March Edition - Vol 3

MARCH 2020 | VOL. III

"WE MAY ENCOUNTER MANY DEFEATS, BUT WE MUST NOT BE DEFEATED." -MAYA ANGELOU IMPORTANT DATES

IN

MARCH

W0MEN'S HISTORY MONTH

8- Daylight Savings Time 17-St. Patricks Day 19- First Day of Spring!

March is Women's History Month and we are excited to feature an inspiring and beautiful influencer in our community. Yamel Belen (@KurlyCrown on Instagram)! Yamel will give us a glimpse into her life as a wife, a mother, a nurse, a doula and most importantly as a woman.

Yamel, we, The Curly Paper, would like to personally thank you for your service as a doula during these delicate times we are living with the COVID-19 pandemic. Despite the precautions that humanity is taking, you see firsthand how our world is being affected, as you work delivering babies. Thank you for bringing more awareness about postpartum depression, as it is needed now more than ever. We encourage our readers to check on their friends & families as we navigate through this difficult time in history.

- EmilyÂ

A MESSAGE FROM THE W.H.O. Help Stop Coronavirus

DO THE FIVE

1. HANDS - Wash them often 2. ELBOW - Cough into it 3. FACE - Don't touch it 4. FEET - Stay more than 3ft apart 5. FEEL - Sick? Stay home

TABLE OF CONTENTS

12

21

NEMO'S BIG CHOP

JENNIFER CHATS WITH US

4

6

Editor's Note

Meet our Editor in Chief and our Managing Editor.

Yamel Belen

A glimpse into her world

6

YAMEL SHARES HER CAREER AND LIFESTYLE WITH US

19 #OhMycurls!

Awilda shares her hair transformation

21

curl chat Jennifer Cifuentes chats with us

24 the juice 12

big chop!

Nemo’s big chop

Women Empowerment or Phoniness?

28 CURLY KIDS CORNER 15

18

dear curly paper,

Check out Isis !

Friend or Foe ?

curly of the month See who made it on our Picture Frame this month!

29 classifieds

Services, Events, Model Search, etc.

Meet our Chief Editor

a l l Be

Born in San Juan, Puerto Rico. Bella's family later moved to the states and her late father was stationed in Tacoma, Washington. They later moved to New Jersey where Bella spends most of her life. Bella is a mom of four. Married for almost 20 years. She has a Masters of Science in Psychology degree. Bella has been a passionate member of the curly hair community for about three years now and is excited

about learning new things, as well as excited about teaching others, not only about hair-related topics, but also about life experiences.

THE CURLY PAPER | 4

y m Em

Meet our Managing Editor

New Jersey native, Emmy

(@negra.latina) is the proud mother of three children and wife to an unbelievably creative husband who she credits for most of her successes. She’s been in business management for 10 years. She currently plays the role of Senior Manager for a fortune 100 company with Hospitality background. Emmy has been blessed to experience art, culture and love and

she is excited about sharing it with everyone !

THE CURLY PAPER | 5

CELEBRATING WOMENHOOD WITH YAMEL

TELL US ABOUT YOURSELF. I was born and raised in New York. My parents are from the Dominican Republic, where I actually lived until about second grade. Many don't know that English is actually my second language. Fast forward to now..

I've been married for 22 years, 5 beautiful kids later. When my

husband and I started our family, we decided to then move to Florida.

But we still miss the magic of New York soooo much! Even 19 years later.

THE CURLY PAPER | 6

CELEBRATING WOMANHOOD WITH YAMEL

WHAT WAS YOUR VERY FIRST JOB?

THIS MAKES ME GIGGLE A LITTLE. MY FIRST JOB WAS FOR A JC PENNEY CATALOG STORE. PICTURE THIS.. CUSTOMERS WOULD PLACE THEIR ORDERS OVER THE PHONE, WAIT UNTIL IT ARRIVED AT OUR STORE, AND WE WOULD CONTACT THEM TO COME FOR REVIEW AND PICK UP, I AM DATING MYSELF BECAUSE IF YOU HAVEN’T NOTED- INTERNET REALLY WASN’T A THING.

WHAT IS YOUR WORSE AND/OR FAVORITE MEMORY ABOUT YOUR FIRST JOB ?

WHAT IS YOUR PROFESSION NOW ?

