THE
APRIL FOOL’S EDITION
GRAY & BLUE THE UNIVERSITY OF MOSTLY WOMEN STUDENT NEWSPAPER
APRIL FOOL’S PAGE All articles on this page should be considered satirical and not be taken too seriously.
PRESS
March 30, 2017
VOLUME 90 | ISSUE 20 SASSING THE COMMUNITY SINCE
Office of Student Affairs pushes boyfriend registry
Wut in school
TESSA CATE Viewpoints Editor
CancelLation? Vocelli’s staff biking under influence KELLY EMMRICH & ETHAN TOBIN Staff Editors
On Saturday night around 9 p.m. an employee of the Vocelli’s delivery team hit the University of Mary Washington mascot Sammy D. Eagle in front of the spirit rock. A UMW student who was a witness on the scene tweeted “OMG eagle down!!!!” at the UMW campus police.
biker for a BUI (biking under the influence) and revoked biking privileges for the remaining time of the semester. In asking to comment on their heroics, one Eagle Patrol officer responded with poise. “Vocelli bikers have a longstanding history of biking dangerously close to pedestrians walking through campus. Unfortunately, Sammy D. Eagle was in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
“Typically we respond to three to five Qdoba spills per week, but we knew this one was different. I came to the realization that you had to be drunk to drop pizza.” -Eagle Patrol Responder According to several witnesses who were playing humans vs. zombies, a Vocellis delivery boy allegedly lost control of his bike heading northwest down Campus Walk towards the Nest and collided with Eagle. Upon impact, Eagle was found unconscious and received second degree burns to the face from multiple pizza pies flying out of the cart. “I first noticed something was wrong when there were pizzas on the ground. I’m only used to seeing spilled Qdoba,” said one witness. “It was shocking.” Two first responders from Eagle Patrol came on the scene after reading a thread of the event on Yik Yak. Upon arrival they smelled alcohol on the Vocelli worker’s breath. “Typically we respond to three to five Qdoba spills per week, but we knew this one was different,” said an Eagle Patrol responder. “I came to the realization that you had to be drunk to drop pizza.” After questioning and assessing the scene, Eagle Patrol cited the Vocelli’s
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After receiving applause from a middle school tour group one Eagle Patrol responder waved and said, “we’re just here to do our job and serve the UMW community.” Sammy D. Eagle was immediately rushed to the student health center and given 200mg of animal tranquilizer and sent home to recuperate. Following the incident, groundskeepers were sent over to the scene to clean the pizzas off of Campus Walk. Upon arriving to the scene, the groundskeeper reported a clean walkway. Students reported seeing a swarm of Willard residents rushing out to collect the scattered pizzas around the spirit rock and ran back into their rooms never to be seen again. Vocelli’s released a statement, saying that “measures would be taken to ensure that students are not hit on campus.” Vocellis also plans to breathalyze all of their bikers before the start of their shifts.
WACK-A FLOCKA
It’s been a minute since Waka Flocka did something LIFE | 9
After months of strategic analysis and in-depth research, UMW’s Office for Student Affairs will push forward with its newest (and most literal) effort in student engagement: The UMW Boyfriend Registry. In a recent survey of all female students by UMW’s Office for Student Affairs, the university’s women classified UMW men in the following 13 categories: Thinks his track pants and slides are endearing, Loves weed more than he will ever love you, Has three classes with his ex so don’t even try, Broke up with your suitemate via text two weeks ago (and is already back on the market), Meathead recruited by athletics, Wants to see you at 1 a.m. but ignores during class, Flirts with you at parties but has a girlfriend at CNU, Seemed cool in high school but isn’t really that great, Still hasn’t received the cargo shorts memo, Gross. 78 percent of the female student population polled that they are having a hard time finding boyfriends because “the boys here all fall into these deal-breaker categories, and if there are ones who don’t, they’re hiding or something.” The university hopes that with better recording and monitoring, they can identify more single, “boyfriend material” men and guide the campus dating scene. An unnamed representative from UMW’s Office for Student Affairs stated that “The College of Mary Washington opened its doors to male students in the early 1970s for the purpose of increasing student engagement adding the MRS degree to the curriculum.” This is not only in response to the lack of options, but the fierce competition they face during the hunt. The university is convinced that a Boyfriend Registry will be able to combat this issue. The registry will be implemented in the fall of 2017 as a prerequisite to spring course registration and a hold will be placed on every male UMW student’s account until he fills out the registry. An extensive amount of information will be covered by the registry, including: gender identification, date of most recent hookup, whereabouts of exes, time elapsed since last relationship, major, GPA, stance on “butt stuff,” campus activities, career ambitions, height, hair and eye color. This information will be updated during every course registration period, and new categories will be added after the registry’s initial trial as the Office for Student Affairs sees fit.
Students protest end-of-year grades with the hashtag #NotMyGPA CHRIS MARKHAM Editor-in-Chief
The school year is approaching its home stretch and students at the University of Mary Washington are feeling the academic pressure on their shoulders. For seniors, the grades they earn for the next month may dictate whether or not they earn a diploma in May. While many are scrapping by with their grades, there are some students who are dealing with their poor grades outside of the classroom, library or office hours.
“I need a miracle to graduate on time.” -Mikey Barnes A new group has recently formed on UMW’s campus to combat, what they call “academic injustice” with different forms of peaceful protest on campus. So far, in the early stages of the protests, their main forms of statement are through banners hung off of the University Center, painting the Spirit Rock and chalking the parts of Campus Walk where rain doesn’t go, ensuring it lasts beyond its point of relevance. Senior Mikey Barnes is one of the newest members of the group, citing his need to pass his last semester of classes as the reason for joining his 18th UMW club. “At this point, I need a miracle to graduate on time,” Barnes said. “Protesting seems to be what all the kids are doing these days, so I figured I’d give it a shot. If anything, it’ll give me an excuse to skip class and procrastinate more.” The group has not decided on a formal name yet, but sources say their current options are DivestGPA, Academics United and Take My Debt, Not My Degree. The group has formed a social media following as well, with the platform of #NotMyGPA, which is currently the highest voted post on Yik Yak. To spread their message, students will be selling #NotMyGPA t-shirts in front of Lee Hall all week. However, the students selling the shirts have vowed to remain silent during the sales to honor those affected by academic injustice.
BIG DILL
PIG SKINS
VIEWPOINTS | 5
SPORTS | 12
Students are choking on Sodexo’s pickles
1922
UMW announces addition of football program.
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BLUE &GRAY
THE UNIVERSITY OF MARY WASHINGTON STUDENT NEWSPAPER
March 30, 2017
VOLUME 90 | ISSUE 20
PRESS
SERVING THE COMMUNITY SINCE
Paino to reclaim video stardom in “The New Guy” series
1922
Film festival stresses urgency of being active in protecting the enviorment
RACHEL MANNING Staff Writer
Norm Shafer / Photographer for University Relations
Paino hands-out Carl’s ice cream to UMW students.
Norm Shafer / Photographer for University Relations
Film crew preparing for “The New Guy” series production.
“[Paino would be] hanging out in The Underground with friends, going to the downtown restaurants, exploring
JOHN MARTIN Staff Writer
On Friday, April 7 at 4 p.m. the University of Mary Washington will premier their latest video series titled “The New Guy,” in the Digital Auditorium. Featuring President Troy Paino, each video will explore a different part of the UMW campus and the city of Fredericksburg. Paino will take a trip to Carl’s, visit the Rappahannock River and even check in with a few successful UMW alums. The premiere is open to faculty, staff and students with a panel discussion following Paino and others. Director of university marketing, Malcolm Holmes explained that the videos feature Paino experiencing Fredericksburg the way a freshman would.
