ISSUE 22 / NOVEMBER 2016
THE
MEN ARE FROM
MARS
Money
IT’S ALL ABOUT
OR IS IT?
Flexibility
HOW TO DEMONSTRATE BEHAVIOURAL
WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I REALISED THAT
Standards Matter HOW TO INCREASE YOUR
SPEAKING ENDURANCE WWW.INTERNATIONALCOACHGUILD.COM
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IT’S ALL ABOUT MONEY, OR IS IT?
Nicole Robinson 4
MEN ARE FROM MARS
Sharon Grant 7
HOW TO DEMONSTRATE BEHAVIOURAL FLEXIBILITY AS A COACH 11
WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I REALISED THAT STANDARDS MATTER
Vanessa Medling 16
HOW TO INCREASE YOUR SPEAKING ENDURANCE
Maria Pellicano 19
Here’s to you! ELYSIUM NGUYEN International Coach Guild
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WRITTEN BY
Nicole Robinson Coach, Educator and Mentor
Money... OR IS IT?
IT’S ALL ABOUT
NICOLE HAS EXPERIENCE COACHING CLIENTS RANGING FROM SEMI-PROFESSIONAL ATHLETES THROUGH TO MOTHERS AND AUTHORS. THROUGH EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION AND COACHING SHE HAS SEEN CLIENTS OVERCOME OBSTACLES, GAIN CLARITY, BECOME BETTER LEADERS AND RESTORE RELATIONSHIP’S BOTH PERSONALLY AND PROFESSIONALLY.
As a kid, I remember brainstorming with my brother... How could we get Mum to give us a raise in our allowance (coming from a single-parent family, money in our situation was tight)?
As part of the International Coach Guild’s Business Mentorship Points (L01C10), getting paid for your services is important if you are running any kind of business to have an income.
We’d ask Mum, “Maybe if we mow the lawn again, bake you a cake or wash the car, would we get more pocket money then?”
But let’s track back a little. When I first began I had very limited thinking. My attitude was simply:
To which Mum would say, “You know money doesn’t grow on trees kids. If you want money, you have to make sacrifices.” At times, she’d say, “Most people only get rich by manipulating other people.”
“IF I COULD JUST GET MY FIRST PAYING CLIENT, IT WILL COME TOGETHER.” Do you hear my language? The problem was “lack mentality”.
Or her favourite, “You’ll get it when you grow up.”
BESIDES, IN COACHING, IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU, EVER.
And so began my love/ hate relationship with money… page 4
I always thought I had this clear when it came to my coaching but hadn’t transferred this belief when money entered the equation. And to add even more fuel to the fire, my husband kept playing the same old tune “When is the money going to happen?”
Later that afternoon, I had a pro bono session scheduled with a PT who also owned a studio. I had done five pro bono sessions with him so far and this time, he wanted to talk about where to take our working relationship. After our last session, he asked me, “What’s next?”
As coaches we have the awareness that the problem is never the problem. When you are in the midst of the haze, you want to stay at cause (versus at effect).
“I’d love to run a workshop for you.”
I literally hit the mental STOP button to reflect on my attitude around money and rang the WOW team (aka Student Support team) at The Coaching Institute.
“I’m sure I could fill a room to create that amount.”
Needless to say, growth isn’t always easy. The business mentor made me ask some hard questions:. nn How much do I believe I’m worth? nn How much do I need to know before I charge for my services? nn How my attitude toward money linked back to my childhood where I believe I needed to have a parent (employer) in order to decide how much I was worth.
“Okay, how much?” “Two hundred dollars an hour are industry rates.”
Three weeks later, I held my first workshop at his studio, which became my first paid gig. I made 140 dollars that day. Since my first paid gig, I have coached heaps, got mentored on my “gaps”, connected with others ahead of me who I believed had the results I wanted to achieve and listened to the way they spoke about money.
