The Best You June 2015

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STATE OF MIND? Just by picking up and reading The Best You, you are probably more predisposed than most towards discovering ideas that will help you to achieve your goals and work towards the life that you really want. This issue, we have plenty of expert advice and tips for all areas of your life.

of Novak Djokovic; and meet Simon Parke whose own path has taken him from the priesthood to supermarket worker, newspaper columnist and now CEO. There’s health and wellbeing advice, business wisdom and practical ways to overcome adversity, support your family and boost your happiness.

Our cover star Ruby Wax is familiar to us as the outspoken, brazen and funny comedian who says the things that we might think, but would not necessarily say. While she has entertained us on stage and screen for more than 20 years, she has suffered depression for most of her adult life. At her worst, she took herself to The Priory to recover, but she subsequently decided to tackle her own mental health through study, and now has a master’s degree from Oxford in CBT.

Why not make this the month that you take the next steps towards improving your outlook and the world around you? We want to hear about your success stories, insights, advice and tips that you have used to achieve your goals. Write an article, create a video and then turn to page 7 to read about how you can become a contributor to The Best You. We look forward to sharing your insights and experiences in a future issue.

Today she is working to spread the message that mental health is an issue that affects us all, and one that we should tackle collectively and openly. Her latest stage show, Sane New World, which draws from her book of the same name, combines her trademark humour with audience participation – the results, she says, are empowering. Read her interview with The Best You on page 22, and then why not think about how you can improve your mental health and that of those around you. Encourage an open attitude and seek support to achieve inner peace and happiness. Elsewhere, Dr John Demartini writes about how our state of mind has the power to affect the way that we age. We chat with Emmanuel Jal about his amazing life journey from child soldier to peace fighter; ahead of Wimbledon, we profile the sports career


Editor-in-chief Follow me: @Bernardo_Moya

To enjoy additional digital content, video and online galleries, download The Best You app at

Exclusive bonus shots on iPad, iPhone and Android devices

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Bernardo Moya welcomes you to this month’s issue of The Best You



How to become a contributor to The Best You



Diabetes UK as the charity prepares for this month’s Diabetes Week



A few of our favourite recently published books – plus your chance to win some great reads



Where to find the best coaches, trainers and practitioners



Understanding and campaigning for better mental health




No Glastonbury tickets? Here’s where to head

From child soldier to musician, actor and peace fighter



How the tennis star turned his game around



How one doctor uses NLP in her daily practice to help her patients



From Church of England priest to supermarket shelf-stacker, and now CEO, read Simon Parke’s amazing journey




With so much of what we read in the papers being negative, The Best You brings you some good news



Where to hear the season’s best music


Dr John Demartini shares his thoughts on how the way we think can seriously improve the way we age

22 RUBY WAX We chat with the comedian



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52 AMY-BETH ELLICE Talking about the business of baking


How Diabetes UK is supporting and changing the lives of those living with the disease


Dr Lisa Turner overcame the abuse of an older partner – now she wants you to know you can do the same


Jim Aitkins says participation means you are a winner


…to give your kids a good education? We ask the founder of My Tutor Club





Kelly McGonigal explains that stress isn’t the enemy and can actually be good for you


An interview with Amy-Beth Ellice, the UK’s baking expert and youngest published cook


Julie Creffield says you’re not and has the five-week plan to help you run 5k and beyond




REBECCA CAMPBELL Why spirituality is the new trend for cosmopolitan women



Struggling to grow your business? Step into the doctors’ office


James Woudhuysen has the advice you need to protect your company for the future





Steve Sims is the fix-it guy to the rich and famous – but he prefers a modest family life. Here’s why...

The Best You looks at people, past and present, who worked hard for their moment in the spotlight




Rebecca Campbell says being authentic on social media is key to inner happiness


Bryan Szabo reviews the latest gadgets

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is deputy editor at The Best You. This issue she interviews Ruby Wax, Simon Parke, Amy-Beth Ellice, Julie Creffield, Steve Sims and Matt Leverett. “There is so much to inspire you in every aspect of your life, this issue. With our new competitions and upcoming events, don’t miss a single moment and live life to the full.”



describes herself as the poster girl for mental health. She is a classically trained actress, writer, performer and comedian. Wax teaches business communication in both the public and private sector. Clients include Deutsche Bank, the UK Home Office and Skype.





is a Canadian-born freelance editor and writer who specialises in helping authors realise their full potential as writers. He believes that everybody has a story that should be told. His appearance on the acknowledgement page of dozens of titles proves that the voice he is helping budding authors to find is a precious thing indeed.



has trained, coached, managed, mentored and lectured and has a particular interest in facilitating thinking about thinking (meta-cognition), accelerated teaching & learning and NLP. In 2004, she was awarded Best Creative and Cultural Business Entrepreneur in the North East Woman Entrepreneur of the Year Awards.

is an American author. He speaks and trains for corporations and organisations on the topics that he also writes about. He believes that personal growth is not only easier than most people think, but can be fun as well. Visit Jim’s blog at

obstacleblaster. com


is a hip hop artist and former child soldier in Sudan’s brutal civil war. Today, wounded but still hopeful, Emmanuel Jal fights a new battle: bringing peace to his beloved Sudan and building schools in Africa. This time, his weapon is a microphone.



was a priest in the Church of England for 20 years, before leaving for fresh adventures. He worked for three years in a supermarket, stacking shelves and working on the till. He was also chair of the shop union. He has since left to go freelance, and now writes, leads retreats and offers consultancy.



is a Portsmouthbased author who is also an NLP master. He uses skills learned from hypnotist Paul McKenna and NLP co-creator Richard Bandler in his work. For The Best You, he writes about tennis champion Novak Djokovic.



is a best-selling author, international educator and public speaker in human behaviour. He founded the Demartini Institute and the Demartini Method and Value determination process He has appeared in O Magazine and the Huffington Post.

@DrJohn Demartini


is a former professor of forecasting and innovation at De Montfort University, a journalist and occasional broadcaster for Radio 4. He has consulted for UK Trade & Investment, Microsoft, Rolls Royce and Lego, among many others.

@james woudhuysen

The Best You is published by The Best You Corporation Ltd, 5 Percy Street, W1T 1DG. Opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect The Best You Corporation Ltd, policy. The Best You Corporation Ltd accepts no responsibility for views expressed by its contributors. Advertisements and reader offers are not endorsed by The Best You or The Best You Corporation Ltd.


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Would you like to be part of the UK’s leading personal development magazine? Here’s your chance to share your story of success

At The Best You, we are passionate about helping people to reach their goals and achieve their full potential. Each month, we bring you inspiring interviews and articles from individuals who are living life to the full and realising their dreams through personal development and following their path to success.

Are you a writer, blogger or vlogstar? Now it’s your chance to share your story with The Best You. We are looking to publish articles within the magazine and at our digital channel,, plus your videos on The Best You TV channels. Additionally, each month we will be focusing on an area of personal development, and we would like to share your tips for success with The Best You’s audience. Tell us your: • • • • • •

Coaching tips Mindfulness ideas Weight-loss solutions How you tackle phobias Ways to boost your self-esteem Finding a partner and making your relationship sparkle

In addition to having your article published and the opportunity to share your story with those who are actively seeking personal development advice, we will pay for every published article and video. So, get your thinking cap on and tell us about how you’ve become the Best You.

To find out more and how to upload your content, visit become-a-contributor

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INNER YOU Connect with the wonderful, special and powerful inside. Learn ways to get your mind and body in balance, bringing out the rich core of your being. Discover the secrets that will enable you to take charge of your inner life and become The Best You.



Life Without Limits



Two medical professionals discuss the merits of NLP in the NHS


Simon Parke wants you to reconnect

Put your company in this space! To sponsor this page and be part of The Best You, email us at

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NLP AND THE NHS Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) is associated with success and personal development, but what if we could use it as a tool to tackle mental health? Dr Louise Golightly is a consultant psychiatrist working on an Acute Admission Ward looking after men with severe mental illness, she is also a SNLP master practitioner and medical trainer of NLP. Her friend and NLP colleague Kay Cooke chatted with her about her work K: Describe how you use NLP? L: In general terms I use NLP with patients, myself and trainees, although I don’t do what I thought I’d do with it. When I first came away from my practitioner training I thought I’d be sitting down with patients and saying, ’Today, we’re going to be doing NLP to cure this problem’. I tried that a couple of times and, of course, it didn’t go down very well. K What kind of NLP focus do you have right now? L: My focus is on personal responsibility – people want to be happy, slim, sleep eight hours a night and have money. But they equally want to be able to eat and drink as much as they want, and take whichever drugs they fancy. It seems that if they are not getting the first set of things they turn to me, or people like me, to sort it out for them. When I tell them, ‘Yes, I can help you, but it’s going to take a bit of work from you,’ they don’t like that, and so I use NLP to help them set goals and make lifestyle changes.


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I’m not talking about patients who have psychotic illnesses or severe depression, but there are patients who are drug addicts, alcoholics or have personality disorders. These people are admitted because they threaten to kill themselves, and when people threaten to kill themselves we get worried, quite rightly. We need to assess whether there is a mental illness leading them to feel that way – abnormal or delusional beliefs, hearing voices (not just our inner voice but true auditory hallucinations). If there are signs of mental illness, there are certain pathways to go down. However, they might have no mental illness or a personality disorder. These patients need to understand about lifestyle changes and take responsibility for themselves. Some get angry and leave – one recent example is of a homeless man who was kept on the ward for a few days, though we found no evidence of a mental illness, His dad was angry because we were discharging his


son without a home to go to. We talked about exercise therapy and occupational therapy and the importance of building a routine etc, but he wasn’t interested, he just wanted drugs. K: How do you utilise NLP language patterns in your work? L: I use both Milton and Meta model patterns, consciously and unconsciously, particularly during interviews. Sometimes after a patient has left the room and I have a junior doctor with me, I’ll pick up on something I’ve said to the patient and explain what language pattern I’ve used. It might be a simple switch from ‘but’ (which negates the preceding words) to ‘and’. It might be an explanation about using positive language, encouraging patients and trainees to talk about what they want to have happen rather than what they don’t want or don’t like. Many people live their lives stuck in repeating patterns. They come to see us after taking an overdose – because of homelessness, which is due to being kicked out of flat because of rent arrears, which is due to missed appointment at the benefits agency. Family violence and abuse is another repeating pattern that was learned and imprinted in childhood. Our work is often to help them to see that they have other choices. The NLP working assumption that everyone is doing the best they can with their available resources is key here. There is no blame or criticism. We need to help people to see that by taking responsibility for themselves, they open new choices that we can future pace for them. For whatever reason, many people haven’t yet learnt that they can communicate feelings of fear, anger, or frustration simply through talking. They don’t believe (yet) that they can have control over emotions. It is possible that psychiatric units may sometimes be perceived within a community as places to save people from court cases, get them out of a fix, get drugs etc and some do try to convince us they are mentally ill when they are not, and when they can’t get what they want, they just leave. So many patients are entirely focused on medication as the only solution, and I’m simply not prepared to prescribe where it’s not indicated. K: How do you challenge the limiting beliefs of your patients? L: Very gently, very carefully, even with psychotic patients, I may get them to challenge their belief that a particular thing will happen – for example, the thing that

