Prior to freshman year, many students peruse the forums — namely Reddit and www.wm.edu — in search of what exactly is needed to bring to school. These websites all mentioned the same few necessities: shower caddies (and shoes), bedding, laundry bags, and other similarly mundane items. None of them, however, include items that are truly imperative to the William and Mary experience.
Firstly, a full Colonial Williamsburg costume. When walking up Duke of Gloucester Street, students have noted feeling ostracized from the tourists due to the lack of appropriate garb. A bonnet, apron, and full, floor-length gown are necessary for true acculturation into the world around us. Do not fret if you cannot find an outfit in your size!! Colonial Williamsburg has multiple tailors where you can custom order a costume to fit your very needs!!
As soon as you get your tailor-made Colonial attire, however, you will realize that you now need to fit it into your own closet. You will then walk into your room and figure out that you do not in fact have a closet! At best, you have a wardrobe without a door. Do not worry; you will be able to fit all of your clothes into one of the approximately 700,000 free tote bags that are thrust upon you the moment you step foot on campus!
These bags will prove useful for the large amounts of grocery shopping you decided to do as soon as you taste the first bite of mystery meat from The Caf, so just dilly dally your way on over to the nearest supermarket — Food Lion — and pick up every college student’s favorite thing: a bunch of cups of Kraft mac and cheese that will remain untouched under your bed for the entire year!
When the food you’re craving is one with slightly more quality than those untouched, expired mac and cheese cups, The Cheese Shop will call your name. Here you will find the spongiest sourdough bread,
the highest quality meat, a beautiful assortment of cheese, and the best condiment known to man: house dressing. This white goop (that is likely just mayo with extra steps) will change your life, meaning that the $30 mason jars they sell are a necessary purchase to achieve peak satisfaction during your time here in TWAMP-land.
When the $15 sandwiches and embarrassingly early closing time means that The Cheese Shop is out of your reach, you will encounter the holy grail of cheap late night snacks: the Wawa Quesadilla. You will often find yourself feasting on this canned chicken and suspiciously un-stringy cheese filled delicacy. Due to the amount of money spent on these incredibly subpar meals, you must make sure to include Wawa gift cards on your packing list. (And don’t forget about the $6 meal deal!)
Those long nights of studying, partying, and Wawa quesadillas are surely going to catch up to you, and, as the semester drags on, the energy will slowly drain out of you like water from a bathtub. You will need a way to replenish this energy, and instead of relying on the age-old method of “getting enough sleep” it is recommended to consume so much caffeine every day that your heart nearly gives out. In order to ensure that you are able to consume enough caffeine, make sure you pack at least 67 energy drinks to bring along! No matter your preference in type, caffeine is necessary to truly live life as a college student.
There are other forms of energy — namely sunlight — that you need to pack before venturing off to college! Why? How? Well one fun fact about William and Mary is that it contains the Deep Dark Woods (yes, the one from all of the fairytales). This forest is smack dab in the middle of campus and therefore in order to get from the library to your dorm, you must venture straight through it. Unfortunately, there are no lights, a barely visible path, and a large number of wild animals living within it. Thus, a flashlight is needed in order to brave your way back home every
This is only the beginning of what could become a very long list of college essentials. Stay tuned for the next installment to see what else is missing from your
WRARP the Gale Upon
Despite a distinct lack of recent fires in the Sir Christopher Wren Building, the College of William and Mary decided to give Wren a makeover in spring of 2025. As the scaffolding climbed the walls and shielded all classrooms from natural light, students dressed in graduation gowns grieved as they searched for a new location for their senior pictures. Potential new students on campus tours gazed at the mess that should have been the highlight of Old Campus. Fortunately, the fall semester brought about a change in aesthetic for Wren’s facade: the Wrarp.
The Wrarp is a tarp that covers the front of the Wren building. Unlike regular tarps, the Wrarp features a design that mimics the building’s original facade. With its printed individual bricks and windows, the Wrarp brings back the joy and beauty of old campus. During Convocation, the Wrarp saved the day, reassuring parents watching the event livestream that their children made the right choice.
The custom Wrarp of that scale cost $674,730, the equivalent of College President Katherine Rowe’s salary. The College received some complaints about the cost of the custom Wren tarp, asking about the source of the College’s Wrarp
Fortunately, the school was able to cut some unnecessary programs, namely the media council, that already faces the
current death of print media. As a result of the budget cuts, Flat Hat Magazine has reduced its print cycle from two issues per school year to one issue.
“I know the school must be using this as a way to silence student voices and journalism,” Flat Hat Magazine Editor-in-Chief Grace Rivera ’67 said. “But I know the fancy, biblically-accurate tarp is absolutely necessary if we don’t want to scare away potential new twamps, especially the new potential students that could finally establish a journalism or communications major here.”
After the Wrarp was no longer necessary, the administration faced a question: What would they do with the Wrarp now that it is no longer needed? Should they keep it just in case it comes in handy in the future, or should they dispose of the Wrarp?
