The First Dream by emmaleesings

This oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s for... Chloe and Jesse Always and forever The Kellehers Ed Mike Hank & Jonjo You boys are life changers and For the guy who called me Something Else I tried to say it a hundred different ways; I love you Thank you Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m listening

June - August 2013

And it's flowing Like water Like hair in the sun as she walks away for the first time Like a meadow seen between trees So what of your ideas And your presumptions? I know the ways Between There is a doorway That is only a blink width away from open Always Unreal Real Words Here There Ideas What matter And it's flowing Like it was Like it would Like a song Yes

Darling, sweetest

It's like this It's in you This choice is yours Make it I'm right here Waiting to kiss the pain away Be fearless I'm here Spotting you on your trapeze Your paper wings are real You can't really fall (Darling, I don't think you can lose your mind anymore) Look Right here.

f you are always with me (And my heart, full of your love says true) Then what is time? Space? Feeling is only Molecularly intertwined within We are one All of us The small, the winged ones The crawlers and the long toothed Only the prayer of the present Lends weight To importance The celebration of touch And eyes made to see And music

Look, here, this skin

A roadmap of experience It's remembered stretch marks and scars Its always softness The shape I'm in Tiny curls of toe, reaching fingers This hair falling over a furrowed brow These arms This belly (round so soft and shy) held a world once This backbone strained against a perfect weight These legs made a long walk more than an idea So striking Strong Fragile This watery and spacious room for my spirit Is breathing in and out Making rhythms and songs of living It is moving in proportionate perfection All systems swirling together And this me Tells me stories of sensation And the best of them Are about your legacy there

What do you feel? (I feel the pink orange sun on the hills this time of year) Television has given us the shorthand of emotion; Child, distended belly and flies Desperation Left out is the every day, the probable That voice on the telephone (after all this time) and a lost key Desperation What do you know? (I know the eightfold path meanders through such light) Schools give us limited, stock knowledge: This set, this way, this outcome, always Simple They leave out The necessary, the useful, we need each other We are all a tribe in a closed system What do you dream? (I dream the flying place and the taste of tomorrow's dew) We are given a template: Car, mortgage, husband, club Simple What's left out is essential Finding purpose in passion, family Joyful sacrifice and the religion of generosity This Is what I feel What I know I dream

Well the boys in the band

Gave it to us good Laying it out all nice and slow That kick tom snare And that snarling lick Scarlet bass tones And then the words come All throaty and true That old wooden floor Got polished with them soles And the skirts just flew Ooh that room was moving Like some downtown ladies do Ain't nothing like this old bar Ain't nothing like the blues

I know

Hearts being what they are And experience and pheromones I know the science of choice But My heart is convinced That if I find the right words If I put them in the right order Exactly when you need to hear them Maybe Maybe all the worlds Will spin into now And you'll decide That I'm the world You want to wake to (Smiling half there and soft) For a long while

I am neither here nor there woman, girl mind, heart smile and spirit laughing softly in the rain and crying silent sometimes I am both now and then dreamer and practical hands, arms and back putting this there and making sure its done I am friend and lover mother and child all things to all people when it suits us all to dress it up i do I am able to move the world to change the times grant wishes and heal hearts soothe minds I am in love with you

Don't think Just because you're invited To a place where few have been That its going to be easy Don't fret, dear There will be challenges It's an invitation to a maze Not a roadmap to the end You are not being given the answers Just the book where they're contained The hunt The chase Still lies ahead This is not commonplace What you think you seek (Being already in your hands) Is just the first step Don't think Feel

Shh, baby, everything's all right

It feels (oh sweet god it feels) so hard And time is so slow right now, like concrete pouring in the rain, sluggish and messy It's hard hitting splinters of glass In all the soft places (When you breathe) But, baby, it's ok The whole whirling world is still here And nothing is lost Just changed (And oh it changed you too) That's not bad, just different Shh, baby, shh Don't cry now We need you to be strong now I won't be long now Shh, baby, be sweet for me Let all the love in There's more than one way To find that meadow With the sun always rising And the song of always Ringing out

I come here

Because sometimes I cannot be alone (With my heart spilling out all over myself) Here I can be discrete About the deep feelings I cannot leave Here there are distractions That are not potentially fatal Soothing That is not too sweet I come here Because sometimes An old bar full of sounds Is quieter Than I am When I am alone

t times like this When the skin is thin And every comment feels like an accost And every kind eye Looks like an accusation When others' stressful comments Are daggers At times like this I wish I could know what I know (On bright sunny days draped with you and your smile kisses) And just let it all Be At times like this I write And hope you're reading Instead of Crying out In the night Like a lonesome Wail

