The Fuddler July 2019

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Est. 2002

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Hello again everyone and a very big welcome indeed to your sunny July edition of The Fuddler!

It’s been an incredible seventeen years since your Fuddler first appeared on the scene and indeed next month is our 200th edition!

As always a massive thank

you to all our advertisers, contributors and readers for your continued support over all these years! Please do have a careful look at what our advertisers are saying as you never know what you might find in The Fuddler!

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Ampthill Glass Centre

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Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 3

Call Kelly Marie today for a free quote All aspects of tree and gardening work carried out Weeding, Digging, Pruning, Grass Cutting, Hedges Trimmed, Trees Pruned, Jungles Cleared and all rubbish taken away Please Call:

01525 794103 / 01908 887295 No doubt you will have seen all the publicity in The Fuddler June edition about Ampthill Festival, but here’s a reminder of what’s going on! AmpRocks takes place on Friday the 5th July, AmpProms is on Saturday 6th July and AmpGala day is in Ampthill Great Park on Sunday 7th July after the spectacular parade through the town. There’s not room to list everything that’s happening here but you will find full details of all the events at www.ampthillfestival.com The Ridgmont Lower School Fete is taking place on Saturday 6th July between 12 - 2.30pm to which everyone is invited and there is free entry. This is a traditional fete with fun for all the family. Attractions include: BBQ & Pimms, Pony rides, tombolas, face painting, tattoos, lucky dip, Hook a Duck, coconut shy plus performances from the school children and much more! Refreshments will also be served.

There will also be a raffle with some great prizes including Tickets to Disney on Ice Wembley, a tasting menu for 2 at Paris House, family entry to Woburn Abbey & Gardens family Day Pass to Center Parcs Woburn, £50 Fratelli’s voucher, £50 Boden vouchers & many more!

Please come along and support our local school.

On Saturday 13th July, Ampthill we will once again, turn back the clock to honour one of the most important guests the town has ever had.

Aragon Day Festival was launched in 2003 to mark the 470th anniversary of Queen Katherine of Aragon leaving Ampthill ‘castle’ after learning that her marriage to Henry VIII was annulled.

Aragon Day, which starts at 11am in Ampthill town centre with a procession from the Parish Church of St Andrews through the town to The Old Sun gardens. This year we are honoured as the procession will be led by the High Sheriff of Bedfordshire, Ms Meryl Dolling, joined by the Town Mayor, the Rector, King Henry, Queen Katherine and their courtiers.

Golden Hare Morris Side will dance ahead of the procession and again at The Old Sun. The day promises fun for all the family, with story telling and other activities for children, Tudor re-enactors including, Tudor cookery, the Tudor gardener, Pylgrimme Monkes, Salty Sailors, Aragon lacemakers, Sloop Groggy Dogs, Folksingers, and birds of prey.

Ampthill is rightly proud of its rich history and invites you to join us on this special day.

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LORD DEE’S PONDERINGS I found myself perambulating through the pages of my old book of London reviews and I pointed out to Duster IV the following description: ‘Chandlering paradise for small boat salts young and old. A splendid selection of yachting clothes and gear plus the expert advice which enables you to make the most of your salt-water allowance.’

Ah! Those were the days!

Ciao

A BRIANISM (With fond memories) The power of verse.

If it wasn’t for poetry Postman Pat could have had a black and white dog.

FARMERS MARKET

The Farmers Market in Woburn is held on the third Sunday of every month from 10.00 - 2.00 at The Pitchings in the village.

Don’t forget The Charter Market in Ampthill every Thursday and Flitwick Market on Fridays!

Across: 1 Mayhem, 4 Diadem, 7 Unabashed, 9 Tilt, 10 Rift, 11 Flout, 13 Risque, 14 Supple, 15 Placid, 17 Fierce, 19 Lilac, 20 Smew, 22 Stag, 23 Rigmarole, 24 Simply, 25 Yippee

Down: 1 Muster, 2 Hunt, 3 Mobile, 4 Discus, 5 Aver, 6 Mettle, 7 Ullswater, 8 Disparate, 11 Fusil, 12 Tunic, 15 Pastis, 16 Dismay, 17 Fairly, 18 Engage, 21 Wisp, 22 Slip

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“The Fuddler” is published by MDA Publications. The views expressed herein are not necessarily those of the publisher. No part of this publication may be copied in any form or by any means without written permission of the Publisher. Copyright MDA Publications.

Like to book an ad, or ask about our absurdly low rates please ring Martin on

Or if you prefer, drop us an email to martin@thefuddler.com

Ampthill Independent Travel Agent

For all your holiday experiences, however BIG or small

Call us today on 01525 552 316 or visit us in store at

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(Next door to Deacons Butchers) Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

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Garage Door Solutions Ltd Your local garage door expert for:

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Pat Eldin Carpentry, Joinery and Building Services Building services include: Kitchens/Bathrooms/Showers Guttering/Roof repairs/Painting & decorating Garage Conversions No job too small Ͳ competitive quotes

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Sandra’s been busy again looking through her big book of words (dictionary?) and brings us the word below. (Nothing to do with the crossword.) Just look at the hexagon and see whether or not the word jumps out at you!

(Answer at the bottom of the page if it doesn’t!)

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Here’s another of Marjorie’s fine crosswords for our entertainment Across: Down: 1 Headstrong (6) 1 Splendid plan (6) 4 By Jove - I’ve got it! (6) 2 Dismiss (4) 7 Curmudgeonly (9) 3 Leaned (6) 9 Sea eagle (4) 4 Potion (6) 10 Children’s board game (4) 5 Register (4) 11 Small canary like finch (5) 6 Protective covering (6) 13 Worn away (6) 7 Disguised (9) 14 Bacon slice (6) 8 Brass instrument (9) 15 Little finger (6) 11 Reddish-brown colour (5) 17 Man’s name (6) 12 Called (5) 15 Strut (6) 19 Pungent (5) 16 Card game for 2 players (6) 20 Poker stake (4) 17 Falter (6) 22 Abyss (4) 18 Gently (6) 23 Devastate (9) 21 Uniform (4) 24 Show (6) 22 Downcast (4) 25 Cure (6)

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Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Butterfly

1

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The future is here, clean, efficient, controlled by your smart phone

Live displays in our three storey showroom 1 Bedford Street, Ampthill, Beds Tel: 01525 841199 www.ampthillfireplaces.co.uk Mon - Fri: 10am - 5pm Sat: 10am - 4pm When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

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NOW OPEN Come and discover Ampthill’s rich history and learn about the towns association with Henry VIII and why Kit Williams chose the town as the hiding place for the treasure of his 1979 book Masquerade.

