Issue 6 - The cabin on the net

The Cabin on the Net For the love of horror Issue 6

INTERVIEWS WITH LEN KABASINSKI HARRISON SMITH

Can Stan survive Gremlins?

Reviews Sandro Fossemò Plus much more!

Welcome back to the cabin December, a month of giving and spending time with people you love or hate, there is always that one uncle, right? We thought about taking Christmas off but who could resist Christmas horror films? From Nazi Elves, Crazy Santa’s and the good old Krampus, we would be fools indeed to pass up this amazing month.

As it is coming to the end of the year now let’s get a little glassy eyed.

From myself and everyone dwelling inside the cabin we want to thank each one of you for either reading the magazine or being in it. Sharing it, talking about it and engaging with us online. It means the world to us vagabonds who call the cabin home.

I would like to personally thank everyone who writes or has written for us, without you guys I would have a very tough job indeed, yet here we are 6 issues.

We hope you enjoy the Christmas issue and we hope to see you next year.

Cassandra Regan Editor.

Video Production Services reddogproductions.co.uk

Interview Fist of the Filmmaker: Interview with buff B- Movie director Len Kabasinski

By Jack Elfick

After a wee while of having not written anything big for this magazine, I decided to try something a bit different and do my first interview. I was thinking of people I might be able to talk to and, while flicking through YouTube to find some cool indie horror makers I came across Len Kabasinski a man who takes pride in his films, his impressive physique and of course his family. Len is a BMovie obsessed film maker from the states with a real love for making horror movies, a couple of which have become favourites amongst his fans. His films “Fist of the Vampire” and “Curse of the Wolf” have seen successful distribution, and are clear ancestors of the films he grew up loving so dearly. Len loves to talk about his work, and kindly took time to answer the questions I sent him the way he does everything else, with real passion. He’s tough, full of energy, and it was clear when talking to him that not only does he have huge love for his craft and his genre, he does not give a fuck what anyone else thinks…

What inspired you to get into making horror movies? Are there any heroes from the business that you keep in mind during a shoot?

When I was very little my mother (R.I.P I miss you so much) would stay up late with me and watch what was called "the Late Great Horror Show" which aired around 11:30pm on

Saturday nights on a local TV station. The show played horror/sci-fi films from the 60's and 70's; Godzilla films, The Blob, Day of the Triffids, films I love dearly to this day. So, from a very young age I had a love for BMovies and it all started in the horror/sci-fi genres. As I got older into my teens the mid80s boom came about with Canon Films, The Ninja boom, and a slew of direct to home video action, martial arts, horror films. From about 1985ish to say 1994ish was my favourite period for direct to home video works. I could write a book on this question so I’ll stop with saying my favourite films to watch come from companies like Imperial Entertainment (NEMESIS, KARATE COP for starters), Republic Entertainment (MARTIAL OUTLAW), Canon Films (duh), and of course David Winters A.I.P. Studios of the late 80's (ELVES, FUTURE FORCE, RETURN FIRE: JUNGLE WOLF II) What would you say is the most challenging part of a shoot?

I would say the suckiest part for me is scheduling cast/crew and/or coordinating extras, hands down. No need for further explanation.

Which of your films is your favourite? Do you share everyone's love of Fist of the Vampire?

Picking my favourites ones is tough because many of them represent different times in my life obviously and many films represent turning a corner in some fashion or another.

For example, a film like Bound by Blood: Wendigo is very very different from my other works. A film like Apocalypse Female Warriors is highly ambitious and I really wish I had maybe 3 million to tackle the original script for this film which I really do like a lot.

And then going into Angel of Reckoning where I really try to show off better lighting techniques I’ve learned, better photography techniques I’ve learned, so with each being so different it’s hard to say....

As for Fist of the Vampire, you take this film along with Curse of the Wolf and those two works are probably my most widely released films and STILL are getting out there today.

It’s amazing to me really. I have much love still for Fist of the Vampire because it marked a big shift in quality and ambition for my works. I remember playing the premier of the film locally and the audience afterwards was like "Wow, we were really expecting another backyard indie flick" so they were pleasantly surprised and that of course made me even more motivated to get writing and produced more ambitious projects (for better or worse).

Fist of the Vampire had a ton of cool locations included a closed down printing press/factory and a barn set up like a cage fighting arena...and all in all, it wasn’t a very difficult

shoot. We were pretty organized here and the whole film shot in like 9 or 10 days...

The YouTube movie reviewers Red Letter Media love your movies and have loved to talk about them, what was your response to that?

Yeah, with Red Letter Media we really share a love for B-Movies (or Z-movies, whatever) and love a lot of the same films. They brought me out to their studios a couple of years ago, where I filmed my bit for Space Cop, an exclusive 1-hour special interview segment, and also served as a guest (and THE ONLY GUEST who participated in the "Choose N Lose" device I may add) on their BEST OF THE WORST program. Their studio is quite impressive and when I met them I was actually pretty surprised at them loving a lot of the same films I do. One night after filming Space Cop, we had pizza and sat back and Mike threw in Suburban Sasquatch. Why? I don’t know. but I thought it was awesome that this is just "stuff they did" while lounging around. Pretty much what I do. I could sit on Amazon Prime all day long and play "connect what other films viewers watched" all day long. But RLM did open the door for other people to view my works and I was actually very surprised with a number of their fans who ALREADY knew of or had seen my films.

I still keep in touch and vice versa today as there might be a calling for this film having to do with a mummy, and I’m just the man to nail that shit.

What's your favourite horror movie of all time and why?

Again, as most people would probably agree with me here (I think), picking favs is tough as the universe of horror is so vast and so different (lots of different periods/subgenres…slasher flicks, etc). I like 1988’s Dead Heat a lot but is that horror?

Comedy? Action? Scifi? But yeah love that one. I also like a lot of smaller obscure ones like Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II. I don’t know, wow, I know Pumpkin Head would be way up on my list, being a dad, a still cry every single time I watch the beginning of that film. Very powerful for me. I do like a lot of horror films that cross into sci-fi a bit…

Leviathan, Event Horizon for example or horror that crosses into comedy like Evil Dead 11, Shaun of the Dead. A tough question I could go on for years with.

Do you have any advice for any up and coming horror film makers?

I answered this question recently in another interview and ill repeat it here very gladly….to those wanting to make their own film, my advice is this: Fuck what other people say about you or what you want to do….do your thing. Film it on an iPhone if you have to. Just let your creativity flow. Don’t ever let other people from dictating what you should be, be you. And you know what? You can’t ever go wrong from there because when you be yourself people will love you for you. People who say negative things about me/my works “oh Len isn’t Spielberg, or Len isn’t Kubrick, heeheehe” … You know what I say to those people? Go fuck yourselves. Because Spielberg, etc will NEVER be me and have my knowledge of films like ELVES, JUNGLE WOLF, MARTIAL OUTLAW, KING OF THE KICKBOXERS, MANIAC COP, etc etc and I’d never want my life to be without films like these….

