The Black Sheep
FR EE ... of like ST Ds you fr r e om xo Sp tic rin co l g Bre lec ak tion .
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 4, Issue 4 • 3/14/13 - 3/26/13
Spring Break Proves Disastrous for ignorant dude Dillon McLaughlin and Shannon Poulsen wrote this Spring break officially starts this week, marking the beginning of a string of boner-killing circumstances for Andrew Marshall and his vacationing friends. Marshall has been planning his Cancun spring break for nearly four months. The break begins this Friday and will disappoint Marshall and his friends up until class resumes a week from Monday. Accompanying Marshall are Davis Inglewood, a junior biology major; Harry Cooper, a sophomore who still doesn’t know what he wants to major in before going to medical school; Gary Marshall, Andrew’s older brother and a senior English major; and Gary’s friend Tucker Turner, a senior sociology major. No girls are coming for Marshall’s fear that they will “cock-block like mad, yo.” “I'm really looking forward to this year's break,” said Marshall. “I've got roughly six gallons of assorted alcohols and I plan on needing to restock by Wednesday.” He planned all this without the knowledge of the impending Hurricane Julio, the path of which will sweep directly over the Fiesta Americana Grand Coral Beach Resort and Spa. “I picked it because the name means American Party,” said Marshall, demonstrating his mind-blowing proficiency at elementary Spanish. “We really want to hit the beaches, check out bitches in bikinis, and find some of that repurposed rocket fuel from The Rum Diaries,” said Inglewood. “And it’s been awhile since I’ve seen a mostly naked woman, and if I don’t take some body shots from desperate, single college girls, I’ve failed myself.” Most of their spring break will be spent inside, weathering Julio, ordering delivery from the Mexi-Chinese takeout place down the street, and sorting through the rubble of Cancun, looking for the natives’ loved ones in a shameless attempt to pick up women. “Oh yeah, Tucker’s bringing his N64 down with him, just in case one of the nights isn’t so great,” said the older Marshall. “But Cancun doesn’t get much bad weather, so I can’t imagine we’ll need it a whole lot.” On Thursday night, when they can finally leave the hotel, none of them will be able to score.
“Cooper knelt down behind me, grabbed my ass, and sang ‘I’ve got a love-uh-ly bunch of coconuts,’ just like that scene in Lion King,” Fiesta Americana owner Catarina Gutierrez says in the future. “There were fat tears in his eyes and snot running down his nose. These boys need to go home.”
“Oh my god, they were sooooo gross,” vacationer Amanda Saliorus will say. “They came in to the bar already wasted and relentlessly hit on me and my friend Brie. They called us, ‘pretty young things.’ Ewww, that’s something that old-man perverts say. It was like I had five new uncles.”
Their return flight the following Friday will be delayed eight hours as airport workers attempt to clear the runway of displaced hurricane victims and the boys will share a row with a family of toddlers who didn’t get their juice this morning.
“I’m pretty sure they drank some kind of grain alcohol out of a milk carton during their pregame and mocked the missing-child notice on the side of it,” Stephanie Altrum also says in the future. “All they talked about was how much salami they’d be able to fit in a dead raccoon. And then one of them ran in with a knife and a feral cat, saying it was the closest thing he could find to a raccoon and where does the club keep the lunchmeats.”
In an attempt to hide his embarrassment at “not getting his D wet,” the Saturday after his return, Inglewood will Photoshop pictures of himself with mostly naked women on the beaches of Cancun and upload them to Facebook. With the destruction from Julio being so well covered, everyone will know the pictures are fake and Inglewood won’t sleep with an attractive woman for four more years.
Reports indicate that the last night of their trip will be spent in a run-down karaoke bar, putting coins in a jukebox to “have the experience.” Tucker will grab an indigenous Mexican rattlesnake and emulate Britney Spears circa the 2001 VMAs while singing “I’m a Slave 4 U” in a horrible southern accent.
A St. Paddy's Day in the Life of Green Beer In case you’ve ever been drunk enough to wonder what your beer is thinking.
Turner will brag about the trip for a week, realize that he left his N64 there, and sob quietly in his room, mourning his lost piece of nostalgia. “This is definitely going to be a break to hide from my grandchildren,” said Marshall. “I just hope I pack enough underwear. Sometimes I forget and then the whole vacation is ruined.”
what'’s inside Physics of Spring
We explain why your GPA springs forward in the fall and falls back in the spring.