Dearest one; I knew you were near So I wrote to you Waited for you Sang for you (And oh how I practiced) I was so ready for you That even when I was at my worst I was good for you And I (whose forever is so brief in this world) waited Beloved I am waiting still Silent And lost (With the ocean rushing in my ear and the old old hurts shoving) I cry out (Suddenly and surprised in the night) If you were (all of a sudden moment) here I would Still Be this lost (But oh I would be sunnier)

And I open

Like flowers Like hands Like (all of a sudden) eyes There is the weight of wings And shoulders back Head tilted up And grin And oh sweet love of mine yes You are the key But once the door has been unlocked I dance there Free My heart is larger than it possibly could be It has expanded beyond infinity There is a light Oh it is so warm And perhaps If I hold your hearts in mine You all can open too And what world would that be When we all danced there All light

And the way opens before me Wide golden paths Diverging into forever (I am dancing) All is me I am everything I accept I choose this yes Let it be And let me be me The time has come Come Let us go

The sky is green to blue to land And there is a gateway here It leads to over there And the lavender calls A gentle slope of golden waves A silent twist of stream An angel in the looking glass And hope in every palm Here is something simple Easy and cleanly made A family created it Together (all those years) One life Both yin and yang In and out Different and the same Ours and yours His and mine Her dancing frivolity His meditative smile This is yours for the asking Just take my hand The sky is velvet black now And the softness is in the air We swing around the sun again In the land of over there

A thing worth keeping (Close) Is worth pursuing

I will seek you out No more Come then Find me here I have sent up smoke signals For years They clearly describe my coordinates Come my love This prefix describes hope And the suffix A state of being Come then I am here Being I will be waiting I'll be

The heart has its reasons And there ain't no reason I can stop pleasing you

The night has its secrets And the desperate keep them For nights when sleep just won't do I remember That room was moving Like some downtown ladies do That night when that boy sang the blues He sang, "I got my mojo working, but it just don't work on you." I took myself downtown Hummin some Motown Singing, "I can't stop thinking about you." Too early for drinkin But I'm feeling so weak and My hearts all wrapped up in blue I remember That room was moving Like some downtown ladies do That night when that boy sang the blues He sang, "They call it stormy Monday but Tuesday's bad too." I just keep hopin You'll come home again But I don't pretend like its true You know I'm always dreaming And only half believing But baby, I was made for you

The old men like me because I'm witty

And the boys love the way I move The proper ladies love me because they're just like me The girls love that I have nothing to prove But they all love me when I smile Won't you do that thing you do That makes me feel so good I want to smile again my dear Come treat me like you should

It's hard not to be chosen

Over and over again Even though I know you ain't the one I'm meant to be lonesome But I still want someone To hold me against the storm when it comes

The lights went down

So we decided to stay It's the perfect place to come back to This dirty old place

Well the day's just strutting itself around

All peacock sunny And the girls are all smiling It's a take your shirt off kind of day And the water's just fine There's a summer kind of spring in everyone's step Come out and play Ain't no room for heavy hearts today

hat the early sun knows about me is brief I slept like a small child that night in your arms I woke when you did To make sure you weren't leaving There are dreams still churning This time of day Swirling around the still bright air I can taste them They are wish wonderful and salty Like joyful tears We seek the stars we came from In the eyes and arms of our loves I found the way one night And woke with calm in my heart Today at least I can breathe And smile like morning (Hold me gently and I will wake)

It doesn't take much

To win a heart A cup of well timed coffee A gentle touch A word of love So easily opened This small container (That holds worlds) Gentle gentle man Take care Walk softly Tread lightly Here Is a heart So ready to break

The tribe is wide

And the way is far Some will not make it What to do But forge ahead Keep hope in a saddlebag And cry alone Head up Chest out My way is love And it hurts as bad as any There are other ways I see them converge sometimes Yours is perhaps Pride and its underside of fallen Or knowledge and ignorance Each has its other (I know despair better than bliss, don't I dear?) The way is long and far Let us sing at the fires at night And dance on the path by day Rather that then the purple nights And the long fingers trailing That way is too cold

Dreams come

Sudden and demanding Must and now They push unwanted Through the moment I want bright mornings And soft strong arms And a flower there in the glass And perhaps a song Sometimes there is only the dark wood The often dark And the backwoods Soft underbelly of moss and was And a rank wetness in the way There are bright things there Under it all Sometimes dreams come And they will not leave Even when my eyes are wide

