Varsity Show 2022

THE BLUE AND WHITE

THE 128TH ANNUAL VARSITY SHOW ft. The Federalist Playbill Editor CLAIRE SHANG, CC ’24 Layout Editor ANNIE POOLE, BC ’24 Staff Illustrators KAT CHEN, CC ’24 HART HALLOS, CC ’23 MADELEINE HERMANN, BC ’23 OONAGH MOCKLER, BC ’25 JACE STEINER, CC ’22 MAYA WEED, CC ’22 Staff Writers B&W SADIA HAQUE, BC ’23 ANOUK JOUFFRET, BC ’24 KELSEY KITZKE, BC ’23 VICTOR OMOJOLA, CC ’24 MAYA WEED, CC ’22

Introduction

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Director’s Note

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Cast of Characters

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Songs and Scenes

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Production Team

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Who’s Who in the Cast and Crew

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The Glossary

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The History of the Varsity Show

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A Conversation with the Creative Team

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Corporate Sponsors

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Acknowledgments

Illustration by Oonagh Mockler

FED Editor: GUSTIE OWENS, CC ’22 JULIAN GERBER, CC ’24 ELIZA HEATH, BC ’25 JAYNE MAGLIOCCO, BC ’23 VISH NAMBIAR, TC ’23 EMILY OLSON, CC ’22 BEN SCHERZER, CC ’25 SOPHIE SIMONS, BC ’25 SYLVIE STEIN, CC ’25 BAHA TOPBAS, CC ’23 LAUREN UNTERBERGER, BC ’24

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Cover art by Kat Chen theblueandwhite.org | thevarsityshow.com | columbiafederalist.com

BLUE BOOK

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

It’s a Family Affair

Director’s Note

The Varsity Show was born in 1894, four notoriously quiet years after The Blue and White emerged from Alma Mater’s iron womb. As the bookish older sibling sat doodling in the corner, the Columbia family fawned over the precocious little runt. The Show, as it became known, could make “spirit fingers” before it learned to sit up, inspired the invention of the phonograph, and hung out with way too many socialists. What began as a sibling rivalry soon turned into a sibling rout: Paralyzed by the onset of modernity, we took a century-long hiatus while the runt charmed the socks off of the masses.

But when The Blue and White was revived at the turn of this century, so too was our relationship with the Show—a testament to the eternal light of siblinghood! For one glorious decade, we entered a new partnership, this one yielding annual proof of our comity: a Varsity Show playbill, fashioned as a magazine. But this partnership dissolved in the face of publication politics, and after 2010, custody of the Varsity Show playbill was ours no more.

Thrust into Zoom for last year’s two productions, the Show sought familiarity and found it in the outstretched palms of this very Magazine. We were pleased both to craft an online playbill but also to restore our familial ties. This year, we’re welcoming another member of the Columbia pride to the playbill project—the Federalist, born a century after the Show and the Magazine. Each of our three institutions is, in its own way, invested in scrutinizing Columbia, probing and poking fun, satirizing through prose or song.

Though our predecessors may never have anticipated what you’ll witness at today’s show, we honor them as we unite in familial fraternity, putting pen to paper to support one of Columbia’s greatest, most enduring, and perhaps only traditions.

With language adapted from the Blue and White’s 2008 Varsity Show program

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Thank you for coming to the 128th Annual Varsity Show! Please get comfortable in the theatrical sanctum that is Roone Arledge Auditorium. Bask in all the excitement and ritual that is live theater; it’s been a while, so you may be rusty! A few reminders to keep your shoes on and phones off. And to my dad—this is not an episode of NCIS. You can’t fall asleep 15 minutes in and start from the beginning tomorrow night.

This production owes its life to the many talented, hard-working individuals who dedicated their semester to this wild journey. To them, I say thank you with all my heart.

Many of the people involved, myself included, experienced the wonderful emotional rollercoaster that was not one, but two online Varsity Shows. Because of that hiatus from Roone, we are overjoyed to welcome Varsity back on campus with a show that expresses that familiar desire for a normal year. We hope that this show also speaks to the perseverance of our community and offers a moment to make light of a school that often takes itself too seriously. Perhaps the real Columbia University was the friends we made along the way (no? too cheesy?).

I’m thankful beyond measure that you are here to see our show. To my team, my cast, my family, my friends, the alumni and adults whose wisdom has carried us, and to Barnard and Columbia for providing four years of comedic inspiration, I am eternally grateful.

To the Varsity Show—I could never thank you enough.

Vive la Veesh!

Giuliana (Gigi) Russo

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J U S T T H E FA C T S

Well Endowed DIRECTOR: Giuliana Russo

J U S T T H E FA C T S

ACT I

The Cast of Characters (in order of appearance)

Prologue—Zoom class “A Normal Year”.................................................................................Ensemble Scene 1—Hamilton classroom “A Normal Year (Reprise)”.........................................................................Devil Scene 2—President’s mansion Scene 3—College Walk “The Devil’s in the Details”........................................Devil, Tree #1, Tree #2 Scene 4—President’s mansion “A Simple Math Problem”..................................................PrezBo, Mary Boyce, Manager of the Endowment, Devil Scene 5—Morningside campus “We’re Still Here”..............................Jean, Alexa, Camille, Andy, Chett, Edith Scene 6—EC party & Butler Library “PrezBo’s Right Hand Gal”............................................................Mary Boyce “Sad Boy Lament”...........................................................Andy, Butler Students Scene 7—Morningside campus “Be Yourself (Just Don’t Mess Up)”...............................Mary Boyce, Ensemble Scene 8—Free speech class “Well Endowed”............................................Prezbo, Devil, Camille, Ensemble

LEE C. BOLLINGER, 19th and current President of Columbia University…….CASEY ROGERSON

ACT II

JEAN BOLLINGER, wife of Lee Bollinger, an artist and signatory on University holiday cards…………………………………………………………………………….…ESTEE DECHTMAN