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Fredericksburg’s rich history, eating ice cream at Carl’s or taking the train to Washington, D.C. for an internship,” said Holmes. The series is a fun way to show off what the city and local community has to offer current and future students. Paino is no stranger to the big screen. While at Truman State University, he took part in making multiple videos that included anything from funny skits to a heartwarming send-off. UMW was eager to get him in front of the camera as well. Paino played a significant role in this series and contributed bold ideas while the project was in early pre-production. “Without Troy, the series probably would not have been made,” said Maria Schultz, assistant director of design services. After pouring hours of work into this project, Paino and the hardworking team that developed the series are eager to share it with the UMW community. “Troy is really proud of the series and wants people to come to the pre
“[Paino would be] hanging out in The Underground with friends, going to the downtown restaurants, exploring Fredericksburg’s rich history, eating ice cream at Carl’s or taking the train to Washington, D.C. for an internship.” -Malcolm Holmes
It is a warm and sunny Saturday afternoon, and the lights go down in Dodd Auditorium. Beautiful nature scenes from around the globe appear on the screen, marking the beginning of the 15th annual Wild & Scenic Film Festival. This festival was made possible by the President’s Council on Sustainability, which is in charge of environmental causes on campus, and Friends of the Rappahannock, a local organization dedicated to protecting the area’s natural resources. According to Richard Finkelstein, the dean of the college of arts and science, part of what makes this event successful is the deep commitment the university has to protecting the environment and the close relationship it has with FOR. For the past two years, the festival was held at the movie theater in Paragon Village, Spotsylvania, where 250 of the available seats were sold. This year’s Wild & Scenic Film Festival was held on-campus and was made free for students, thanks to grants from local and national corporations, like Stafford Printing, Wells Fargo and contributions many of UMW’s science departments. According to Nick Cadwallender, development coordinator for FOR, these films were shown on Saturday as an extension of the environmental film festival hosted by the South Yuba River Conservation League in California. A total of 140 groups from around the country selected from the films shown there and the ones that they most wanted to show in their own communities. Local and national corporations helped shoulder the cost of bringing the festival from California to Fredericksburg. In fact, it is very common for UMW students to go on to work with FOR, as about 50 percent of FOR’s staff are UMW alum. “A very large number of students and faculty see the environment and green initiative as really crucial to everything the university does,” Finkelstein said. “By partnering with UMW we were able to open [the festival] up to a larger audience,” Cadwallender said. “Our hope is to attract lots of young people, and share with them the beauty and fragility of the planet.” Since the event was free for stu
•FILM FESTIVAL | 11
•NEW GUY | 11
ARAB CULTURE
RANDOM ROOMIES
SMASH BROS
LIFE | 6
VIEWPOINTS | 4
SPORTS | 3
Arab Night delights campus with dance and food
Residence Life has room for improvement
Competitive thumb wrestling with game controls
SPORTS
Editor: Mikey Barnes | blueandgray.sports@gmail.com
Super Smash Bros. is more than a game, it’s a lifestyle COLE MASAITIS Staff Writer
Imagine people screaming all around you, cheering for you against another person. The two of you are in this to win, getting anxious, sweaty, emotional and working as hard as you possibly can to knock your opponent out. After several knockouts and a few rounds later the entire room explodes in reeling, uncontainable excitement, we have a victor. The crowd is crying, laughing, throwing temper tantrums and yelling triumphantly, you and your opponent finally get up from the seats you’ve been glued to, in front if a television, for an entire match. The two competitors pull their eyes away from the television and finally make eye contact after the winner has been decided. They set their controllers down, congratulate each other on an insane fight, all while catching the breath that escaped them during their intense matchup. This scenario occurs frequently, ranging from local, across college campuses, all the way to international. UMW itself hosts bi-weekly tournaments for anyone to compete in Competitive Super Smash Brothers. Last year, it was announced that in the near future, video games such as Super Smash Bros. 4, Street Fighter V, Tekken 7 and more will be hosted on ESPN, as stated in a Nintendo Life article, ESPN announced these games will also be added to the annual Evolution Championship
Series or EVO. EVO is most easily compared to the Super Bowl of Electronic Sports, otherwise known as E-Sports, and the upcoming event this summer is on July 14-16. In 1999, the original Super Smash Bros. was released, and there have been four installments of the series since it originated, but around 2001 is when things got a little more serious. This is the year that Super Smash Bros. Melee for the Nintendo GameCube was released and this is when the competitive scene was born. Since then it has been one of the most widely played games of its franchise, in the fighting game community, and has grown so big as to be hosted on ESPN. People from all over the world play Melee, and Smash 4 most commonly, with veterans from when the competitive scene began, as well as players as young as 13-years-old can enter EVO, according to their website. Along with now being on ESPN, the Smash community has grown in more ways than one. According to an article on PVPLIVE, a newer tournament entitled the Collegiate Colosseum has sprung up that essentially offers over $100,000 in scholarship money for the winners of games like Smash 4, Melee, Overwatch, League of Legends and more. This in turn means that these games are becoming so widely recognized that they are being treated extremely similarly to sports like
baseball, football, soccer and many more, all of which students are given scholarships for at universities through becoming incredibly committed and competing regularly. All college students are eligible to compete for the scholarships, all you have to do is love playing the games. Junior business major Matt Rychlik, is one of founders of the group that started the scene here at UMW. He was recently hired as Video Editor for one of the best Smash players in the scene currently, Adam Lindgren, otherwise known by his alias in the Smash community, Armada. Matt had a few important aspects about the community he wanted to share. “One thing I should mention is that we’re technically no longer a club. We didn’t really gain any benefit from our club status because we don’t use any funds to host events. We’re quite grassroots in that sense. Although, we used to be a club but we functioned the same exact way.” In describing how the tournaments work, he said, “All of the entry fees go to paying out the top three placers. We don’t pocket money for anything. We just make it a group effort to bring TVs and consoles to play on. It’s important to the integrity of the event. We’re not trying to make money off this. The entire community stems from the fact that people want somewhere to enjoy and improve at Smash Bros.”
He also mentioned “It was impossible to find other people to play with when I came here freshman year, so I took it upon myself to create a community where people can find others to play with.” They have definitely grown in size, and have students from other schools attending the tournaments. “Everyone just wants to encourage people to do their best, and encourage people from other schools to compete with us,” Rychlik said. “We’re a tight knit community that loves playing one of the greatest games of all time. We are all dedicated to improving, but above all we just love watching and playing the game and we have players of all skill levels.” The Smash Bros. series has been long-running, and has grown bigger than anyone could have anticipated as a competitive scene. If you’re interested in learning more, check out the UMW Smash scene, and there are always tournaments and games being streamed on the online streaming website, Twitch. To learn a little about the history, watch The Smash Brothers documentary from 2013, which came out around when Melee began to explode in popularity all over again, and is a little like going through the “Hall of Fame” for Melee.
Club Sport Spotlight: Club Baseball
Kelsey Stanbro
Team meets at the pitching mound to discuss game plan.
SHAWNYA PETERSON Staff Writer
UMW’s club baseball team scored some important wins at a tournament held at the University of Richmond this past weekend of March 25. Club Baseball competed in four games, going up against teams from Longwood University, University of Richmond and Stevenson University, coming out of the weekend with a 3-1 winning record. In the first game of the tournament, the Eagles came out swinging, defeating the Longwood team by a score of 8-1. Stevenson University’s club baseball team, which is ranked No.17 in the nation,
was also no match for the UMW team, which grabbed the victory by a score of 7-3. The third game of the tournament went similarly well, with the UMW team going on to beat the Longwood club baseball team, which is also nationally-ranked at No.18, twice over the course of the weekend, earning a score of 6-3 in the second game. While UMW Club Baseball lost 7-8 in the championship game to the University of Richmond’s team, the team’s president Connor Hudson was enthusiastic about the team’s successes. “If you win three of four games, you’re doing something right,” said
The team was all smiles after going 3-1.
