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The

Beestonian

ISSUE 16: Everything we do, we do it for you.

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_Page 2 The University of Beestonia BESTonians – Beeston's finest _Page 3

Are Boots strapped?

Jam hands! a little sod _Page 4 Boys in the 'hood –Page 5 Soapbox Brown HORACE"S HALF HOUR _Page 6 Au Contraire: Valentines _Page 7 Beeston Beats: Rosh Rai I _Page 8 Famous Last Words Thought For The Month New Sign At The Vic

About Us: We are a locally-run, locally-based, regular, free paper for Beeston and its environs. We are independent in all ways and not-for-profit, so if we say we like it, we really mean it. You’ll find us in good Beeston coffee shops, pubs and other places we love.

Zug, in Switzerland, is a place you’ve probably never heard of, let alone visited. It has few similarities to Beeston despite having a similar population size: while we have a reputation for good ale pubs, Zug is more famous for its Kirsch production; Beeston is built on gently rolling hills and former meadow, Zug is a mountainous area where most residents live near its sprawling lake. Beeston’s best-loved food is probably the veggie burritos served at The Vic, the people of Zug prefer to nom down on Cherry Liqueur Cake. Yet we have a bond that binds us tightly: we’re both home to Boots.

While the 'operational HQ' is down in the Rylands (as they have been for eight decades) since 2008, Zug is the home of the ‘Registered Office’ of Alliance Boots (as it is now known). This means that the company’s tax affairs are generated not from its portly site down the road, but from a small office (No.94 on a nondescript street called Baarerstrasse) 568 miles away from Beeston Square. The company explains this is to “better reflect the international nature of its wider group." Maybe I’m being cynical here, but I’d have thought the fact Zug is a tax haven is what really drew them there. This move has enabled Boots to avoid an estimated £86 million in tax. That’s £86 million each year that could have been spent on schools, hospitals or to mitigate the swingeing cuts being inflicted upon the country right now. These avoidance schemes are perfectly legal, of course, and it would be naive to assume that if the bait is offered, companies won’t bite. However, there is a moral issue here. Beeston is full of small businesses that struggle in these harsh economic times.

They provide local employment, diversity to the town and keep the money they make ‘local’. If we’re to crawl out of recession, we need to be watering these grass roots. Yet while Boots avoids paying its share, these businesses do not have the resources or expensive accountancy teams to up-sticks and register in a far-away canton. The liabilities that are thus, legally, dodged by Boots are put upon these smaller firms: somebody has to make up the shortfall in exchequer. The playing field is not just uneven; it’s a vertiginous slope. I recently met the Shadow Minister for Small Businesses, Toby Perkins MP, at an event at The Other Space, Chilwell Road and asked if he would support local banks and credit unions to help small businesses funding by closing-up loopholes and ensuring these companies are taxed in such a way the Chancellor’s coffers are kept brimming. He rejected this idea, voicing fears that if we are “too punitive,” and then we will “drive businesses away from Britain.” This is a disappointing view. > Continued on page 3


The University of Beestonia I’ve written before in this column about what a privilege being an academic can be. My career has afforded me opportunities to travel and meet amazing people in many corners of the world (if an approximate sphere can have corners). One regular event in my calendar which allows for both these activities is the international academic conference, of which I try to attend one a year. Taking a step back at the conference I attended last month made me think what an odd event these things can be – especially as I watched a late-middle aged Russian tourist in his most flattering of swimwear, peruse a series of posters about lake

research. He wasn’t at the conference, the conference was going on in his relaxing beach-front hotel (conferences sometimes take place in the toughest of locations), and posters are a common way for us to communicate our science to each other, as there is not space in the day for the 400 or so delegates to give a talk about their work. But there we all were, over 400 delegates from over 40 different countries, brought together by an international scientific organisation to talk about our work. Conferences like this can be great fun, this one involved a beach soccer tournament one evening (which, for the record, my team won), but they are also

the melting pot of a lot of new ideas and truly international advances in the subject. It is part of our job as academics to stay ahead of the game in terms of ideas and the work being done, not least so we can teach our students effectively on our return to our host institutions. It also means as we develop ideas for new work we have a global outlook on what we are doing, and should be able to make a better case for why our work should be funded. To some these get togethers may seem an expensive business, in terms of cash money, but also through the time of the academics involved, and the environmental costs of us all flying across the world to meet

up. We are after all in a world of cheap, if not ‘free’ video enabled communication, why shouldn’t we just sit in our offices and talk to a series of big screens? Some costs would certainly be reduced this way, but the science would be poorer for it. In makes a big difference to shake someone’s hand and to look them in the eye. Travel broadens the mind allegedly, and this is certainly true at such conferences, but it also means that people from 44 countries meet face to face and as well as scientific knowledge being enhanced, cultural and social ignorance is also reduced, which maybe is equally as important. Prof. J