The museum occupies part of the top floor of Ampthill Fireplaces showroom in Bedford Street and is open 6 days a week.

Admission is free

‘Possibly the smallest museum in the world’

Ben Keenan

HUMAN GIVENS THERAPIST MHGI. HG Dip. (Dist) PSA. Public Standards Authority Accredited Register

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Therapy thoughts

I was talking to a friend who is fascinated by comparative religion. She talked about how it is said no verse in the Hebrew Talmud is understood until every possible meaning is contemplated and how it's said no Surah in the Quran is understood until 7 different meanings are found.

Faith respected but put to one side I couldn't help reflect on how many clients come to me because high emotional arousal has locked them into a position where packed down thinking only allows one perspective on situations that are in fact multifaceted.

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With The Duchess of Troll The Old House Until a chance meeting with an Old friend Mick from Houghton Conquest both enjoying shared memories of The Old House and the family that lived there, thoughts had been neglected of that time. He hasn't changed much, he still loves a good natter, his Mum was just the same always pleased to see you and loved to talk about the past.

The memories of the low beams, the ancient blacklead range, the red polished floor tiles. So thoughts turned to The Old House once more.

Most time was spent outside on the cinder garden with the Apple and Damson trees, for climbing and acting as lookout on a ship, or their branches draped with two hundred weight sacks for a shelter from the hot summer’s Sun. Riding to nowhere on the broken bike or the stationary old car. What if they didn't work in our imagination we travelled miles and miles, limited only by the vision of our destination. Playing in the stables, looking for hen's eggs laid in the deep straw. If the washing line, bare of washing we could play tennis, the pre war wooden tennis racket, obtained from Peacock 's Auction in Horne Lane Bedford. The tennis being a bit one-sided as one's opponent had an elderly, much used, cricket bat.

We did have a very precious tennis ball. This being dutifully picked up after every game and taken indoors. If it had been lost, no more tennis.

Wet days became a treat, not a disappointment, an adventure was always to be had. The parents and Great Aunt Lizzie must have realised where the two children had disappeared to. The stairs door always creaked, the old creaking door in an old creaking house, perhaps no-one had heard. The adventure began. Up the steep stairs.

To the forbidden bedroom. The reason for this bedroom being out of bounds as the house was hundreds of years old so was the floorboards. Time had took the toll on them, some having great pieces missing, others sticking in the air if you stepped in the wrong place. As a child you never fully understand the after effects of dangerous things. Never entered one's head. The adventure, all that mattered. So that room had a bounty of treasures and excitement.

The bedroom run from one end of the house to the other, whereas the other side had a divided wall. So it had two windows to gaze out to the back, (actually the front of the house, the back bordered the village road) and watch the road from the other. No one could see the faces at the windows. Like most rooms that become disused it became a dumping place for things too good to be thrown away or in the stables or the old barn. Things from times gone by, things that the Great Grandparents had when they kept a pub. Things, as now, are kept even though the owners have long ago left home, and indeed have their own house. As now, if you threaten to have a clear out, you are discouraged from doing so, as the promise is made to collect sometime. Wouldn't have been different then.

The large brown trunks, whose rusted lock and hinges creaked as the heavy lid opened up it's secrets. Dust filling the air. The small hands lifting out the treasures, not gold or silver coins and other trinkets, this was real treasure. Heavily encrusted books, embossed writing still as good as new. Inside the black pages held sepia photographs of past generations, in their Sunday Best, in set groups.

Perhaps on a marriage or wedding anniversary. Seems strange today but photos of a graveside, covered in flowers. Trouble is, couldn't ask as this room was forbidden territory. The pages turned to see if we could recognise anyone, no one! Why didn't anyone write in pencil on the back who they were. Loose in the back postcards with pencil written messages, these too photographs of people. Were they of to be suiters, or of family members, distant cousins, then everyone kept in touch by a postcard, very much like the email today, when there isn't enough time to write a full letter. The one thing you notice about the very early photographs is how stiff faced they look, apparently the neck was held in a brace to discourage movement, as it took a while to get the picture. If this is so it would account for the look on the faces.

More next time as the rummage continues.

D.O.T

Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

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OSSORY ARMS 9 Arthur Street, Ampthill 07791 908699/01525 841188

Follow us on Facebook and Instagram

Helen, Dad, Cheyne and the team look forward to seeing you over the summer

WE NOW SERVE FOOD AT LUNCHTIMES

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Choose from: OZZ CLASSICS Scampi, Gammon Steak, Chilli, Sausage & Chips, Fish Fingers, BBQ ribs

THE OSSORY ARMS FIRST GIN EVENING TICKETS AVAILABLE FROM BEHIND THE BAR FOR £25 EACH UNTIL THE 13TH OF JULY. TICKETS INCLUDE 5 GIN AND FEVER TREE TONICS, A BBQ AND LIVE MUSIC FROM JENNY SALMON!

ALL DAY SOFT BAPS Served with your choice of filling, skinny fries and salad garnish NACHOS £5.95 Tortilla chips topped with grated mature cheese, spicy jalapenos, homemade mixed tomato & onion salsa and sour cream IT’S ALL ABOUT THE BURGER All our burgers are served in a brioche bun with skinny fries & salad garnish: Original, Original with cheese, Chicken fillet, Mozzarella, Bacon & cheese, Ultimate Ozz Burger, Pulled pork burger, Vegetarian spicy bean burger Please call in and see our full menu!

