The Collective Magazine: Issue 009

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VALERIE MORRICE Creative Director

VICTOR AVITIA Co-Creative Director

MADELINE BLAIR Editor-In-Chief

Graphic Design Victor Avita Magazine Design Social Media Merch design

Jamal Moore Magazine Design Merch Design Valerie Morrice Magazine Design Social Media

Danelise Comas Product Design

Sahana Raj Social Media

Celia Cousineau Magazine Design Merch Design

Kaiya Scholl Magazine Design

Trisha Gupta Product Design

Abbie Steele Magazine Design Yasmin Steele Magazine Design Arianna Turner Magazine Design Social Media

Event Planning Micah Austin Francesca Dumitrescu Shannon Dwyer Jenna Glassman Anthony Gonzalez Dhanai Haderaj Emma Haugh-Ewald Salman Khan 2

BELLA SCOTT Social Director

EVA GALPER Event Planing Exec

Writing Team

Shresta Bangaru Magazine Design

Ilan Elenbogen Magazine Design

ELLE TERRADO President Exec.

Natalie Monroe Estelle Orleans Esther Phipps Jack Scaro Gracelyn Sensibar Shagun Varma Jon Zheng

Farrah Anderson Magazine Writer

Hannah Lonergan Artist Q&A Writer

Shaylee Bent Event Writer

Holiday Maag Event Writer

Lilli Bresnahan Magazine Writer

Rachael Menke Artist Q&A Writer

Nox Burton Event Writer

Anna Pevey Magazine Writer

Marissa De Louise Magazine Writer

Tracy Tran Magazine Writer

Lily Greenberg Artist Q&A Writer

Julia Youman Artist Q&A Writer

Vivian La Artist Q&A Writer

Editor’s Note Once upon a time, there was a little magazine called The Collective. After months of agonizing and antagonizing over the labor and love put into this semester’s issue, you can finally hold the beauty, the wonder, the mystery in your hands. The Collective took our first Covid semester back in person by storm with art galleries, house shows, and vendor events galore. The writing team doubled from the semester past, and I’m so excited for you to see what they have to say. We tried something different this fall with choosing a theme—Foes and Fables—so the vibes here are no accident this time. I hope you’re ready for a fairytale.

With this being my last semester on the team, I’ve made many foes and I’ve got a fable to tell about it. Just kidding.

I’ll miss you dearly, Collective, in spite of my bleary eyes from the dozens of hours I’ve spent copyediting.

Xoxo, Madeline Blair Editor-in-Chief

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contents 6 A Conversation with Conal Madeline Blair 8 Spirits of the Cottage Chloe Fulton 8 Goosebump Soup #1 Chloe Fulton

9 Goosebump Soup #2 Chloe Fulton 9 Orchard Ghosts Alexandria Reardon

11 Souls Vicky Jimenez

12 RED SHIFT #7 Ryan Gong

38 We Are The Land Angeline Menezes

43 The One I Tell All My Secrets To Vicky Jimenez

28 Cornflowers Lee Nguyen

37 The Waiting Room / Eggs in Purgatory Madeline Blair

39 Head Ache John Prince

41 untitled NatalieWakefield

25 Drowned Esther Phipps

24 First Snow Emily Greetis

27 Heavenly Bodies Madeline Blair

29 The Cadenza of Clem Turner Madeline Blair

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13 Goths Against Ghouls Mila Matejcek

24 Solar awakening Melody Contreras

15 The Inner-Workings of Tarrot Tracy Tran

14 Fruit Salad Dreams Gianna Sigala

26 Body Keeps Score Mason Rousey

10 Abstract #3 Grant Florence

40 Self-Portrait Alice Cao

42 RED SHIFT #3 Ryan Gong

44 Singing For Their Supper Farrah Anderson

Key: Stories, Poems, Visual Art 54 untitled Leo Flood 55 If Youre Too Shy Ishani Juneja 56 Portrait#666 Mason Rousey 58 Love Victor Avitia

59 Eat Your Motherfucking Eggs Bitches William Hohe

60 Scream Victor Avitia 61 Lucid Victor Avitia

62 Christmas Looks Different Without You William Hohe 63 Dainty Damsels in Distress Marissa De Louise 68 Like Mother, Like Daughter 1 Isabelle Zhao 73 Tomorrow Is Such A Long Time Ago Bella Scott

72 Untitled Michelle Martinez

71 Untitled Angeline Menezes

70 Live More Die Less Lillie Ostarello

69 Like Mother, Like Daughter 2 Isabelle Zhao 74 Off We Go! Elle Terrado

75 Wild Things Kennedy Grace O'Keefe

76 Wilded Dreams Grant Florence 78 Cottage Core Anna Pevey

85 SATURDAY Nyah Peaches

86 Untitled Vicky Jimenez 87 Ethereal Esther Phipps

89 Bad Religion Uriah

88 Ray Emma McCloud

89 Pope Rats Kennedy Grace O'Keefe

90 The Two Headed Lamb Lilli Bresanan

issue 009

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A Conversation with Conal the Cover Artist on the Vitality of Art Written by Madeline Blair Conal Abatangelo is a senior studying Creative Writing here at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. He writes poetry, draws, paints, and occasionally does digital art as well. Some necessary facts about him are that he is from Chicago and has five pet rats— Mochi, Ophelia, Titi, Izzy, and Elly. He has always been a big animal person, and he takes a shitload of antidepressants. He loves horror movies and dark humor. He might seem like a dick a lot of the time but he really has a warm and fuzzy heart inside (his words, not mine).

How do you define yourself as an artist?

“I really just paint for myself as a form of release. It’s more for myself than for anyone else, regardless of which art form it is.”

Which takes higher priority in your identity as an artist, poetry or visual artist? In what ways do you choose priority?

“I don’t give one form higher priority than another, I tend to switch back and forth depending on what feels easier at the time. I picked up painting my sophomore year because I was hitting a slump with my writing. When I can’t paint, I try to write, and vice versa.

Painting gives me some emotional relief when I’m not able to express it with words.”

In your art, I notice a few themes. Twisted, intricate faces, and rats. And rats with twisted, intricate faces. How do these themes come about, and what do they mean to you?

“I don’t remember how my rat obsession came along, but it’s really stuck and I just love drawing rats. I love the twisted faces and figures, and adding the general kind of gloomy or dark images when I can. The figures are a sort of representation of how I see myself or my “inner demons,” even though that sounds so cheesy. I don’t plan out most of my paintings, so the figures just kind of take the form of however I feel as I go.”

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What do your rats do to inspire you?

“I love my rats, they’re more just an inspiration to me personally than in my art. They keep me going and make me so happy.”

I’ve heard your painting process can be pretty interesting. Can you describe your typical process in creating a piece of art, from sitting down to start it to the finished product?

“My painting process starts with a base color and just throwing some shapes on the canvas.

I love to just doodle and do things that look pretty or are just fun to put down. Most of the things I paint get painted over again and again. I love keeping my favorite parts from one layer and painting over the rest, then repeat. I don’t really know when a piece is done for me, since I never really have a plan in the first place. I think I stop when I just don’t know what to add or I don’t want to cover anything up.”

How do you choose your color palettes in regards to the mood of your artwork?

“I like gloomier. kind of dull colors with some bright accents thrown in. I love colors that look gory or natural. A lot of my paintings have flowers or some sort of nature clashing with a little creepy looking dude or two. I do a lot of the darker colors if I’m not feeling amazing and move to lighter colors when I’m feeling less not-amazing.”

How would you describe your poetry?

“I think my poetry is also just self-expression at a more personal or explicit level. I have a wonderful little shitload of family issues and I find poetry is the best way to grapple with explicit issues like that. Painting is a bit more, “Damn, I feel bad,” while writing is actually going to let me explain that a bit.”

When people view or read your art, what is the impression you want them to take away from it?

“I want people to just look at my paintings and think it’s pretty, or to read my poetry and feel some depth and emotion. Everything starts out as something for myself, but by the end, I want it to encapsulate how I feel and allow the viewer to understand it to some extent.

It would be really awesome if people got crazy mad obsessed with my art or poetry, but I’m perfectly content with doing things just for myself.”

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Chloe Fulton Spirits of The Cottage 35mm Film

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Chloe Fulton Goosebump Soup 35mm Film

Orchard Ghosts A Poem by Alexandria Reardon I watched you step between, among The trees to pick the perfect one-One as red as Autumn gleams, Sweet as the purple clover leaves.

Oh, what we can make of these!

(A crimson crisp or Jonathan juice?)

Impatiently you stole a bite Of September’s favorite fruit.

I saw the juice run down your face And oh, it made me want a taste.