BESTonian - Beeston’s Finest: Beeston and District Civic Society

Just some of the many blue plaques to found around Beeston, due to Beeston and District Civic Society efforts.

You obviously have some interest in Beeston, right? After all, you’re reading this. Yes, that might be because you’ve got an hour to kill in the pub/ coffee shop and someone’s nicked the last copy of Breeze, yet I will still go out on a limb and suggest that you care a bit about this town. I’ll also go out on another limb, which puts me at risk of hernia, to suggest you don’t care about it as much as you could. Yeah, pack your bags; you’re off on a guilt trip. If you really loved Beeston, you’d be rushing off home right now and signing up to join Beeston and District Civic Society and putting your money (it’s only a tenner per annum per couple;

or seven quid for an individual) where your mouth is. Why? Beeston and District Civic Society is, with only a small hint of hyperbole, this town’s Guardian Angel. While Beeston gets thrown about by Tesco, Henry Boot, NET and countless others, the members campaign to keep our civic space healthy, attractive; preserving and celebrating its history and ensuring we do not morph – as so many have done - into a generic identikit town. Those blue plaques that dot walls all round Beeston? That’s there expression of pride, their determination to show off the wonderful characters and places that give this place its

(Images 1,2 & 4: thanks to beeston-notts.blogspot.com)

utterly unique character. I’ve been inspired to find out more about each one: and I’m not

" You obviously have some interest in Beeston, right? ... you don’t care about it as much as you could." ashamed to say that at least two entries in this column in past issues have been triggered by

these wonderful memorials. To return the favour, I’ve just started writing a regular column for their newsletter. We have a lot to thank our Civic Society for, and I’ve just signed up. I think you should too. What we do here at The Beestonian is analogous to their ethos, except they have more in-depth knowledge and fewer cartoons of cats. If you’re reading this, you should be joining them. This is our town and our space. The Beeston District and Civic Society ensure that stays so. Have a peek at their website at: www.beestoncivicsociety. wordpress.com Lord Beestonia


> Continued. from Page 1 The awe that political parties hold big multinationals and financial institutions in is way out of proportion. This needs to be addressed. Right now, retail in Beeston is drying up due to simply not being able to compete with the big tax avoiders. This leeches money away from the town and into the hands of private equity firms who don’t give a toss for Beeston, you or I. I suppose we could all up-sticks and move to Zug, but I’m not sure if Cherry Liqueur Cake tastes anything but sickly and rich. In the last couple of decades before his death in 1931, Jesse Boot, son of the founder of the Boots Company, gave Nottingham 70 acres of land, including Highfields and The University of Nottingham campus: both have been instrumental in preventing Beeston being sucked into the urban sprawl of the City. He also donated heavily to the General Hospital, as well as many other causes, and is rightfully seen as our greatest benefactor and philanthropist. I can imagine he, and his wife, Florence – who had great influence in developments of the business in Nottingham, would spin in their graves if they heard what had happened to his company. And one can only imagine that if he tried to develop the fledgling, inherited small business now as he did back in the 19th Century, he wouldn’t stand a chance. Shame on you, Alliance Boots. LB

Jam hands! Beeston will once again play host to the Oxjam Takeover in October, and the organisers will be looking for volunteers to help it along. We asked Eve He to tell us why she has volunteered in the past; and why she is keen to do so in the future. Two years ago, a friend was looking for volunteers for the first Beeston Oxjam. I took up the offer but other commitments made it difficult to take on a fulltime role. I was determined to offer myself to help with the festival on the day itself, and I found I was able to work on the reception. I still remember that day, I was in Barton House by the door helping tickets. It was pretty busy but I met a lot of local artists and was amazed at how many friends and I made with the local people. Of course, the music was integral to this, and is forever part of the memory of that day! Therefore, I was very eager to volunteer again, it’s a great way to meet new friends and get up-close to some great bands. As I’m sure you’re aware, Oxfam works tirelessly to root out