Scene 1—Wein alumni call center “Challenge Match”.......................................Chett, Alexa, Edith, Cut Students Scene 2—President’s mansion Scene 3—College Walk “When All Hell Breaks Low”.................................Camille, Chett, Alexa, Edith Scene 4—Outside Butler Library “The Gust of Love”....................................................................Andy, Camille Scene 5—Postcrypt Basement Scene 6—President’s mansion “The Battle of Morningside, 2022”.........Edith, Chett, Alexa, Camille, Andy, Devil, Ghost of Alexander Hamilton Scene 7—Outside Hamilton Hall “Finale: A Perfect Year”.......................................................................Ensemble

PRODUCERS: Caroline Cassese and Grace Brown WRITERS: Harris Solomon and Nurasyl Shokeyev COMPOSER: Jerry Zheng LYRICIST: Jaeda Mendoza CHOREOGRAPHER: Sam Landa STAGE MANAGER: Grace Biondi

ANDY, an anxiety-riddled SEAS student on the precipice of becoming a sadboi….………………………………………………………………………JACKSON SCHWARTZ CAMILLE, a dual degree Sciences Po student with a taste for political revolution….JANE WATSON EDITH, an 86-year-old GS student, ex-convict, and sexual free spirit………..MORGAN JOHNS CHETT, “that guy.” Lots of hot takes. Not a ton of self-awareness………………ADAM KLUGE ALEXA, a freshman…….…………………………………………………………TATIANA MROCZEK MARY BOYCE, current Provost of Columbia University, a title which few understand…..OLIVIA CULL MANAGER OF THE ENDOWMENT, a title which many people understand…….SHANIA PAHUJA THE DEVIL, keeper of Hell, friend of Jeff Bezos………….JACKIE CHU (understudy LINDSEY BELISLE)

This show uses strobe lighting, which may affect photosensitive viewers.

ALEXANDER HAMILTON, the only founding father to have won a Tony award……………………………………………………………………………SURYA BUDDHARAJU

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J U S T T H E FA C T S

J U S T T H E FA C T S

Design Set Designers: Sophia Mickelson, Zekai Zhang Lighting Designer: Annabella Kliman Sound Designer: Sophie Simons Costume Designer: Micaela Hecht Props Master: Sydney Brown Assistant Lighting Designer: Eliana Gilbert-Trachtman Assistant Sound Designer: Julia Hay Assistant Costume Designers: Alex Malamud, Masha Sokolova Assistant Hair/Makeup Designer: Cindy Xie Illustration by Maya Weed

Assistant Props Master: Cordell Smith

Crew Master Carpenter: Nick Porsborg Master Painter: Kiki Gonglewski

Production Team

Build Team: Adelina Correa, Emma Elizabeth Dempster, Elena Messinger, Gustie Owens, Maylla Patrick

Production

Sunshine Team

Technical Director: Asiyah Rajab

Old Man/Tradition Production Assistant: Christian Palomares

Assistant Directors: Eliza Staples, Tanya Zhurman

C-Team Mom: Ian Yan

Assistant Music Director: Heli Sun

Cast Mom: Julia Hyman

Assistant Stage Managers: Jasmine Gates, Emily Martin

Music Team

Assistant Producers: Jennifer Chen, Andrew Kirdahy, Amritha Ramesh

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Assistant Choreographers: Sara Hoffman, Julia Patella

Orchestrators: Jerry Zheng, Heli Sun

Production Assistant: Thomas Doyle

Keyboard: Heli Sun

Copy Editor: Esther Lee

Cello: Daniel Weitz

Photographer: Priscilla Kong

Drums: Marino Bubba

Publicity Manager: Maya Campbell

Guitar: Marco-Marcil Montoto

Publicity Team: Jennifer Hoang, Yifan Yun

Tenor Saxophone: Tony Kim

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CAMPUS CHAR ACTERS

Who’s Who in the Cast Estee Dechtman Asked to describe her relationship to theater, ESTEE DECHTMAN, BC ’22, tells me that she is writing her senior thesis about Barbara Streisand’s performance in Funny Girl; this fact pretty much says it all. If one assumes this means that Dechtman is your classic “theater kid,” she would agree. Her days are full of snagging rush tickets to Broadway and planning to fly off to Paris to study theater after her imminent graduation. Perhaps most indicatively, when asked about Streisand’s romantic past, she is prone to swiftly reply that she “knows the stats.” As Dechtman speaks about the Varsity Show, it is obvious that she finds levity in playing Jean, the impossibly positive wife of President Bollinger, just as she sees comedic value to the fact that she has broken her ankle four times—a particularly ambitious high kick during rehearsal was the cause of one such injury. And while she conveys the immediate and undeniable pleasure of listening to Streisand belt the Funny Girl repertoire, she adds that part of the genius in her performance lies in provoking an audience to reflect on their conformist definition of beauty as they watch an undeniably gorgeous Jewish woman sing about her supposed “ugliness.” Dechtman explains that, in her thesis, she weaves in an added layer of complexity to this argument by applying postcolonial theory. All this to say that Dechtman’s relationship to theater resonates as both beautifully lighthearted and also necessarily profound. –Anouk Jouffret

CAMPUS CHAR ACTERS down to his viral tweet about Enchanted (follow him @CrogTweets please!) and that “on paper” he is a theater kid. This is the second time I am interviewing Rogerson in my role as correspondent for The Blue and White and the third time in my role as sleep-deprived suitemate wondering if he has to rehearse his lines for Macbeth that loudly. The bottom line is that Rogerson has had his chance to earn a glowing, or even relatively normal, bio like the rest of his castmates, but unfortunately, that ship sailed the morning he decided to play “My Heart Will Go On” three times in a row in the shower, fully aware that half of the suite was late for their 10:10s. All this being said, however, much like Lee Bollinger whom he portrays tonight, he can be comforted by the fact that he inhabits one of Columbia’s two most infamous abodes. It is also important to note that Rogerson may or may have not method-acted to prepare for this role. “It’s really hard for me to shake him after rehearsal.” –Victor Omojola