ENJOY THE RFRESHING FLAVOURS OF OLD MOUT CIDER THIS SUMMER

When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

Available at the Ossory Arms

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KINGS ARMS PATH GARDENS, AMPTHILL These beautiful gardens are open on the last Sunday of the month from January until October from 2.30 until 5.00pm Adults £1.00 admission under 16’s free Plants for sale. Refreshments available.

With Jimmy The Voice This month JTV has been busy with his carpentry set again and has sent us this picture of these two chairs which he says he has made for the patio ...

... But we can’t work it out.

We can see the chairs but suddenly there are 4 cubes!

But what do you think?

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By Julio Van Peebles Julio’s worries and useless facts:

1) Did you know that the average pencil contains enough graphite to draw a line 35 miles long?

2) Who can remember Bleep & Booster?

3) Did you know that the worlds heaviest building is in Romania?

4) Has anyone ever been called Laurie van Carr?

5) Did you know that the puppets Punch & Judy were named after The biblical characters Pontius Pilate and Judas Iscariot?

Julio’s interesting ‘Pie’ fact: Did you know that the first written record of the word pie was spelt ‘Pye’ in 1301?

Happy Birthday as always to Kerry & Bex for the 16th July! Love Mum and Dad and everyone at The Fuddler! xx

Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Very many congratulations to Rosi and Ben on your forthcoming marriage.

love from all xx

with Auntie Vi Age is something that doesn't matter unless you are a cheese.

28th July Birthday Greetings to Jimmy B.!!

Best wishes from all

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Summer Is Here!

Pack Away Your Winter Coat!

Winter Coat Dry Cleaned

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(Does not include down, suede, wax or leather) Our Many Services Include Specialist Drycleaning Wedding Dress cleaning Shoe Repair Key Cutting Shoe & Bag Cleaning Ironing Service

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BRADLEYS DRYCLEANERS 109 Dunstable Street, Ampthill, Bedford. 01525 405817 Open Mon - Fri 8.30am - 7pm ] Sat 9am - 4pm

A very Happy Birthday to Robbie for the 22nd July!

‘Retired and missing the contact that professional/ business life provides? If so Probus needs you - why not come along to the Cross Keys at Pulloxhill on the first Tuesday of any month at 12.30 for a without obligation taster meeting.

Find out more by contacting Alan Clarke Club Secretary on 01234 961786 or visit www.ampthillprobus.co.uk’ Happy Birthday Natty Noos for the 17th July

FREE PRESCRIPTION DELIVERY Our prescription service means you can have your repeat prescription dispensed and delivered hassle free!

FREE DELIVERY TO YOUR DOOR The NHS Electronic Prescription Service allow Doctors to send your prescription to us at Cheeseman’s Pharmacy.

We will then dispense your repeat prescription and deliver to your address.

We cover/deliver around Ampthill, Clophill, Flitwick, Houghton Conquest, Marston Moretaine, Maulden, Silsoe, Stewartby, Wilstead and Wixams.

TO REGISTER OR FOR MORE INFORMATION CALL US NOW ON 01525 402173

CHEESEMANS PHARMACY OF AMPTHILL Tel: 01525 402173

I read that, by law, you have to turn your headlights on if it’s raining in Sweden. How am I supposed to know if it’s raining in Sweden?

Art is the only way to run away without leaving home.

You know you are getting on when your children and your clothes are the same age.

I’d like to have more self-esteem, but I don’t deserve it.

If dandelions were hard to grow they would be very welcome on any lawn.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

Argument is the worst sort of conversation.

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

If you can’t be kind at least be vague.

It takes patience to listen but it takes skill to pretend you are listening.

If you believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.

My friend’s husband is so silly that he thinks a balanced diet is standing on one foot with a 6 pack in either hand.

1. When was the first paperback book published?

2. What is the young of a Bobcat called?

3. ‘Miss Wade’ is a character in which Dickensian novel?

4. A ‘Jacob’ is a breed of which animal?

5. Who wrote the novel ‘The Woodlanders’?

6. I f y o u s u f f e r e d f r o m ‘Ombrophobia’ what would you fear?

7. Who created fictional detective ‘Lindsay Gordon’?

8. Where would you find a ‘Calcaneous’?

9. What is the collective term for the Bullfinch?

10.Where in Canada would you come across ‘Ha! Ha! River’?

1 1935, 2 Kitten, 3 Little Dorrit, 4 Sheep, 5 Thomas Hardy, 6 Rain, 7 Val McDermid, 8 The foot, 9 Bellowing, 10 Quebec.

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Page 12

The White Horse Husborne Crawley

Beer n o ditati Accre

This month we have brought you more of your excellent photographs of The Fuddler’s round the world tour! On the left is Tom with his Fuddler in Copenahgen, and below are John, Judi, Andy and Lynda sharing their Fuddler with Native Peruvians in the Amazonian rainforest!

Once again very many thanks for those!

Please send your photos of a Fuddler being read away from home to martin@thefuddler.com

New ‘Fish Supper Friday’ Eat in or Takeaway Phone in to reserve your freshly cooked fish for Friday.

Beer Battered Cod £13.00 Luxury Wholetail Scampi £11.00 Homemade Fishcakes (2) £12.50 All served with Homemade Chips, Mushy Peas, Tartar Sauce & Fresh Lemon Book a table on 01525 280565 You must reserve your Fish Supper by 9pm on Thursday to avoid disappointment. Fish quantities on the day will be subject to availability.

The White Horse, 1 Mill Road, Husborne Crawley, Bedford, Mk43 0XE www.whitehorsehusbornecrawley.squarespace.com whitehorsehc@gmail.com.

I’m a professional drum teacher based in Ampthill and all through July I am offering FREE 20 minute drum lessons. No obligation at all, just a chance to have some fun and learn some grooves, and if you decide to book up for more, then great! Just text or call me, Ian, on 07498 026750. Look forward to hearing from you! www.ianbeedrums.org

Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 13

HENRY OF WINCHESTER In 1219, the owners of Ampthill Manor, the Poinz family, asked King Henry III, or Henry of Winchester as he was then known, to hold a market on Thursdays in Ampthill. For this privilege they had to pay 5 Marks to the King to be collected by the Sheriff of Bedfordshire. Today, the market traders pay their dues to the Ampthill Town Council.