not only poverty and injustice but also their causes, and has grown remarkably ever since its conception in Oxford in 1942. However, it also works in areas that the public might not be clearly aware of: aiming to ensure that trade is just and that workers in a relatively undeveloped part of the world get a fair amount of money for their efforts – for example. Oxfam also tries to influence policy in all areas where the human being can be seen to be powerless in the face of marketforces (be it gender inequalities at work, ensuring a quality education for as many children as possible, conflict resolution or the issue of human rights as well as promoting environmental awareness.) Recently, Oxfam started a ‘Saving for Change’ programme which pools together members’ money which can be used to finance viable and necessary projects from within the community that otherwise wouldn’t have got off the ground. Like other charities, it ultimately depends upon peoples’ goodwill and awareness, and it is these things that we volunteers work with as we interact with the public. The world is an interconnected whole, we are a global family. When we understand this, working in a charity can be highly fulfilling: the fact that we may have an influence,

a little sod Feb – Mar: the month of

Snowdrops. If you don’t have any in your bit o’ the realm, why the hell not? Snowdrops should ideally be planted ‘in the green’ (which basically means when they’ve already grown foliage - either in a pot, or when separated from an established clump somewhere else in your garden – though definitely NOT FROM THE WILD). Snowdrops self-seed, so plant a small clump somewhere well drained and fertile and they will happily look after themselves - spreading to create

albeit small, but an influence nonetheless, on a starving child or helping a woman feel more protected, makes it more than worthwhile to help work in this worldwide organisation. It is the feeling of community and the notion of interconnectedness which attracts me personally when doing this work. I am not only representing Oxfam and its causes, raising money for worthy causes, but am also directly learning about what each member of the public feels about these things as I converse with them. I think Oxfam’s work is vitally important (no other charity goes as far in their area), and if Oxfam did not do this sort of work, who would? It's a pleasure and honour to serve Oxjam once again this year. I recommend it. To volunteer for Oxjam 2013, please visit Oxjam Beeston Music Festival's page on Facebook.

... a bit of all white.

a natural swathe of loveliness in early, white flowers. They work brilliantly pushing up through the grass, around the base of trees or in the more damp areas of gardens and, clocking-up 75 species, they even have their own fan club of ‘Galanthophiles’: freaky folk who get a little too hot-under-the-collar about the little fellas; some of whom obsessively tromp around in search of missing species from their collections and spend their life’s savings growing new cultivars all of their very own. Now, while I’m surely no

Galanthophile, I do love to see their little nutant heads lolling around a garden. A great place to see this locally is in Attenborough village. Ireton House, adjacent to the church, shakes out a blanket of them each February beneath its resident tree, and once they’re done it’s the turn of the crocuses, daffodils and bluebells. But it all starts with the milk-white flowers of the snowdrop. So, don’t have any? I suggest you do something about that pretty sharpish. You're welcome. TF


Boys in the 'hood I have to face it: I’m a bit crap at interviews. I'm not going for self-deprecation here, I think I handle the writing with a degree of competence. I'm also not talking about the actual interview: again, I assume some skill as I still remain unpunched, and have yet to pose a question so poor I've had anyone walk out on me. I'm talking about the mechanics of the enterprise; the arrangements, the conceptual ideas, the remembering what date you've arranged it for. These bits keep me firmly sub-pro. It all seemed so simple. Tim Pollard is an affable chap who has submitted the odd article to us at The Beestonian- most notably an even-handed but utterly eviscerating review of a restaurant in Broadgate that promptly shut down in shameand a friend on Facebook. He's also Nottingham's Official Robin Hood. Yes, our local legend, our primary source of local fame, is a Beestonian. This is akin to finding out that DH Lawrence actually lived in the Rylands and Lord Byron preferred Lenton

but Tim messages me beforehand to explain he can’t show up in full Lincoln Green kit as it’s, err, in the wash. He apologises profusely but the idea of Robin Hood installing a Zanussi in The Major Oak keeps me grinning daftly throughout the day. I agree its OK for him to turn up in civvies. His business card has a quote on the reverse from Radio Nottingham’s Jo Davies that reads: “The Nice Robin Hood”, and Tim is hugely affable. I’d imagine if he did ever take up a career in mugging, you’d probably find the experience pleasant should you be on the receiving end. He’s been ‘doing’ Robin Hood for 21 years now, and it is a full-time gig. He originally got into it after setting up what he describes as a ‘hippy shop’ on St James Street (before that, he worked at Games Workshop on Friar Lane, alongside the future Sheriff of Nottingham, who writes a regular column about cider for The Nottingham Drinker. This probably explains Tim’s aversion to Strongbow).