Chloe Fulton Goosebump Soup 35mm Film 9

Grant Florence Abstract Ink Pens 10

Vicky Jimenez Souls Ink on Paper

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Ryan Gong REDSHIFT #7 Photography 12

Mila Matejcek Goths against Ghouls Digital Painting 13

Gianna Sigala Fruit Salad Dreams Collage 14

Tracy Tran

Valerie Morrice

Ryan Kuk

Ayla Brown stars in

THE COLLECTIVE PRESENTS a magazine story WRITTEN by Tracy Tran PHOTOGRAPHY by Ryan Kuk The Collective Motion Pictures STARRING Ayla Brown DIRECTED by Valerie Morrice The Collective Motion Pictures

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arot, in brief, is a system of cards that T represents “the spectrum of human condition, the good, the evil, the light, the dark.” It is a massive collection of symbols, individually crafted on 72 pieces of cardstock that have been used for divination, fortune-telling, and other occult practices for centuries. It has presumed roots from tarocchi of Italy, The Kabbalah, Tantra from India, and I-Ching from China.

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Each card has its own iconic symbols: the skeleton rider on a white horse in front of begging people in the Death card, to the kind, compassionate woman with a flower crown who is taming a lion on Strength. The skeleton on the horse is more than just a horseman of the apocalypse, but in this case, it symbolizes the beginning of life-altering change that is bound to happen. Death isn’t really about death, it is about change. And Strength, the woman taming a lion through pets, is a reminder that true strength is found when looking at the inner self—that love, compassion and kindness reigns king.

Tarot’s roots in history have been heavily debated. In general, it is thought to be from the classic deck of playing cards, with your suite of hearts, spades, clubs and diamonds. In the 14th century, Italian playing cards named tarocchi had something called trionfi, or a set of 21 trump cards and an odd card of The Fool added to your normal playing card deck.

In the beginning, these cards were meant to be played like the popular game, bridge.

Wealthier families began to commision trump cards that later became known as the Major Arcana. One of the older Tarot decks that is still used today, The Tarot of Marseille, was made for the purposes of play. It wasn’t until the 18th century that these cards started to be used for occult purposes with the creation of the Rider-Waite-Smith Tarot decks, created specifically for divination.

Rider-Waite and Other Systems The old tried-and-rue methods of Tarot are separated into four major deck systems: The Rider-Waite-Smith (the most common and prevalent), Tarot of Marseilles, Tarot de Lenormand, and the Thoth deck, along with Oracle Decks which is a general term for modern fortune-telling decks. For simplicity’s sake, this article solely refers to the RiderWaite-Smith.

Every individual card in a Tarot Deck has its own meaning, and they change from right-side up or upright, to upside-down or reversed. This means that, essentially, every Tarot deck has 72 cards with 156 different meanings. All Tarot decks relying on their system take key symbols from the original deck to convey their meaning to the Tarot deck reader. Some people choose to not even read reversals!

There are a multiplicity of Tarot decks in the world right now, from modern interpretations of the original Rider-WaiteSmith like The Modern Witch Tarot Deck by Lisa Sterle, to abstract, mystical art pieces like The Dreamkeepers Tarot by Liz Hurton, to minimalist decks like The Kawaii Tarot By Diana Lopez or The Mystic Monday Tarot by Grace Duong.

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All of these decks hail from Rider-Waite, taking the card’s main messages and interpreting them with new art styles and individual spins. But the decks I recommend the most are the original Rider-Waite-Smith deck or the original Tarot de Marseilles.

How Tarot Actually Works...

If you’d like a list of theories of how Tarot works, read this section!

The Belief Systems There are a couple of theories of how Tarot works, but all practitioners of Tarot have their own belief systems about these methods.

Essentially, Tarot works if you believe it works, in the same way that God exists if you are religious, or the way that all esoteric practices work, like breaking plates on your wedding day or throwing salt over your shoulder when you spill some. In its simplest form, Tarot is something you believe in, but everyone has their own different belief systems and rationalizations about it.

Personally, I believe in the fact that the chance for you to get one certain Tarot card in the right position that you want is a 1/156, or 0.6 percent, chance of probability. This element of probability is increasingly small, as you count in the fact that Tarot card readings often pull more than one card, making it more and more impossible for you to get a certain combination of cards every single time.

My system of belief is most similar to another category that other practitioners largely fall into: a Tarot belief system that resembles Carl Jung’s principle of Synchronicity.

Synchronicity is the alternative explanation that Jung uses to explain why two effects seem to be related but cannot be explained by cause-and-effect, and yet are highly unlikely to be just by chance. For example: When you dream about a person and then run into them, your dreams and running into this person aren’t directly connected to each other… but what are the chances of being in the exact same location, at the exact same time, with this specific person?

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Another explanation of how Tarot works is the Forer (or Barnum) Effect is the belief that no matter how vague a description is, people will tend to believe it and apply it to themselves. Akin to those unprofessional, watered down versions of horoscopes that appear in pop culture magazines.

When “information is presented to an individual with the representation that it is personally tailored,” it results in cognitive bias that makes you shape it to yourself...

Or, simply, you can believe in the divine and the occult.

The First Step of Reading Tarot The first step is to start learning what Tarot is: reading about the history of Tarot, understanding the landscape of Tarot by reading articles and watching videos made by experienced and reputable Tarot readers.

There are a handful of absolutely free guides on the internet, and Benebell Wen makes a free study course on her website!

The Second The second step of learning the meanings of each card, one by one. This will happen gradually, and I’d recommend simply pulling a card everyday and studying the meaning.

Most Tarot decks will have their own little guidebook to accompany it, and the internet has a ton of resources to get started.

Here’s where reading tarot begins! In general, it’s helpful to have a specific question to guide you. Something without a too-specific time frame, and in a broad area of your life. For example, “What does my love life look like in the near future?” “What do I need to do to align myself better to receive the universe’s blessings?” or “What factors are preventing me from reaching my truest self?”

How to Start Reading Tarot.

When someone says they use Tarot cards, they usually say, “I can read Tarot.” But what does that mean? Reading Tarot means that you’re able to interpret the cards that have been selected. Each card has its own universal messages—which all of the symbols combine to mean—and a huge part of Tarot is studying. Studying the symbols, the elements, the suites, the systems, the techniques. Tarot is an art form in which you learn the basics and the universals and slowly build your skills! Instead of learning how to sketch perspective, you learn the meanings behind each card. You can read for more than just yourself, too! You can also read for a seeker, a person who seeks a tarot reading or a message from the cards.

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Here’s what not to ask: “When will I die?” or any questions about other people. The latter is kind of creepy, and it’s an invasion of privacy unless it’s in specific relation to you.

Of course, don’t ask questions that already have answers (you know your life best, not the cards) or questions you don’t want answered (“Is he cheating on me?”). Tarot reader Nicole Fortunaso says, “If you are not willing to hear the truth of the matter or look at an opposing viewpoint, Tarot can really come off as offensive.”

Major Versus Minor Tarot is broken up into the Major Arcana and the Minor Arcana. Think of your Major Arcana as the trump cards, twenty-two cards that signify life’s journey: the original 21 trump cards, and the special card, The Fool, as the number zero. They are the biggest signs, the most powerful cards in the deck.

The Minor Arcana is a set of fifty-six cards, which include your numbered cards in the elemental suites. Your hearts, spades, diamonds, and clubs are replaced with wands (for fire), cups (for water), swords (for air), and pentacles (for earth). It’ll be clear when a Major Arcana card is pulled—the name of it is on the bottom. The Major Arcana also has specific, strikingly unique imagery too, and there is not much confusion between Major and Minor.

Each Suite has cards ranging from 1 through 10, and a set of Court Cards: The King, the Queen, the Knight, and the Page, which is similar to the King, Queen, and Jack of regular playing cards. The Court Cards are special, and similar to the Major Arcana, they have their titles written at the bottom of a card.

Court cards mean a whole bunch of things.

In all honesty, a lot of practitioners think that court cards are the most complicated of the bunch. Not only can they represent real people in your life (you, or another person), but also big life events as well! The Queen of Cups, for example, could be a mature or power-wielding woman in your life that is a 20

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water sign (Pisces, Cancer or Scorpio).

Since Cups are water, it also means that this person is emotionally mature, intuitive, and fickle in mood.

The Elemental Suites The third step is putting your knowledge together to start attempting to read Tarot. Your first attempts will go something like: staring at the imges, producing your inferences, then checking your guidebook, and then reinterpreting the card. Actually, I’d imagine that most beginners take a lengthy amount of time before they can ditch the books completely.

The hardest part about starting Tarot is reading spreads, when you read a multitude of cards in relation to each other. There are infinite combinations of cards that you may get, and learning how these different messages may combine together will take patience, determination, and study. This part is where you rely on your intuition.

The fourth and final step is throwing away the book and using your knowledge.

Now that you have gained knowledge, having collected information from mentors, from experts, books, and yourself by creating your own interpretations and connections to your cards, you can graduate from using a guide.

From here, the foundation is built. You can go on and work on your skills to intuitively read.

Maybe you don’t want to rely on the traditional meanings anymore—that’s fine! Maybe you’d like to make your own meanings, and that’s fine too. As an art form, tarot is really what the seeker and reader make of it. Perhaps, you’re now ready to read for other people.