As part of the College’s Year of the Environment initiative, administrators worked to find a way to reuse the Wrarp, rather than letting the garment end up in a landfill. Professor Chat Geepeetee Mann, teacher of DATA 067: Intro to ChatGPT, explained the contributions of the new school of Computing, Data Sciences, and Physics.
“We’ve got about 50 kids in the ISC 4 computer labs right now, chatting with ChatGPT Edu as much as they can to find an environmentally friendly method of Wrarp disposal,” Mann said. “Of course, William and Mary is a Home Without Hazing, so I like to think of this activity as initiation into our new AI minor. It’s for the benefit of the students, the school, and the environment; everyone wins.”
With the guidance of the newly launched ChatGPT Edu, the College offered the Wrarp to the Muscarelle Museum of Art to be displayed as a remnant of the school’s history. However, the Muscarelle declined donation, stating that the piece did not match the museum’s current exhibits, “Selections from Expanded Horizons: Native American Creativity at the Intersection of Culture and Art” and “VITAL: Our Irreplaceable Earth.”
“It just wasn’t aesthetic enough,” Muscarelle Collection Director Elle Musc said. “The Wrarp doesn’t fulfill my artistic vision of a gallery where visitors can point at a piece and say ‘Even I could make that.’”
Similarly, the College offered the Wrarp to Special Collections, under the condition that the Wrarp be displayed on the wall. Special Collections declared the Wrarp was too large to be hung on the wall, and they declined the request.
Following the Special Collections disappointment, the College had almost run out of Wrarp disposal ideas. Part of this deficiency was due to the AI minor students who had mysteriously run out of water to cool the AI systems. Finally, the perfect opportunity arose.
After a series of false fire alarms in newlyconstructed Pine Hall, the dorm who cried “wolf” finally rang true. Seeking refuge from the dessert
pizzas at Commons Dining Hall by making crème brûlée, R. Sohn ’29 caused a deadly spark which led to the entire building’s collapse into inferno.
Due to its experiences hosting West Woods students in August through October, the Woodlands Hotel refused to take in the temporarily unhoused students. London Tipton, the Woodlands Hotel manager, expressed her specific concerns regarding the return of West Woods residents.
“Our staff cannot handle that many students trying to break into the pool,” she said. “All they know is have pool party, eat hot chip and lie.”
Additionally, lobbyists from the Environment and Sustainability Program have deemed the Green and Gold Village to be inhospitable due to threats of black mold poisoning. The Matoaka Dog Man is rumored to have taken up residence in Eagle F.
With 500 displaced students and a Wrarp, the College solved two problems in one.
In accordance with the YOTE initiative, the College repurposed the Wrarp to provide housing for the Pine-less students. AI minor students, forced to emerge into the daylight, helped to cut the Wrarp into equal sections. Using the parts, they stitched together individual tents for each of Pine’s missing beds.
Once the annual Homecoming tent was removed from the Sunken Garden, Pine students planted their new housing tents in its place. The campground community will remain until Residence Life is able to find more secure accommodations. Students will not receive compensation at this time.
Flat Hat Gag Family Photos
Modeled by Hannah McMinn ’26
Aggie Augustine ’26
Isabella Erber ’26
Grace Ki Rivera ’26
Ava Shafer ’28
Lily Cheek ’28
Olya Zhuchenko ’28
Laura Santos ’28
by Hannah McMinn ’26
by Isabelle Padgett ’29
Design by Anna Dehmer ’28
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puddle!
Story by Portia Dai ’26
Design by Clare Pacella ’28
A few of the College of William and Mary’s most
if there’s enough rainfall, even ponds. As a self-proclaimed puddle expert, I’m thrilled to share with you my favorite puddles.
Up first on my list are the trails connecting New Campus and Old Campus. If you’ve had to traverse across campus before the construction of the pedestrian bridge, you know what I’m talking about. Though the puddles here aren’t prize-worthy, because the trails go through the woods, they are not only wet, but if there are enough leaves on the
ground, they’re slippery. These trail-turned-slip-andslides are the perfect place to practice your balance before heading to your next class. Having lived in Nicholas (RIP) and trekked this path many a time, I can safely say that my balance has never been better.
As someone who frequents the Earl Gregg Swem Library, and for reasons unbeknownst to me, ends up in Small Hall more often than I care to admit (no, seriously, I’ve never had a class in Small, what am I doing in there?), the next puddle holds a special place in my heart. The intersecting walkways between Swem and Small Hall seem like perfectly normal paths on sunny days, but when it rains, it pours, creating a stunning puddle that stretches 10 feet across — or at least long enough that a 5’1” person has trouble jumping over it. The real joy comes from stomping through this puddle in rainboots while your roommate has to walk around and miss out on enjoying the rain because she’s wearing Converse (true story).
