severe offense, should be taken into account as well.

The victim sued Hastert for the remainder of the 3.5 million he was promised in exchange for his silence.

Senator Sanders argues that this money could be better spent investing in education and jobs for you people. He asserted that the high prison population and the disproportionate rate of incarceration for African Americans and Latinos is correlated to youth unemployment as high as 50% in major cities such as Philadelphia.

He criticized the private prison system and the perverse incentive to jail people in order to earn more profits. He cited the case of former Luzerne County Judge Mark Ciavarella Jr. who accepted bribes from developers of juvenile detention facilities to sentence more juveniles to their facilities.

The talk took a somber turn when Congresswoman Gabbard questioned Senator Sanders about the issue of veteran suicide.

Sander mentioned his work as the chairman of the Senate Veteran’s Committee.

He declared that is the government’s moral obligation to treat post-war injuries including traumatic brain injuries and psychological injuries such as PTSD. The Senator related the story of a woman whose veteran husband served in WWII. The man still has nightmares of hand to hand combat that he experienced in WWII, and one evening he nearly strangled his wife when he awoke in the middle of the night believing that he was under attack.

The Senator used this story to transition into the importance of supporting the families of wounded warriors. He criticized American militarism and said “If you can’t afford to take care of veterans, don’t go to war.”

He argued that the issue of foreign policy and military intervention is not about whether or not we like foreign dictators, but whether or not they pose an imminent threat to American people.

The Senator firmly reminded the crowd that he use of military force should be the last response and not the first response.

He explained that diplomacy is not weakness, but intelligence and strength.

willful or malicious burning or attempt to burn, with or without intent to defraud, a dwelling house, public building, motor vehicle or aircraft, or personal property of another kind.”

Junior, Cole Flashenberg said, “Kyle Wigley {Senior}, noticed the fire outside his bedroom window and went down into the kitchen to get water to put it out and noticed the flaming roll of toilet paper in the kitchen.

Kyle and two other brothers got pots and pans full of water and successfully put the fire out.”

While there were no injuries nor any significant structural damage, the inci-

Review of Owl Weird News, and Nightingale pg. 2 performance, pg. 3

dent was deferred to the Gettysburg Police Department.

As of this publication, a representative from the Department informed The Gettysburgian that there were no updates to report on the case.

Greg Sachs, secretary and PR chair for Gettysburg’s Interfraternity Council, expressed the IFC’s concern regarding the fire. “The act of arson, as this incident has been ruled, is not only a criminal offense but also one of the ultimate acts of cowardice and a violation of the most basic principles that the IFC stands for.”

Sachs elaborated, “While the Interfraternity Council and its member

Language and perception, pg. 4

chapters place our full faith in the Department of Public Safety and the Gettysburg Borough Police Department in their ongoing investigation, we would like to make it clear that arson should not and will not be tolerated in any of our chapter houses or anywhere else on campus.”

In light of this incident, many may wonder how to avoid having a similar event occur to them.

According to Bill Lafferty, “Students can always enhance their own safety by knowing who is in their spaces; especially the theme houses, chapter houses, and apartments. . . . Reporting suspicious activity or suspi-

An effective dietary plan, pg. 5

cious persons to DPS immediately is always advisable.”

More specifically in the case of fire and arson, Lafferty reported that “Every residential space the college owns is equipped with state of the art fire detection and reporting systems, to include sprinkler suppression systems.”

Flashenberg said, “In terms of security, all doors and windows of the house remain locked and shut and any flamable items are locked in the house.”

“The brothers were shaken and a bit angry when they found out. But it brought us closer together in the long run,” said Flashenberg.

Democracy Under Siege pg. 6

Gburg lax boasts 5-0 season, pg. 7

THE GETTYSBURGIAN

NEWS

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Thursday, April 28, 2016

The Gettysburgian’s Editors-in-Chief say farewell

Brendan Raleigh and Lauren Perry reflect on their time with The Gettysburgian newspaper

By Brendan Raleigh Editor-in-Chief

I have been involved with The Gettysburgian for the past four years.

I knew I would be an English major from the day I arrived on campus, so I joined the paper as a writer to get a few samples for my portfolio.

I did not know the newspaper would be so central to my college experience. Writing, researching and editing became weekly rituals that, with each year, grew to envelope nearly every Wednesday I spent on-campus.

This year, I have spent every other week preparing the newspaper with my co-editor-inchief, Lauren Perry, and the section editors. I would like to thank all of them for lending their time and their talents to The Gettysburgian and for the sixteen issues they have produced. I would also like to thank Jim Duffy and Jack Ryan for acting as our advisers, as well as Zach Warner for acting as our business manager.

I do not look forward to leaving the newspaper, but I am confident that, in the hands of next year’s editors – Annika Jensen, Daniella Snyder, and Jamie Welch – it will flourish.

The paper has changed considerably this past year. Our website, designed by Jamie, is a particularly big step forward. But we also had to cut our number of printed issues by half. The news-

Brendan Raleigh ‘16. paper still has many ways in which it can grow, but I have faith that its new editors will take the next step toward its full potential.

The Gettysburgian is the best tool for students to feel connected to their campus and to their fellow students. A college education is a serious investment and students deserve an accessible, peer-run source so they can understand what they are getting and what they can get out of that investment. Whether that is in print, online, or a combination of both.

I hope that, when I return to Gettysburg however many years from now, The Gettysburgian will still be in print. I hope that it will be printing every week, as unlikely as that is.

I am sure, however, if next year’s staff of writers and editors is any indication, that the quality and the talents behind The Gettysburgian will continue to grow and improve with each year.

Lauren Perry ‘16.

B y L auren P erry E ditor - in -C hief

In the fall of my senior year of high school I visited many colleges expecting to find a plethora of schools that would, for one reason or another, appeal to me.

However, I became increasingly unsatisfied.

Then, without any specific reason, but a certain feeling, the Gettysburg College community and campus fueled a fire in my heart.

I said to my Dad as we drove away, “this is where I want to spend the next four years.”

The following week I drove back to Gettysburg for my interview, nervous that I would mess up so badly that I would be throwing away my dream school.

I was asked a question that I, at that moment, did not realize how relevant it

would be: “What can you offer this school?”

Ironically, I began to list off all my extra curricular activities from high school and I said, “I promise I will be a student that will be very involved.”

This statement was not a lie. However, I did not realize the type of impact it would have on me during my four years of college.

After 13 years of attending the same public school system, my biggest fear entering college was making new friends. I was afraid that I had forgotten how to do that.

After a couple of months, I found a group of people that I loved and was proud to call my friends.

However, as my second semester at Gettysburg College was coming to an end realized that I wanted to contribute more to the school community. I wanted and needed to be a part of something else.

I sat down on my bed in Huber Hall with my computer and looked up every club on campus. I emailed the presidents of 10 clubs asking if I could attend their weekly meetings. I attended the meetings of all 10 clubs for about three weeks and then chose two of them. The

Gettysburgian was one of those two extra-curricular activities, and choosing it was one of the best decision of my college career.

It is my something else.

It is the something else that satisfied that empty hole in my college experience that I knew I had to fill.

It taught me how to be a better writer, journalist, team player, and leader. But most importantly, it was the second family that I was looking for at Gettysburg College.

It introduced me to a group of people I am not sure I would have met otherwise, and for simply that reason, I could not be more grateful that this is one of the two clubs I chose.

It is a family that challenged me, taught me, and supported me over the past four years. And, in the most genuine way possible, this family welcomed me with open arms.

In three weeks I will walk down the steps of Penn Hall with 6 of my fellow Gettysburgian journalist, who have watched me make mistakes over the last four years, but have never stopped supporting me. And as we part ways, I will say goodbye to each of them that day, and will neither forget

that, nor take it for granted.

I have learned so much from every single member of the Gettysburgian staff that is here with me today, as well as, the ones that have graduated before me.

This year I was lucky enough to call Brendan R aleig h my Co - Ed ito r - I nChief. Brendan’s support and wisdom throughout this challenging yet extremely rewarding year, has made this experience one that I will never forget.

It is odd to think that I will no longer be spending my Thursday mornings as I have these past four years, waking up and immediately grabbing the Gettysburgian newspaper from the Cub before grabbing food or coffee.

But I know that this paper is in good hands, and I am extremely excited to see what our three new EditorsIn-Chief (Daniella Snyder, Annika Jensen, and Jamie Welch) and the rest of the team have in store for the success of the paper next year.

Thank you to the whole Gettysburgian team for supporting me over the past four years. I am grateful and forever indebted to all of you.