WELL, THIS IS A LOADED QUESTION

I LEARNED SO MUCH ABOUT CUSTOMER SERVICE AT THE JCPENNEY CATALOG STORE. I

BECAUSE I AM A REGISTERED NURSE, A DOULA/BUSINESS OWNER AND I ALSO HAVE A LITTLE BLOG.

WOULD SNEAK AND LOOK THROUGH ALL THE CATALOGS AND COORDINATE OUTFITS WHEN ON MY BREAKS. WORSE MEMORY? I REALLY DIDN’T APPRECIATE HAVING TO LIFT SOME OF THE CUSTOMER’S HEAVY ORDERS!

THE CURLY PAPER | 7

..IS THERE SUCH A THING AS A MULTI-PROFESSIONAL? BECAUSE IF THERE IS..

that’s me!

CELEBRATING WOMANHOOD WITH YAMEL

WHAT EDUCATIONAL BACKGROUND OR PROFESSIONAL TRAINING DID YOU HAVE BEFORE STARTING YOUR CAREER ?

I ALWAYS KNEW I WOULD BE IN THE MEDICAL FIELD. EVEN WHEN I WAS SUPER YOUNG. AFTER I HAD MY FIRST THREE KIDS I WENT AND BECAME AN LPN, SHORTLY AFTER I WENT BACK TO NURSING SCHOOL AND COMPLETED MY RN. I TELL EVERYONE NURSING SCHOOL HAS PROBABLY BEEN THE MOST CHALLENGING THING I EVER DID IN LIFE. JUST LIKE MY RN LIFE, BEING A DOULA REQUIRES CONTINUAL EDUCATION. I AM CONSTANTLY LEARNING MY CRAFT AND HOW I CAN HAVE A POSITIVE IMPACT IN SOMEONE’S BIRTH STORY.

“

WHEN DID YOU KNOW YOU WANTED TO BE A NURSE & A DOULA ? WHAT DO YOU LOVE THE MOST ABOUT BEING BOTH? HOW DO BOTH POSITIONS COMPLIMENT & OR CONTRADICT ONE ANOTHER?

THOUGHTS ON POST PARTUM DEPRESSION

I KNEW I WANTED TO BE A NURSE SPECIFICALLY IN LABOR AND DELIVERY FROM THE TIME I WAS TEN AND MY MOM WENT INTO LABOR AT HOME. EMS WAS TAKING A LONG TIME TO ARRIVE. I REMEMBER HOLDING HER HAND AND EVEN CHECKING TO SEE IF MY BABY BROTHER WAS CROWNING. I BECAME A DOULA BECAUSE AS AN RN I AM NOT ABLE TO HAVE THAT PERSONAL CONNECTION I HAVE WITH MY CLIENTS AS A DOULA. I FEEL THE ROLES COMPLIMENT ONE ANOTHER BECAUSE CLIENTS HAVE THE ADDITIONAL EXPERTISE FROM ME FROM MY MEDICAL BACKGROUND BUT HAVE THE ONE-ON-ONE PERSONAL CARE THAT I AM ABLE TO OFFER AS A NURSE.

POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION IS REAL, HAS NO DISCRIMINATION ON BACKGROUND, SOCIOECONOMIC STATUS OR RACE. POSTPARTUM

DEPRESSION WITH THE RIGHT EDUCATION AND SUPPORT CAN BE NOTED EARLY AND THERE IS MUCH SUCCESS WITH QUICK INTERVENTIONS. OUR DOULA CLIENTS RECEIVE POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION EDUCATION (WHAT SIGNS TO BE ON THE ALERT FOR) AND WHAT THEY CAN DO IF THEY NOTICE SUCH SIGNS, PLUS WE CHECK IN ON OUR POSTPARTUM CLIENTS OFTEN OVER AT ONE LOVE DOULA SERVICES.

”

We have a secret in our culture, and it’s not that birth is painful; it’s that women are strong.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT MOMS ASKING OTHERS FOR HELP ?

I WISH WE AS MOMS WOULD ASK OTHERS FOR HELP MORE OFTEN. IT IS ACTUALLY EXTREMELY HARD FOR ME TO ASK FOR HELP, BUT I THINK BECAUSE HISTORICALLY IT IS SEEN AS A SIGN OF WEAKNESS RIGHT? ON THE CONTRARY IF YOU ASK FOR HELP THAT IS A SIGN OF BRAVERY. BESIDES MOST PEOPLE IN OUR LOVING CIRCLE TRULY WANT TO HELP US.