Book Recommendations If you want a more detailed look at all things Tarot, I recommend these following books: Holistic Tarot by Benebell Wen, and Kitchen Table Tarot By Melissa Cynova. The former is a comprehensive view of all things Tarot. It is a compilation of Wen’s studies that span over years, and she is a highly reputable author in the Tarot community. Cynova’s is an amazing beginner book with simple language and explanations that are easy to remember!

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Solar awakening

A Poem by Melody Contreras

Exhausted flesh terrorized by lucid shadows calls for a gentle dawn Stretch your arms and legs to calm the paralyzed night of slumber Drink water with glistening slices of lemon to wash over subconscious toxins Lather honey scented lotion to revive and remind you the sweet brown skin that chose your soul A new promising deliberate day offers endless possibilities to inner peace 24

Emily Greetis First Snow Acrylic on Canvas

Esther Phipps Drowned Digital Photography 25

Mason Rousey Body Keeps Score Digital Painting

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excerpt from “heavenly bodies”

by Madeline Blair

iv. i can see heaven in your eyes— open them to the sky, palms wide i will lay on the grass with you and you will tuck daisies behind my ears and we will stare at the sun until it burns holes through our retinas and we will kiss in spite of the red spots behind our eyelids. the wind will tousle my hair, i’m sure, and those white thigh-highs you love so much will be strewn around there somewhere. freckled shoulders and freckled noses, faint freckles of the stars behind blue sky, we will hold each others’ hands without speaking unspoken thoughts; no longer afraid to bear the white on our arms and elsewhere. it was a hell of a fight and we made it. life is no nightmare but dreamstate, a thousand years later and i am the lamb you’ve been looking for. the genesis of two hearts who saw ghosts in past lives, now tranquil and still; we are springtime now and forever, all lilac lust and rosebud love.

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Lee Nguyen Cornflowers Digital Drawing 28

M E L C TCLUEMRTN URE NER R F O A Z N E THE CA D

by Madeline Blair 29

North Carolinian singer/songwriter Clem Turner muses on the glitz and gloom of all things art.

Nestled away near a little bookstore called Malaprops in Asheville, North Carolina lives America’s internet sweetheart Clem Turner, a nineteen-year-old musician, artist, and self-proclaimed cloud enthusiast who has gained great renown in just the last year (and very important to note that the two of us are both Sagittarius).

He received upwards of 40,000 followers on YouTube and TikTok seemingly overnight, his original music on Spotify now has hundreds of thousands of streams, his YouTube cover videos with millions of views as it stands. When Clem posted his exquisite mashup cover of Matt Maltese’s “As The World Caves in” and My Chemical Romance’s “Cancer” on November 16, 2020, he got his encouraging comments from the 11 consistent people he knew would see it, as he said, went to bed, and woke up to an unprecedented avalanche of newfound love and support from so many people getting into his music. And here we are now, with Clem feeling “semi-overwhelmed, but also just suffocatingly grateful” for all of the wonderful, unexpected attention received.

As we sit down to chat over the glassy comfort of Zoom (as you do in 2021), we end up talking 30

and laughing about anything and everything for three hours in between me asking the stuff he thinks no one cares to ask about, and the stuff he loves to talk about, for the interview. With his “little YouTube costume,” as he calls it, tucked away for the evening, it feels just like catching up with an old friend. He is still so cool, and, too, so incredibly kind. Being a patron of the arts myself, I was giddy to get in his head about the process of each of his artistic endeavors— music, visual art, writing—materializing from dream to reality.

“It was four years ago, and it was just my phone on top of an amp that I had,” Clem muses on the origins of his YouTube soonto-be career, “and I was playing a Dear Evan Hansen instrumental out of the amp, and I’m just desperately trying to be heard over the noise.”

When I ask what drove him to get out there and make noise for the worldwide internet, he makes sure to emphasize that, above all else, it was fun for himself.

Though he jokes that the production value of his videos are questionable, they are quite the sight to behold: under fluorescent illumination in reds, purples, and greens, enveloped by blankets

on every wall to set the stage of his bedroom like a “cave in a dream,” he commands power with his honey voice and harmonizes with little versions of himself, making music with his entire body in all his melancholic glee, touting an allblack ensemble and a different color nail polish with each video. In the name of aesthetics and vulnerability, he dons a surgical mask—which, thanks to the Covid-era importance of maskwearing, he took the idea and ran with it.

Clem is equal parts magician when it comes to musical production and arrangement.

He has no formal training training or understanding of the way music works—“I works—“I remember I tried to take piano lessons as a child, and I would get so frustrated because the beginner level was so boring,” he jests— and thus is revealed a natural-born talent, which he sheepishly refuses to admit. The posting of the covers, he ties in, is in many ways an expulsion of anxious energy under the guise of an astonishing range of notes and a choir of gorgeous harmonies, what he calls

“a bunch of little Clems screaming.”

His mashup covers are some of his most prized possessions—one favorite of mine being the “Michelle x Better Than Me” Sir Chloe & The Brobecks cover—in his steady crescendo to popularity. In combining two or more songs in such a striking way that makes the heart gleam,

I had assumed it would take great musical dexterity and knowledge of theory to weave their tempos, keys, and melodies together in a way that makes sense. But when I asked about it, he laughed at me, amused by my fascination, toying that,

“Finding ways to meld the different types of music is just satisfying. I am guessing, and I somehow make it work.”

There is a wonderful dichotomy, as well, within his internet presence as a YouTube musician in regards to both the sincerity of his fan-toartist interactions and his defiance toward the stringency of the industry as a whole. Clem is purehearted toward all those who send him love on his videos, liking and responding back to their comments in droves, and connecting through his videos in a friendly, familiar way. In his cover of “Two Hearts and No Brain” by Kane Strang (since made unlisted, for only his most devout of fans to see), he proudly brandishes his stuffed penguin—whose name he reveals is Benny!—for all to see after finishing the lullabies of his last notes.

Coyly, he offers the stance that he prefers to prioritize the entertainment of himself and his closest fans over the mere numbers of viewership, to the point of spite when YouTube 31

passive aggressively hints that a video isn’t doing as well as his others have. “The “The more I do a song that I adore but I know won’t get as much of an interaction, that fire kind of gets a fuel a little bit,” he quips, “so I’m always going to include those no matter what.” And with this freeing nonchalance, he allows himself to make whatever kinds of videos he pleases, and the audience that matters to him is here for it nevertheless.

When Clem released his first original song on Spotify, this also was for an audience of few— his originals being an alt-indie beautiful mess of making noise, as he would call it. He begins them with a notable event he can summarize before deciding the perspective through which he tells it. His first was “Malaprops,” named after a nearby bookstore he visited while walking his dog, returning to his empty house that gave him Malaprops vibes after a breakup (“as ya do with your first Spotify single release,” he adds bashfully). “Windowville” details the heart wrenching push and pull of a relationship.

“Honeywell,” or “a gaslighting nightmare,” as Clem calls it, is told from the perspective of a phone: “May I creep into your hand / And bid you take me to the grave?” he entices. As he speaks, I recall an earlier joke about the intrigue of the cohesiveness of musical artists like Haley Heynderickx, wherein he likened the act of putting his own Spotify lineup on shuffle to sticking one’s hand in a bag of marbles. I ask him—partly as a creative writing major, partly as an obsessive consumer of music—to lay out

for me the immaculate conception of his original songs from mere ideas and words to tangible product.

“For ‘Divine Loser’ specifically, I had all these segments of a similar idea that had similar wording, but I could not for the life of me put them into one poem by itself, because I don’t typically rhyme! I just put nonsense down on [a poetry website] and I post it, and two people see it, and I say, ‘Thank you so much for your eyes.’

So I never thought to make it a song until I read an article for English class, in which they kind of talked about things in a deceptively poetic way, and it was a scholarly reviewed article, and I got so psyched about it [the lyrics born from this are, “I had to have killed god / And my body remains / But the person is gone”]. And so, in many ways, the lyrics come before the music does, because I have these segments of thoughts that I can’t even manage to cobble together. And then I find a producer who can make the music.

“What I find really helpful about producers on YouTube is that they oftentimes pick a style like a genre, and they stick to it because they’ve kind of perfected it, in many senses of the word. And so you have producers like Nayz, who produced ‘Honeywell.’ ‘Honeywell’ operates off of an instrumental that is very popular, but I leased it

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little bios. It was madness for no reason—this is part of the reason why my current official discography is so vast in genre, because the tagline of the Great Band Fleet was like, ‘Oh, 20 different genres.’ And that was a ploy to be like, ‘Look, I can do everything!’”

(gratatata) so that the vibe is very, you know, creepy and foreboding, and all those good adjectives. And then alternatively, you have Milo Moon who produced ‘Divine Loser,’ you have Bjorn Llanesza who produced ‘Windowville,’ and all of their work is absolutely haunting in its own way. So, in many cases, I will have a couple lines in my notes app, because that’s where all my thoughts go. And I’ll say, ‘This is decidedly creepy.’ And I’ll go, ‘Bjorn, I need your time!’

Everyone, truly, is very lucky to have just the sheer amalgam of content, production-wise on YouTube because it’s so accessible.”