THE FEAST OF SAINT MARY MAGDALENE Later in 1242, the Poinz family expanded the market from just Thursdays to include a yearly three day fair marking the feast of Saint Mary Magdalene on July 22nd and on the day before and the day afterwards. This was not a fair as we now know it today, but a three day market plus festivities.

For this they were granted a Royal Charter.

A MONTHLY CRAFT MARKET Now for something new, from July this year, the Charter market will also feature a monthly craft market. The craft stalls will be on the old Market Square, the site of the original market.

THE 800th ANNIVERSARY Come along to the special market event on Thursday July 18th, in fact four days before the feast of St Mary Magdalene, to celebrate Ampthill’s oldest non-religious tradition. There will be Historical performances and Medieval Minstrels. One of the county’s deputy Lord Lieutenants and the Mayor of Ampthill will be with us to enjoy the entertainment and hospitality.

THE WINGFIELD CLUB 37 Church St, Ampthill, MK45 2PL (01525) Bar - 403321 Office - 841736 thewingfieldclub@tiscali.co.uk

Enclosed family garden now open for the summer!

Also available for private functions, parties and receptions.

BAR OPENING HOURS MonͲThur 14.00 Ͳ 23.00 Fri 14.00 Ͳ 23.30 Sat 12.00 Ͳ 23.30 Sun 12.00 Ͳ 23.00

6 large HD screens showing all main sporting events

Supreme pool table and spacious darts area

Large car park for members

Please ask for details

Private parties catered for

Meeting rooms available

Competitively priced Drinks

NEW MEMBERS WELCOME Please fully complete a membership form and hand the money to The Bar staff, Your New Membership card will be posted to your address.

When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

Sunday Meat Raffle & Members Tote

Enclosed family garden

Page 14

New Summer Menu Available *

Food Served All Day Monday to Saturday Noon Until 9pm

Sunday Menu & Roast Served Sundays Noon until 7pm

Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 15

Live Music Saturday’s from 9pm 6th July

DECADES DUO Covers Through Out The Years 13th July– Second Saturday Soul

UCHE EKE SOUL & MOTOWN CLASSICS 27th July

DAVE E.Q. Hitting Notes Most Men Cant hit!

Mixed Covers

www.jolly-coopers.co.uk Telephone 01525862400 / email thejollycoopers@gmail.com Wardhedges mk45 5ed When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

Page 16

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T Butlin Building and Plastering Est 1987

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Over 30 years in business For your extensions, renovations, alterations, Upvc fascias / soffitts, guttering, block paving and all plastering including artex ceilings and walls plastered back to flat.

07778 680393 email: timbutlin@hotmail.co.uk

Also offering:

Impressions Female decorators All aspects of painting and decorating.

With female finesse to make the most of your home

07944 710179

email:sophiebutlin@hotmail.co.uk

Little Brickhill open gardens event takes place on Saturday 6th & Sunday 7th July. Between 2pm and 6pm. Cost is £5.00 per person and it’s all in aid of Little Brickhill Church. There will be 10 lovely gardens to visit, refreshments, miniature train rides, quiz for children and a plant stall. On Sunday in the Church at 1.30pm there is also a service in celebration of gardens including the Benefice Choir.

All are very welcome.

See www.opengardens.co.uk for further details.

Thanks once again, for the fantastic support, from all of the sponsors, competitors, pubs and local companies, who generously donated prizes.

A grand total of £3,500 was raised, which will go towards a range of charities, including our latest project, which is to drill Bore Holes, for a village in The Gambia. This will enable the people of the village to irrigate their crops more easily.

A really enjoyable day was had by all and we look forward to seeing you all again, next year.

Thursday 18th July – Evening walk - Free to all The Lodge, Sandy Meet at 7.00pm in the car park.

Could be parking charges for non RSPB members.

Suitable for Experts and Novices, RSPB membership not essential.

Reg. Charity No. 207076, more info www.rspb.org.uk/ groups/bedford There is to be a Country Fayre & Festival at Sue Ryder St. John’s Hospice at Moggerhanger on Saturday 10th August from 1.00pm until late.

There are to be live bands, a dog show, family entertainment, vintage afternoon tea, raffle & auction. There will also be hot food available, a licensed bar plus tots more.

Tickets for the event are £5.00 for adults and £1.00 children.

For more information or to book a stall please contact: Leigh.chapman@sueryder.org - Online tickets are available at thecountryfayreandfestival,eventbrite.co.uk

The Forest Of Marston Vale is honoured to announce that they have been accredited as part of The Queen's Commonwealth Canopy project.

Launched in 2015, the project seeks to connect and protect the indigenous forests of all 53 Commonwealth nations, to mark Her Majesty's lifetime of service to the Commonwealth.

The Forest joins the ranks of only three other accredited forests in the UK – the National Forest, Epping Forest and Wentwood, in Wales.

The Forest of Marston Vale (Registered Charity No. 1069229) covers the 61 square mile area between Bedford and Milton Keynes and has planted over 1.5 million trees to date, taking tree cover from 3% (the lowest in Europe) to over 15%. Their aim is to plant another 5 million trees, creating a greener heart of Bedfordshire.

Find out more at www.marstonvale.org or queenscommonwealthcanopy.org.

Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 17

ABOUT BLUE SPEAR...

OUR CLIENTS SAY...

Morestaff Recruitment ‘Blue Spear have provided reliable transport solutions for Morestaff over the last 10 years. The team at Blue Spear manage a minibus service for our staff, transporting employees to and from work locations on a daily basis.

Blue Spear deliver a fantastic transport package for us, which we are extremely pleased with and would highly recommend to anyone'

John Dearman - Bonds Homes 'We have been using Bobby from Blue Spear Cars for many years, as the service he provides is exceptional and great value. We have and would recommend him to anyone looking for professional taxi service'

TO DISCUSS YOUR TRANSPORT REQUIREMENTS CALL BLUE SPEAR : 01525 839333

Airport Transfers - Events - Special Occasion - Business Travel - Chauffeuring When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

Page 18

Your advertisement in The Fuddler is only a click away!