The People You See at the Bar on St. Paddy’s Day
We all know these guys. We all hate these guys. Don’t be these guys.
! page two k e e W e h t f o Pic word of the week Anti-elope:
A contrarian stance taken by college males, denying their desire to ever marry. “Dude, I’m so anti-elope, I ain’t ever marrying no bitches.”
That's the wrong kind of floss, ladies!
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A St. Paddy’s Day in the Life of Green Beer Kim Hogan wrote this
God, it’s loud in here. Clock above the bar says… 10 a.m.? That can’t be right, this place is packed already. Calendar above the bar says Sunday, March 17th. That explains it. It seems as though I’ve just been expelled from the keg I’ve called home my entire life, and forced to relocate to this Solo cup that reads “Mark” and has a poorly drawn picture of a leprechaun sporting a large rainbow boner on it. So this is what I was made for, it all comes to this. How dignifying. Up I go, into the loving embrace of my new friend Mark, who proceeds to spill part of me down the front of his shirt, while yelling “YOLO, mothafuckas!” What have I done to deserve this? After another failed attempt at simple handeye coordination, Mark puts me down on a table and walks over to his frat bros to do some high-fiving and to say things like, “Dude I can’t believe we all ended up in the shower last night, that was so much fun; no homo.” I scan the crowd, hoping to be picked up by someone with a tenuous grasp of the English language, and preferably not wearing stunner shades and a lax pinnie that says “Come at me, bro.” I spot a sketchy-looking dude walk past me and drop something into the cup on my right. Close call. No roofies for me, thanks. Mark is back to get me and I start to splash around as I’m brought over to a couch with four girls on it, all jabbering about something. I can only make out bits and pieces of their conversation, such as, “lost my iPhone at Pinkberry” and “I’m not drunk, you betch.” The one with pigtails stands up and pinches Mark on the arm. Something about not wearing green. Um hello, does no one even notice my existence? It’s not every day Nasty Natty turns into a mean, green, love machine. Back to Mark. I can tell he’s attempting to flirt with Pigtails but clearly crashing harder than the kid in the corner who looks like he’s coming down from a bi-winning binge and quickly realizing he does not have tiger blood. I think I just heard Mark mention something about putting his grandma in a home. Is he actively trying to not get laid? It’s time to
step in. I start rocking myself back and forth as hard as I can until some of me spills out onto Pigtails. Jackpot. Mark takes my cue and starts apologizing as he wipes my contents off her shirt. Second base. You’re welcome. A while later, the conversation is really rolling. Mark hasn’t mentioned his grandma in at least 15 minutes and Pigtails keeps saying things like, “You are so totally right, the gym at Independence is like, such a far walk from the Towers.” I can see where this is going and sure enough, a few minutes later, they leave me on my table again and run off to someone else’s bedroom to give themselves something to regret tomorrow morning. I scan the crowd again and spot a kid in a green t-shirt that says, “Kush me, I’m Irish.” Going around and rescuing all of the fallen soldiers at this party probably seemed like a good idea three blunts ago, but I can tell he’s about to approach the table of cups filled with ugly-people aphrodisiac. Time to save Reefer Dude from Roofie Dude. With my 10-second window of time, I do the only thing I can; tip myself over. Reefer Dude somehow sees me start to fall and, with startlingly agile reflexes for someone who looks like he just dipped from a late-night bongo sesh with Matthew McConaughey and Snoop Dogg, he actually manages to catch me before I hit the ground. Close call. He returns me to my full, upright position and walks over to the fridge for some bacon-flavored potato chips and whipped cream. My hero. It’s 4 a.m. now and the party crowd dwindles until it’s down to the last five guys, sitting around in a circle, determined to surpass a level of fucked-up that any normal person would ever aspire to. These are the last true partiers. The chuggers. I feel myself being picked up by the one with the biggest beer belly. He’s wearing a black t-shirt that says, “College,” but no one pinched him today for not wearing green. Because this guy treats every day like St. Paddy’s Day. I realize it’s time to finally fulfill my destiny and I tip my hat to him as he throws me back in one big… GULP!