you fear is going to happen to you because of an event five years ago hasn’t happened, has it? Or the people you think want to harm you know where you live and surely if it was going to happen to you, they would have killed you by now? A moderate degree of success, although not sustained, can be achieved in schizophrenia. K: Do you use specific NLP interventions like, ‘change your personal history’? L: Time is our biggest pressure. It’s possible to have three or four new admissions each day. It takes a lot of time to conduct initial assessment mandatory procedures. There is a pressure to release those without acute mental illness. I think I could do more if time was allowed. Of course it’s hard to measure generative change. A Meta question here, an embedded suggestion there, who knows what might just start the process of change. I have a patient on the ward at moment who has been admitted many times before. He is suicidal and sectioned under the Mental Health Act. Only this time he is engaging with people, at last. I think he falls into this category of generative change. K: What is your view of the stories Richard Bandler tells of the early days of NLP in Californian psychiatric units? L: Hmm, well it couldn’t happen in the NHS in the UK in the 21st century – and not in extreme ways that Richard Bandler talks about. I guess the closest thing I’ve ever seen to this is with an old lady who comes for ECT fortnightly. She’s probably had 300-400 ECT treatments in her life. She is desperately ill, depressed, dementing, and the only thing that keeps her well is regular ECTs. But she needs a general anaesthetic, via a cannula, One day she told the anaesthetist that he couldn’t use her right arm because it was a false arm and had no veins, but since he couldn’t use the veins in her left arm either, he persuaded her saying, “Can I just use this right arm so we can find out what veins are like in an artificial arm?” K: How many of your colleagues are aware of your NLP training? L: Some, both new and old. Often, training newer doctors requires a critical reflection of language used, and trainees are generally fascinated at the power of simple positive phrases like ‘walk’ rather than ‘don’t run’. I have used variations of ‘circle of excellence’

to build confidence. When I am mentoring, supervising or training, my NLP skills all feed in and I do mention it if something specific relates to the NLP framework. I enjoy helping trainee doctors to find their own solutions rather than jumping in and providing them with my solution; something I did prior to my NLP training. It’s nice to think you have given them something they will go and use to improve the health of others. K: Do you see an opportunity for NLP to be taught in medical schools? L: No the curriculum is full and students generally have narrow expectations – 21st century medicine requires hard evidence; something NLP is only just beginning to open up to. It’s quite fascinating that some current medical treatments founded in the 1950s wouldn’t actually pass the clinical evidence requirements today. K: So how do you think we can go about generating evidence from subjective experience? L: At the moment we are talking anecdotally. For example my husband is an NLP master practitioner and also a consultant anaesthetist. His interactions with patients and staff illustrate great patient care and good clinical practice, using NLP. Recently, during preparation for a general anaesthetic, a very anxious patient with hands shaking asked, “What’s wrong with me, there must be something wrong, I don’t understand why I’m shaking?” When the junior doctor replied, “No you’re not shaking,” obviously mismatching the man’s experience, David said, “That’s right, that’s good, shaking is good, shake all anxiety away,” working with the reality presented. K: I remember being introduced to my son’s ‘pain nurse’ when he was in hospital recently – what an embedded suggestion! How might you use NLP to help to deal with pain? L: Well the most obvious example, is when taking blood and measuring stats. I train junior doctors to know the difference between, ‘This might hurt’ and, ‘I’m wiping your skin to make sure procedure will be as easy as possible,’ and the difference between, ‘We’re monitoring equipment to make sure nothing goes wrong,’ which presupposes something may go wrong, and, ‘We’re monitoring equipment to keep you safe’. w w w . t he b e s t yo uma ga z i ne . c o




From priest to supermarket shelf-stacker, Daily Mail columnist and now CEO, Simon Parke wants us to tackle the tricky stuff inside


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“Mine is a story of failure,” begins Simon Parke, CEO of The Mind Clinic, when asked about his amazing journey. Of course he is being entirely self-deprecating, but there is an intense modesty about Parke who has navigated the highs and lows of life. “I was a Church of England priest for 20 years in London, and I thought that would be it for the rest of my life,” he explains. “But I had a sense that after 20 years, the adventure was over. It was a very difficult moment, but I firmly believe that life has to be an adventure or it is not worth doing. “My decision to leave the priesthood wasn’t about my faith, but about the role. People imagine that you will always be a priest, but the dog collar begins to define you – they either think you are better or worse than you are. Of course, when I left the Church, the house goes with the job, and I had nowhere to live and no money. ”I applied to five supermarkets and four said no – no-one wanted a vicar on the shop floor – but the last used psychological testing to recruit and I passed, so they offered me a job. I worked there for three years and it was such a great time, we had such a laugh. I was appointed chair of the shop union, and I defended employees and sat in on tribunals. It really was the place that I discovered the meaning of life. People are people, you are what you are, and labels are not good things. I didn’t feel any different about myself as a vicar or working in a supermarket.” Having written a book, Shelf Life, about his experiences at the supermarket, he embarked upon The Beautiful Life (republished as The Journey Home) in which he identified ten new commandments or attitudes for coping with the strains and pressures of modern life. “It opened up a whole new life for me,” says Parke. “I was asked to do some consultancy for the NHS, I started doing retreats and the Daily Mail asked me to write a weekly column.” Today, Parke is CEO of The Mind Clinic, an organisation which goes into workplaces to provide employer-sponsored, confidential mind help for employees. “We take active listening therapy into businesses and we offer six sessions in a day for individuals who would like help. It’s entirely confidential and our work is not passed back to management, but the net result in the workplace is entirely positive.” Tackling our inner feelings, “the stuff that’s going on inside,” as Parke describes it, is key to positive health. He identifies several scenarios that many of us tackle, from unresolved issues from our childhood, to quarter life crises when all the ‘success’ measures have been ticked but we still feel dissatisfied on the inside. “It’s important to bring things to the surface,” explains Parke. “We often get kidnapped by our feelings and moving what’s inside to outside of the body is the first step. “We should welcome negative or upsetting emotions but we shouldn’t let them stay. Once we process it, nothing can hurt us. It’s the heart of mindfulness to notice feelings but not to judge ourselves. It is something that anyone can do.” Parke’s latest book, One-Minute Mindfulness, uses stories, simple thoughts and practical exercises to help us return to the present moment and remain there. “We need to allow ourselves to fail,” he says. “The place to start is self-acceptance, by thinking, ‘I will fail, but that’s OK’. The majority of people are professors of self-punishment, but if you set off with that mindset, you will fail. “We need to create a climate of self-acceptance, and mindfulness will thrive. You can buy a thousand self-help books, but the answers come from within. For many there will be issues from childhood, and we internalise voices of criticism, whether it’s parents or teachers we hear. It’s a matter of dismantling these and knowing that we are all born as a clean slate.”

Simon Parke’s One-Minute Mindfulness is published by Hay House. Visit

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ENJOY LIFE Laughter, humour, travel, love – these are the things that add the sparkle that makes life worth living. Climb a mountain, give to others, start a family, embrace life. What are the things you wish you had done but haven’t yet? Life is no rehearsal – enjoy life every day.



Life Without Limits



Where to head for the hottest sounds


The Best You brings you positive stories


Dr John Demartini on why age is in your mind

Put your company in this space! To sponsor this page and be part of The Best You, email us at

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Glastonbury may have sold out in a matter of minutes, but if you haven’t got tickets to this month’s biggest musical mash-up, there are still plenty of other gigs to go to

1. BARCLAYCARD BRITISH SUMMER TIME, LONDON (26-27 JUNE) No camping at this Hyde Park musical extravaganza, but an unmissable list of acts to enjoy in the capital. The Who, Kaiser Chiefs, Paul Weller, Taylor Swift, Grace Jones, The Strokes, Johnny Mar and the return of Blur after a 12-year break. Legendary sounds abound.


The 1970 original line-up included Jimi Hendrix, The Doors, The Who and Joni Mitchell. This year’s will include Pharrell Williams, Paolo Nutini and Jessie Ware – with old school acts Fleetwood Mac and Billy Idol for good measure.


Head north of the border for a relative newcomer in the festival calendar. Now in its 22nd year, T in the Park is Scotland’s biggest music festival. From The Prodigy to Avicii, Fatboy Slim to Rudimental, generations of music lovers will be entertained.


4. V FESTIVAL, CHELMSFORD AND SOUTH STAFFORDSHIRE (22-23 AUGUST) Set over two sites, there’s no shortage of big hit names playing at the V Festival. Calvin Harris, Stereophonics, The Script, Kasabian, Sam Smith, Olly Murs, Ellie Goulding, Paloma Faith, George Ezra – the list goes on… plan to party.


If you’ve still got stamina after V, follow up with the Reading Festival. It may be the world’s oldest popular music festival, but the line-up is still fresh with Mumford & Sons, Metallica, The Libertines and Limp Bizkit on the bill this year.


(10-13 SEPTEMBER) With an eclectic range of bands, including The Chemical Brothers, Duran Duran and even Level 42 playing, the Isle of Wight festival has become an unmissable date in the calendar. Fingers crossed for an Indian summer.


DIABETES UK On 14-20 June during Diabetes Week, Diabetes UK will remind people living with the disease that they are not alone

Diabetes UK is the leading UK charity that cares for, connects with and campaigns alongside all people affected by and at risk of diabetes, which is one of the greatest health challenges we currently face. There are now 3.8m people living with Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes, and the sharp rise of Type 2 diabetes we have seen over the past decade shows no sign of slowing down. In fact by 2025, 5m people in the UK are expected to be living with the condition. As a charity we are committed to helping ensure all people with diabetes get the best support possible. This is critical as diabetes is a very serious condition that, left undiagnosed or poorly unmanaged, can lead to devastating complication such as blindness, amputations and strokes. Beyond the human cost, these complications, which are largely preventable, are also currently fuelling the £10bn bill diabetes costs the NHS each year. People with diabetes can significantly reduce their risk of suffering complications through effective self-management of their condition. But many people with diabetes can struggle to get the support they need to do this effectively, and may only see a healthcare professional a few times a year. This Diabetes Week 2015 (14 – 20 June) Diabetes UK wants to remind everyone living with diabetes that they’re not alone and that we are here to offer care and support that meets their specific needs. From our peer support programme that connects people living with diabetes, to our UK-wide Living With Diabetes Days and our online e-learning programme ‘Type 2 and Me’, both of which support people living with Type 2 diabetes to manage their condition, there is something for everyone to give people living with diabetes the support they need to help them manage their condition well.


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During Diabetes Week, join the conversation on Twitter by sharing your hints, tips and stories of living life to the full with diabetes, using the hashtag #DiabetesAndMe. For more information visit



GOOD NEWS WIPEOUT! Fashion has long focused on looks that transition effortlessly from day to evening – but if you’re a professional surfer, or just like to look good on the waves, Quiksilver has this summer’s solution. A series of wetsuits that look like office wear, and even a tuxedo, mean men are good to go after a day on the ocean. Sadly, there are no ladies’ ball gowns in the pipeline for female surfers just yet.

A FAIR PRICE In the US, it is estimated that women still only earn between 76-78 per cent of the salaries taken home by their male counterparts. In response, an artist and entrepreneur, Elana Schlenker, has opened a pop-up shop in Pittsburgh that charges on a ‘pay what you’re paid’ basis, with female customers giving just 76 per cent of the retail price of ceramics, textiles, publications and prints. The idea aims to draw attention to the gender gap by mirroring the inequality of earnings with its pricing.

GRINDING HALT Pasta sauce brand Dolmio has given chefs a secret weapon to fight screen-gawping at the dinner table. As part of an Australian marketing campaign, Dolmio’s manufacturers have created a pepper grinder that covertly switches off all technological devices for 30 minutes. Secretly filming the scene, Dolmio aims to highlight how tech-free dining is better for families.

CIAO, BELLA In Rome, car-pooling has been reinvented for the local market with Scooterino connecting those in need of a ride. The app-based idea enables registered users to hitch a ride with scooter drivers headed in the same direction, and at just over the price of a bus ticket, is a great way to maximise fuel efficiency and reduce solo riding.