THE CURLY PAPER | 8

CELEBRATING WOMANHOOD WITH YAMEL

Have you faced any discrimination (Whether it is because you are a woman or because you are Latina) or seen someone else discriminated in the workplace? if so, what was the scenario and how did you feel about it ?

So much discrimination. Early on it was because of my age & situation (I was a teen mom). Then the discrimination from being the only Latina in many rooms. Honestly, the most discrimination I have faced was after I became natural (hair). I love what the curly community has going on now, but many forget what those of us went through early on. The comments of “your hair isn’t done” or “you can’t come to work like that”.

Not to mention when those of us noted we were disqualified from a job position because we had natural hair.

If you could start over with a new career, what would it be ?

This is going to sound so vain, but I would do something in modeling or fashion. Styling, photography, modeling just lights me up somehow. I love it all and I really enjoy being in that space.

THE CURLY PAPER | 9

CELEBRATING WOMANHOOD WITH YAMEL

HOW DO YOU BALANCE YOUR JOB, HOME LIFE, HOBBIES, AND OTHER COMMITMENTS AND INTERESTS ? HAS THAT BALANCE CHANGED OVER TIME? I call my balance

controlled chaos .

I know this isn’t for everyone,

many people believe they should only focus on one thing. I believe I will pursue whatever brings me joy (which is why I don’t quit on my blogging). Balancing in my world is constantly changing.

Sometimes I am working more if I have deadlines or special projects for my doula business or blog. Then other times I am just having fun and attending events I am invited to because of the blog or spending loads of time just being a mom. I roll with the punches, try and always pay attention to what matters at home and somehow accomplish all else. I think women are often forced to believe they have to be inside the box, right? like- “How can you have a full time job AND a business? I would never, my kids need me too much”. Well, our kids are always observing our moves and if I don’t go for things I am passionate about, how will they?

WHAT DO YOU RECOMMEND TO ANYONE WHO WANTS TO BECOME A NURSE? I recommend that you complete extensive research on your chosen school starting with their graduation success rate as well as their nursing board (test which determines if you're a nurse or not) success rate. Once you have selected your school, really stay committed and push thru even the moments that may be super challenging. It is so worth it at the end.

IF YOU COULD GIVE ADVICE TO YOUR 21 YEAR OLD SELF, WHAT ADVICE WOULD THAT BE ?

Save money before you spend, pay in cash and use credit cards to your advantage. Purchase your home and don’t rent. Work hard, it pays off and travel often.

THE CURLY PAPER | 10

JOE MIGUEL PRESENTS

Curlducation For All CURLY CUT CLASS Hosted By Joe Miguel Inquire via DM @joemiguel_ Available Nationwide

BIG CHOP! NEMO SHARES HER

BIG CHOP STORY WITH US!

THE CURLY PAPER | 12

Hey yall! I am Nemo, @TheCurlPlug on IG. My Big Chop has been so life changing. Literally! I’ve been wanting to cut my hair since around early 2016, but I never had the guts to go through with it.

I felt that as a chubby woman I wouldn’t look good with such a drastic haircut. There are stigmas that bigger sized women shouldn’t cut their hair because it would make them look bigger. I would normally say, who the heck cares what people say or think?!

But then this fear of "What if it might be true." would come over me. Thank you subconscious for stepping in! SO I had this back and forth of “what if you actually do look bigger, or look ugly, or just look bad with the cut... Now you are stuck with a cut you don’t like and you have to wait months or even years to get your hair back to it’s length”... UGH! The thing is, you won’t know until you actually try.

Suddenly and bravely, on Oct. 4th 2019, I got my first big chop!

A week prior to my cut, I woke up one day and said I would be cutting my hair. I don’t know what came over me, but I was obsessed with the idea of having short hair. I looked up a few styles and found 3 styles I loved. I didn’t know which one I was going to choose and decided to allow the stylist to choose or guide me to the right cut for me. I’d been looking for someone to go to for years. There were many stylists that I came across with the potential of doing a great job but there was something missing and I couldn’t put my finger on it. Then I noticed one of my girls, Aja aka @shes_crowned_in_curls_ on IG would always get bomb hair cuts. On various occasions I asked her where she got her cuts and every time her answer was consistent.