Blue Hen Ambassador Program Perfecting Robot Ambassador, Hopes to “Replace all Humans” by 2018 Chris gray wrote this All eyes were on the Blue Hen Ambassador program Thursday when a prototype robot-ambassador malfunctioned in the Trabant Student center for the third time this month. The robot reportedly, “shot lasers at the Chick-fil-A stand whilst discussing the benefits of Delaware’s robust service-learning scholarship program.” The incident shed light on some of the more nefarious dealings of the BHA program, even as its members rushed to blog about the incident as a positive and rewarding educational experience. Funded by a massive endowment from an anonymous donor, the Blue Hen Ambassadors program at the University of Delaware has spent the last ten years developing what they describe as, “a robotic humanoid capable of performing the basic tasks required of a standard human Blue Hen Ambassador.” This development reignited the ethical debate plaguing the BHA program, which is traditionally known for recruiting chipper, positive-minded individuals to run tours and recruiting events around campus. The robot program, known as BHARP (Blue Hen Ambassador Robot Program) by those involved, began in 2003 as an alternative strategy to boost future enrollment. In the past few years, the program has flourished under the control of the new “Grand Ambassador” to the BHA program, Dr. John Nicholson. In an attempt to get a better handle on what, at first glance seems like a bunch of science fiction nonsense, The Black Sheep sat down with Grand Ambassador Nicholson to get a better idea of what exactly they are working on. “Well, you see,” said Dr. Nicholson, “the problems with human ambassadors are countless. First of all, they age. You wouldn’t believe this, but every year nearly a quarter of our ambassadors are lost to graduation. Many more die in touring accidents or are
used to feed Air Youdee. Training new ambassadors every year is costly and inefficient. Another problem with humans is the fact that they all look so different. Who wants to come to a school where their tour guide is ugly, or short, or both? It’s disgusting. A Blue Hen Ambassador is the face of the entire institution—they need to be physically attractive as well as demographically appropriate.” “The biggest problem with humans, though, is their proclivity for free thinking,” Dr. Nicholson continued, “we’ve tried everything: we’ve shocked our ambassadors, brainwashed them, conditioned them with scraps of food or bells. But we can’t seem to stop our students from having negative or unsatisfactory experiences with the university. This is a real problem. People need to think that our school is perfect if they are ever going to come here. We need a group of ambassadors who are incapable of having a negative thought. I feel comfortable telling you all of this because nobody reads your magazine.” Dr. Nicholson provided us a short list of goals for the robot: - Indistinguishable from real humans - Capable of living and interacting with human students - Continually updated database of historical knowledge concerning the university - Forwards interests of university at all costs - Incapable of human affection or emotion - Runs on “human food” - Camera eyes - Rocket hands - Laser teeth Some current BHAs commented on this controversial program. Rachel, a junior BHA and marketing major told us, “Blue Hen
Ambassador robots? That’s crazy! Who told you that? Ha. Ha. You must be joking. What a silly joke! Seriously though, who told you?” Ryan, a sophomore ex-BHA said, “I wouldn’t be surprised if the all the tour guides were just a bunch of robots. It actually makes more sense that way.” Casey, a freshman BHA and communications major with stringy blonde hair and dead eyes said, “Yes. The Blue Hen Ambassadors program is so much fun. I love Delaware. It was my first choice. I love it because the campus is so safe. Study abroad is Delaware! So amazing experience.” While the ethical questions of the Blue Hen Ambassador Robot Program remain unanswered, the debate rages on. Throughout it all, though, it is important to remember our school spirit. In the words of Casey the BHA, “University of Delaware is my favorite human school! I mean, school.”
Fashion Trends We'd like to see Graduate UD
10.) Sperry’s: Raise your hand if you own a yacht. One, two, three… do we see a hand way in the back? Okay, so four students at UD are rightfully allowed to wear boat shoes. As for the other 17,996 of you, quit fooling yourselves with this nautical nonsense. The only boating experience you have is that one time when your class took a canoe trip in elementary school, and you were the jerk that stood up and tipped over the entire thing. People don’t forget… 9.) North Face: Now raise your hand if you own a North Face. One, two, three, so pretty much everyone then? If you have ever lost your jacket at Kate’s and tried to describe it to the coat check ladies, then you know that the phrase, “It’s a Black North Face fleece” will get you nothing but frustration. Consider it lost. 8.) Backwards Sunglasses on Top of a Backwards Hat: Do we even need to explain ourselves? This is the most useless fashion trend since tying your sneakers together was popular. Unless you literally have eyes in the back of your head, this look makes no sense. Just like your life, you need to turn this around.