Myself and The Cabin on the Net, thank Len Kabasinski for being so generous with his time and look forward to seeing him as “Snake” in his up and coming movie “Hellcat’s Revenge”, which is currently in production.

See more of Len and his company Killer Wolf Films at his website: www.killerwolffilms.com See him in conversation with Red Letter Media here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbFV2Jpn 7aI

The Waiting of the Angels by Sandro D. Fossemò (Translated by Luca Palantrani)

Dear friend, you must not be sad.

Do not fear death.

Smile at those tears.

Listen to the golden bells, that play merrily from the snowy valley.

No joy is greater than Christmas.

Look at the sparkle of our wings among the stars, which twinkle in the eternity of the wind...

We are the Angels!

We came here for you.

Just for you!...

You do not know how much felicity is in heaven.

You do not know how much melody is in heaven.

You do not know how much liberty is in heaven.

Dear friend, there is no more darkness.

You will soon live in glory with us.

In every place, there will be light!

In every place, there will be bliss!

Grasp my hand so I can take you away with me.

Let’s go there where only peace is.

Let’s go there where only love is.

Sleep together with the colourful butterflies of the Holy Night.

THE END Translated by Luca Palantrani/ Art by Astolfi

By Twiz.

I was lucky enough to talk with Harrison Smith, writer/director of such films as: “Zombie Killers: Elephants Graveyard,” “Camp Dread,” “The Fields,” and the much anticipated “Death House.” Please enjoy…

You've been working in the horror genre since your first movie, "The Fields." How did you become drawn to horror?

H.S.: "The Fields" gives part of an answer to this. My grandmother loved horror films--the old Karloff, Lugosi Universal Monster films. I grew up with old horror hosts like Dr. Shock, Uncle Ted--the guys who hosted Creature Feature and Saturday afternoon shows of that nature. Additionally, I loved the CBS Late Night Movie where films like "Let's Scare Jessica to Death," "Shockwaves" the Christopher Lee

"Dracula" films and such. So by the time I was 8 or so I knew all the old horror names like Price, Cushing, Lee, Karloff, Lorre, Chaney, Lugosi...it was fun. Then I saw "Jaws" at the age of 8 in theaters in 1975 and I never looked back. "Jaws" was the movie that made want to make movies.

Writing, directing, producing...you do it all. Which is your favorite?

H.S.: Writing. I like the setting up of worlds and populating them with characters. It is also relaxing.

How did you come to cast the likes of Kane Hodder, Sid Haig, Tony Todd, and Gunnar Hansen? Was it collaboration on the Death House screenplay, with Mr. Hansen, since he wrote the original story?

H.S.: By this time, the origin of "Death House" has been reported in quite a few trades and interviews.

Gunnar had the original story. His agent Mike Eisenstadt collaborated on the "Expendables of Horror" type of concept. Gunnar had a script but he knew it wasn't really catching fire. He had some other writer do revise and Gunnar didn't care for it at all. Then Mike brought me to the attention of Rick Finkelstein and Steven Chase of Entertainment Factory, who had come on board to get the film made. They came to me, met me and offered me the job to rewrite it and direct. Gunnar and I worked in person and by phone to shape the revise toward something that would get investors and talent excited but also keeping true to Gunnar's vision. He officially sanctioned it with blessing before he died and was happy with what I came up with. He was a gentleman and kind.

I am lucky to have had this opportunity with him.

Being his last film, how would you describe Mr. Hansen?

H.S.: As said, he was a gentleman and soft spoken and so smart. He was an artist and he wanted "Death House" to be different and not just a run of the mill slasher. In an alternate universe he would have made a wonderful Santa Claus.

Even though you have your own production company, and also have

partners, how many of your films are crowd-funded?

H.S.: None. I have found independent financiers for all of my films. While I respect crowd funding and those who have done it and are doing it, I prefer to not do it and hope I don't ever have to. I have a personal issue with wealthy celebrities shaking down fans for money to make their film or pet projects. James Franco could have made his one crowd funding film with a fraction of the money he got for that lousy "Your Highness" film. Same goes for Zac Braff. I don't understand why people would give them money, when a venerated publication like "Dread Central" needs financial help and people can't be bothered. Makes no sense to me.

Do you still consider yourself an Indie Film maker?

H.S.: Well, until I land a major studio gig, yep, I am an indie filmmaker.

What are your thoughts on Indie film versus "main stream" film?

H.S.: You have good and bad in both camps. I think the line has also been blurred between "indie" and "mainstream." Nowadays a 20 million film can be seen as an "indie" film. I'm not quite sure that is correct. As for "main stream" I think we are in a dangerous cultural issue with what I call "repackagings." I wrote about this concept here on my Cynema series: http://horrorfuel.com/horror/movies/zo mbie-movies/not-a-reboot-not-aremake-its-a-repackaging/ "Repackaging" is pretending the film is a sequel but is really just a remake in disguise. You take the best bits of a previous film, and then stitch them into

a newer storyline, but it really is just the same chain of events all over again with new actors and updated locations. "Jurassic World" is a perfect example of this. it isn't a movie, it's a fabrication and fast food remake of "Jurassic Park," often a shot for shot one. We are being duped and most people don't see it or don't care. When our art becomes product, when our cuisine becomes fast food...it affects us in every way. Our political system is a genuine reflection of this type of mentality. Read the article I attached.

It very clearly explains it.

Would you ever consider casting Kyle Hester, from "Preacher Six," and "The Chair" in one of your movies? He would love to work with you.

H.S.: I was unaware of this and am a fan of Kyle's. Feel free to connect us.

You've several projects coming up.

"Wretched" in 2018, and "Garlic and Gunpowder" in 2017...can you speak on these movies? Maybe give us a little tease?

H.S.: "Wretched" is a supernatural Halloween witch film that we had going, lost financing and now is back.

It's gonna be a solid film with what looks like a 3D aspect in Real D. Let's see what happens there. "Garlic and Gunpowder" is my first comedy and I am really excited about that. We start shooting Jan 9th with Vivica A. Fox, Michael Madsen, Lainie Kazan, Judy Tenuta and so many great names.

Very, very excited about that. It's like a Cohen Brothers style comedy.

I was following you before, during and, of course, after "Death House."

You had a very quick shoot schedule. How did you manage that, coordinating shooting schedules with all the big names you have?