A Lord and a Outlaw enjoying a game of arrahs.

Abbey over Newstead's offering. Unfortunately, I book our meeting for Valentine’s Night, which over joys my own Maid Marion so much she gets my desertion onto BBC 6Music’s ‘Radcliffe and Maconie’ show. Tim cancels, however, and my relationship is saved. We reschedule. This is on a Monday,

© Lewis Stainer

This led to appearances at Tales of Robin Hood, and many medieval banquets there, and at The Sheriff’s Lodge. It’s bizarre, but he looks like Robin Hood. Obviously this might sound like a crazy statement, as there’s a problem with ascertaining what Robin looks like as it’s still not certain

who he was, if he was one or many people, or if he even existed. Yet the strong features, flowing dark hair and tall frame

description’ Tim tells me ‘Robin rips the face off Guy Guisbourne and wears it as a disguise. That one wasn’t used in the Disney

Tim and Lord B chat Robin, robbin' and chivalry

all conjure up something totemic about what Robin Hood should be. There’s something arboreal in the look, and the fact that his name’s ‘Pollard’: think the Barton Bus logo, Michael Praed, even the Disney cartoon Robin. Not the too-blond Jason Connery or the preppy face of Kevin Costner. Tim admits his look came from the contemporary Robin at the time (Praed), but admires Errol Flynn as the definitive Robin. There are probably few who know more about our county’s legend than Tim, who still retains a fascination with the Hooded One; and happily passes on his learning with vim. He expounds a great thesis that each era projects itself onto the legend of Robin Hood: so Victorians made him into a semiaristocratic romantic figure; early Hollywood into a dashing swashbuckler; the late ‘eighties into an ethereal, New-Age character, and the present BBC incarnation ‘ASBO with arrows’. There have also been some bloodthirsty incarnations “In one

© Lewis Stainer

version, surprisingly”. Indeed. He’s been no stranger to telly: The Big Breakfast, Blue Peter (where he inflicted a groin injury upon the hapless Peter Duncan. While dressed as a samurai), Blind Date, as well as loads more, have been graced with his presence. He tells me an anecdote about Blind Date: he wasn’t a contestant, rather the subject of the date. The male half turned out to be a bit of a posh idiot, so the female half took a bit of a shine to Tim instead. Sort of fits, doesn’t it: the chivalrous hero charming the maiden off the chinless git. Last year was a golden one for Tim, not only did he carry the Olympic Flame, but he got to meet Will and Kate, get close to the Queen (at the time tooled up to the eyes with Medieval weaponry) and even got to open the Robin Hood Mushy Pea stall in Viccy Centre, which is probably the most Nottingham thing anyone could do outside throwing up a pint of Home Ales on the Left Lion. I ask about his weirdest job.


“It was at Sheriff’s Lodge. This couple wanted a full-on marriage ceremony, with myself in attendance, yet they weren’t actually getting married. They had a full service, vicar and all, but for no apparent reason. We didn’t dare ask why.” He’s also abseiled down the Castle rock and sky-dived, each time sporting the Lincoln Green. This man has pretty much the best job EVER. It even has romantic benefits. I indelicately enquire into the potential of groupies, but he’s chivalrous through and through and keeps a discreet silence. However, he is presently in a very happy relationship with Maid Marion. Yes, really. They worked together for several years before finally getting together about a year ago. If that isn’t the most fantastic thing you’ve read today, then I can only assume you’ve just had the test results back and they’re negative. We finish off with a quick round of darts for photographic purposes, and I’m sorry to report that Tim is awful. I was hoping he’d get the Bull, and then use the second dart to split the first, but alas, he slices it acutely, clattering it off the scoreboard and onto the tiles of The Hop Pole. Somewhere, a shiver runs down Eric Bristow’s spine. I ask our photographer, Lewis, to work his Photoshop magic later on. Tim Pollard: the most affable, intelligent outlaw you’ll ever meet.