Springfest gives Gettysburg Chatting with JMR students a chance to let loose

By Sara Masterson Staff Writer

B y N ora T idey S taff W riter

April 21-23 marked this year’s annual Springfest, which gave students a chance to unwind and ‘get wild’ to celebrate the end of another school year and relax before the impending stress of finals week sets in.

This year’s Springfest theme was ‘Get Wild,’ which was encompassed by a reptilian petting zoo and a Stine Lake viewing of Jumanji to kick off the festivities on Thursday.

The celebration continued on Friday with a Rita’s and tye-dye pool

party on the Jaeger Center patio and at the pool, a performance by comedian Xclusive in the Attic, and everyone’s favorite Midnight Madness.

On Saturday, a cool and gloomy morning soon turned into a warm and sunny afternoon perfect for having fun outside.

Stine Lake was bustling as students enjoyed the various inflatable obstacle courses and slides, the all campus picnic, and of course, the music.

DJ Beauty and the Beatz, one of the youngest professional DJs, got the party started on Stine Lake and was followed by

a performance from Mila J, a hip-hop/R&B singer, songwriter, and dancer.

“I thought performer Mila J was good. I enjoyed getting to take a picture with her,” said junior Charlotte Moreno.

DJ Beauty and the Beatz and Mila J stuck around after their performances to take pictures with students. Overall, this year’s Springfest seemed to get great reviews from the student body. Special thanks to the members of the Campus Activities Board who made it all possible!

Weird News of the Week B y K ayla B ritt N ews E ditor

The Dentist of Your Nightmares Most of us don’t love the dentist, but this story could give you real nightmares. On April 26, a French court found a Dutch dentist responsible for assault and fraud. He faces a sentence of eight years in prison. The French media has given him the infamous nickname of the “horror dentist.” Among the unnecessary procedures he is accused of submitting his patients to include removing healthy teeth, leaving drill bits in their gums, and leaving them with misshapen mouths. He provided false documents to practice dentistry in France. A psychiatric evaluation found him to be a “narcissistic pervert personality” with an absence of all moral sense.

The Road Thief Franfort Village Mayor Frank Moracco has been accused of stealing a grand total of 111 road signs from the Department of Transportation in New York. New York State Police spokesman said that the stolen signs were “a variety” including yield and stop signs. Apparently, despite the charges, the village still sees him fit to be mayor. Village clerk Karlee Tamburro has said that Moracco will keep his position.

This week’s “Weird News” was compiled by Kayla Britt with information from huffingtonpost.com.

Janet Morgan Riggs was named the 14th president of Gettysburg College in 2009. Riggs studied and attained a B.A. in psychology and mathematics at Gettysburg College, as well as receiving her M.A. and Ph.D. in social psychology at Princeton University.

She has held multiple administrative roles, upon returning to Gettysburg College in 1981, on campus before being appointed president. She was a faculty member in the Psychology Department, the department chairperson, executive assistant to the president, interim provost, provost, and interim president. Some courses that she taught were in social psychology, general psychology, and experimental methods.

Riggs has received the Thompson Award for Distinguished Teaching, the Gettysburg College Student Senate Faculty Appreciation Award, and the Woman of Distinction Award from the women students of the

College. She is on the Executive Committee of the PA Consortium of the Liberal Arts and the Annapolis Group. She is also presently a member of boards such as the Gettysburg Foundation, PA campus Compact, the Association of Independent Colleges and Universities of PA, and Gilder Lehrman Lincoln Prize.

Riggs resides in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania with her husband, Edward, and have three adult children.

When asked what Riggs learned or read during college that changed her, she spoke about her social psychology textbook: “this is going to sound strange, but my textbook is what comes to mind first!” she says. “I found the experimental approach to social behavior to be fascinating, and that is what set me on the track to become a social psychologist.”

Riggs feels preserving a positive relationship between the college and the town of Gettysburg is extremely important.

“We depend on one another and a strong relationship is good for

both,” she says. “Having 2500 18- to 21-year-olds living in a town is obviously going to create some tension from time-to time, and I think it’s really important that our students take seriously their responsibility as citizens and neighbors. Our students bring so much that is positive to the town of Gettysburg through volunteer service, support of local businesses, etc.”

Riggs also believes students face many challenges today.

“I think students today feels so much pressure to plan their lives, to have a clear career direction, to know where the next 20 years are going to take them,” she says.

“My advice for those who are less sure about the long-term is to think about what you want to do next. What do you want to do for the next couple of years? And if you keep your eyes—and mind— open, that will lead to opportunities you hadn’t even imagined. “ *Read more on JMR in the ‘A Conversation With’ section in the Central Penn Business Journal!

Senate Update April 27, 2015

By Brooke Gutschick Student Senate Secretary Student Senate Bullet Points • The departing Executive Board wants to thank students for the support • Club Awards were given out • Active Minds was allotted $316.19 • The following students were elected to the Executive Board: • Amelia Smith- President, Taylor Beck- Vice President, Luke Frigon- Treasurer, Brooke Gutschick- Secretary • The following students were appointed to the Executive Board: • Niko Papoustis- Parliamentarian, Christina Noto- Clubs Liaison • The following students were elected as Class of 2017 Officers: • Brooke Gutschick- President, Niko Papoustis- Vice President, Amelia Smith- Treasurer, Taylor Beck- Secretary • The following students were elected as Class of 2017 Senators: • Shae Belenski, Lynn Hatcher, Ember Parker • The following students were elected as Class of 2018 Officers: • Michael Mancino/Andeulazia Hughes-Murdock- President, Brianna Eagen- Vice President, Kate Helmstetter- Treasurer, Tanner Smith/Kylee Davis- Secretary • The following students were elected as Class of 2018 Senators: • Kate Helmstetter, Michael Mancino, Tanner Smith, Kylee Davis, Brianna Eagen, Alex Engelsman, Andeulazia Hughes-Murdock • The following students were elected as Class of 2019 Officers: • Olivia Lanctot- President, Kenyon Moriarty- Vice-President, Lillian Clark- Treasurer, Luca Menicali- Secretary • The following students were elected as Class of 2019 Officers: • Lillian Clark, Jimmy Clifford, Vera Ekhator, Maria Foster, Olivia Lanctot, Michael Mancuso, Kenyon Moriarty

THE GETTYSBURGIAN Page 3

A&E ♦

Thursday, April 28, 2016

WZBT: Gettysburg College’s Review of Owl and Nightingale V e r y O w n R a d i o S t a t i o n performance of You Got Older WZBT 91.1 FM is Gettysburg College’s Radio Station. Style described as Indie/College Radio, the station provides the community with news programming as well as varying genres of music regularly.

Tune in everyday to see what’s new on WZBT. Streaming live at: http://tunein.com/radio/WZBT-911-s24329/ You can also check out WZBT at: www.wzbt.org https://twitter.com/WZBT https://www.facebook.com/wzbt911 WZBT’s top weekly adds and albums WZBT Radio 200 | ‘Top 5 New Releases’ | CMJ 1408 1 2 3 4 5

BEYONCE Lemonade Parkwood CATE LE BON Crab Day Drag City KID CONGO AND THE PINK MONKEY BIRDS La Arana Es La Vida KING GIZZARD AND THE LIZARD WIZARD Nonagon Infinity ATO STURGILL SIMPSON A Sailor’s Guide To Earth

WZBT Radio 200 | ‘Top 10 New Albums’ | CMJ 1408 1 WHITE DENIM Stiff Downtown 2 BLACK MOUNTAIN IV Jagjaguwar 3 IGGY POP Post Pop Depression Concord-Loma Vista 4 PARQUET COURTS Human Performance Rough Trade 5 TACOCAT Lost Time Hardly Art 6 BOB MOULD Patch The Sky Merge 7 OCCY No Way Admirable Traits 8 HEAVY Hurt And The Merciless ADA-Bad Son \ 9 MARCO BENEVENTO The Story Of Fred Short Royal Potato Family 10 RAY LAMONTAGNE Ouroboros RCA

B y S ara M asterson C ontributing W riter

Majestic Theater

25 Carlisle St, Gettysburg, PA 17325

Marguerite 2 hours, 9 minutes – R Catherine Frot gives a memorable performance inspired by the true life story of Florence Foster Jenkins, an eccentric rich woman who mistakenly thinks she’s a great operatic soprano.

Friday - Saturday (4/29 - 4/30) - 4:00 PM and 7:00 PM Sunday (5/1) – 2:00 PM and 5:00 PM Monday - Thursday (5/2 - 5/5) - 4:00 PM and 7:00 PM

Eye in the Sky 1 hour, 42 minutes – R A military officer (Helen Mirren) in command of a drone operation to capture terrorists in Kenya sees her mission escalate from “capture” to “kill.” Also with Aaron Paul & the late Alan Rickman.