She’d been going to the same hairstylist for years. So that was a sign for me; if she hadn't switched up her stylist all this time, then that had to be very good sign. Aja gave me her information and I made my appointment right away.

THE CURLY PAPER | 13

Cynthia is a God sent! She was able to combine all three styles and make it compliment my facial features. Cynthia helped me become reborn! This was a cut that should have happened years ago. I felt like my true self. It’s so weird to say, but I felt better than ever and it was all due to a haircut.

After this haircut, a lot happened. I learned a lot more about my true self and was even able to gain confidence within myself that I never knew I needed. Within a month in a half I cut my hair again with my girl Nelia @cutsbynelly. She changed the shape and gave it a more round and shorter feel. Dyed my hair various colors and was even part of a hair show where my hair was dyed outrageous bright colors. My hair taught me that no day could be a bad hair day.

With shorter hair, you have to have it done or styled. If not it is wrapped or under a hat. You don’t get away with having a bad hair day with shorter hair as you would with longer hair. When my hair was long I was able to choose many different hairstyles when I had a bad hair day or my curls were due for a wash. So that was one of the challenges that I faced with my Big Chop. What I love about my haircut is that I get to use less product. I can finally get some use out of my hair samples and my full size products last longer. Prior to my cut, I had so much hair that I would need 4 to 5 of the same sample to try the product. Now all I need is sample and I’m done.

Styling my hair is so quick and effortless. My wash day is now cut to more than half the time it used to take me. At night I put on a bonnet. In the morning I just shake and go. As I mentioned previously, this cut changed my life and changed me for the better. I was able to find myself! Able to see who I truly am and how amazing that person actually is! For years I was hiding behind my big voluminous mane. Hiding my cheeks, my double chin, myself! And now I walk with my head held high. I walk with pride. I walk as a beautiful confident woman and force to be reckoned with.

THE CURLY PAPER | 14

D.I.Y.

Dear Curly . . . r e p Pa

________ Decorate your bobby pins!

DIRECTIONS: Anonymous curlies

letters

about

sent

questions

The

Curly

from

&

your

concerns

fellow within

Communty

PICK YOUR FAVORITE NAIL POLISH COLORS, INCLUDING GLITTER IF YOU ARE INTO THAT.

Dear The Curly Paper, There’s a curly girl that I was very close to, but we seem to have drifted apart. She recently decided to take another route in her platform and cheat her way around. I don’t want others to think I’m doing the same because we are sort of friends. I’ve mentioned indirectly how that’s not cool, but she doesn’t seem to care about anything except for the amount of followers she gets. What should I do? Steer away from the friendship or try to change her ways?

THE CURLY PAPER | 15

CLEAN OFF YOUR BOBBY PINS OFF WITH ALCOHOL.PREFERABLY LARGE / JUMBO BOBBY PINS.

Sincerely,

Trish

PLACE PINS UNTO A PIECES OF CARDBOARD , CARDSTOCK PAPER, OR A THIN FLAT PLASTIC TO SIT STURDY. PAINT EACH BOBBY TO YOUR LIKING. LET SIT FOR 10 MINUTES OR UNTIL DRY BEFORE USING IN HAIR. GET CREATIVE AND SHOW US WHAT YOU GOT!

Dear Curly Paper... ..CONTINUATION

Hi Trish, I’m not certain what your curly girlfriend is doing to cheat her way as you didn’t indicate it in your letter to us, but we can try to help you either way. My first advice to you is to keep your communication with her as real (and cordial) as you can. You stated that you mentioned your feelings to her indirectly. Perhaps that is part of the issue. Don’t discuss your feelings or suggestions indirectly. Instead, let her know directly what you see wrong with the way she is handling her page.

In all honesty, it all depends on how close you two really are and if you trust this person. Some friendships require a little tough love and they survive disagreements. Now, if this person is merely an acquaintance, then I probably wouldn’t waste my energy. Seems like she wasn’t sharp enough to grasp your indirect assessment about her shady behavior or she was probably playing dumb because she doesn’t care and is still going to continue on her path.

Lead by example. Keep doing you (the honest way) and let others learn the hard way that sometimes cheating and/or taking short cuts delay true personal growth. Many microbloggers are very successful because they do not focus on numbers; they focus on the quality of their content and on being true to themselves. Hopefully your “friend” will open her eyes one day and realize that she is doing way too much.

