Beestonia’s Bulging Postbag
We need YOUR views, rants, opinions and rambles. We aim to provide a forum for debate on anything, and feel this is more civilised system than the usual Beeston tradition of ‘ Fight outside Kebab Shop’. We reserve the right to hand out as much rope as we can to those who wish to hang themselves. As The Beestonian is ran by several people with wildly different opinions on everything, including which coffee shop is best for editorial meetings and what font this should be written in ( Verdana is for fools, can’t they see?), we promise to not skew towards any position on anything editorially. Email us at letters@beestonia.org
Beestonian True* Facts
+++Beeston hosted the Olympics in 1873, featuring such events as weir-surfing, the Pub-crawl marathon and one-way system orienteering+++ ‘Beeston’, in Greek, doesn’t mean anything in particular++ If you wanted to dig a hole directly down through the earths core from Beeston Square, I’d advise you take up a better hobby+++ Beeston is EXACTLY the size of 302 Football pitches; as tall as seven double-decker buses and if enough Beestons were lain end to end to reach the moon, bus fares would probably go up considerably+++ Wainwright wrote a special non-Lake District guide to Beeston, particularly noting the tremendous vista available from the roof of the busstation carpark +++ Bees are named after Beeston, as they were invented in 1734 on Imperial Road by some sort of mad professor type. *please note: ‘True’ does not imply these are anything but absolutely made up and have no basis in ‘truth’ whatseever.
University of Beestonia continued from page two in comparison to the turbid waters of Coneries, Tween and Main Ponds. But the future is bright for water quality at Attenborough. In late 2009, new control structures were built at the confluence of the River Erewash and the ponds with the aim of diverting most of the river water directly into the Trent. A delicate hydrological balance needed to be struck, because barges transporting sand and gravel through the reserve needed to retain a connection between the river and ponds. A series of control structures allowed access to be maintained whilst ensuring that most river water bypasses the ponds. Our monitoring shows that this engineering project has been effective in diverting a significant proportion of Erewash water away from Attenborough Ponds. Lake levels have become much less variable since the diversion and as the influence of river water lessens, the chemistry of the water is starting to become more similar to groundwater and rain water. But there is still some way to go. Phosphorus accumulated in the lake sediments will continue to be released, and may continue to fuel algal growth for some years to come. The dry summer in 2011 has not helped because slow lake flushing rates cause algal build up. Nevertheless, for the first time since the 1960s, Canadian Pondweed has been found washed up on the shores of Main Pond and may be the first sign of a positive shift in the ecological balance of these ponds.
What’s going on?
...asked soul legend Marvin Gaye. We would also like to know, though while he was asking it in a hypothetical sense as the massive social and political upheavals of the sixties gathered pace, we’re just curious to find out what there is to do in Beeston and environs to tempt us from watching repeats of the Hollyoaks Omnibus. We have had a few notices in already but most arrived too late for publication, so please send us details as early as possible, with links and info, and we’ll give you a FREE mention, cos we’re nice like that. Send them in to info@beestonia.org. We may even pop along if you really want us too.
NEXT EDITION We send our intrepid reporters to find the source of the Tottle Brook ** BESTonians: Possibly Paul Smith. Or we might do Richard Beckinsale. Or if we see Shane Meadows down the pub, him ** We welcome the new students ** Politicians ** Letters that YOU have to send in ** Loads more, apparently. OUT SEPTEMBER 23RD, GIVE OR TAKE A MONTH. The Beestonian was flung together by Lord Matt, Rish Eighteen-Sixtyfour, Prof. J, Baron Von Headband and Luke. Quiz by Horace. Cartoons by Lottie. Moral support and banana bread: Queen Weasel. Many thanks to all our stockists; Wren Accountants, James W; all those with advice and, ahem, con-
Dr McGowan lives in Beeston. Are you a local acastructive criticism and a special mention to The Quizzical demic with an interest in the area, and a desire to educate beyond your students? Then get in touch! Observer for not suing us after we inadvertently used his photo of the Beeman in our taster edition.
The Beestonian Beeston’s latest (and greatest!) quasi-periodical news organ
INSIDE Jesse Boot! **** Horace Goes Quizzing! **** University of Beestonia! **** Other stuff done after I designed this page! ****
I S S U E
0 N E
Bombs Over Beeston
It’s hard to imagine, but not so long ago during the Cold war, there was a little corner of Europe devoted to absolutely annihilating Beeston.
A remote and anonymous area of Lithuania is the setting for where once lay Beeston’s potential fate. Hidden down a 12km, unsurfaced road, protected by an electrified barbed wire fence, four silos containing enough mega-tonnes of nuclear boom-fuel to flatten every building this side of Leicester were primed and pointed at us. Nottingham was a major target, with the M1, Boots (pharmaceuticals), Raleigh (which could be converted to producing weaponry) and Stanton and Stavely Ironworks (bomb manufacture) all strategically important. Zeppelins attacked Stanton in 1916 a Boots survived an attack by the Luftwaffe in 1941, the
bombs instead peppering the Rylands and blowing the front off The Queens Pub. These were mere conventional bombs however, and it’s hard to imagine what Beeston would look like today if some doddery Soviet leader had suffered a vodka-induced funny turn and pressed that red button. And no, don’t say ‘Clifton’. A clue can be garnered from a rather sobering find a few years back. A builder, acquiring land near the city hospital, decided to dig some foundations for a new house. Yet instead of the usual sandstone that Nottingham sits on, he found concrete, which further excavation revealed a whole nuclear shelter, complete with air purification system, power generator and a children’s crèche – nice. On the walls was pinned a document that shows what a crazed place the world was before the Berlin Wall toppled: a map of what would be turned to dust should a 2megatonne bomb score a direct hit on Bulwell (lots) and what would merely be blasted into large chunks (lots more). It even shows escape routes, though where you’d want to escape to is unclear. Fortunately, such days of Mutually Assured Destruction are long over. Or are they? As our intrepid reporter tried to take pictures of the Lithuanian silos, he was asked to leave. He enquired why, as it was surely a defunct site.
The answer was as short as it was worrying: ‘Under refurbishment’ . Sleep well tonight. Above mentioned document/ photos available to view at www.beestonia.org, alongside some strangely charming Soviet maps of Beeston. Many thanks to SB and Roger for their invaluable contribution to this story, and the former Soviet Republic for not bombing us.
STORY BY LORD BEESTONIA
FREE TO A GOOD HOME