Jackson Schwartz “I don’t really care that much about being serious, actually, in terms of a lot of stuff in life,” said JACKSON SCHWARTZ, CC ’24, discussing his recent interest in improv. “But it’s kind of hard when you have to be a real person.” Luckily for him, in this year’s Varsity Show he’s more an archetype than a real person. Schwartz plays a “sweaty CS kid,” a character he says he’s familiar inhabiting in theater. But what about in real life? “I feel like there’s definitely a part of me that can get overwhelmed and sweaty,” he concedes. I ask Schwartz, in my non-theater kid ignorance-slash-bliss, how one acts out “sweaty.” Is there makeup? A spray bottle perhaps? “Sweaty is more like an embodiment,” he tells me. “Ohhh,” I say, realizing I’ve gotten sidetracked.

What else is there to say about the Varsity Show? “Come see it!” Schwartz declares. “It’s gonna be awesome.” Though I suppose if you’re reading this, you’re already in the process. –Kelsey Kitzke

Jackie Chu The American model of stardom enshrined in modern classics like Hannah Montana and Another Cinderella Story reached JACKIE CHU, BC ’22, during her childhood in Hong Kong, imparting an early understanding that she, too, needed to “make something of herself.” Learning that her naturally deep voice was not the result of nodes or a mass on her vocal chords, and after her parents had taken her to see Mamma Mia over five times and all in different countries, Chu began to understand that her path to fulfill this goal would be through song and theater. However admirable young Jackie’s reasons were for entering the world of theater, the reasons she remained have been entirely different. Her love of theater, she quickly came to understand, was not correlated with the size of her role or its quantity of lines, but with the joy that she feels when surrounded by people, by song, and by community. Chu attributes this appreciation to her father, who would repeat uplifting mantras which Chu used to brush off as cheesy but now realizes that she has fully taken to heart. As Chu was working on the 126th Varsity Show, her father received the diagnosis that led to his recent passing.

From the other end of the phone in Hong Kong, her father assured her that it was important that she stay at Columbia and that the show was an important experience: Live life in the whole, always be grateful, second chances rarely present themselves in life. With her last Varsity Show online, this year’s feels like a second chance to Chu, and she takes it with her father’s spirit in heart. –Anouk Jouffret

Casey Rogerson Carlton Arms Suite 6A does well to mimic the mind of CASEY ROGERSON, CC ’24. It is rarely coherent, often cluttered, and almost always ruminating upon Twilight. Whether he likes it or not, Rogerson’s bio is primarily about his residency in objectively the most insufferable suite at Columbia because, like its 14 other residents, this fact explains roughly 98% of his personality. The other 2% can be boiled

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Morgan Johns MORGAN JOHNS, GS ’25, would like to dedicate her performance to her daughter, Squish, a chihuahua-corgi mix whom she met and subsequently adopted in 2019, during one very eventful intermission of a Nutcracker performance. Johns, who began her life as a theater kid, ended up channeling her inclination toward the stage into ballet. Even as she pursued a dance career, her love for musical theater persisted. Entering Columbia during last year’s remote learning, Johns found a tether to the Columbia community in the form of the Varsity Show—it was her destiny, she imagined, to star in one of its productions. She scrambled to pull together an application for V128 the day of the deadline in a five-hour panic; it paid off when she landed the role of Edith, an amalgamation and exaggeration of all the stereotypes that exist about GS students. Johns, who at 23 already feels ancient among her undergraduate peers, cannot help but relate to Edith’s eccentricity and zany nature. Deeper than the personal investment in her character, Johns feels a true sense of honor to be part of something with such a rich history. In anticipation of her debut performance, she has her fingers crossed that she will not break as much as she did during rehearsals—but she makes absolutely no promises.

–Sadia Haque

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CAMPUS CHAR ACTERS

Surya Buddharaju SURYA BUDDHARAJU, CC ’23, a proud native of Omaha, Nebraska, describes his theater origin story in five words: “Middle school—I played Timon.” He confirms that ever since, “Timon lives inside me, in a big way … Certainly in the way I approach life.” A highlight performance of this hakuna matata devotee includes another Harris Solomon-original, Bard Overboard, which debuted last fall at the SoHo Playhouse. If he were to make a deal with the devil, Buddharaju would sell his soul to be “able to sing and dance.” He goes further: “If there was a way to get that without practicing or doing anything actively, that’d be pretty great.” But he also knows the value of diligence. For instance, Third Wheel Improv rejected Buddharaju in his freshman year. Now, he plays a Third Wheel member in this year’s Varsity Show, which grants him “lines, first of all,” but more importantly the “social capital of looking like I’m in an improv group without the cringe of the day-to-day realities of participating in that activity.” He would like to shout out “mom and dad … Crystal Finn … Tina Mitchell … Gisela, of course … shout out all of them, really, the whole lot of ’em.” Imparting words of wisdom in the vein of his character, Alexander Hamilton, Buddharaju advises, “Buy high. Sell low. / Because life’s too short to worry about the stock market. And that’s all I’ll say. / Because the treasury will have you covered, at the end of the day. / The treasury will have you covered.” –Maya Weed

Tatiana Mroczek TATIANA SANTOS MROCZEK, BC ’25, better known to some as this year’s Miss Staten Island, describes the Varsity Show as “a magic family” that brings out the best in each other. The self-professed theater kid, “hardcore SNL fan,” and plant mom plays Alexa, an eager freshman who is unafraid to ask for her peers’ LinkedIns after class. Among a long list of credits, Mroczek played Miss Honey in a local production of Matilda, the show which she cites as her “gateway” into the theater world; it was her stature—“I’m only 5’2” now, imagine me in elementary school”—that drew her to the empowering story of small Matilda.