H.S.: I managed that because of a wonderful crew of people, line producers post production artists and staff that work their asses off. From my G&E crew to camera crew, I try to work with the same people over and over because it's like production shorthand. Couple that with wonderful

cast and you got a solid core to get things done quickly but also done well.

"Death House" is one of THE most highly anticipated Indie films. Any clue on a release date?

H.S.: It will depend on the buyer and their plans for it. I would expect early 2017 but that is just spitballing.

I love your take on Cynema vs Cinema how did you come up with that?

H.S.: "Jaws the Revenge." It's the worst movie ever made because it didn't have to be. It was created to line pockets and was never intended to be a good movie. That is cynical and lots of people made money off that cynicism with no respect for the legendary first film. So after seeing this, I came up with the concept of "Cynema." My articles are not film reviews. The Internet has enough of those. I look at cynicism and how it affects our art and us as a society.

Do you plan to keep your movies in the Indie category? I ask because I noticed Vivica A. Fox (who I love) is cast in "Garlic and Gunpowder."

Speaking for myself, I (and I think the whole Indie horror community) would hate to lose you to mainstream.

H.S.: I have no control over these kinds of things. I have to keep the lights on, so if a studio came to me with an opportunity, of course I would take it. I don't think it took a lot of thought for Gareth Edwards to accept "Godzilla" when it was offered. When given a choice between that and "Monsters 2" we see where Gareth leaned.

Being as busy as you are, you always have time for your fans. For that we truly thank you. How important is it to keep the Indie fans involved with the films?

H.S.: I don't like the word "fan" as it implies "fanatic." I get it, but simply I am appreciative for the folks who like what I am doing and like to have a measure of accessibility. I always make the effort to help out because I didn't have anyone open doors for me.

So I get it. I'm not excited when I get the "Cast me in your next movie!" DM's on Twitter. That's not the proper way to do something and I avoid that. I am just doing a job, no different than what anyone else does. It's simply the job I always wanted, that's all.

What director do you admire the most, in the horror genre and in "regular" film? Which writer do you admire most?

H.S.: I don't really like to single anything out because there have been multiple influences in varying measures. I will say Tom Holland of "Psycho II" and "Fright Night" fame had a major influence on my writing.

John Carpenter on style and production. Almost everyone says Spielberg for directing and while that is certainly true for me, I would have to say Orson Welles also counts for influence on me. So there are a lot of people. I love Mike Mendez's work and I think James Cullen Bressack is one gifted motherf'er.

To work with one person, who would that person be, and why?

H.S.: I don't have just one person and it kind of undermines the importance of the people I have been lucky to work with so far.

What is your favorite go-to horror movie...the movie that every time it's on, no matter how many times you've seen it, you just have to watch again?

H.S.: "Jaws" but also I love putting on "Halloween III" or "Psycho II" for background sound while working or even doing stuff around the house.

"Fright Night" is another one. I also enjoy Tobe Hooper's "Salem's Lot" for background sound. That's a fun time.

What is your advice to writers and directors who want to become involved with films? Especially horror films.

H.S.: Don't talk about it. Do it. The world has enough talkers. Get a thick skin. There is always someone more talented than you, so forget the "you're special" self-esteem garbage so many schools pushed on you. Want to write?

Then write, read and read more variety to understand style. Want to direct, get out there and make the film. Studying movies doesn't make you a director and certainly not a producer.

Look up from you phones, get off social media and learn how to talk directly to people...that wins over a financier because all good business is done face to face.

While any one can make a horror film, what's your secret to making them well, and keeping them fresh?

H.S.: Depends on who you ask. I have no secret. I loved film all my life. I have made films since I was ten years old. Love what you do and you'll never work a day in your life.

We’ve got

our eye on

Dread Central This is what dedication and hard work looks like folks. Help dread central from closing by becoming a patron today via Patreon. Not only campions of horror but of indie also. Let’s get behind them.

Horror is family after all.

Mr John Shelton We’re excited, we’ve heard a rumour that Mr Shelton is following up his amazing film ‘Avant Macabre’ with a sequel!? We pray to the horror gods for this to be true. Mr Shelton is a man with a vision, check out his work and send him some love!

Under the shadow Under the Shadow is a 2016 internationally co-produced horror film written and directed by Iranian-born Babak Anvari as his directorial debut.

A mother and daughter are haunted by a mysterious evil in 1980s Tehran, during the War of the Cities. Check it out and let us know your thoughts!

Night Rain

by Sandro D. Fossemò The tower clock strikes midnight, in a wind, strong enough to chase the shadows from the walls.

The moon’s bright crescent pierces the black clouds.

The cold rain pours down Water rushes from the roofs.

Age-old lightning tears the shadows.

Comet trails on the wet road.

An orchestra of stars lights up the bell’s song.

It shines happy and festive ...

Art by Astolfi What joy the thunder’s havoc in the infinite drumming of the rain!

Someone is pounding at the roofs and the windows.

Bats are sleeping

Something wild is ringing

in the ruins of abandoned houses.

in the darkness.

Vampires hidden in

It is Orpheus strumming his lyre

a fulminous sky

in the tumult of the storm.

that lights up the abyss.

The water symphony screams in the air and freezes the blood...

It is raining on the window

What joy to be immersed

where my heart beats

in the rain,

in the immensity of the night ...

of my castle,

when it suddenly shatters the silence of the night!

Rain is pouring down on the lights, in the marvellous darkness, where the smell of blood reigns.

It’s the Christmas season; you want to watch something to get you in the spirit but you are horror by nature, what do you do? Well there are a few gems out there for this time of year for us horror lovers but you want something a little different. Look no further than ‘Elves’ Directed by Jeffrey Mandel and staring the one and only Dan Haggerty. This is a Christmas film that will get you in the mood, what mood I can’t say. Let’s start you off with a bite.

A young woman discovers that she is the focus of an evil Nazi experiment involving selective breeding and…Elves?

The film doesn’t feature Elves, it features an Elf. If you can call him that, I’ll include a picture take a moment to gaze at him. Creepy little fella isn’t he? Anyway, teenager Kristen cuts her hand accidentally in a ‘AntiChristmas’ Pagan ritual (I won’t point out how funny that is – you know) once her blood is spilled it awakens a demonic Christmas elf. Let’s get a bit strange, shall we? *The elf is the central figure in a modern-day Neo-Nazi plot to finally bring about the master race that Hitler had always dreamed of conquering the world with. Rather than a race of pure-blood Aryans, it is revealed that Hitler instead dreamed of a race of half-human/half-elf hybrids (it is also revealed that elves figured heavily into a pseudo-cult religion that the Nazis practiced in secret). Kristen is also a figure in this plot as she is the last remaining pure-blooded Aryan virgin in the world, her grandfather being a former Nazi who was once involved in the plot (but is now reformed); he is also her father, as inbreeding was somehow considered crucial to maintaining a pure Aryan bloodline. * Who wrote this!? Oh, I see, the director.