flying goose café

33 Chilwell Road, Beeston, Nottingham NG9 1EH 0115 9252323 Open 10 ‘til 4 Tues to Fri / 9 til 4 Sat ▪ freshly prepared food ▪ good coffee ▪ relaxed atmosphere flying goose cafe has been described as ‘Nottinghamshire’s smallest arts venue’ and ‘Beeston’s Left Bank’! A café with an emphasis on Vegetarian, Vegan, Fair Trade & Organic food, freshly prepared to order. We would love you forever if you support us whilst the tram is being built as we shall remain open throughout this time.

Soapbox Brown: OUR HIGH STREET: use it, don't lose it

As a passionate Beestonian I find it more sad each time I walk round Beeston Square and Beeston high street. More and more closed-down businesses, and yet charity shops galore! Times change - and some businesses simply cannot compete due to changes in habits and technology. Is it only a matter of time before WHSmith's is the next big thing to go bust as we read more and more on screens rather than buying actual books? And even if we do buy books we Lord Beestonia log on Amazon and buy them

at half the price of WHSmith's. That’s simply evolution. What saddens me most is people's preference to use large supermarkets and online stores for everything. I love buying my lightbulbs from Applebee's; the cobs for the pub from Uppercrust; our fruit and salad from Hallam's; our newspapers from the newsagent; my lunchtime jacket potato from the stall on The Square and my shampoo from the chemist (yes, I do use it occasionally). I love it because I can meet and

speak to people all doing the same thing as me. Once our high street is gone we will all lose that interaction; that bit of banter and friendly 'hello, how are you?'. Instead, we'll be sat on our backsides at home with our faces buried in our phones and laptops and Kindles, barely saying a word to anyone. Well don’t Tweet me. I’d rather have a chat with someone face to face. Hopefully the pubs will still be here for me to do that. JB

HORACE’S HALF HOUR

GRINDING YOUR GREY MATTER LIKE A PONY IN A MINCER. (WANT TO KNOW YOUR SCORE? THE ANSWERS ARE BELOW. BUT CHEATS SMELL WEIRD)

1. Which comic character had his 60th birthday on 17 March 2011. 2. In which county is England's most easterly point? 3. In the TV series 'The Good Life', the late Richard Briers played Tom Good, who played his wife Barbara?

4. How many US states start with the letter W? 5. '13, Leatherslade Farm' was the hide out of which famous gang. 6. What is a ‘Michael Gove’? 7. What does the E in the acronym UNICEF stand for?

8. If you take have five apples, take three away, add two oranges and then add a pomelo, what do you have?

11. What is the name of the bulldog in the Tom and Jerry cartoons?

9. In TV and films, who was the friendly ghost? 10. Argos is a city in which country?

DENNIS THE MENACE / SUFFOLK (LOWESTOFT) / FELICITY KENDAL /4 (WASHINGTON, WEST VIRGINIA, WISCONSIN, WYOMING) / GREAT TRAIN ROBBERS / PLEASE LET US KNOW, IT’S REALLY PUZZLING US / (UNITED NATIONS INTERNATIONAL CHILDREN'S) EMERGENCY (FUND) / REALLY IMPATIENT GLANCES BY OTHER PEOPLE IN THE QUEUE AT HALLAM / CASPER / GREECE / SPIKE


Au Contraire: Nora and Tamar embark on yet another orange crate debate; where they provoke the proverbial bee in a bonnet with a wordy stick. This month, however, they've joined forces for Valentine's Day.

NORA : Valentine’s Day has become about tacky teddies and lingerie not even fit for a streetwalker. But allow me to remind you of the other ‘thing’ Valentine’s Day is about; bitter, single people who just have to ruin it for everyone by attempting to conjure pity from the rest of us. First of all, of course not all Singles fall into the ‘shameless, pity-seeking twat’ category. There are those of us who have gracefully accepted loneliness and perhaps even thrived on it. And yes, I am speaking from personal experience. I was perfectly happy with just a cheesy card from my mum; I never complained about being forever alone on social media sites and anything with functioning ears. I’m also perfectly happy now I’m able to dupe some poor man into buying me ludicrously named perfume and pay extortionate prices for food that tastes of Jamie Oliver’s foot (not speaking from personal experience here - I may be many things but a cannibalistic Jamie Oliver fan are not among them). So now we’ve gathered there are indeed considerate, content and polite singletons out there, let’s move onto what I consider to be one of the most annoying types of human being to ever exist.