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According to Dr John Demartini, the way that we look is intrinsically linked with the way we think and feel


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Recently somebody asked me about ageing. He asked me how we slow the ageing process and whether it’s possible with just a frame of mind to live longer. Now, it’s not that we can go on and on and live forever, but I do think it’s worth exploring what part the way you think, the relationship you have with the outside world has with your body. Because your mind is the interface with your body – and for something that nobody knows what it is, the mind has a powerful effect on your physiology. It’s all to do with the way you live and perceive the world. It’s helpful to think of the mind in this way: we have two different aspects to our psyches and our imaginations. We call those aspects future and past. We can live in our imaginations with intentions for the future. We can live in our imaginations with our retentions and memories of the past. The thing is, once we add time into our mind we create the Arrow of Time. And with the Arrow of Time comes a force in the universe known as entropy, the tendency to break down. Now, here’s a way to think about this. Any time we’re holding onto memories of the past, or holding onto fantasies of the future, nightmares of the past, fear of the future, guilt about the past, shame of the past then we’re thinking entropically. We’re thinking in time. And when we’re living in the time zone, we’re automatically in the ageing process. So what’s to be done? Well, once we actually get really present and set really balanced goals that are not emotionally distracting, we get present and we go into a zone where there’s no time. We’re not hurtling ourselves forwards or throwing ourselves backwards. We’re here, in the now. Deepak Chopra said it nicely, when he said

if there’s a timeless mind there’s an ageless body. Now, how does it work? Again, a way to look at it is to say the thing that we’re doing when we store our memories and imaginations is we’re storing emotional illusions. I’ll give you an example. If you’re infatuated with somebody, they occupy space and time in your mind. You store them in a memory and you create a fantasy about being with them again possibly, if you’re infatuated. Again past and future. If you resent somebody and you put them in the pit, again they occupy space and time in your mind, and you store the memory of that resentful experience and you create a fantasy of them being something different next time or you hold onto a memory and fear the future. As long as you’re holding memory and imagination, as long as you’re storing these emotions in those states, you’re ageing. We call it emotional baggage. But the second we actually get to a point where we don’t see resentment of the past, we don’t see infatuation of the future, but we balance our equation and have equanimity within ourselves and equity between ourselves and others, and have appreciation and love for the person. We dissolve the fabric of space time in our minds and we clear out our memory and imagination and just become present. In that state of gratitude and love we have a timeless mind and ageless body, we are present. That’s where we actually slow down the ageing process or stop the ageing process in those moments. So the more moments we have of gratitude and love for ourselves and others that we slow down the ageing process. The more we have emotional baggage, the more we speed up the ageing process.

We’ve all had moments of extreme emotions and looked in the mirror the next day and can see the ageing going on right there.Now, the thing is, this isn’t just talk about ideas and thoughts and psyche. There’s neurophysiology to it. The fact is that when you are in that state of balance, you aren’t producing the brain chemistry that’s associated with stress. And it’s that brain chemistry that releases adrenalin, which over time is so damaging to your body tissues, and free radicals, which damage the RNA in your cells, actually physically shortening your life. The key is to be present and to be purposeful and to be grateful. So how do you do that? The answer comes through your values, of being in tune with them and living according to them. When you live by your highest values, you have more resilience to adapt to a pair of opposites and you have more objectivity and more even-mindedness and you’re more present. When you’re living by lower values, because you’re unfulfilled you’ll tend to want to avoid pain and seek pleasure – and that way you get into time. We then store those events and thoughts as memory and imagination. There’s the stress that automatically ages our body. So our physiology is creating symptoms as a feedback mechanism to try to get us back to objectivity and to live by our highest values and be inspired by our life. I always say symptoms can be our friends if they’re interpreted through meaning and they can be our enemies if we keep striving for a one-sided world and not appreciate the balanced life has to offer. So much good comes from living with your highest values. It’s finding a way to do that well that’s the secret.

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uby Wax says she is feeling OK, but that she hasn’t rehearsed yet for her show in three days’ time. In fact she’s already been on the road with her Sane New World tour, most recently in Australia, receiving rave reviews for a show that challenges how society deals with the rising epidemic of depression and anxiety. But you sense with Wax that she cannot help but strive for self-imposed perfection. Lamenting both of our predispositions towards procrastination, Wax suggests that it’s a fear of screwing up which prevents us from getting on with the task in hand. When it comes to understanding how our minds work, Wax is better equipped than most. Having suffered a major depression that saw her hospitalised, she has earned a Masters in mindfulness-based cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) from Oxford University. It’s a long way from Evanston, Illinois, where Wax grew up the daughter of Jewish immigrants who had left Austria because of the Nazi threat. Wax started but didn’t complete a degree in psychology and moved to the UK to study at the Royal Scottish Academy of Music and Drama before embarking on an acting career. Although Wax says that she doesn’t believe she is a really good actress, she started work alongside Alan Rickman and in 1978 she joined the Royal Shakespeare Company appearing in Measure for Measure with Juliet Stevenson. Wax shifted into comedy and later into documentaries and interview shows culminating in a primetime series, Ruby Wax Meets, in which she interviewed Imelda Marcos, Pamela Anderson and Sarah, Duchess of York, a show that was nominated for a BAFTA. Loud, brazen and outrageously funny, Wax’s interviews were part probing, part performance and hugely memorable. “My fascination is with how people are thinking,” says Wax. “The shows on celebrities focus on figuring out how their brains work. We are all addicted to fame and accessibility, and whether our lives match up to theirs. It’s like a Rubik’s cube we’re all trying to sort out. Despite a glittering career and hard fought for success, Wax says she spent most of her adult life dealing with depression and suffered serious breakdowns. Wax’s 2010 stand-up show, Losing It, dealt with her experience of clinical depression, and yet, again, humour simultaneously sweetens and sharpens the delivery of Wax’s hard-hitting and utterly honest outpourings.

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At its worst, mental illness saw Wax check into The Priory but at some point she felt the need to understand the cause of her depression. Enrolling to study for a degree in psychotherapy, Wax found CBT a powerful resource to tackle and manage her own mental health. In 2013, Wax published Sane New World, which she subsequently developed into her latest show that combines a lecture on neuroplasticity, a group therapy session and, of course, a dose of Wax’s razor sharp stand-up routine. “Keeping it funny is the greatest foreplay on earth,” she says. Her mission is to promote understanding of the brain, raise awareness of and destigmatise mental health. “I love performing my show,” says Wax, “mostly because of the second half where I have the privilege of sitting on stage and letting the audience take over to ask, answer or discuss whatever. For those 20-30 minutes, it feels like I’m with my people, that we’re the same under our fronts with all our vulnerabilities we need to hide. Rather than seeing a large, dark foreboding mass when the lights come up, I can see individual faces and so it becomes a conversation with specific people rather than speaking at a crowd. It’s intimate and feels safe even though there might be 600 people.” Wax talks about men, mothers, people with schizophrenia talking collectively about their experiences and fears. The outpouring in a non-


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judgmental arena creates a positive effect which adds perspective that enables them to go forwards, just a little better-equipped for the next day and weeks ahead. “It’s interesting how it actually works,” says Wax. “The mechanics are always the same but each time the output is entirely different. On that evening, just a little bit, they don’t feel so scared and it’s a relief to realise we all share the same plumbing.” Wax believes it is this open access approach that can enable us to tackle mental health in society and encourage a healthy attitude towards the negative thoughts that many of us struggle with on a daily basis. “People might not hear themselves, or believe anybody can get rid of the criticisms that run through their head, but those issues are not going to go away. With CBT there is no circumnavigating the issues, you tackle it head on. “I did the show in Australia, and each time everybody nods their head and says, ‘It’s me’, when I talk about my experience. We’re all in it together and we need to tackle it that way. But we need to look at the bigger picture. Mental health has still got a stigma. If you mention it at work, you might find yourself fired. There will have to be legislative change to recognise that if you get sick you can’t think clearly and that needs understanding and support.”


With UK dates for Sane New World throughout this month, and again in the autumn, Wax is already busy working on her next book, Wake The F*** Up – A Mindfulness Guide for the Frazzled. In true Wax style, there are no subtleties in her command for us to be more conscious about what our minds and bodies are telling us. “It’s about knowing when to shut down,” she says. “We’re so busy trying to operate 24/7, coping with more demands through every device, being overwhelmed with information overload and when the cortisol is pumping and we know we are about to keel over, we need to get the signal and stop. It’s biofeedback and we need to understand that when our heartbeat is going up we need to take our temperature and adjust accordingly.” Amongst touring, writing and dealing with, as she puts it, “an irrational compulsion to buy a coat from Zara, whether I need it or not,” Wax was awarded an Order of the British Empire for her services to mental health in January. “I was literally jumping for joy when I got the letter,” she says. “I was so honoured.”

Ruby Wax’s Sane New World tours the UK throughout June, and again in OctoberNovember – see for details. Visit to watch Ruby Wax’s TED Talk, What’s so funny about mental illness?


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CHILD OF WAR Bernardo Moya talks to Emmanuel Jal, whose terrifying story of fighting as a child in the Sudanese Civil War has given him a unique voice When he was seven, after his mother and aunties were killed in war-ravaged South Sudan, Emanuel Jal marched hundreds of miles to apparent safety in Ethiopia. Recruited on the way by the Sudan People’s Liberation Army with hundreds of other children, he was promised an education. But he soon discovered his new Ethiopian school was a lie, showing one face to international aid agencies while he and hundreds of other children were trained to fight in the civil war. “We thought we were gonna go to school and I ended up being trained. I became a child soldier,” he recalls, telling me how he had to experience seeing “six-year-olds burying their own dead”. For Jal, brutality became normality. “I thought that was our environment. My mother told us, ‘The world will end and when the world ends there’s gonna be violence’. So, finally, when the war reached home, I thought this is it, the world is ending because the fire’s raining from the sky.” He quietly tells me why he survived when so many others didn’t during his four years as a child soldier. “Nobody goes four years in battle. I was lucky because most commanders would not want me to go the battlefield. What they used to tell me is my future’s great, I’m going to be somebody great and I should be preserved. I find that really interesting when I look at it now.” He also felt he had a purpose. “I wanted to play a part where I could stop this problem, play a part in being one of the people creating a solution for the war to stop. I wanted to help people who are suffering and I thought maybe if I became a doctor or lawyer, an engineer or a pilot, I could probably do so.” As the war worsened around them, 13-year-old Jal and 400 other boys decided to escape, and went on the run.


“It took us three months; we thought it was gonna take us a month,” he remembers, his dark eyes looking levelly at me for a moment. Many boys died of starvation. Cannibalism began. “I was tempted to eat my comrade,” Jal says. “It was the lowest point of everything I’ve experienced.” The survivors finally made it to relative safety in a place called Waat. Only 16 of 400 boys survived. In Waat, the base of an SPLA commander who had separated himself from the rest of the SPLA, Jal meet Emma McCune, a British aid-worker. McCune smuggled him from South Sudan into Kenya and got him schooling. “She traded my gun with a pen and there’s no bigger gift than that,” he says. He took school very seriously. “I wanted to know who made the bombs? Who made the tanks? Who made the biscuits? How did they make it? The bag of maize – how do they make it? And we’re told the people who go to school know how to do these things and I was really excited to go to school. I was so focused one time when I fell in love with a girl, you know... I couldn’t handle the feelings. I thought I was bewitched. It became like a problem because every time I slept, I was thinking about her and I was saying, ‘Look I did not come here to think about you, I came here to study’.” Education transformed him. He learned to read and despite having been taught to hate Muslims and Arabs he worked out his own philosophy. “I realised all mankind is the same. Human beings like to extend empathy to people of the same faith, the same colour as them, or the same belief or anything – so they can build an ideology to rob other people. As my knowledge increased, I came to understand those who know will always exploit those who do not know. That helped me to discover the truth. “I was able to forgive and let go. I studied the Koran and I read the Bible and I was open to other faiths and I realised: Look, nobody’s actually following these books because these books are talking about love; they’re talking about humanity; they’re talking about being


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there for one another. A real representative of any of these books would be a representative of God, which means their love would remain visible. Any person who is given power will go mad, if there’s no proper institution established.” Not long after he arrived in Kenya and started his studies, McCune died in a car crash, and though life became harder, Jal remained optimistic. He describes education as, “the biggest gift I’ve been given”. I use my story when I travel around the world for social and emotional learning. I go to schools, colleges, universities and I believe if we share our experiences for social and emotional learning, we’re able to put a spotlight in a dark place that makes evil perform less.” Thanks to some of McCune’s friends Jal continued at college. In the slums of Nairobi, he also discovered music. It became a therapy that helped him “see heaven again.” He started to dance and find redemption in song. He wrote lyrics that helped him deal with his experiences. He began to have success. As his name grew, interest grew in his story. In 2008 a documentary, War Child, was released, following Jal’s return to his homeland. It is a collaboration with producer Clinton Roachie who helped him to tell his story through music and spoken word.


