VERMIN SUPREME ELECTED U.S. PRESIDENT Ian McEachran, staff writer
Amy Richfield and Susan Tomega pose with Vermin Supreme. Image courtesy of the internet.
U.S. voters elected the self-proclaimed “Friendly Fascist,” Vermin Supreme for U.S. president, shattering anyone’s expectations. Supreme attributes his victory to his pony policy and his zombie energy plans. “Finally my time has come to start my new boot nation,” Supreme, the first Libertarian president of the U.S. said. Supreme often wears a green rain boot as a hat. U.S. voters celebrated Supreme’s landslide victory. Streets were flooded with people wearing rain boot hats. Improumtu parades were filled with people chanting “Ponies, ponies, ponies” throughout city streets. Supreme’s win has been picked up internationally, with
some newspapers, like the Polish Gazeta Wyborcza running the headline, “America elects a Pony President!” The paper’s editor-in-cheif expressed bewilderment at the headline news. “I don’t understand. How can Americans just care so little for their country and vote a fool into your head position?” the unnamed editor said. U.S. Vice President Shrek replied to the international questioning. “Think of the world as swamps. Stay out of mine before I go and comes into yours,” Shrek said. “The international community is unjustly questioning Vermin before they even see what his policies do.” The U.S. military has increased its presence in Europe
and Asia, driving the international community to adopt the pony policy. Supreme plans to give every U.S. resident a pony. He is putting pressure on Congress to create a new government program that will be tasked with tagging, tracking, and administer the use of the ponies. The purpose of the ponies is to “increase happiness and decrease the crime rate,” Supreme said. “If everyone has a pony what do you have to be jealous of?” Top psychology and law enforcement agencies find no flaws is the pony purpose outlined by Supreme During his 4-year term, Supreme wants to look further into zombie energy and technology. He seeks to get the U.S. 100 percent reliant on zombie technology by 2021. Not to forget the U.S.’s robust
space technology, NASA will be tasked into looking for a rubber planet. According to Shrek, the rubber planet will allow every human to wear rainboots on their head. The mission is named “New Sole.” It is a mission that appears to rival that of Elon Musk’s Mars mission. U.S. citizens are hopeful about their future with Supreme’s leadership Citizens said they are hopeful of ushering in a new era of thinking and of human history. Zombies and boots are on the horizon. Some people speculate that international influence will be used more forcefully than in the past. The international community continues to watch the U.S. in caution and awe of Supreme’s plans.
U.S. president Vermin Supreme. Image courtesy of the internet.
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