LCENWRD DVAP 1: The Married Life Vocation Interview and Reflection

TERM 1| S.Y. 2022-2023

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LCENWRD: Encountering the Word in the World

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JEWEL IRISH S. BELASCUAIN BLOCK 04122 - A53D

Celebrating 24 Years of Marriage

Engr. Joel & Mrs. Marissa

An Interview About the Marriage Life Vocation

ABOUT THE

INTERVIEWEES

ENGR. JOEL L. BELASCUAIN 58 years old Cadiz City, Negros Occidental Civil engineer of the Local Government Unit of Cadiz City Father of student Jewel Irish S. Belascuain

MRS. MARISSA S. BELASCUAIN 49 years old Cadiz City, Negros Occidental Teacher at Cadiz West 2 Elementary School Mother of student Jewel Irish S. Belascuain

Picture ofInterview September 9, 2022

Picture of the Church Wedding September 5, 1998

INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT This portion allows the students to dialogue with people who have embraced the particular vocation they find themselves being drawn, which in this transcript is marriage. The interview promotes awareness regarding the real challenges, difficulties, blessings, and joys in the marriage vocation. It also highlights the awareness that choosing one's vocation is not just about choosing what is easy or which would make one happy, but that which will bring true and lasting meaning and fulfillment to one's life.

1. PLEASE EXPLAIN THE DETAILS OF HOW YOU MET EACH OTHER. In August 1995, the summertime weather was sunny. Mom Marissa was working as a teacher at Kutkut Elementary School in Brgy. Mabini, a far-flung barrio in Cadiz City. The place was brown, and the road going there is bumpy. Dad Joel is a civil engineer, undertaking the repair of the road, and it so happens that they stop over at the place where Mom is teaching. Mom and her colleagues initially thought that the people visiting were supervisors monitoring them. When Dad met Mom, she was cooking fried fish at the back of their classroom. She had nothing to give him but a banana because the meeting was apparently unexpected.

They introduced each other, and that's the time when he was getting to know her family, her birthplace, and where she was residing. They just wanted to get to know each other and have a friendly conversation about the status of the school, the road, and problems with transportation.

Because they were still in a relationship, love was not yet present. The talk was nothing serious— just professional. After some exchanges, Dad asked if Mom was single. She said that she was single "but has a boyfriend"—a complicated relationship, some may say. As a matter of fact, Dad also had a girlfriend at that time. Both are in a relationship.

Dad then asked her about where she lived, and Mom told him that she lives along the alleys of Herrerias St., which he was familiar with. Dad attempted to visit her one particular day, but unfortunately, he only met Mom's sister, Emily. Tita Emily only peeped at their window and replied that Mom was not present, so Dad just left.

Mom's first impression of Dad was that he was snobbish. However, Dad was attracted to her because of her height, long curly hair, and beauty. Dad is fascinated by girls who are tall and beautiful, and Mom matches that aspect. Mom, with Dad saying this in the interview, only knew then that she was actually Dad’s type.

2.

HOW

WAS

YOUR

COURTING,

DATING, AND ENGAGEMENT PERIOD?

Before their relationship sparked, Mom already broke up with her ex-boyfriend because he already had another lover, so she was single and free after one year. However, dad and his ex-girlfriend were in a complicated relationship. Their love was getting colder, so he eventually ended it.

Dad invited Mom to visit and attend his church called Word for the World. They did Bible studies and missions in different places. As for the courting, it was during a game called "Icebreaker" that Dad confessed that he wouldn't be courting her anymore but rather marry her as soon as possible. In the game, he had a privilege card saying that he can ask any question to anyone in the group. He chose Mom, and he popped the question: Will you marry me? No courting nor relationship—only a direct proposal.

Mom did not answer right away because popping the question in the middle of a parlor game was unconventional. She challenged him to ask her parents to prove he was really serious. In doing so, he needs to travel from Cadiz City to Bantayan Island, Mom's hometown, to ask for her parents’ permission to marry their first-born daughter—and he did. He was nervous about what her family's response would be. But in the end, they believed that he was serious, and they considered that Dad was a professional who could provide Mom with a better and more stable life. After much deliberation and serious conversations, they gave their blessing.