Valentines

(perhaps even more annoying than celebrity chefs): Hello Ms ‘I hate soppy Valentine’s crap’, I’m talking to you. Put down the tub of ice cream and sharpen those elf shaped ears of yours because my words of wisdom and pure hatred are about to drown you like an unwanted litter of kittens. I’m a huge believer in treating others as I would like to be treated. So it goes without saying that if I managed to keep my mouth shut all these years about feeling like a lonely whale waiting to be illegally hunted by Japanese whalers, then you should be able to as well. I’m not one to flaunt my relationship but, frankly, all your talking about dying alone with your cats makes me want to morph into one of those annoying people who’s every 3rd Facebook status is “I love my boyfriend so much xxxx” just to shut you up. You know, I don’t want to be mean but maybe there’s a reason you’ve been single all these years? Maybe you’re just not a very nice person, or damn annoying? Or maybe it’s the years of faketanning and makeup by the tonne leaving you looking like Leatherface? Either way, I won’t feel sorry for you, even if you do really die surrounded by your cats. So please shut your bitter mouth and stop ruining the one day where I can genuinely not feel bad about have a free, footflavoured meal. But never let it be said that I am heartless. To prove it, I will give you the following advice on how to survive Valentine’s Day alone and still not spoil it for everyone with your constant whining. You can always clean your bathroom mirror, draw a man’s face on it (leaving the mouth out of course) and then let that face tell you really nice things about yourself. Fill a sweater and jeans with smaller items of clothing, sit them on a chair and have dinner with your homemade Ryan Gosling. Or you can always take the underlying message in every Disney Princess film literally and go skulking for Prince Charming in the nearest woods.

TAMAR: Valentine’s Day is all about the love. It’s not about romance. It’s about love. Now, I don’t know about you, but I think love is a little like sneezing. We all do it – involuntarily, ostentatiously, silently without anyone noticing; out of the blue or from staring a bit too long at the sun. It makes us blind; it can be messy and we often look a twat. We all have our own way of doing it – no two are identical. So quite why Western civilisation deemed it fitting to homogeneously stick a teddy on it, wrap it in satin and proclaim it with a naff, scentless rose clasped between its teeth is beyond me. I can only conclude it is because it’s easy or safe. In many ways, even about things that are so deeply personal as the people we love or fancy, we still want to ‘fit in’ – we want to be the same as the next man/ woman. Because if she gets a bunch of flowers and I don’t that means she’s better than me; I’m less lovable, ergo I’ve failed in life. The only thing worse than this cycle of trad self-pity is pseudo indifference to the whole affair. I would genuinely rather listen to someone gushing about their Forever Friends card, single red rose and box of Thornton’s Traditional than sit through hearing some dullard go on about how commercialised/capitalist/ manipulative/sad/exclusive/ sexist/reductionist/unromantic the whole Valentine’s deal is, as though they’re the first person ever to think it, and that by Not Doing Valentine’s Day they are

socking it to ‘The Man’. The only thing they’re socking it to is any chance of a snog with someone later. Foot, meet Bullet. If you’re going to go for it, go for it, but go for it with a tiny bit of thought. Try to walk a little further than the entrance of Sainsbury’s, say - walk past the deliberately laid out roses, chocs and Bolly along to the section where your nearest and dearest’s favourite magazine is (or pie/snack/tipple/dessert is), add a bottle of wine at least a quid more than you’d usually spend and you’ve got yourself a Thought That Counts. Personally, I suggested me and bf didn’t bother this year. Not because I think it’s crap, but because we’ve gotten good at buying a bottle of wine a quid more than we’d usually pay, and I buy my favourite pie most weeks. Plus we’re trying to pay off our mortgage early. We need the money. We still had a posho dinner at home and watched three episodes of West Wing in a row. Heck, I even lit a candle. Valentine’s Day is for lovers; it’s for the early days and crushes and fancying that gal at work. It’s an opportunity to say that you like someone, anonymously - because it’s often easier that way. However, it’s also a day for blokes to pull their finger out and tell their long-suffering spouse they love them, because that’s what they’re supposed to say and she probably won’t hear it for the rest of the year. Contrarily, ladies, let’s not forget that some poor chaps are so nervous or intimidated by you; so wary of a humiliating rejection, that it’s only having a universally recognised Date For Lurve that means they might just pluck up the courage to ask you out / to marry them. They know that other blokes have done it on this day and haven’t died. It helps. So next year – do it, or don’t do it. But do it your way, not Clinton’s, and if you’re not doing it, shut the frick up, we’re trying to find the last Viennese Truffle...