“MONEY IS THE CLEANEST INDICATOR OF SUCCESS.” - JOE PANE
“MONEY IS GIVEN TO THOSE WHO SHOW THEY CAN HANDLE THE RESPONSIBILITY.” - FIONA ELLIS
“MONEY COMES WHEN YOU DO WHAT YOU’RE GOOD AT AND YOU WORK HARD.” - ANONYMOUS page 5
Needless to say, I have a lot more growing to do. There’s so much to learn, to apply and to test and measure.
1. I am valuable and I am worth it.
I want to conclude on the note that my relationship with money was never about the relationship with money in the first place – it was about believing in three things:
3. I aim to give freely to all whom I touch.
2. I bring massive value above and beyond what my clients pay me.
I don’t mow the lawn, bake a cake or wash cars to make money anymore…
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WRITTEN BY
Sharon Grant Coach & Trainer
MEN ARE FROM
MARS
SHARON GRANT HAS FIVE YEARS’ OF EXPERIENCE WRITING AND DELIVERING QUALITY PRODUCTS, SALES TRAININGS AND COACHING SESSIONS FOR THE FLIGHT CENTRE TRAVEL GROUP. HER ENERGETIC AND DYNAMIC APPROACH AND UNWAVERING COMMITMENT TO LEARNING MEANS THAT PARTICIPANTS LEAVE HER SESSIONS FEELING CHALLENGED AND INSPIRED. WWW.BEMOREAWESOME.COM.AU
The Battle of Sexes – Fiction or Fact?
MEN ARE FROM MARS WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS. The book, by John Gray, has become part of popular culture and its central metaphor is that most common relationship problems between men and women are a result of fundamental psychological differences between the sexes. Psychologists have discovered there are just two significant psychological differences between men and women. For example, men are better at spatial awareness (such as reading maps). Women are better at language and grammar than men. In actuality, there is such a small difference that it is barely newsworthy. It’s not so much a case of Mars and Venus, but more of a case of Mars and Snickers.
They’re virtually the same – one has more nuts than the other... and I leave you to battle it out which one. So, if in reality the psychological differences between the sexes aren’t noteworthy, why oh why do men and women have such difficulty communicating with each other? Why is there a ‘battle’ of the sexes? The answer is in understanding not sexspecific differences, but differences in energy. Before we begin, it is important to appreciate that this discussion of the masculine and feminine energy types is in no way related to the sexes. It would serve you to think of it as a grammatical gender association much in the same way that ¼ of the world’s languages associate a gender to inanimate objects, such as a table being masculine and a tree being feminine. Neither is related to the sex of the object.
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HOW TO DETERMINE THE ENERGY TYPE OF YOUR CLIENT There are 9 key differences between the masculine and feminine energy types: Masculine Energy
Feminine Energy
Literal
Inferential
Empty /releasing/letting go
Fill up/expanded/worshiped
Freedom
Owned
Big things small
Small things big
Appreciated
Understood
Hunting
Gathering
Mission direction wrong
Loved
Focus/single
Flow/multiple
Easy to let go and leave; hears/speaks through words
Stays too long; hears/speaks through mood & tone
Irrespective of one’s gender, it is possible to be a masculine female or a feminine male. This “war” between the masculine and the feminine has caused many women to forsake their femininity in an attempt at equality, and many men to forsake their masculine energy out of guilt or embarrassment. Men with a dominant feminine energy are labelled as “sissy” and women with a dominant masculine energy are labelled as “bitchy”. These social constructs of energy types can limit our expression of ourselves, resulting in an inability to truly have a great relationship with others... and with ourselves. In reality this has nothing to do with who we are. So how can we help our clients have a better relationship with an opposing energy type, and even more than that... with themselves?