If you have decided that you too would like an advert in The Fuddler all you have to do to book your space is to send an email over to martin@thefuddler.com for all the details

With The Imp

1.‘Flamingos are pink because they eat a lot of salmon.’

2.‘The Eagle glass is in the Eagle.’

3.‘We're open everyday apart from Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.’

4.‘I like this weather but I don’t like the rain.’

5.‘We're going forward to 1945.’

6.‘Is it oak or pine? It's the heavy metal wood.’

7.‘You can’t drink the pork out there.’

8.‘Our pub landlord had a '19 plate car last year.’

Thanks again Imp

With Flora the Explorer When you come to a fork in the road….take it.

Kilometres are shorter than miles. Save fuel, take your next trip in kilometres.

If you’ve seen one redwood tree, you’ve seen them all.

Too often travel, instead of broadening the mind, merely lengthens the conversations.

Thanks to the US interstate highway system, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything.

The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.

You have got to be careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.

Two great talkers will not travel far together.

Thanks again Flora

Birthday greetings to Brad for 9th July

Happy Birthday Owen for the 15th July!

Hello everybody! I am an actress starring in the second series of a darkly comic cat and mouse spy thriller which is currently being shown on your televisions. The character I play is a psychopathic assassin. (And that's a clue!)

Answer at the foot of the page.

EN E S V! T S A N O

Here we are again with another cracking chess puzzle! As always it’s white to play and checkmate is achieved in just two moves. Can you see how? If so do pop in, enjoy a pint, and tell us the answer!

WEDNESDAY QUIZ FROM 8.00pm Our highly popular quiz starts each Wednesday at 8.00 sharp. There’s no charge and we can probably even find you a pencil! We have a regular guest quizmaster each week including H & Miri, Malcolm, JVP and many others - if you would like to be a quizmaster please speak to Richard and add your name to the rota!

Everyone welcome

Sunday 7thJuly AMPTHILL FESTIVAL GALA DAY Grab your seat for the best show in town! Don’t forget we open at 11.30am on the day so come along early!

AMPFEST WEEKEND Open all Ampfest weekend so do call in for a snifter on your way to AmpRocks or Ampthill Park Proms

SAUSAGE FESTIVAL NEW DATE The famous Queen’s Head Sausage Festival has been postponed until August! Watch out for the new date and more details.

COME AND ENJOY THE WEST TERRACE! Our suntrap West Terrace is the perfect spot to enjoy your drinks in the sun.

SUNDAY LUNCHTIME NIBBLES You are invited to enjoy your Sunday lunchtime drink with more bar snacks than you could shake a stick at, and all with Richard’s compliments!

Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Jodie Comer - Killing Eve

THIS MONTH’S CHESS PUZZLE

Page 19

ideal eyewear Eye care for the whole family in the heart of the local community

110 The Hawthorns Flitwick Bedford MK45 1FN

Call 01525 715759 to book your appointment or bring in your prescription and take 10%* * discount offf your first pair of glasses purchased from us. *Terms and conditions apply..

www.idealeyewearflitwick.co.uk

info@idealeyewearflitwick.co.uk

When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

Page 20

BOB AMBLER

Guttering Problems?

HOME DESIGNS

Gutters Cleaned.

Kitchens – Bedrooms – Home Offices

Carpentry

Replacement Kitchen Doors and Worktops

A complete design, supply & installation service

Free Designs and Quotations

01525 405393 07889 058345

Leaking Gutters repaired.

New Gutters Fitted.

All by a friendly local established company Call Rob on 01525 552066 or 07977 206403

Bradnam Guttering

With Mrs Pinkleton

‘I can speak French - I can say Paris’ Jane aged 5 ‘It’s silly to get married before you are twelve.’

Derek aged 6 ‘You should never love someone you don’t like much.’

Annie aged 7 ‘My budgie broke his neck.

It served him right - he was always kissing himself in the mirror’ Jim aged 6 ‘I hate school and school lunches and the teacher and all my friends.’

Amy aged 6 Thanks again ma’am!

By Henry Flagstaff A friend recommended me to a book entitled ‘Twisted’ by Steve Cavanagh, so as Gladys was out with friends and the cat was asleep, I nipped off to the library to see if I could locate said tome.

My luck was in! I picked the book up and looked at the words on the back cover which stated ‘Before you read this book I want you to know three things: 1. The police are looking to charge me with murder.

2. No one knows who I am.

Or how I did it.

3. If you think you’ve found me, I’m coming for you next.’

I went straight home to the wingback, poured a glass of malt and started to read.

The story concerns a bestselling crime writer known as J.T. LeBeau whose words have gripped the world. But nobody knows his true identity. One woman thinks she's found him - her husband has millions in the bank and a letter for the enigmatic author. But the truth is far more twisted.

Brilliant!

A tremendous page turner of a book with an ingenious and very twisted plot which keeps you guessing right to the last page!

Must get more of his work.

My friend Richard whose young daughter is progressing to Primary School, became reluctant to learn to read.

On much talking as to why, the youngster had worked out that Mummy or Daddy would no longer read her a bedtime story if she learnt to read. So she wasn't going to learn.

The solution for Richard is to say that if she doesn't learn to read, she will not be able, in the future, to read her beloved Bedtime Stories to her own children.

Happy Birthday Ian for the 9th July

If you are quick you could Building Preservation Specialists

book an advert like this in

x

Damp Proofing

x

Woodworm Treatments

x

Dry / Wet Rot Treatments

next month!

x

Basement Waterproofing

Just ring Martin on

Telephone/Fax (01525) 406655 Mobile: 07850 727752 email: Jim@dunritepreservation.co.uk

16 Tavistock Avenue, Ampthill, Bedford. MK45 2RY

our special 200th edition

07530 869 365 or email martin@thefuddler.com

Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 21

The Notice on the Tree Found a lovely photograph showing the two boys with our foster son, with armfulls of kittens. The thing that featured in the picture were the very short trousers, the under the knee long socks, at various leg lengths, the scuffed shoes, the Beatles haircut, not too untidy since it was end of the school day, and the very dirty knees from playing football in school break times. The three all trying to keep the young active kittens in their arms. The boys were about five to seven, all knowing that all couldn't be kept. However beautiful those adorable long haired kittens were new homes had to be found, we always found it hard to part with them.