One insanely impressive songwriting feat Clem mentions, that I was not previously aware of, is the Great Band Fleet—which he had to explain to me twice because I had never heard of anything like it before.

“I love writing songs so much, but my instrumental capability is nonexistent, for the most part. And so I employ producers to help me with the instrumental, and then I scroll through my questionable poetry account / notes app. …

But there was never the thought in my mind that I would distribute anything. In 2019 and 2020, I did this project called the Great Band Fleet, right, and [he laughs preemptively] for 2019, I made 19 fake bands. And for 2020, I made 20 fake bands. I guess, at the time, I was trying to convince myself that there was a reason to put original songs out, and so I had to kind of construct this elaborate plot around it. I made album art, I made band names, I made emails, I made individual YouTube accounts, I made

He laughs again, when I ask what he is studying in college. “The joke of it all is that I’m gonna major in English and get a teacher licensure to become an English teacher in the great state of North Carolina,” to which I have to ask what’s so funny about it, and he responds, responds, “Well, it’s funny to me because I made this decision a couple months before I thought music was going to be a thing, and then I have now created somewhat of an internet persona that is a bit ridiculous and bounces around and screams all the time.”

But there is, under the cool charisma of the boy who beckons to the camera with his mellifluous voice, a softer, more contemplative side to Clem Turner. He began sharing his art publicly before showing his face on YouTube, pairing covers to the backdrop of little handmade animated ghosties, and he has since created an Instagram page exclusively for sharing his darkened, moody paintings. Looking at his feed, familiar stills from media such as Midnight Mass, WandaVision, and Hannibal are immediately apparent, captured in richly-colored emotional dissonance.

We have another moment where I feign offense at the inherent, unbridled talent he exudes from his creative pores. He continues, “I get really

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frustrated right off the bat. But luckily, with art— at least painting specifically—I’ve managed to kind of set somewhat of a rhythm. And that rhythm is just painting for my life and finishing a huge painting that should take several days at just a fraction of that. And so that’s where you get a lot of the kind of panicked brush strokes vibes.” From this, we get into a long, very necessary, tangential conversation of film and media, going through an itemized list of his top picks and what we think about particular movies—when I tie it back in with the possibility of interweaving film in his music, he says it doesn’t happen so much because he gets swept up by the visual element, though he does have a secret unreleased song inspired by a childhood favorite, The Cable Guy. I ask our renaissance man if there are any other hidden talents I should know about, and while he meekly says there is nothing else (something about putting all his eggs in one basket), I find it notable to mention the lesser-known acting projects he mentions having dabbled in throughout the pandemic. Clem secured his dream role as Will Graham in Hannibal The Musical earlier this year, available to listen to

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online, which he attributes his luck once again to the TikTok algorithm. He furthermore landed a gig with the Spotify mystery-horror podcast “Eastmouth,” which he found to be a compelling yet isolating challenge of acting emotionally and appropriately when recording lines on his own to send in as opposed to having other live actors to engage with. On this, he echoes, “In many ways, yes, this is my first type of acting.

Not to say that I’m good at it [of course he is!], but I’m having a blast with it. And once again, that is my prerogative at all times.”

And what of the future? Clem is taking things bit by bit, allowing himself to acclimate to the stillnovel waves of online attention and rest from a frenetic start to the semester. No concrete talks of an album yet, though this is something he has in the back of his mind, and the idea of performing live someday is both enticing and complicated alike.

“I find the idea of performing live so interesting.

And I think that one day, I would love to do it. It’s just a matter of, with the online stage presence that I have built, I have built on several different crutches at the same time. I have the liberty of doing other takes, I have the liberty of, you know, going in after—and this is a big thing, going in after the fact and cutting out all the gasping breaths that I have, and upping reverb and things like that. And so, in that way, there is a bit of divine, not-so-divine intervention there, and the idea behind having all these crutches like not showing my face, doing all these takes, and kind of setting up what seems to be somewhat of a stage in my room.”

From this, I hand him some friendly peer pressures of ideas for the time to come, and ergo we leave things to fate.

The end of our conversation lands gracefully, less with a final question and more with small jokes that have little to do with the interview itself. “You’ve got to make noise and post it,” he once said earlier that sticks. This truly is his raison d’être: doing anything he wants to do, when and whatever it may be. And thus, the music continues, lilting on a high note.

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SOCIAL MEDIA Instagram: @offwhxte / @ghoultxwn Twitter: @theoffwhxte TikTok: @ghoultown Smule: @offwhxte Youtube, Spotify, Bandcamp: Clem Turner

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Madeline Blair The Waiting Room, or Eggs in Purgatory (2022) Digital

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Angeline Menezes We Are The Land Collage and Thread 38

John Prince Head Ache Acrylic

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Alice Cao Self Portrait Acrylic

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Natalie Wakefield Untitled Oil on Canvas

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Ryan Gong REDSHIFT #3 Photography 42

Vicky Jimenez The One I Tell All My Secrets To Mixed Media

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: r e p Sup

r i e h T r o as h f c i s g u n m i f g o n ion t Si a z i t ne day

o t mo e sts h i t art d how e m har d n a d helpe

the journey of one artist navigating the digital sphere, and how they play to profit from their passion.

Written by: Farrah Anderson

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Photography by Kaiya Scholl

It’s not out of the question to wonder how an artist makes their money.

When most kids tell their parents they’re going to art school, the proclamation is usually met with outcries such as, “You’ll never have any money,” or, “So you want to be poor for the rest of your life, huh?”

In reality, parents’ rebuttals aren’t entirely ridiculous.

According to a Pew Research Center study, the median earning for a college graduate with an arts and humanities bachelor’s degree is about $50,000 compared to the $68,000 earned by Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math (or STEM) majors.

For many students, projected salary is a big factor in choosing a major.

Data from the Pew Research Center study shows that arts and humanities major enrollment is down, while STEM enrollment continues to climb.

If that’s not enough bad news, the future still looks bleak for up-andcoming music artists. According to data from BuzzAngle Music, more than 99 percent of audio streams are in the top 10 percent of the moststreamed tracks.

Basically, only 1% of streams are the rest of the music on streaming platforms.

But, there is hope. With the creation of increasingly user-friendly music distribution sites, and more in-person events because more and more people are getting vaccinated against COVID-19, there are more chances for artists to gain exposure and amass a following.

Now, more and more young artists are trying to navigate their world and art while still trying to turn a profit. It’s a challenge, but many are up for it.

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From Bedrooms to Front Lawns Marco Landaverde’s career started out as a simple Soundcloud project.

It began with small beats, and eventually, Ocean Child was born.

Ocean Child, Landaverde’s music project, started out as just him. But it started to grow, and now includes four other members including Julian Brookfield, CJ Belen, Ellie Belen, and Hyra Witter.

When it was just him, it was just small beats echoing in his high school bedroom. After a while, Landaverde said his dad told him about an open mic venue in Chicago he could perform at.

At first, Landaverde said he had no intention of playing. But after a girl and a white lie came along, Landaverde was playing his first open mic.

“It was an experience that was like, wow, people are reciprocating this stuff that I made in the confines of my basement,” Landaverde said.

As a talent agent urged him to play more sets and he began to play more open mics, Landaverde said he started to really view music as something he could realistically do.

“I was just starting to get my feet off the ground with music and seeing music as a real vehicle for me to express myself stylistically,” Landaverde said.

Then, the COVID-19 pandemic hit.

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Suddenly open mics weren’t happening, and Landaverde said the talent show he had been practicing for was cancelled. Although he said almost everything had come to a screeching halt, he and other members of Ocean Child started playing lawn concerts.

In a nutshell, they hooked up speakers and played the songs outside of his house on his front lawn.

There, his friends and friends-of-friends had the opportunity to enjoy live music and get together with people while still being outside and socially-distanced.

“We were looking for a social thing to do during the pandemic,” Landaverde said, “and one of those social things was coming to my front lawn to listen to Ocean Child.”

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We’re Not Billie Eilish Landaverde said Ocean Child didn’t start to pick up again until this past summer.

“The bulk of your money comes from tours, merch, and physical album sales.”

As the world began to open up because of vaccinations against COVID-19, Landaverde said more people were interested in getting back to a sense of normalcy—and live music.

Because Ocean Child wasn’t able to play inperson shows for so long because of the pandemic, Landaverde said in some way, they were robbed.

He said Ocean Child made its second debut at the perfect time.

“We came back right at that right moment in time where people’s attitudes were shifting and people were looking to see live music again,” Landaverde said.

Ocean Child, along with more band members, started playing art events, thrifting events, and house shows. At house shows, Landaverde said the energy was right. Then, they got the chance to play at the Subterranean, a music venue in Chicago’s Wicker Park neighborhood.

It was while playing that show that Landaverde said he observed Ocean Child gaining a following outside his and his friends’ social circle.

That summer, they were already making some money on Spotify from streams.

Although it was only around $150, Landaverde said it was still something.

“Unless you’re Drake and unless you’re Billie Eilish, you’re not going to be making a lot of money from streams,” Landaverde said.

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But, he was reassured that the time at home in quarantine wasn’t all bad: They had time to hone their craft and find out who they were as musicians and as a band.