Mr Haggerty plays an ex-cop fired for being an alcoholic so he bums a gig at a local mall as Santa. He sleeps in the mall; he’s down on his luck. He plays the part alright to be fair, there are some moments when I’m not sure if anyone on set knew what to do but for the most part he lumbers along, trying to take out this elf. The elf is a brutal little sod, helping the Nazi’s to take out those pesky kids in some brutal ways. The best moment of the film comes when the elf gets to Kristen’s house and electrocutes her mother who was enjoying a bath. You must see that moment; the elf positively vibrates with excitement as she dies.

Nearing the end of the film the Nazi’s show up to take Kristen but after a showdown she gets away and runs to the woods. The elf follows. A bit more death, murder and some bad acting and then Kristen destroys the elf with an ‘elfstone’ yep I got one of those too. Is that the end? Well no, the film ends with an image of a foetus, suggesting that the elf did manage to complete his mission and get the teenager pregnant. You get an idea before the end of the film when the elf is making his move towards Kristen, he is so charming how could you not!? And she seems to tilt her head as if to say ‘” Well, let’s get it over with’ I’m not sure what I’d have the bigger issue with sex with an elf or the fact it’s for the Nazi’s? I’ll ponder that while you track down the film. I was lucky enough to catch this at a screening from ‘The Bristol Bad Film Club’ Let us know if this one is on your Christmas list. Happy Holidays

The Collector – John Fowles I first heard about ‘The Collector’ from a rather marvellous ‘Criminal Minds’ episode. I knew Fowles in the sense of ‘The French lieutenant's woman’ a classic, a great film etc. however it was not a book I had ever read. The mention of ‘The Collector’ sparked a desire to devour as much of Fowles works as I could, which in time lead me to ‘The Magnus’ but that is a different kettle of fish.

I tracked down a copy at my local book shop and read it cover to cover in a matter of days. Just in case you are not familiar with the story; A young man, obsessed with a girl decided to kidnap her and keep her hostage until she loves him.

The book is written from both their perspectives. We start with Frederick, whom as you might have guessed is socially awkward, lonely and lives a rather dull life, which might account for his fascination with Miranda. The second part of the novel is narrated by Miranda in the form of diary fragments that she keeps during her captivity.

Perhaps I am green when it comes to reading but sometimes I just see a story. It can be dark and disturbing and leave me unsettled but I don’t always see ‘the message’ this was what John Fowles said about ‘The Collector’ The purpose of the novel was not to say that a precious elite was threatened by the barbarian hordes. Rather, that people had to face up to an unnecessary brutal conflict based on envy and contempt, and accept that we will never be born equal until The Many can be educated out of a false sense of inferiority and The Few can understand that biological superiority is not a state of existence but rather a state of responsibility. He strongly opposes the view that the idea behind The Collector is a fascist one Perhaps if one goes back and re-reads it now, I may see this. Perhaps I am ignorant of the messages that stories can have, I’m not sure.

“The Collector” is a dark story indeed, especially given the ending we are left with. Miranda is rather stuck up but this does not mean that she should be held captive and while she allows herself to remember her life before, we can see what type of woman she was but it’s her actions once kidnapped that we see the woman she has become. She will not become like him. She appears to change, Frederick however does not seem to learn anything and the cycle will repeat.

The book is unsettling and leaves a cold in your bones, it’s done with such class. If it had been written today it’s hard to say if the author would have stuck to such a simple story with psychological tones and horror, after all this is the world in which some boys find a woman who can’t die and decided sod it, let’s see what we can do here. Sigh. That wasn’t of course his style.

Have you read ‘The Collector?’ what did you think of it? Let us know!

The Beauty of Horror

By Twiz

Rob Zombie’s “Halloween”

The people have spoken, and they want to see

long as she can, caring for his precious ‘Boo,’

what beauty Rob Zombie can bring. In 2007,

Michael’s beloved little sister. Once Mom is

Rob Zombie gave us “Halloween.” To me, this

gone, Laurie is taken in by the sheriff and

was much richer version, giving Michael a

raised with his own daughter as her sister.

deeper history. This is where we’ll start: the

Again, we come round to the story telling…its

story.

rich and very layered for a “slasher flick.”

Last week, I saw someone on Twitter talking

Another beautiful thing you can find in this

about Zombie not being able to write dialogue

movie is the reasoning. Zombie gives Michael

for a movie. The counterpoint was the

moral reasons to his killings. There are several

breakfast scene in “Halloween.” The give and

scenes that were cut, and can only be seen in

take between Sheri Moon Zombie and William

the director’s cut. Personally, I think if the

Forsythe is priceless. It’s probably taken place

scenes where left intact, it would have

in hundreds of homes, as cruel and brutal as it

explained a lot of some of the dialogue.

is. Daeg Faerch, playing a young Michael is

Example: when young Michael is sitting at the

wonderful, giving glimpses into what actually

table with the nurse, eating lunch, he stabs her

motivates his actions. Malcolm McDowell, as

in the neck. In the version released to theaters,

Dr. Loomis, is given some interesting lines,

they gave no explanation; just let it stand as

trying to be ‘hip’. The way Zombie told the

him snapping. Yet in the uncut version, we see

story, taking us from the late 70’s to roughly

the nurse holding Michael’s picture of his Boo.

the present day, though the time is not exactly stated, we are taken through the seventeen years Michael is hospitalized.

I love the way Sheri plays the victim, having lost a child at the hands of another, yet she doesn’t blame Michael. She stands by him as

She starts taunting him, telling him he wears

journey with his “Halloween.” He didn’t exactly

the mask because he’s ugly. That is the reason

give us a remake. He gave us a real story. The

he stabs her, having had enough of her shit.

movie was cast beautifully. After seeing it, we

There are several cut scenes that, if left in,

know only Tyler Mane could bring this version

would give people a deeper understanding of

of Michael to life. The original will always stand

Michael. Zombie added Sheriff Beckett, who

as a beautiful entry into slasher films. Zombie’s

becomes Laurie’s Dad. This addition allowed

version will stand as the year we got know

another barrier for Michael to cross, and

Michael Myers.

another point of view. Zombie took us on a

What is your beauty in horror? Let us know and maybe I’ll explore your film next.

Review

Abattoir

By Twiz

Director: Darren Lynn Bousman Writer: Christopher Monfette (screenplay) Music: Mark Sayfritz Cinematography: Michael Fimognari Production Designer: Jennifer Spence Starring: Jessica Lowndes, Joe Anderson, Dayton Callie, Lin Shay, Michael Pare, John McConnell "Our houses are such unwieldy property that we are often imprisoned, rather than housed by them" Henry David Thoreau.