Possibly more formative was her third grade stage debut as “what would be the equivalent of” Belle in an illegal, unlicensed version of Beauty and the Beast. Mroczek is perhaps one of the only people to ever be stabbed in the butt by a rogue safety pin while performing on a Broadway stage—specifically as Rona Lisa Peretti in a production of The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee at the Music Box Theater. Says she: “It was so hard not to scream during the show,” and yet, the resilient songstress survived the setback to make it to Roone for you today. She would like to thank her family: Mom, Dad, Charista, and Angelica; Miles; C-Team; cast; and Bacchantae. –Eliza Heath

Jane Watson “What is Veesh,” wonders JANE WATSON, CC ’22, “but a pie in the face to your scorned ex-lover who also happens to be your second cousin that you didn’t know you were related to?” The future high school social studies teacher and up-and-coming songwriter/producer (@missanthropopscene) is full of wisdom: “How Veesh? Like, soooo Veesh, and really, Veesh is and isn’t, and it is hot and cold and yes and no in the best ways: you can’t really describe it.” Watson, a “theater kid with imposter syndrome” on account of her lack of musical-nerd knowledge, plays Camille, a “revolutionary little French firecracker who tells it like it

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CAMPUS CHAR ACTERS is,” whom she aspires to channel in her day-to-day life. The similarities end there, though, for Camille is a frequent smoker, a habit which Watson boldly eschews to protect her voice and lungs. Currently teaching full time while she finishes senior year, Watson says she’s discovering who she is while guiding her “fun, crazy, smart, and sassy” students to their own self-realizations. “Just here for shits and gigs,” her patronus is the runner’s wave—a gesture of acknowledgement between runners which, I’ll embarrassedly admit, she had to explain to me. What’s next for Watson? “To sleep, for so long,” she proclaims—and then on to educate the next generation. She’ll leave you with one more nugget of life advice: “Live, laugh, and love; love love love love looove; nothing but love, and gratitude always. The vibe is love, the answer is love, Veesh is love.”–Eliza Heath

Shania Pahuja SHANIA PAHUJA, BC ’24, wants everyone to know that she does go to Barnard, despite the confusion (that I too shared) generated by the fact of her heterosexuality. She has been singing, dancing, and participating in theater “like … forever,” and her Varsity Show debut comes as a natural application of this tripartite passion. A woman who contains multitudes, she famously loves her pinky fingers (even though sometimes they hurt due to their fragility) and hates umbrellas (but wants an umbrella tattoo). Her favorite Varsity Show memory was during tech week when Casey, singing the titular “Well Endowed,” debuted his infamous finger-wagging technique, causing a contagion of laughter through the cast. Wearing a poncho, Jackson was rendered temporarily blind and left out of the festivities. He took to aggressively tapping Pahuja, saying, “I can’t see! I can’t see! What’s he doing?” which elevated the comedy of the whole situation for her. More often the source of laughter herself, though, Shania made her in-person musical theater debut on the sundial one NSOP night, where she performed an out-of-sorts and impromptu rendition of Aladdin’s “A Whole New World,” cementing her as a veritable campus celebrity. After the show, if you’re lucky enough, you might be able to catch Pahuja on the sundial where it all began, rehearsing for her next performance. –Sophie Simons

Olivia Cull OLIVIA CULL, BC ’24, was primed to become a theater kid ever since elementary school, when she was cast in a rousing rendition of The Odyssey—though this active engagement with the classics didn’t count towards the Foundations requirements. Her ensuing pursuit of the arts has taken many forms: She has worked as a counselor at a sleepaway camp (for which she was required to wield a machete), a Barnard Health Ambassador (she thinks the dining halls are fine as they are, by the way) and as a tour guide (did you know Columbia became co-ed the same year that Obama graduated?). An avid urban studies major, her love for the city once led to her getting her head stuck out her dorm window in an attempt to better admire the Hudson River. What does she hope that people take away from the Varsity Show? “Remember that it’s okay to fail—it helps us grow. Yeah, that's kinda cliché. Can you still put it in the bio?” –Sylvi Stein

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CAMPUS CHAR ACTERS

Adam Kluge ADAM KLUGE, CC ’22, (pronounced ‘kloog’ by the government, ‘klugussy’ by fans) just finished his thesis and is celebrating with a Varsity Show debut as Chett, a Reagan-era conservative in the body of a Columbia sophomore. Chett, as in Chett a Manger, is intolerably insufferable, relying on one-liners he’s practiced in front of a mirror to gain clout. Kluge, a self-proclaimed “reformed theater kid” who auditioned for the Varsity Show on a whim after not being cast in a single CMTS production, finds Chett to be an easy role. As do his peers, Kluge finds the show to be a source of community when “you are unable to find friends in other avenues.” His inability “to throw a ball or participate in any organized sport successfully” first led him to musical theater, but his goal now is to not be visibly identifiable as a theater kid. Is he succeeding?

Averaging about two hours of sleep a week, he wouldn’t be able to tell you—but maybe he’ll be able to reflect this summer before heading to Oxford to study criminology and criminal justice.

In sum, Adam wouldn’t change Columbia for the world, but ultimately wishes it were an entirely different institution. –Emily Olson

Lindsey Belisle LINDSEY BELISLE, BC ’23, has now stumbled into the Varsity Show twice.

When I asked her how she ended up starring in V127, she responded diplomatically: “I tend to audition for a lot of things on campus.” Trying out on a whim, she had to ask for an extension on the audition and memorized the monologue day-of. This time around, she didn’t even audition. Initially planning to spend this semester at a London theatre conservatory, she deferred her study abroad—but only after V128 auditions already passed—until the fall. Just about three weeks ago, though, she received an email inviting her to join the cast as the understudy for the devil (but, Belisle took care to clarify, “Jackie is the devil”).