The Physics of Spring Anthony Armao wrote this Welcome to spring, the true most wonderful time of year. Who isn’t thrilled when they open their blinds in the morning to warm sunshine, rather than that cold, depressing and seemingly perpetual winter gray? Aside from replacing your case of Seasonal Affective Disorder with Spring Fever, spring brings upon certain unavoidable changes to the student body. Let’s call these laws The Physics of Spring! These laws have yet to be officially recognized by the world of science, but rest assured it doesn’t take a falling piece of fruit bouncing off your skull for you to realize that these laws are as certain as gravity itself. We can’t say to what degree spring will affect you physically, mentally, and socially; but what is immutable is that we should all prepare to be significantly less productive human beings. You don’t have to be a physicist to understand the one infallible law of college campuses, and that is when the temperature goes up, GPAs go down. We all have that friend or roommate that constantly needs to be doing some sort of activity that’s more fun than schoolwork. When the weather’s cold it’s easy to shoot down their idea to go to “Yuengs and Wings” at Rooney’s, because you can always use the cold as a scapegoat to stay warm and cozy under a pile of textbooks. Even when they want to do an indoor activity like playing Mario Kart or watch a movie, it’s still easier to say no when your books and laptop are within arm’s reach, taunting you menacingly. Then March comes around bringing “50 and sunny” days, and all of a sudden chapter 4 of The Essentials of Sociology doesn’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell of keeping you inside. So why must the GPA fall? It’s because in the beginning of the school year we’re fresh, motivated and we promise ourselves that this is the year that we raise our GPA. Our poten-
tial energy is high, but after all, what goes up must come down. By the time spring springs we’re burnt out and just don’t give a shit. We boost our GPA in the fall and winter so it can return to equilibrium by the end of the year. The same goes for our health and exercise habits. Once the New Year’s Resolutions come in season, we all hit the gym to get into our annual physical peak in time for sleeveless season. Bad news is, once spring break is over and you’ve already put your Cancun body to its intended use, your incentive to stay in shape will not make it past US Customs. Just like your GPA, your body will return to its normal, flabby equilibrium. We even instinctively try to rush back to high blood-pressured homeostasis, considering any physical activities you do from spring forward will involve drinking heavily, whiffle ball, Frisbee, even tanning. Keep in mind that the physics of spring have the strongest effect on seniors. Not only are the greatest years of their lives coming to an end, but they’re all drinking because “It’s senior year, when are you ever going to be able to do this again?” or “Come on! It’s Earth Day, I think.” To top it off, when you’re located in Newark, Delaware and you’re not in class or drowning in schoolwork; there’s not much else to do aside from royally pissing off your liver and disregarding all of your physician’s recommendations about not poisoning your body every day. They tell you when you get to college that you can only pick two of the three categories of sleep, good grades, and a social life. It just takes a healthy dose of sunlight to encourage us pick the right two. Our emotional potential energy is high right now after a long winter, but spring is just around the corner!