nn Assist your client to understand their energy type (use the quiz below) nn Ask great questions nn Share the insights you have gained nn Explore how the masculine energy client can embrace feminine energy in others and in themselves nn Discover how feminine energy client can surrender (rather than shrink) to the masculine energy in others and themselves So how would you know which energy type your client is? Have them take this simple survey:
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Masculine/Feminine Energy Scale A
B
I find it easy to let go
I find it hard to let go
It is more important to have clear goals
It really is all about the journey
I like to solve problems
I like to explore problems
I think in a linear fashion
I like to think creatively
I am quite logical
I consider myself artistic
I prefer light shades
I surround myself with dark shades
I wake early to make the most of the day
I consider myself a night owl
My favourite season is summer
I prefer winter to any other season
I am most happy in sunlight
I am most happy in moonlight
I am driven to keep others safe
I like things to be mysterious
I will be irritated if I do nothing all day
I prefer to relax rather than be active
I like to achieve outcomes
I am prone to procrastination
I often feel warm
I generally feel too cold
I like bright things
I like dark objects
I am externally motivated
I look within for motivation
I like hard, solid surfaces
I like soft furnishings
I believe rules are to be followed
I believe rules are more like guidelines
I dislike humidity
I like humidity
I prefer to be active
I prefer to rest
Mostly A’s = Masculine Energy
Mostly B’s = Feminine Energy
We have elements of both the masculine and feminine energies, and it is likely that you will have one more evident than the other, regardless of whether you are a man or a woman. So can I daresay that men are not from Mars. Women are not from Venus. We are earthlings and this isn’t a battle of the sexes.
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“You can do anything, not everything”. David Allen
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Flexibility HOW TO DEMONSTRATE
BEHAVIOURAL
AS A COACH
Here’s the thing, and it applies to everything coaching.
Whereas having three or more choices is freeing.
The person with the most behavioural flexibility will have the most impact on the system. The person with least behavioural flexibility will have the least impact on the system.
Of course, this is an oversimplification of what happens, but it still is a valid point. As coaches, we want to facilitate and help the client see multiple choices and perspectives they can choose in any given situation.
So the rigid thinker, who only sees one side of the whole story, will find that they have the least impact on the system and find the
Once they realise the choice they have, they can work on becoming flexible enough to exercise them depending on what’s needed.
situation challenging. And the person who sees many options and opportunities will have increased chances achieving their goals. The person with most flexibility has more choices, and therefore they have the most influence over any system, situation, event…
HOW BEHAVIOURAL FLEXIBILITY APPLIES TO COACHING During a coaching session, you need to be aware of how your client is feeling about choices they have. If they are seeing only one choice or option, they will feel helpless, hopeless and “trapped”. If they believe they have two choices, they are stuck in a dilemma.
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PRACTISING BEHAVIOURAL FLEXIBILITY AS A COACH
perceive that there is an alternative path. This highlights the need to change one’s behaviour and do something else, again and again, if need be, until the desired outcome is achieved. In other words, we must be able to change readily to meet new circumstances. Meta Dynamics™ presupposes that every one of us is responsible for our own life. We may not be able to control external events (what happens to us, around us or to others), but we are capable of controlling our reactions and response to those events. And if we keep reacting and responding in the same way, we will always get the same result. A person with flexibility will change their behaviour repeatedly whenever something isn’t working. They do something new until they achieve their goal, or realise they are seeking something else through the learning they acquire from the first attempt. Therefore, it’s important to note that flexibility applies to our thinking as much as it does to our behaviour. As a coach, you can recognise traits in your clients that cause their choices, rather than simply see the outcome of their thinking. You can do this by becoming familiar with EDISC profiles, Meta Dynamics™ coaching methodology, Spiral Dynamics and other thinking models.
This goes both ways. In a coaching session, if what you’re doing as a coach doesn’t work, do something else. To be able to do something else, we must have the flexibility to at first
For example, if someone is a “D” as in DISC (Dominant energy type who believe they can influence and impact their environment), they are going to respond very differently to a challenge or setback than, say a “C” type
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energy (Compliant energy who want to be accurate). The “D” energy may blitz through the challenge. The “C” energy may hesitate because they don’t want to make another mistake. So as coaches, we have two choices – simply coach their “behaviour” or go deeper and recognise the pattern and underlying thinking that led to the behaviour. A coach who lacks behavioural flexibility will most likely choose the former. It seems like an easy choice, a safe one.