It's a small coat

It doesn't fit well I shall throw it off And leave it for someone I shall strut And caper now Here come the drums (And the bass drops) This new skin Is still wet But it shall fit well This next few miles

The sky is a lavender haze

And you're near again String lights dancing in the breeze And a handkerchief of longing Watch that bit of shadow there Make a veil of might Hang it loose across the window Make a perhaps blanket And ask me to stay There's none but the flowered ones left In this mist

One bright day

I'm going to wake Your arms (smelling of cinnamon and sun) wrapped about me Like the blanket I could never find In any store I will see the light Brown red eyelid bright Before I focus I will feel the warmth Before the weight One bright day We will smile soft slow good mornings And discuss (through touch) Whose turn it is to make coffee And grins will dance about the room Someone will put a song on And (perhaps) dance Into some bright day

She came downstairs

Like a lover with a stutter Reading Neruda to his only, Clumsy, endearing He was a corduroy blanket Sturdy and soft Never refined Someone threw a silk scarf over the lamp And the room was amber ambiance A soft stroke Lips pressed Gasp She turned away Like the sun setting Breathtaking and final Draped in holy orange He was blue jeans Washed and rough Dressed Down Someone twisted the spike And the rain was always And all he could see was blue

Beauty comes sneaking up On the occupied heart Just slips around the back And says hello

Muscles sore and stretched Eyes heavy with grit And the brazen sunlit sky Just flaunts itself Well, all right, then I've always been an opportunist I give more to those who seek me out I bend to attentive eyes

Sing me a song of the river

And the island in the reeds Remember me back to the one time When you found me there (When the green was electric spring) I will make a palace And bed down there most twilights (As the setting sun singes the hills) It will have corridors aplenty For the knowledge I need to be a pleasant vessel A pleasing pen Still I seek another seeker One who needs the length of my side Artfully arranged round their waist Aligning breast to backbone nicely In an array of sleep clumsy parts (And another rhythmic heart making counterpoint to mine)

have found Some small bits of truth Stumbling through the dark I share them By keeping them close I treat others the way I whisper to myself So I have made that whisper kind I see in the world What I fear about my heart So I am fearless in the wilds of my love I feel heaven In the way I forgive my transgressions So I wake each day and murmur grace I stumble less In the dark Because of these small lights

ail down river There beneath the reaching leaves Something bright A thing not tattered yet Grasp and pull The world slips Walk southbound tracks Beaten by heat There in the shadow Something cool and smooth Caress and rest your cheek against it A far cry Sleep wrapped in cotton cocoons Feathered head There in the dreamscape Something real Unimagined and firm (Supplicants sigh)

I have travelled gladly beyond

The silence and the chaos And I have sought the path in between I know what comes after the fall And the color of the sky when claws are comfort I bring you news It is time And all the lost and lonely things Left in the shade and solemn Are mementos and keepsakes only So weep only for effect There is a song And we can sing it Look here Beneath the veil There are lips whispering your name And arms reaching for your tired head A lullabye of kindest soft A blanket heavy with dream I bring you news It is fresh on my lips A berry smear of gladness Bright and stark for tasting

want An arm about my waist A chest to lean into And a thigh aligned with mine I want An eye turned to me A hand fingers reaching And an arm crooked for walking I want to be In love Always

I'll have a parasol to filter the sunshine into dapples

And you'll have a flask for the asking Full of electricity and fire She'll bring the fullness of bounty wrapped in wax paper and twine We'll travel the far path And tread the hills Follow the clouds out to the edge And find the lizard tree The day's just begging for our footsteps Let's consume it with relish and wine Come follow me into tomorrow I do believe its high time

There ain't much to it This old life A smile here A nudge there Moments of activity And rest A meal A song And a sleep

Seems so simple sometimes When the light's just right And the babies are sleeping The rest of the time I guess we just dream Not much to it This old life

Choice is a funny thing Before you chose the other road My story about you was filled with rose colored expletives And exclamation points! Now it's sedate Simple A comma here and there It's the same story But my it's different Just one little choice And the pronunciation of Oh Is so changed

One bright day the west wind brought news

On papered bits of wish were writ The words we seldom say And bits of wit were lettered there In the flotsam of the breeze We gathered the pages in amazement And made a sort of sense of them To read round the fire light When a story was all that could mend our hearts I know what those papers said I remember the cadence and the rhyme Remember me down the last corridor And I'll sing you back to the river's birth The first dream Is always of water The first nightmare Of loss Have a drink I'm not leaving Once upon a time...

