February 15 | The Columbia Chronicle by The Columbia Chronicle of Columbia College Chicago

THE SEX ISSUE

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Editor’s Note: Patience is key in connecting with your body again » KENDALL POLIDORI CO-EDITOR-IN-CHIEF SOMETIMES WHEN I close my eyes I am right back in the bedroom of my old apartment, sitting on my bed in pitch-black darkness with my legs mushed up against my ribcage, my head aching as it rests on the top of my knees. I can still feel the anxiety creeping up in my chest as I frantically pack all of my belongings in the middle of the night and rush back home to my mom—the hurt radiating off of her entire body as she wraps her arms around me. Almost two years ago, I was sexually assaulted by someone I lived with, someone I trusted. There is no way to sugarcoat it. For more than a year, the mere thought of it crossing my mind shuddered through each limb, every inch of my body. Someone accidentally rubbing up next to me on the train triggered me. Being in a dark room alone triggered me. Simply trying to fall asleep triggered me. Today, I still lock my bedroom door every night, because even though this should not define who I am, in many ways it does. My relationship with my body became one of turmoil—I could not look in the mirror for too long and began wearing clothes that would cover up as much of me as possible. There is no greater disconnect than between you and your own being. I felt as though I was walking around in someone else’s body, one that I was more than determined to protect this time. I pushed away those who were too close to me, including friends and potential relationships. It took me a year to fully allow myself to form a relationship with someone in a way that made me vulnerable. And although it is healthy and supportive, it is still a constant inner battle to fight the fear that comes with letting another person into my world—into the bubble that I created to prevent further damage. In the U.S., one in every six women, one in every 33 men and more than 20% of trans people are victims to sexual assault, according to RAINN, a national anti-sexual violence organization. Yet, I felt as though I could not talk about my experience with anyone around me, until recently. 2

There is still stigma surrounding sexual abuse, and more specifically sexual abuse allegations, which causes victims to blame themselves for their assault or be grouped by society, because there is a general lack of understanding around the issue. Everyone’s experience with sexual assault is different, as well as the ways in which they handle it or try to move forward. For me, the isolation of the pandemic has forced me to look at myself in a way I had not allowed in months. It was agonizing at first—being stuck in my own mind, with nowhere else to go. But this also pushed me to face the unrest I felt within myself. I consoled myself with stacks of books that lay scattered all around my room; hours of lying on my hardwood floor as I let one vinyl record spin to the next; and by etching stories and thoughts onto random scraps of paper, my hand aching. I will never be able to say I am over it. You never completely get over something like that. But I can say I will strive to understand myself better, to be patient with my body and to not put up a wall between myself and those who genuinely care. I believe when people are ready to do so, it is vital to shout these stories into the world—to comfort and support so many others who have had similar experiences. But before then, allow your body and mind to heal in the way that works best for you, and welcome those who support you and are willing to guide you through healing. Our individual bodies are sacred. Our stories are sacred. Our trauma is not something to simply gloss over. For help with and resources about sexual assault, visit RAINN’s 24/7 online hotline, or call anytime at (800) 656-4673.

THE COLUMBIA CHRONICLE FEBRUARY 15, 2021

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Understanding hormonal contraceptives one story at a time » ANNA BUSALACCHI STAFF REPORTER WHILE HORMONAL CONTRACEPTIVES are often misunderstood as being used only for sex, they are actually used for a variety of reasons. Lucy Polkinghorne, a sophomore creative writing major, said they got on birth control to regulate their period. “If I ever mention that I’m on birth control, it instantly is a sexual thing to a lot of people,” Polkinghorne said. “But I started when I was 14, so it wasn’t a sexual thing. I still don’t think it is a sexual thing.” Polkinghorne said they have experienced some weight gain on the pill but have overall had a positive experience. “Having control over my body ... allowed me to connect to it better, and it really made me develop a stronger relationship with myself,” they said. According to Planned Parenthood, hormonal contraceptives contain synthetic progestin, or both estrogen and progestin—hormones that can cause weight gain, nausea, acne, mood changes, irregular periods, decreased sexual desire and sore breasts, among other symptoms.

Methods of hormonal contraception include the pill, the patch, the shot, the vaginal ring and long-acting reversible contraceptives (LARCs) such as intrauterine devices (IUDs) and the Nexplanon implant. From 2017 to 2019, 19.5% of women ages 15 to 19 used the pill compared to 21.6% of women ages 20 to 29, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. A total of 13.7% of women between the ages of 20 to 29 used LARCs and 5.8% of women ages 15 to 19. Ella Bondy, a sophomore fashion design major, uses Mirena, a hormonal IUD, and did not initially get it for birth control purposes. Bondy has hemophobia, which is the persistent fear of blood, and said getting the IUD completely stopped their period. Yvonne Oldaker, associate medical director at Planned Parenthood of Illinois, said there are numerous benefits of hormonal contraceptives that are personalized to the patient and what they hope to use it for, such as alleviating people’s pain during periods. “Generally there is a birth control that is safe for somebody regardless of their medical history—there’s even birth control that is not