This movie is about Julia Talben (Jessica Lowndes, "90210"), a reporter for a newspaper. While her boss insists she's just a real estate reporter, she writes investigative crime articles instead. When a man named Richard Renshaw (Pare) kills her sister Amanda, brother-in-law Felix, and nephew Charlie, for an unknown reason. With cop and ex-lover Declan Grady (Joe Anderson, of "Outsider’s" fame), she vows to find the *why* behind the seemingly random murders.

Seems like a simple plot, one that's been done to death, right? Wrong...this is more than standard.

She jumps on the case when she finds out Charlie's room, where the three murders took

place is gone. Yes, the *room* is gone. As she investigates other murders and suicides through history, she learns the rooms the violent acts took place in are gone. Just the rooms, not the house. When Julia goes to see Renshaw, to try and learn why he killed her family, one of the things he tells her: "I made a barter with him, and now I have a room he cannot take."

Start watching this movie BEFORE the opening credits start. During them, we are greeted with various murders, in different places, along with newspaper clippings about them. A man’s hand is carefully drawing architectural lines, pinning the clippings to a cork board. During this, we are

greeted with a monologue by Jebediah Crone (Dayton Callie, from "Sons of Anarchy").

Listen carefully, watch carefully. Everything is important and has meaning in this film.

After directing Saw 2, 3, and 4, most people expect splatter and gore from director Darren Lynn Bousman. Yet in "Abattoir," (French for "slaughterhouse) he shows what a fine hand he has. Based on the graphic novel series that Bousman himself created, put out by Radical Publishing, every little thing is thought out.

He gives us supernatural, psychological horror-noir. Watching the film, you see the characters dressed in the style of the late '40's - early '50's, with the type of fast paced banter from movies of those eras. Julia even drives an old car (in great shape, btw). But the cell phones let us know we are in the present. For now, the music, by the wonderful Mark Sayfritz, and production designer Jennifer Spence bring Bousman's vision to life. The movie is atmospheric, dark, and creepy. Yet, it's all this that draws you in. With such delicate beauty, this movie takes us on a family journey, and revels to what depth people will go to save their souls.

We learn that Julia and Amanda were adopted from the town of New English. So, she goes back to where it all started. Grady follows, after getting no answer from her phone. New English is a town trapped...in time and in debt. Sheriff McDermott (McConnell) tries to warn Julia away, but she's not having it. Soon enough, she meets Allie (Lin Shay, from "Insidious" and "Insidious 2") an odd little bird, to say the least. This is where Grady finds her, where the mystery deepens, where we get the full story.

Dayton Callie plays a slick, silver-tongued salesman. He's very suave and scary at the same time. A great change of pace for this awesome actor. Yet...what he offers, would you be buying? See the movie and let me know.

While the horror genre has many sub-genres, we can now add horror-noir. "Abattoir" does not rely on gore, instead, you see how the murders start, but the rest is left to your imagination. I like that aspect of this film because it fits. Relying on the story-telling, the music in the background, and the unsettling "did I just see...that?" effect, this film is subtly terrifying. It's a wonderfully entry into Bousman's body of work.

Is this worth seeing? Hell yes. It's worth owning. Watch from the very start, watch closely. Remember: How do you build a haunted house? Why, with one room at a time.

It depends on what type of horror you are watching but I think we may agree that horror comes very much with its own archetypes. There are the very famous ones from Slasher films. The good girl, the slut friend with a thug boyfriend, the sensitive boyfriend etc. but are there more? We’ve been having a think of the idea and yes of course there is but what are they? This isn’t set in stone and depending on who you ask, you may very get different responses.

The Sensitive By this we don’t mean the man or woman who can sense things, although if you like it would work for that also. What we mean by this is the person who is a little more drawn in, isn’t brash and just waits to be told what to do and for this we say – Norris from ‘The Thing’ is who springs to mind.

We did consider Clark for this but as he tried to take a stab at MacReady it didn’t quite fit. Norris is asked to be in charge and says no thanks – although Charles Hallahan who played Norris believed he knew that he was not human by that point and said no to protect the others but that’s a matter of opinion.

The Victim As you can tell, we’re going with ‘The Thing’ and the victim is beat down the whole time, can’t do anything right and it almost the put of any joke and in this case, it’s Windows. Window’s is picked on from the get go and we have mentioned this in issue 1. He can’t reach anyone on the radio, he gets a bit of a fright when Blair goes mad (or not) and he fails when it counts the most, having MacReady shout at you may indeed freeze you, that or the monster in front of your eyes.

The Smarts That one person who has all the answers, who is interested in figuring out what’s going on and more often than not is the level-headed person of the group and in this case, it’s Dr Copper. His voice is soothing and he remains calm and in the face of a monster he still performs his duties and dies because of it but I think in a hectic situation you would want the doctor there with you.

The Snitch Oh, yes most horror films have one, hell most films do. That one person who just must tell you someone else’s business and see how you react. Ok we can’t lie this one is slightly shoe-horning it in but it’s got to be Fuchs. Fuchs while an intelligent man comes off as someone slightly shady, a bit of a kiss arse and likes to have conversations in private, you know just in case!

The Waster That one person who adds nothing to the group, except a few funny one liners. Who has a mouth on them but never says anything of importance and who most people don’t pay much attention too (that’ll get you in trouble) Palmer of course! He likes his joints, his re-runs and has a bad attitude, like a naughty boy no one pays him much attention.

The Hero That one person because hell you know it can never be more than one! Who has a plan, knows what to do and isn’t afraid to die to save others and of course that is MacReady, while he is not your typical hero, he is a little close to the edge, very opinionated and he is right, no one else but he does manager to save the day.

The Hysterical When the shit hits the fan and you look around at your group and one person has already lost it, it might be that they have a point but it’s not helpful and they need to be tied up, locked away etc I’ve seen this so many times in films sometimes a slap around the face does it and in this case of course it’s Blair who has every right to go a little crazy when he realises what will happen if that thing gets out. However, he’s a threat to all and must be locked away.

The Second Hero Yep, that’s right and they normally die before the main hero, they are the muscle. They keep on kicking and fighting brawn over mind and all that. You may have seen them in a few zombie films in this case we are talking about Childs, who in fact makes it to the end of the film with MacReady.

He stays strong and consistent and is usually thanked by dying but not this time!

Of course you can add to this list very easily, especially if we add children and women to the fold but neither are in this film so we have left it at this for the time being. Now there are a few people we have left off form the film, we couldn’t quite see where they might fit in and after shoe-horning in one person we didn’t want to do it again.

We are leaving it to you to let us know where you think they fall in this archetype if they do at all.