Through the wasted lands

Heat baking up from the center of the world Cracked lips parched for green Tobacco and fires for light We knew this way was hard The settlements sparsely spaced The only crop that grows here is angry dry eyed children Sun bleached and tired from birth We knew this way was long We smelled the sea long before our eyes closed in water rapture Salt and smiling horseback nomads at last The long ocean journey still weeks away We laid down our packs with sighs That let the last of the dust loose from our lungs We knew this way would be long Long before we began

I'm happy to show you what love is And send you off to another's arms To demonstrate your newfound skills

But If you should wake one night Lonely in your perfectly warm bed With your perfectly lovely lover And find yourself thirsty for only my taste Please drop me a line To let me know It's lonely here On this mountaintop All the wisdom of all the worlds Is spare comfort When I remember your arms

Calm, dear wild one, calm Quiet yourself This turbulence is only a tide It will retreat soon enough It is not forever Only a deeply difficult now Here Here is the one rose Blooming suns eternally Here In the garden Still Shh, wild thing, shh A heart speaks But it cannot always get what it wishes When it cries out You must hear the spirit instead It sings a wish of wisdom Now and then

A soft bed of feathers and fur Warm light and a kind hand Slowly stroking A window (curtain filtered) A tree and a sky

Perhaps some silent tears Over some loss real or imagined And arms circling self Perhaps a small smile And eyes faraway and crinkled Simple wishes Are all I have These days

Last night I fell down

Cried out in the night With despair I was found there on the pavement And held so gently There was a chest to cry on And kind words to soothe my answerless questions What do you mean there is no god? What else but the divine could do that?

A whisper in the night

Soft kindness A strong hand gently holding A fragile thing Lost ones Half dreaming Sleep heavy and quiet I heard you And those small words Opened something so wide I could do nothing Breathe Still I heard you And I do too

No matter the despair I will love tomorrow No matter the pain I will smile Unapologetic I will falter and flounder I am lonely I find fault with myself These things are merely A part of the deal They are no more significant Than the color of my eyes When the fog rolls in And I can't find a good reason Anywhere

I want to be told that I'm beautiful You make it true I want to be touched To define the shape I'm in I need to be seen To be a light I refute the claim That others are irrelevant This is no vacuum There is air here (So much air) We are all connected Some more closely than others In intricate patterns Woven into time I want to be accepted for what I am So that I can change Into something more amazing Still I work very hard to make these needs Easy to meet

I am only half here

These things I do and say Are news to me I wander half blind Half awake On these streets The rest of me dreams Raises wings to the winds of in between Trails fingers in a pool of imaginings Kicks clouds to see them bounce And gazes at the three suns Chasing each other across a deep purple sky I am only half here And when I am here It is often so fragile So tired I bring news Of there For myself to read When I come home

A bright yellow and velvety black bee

Humming round the lavender A corridor between buildings starkly receding into then A finger of thick white fog tracing the mountaintop A gnarl of limb reaching up from bright green newborn ferns uncurling into dark And the sudden gold beyond stretching into a sigh (If you want to be me) The sky half aware and otherwise clouded The scuff slip sound of eight feet stepping almost in time over gravelly paths The moving curl of dirt road unfolding as we pass its origins And the whip fast blur of leaves becoming a tapestry of vermilion and life (Where do you keep all your ideas?) Under this tree is a world no one knows Walking on top of the bars holding on holding on This handbill for new ideas weathered by the turn from then to now That tiny red flower exploding into a wow of sudden color And ice cream dripping sticky onto the pavement in a shock of green (Thank you)

ompassion, I think (from this small perspective), Is feeling rejected And (instead) assuming that it is harder For the other Than for you And reaching out (Through the fiery fog of doubt) In acceptance Of that choice

I dream of other worlds (the purple sky the blue black loamy ground the river and the pool oh the pool the three suns the reaching trees) but I am in this one, here and now for a reason beyond my small understanding I dream of other worlds (the sky reaching towers the cloudscapes the tall walkers the robed ones the streams of silver) but I love this one with its troubled days and its restless nights I dream of other worlds (twisting inroads beneath and between the carousel of living things the fruit oh the fruit the dark eyed ones that speak in shapes the small animals soft of fur and bright eyed the smell of tomorrow) but you are here in this one

ou Yes you, with the eyes that have seen too much You, with the ability to do so much And the whisper in your ear that you've not done enough You You're changing me I'm feeling you And now I'm more than I was Have you also woken in a dream Have you danced alone on your cluttered floor wishing for a counterpoint as you turned Have you also tasted tears when you did not know there was even a sadness There must be a reason

I'm sick with this Enough. Whatever it is that pulses behind my dreaming eyes Whatever it is that screams it's awareness within my everyday life Whatever it is that speaks when I don't know what to say It's time for it to make itself known Speak, demon Sing, angel I'm sick with this I'm fevered with it Sweating it out Hot and fast Dreamed up in some frenzy (And I willingly go again and again to the well, don't I?)