7.) Uggs: We think they should just change the name to “Ugh,” because that’s what we say every time we see a pair of these furry atrocities around campus. Did you put any effort into yourself today? Did you mean to walk out of the house in knee-high slippers? They’re nice in the sense that you can slip your iPhone down in there since your leggings don’t have pockets. Then again, if you’re sporting the Uggs and leggings combination, we don’t want to call you anyway. 6.) The Girl Who Comes to Class Way Too Dressed Up: We were having a pretty good selfesteem day waiting for class to start with our sweats and our NDB Triple Bacon sandwich. Then you showed up in heels and a sundress and made us want to go jump off a bridge. Girl, it is 9:05 in the morning and this is bio chem; do SO much less. 5.) Cuffed Jeans: They do this thing now where they sell jeans in short, regular, or long, so there should be no reason that your jeans have to drag all over the ground. AKA: no cuffing necessary. And seriously, why the short pants? Was there a small flood we missed this morning? If you’re doing it to show off your Sperry’s, that’s just a double no-no. Please roll your pants down or we might be tempted to do it for you. 4.) Knee-High Socks: Unless you just came from a soccer game or a Boy Scout Meeting, there’s no reason for your socks to be as high as they are right now. We’re not sure if “hiding my ugly shins” is now a body image complex that we should be sensitive to, but if your shorts are brushing the tops of your socks, you’re doing it all wrong. 3.) Flannels at Bars: We’re not hating on flannels, per se. But when girls are expected to make the trek to Tim’s in heels, you boys better not show up looking like a lumberjack. While it’s true that girls try way harder when going out, at least look like you made an effort. Keep it up and we might just start showing up to Kildare’s sporting that leggings and Uggs combination we’re so fond of. 2.) Jeans in the Gym: Were you expecting to work out or work the runway? If the gym staff hasn’t kicked you out and you’ve made it onto the treadmill wearing your Levi’s, just turn around and show yourself to the door. You will be judged so hard by everyone else that it’s not even worth being there. 1.) Chubbies: First came the salmon colored shorts, which were bad enough. Then the hemline slowly started creeping its way up and the fabric tightened around the thighs. Chubbies were born. We’re not sure why the frat stars think this is a good look but we’ve yet to find a single person who can rock the tight, pastel colored shorts look. Put those white thighs away before you blind us all!
kelia scott wrote this
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People You See at the Bar on St. Paddy’s Day buddy walnut wrote this There are few holidays more enjoyable than St. Patrick’s Day; an entire day dedicated to getting belligerently drunk and acting recklessly sounds like a great way to kick off spring. College towns across the country will be painted green as flocks of students head to frat day-drinks that are sure to get busted up way too early, forcing underclassmen to wander around the streets looking for a party to crash while those over 21 make a b-line for the nearest bar. Throughout the day you should plan to stumble into a wacky cast of characters as you pretend to enjoy the Guinness your friend just bought you because, “It’s a St. Patty’s Day tradition.” The guy who is just way too into getting dressed up: We’re all for ladies wearing as little as possible, but the dude wearing just an Irish flag and body paint trying to squeeze his way up to the bar is a pain in everyone’s asses. Nobody wants to see that shit. Just buy a green t-shirt from 5 and Dime like everyone else. No need to creep everyone the fuck out by rubbing orange and green paint all over the bar. The guy who doesn’t get dressed up at all: Worse than the over-dressed guy is the guy who just refuses to take part in St. Patty’s Day. Is it too hard to find a green shirt and wear it for one day? Just borrow one from a friend so you don’t have to wear a red polo or worse, a red polo with a popped collar. It’s not cool to not wear St. Patty’s Day colors on St. Patty’s Day. You stand out in all the wrong ways, so just wear some green. Way too drunk way too early guy: St. Patty’s Day is the perfect excuse to shotgun a beer at 8 a.m. as you blast some Irish folk music to get the day going, but remember: it’s a marathon, not a sprint. The guy calling his friends pussies for not chugging Jameson first thing in the morning will end up passing out before making it to the bar. If he does find his second wind, he’ll be more zombie than the shittalking bro he was a few hours ago. The “St. Patty’s Day is not meant for drinking” guy: No one wants to hear your bullshit about why you “Don’t celebrate because we turned a day intended to honor the death of a saint into an excuse to get wasted.” Stay home and watch the History Channel if you want, but don’t bring that shit out in public. There’s no need to be a buzz kill. Yes we are getting shitfaced, and no we don’t care in the slightest what exactly it is that we’re celebrating. This is the day Neil Patrick Harris assassinated Pol Pot, right?
The Irish car bomb mooch: Beware of this guy. He will scan the bar like a vulture looking for a vaguely familiar person about to order a round of Irish car bombs. Just as you begin to order the appropriate amount for you and your crew, he will present himself by greeting you with an overaggressive bro-hug then proceed to nonchalantly ask if you’re doing car bombs, as if he didn’t notice the bartender pouring half-pints of Guinness and lining up shots of Jameson and Baileys. He will then tell you about how he loves car bombs and can drink them faster than anyone. He’ll slither his way in, steal your thunder by leading the toast even though you paid, and then drink about half of it before putting it on the bar and complaining that the bartender mixed it wrong. Total ass move from start to finish. So as you’re strolling around the bar in a drunken haze, be wary of the people mentioned above. Should you encounter one of these characters be sure to quickly pawn then off on a friend nearby, especially the car bomb mooch. Who has the money to support their own drinking habit, let alone another person’s? If all else fails, embrace the situation and remember: drinking doesn’t make you fat, it makes you lean. Lean against bars, tables, chairs, and poles.