This next puddle, like the trails, isn’t really a puddle but does get muddy when it rains. I’m talking about the Lettie Pate Evans Wildflower Refuge that acts as a shortcut between the Crim Dell toward Swem. This path gets extremely muddy when the swamp precipitates: lucky for mud lovers, unlucky for me. Even though this shortcut only saves maybe one second of your walk, it is truly devastating to lose.
Finishing off with a bang (or should I say a splash), the Barksdale Field takes the cake for being the most dramatic puddle on campus. With enough rain, this field turns into an Olympic-sized swimming pool (that’s 164 feet long and 82 feet wide). Somehow, when it rains, this deceptively flat field fills up and suddenly it’s not a field, it’s a pond. Really, it adds to the whole swamp aesthetic of the College. Maybe one day I will be brave enough to take a swim in it.
Story by Peerawut Ruangsawasdi
Design by Clare Pacella ’28
THINK or S I
The College of William and Mary’s College of Arts and Sciences recently hosted its latest Raft Debate for 2025. The College described it as a “delicate balance of comedy and lecture” where professors from three disciplines — social sciences, humanities, and natural sciences — argue for the survival of their discipline. The premise is they’re all stuck on an island and need the raft to escape. Also on the island is a judge and a devil’s advocate, who argues all disciplines should die.
This year’s Devil’s Advocate, Jonah Goldwater from the Philosophy department, emerged victorious after receiving the loudest applause, which Judge School of Computing, Data Science, and Physics Assistant Dean for Graduate Studies, Trey Mayo, measured through a sound-level meter. The event, which took place on the evening of Tuesday, Feb. 28, students completely packed the Commonwealth Auditorium in the Sadler Center, while many more flocked to the overflow room in Tidewater B.
In any event, the winning result of the Devil’s Advocate poses a question for higher-ed professionals: Does it actually matter which discipline you pursue if the public can’t agree on what is best? This display of distrust in academia harks back to an era before the Enlightenment. At a liberal arts institution like the College, this strikes at the very core of the identity of the Alma Mater of the Nation. So what to do?
When I was a student at Alexandria City High School, civil discourse was often promoted. I even wrote an article about it for the school paper. One strategy teachers used to foster collaboration among students and teachers was the implementation of “Kagan structures.” These are things like “RoundRobin,” “RoundTable,” and “RallyTable.” They were all incredibly helpful and a marvelous use of students’ time — definitely a favorite part of my high school experience.
Here’s the deal: I truly believe these structures can help fix many of the problems and divisions present in this country and in academia. At the time of writing, the federal government is in the longest shutdown in history, as Congressional Democrats and Republicans remain at odds against one another. Kind of like what happened at the Raft Debate — students and faculty in attendance could not agree which discipline should survive for the sake of humanity and decided to condemn all of them to oblivion.
The fact that the Social Sciences representative was making an argument about how she would be angry and would find a way to exterminate humanity had she been left on the island did not help.
“I’m gonna be angry if you leave me on the island, right?” Natural Sciences representative and Assistant Professor of Chemistry Isabelle Taylor said. “So just let me go back and I’m going to have the best attitude going forward, right? Yeah, no, I could come back, but I’m not going to be happy.”
Later on in the questioning, Taylor also relayed that
N KThe Devil’s Advocate triumphed at the Raft Debate this year. Here’s what that means for academia:
if she had to pick which discipline to not send home, it would be the Social Sciences, represented by Class of 1952 Distinguished Associate Professor of Anthropology and Asian and Middle Eastern Studies Andrea Wright.
“Well, you know, I don’t really like the whole appropriation of science, right?” Taylor said. “It’s gonna have to be social sciences.”
It was also interesting when Humanities representative and Walter G. Mason Associate Professor of Religious Studies Andrew Tobolowsky shared statistics on how humanities majors perform better on the MCAT, which is the admissions test for medical schools in the United States. They also perform better on the LSAT, the MCAT law school counterpart.
“Did you know that the humanities tends to beat the other disciplines at their own game?” Tobolowsky said.
If the argument that humanities majors are able to perform well on the MCAT and medical school admissions still fails to capture the minds of the College’s students and faculty, whether it be for factors like students voting for their own disciplines or other, then the task before us is to rebuild relations between the disciplines — sharing our knowledge with one another. What better way to do that than Kagan structures?
The College has recently been pushing the “Better Arguments” program, a national project
created by the Aspen Institute. In alignment with such efforts — “taking winning off the table” — students should be encouraged to always do activities such as RoundRobin and table share. Student Assembly? Replace them with RoundRobins. Any consensus can be reached through such intellectually stimulating activities.
When the College sees positive results from Kagan structures, which it surely will, our institution will once again be propelled into the national spotlight. National preeminence, a core goal of the institution, will be easily achieved. We might even be able to prevent more Pine Hall fire alarms from taking place by sharing our experiences in Pine Hall outside of the building, which means we can no longer set them off. Because it’s the residents that are setting them off, right, and not for the fact that they are faulty? Congress will be able to also learn from us and reach a deal.
Alma Mater of America wins again.
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