Don’t agree? Then tell us with a rebut piece, if you know us at all you know we love a little Vs action.

By Cassandra Regan

Xmas Evil vs xmas Evil Rare Exports: A Christmas Story / Krampus the Christmas devil

By Stan Williams and Cassandra Regan So, we have Christmas Evil vs Christmas Evil for this month’s head to head. I wonder why we chose that as our topic? Just a coincidence I guess. Let’s be serious for a moment. It is Christmas and we are all looking forward to over indulging. For me it’s pickled eggs and pigs in blankets. We also can’t forget about Christmas movies. The best is obviously Die Hard but there is a vast selection of Christmas Horror movies that can sate your need for scares on this festive season.

There are many movies to choose from for this head to head but I chose one with the evillest of creatures associated with Christmas. This creature is difficult to kill, is supremely powerful and has a lot of helpers. I am talking about Santa! Although that’s not strictly true. You’ll see what I mean when I reveal my selection. That bit is coming up shortly, like very shortly. Like right now. It’s Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale.

Let’s give a bit of a summary on the story first then get in to why it is the better Christmas Evil movie. So, the movie goes like this (drop a beat, preferably It feels like Christmas from a Muppet Christmas Carol. In these head to heads I like you to have a song on.)

It all starts with an American financier financing a dig by some researchers in Lapland. They suspect that this hill may be a burial ground. Some rules are set out for them like “no swearing” which are obviously ludicrous. Not far from the excavation is a village in which the way they make money around Christmas is to slaughter all the reindeer and sell the meat.

Now this is where it gets pretty juicy. Two boys spy on the excavation and as they are leaving discuss Santa. One explains that Santa isn’t real but the other does some research of his own and finds that Santa has been known to do some pretty nasty stuff (he’s almost a Krampus figure in this). The next day he sees some footprints that aren’t his dads and thinks Santa must be after him.

The adults go to arrange the slaughter of the reindeer but find them all slaughtered and assume that it was caused by wolves who got in through a hole that the dig site team cut.

The adults go to confront the dig team but find it surprisingly empty and a huge crater in the middle of the dig site. One of the boys tells of how an old tribe according to his books, capture Santa years ago, and in order to keep him from getting loose, froze him in the local waters, and then buried him under the mountain that was being excavated. He is told he is overreacting. A wolf trap captures an old man and the man is assumed dead until he starts breathing (typically a sign of life).

Potato sacks are stolen and so are ovens and heaters. All the kids go missing except one. A radio message comes through and says they are coming to pick up Santa, the old guy that was found.

They head to the airport and the American turns up, examines the old guy and says that this is Santa. This is merely one of his helpers. All the lights go out and numerous old men with beards appear approaching them. The adults and child manage to get to a hangar and in the corner, they see an ice encased creature sporting two large horns. The missing sacks, ovens and heaters and children are surrounding it. Just as the child says he will sacrifice himself to save everyone they manage to blow up the creature and all the ‘helpers’ become docile.

The adults use this stroke of luck to round up the old men and sell them as Santa’s to various people. Thus, creating the business called Rare Exports.

So, that’s the film. So, what makes it a good Christmas evil film?

Well you have several monsters. You think I’m just talking about Santa and his helpers, don’t you? Well no! First the dig site is ruining the country and searching for Santa despite knowing there must be a reason for his burial, then you have the villagers who take these ‘helpers’ which may or may not be human and sell them, finally you have Santa and his ‘helpers’ who kidnap and presumably kill children. Who can say who is the evilest of all? I can, it’s Santa for killing kids.

One of the things that makes this a good movie is that it throws a few curve balls at you. You have what you think is Santa and then what turns out to be Santa. You have the villagers being afraid of the situation but then turning the situation upon his head subverting your idea of what’s going to happen. It doesn’t rely on jump scares for this either which makes a change from your standard horror. I would argue that this could be because it is a foreign film but I won’t because I think that way of thinking doesn’t quite pan out.

One of the things people argue is wrong with Christmas is its commercialism and this film has the ‘protagonists’ use the ‘helpers’ to get money by literally selling Santa to department stores. There’s a message in there that isn’t particularly cheery but goes well with the theme of Christmas evil.

Although I would prefer commercialism over a child torturing/ eating Santa so we’ll chalk that up to a win for humans.

I will be honest with you now. I can’t really comment on Cassandra’s film because I have never seen it and didn’t really look it up after Cassandra lamented to me about how bad it was. So, I can’t really be overly critical of it. What I can say though is that this movie fits the theme of Christmas Evil so well that it would be criminal if it wasn’t the winner.

In conclusion, what is eviller? Santa eating kids or commercialism? This is something we all eventually have to decide but putting it in a film makes it a bit easier. No-one truly wins in this movie as all Christmas is evil in this world. Merry Christmas!!!

Xmas Evil vs xmas Evil Rare Exports: A Christmas Story / Krampus the Christmas devil

By Stan Williams and Cassandra Regan One should not go into battle with Stan Williams without watching the film of choice and then when you do finally watch the film, you get a sinking feeling in your stomach and not only release you made a terrible mistake but you may have handed the win over without writing a word. You may torture yourself even more by watching the trailer of Stan’s chosen film and you die a little in side, either way I’m going down fighting.

Krampus – The Christmas Devil by Jason Hull, writer and director. The basic over view of the film is: Jeremy, a local police officer leads a life of a confusing past, spending his current time searching for his kidnapper as a child. After other children begin missing….

That’s enough because to be honest it doesn’t matter what the films about, it’s executed that badly it wouldn’t matter if it had the best story of all time. Now don’t get me wrong, I have a love of bad film. I truly do but one thing I can’t stand is continuity errors be that story wise or in this case (and this is just for starters!) is a man knocking on a solid wood door and then walking through a door with a glass panel. That hurts.

I guess I’m not winning any votes yet but what is really boils down to is can my films menace take out Stan’s? I’m confident he can because surprising this Krampus likes to kill adults and children, he’s not fussed. It helps that he appears to have some sort of super powers. He’s a king of chain attacks, he’ll swing that thing right into your face and then drag you off to his cave. While the front cover of this film does show a truly terrifying beast the film doesn’t deliver but it’s a solid effort. The rubber gloves and feet are too hard to swallow.

We have Jeremy, who was taken by Krampus when he was child and was almost drowned due to the demon tossing him in a pond in a bag of freezing water and ice but little Jeremy gets home safe but scarred for life. When children start to go missing again, he’s right back there. He has spent his life trying to find the killer and it’s now or never.

One thing that certainly works in this films favour is that Krampus is not entirely working alone, he is the brother of St Nick and Santa plays a part in this film and man he’s bloody mean! He dictates to Krampus what to do most of the time making Krampus more of a puppet than a free-thinking demon himself.