The move to Spotify wasn’t easy, but Landaverde said he wanted to make the music as accessible as possible. “Music nerds” like him often prefer to use streaming services like Bandcamp, which allows you to buy music and merchandise through the site, leading to higher revenue for artists.

At the end of the day, Landaverde wanted more people to hear the music he was proud of.

“I started feeling proud of the music that I was making and like, yeah, people should hear this on a professional streaming platform,” Landaverde said.

What’s in Front of Them Now, Ocean Child is a verified artist on Spotify with almost 1,000 monthly listeners.

In order to support up-and-coming artists, Holden said music consumers should support the music artists they know.

Although he’s not making a fortune or relying on money from streams to pay the rent, Landaverde said there’s a ton of privilege that comes with even being able to pursue an artistic career.

Even if they don’t have the money to spend right now, just streaming and liking posts is enough to get the artist more exposure.

“Like, shit, [a lot of] people don’t have the money to purchase a guitar,” Landaverde said.

“Inequality offsets a lot of the opportunity that may be available to you that some people will never know.”

Data from music streaming platforms like Spotify and Apple Music show that only musicians in the top 10% are really making a sustainable income from streaming their music online.

For many people without a financial safety net strung together with generational wealth, going into the arts is not a possibility.

Lamont Holden, a music producer and clinical assistant professor of Audio & Recording Technologies at the University of Illinois, said that although many people of color often face financial barriers, they also have indispensable skills in understanding innovation in music.

“Like, share, stream, follow, comment, and purchase the merchandise of the musicians in their inner circle,” Holden said. “If their product or brand isn’t good enough for you to want to spend your money, attention or time on, offer them constructive feedback about how they can get it to that point.”

As COVID-19 cases continue to decline and more venues start to host live music shows again, there are increasing opportunities for artists to make money in person.

Merch stands and touring ticket sales are a huge source of revenue, and Landaverde said it’s easiest to support artists when it’s right there.

“People are looking to support whatever’s in front of them,” Landaverde said.

“What people of color lack in generational wealth, they possess exponentially in cultural capital,” Holden wrote.

“What a person of color can do in the music industry that they previously couldn’t do is own their masters, narratives, messages, their images and likenesses, and attract a massive mainstream audience.”

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Leo Flood untitled Makeup / Digital

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Ishani Juneja If Youre Too Shy: The 1975 Poster Digital

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Mason Rousey Portrait #666 Digital

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Victor Avitia Love Digital

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William Hohe Eat Your Motherfucking Eggs Bitches Photography

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Victor Avitia Scream Digital

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Victor Avitia Lucid Digital

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William Hohe Christmas Looks Different Without You Digital

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The classic fairytale equation usually consists of a damsel in distress and the knight in shining armor braving the forces of the world to save her from peril. Classic Disney movies like Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella display the idea that women ultimately need a man to be saved from a harmful demise. This skewed depiction of romance in these classic movies shows young women that codependency in relationships is normal, and that women have to wait on the man to save the day for her. Not only is this a harmful and dangerous way for young women to think, but it is harmful to place this expectation that young men need to be the hero. The idea that young men cannot be in touch with their emotions and need to be the strong, manly warrior propagates gender norms of masculinity pertaining to strength and femininity representing docility and obedience. How is this depiction of stereotypical gender norms in fairytales harmful to society and young minds?

Disney’s Cinderella depicts a young woman tormented by her step-mother and stepsisters and is ultimately saved from her life with them by Prince Charming. In another Disney film, Sleeping Beauty, Aurora is saved

by Prince Phillip who battled Maleficent and broke the spell placed on her with a kiss. In Disney’s The Little Mermaid, Ariel is saved by Prince Eric killing Ursula.

On the surface, these movies are highly renowned because of their witty lines, funloving characters, timeless songs, and the love between the protagonists, but they share more deeply rooted characteristics in common. Many Disney movies have a female protagonist who is put in danger, and the male love interest has to come and save her. How does this depiction of female characters negatively affect young women and their sense of self? “The development of sex-role identity influences how children view themselves, how they are treated by others, and the nature of adults’ and peers’ expectations for their behavior. In most cases, young children evolve a gender 64

identity remarkable consistent with the appropriate sex-role standards of their society.” (Collins, Ingoldsby, & Dellmann) This research shows that young girls evolve a gender identity consistent with how they are portrayed by society, which largely involves media portrayals. When a young girl watches a woman in a Disney movie portrayed as docile, helpless, weak, and reliant on a man, she may see herself in a similar light and grow to think this is how she should act and be. Similarly, if young boys watch movies or read books that entail the male characters to be loud, brave, and fearless, they may associate their gender with putting emotions aside and prioritizing valor. They may grow to think that men aren’t supposed to be gentle or vulnerable, and instead characterize being in touch with their emotions as “feminine” or “weak.”

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Another aspect of this quote states that sex-role identity influences how children are treated by others and adults’ and peers’ expectations of them and their behavior.

Often attributed to traditional gender norms, the phrase “Boys will be boys” has been used to excuse reckless and aggressive behaviors that young boys and men exhibit. This shows that, deeply embedded in Western gender norms, masculinity is associated with overtly aggressive behavior, and it is normalized and almost expected from peers and adults. Opposingly, when a young girl acts in an aggressive or dominant manner, it is seen as acting out, going against proper gender roles that dictate girls to be soft, caring, and even motherly.

Research in Social Psychology, the science that studies thoughts, behaviors, feelings, goals and more, shows that gender norms are adapted very early in childhood and can have a negative effect on both men and women throughout the course of their lives.

“Consistent with the social psychological Zeitgeist at the time, Eagly & Steffen favored a social learning explanation of gender differences over biological explanations. They concluded that women are less aggressive than men because social roles encourage aggression in men but not women.” (Denson et al.)” These gender roles placed on young women and men can affect them in their early childhood and follow them throughout their adult lives.

The American Psychological Association connects the concept of harmful masculinity to dominance and aggression that can be detrimental to men themselves, future or current intimate partners, family, friends, and peers. With relation to aggression and intimacy, we see that “Intimate partner violence (IPV), a prime example of dysfunction, reflects the feelings of distress males experience in situations that threaten their idealized masculine identity.” (Baugher & Gazmararian) An annual report by the Violence Policy Center titled “When Men Murder Women” uses statistics to show the effect IPV perpetrated 66

by men has on women particularly in the U.S.: 1,686 murders included female victims and male perpetrators, with 93 percent of the victims having been murdered by a male they knew (American Psychological Association).

On the Planned Parenthood website, there is a page describing gender roles and stereotypes and how they can propagate sexism. The page states there are four basic gender stereotypes including personality traits, domestic traits, occupations, and physical appearance. It presents the term hyperfemininity as “the exaggeration of stereotyped behavior that’s believed to be feminine. Hyperfeminine folks exaggerate the qualities they believe to be feminine.

This may include being passive, naive, sexually inexperienced, soft, flirtatious, graceful, nurturing, and accepting.” The page also states that “hyperfeminine folks are more likely to endure physical and emotional abuse from their partners and hypermasculine folks are more likely to be physically and emotionally abusive to their partners. ” This continuation of gender norms from early childhood to adulthood can have a major effect on women’s goals career-wise, personally, and socially. Pew Research Center found that “half (50%) of women in STEM jobs say that they have experienced at least one of eight forms of gender-related discrimination in the workplace, more than women in non-STEM jobs (41%) and far more than men in STEM positions (19%)” (Funk and Parker). Similar to these findings, research from the Harvard Business Review states that shortlists of candidates— informal logs of candidates that will be thoroughly looked at because of previous knowledge of them—are often used in male-dominated fields. “One problem with informal shortlists for male-dominated roles is that the prevalence of men in those jobs lead people to automatically think that men are more suitable for the roles than women… an informal shortlist may

have more male candidates than equally qualified female candidates simply because men come to mind first” (Lucas et al).

These psychological findings show how harmful traditional gender norms can be on people, and presenting them in a format children will look up to, like a Disney film, can prove detrimental results.

Giving women role models like Cinderella or Ariel may not seem inherently damaging because these women are beautiful, kind, and helpful, but it may place in a girl’s mind that all a woman is good for are these things. That a woman can’t be the hero that saves the day, that they are meant to be an item that is prized rather than a person who is ambitious and strong. Not only is this harmful for young women, but young men as well. Aggression and dominance are traits tightly strung into common norms of masculinity, and these traits are ultimately ones that can lead to domestic violence and harm towards men themselves. Not only are women viewed as more innocent and docile from a traditional gender norm standpoint, but they are also sexualized in job settings and are chosen less to fill certain careers.

Hyperfemininity and hypermasculinity conveyed in society and larger media outlets need to be reformed, and young kids should be shown that aggression and dominance aren’t the way men have to be, and women don’t have to be delicate or obedient. Instead, they can be the curator of their own destiny.