s t a e B n o t Bees Ever heard the phrase 'don't send a boy to do a man's job'? Well in the case of this issue’s interview it is very apt. See, originally Lord Beestonia interviewed Rosh Rai. What happened to it? Who knows, did it happen, did our de facto leader really just get pissed and imagine he did it? Seemingly so. After six months with no evidence of anything happening and several offers to rewrite Lord B's hidden masterpiece, Wiggins takes one

" Wiggins takes one for the team and does the whole thing as it should have been done" for the team and does the whole thing as it should have been done. Wait. Not quite. You see, Rosh didn't want to be interviewed in the pub. Weird. Sober as a judge, armed with nothing but a cup of tea, I sat him down for a little Q&A session. Rosh is an interesting guy. Originally a Southerner, he moved to Beeston some time ago. Rosh Rai is a busy singer songwriter with an extra twist; we'll get to that after this short diversion into the world of

irrelevant bollocks. Assuming that anyone actually reads or even likes my column, you may be interested to know that without Rosh Rai there would be no association between team Wiggins and The Beestonian. Tis true. Rosh was a pupil of mine who I often used to bore to death after lessons, stopping him getting home to his wife and kid. Amongst all this amazing intellectual exchange I happened to mention that I had read the Beestonia blog and thought it was rather witty (You know the story where Lord Beestonia/Matt tries to buy a bride from Malaysia, or something similar). Rosh went on to tell me that he knew said crazy fucker and he was mad as a bag of snakes (my words not his). Thus my interest piqued I sought out the crazy world of Lord Beestonia, something I latterly regret as he always appears in pubs, apparition like, and screws with my liver and my mental health. Anyways, allegedly this piece is about Rosh Rai... Better fill you in then. Rosh isn't your average singer songwriter pedalling dirge about wanking and crying and unrequited love. He is also a Dr of Psychology and it gives him a different insight, I actuallyly wore tin foil around my head during the interview so he couldn't see into my brain, and didn't tell him about my therapeutic activity of talking to a small stuffed monkey called Moz…

How did you get into being a singer songwriter? "Very good question, I started playing guitar aged 12, Played for quite a while and really got into the music of the time, garage, rock, indie etc. I played in indie bands for quite a while before finding keeping bands together being just too difficult. It was always hard to find people good enough and people that stick about. So I played under

" I decided to go more low key, more organic" quite a few different line-ups with different bass players, two different drummers and I didn't really like that kind of start stop affair... We'd play a few gigs I'd lose a band member and it wasn't really going anywhere, so I decided to rely on myself and go acoustic. So now I play acoustic guitar, write my own songs and occasionally play with a djemba player. So that's how from wanting to play music and not being able to keep a band together I decided to go more low key, more organic." I once got collared in a pub by a fellow musician in a pub, who raved to me about one of your songs 'Humans are small'. Care to expand on that one? "Oh that one, that's particularly

negative sounding. That song is essentially about humans doing a lot of things that aren't so meaningful, but they think they are fulfilling themselves. It's about that misplaced belief and the limitations that are placed on the human condition." What's your motivation with your music? Are you one of these people who has an aim or someone who just needs to create because its part of what they do, almost maybe a cathartic process? "Like yourself, you meet a lot of people who want to do music as a living. Essentially we are all born in the world and some of us do some stuff and some of us don't and then you die. Without wanting to sound pretentious, and use a cliché, it’s a way of life; I like art – paintings, novels, writing. If I had to pick one I guess it would be music." Stay tuned for Part II where we delve further into the mind of Rosh Rai and talk about the influence of his work on his music and his opinions on Beeston's lurch towards Bohemia. You can check out Rosh Rai online at reverbnation.com/roshrai We'll also have more exciting music news about local bands and the mysterious use of Happy Tissues (ask Baz at The Hop Pole). JW

Jimmy Wiggins can be found selling guitars and all things guitar-based at The Guitar Spot, Chilwell High Road, Beeston (and most pubs of an evening).