But a rigid attitude or thinking reduces the chances of achieving the desired outcome in your interaction with the client.
IN CONCLUSION One of the keys to effective coaching is to always be flexible enough to explore and search for an appropriate strategy for and with our clients. It’s obvious, although sometimes ignored, that if your client wants something new, you have to encourage them to do something new – because anything new will be better than maintaining what’s not working.
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WRITTEN
Vanessa Medling
BY
Inspirational Leader, Coach, Mentor & Consultant
WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I REALISED THAT
Standards Matter VANESSA IS AN EXPERIENCED, ENGAGING AND INSPIRATIONAL LEADER, COACH, MENTOR AND CONSULTANT. SHE IS SOUGHT AFTER FOR HER YEARS OF EXECUTIVE LEVEL LEADERSHIP EXPERIENCE, COMBINED WITH HER INDEPTH UNDERSTANDING OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR. SHE CONSULTS WITH SENIOR LEADERSHIP TEAMS TO BUILD AND STRENGTHEN THEIR CULTURE AND VISION, ENABLING THEM TO IMPROVE THEIR LEADERSHIP SKILLS TO DRIVE IMPROVED SUSTAINABLE RESULTS. WWW.INSPIRINGSUCCESS.COM.AU
What Happened When I Realised that Standards Matter
You and I both know that when you give HOW YOU DO THE SMALL THINGS IS HOW YOU DO EVERYTHING.
Have you ever made a promise to yourself that you didn’t keep? Like the time I promised myself I wouldn’t eat chocolate for a week… Sounded good on Monday, but my willpower had plummeted by morning tea Friday. And let’s face it, who doesn’t love a Tim Tam? “What’s the big deal?” I hear you say (especially Tim Tim lovers amongst us). Consider this… If you want to be known as a professional, are your habits aligning to your vision? How you do the little things are a representation of how you do the big things. Think hard about it… where else does a lack of commitment show up in your life?
STANDARDS MATTER. yourself a “get out of jail free”’ card there’s a split second of relief. You make up a whole range of “reasons” (aka excuses) as to why you made the right decision. Any of these sound familiar? I’m too tired. I worked hard all day, I deserve some time out Who’s going to know anyway, I only made that promise to myself. Or maybe it’s bigger than that, a long list of plans to improve yourself, and they all start “tomorrow”. Like the diet that starts on Monday.
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Or the course that you’ll enrol in when the kids get older... Or the job you want to apply for but are just too “busy” to find the time to write the application… Big mistake! When we have self-awareness, we know the truth. It’s a differentiator. Moving us from being an amateur to a professional. (Steven Pressfield has written a book on this called Turning Pro. I highly recommend reading it, it’s going to be the best couple of hours of time you’ll spend if you are serious about raising your standards.)
SETTING & LIVING YOUR STANDARDS It’s quite simple to set standards. It’s not easy to live by them.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU BREAK A PROMISE YOU MADE TO YOURSELF The worst kind of promise to break is the one you made to yourself. Because when that happens, we lose trust with ourselves. And the flow on effect of low trust shows up in other areas – uncertainty, doubt, fear, self-sabotage. These feelings hold us back from being the best versions of ourselves we deserve to be. We need to build a belief in ourselves that we are a person of our word. And the best way to strengthen that belief is to find evidence of it in everyday little things. Which means we need to live it every day. Stick to your commitments. Get up earlier. Read that book. Make that phone call. Apply for that job. Finish that course.