Friday - Saturday (4/29 - 4/30) - 4:15 PM and 7:15 PM Sunday (5/1) – 2:15 PM and 5:15 PM Monday - Thursday (5/2 - 5/5) - 4:15 PM and 7:15 PM

Gateway Theater Routes 30 & 15, Gettysburg, PA FRIDAY APRIL 29TH THRU WEDNESDAY MAY 4TH **NO SHOWS AFTER 8PM MONDAY THRU THURSDAY** **BARGAIN TUESDAYS – ALL SEATS $5 – ADDITIONAL FEE FOR 3D**

PG

NO PASSES

RATCHET AND CLANK 3D PG NO PASSES (4:40) 9:40 3PRICING KEANU R I.D. REQUIRED (1:20) (4:20) 7:15 9:50 NO PASSES MOTHER’S DAY PG-13 NO PASSES (1:10) (4:10) 7:10 9:45 THE HUNTSMAN: WINTER’S WAR (1:05) (1:45) (4:05) (4:45) 7:00 7:30 9:35 10:05

Clare Barron’s original play You Got Older premiered here at Kline Theater on April 14, 2016 and ran until April 18, 2016. Directed by visiting professor Colleen Sullivan, a friend of the playwright, this was only the second staging of the play in its history. You Got Older was the last mainstage of the 2015-2016 Owl and Nightingale Players’ season.

Several seniors graced the stage for the last time. Andrew Gorelick, Emily Lunardi and Brendan Nash shone in their

respective turns as Mac, Mae and Cowboy. The college will miss their onstage and offstage presence and hopes these students will continue performing well into the future.

Christian Boor’s nuanced performance of a father dealing with cancer gave the entire production a distinctive flavor of melancholy and acceptance. His solemnity contrasted well with Mae and the rest of his children (a rowdy and loveable crew played by Brynn Hambley, Haley Mowery and Jacob Ryave). Such a small cast made for succinct, realistic storytelling.

In their last design project at Gettysburg

College, Rin Wisell was the mind behind the set. This project was their senior capstone. Another senior capstone affiliated with You Got Older is that of Jonah Lucas, whose documentary surrounding its creation will premiere during Celebration.

The theatre arts department at Gettysburg College puts up three mainstage productions per academic year, with one premiering in the fall semester and two in the spring. The next mainstage production will be How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.

Auditions will be held in the fall semester of 2016.

lives and developing writer can distance us from what we’ve done before. We chatted about how this applies whether its literary or scholarly writing.”

D’Addario was also happy that his college friend was able to share her talents with Gettysburg College. “Maura, as long as I have known her, has always been able to see the emotional heart of most any everyday interaction,” D’Addario says. “But what is most remarkable about her is that this ability is coupled with tremendous with, self-deprecation, and openminded humor. I was glad that she could come to campus to talk about her dating experiences, her love of literature, and her path to becoming a successful writer.”

Kelly was kind enough to answer some of my personal questions regarding her career.

She became a journalist “because it seemed to me that going into journalism was the best way to make a living while trying to learn how to write,” Kelly says. “But my heart was never in journalism, and it’s probably best to avoid doing anything that doesn’t have all your heart, as much as you can.

After a while, I began to feel that journalism was sort of at odds with the kind of writing I wanted to do, and was depleting my energy and focus.” Kelly went on to say she did not read a single newspaper or magazine at college.

Kelly believes studying English literature during college could have helped her skills as a writer. “You become a writer by doing three things -- reading, writing, and living,” she says.

“Reading is probably the most important of the three. And a good English professor teaches you how to read. Reading attentively -- beginning to understand how a writer uses his or her characters and their conflicts to consider big ideas and universal questions -that’s crucial to becoming a fiction writer.”

Kelly improved her skills by using college course CDs from The Teaching Company to study literature on her own. “Professors Arnold Weinstein and Grant Voth are favorites of mine, and Peter Saccio too,” she says. “My own experience in workshops, as a student, was that they hurt more than they help; confused me more than enlightened me; and discouraged me far more than giving me hope. I’ve often thought I would’ve been better off getting an advanced degree in English lit, rather than Creative Writing.”

When asked if writing acted as a therapeutic method, Kelly described it to be “more like torture.” Her love of literature blossomed because her mother loved poetry. “I remember watching “The Outsiders” when I

was eight, at a friend’s house, and bursting into tears when one of the characters read to another the Robert Frost poem “Nothing Gold Can Stay,” Kelly says. “I didn’t understand why I burst into tears, exactly, and it didn’t feel good exactly. But it felt powerful and meaningful. Obviously I’m still thinking about it all these years later. I’m sure that was the start of something.”

Kelly has also done some teaching in New York City and loved the experience. “I loved the students and loved the energetic discussions of writing,” she says.

“It was also very gratifying for me to feel like I had something to offer and to teach; the students seemed to respond to me and feel like I was helping them. I had an opportunity to teach during graduate school and I turned it down, thinking it would take away from my own writerly energy, and I regret that a bit now. At the same time, I think I didn’t have much to offer in terms of writerly knowledge during grad school!

I learned a lot more in the years after I left. So maybe it’s all for the best.”

Kelly shared the best advice she received before applying to graduate schools in order to pursue a writing career: “‘Don’t do it if you have to take on debt to do it. It’s not worth it.’”

Kelly states. “I’m glad I followed it. Being a writer is hard enough; all the more hard if you take on debt to do it.”

SM: Similarly to the way you interacted with students on our campus, would you consider teaching?

MK: I’ve done some teaching through a few places in New York City and I’ve loved it -- loved the students and loved the energetic discussions of writing. It was also very gratifying for me to feel like I had something to offer and to teach; the students seemed to respond to me and feel like I was helping them. I had an opportunity to teach during graduate school and I turned it down, thinking it would take away from my own writerly energy, and I regret that a bit now. At the same time, I think I didn’t have much to offer in terms of writerly knowledge during grad school! I learned a lot more in the years after I left. So maybe it’s all for the best.

SM: Do you have any advice for students pursuing a writing career?

MK: The best advice I got before applying to grad schools was, ‘Don’t do it if you have to take on debt to do it. It’s not worth it.’ A lot of people gave me that advice.

I’m glad I followed it. Being a writer is hard enough; all the more hard if you take on debt to do it.

An interview with author Maura Kelly: the writer’s lifestyle

In Theatres Near You

RATCHET AND CLANK 2D (1:40) 7:20

B y E mily P ierce S taff W riter

PG-13

THE JUNGLE BOOK 2D PG (1:15) (1:45) (4:45) 7:05 7:35 10:00 THE JUNGLE BOOK 3D PG 3D PRICING (4:15) 9:30 THE BOSS R I.D. REQUIRED (1:30) (4:30) 7:20 10:00

On Thursday April 7th, I was fortunate enough to spend quite a bit of time with author Maura Kelly. Kelly attended Dartmouth College, with Professor Christopher D’Addario, where she was a psychology major. Once she graduated college, she realized she wanted to become a writer and received her MFA in fiction writing from George Mason University. Kelly’s career began with writing for Slate and The Washington Post and continued as a staff writer for Glamour and Marie Claire. Along with appearances in publications like The New York Times and Rolling Stone, Kelly also writes profiles, op-eds, and personal essays. Her newest book is titled Much Ado about Loving: What Our Favorite Novels Can Teach You About Date Expectations, Not-So-Great Gatsbys and Love in the Time of Internet Personals.

After speaking with Kelly about her career, she joined D’Addario’s afternoon class for their discussion of William Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing. Kelly took the floor to reveal her book is about classic novels and how they informed her experiences as a single person dating in New York City. Kelly had the class engaged as she claimed the epic poem, The Aeneid, to be equivalent to a one-night stand. She analyzed Virgil’s Latin poem by revealing that people get overwhelmed by passions and are regularly orn between desire and duty.

Kelly then held a lecture in Joseph Theater. She had the room giggling as she read excerpts from her pieces about dating with lines such as “requesting feedback is definitely not okay when dating,” “too old for that and too infertile,” and “if I’m ever caught dead in an Hermes scarf I hope it’s from someone strangling me in it.”

Her wit also effectively pulled on the audience’s heartstrings with phrases like “commitment phobia” and “he flattened me so flat I thought I would never get back up again.”

Professor Sarah Sillin enjoyed dinner with Kelly on April 6th and felt her exploration of how her reading and writing can be a kind of self-cure seemed very thoughtful. “Taking the time to read work she loves, like Cormac McCarthy’s early novels or Zadie Smith’s essays, is a way to take care of herself and develop as a writer,” Sillin says. “I was also struck by how openly and generously she talked both about feeling quite critical of her earlier work, and also about how normal this is for writers; our unfolding

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THE GETTYSBURGIAN

MONEY, SCIENCE & TECHNOLOGY Page 4

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Thursday, April 28, 2016

Native language influences perception, bilinguality key

By Erin Stackowitz Staff Writer Language is a powerful tool and central to modern existence. It can be used to express a variety of emotions, articulate thought, and is one vital aspect that separates humans from any other species.