'm not seeking a lover In order to have another to blame Or occupy my time I'm not looking for a distraction Or a momentary satiation I'm looking for another body To define mine I'm looking for eyes to search in For the stars I know are behind my own I want to dance across a floor And be spun I want to ask a question in the dark And hear an answer Even if its just a mumble and a sleep arm around me I'm not looking for a reflection So I can see myself better

Like silk on a wheel

We change from raw to refined With every revolution What is spun Will be woven Into a shining cloth Thrown over a lamp somewhen Like wine in a cask We change from tasteless to intricate With every season's passing What is drunk Will be tasted By mouths ready for smiling One winter's day I will wrap myself in silk And drink warm wine And believe In a tomorrow That is refined and intricate

he sat in a high backed chair Angels with round, blank eyes stared from the carving of the wood that she leaned into With her would be perfect posture (Should some suitor suddenly call) Her gaze was fixed on the mirror Her arms moved in perfect motion As she brushed her hair into a slow wave of gold She thought of other times (He chased me into the alleyway and we kissed in the narrow place between the buildings he smelled like apples and his hands were thick and cautious) Times when she never gave much thought To the way time passes Mindless and final Leaving dry evidence of its passing On every surface Wearing away at the brightness That used to be so common A song that never plays these days Hummed in her mouth The words mostly forgotten The melody as fresh As the first time Somewhere beyond her aging gaze Is yesterday As tomorrow knocks gently (Relentlessly) On the door Her back straightens

Characters form in my mind Players in a drama yet untold They are not like me I am nearly ready To write myself And finally know What it's like to meet me In the deepening shade And greet my love With lifetimes of yes

Got my pole, got my reel Got my creel I'm goin fishin today Hope I find my way

To the river of imaginings Where I find all these magical things I've built a fire there On the island there It's small and impossibly bright For those lonely nights On the river of imaginings Where I dream up magical things Sometimes I try But there ain't even a bite Some days I go I can barely hold my pole My creel overflows With all those songs and poems Words still wet They ain't dead yet On the river of imaginings Where I see some magical things And sometimes it's hard Having a secret spot Where no one ever goes And only some ever know Got my pole, got my reel Got my creel I'm goin fishin today Hope I find my way

The fire was just right

Logs in some ancient ideogram Sparks like stars sudden rising from the flames The ocean shushed across the sand In perfect time Breathing in heavy exhales as the waves became sea again We sat with this summers tribe Shared smoke and drink Words and song (and we all sang along) Ain't nothing like a bonfire on the beach With your families We know We been doin this all our lives

We are complete Without clothing Naked, I am whole

Yet I would wear my jeans And this t-shirt too Even if no one was around or cared if they were I would miss the fabric stretching over my skin The embrace of the denim as knees bent I would want the drape of second skin ready to be unwrapped I'm complete Just as I am But I miss your arms Around me

(The music hits) Pain and trouble They love to invite themselves in I don't remember when I gave permission But maybe they don't ask (And the music hits) Hard days and hot nights It's a long road for the weary ones Dragging memories along like they mean something All loaded up on what was (Let the music hit) Today's as hard as tomorrow will be One foot after one foot after Do the work make the time count Til it's time to go home (When the music hits)

I've gone from daughter to wife to mother and I've always lived alone

I throw the best party in town and I'm the life of it and I'm always alone I've slept in arms more than I've slept without them I've always slept alone I eat with family and friends at every meal I always eat alone I walk with brothers and sisters marching onwards I walk alone I knew what it was like to be in your heart and now I am allone

I often remember What it was (is) like To be all for just a (mo ment) It remains, though Like crumbs at the corner of my mouth Making my Smile just a bit more (en ticing) Like a bit of star Left deep (deep) in an iris Stared at from right up close so very (mes merizing) I often remember Tomorrow Too

Zero In Focus

Feel the electricity In every extremity Feel it course Through Focus In Now See the puzzle unravel Fall into an obvious pattern Laid out before you Perfect Pay Attention Now See Now