Hudson, who is a senior accounting major. “We beat two nationally ranked teams in Longwood and Stevenson, that’s huge for us...we are in a really good place right now at 9-1 [for the season].” Hudson expressed enthusiasm for the team’s prospects for the remainder of the baseball season. “I feel really good about our season right now. We have started out 6-0 in conference and 9-1 overall. I believe we will win our conference and make it to the District playoffs.” Club Vice President Andy Zimmerman, sophomore business major, echoed Hudson’s sentiments, praising the team’s accomplishments. “This is the strongest
Kelsey Stanbro
the club baseball program has ever been at UMW. We are winning games against good teams, playing confidently, playing hard, all while doing it with class. We are skilled at all aspects of the game and have set the bar high for the rest of the season.” Enthusiastic about the team’s recent successes, Hudson also spoke of his hopes at advancing the team to the very top. “We are very hopeful that we will make it to the NCBA [National Club Baseball Association] World Series in Pittsburg, Kansas. That’s our goal, to get to Kansas.” Zimmerman agreed, saying, “We want to have a winning ball program here at UMW and there’s no better team to do that.”
Weekly Scoreboard SOFTBALL:
MEn's lacrosee:
March 25 vs. Salisbury (W) UMW: 5 SU: 1
March 29 vs. Christopher Newport (L) UMW: 9 CNU: 14
March 29 @ Christopher Newport (W) UMW: 9 CNU: 6
March 29 vs. Christopher Newport (L) UMW:5 CNU:9
WOMEN'S LACROSSE:
BASEBALL:
Upcoming:
Baseball: April 1 vs. Wesley 12 p.m. & 3 pm. Women’s Lacrosse: April 1 vs. Southern Virginia 1 p.m.
Softball: March 30 vs. Randolph-Macon 3 & 5 p.m. Men’s Lacrosee: April 1 @ Southern Virginia 12 p.m.
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VIEWPOINTS Random room assignments: Residence Life has work to do Editor: Tessa Cate | blueandgray.views@gmail.com
RACHEL FINSTON Staff Writer
The “random roommate” system is intrinsically flawed, simply by being random. We all know that sharing a room with someone is a big deal. Everyone is different, and it does not make a lot of sense to put strangers in a room together based on no information. The random roommate system, as far as I know, is in effect because Residence Life doesn’t want to take the time to match people based on preferences. When filling out the roommate profile, I selected my sleep schedule, noise level and room cleanliness specifications. Yet, when I have been randomly assigned roommates or suitemates, none of them matched up. I have had multiple roommates who appear to be nocturnal, which would be fine if I didn’t have things to do during the day, or if they were heavy sleepers. Residence Life knows our preferences, but for some reason sees no reason to take them into account. My relationships with roommates would have been less tense if we had the same sleeping schedule, or the same opinions on what behaviors were appropriate in the room. In a frankly ironic example, I, along
with the person who lives across the hall were both assigned new roommates for the spring semester. A quick aside, I was not notified about this at all. No email, nothing. I go to bed early and wake up around 8 a.m. I eat meals on campus and I like to do homework in the room. The girl
I was assigned a roommate who does the opposite of everything I do, and the girl across the hall found herself in the same situation. It’s pretty clear to me that if anyone had looked twice at our roommate profiles, the roommate assignments would have been reversed.
memegenerator.net
across the hall keeps a different schedule. She stays up late and eats in the room. There are a lot of other little differences between us that might not be relevant to everyone, like how she does her makeup in the bathroom and I don’t, or that she doesn’t use headphones, while I do.
I have found that the number one cause of conflict in roommate relationships is differences in schedule or room space sharing. A reasonable conclusion to draw, then, would be that people should be paired based on what qualities they desire in a roommate, such as quietness, clean-
UMW must Wi-Find a solution ELIZABETH PATTERSON Staff Writer
Since the dawn of the technological age, it seems that the University of Mary Washington has been battling a connection plague, its name being Apogee. Every year, hundreds of surfers (of the web, that is) fall victim to its buffers and dropped networks. Sydney Poole, a sophomore at UMW, recalls her own battles with the Wi-Fi. “Well the Internet since spring break is very unreliable. On my laptop it’s not so bad, but on my phone, it is.” Poole finds refuge from the spotty coverage in her unlimited data plan, which she is forced to use when the Wi-Fi cuts out. “The reliability is so bad that now I usually just stay on my data because when I’m on the Wi-Fi, I won’t receive notifications such as Facebook messages and texts because my phone is
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not connected to the Wi-Fi.” Christian Meoli, also a sophomore at UMW, faces similar struggles with the Wi-Fi connection on his phone. “They said they were fixing the WiFi over spring break, but it somehow got [worse] in Eagle,” Meoli said. “My phone doesn’t connect half the time in my room and when it says it’s connected it doesn’t load stuff. I have to turn on my data a lot of the time.” Hall Cheshire, the university’s Chief Information Officer, confirms that they are handling the situation. Cheshire explained that Apogee, also referred to as “Crap-ogee” by some students, manages and maintains Wi-Fi in the residence halls. However, the UMW IT Department manages and maintains Wi-Fi in ac-
ademic and administrative build ings. When asked if he has caught wind of the frustrations with the Wi-Fi, Cheshire replied, “The only widespread Wi-Fi problem I am aware of over the past year occurred recently with the Apogee network.” Cheshire explained that “Apogee is working on a project to replace and upgrade all of the network equipment in the residence halls. The first phase of the project was to replace all of their network switches, and this was completed in early March.” This is where some of the more recent problems with the Wi-Fi have occurred, but Cheshire ensured that Apogee has “identified
liness and noise level, rather than being assigned to a random room based on nothing. If people were assigned based on facts, maybe there would be less conflict, and it would save RAs and Residence Life the time of refereeing arguments and separating incompatible roommates. I have always prioritized my housing based on the building I want to live in, rather than living with friends. This is simply because different buildings satisfy my needs than meet theirs, and I trusted Residence Life to place me with someone who I could reason with. Some students just don’t have friends who want to live in the same building as them, and that doesn’t mean that they should be assigned a roommate with whom they cannot get along. It seems obvious to me that, considering how many roommate disputes occur even between friends, the random roommate system should be thrown out, in favor of a roommate matching system that pairs people based on similarities in schedule and room preferences. I know I would be willing to take a little time out of my schedule each year to read a few profiles and ensure a cordial living situation for my roommate and myself.
and fixed the problem.” He continued to explain that the second phase of the project requires replacing all Wi-Fi access points in residence halls, as well as adding WiFi access points in areas with a weak signal. Phase two will be completed sometime in May. Cheshire concluded by promising “the upgrade of Apogee’s Freepik.com equipment will provide more reliable service for the wired network, and a stronger signal and faster speeds for the Wi-Fi network.” However, if anyone does continue to face problems with the Wi-Fi they should report it by calling the UMW Help Desk at 654.2255, pressing 1 to report a problem to Apogee or pressing 2 to report a problem to UMW IT. The more information we have about issues with Wi-Fi on campus, the better able we are to isolate and fix problems, as well as plan for upgrades and improvements.
Thursday, March 30, 2017 Thursday, January 21, 2015
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*APRIL FOOL’S PAGE This article on this page should be considered satirical and is not be taken too seriously.