Although there is a myriad of languages spoken, most assume that through accurate translation the core meaning remains intact.

However, psycholinguist Panos Athanasopoulos of Lancaster University in the United Kingdom uses her work to delineate how bilinguals put a different emphasis on actions and their consequences, ultimately influencing the way they think about the world.

To highlight how important language is on perspective, Athanasopoulos focused her work on the nuances between German and English. In conjunction with her work she also used additional research to guide her observations, and she pointed out studies that suggested that language can prompt speakers to pay attention to certain features of the world;

Russian speakers are faster to distinguish shades of blue than English speakers (Winawer), Japanese speakers tend to group objects by material rather than shape (Imai), and Koreans focus on how tightly objects fit together (Choi). Her work aims to answer whether or not these studies reflect cultural differences between speakers or if they are inherently related to language.

Athanasopoulos’s priority was the difference in how native English speakers treated events versus how German speakers treated events. She noticed through observation that English speakers tend to only focus on the action of the sentence, whereas German speakers specify the beginnings, middles, and ends of the sentence.

Athanasopoulos tested this observation when she compared the responses from the speakers of both German and English, then compared them to bilinguals. The comparison was based on how similar they thought an “ambiguous scene” (a woman walking down the street) was similar to a “clearly goal-oriented

scene” (a woman walking into a building). According to her experiment, “German speakers matched ambiguous scenes with goal-oriented scenes about 40% of the time on average, compared with 25% among English speakers.” There is a difference in where attention is paid- English speakers are centered around the action, German speakers focus on possible outcomes; bilingual speakers, however, seemed to vacillate between these perspectives based on their preferred language.

When in Germany, bilingual speakers were found to be just as goal-focused as any other native speaker and when tested in English in the United Kingdom they were just as action-focused as native English speakers.

This experiment points out the importance of a second language and how it can frame one’s perception. By learning another language, one expands their outlook and creates the possibility for alternate viewpoints. Although language is just one lens in which we see the world, its influence is anything but mediocre.

Photo Courtesy of theodysseyonline.com

Research by psycholinguist Panos Anthanasopoulos supports bilinguality in allowing for a broader, global world view for practicing individuals; English and German speakers comparee

Emily Graslie: “I don’t do sexy science”

Photo Courtesy of chicagotonight.wttw.com

Emily Graslie, Chief Curiosity Correspondent for the Chicago Field Museum, is pushing boundaries and serving as a role model for women professionally and in STEM fields.

B y A phra M urray an in STEM and to get the colleagues through her Youscoop on the details of her tube channel. The premise of S taff W riter I n t h e f a l l o f 2 0 1 4 , position. Her most viewed most her videos is the same Y o u t u b e s c i e n c e b l o g g e r video, entitled “Where My f o r m a t : t a k i n g s e e m i n g l y of The Brain Scoop and the Ladies At?” addresses the boring and complicated work C h i c a g o F i e l d M u s e u m ’ s underfunding and underrep- that her colleagues at the f i r s t e v e r C h i e f C u r i o s i t y resentation of women within Field Museum of Chicago Correspondent came to visit her field. Ironically, when are doing and translating it G e t t y s b u r g C o l l e g e a b o u t searching through the top into more relatable language her role as a science educa- comments of the video, all f o r t h e g e n e r a l p u b l i c . I n tor and public figure within that can be found is a long t h i s w a y , G r a s l i e a i m s t o the science community. As a list of degrading and misog- take science out of the labs young woman, Emily Graslie ynistic comments towards and classrooms, and instead has proven to be an inspira- Graslie herself. This high- bring it into everyday life. tion and role model, in par- lights a lot of the problems While most of her work foticular to women in STEM, that women in STEM face at cuses on museum curation starting with the fact that her the moment; problems which and specimen preparation, title at work was invented people like Emily are bat- the larger focus is science for her. Graslie’s career is a tling. When asked about this, education and science comtestimony to the power of the Graslie was quick to respond munication, similar in some Internet to amplify obscure that she does not take com- ways to college newspapers v o i c e s . A n a r t s g r a d u a t e ments as personally as she t a c k l i n g t o p i c s i n m o n e y , from the University of Mon- used to, and focuses more science, and technology. My tana, Graslie volunteered at on her work rather than the favorite quote of hers during the interview was that she its museum, giving tours and comments of sexists.

Most of the work that did not deal with the “sexy dusting specimens.

Only a few weeks ago, Graslie currently works on is side of science” when talkI had the great pleasure of increasing support and fund- i n g a b o u t h e r s e c o n d t o p interviewing Emily Graslie ing for curators, as well as video: how to skin and preregarding her role as a wom- advertising the work of her pare wolves for taxidermy.

Important, but not sexy.

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THE GETTYSBURGIAN

FEATURES An effective diet has Review of the South Beach Diet no end point Page 5

B y A ri S naevarsson F eatures E ditor As this is the last issue written for the schoolyear, and therefore the last of two articles I write for any of my readers who are graduating, I figured a brief word was warranted. The last thing anyone about to graduate has on their minds right now is eating healthy, I know. Moreover, it seems an odd topic to mention in this context, but hear me out.

When I first got into this lifestyle, it was for the admittedly delusional purpose of ballooning up to the size of freakish bodybuilders in Flex magazine like Arnold and Cutler. That was how I viewed my dieting efforts: I would follow [such and such regimen] for [x] amount of weeks until I reached my desired goal.

As my interest gradually narrowed down into nutrition, then making an odd turn and narrowing down further into clinical nutrition of all things, my understanding of proper dieting fundamentally changed.

What I started to realize, and now continue to realize

and be humbled by, is that the best diet is the one with no end point. It is not the diet that cuts out all carbs, or has you fast for [x] amount of hours, or sets protein at 1.5g per pound of bodyweight, or gives you a cheat day once a week.

The best diet is the one that leaves some everlasting sentiment in the mind of the dieter.

It teaches the dieter that you are not “on” or “off” the diet, you are not screwed if you eat during your fast, and eating like crap for a family vacation, while not a dietary prescription of mine to anyone, is not an unforgiveable sin.

It teaches you, after repeated trials, that heavy drinking during the weekends is in fact not conducive with weight loss or muscle gain, skipping out on your fruits and veggies poses some noticeable issues, and that focusing more on your supplement intake than your quantitative calorie or macronutrient intake is much like worrying about what luxury car you want to buy when you have no stable source of income.

I encourage you to take

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Thursday, April 28, 2016

away from any diet effort you undergo a deeper understanding of how to institute lifestyle changes, not short-term sensational fads. This is not a hippydippy “love your body” article, nor am I trying to tell you that diets do not work. They do. My goal in writing this is to somewhat change how you view the concept of dieting and how you deduce what works and what is bogus. Cliché as it may be, it is essential to understand that dieting is a marathon and not a sprint.

For anyone who has read my articles and taken something profound away from them, I am extraordinarily honored and even more so glad you are actively taking control of how you treat the only body you have. More importantly, I want to mention the fact that I have been doing nothing more than transmuting my anecdotal diet experiences, of course along with knowledge I have picked up from classes and independent research, into fun, little weekly articles. Hopefully you get out as much from reading them as I do from writing them.

Students of Gettysburg Peter Rosenberger, Class of 2016, English and Philosophy double major, Writing minor B y D aniella S nyder S taff W riter

Since you’re the chosen commencement speaker at this year’s graduation, what is one sentence that’s not in your speech that you wish you could say to the entire graduating class?

Peter: “Since day one, you all have operated with a passion and an energy that has never stopped inspiring me to strive. It has been incredible to watch as our class has stepped up and taken charge of our experiences, and I am forever grateful that I got to be a part of that.”

B y A ri S naevarsson F eatures E ditor

Introduction To kick-start this series of diet reviews, I will be reviewing one of the most popular commercial diets, the South Beach Diet.

The diet was created by cardiologist Arthur Agatston in 2003 and is promoted as a moderately low-carb diet that emphasizes the consumption of protein and healthy fats. It is important to note this is not a stringent low-carb diet, in the sense that it does not encourage dieters to cut out all carbs where possible; rather, it focuses on teaching people to transition into, and then maintain, a moderate-carb diet.