Up above the world

When the clouds are a sea below I can breathe No one calls on me And no hands reach for mine Just step upon step The sun beating down The quick relief of shade A flow of flowers where the last rain came It tempts me every time The trail To abandon the world of must and should And just keep walking No destination just an endless journey And conversation a rare treat at the occasional outpost But I've met these wanderers And their eyes are too wild perhaps Their hands too used to grasping only a walking stick I may keep my residence here on earth Instead of above For a moment or two longer

I am not nearly close enough to comprehension I do not understand I mean, I just don't get it Why things are not the way I know they should be Why am I ever wanting For arms around me Or a kind eye towards me Why do I have to memorize The intricacies Of desire So closely? But I am sure Beyond the upstairs creak Of large footsteps There is a somewhere And it's all so clear I like to imagine My soul perched Above Smiling gently As I cry for your rejection And my lonely walk (Again) I imagine my soul Knowing That right around the corner Comes everything I could ever want

I have a bone to pick With you

You come into my life Uninvited Welcome And suddenly All my old ways My comfortable farces My quiet plays Are shown for what they are: Tissue paper masks That's all right I mean, that's ok But Now you wave goodbye and walk out the door And I'm here With no shelter (And no, it doesn't matter that it was false cover) So I'm here Naked And if you can't cover me You could at least Tell me I'm beautiful

he told me I'd inspired her Enhanced the quality of her life And helped her remember who she was He told me I'd changed him Made him better than he was And made him want to write a song That woman last night We met for the first time And she said I changed her life I acted like it was news And you You just said Love you, babe And brought me coffee In bed And touched my head When I sighed a truth to myself And now I'm so grateful That I know what to say You inspire me To be better than I already am You enhance the quality of my life And you light up some small fire inside my heart cage A fire I did not know could burn so warm

The loneliest girl in the room

The one who knows everyone And is greeted with such love By every smile The one with the smile You can see for miles The one with a hug for everyone And an answer to all the small wants The loneliest girl in the room Surrounded by a whole tribe Of people that can't make it through The walls

The rusted banks of the river

Gritty iron flakes of sod Roots clutch and grope their way in and around Making small shelters from the rushing tide What flows there is a mystery to most None but the bravest make it past the shallows Feet fearful toe the wavelets Stuck firm in the soil There are some that ignore the tingling in the soles Shun the shadows swimming deep Shed their skins And dive Those few know That the river is all there is They know the banks are illusion They know

I don't want to change your mind Teach you manners Or help you define The way you see the world

I don't want to tell you to chew more slowly Or to get rid of that tattered shirt I don't want to replace your couch With a divan I don't want you to reassure me Make me better or tell me what to do I'm not looking for a scapegoat Or a North Star to follow in the night I don't want more than you have to give I don't want you to make me whole I don't want to play a role In the farce of a shadow life I want you I want you next to me I want you

Dear Reader, These words were set out for the purpose of exorcism Their effect I confess Is secondary I discover their flavor and consistency With you Yet, when I taste The despair And hopelessness I do feel some responsibility This is my condolence My statement of awareness I see the bright white someday I know the golden fields We are all there dancing That is the deepest truth Love, This human (being)

There is a quiet knife

Shadow forged deep beneath In fire fueled by lost bones Bellowed by deep sighs of loss It's subtle edge Lays opaque slices down Slow When the darkness is in my very eyes And all the joys and brightness Are less than they are Colored smoky indifferent grey That knife is wielded By an enemy so unstoppable My only option Is to stand, arms wide And confess Here is my heart, battered, torn I have offered it willingly To beggars, thieves and monsters Take what you will Of its sweet love Here is my throat, I have bared it Knowingly Praying for the strike That would leave me unspeakable When I do My enemy only laughs And turns the hungry blade inward Wild eye and grin wide I feel the cut Before it cries Mercy Mercy

I'm spinning out in thought and it just won't And then a huge red sign shows up in my soggy vision STOP startles a laugh out of me in spite of my lifelong dedication to despair So I read the next many signs Just in case But they only say to return shopping carts And that there is only certain parking allowed Guess you only get an answer sometimes And usually when you aren't looking I been waking so lately

Give me a quiet seat beneath a tree

Let the play of humans being bloom around me I'm happiest observing the intricacies of expression None of it really matters So it's particularly important What we choose and how we do The badges of our uniqueness That's shade of blue Those shoes That book on change The songs we play Me, I value subtlety But I'm too tall and too damn tired For anything but dramatic statements I stand out So I'll have to keep my quiet aesthetic to myself