A War Child book was published, and Jal addressed the United Nations and many other organisations, all the while seeking to build understanding and awareness of the refugee’s plight. Jal has continued an extraordinary path. In 2014, The Good Lie, a film telling the story of four Sudanese refugees who win a lottery and go to live in America was released. Starring Emmanuel Jal and Reese Witherspoon it received general acclaim. Jal also founded a charity working to help families and individuals overcome the effects of war and poverty. Jal’s tale is not all a happy story. Like so many others throughout the world, he is a refugee again, this time living in Canada. On his return, the government in Sudan threatened to kill him. “I was beaten and warned they still don’t like activists here,” he says. He was told what happens to activists: “We remove their eyes and we kill them.” So, Jal continues his work. His fifth album, The Key, which featured two songs from The Good

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Lie, came out in September 2014 – spreading the word about the suffering and injustice in Africa. The West must do its part, Jal says. “There’s ethnic cleansing and the world still calls a president legitimate. Sometimes you ask yourself, ‘What was the World War for when the United Nations came together? Was it only to protect white people or was it meant for everybody?’ “That’s why we have to hold the UN accountable; we have to keep reminding them; we have to keep pushing for the protection of humanity. If the word spreads really fast then people will wanna act.”

To watch Bernardo Moya’s interview with Emmanuel Jal visit



The usual ingredients for success are often cited as natural talent, a childhood dream, a burning desire to win and support from early on... but sometimes even these aren’t enough to win. Novak Djokovic’s extraordinary story reveals that for him there was another ingredient needed to make it all come right

Novak Djokovic was born in 1987 in Belgrade, communist Yugoslavia. His family was athletic, and Djokovic’s dad, a pizza parlour owner, had once been a professional skier. Tennis was not a well-known sport in Yugoslavia, but the moment the six-year-old Djokovic saw coverage of Pete Sampras lifting the trophy at Wimbledon, he knew that’s what he wanted, too. His parents spent their summers in the mountain ski resort of Kapaonik, and it was here that the council decided to build a tennis academy. Fascinated, he hung around the courts watching through the wire, until a coach asked him if he wanted to play. Djokovic remembers: “The next day, I showed up with a tennis bag. Inside was everything a professional would need: a racquet, a water bottle, rolled-up towel, extra shirt, wristbands, and balls, all neatly folded into the case.” The trainer, Jelena Gencic, had been coach to Monica Seles. Calling Djokovic her ‘Golden Child’ she claimed she’d never seen anyone with so much natural talent in her life. She set about giving him a complete education – opening his mind to new ideas and influences. She introduced him to classical music and poetry to make him a rounded human being. But his childhood was interrupted in 1999 when war broke out and NATO intervened in the break-up of Yugoslavia. At first terrified, Djokovic, like many others, found a defiant stoicism in himself. “To truly accept your powerlessness is incredibly liberating,” he says. “Whenever I am extra nervous, not happy with something, or frustrated, whenever I feel like I am spoiled and I want more than I deserve, I try to refocus myself and remember growing up, remember how it was back then. That puts things back in perspective. I remember the things that I really value: family, fun, joy, happiness, love.” Throughout the 78 nights of bombing, Djokovic hung on to his passion: tennis. Picking his way through the craters regularly to find his old tennis club. “Our tennis club became a getaway for me and most of my tennis peers. We practised every day for four to five hours; we even played amateur tournaments during bombings, and it brought us so much joy that we could play tennis during wartime,” he says.

These, then, are the foundations for an extraordinary character – a naturally gifted tennis player, obsessed with the sport, determined, willing to spend every waking minute realising his dream. Djokovic dedicates three to five hours every day either playing or practising on court, doing tai chi, yoga, meditation and stretches to maintain his super-suppleness. He has a supportive family, and a team and coach that helps him find the very best in himself. And yet by 2010, it was clear that despite this, something was holding him back. A brilliant player, he was also famed for bouts of ill health on the court causing him to collapse at the crucial part of the game. He had trouble with his stomach and his breathing that experts variously put down to asthma, a cold, a breathing problem requiring surgery and many other diagnoses – but he could not find the key to consistent, top flight match success. Then, one day, he was approached by Dr Igor Cetojevic who told the player that he suspected a food allergy was the cause and suggested he go gluten-free. Djokovic is outspoken about the immediate change. “I felt lighter, more energetic. The nighttime stuffiness I had lived with for 15 years suddenly disappeared... I woke up feeling as though I’d had the best night’s sleep of my life.” The rise in Djokovic’s career from this point speaks for itself. From being described as “a joke” by Rafael Nadal, Djokovic went on to win 41 matches in a row. Within 18 months he had won Wimbledon. Djokovic is absolutely sure that this simple change led to him finding his form and has written a book, Serve to Win, to explain how he managed to overcome his earlier challenges through food. He is a one-off, a unique, mature player, resilient and brilliant on the court, superbly supple and agile. Alongside Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal, Andre Agassi considers that Novak Djokovic, “may very well be the greatest three players to ever play tennis.” It is safe to say that his consistency and brilliance on the court has come from all the ingredients one associates with success: dedication, a great team to support him, a disciplined routine, natural talent and a burning passion. And it has one additional ingredient – a gluten-free diet.

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Life Without Limits


This month we are giving away a wide range of fantastic books. If you’d like to be in with a chance of winning , simply email your name and contact details to with the name of the prize you would like to win in the subject title before 30 June 2015*

SANE NEW WORLD BY RUBY WAX Ruby Wax – comedian, writer and mental health campaigner – shows us how our minds can jeopardise our sanity. With her own periods of depression and now a Masters from Oxford in Mindfulnessbased Cognitive Therapy to draw from, she explains how our busy, chattering, self-critical thoughts drive us to anxiety and stress. If we are to break the cycle, we need to understand how our brains work, rewire our thinking and find calm in a frenetic world. Helping you become the master, not the slave, of your mind, here is the manual to saner living.


We have one copy of Sane New World by Ruby Wax to give away.

AMY’S BAKING YEAR BY AMY-BETH ELLICE Amy-Beth Ellice has been baking since the tender age of three. Now a published cake-maker with celebrity clients, 16-year-old Amy has selected her most gorgeous recipes and collected them in this stunning book. This charming volume takes you on a mouthwatering journey through the seasons, providing easy-to-follow recipes and thoughtful tips to make the most delicious treats. With a focus on family, the recipes are perfect for both seasoned bakers and young enthusiasts. And with tips on the perfect decoration and setting for each bake, you are sure to be inspired by young Amy’s scrumptious creations.



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We have one copy of Amy’s Baking Year to give away.

TERMS AND CONDITIONS: One entry per household. Entry implies acceptance of rules and conditions.
No purchase necessary. Open to all UK residents aged 18 years or over, other than employees of The Best You and companies associated with it.
Draw will be conducted by The Best You Corporation. Prize is as stated and will be awarded to the entry drawn at random on the draw date. No cash alternative is available. No correspondence will be entered into. Delayed entries will be deemed invalid. Winners’ names may be published and the winners may be required to participate in publicity. Promoter: The Best You Corporation.


Need some inspired thinking? Enter our lucky dip and we’ll send one lucky winner a book from The Best You’s bookshelf.

ONE-MINUTE MINDFULNESS BY SIMON PARKE Sometimes we can lose touch with ourselves so much that we don’t even know we have done so, until suddenly we realise with a start that we have just been going through the motions, without really experiencing our lives. The simple fact is that in today’s world, we spend so much time looking forward, rushing on to the next thing, or looking backwards, stressing and worrying about our perceived mistakes, that we rarely still ourselves and our minds enough to be truly in the present moment. In One-Minute Mindfulness, Simon Parke uses stories and simple thoughts to help us see through clear eyes how we can return to the present moment and remain there. This subtle change can be startlingly healing, bringing peace into every area of our lives, allowing us to live freely and fully, and to honour what is true for each of us. Both inspiring and practical, this book is for anyone who wants to come home to themselves.

We have two copies of One-Minute Mindfulness to give away.


LIGHT IS THE NEW BLACK BY REBECCA CAMPBEL Light Is the New Black is a guidebook for a new breed of women who are here to be bright lights in the world – modern-day lightworkers, who agreed to be here at this time in history. In order to thrive in this new age, everything we do must be an authentic expression of who we truly are. Light Is the New Black will guide you back home to the callings of your soul, so you can light up the world with your presence.

We have two copies of Light Is The New Black to give away.


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BOOK Life Without Limits



With the power to entertain, enrich and empower your life, books are as important today as they have been for millennia. Here’s what’s catching our eye at The Best You this month…



Eight publishers have committed to removing the labelling of books ‘for boys’ or ‘for girls’, following a Let Books Be Books campaign by gender neutrality organisation Let Toys Be Toys.

support from authors Malorie Blackman, Joanne Harris and Neil Gaiman and has resulted in the publishers removing limiting messages about what girls and boys are ‘supposed’ to like.

The issue was raised by an eightyear-old girl who was annoyed to see a book about pirates tagged as ‘for boys’ at a school book fair. The petition gained high-profile

“There is more treasure in books than in all the pirate’s loot on Treasure Island” – Walt Disney

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What if everything you thought you knew about stress was wrong? Over the years we’ve grown to see stress as Public Enemy #1, responsible for countless health problems, relationship troubles, unhappiness and anxiety, and to be avoided at all costs. But what if changing your mindset about stress could actually make you healthier, happier and better able to reach your goals? In this book, health psychologist Dr Kelly McGonigal reveals the new science of stress, showing that by embracing stress and changing your thinking, your stress response could become your most powerful ally.

“The Upside of Stress is a perfect how-to guide for anyone who wants to tap into the biology of courage and the psychology of thriving under pressure” – Daniel H. Pink, author of Drive

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Amy-Beth Ellice has been baking since the tender age of three. Now a published cake-maker with celebrity clients, 16-year-old Amy has selected her most gorgeous recipes and collected them in this stunning book. This charming volume takes you on a mouth-watering journey through the seasons, providing easy-to-follow recipes and thoughtful tips to make the most delicious treats.

“A visually beautiful book full of tempting recipes to try. Amy is beautiful and charming too – watch out Nigella!” – Keith Homandjan


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Do you want to take your small business to the next level? Are you itching to achieve breakthrough success? Then it’s time to give your business a full health check with the Business Doctors, a network of independent business advisors who offer expert advice and guidance to small business owners and entrepreneurs in every industry sector. In Breaking Big they will help you assess where your business is right now and take you through ten strategic steps to get to the next level.

“A fantastic, no-nonsense guide that can transform your business in just one day – yes, really. With nothing to lose and everything to gain, what are you waiting for?” – Steve Reeve

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Light Is the New Black is a guidebook for a new breed of women who are here to be bright lights in the world – modern-day lightworkers, who agreed to be here at this time in history. In order to thrive in this new age, everything we do must be an authentic expression of who we truly are. Light Is the New Black will guide you back home to the callings of your soul, so you can light up the world with your presence.