So a quickly written notice saying, good loving homes needed for kittens. Posted on the tree out the front of the house. The hope was no one would knock on the door. As always a home would be found for all of them. Always strange without them.

The eldest son when the Mother cat was due always left a drawer open so hoping she would give birth there. He wasn't wrong. She did. Knowing he would keep an eye when she eventually started to leave them. His pyjama collars always chewed away by the kittens. Animals know who's a soft touch as their owners know too well.

Thirty years after this on being asked if we had any kittens, we hadn't. Disappointed the young women said but you always had a notice wanting loving homes for kittens.!

D.O.T.

Congratulations Pete and Heather on your Wedding Anniversary on the 29th July

POTENTIAL DEVELOPMENT LAND WANTED If you have land that you think may be suitable for development for one house or one hundred houses give us a call and we will be pleased to come round and give you our opinion at no charge and without any obligation.

It might be the best call you make this year.

HUNTERHILL ESTATES Ltd 01234 766271 & 07786 038906 hunterhillestate@btinternet.com

36 Dunstable Street, Ampthill Telephone 01525 634857 3500+ Ales from April 2010 THE PERMANENT BEER FEST SOUTH BEDS CAMRA PUB OF THE YEAR 2014 SUMMER’S HERE!!

Why not pop in and try one of our refreshing range of OLD MOUT ciders?

We even have the new pineapple and raspberry flavour.

Thursday 11th July 7.30pm

QUIZ NIGHT

£2 entry per person with teams of up to 6 players

CASH PRIZES

Plus, of course, our large selection of real ales, wines and spirits You can now see us on Facebook You can’t B&T it!

CAMRA BEDS PUB OF THE YEAR 2013 OUR OTHER PUBS ARE: The Globe, Winfield Street, Dunstable (Bedfordshire Pub of the year 2010) - Tel: 01582 512300 The Wellington Arms, Wellington Street, Bedford (North Beds Pub of the year 2010) - Tel: 01234 308033 The Elm Tree, Orchard Street, Cambridge - Tel: 01223 502632 The Brewery Tap, North Bridge Street, Shefford Tel: 01462 628448

www.banksandtaylor.com

When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

Page 22

JH ELECTRICAL AND PROPERTY MAINTENANCE SERVICES

FOR ALL YOUR SECURITY REQUIREMENTS JCA SECURITY SYSTEMS LTD

ProControl+ The ProControl+ is an innotive two-way wireless technology. No wires so ideal for newly decorated houses or listed buildings

Intruder Alarms CCTV Systems & Complete Maintenance agreements available

• DOMESTIC • INDUSTRIAL • COMMERCIAL

Supply & Installation of security systems for your home or business

24 HR CALLOUT AVAILABLE

Upgrades including Additional Detectors, Remote Monitoring, Apps & Wireless Remotes

All electrical work undertaken

T: 01582 493283 / 07785 112580

email: supaspark@tiscali.co.uk Beds 09

CCTV Systems

or email: carruthersjca@yahoo.co.uk

Happy Birthday to ‘Andy The Swede’ for the 26th July

Spotted by eagle eyed readers who have very kindly sent these in: On a road sign: ‘When you can’t see this sign the road is under water’ Spotted in a Safari Park: ‘Elephants please stay in your car.’

Notice in a farmer's field: ‘The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges’ Wishing Tom all the very best for his new career in September.

Here’s a little more whimsy from one of our readers: One of our readers has requested this simple recipe for a delicious and very popular summertime favourite:

TRADITIONAL COUNTRY FLAN You will need: Sufficient short crust pastry to line an 18cm flan dish 50gm grated cheese 3 rashers of bacon from your local butcher 2 eggs 2 tomatoes 1 small onion (or leek if preferred) 125 ml milk salt and pepper A little something to enjoy whilst cooking.

Firstly pop the oven on to

about 190C. Then roll out your pastry and line the flan dish. Peel and chop the onion and bacon and fry gently.

Break the eggs into a bowl and mix with the milk, season to taste. Then add the cheese.

Slice the tomatoes which you may prefer to skin first, and place them in the pastry case.

Add the cooked onion and bacon over the tomatoes and pour the egg, cheese and milk mixture on top.

Then place into the oven for about 35 minutes.

Serve with lashings of fresh salad, maybe a cherry tomato or two and crusty bread. Then enjoy with a glass of something chilled!

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it just turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

Oh Dear! But thanks!

Here’s a bit more mischief that a kind reader has sent in:

If you were to spell out numbers (i,e, one, two, three etc) how far would you have to go to reach the letter ‘a’?

Answer below Thought for the month: The best thing about life is that you are able to live it daily.

T.H.E. BEST Why did the accountant cross the road?

To bore the people on the other side!

BUTCHERS

* INTERESTING RANGE OF SPECIALITY SAUSAGES

114 High Street, Cranfield, Beds, MK43 0DG Tel: 01234 752566 Email: info@vowles.co.uk www.vowles.co.uk

Telephone (01908) 375275 www.bestbutcher.co.uk

Unit 5, Lower Rectory Farm, Great Brickhill, Milton Keynes, Bucks MK17 9AF

Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

One hundred and one

Accounts, Payroll, Bookkeeping, Tax, Business Advice ... and much more.

Ring to book a free, noͲobligation meeting today!

Page 23

GOLD AWARD WINNERS

1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

5. Avoid clichés like the plague.

6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

7. Be more or less specific.

8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

10. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.

11. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

12. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

13. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.

14. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

15. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary.

16. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.

17. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

18. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.