Dad has always opted to marry Mom because he prayed to God for the woman with whom he would spend his lifetime. And if Mom accepts the marriage proposal, she is the one. Otherwise, he will look for another.

At the age of 33 or 34, he became anxious that he was running out of time to marry, so he no longer settled for a long engagement but will directly marry if she accepts it. Mom, on the other hand, dreamed of Dad wearing a barong tagalog, and it's a sign from the Lord that he is the one she will marry. Dad also noticed that Mom had a crush on him even before. Their churchmates are also teasing them and recommending them to each other, saying that they make a good match.

3. WHAT WERE THE FEARS AND DIFFICULTIES YOU ENCOUNTERED BEFORE GETTING MARRIED?

Mom's family was closed Catholic, so they

This certain event is a testament to the quote

were somewhat against them because Dad

"Love (or marrying) against all odds." Mom,

was of a different faith. He is a Born-Again

despite feeling betrayed, only ignored this

Christian, and Mom was just starting to

after the wedding and continued to love them

change her affiliation to being one. It was

as if nothing happened. However, Dad was

an issue on their part about where they

uncomfortable because he felt that his spirit

wanted to hold their wedding ceremony.

was clashing with theirs. Although they

Mom's father wanted to hold their wedding

stayed in their house for the first few months

at a Roman Catholic church, but Dad does

of their marriage, Mom's mother and sisters

not see it as fitting and cannot submit to

were the only ones who were accommodating

her father’s plan.

to Dad. Based on what happened before the wedding, Dad believed that Mom's father was

In the end, Dad's father comforted Mom's

aloof to him because he felt his authority was

father, saying that they are already old

being challenged. However, Dad has high

enough so they should have the liberty to

hopes that their tension will subside soon.

choose where their ceremony would be held. During that time, Dad felt that there

As for Mom, she knows that marriage is

was dramatic friction between him and his

forever, and she fears that not knowing each

soon-to-be in-law. Moreover, during the

other well because of the absence of dating

reception, there was a moment when

and short engagements will backfire in the

Mom's family walked out, much to the

future. But she trusted the Lord and offered

dismay of all the guests present. Mom

her married life because she was certain that

cried because she felt sabotaged. They

God sent Dad to her. Dad was thankful that

cannot accept that Mom is now a minus

Mom was easy to get along with and that their

one to their family in regard to their faith.

relationship started with friendship.

4. WHAT INFLUENCED YOUR DECISION TO GET MARRIED?

On Mom's part, she realized that Dad was an "endangered species." Dad was a Christian, stable, and responsible. If she were to cast him aside, it would be a wasted opportunity. Mom initially does not want to leave her home, but 25 years old is already the appropriate age to marry, considering that she is employed. As time goes by, Mom gets tired of being single and wants to go outside her comfort zone.

For Dad, he feared that he was running out of time due to his age. He was already in his 30s when he decided to settle down as soon as he could. He thinks that age was a dominant influence. Other than that, a life without a partner to spend it with is a lonely one. Before, he was somehow a drunkard, and no one was there to offer advice regarding his lifestyle. He realizes that he has a miserable life. When he also looks at his siblings, they are already married and are asking him for money for milk for his many nieces and nephews. In that situation, he finds himself supporting or raising children that are not his own but the children of his brothers. Not that he was selfish, but at the age of 34, he thinks that it's time to stop helping them and consider his own personal life. He then later decided that he wanted to live differently in married life.

5. WHAT ARE THE BLESSINGS OF MARRIED LIFE?

For dad, the best part of being married is the

Mom, on the other hand, believes that the

sense of belongingness and security that

best thing about marriage is freedom. When

come from being part of a society where you

she was single, Mom was not allowed to go

are accepted as a married man. Before, he

outside, worship the Lord, and do her

believed that being single was stigmatizing.

ministries. So she thought that getting married would give her the freedom to go

It was also more of a blessing on his part

anywhere, especially since Dad loves to

whenever he sees his first-born son, Kuya

travel and even allows her to visit places.