hormonal,” Oldaker said. For Bondy, getting an IUD impacted their hormones. Initially, they often cried at little things and had less patience. “That’s something I definitely wish I’d thought about a little more before I got my IUD, to know that it wasn’t just my body that was going to change, [but] my emotions with it,” Bondy said. Oldaker said contraceptives affect everyone differently. “There’s [contraceptives] that are better for [someone] that might not be better for another person,” Oldaker said. “So really having that ability to choose what is appropriate for [your] medical history and [your] lifestyle is a key to making contraception accessible.” Julia Ravenscroft, a junior acting major, uses the Nexplanon implant instead of the pill because the pill can increase the risk of blood clots, and her family has a medical history of blood clotting. Ravenscroft got the implant in 2019 and said her period cramps used to be “incapacitating,” but have since gotten better. While hormonal birth control among teens and young women has become increasingly normalized since the Food

and Drug Administration approved the pill in the 1960s, the only common birth control methods for men are condoms and vasectomies. “I wish that there were more male versions ... but for some reason people are way more comfortable monitoring and controlling women’s bodies than men’s,” Ravenscroft said. According to a BBC article, a male birth control pill passed initial safety tests in 2019, but it could still take another decade to reach the market. Some scientists have also studied a LARC for males, but discontinued the second phase due to reported side effects of “mood disorders, depression and erectile dysfunction,” according to BBC. Bondy said getting on birth control is a big decision, but it is not always something to fear. “I wish people would understand that [getting on birth control] is a life altering decision, but it’s not going to completely change the course of your life because most birth controls are completely reversible,” Bondy said. ABUSALACCHI@COLUMBIACHRONICLE.COM

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Everything school never taught you about painful penetration THIS ARTICLE GOES out to those who read

the American Girl book “The Care and Keeping Of You” at least 50 times when you were younger but never found the answers about your body that you were looking for. Your vagina can be confusing, despite the fact that you live with it every day and might have received a quick crash course on female anatomy during high school. Between myths about “popping the cherry,” sex loosening the vagina and the vagina dentata folk tale (no, your vagina can’t bite), accurate information about your own anatomy and how it differs from others is often lost in the fray. For many women with vaginas and trans people with frontal openings, any type of penetration can be difficult or even painful—and the thought that your body may not be “normal” is scary. To combat these fears, the Chronicle spoke with experts about common reasons why a vagina may not work the way we think it should and what to do if you’re concerned about chronically painful penetration.

YOUR HYMEN AND YOU: The hymen is a thin membrane that typically covers one’s urinary and genital organs during fetal and early childhood development. If this wall of flesh does not dissolve in the correct way, it can lead to a hymen that covers the opening to the vagina more than it should. A hymen can have a hole, or holes in some cases, too small for tampons 4

to fit through—or no hole at all. In these instances, trying to push a finger or anything larger through can cause sharp pain. Jennifer Litner, sexologist and founder of Embrace Sexual Wellness, an organization that offers sex education programs for teens and parents, as well as psychotherapy for individuals and couples, said hymens are often misunderstood. “Hymenal tissue is not an indicator of vaginal sex,” Litner said. “History is tied to the concept of virginity—a way to regulate people who have vulvas and their bodies and their sexual activity. It’s not true: You don’t pop a hymen or pop a cherry.” Litner said if a person’s hymen mostly or completely covers their vaginal opening, they may need to see a specific type of physician or surgeon to create a hole in the membrane. If a hymen already has an opening, it may also stretch open further naturally during a variety of activities such as biking, sexual intercourse and tampon insertion. This means the hymen itself would loosen, not the entire vagina.

FEELING SOME TYPE OF WAY: Litner said there are many other reasons for pelvic floor discomfort. This includes vulvodynia, which is chronic pain in the vulva with burning and itching, and vestibulodynia, characterized as pain or discomfort around the opening of the vagina. Vulvar pain is a common culprit for those having difficulty with penetration. Andrew Fisher, assistant professor in obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Chicago, said issues of

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pelvic pain and painful intercourse, also called dyspareunia, are some of the most common complaints for all patients, whether young or old, cisgender or heterosexual or LGBTQ+. He said many people are not immediately willing to see a specialist because they feel shame or embarrassment in seeking things such as pelvic floor physical therapy or advice on vulvar hygiene. “The first step is … making sure patients understand that having pain with intercourse or having difficulty with penetration is not normal,” Fisher said. Issues concerning the pelvic floor may begin at a very young age. Dr. Rebecca Unger, a pediatrician at Northwestern Children’s Practice, said sometimes the two labia minora—two folds of skin surrounding the vaginal opening— may stick together due to inflammation in a labial adhesion. According to Unger, labial adhesions occur most commonly with babies and toddlers, and if they happen during puberty, the change in hormones often resolves the problem. On the opposite end of the spectrum, older patients in postmenopause or trans male patients undergoing hormone therapy with low estrogen levels, may feel pain during penetration as the vaginal opening and frontal opening respectively become less elastic. To better understand your body, Fisher said younger patients do not have to wait until they are 21 to get birth control or a pap smear. They can schedule an appointment to see a gynecologist as early as needed. “We encourage folks to have a teaching examination done, just so that they can better understand their anatomy and get a sense of what is normal and what’s not normal,” Fisher

said. “Once they’re educated on those things, then they’re better able to communicate about their symptoms and health care needs.”