The nuts and bolts This next section will just function as a brief summary of the diet’s implementation. For further, more detailed information about the diet, I suggest you buy the book (they sell about a million on their site; the original is called “The South Beach Diet: The Delicious, DoctorDesigned, Foolproof Plan for Fast and Healthy Weight Loss”).

The diet is composed of three phases, each meant to teach the dieter to develop lifestyle changes that carry over into the next phase and then eventually lifetime maintenance.

Phase 1 (2 weeks) The goal of this phase is to eliminate cravings for refined sugars and starches. To do so, the protocol is to cut out all carb s o u r c e s a n d a l c o h o l ( e xcluding sources of minimal or trace carbs, like veggies and low-fat dairy) and to focus on eating lots of lean proteins, high-fiber veggies, and healthy fats.

Phase 2 (Carried out until goal weight is achieved) The goal of this phase is to hit one’s specific goal weight. This is accomplished by adding carbs back in, primarily in the form of complex, unprocessed sources, although small quantities of other, more fun foods can be eaten as well.

Phase 3 (Maintained, ideally, for life) The goal of this final phase is to take from the previous phases healthier, lower-calorie eating habits that can be integrated into one’s lifestyle from here on out. As such, all foods are technically allowed at this point. The only caveat is that they must be eaten in moderation, although in theory the dieter will be more likely to choose foods higher in fiber, protein, micronutrients, and healthy fats as part of their diet and will not need to be told what they can and cannot eat.

Does it check out?

South Beach claims Phase 1 usually results in weight loss of around eight to thirteen pounds, and Phase 2 results in one to two pounds lost a week. These both make sense, intuitively. Periods of severe carbohydrate restriction are generally accompanied by dramatic short-term weight loss (mainly from water, but some short-term fat loss is definitely accelerated with such a great degree of restriction). Likewise, the cutting out of sugary junk foods, liquid calories, and unhealthy snacking habits and substitution with high-fiber, high-protein options that increase satiety and enhance weight loss efforts seen in Phase 2 will absolutely have a dramatic impact on caloric intake, even in the absence of conscientious counting.

like typical commercial diets, and I do not exactly approve of this, but when you are operating in a market where your customers want to hear anything but the hard truth about losing weight (that it requires eating less and exercising more), you have to do what you have to do.

Phase 1 does put me on high alert. I fail to see how cutting out all alcohol and carbs, even for just two weeks, is going to eliminate cravings. If anything, I would think cravings would increase, to the point that you risk having people go into Phase 2 dying to stuff an entire large pizza down their gullet. I understand a change of pace is desperately needed in individuals used to such unhealthy eating habits, but there are better ways around this (like slowly transitioning into something like Phase 2).

That aside, I do want to praise the fact that they emphasize everything in moderation and transitioning into a healthy long-term diet. Weight regain is a humongous issue with commercial diets, so the fact that they not only account for this but actively base their recommendations on what is sustainable in the long run is huge, to me at least.

My final words on the matter would be that I can see this being a great option in non-diabetic, overweight individuals looking to drop fat and reduce risk markers associated with excessive weight. I do not at all think counting calories is too much to ask of people, but this definitely appears to be the next best thing.

Stay tuned for more, next semester!

Conclusion This diet is advertised

Photo courtesy of Peter Rosenberger

Finals week at Musselman Library B y M eggan S mith M usselman L ibrary C olumnist

As you wrap up your spring semester, here are a few things to keep in mind from Musselman Library.

Extended Library Hours. Starting Friday, you can stay in the library even longer than usual. Friday, April 29 the library will remain open until 11:00pm.

After opening early on Saturday morning at 8:00am, the Library will not close again until the following Saturday (May 7) at 5:00pm. This week of 24/7 library access provides you with more flexibility as you complete your final projects and prepare for exams.

Stress Relief. Stressed about finals? The library is here to help! During the last week of classes and finals week there is a “stress relief table” on the ground floor of the library. Soothe your soul

with some therapeutic coloring while you help fill in one of the giant coloring sheets laid out on the table.

Finals Ice Cream Break.

Mark your calendar for Monday, May 2 from 8pm-10pm, as the library will be hosting its semi-annual Finals Study Break, featuring an ice cream sundae bar with a variety of toppings. The event will take place on the ground floor of Musselman Library in Room 18, with games, music, and crafts to help you de-stress.

Come enjoy a frosty treat with your friends!

Research Help. The research librarians are available to help you with your last minute research questions or citation dilemmas. Through Tuesday at 5:00pm, you can just stop by the research help desk, call 717-337-6600, text 717- 473-4532, or use the chat box on the library webpage. The research help desk will be closed Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, but librarians will be available in

Room 102 on the main floor of the library. Stop by during the day or email ask@gettysburg. edu, and a librarian will assist you as soon as possible.

Return Library Materials. ALL library materials, including items borrowed through Interlibrary Loan, are due back to Musselman Library by no later than Friday, May 6 (although, depending on when you checked them out, your items may be due back earlier!). *Seniors: note that all library charges are due to the Finance Office by 9:00am Monday, May 9.

Summer Reading. Before you leave for the summer, grab a copy of the new You’ve Gotta Read This!

Summer Reading @ Musselman Library booklet for summer reading (and viewing) recommendations from Gettysburg College faculty and staff!

Have a wonderful summer!

Photo courtesy of demireewalker

Interested in writing for Features next semester?

E-mail Ari at snaear01@gettysburg.edu

THE GETTYSBURGIAN

OPINIONS Page 6

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Thursday, April 28, 2016

Note: The opinions published in this section are those of the individual writers and are in no way representative of the views of The Gettysburgian staff, The Gettysburgian or Gettysburg College.

Democracy under siege What They Say versus What

By Jeff Lauck, Contributing Writer

If you were on campus on Wednesday, April 13, 2016 you might have noticed a few students yelling something about “big money in politics” while standing around a cardboard cutout of the White House on Stine Lake. If you checked your campus mailbox any time in the past month, you probably got a fake $50 bill telling you to come to that very same event. In any event, you’re probably wondering what all the fuss was about.

I have some unfortunate news: American democracy is broken. I’m not just talking about all the instances of sketchy election business and accusations of voter suppression. Those are admittedly huge problems, too, but American democracy is under siege from a much larger threat. From the Presidential race down to your local congressional races, wealthy Americans, corporations, labor unions and other special interest groups are funneling huge sums of money into campaigns to guarantee special treatment from candidates once they are elected.

In the overwhelming majority of races, the candidate who spends the most money usually wins the race. But it’s not just about these groups and individuals undermining the voice of the American people by influencing election outcomes. More often than not, these groups and individuals make these contributions to multiple candidates - from both parties.

This means that no matter who wins a race, the elected leader will be beholden to his or her campaign contributors.

Republicans and Democrats alike receive billions of dollars from pharmaceutical, fossil fuel, gun, private prison and banking corporations and lobbying groups, making sure that nobody in Congress or the White House tackles

big issues like healthcare reform, carbon emissions, gun control, prison reform, immigration reform, high corporate subsidies and immigration reform. If you’re unhappy with the gridlock in Congress, follow the money.

Our elected leaders don’t like this broken system any more than the American people do. Legislators spend a majority of their time fundraising or making calls to big donors begging them for money. It turns out that politicians, just like most Americans, don’t like debasing themselves by groveling for money all day long. They would rather be out making laws or communicating with their constituency, which I might remind you is exactly what the American taxpayers are paying them to do in the first place.

Luckily, there are some alternatives to fix this broken campaign finance system. First, we need more transparency in who is donating what and to whom. If the American people know that Candidate A and Candidate B are both bought and paid for by the Koch Brothers and/or George Soros, they will demand other options.

This will open the door for a new generation of politicians of all ages, ethnicities and socioeconomic backgrounds that represents the wishes of the American people, not special interest groups.

Second, we need to limit the amount of money each person or organization can donate and make that limit closer to what the average American can realistically contribute. After the disastrous Citizens United court case in 2010, anyone can secretly donate unlimited sums of money to SuperPACs, which can then funnel money into a campaign or in support of a candidate. This gives them a greater voice in American democracy than you or I. That is fundamentally unfair.

Third and finally, we need to implement publicly funded elections. Instead of having to grovel for money to have a chance of winning an election, candidates can receive money from state governments or the federal government to run their campaigns. Several states, including my home state of Connecticut, have already started using publicly-funded elections with impressive results. Corruption in the state decreased, more and more minorities and women were able to win offices and policy better reflected the will of the people rather than special interest groups. Admittedly, taxpayer dollars will have to be used to fund these campaigns. However, the cost works out to be around $7 per person. This means that for the price of a Starbucks coffee, you can have a wellfunctioning democracy back.

The good news is that millions of Americans are getting behind this movement to take back our democracy.