“Rebecca guides her reader to step into their authentic power so that they can live and lead at their highest potential. Light Is the New Black is a must read for all spirit junkies on their path to living a miraculous life” – Gabrielle Bernstein, author of Miracles Now


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LIVE LOVE LEGACY What do you want to be remembered for? What are your relationships like with those around you? How does life treat you… and how do you treat your life? There is so much good in you. Enrich your life with the passion you feel and the connections you make.



Life Without Limits



How Diabetes UK is raising awareness


Dr Lisa Turner shares a recovery from abuse


to give your child a good education?

Put your company in this space! To sponsor this page and be part of The Best You, email us at

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INSPIRATIONAL STORIES Ahead of Diabetes Week (14-20 June), we meet two people whose lives have been affected by the disease

ABDUL’S STORY These days, Abdul is a wealth of diabetes information. He even works with his local community to educate others affected by the condition. But this wasn’t always the case. When Abdul was first diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes he, like many others, didn’t know much about the condition. And his doctor only gave him a brief explanation. Abdul didn’t know where to find information or what support was available. Thankfully, he heard about Diabetes UK and contacted its Careline. Anytime Abdul was unsure of something that he had heard or read, or just needed someone to talk to, he contacted the charity’s Careline and spoke to one of its staff. With their help, he learnt about his condition and how to best manage it. “On my own, I wouldn’t have gotten far,” says Abdul. Abdul now encourages others to seek support for their diabetes. “If you do anything, above all, make one phone call to Diabetes UK.”


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LIVE LOVE LEGACY SUE’S STORY Living with Type 1 diabetes when you are young is tough. Not just for the child who has it, but for the whole family. Sadly, this is something Sue and her son, Ollie, can relate to. After Sue was told that Ollie couldn’t take part in various school activities she contacted the Diabetes UK Care in Schools Helpline. Ollie, 11 years old, was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at the age of seven. Earlier this year, Sue was told that Ollie was to be excluded from an after school club and residential stay, solely because of his condition. As a consequence, Ollie has missed out on opportunities concerning his development and – perhaps just as importantly – he has been unable to act like a normal child and join his friends. Distressed by this, Sue spoke with one of Diabetes UK’s volunteers. Together, they were able to overturn the school’s decision, allowing Ollie to take part in future activities. Since then, Sue has seen a big improvement in Ollie’s happiness at school, and overall quality of life. ‘’Diabetes UK’s helpline played a key part in helping to resolve the school’s failure to meet Oliver’s needs. “He can’t wait to go on his residential stay this month and can now attend the after school club like his friends. I’d urge any parents who are facing challenges with their child’s diabetes in school, to call the helpline for support.” Later this year, Ollie will attend a Diabetes UK Care Event in Scotland, where Sue is hopeful he will build confidence and develop key self-management strategies for his condition, both of which are important especially as Ollie starts secondary school next year.

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Shame and guilt are powerfully destructive emotions and can lead to long-term health problems. Shame is the result of self-judgment. Each day make a conscious effort to relax shame and guilt away by simply being the non-judgmental witness. Harbouring emotions like anger, resentment and especially fear give the abuser power over you. To reclaim your power, release their emotional hold over you and your painful emotions triggered by or memories of past events. Complete indifference is true power.


In almost every case an abuser will deliberately isolate their victim from friends or family, often through antisocial and embarrassing behaviour, blackmail or by displaying jealous behaviour. This means you lose the vital support network of friends and family. Use any means you can to reconnect with old friends and make new ones. Your community and its support is vital to your recovery.


If you have a religious faith you might like to restore your connection with that again. If religions don’t attract you then consider finding and cultivating your own personal connection to a spirit or a higher power. There is nothing more powerful than calling on the support of God, a spirit guide or a guardian angel to protect you. In almost every case, a victim skyrockets their recovery by drawing strength from a higher power.


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Dr. Lisa Turner is a personal transformation coach and trainer who helps people to become the best version of themselves. To find out more visit


Don’t make it part of your identity. It is something that happened, not something you are. Everyone makes bad choices in their past. Kick start your recovery by doing something positive and empowering. Anything that gives you a sense of achievement and inner satisfaction. This might mean you set yourself small challenges at first, and once you have succeeded with those, then move on to bigger ones. Nothing moves you from victim, through survivor to a full blown thriver more quickly than achieving things on your own merit.


Nurture, love and start to take care of your physical body. Start to exercise and eat healthier foods. Increasing your physical strength and health will have a knock-on effect on your emotional wellbeing. It will increase your inner strength too.


It was not your fault. You’ve probably heard this time and again, but all too often the victims of abuse still blame themselves. Abusers are masters of mind control and manipulation. Don’t believe it, you are not to blame and you can and will fully recover.


Dr Lisa Turner was a sufferer of emotional and psychological abuse from an older partner, and was held as a virtual house prisoner until she found the strength to leave. Here, she shares her advice on thriving after abuse

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In life, you can never fail to win – it’s about staying the course that matters, says Jim Aitkins

What if there was a major sports team that was so dominant that they easily won every game? My theory (since this will never happen) is that such a team would eventually lose their fans. Oh, sure, people would always go to the games. But at some point, the amazement and thrill of seeing such awe-inspiring athletic performances would give way to boredom and the desire to be on-hand when the streak finally comes to an end. People would go to the games to watch for mistakes; some variation of the pattern; some evidence that something new and different will finally happen. Thank goodness sports have never been – and will never be – like that. Throughout the spring and summer months, and into the fall, many Americans are obsessed with baseball. A couple of weekends ago, the pro team we support, the Seattle Mariners, beat its opponent 11 to 10. It was a come-from-behind victory on home turf on a sunny Sunday afternoon. The team had trailed the entire game... until the bottom of the ninth inning (the last section of play). The fact is fans prefer those kinds of victories. We like not knowing what the outcome will be and the score is close. It’s great to occasionally completely blow out the other team, but it is even better to out-play a closely-matched competitor and win with a bruised rib, bloodied elbow and streaks of dirt staining a sweat-soaked uniform. There is something about winning at a painful cost that is much more satisfying than a victory that had been universally predicted.

Of course, the same is true of life in general. Therefore, much about how to live a successful life can be learned from sports’ best teams. The best of the best players will always tell a young person, ‘If I could do it, you can do it.’ Do what? Lose... only to come back and win. Get injured... only to come back stronger. Get traded away... only to play better for the new team. Lose the world championship... only to come back and win it. So, you fell down and got a scrape. So, you lost, maybe a lot, or you know someone who has. Congratulations. That means you are not on the bench. You are out there risking everything in order to hopefully win it all. Pain is evidence you’re playing. Championship lives are created out of a quilted patchwork of fixes and adjustments that come from lessons learned. Victories cobbled together from unlikely trades and trade-offs. If that is true – and I am proof that it is – then anyone and everyone can have a championship life. As long as you are alive, you are in the game and it is therefore never too late to come from behind and rise above virtually any adversity that has held you back until now. So, you feel like the odds are against you; so what? So, what if you feel like you’re in the bottom of the ninth inning? Heck, that’s the best way to win. All you’ve got to do is go out there, believing you can overcome whatever the adversity happens to be and then refuse to give up. In sports, losing is always a possibility. In life, you can never lose as long as you stay on the field and stay in the game.


GIVE YOUR KIDS A GOOD EDUCATION Cyrus Afkhami, founder of My Tutor Club, the UK’s leading online tutoring site, advises on giving your children a good start


HOW DID THE IDEA FOR MY TUTOR CLUB COME ABOUT? By accident! In August 2011, I resigned from my investment banking job as I found the work repetitive, uninspiring and that sitting in front of a computer for 90 hours a week was a bit of a challenge. At the time, my 12-year-old sister was being home-schooled and I started to help her with maths, English and history, three subjects she found difficult. I had never trained as a teacher but I did find tutoring one-toone immensely rewarding as I witnessed my sister’s progress at first hand. It was also great to become reacquainted with subjects that I loved at school and to impart that enthusiasm to a younger student. The moment when a topic or a subject finally ‘clicks’ for a student is very rewarding and a great feeling. Over the next few months, word got around my sister’s friends that her older brother was offering tuition. These were my first clients and over the following months my schedule became busier and busier as new students called me and current ones booked in more lessons. I was soon teaching seven days a week and had a waiting list of ten months. It was clear that tutoring by myself had reached capacity. In October 2012, I started recruiting tutors to teach those students that I was unable to fit in my diary, as well as tutors who taught subjects that I did not teach. My Tutor Club has grown purely through word of mouth. EDUCATION IS SOMETHING MOST PARENTS AGONISE ABOUT FOR THEIR CHILDREN. HOW CAN WE ENSURE OUR KIDS LOVE TO LEARN AND ENJOY SCHOOL? We need to encourage children to express their opinions, talk about their feelings and make choices. We should show enthusiasm for their interests and encourage them to explore the subjects that fascinate them. In school, providing lots of different learning styles from listening and visual learning to sorting and sequencing is a great way to keep little minds agile. Equally at home, helping your child organise their school papers and assignments so they feel in control of their work is important. Celebrate achievements at school, no matter how small, as it is a great way to drive motivation. Discussing with your child the different ways you as a parent find new information, whether you’re looking for cooking tips on the internet or taking a night class in French, is a great way to increase engagement. Focus on strengths and turn everyday events into learning opportunities. In essence, we should encourage children to explore their world, ask questions and make connections. DO YOU THINK WE PUT TOO MUCH PRESSURE ON CHILDREN TO PERFORM WELL ACADEMICALLY? I believe that a little bit of work, over time, is much more beneficial in the long-term in obtaining positive

learning outcomes, as opposed to doing large amounts of homework over a shorter period of time. This latter approach can lead to cramming and can gloss over any weaknesses that may exist in a child’s understanding of a particular topic or subject. MANY FAMILIES ARE EXPERIENCING EXAM PRESSURE AT THIS TIME OF YEAR. WHAT ADVICE DO YOU OFFER TO PARENTS AND CHILDREN TO GET THE BEST RESULTS? Take breaks. Tired students do not learn and will not perform to their full potential. Avoid cramming and working for hours on end. It is totally counterproductive. Create a revision schedule. Break study into manageable chunks, interspersed with breaks and get into a routine which is realistic for them to keep. Focus on revising past exam questions. It is important to go through past papers as part of the learning (and later on revision) process, taking down notes, understanding how various questions and problems are solved and paying attention to the various ways that questions can be worded. Finally, start practising under timed conditions. The more questions that students practise under timed conditions, the better their own time management skills will become, which is a crucial aspect of exam performance. WITH ONLINE TUTORING AND HOME SCHOOLING BECOMING MORE COMMONPLACE, DO YOU THINK TRADITIONAL TYPES OF EDUCATION ARE SHIFTING? Certainly online tutoring has broken down geographical barriers to education. Students now do not have to be within a 10-mile radius of where a tutor lives. With great internet connections and online learning platforms, students can learn just as effectively and efficiently remotely. In fact at My Tutor Club, where we tutor students from 19 different countries, we find concentration among younger students improves when they are learning with technology. As digital natives, students find learning with technology a more enjoyable experience; we should harness this as much as possible. I also think there is a general trend towards the democratisation of education. The MOOCs are one such example. There are endless resources on the web – admittedly with varying quality – where students can have access to information that prior to the internet would have been not as easily within their reach.