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» SUMMER HOAGLAND-ABERNATHY COPY CHIEF » MARI DEVEREAUX CO-EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

Although many people share anecdotal stories of experiencing painful penetration, research on the frequency of vaginismus is scarce. “Vaginismus is a condition where the muscles in the pelvic floor will engage in a muscle spasm, and that spasm can make it painful or difficult or impossible to have vaginal penetration,” Litner said. Women’s Health cited a study done in 1990 that 5 to 17% of people with vaginas live with vaginismus. While these numbers are decades old, vaginismus remains a prevalent issue today.

The spasms people with vaginismus experience can range from uncomfortable to very painful, and the condition can be lifelong or acquired. While symptoms can arise when anything enters the vagina, they can also occur just in certain cases—for instance, only with a penis or with a specific person. Litner advises seeking resources to help manage pelvic pain and said living with vaginismus is “just another thing people will have to manage” that can interfere with their pleasure. There are options such as pelvic floor therapy that can help those with vaginismus slowly work their muscles to be penetrable again.

SEX AND YOU: Carlin Ross, president of the Betty A. Dodson Foundation, which focuses on aiding people with self-love and independent orgasms, said through virtual workshops and training sessions, she assists women with gaining sexual agency and overcoming emotional, physical and sexual trauma. Ross said women in particular should be in control of if, when and how they penetrate. She added that penetration of any kind should always feel good, and nothing should ever just be pushed in when it hurts. “We’ve been socialized into this passive role where things are done to us,” Ross said. “And then we’ve been conditioned to please. … Pain is a

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familiar sensation. Pleasure is not.” For those wanting to learn more about their bodies and sexuality, Ross said she recommends people use online educational resources like Embrace Sexual Wellness’s resources page, Scarleteen and Healthline. She said they should also give themselves time to touch and explore their body using lube and looking at a diverse range of anatomically correct diagrams. “Find everything—explore,” Ross said. “Pleasure is there for you and anyone you choose to share it with. Be active. Get what you want. There’s endless resources now that are wonderful.” CHRONICLE@COLUM.EDU

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The perks of growing your body hair » VALENTINA PUCARELLI PHOTOJOURNALIST PHOTOS BY VALENTINA PUCARELLI THE PERCEPTION OF body hair has changed dramatically—100 years ago, the removal of body hair was not even a common practice for women. But with the advent of fashion photography that included hairless models and aggressive marketing campaigns from the razor industry, women began feeling self-conscious and began removing their body hair, according Breanne Fahs, associate professor of women and gender studies at Arizona State University. More recently though, younger generations have begun challenging this norm, leading many people, especially women and members of LGBTQ+ community, to stop shaving. In order to get a better understanding of where young people stand on body hair today, we sent out an open questionnaire to get a better sense of how many people shave and how many do not, as well as their perceptions on body hair. Out of 30 people, 73% said they remove at least some of their body hair, with armpits being the most common body part to remove hair from, followed by legs and face (mustache, side burns, etc.). In answering other survey questions, 6.7% of people do not shave at all; 70% do not care if their partner has body hair; 20% think it’s hot; 10% would rather see their partner with no body hair; 36% of people change their shaving habits when they are dating someone; 56.7% of people said their body hair has stopped them from doing things like wearing certain clothes or having sex. The reasons as to why people decide to shave, or not shave, vary. Through the submission of written quotes from participants, we know that body hair is more so about gender expression, sexuality, culture, power and freedom, than simply aesthetics. VPUCARELLI@COLUBMIACHRONICLE.COM

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“It’s natural and hot.” Vegas, 18.

“I ALWAYS SHAVED EVERYTHING BECAUSE ‘THAT’S WHAT WOMEN DO,’ BUT AS I’VE COME TO TERMS WITH MY OWN GENDER IDENTITY AND ANDROGYNY, I DECIDED TO TRY LETTING Kelsey, 31. THINGS GROW.”

“I used to want to be smooth because it made me feel more delicate. As an adult, I now see that I am only an animal. And animals have hair.” Julie, 21.

“The first time I got my legs waxed, I was 9 years old. I was a very hairy kid and other girls were making fun of me because I was hairier than them. So my mom took me to a salon to get my legs waxed. I remember screaming at the top of my lungs and crying, begging the lady to stop and leave one of my legs hairy and the other waxed... In the end, I left the room and the entire salon was staring at me because they’d heard me, a child, scream at every wax strip pull for 45 minutes. It still haunts me.” Audrey, 19.

“Body hair is normal. You can still be amazing and rocking crop tops even if you have body hair. If anyone has a problem with it, they can f--off. Live your life and love yourself :).”

Anthony, 19.

“I feel like I really do prefer having smooth skin after shaving, but I worry that I only believe that because I’ve been conditioned to think body hair is gross. I worry that as a woman, I can’t be seen as professional, elegant, or beautiful with visible body hair.” Tessa, 21.

For me, it comes down to: it’s your body so what you do with it is your choice.” Rylie, 21.

“I’ve been called out by aunts and even my mother about my leg hair and armpit hair being too long. it’s not a good feeling - it made me too embarrassed to wear things like shorts and tank tops and swimsuits when going to the pool or the beach in the summer. I’ve also had partners that called me disgusting for having body hair which I now realize was extremely toxic.” Ollie, 18.

“BODY HAIR HAS STOPPED ME FROM WEARING CERTAIN CLOTHES, GOING SWIMMING, WEARING SHORTS, DRESSES OR SHORT SLEEVE SHIRTS, AND IT’S MADE ME LATE TO THINGS BECAUSE I WAS BUSY SHAVING.” JACKIE, 19.