Mars, and he feels that his life is already

With this, she is content to have a loving

complete, full, and purposeful. Although the

husband and godly children, which are me

Lord was there, it was more about his

and my other three siblings, to nurture.

interpersonal relationship with his spouse and how they will be raising their child in the

Marriage life is a blessing because it is

best possible Christian way. Having a family

obedience to the Lord in His commandment

where he can raise godly children and a

to "go and multiply." With them, they

healthy relationship as a couple is more

multiplied tremendously because they gave

valuable than having gold and silver. It is a

birth to four children. It is a blessing that

blessing beyond measure. Knowing that you

every five o'clock in the afternoon or after

are sleeping with your wife in one bed is also

office work, they could play with their

considered a gift from the Lord. He already

children and make happy memories as they

has someone who cares for him, looks out for

grow older. It is a stress reliever to have a

him, and with whom he will spend his life; he

family of one's own. Attending also to the

was able to enjoy and experience life with a

affairs of their children in school and in

partner. And if he is given the chance to have

their personal lives, like participating in

a second life, he will still choose Mom to be

PTAs or watching field demonstrations, is

his wife.

one of the joys of being a parent.

6. WHAT ARE THE CHALLENGES OF MARRIED LIFE?

For them, one of the many challenges they faced was sickness. It was when the youngest, Marshall, contracted pneumonia and tuberculosis, that they were left most traumatized and scared. It is difficult for parents to see that their children are infected with a terrible disease and are suffering from excruciating pain from many medical operations and treatments. With the mercy and grace of the Lord, Marshall survived the illness.

Other than this, Mom and Dad are both working parents, so finding responsible nannies to take good care of each of their children during their younger years is challenging. Dealing with four children is also not a walk in the park. They also considered the finances, especially when it came to meeting ends, paying bills, settling the salary for the nannies, buying baby necessities, and many more. But they know that challenges can be lighter when you have each other. Mom is thankful that they were able to manage it with the help of their work to minimize burdens.

Mom and Dad once hoped to push their educational attainments even further or apply for promotion; however, they sacrificed all their ambitions for the sake of their kids. They are achievers and wanted to receive recognition and accolades, but it was something they had to let go of so that they could attend to their children more. To cope with this, they just became satisfied with what they had accomplished in life. They do have regrets and have made bad decisions in life; however, now that they are almost on the road to retirement, they just have to enjoy their lives and have a stress-free journey while exploring the world. Their anticipation for the future is to see their children living the best of their lives, settling down with their Godsent love match, and conceiving their grandchildren.

There was also one time when dad considered working in Abu Dhabi, which would mean leaving his family in the Philippines for a long time. It was a lucrative offer, but he eventually declined it because he believed that "money will just regenerate itself, but time lost, especially if it's family time, is lost forever.” It was a tough decision to make, but he chose family over money and career. According to him, it is still your heart that decides where your priorities lie and what you desire most. Dad thought that anyway, he still had stable work in the City Engineer's Office in Cadiz City, so what is the point of having plenty of money when all of his children are missing him and crying for him to go back home? He realizes that he still cannot find joy or have a good sleep if he's worried about his children or is homesick.

7. WHO OR WHAT MADE YOU PERSEVERE DESPITE THE MANY CHALLENGES OF MARRIED LIFE? WHY? Both Mom and Dad are Christians,

In terms of role models in marriage

They also believed that each of

and the Lord said that "he who has

and parenting, Ptr. Luisito and

their parents was a reference to

begun a good work in you will be

Mrs. Marivic Fuentebella’s family

their marriage lives. Although they

faithful to complete it." With this

is a fundamental example. The

had

line, the starting point is the Lord.

Fuentebella

markers,

Couples must hold on to the

reached 50 years of marriage. They

managed to persevere with their

principles of God and live by them.

were the ones who mentored Mom

marriage vocation until the end.

It is one of the determining factors

and Dad to become responsible

They

of their marriage that, despite the

parents for their children. Another

against all odds. This also inspired

challenges, they are still here and

model would be the relationship of

Mom and Dad to grow as a couple

happily married.