Cyrus Afkhami is founder of My Tutor Club, a leading private tuition company based in London. For more information visit

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THE BEST YOU With a range of upcoming events, editor Bernardo Moya shares the latest developments at The Best You As our audience continues to grow on both sides of the Atlantic, we are excited to announce our plans to extend the ways that our readers can interact with the UK’s leading personal development magazine and channels to become their ‘best you’. Each month, we bring you fantastic content from many of the personal development industry’s leading names, including John Demartini, Barbara De Angelis and Richard Bandler, alongside insightful profiles of people who have reached the pinnacle of their success. Our partnership with Gail Kingsbury, our assistant deputy editor based in the US, enables us to showcase new talent and distribute The Best You TV which is now being aired in Roku, Amazon, Samsung and soon in Hulu. We are also delighted to announce our close working relationship with Wiley plus the fact you can now see our magazine on Issuu. This autumn we are also planning to launch The Best You Inspiring Talks, a series of events to be held in London where leaders and thinkers will share their insight and expertise. Broadcast simultaneously online, our global audience can also enjoy these presentations from the comfort of their home, workspace or educational facility. With opportunities to be involved in the events both as a speaker and commercially, we would be delighted to hear from you and your business in the autumn and during 2016. We are also developing an inaugural Best You Exhibition – a place for professionals in the industry to market and promote their services and goods, and a place for fans of the personal development world to meet and see the people they admire and follow. At our first Feel and Look Good weekend, we will be joined by the best professionals – including fashion experts, celebrity chefs and nutritionists, and outstanding athletes – offering advice on style and fashion, techniques to lose weight, exercise and eat better. Download the app at and tune in to The Best You TV to be among the first to learn more about our events and join us to help yourself become ‘The Best You’.

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FEEL & LOOK GOOD Feeling good about yourself has a hugely positive impact on your appearance, persona and the response you ignite in others. Explore new ways to enhance the impression you make and enjoy the benefits of a positive self-image.



Life Without Limits



Why stress might not be as bad as you think


Meet the teen baker and rising star


How to run 5k in five weeks

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For health psychologist, author and TED Talk speaker Kelly McGonigal, stress might not be the enemy it is purported to be

What does it mean to be “good” at stress? Does it mean you don’t get stressed out? That you stay calm under pressure and bounce back from adversity? Actually, no. The truth of stress as I’ve researched it shows two important things. Firstly, that trying to avoid it is fundamentally counterproductive. Secondly, that thinking that we can emerge from stressful circumstances unscathed and unchanged is precisely the wrong way of thinking about things. Instead, we need to start thinking about how to have the courage to grow from stress. This view of resilience was first described by the psychologist Salvatore Maddi. He dedicated his career to identifying what distinguishes people who thrive under stress from those who are defeated by it. The ones who thrive, he concluded, are those who view stress as inevitable, and rather than try to avoid it, they look for ways to engage with it, adapt to it, and learn from it. The idea that we grow through adversity is not new. It’s present in the teachings of every major religion and many philosophies. It’s even become a cliché to say, ’Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’. But what is new is how psychology and neuroscience have begun to examine this truism. Research is beginning to reveal not only why stress helps us learn and grow, but also what makes some people more likely to experience these benefits. One of the more recent insights from this science is that the ability to learn from stress is built into the basic biology of the stress response. Of course, you know that the stress response gives you energy by flooding your body with adrenaline. But the stress response doesn’t end when your heart stops pounding. Other stress hormones are released to help you recover from the challenge.


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These stress-recovery hormones include DHEA and nerve growth factor, both of which increase neuroplasticity. In other words, they help your brain learn from experience. DHEA is classified as a neurosteroid; in the same way that steroids help your body grow stronger from physical exercise, DHEA helps your brain grow stronger from psychological challenges. For several hours after you have a strong stress response, the brain is rewiring itself to remember and learn from the experience. Stress leaves an imprint on your brain that prepares you to handle similar stress the next time you encounter it. Psychologists call the process of learning and growing from a difficult experience stress inoculation. Going through the experience gives your brain and body a kind of stress vaccine. This is why putting people through practice stress is a key training technique for NASA astronauts, Navy SEALS, emergency responders and elite athletes, and others who have to thrive under high levels of stress. But stress inoculation doesn’t just transfer to similar stress situations; getting good at one kind of stress often helps in unfamiliar challenges.Yet not every stressful situation creates the kind of learning that helps us thrive under future stress. As I’ve discovered with almost anything that seems to be ’true’ about stress, the opposite can also be true. (This is part of what makes the science of stress so fascinating, and also so puzzling.) Stress can also be paralyzing, draining and traumatising. Sometimes what we learn from stress is fear, not courage, or self-doubt instead of self-confidence. It would be easy to assume the outcome is determined by the nature of the stressful circumstance – say, that we learn best from manageable stress, while severe stress is more likely to be debilitating. But that assumption doesn’t always hold up; people also commonly report growing from chronic, uncontrollable and even traumatic stress.


Kelly McGonigal’s book, The Upside of Stress is published by Vermillion. To watch McGonigal’s TED Talk visit

One thing that does seem to predict whether a stressful experience is strengthening is the biology of your stress response. In particular, the ratio of hormones you release plays a role in determining whether a stressful experience leads to positive or negative outcomes. Higher levels of cortisol have been associated with impaired immune function and depression. In contrast, increased DHEA – the neurosteroid – have been linked to reduced risk of anxiety, depression, heart disease, neurodegeneration and other diseases we typically think of as stress-related. The ratio of DHEA to cortisol that you release during stress is often referred to as the growth index of your stress response. A higher growth index – meaning more DHEA relative to cortisol – is associated with thriving during and after stressful experiences. It helps college students persist in the face of academic stress; it’s associated with better performance and greater learning. An important question, then, is: how do you influence your own – or somebody else’s – growth index? One strategy is to choose a more positive mindset towards stress. Make a conscious choice when you’re stressed to view stress as helpful, and the experience as an opportunity to learn and grow. This mindset can actually shift your stress physiology toward a state that makes such a positive outcome more likely, for example by increasing your growth index and reducing harmful side effects of stress such as inflammation. I learned this firsthand when I participated in a mock study at Columbia Business School. People were put through a stressful mock job interview that included strongly negative feedback, which the participants were expected to act on immediately. (And yes, even the mock study was stressful – even though I knew it was a scripted experiment and not a real evaluation!)

Before the job interview, every participant was randomly assigned to view one of two videos about stress. The three-minute video I watched opened with the message, ’Most people think that stress is negative… but actually research shows that stress is enhancing’. The video went on to describe how stress can improve performance, enhance wellbeing, and help you grow. The other video, which half of the participants in the study watched, opened with the ominous announcement, ’Most people know that stress is negative… but research shows that stress is even more debilitating than you expect’. The video went on to describe how stress can harm your health, happiness and performance at work. Crum found that people who were asked to view stress as enhancing released more DHEA during the interview, resulting in a higher growth index. Other studies confirm that viewing a stressful situation as an opportunity to improve your skills, knowledge or strengths makes it more likely that you will experience stress inoculation or stress-related growth. Once you appreciate that going through stress makes you better at it, it gets easier to face each new challenge. And the expectation of growth sends a signal to your brain and body: get ready to learn something, because you can handle this. People who are good at stress allow themselves to be changed by the experience of stress. Embracing our natural capacity for growth can help us change in positive ways, even in circumstances that we would never choose.

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Following your life’s passion is something that takes a couple of decades for most people. At 17, Amy-Beth Ellice is lucky to have achieved success already, and still has several more ambitions to follow, all of which are perfectly within her grasp. In fact, Ellice’s success story began at just 13, when she set up her own cupcake and cake business. “I have been baking and cooking since the age of three,” she explains. “My mum taught me to cook, as her mum had taught her. “The one thing that I liked to make most was cupcakes as gifts for friends, family, even teachers. My mum and I tried cupcakes from all the shops in London and Essex, but nothing tasted quite like ours. I nagged her again and again to set up our business and eventually she agreed. We started from home and it just grew, and we ended up making special cupcakes including tiered wedding cakes.” As word spread, the business attracted celebrity fans including Pixie Lott and Katherine Jenkins. “We started baking for functions and parties and I was lucky enough to give Katherine Jenkins some of my cupcakes after a few of her concerts,” she says. With a growing fan base, Ellice decided to take her recipes into print, and in November 2014 her first book, Amy’s Baking Year, was published with a collection of recipes and treats for each season.


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“I wrote the book while I was studying for my GCSEs and I was able to balance it all. Now I’m writing a second book, which includes recipes for baking and cooking. I’m studying for my A levels now, so it’s quite a lot to juggle, but I love writing. I enjoy watching Nigella Lawson’s cookery shows, as she makes it look so effortless and my dream would be to have my own TV show, but there’s plenty of time.” Indeed there is, and Ellice has strong artisitic and musical abilities, which could easily take her into another creative arena. “I play the piano, harp and sing – I would love to study opera at college, Katherine Jenkins is a huge inspiration to me.” For now, Ellice has already attracted media attention and has her own column in OK! Magazine. One of her cookery idols, Ina Garten, the Barefoot Contessa – who similarly transitioned from running her own catering business to TV chef and author – has praised Ellice’s book, saying that she has a “great future ahead of her”. Just like her perfectly cooked cupcakes, Ellice is definitely at the peak of a bright and burgeoning future.

Amy’s Baking Year is published by John Blake Books. To find out more, visit



FOR LIFE Britain’s youngest baker and published cookery writer, Amy-Beth Ellice has won celebrity plaudits for her cake business which she set-up at just 13. Now 17, her future looks set to flourish

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FEEL & LOOK GOOD Boot camps, too aggressive. Triathlons, too competitive. For anyone who’s ever contemplated trying to get fit after too many years on the couch, the entry point to exercise, and specifically running, can seem inadmissible. It’s the issue that Julie Creffield, the creator of and author of The Fat Girls’ Guide To Running, is tackling. It’s also a scenario that she experienced herself when she took the decision to transform herself from self-confessed 20-stone, beerguzzling, cheesecake-eating couch potato to marathon runner and plussize role model. “It is, absolutely, a decision that each of us has to make individually,” says Creffield. “I have been overweight for most of my adult life, but you get to the point when you think, ‘I can either accept it or do something about it’. “I am a big believer in doing it quickly too. Lots of plans say it takes 12 weeks to achieve a level of fitness, but if I did that I would die of boredom – my #5weeksto5k programme means that in just five weeks you see results. It requires commitment, with three sessions a week, but in five weeks it also becomes a habit and you’re then hooked, whereas changes are harder to make over the longer term.” Creffield is currently working with a group of women on ITV’s This Morning. She believes that, in particular, they are inhibited from physical activity by a number of factors. “Women feel embarrassed or guilty about taking time out to exercise. They worry about looking silly or falling over, and the fear is crippling. “One of the ladies on the show says her girls make fun of her, and she’s

even received abusive comments from people in her community who say she’s making a fool of herself. There’s a total lack of support, and that’s a common experience. “There’s also the issue of what to wear. Sportswear is so unforgiving and doesn’t go up to bigger sizes, so we end up wearing men’s fitness wear that’s uncomfortable and we’re tugging at it while we’re trying to exercise. It’s another barrier, and we need to find more progressive sportswear companies to tackle the issue.” Creffield also says we lack a wealth of sporting role models to inspire women, and to encourage the belief that we can achieve reasonable levels of fitness, without being at the extreme levels of sport. “Running is one of the first things we do as children,” she says. “I have a two-year-old and when she runs I see that she experiences pure joy. We must remember some of that and get back to childish movements. We start to doubt our bodies after a while but we need to realise that we can do something. A lot of the obstacles to running are in our head, not our bodies.

“At school, unless we are fast, teachers aren’t interested in us – you’re picked or you’re not, and it reinforces a feeling that, unless I am good, it’s not worth trying. It’s hard to rock up and have a go, but it doesn’t have to be impossible.” Creffield’s next mission is to develop #OneBigFatRun, a global virtual 5k on the last Sunday of every month, like parkrun but aimed specifically at women. “So far we’ve had 3,000 women take part in runs around the country. Whether you run or walk, the idea is to get people to commit via social media and then post their success shot afterwards. We’re looking for a sponsor and we want #OneBigFatRun to be completely inclusive, and for women to bring their kids, family and social circle to run 5k. I want everyone to tell their neighbour and for #OneBigFatRun to grow until everyone’s running.”