A recent poll found that over 80% of Americans - Democrats and Republicans - believe that money has too great an influence in politics. A few weeks ago, hundreds of protesters marched from Philadelphia to our nation’s capital to demonstrate their solidarity for the movement.

Once they arrived in Washington, they were gathered by thousands of others who spend two weeks protesting, lobbying and participating in civil disobedience to show that they are fed up with the way things are. Over 1,000 people were arrested - the highest number ever arrested in our nation’s capital. On April 17, several thousand protesters - including several from Gettysburg College - gathered in front of the Capitol building before peacefully marching en masse before the Capitol and Supreme Court. Democracy is awakening in our great nation.

It is our responsibility to make sure it stays woke.

Farewell: Opinion articles I never got to write

During my time as Opinions Editor I wrote a lot of articles – some admittedly better than others. Here are some brainstorms and excerpts from the pieces I never got to write.

By Isabel Gibson Penrose ing candles in their rooms. they did cause autism (which Even if that candle wasn’t lit they DON’T), is the anti-vax Opinions Editor or if it has never been lit. This movement saying that having Ban Group Projects a child with autism is worse Excerpt: “Many hands is stupid.

Names than having your child die? make light work,” said some A piece about all the difBecause that’s offensive, abdelusional liar many years ferent ways my name has been surd and disgusting. ago. I have lost years of my misspelled/mispronounced/ Renaming Buildings life to partners who don’t generally botched (a highlight A piece discussing how answer texts, pretend not to would’ve been the professor universities like Georgetown have opened emails and are who thought my name was and Princeton have floated the “just really swamped this Gibson Penrose.

First name idea of renaming buildings week.” Man, when you’re Gibson, last name Penrose) on their campuses that were really swamped that makes and other stuff about names. nam ed for s l avehol ders . I me doubly swamped.

E x c e r p t : I h a t e w h e n didn’t write this piece because The Wage Gap A piece about the wage you meet a new person who I don’t have a good answer gap. Every time I tried I got has one of those names you to this problem. On the one too bogged down and frus- could pronounce two different hand, honoring people that trated. People are always ways, and they don’t offer you did bad things is also bad. On writing articles and conduct- a preference on pronouncing the other hand, America was ing studies trying to disprove it. “Is it Eva or Ava?” “Either founded by a bunch of white the existence of the wage is fine.” How is either fine? men who didn’t want anyone gap and I don’t understand They’re two different names! who was female, black or poor to vote/have rights, so why. If it didn’t exist people Why don’t you care more?!

Anti-Vaxxers we’d kind of have to rename wouldn’t be talking about it.

Draft Headline: Unineverything?

Draft Headline: The formed idiots think they know Love Songs Myth of the Mythical Wage better than doctors.

Excerpt: You saw her Gap. E x c e r p t : “ P o l i o i s n ’ t face in a crowded place, and Excerpt: Even if there even around anymore,” say now you love her?

That is not weren’t a wage gap, what anti-vaxxers.

YES, because love, you psycho!

And songs about the sexual violence gap, the hiring gap, the able we eradicated it with the use that pretend to be about love to walk down the street with- of the polio VACCINE! When but are actually about shallow out someone yelling nice ass you stop using something, physical attraction or stalking at you gap, the reproductive suddenly it becomes less ef- and obsession encourage shallowness, stalking and obsesrights gap and the general fective. Weird.

E x c e r p t : A f r i e n d o f sion. Knock it off, bands! I’m respect gap? m i n e m a d e a r e a l l y g o o d looking at you, Train. And Candle Policy point the other day vacyou, James Blunt and James A piece about how DPS cines prevent death.

Even if Blunt’s band. fines students $100 for hav-

They Mean: Graduating Senior Edition

By Isabel Gibson Penrose Opinions Editor Source: Recruitment Buzz

B y I sabel G ibson P enrose O pinions E ditor

Sometimes what we say needs a little translating to be truthful – here is a handy guide to what people actually mean when they say certain things. Graduating seniors will soon venture out into the “real world” of jobs, responsibilities, and non-host provider events. How are they really feeling about that? Let’s find out.

What They Say What They Mean “I’m graduating with honors.”

“I worked my ass off for years and now I get to wear a pretty cord to prove it.”

“I’m graduating with a Bachelor of “I complained about school a lot these Science.” last four years, but now I get a good job.”

“I’m graduating with a Bachelor of Arts.” “I didn’t have too terrible a time with school these last four years, but now I’m having trouble finding a job.”

“I’m living at home next year.”

“I plan on living like I still have a meal plan even though I don’t.”

“I’m moving to a city next year.”

“Most of my money will be spent on happy hour and rent.”

“I plan on traveling for a while.”

“I didn’t find a job but am lucky enough to be able to cop out for a while until all my real responsibilities kick in.”

AND “My Instagram is going to be on point for the next few months.”

“I’m engaged!”

“My life is moving forward in a huge and serious way.”

“I’m getting a dog!”

“My life is moving forward in a cute and fun way.”

“Can I have that top back?”

“Can I have the top that you borrowed two years ago, spilled beer on, and never washed, back?”

“So, what are you doing next year?”

“I hope what you’re doing next year is not more impressive than what I am doing next year, it seems like everyone and their mother has huge starting salaries and awesome jobs except me.”

“HAGS!” “I still think jokes from 2006 are funny.”

“Aaaaahhh, the real world!”

“AAAAAAHHHHH, THE REAL WORLD!”

A visitor in our swamp: Will commencement speaker change cause controvery?

By Jack Gentes and A lex G run Staff Writers

Satire As the spring air warms Gettysburg’s campus, students enjoy the weather by going outside to sit in the comfy Adirondack chairs.

The Adirondack chairs were going to be refurbished using funds raised by soliciting money from unexpected students during accepted students day, but only $56 was raised, so the school plans on buying an industrial strength Whoopee Cushion for the admissions office.

In other news, graduation is drawing near, and the school has finally announced who they have invited to speak at the commencement ceremony. No one would have expected the worldrenowned movie star and ogre, Shrek, as the 2016 graduation commencement

speaker. Actually, Shrek didn’t expect it either, as Dean Ramsay called him to tell him early Saturday morning. Despite the surprise, Shrek was honored by this offer but was also so startled he choked on his waffles.

The ceremony will be a little difficult for Shrek, as he will be the first ogre to ever give a commencement speech. We asked Shrek what he had in mind for the speech, and he gave us a few key points. He said that he really wants to highlight his time at The Gettysburgian, during which he wrote many satirical articles under the pseudonym “Jack Gentes and Alex Grun.” He also plans on having a lengthy section focusing on the importance of the movie Shrek and why it should be shown in all elementary schools in America.

Lastly, Shrek wants to convey the idea that, much like

ogres and onions, life after college has many layers.

Shrek also wanted to include a section about how college will prepare you for life, saying, “college will prepare you for life.”

Our questioning brought up fond memories for him, as he teared up and reminisced about his own college experiences at Swamp University.

Shrek remembers the days when he did cheers on the quad he lived in, called Far Quad. Shrek, Donkey and Puss in Boots used to chant, “What are you doing in my swamp?” to get the school hyped for upcoming sporting events.

This ceremony is shaping up to be one of the best in recent years. It is not often that the school gets a speaker of such importance; so own your experience and live life like Shrek. Because Shrek is love, Shrek is life.

THE GETTYSBURGIAN

SPORTS

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Thursday, April 28, 2016

Gburg women’s lax pumble Washington College 14-3 Victory extends Bullets winning streak to eight in a row; win earns top seed in CC playoffs B y E lizabeth H ilfrank S taff W riter The Gettysburg women’s lacrosse team held Washington College to only three goals Saturday, earning a win of 14-3.

This win over fifthranked Washington earned the Bullets a top seed for the Centennial Conference playoffs beginning May 4.

Despite the score, the winner was not clear from the start of the game.

The Shorewomen scored two goals within the first eight minutes of the first half.

The Bullets, down 2-1 at this point, quickly retaliated with three goals scored within twenty-six seconds.

This streak marked the fastest three-goal run for the season and was earned by senior Maggie Connolly, sophomore Katie Landry and senior Amanda Borucki After the initial two Washington goals, only one more was earned for the rest of the game.

After the first seven-

teen-minutes of competition, the Bullets held the Shorewomen to only eight shots on goal for the duration of the game.

Junior goalie Shannon Keeler held off these shots, a talent that is not new to her.

Within the conference Keeler ranks first in her goals-against average (5.75), first in save percentage (55.4%), second in total goals against (62) and eighth in total saves (77).

Keeler also ranks eleventh nationally for her goalsagainst average.

The junior was named the Centennial Conference Defensive Player of the Week April 18. This recognition brings her to six Player of the Week titles in her career.