Mom's previous school principal,

and as individuals.

couple

has

also

particular

differences

and

parents

still

their

encapsulated

resilience

Mr. Obiris, with his wife. They Aside from the Lord, there are also

were one of the ninongs and

As Christians, living a married life

other people who they acquire their

ninangs

Dad's

based on the principles of God

strength from, like their partners

wedding ceremony. These two

makes all the difference over the

themselves, their children, and

couples

Dad's

other unbeliever couples. On their

their

how

blueprint on how to make a

part, they honor God because He is

expensive things get, it is fine

successful, healthy, and happy

absolute and truly works if they

because

family and how to maintain an

obey His words.

family.

they

No

matter

considered

their

children an investment with regard

obedient

to their spending. Their children

Lord.

inspired them to keep going despite the many challenges. When they look at the faces of their children, who are growing beautifully, it makes them motivated to be better.

at

are

Mom

Mom

relationship

and

and

with

the

8. WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU LIKE TO GIVE TO YOUNG PEOPLE WHO PLAN TO GET MARRIED SOMEDAY? From mom, a piece of advice she could give is that one should marry for love because it's hard to marry someone whom one doesn't love for the rest of their life. She also notes that a woman could marry a man who is god-fearing, responsible, handsome, and wise so that the children can have someone to whom they can set an example. These considerable genetics and characteristics will also be passed on to the next generation.

Dad advises that one should prepare for his career and employment before marrying. One should have a stable job or a good business because marriage does not just include love and compassion but also daily, monthly, and yearly expenses and many obstacles to proving their rootedness for each other. Single people should look for a Christian spouse because if the two of them are blessed by the Lord and bonded by the Lord, their relationship is directed, protected, and blessed by the Lord. This is connected to the verse in Matthew 6:33. If the couple pursues God's righteousness and kingdom, family issues and needs, like paying bills and raising children, will be solved by God's grace. God will supply and meet all of their needs. It is the Lord who will lighten the burdens of a family.

A godly wife is a treasured possession. Beauty is fleeting and charm is deceit, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. It's the heart of your spouse that will radiate inner beauty.

In terms of raising children, house rules should be clearly stated and followed, like heeding the curfew, no sleepovers if possible, no boyfriend or girlfriend until adulthood and employment age, and also maintaining cleanliness in the household. Parents should also teach and train their children how to survive and be independent, like by cooking, doing laundry, and looking out for themselves, so that they won't be shocked by the real world. Moreover, it should be the oneness of the husband and the wife that thrives.

Meaning. if Dad agrees to one’s request, Mom also agrees.

During children’s formative years, it is also advised that parents bring them to Sunday School so that they will know God and His word so that when they grow and go, they will still not depart from the Holy Spirit. Parents should instill in their children moral values like respect, humility, diligence, hard work, friendship, and education. Children should also honor their parents because it is the first commandment that comes with a promise from the Lord.

Furthermore, remember that money will just regenerate itself, but time lost is lost forever.

Always note that when two people are teachable and humbled due to the love of the Lord, it will eventually bring blessings in this life.

Lastly, to have a happy marriage, ensure that one's spouse is happy and that their heart’s desires are granted. No doubt, there will be pressures in this marriage life, but try not to forget to stop over and smell the flowers. Enjoy your marriage days with your partner and family, and relish what life brings to you. These are what make life—and your marriage vocation—more meaningful and worth living.

With God's grace, they lived happily ever after.

l a n o Pers

REFLECTION ON THE MARRIAGE VOCATION

Marriage is a blessing from God. He sends you someone—a partner—who will grow with you, make memories with you, take care of you, and spend the rest of your life with you. With my parents as the interviewees, the task has opened my eyes to the realities of the marriage vocation.

In their case, I was blessed because they placed their trust in the Lord and offered their married life to him, and with this, their life was protected, directed, and blessed. Their story is a testament to God’s goodness in their lives and how they continued to abide by His laws and principles.

When one chooses to get married, there are aspects for which they need to prepare, like their career and well-being so that they can have an effective union. They also have to consider their relationship with the Lord and their plans for the future. One could consider marrying a godfearing partner so that all good things will follow. Marriage is arduous and for a lifetime, and it requires people who wish to get married to inculcate in their hearts the value of faithfulness, perseverance, and commitment to God’s calling and will.