It’s really hard to feel that this Krampus is threating, sure he kills children which we never see, he ties up women and sort of stokes their boobs, why? Fuck knows, it’s shoddy. Although he does have the power to ‘glamour’ people – best word I could think of, thank you True Blood.

While Santa and Krampus are the main point of the film and I tell you, Santa gives an amazing dressing down to a kid that’s been torturing animals the films also boast’s two more killers.

We have Brian Hatt who for whatever reason has beef with Jeremy. It could be a rape case, a robbery or drugs I think. It’s unclear but Brian decided to pay Jeremy’s family a visit for pay back.

What ensues is the wife being tied to a chair and the daughter running upstairs for a wardrobe change. While all this is going on Jeremy is par taking a bar fight for what reason again I can’t tell you. It’s unclear or at least it was to me and I’m not watching it again to find out.

It also transpires daughter has been children and Santa kill her for being one tells this to one thinks it’s normal who’s house he way into wants to and she goes all ‘Basic Instinct’ on him, in her jammy’s non-the less.

So, let’s break this down.

that Jeremy’s killing the local advises Krampus to naughty. However, no of Brian’s thugs who that a teenage girl has just forced his have sex with him

We have Krampus who punishes the bad children by killing them also it’s alluded too that the girls get a worse punishment.

We have Santa who tells Krampus what to do and who to add to the list.

We have Brian who wants to kill Jeremy’s family.

We have Jeremy’s daughter who kills children.

We have a total of four nutters, five if you want to included Jeremy trying to kill himself earlier in the film. Alas I do not think even five nutters can rescue this film or even stand a chance next to Stan’s film. None of them have enough substance to go the extra mile and I’m at a loss as to half of the film.

However, let’s look at what could have been…

Jeremy is left traumatised after someone tried to kill him as a child he spends his life trying to find that person and project other children from going missing and dying. It becomes his reason for living. His daughter see’s this and in a warped way tries to help him fill the void by killing local children but she’s stepped on to Krampus’s patch and he is not too pleased. Santa dispatches his brother to take care of this evil child that is killing the victims that Krampus needs to stay on earth (why not) Jeremy must race against time to stop a demon killing his daughter and disappearing for another yet but Jeremy is tested to the point of no return when it transpires that his daughter is a child killer. Will he let Krampus become her executioner or will she be dealt with by the law of the land? And who is that shady man from Jeremy’s passed who is stalking his wife?

Ah that’s better, I fixed it. Now don’t get me wrong I think Krampus and St Nick are portrayed well and clearly it was a labour of love and I’m not about to say it was terrible because how good was my last film? Exactly however I’m not sure My Krampus could kill Stan’s Santa, I bet Jeremy’s daughter could, all the while in her PJ’s.

Who gets your vote? Let us know via twitter @cabinonthenet

Disembowelment It’s something we think about from time to time, right? No? Perhaps just me. You’re sat there, watching a film and pow! Someone losses their bowels. It can be done horrifically or funny, sometimes part of the norm.

If you’re watching a zombie flick someone is getting rip apart.

There are so many films out there where this takes place, we know.

We’ve spent a lot of time watching them. We’ve compiled a list of our favourites. This is not an extensive list and some films we have chosen not to included.

Enjoy our list and let us know your own person favourite disembowelment you sicko.

5. Deadgirl – ok so no one is slicing up soft stomach tissue on this one but as a horror lover it’s something that crosses our mind from time to time, is this the one visit to the toilet that our insides are coming out.

The Guy’s a prick anyway.

4. Grotesque – This one’s a little bit more inventive with the disembowelment and we get an almost SAW like trap.

Disembowel yourself to save someone else. Yeah, no. Ah it’s a trick anyone, it’s Amada’s trap, there was no way to win. The film revolves on a cycle, half hope and half you are truly screwed. It’s a dark watch to be sure.

3. Begotten – What! Why number three? Well it’s our list so…The black and whiteness of the scene and the fact the ‘God’ is doing it to himself and not some twisted serial killer can be hard to watch. It’s a beautiful film but also so darkly terrifying.

2. Valhalla Rising – Mads. Rips open a man stomach and yanks his insides out with his bare hands.

SOLD! No really, it’s nasty to see but shot well so you don’t see as much as you might want to. The dumping of the guts on the ground is done in such a non-fussed manner it can leave you clutching your guts.

1. Hannibal – Yes, we know and yet here we are. It’s not just a straight up, gut you like a fish. Hannibal asks the hapless cop, who can’t answer if he should or shouldn’t, the fear of knowing you’re going to be gutted but also launched off a building and hung, while your guts travel on without you and splatter on the concreate below. Nice.

Can Stan survive Gremlins…

By Stan Williams

I’m going to let you in to a little trade secret of mine. Normally when I write these articles I watch the movie then either launch straight in to it or wait a day then use Wikipedia to help me. This time I used the revolutionary technique of making notes whilst watching the movie and then using said notes to write. This way I could make sure I got specific thoughts I had whilst watching it into the article. I think this was a good thing to do because I have a lot of ‘good’ thoughts that I forget. That’s how many I have, so many that not all of them stick.

So, for this Christmas season/ issue I wanted to do something a bit different than the standard Saw survival series. I also am running out of Saw movies to survive so am slowly finding other things that I can try and survive. This month’s movie is a bit difficult to fit in to that format but if I manage it reasonably well then, I will be a bit more confident in choosing less trap/ choice based horror movies. The movie I have chosen is a classic, it’s Chritmassy, it’s horrory and it’s a bit comedy-ey.

There are only 3 rules to follow when dealing with the creatures in this movie.

Number 1 – Do not expose them to bright lights. Number 2 – Do not get water on them. Number 3 – Whatever you do, do not feed them after midnight! That’s right folks if you didn’t guess from seeing it in the contents and or cover now I can reveal that I am seeing whether I could survive Christmas Eve in a village overrun with Gremlins!

So the beginning of Gremlins doesn’t have much to survive per se. However, I can tell you right now that if I went in to a Chinese bazaar and an old guy wouldn’t sell me a mogwai for $100 I wouldn’t have offered him $200 and if I did and he

turned that down then I would have left without a second thought. I would have flown home and given my son a different gift. In this way, I would have survived the whole movie and saved a load of lives.

Score one for me.

Similarly, in the first portion of the movie includes the most detestable, horrid person I have ever encountered in film, horror or otherwise. Mrs. Deagle the woman who would steal from a child, who relishes in telling Billy how he should have his dog put down and how if he didn’t she would kidnap the dog and kill it herself, in a slow brutal way. If I lived in a village/ small town with Mrs. Deagle I would have been jailed or on death row.

Score one to the movie.