General education *An open letter to the open letter requirements hinder student progress CHRIS MARKHAM Editor-in-Chief
Dear open letter,
LAURA TAYLOR Staff Writer
From electives and general education classes to in-major classes, choosing classes is one of the most exciting times in your college experience. The University of Mary Washington offers more than 60 majors and minors with an array of classes, and most students can find flexible accommodations for alternate courses they might have to take. However, for sophomore Nicole Lamb, choosing classes for the fall of 2017 is going to be more frustrating than anticipated and it’s all because of a ballet class she decided to take. Ballet was offered at UMW to fulfill requirements, yet the class that actually counted for the general education requirement had a prerequisite. “I took ballet because it fulfilled the arts, literature and process requirement,” Lamb said. She took Ballet 121 in the fall of 2016 with hopes that Ballet 301 would be offered in the spring of 2017. However, she found out that Ballet 301 would not be offered in the spring, so she was never able to fulfill the requirement. General education courses should not have prerequisites for several reasons. They are designed to
be taken during freshman year, but having prerequisites can force freshmen to have to wait until sophomore year to begin them. “I would be concerned about graduating on time if I had to use a whole year dedicated to prerequisites for general education courses alone,” Lamb said. Not only are prerequisites more of a hassle for students, but they jeopardizes their chance of graduating on time. Lamb also had a similar experience with her biology class that went towards her quantitative reasoning requirement. She chose to pursue the Biology 260 option yet there were two biology classes that she had to take that would prevent her from taking the Biology 260 course until her junior year. Some prerequisite courses should remain, for subjects such as language in which students need a fuller vocabulary and more experience with the language. However, prerequisites should be reserved for classes that focus around requirements for the major, not general education courses that everyone has to take.
I was thinking of the most passive aggressive way to address my feelings for you, and decided that an open letter was the most appropriate thing for a millennial such as myself to do. I don’t know what has gotten into you lately. Maybe it’s been your tortuous affair with Buzzfeed and The Odyssey, but you seem to be all over the place recently. I can’t decide what you are anymore. Are you real journalism? Are you a rant? Are you satire that too many people took seriously? Whatever you are, I hope you change your ways soon. I appreciate where you are coming from by trying to make your writing more personalized, but at what point can we say we’ve had enough? I recently saw you wrote an open letter to people who put ketchup on top of their fries instead of on the side.
This level of passive aggressiveness is not healthy and I’m happy to help you if you need someone to talk to. I don’t like how everyone can read our conversations. Why does this have to be open? What happened to traditional letters? At least DM me on Instagram or something. Anything is better than this. You used to be a fun form of writing, but your status quickly went from “journalism” into the realm of “fake news” or “alternative facts.” Look at me, rambling again. I guess you’re used to my rambling by now, since that’s all you seem to be these days. I guess I’ll let you go now. I’ve taken up enough of your time and whatever other poor souls have spent this much time reading this. I hope to hear back from you soon and see much, much less of you in the future. Warm regards, Everyone on planet Earth
Staff Editorial: Blue & Gray Staff continues April Fools tradition Once a year, the editorial staff of The Blue & Gray Press honors a longstanding tradition by releasing an April Fool’s issue to the community. This year is no different. While we at the Blue & Gray pride ourselves on maintaining a professional student newspaper, we believe it is important to be able to express ourselves differently through satirical pieces that in some way reflect aspects of the school that many can relate to. While these articles are published content, they are not to be taken seriously or as accurate depictions of any aspects of our campus community. Designed to harmlessly poke fun at organizations, people, events and other aspects of our campus, the sole purpose of the
April Fool’s edition of The Blue & Gray Press is to provide readership with a few laughs. We understand the responsibilities and powers we maintain as an editorial staff of an important news platform. We hope that all can enjoy the humor of the articles and take them for nothing more. Every April Fool’s article contains a disclosure at the bottom of the article online for reference and at the top of the page in print. We hope that all can join us in celebrating the gift of laughter conveyed through such satirical articles. Thank you and we hope you enjoy.
By THE BLUE & GRAY PRESS EDITORIAL BOARD memecrunch.com
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LIFE
APRIL FOOL’S PAGE All articles on this page should be considered satirical and not be taken too seriously.
For more engagement, UMW looks to adopt “ring by spring” motto ALEX SPENCE Associate Editor
With President Paino’s official inauguration just around the corner, he’s been eager to roll out new ideas for the future of the University of Mary Washington. But with all the excitement that surrounds these new decisions, the Board of Visitors has been pushing one change in particular. “We’ve noticed recently that UMW has been ranking lower and lower each year when it comes to the number of engagements come graduation,” One board member commented. “In an effort to change that, we are shaking up the freshman seminar housing for the upcoming year.” Rather than grouping the freshman class together based FSEM courses, they have decided to group potential students based on whom they want to date. According to the BOV, students aren’t thinking clearly and have been showing interest in academics over matrimony. The new housing assignments look to correct this issue. When signing up for campus housing, it will be required to fill out a simple 93 page form that will then place you in one of eight categories, a few being “Loners,” “I Voted for Trump” and “You Eat Meat? Ew.” This system will allow for optimal connections to be made. It is no secret that Lynchburg’s
Liberty University leads the pack with undergrad engagements. They eat, breathe and sleep by their motto, “Ring by Spring.” Junior Ashley Chung recalled an overnight stay at LU with a friend last semester. The experience was so traumatizing that she now refuses to remove her gloves in public for fear that her naked ring finger will solicit negative attention. “It’s not ideal, but I try to focus on the positives,” Chung said. “Holding hot coffee is no longer an issue.” As UMW’s public relations team caught wind of the “Ring by Spring” motto, assistant marketing director Erika Spivey got right to work building a new campaign titled, “Diamonds, You Need One.” In an effort to raise awareness, SAE recently gave a presentation in the Chandler Ballroom on the growing rate of Facebook engagements. The demonstration took a turn for the worse when one senior’s iPhone was confiscated and her Facebook was projected on the big screen.
“As they continued scrolling, more and more engagements popped up from couples far younger than she is,” said a UMW freshman who preferred to remain unnamed. “It was all over when someone shouted, ‘It’s too late for you, get a cat.’” In the wake of this disastrous presentation, classes scheduled for the following day were canceled so that emotionally unstable students could regain their composure after the Facebook debacle. Students received a campus-wide
ResHall Recipes: expert level Vocellis style pizza ESTER SALGUERO Pizza is the cheapest that you need to preheat your News Editor and most convenient oven to 666 degrees Fahrenmeal out there. It’s flexheit. This is very important ible and you can pretty much add any toppings you can’t do one degree more or less. you like. Think of the dough as a blank canvas. Gently wash all your tomatoes and kiss If you add just anything and everything to a them for good measure. Then beat them to a pizza, it might not come out tasty, but if you pulp and that’ll be your sauce base. follow this recipe very closely you won’t be The sauce top coat is that gluten-free pizza disappointed. At UMW there is no shortage of you blended before anything else, so lather that greasy Vocelli’s pizza, so this will be the same, onto the base as well. but different since you made it yourself. All the spices that you might want (e.g. You will need: oregano, crushed and dried basil leaves, blend-Trader Joe’s freshly made pizza dough ed ‘shrooms’, etc.) -Lard (preferably from that excess bacon fat Now, take your pre-made dough spread it you’ve been saving every Saturday morning out into a circular shape, spread the sauce you after a hard night of partying on Friday) just made all over it and add your four cheeses, -Organic plant based protein powder (this is order doesn’t matter. really easy to find- just follow a hipster to the After you do this, take your sausage, bacon, grocery store) prosciutto and pepperoni; throw those ingredi-Hunts marinara sauce ents onto the pizza. -4 whole tomatoes (gathered from your The most important part of this recipe. You local farmer’s yard) have to meditate while the pizza mentally -One whole sausage (size by preference) prepares itself for the oven. -Pre-sliced Once your pepperoni pizza is ready, -Prosciutto pop it into the -Bacon oven for about -Lots of an hour and cheese! (mozzaorder delivery rella, parmesan, style pizza from gouda and goat Vocelli’s because cheese) your pizza will Directions: probably be Before you burnt after sitting do anything, in the oven for take some time an hour. Also apart of this they’ll both be preparation to ready at the same meditate. time. Okay, after Joe Loong/Flickr
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Pexels/Google
email notifying them that Play-Doh and coloring books would be passed out around noon, and Lee Hall room 411 was converted to a cry room, for those who didn’t want to cry about their loneliness alone. Though our campus is still recuperating, slowly but surely the word “Facebook” is being spoken once more. The BOV responded, saying, “We could not be more humiliated. Our best bet is to launch our FSEM program next year and pray it’s not a dud.”