Dry golden grass chirrs an uneven chorus Night wind starts and frets about Stealing all the day's warm away

I had not intended to be here With no answer to my prattle But the locust song of summer's kiss But here I am You will find your way to the only conclusion eventually Plodding along sure and myopic An old horse unaware that your blinders are now gone You see only the path two steps ahead There is a lantern in your jacket pocket It has not been lit for many Sundays But it's wick is fresh I have a flame We could have light If you would just allow it All the reasons you describe In your silence as you turn away Are only fears you carved into the stone around your heart I have read the chronicles of loss inscribed there So many ways I see beyond the wall that grew Like a garden left untended If you decide that there is life left to consume I'd gentle your heart back Into a love all your own

Sinuous silhouettes dance on the walls They are dancing again (and my thoughts fall) Playing poker with tarot cards I've drawn strength Your hand is full of swords Again (shuffle) Here is an argument For sleeping alone And those pearls are in my eyes now So the devil rides the wheel across the plains And here is a secret That everyone knows (I cannot find my way back without a heart to follow) So down down down Spin the wish away There is a balm In New Orleans That only the dance daddy knows (play them minor chords my eyes won't stay dry tonight) My very nature Is my enemy A strange bedfellow indeed Goodnight dear Goodnight

You come near

Brush up, a mere touch And I am suddenly aware Of every inch of me that is now touching you That small piece of real estate Between my elbow and my wrist Is more alive than anything in this room Except perhaps my heart Suddenly slamming against my chest (Can you hear it, you're so close) And then you step away And Now That part of me is just arm again Primed for touching Should you want that Accidentally again

There was a tropical storm of words

Adjectives whipped against inside of my mind Nouns crashed down in thunderous piles Verbs just rained down in thick sheets A low, hungry growl of now now now in the distance Then Lightning strikes of feelings formed and struck Lonely screamed from the north, wailing like a banshee bride Sadness moaned deep and long and the fall of wetness was cold, cold Anger flashed and burned, erupting the very sky with wrath When the clouds went to bed at last And the blue was bright again I wandered about Picking through the debris Wondering at the destruction I found this poem there And other evidence of love

Complete, this world whirrs about

Spinning out a perfect description of phi The counterpoint is perfectly in time Space is full of pregnant points Drifting What could be is instantly obvious To the untamed heart So speak to me of yes or not at all Possible thens and whens flit about Mayflies, they matter not (It's all maybe, dear) My priority is my own sanity Through the bending this world offers So I hope your heart is stronger than your silence

Below the lizard tree

A flat sided stone Higher than our heads A long answer A salt backed kiss And the wind whipping through the holes unfilled Long off the sun falls Slow Leaves a long tangerine ribbon along the border between sea and sky And paints the blue sky green By the time the first star blinked I knew Where my heart Wanted to be I ran I should have stayed

I'll take the lonely path

It's cleaner And More It's the only one I see anymore If someone finds me there Walking in the tall grass Head high Well then They shall be surprised To find such a warm heart Wandering So

Damn the should and must crowd

I'll have none of that There is but one path and that is self evident I know what right is When that heat bakes inside When that sudden tingle begins When the soles are alive with writhing There is a thing I must do When it is all winter leaves When nothing sighs When my palms are slow sweat There is a thing I cannot do What question is there? Patience is for the sick and the young Most are competent enough to know

In the room

The women come and go While the men just stay their ground Silent Outside The winds swish and blow Tossing newsprint bits of wisdom 'round Timeless Over there The river shimmies its flow Carrying news of tomorrows found Crying Up up up with the stars In places only the lonely know The lost dreams grow wings without a sound Sighing

he only knew how to be alone When she was supposed to be with someone else And her eyes never met yours Unless she was lying She was the kind of girl you'd fall in love with But never could get near The kind of girl who'd make love to you And leave before it was done

Beloved Be Loved

Be warm Be kind Be present Be compassionate Be with me Be Loved Be daring Be dancing Be holding Be gentling Be near me Be Loved Be brave Be fearless Be sexy Be open Be kissing me Be Loved Beloved There is one way to be Which is discovery of joy One way to be Which is laughing and more One way Be Loved Beloved I am already loving you Be Loved

Catharsis, she says

Mispronounced it still sticks in my side Damn word My own private C word Cathartic Sheesh At least the music was loud on the way home Car after car leaving the coast We were the only car going west And then you say The name of an album And I realize It's serious now I mean it Does it matter that it may be the first time No, nothing matters but the shade of your eyes And the color of your stare Well, then. Time for a drink Here's to the inevitable end May it be sweet May it be kind May it be cathartic Damnit. I love you