Though she at first mistook the email as an early invitation to see the show, and in her earlier days of rehearsal felt intimidated joining an already well-practiced and well-acquainted ensemble, she is taking the surreality in stride. Belisle, whose first show on campus was Legally Blonde, professed a greater familiarity with roles that skew “a bit more bright-eyed ingénue,” but she’s happy to not be put into a box with her acting. She’s sourcing inspiration from evil but adored characters, like the mother in Tangled and Elphaba in Wicked, and she shares a trade secret with me: “You can’t hate the character you’re playing.” She wants to shout out Jackie, everyone for being so welcoming, her family, and her friends. “That’s kind of everyone!” –Claire Shang

CAMPUS CHAR ACTERS

Who’s Who in the Crew Creative Team GRACE BIONDI (Stage Manager, BC ’23) is a junior at Barnard studying Neuroscience. She is happy to be back for her third Varsity Show, and is quite excited to put on her first fully in person show! Thank you to the whole team for all your hard work, and for reading the rehearsal reports.

GRACE BROWN (Producer, BC ’23) is a junior at Barnard majoring in Environmental Science. She dreams of a career at the intersection of theatre & sustainability. Please send suggestions. Grace is forever grateful for the joy & friendships The Varsity Show has brought her. She promises she won't do it again next year. Maybe.

CAROLINE CASSESE (Producer, BC ’22) is a senior at Barnard studying Environmental Biology. The Varsity Show has been a part of her college experience since freshman year and she wouldn’t have it any other way. Thanks to Grace for sending the emails that I didn’t want to.

SAM LANDA (Choreographer, GS ’22) is thrilled to be choreographing the Varsity Show as his last production at Columbia. On campus, he has directed, choreographed, and written for CMTS, KCST, NOMADS, and the Columbia Circus Collective. He’s a co-founder and the Artistic Director of the Columbia Circus Collective and the president of CUPAL. JAEDA MENDOZA (Lyricist, SEAS ’23) is thrilled to be working on her first Varsity Show after learning of it via Kate McKinnon’s Wikipedia page as a high schooler. Thanks to Jerry for everything, the C-team for their hard work, the cast for being so wonderful, and everyone involved in bringing this show to life!

GIULIANA RUSSO (Director, BC ’22) would like to thank her family for pretending to understand the jokes she performed in V126, wrote in V127, and directed in V128. She thanks her stunning amazing cast and team for their incredible work and more importantly, their friendship. Finally, she thanks Mel’s, Koronet’s, and Batiste dry shampoo.

NURASYL SHOKEYEV (Writer, CC ’22) is a senior who decided to make a last-ditch foray into theater before selling his soul to the Devil of Wall Street. In fact, the Devil had only allowed him this luxury if he represented her well in the show. He thanks her, Harris, and the Veesh team for this wonderful journey.

HARRIS SOLOMON (Writer, CC ’22) is writing this in the third person, like he was instructed to do.

Freshman in V125. Special shout out to: Nury and the Veesh Family, Third Wheel Family, Bard Overboard Family, The Family (Mom, Dad, RJ), Geeg, Sophie, Nick, Zoe, Rebecca, Nicole, Sam, and everyone along the way.

JERRY ZHENG (Composer/Music Director, CC ’22) began his first semester at Columbia with The Varsity Show and is excited to end his last semester with it as well. It has been an honor for him to watch this cast and team bring his music to life. He will miss them dearly! He will not miss the Schapiro practice rooms.

Portraits by Hart Hallos, Madeleine Hermann, Jace Steiner, Maya Weed

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CAMPUS CHAR ACTERS

CAMPUS CHAR ACTERS

Production Team

theatre and film. She's very excited to be involved in this production because it is her very first Varsity Show experience!

MAYA CAMPBELL (Publicity Manager, BC ’23) is very excited to be back for another year of #ffff000 and the Rockwell font. Graphic design is her passion and one day she aspires to have her very own membership to Canva Pro.

ALEX MALAMUD (Costume Designer, BC ’23.5) is a sophomore majoring in history with a concentration in legal studies. Alex loves a good hot chocolate with a shot of espresso (no, not a mocha) and spending time in Milstein.

JENNIFER CHEN (Assistant Producer, CC ’25) is a freshman pursuing economics and exploring film and computer science. In her free time, she enjoys baking and telling herself she’s learning French by watching French TV. She’s super excited about being a part of the Varsity Show and cannot wait to share this amazing performance!

EMILY MARTIN (Assistant Stage Manager, CC ’23) is honored to be ASM-ing her first Varsity Show with such a wonderful team. She's in her third freshman year studying theatre after transferring from [REDACTED] University to Zoom University to Columbia (finally!). Emily thanks Biondi, Jasmine, and everyone involved for their incredible work.

ADELINA CORREA (Build Crew, CC ’23) is so excited to be on build crew for V128 and they hope you enjoy the show!

SOPHIA MICKELSON (Set Designer, CC ’24) loved building things!!!!!

THOMAS DOYLE (Production Assistant, GS ’24) has worked on many Columbia shows, and is excited to be a part of his first Varsity Show! He sits on the CUPAL and CMTS board and is passionate about the performing arts.

JASMINE GATES (Assistant Stage Manager, BC ’25) is so excited to work on her first Varsity Show this year! It has been such an honor to be on such a wonderful team. The cast and company has worked so hard, and she hopes you enjoy!

ELIANA GILBERT-TRACHTMAN (Assistant Lighting Design, BC ’23) is excited to help bring Varsity Show back to a normal setting, and is proud of everyone working on the show for their hard work! She has enjoyed collaborating with the talented people in this program, and doesn't want the show to end because that means studying for finals.

JULIA HAY (Assistant Sound Designer, CC ’24) Some say it was destiny that Julia found out about applying for the Varsity Show. Others say it was divine intervention. Either way, Julia is glad to be working on such a great show this semester and can’t wait for y'all to see what they’ve all been preparing.

MICAELA HECHT (Costume Designer, BC ’22) is a senior at Barnard majoring in theatre with a costume design concentration. Costume design is not her hobby; it’s her main thing. Her hobbies include roller skating, photography, painting, drinking coffee, watching TV shows and Marvel movies, playing intramural soccer, reading comics, listening to music, and sleeping.