Find out more about #OneBigFatRun at



No, really, you’re not. That’s the unwavering belief of Julie Creffield who is on a mission to get more women physically active

WEALTH & RICHES Building your career or business can bring both financial reward and personal growth in every aspect of your life. Seek out advice and support to ensure your success today and for the future.



Life Without Limits



What Steve Sims learnt from a lifetime of wishes


How to unlock your business’ growth


James Woudhuysen on future-proofing your firm

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Mr fix-it to the rich and famous, Steve Sims has lived at the top, so what has it taught him about the meaning of life? Daska Davis chats with man who makes things happen


Wealth, luxury, lavish lifestyles. They used to be the pinnacles of success. And they still are, but there’s a new rich list wish in town, and it’s leaning increasingly towards out-of-this-world experiences. To put it another way, when money is no object, every object is accessible, but when you want to have dinner at the feet of Michael Angelo’s David at the Accademia Gallery in Florence, with Andrea Bocelli as the evening’s entertainment, there’s probably only one man who can help – Steve Sims. Sims’ exclusive, membership-based concierge company, Bluefish, has made more, ‘I’ve always wanted to’ moments a reality for the world’s wealthiest, including a visit to the International Space Station, a submarine trip to the Titanic and spending a weekend in Monte Carlo, pretending to be James Bond. It’s all a long way from Sims’ start in life, which began in East London as the son of a working class, construction family with, as Sims describes it, “aspirations of making it to middle class”. Knowing a life on a building site wasn’t for him. Sims talked his way into a job in a stockbroking firm, before transferring to Hong Kong. His financial services career was short-lived as he was fired, four days after landing in the Asian city. Instead of retuning to the UK with his tail between his legs, Sims started hanging around the city’s nightclubs, organising parties and events. As his reputation grew, so did his clients’ requests for him to arrange access to prestigious events and conjure up ‘out there’ stuff. Sims realised that he had a knack for coming up with the goods, and that his reputation for delivery and no-nonsense approach could be the bones of a business idea.

Fast-forward 15 years, and today Bluefish provides a hugely successful, elite concierge service. Members have to apply to join and, once approved, pay an annual fee of $5,000 – that’s before they even start to present Sims with their bucket list. Sims rubs shoulders with the rich and famous, travels the world pulling the impossible out of the hat at their request. What’s out of keeping with this picture is that, off duty, Sims prefers to live a modest lifestyle with his family. “I live the wealthiest life in the world,” he says. “I met my wife when she was 16, we have three beautiful kids and three rescue dogs. I’ve found my pace and where I’m comfortable – just hanging out with them at the end of the day is exactly where it’s at for me. “We spend our lives thinking we’re not successful if we don’t have a Ferrari or wear a £5,000 handmade suit, but I’ve had those things and I’m just as happy and successful driving my truck and wearing a black t-shirt. I am what I am, I do what I do, and people know I am real and authentic. “Twelve years ago, I got a big offer for Bluefish, and I realised I don’t need money as much as comfort. You have to get to a point in life where the goal is one you want, not one that someone else puts out there. As long as you can pay the bills and do what you love, you have achieved success. If not, sell it. I haven’t felt like I’ve been in business for quite a few years, I’m just dancing around the planet and enjoying life.” As he does so, I wonder which he thinks are the dreams that really are worth pursuing? “It’s subjective to the individual, and I have gone off to organise some pretty weird things,” he says, “but when a client has so much blind passion for an idea, I go along with it and it’s their momentum that makes it so amazing. The perk of my job is to see the peak of those dreams.”

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DOCTOR IN THE OFFICE The obstacle to growing your business could be you, says Matt Leverett of the Business Doctors – the answer also lies within Getting a business off the ground takes hard work and determination, but many firms stumble at the hurdle of taking it to the next level. Believing only they can deliver service to the right standard, business owners restrict their own potential for success, or navigating the structure of employment and legislation binds them in mental red tape and prevents growth. These are common scenarios, says Matt Leverett, co-founder of the Business Doctors, an organisation which provides hands-on support to help business owners overcome these and other challenges to achieve growth. The group has now published a book, Breaking Big, which offers a step-by-step ‘boot camp for businesses’ to help more companies overcome the challenges that limit their growth. “There is lots of really bad advice and numerous poor advisers out there,” says Leverett. “It’s a common scenario that businesses looking to grow end up buying a package from a large firm that they don’t really need, or consulting a retired bank manager who pores over the figures but doesn’t offer any inspiration to move a company forwards. “We’re not business gurus, but we’ve worked with a lot of companies and learnt a lot of stuff over the years – the answers to business growth and success are available from within. “Even the most successful business owners sometimes fail to apply this knowledge as they are too close and emotionally attached to identify this. We are working with a successful electrical contractor with a small staff. The owner is a natural entrepreneur but he doesn’t know how to expand. “The answer is to take a step back from the day-to-day of running the business and see the opportunities and options available to them. It’s true that every company needs a strategy, but that’s a scary word for most small business owners.

“Think of it this way – why are you doing what you do? Go back to the start of your business and reconnect with what motivated you in the first place. What was your desire or belief at the outset? “Often the business overtakes owners, they lose their mojo as they are so worried about taking care of everything. They are the last to be paid, the last to leave the office and the company imprisons them. It’s a lonely place to be – they can’t talk to their partner or family in case they worry them, they think about the business all weekend, and even when they take a holiday, they’re checking their emails in case anything’s gone wrong. But it doesn’t have to be like that. They need to inspire their stakeholders, think about what they have achieved and where they want to take it.” In Breaking Big, the Business Doctors have created a 10-step programme to help unlock the potential growth of small firms – Leverett believes it can take as little as one day to create a plan and build aspirations once again. “The ten steps deal with the symptoms facing many businesses,” he explains. “The programme unlocks these with a series of questions – ‘what are your personal aspirations?‘ ‘How big does the business really need to be?’ We want people to ditch the dry, dusty business plan that is merely an exercise in raising finance, and set new corporate goals that will ultimately be their path to success.”

Visit to read the Business Doctors’ three business scenarios to avoid.

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HOW TO FUTURE-PROOF YOUR BUSINESS Professor James Woudhuysen says to future-proof your company, you need to be brave I feel good about not booking my Amtrak train from Washington to New York City two days earlier than I did. But I’m wondering why the US train company had only installed automatic braking on its southbound track, not the line heading north. So the first thing to remember about protecting your firm from future disasters is that much of the technology for that already exists. No great leap of the imagination may be needed. Yet in today’s risk-averse culture, it does seem a big leap of the imagination to realise that corporate success is about seizing the time, not being ‘resilient’ against coming catastrophes. On Amazon, you’ll find about 30 books with the word ‘future-proof’ in their titles: future-proof your marketing, your website, your career. With so many tomes published, perhaps the best way to safeguard your future might be… to stop drawing up too many safeguards. Some firms, taking on the green agenda hook, line and sinker, think the way to stay ‘resilient’ – that is, merely to survive – is to go over to what’s known as the sharing economy. Apparently, we’re so beset by clothes, appliances and other clobber, we’ll soon want to make everything follow the Airbnb model: rent experiences, rather than buy goods. Cool idea? Actually, not.


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People first wrote about experience as the foundation for future corporate growth in 1997. And in terms of old-fashioned physical ownership, about 4m UK households still have no devices to allow internet access. Even in developed countries, people are far from overwhelmed by stuff. So what then should businesses do to prepare themselves a successful future? First, collect and suspect more forecasts about the future. Interrogate words like ‘future-proof’ and ‘resilience’ (nearly 5,000 titles on Amazon). Who first coined them, when, and why – and how has their meaning changed (usually for the worse)? Google Ngram Viewer is useful here. It shows that mentions of words like future-proof and resilience in English-language books really accelerated in 1989-91 – the end of the Cold War. After that, aversion to risk took off. The same pattern emerges if you contrast enquiring characters such as Sherlock Holmes or Albert Einstein with mentions of the much more iffy Frankenstein. Second, refuse to panic, and be ambitious. If there are so many diseases you might die of, why has life expectancy at 65 years been rising throughout the Western world? Why did life expectancy for African babies rise from 50 in 2000 to 58 in just 13 years? There’s no room for complacency, but things ain’t that bad. Risks need to be confronted, not exaggerated. Last, remember that doing experiments, making prototypes and learning from setbacks is the way to turn Donald Rumsfeld’s over-popular ‘unknown unknowns’ into quantified risks, and eventually into problem-busting innovations. It’s those experiences that make by far the biggest difference to the world. The West needs radical surgery. But surgery itself did not emerge without plenty of patient deaths. It’s too bad – but if you really do want to build resilience and future-proof your business, then go for broke, not the apron strings.







Pelé earned his nickname as a child after botching the name of one of his idols, however no one would ever mistake the pronunciation of his own nickname. He was born in 1940 Brazil, where football ruled sports. Always on the move, Pelé made money as a youth by working as a server in Brazilian tea markets. When not hustling to serve customers, he would use whatever he could find in his impoverished surroundings to make a football. Newspaper and round fruits were two of his favourite choices. Finding escape in practice sessions with his father, it quickly became apparent to his family that Pele had a rare natural talent for football. Soon enough he was a red hot junior-level player, making waves and earning three championships in his formative years. It was his junior-level coach that knew what he had on his hands. He personally escorted the teenaged Pelé to try out for, and quickly sign a contract with his first professional team. Earning a spot on the first team in the 1957 season, Pelé rose to take the title of leading scorer in the league. He was sixteen. He would go on to have a career that includes a current world record of 1,281 goals, as well as being named a Brazilian national treasure. He is widely considered to have been the most hardworking and greatest football player of all time, and it doesn’t seem like anyone will soon come close to this superb stature.


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Life without today’s modern conveniences was difficult enough for anyone at the beginning of the twentieth century, let alone a not-yet-teenaged boy charged with taking care of his family after the premature death of his father. Born in China in 1928, Li Ka-shing faced enough hardships to last a lifetime by the time he was fifteen. His first test came when the Japanese invaded China and his family was forced to vacate their home. The next test came just a few years later when his father suddenly died, and he was forced to abandon his education and join the world of working adults. Leaving school didn’t mean he stopped learning. He took on-the-job training to a whole new level when he left the hard labour of the plastics company at which he was working to launch his own company that, perhaps not coincidentally, started in plastics development. Time spent in sales also instilled the desire to diversify. He began to expand his nascent company’s operations into real estate after rioting in Hong Kong drove land prices down. This speculation paid off, eventually serving as the catalyst to go public. Today the company trades in everything from telecom, transportation, hotels, construction, shipping and banking, making Li Ka-shing a billionaire more than thirty times over; and proving indeed that only one in a billion can drop out of school and achieve such a staggering level of success.





For a woman with such a well-known and celebrated family name, Jane Seymour Fonda never walked an easy path to success. Born to actor Henry Fonda in 1937, Jane Fonda, curiously, was a distant relation to Jane Seymour, a wife to Henry VIII.

Being born in Georgia in the year 1818 was not a good omen for Biddy Mason’s young life. She was African American and lived as a slave. Fortune shined in a strange way upon Mason, however, in the form of the family that owned her.

The first of many hardships in Fonda’s life arrived when she was only twelve years old; her mother died suddenly by her own hand while in treatment for mental illness. Graced with an optimistic and infectious energy since birth, Fonda was never one to dwell on tragedy. Soon after her mother’s death, she dove headlong into the art of dance and was teaching the craft by the time she was fifteen.

Robert Smith and his family were known to host emissaries of the Mormon religion. It was in Mississippi that the family which owned Biddy Mason converted to that religion, but it would be in the American West that the family and Mason would find their home.