Oh beloved,

What are we gonna do? Are you ready to be loved? Cause I'm ready I mean I'm already Loving you

A heart expands Over time Over love Over the endless

A heart is larger within Than without A heart can be won With time With love With attention A heart translates What the spirit whispers To the body and mind To the now To some end A heart beats Ever hopeful Against the cage it is born into Until (one fine day) It is freed

Pages and pages

(And I know it's wasteful these days but I love the pen to paper kiss) Words and perhaps rhymes Thoughts incarnate None of it really means much When it comes, it just comes Can I even call myself a writer? No more than whatever it is And some musings Purposeless Directionless Simply a deeper need forcing itself out And some reflection on this existence Matterless Formless But then He comes in and says This one here made me feel And she says This one it made me realize And then she says Inspired And Who am I Really To even have the compunction To ask

Breathe

For crying out loud breathe Look There is a sea Deep and blue and breathing There is a sea Look Just below The surface There's not much else but room In between the bits Of here Is possibility and not much else So breathe Baby you're killing me please breathe Sleep travel Interrupted by a cessation Gasp and silence Startled eyes open Here is my argument: You may tell me not to Or that there is no reward in it But You may not tell me that I don't Love you

You can't get there from here

No acceleration can reach that speed Some already are But not us There is a way Between the walls You can't get there But you can suddenly be there Perception That old hack Blathers its shoulds A key Unresolved until the end A door More of a way than a portal (But let us use metaphor when language fails) We are mostly blind So feel your way You can't get there from here But what if we're not here Unspeakable suffering It ends with a whisper The bangs long done Crinoline grins Faster than light Travel beyond A far field of colors We can't see You can't get there from here You can be there any time you choose (And the women come and go)

From here

The horizon is an undulating blanket of water Thick and viscous More than its particles Land is a far dream Familiar and present But unreachable Should this tiny vessel Decide that below is its home The poles lie slack All ears tuned to the whizz and whirr that doesn't come this time All minds searching for the hunters below I am guilty Of pleasure We will not harvest this time But oh I have gathered so much into my Self Fishing The wise ones say Is not about what you catch

low waking Eyelids tattooed with dappled day Thin strips of now Then the fullness of it all You're across the room now But my first thought is of the slow weight of your arm Something shifts Thoughts flood Japanese maple leaves Ballet dancing wolves Whether the yes will come soon Then honeyed milk coffee warm and aromatic is all I know I'll take my coffee lovingly prepared And I'll take my waking slow

he fiery glance Of the woman whose imagined slight Has your face Is blazing its way through your sentence Don't bother with punctuation It's done There's a power in decisive privilege And some age old imbalance That has agreed to trade A lifetime of caged beauty For withering anger at whim I'll walk alone That is no agreement I would take So I'll shun it's benefits as well I'm a human Being

Intimate fog wraps itself around the day like a perfumed scarf Another night has passed (I found you there by the gate in the wall your face upturned to the rain) Ain't no body like this body For housing this heart It's probably time to go again (Please don't let me go) The rain won't come And neither will the sun It'll be an almost but not quite sky all day most likely Fate can twist So why must it twist me I'll stay if I can Here in your arms And the mountain can come to me Marching silent And find me smiling

I know

What I know about you Could fit into that tiny pocket in my jeans The one that holds only a guitar pick Or a silver quarter But I know I want to know what it’s like to be kissed by you What your lap is like when I suddenly sit on it to hold your neck And nuzzle a ‘love you’ I know What I know

here's this secret That nobody knows It's sweeter than you think And quieter too Common perception Would have you think That raucous and revelry Is all I see Truth is, friend When I'm not working (And yes my work is play) I'm curled quiet A book and some tea Bach's remedies And a silent someday lover on my mind I'm sorry to destroy the illusion Mostly, even the lovers I imagine Love another girl Just so I never feel so secure As to think I could sleep

Another heart opened

Another two healed Reports are filed Here is the inspiration I accomplished today, et al As long as I don't pretend I'm human it's fine These feelings, though, argue so well Some old hurt I've yet to heal wonders aloud About the aloneness And the loss It asks why there is always someone else more in need of comfort And why I always step out of the way Instead of saying No, be mine Somewhere between velvet selfishness and gravelly pity is my heart It's not all brightness, you know When you're something else

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There ainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t much to say but thank you kindly oh and I love you ever so much

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