April Horoscopes ALEX SPENCE Associate Editor
Time of the astrobabes Aries (March 21-April 19): Rough waters ahead. Be sure to call Mom, as social exile can become lonely. Practice the phrase, “table for one.” Repetition is key. Taurus (April 20-May 20): A departed loved one is trying to reach out. In order to respond, take a swim with concrete shoes. Use your legs to walk today. Gemini (May 21-June 20): A vodka diet may be the downfall of your good health. Look to improve your fitness by chugging a PBR kale shake while dressed in active wear. Cancer (June 21-July 22): Loud lovemaking is on the horizon. Invest in noise-canceling headphones, as the sex will not be yours. Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): There’s a target on your back. To avoid unwanted confrontation discontinue your douche bag behavior. Virgo (August 23-Sept. 22): Avoid red traffic lights, as they will slow you down. Hanger will be your roadblock for the day. Seek counsel at your local Cook Out. Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Danger is in the cards. Avoid unnecessary death by answering the phone when your significant other calls. Watch out for angry feminists. Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): An attractive classmate has their eye on you. Avoid pit stains, political discussion and morning breath, as these things are highly repellent. Lucky numbers: 666 Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Believing everything you hear may be unwise. Consult a California psychic before making any decisions. Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Temperatures are rising causing the melting of snowflakes. To eliminate fragile flurries engage in heated discussion. Become invisible to avoid egging. Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Investing in your future may be fiscally unsound. Explore career in paper shredding. Treat yourself to a healthy dose of unsweetened cyanide. Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): A close companion is spreading rumors about you. Keep an eye out for blonde girls names Lisa, that b**** is the one.
Thursday, March 30, 2017
LIFE
Editor: Kelly Emmrich blueandgray.life@gmail.com
7th Annual Arab Culture Night steps up with live camel and full stage year. Last year we did not have a stage. I am also very excited for all of the community members that come out who are Arab Culture Night is one of the not students or faculty at UMW because many cultural celebrations hosted at they participate and they really enjoy the University of Mary Washington in the show. I am really enthusiastic about honor of a diversity awareness initiative. pleasing them.” Sponsored by the Arab Culture Club with The outside lobby area of Chandler the help of Dean’s office of the College Ballroom was dedicated to information of Arts and Sciences, the Department of about Middle Eastern countries’ flags, Modern Languages and Literatures, and historical landmarks and various tradethe Center for International Education, mark foods on display boards. On Ball Thursday night was filled with an array Circle, Bar C Ranch offered students a of displays dedicated to showcasing the walk around, on a live camel. richness of the culture. Rebecca Akers attended Arab Culture “This is my second year hosting Arab night for the first time as a sophomore transfer student. She said, “I haven’t really heard much about the event, but I am just really excited to learn more about the Arab culture. I’m doing it for an extra credit event, but I also have friends from Pakistan, so I want to learn more about them.” One of the key aspects of the night was for the attendees to receive a broader knowledge of what makes up the Arab culture through live music, dancing, fashion and food. “Peace, come on, love, and no” were the four words taught to the crowd to start off the Joemmel Tendilla /The Blue & Gray Press night. Hosts, David Mercer and Caitriona Cobb, said that Culture night,” said senior communica“the Arabic language is a very important tions major, David Mercer. “I am looking part to learning about the Arab culture.” forward to seeing how the students will To stress the importance to the audience, be able to adapt to having a stage this
JASMINE TURNER Staff Writer
the host included everyone in a trivia game about the Arab cultures. Winners received a gift card to Aladin, a Mediterranean Restaurant located in Fredericksburg. Aladin also provided the dinner and appetizers for the night. The night continued with a Middle Eastern Fashion show, with clothes provided by Elham AlQaq, as a group of UMW’s students walked across the stage and through the crowd in pieces from Jordan, Palestine, Syria, Egypt, Sudan and other countries associated with the Middle Eastern culture. There were 11 performances, two of which included live music from Mo Amir. Singing and playing songs from his keyboard and laptop, Amir invited many willing participants onto the stage to dance. During Amir’s performances, some individuals got to show off their moves one by one. UMW’s very own Middle Eastern Dance Club dominated the stage and ground floor moving to Amir’s music. Another crowd favorite happened to be Mr. Yasser who wowed the audience with his Skirt and Stick dance. Senior, Sierra Turner said that her favorite part of the night was Yasser’s performances. “Both of those were great performances and very entertaining,” Turner said. “The lighting crew helped set the mood with both of Mr. Yasser’s performances creating intensity for the stick dance and humor for the skirt dance. A few crowd members had the opportunity to join Yasser on stage to battle him during his stick dance.
Alex Sakes/The Blue & Gray Press
Before the crowd got a chance to dig into the highly anticipated meal following all of the night’s performers, Faris al Layl Dabke ended the cultural displays by leading everyone in their performance titled “Dabka.” In recent years, the audience has been encouraged to join in Faris al Layl Dabke’s dance around the entire room. This year, however, everyone joined together on stage creating a spiral of stomping feet and laughter. “My favorite part about Arab Culture Night was seeing a fusion of Arab culture but also just seeing so many people in the community that I haven’t seen before,” said senior, Mariam Khan. “The food was amazing. It was an amazing program.”
Mr. UMW contestants stun audience with dancing, painting and singing PHOTOS BY ALEX SAKES
Mr. Bushnell (above and below)
Last Friday night Mr. UMW, hosted by the Association of Residence Halls, took place. The event began in 1999 as a way to include the male students on a mostly female campus. Now the event is a house favorite among students. As a way to make the event more fun, ARH picks a theme. This year the theme was 90s. The purpose of the event is so representitives can compete for prize money. The 12 competitors represented different residence halls, and performed special skills including: Singing, dancing and painting. After the first round of cuts the contestants did red carpet walks and answered questions about the 90s. Danielle Howard was Mr. Framar, and was the first girl to ever run in this competition. She made it to the top four. Mr. Bushnell won the competition with his elaborate costumes and performance. Mr. Ball and Mr. Commuter were runner ups. Mr. Virginia (below)
Mr. Arrington (below and right corner)
Campus. Life. All. Week. Thurs 3/30
D.R.A.M/ Waka Flocka Flame Concert 6p.m., Anderson Center
Fri 3/31
Improv Comedy Show 8-9:30p.m. Combs 139 Rocky Horror Shadow Cast 11p.m. Digital Auditorium
Sat 4/1
Multicultural Fair 10am-5p.m. Campus Walk
Sun 4/2
Run Like Hale 5k 10am-2p.m. Ball Circle
Reel Deals
Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them: Friday at 7p.m. and Saturday at 10p.m. Trolls: Friday at 10p.m. and Saturday at 7p.m.