-The Curly Paper

THE CURLY PAPER | 16

CURLY OF THE MONTH FOLLOW @XO.JULZ ON INSTAGRAM THE CURLY PAPER | 18

#OhMyCurls!

When your curls get damaged from mistakes you've made, bad haircuts, hair dyes, hair products, food, etc.

The Curly Karaoke!

COLUMN EST. 2012

GIRL ON FIRE ALICIA KEYS

Lyrics found on page 12.

Make a video singing the song and tag us,

Where do I begin?!... Well I want to start by saying the amount of damage I've had has led me to an amazing curly hair journey.

@thecurlypaper on Instagram to be featured on our page!

Use hashtag #TheCurlyPaper

I had extensive heat damage since I was about 15 years old. My mother used to straighten my hair to make easier for me to manage my hair. Growing up, curly hair was considered ugly. I didn’t know any better and got used to it being straight. I always thought that was the norm, so I continued to do it. Later in my years, as an adult, I’d see how people frowned upon curly hair. It wasn’t pretty enough to many and that perception stuck for a long time. Not to mention, being Dominican didn’t help the situation for me! LOL. Dominicans are very straight forward and transparent, so much that as soon as they see you they’re like, "So when do you plan on straightening your hair?" So, to avoid the comments and misrepresentation of curly hair, I always kept it straight.

I used to straighten my hair once per week by doing a blow out.

Then I would maintain it by flat ironing it every day to keep it pin straight. I would also color my hair every 3-4 weeks. I've experienced every type of damage possible.

I've been natural for 4 years now and I am loving the progress and changes in my curl pattern as my hair grows.

THE CURLY PAPER | 19

" AND SHE'S NOT BACKING DOWN"

rics to LyGIRL ON FIRE

#OhMyCurls!

continuation..

Alicia Keys

She's just a girl, and she's on fire Hotter than a fantasy, longer like a highway She's living in a world, and it's on fire Feeling the catastrophe, but she knows she can fly away Oh, she got both feet on the ground And she's burning it down Oh, she got her head in the clouds And she's not backing down This girl is on fire This girl is on fire She's walking on fire This girl is on fire Looks like a girl, but she's a flame So bright, she can burn your eyes Better look the other way You can try but you'll never forget her name She's on top of the world Hottest of the hottest girls say Oh, we got our feet on the ground And we're burning it down Oh, got our head in the clouds And we're not coming down This girl is on fire This girl is on fire She's walking on fire This girl is on fire Everybody stands, as she goes by Cause they can see the flame that's in her eyes Watch her when she's lighting up the night Nobody knows that she's a lonely girl And it's a lonely world But she gon' let it burn, baby, burn, baby This girl is on fire This girl is on fire She's walking on fire This girl is on fire Oh, oh, oh, She's just a girl, and she's on fire

_________________________________ All lyrics are property and copyright of their owners.

Source: LyricFind Songwriters: Jeff Bhasker / Alicia Augello-Cook / Salaam Remi / Billy Squire / Nicki Minaj Girl on Fire lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group, Spirit Music Group

THE CURLY PAPER | 20

I decided to start my transition because I knew that would be the only way to get my curls back. After transitioning for 8 months, I did the BIG CHOP! I did it myself, because I couldn’t take having the two different textures anymore. So I took the leap of faith and just cut it and started new. Best decision I ever made. My journey from this point came with a ton of patience and learning how to care for my hair the right way.

Rice water rinse helped with my hair growth....a lot of growth. I did it for a year and the changes my hair went through were absolutely amazing! My biggest must-do with no question is deep conditioning every week! It protects my hair a ton. I don’t follow the curly girl method, but I do make sure every product I use is good for curls. A word of advice for those going through the process, just be patient! You will get to where you want to be with your hair, but it takes time. And once you reached that point, you’ll see how worth it it all was! And please, do not turn back.. I know how hard it is to let the flat iron go. But please.... PUT IT DOWN. If I can go back in time and do something differently, it would be to never use flat iron, actually no heat at all. I absolutely love my natural curls now and feel blessed to share with you all my journey and any tips I learn along the way.

Wilda

CURL CHAT WITH SPECIAL GUEST

JENNIFER CIFUENTES

THE CURLY PAPER | 21

Jennifer - @curlycurvypassion When I didn't see a conversation taking place that I believed was necessary in an online space, I did the unthinkable. I started it myself, and ruffled some feathers along the way.Once my sister and I decided to rebrand ourselves and start @CurlyCurvyPassion on Instagram, we quickly realized that although we write about many things, our curls tended to be the first thing people notice about us, and thus, was often a topic of conversation.