JENNIFER HOANG (Publicity Team, CC ’23) was a big fan of varsity jackets in middle school but has since gone on to bigger and better things, like the Varsity Show. 10/10 character development.

SARA HOFFMAN (Assistant Choreographer, CC ’24) is pleased to say she has now helped choreograph a musical on Broadway (and 116th). Watching the cast catch onto the choreo quicker than herself always brings a smile to her face. She's grateful to have worked with such a dedicated and genuine cast.

ANDREW KIRDAHY (Assistant Producer, CC ’24) is beyond thrilled to help bring the Varsity Show back to life for its first live performance since the start of the pandemic! He has loved watching the show come together through different stages of development and cannot wait for the Columbia community to witness the amazing talent!

ANNABELLA KLIMAN (Lighting Designer, BC/JTS ’24) is excited to be on the Lighting Design Team for her second Varsity Show and fifteenth production as a crew member. You can spot Annabella on the corner of 116th and Broadway wearing her emotional support sunglasses that have been a staple ever since her second concussion.

ESTHER LEE (Copy Editor, CC ’25) is a first-year in Columbia College planning to double major in

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CHRISTIAN PALOMARES (Old Man, CC ’22) Time to rest.

JULIA PATELLA (Assistant Choreographer, BC ’25) is passionate about hitting musical accents and groove. A dance major and fan of the Varsity Show, she is proud of this company and grateful to Sam. MAYLLA PATRICK (Build Crew, CC ’23) is excited to have been a part of V128 and they hope you enjoy the show!

NICK PORSBORG (Master Carpenter, CC ’22) is thrilled to help build for his first Varsity Show! He brings with him five years of set building experience, and has worked on the build teams for Barnard's department shows, KCST’s Macbeth, and The Tempest (or he was supposed to before, you know, the global pandemic).

ASIYAH RAJAB (Technical Director, CC ’22) is a lost Floridian studying film and poli sci. She wandered into Varsity rehearsals one day and just stayed. No one has questioned her presence, but it’s only a matter of time. She’s excited to see everyone’s hard work come to fruition and finally figure out what a tech director does.

AMRITHA RAMESH (Assistant Producer, BC ’25) is a first-year at Barnard majoring in economics. She is thrilled to be working on the Varsity Show! Previously, she has worked on CMTS’ Rocky Horror Picture Show and various short films.

SOPHIE SIMONS (Sound/Projects Designer, BC ’25) is working on so many shows this semester that she can hardly remember which bio she’s writing, but hopes it’s for the Varsity Show because that’s been her favorite so far! When not listening to different Amazon Alexa sound effects (you’ll see), she is proud to be on the board of both KCST and CMTS! Thanks to the whole team for making this happen.

CORDELL D. SMITH (Assistant Props Master, CC ’23) is also a part of the Varsity Show!

MASHA SOKOLOVA (Assistant Costume Designer, CC ’24) is very excited to be contributing to the Varsity Show! Her previous experience has been in filmmaking and animation. This is her first time working on costume design. It has been a joy working with the team and she thanks Micaela for being such a great design mentor.

ELIZA STAPLES (Assistant Director, BC ’23) is so excited to be part of V128! Previously, she has directed for CMTS 24 Hour and XMAS!16. All love to Gigi and the whole C-team, it's been a delight. She especially thanks the cast for taking her notes on how to make the show as camp as possible.

HELI SUN (Assistant Music Director, BC ’23) is writing this bio because Jerry told her to. She has greatly enjoyed working alongside Jerry and Jaeda, and will miss working with this cast and team dearly. She also hates every Shapiro piano. Columbia needs to fix their pianos.

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T H E G L O S S A RY

I N V E S T I G AT I V E S P E C I A L

The Official V128 Glossary

The History of the Varsity Show

BY EMILY OLSON, GUSTIE OWENS, BEN SCHERZER, BAHA TOPBAS, LAUREN UNTERBERGER

BY JULIAN GERBER, JAYNE MAGLIOCCO, VISH NAMBIAR, GUSTIE OWENS, BEN SCHERZER, SOPHIE SIMONS

(so you won’t have to ask your neighbor during the show) THE HEIGHTS: Quaint bar that Lin Manuel Miranda once walked into, hosts a rockin’ trivia night.

AMITY: Sports and brunch bar named after one of the Divergent factions.

HUNGARIAN: The only remaining pastry shop of the Austro-Hungarian Empire.

AVERY: The only library that its occupants base their entire personality on.

DEANTINI: Columbia’s signature drink. And signature dean.

CHEF MICHAEL: Anthony Bourdain and Guy Fieri’s biggest inspiration.

SURF AND TURF: Columbia Dining event dubbed Surf, Turf, and Smurf until the 2012 legislation banning the consumption of small blue people, after which the Smurf has been removed.

BLUE JAVA: Land where the muffins are moist and the coffee is piping hot.

FERRIS: Dining hall shaped like the wheel.

LENFEST: Annual gathering of Dudes Named Len. Alternatively, a “dynamic hub” of an arts center, located in “Upper Manhattan.”

CANADA GOOSE: Very polite, won’t honk at you.

EC: A campus highrise and breeding ground for mono, hangovers, and memories.

WHEN2MEET: Premier dating app for overly busy NYC professionals.

SCHERMERHORN: An academic building. Campus equivalent of the gif/jif pronunciation debate, among nerds and archaeologists.

CAVA: Mediterranean fast food chain, but they’re all wearing silly little EMT costumes.

GAB NYC: A simulation of a Columbia student.

SUNIL GULATI: Economics lecturer-slash-enigma. Very good at FIFA and understands big graphs.

BRIAN GREENE: A physicist in the way Sheldon Cooper is a real scientist.

ALUMNI CALL CENTER: It’s like when you call an ex at 2 a.m. for pity sex, but for donations.