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Op Ed: Nation of the free, or nation of the incarcerated? JOSEPH SARTORI UMW Senior
Ava DeVernay, the notable director of the 2014 Oscar nominated film Selma, and most recently the 2016 Netflix’s documentary 13th has started a conversation. This Oscar nominated documentary titled 13th, looks at the history of incarceration, and being black in America. What DeVernay is able to do is highlight the changing definition of crime in America. As former President Barack Obama stated, “The Fact is that the US has 5% of the world’s population but 25% of the people in the world who are incarcerated.” As the film demonstrates looking back in history is important, and vital to who we are as a democracy, and society. D.W. Griffith’s 1915 film, The Birth of a Nation, was able to recharge the Klan in America, proclaiming the African American man as a criminal,
an animal who could not be trusted with white American girls. President Woodrow Wilson even held a private White House screening of the film. The changes in how African Americans were viewed in America changed with this film, and dramatically affected public policy in America. The Nixon Administration, with the assistance of FBI director J Edgar Hoover in the 1970’s started this inherent battle, a fight for the freedom of our streets, from these drug and crime ridden people. Once Nixon started the war on crime, Ronald Reagan’s administration, and first lady Nancy Reagan started the just say no campaign, a war on drugs, made the drug issue a larger issue than it was, and made the problem worse if everything. Bill Clinton’s 1994 crime bill is one of the main factors leading to where
Op Ed: Patriarchy and Oppression SARAH TEAGUE UMW Freshman
This article is addressed to Kayleigh Rongey in support of her article “Hollywood’s glamorization of parenthood isn’t fooling millennials.” I can’t stand how the patriarchy has infiltrated the toy industry, but then again, capitalism is the perfect vessel for sexist oppression. I know of no worse combination than that of the western values of exploitation and degradation with the equally western, male-dominated consumer market. If millennials don’t want to have kids, then they shouldn’t be forced to, or even pressured to. Women are not broodmares and nobody can control their bodies today like society has in the past. I know I stand for all the other men who care about feminism when I say that this continued oppression has gone on long enough. Rongey’s article hits the nail on the head by arguing that we millennials don’t want to have kids because of the state of the world. It is, frankly, terrible. To bring a child, or two and a half or more, into this world with its current state of politics is irresponsible. And what would the benefit be? The toy companies and other white-owned, multi-national corporations will see their profits go up. Who cares! Do they need more Lamborghinis? These alt-right and other Republicans are constantly pressing issues of family, but what happens to us when we decide to have families? They don’t get any help from social programs that we desperately need. If I’m forced to go off and start a family, who is going to help feed them? And besides that, Rongey’s article also brings up issues of the environment. This might be the bigger issue, honestly. What example would we be setting if, like the irresponsible generation before us, we also brought forth carbon-emissions in the form of children? According to the National Institute for Climate Awareness, over the course of an average American’s lifetime, we create about twelve hundred and fifty thousand pounds of carbon emissions alone. That doesn’t account for any of the other greenhouse gasses. To have kids isn’t pushing family values, it’s denying science. But there is hope, I think. Rongey might not have touched upon it, but there are things that we can do to stop the rapid speed at which both the capitalist patriarchy and environmental science deniers are permanently hurting our world. Resist them by throwing out their social dogmas. If you don’t want kids, don’t have kids. If you do want to start a family, maybe reconsider it—don’t help the deniers and so-called “family values” right. What it really is, is white nationalism disguised using happy words.
we are today, building millions of prison, and dramatically militarizing out police forces on our streets. An entire generation grew up watching Saturday night prime time television, of black’s being arrested in shows like Cops It is interesting that we are the nation of the free, yet also the nation of the jailed. The famed three strikes you’re out policy during the Clinton years showcases this beautifully. There is a system of millions of people who are in jail, simply due to the fact they can’t pay bail. These are petty crimes in most cases. We need to revamp our system, and understand that our prisons do not need to be filled to the brim, it does not need to be a for profit system. Decades later, studies have shown that private prisons are no more efficient and are often
more abusive than those run by the federal or state governments. The federal Bureau of Prisons announced in 2016 its intention to stop contracting with private providers for prison services. The over-incarceration of adults has severely damaged generations of black and minority families and their children. That place on applications highlighting felonies is a dead-end for millions of Americans. We live in a system where we do not help our incarcerated, and we ridicule them once they get out. We need answers, officials and citizens who understand this problem, and the many others we have. Ava DeVernay started this discussion, and just like other documentaries like Food Inc did in 2008 for the food industry and Monsanto, we need dramatic overhaul, but a slow processed discussion.
LIFE
Hail to the king, “Kong: Skull Island” movie review
on an island full of monsters, with only a matter of days to escape before their ship leaves them behind. The one and only King Kong has Kong truly is the king of this movie, made a glorious return to cinema in the both literally and figuratively. Every new film “Kong: Skull Island.” Rather time he appears, he totally dominates the than being a remake of the original 1933 screen. In addition to Kong, the pro“King Kong,” this new epic seeks to tagonists must deal with other massive bring Kong into the universe of the 2014 monsters such as a giant squid, a creepy “Godzilla” film. For now, “Skull Island” giant spider, and the lizard-like “Skull is being met with a pretty warm recepCrawlers,” Kong’s rivals in the film. tion. The special effects used for Kong and Although the film is far from perfect, the other monsters are spectacular, and I find that it is brilliant in how it brings I could never look away whenever they Kong and Skull Island back into modwere on screen. ern cinema, and how it revives a certain Moviegoers will also recognize a type of film that has not existed for quite number of highly praised actors who star some time. in the film, including John Goodman, The film is set in 1973, just after the who plays Bill Randa, the government Vietnam War. A group of scientists, acagent who organizes the expedition. companied by a military escort, a skilled There’s also Tom Hiddleston as James tracker and a photojournalist, go on an Conrad, the highly skilled tracker who expedition to explore an uncharted land leads the group, and Brie Larson as known as Skull Island. Upon arriving Mason Weaver, the photojournalist who on the island via helicopter, they begin serves as the film’s female lead. John dropping bombs to map the island. This C. Reilly plays Hank Marlow, a World little “science experiment” does not go War II fighter pilot who was shot down over well with Kong, a massive gorilla and stranded on the island in 1944, and who rules over the island. After Kong has been living among a tribe of primiswats down all their helicopters like flies, tive humans who inhabit the island ever the protagonists find themselves stranded since. He attempts to help the other protagonists escape. And of course, it would be a crime to forget about Samuel L. Jackson, who plays Preston Packard, the leader of the helicopter squadron that escorts the other characters onto the island. Packard develops a personal rivalry with Kong after witnessing the titanic ape kill half of his men. Although all of these actors play their parts well, I can’t help but feel that some Gage Skidmore/Flicker of their characters are Tom Hiddleston at Comic Con a little generic and
HARRY FISHER Staff Writer
stereotypical. This wouldn’t be so bad if there wasn’t a big chunk of time in the middle of the movie where there’s hardly any action, just a lot of focus on the human characters without much focus on Kong or the other monsters. It’s times like these when we realize just how boring and generic some of the characters really are. Once again, Kong and the monsters are the true stars of the movie. Whenever Kong was brawling with a giant squid or a Skull Crawler, I couldn’t help but be reminded of his glory days when he would beat up on dinosaurs. This is where I believe the film’s true genius lies- it reminds me of all the old-school giant monster movies that I grew up with. Much like “Godzilla” did in 2014, “Kong: Skull Island” takes the classic idea of having two giant monsters battling one another and brings it into the modern age, getting modern audiences ready for the epic throw-down that will surely come when these two movie icons finally come face to face once again. I think the film is also brilliant in how it revives a genre of film that I thought was lost to time- the giant monster adventure movie. This, among many other things, is what the original “King Kong” was- an action-adventure flick in which a group of explorers must survive in a land full of huge prehistoric monsters that want to kill them. Similar examples include such films as “The Lost World” and “Journey to the Center of the Earth.” This type of film is one which I thought was long dead, but “Skull Island” has proven me wrong. The whole movie feels like a throwback to the good old days of monster movies, when stop motion and hand puppets were the dominant form of special effects. The film serves as a modern version of these kinds of movies, with high quality special effects that modern audiences will appreciate.