Ok now let’s get to the bones of the story.

We have Gizmo the cute little Mogwai fella. We have 3 rules that we must follow.

I’ll run them down and see how well I would be able to follow them.

Number 1 – No bright lights. Easy, just don’t take him out in the day and be careful on the lamp front. Day light can kill Mogwai and we don’t want that. Well not for Gizmo at least. Side note though, Gizmo sleeps at the same time as Billy.

You would think he would be nocturnal considering he’s not allowed out during the day.

Number 2 – No water – Not even to drink.

I don’t know how Mogwai survive with no water but sure, whatever I can do that.

Mishaps like that punk Pete spilling water can happen though/ Number 3 – No feeding after midnight.

When the Mogwai are yelling “yum yum” looking all cute I don’t think I’d be able to turn them down. Also, when does midnight end? 6Am?

Ok so now the Gremlins are about. They are mean little buggers and like causing mischief. Deadly mischief at that. The first part that is a SURVIVE MOMENT™ is the Gremlin in the school. So, the teacher notices it has escaped and searches for it, bearing in mind that he doesn’t know what this is. He reaches under his desk where he knows the creature to be and has his arm ripped off. I, personally, would be a lot more cautious of an animal that has just came from a disgusting looking cocoon. I would try and lure it out and see what it is before reaching for it. I am relatively confident I’ve survived this Gremlin attack.

The next attack is against several Gremlins who have invaded the kitchen.

It’s Billy’s mum vs them. Billy’s mum absolutely destroys them. Without a shadow of a doubt. The only reason Stripe survives and manages to multiply is because he is cowardly and escapes.

She kills about 4 of them. I would like to say I would survive this attack because I like to think I am stronger than a middleaged housewife but to be honest she’s tough and I think I would be taken down by several Gremlins all coming at me at once. This one goes to the Gremlins.

The next is one of the most iconic scenes and to be honest I don’t think is really survivable because it isn’t so much an attack or a trap but a trick. What I’m talking about is obviously the stair lift. Mrs. Deagle gets flung from her window, which is more than she deserves (I really don’t like Mrs. Deagle). In this scenario, I also think I lose. I will never not take an impromptu stair lift trip and would be out of that window myself.

Next, we head to a bar, my territory. The Gremlins aren’t really doing anything here but there are a lot of them. Kate uses the flash from a camera to disorient them and escapes with Billy. I probably wouldn’t think of using the camera but as long as the Gremlins aren’t overly aggressive I’m sure we could bond over a mutual love of

drinking, cards and breakdancing.

Survival on this is 50/50.

Billy and Kate destroy a theatre with the majority of Gremlins in. They set it alight and explode the place. The Gremlins do chase them but honestly it isn’t a big SURVIVE MOMENT™. Any way I still give myself a less than stellar chance of surviving because I wouldn’t even think of exploding a building. As much as that hurts to say being a fan of action and explosions. Sometimes you just have to accept that you’re not John McClane.

Finally, the showdown with Stripe. He’s attacking with various items most dangerous of which is the chainsaw. He also gets a gun. He’s about to multiply again and cause even more destruction until Gizmo comes and saves the day by bathing him in the early morning light. If I’m assuming the position of Billy, and I am, then all I need to do is avoid being killed until Gizmo can save my ass. I am pretty good at hiding and so think I could do this. Especially as Stripe isn’t particularly good at aiming. 80% survival chance.

In conclusion, if we are going by the chronology of the movie then I would survive purely because I wouldn’t be able to part with my money for a Mogwai.

However, overall I don’t think I would survive purely because I don’t have that intuitive spark that would make me flash a camera or blow up a building. Gremlins is a fantastic movie though and a Christmas must. So, there is this months Can Stan Survive? I hope you’ve enjoyed it and Merry Christmas!

Do you know what I like? Books, do you know what else I like? Films about books. I’ve lost count of the times I have seen ‘The Ninth Gate’ Yeah ok I know it’s not a horror film but some of its elements are so dark and supernatural it’s not a straight up thriller, to me at least. The film is loosely based on the book ‘The club Dumas’ written by Arturo PérezReverte. I confess it’s been a few years since I read the book. The film however I do have a better knowledge of.

A mystical quest where a man, who is not a very pleasant man sets out to track down some old books to see if they are legit, legit to raise the Devil.

Oh, and the books are beautiful. Each book is slightly different in the engravings and it is these engravings that summon the Devil. In a nut shell for you. Of course, more shit goes down than just that; death, sex, greed and possibly the Devil in human form.

It’s quite tasty. Word of warning, if you are trying to give up smoking this is not the film to watch. Mr Depp has a ciggie

on the go nearly all the time! My throat hurts just thinking about it.

So, the books excite me but what I really love about this film is Baroness Kessler and I would love to see a film all about her and this is why “I saw him one day. I was fifteen years old, and I saw him as plain as I see you now. It was love at first sight.”

She then spends the rest of her life devoting herself to The Devil. A remarkable lady and while Dean Corso is looking over her books, we are left to think about the Baroness and the life she has led and is still leading.

Perhaps that’s just me but a whole world is made in that one line. It’s a shame she goes out the way she does but death in this film comes to all.

We also get to enjoy ‘the girl’ played by Emmanuelle Seigner, who is perfect for the Devil (or whatever the hell she is) of very little words, her presence it’s striking and she is a perfect contrast for Liana Telfer. Who very much wears her sexuality on her sleeve. A striking

and well educated woman who holds mass to speak from the book. A rich club where people can feel important and perhaps an orgy? Maybe.

Let’s cut to the end because that’s the fun stuff! We are in a castle with Corso and Boris Balkan, who set Corso out on this little quest because surprise, surprise he wants to raise the Devil which I can only imagine really is like summoning Pinhead. Shit would indeed go down.

Corso, the now lovable bubbling idiot gets himself trapped in a hole in the floor and must listen to Boris ‘Evil plan’ ah villains!

As you can imagine it doesn’t go to plan and I’m a little confused as to why you would need to burn yourself to bring about the Devil, it is alluded to earlier in the film that Boris has tried (I think it was Boris) and he didn’t appear so he can’t have set himself on fire twice can he? No. As you might guess it doesn’t work and Boris dies a horrible screeching death while Corso gets to walk away unharmed, have mind blowing sex with the Devil and then walk off into hell? The ninth gate? I’m not sure, I’ve seen that film so many times and I still can’t grasp it, sure I can google it but where is the fun in that!?

So, this film brings together my love of books, occult, sexy woman and sexy men and some beautiful deaths (if you will) death my pentacle is not really the best I’ve ever seen mind!

What films bring together your favourite things? Do they do them justice? Or rip them apart. Let us know!

It’s good to talk….

By Cassandra Regan