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The Epic Highs And Lows Of College Living On The Sink Side Page Controlling Roommate
You’ve Been Warned Issue
April 28. 2021
Students Prepare For 3 Sexless Months of Summer By Layin’ Some Pipe Here Page Childhood Bedroom
Davidson Student Gets A Full 8 Hours of Sleep During Finals Week, Won’t Shut Up About It Page Belk Scholar
How To Destroy Carol Quillen Mentally In Order To Gain Power Page Peloton
Try-Hard First Year Upset they Didn’t Win Any 2021 Convocation Awards Page Not Eligible
Fall Courses Taught by Covid Core Response Team Everyone has taken lessons away from the COVID-19 pandemic, especially the Davidson College COVID Core Response Team (hopefully). This fall, the team will use their newfound wisdom for a series of Covid-related courses cross-listed in the new Public Health department. Rumored offerings include:
periences as COVID Testing Site Coordinators into an invigorating syllabus. You will learn what it is like to eat Den everyday and hear anecdotes from interactions with the Mako testers. Tester #5, the campus crush, will join to discuss how to gently caress a student’s nostril from the inside. Despite feeling slighted by being left off the Core Response Team, Rice and Adams have generously agreed to share their stories from the frontlines.
ECO $300M: “Pandemiconomics” with Chris Clunie and Ann McCorvey This is a class for budding philanthropists wanting to start a nonprofit and for Econ majors who dream of being venture capitalists alike. You will learn how to shake down major donors for millions of dollars in order to pay for twice-weekly testing, thermometers that only give temperatures in Celsius, and even chartered flights for the football team to San Diego. While the campus did see an increase in parking ticket revenue due to students parking in Baker for <5 minutes for college-mandated testing, the bump was not enough. Finance VP McCorvey and AD Clunie
The man behind the greatest hits of administrative decisions like no close contacts and no guests on senior’s porches is here to share his talents with you. Have you felt a wall between the students and the administration? Well, come learn from the man that built it!
will teach a rigorous course on how to raise enough money in a few months to eliminate every Davidson student’s debt (and then, of course, put that money toward something a little more pressing). COM4SecondsUpTheNose: “Swab Stories” with Rachel Rice and Beth Adams Getting large groups of students to do anything is hard, just ask anyone who has tried to organize an event on campus. Rice and Adams poured their ex-
A Review of a Show No One Missed: Oops Improv Comedy For those blissfully unaware, the intrepid and only comedy group on campus has made a … return. In a year where creativity means relocating your event to whatever outdoor space is not booked on EMS, you could say the improv group has gotten creative. Staged on the back patio of Commons, Oops seems to have invested their entire budget in this cold, windy, production. Accoutrement included a Danny Devito and two Dr. Faucci cutouts,, and a cut out of Bernie and his mittens sitting at the capital - timely and relevant. Perhaps the highlight of the night was that the group did provide drinks and pizza - Domino’s to be exact. What this writer wants to know is where Oops gets off. The troupe performed some pretty standard games -- “yes and’s” were heard abundantly. Yet, what Oops had the gall to criticize and what I think stood out to many audience members were two things. Number 1: Davidson College’s exquisite greenery. The improv group remarked on Davidson College’s constant posting of picture after picture of the flowers, trees, and grass that fill our campus on their Instagram. Let them hear you, one and all: WE LOVE IT. So what if the college
likes to post a picture of The Well every day? So what if the college ignores critically important and pressing issues like the Asian American Initiative or tenuring more professors of color? If we get to see a picture of the green grass… dammit we’re satisfied. Secondly, and maybe most importantly, the group also parodied a specific hair cutting action that this writer found… distasteful. Maybe based on real life, maybe not, we know many members of this community like to show their affection in different ways. Some prefer hugs, some kisses, and some like to cut off small pieces of their friends’ hair and tape them to a little stick figure in a small book they carry around. Oops decided that method of affection was ridiculous and proceeded to make a mockery of it onstage. Well, sir, I say we have had enough. Oops and its members, I now talk directly to you. Think about these “jokes” and who they affect. We’ve said it once and we’ll say it again, no one here can take a joke, and this writer is included in that sorry lot.
THE 1EmailAWeek: “Shadow Puppets” with Mark Johnson Picture a dark classroom with a spotlight shining directly on a barren wall. The shape of two hands appear and form themselves into the silhouette of President Quillen. Who’s hands could they be? None other than Mark Johnson! Everyone’s favorite college Communications Director is here to teach students the art of shadow puppetry, an act he’s been mastering since his arrival at Davidson in 2012. Mark said he was excited to come to Davidson so that he could “shape storytelling” on a college campus; learn from him as he shapes his hands into fun animals while explaining how he’s pulled the strings in the President’s office the entire year! The man behind the greatest hits of administrative decisions like no close contacts and no guests on senior’s porches is here to share his talents with you. Have you felt a wall between the students and the administration? Well, come learn from the man that built it! And marvel as he projects shadow puppets of the administration on it!
Reflection on My Time with Sandor (Sandy) Helfgott This semester, my roommate started going to Zoom Bootcamp with Sandy religiously every Monday and Wednesday mornings at 6:30 am. I then had two choices: stay in bed and dream fitfully for another hour while she worked out down the hall in the lounge, or get up with her and grind through 45 minutes of a musical theater-themed workout with my history professor. It took me a while to get into it, but I’ve really come around to seeing waking up to sweat at such an ungodly hour as a great way to stay fit and bond with my roommate in something that is probably akin to the crucible of war. I won’t lie, Sandy makes the experience much better with continued banter that the Zoom mic picks up about 50% of. However, there isa major issue I have been having the past few weeks, and I feel like I need to go public with my story. Let me set the scene: it’s 6:40 am and Sandy just told you that you are about to do 100 lunges, counting on your own. You probably already see the major problem here, but for those who are more mathematically inclined, I’ll spell it out for you: Sandy made the huge
assumption here that I can count. I want to assure you that I can count to five, maybe ten, without losing track. Being asked to count to such a high number, at any point in the day, but especially in the morning, just seems like an unfair burden. If I’m at Bootcamp at 6:30 am, I think it’s pretty clear where my priorities are: physical abilities, not mental ones. I am trying to be a bimbo over here, and I feel like my progress is being stunted by the continual math practice I get in Bootcamp. Sandy, I love you, and I know you would never do anything to intentionally harm me. But you have to know that I have had to do more math in Bootcamp than I have been asked to do in a class since junior year of high school. Honestly, I should be fulfilling a MQRQ requirement. I would say that my biggest issue is that after I count to ten, I run out of fingers. Depending on the exercise, I can use my toes to get to twenty, but after that I’m really screwed. Anyway, I love the workout, but I just want you to know, I solely follow you and am incapable of doing my own counting, and I just hope you can accept that.