SJC LIVING
4
LIFE IN OUR COMMUNITY
COMMUNITY CALENDAR friday 8.12 Coffee Chat 8 a.m. The Capistrano Dispatch hosts a spirited town hall forum on community issues. All are welcome. Camino Real Playhouse, on El Camino Real, just south of Ortega Highway. Occurs every Friday monday 8.15
is welcome to learn more about SONGS, see exhibits and even attend a job fair. San Clemente Community Center, 100 N. Calle Seville
Joint meeting of the City Council and city commissions 5 p.m., City Hall, 32400 Paseo Adelanto tuesday 8.23
tuesday 8.16 Parks, Recreation and Seniors Commission Meeting 6 p.m., City Hall, 32400 Paseo Adelanto
Planning Commission meeting 6:30 p.m., City Hall, 32400 Paseo Adelanto friday 8.26
Inside SONGS 4:30 p.m.–7:30 p.m. An offsite open house for San Onofre Nuclear Generating Station will be held in San Clemente. The public
City Council Meeting 6:30 p.m., City Hall, 32400 Paseo Adelanto
Next regular issue of The Dispatch publishes.
monday 8.15
TOM BLAKE: On Life and Love After 50
Did Sue Waste a Year on a Long-Distance Relationship? A natural and expected result of Internet dating is the creation of long-distance relationships. The good news: Two people with similar interests have connected, assuming they are who they say they are. The bad news: They may live so far away it is difficult to spend time together and get to truly know each other. Take Sue’s situation, for example. Sue wrote, “I met up with a friend from 40 years ago. I found out after six months that he is married. He says he has been separated for seven years, but can’t divorce for financial reasons. We have been communicating for a year and met once. I believe he will never divorce so I stopped writing. Did I just waste a year?” How can one simple paragraph have so many different aspects? Sue and the guy have only been together once in a year. That’s hardly enough time to steal a kiss. In a long-distance relationship, it is important for both people to get their expectations on the table soon by asking two questions: “If we hit it off, and we want to be together on a daily basis as a couple, who will be willing to move?” And, “How will we be able to spend enough time together to get to know each other well enough to chance such a dramatic action as one person uprooting his or her life to move?” Another issue that makes Sue’s situation complex is the guy’s marital status. More and more men and women are separating and pursuing different lives, but remaining married out of financial necessity. One woman I know lives in California and her husband lives in New Jersey. They have been separated for 13 years. He lives with his girlfriend. They have stayed married out of the goodness of his heart because his medical
The Capistrano Dispatch August 12–25, 2011
insurance pays for her debilitating medical condition, without which, she might die. I know of another couple who have been estranged for seven years or so. She has ON LIFE AND a boyfriend; he freely LOVE AFTER 50 By Tom Blake dates. But they are still married and live under the same roof. They haven’t divorced because it’s a bad time to sell the home and break up the estate. My guess is the chance of them ever reuniting as a married couple is zilch. However, he loses out on some women because when women hear he’s married they head for the hills, regardless of his circumstances. Did Sue waste a year? It sounds like it to me, depending on what she initially wanted from the relationship. If she wanted to marry him, she wasted a year. If she wanted to live with him, she wasted a year. If she wanted a lover, she wasted a year. If she wanted a pen pal, then she didn’t waste a year. After Sue found out he was married, she continued the relationship for another six months before the light bulb went on. For a long-distance relationship to culminate in success, both parties need to be highly motivated and willing to make lots of sacrifices.
article with an open mind, but your assessment of Karen was unfair and harsh. I am a very ‘young 56,’ sports active widow of six months who can relate 100 percent to Karen’s scenario. She is telling it like it is, literally! We too were not blessed with children. After losing my constant companion, soul mate, best friend and love of my life of 25 years, it is extremely difficult if not next to impossible to ‘put myself out there’ all alone as you seem to believe and suggest is so easy. “If Karen was 30 years old, I would agree with you that ‘she’ is the problem. But we are 50-plus and no guys our age or close are looking for a relationship with a 50-plus year old. Believe me, they all want much, much, much younger! “Your suggestion to investigate ‘Meetup.com’ is something that an acquaintance of mine suggested that I too explore. I have tried dive groups but everyone already has their diving buddy,
READER COMMENT: In response to the previous column about a widow of seven years who doesn’t date because she hangs out with her deceased husband’s married friends and can’t meet anybody. From Donna, Dana Point, “I read your Page 22
fishing groups but again their groups are already formed, boating courses but everyone comes with their mates. “It is very difficult for 50-plus retired women to meet new male friends around their age, especially that are as physically and sports active as they. Karen, my heart goes out to you. I know just how you feel and what you are going through.” Tom’s response to Donna: The big difference between you and Karen is that she has been stuck in neutral for seven years, whereas you are out and about and involved in activities. Yes, meeting eligible men near your age is difficult, but the chances of you connecting with someone are dramatically greater than Karen. Tom Blake is a Dana Point business owner and San Clemente resident who has authored books on middle-aged dating. To comment on his column, email him at TompBlake@gmail.com. See his website at www.FindingLoveAfter50.com
Spratt Earns Eagle Daniel Spratt, son of Capistrano motorcycle deputy Thom Pratt, received his rank of Eagle Scout this summer. Spratt, a member of Boy Scout Troop 623 of Portola Hills, completed his Eagle project by building a desktop podium for American Legion Saddleback Valley Post 862. Thom Spratt is a Marine Corps veteran who commander of the post this year. Since its introduction in 1911, the Eagle Scout rank, introduced in 1911, has been earned by more than 2 million Scouts. The rank, obtained after earning 21 merit badges, is held for life. Other Eagle Scouts include President Gerald Ford, astronaut Neil A. Armstrong and producer Steven Spielberg.
Courtesy photo
www.thecapistranodispatch.com