Joining the "online curly community" was interesting because I had spent over 20 years working in the professional salon industry, and we never really knew that there were so many online conversations taking place about how to embrace or recover your curls with methods outside of what I had been exposed to through work all those years. Although neither one of us "transitioned" from chemical straightening or heat styling our hair straight, we were both on a quest to discover new ways to care for our changing curls. But one thing became evident very quickly, especially to me, as a "#spoonie"; and someone whose autoimmune condition directly affects the density and texture of my curls, as well as how they behave:NONE of the popular, most commonly viewed content, at that time, was addressing the portion of the curly community who did not have very thick, voluminous, or coarse hair that looked very full and picture-perfect.

CURL CHAT Even worse, brands also were not even addressing this hair type or willing to feature them in any of their campaign images (Sadly, that continues to be the case today although things are slowly moving in a better direction. That's a conversation for another day). But at the time, I remember searching and searching for hours for anyone who showcased their thinner or finer curls, or even showed their areas of low density or their scalps/tops of their head. Most of the well-known content creators who were sharing posts about their curly hair were never showing anything but perfect angles. No one was hardly showing the back of their curls or the nape, or the crown, and they certainly weren't talking about any areas where they might be thinning or have a finer texture or perhaps show more realistic flaws or gaps in their curl pattern.

*A spoonie can refer to any individual who suffers from a chronic illness*.

So after a while, I decided that we need to do something about that and whenever we blogged or wrote Instagram posts about our curly hair, we began to specify an emphasis on our curl type: fine AND low-density (aka: thin) . Before we knew it, some of our original hashtags were born. Shortly thereafter we started getting so many private messages from people who said that they finally felt like they could identify with another curly person online because they always felt like they couldn't even participate in conversations, since so much of what was being discussed didn't speak to their experience in caring or styling their curls. So this might make you wonder, what's the big deal? What's so different? Well, a lot! Not withstanding people who deal with what I deal with as a #spoonie, just the fact of having a finer curl texture , less density, and a visible scalp (especially when wet) puts you in a separate category where many of the popular techniques such as layering tons of product, long days between washes, over manipulation of the hair, and using treatments in a certain way, just don't apply. Most of us need to do things very differently than our fellow curlies who have more density or coarser textures.

THE CURLY PAPER | 22

CURL CHAT Add to that the fact that my sister and I do not follow the curly girl method, there was an additional shock when people began to see our posts. We started an original conversational post series called, "Curly Method Rules I Break and My Reasons Why." We shared all of the things we did differently from most people who were sharing their curly hair routine online. We talked about NOT doing things like cowashing with conditioner, avoiding all sulfates, styling on dripping wet hair, avoiding combs and brushes, washing with only cold water, or going more than a couple of days between washes...among others. Essentially, we wanted to break the stigma that following "the curly girl method" was the only way to achieve healthy curls. We definitely disagreed because so much of what is being shared about this method online just doesn't make sense for us. I also began doing IG stories and IG Live chats where I showed my areas of medically-related thinning or hair loss and ever since, it has been rewarding to receive messages from people who say that they have been able to relate to what we share.

Joining an online community is a great feeling and there's a lot of value when things are shared in a way that is helpful. But remember, not everything that you read online needs to apply to you, even if you are part of a community. At the end of the day, doing your own trial and error sessions, conducting your own research, and using discernment anytime you choose to adopt or reject a suggestion you read online will always be your best bet.

Follow your gut . Do what makes sense. When something doesn't work for you, change it , because only you know yourself best .Not everything will work for everyone and that's okay. There is no shame in sharing what works for you, even if it isn't popular. That is a message we've shared with our followers for a long time and now we share with you here in The Curly Paper. The beauty of embracing yourself is also embracing the things that you do that work for you, even if they differ from the choices of others. Stand in that truth and we believe you will always feel empowered.

- Jennifer THE CURLY PAPER | 23

The

JUICE NOT THE TEA..

Women Empowerment or Phoniness?!