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How to Make your Super Lame Spring Break Sound Totally Awesome tbs staff wrote this It’s that time of year again. The temperature is above freezing and the snow is starting to melt. Over the sound of construction starting up again, you can hear the faint sound of birds chirping. That’s right. It’s almost springtime. And what does that mean? Yes, a shit load of midterms, but it’s also the time that most students have been counting down to since the semester started in January. What is this magical time? That’s right: spring break! The time when it’s okay to go out every night of the week, get wasted, and have sex with whoever the hell makes eye contact with you. The only problem is you’re going back home… NOT to some tropical paradise with all your friends. But worry not! With these simple tips, you can turn your boring, homebody spring break into the story of the century. You watched TV all week: This is not something you want to tell your roommate in the midst of his gloating about that “totally hot babe” who “wanted the D” yet failed to get her number or even her first name (though he distinctly remembered that she was a Kappa Kappa Gamma). When he finally stops to scoff and ask what possible fun you could have had, you break into a story about how you went on so many different adventures with all your new (cooler) friends. When your roommate skeptically asks about these adventures, you’re prepared with your own multi-colored alibi as well. If you watched rom-coms, you found true love in a quaint little town next to your family’s spring break lake house, but the socioeconomic and geographic barriers were just too much. If you watched action movies, you almost died… hard… about four times (too many). And if you watched Jersey Shore or any dysfunctional reality show, you can vividly recount the many times you threw up. Your parents were gone so you slept in their bed: You can sum up this scenario with one statement: “Dude, I partied so hard I never even woke up in my own bed.” And if you want to make sure your friends don’t ask questions, just add an “if you know what I mean” at the end. Even if they don’t know what you mean, they’ll act like they know what you mean so they won’t get laughed at for not knowing what you mean…if you know what we mean.
You had to pick your mom up at the bar at 5 in the morning: This situation is tricky. You start the story with, “Yeah man, I was at the bar at the crack of dawn.” You must be careful not to say “still at the bar” or “until the crack of dawn” because then you’d be downright lying, and we don’t advocate (downright) lying here at The Black Sheep. If you’re lucky, this carefully thoughtout statement will end the conversation with a chorus of “duuuuuuude” and high-fives from your bros. If you’re not lucky and your friends ask questions, you will have to go with the foolproof yet horrifying, “I picked up a woman.” This seems harmless enough until you realize that you’re using your mom as a fake hook-up. However, desperate times call for desperate measures, so just go wash your mouth out with soap, drink your weight in vodka, and never look at your mom again. It was a necessary evil. So there you have it. With a touch of Don Quixote-like deception, a dash of cunning, and a hint of prayer, your lame spring break has turned into a story told in hushed voices in the back of the bus for years to come.
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bartender of the week Steve Taverna Sign: Taurus What’s your favorite wine: I like Chiraz because it has an earthy taste. When are the busiest nights: Fridays and Saturdays we will get the bar three or four rows deep. What are the best food specials: Lasagna on Monday nights is everyone’s favorite. We always sell out before the dinner shift is over. What is your favorite weekend activity: I like to go to brunch and then hang out at White Clay Creek. I am an outdoorsy kind of person. What is your worst nightmare when
the drinking game: table horse
Sports are just an excuse to get hammered; you drink before the game and get plowed after to celebrate a win or ease the pain of a loss. March Madness is no different, but instead of just throwing back a few brews, practice your ball handling skills while getting a great pregame buzz. What You’ll Need: A plastic cup, a table, a ping pong ball and beer. Number of Players: Between 2 and 4. Level of Intoxication: A legit pregame buzz unless you have no game, then you’ll be wasted. How To Play: - Set the cup in the middle of the table. - Have a shoot-out to pick the order. - The winner of the shoot-out starts the game by shooting into the cup any way he or she wants. - Be creative with your shots—bounce them in, shoot them behind the back. If the first player misses their shot, they have to take a drink of their beer. - Once a player makes the cup, each player will have to match their shot. - Every player that misses while trying to mimic the shot receives a letter (H-O-R-S-E) and will have to chug for ten seconds. - After everyone tries to mimic the shot, the person next in line creates their own shot and play continues. The player that gets HORSE first has to beer bong a beer. The Game Ends When: Once a player gets HORSE. Then start it up again!