“I think if you’re not shaving for your own comfort or for your own purposes then it’s not worth it.” Makayla, 19. “I shave my armpits (super rarely) only when it gets too long because I sweat a lot and the hair traps my body odor more than when it’s shaved. I don’t see the need to shave elsewhere.” Guinevere, 21. “I refuse to have armpit hair and leg hair in front of my boyfriend. Even though he says he doesn’t care, I think he does so I shave anyway.” Gabi, 19. “I used to shave every day, especially during puberty. But as I grew older the more I realized It was unnecessary. A lot of our societal norms for people assigned female at birth are pedophilic.” Chloe, 21.

FEBRUARY 1, 2021 THE COLUMBIA CHRONICLE

You are not dirty or shameful for having an STI or UTI » BROOKLYN KIOSOW MANAGING EDITOR CONVERSATION AROUND sexually transmitted diseases and urinary tract infections can be tricky to navigate. While it is easy to be ashamed, these issues are often very common. “If you have a broken arm or if you have a sore throat, you don’t walk around and feel like you’re a bad person,” said Lori Lawrenz, licensed psychologist at the Center for Sexual and Reproductive Health. “But with an STI or UTI, a lot of shame happens … you just feel like ‘I am bad,’ ‘I am wrong’ [and] ‘I am dirty.’” According to the World Health Organization, more than 1 million STIs are acquired every day worldwide, and a 2010 study by the National Kidney Foundation found that 1 in 5 women will have at least one UTI in their lifetime. UTIs occur when bacteria gets into the urinary tract and multiplies, which results in swelling and pain. STIs are spread most often through unprotected sexual contact. Janet Brito, a licensed psychologist at the Center for Sexual and Reproductive Health, said society’s negative perception of STIs and UTIs is present for a number of reasons. “The stigma is associated with the belief that the genital area is dirty, that having and expressing sexual feelings is shameful, especially outside of marriage and not for the purpose of reproduction,” Brito said in a Feb. 2 email to the Chronicle. “A lack of sex education, conservative religious views and one’s cultural beliefs also contribute to the stigma.” This shame carries a lot of weight and can result in serious mental and physical health issues. Lawrenz said she often has patients who are afraid of getting UTIs and stop having sex, which impacts their sexual health and creates a “cyclical problem.” “People can develop avoidant behaviors because they don’t want to get a UTI,” Lawrenz said. “They can just shut down sexually.”

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This stigma also impacts men and women differently, which Brito attributes to existing societal structures. “The patriarchy is alive and roaring, hence women will be stigmatized more and judged as being promiscuous, immoral and dirty,” Brito said. Lawrenz said many women have never even looked at their genitals, and she suggests they grab a mirror to get more familiar with their own anatomy. To change the conversation around STIs and UTIs, Lawrenz said knowledge and education are power. “The more it’s on TV, the more people talk about it, the more it’s in the culture … the less it becomes stigmatized,” Lawrenz said. “I think when you keep something in the dark and you keep it hidden and there

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is not a lot of knowledge about it, that’s when [the shame] can breed.” While it can be scary to make a move and get tested for an STI, PlushCare, an online health care resource, suggests that if someone is sexually active—even when using protection—they should still get tested at some point. For UTIs, Brito suggests seeking medical attention if one is experiencing urinary tract pain, inflammation or any other symptoms of a UTI. If someone you know is afraid of getting tested, Lawrenz said, ask open ended questions such as “What are you afraid of finding out?” to give them a better opportunity to open up. “Why do we carry shame because there is something medically going on in our genitals, when we don’t

carry the same shame when something is going on in our elbow or foot?” Lawrenz asked. “It’s a health issue, and sexual health is health.” For more information on STIs and UTIs visit The World Health Organization. For where to get tested in Chicago, visit Clear Wellness’ website. Columbia’s Health Center can also refer you for STI treatment. BKIOSOW@COLUMBIACHRONICLE.COM

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Part-time sex worker, full-time student: Juggling OnlyFans while pursuing a degree

» AMINA SERGAZINA STAFF REPORTER

Editor’s Note: The students and recent graduate interviewed here by the Chronicle agreed to tell their stories on the condition of anonymity. The Chronicle has verified their identities but did not use their real names in this article. JANE SMITH’S SCHEDULE is packed. When they are not striving for a master’s degree in arts management or working two on-campus jobs, Smith finds time to work the webcam and phone sex lines to help pay their mortgage and student loans. Though not a traditional part-time job, the Chronicle spoke to people who, like Smith, spend their days working toward their degrees while moonlighting as sex workers to pay the bills. They share the perils and perks of performing at strip clubs, being paid for companionship or sex and selling nude photos and videos on OnlyFans, a subscription-based site. In 2008, Smith became a burlesque performer and sold vintage pinup-inspired nude photos. Currently, they dabble in bondage and discipline, submission and dominance, and sadomas-

ochism. But, they prefer financial domination, a form of BDSM where a person has a fetish for being submissive and giving money. “A lot of times, I’ll have clients who are very interested in being humiliated,” Smith said. “A big one in financial domination is to be made to feel like a pig.” Smith is open about sex work with their husband, friends, family and colleagues. “I try to be as visible as possible in order to hold space for those who aren’t able to come out because of their living situation or other issues in their lives,” Smith said. “I hope that by being visible I can help to destigmatize sex work.” Sex work comes in many forms, such as the role of a sugar baby in a relationship with a sugar daddy or mommy, and often involves an older person giving a younger person money to be their partner. In some instances, it may involve sex or simply keeping them company. Mary Jones, a freshman music major, is currently seeing her second sugar daddy. Jones said her first one did not keep up with the payments he promised and attempted to scam her. She found her sugar daddies through a

website called Sugar Daddy Meet, one of the numerous popular sites for sugar babies to find those willing to pay for their time. Seeking Arrangement, a similar site that matches sugar babies with sugar mommies and daddies, is currently used by around 3 million U.S. students, according to its website.