While the Bullets’ defense looked strong, the offense did not falter in the second half. Gettysburg scored eight goals during the latter thirty-minutes.

Eight players worked to earn the fourteen goals throughout the day, with

Photo courtesy of David Sinclair, GCC&M

Senior Maggie Connolly earned four goals for Gettysburg to help the Bullets win 14-3 against win Washington College Connolly earning four.

Borucki and sophomores Katie Landry and Maggie Welsh each earned a pair of goals.

The many different talents of each player helps to

create such unified success for the team.

“Everyone of the players that we have on our team can be looked at as a key player; we all bring different things to the team,”

said sophomore Madison Martino. “Because of the similar goals we have set for each other and for ourselves, I don’t have any doubt that we will be going tenaciously into our conference games with poise, determination, and strength, and furthermore, into our national games.”

The season has been one of much success for both the players and coaches.

Head Coach Carol Cantele earned her 350th Gettysburg College career win after the lady Bullet’s 19-3 defeat over McDaniel College.

It is this great combination of coaches and athletes that allows for the teams success, and the players believe strongly in this connection.

“We’re looking exceptionally strong because of our unity” said Martino.

The Intercollegiate Women’s Lacrosse Coaches Association Division III Poll ranked the Lady Bullets fifth in the nation for the past two weeks.

Gettysburg first broke

into the top tier after their 17-5 win against Ursinus College.

Their win against Washington College secured their top-five status as they come in with 327 points for the season.

While fifth place is a solid national ranking, the Bullets want more.

“Just like any other team, our goal is a National Championship, and I think this team can get us there!” said sophomore Katie Willis.

Willis recently returned to play after an early back injury from being hit early in the season.

“We all believe in ourselves and we know the process to get to our goal of becoming the next D3 National Champions,” said senior captain Amanda Borucki.

Borucki earned two of the first three goals scored during the game Saturday.

The Bullets next face Bryn Mawr College on home turf Saturday at 1:00 p.m. It will be the last regular season game.

Bullets win sixth straight conference championship Junior Sarah Hansen named Centennial Conference Player of the Year and All-CC First Team

B y C laire H ealey S taff W riter The Gettysburg College women’s golf team captured their sixth straight Centennial Conference championship this past weekend. The Bullets dominated the strong field of contenders with a record low combined score on Sunday, continuing the success of their already impressive season.

Junior Sarah Hansen praised Gettysburg’s performance. Hansen said, “The conference has definitely grown the last two years.

This was definitely the most competition we’ve had going into conferences. It was a fantastic opportunity to be a part of this team and we did a great job.”

Gettysburg carded a 334 on Sunday, and finished with a two-day total of 691.

That placed them thirtythree strokes ahead of second place finisher McDaniel College (372-352) and forty-one strokes ahead of third place finisher Ursinus College (368-364). The Bullets captured the lead on day one and

seemed to never look back.

Leading the charge was Hansen who was able to capture first place individually.

Hansen finished day one with a two stroke lead, and only improved her performance on Sunday (82-80). She is Gettysburg’s fifth straight individual winner and was named Centennial Conference Player of the Year.

After her victory Hansen explained her strategy.

She said, “Every golfer lives for this moment. I really tried to stay in the present and focus on every shot. I just tried taking it hole-by-hole and playing steady.”

This is also Hansen’s second straight year of being selected to the All-CC First Team.

Defending champion, sophomore Samantha Sessa showed her grit and ability with a third place finish despite feeling under-theweather throughout the weekend. She posted an eightyfive on Saturday, but was able to power through and drop four strokes for a Sunday eighty-one. Sessa was

also named to the All-CC First Team.

Sessa said of her performance, “Definitely not upset about my finish. Not feeling so well and being able to finish top three…I’m pretty happy about that.”

Sophomore Fontaine McFeaters, who finished eighth overall, had one of the most outstanding Sunday performances out of any player at the tournament. After shooting a ninty-five on Saturday, McFeaters came back to tie a career low eighty-two during the final round. She was only two strokes short of finishing in the top five and making the All-CC First Team.

Junior Lynn Hatcher finished fourteenth with a ninety-six on Saturday and a ninety-one on Sunday. In her fourth and final Centennial Conference championships, senior captain Kate Schwartz finished one stroke and one place behind Hatcher with a ninety-five on Saturday and a ninety-three on Sunday.

“It feels great. We’ve definitely worked hard for

Photo courtesy of GCC&M

The lady Bullets captured their sixth straight Centennial Conference title on Sunday. this. We’ve built an amazing program here at Gettysburg College and we’ve earned every single title we’ve won.

We’re going to keep it up and we’re ready to go to nationals,” said Schwartz.

Gettysburg was the only school to have all five players finish within the top fifteen and was one of two schools to have every player improve their score from Saturday to

Sunday. Along with incredible play from this year’s team, Gettysburg has shown dominance over the Centennial Conference in the last six seasons. Capturing a sixth straight title pushed Gettysburg ahead of McDaniel in consecutive titles.

Schwartz said, “Everyone hasn’t been up to par in their games with the conditions we’ve had, but I think

everyone played great. It was a great day to be a Bullet overall.”

Following their victory, Gettysburg earned an automatic bid to NCAA Division III championships, which will take place May 10-13 at the Bay Oaks Golf Club in Houston, Texas. The Bullets are looking to improve on their record at nationals from recent years.

Gettysburg 12-5 rout boosts men’s lax to 5-0 record Bullets rank No. 7 in US Intercollegiate Lacrosse Association/Nike Divison III Top-20 Coaches Poll

By Meredith Tombs Staff Writer Gettysburg lacrosse (102) holds a 5-0 conference record this season, and the team has emerged victorious in their last eight games.

The men are focusing on one game at a time as the 2016 season comes to a close.

“We try to take a day-byday, game-by-game approach, since every team we play in our conference is very good,” said senior goalie Jake Adoni.

“We try not to think about our current win streak and just focus on whoever is next on our schedule.”

Adoni has twenty-two saves this season, and supported the Bullets from the goal for the entire game against McDaniel College this past Saturday.

“McDaniel has played us tough in the past, and we knew that playing them under the lights on their senior night, they would again play us tough,” said Adoni. “We just wanted to go out and compete.”

Junior Chris Palladino agreed. “Every team in this conference is tough,” he said.

“If you don’t show up, anyone can beat you.

Palladino picked up five ground balls against McDaniel last Saturday.

Gettysburg had an excellent game under the lights, holding the Green Terror to only two points in the first half and three points in the second.

The Bullets came out on top 12-5.

“We knew what type of defense they ran and what looks we wanted to find on offense,” said first year Tommy Heller. “During the game, we found a lot of success with what we went over in film and in practice.”

The Bullets have had a fantastic defensive showing thus far, only allowing one opponent this entire season to score ten goals. The past eight games, aside from resulting in wins for Gettysburg, have seen opponents held to eight or fewer points.

“Our offense and de-

the little things - throwing and catching, picking up ground balls, and communicating on the field,” said Adoni. “We believe that doing the little things right translates directly to winning on game day.”

“I think we’ve done well at not deviating from our game plan and from our identity,” said Palladino. “We’ve suffered some injuries and starters being out, and we’ve persevered and kept the next man up mentality.”

In addition to the team’s daily work, much of this season’s success can be attributed Photo courtesy of David Sinclair, GCC&M to the strong program that has been established in previous years.

“Our leaders, whether it’s coaches or players, provide us with great insight, motivation and knowledge,” said Palladino.

The men’s lacrosse team came in at No. 7 in this week’s United States Intercollegiate The Bullets play their Lacrosse Association/Nike Division III Top-20 Coaches Poll. final regular season game this fense unity have gotten so fense, and our defensive cohe- sively,” said Heller. “We’ve Saturday, April 30, on the road much stronger as the year has sion gets greater every game.” really settled into our roles on at Washington College at 1:00 progressed,” said Palladino.

“The team has definitely offense, and that’s helped us p.m.

“Freshmen are starting to get grown a lot since the beginning find the looks we want.” their feet under them on of- of the year, especially offen“As a team we stress on

THE GETTYSBURGIAN

SPORTS

Page 8

Bullet Shot: Athlete of the Week Athlete

of

the Week

Senior Steph Zengel, photo courtesy of David Sinclair.

By

william leconey

S taff W riter Senior Stephanie Zengel has been an important member of the Bullets softball team throughout her time at Gettysburg College. Her hard work shows, as she recently achieved two significant milestones.

During last Tuesday’s game against Franklin and Marshall, Zengel reached 200 hits, becoming just the second player in Centennial Conference history to do so. In addition to her hit milestone, Zengel broke the school record for runs batted in, as she earned her 121st RBI. Zengel was proud of her achievements, but she was also quick to spread the credit around.

