D For... C U o t e id u G A BY DONIE O’SULLIVAN
...Northsiders
“STORRRY, WHA?” It’s one small bridge over the Liffey, one giant leap for a Northsider. You are in for quite a culture shock, if you’re looking for cocaine it’s referred to in these parts as “Charlie”, no one knows who Jason Sherlock is and when one of your classmates is embarrassed in public you say “totes devo for you babes,” not “scarla for ya ma for ‘avin ya.” But buy a Paul’s Boutique bag, a pair of real UGGs and replace “i” with “o” in words such as “time” and you will be be “loike totally foine, roysh?” Join: Dutch Gold Society
Ten things • • •
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...Southsiders Irish by birth, UCD student by the grace of God. You knew you were going to UCD since you were three, quite simply because “all the goys” go here. We certainly hope you enjoyed your three week Leaving Cert holiday in Ios last month, and that you will equally enjoy your 6 weeks in Thailand next summer, and your J1 on the west coast of America the next – just remember don’t lose your 6th year ring. You’ll love UCD because its familiar and is only a 10 minute walk or half hour drive from your house – you will choose to drive, then post on Facebook about how long it took you to get parking and how you missed the first 10 minutes of class. “BOOM!” Join: L&H
...Country Folk “Oh Oh yea, if it isn’t himself, the big man in up in Dublin now thinks he’s better than the rest of us down here,” the welcome you will receive from your friends on Friday evening when your return home. For one reason or another you decided to come, or somehow ended up in UCD. Regardless of how big a town you came from, if you aren’t from somewhere in between Dun Laoghaire and Swords you will be considered a “boggar” by a large bulk of the UCD student population. You can however use this to your advantage; when a lad from Gonzaga (posh Dublin school) is chatting you up, trying to impress you about the six weeks he spent in Ghana the summer of 5th year and the suffering he witnessed there, you can recount a similar story about that time you visited Leitrim. Join: Ag Soc!
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NOT
to do in UCD
Go to all your lectures – “ah sure, you’ll be grand.” Go to the “secret lakes” - what’s the point? Go to a “Ball” in formal attire – if it’s on in Twenty Ones you probably don’t need a tux, most “Balls” in UCD, apart from a few, are club nights, be warned. Write for The University Observer (our rivals, part of the Murdoch empire!) Take crap from UCD Residences – contact the SU or a lawyer, before paying any “fines.” Wear socks with sandals. Do drugs, unless it’s really good stuff. Leave buying your drink until 9.50pm. Forget to use a condom, or three if you’re from the North. Get a credit card.