SQUID GAME: When you get sushi and you can’t remember if you ordered calamari or octopus for an appetizer.

GIVING DAY: When it looks bright and the sun is out.

MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD: Former Iranian president and speaker at the 2007 Columbia World Leaders Forum. See also:

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n 1894, the Varsity Show began as a fundraiser for Columbia’s athletic teams. Over the years, it has evolved into an independent performing arts tradition that satirizes life at Columbia through its takes on politics, student groups, administrators and other aspects of campus life.

Following the classic trope of theater kids supporting loser athletes, proceeds from the Varsity Show continue to fund important sports at Columbia, for example: buying yellow water bottles for Bacchanal day drinking.

In the spirit of previous Varsity Shows taking on issues like the Russian Revolution (Varsity Show 1920) and the US invasion of Nicaragua (Varsity Show 1932), recent Varsity Shows have been based on political issues like tent erection, sign-ins at Barnard, and JJ’s Place hours.

In the Hall of Fame of Varsity Show alumni, Richard Rogers and Oscar Hammerstein II stand out above the rest. Many believe the prolific duo met at Columbia while working on the show together.

However, they actually met later at a local hole-inthe-wall called Ole Mel’s Tavern, where they bonded over nostalgia for the good ole days when boys could be boys: put on goofy little wigs and dresses and sing their hearts out.

When their boys club eventually parted ways, a new era of Varsity Show history began. Many celebrities we’ve actually heard of have peppered the stage, including Kate McKinnon of SNL fame. Other celebrities have been seen lingering outside rehearsal, such as Bari Weiss, then the insufferable girlfriend of Kate McKinnon.

Many alumni have taken their experiences from the show and applied them to fields outside mediocre student entertainment. Jake Gyllenhaal learned how to break women’s hearts as the only straight man in the cast. Robert Kraft apparently applied to write the Varsity Show his senior year, but was rejected from the job because he could only think of happy endings. Andrew Yang learned how to get over losses quickly when he was promised a producer position but someone else ended up with the job. Martha

Stewart learned how to run a show on a tight budget as the producer the year the budget dipped to an inexplicable low.

Jeez, it really has been 128 years of this shit. How much more is there to talk about, really? Well, as it happens, enough to keep us occupied for the next two hours.

Illustration by Oonagh Mockler

CHALLENGE MATCH: Grindr but for “extremely” straight people.

I

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T H E C O N V E R S AT I O N

T H E C O N V E R S AT I O N

The Creative Team Shares All

“Lock a bunch of very funny Columbia students in a room and tell them they have a semester to satirize the CU experience in a way that the student body can identify with, and in a way that is completely original while honoring the history of the tradition. Unlock the door about four months later,” says director Giuliana Russo, “and see The Varsity Show!” But for audiences eager to know what exactly happened in those four months, here is a glimpse from the C-team themselves, recently freed from their captivity . . .

Pitch the Varsity Show to me. Why is it important?

Giuliana Russo, director: Columbia seems to be a place where people are stuck in a limbo between the school and the city. It is so easy to drift away from campus culture and start taking yourself really seriously as an adult. Varsity pulls you back in. It reminds us that we are all students, we are imperfect, and the time we have here is short and magical.

Caroline Cassese, co-producer: My favorite thing about the Varsity Show is getting to watch everyone excel at what they do, while simultaneously uniting over the shared experience of being a student at Columbia. I see something every day that I know I could never do, and yet it is being done right in front of me at such a high level.

Grace Brown, co-producer: Being the first show back after two years online because of Covid, I think I speak for our team when I say that we definitely feel how important it is to conceptualize the Varsity Show as something with a history and tradition that goes back before we were even in college. This year, we really feel the enormity and honor of being able to bring this tradition back to campus and likely introduce the Varsity Show to many students for the first time.

Sam Landa, choreographer: I’ve never worked with The Varsity Show before, but I have enjoyed the chance to work on a show with long-standing traditions. I’ve loved the opportunity to work on an original show, since all the shows that I’ve choreographed have been constrained by script copyrights.

I’ve loved having the opportunity to create a dialogue among the creative team, especially the music team, and having the opportunity to revise songs together to best suit our show.

Grace Biondi, stage manager: Every year I tell my roommate “this is the last year I do Varsity,” and then I keep doing it. Varsity is such a huge commitment, it

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really takes up so much of my life every spring. And I love how much work goes into it, how hectic it gets, and seeing the finished product after so much time. I also love being a part of a process that really builds a show up from nothing. Varsity is such a unique experience and I have found so much joy in it each year.

How’d you end up here?

Caroline Cassese, co-producer: I found the Varsity Show on a flier in the Barnard quad in the fall of 2018.

I interviewed on a whim, and ended up as an Assistant Stage Manager for V125. I went on to Stage Manage V126, which turned into V126.5 (still have no idea what a virtual SM does), and then was an “editor” for V127 (though Gigi will tell you otherwise).

Grace Brown, co-producer: In high school, I was obsessed with Greta Gerwig after watching Frances Ha and Mistress America. After getting into Barnard, I of course had to uncover every aspect of her time at Barnard in order to plan my own college experience.

From Greta Gerwig’s senior wisdom (“Varsity Varsity Varsity”), I knew I had to find out what all this fuss was about. I assistant stage managed V126, co-stage managed V127, and then fell in love with producing and came back for more.

Nurasyl Shokeyev, co-writer: When my friend told me to apply for the Varsity Show, I thought it was for an assistant writer position. It came as quite a surprise when I found out I was co-writing the book.

Nevertheless, having previously written only shortform comedy such as standup routines and Federalist articles, Veesh was an opportunity to take on a longer, more collaborative project. Although it has been very “consuming,” I am glad to have done it because of the really talented people I got to work with and the creative experience I gained.

Jerry Zheng, composer: This show is my first score!

I grew up playing piano and singing musical theatre, and I had previously written pop songs. I got more into composition in college, and after being a cast member in V126, knew I wanted to try my hand at composing for the Varsity Show.