Insomnia Cured Here/Flicker
Adding to this sense of nostalgia is all the throwbacks to older monster movies. The giant spider is reminiscent of Kumonga, the giant spider form the Godzilla series. Samuel L. Jackson’s standoff with Kong towards the end of the film is very similar to Arnold Schwarzenegger’s face off with the Predator at the end of “Predator.” Even Kong’s first full scene in the film, in which he swats down the squadron of helicopters, is clearly a homage to his battle with the airplanes at the end of the original “King Kong.” Of course, the fact that Kong actually wins this time just shows how much bigger and more threatening he is in this new universe. Even the rather stereotypical archetypes that each character in the movie seems to represent serve to add that sort of old-school, B-movie flavor that I believe the filmmakers sought to achieve. “Kong: Skull Island” overall is an excellent reintroduction of King Kong into modern cinema, and a real treat for fans of old-school monster movies. If you go into this movie wanting to sit down and enjoy some good, old-fashioned monster action, you’ll be more than satisfied. Also plans are already in place for a crossover in which Godzilla and Kong will throw down in a classic giant monster brawl, sometime after Godzilla gets his turn in the spotlight once again in an upcoming 2019 film.
The Feathered Fish set to release full rock n’ reggae album GRACE HOWIE Staff Writer
The Feathered Fish are a four-piece band from Fredericksburg comprised of vocalist Jeremy Hankins, lead guitarist Johnny Ray Wolfe, bass guitarist Collin Hill and Lee LeGros on Drums. The band was formed in 2013 by Hankins and Wolfe, and since added Hill and LeGros. These Fred natives play original songs in a genre that they call Rock ‘n’ Reggae, a term they have coined to describe themselves. Their music, while it is a blend of Rock and Reggae, features both rock and southern rock, which makes for a unique and fresh sound unlike many that you will find. It is difficult to compare them and relate them to other bands due to this original quality that this band possesses. The Feathered Fish have only released singles on iTunes, Spotify, Googleplay and Amazon, but they are expected to release a full-length album this summer. They have played around the east coast in past years and have become quite well known especially in their hometown and around Northern Virginia. They have played at many establishments such as the Bourbon Room, Spencer Devon Brewing, Colonial Tavern and they were also featured at this year’s St. Patrick’s Day festival. They have found a
place on the east coast for their alternative rock/reggae sound and they hope to expand and break into the west coast in the near future. They are unsigned, but recently released their first single, “We on the run” on March 17. The song starts slow with a funky guitar riff from Wolfe and smooth vocals from Hankins as Hill and LeGros slowly integrate into the song but this progresses into a chorus that features a reggae flare which continues throughout the song. This is stylistically very typical for The Feathered Fish. This first single really showcases their style and this genre that they have worked to create. It is easy to stay connected with this band, as they post tour videos and live performances on their YouTube page. It is possible to check out many of their unofficial singles such as “Love is a Wonderful Pain” in which their rock influences can really be felt. The live performances and tour ‘road to’ videos help give a perspective in which you get to see some of the behind the scenes.
The aspects where you get to see the making of the single and future album really highlight the personality of this band and its members as they seem relaxed and unrehearsed. At these times, it is easy to see they are playing for their love of this genre and they enjoy what they are doing which adds to the authentic feel of this group. Even through the videos of the live performances the ener-
gy of the band can be understood and the relaxed feel carries throughout. Their next performances in Fredericksburg are on March 31, 2017 at the LeGume Kitchen & Bar on Caroline Street at 8:00 p.m. and April 1 at Spencer Devon Brewing on George Street at 9:00 p.m. Find information and more performances at https://www.facebook. com/thefeatheredfish/
Staticdischarge Photography /Facebook
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NEWS THE
BLUE & GRAY
Editors: Ester Salguero & Lauren Taylor | blueandgray.news@gmail.com
Wild and Scenic Film Festival I 11
POLICE BEAT MEAGHAN MCINTYRE Assistant News Editor
PRESS
Vandalism
MISSION The Blue & Gray Press is published every Thursday in the University Apartments Clubhouse for our university community. The goal of The Blue & Gray Press is to produce high quality and accurate news in a manner compliant with the Society of Professional Journalists ethics code. In its coverage, The Blue & Gray Press strives to highlight the community of the University of Mary Washington, as well as deliver fair and accurate coverage on the issues important to our students.
On Wednesday, March 22 at 8:15 a.m., vandalism of a building sign occurred at Tyler House. The case is pending. On Saturday, March 25 at 7:45 p.m., vandalism of an exit sign and underage intoxication occurred at Eagle Landing. One administrative referral was given. On Monday, March 27 at 2 p.m., a car tire was vandalized at 1200 Block, Thornton St. This case is pending with the FPD.
EDITORS-AT-LARGE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Chris Markham
ASSOCIATE EDITOR Alex Spence
SECTION EDITORS NEWS Ester Salguero Lauren Taylor
VIEWPOINTS Tessa Cate
LIFE Kelly Emmrich
SPORTS Mikey Barnes
ONLINE Ethan Tobin
Wild and Scenic Film Festival
GIS Presentation: Drones for Mapping Purposes A presentation will be given by former Mary Washington GIS majors on the use of drones for mapping purposes. The Geo-spatial program focuses on spatial analysis: which involves using maps and related data to analyze problems, disseminate information and acquire data. Drones are used in many fields to augment traditional data capture platforms such as satellites and aircraft. A drone can be fitted with a camera or other high tech devices which increases its versatility. It is the preprogrammed routes, that are based off of digital maps created by geospatial analysts, that enable them to fly preprogrammed routes. The demonstration will provide an opportunity to ask questions and observe a drone capturing live data. The demonstration will be held on Tuesday, April 4 on Ball Circle at 12:30 p.m. This information was provided by Brian Rizzo
PHOTO Alex Sakes
Business Team
Possession On Wednesday, March 22 at 10 p.m., underage possession of alcohol occurred at Russell Hall. One student received an administrative referral. On Saturday, March 25 at 12:10 a.m., underage possession of alcohol took place at Marshall Hall. One administrative referral was given, On Saturday, March 25 at 1:15 a.m., possession of marijuana occurred at Mason Hall- Link. One student was given an administrative referral.
Larceny Between Friday, March 17 and Sunday, March 19 from 6 p.m. to 10 a.m., a bicycle was stolen from Westmoreland Hall. The case is pending. On Thursday, March 23 at 11:30 p.m., an exit sign was reported missing from Marshall Hall. One administrative referral was given. On Friday, March 24 at 3:30 p.m., personal items were stolen from a vehicle at 1200 Block, Jefferson Davis Highway. This case is pending with the FPD.
Linda Fitzpatrick Janelle Behm
FACULTY ADVISOR
The information was compiled with assistance from UMW Police Manager James DeLoatch and Fredericksburg Police Department Public Information Officer Sarah Kirkpatrick.
Sushma Subramanian
University Relations
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Thursday, March 30, 2017
NEWS
President Paino learns UMW ropes in new video series
Norm Shafer / Photographer for University Relations
Paino takes a trip with Historic Preservation class.
•NEW GUY | 2 mier,” said Anna Billingsley, vice-president of University Relations. His passion for not only the university but the students as well is evident, and he is excited to share this project with them. This series will provide future students with a glimpse of what their time at UMW could be like. Its hope is to convey the many opportunities available here at UMW, as well as showcase the unique experience Fredericksburg offers. While academics are certainly an important aspect of the college experience, creating a home away from home is equally as important. “Current students and alumni can rest assured that we are working diligently to continue to grow the awareness of UMW,” Holmes said. “We are working to showcase the awesome role the university can play in shaping the professional lives of our students.” In order to be successful, Schultz explains, a video must have three things: a good delivery, a clear vision and a team of editors that can maintain the level of passion while producing the best final version. This video series possesses all three elements, which is why the university is so proud to present it. When considering which schools to apply to, prospective students can use this video series to get a better sense of what UMW is all about. The videos will showcase the importance of the university’s close-knit community and the integral part it plays in many students’ and alums’ success. Following the premier, the series will be published on the university’s YouTube page at 4:30 p.m., where all of the episodes will be available.