It’s Women’s History Month and it’s been quite a month. We are only halfway through March (HELP!), but we can get through this together. I know we can ! On March 8th, we witnessed many women shout from the hills “women empowerment” as most of us have done in previous years. It’s great to see everyone come together to share achievements, share personal stories & lift other women up, not just on March 8th, not just during Women’s History Month, but ALL THE TIME. We need more of that. My question to you today is: do all women truly empower other women or is it just a front on social media?

I want to believe that the majority of women who appear to encourage & support other women are being sincere. However, there are women who take part in the empowerment movement and yet, they hate on other women, are jealous and try to destroy other women’s reputations (I’ve witnessed this behavior). It is sad, but it is true. It’s almost as though some are okay with seeing others win AS LONG AS others don’t surpass them. Amirite?!

“Yes, sweetie, you’re doing great ! (but slow down because I don’t want you succeeding more than me).” ~ Shady Shae (not an actual person but we all know someone like this)

Some women portray themselves as being super friendly and outgoing, but they are stuck with their cliques and don’t make a conscious effort to meet new people when they go to events. I’ve heard pretty terrible stories about some experiences at curly hair events. It’s actually discouraging. Some prefer gossip over meaningful conversations, pettiness over finding resolutions or talking shade and putting people on blast over letting people be.

Um, hello, High School called. They want their mentality back.

Not every battle is yours to fight. Some of the same people who love to judge others are the same ones who feel attacked when it’s done to them. Pick a struggle, sis ! If you’re going to play with fire, you’re going to get burned! Despite witnessing some not-so-great behavior from women on some social media platforms, I know that women are amazing creatures. We have overcome so much. We’ve shattered glass ceilings & many have set great examples for our youth.

THE CURLY PAPER | 24

The

JUICE NOT THE TEA..

Consider what we are going through right now during this COVID-19 quarantine. Some mothers still have to go to work, find childcare for their children and worry about whether or not they have enough money or food to feed their families. Sadly, some have been laid off and have to deal with that harsh reality. It truly breaks my heart. It is not easy ! Despite what some of us are faced with, we somehow make it and get through it. We persevere and we come out stronger.

It’s times like this that we realize what is truly important. This is where true empowerment comes to play.

Who are you empowering now ?

Are you lifting your sisters up ? Are you checking on them ? Are you doing your part to ensure that we as a species get through this very trying time ? Or are you gossiping, judging, pointing fingers, criticizing and spreading rumors ? Are you dwelling on the past ? Are you wasting time?!

Sis, we do not have the time or energy for any of that ! We have bigger things to deal with. This is the time to empower. Start with empowering yourself.

You do that by:

· Realizing that we have all made mistakes. WE ALL GOSSIP at one point or another.

However, try to catch yourself if you realize that most of your conversations are surrounded by gossip or judgmental comments.

· Be productive. Sometimes you have to unplug the television and log off social media to be productive. Do it ! You will feel better. Practice that makeup tutorial, exercise, take a free online course….do something to improve your skills.

· Pray, medicate and/or take time to sit in silence and breathe. Some feel so stressed about being home because they always have to be doing something; they are afraid to be alone with themselves or their thoughts. If your thoughts, feelings or state of the world overwhelm you, please speak to your doctor. Acknowledging that you need help is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of strength.

THE CURLY PAPER | 25

The

JUICE NOT THE TEA..

· Now’s the time to get really creative in the kitchen. We may not find the ingredients to some of our fave recipes considering that many of the supermarkets have empty shelves. Get creative and create your favorite dish with a twist.

Show the kitchen who’s the boss!

· Check on at least one person a day. A simple “hello, just checking on you” can make someone’s day. People like to know that someone is thinking of them. Being in quarantine, can be very lonely for people who live alone who tend to enjoy being out and about in the presence of others. This is truly difficult for many people. Not everyone has someone to speak to or watch television with at home. Not everyone has a quarantine partner. Not all family lives are great. Some women live with abusers and now they are stuck home with them ! Text, email, FaceTime or call someone. Check on them. When you make someone else feel good, you feel good. You feel empowered.

I know that many people are bummed that events, weddings, vacations and other activities have to be cancelled because of the virus, but this is truly a time to come together to empower one another. We are a community. We should act like it, whether it’s in person or online. We need one another. Human interaction, love and support are necessary and most of our world is starving for it. Social media is bringing the entire world together. Use that to your advantage. On this day I ask that you truly look within yourself and analyze who is in your circle, analyze what most of your conversations are about, and analyze what you will do to make a difference.

Empower, support & show love !

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