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bartending: Breaking a glass near or over the ice bucket, because then I have to clean it all out and restock it with fresh ice so no one gets glass in their drink. What is your favorite magazine subscription: I don’t read magazines; I have been reading Steven King’s books recently, though. Would you rather spend the rest of your life whispering or sleep in a McDonald’s ball pit for a whole year: Sleep in the ball pit. I was the jaws of the ball pit… grabbing other kids ankles was the funniest thing. What's your favorite kind of cheese: Blue cheese and gouda!
recipe for disaster: swoll shake
There’s nothing meatheads love more than a protein shake before, during, and after their workouts. It’s important to stick to a strict protein regimen if you need large muscles to compensate for your below-average dick and brain. This Swoll Shake will take care of that for you, so you have more time to focus on your squat form. What You’ll Need: An 8 oz. steak, 4 oz. of salmon, 2 oz. of tuna, 4 oz. of turkey, 4 eggs, 1/2 cup of cottage cheese, ice, half a gallon of milk, 1 cup of peanut butter and a kick-ass blender. Cook Time: 15 minutes. Fatty Factor: No fat, bro. Just muscle. Let’s Get Baked: - Chop up the steak, salmon and turkey into little pieces. - Cook each item separately to the desired level of doneness. - Beat the four eggs and cook them in a pan. - Mix all of the ingredients and then throw them in the blender with the ice. - Blend the items up until the drink is smooth. If the mixture is too thick add extra milk. - Pour you Swoll Shake into your favorite workout bottle and hit the gym. Don’t be turned off by the smell… or the taste for that matter. Just man up and drink it down.
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What's the most important thing to pack for spring break? “Ten flasks.” - Sam A., Senior
“Condoms.” - Liz C., Sophomore
“Advil, for hangovers.” - Rachel J., Super Senior
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play st. patty's day bingo! Nudity
A Paddy Wagon
Drunk Old Man
A Beer bong
Green Eggs or ham
Dropkick Murphys Shirt
A Bags Game
A Drinking ticket
A Drunk asian
the crossword: Things that are green Across 2) St. Patty’s Day mascot. 5) Spanish for green (salsa). 6) Snooki loves to drink its juice. 8) The winner of this gets a green jacket. 9) No matter how many times you cut it, it always grows back. 12) An edible, mini tree. 14) Guacamole, essentially. 17) Normally paired with spinach and pita bread. 19) A minty McDonald’s
shake. 20) Jim Henson’s most famous creation. Down 1) Mad Christmas H8R. 2) She put this in the coconut, and drank them both up. 3) Not to be confused with a crocodile. 4) Ganja, baby. 7) The capital city in the Land of Oz. 10) Luke’s teacher, he was. 11) He can blow a bubble with his bum bum bum. 13) Prickly son of a bitch. 15) They are black, too. 16) Delicious when drizzled with ranch. 18) This city dyes their river green.
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Disclaimer The Black Sheep in no way promotes, encourages or supports binge drinking, and/or under-age drinking. This newspaper is designed for entertainment purposes only and does not recommend attempting anything printed in this publication. Please drink...responsibly and legally.
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PI BAR AND $5 GREEN 9am - 11am: FREE EGG MBS, $1 JELLO SHOTS BO R A C $5 , TS O SH $3 BREAKFAST S S AND BLOODY MARY SA O IM M $3 : pm 4 9am RAFTS, TCHERS, $2 GREEN D PI EN RE G $6 ! am 11 11am - CLOSE: DJ IN AT BS, $1 JELLO SHOTS M BO R A C H IS IR $5 KS, $3 SHAMROCK DRIN 158 E. MAIN ST. | NEWARK, DE | 302.737.6100 | KLONDIKEKATES.COM