19. Puns are for children, not groan readers.

20. Who needs rhetorical questions?

21. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

23. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

2016/17 Best UK Pizza Restaurant

FINALISTS Best Team 2017 Pasta Chef 2017 2018 Pizza Chef 2018

AL FRESCO IS BACK! Come and enjoy a coffee, glass of wine or a delicious pasta meal in our garden!

(When it’s sunny!)

Please see our Facebook page or ring Mick for details on 01525 404666 OPENING TIMES: Monday evening 6.00 Ͳ 9.00 Tuesday to Friday lunchtime 12.00 Ͳ 2.00 Tuesday to Thursday evening 6.00 Ͳ 10.00 Friday and Saturday evening 6.00 Ͳ 11.00 www.donatellospizzeria.co.uk

91, Dunstable Street Ampthill Tel: (01525) 404666 Free parking available

Happy Birthday Carol for the 12th July!

Ampthill Park Hub Tel: 01525 840370

Ampthill Park Hub, Woburn Street, Ampthill MK45 2HX adjacent Ampthill Town Football Club

Phil Napoli would like to thank all who sponsored his Boxing event

and Land’s End to John O’Groats Cycle Ride, which he completed on 25th May 2019. A total of £750 was raised for Cancer Research.

THANKͲYOU

The Summer holidays will soon be here so why not come & see our new Carte D’Or Gelateria Ice Cream Kiosk selling over 20 flavours (when available) including Banana Split, Pistachio, Blue Candyfloss, Honeycomb, & Chocolate Brownie We look forward to seeing you soon

When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

Page 24

ARE YOU SEEKING A CHALLENGE? Citizens Advice Mid Bedfordshire is looking for volunteers who would like the opportunity to learn new skills and develop existing ones.

Located at offices in Ampthill and Biggleswade with satellites at Sandy and Stotfold, Citizens Advice assessors and advisers interview clients face to face and on the telephone.

They help people with a wide range of problems including debt, benefits, housing, employment and family matters.

Advisers receive free formal accredited training with all expenses paid. As well as advice-giving, the service has volunteering roles for fundraising, research and campaigns, book-keeping and social media.

We are also looking for new trustees and would welcome anyone with accountancy skills.

All sorts of people volunteer for the CAB, but one thing that unites them all is that they find it challenging, rewarding and varied – and you never stop learning.

If you would like further information please email us recruitment@midbedscab.cabnet.org.uk or call us on 01525 404715. We will then send you more details about the various roles and how to apply.

‘(PROBABLY) NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE KNOW THIS’ with Henrietta Wainsworth.

It is summer time; a time to relax and enjoy the sunshine and Henrietta could not resist sharing some trivia with these light hearted, historical facts. They won’t wipe away the trials and tribulations of our time right now, but hopefully they will bring a smile or two and if the comment....“for goodness sake, what a load of.....” is uttered, Job done..

Here goes.

As a midshipman George V stopped off at Port Said on one of his travels. It was here that he took a fancy to an African Grey Parrot and bought her back to England. He named her Charlotte and she became a close companion for the rest of his life. Apparently she would sit on his shoulder as he read state papers and memos and she would pick up his lingo and often was heard to squawk out very loudly “What about it?” and “Where’s the captain?”

At dinner she would sit at a table near the king and nibble her seeds or an apple core. To the horror of many a guest she would often perch herself with confidence on their hands, which was not always appreciated!

She was devoted to the king and when he was ever ill she would pace and mutter and would only settle again once she was allowed to join him as he convalesced. ..........................................................................

Lord Kitchener, probably best known as the rather severe looking man who pointed the finger on the recruiting poster in WW1 ...”Your country needs you” yet by all accounts he was a very tender and affectionate man and like all the Kitchener family members he loved animals, especially dogs.

It was here that he showed his sense of humour when he named his gun dogs, Aim: Fire: Shot: Bang: Miss and Damn.

On a serious note, Kitchener’s sister, Frances Parker gave rubies in memory of her brother to make a clasp for each of the Pearl Necklaces at the time of the Pearl Appeal. Henrietta could not resist adding this notable fact. (see June’s edition of the Fuddler) ...........................................................................

In 1985 President Ronald Reagan gave his wife Nancy a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel called Rex. His first job as “First Dog” was to turn on the Christmas lights with his paw.

When President Reagan left office, Rex was presented with a new dog house. Not any old dog house, for it was in the shape of the White House and was lined with carpet from Camp David. Hope that was not claimed on expenses!

Three powerful men; yet, all with a softer side to their characters. Hmm! © Henrietta Wainsworth

If you have decided that you too would like an advertisement in The Fuddler please ring Martin on OPEN FOR TOURS THROUGH TO SEPTEMBER

07530 869 365 or if you prefer please send an email to martin@thefuddler.com for details.

Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 25

If you would like to book With Lauren Louella Boughalls

Hello again everybody and welcome to the latest picture poser! Firstly very many thanks to everyone who had a go at last month’s challenge and congratulations to all those who correctly identified the scene in our photograph as Ampthill Road, Steppingley.

Now this month our lovely reader has again sent us an older photograph but this time sent us this rather splendid picture of a well known Church in Fuddlerland which we are sure you will immediately recognise.

But do you know where it might be?

an advertisement in our special 200th edition next month please call Martin on 07530 869 365 or if you prefer email martin@thefuddler.com

If you think you know drop us an email to martin@thefuddler.com Answer next month!

Look forward to hearing from you!

Maulden Garage Ltd FOR ALL YOUR VEHICLE NEEDS Modern Classic or Vintage Repairs, Servicing, Breakdowns, Fabrication, Tyres, Exhausts Classic Rally Car Preparation and on event service support Unit 10 Woodside Clophill Road Maulden Beds MK45 2AE www.mauldengarage.co.uk mauldengarage@btconnect.com

01525 862877 Free local delivery and collection service

When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

Page 26

Here we delve more into the whimsical, wacky and interesting world of Montgolfier: My partner turned up in a pair of high heeled shoes to go rambling. I said ‘You shouldn’t be wearing those.’ She replied ‘They will be all right - they are not my best ones.’

