Finding a partner you connect with feels like magic...
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ou’re in what is commonly known as the “honeymoon phase” and you never want to leave his or her side. You think about them constantly, wondering how you ever got so lucky. You go out on dates, watch movies together, laugh with one another. In these moments something clicks; you want to be able to support your partner however you can and whenever you can. You would do anything to keep your significant other happy. But what about you? Moving out of the “honeymoon phase” is when reality kicks in. You get in more fights, there’s less trust, constant worry, and you become physically and mentally drained with the relationship. But you keep going. You keep going so you won’t have the constant worry that they will leave. You don’t want to think about all the what if ’s. “If I do this, will they be unhappy with me? Or if I do this, would this make me be enough for them?” The same situation has happened to me and I have had these thoughts many times before. Reflecting back I realized I never want to be put in a situation where I think like that again.
My friends were a big part of helping me create a balance when I didn’t feel like myself. Friendships are just as relevant as relationships and should never be taken for granted, they often can see things you don’t. They helped remind me of the things I loved and who I was before I met him. I became less distant and was able to balance my time with them and my partner. Not only did I have him to rely on, but I also had my friends which is something I am extremely thankful for.
“but not when it consumes you and makes you unable to focus on yourself...”
I had this drive to be the person my partner could rely on, and I made it my number one priority. I was distant from my friends, activities, school work and other aspects of my life. I put him above all else. I didn’t take care of myself and my well-being. I was constantly worried or stressed that it clouded my judgment. I wasn’t acting like myself and I got in the mindset of, “I can’t be me without him, he is all I know.” Being able to support your significant other is an important part of a relationship, but not when it consumes you and makes you unable to focus on yourself because *spoiler* you matter too. Don’t let your relationship interfere with the other parts of your life, like hanging out with your friends, continuing a hobby, and focusing on your education or career. Even if you just need some alone time for self-care.
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Getting back into a routine without it revolving around your partner all the time is a good step. Your calendar should not be crowded with things that involve just them. Schedule times for you. Go get lunch or dinner with your friends, take a yoga class, make time for you to do homework; do anything that you are interested in and that you love. This will help create a balance between your relationship and yourself.
This goes for family too. I was barely home and my parents rarely saw me. The relationship with your family is an important factor in your life. I started to stay home more and have dinner with my family. In doing so, I had more quality time with them which helped me build an even stronger relationship.
You have relationships with other people that matter just as much as your relationship with your partner. All of these connections create a pathway for a happier you. Do not put your all into your one partner, or these other relationships can slowly slip away from you. You must be able to take care of yourself. There is only one you, don’t let yourself be in a state where you only think or worry about your partner 24/7. Your mental and physical health is crucial to be in a space where you can be content with your life. Do what you love, try new things, go on adventures. There is room for you when it comes to your relationship and your happiness.
You matter too. by Alexis Huerter