Thursday, March 30, 2017
Initiative more accessible due to zero costs for students •FILM FESTIVAL | 2 dents it allowed this initiative to be more accessible. “I think it’s great that they’ve made it free,” said senior theatre major Gwen Levey. “That makes it far more accessible to students.” This deep commitment can be seen in students who came to the event to volunteer. Meredith Palumbo, a senior biology major, found out about the event through COAR three years ago. She’s been volunteering with COAR ever since, and has been interning with FOR since last summer. She says, “This has been very beneficial to me. Through my involvement, I’ve figured out that I enjoy restoration, and I’ve gotten field work and event planning experience.” While the experiences the students have with FOR and the Wild & Scenic Film Festival have been important, this particular event was all about the environmental movies it featured. Even though all of the movies shown were under 30 minutes long, they were all still very effective. Chris Sandoval, a senior environmental science major, loved all the films shown, but was especially inspired by one about Douglas Tompkins, the founder of The North Face and Esprit, who almost single handedly established 2 million acres of national parks in Chile and Argentina. “It shows how giving back can really
be impactful,” Sandoval said. “Showing these environmental movies is a really
committed group of ordinary local people with extraordinary vision made this possible.” “Although [this film festival] is not about our region, it still celebrates the elements that are important to strengthen this region and further our students’ connections to environmental causes,” Finkelstein said. “I really hope that next year there’s an even stronger turnout.” Cadwallender agrees, “Friends of the Rappahannock see the Wild & Scenic Film Festival as a celebration of nature and a call to action to restore and preserve the health and beauty of the natural world. We want [students] to become the next generation of environmental stewards, committed to preserving the natural world.” The festival stressed the point on how now is the necessary time to start taking care of our planet.
“[This Festival is] a call to action to restore and preserve the health and beauty of the natural world. We want [students] to become the next generation of environmental stewards, committed to preserving the natural world” -Nick Cadwallender great way to get people to talk about the environment.” Indeed, it is possible for ordinary people to make huge steps in protecting the environment, as this has happened right on the Rappahannock. “We are fortunate to live on the longest free flowing river in Virginia that is protected by a 4,000 acre environmental easement,” Cadwallender said. “The foresight of a
CORRECTIONS for THE Week PLEASE REPORT ANY MISTAKES SEEN IN THE BLUE & GRAY PRESS TO Chris Markham, blueandgray.eic@gmail.com or Sushma Subramanian, ssubrama@umw.edu In last week’s Correction Section, the following corrections were amended: In the section, it states that “Orsted currently plays women’s basketball at DII Bowie State,” however Orsted does not currently play on the women’s basketball team at Bowie State.
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SPORTS
APRIL FOOL’S PAGE All articles on this page should be considered satirical and not be taken too seriously.
Troy, Applebury leave teams in hands of graduating seniors MICKEY BARNES Sports Editor Sue Spencer/Perfect Shots
Amid the unprecedented success of the University of Mary Washington’s volleyball and women’s basketball programs, it took no time for the teams’ respective coaches to ship out of Division III and into the Division I spotlight. UMW head women’s basketball coach Deena Applebury will be taking over for 11-time, soon to be 12-time, national champion, Geno Auriemma, who is retiring after having become too bored with never loosing. Applebury was considered a “no brainer,” for the position following the announcement of Auriemma’s departure from the program. Her record of 4,869-5 is tops in the country and after her 20th straight national championship, is looking for a tougher challenge. With the recent news in the departure of Applebury, who will be taking assistants Cecil Kegans and Katie Wimmer with her, UMW star Breezi Comden is slated to be named the new head coach of the program following her graduation in May. Accord-
ing the sources, she will be recruiting other recent UMW graduates as assistants and will recruit athletes exclusively from local Massapnax High School, Comden’s alma mater. Head volleyball coach Matt Troy was also offered the position of a lifetime. Coach Troy has been offered the position to take over one of the most historic women’s volleyball program of all time, at Penn State University. Troy will be taking over for Russ Rose, who has been the head coach at PSU. since 1979. Rose is the all-time winningest coach in NCAA history and like Aurriemma, is retiring from the boredom of winning. Like Applebury, Troy was considered a shoo-in for the position after defeating CAC rival Penn State Harrisburg in straight sets, catching the eye of their sister school. Troy led UMW volleyball to a lot of wins and just a few losses this year and did kind of good in the “big dance,” as they call it. Troy reportedly accepted the
Sue Spencer/Perfect Shots
position immediately following his team’s season-ending loss. According to sources, his eagerness to accept was to prevent Penn State from realizing his success was the result of senior Emma Olson and offered the position to her instead. The news came as a shock to the players as the room was full of tears and applause. Troy had to turn down a number of other offers from various other Division I programs, including Duke University, University of Virginia, Washington State, University of Maryland and more. Coach Troy was overheard in his 11 a.m. volleyball class discussing how bittersweet the opportunity is while wearing pajamas and smoking a celebratory cigar. Olson, when asked about the opportunity was shaking with excitement. “Being a part of this program for the last four years has been an opportunity like no other. I was basically helping coach anyway, so it’s probably best this way. To be selected to exceed him is an honor like no other,”
Olson said. “I had always talked about going into coaching following graduation, but had no idea such an opportunity would present itself so soon and let alone at my own future alma-mater.” Olson is considered the greatest volleyball player UMW has ever had or ever will. Troy has had little to say about the move, but has mentioned he will truly miss it here in Fredericksburg and at Mary Washington. He wishes the program the best of luck, but made the team aware that should they ever play each other, he will have no mercy. Appleberry and Troy join a select group of coaches to move up from DIII to DI, joining current Kentucky basketball coach and former CNU basketball coach John Calipari. Commenting on the recent coaching trends is reality TV star LaVar Ball, saying “If I was the coach of any of these team, we would win the Super Bowl, no doubt.”
UMW Cross Country faces mustache scandal
UMW Archives Coach Soper rockin’ the stache in ‘84.
Kevin McCarthy/Facebook Sophomore Jarrett Ashby attempts to grow a mustache.
CHRIS MARKHAM Editor-in-Chief
Soper’s signature mustache, the members of the team have also rocked the furry lip for decades. However, as times have changed, less people have become receptive to the thinned-out mustache took. While there are a few out there who pull off the look exceptionally well, a majority of teens to 20-year-olds resemble Michael Cera more than Pre. The creepy look often sparks outrage with UMW and Fredericksburg community members. UMW cross country runners have been suggested to “steer clear” of playgrounds and school buses, according to senior member of the team Kevin McCarthy. “I’ve grown a mustache every
The sudden and tragic death of running legend Steve Prefontaine sparked a social movement in the world of running. Apart from being a fairly decent runner, “Pre” was most well-known for his majestic hair styles, particularly that perched above his upper lip. The signature look spread like wildfire in the running world and eventually found its way into the University of Mary Washington cross country team. The look was not met with the same level of affection as other schools, however. Since the tradition of the look began in the 1910s with recently retired coach Stan
Thursday, March 30, 2017
Senior Chris Markham struggles with the look.
year during cross country season and the reactions have gotten worse every year,” McCarthy said. “I can’t blame them. I wouldn’t want my kids to see shirtless men in short shorts with mustaches prancing around.” Reports of provocation from local kids have surfaced recently as well. According to McCarthy, middle school-age children have called the runners “freaks,” “creeps” and likened the look to “a dead gerbil.” However, the team is not letting the criticism get the best of them. Efforts to raise mustache awareness on campus have been made by the team to educate peers on the lifestyle and challenges that come
Kevin McCarthy/Facebook
with having a mustache. The event, called “I must-ache you about my mustache” will feature guest speaker Rick Hurley, UMW’s recently retired president who is an icon in the world of mustaches. “President Hurley was my hero and inspiration for growing a mustache,” McCarthy said. “If a man of such great importance as him can live with a mustache, then so can I. I won’t be ashamed of it anymore.” As of now, the team has no plans to end their tradition despite the demand from the community and only time will tell if their mustaches will begin to look less creepy.
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