Married life varies from one couple to another. Everyone has their fair share of tears and laughter —their own story to tell the world. Married life has been connoted as something remarkable but challenging with a godly purpose—a true example of what is called a Christian vocation. The lifestyles of marriage, along with singleness, priesthood, and religious life, encapsulated the essence of a calling to serve the Lord. These are various expressions to practice the "call to love" as it unites them all. In the spectrum of married couples, these people are commissioned to uphold the great commandment of loving one another in the spirit of the Lord. Just as Christ loves us no matter how imperfect we are, the call of marriage is to support, accept, and love one flawed human being. Seeing beyond the blemishes caused by human nature can only be done through the power of the holy and merciful Spirit. Christian virtues influence us to love others regardless and to seek improvement, forgiveness, and faithfulness above all else.

I witness this commitment through the acts of my parents because, although they have their differences and upbringing, they chose to go past their flaws and weaknesses, teach each other, love every skin, and grow together because their love has not only been acknowledged by God but was also blessed by Him. Christian marriage is a sacred discipline as it entails dedication to grow and thrive despite the many difficulties. Aside from being a reflection of God’s tenderness and passion for the world, my parents worked together—with the guidance of the Holy Spirit and Godsent people—to confront the challenges and realities of the world. These include raising children, settling finances, managing the household, saving for retirement, stabilizing work, sacrificing dreams, and facing mortality. Marriage means loving each other against all odds.

Within Christian marriage, the vocation to love emphasizes perseverance with the objective of improving not just as a couple but also as a Christian individual. It is safe to say that as time goes by, the vocation of married life evolves mercurially, and these certain changes in certain stages of married life push married couples to embrace possibilities and expect events that might be beyond their imagination. They are to feel it and undergo a series of tests to explore the realm of this particular vocation. Sometimes, they are even tasked with adjusting to the environment, moving around the unfamiliar route, and letting go of old habits for the sake of their marriage and future.

Such a thing is a hidden and mysterious opportunity for couples to find the task’s true intention— an opportunity for them to learn new ways of living and adapt through the art of love.

The ability to work through marital difficulties is a necessary component of a commitment to improvement. My parents have sparred with life many times, and they have learned to value oneness and unity to realize that they can alleviate burdens if they are willing to share the burden with one another. It makes the burden lighter and the journey more meaningful. There is no doubt that in marriage, conflict is inevitable. The key is to lower one’s pride and honor each other.

People must remember that the other is their equal, and understanding and listening to them makes a difference. Seeing the two on one page or meeting halfway can result in greater comprehension, trust, and intimacy when partners approach them in the spirit of Christian love.

In the Bible, the Lord said that wives must submit to their husbands. On the other hand, husbands are commanded to die for their wives, just like how Jesus died for the church. This was a frequent reminder from our pastor to everyone in the holy institution to uphold so that we can bear a harmonious and respectful relationship with our current and future partners.

Moreover, marriage is a religious rite. This religious image of marriage can be maintained by spouses through prayer and the Christian sacraments. The gospel challenge of love, forgiveness, and commitment is presented to husband and wife by Christian society. It also empowers people to lead lives that require a constant struggle against selfishness and pessimism. My parents are inspired to live a purposeful life where they can continue to honor God by using their vocation to reach and resonate with the hearts of young people. Marriage is an instrument to show the people of the world how God works in the lives of others.

References: Your Vocation. (n.d.). Reflection: Marriage as a vocation to love. https://yourvocation.wordpress.com/reflection-marriage-as-vocation-to-love/ Whelan, C. B. (n.d.) Marriage as vocation. Your Vocation. https://yourvocation.wordpress.com/marriage-as-vocation-by-dr-christine-b-whelan-stoplooking-for-your-soul-mate/

Thank you for taking the time to read.

I HOPE YOU LEARNED SOMETHING FROM THIS INTERVIEW AND THE MARRIED LIFE VOCATION AS MUCH AS I DID.

TERM 1| S.Y. 2022-2023

LCENWRD: Encountering the Word in the World

DVAP 1: THE MARRIED LIFE VOCATION INTERVIEW AND REFLECTION FR. FRANCIS XAVIER R. SALCEDO, PH. D. LCENWRD PROFESSOR

JEWEL IRISH S. BELASCUAIN BLOCK 04122 - A53D