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Isabelle Zhao Like Mother, Like Daughter 1 Photography

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Isabelle Zhao Like Mother, Like Daughter 2 Photography 69

Lillie Ostarello Live More Die Less Collage 70

Angeline Menezes Untitled Collage 71

Michelle Martinez Untitles Collage 72

Bella Scott Tomorrow Is Such A Long Time Ago Mixed Media

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Elle Terrado to a home of new adventure Poetry / Illustration 74

Kennedy Grace O’Keefe Wild Things Collage

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Grant Florence Wilded Dreams Ink, Pen, and Markers

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Dear Reader: A Manual on All Things Cottage Core

By Anna Pevey

ing created by Chloe Fulton Cloth

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Photographs by Yasmine Steele

Dear Reader, I’m here to tell you a little bit about cottagecore.

Picture this.

It’s spring and you’re setting up a picnic.

The sun is shining, and you are surrounded by flowers that, of course, you pick. Your phone is put away in your bag, your mind drifting far from what everyone on social media is doing. The sound of birds chirping around you is accompanied by the tinkling of the ice in your glass of tea. Someone brought pastries and a book to read aloud together. It’s a perfect, simple, afternoon.

Well, that’s Cottagecore. Cottagecore, also known as farmcore or countrycore, is a lifestyle and aesthetic that takes inspiration from nature, as well as a simple life full of little pleasures. Appreciating and romanticizing the world around you is key, because the world is beautiful.

The Cottagecore movement has created its groundwork in the idea of a more simple life and being in harmony with nature. Based on these ideas, its aesthetics center on nature, home-baked goods, simple and comfortable fashion, gardening, and more. Cottagecore has been around since the 2010s, and it got its now-iconic name in 2018. Other names synonymous with cottagecore include grandmacore, farmcore, and faeriecore. Shortly after the hashtag was made, cottagecore became an internet phenomenon.

Aesthetics and movements akin to cottagecore routinely pop up from the age-old nostalgia for an agricultural life that humans routinely long for.

When human invention or social change accelerates the pace of a modern life full of technological advancements, everyone wants to feel peaceful. The unique part of cottagecore is that it was born during a time when the internet was an ever-

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present fixation and tool in society, lightyears away from the country life in nature that it is built around.

This is a trend that has been showcased primarily online and continues to be, seeing as there are myriad photos, recipes, and tutorials on how to participate in the cottagecore aesthetic.

There are certain fundamental ideals of cottagecore. Some include...

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Embracing nature through the caretaking of flowers, plants, and even a garden.

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Honoring skills and crafts such as crochet, knitting, sewing, baking, and embroidery

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A romanticized take on life through life’s simple pleasures.

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Feeling confident and comfortable in yourself, as you are who you are and it’s important to love yourself.

Since the beginning of the pandemic, the Cottagecore movement has gained more traction than ever. While many of us were stuck inside, the idea of fleeing our lives and our devices became popular, and thus did the ideals of cottagecore. These ideals rebel against the materialistic characteristics of a “big-city lifestyle” in exchange for a quieter life.

Perhaps the most personalized part of the cottagecore aesthetic is its clothing. If you search “cottagecore” on any website or social media platform, you will be bombarded with clothing and outfit moodboards.

The clothing style is something one may see represented in a Jane Austen film. Flowing skirts, blouses, dresses, and corsets in soft colors and patterns. There are certain aspects to these pieces of clothing that I think are crucial to a cottagecore outfit.

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I find that the cottagecore aesthetic is all about what YOU enjoy. Of course, a style has some guidelines, but it is most importantly about what makes you feel good—and for a lot of cottagecore lovers, this is something that they have made themselves.

Some of the foolproof ways to “see” cottagecore for yourself are through movies, books, and music. Each uses a different sense and itches a different part of your brain in just the right way. If you’re interested, I’ve compiled a list of movies, novels, and music to help you (the reader).

Social media has been huge for emerging aesthetics. If you search up “cottagecore” on TikTok, there are over 8 billion views on the hashtag alone. You may see outfit inspiration, a tutorial on how to hem a dress, baking tips, even cottagecore art.

While fabric and textures are important, a huge part of any aesthetic is color. The colors that are most popular within the style are whites, creams, neutral colors and, on the other side of the spectrum, floral patterns, and bright pastels. In a way, you sort of match the environment you are in. It’s all about feeling ethereal, and totally rocking your outfit.

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Novels Dont Forget to Water your Plants

by Anna Pevy

• • • • • •

“The Secret Garden”

by Frances Hodgson Burnett “Wuthering Heights”

by Emily Brontë “A Year in Provence”

by Peter Mayle “Heidi” by Johanna Spyri “A Room with a View”

by E. M. Forster “Norwegian Wood” by Haruki Murakami

Movies: 1. Fantastic Mr. Fox 2. Moonrise Kingdom 3. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs 4. Over the Garden Wall 5. Kiki’s Delivery Service 6. Mathilda 7. Alice in Wonderland 8. Little Women (1994)

I hope I could give you a little insight into the world of cottagecore, something that has personally taught me to appreciate the simple things. Before actually taking the time to do a lot of the things that cottagecore encompasses, I always felt so busy and bored at the same time. Perhaps it’s just taking the time to listen to the birds, wearing an outfit you love (cottagecore or not), or even baking some cookies.

I like to think you can take in every moment as it comes and find something sweet out of something small. I am hoping you will.

Love, Anna 84

Nyah Peaches SATURDAY Digital Drawing 85

Vicky Jimenez Untitled Collage 86

Esther Phipps Ethereal Photography 87

Emma McCloud Ray Marker, Ballpoint Pen, Gel Pen

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Kennedy Grace O’Keefe Pope Rats Mixed Media

Bad Religion A Poem by Uriah You said you miss the warm weather So I grew a garden of butterflies out my chest to remind you of the spring Did it make you happy?

Did it make me seem more godly?

Sacrifice has always been next to godliness You called me sacred And I ate up your every word Turned you into my own personal chapel But sometimes religion can lead to so much passion it only ends in flames and crucifixion Tell me If my angel wings aren’t dipped in blessings and palms don’t bear wishes will my name carry enough weight to be mentioned in prayers?

If I’m not giving you my everything Will I still be worth something?

You requested the universe So I conquered and could only name a galaxy after you Please Forgive me Are you disappointed?

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LILLI BRESANAN

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he sun glared into their eyes. They squinted, and soon observed the world surrounding them. They gazed at the blue flowers that filled the field. Their shepherd abandoned them after viewing their deformities, so now they rested in a field, feeling the sun’s warmth hit their sheepskin like a lighter burning a thumb. They suppressed their hunger with grass, but still, a deep craving hung in their throat. They had slept in a hut a couple hundred feet from where they woke up. Under the moon, the grass shimmered, and the blue sky transformed to grey. The fragrance of lavender spread the calmness of night and freshness of life. There, they freely slept.

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girl accidentally burnt the toast for her breakfast. Her knife was covered in butter and burnt flakes. She applied the strawberry jam that she made with her mother and her crooked white teeth bit into it. She stared out of the window and heard the chickens in their coop. The first time she saw her mother killing a chicken, Iris had cried.

She had beheld her mother as a criminal but she shoved that idea down as she ate the murdered chicken. Guilt hung in her throat after that but it diminished shortly. She heard her mother’s footsteps descending the staircase and turned her head.

“Good morning, what time did you get up?” Her mother said.

“Half past seven, I went to bed early. I milked the cows this morning. They’re doing well,” Iris said.

“Mhm. That’s nice, thank you.”

Iris filled her stomach and hurried to the hut she frequented. Their small cottage protected them. They possessed a garden with tomatoes, peppers, strawberries, and blueberries. They inherited cows which dispensed their dairy, and the chickens supplied their protein. They occasionally enjoyed the rare pig that they would slaughter for more meat. They supported themselves because her father served their country. He was an ambitious soldier in the French and Indian War, yet an absent father in Iris’ life. She felt accustomed and content without his appearance.

She ran across the field, not feeling the wind hit her face like she loved. She wished the wind watered her eyes and dispersed throughout her clothing—instead, goosebumps mounted on her arms and knotted hair left her annoyed. She arrived at her hut and nudged the door open. When budging the small door open, she bumped their body. She glared at the two-headed lamb eyeing her and witnessed them jump up and rush out.

She lingered in the hut, waiting for them to return. They never did. The sky faded and the clouds swirled into twisted tulle from a dress. The moon lightened her path as she strolled home, and the lavender preserved her peace.

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he next day, Iris entered the hut with milk and water. The lambs slept. Their breathing was like the rhythm of a water droplet expanding slowly from a faucet and undoubtedly breaking. They were startled awake and frightened. After feeling the milk and water satisfy their hunger, they were calm. They were comfortable around Iris.

Her hand touched their skin and their ears leaned back. She was fascinated by their appearance. No one had seen a lamb with four eyes and two mouths, yet four legs. Their necks diverted, there were two brains, but one body. They looked beautiful but intense. Their eyes were sharp, but their nose and ears were soft.

“I’ll be back tomorrow, okay? Sleep well,” Iris said.

The lamb remained silent, but she heard the bleating from them as she stepped outside. The two-headed lamb had valued her and cried when she left. She felt pleased and purposeful.