Fonda began to slowly raise her visibility with a brief, but very successful modelling career where some of her top assignments included appearing on the cover of Vogue. Taking advantage of the visibility and heat that her modelling career was providing, Fonda completed early acting work on Broadway. She then quickly segued into film and never looked back. After winning two Academy Awards in the 1970s, Fonda was unable to rebound in the court of public opinion subsequent to a much-maligned visit to Hanoi, Vietnam during that nation’s namesake war. She was criticised and viewed as an anti-American communist for most of the next decade, with her acting career taking a huge hit along the way. Yet after almost 30 years of enduring criticism for her political views, a new generation, unacquainted with her past, has welcomed Jane Fonda back into the pop culture establishment, proving that her natural charisma, energy and talent are enduringly appealing, well into her third act.

After growing up and traveling with the Smiths everywhere from Illinois, Utah and Colorado, the family and all of its owned slaves ultimately settled in California. At that time, Mason’s new home was officially a free state. This would come into play years later when Smith attempted to take all of his slaves to Texas so that they would remain his property. After a daring escape staged by Mason and a group of other slaves, a Californian judge granted her freedom. Settling in Los Angeles saw Mason able to exercise her newfound freedoms; she worked as a nurse for the next several years, while simultaneously saving her money and educating herself on the ins and outs of business. After purchasing her first plot of land, Mason quickly acquired and strategically sold off more. Biddy Mason saw her fortune grow to a staggering sum for a freed slave at the time, in the process giving generously to charity and helping others to prosper as she did.

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21ST CENTURY LIVING We live in a technological age and the opportunities that new ideas and developments bring to both our personal and professional lives are amazing. Discover fresh thinking and technologies that can enhance daily life.



Life Without Limits



Rebecca Campbell on modern spirituality


The season’s gadgets to go

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Rebecca Campbell has worked for some of the biggest global brands, yet her advice for social media climbers is to always be true to yourself


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London’s advertising agencies are world-class, recognised globally as the pinnacle of any aspiring creative director’s career success. And so thought Rebecca Campbell who left her native Australia to join and rise through the ranks of agency land until she was advising global brands on how they should look, sound and market themselves. Except, at the age of 30, following the break up of an 11-year relationship and the death of two dear friends, the creative director title no longer felt right and Campbell knew that she needed to start over. What she did next might seem surprising, but Campbell embarked upon a focused process of rediscovering her inner spirituality, and helping others to reconnect with themselves. “I grew up in Australia,” says Campbell, “and I remember picking up my first Hay House book at the age of 13. Instantly I knew it was for me and I was absorbed by the selfhelp genre, although I felt a bit weird as noone else I knew was walking that path. I kept my reading up but I didn’t talk about it too much and I ended up becoming an undercover ‘light’ worker.

“I quit my role as creative director and during my six months’ notice, I started leading monthly spiritual sessions. I leveled with my boss that it was my dream to mentor other women to rediscover their inner being. I set up an intuitive coaching practice and was doing three jobs at once to follow my spiritual path.” In her book, Light is the New Black, Campbell offers a guide to help readers reconnect with the core of their being, believing that if we follow what lights us up, we will light up the world. “This is the book I wish I’d had when I was growing up,” says Campbell.

Light is the New Black is published by Hay House. Follow Rebecca Campbell at

“I went into advertising and moved to London. I was quite ambitious and progressed through a number of roles, and I loved coming up with creative ideas, but eventually it started to feel a bit flat. I got into blogging and travelled the world while working for major brands. I could have ended up a social media girl, but it was incongruent with my life. “I believe every message has energy and I was called into advertising to put positivity out there. Transitioning to becoming a spiritual teacher was hard, and I think whenever you have a strong reputation, fear can get in the way, but once I made the decision it was easy.

Through her work with some of the world’s largest companies and early involvement in social media, Campbell believes it is imperative that both big brands and individuals are authentic in their posts and actions. “Multinationals spend millions trying to identify their tone of voice, but brands can’t ever be real like we are. “As people, we have an authentic spirit but it’s important to be who you really are when you’re posting on social media – let your spirit be your brand.

“You can feel it in your throat if you’re not being true to yourself. I always suggest asking yourself, ‘What is my intention?’, before posting – breed positivity, not negativity in what you say and share. “Conversely, if people on your news feed are posting negativity, move away. If people are in your face virtually, work out what the trigger is. Focus your energy on positivity. “Be a good feelings stalker and treat social media as a way of spreading positivity, giving someone a ‘like’ to make them feel great. Whatever we do is mirrored back to us in time.”

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Summer’s here and, along with sunshine and warm breezes, it’s brought a host of exciting new gadgets. This month we head outdoors with portable tech that brings all the comforts of a smart home to the beach



Mp3 players have come a long way since Apple introduced us to the iPod. They’ve revolutionised the way we listen to music on the go, and with the introduction of a wide range of portable speakers (some of them from respectable hi-fi manufacturers), taking your music collection – all of it – to the beach or park has never been easier, louder or clearer. I’ve introduced some of the refinements of the personal music device in this column before, but this may just be the final word in the matter. It’s a little cheaper than Sony’s latest premium offering, and it’s a little more expensive than the Pono, but the device sounds at least as good as the former and a good deal better than the latter. The interface is simple (intuitive even), and it has all the features you’d expect from a premium personal music device. Built like a rock, the Cowon Plenue 1 has planted itself firmly at the top of the heap. Suggested retail price: £625


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Ok, so the name is a mouthful, and the Verizon device is only one of a still-growing field of similar products, but our testers found the Verizon JetPack MiFi 6620L to be the absolute best in terms of wide-range mobility. If you’re going to the coffee shop or the library, you may find another device that’ll cover the bases, but if you’re heading out into the great outdoors, the JetPack has got the battery life, charging capabilities and consistent performance you need if internet is something you can’t live without. The 21st century workplace has been taking in large swathes of territory these last few years and, with dependable devices like this, the atmosphere may soon be the limit. Suggested retail price: £149.99 (depending on plan)




Not everybody has a technology addiction. Some long for the days when technology was simpler, and old-fashioned record players make the nostalgic positively misty-eyed. This is certainly not going to give you the sparkling highs and gutrumbling lows that your hi-fi will, but that’s not the point (something missed by most of the device’s other reviewers). The sound quality is not the object here – it’s the nostalgic pop and crackle of the vinyl and the somewhat tinny sound that the record player produces. Perfect for a romantic picnic in the park (especially if the object of your affection is fond of the golden oldies). This one’s probably not suitable for records from during or after the hip-hop era. Suggested retail price: £175.99


If you’re going to run any of your devices in the great outdoors, you’re going to need juice, so bring JOOS, the portable solar charger that untethers you from the outlets in your home or vehicle. Its manufacturers swear that it’s twice as powerful as its competitors, soaking in enough energy from the sun in a single hour to fully charge your mobile device. While it probably won’t charge your power-hungry boom box for long, it will keep your mobile devices going, and what’s more, it promises to do so rain or shine. Yet another perfect device for those who want to unplug from the grid while remaining connected to the world. Suggested retail price: £99.99 (depending on plan)


Portability and availability aside, we couldn’t help but share news of the Mercedes F 015 Concept Car, a drool-worthy piece of cuttingedge technology. More of a connected living room on wheels than a conventional vehicle, the Luxury in Motion sets a new bar, and a high one at that, for car manufacturers. Not only can it do all of your driving for you at either a sedentary or a dynamic pace, it also talks to drivers and pedestrians on your behalf, using verbal and LED cues to tell them when they should be slowing down (for other drivers) and when they can cross (for pedestrians) even casting a holographic crosswalk in front of the latter. Lots of car manufacturers have been promising to deliver drivers into the future of the driving experience. Mercedes is the first one that has delivered on that promise. Suggested retail price: your guess is as good as ours

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THE BEST YOU DIRECTORY The best professionals in personal development



Dr Stephen Simpson NLP, hypnotherapy and havening Email: Website: Clients include leading names from the world of sport, business and the entertainment industries

Shayna Schulman Attitude adjuster and flexibility enhancer Email: Phone: +44 (0) 208 960 7715 Licensed trainer, coaching, consulting, yoga, nutrition

NLP TRAINERS Tina Taylor: Licensed master trainer and practitioner Email: Phone: +44 (0) 7946 351640 Website: Tina’s experience allows her to create and provide some unique coaching services, from stopping addictions to pregnancy and pain control

Ulrika Shaw: Thrive consultant and hypnotherapist Email: Phone: +44 (0)7810 556029 Website: Are you suffering from anxieties or depression? Maybe you’re struggling with bad habits such as overeating or smoking? I help people overcome anything that holds them back!

Geoff Rolls: Corporate coach and kinesiologist Email: Phone: +44 (0)7905 056 513 Website: Learning and development, NLP trainer, TFH kinesiology instructor

June O’Driscoll: Exec coach, business coach, trainer Email: Phone: +44 (0)7876 657 8055 Website: NLP, coaching and hypnotherapy training school and consultancy

LIFE COACHES Dr Andrew A Parsons Mindfulness, resilience and finding clear purpose Email: Phone: +44 (0)7854 029 268 Support people, build awareness and make changes for success

Dustin Vice Personal and business development coaching Email: Website: Professional coaching, coaching business system for professional coaches

Gail Cherry: Torchlight coaching Email: Phone: +44 (0)1143 489 161 Website: Helping people with their personal and professional development. We work together to be the best you

Ruth Hepworth: Life coach Email: Phone: +44 (0)1252 655 849

Those Life Consultant Guys: Coaching, seminars, business, goal setting and more Website: A coaching company which prides itself on helping you to live your best life; every day, through one-on-one sessions and seminar programmes

Nick Nanton Career and life coaching, consultancy and public speaking Website: Phone: (407) 215-7737 Recognised as one of the top thought-leaders in the business world

Edson Williams: Life coaching Email: Phone: +44(0)7867517777 Website: Specialising in leadership development and sport coaching

David Owen: Life coach & NLP trainer Email: Phone: 07900 243494 Website: Stop smoking, slimming, phobias, relationships, stress, confidence, self-esteem

THE BEST YOU DIRECTORY The best professionals in personal development

PHOBIA SPECIALISTS John Vincent Public speaking without fear Email: Phone: +44 (0)7808 545 421 Website:

Paul Wright Phobias, anxieties, panic attacks Email: Phone: +44 (0)203 086 8444 Website:

NLP THERAPISTS / HYPNOTHERAPISTS Linda Cameron and Gail Walshe Inspire for impact Email: Phone: +44 (0)845 601 7567 Website: NLP trainers, NLP master practitioners, NLP life coaches, hypnotherapists

Debbie Williams Birmingham NLP Practice Group Website: Phone: +44 (0)121 241 0728 Life coaching, public speaking, sports coaching, all eating disorders, emotional mastery, OCD, stopping blushing, cocaine addiction, binge drinking

Edson Williams Coaching, NLP, personal development Email: Phone: +44 (0) 7867517777 Website: With an holistic approach, Edson specialises in performance coaching

Laura Spicer: Public speaking skills and confidence Email: Phone: 01752 361 576 Website: The only accredited sound practice trainer for the Society of NLP

EATING DISORDERS John Arroyo Coaching, personal development Email: I have been a therapist and personal development trainer for 20 years, specialising in eating disorders for the last 10 years



Pasquale Acampora (Italy) Master trainer and mental coach, NLP, team building Website: Phone: +39 (0)335 70 99 000 Pasquale’s key areas are sport and business; he has worked with top athletes and multinational companies

Alessandro Mora (Italy) Sport coaching Email: Phone: +39 (0)522 337 611 Website: NLP, coaching and team building applied to sport and business all over Italy

Xavier Pirla (Spain): NLP master trainer and NLP coach Email: Phone: 91 002 84 44 (Madrid) 93 193 6449 (Barcelona) Website: NLP, NLP business applications, coaching workshops and consultancy

Aleksander Sinigoj (Slovenia) Mastermind academy Email: Website: Leadership, motivation, sales, business NLP

To include your details in The Best You directory, call 0203 011 0866 or email Visit for more personal development professionals

3rd - 4th OCT 2015

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