Jones had two restaurant jobs before the pandemic that helped her pay bills and loans, but once COVID-19 hit, she was completely out of work. While she was able to find a grocery store job, it did not pay enough money, which led to Jones looking into sugar daddies. “You got to [pull] off some persona,” Jones said. “I pulled off ‘I’m a lonely college student girl looking for fun; I just want someone to keep me company.’ [But], even though they’re paying you, don’t let them overpower you at any point.”

Jones’ sugar daddy pays her $150 per date and $300 for sex, she said. But being a sugar baby is not Jones’ only income—she also works at a grocery store and as a hostess at a restaurant. “I’m tired of people saying, ‘Work for your money, it’s super easy,’” she said. “You’re keeping up a second lifestyle; you’re keeping on this persona ... and you’re putting your body out there. ... It’s physically exhausting to balance your life along with this lifestyle that he wants you to have.” Despite the money, some workers do not feel safe with their clients. John Doe graduated from the School of the Art Institute in Chicago in May 2020, but he started having sex for money when he was 17 after being sexually assaulted by his best friend. “From there, it was this weird decision where I wanted to own my sexuality because I didn’t actually know I was queer until that happened,” Doe said. “I wanted to do something where I was in charge, and [that] felt consensual. So I would start charging these older men to sleep with me. I wish it didn’t go down that way, now that I’m thinking about it, but you can’t change the past.” Once Doe became a student at SAIC and a resident assistant for his dorm, he found himself in need of money. Doe began working at a gay strip club, but due to the pandemic, the club was shut down. During the time he worked there, Doe said he was placed in a number of dangerous situations, including being followed home on the train and contracting COVID-19 from another man. “I wasn’t talking to any customers because I didn’t want to risk it. I would just get on stage and straight to the locker room,” Doe said. “But this guy grabbed my arm, and he tried to kiss me, and when I moved away he licked my eyes. Then I got COVID[-19] the week after.” Doe now works at a gym and posts content on his OnlyFans account. He said he is not seeing clients because of the pandemic but misses performing at the strip club. “Sex workers need protection, especially Black trans sex workers,” Doe said. “They are the least protected out of all the sex workers. People should just be aware of that.” ASERGAZINA@COLUMBIACHRONICLE.COM

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‘Money Shot’: A spicy comic to read for the plot » ISAIAH COLBERT OPINIONS EDITOR WHILE LOOKING AT Vice News with his

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violent towards women, it gets a bad rap,” she said. Isaacs said when people are told a comic book is about characters making porn, it can turn them off to the point of never wanting to read it. “Money Shot” was created to be something teenagers discovering their sexuality would be proud to share with their friends while hiding from their parents, Isaacs said. Although the Tijuana Bibles, an erotic underground comic book featuring famous celebrities and cartoon characters, was an early example of sex in comic books in the 1960s, the comics tended to be misogynistic, Seeley said. “We considered people’s viewpoints,” he said. “[‘Money Shot’] is not one-sided. It’s not just what a straight white guy thinks is sexy.” Sarah Beattie, co-writer for “Mon-

ey Shot,” said the sex in the comic is plot-driven, not exploitative and serves the female-led ensemble of characters. “It’s okay for females to be horny,” Beattie said. “Showing that females have healthy sexual drives is actually really important.” Beattie said she would like “Money Shot” to impact the comic book industry by providing a positive example of sex being naturally accepted and less exploitative. While good stories and stories with sex tend to be mutually exclusive, Seeley said “Money Shot” finds its success by crafting a narrative that has both. “I think because [‘Money Shot’] is in the middle, we’re surprising people,” Seeley said. ICOLBERT@COLUMBIACHRONICLE.COM

» CHLOE MCMULLEN/CHRONICLE

wife, Tim Seeley came across an article about how scientists were struggling to fund their projects during former President Donald Trump’s administration. When his wife suggested the scientists could just make porn, the comic book writer began creating a pitch based on what he said was one the finest ideas he had ever heard, which led to “Money Shot.” “Money Shot” is a comic book from Vault Comics following pansexual scientists called the XXX-plorers who fund their space exploration by filming porn with each other and aliens they encounter. Seeley, an adjunct faculty member in the Interactive Arts and Media Department and writer of “Money Shot,” said he tapped into his desire to make a science fiction comic in a setting like “Star Trek,” except there would be no funding for science endeavors and everyone would have an OnlyFans account to live off of. “Money Shot” came out in a “weirdly opportune time” during the pandemic when people were feeling far from each other and wanted to be connected, Seeley said. While “Money Shot” was being created in early 2019, Seeley said it was decided the comic would show nudity as a natural human state but would not focus on genitalia unless it was a story point. “It’s a story about porn, but it’s not porn specifically,” he said. “You can lose the message, [and] you can lose the satire in stuff if people are too focused on the fact that it’s naughty.” Len Strazewski, associate professor emeritus at Columbia, said depictions of real characters cannot happen without an acknowledgment of sexual relationships. “There’s no particular reason why in visual storytelling that you wouldn’t have different kinds of depictions of sex and romance,” said Strazewski, a former