I met a friend an the Doctor’s waiting room. I said ‘How are you?’ He replied ‘Fine.’ So I wondered why he was there.

There is only one thing worse than finding a caterpillar in your cabbage when having a meal, and that’s finding half a caterpillar.

Why do we all use capital letters when doing crosswords?

A customer gave me his visiting card. I said it was blank. He replied ‘My name is on the other side.’ I asked him ‘What made you print it on the back?’

Did you know that if you had lived around 100 years ago and your grandfather clock stopped working you would have a job of getting the time set right again. There was no talking clock on the phone, no phones, no radio, no TV, no wristwatches. You could probably run down to see the church clock and run back again, or hope someone would turn up with a pocket watch.

I promised my mother in law a Mediterranean cruise as she had been good to me, and that she would be able to have her evening meals with the ship’s captain. She replied ‘If I have got to eat with the crew, I’m not going.’

People take an aspirin for headaches, toothaches backaches etc. but how does the aspirin know where to go?

Mammoth Man’s slightly smaller but considerably older brother would like to wish him a Happy Birthday for the 17th July

ote: Diary n book up o t e m i t e Now’s th er 200th l d d u F he ing in T s i t r e v d a month! t x e n n io ory edit om celebrat uddler.c f e h t @ n a r ti Email m s. e detail h t l l a r fo

Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 27

Episode 71 ........ Trains, Planes & Automobiles (and boats) Pt. 5 Pembrokeshire Last time out we had just been picked up at Strumble Head by Tony, the local taxi man, and we were off on the second leg of our journey to Traeth Ilfyn beach. Tony had explained that it would make sense to be dropped as close to the coast path as possible , walk to the beach view from the cliffs, and then make our way to a small fishing village called Porthgain, where Tony would once again pick us up and take us back to whence we came. We agreed on 4.00 pm, that gave us about three and a half hours, which would give us time for a late lunch and beverage or two at the pub there. By car the journey from Strumble Head was 13 miles and took just over half an hour. Tony dropped us at a farm, that when he was supposed to be at school, he bunked off with some of his pals to either plant or pick potatoes. Now, this would normally be frowned upon, but the local headmaster and his wife liked potatoes and Tony and his pal's absence from school was somehow overlooked.

There was a public footpath that went through the farm and the surrounding fields that eventually led to the coast path and the secluded beach. Our task was to take a picture from the cliff-top of the beach, so fortunately we did not have to negotiate the 356 steps cut into the eroding cliff-face down onto the beach. Task completed, we set off on a 2 mile walk along the spectacular coastal path to Porthgain. We came across several old out-buildings that used to be part of the area's slate production, back in the industrial days. The skeletal shells of these buildings contributed well with the overall rugged coastline. We arrived at Porthgain, which was a tiny little fishing village hidden away in a little harbour. We settled down at

an outside table at the Sloop Inn and waited for Tony.

Punctual as ever, Tony turned up and we set off for leg three of the journey. He was to take us to Fishguard Lower Town, which was the nicer, albeit much smaller, part of the town. To reach the Lower Town we had to go down a very long steep hill, which Tony suggested we should not try to walk up afterwards. We agreed that we should look round the harbour area and then go and have a well deserved beverage in the Ship Inn, and wait for the local bus back up to the main town, where we were to have supper. We found out the bus runs every hour on the hour and conveniently stops right outside the Ship Inn. Suitably refreshed we caught the bus and got off at the town square. There were several eateries around. An Italian, Indian, English/ French, and Thai restaurants, nothing immediately took the fancy of the 'Birthday Girl' and we eventually decided upon the 'Royal Oak' that had a fine traditional pub menu.

We had some nice sparkling wine and were all set for a nice supper, when after being told there was pub-quiz taking place that night, my lady friend thought it would be quite good fun to take part. Suffice it to say, we joined another two quizzers, Ed and Bill and actually came a very close and respectable 3rd place. We ended up in the Indian restaurant with one of our team-mates Ed, it was gone 11.00 pm and after walking back to Goodwick, we finally got to bed at about 01.30 in the morning, but a very fine day was had. Next morning on our way to the station, we bumped into Tony, who was dropping off at the station, “Ah, the Calendar Couple” he said. Apparently that was how we were now affectionately known locally in the area ... word had got around.

"The journey, not the arrival, matters” T. S. Elliot

JULY 2019 Health Walks Wednesdays 10.30am Free, no need to book.

Most walks start at Reception but some elsewhere – see notice board or ring 01234 767037.

Sunday Stroll 7 July at 10.30am About 2 hours. Booking not required.

Free but donations welcome.

01234 767037 Volunteer Task - Millennium Country Park Thursday 11 July 9.30am to 3.30pm stephen.gascoyne@marstonvale.org or 01234 762610.

Beatles Tribute Friday 12 July 7pm to 10pm £15 per head. Booking essential 01234 767037 or www.marstonvale.org/events Pamper Evening Friday 19 July 7pm to 10.30pm Entry £5 (includes glass of Prosecco) Free Parking 01234 767037 or www.marstonvale.org/events Pond Dipping & Bog Books Tuesday 23 July 9.45am to 3pm Sessions 9.45am,11.30am & 1.45pm £4.50 per child - booking advisable 01234 767037 or www.marstonvale.org/events Volunteer Task - Millennium Country Park Thursday 25 July 9.30am to 3.30pm stephen.gascoyne@marstonvale.org or 01234 762610 For a full list of events - see www.marstonvale.org/events

Short led walks, all welcome.

Need to get more active? This could be just the thing for you.

Walks last about an hour and a quarter (some hills). Walk at your own pace in a friendly group.

It’s all free - just turn up.

Next walks - all start at 10.00am: 12th July 26th July

Ampthill Park, west car park George Inn, Maulden car park

For further information please contact: Lynda on 01234 740788 or at olivetree47@googlemail.com Or Laurie on 01525 403950 or at lalowe@btinternet.com or see http://ampthillhealthwalks.blogspot.co.uk

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