Why? Because following the standards you set is hard work. It takes discipline. It takes commitment. And the pay off? When you make the decision to live by your standards, life becomes simple. You do as you say, and say as you do. There is only congruence between who you are and who you say you want to be. And with this, you will become someone who trusts and believes in your ability to do anything. With that thinking, the sky is the limit! For me personally, holding myself accountable to the standards I have set has filled me with a stronger feeling of certainty within myself. And the ripple effect of that is now showing up in my business, my relationships and my life in general. It’s pretty phenomenal.
Stop running away from your fear and face it. You won’t self-combust.
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RAISE YOUR STANDARDS AND YOU WILL RISE ALONG WITH THEM - MASTIN KIPP
Founder of Global Success Institute
SHARON PEARSON
(n.) /dis-ruhp-tiv/ /lee-der-ship/ the art of giving a $#@!, rocking the boat and creating the winning team
Order NOW for $39.95
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WRITTEN BY
Maria Pellicano
ICG International Credential Master Practitioner
HOW TO INCREASE YOUR
SPEAKING ENDURANCE MARIA IS A STUDENT AT THE COACHING INSTITUTE AND A PASSIONATE COACH TO SINGERS AND SPEAKERS. SHE HAS BEEN HELPING HER CLIENTS FOR THE PAST 20 YEARS TO HAVE THE BEST-SOUNDING VOICE OFFERING TAILORED EXERCISES FOR INDIVIDUAL VOICE TYPES. MARIA IS ALSO A SINGING TEACHER AND DEDICATES HER TIME TO HELPING HER CLIENTS DEVELOP THEIR MINDSET, AND APPLY THE RIGHT TECHNIQUES TO ACHIEVE THEIR SINGING GOALS. FIND OUT MORE AT WWW.MARIAPELLICANO.COM
How to Increase Your Speaking Endurance: 12 Easy Ways
is your most important tool in your arsenal.
You want to speak with influence and endurance. Yet, at times you feel vocally tired. Perhaps you struggle with projection and have a husky, raspy voice when you have been speaking for too long. As a leader and motivator, you want to continue to influence others to be inspired, and your voice is the tool and instrument to carry that message. But here’s the thing… You cannot replace your voice. And you cannot lose your vocal resonance with a damaged or fatigued speaking voice. As a trainer, coach and facilitator, your voice
A damaged voice will require you to put in much more effort to speak, to be heard and to leave an impact. When you have a greater control over your voice, you are able to be more flexible in your speaking expression and this helps your audience engage and go on a journey with you because they can feel the emotion in the words you speak and can relate to it. If, on the other hand, your voice is damaged or run down you will lose the ability to vary your vocal tonality and you will have less choice over your speaking style and presentation. For example, have you had an unexpected change in the sound of your voice which doesn’t suit your vocal needs? 2/3rd of your voice problems are due to bad use of the vocal muscles and this can lead to pathological
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conditions such as swelling, nodules, cysts or bleeds in the cords. The question then is, how can you maintain your vocal insurance? Here are 12 ways to do just that the next time you’re facing a vocal gremlin:
1. LIMIT THE HOURS SPENT TALKING Your voice is not designed for unlimited hours of constant use. Know your personal limitations and don’t compare yourself to others since everyone’s vocal stamina is different. Body rest is equally important to increase your vocal stamina. Don’t do all the talking. Instead, create breaks during your day.
2. DRINK 8-12 LARGE GLASSES OF WATER PER DAY This will help you create vocal resonance (projection) with less effort. Dehydration causes you to work harder as a speaker because your volume is affected. Alcohol, coffee and lozenges are dehydrating, so increase you water intake. Drinking 5 hours before your speaking is much more useful for your body rather than drinking when you are actually speaking.
3. AVOID SMOKING AND USING INHALANTS This causes your vocal cords to be coated with substances that affect the muscles and cartilages in the larynx resulting in issues with volume and pitch when you are speaking.