Jaeda Mendoza, lyricist: I’d heard about the Varsity Show before coming to college and I always found it so interesting. As a transfer, I knew I wanted to somehow be involved with the production but it was never my ambition to be a part of the creative team.

When I saw that the deadline for C-team applications had been extended, I decided to apply on a whim and

here I am!

Sam Landa, choreographer: I developed an interest in dance when I was young, but my interest in choreography came when I started working as a circus artist. It opened up new possibilities of movement quality and storytelling through movement. In circus, there is no consistent base vocabulary, it’s like the opposite of ballet. This led me to explore how movement, whether dance, circus, or just everyday gestures, can be built upon to inform a narrative.

What does your role entail?

Giuliana Russo, director: Each day I wake up to a series of texts from the producers with updates and read them like the morning paper. I spend the day in dialogue with my fantastic C-team as they submit or share their newest scene, song, or choreography.

I remain in awe of their individual talents. At 8, I go to rehearsal and ask the actors about their days. We do a lot of stretching, which is mostly for my own benefit. Then we work through a scene or two. I go to sleep each night very grateful to be making a show together.

Caroline Cassese, co-producer: Grace and I once calculated that we spent more than 50 hours together over the span of one week; I always have at least 10 tabs open that are related only to the Varsity Show, and am constantly refreshing my email; One time, I was on a run (my designated Varsity-free time), and ended up on an hour-long phone call with Gigi.

Grace Brown, co-producer: The producer is essentially responsible for overseeing all aspects of the production and keeping the ship on course, so to speak. We manage the budget, book rehearsal spaces, oversee the technical and design process, set timelines and ticket prices, and pretty much deal with any issues that come up. As a producer, you get to work on both the business and creative side of the show, so there’s a lot of variety in the tasks we do day-to-day.

Nurasyl Shokeyev, co-writer: Let’s just say, at times it show English not my first language. В следующий раз, попробую на Русском.

Grace Biondi, stage manager: Everyday I wake up and think, “did I remember to send out the daily call” in a panic. Then I send the daily call. It’s my job to make the rehearsal schedules and send those out to the cast. At rehearsal I keep track of time and the show’s progress with rehearsal reports that get sent out each night. I also keep track of the blocking for each scene with illegible blocking notes. That’s my favorite part because I’ve never had to use my blocking notes in the seven years I have been stage

managing. During the show, I will call each tech cue from the tech booth in Roone.

Jerry Zheng, composer: The nature of the Varsity Show lends itself to a very different way of composing—the show is written in one semester and is tailored to the cast we picked. Music is written with specific voices in mind and a breakneck speed of writing that isn’t really seen in other settings. It’s also a comedy, so there’s less room for ballads and other mid-tempo songs that are more in my comfort zone.

These are limitations, but they’re limitations that have been fun and great for stretching my creativity!

What are your favorite Varsity traditions?

Giuliana Russo, director: My favorite general Varsity tradition is definitely the first night/pie-ing/photo on Alma. My favorite 128 tradition has been Koronet after rehearsal with anyone on the team who will brave the “grade pending” signage with me to dine on a vodka slice.

Nurasyl Shokeyev, co-writer: I love the tradition of locking writers in a dark basement for months until we come up with a full script. Harris and I have spent a lot of quality time down there together.

Jaeda Mendoza, lyricist: There’s simply something so endearing about those yellow “See the Varsity Show” water bottles!

Would you be cut from Columbia, and on what grounds?

Giuliana Russo, director: I would absolutely be cut from Columbia and it would be because I’ve publicly spilt food on the front of every shirt I own.

Caroline Cassese, co-producer: I would definitely be cut from Columbia. It would probably be because I tried to get my dog inside somewhere on campus where he doesn’t belong.

Grace Brown, co-producer: I would be cut for consistently spending more time on student theater per week than my classes, which is definitely not in line with Columbia’s stress culture.

Jerry Zheng, composer: I’d probably be cut for tripping on the many elevations on campus (Lerner Ramps, Hamilton Stairs, Low Steps, etc.)

Jaeda Mendoza, lyricist: I am an idiot in STEM. I would most definitely be cut.

Sam Landa, choreographer: I am uncancellable. (I’d probably be cut because of that.)

Grace Biondi, stage manager: I would be cut from Columbia for the now three overdue lab reports I have yet to submit.

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D E P T. O F T H A N K S

Corporate Sponsors The Varsity Show, The Blue and White, and Fed are institutionally indebted to…

Male birth control Mel’s Peacock Cathedral of St. John The Divine Meryl Streep David Foster Wallace Lobster Endowment for The Arts Princeton Alumni A Cappella WeWork Tamagotchi The Halal Cart(s) Liz’s Place Dental dams Walter Mondale’s 1984 presidential campaign @barnardfits Newsstand outside Lerner Koronet health inspector Raytheon ExxonMobil Columbia Smoke Shop Ivy League Stationers mannequins Forbes 30 Under 30 Lucky Strike: “It's Toasted” Columbia Confessions OxiClean The third season of the hit HBO show Succession Spectator op-ed section Trojan ENZ Miami Vice Institute of Cocaine Aesthetics Hyperpop Cahiers du Cinéma Greta Gerwig’s upcoming Barbie movie MKUltra Tinder Premium 23

Acknowledgments We would like to thank the following organizations and individuals for making this show possible: The Activities Board at Columbia Alumni of the Varsity Show Ashley Nail & the TIC The Blue and White Bacchantae Columbia Department of Public Safety Columbia University Events Management The Columbia Federalist Columbia Musical Theatre Society Columbia Office of Student Life Columbia University Performing Arts League Dean James Valentini Emily Anderson Emily Delman Fruit Paunch Improv Lerner Technical Services Lhana Ormenyi & The Glicker-Milstein Theater Nonsequitur SHARP Victoria Dunn, Christina Apollonio, & Columbia Dining The Minor Latham Playhouse And thank you for watching the show!