Famous Last Words… You can Facebook us, Tweet If you would like to advertise your local business with us, or want us, email us or even scribble to become a stockist of The Beestonian, please email us at: us a proper, handwritten thebeestonian@gmail.com letter (we love those the most). We’ll publish it here, usually unedited, for all to see… "I wonder if you know what has The Beestonian would wish to "I have just moved to Beeston and I have never felt more welcomed into a community. I absolutely love living here and was both lucky to have landed here and surprised how much I love the place. Apart from how civilised the inhabitants are, I have learned two things about the community. (1) The town was divided both socially and physically by the arrival of Tesco, with those against being more vocal and not complaining now and (2) the town is divided over the issue of the tram, with those in favour keeping their heads down. Apparently the town was far better before the changes. Well I think it is brilliant now, though the Square is ugly. I would like to take issue with those who complain about their car journeys to the university or to Nottingham being disrupted. The journey to both places is as flat as a pancake that has been squashed by a road roller. To get to the university only takes ten minutes on a bicycle and the city is another fifteen minutes at most. Travelling on a bike uses no fuel, gives you exercise, causes no pollution and gives you no parking problems. Many people use their car as a matter of habit, often because they have spent so much money on it that they have to justify the expense to themselves through using it. I own a car and enjoy it at weekends or for longer journeys in the evenings. There are few greater pleasures than gliding along the excellent tarmac cycle track next to the university (passing all the lemmings sitting still in their cars)." – Michael (email)

happened to Hogg's? It seems to extend its congratulations have just disappeared?" and condolences to – Clare Farrelly (Facebook) Beeston Hockey Club: Congratulations for winning [Yes Clare, Mr Hogg came in the premier league for the to retirement and decided 1st time in their 106 year not to take on another five history, on 24 February. And year lease. It's a great shame, condolences for losing their but we wish him a happy President, David Williams, retirement!] who died on the 22 February - too soon to see his team’s "Ever thought about doing a brilliant victory securing Beestonian podcast?" them a prime spot in the – Darren Kite-Man Patterson premier division. This must be a bittersweet time for (Facebook) them, we’re sure. [I think that's one for our retirement…] The Beestonian would like to welcome to Beeston: our new "Bad news folks, looks like printers, Pixels & Graphics the Library bar/kitchen on on Chilwell Road! They are Wollaton Road is closing on lovely people and helped Saturday, another independent us no end when we were gone!" – Jimmy (Facebook) desperately scouting around for a new printer. They do a whole range of digital THOUGHT FOR THE MONTH printing services, are really "Why the long face?" good value, and we're not just – EVERYONE. All month. saying that to persuade them into a discount... Pixels & Graphics, 78 Chilwell Road, Beeston, NG9 1FQ Tel: 08459006705

New Sign At The Vic

Contact us: the thebeestonian@gmail.com /thebeestonian @TheBeestonian Issuu.com/thebeestonian (online back-catalogue) c/o 106 Chilwell Road, Beeston, Nottingham NG9 1ES

The Dreamy Team Editor, writing, sobbing, production, control-freakery, puns and Statesmen-like Ambassadorial duties: Lord Beestonia Gentle Yorkshire burrs and Dean of University of Beestonia: Prof J Print Design and chivvying: Tamar Support and gentle encouragement: Dr Queen Weasel Illustrations and General Feline Matters: Lottie Top-Notch Scribes: Nora Dimitrova, Eve He, James Brown, Jimmy Wiggins and Tamar Feast Quiz by Horace.

WANTED Experienced Sales & Marketing person to join IT Services company based in Beeston on a part time/ flexible basis. Must be IT literate and be able to demonstrate a successful track record in IT or a related technology sector. Please send a CV with a personal introduction to: jobs@digievo.co.uk

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Profile for The Beestonian

Issue 16 of The Beestonian magazine  

are Boots strapped?, Beeston Beats, Au Contraire, Oxjam, BESTonian, little sod, Horace's half hour, famous last words

Issue 16 of The Beestonian magazine  

are Boots strapped?, Beeston Beats, Au Contraire, Oxjam, BESTonian, little sod, Horace's half hour, famous last words

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