DC Comics writer. “Like any popular entertainment, comics can have romance, sex and attractive people.” The audience might not demand sex, but they realize it is a natural activity in storytelling, Strazewski said. Although the comic’s creators expected a lot of pushback for producing “Money Shot,” Seeley said the biggest complaint from reviewers on sites like Amazon is that the comic is not dirty enough. Rebekah Isaacs, the artist for “Money Shot,” said although Vault gave them free rein to be as explicit as they wanted, she drew the line to keep “Money Shot” from being “outright triple-x pornographic” and keep it at an HBO-level of explicitness. “For a lot of people, because of the way that porn is portrayed in the media and how unfortunately there is a lot of pornography out there that is very

» RYAN BRUMBACK /CHRONICLE

Bisexuality, bi-erasure and why it’s important to change the narrative » BROOKLYN KIOSOW MANAGING EDITOR DURING A PLAY in middle school, Kaitlyn Venturina developed a crush on another castmate. It was her first identifiable crush on another girl and she asked herself, “What does this mean for me?” After doing some research and personal exploration into bisexuality, she decided to let people know about her newfound identity with an Instagram post. But before coming out, she had a few concerns. “If I do come out … ‘Am I going to be loved or not?’ ‘Am I going to be enough or not?’” said Venturina, a sophomore film major. Something Venturina did not initially question was whether or not people would believe her. Bi-erasure, according to the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, is “a pervasive problem in which the existence or legitimacy of bisexuality (either in general or in regard to an individual) is questioned or denied outright.” There is a plethora of stereotypes surrounding bisexuality—from being hypersexual to not wanting to “pick a side.” Jenn Lee, a graduate student in the

English and Creative Writing Department’s nonfiction program, grew up in a very “openly queer” household, so coming out did not feel like “coming out” to her. However, when she was 24 and new to culinary school, Lee met a woman who told her bisexual people “did not exist” and that it was a “stepping stone on the way to coming all the way out.” Lee, who has been married for almost 13 years, is in a “straight-passing relationship,” she said. While her husband supports her sexuality, Lee said it constantly feels like she is coming out to people. The feeling of continually “coming out” is often exacerbated by the belief that if someone identifies as bisexual, and is in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex, one or both partners must be straight, Venturina said. “If I’m dating a woman, that doesn’t mean I’m gay,” Venturina said. “If I’m dating a guy … that doesn’t mean I’m heterosexual. There is this erasure … that can be really invalidating to my own sexuality.” According to an article by myGwork, a business community for LGBT+ professionals and those who believe in workplace equality, bisexuality is

often ignored by media, academics and society at large. Media impacts the way people view and understand unfamiliar territory, and substantial bisexual representation can be hard to find in mainstream media. Elijah Jagours, a sophomore music major, said when a bisexual character is included in mainstream media, it is often through reality TV, and it is usually an attractive woman in a party setting, which still appeals to a heteronormative audience. Jagours said he would love to see more movies like “Love, Simon” or “Moonlight” that have a bisexual main character that explores both sides of the spectrum without leaning toward one or the other. Jagours, who has openly identified as bisexual since the seventh grade, said when he came out to his family, they thought it was a phase he would go through before he came out as gay. Today, because he likes to express his femininity, his friends still often view him as gay and not bisexual. “We’ll joke around, be like ‘Oh, you’re gay,’ because we can,” Jagours said. “But even then, I’m not exactly that, … and I always feel diminished, even in my own

friend group. I don’t feel like they 100% see me for who I am.” Lee said to change the narrative around bisexuality, there needs to be a discussion about bisexuality as a spectrum because, while bi-erasure is damaging and there is a need to fight biphobia, it is also valid for people to explore their sexuality and find themselves without committing to an identity. “It’s not a phase, it’s a progression or an evolution,” Lee said. “That doesn’t mean that anything you were feeling along the way was not true.” Jagours said while it is agitating to defend his sexuality as a bisexual man, he always creates space to uplift those facing similar struggles or exploring their own sexuality. Lee said she is now confident and proud of her sexuality because she has the ability to be. “Part of why I feel able to be loudly queer … is because within the queer umbrella I am pretty safe and secure,” Lee said. “I am a white woman, I am cis [and] I am in a relationship that can pass as straight. So why not push that a little bit and be loud?” BKIOSOW@COLUMBIACHRONICLE.COM

FEBRUARY 15, 2021 THE COLUMBIA CHRONICLE

Start Here!

Pick a restaurant for your first date:

Harold's Chicken and Waffles

Pick a CTA line to make out on:

Starbucks

Which secret talent is most attractive to you?

Multilingual

Watch the movie

Read the book 12

THE COLUMBIA CHRONICLE FEBRUARY 15, 2021

Comedy

Horror

Red Line

Peet’s Coffee

Would you rather read the book or watch the movie?