4. AVOID TRYING TO HEAR YOURSELF IN LOUD ENVIRONMENTS Instead block one ear with your finger and you will hear your own sound. You will lose your voice when you strain it. Your voice is acoustic; you can never expect your voice to be louder than electronic equipment, so don’t even try. Move closer and face the person with whom you are speaking. Use amplification when speaking. Even if you were to do all the right thing, the constant use of your voice will affect your speaking quality.
5. DON’T EXPOSE YOURSELF TO CONSTANT LOUD NOISE This creates ringing in the ears and affects your voice tone. Your pitch is affected when your hearing is damaged. The higher frequencies usually go first and this makes page 20
you sound “monotone” and come across as mumbling when you speak.
9. REGULARLY WARM UP AND EXERCISE YOUR VOICE.
6. KEEP FIT
Vocal exercises remove limitations and help enhance your vocal endurance and quality. Have scale patterns and exercises that you can use regularly e.g. vocal warmups and warmdowns, vocal range stretches and breath flow that will help enhance resonance (projection) and volume when you speak. With proper exercise, you will learn to use your voice with as little unnecessary effort and little tension as possible.
This energises your voice by increasing breathing capacity and muscle strength, and staves away any illness. Voice requires energy and the quality of your body health affects how you energise your speaking.
7. BE AWARE OF WHAT YOU EAT AND DRINK That way, you can avoid thick phlegm on your vocal cords. Thin phlegm is good, but thick phlegm will make it difficult for you to speak due to constant throat clearing, which ends up causing cord irritation. Certain foods such as sugar; white products such as diary, wheat, potatoes, cheese, butter, yogurt, carbonated and acidic drinks like soft drinks, lemon and orange juices can create acidity in the mouth. This changes the pH of your saliva affecting your vocal cords. This also causes gastro reflux which creates a husky raspy vocal quality making your speaking feel heavy and laborious.
8. STRESS AND ANXIETY AFFECTS CORTISOL LEVELS IN YOUR BODY Stress increases swelling of your vocal cords, making speaking more tiring. The larynx has 3 nerve pathways and one of them is the limbic nerve system which is activated by the environment and emotions. It also regulates the breathing and heart rate. It has a strong grip on the larynx. It controls sounds such as cries, grunts, screams, squeals, laughter. These are fight or flight sounds. So make sure you avoid unnecessary negative stress.
10. AVOID THROAT CLEARING AND VOICED COUGHING Remember that throat clearing and harsh coughing are traumatic to the vocal cords and should be reduced as much as possible. One of the most frequent causes for throat clearing and coughing is thick mucus (due to dry vocal folds) or too much mucus on or below the vocal folds (as with a cold). The safest and most efficient way to clear mucus is by using a gentle, breathy productive cough where there is high airflow with little sound. This can be achieved by using the following strategy: Take in as deep a breath as possible, momentarily hold your breath, and produce a sharp, silent “H” sound while you expel the air.
11. BECOME AWARE OF YOUR BODY POSTURE Are you standing/sitting well? Is your breath/ voice supported fully? When you slouch, your voice and breath will be constricted and you will lose power physically and psychologically. Your body posture fuels your energy. Your body is an essential part of non-verbal communication and it must always match your message. E.g. you cannot speak about
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something joyful whilst being in a closed, head down body posture. It just does not make sense. Look at yourself in the mirror as you rehearse you speech or song.
12. EMPLOY OPTIMAL SPEAKING TTECHNIQUES SUCH AS:
nn Maintain a smooth legato speech pattern with clear articulation, avoiding hard glottal attacks. nn Allow the neck, tongue, jaw and face to be relaxed. nn Be aware your speaking pace is not too fast or too slow.
nn Good abdominal/diaphragmatic breathing and support. nn Using your voice with as little unnecessary effort and tension as possible.
nn Use good vocal inflection and cadence. nn Speak in phrases rather than in paragraphs and breathe before each phrase.
nn Taking frequent breaths when speaking long sentences.
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