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he following day, Iris had her toast as her mom entered the kitchen.

“Good morning, how are you?” Her mother said.

“I’m fine, I just made toast. How are you?” Iris responded.

“Oh, I’m okay. One of the chickens got sick, but I think she’s doing better now. Are you going to work in the garden today?”

“I was planning on visiting the hut again today, actually.”

“So, how is your hut? You’re spending way more time over there.”

“I just wanted to decorate it, so I’ve been working on cleaning it up.”

“One day I’ll come with you and see how it looks.”

She had analyzed her mother’s possible reaction of eyeing the lamb. Would she want them dead, or love them like I do? She was restless. Aware of her mom’s heart, she chose to reveal them. She hoped the lambs could have a home in their barn.

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he next week, she walked with her mother to the hut. They crouched into the entrance, and stared at the two-headed lamb. Iris’s mother was silent.

“Where did they come from?” Her mother whispered.

“They were just here one day, I’m not sure. But they’re loving and lonely and need somewhere to stay,” Iris responded.

“Well that doesn’t matter, they should be killed. You know they’re an omen of bad luck, huh? Like the devil!”

“That’s ridiculous, I don’t believe that.”

“Well look at them. They don’t have a long life and I’m sure doctors will want to examine them.”

“Why do you think that?”

“They can’t live long with two heads and one body! They’re unusual.”

Iris was reluctant. The lamb had balance issues, frequently stumbling on their trotters, and their breathing was steady but slow. Still, she urged them to be cared for. She believed that this lamb shouldn’t die for science or myths. She yearned for them to die peacefully and naturally like a flower.

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n a Wednesday morning, the animal ranger departed for his monthly inspection of the land. He pierced into the hut that poked out like a tea stain. He observed the lambs as they struggled to escape. The man with his insect hands approached and terrified them. He had soft eyes but a harsh face. The animal ranger blocked their exit and grabbed them. The lamb was erased, and their imprint left behind on the grass ground felt painfully lonely.

Iris would visit the confined and cold hut after, but the lamb made it a home. Now, they were gone and she felt isolated like before.

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month later, Iris and her mother travelled into town for their monthly shop on starches, flour, bread, and cookies. As they twisted their head to a glass window, they confronted the lifeless two headed lamb under a glass bell jar. The jar contained no oxygen. It swelled with the dead energy that was sucked from their body and shoved into the air. They were lifeless—blind to the world around them, but fiercely gazing. Iris felt revolted but helpless. They died to be examined and exposed.

In spring, the flowers bloomed. Blue hydrangeas, lilac bushes, and white tulips coated the town. The sun burned Iris’ back. She noticed the world calmly, the green glow of the landscape and the squirrels running on branches. People clutched their groceries while walking back to their homes, and passing the glass windows that displayed clothes, jewelry, and the two-headed lamb.

Design & Illustration by Celia Cousineau

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Meet The Artists Mason Rousey Howdy I’m Mason. I go by he/him pronouns, I’m 22 years old, I’m a virgo sun, scorpio moon, and libra rising. I was born and raised in Central Illinois. I’m a junior here at UIUC studying Graphic Design. My favorite part about being a designer is being able to use my abilities as a creative and apply them to help solve problems. Outside of my design work I primarily like to express myself creatively with illustrations. I don’t personally consider myself a professional illustrator, but I really enjoy drawing as a form of self care. Growing up queer in the rural midwest, I felt like an outsider a lot.

As a young child I was pretty flamboyant and talked often, but was often criticized for both. It left me feeling like I was doing something wrong and I was inherently bad. I really started to build a wall and cold attitude. I was personifying the stereotype I was being told I was. By the time I finished high school I learned how to mask my femininity (well.. to the best of my ability lol) and keep my voice on the inside. I honestly felt really dull. Since I wasn’t speaking up as much as I used to I started expressing myself through illustration and creating. I wanted to say how I was feeling, without the ability to verbally articulate it. I tend to make most of my work in bursts, so a lot of times my pieces reflect my emotions.

Therapy is something that has only recently become available to me and through it I have come to realize how much of an effective practice illustrating has been for healing my trauma. My illustrations often times reflect my feelings of isolation and loneliness that have lingered from my childhood into adulthood. I’m particularly interested in using monsters as a personification of my emotions, Almost like a look into what I feel like I look like on the inside.

My primary program of choice for illustrating is Procreate.

IG: @masonrousey Website: masonrousey.com 94

Emily Greetis Emily is a junior at UIUC studying CS + Philosophy. She finds inspiration in the unsung beauty of the Midwest and its people. http://emilygreetis.com

Angeline Menezes I’m a freshman here at UIUC and I create collages from old magazine, album covers, and just about anything I can find around the house! @thelove_dispensary

Gianna I mainly do photography, pottery, and beading, however, I like to be creative in anyway that feels right to me. Lately, I’ve been creating collages because I like using a knife to make art.

Alexandria Reardon Hi! My name is Alexandria and I love poetry (among many other forms of art). I’m influenced pretty heavily by slow living and finding inspiration and beauty among the mundane—because whether life is going well or not so well, there are always good things to see. There is always a truth to be found. Whether you’re stuck in quarantine or traveling across the country, look for something that speaks to you. Everybody can be an artist.

IG: @ourgreatlittlelife www.coffeeandwillow.com 95

John Prince The way I approach art is simple. I consider none of my work “finished”. Every piece I have worked on has been a continuation of a project before it. I create a piece then paint over it abstractly to express the emotion at the time of creating it. However the abstract aspect is completely up to interpretation from the viewer. My goal is to have my art be unique to every person with no meaning but the meaning we give for ourselves. Just giving ourselves the art we need because the art we see can be anything, that is what my work is all about.

IG: @john.prince__

Uriah Hi! I love cartoons, the color green, neo-soul and sunsets!I starting writing in 7th grade and honestly was the only reason i liked myself. Luckily, I have grown as a person and along with me, so has my work. I’m truly grateful to have poetry be a companion.

When I write, its an attempt to take something that seems shitty and craft it into a digestible experience. I guess my poems are my way of acknowledging myself and my feelings.

Opusbirb Hello! Im Lee and I’m a second year psych major here in UIUC! Im very curious about a lot of things and i have tried a lot of hobbies but for the most part I enjoy making artworks, playing Roblox, eating good food and hanging with my friends. I also am big on street fashion and love to see people with good outfits around campus. My process stems from a spark of inspiration I get, either from media or feelings I’d like to express about myself, and eventually getting what I want the piece to finally look like as I’m drawing out the foundations.

I get inspiration for my symbolic elements and details along the way, and seeing what would fit the piece well. I enjoy abstract elements and I really like to make my viewer move their eyes through the piece and pick up meaning through the individual elements. A lot of my inspiration for my style stems from anime which I grew up watching.

IG: @opusbirb 96

Grant Florence For me, inspiration is really important. I think other forms of creativity can help spark new ideas or a drive to create. I get inspired from movies, art museums, Instagram, clothing, or things I see in my everyday life. I feel being in physical spaces (at installations or surrounded by artwork) can change your mindset.

After visiting art museums for years, I have a few standout works that I have been lucky to visit. These include: James Turrell’s “Breathing Light” installation in Los Angeles, a different Turrell skyspace called “Meeting” at MOMA PS1, a retrospective on The Summer of Love at SFMOMA. Most of my drawings start with a pencil sketch. From there I start adding in area of detail that add depth to the piece. Most recently, I have been experimenting with drawing mirrored objects using both hands at once. It has been challenging, but really fun.

IG: @gflo.3 grantflorence.com

Victoria Jimenez I’ve been making for as long as i remember. it wasnt til highschool that i became more serious about my practice. there was a period of time where i didnt like to call myself an artist because i didnt feel like one. but whos to say what an artist should actually encompass? but i am an artist, and we all are. and we should have more pride in what we create as artists because its not just a pretty picture. it’s a literal piece of me that goes into every work, which is what makes it art. whether i use art for when im feeling my best, or i use art as my way out of an ugly time period with ugly feelings, its so rewarding to sit and channel my emotions into a medium and create something out of it that i hope others will resonate with. art is everything that i am, and everything that i’m not.

IG: @vjxart

Bella Scott the viruses on my computer are my friends!

IG: @bella.jolie Twitter: @ih8jackantonoff 97

Isabelle Zhao I’'ve been a portrait photographer for a few years now. It started with my friends and I messing around on a cheap DSLR in parking garages, but I quickly realized how powerful photography is as a medium for storytelling. I think more than anything else, I just really love people. There are so many humans with incredible stories that traditional media either misrepresents or leaves out altogether. Making them feel important and seen is at the heart of every project I create.

IG: @itsisabellezhao

Mila — Cosmic Enemy I’m a person who loves the strange and the weird, and I think that really reflects in my work. For a long time I’ve worked predominantly in grayscale but I’ve started going back to doing more things in color! I draw inspiration from a million different sources so my art at the time can look very different from something I did, say, the month before. Lately I’ve been working more towards doing music based and story telling art (like band posters etc). I’m still finding my voice, I suppose. work. For a long time I’ve worked predominantly in grayscale but I’ve started going back to doing more things in color! I draw inspiration from a million different sources so my art at the time can look very different from something I did, say, the month before. Lately I’ve been working more towards doing music based and story telling art (like band posters etc). I’m still finding my voice, I suppose.