“It’s a huge honor to have gotten these records, but there is no way I could have done it without my team,” she said. “I’ve been lucky to have such an amazing team all four years, and am thankful to have played with people that have driven me to get better each year.”

Despite her achievements, Zengel and her team’s work is not done yet. The team is currently in a tie for second in the Centennial Conference, and fighting for a berth in the conference tournament.

“The last two weeks have been rough for us, but we hope to pick up the intensity and do better this week,” Zengel said.

This weekend is very important for the team and their playoff hopes. “We are going to practice hard this week to prepare and play our best to hopefully make it to the conference tournament,” Zengel said.

Congratulations to Zengel for being this week’s Bullet of the Week!

♦

Thursday, April 28, 2016

Green Terror sweep Bullets in double-header

Softball drops to second place in Centennial Conference standings B y B ethany H oltz sports editor

In the final road games of the regular season, McDaniel College swept the Gettysburg softball team in a twin-bill on Saturday.

The losses knocked the Bullets out of the top spot in conference standings and into a three-way tie with McDaniel and Haverford for second place, allowing Washington to slide into first place.

McDaniel won the opener 1-0 in walk-off fashion. The Green Terror then outlasted Gettysburg 10-7 in the slugfest of the second game.

Gettysburg sophomore pitcher Aileen Reilly and McDaniel first-year hurler Valerie Lamb were stingy with runs in the early game.

The Green Terror first threatened in the bottom of the second when sophomore Jamie Weisser roped a double to right field. A single and a stolen base by first-year Carly Deichman put Weisser in scoring position at third. A quick grab on a line drive to first, however, sent McDaniel back to the dugout with nothing to show for their efforts on the base paths.

Gettysburg generated some offense in the top of the sixth.

Junior Jamie Abell opened the inning with a single up the middle. A fielder’s choice sent sophomore Mykaela Twitchell to first and Abell back to the bench after being

Photo courtesy of David Sinclair,GCC&M

Senior Steph Zengel became the third player in Centennial Conference history to surpass 300 career total bases. forced at second. Senior Steph Zengel singled through the left side, advancing Twitchell to second. Sophomore Wendy Folfas added a grounder toward the short stop, sending Zengel to second and erasing Twitchell.

The Bullets rally ended after a line out by senior Meghan Hisgen.

McDaniel scored all the runs they would need in the seventh when junior Ally Galati crossed the plate on a single from first-year Payton Lewis to end the game.

The loss dropped the Bullet’s star pitcher to a re-

spectable 13-6 for the year.

Reilly struck out seven and allowed only one run on eight hits.

The Green Terror jumped out to a six run lead in the first inning of the nightcap.

A double by Weisser brought in the first two runs.

Junior Taylor Fletcher brought in the next after getting hit by a pitch. A single by junior Caitlin Justice and a double to left field by sophomore Lindsey Miller added three more runs.

McDaniel picked up another run in the second to bump the score to 7-0.

Gettysburg answered with four runs in the third.

Unfortunately for the Bullets, the Green Terror padded their lead in the bottom of the inning, moving the score to 9-4.

The Bullets’ Twitchell blasted her team-best fourth home run to right field in the top of the fifth.

McDaniel answered with a run to close out the inning 10-5 in favor of the host team.

Gettysburg attempted a comeback with an RBI by junior Sam Misurell in the sixth and a home run from Zengel in the seventh, but the effort was not enough to close the gap.

After a productive day at the plate, Zengel became only the third player in Centennial Conference history to surpass 300 career total bases, going 3-for-4 with two runs and two RBI in the nightcap.

Saturday’s losses left Gettysburg at 22-10 for the season, with a record of 9-5 in conference play.

Though the loss to McDaniel set the lady Bullets back in the standings, the optimism and attitude of the team has not faltered.

“Our team is coming off of a couple tough losses, which will motivate us to be resilient and determined in the final two games of our regular season.

I personally believe we have a great deal of talent on this team, and I look forward to being in the circle surrounded by my teammates each time we are out there” said Reilly.

Gettysburg will look to capitalize on that talent and motivation as they head into the final games of the season.

With playoffs just around the corner, the team says that their the best is yet to come.

“We are confident about our ability as a team and feel as though our best softball is ahead of us, going into the playoffs,” said Folfas.

The Bullets will close out the regular season Saturday, April 30 at home with a doubleheader against Haverford beginning at 1:00 p.m.

Bullets’ bats outswing senior day oppponents Baseball mows down Muhlenberg College 9-8 and 5-1 in double-header B y S ean B rower S taff W riter Sophomore pinch hitter Jack Seibert poked a walk off single, and the Gettysburg baseball team swept the Muhlenberg College Mules in a doubleheader April 23.

“I’m feeling great. Two solid wins today, always feels great to come out with two wins,” said Seibert.

With one out, and the Bullets down 8-4, seniors Steve Wright, Henry Klimowicz, Andy Kelley, and junior Connor Tom recorded four consecutive singles to make the score 8-6.

“This is the number one priority, baseball, getting into the playoffs right now, and it’s pretty easy to focus on a goal that we’ve been working [towards] for four years, and we really hope we can close it out and get ourselves into the playoffs and make a run,” said Klimowicz.

Klimowicz went a combined 6-for-8 with three RBI’s and two runs scored.

The Bullets focused on the playoff goal during their uprising.

Going into the top of the 6th, Gettysburg led 3-1.

With one out, the Mules teed off against junior Rich Power, sending eleven men to the plate.

With the score now 4-3,

first year Will Wortmann relieved Power.

But he could not stop the bleeding, allowing three more runs to cross. First year Jonny Bray then relieved Wortmann and helped first year second baseman Matt Glubiak ground a double play.

Another player stood out before the rally.

Sophomore Chuck Probst, benched for the previous three weeks with an injured wrist, was added back into the batting order and was called in to replace the injured sophomore Logan Sneed at third.

“I just had to take it one at-bat at a time. My first AB, [I] kind of struggled picking up the ball. But after that, I was back in the flow of things,” said Probst.

Probst went a combined 3-for-8, including two doubles and three runs scored.

In the bottom of the ninth, with the score 8-6, seniors Andrew Hourigan and Shawn Moffitt both reached to tie the game.

Seibert then stepped to the plate to put the finishing touch on an exhilarating bottom of the ninth.

“Andy Kelley told me to just look for something that I can hit, and hit it hard” said Seibert. “I got a pitch middleout and I was able to pull it to left, and Andrew was able to

Photo courtesy of David Sinclair,GCC&M

The Gettysburg baseball team currently ranks second in the Centennial Conference standings. score from second.”

The advice paid off, sending their teammates storming onto the field in a wild celebration.

The Bullets entered Game two with the strong mentality from Game one.

Junior Chase Stopyra tossed 5 1/3 innings with one run (unearned) ball, striking out four.

The Bullets supported him with single runs in each of the first four innings.

Hourigan led the offense in Game two, going 3-for-4, with two runs scored.

“I was just trying to be aggressive early in the count, looking for some good fastballs to hit, and fortunately enough, I was able to get a couple of good fastballs, put the bat on the ball, and hit the ball hard somewhere,” said Hourigan, who went a combined 4-for-9 on the day, with three runs scored, including the game 1 winner.

Junior Jonathan Lucido

relieved Stopyra and fired 3 2/3 scoreless innings, striking out four to earn his first career save.

“It was two big wins today over Muhlenberg. I think we’re in a little bit of a better position to make the playoffs in the Centennial Conference. So it was definitely two good wins today,” said Hourigan.

The Bullets will have their final home game of the 2016 season Friday, April 29 at 3:30 p.m. against the McDaniel College Green Terrors.

This weekend in Gettysburg College spring sports: Friday, April 29: Men’s Track and Field at Penn Relays- TBA Women’s Track and Field at Penn Relays- TBA Baseball vs. McDaniel- 3:30pm Saturday April 30: Women’s Tennis at Haverford- 12:00 p.m.

Men’s Tennis at McDaniel- 12:00 p.m.

Baseball at Haverford (DH)- 12:30 p.m.

Baseball at Haverford (DH)- 2:30 p.m.

Softball vs Haverford (DH)- 1:00 p.m.

Softball vs Haverford (DH)- 3:30 p.m.

Women’s Lacrosse vs Bryn Mawr- 1:00pm Men’s Lacrosse at Washington- 1:00pm Women’s Track at Paul Kaiser Invitational-10:00a.m.

Men’s Track at Paul Kaiser Invitational-10:00a.m.

Are you interested in writing for the sports section next year?

Contact Elizabeth Hilfrank at hilfel01 for more information!