Devil Dawgs

Panera Bread

Pink Line

Pick somewhere to get coffee:

Pick a movie genre for a "Netflix and chill" night:

Which quality is more important to you in a partner?

Good cook

Freestyle rapper

Pick somewhere to go on your future honeymoon: Italy

Makes you laugh Good communicator

Hawaii

Ella Watylyk, Copy Editor Savanna Steffens, Graphic Designer

How do you prefer to meet people?

Your perfect partner is either in the Audio Arts and Acoustics, Interactive Arts and Media or Cinema and Television Arts Department! This person is tech-savvy, creative and ready to make a story with you. A game design major would love to play video games with you, while a film and television major would make you feel like a movie star every day.

Online

Play video games

In person

What would you rather do on a rainy day?

yes

Do you like to show off your partner on social media?

Japan

Which Valentine’s Day gift would you rather get?

Something handmade Tickets to a concert or play

Make something crafty

Your future partner is either in the Photography, Fashion Studies, Design or Art and Art History Department! Your ideal lover has an eye for detail and will notice all the little things about you. If you want someone to take stellar Instagram photos with you, find yourself a photography major. If you’d love it if someone drew portraits of you, find a fine arts major.

Your true love is either in the Dance, Theatre or Music Department! These folks love to perform, they exude confidence and will always hype you up. If you’re looking to laugh, find yourself a comedy writing and performance major. If you want someone to serenade you, try a music major.

Your soulmate is either in the Communication, American Sign Language, Business and Entrepreneurship or English and Creative Writing Department! This person is a great communicator and will always know just what to say. If you’re looking for someone who will ask all the right questions to get to know you, try a journalism major. If you’d rather be wooed with a love poem, find a creative writing major.

FEBRUARY 15, 2021 THE COLUMBIA CHRONICLE

» SUMMER HOAGLAND-ABERNATHY COPY CHIEF BEFORE YOUR PARTNER closes their laptop after a long day of work and moves from their workspace to your bedroom, you pull out all the stops to help them unwind. You have roses on the bed, lavender in the air and chocolate-covered strawberries on the nightstand—oh, and don’t forget yourself and a 12-pack of ribbed Trojan condoms. But when your beloved finally slumps into the room, instead of flinging their arms around you in a moment of passion, they grab one of the strawberries, plop down onto the bed and grab the TV remote. They don’t even notice the Trojans! Although, they do thank you for the relaxing scene you’ve laid out. This has happened a few times now: You really want to have sex, and you make this clear with your actions, but your partner does not reciprocate this desire. This might be the last straw before you blow up on them, but first, stop and think about how you can better connect with them on the issue of differing libidos.

The Chronicle spoke with sex and relationship experts for advice on how to deal with a “desire gap” between you and your main squeeze.

I’M BRINGING SEXY BACK (YEAH):

Alexandra H. Solomon, clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University, said there are healthy ways to fill the “desire gap.” “Within a couple’s relationship, there are actually three sexualities: my sexuality, your sexuality and our sexuality,” Solomon said. “Masturbation sometimes is a really healthy way to fill up the gap in desire, … so even if a couple is very much in love, they still have a sexual relationship within themselves.” Solomon, who published a book in 2020 about owning your own sexuality and communicating desires titled “Taking Sexy Back,” said having differing sex drives within a relationship is normal. She said “vulva-bodied people are very often on the short end of the orgasm stick,” and sometimes a desire gap is fueled by unhealed trauma. So if one person is not getting as much out of sex as the other, partners should talk about how they can make sex better for that person.

» SAVANNA STEFFENS/CHRONICLE

Awkward: How do you navigate different sex drives in a relationship? A PEACEFUL NEGOTIATION:

Hollie Schmid, marriage and family therapist at Relationship Reality 312, said finding and communicating your deal breakers, or non-negotiables, as well as your areas of flexibility with your partner, is important. For instance, if your partner wants to have sex one time per week, and you’re okay with that, then the issue is settled. But if they want to have sex five times per week, and you only want to have sex two times per week, figure out where you can compromise. Schmid suggests starting with your deal breakers and working toward where you may be flexible, because if one partner is more flexible, this could lead to resentment from the other.

HELP ME HELP YOU:

Talking about what you and your partner’s needs are can also help, said Sylvia Mikucki-Enyart, relationship researcher and assistant professor at the University of Iowa in the Department of Communication Studies. Do not accuse, try to solve the problem right away or get defensive, or else the conversation could shut down. Instead,

explore to find a middle ground. Societal images for what a sex life should look like are dangerous, especially for men who are “supposed to” want sex all the time, MikuckiEnyart said, so find a soft conversation starter to open up communication about what you’d like your sex life to look like in your relationship. Solomon said to not shame or blame your partner for wanting or not wanting sex often, but instead, try a sexuality podcast or book to learn how others talk about sex in a healthy way. “Couples who can talk about sex have better sex,” Solomon said. “Desire discrepancy is not something that can get fixed. It’s something couples can navigate with a bit of levity and a lot of compassion and a lot of respect” SHOAGLANDABERNATHY@COLUMBIACHRONICLE.COM

Post-Sex Activities » AMINA SERGAZINA STAFF REPORTER

» KENDALL POLIDORI

» ZACHARY CLINGENPEEL

CO-EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

PHOTOJOURNALIST

Drink water and have a snack: After sex my partner brings me a glass of water and sometimes a light snack.