IG: @cosmic.enemy

Michelle Cruz Martinez — Michi What’s up, I’m Michelle a junior in advertising, born and raised.

My process is childlike, nostalgic, and messy. Growing up, I wasn’t really worried about what art supplies I needed but only knew that I wanted whatever I could get my hands on. Today, I am a bit more conscious as to what I want but that doesn’t stop me from being afraid to get messy. I also look at my environment around me and feel how quickly everything is moving. The childlike nature in my art lets me go back to chase that nostalgia as a kid to feel grounded and at ease.

IG: @m.chellecm & @michidoesart 98

Southpaw I‘m a junior at SAIC, studying primarily film/video but also do comics and illustration. I like to make work that tackles ambiguous emotions and ideas, or things that are hard to explain.

I draw a lot of inspiration from my dreams, through which I am also inspired by nostalgia. In regards to my art practice, I try to create and capture spaces with emotional poignancy and attention to detail. Throughout the creation of my work, I reference my dream journal, a running list detailing dreams that I have. The settings of my dreams often capture things and places that are both familiar yet surreal, reflecting my conscious thoughts and subconscious conflicts and desires. Using these experiences, I create work which is liminal and filled with symbolism and emotional significance.

Victor Avitia

instagram & twitter: @ssoutthpaw ssoutthpaw.com

Hey! My name is Victor and I’m currently studying Graphic Design and Fashion. A lot of my work is inspired by the way I view nature- everything I see is broken down into shapes and colors and then translated into my work. I’m fascinated by the idea of creating an artificial interpretation of the organic world as a way to show people how I view nature. I love creating clean lines and using vibrant colors in all my design endeavors.

IG: @victoravitia & @designedbyvictor

Leo Flood IG: @makeupbylleo

Ryan Gong — JIN!WA I’m a kid from China. I love cooking, both food and music, and doing hype stuff. The stars and the lovely people around me inspire me the most. *:.. o(=^^=)o ..:* IG: @_ jin1wa_ 99

Sahana Sahana is an artist pursuing graphic design, illustration, and conceptual photography. Her work is influenced by her perception of human behavior and how a subject interacts with their environment and other entities. @sahanalittle www.sahana.design

Kennedy O’Keefe I like to paint my dreams and taxidermy rats. I also love bugs I wish I was one.

Alex I’m 20, from Chicago, Art Ed major, and oil painter. My process is as follows. I start by picking a subject matter and a general color scheme. If I’m doing something representational, I pick references very carefully. Then I make a quick underpainting with black or purple, I use enough thinner for this to dry within the session. Its as detailed as a sketch, it only vaguely describes the composition. Then I start mixing colors, which is kind of the most important part. There are paintings where I spent as much time mixing colors as I did applying them to the canvas. I really like to have every single color I’m going to use ready to go, neatly organized on my pallets, and getting there can be so exhausting that i don’t start the painting until the next day. All that’s left when I’ve finished mixing is painting. I pick a couple brushes and get to work. I could talk about this part for a while but it wouldn’t be interesting so I’ll just say this. I don’t do the whole painting gradually and at the same time, I pick a section to work on until its finished and then move to a new section. I don’t stop until it’s as close to perfect as I can manage. @alex.blankets 100

William Hohe As an artist, I focus mainly around digital photography as my medium of choice. Beyond my love for photography as a fashion, art, and portraiture photographer, however, I also enjoy delving into sculpture and three-dimensional work, new media, 2D/ drawing, and experimental ways of creating that allow me to express my inner narrative and contemplations. In terms of my process, I approach my art in a very inspired sense; my love of art history and collection of references is the starting point for the composition(s) I go onto create. Some of my major inspirations and favorite artists include Keith Haring, Jean-Michel Basquiat, Cindy Sherman, Andy Warhol, among others.

With these external, outwardly trailblazers as my motivators and leads, I am driven by a strong, internal story, reason, or purpose behind what I am creating. All my pieces I make are intrinsically personally, no matter how objectively intriguing, colorful, or ridiculous they might appear to the viewer or audience. Art is a personal manifesto that is cathartic and therapeutic; it serves a dual purpose for me as a sight that can attract and entertain an audience as they look at my art while also satisfying subconscious experiences and personal hardships.

IG: @wiliamlenses williamslenses.com

Lillie Hi my name is Lillie Ostarello! I’ve held painting close to my heart ever since I was little and continue to express my passion for art through collaging and sketching! I believe nothing is more beautiful then being able to express yourself through art in your own unique way. Collaging is my passion because I enjoy bringing together a ton of different pieces I like and making them into one vision. I hope you enjoy my two pieces I chose to share (: Personal IG: @lillieostarello Art IG: @0liiilo

Elle Terrado but what if.

IG: @etrdo 101

Melody Contreras Hi! I’m a recent graduate from the University of Illinois at Urbana Champaign with a B.F.A. in Theatre Studies and a B.A. in Latino/ Latino Studies. I’d consider myself an artistic creator. I’ve acted, directed, and written theatrical pieces. I’m a writer at heart but I stay open to all outlets of artistic expression. I find inspiration from my everyday life like in coffee shops, listening to music, going on walks, navigating my relationships, long car rides, observing paintings, and many other ways of existing.

IG: @melodies_harmonies

Esther Phipps I take inspiration from all the people I meet and my everyday life.

It’s hard to explain my process because there isn’t a process. I’m always taking photos if I bring my camera somewhere, whether it’s premeditated or spur of the moment, I want my photos to leave people a little confused. With zero context, things that are simple become confusing. When things are confusing people tend to look at it in a different way. Confusing shots are simple, simple shots are confusing, it’s whatever I want it to be and that’s my favorite part of my art. My friends on their own inspire me as well, I will get ideas for shoots that are based around my loved ones, and center around their thoughts, feelings, and relationship to me.

IG: @Estakingphotos

Madeline Blair Maddie is a chicago-born poet, filmmaker, and knitwear connoisseur. she wants everything she creates to be dreamy af. @m.s.blair madebyblair.com

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Nyah Peaches — Peachful Mind My name is Nyah Peaches and my practice as an artist stems from an entire physical universe that I am slowly creating that represents my mind. I make pieces based on my personal life experiences, more specifically related to my mental health and the emotional turmoil that it causes me in my day to day life.

Most pieces are of me and personified pieces of me and are very dramaticized in a gruesome and fantasy like way. I am heavily inspired by the sci-fi and horror genres, specifically video games like Little Nightmares, graphic novels such as Junji Ito’s “Uzumaki” , as well as animated films and TV like Studio Ghibli.

Because of this I am very big on worldbuilding and like my pieces to be very busy and as detailed as possible to accurately build up my little universe that is underway.

I usually create pieces digitally, with graphite and pen, or through printmaking. I’m also getting back into sculpting.

My pieces are very personal and for that I usually make them with me in mind first and hope that people can receive them positively after the fact. Knowing that someone can possibly feel and relate to the stories and feelings that I pour into my work brings me a lot of joy and confidence as an artist. As I continue on my journey as an artist, the most important thing I hope to achieve is an inspiring creation of a grand universe that is my mind.

IG: @peachful.mind

Chloe Fulton I make work that gives me the feeling of opening a fantasy novel for the first time and seeing intricate, sprawling maps and family trees. I want to feel as though there is a story unfurling with each piece I make, expanding into various worlds. I sew, crochet, photograph… because it feels good.

Meditative techniques, constant problem solving, painting with texture and color, a connection to the past, these are the things that move me. Every piece I finish feels like birth. I’m proud of all my work, even the stuff that doesn’t look or feel good. I am happy to have created. @chloesewee @butter.stitch 103

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“It's not really about where you start, because we all start. You all start at step one, that's the only place you can start. We can't shy away from things just because we haven't done them yet.”

shayda safe “I think [art] grounds you and it makes you more in tune with reality and not in your head so much. It used to be easy to suppress emotions,

leo flood

but with drawing, you're literally letting it all out on paper.”

“Makeup is transformation.

It is wearable art. It has the ability to literally travel with the artist – to exude life in the short time it exists.”

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mckenzie hangs "My art was millions of things before it got to where it is today, and it will continue to be different the longer I work on it. I think that's the most beautiful thing about art. It changes as I change and we become brand new together.”

alice cao

“If I had all the time and resources in the world, I’d want to paint on a huge, mural-style canvas.

It’d be enormous, for everyone to see -- A giant, colorful, abstract piece. Hang it in a museum.”

ely taylor “ I’ve never found art tiring or draining. Even though it’s labor, I don’t see it as work because I’m doing what I love and I’m doing it on my own terms.”

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a round of applause for them & you & us The Artists The Performers The Designers The Writers The Party-Goers The

Collective

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a special thanks to the keen eyes of the copy editing team maddie, victor, ilan, & valerie 108

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