2 3

Cuddle: I think the best aftercare is to curl up with each other and take a nap.

Watch something together: Sometimes I like to watch a light movie with my partner. We combine all of the above actions together.

Spending some time alone: In some cases I’m so exhausted after sex that I like to spend some time without talking and just lay next to each other.

Talk to my partner: I like to talk to my partner and let him know that I liked everything. Sometimes I go on tangents and he falls asleep in the middle of them from exhaustion.

THE COLUMBIA CHRONICLE FEBRUARY 15, 2021

Listen to Phoebe Bridgers’ “Punisher” record on vinyl: There’s nothing better to listen to while laying on your bed and staring at the ceiling.

Eat a snack and drink some water: Sometimes, after a workout, you have to replenish your energy

with food.

Take a nap: There is nothing like a good excuse for a nap.

Watch Television: My partner and I have shows we watch together as a couple. After sex, it is nice to

Listen to my significant other play my $20 Casio keyboard much better than I can: It’s likely I’ll never learn more than the two Bon Iver songs I know. Watch two hours of NPR’s Tiny Desk Concerts on my phone: We argue over whose performance is the best (always eventually agreeing on Leon Bridges).

Devour a bowl full of goldfish like Garfield in “Garfield: The Movie”: Nutrition is important, obviously.

Watch Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: Jam out to Sex Bob-Omb and root for Young Neil.

spend quality time with your loved one. Cuddling: I don’t know why, but cuddling is pretty cool. Don’t let anyone tell you guys don’t

like cuddling.

Sex again: If you can go more than one round, why not?

Issue

e S ex

spend time with that special someone. But what if that someone broke your heart and you now have to spend the day alone? If you want to be the bigger person and still give them a gift, maybe name a cockroach after them. The Chronicle compiled a list of the pettiest gifts for your ex this Valentine’s Day:

actually became deaf because of what the bullies did.” On Shitexpress, you have the option of horse poop or elephant poop. After choosing, you enter in the desired address, pick a sticker and pay using either Bitcoin for total anonymity or with a credit card—either way your identity will not be revealed. “A piece of s--- with an original personal note is the best gift your ex deserves,” Crapper said. Shitexpress boxes are $16.95 each and delivery is free worldwide.

SHITEXPRESS:

CRY ME A COCKROACH:

Shitexpress, a website that delivers animal poop to the door of your choosing, was created as a marketing experiment in 2014 to see if people were bored enough to buy boxes of animal feces, said Peter Crapper, CEO of Shitexpress. “There was a person who ordered at least 80 packages to be delivered to various persons who bullied them in the past,” Crapper said in a Feb. 4 email to the Chronicle. “It was quite sad to find out that the sender

If feces in a box is too direct, there are more passive-aggressive options. The San Antonio Zoo is hosting its second annual event for Valentine’s Day called “Cry Me A Cockroach.” For this event, you can name a cockroach or a rat after your ex and watch it be eaten by resident animals, like snakes, live on the zoo’s social media. If you are vegan—or if watching animals eat other living creatures makes you a little queasy—

» AMINA SERGAZINA STAFF REPORTER VALENTINE’S DAY IS an opportunity to

there is an option to name a head of lettuce and watch it be eaten instead. Hope Roth, vice president of marketing at the San Antonio Zoo, said the zoo has already received requests from all over the world. “We have people from Hong Kong, Scotland and 18 different countries that have sent in their first name request, and it’s not always an ex,” Roth said. “We’ve had landlords, we’ve had bosses, we’ve got neighbors, just somebody that you would really like to see be eaten by one of our animals.” Last year the zoo raised $45,000, and Ross said they hope to raise even more this year. The money will be used toward building a jaguar skywalk for the zoo, which will allow guests to see jaguars walk right above them. “This is something our animals would already be doing—the snakes would already eat a rat,” Roth said. “We just are having fun with it and making it an opportunity for folks to support the zoo and get a little laugh on Valentine’s Day.” People can name a cockroach—using only the person’s first name—for $5, a rat for $25 and lettuce for $5 on the San Antonio Zoo website.

» SOFIA FELINO/CHRONICLE

The pettiest gifts for your ex this Valentine’s Day RUIN DAYS: Every great gift comes with a card, and this year’s Valentine’s Day gift should not be any different. To top off your Shitexpress box or cockroach named Brad, add a glitter bomb card that blows up in the recipient’s face along with a box of penis-shaped candy. Ruin Days, a prank website that delivers mean gifts, will “package the most annoying things possible to receive through mail and ship them to your worst enemies in an effort to ruin their day,” according to its website. The website also grants 100% anonymity and free two-day shipping. It offers gems like the “Butthurt Care Package,” which comes with a box of tissues for tears, Butthurt cream, tampons and “Box of Annoying Sand,” which is literally a box of sand with a trapdoor to ruin someone’s carpet. Now that your ex received their perfect gift, you can call it a successful Valentine’s Day knowing their apartment smells like caca with glitter on top.

» SOFIA FELINO/CHRONICLE

ASERGAZINA@COLUMBIACHRONICLE.COM

FEBRUARY 15, 2021 THE COLUMBIA CHRONICLE

THE COLUMBIA CHRONICLE FEBRUARY 15, 2021