The Beast - September 2019

BEAST The

S e p tem b e r 2 01 9

DAN WYLLIE

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Welcome to September 2019...

Words Dan & James Hutton, Publishers Welcome to the September 2019 edition of The Beast, the monthly magazine for Sydney’s salubrious Beaches of the East.

Local actor Dan Wyllie graces our cover this month. It seems like the charismatic Bondi resident has been in just about every television, film and theatre production since we can remember, and with a personality like his it’s no wonder so many people want to work with him.

We spoke to Dan while he was up in Brunswick Heads filming the new series of Seachange, which is currently being shown on Channel Nine after a nearly twenty year hiatus from our screens.

The big events in our locale this month include Randwick’s signature sustainability event,

the Eco Living Expo, which will be held on Sunday, September 22 at Randwick Community Centre, and Waverley’s Festival of the Winds, which will take place in the skies above Bondi Beach on Sunday, September 8. The annual Taste of Coogee festival is also being held this month and will take place over the weekend of August 31 and September 1 at Coogee Oval.

It certainly has been an amazing winter this year, easily the best we can remember weatherwise. We are all so very lucky to live in this beautiful part of the world and we hope our little magazine does a good job of representing the diversity of the area and the incredible lifestyle we enjoy.

Happy reading, Beasts!

The Beast The Beast Pty Ltd ABN 32 143 796 801 www.thebeast.com.au Editors james@thebeast.com.au dan@thebeast.com.au Advertising Enquiries advertising@thebeast.com.au www.thebeast.com.au/ advertise Circulation 61,000 copies are delivered every month; 56,000 are placed in mailboxes and 5,000 in local shops.

PEFC Certified The Beast uses paper from sustainably managed forests.

Letters To The Editor Please send your feedback to letters@thebeast.com.au and include your name and the suburb you live in.

The weather's warming up & so is the market !

Workspace that works Coworking | Virtual Office | Offices | Meeting Spaces 02 8077 2930 | servcorp.com.au Level 22, Westfield Tower 2, 101 Grafton Street, Bondi Junction

6 The Beast September 2019

Like to chat about buying or selling your home?

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Belinda Clemesha Director belinda.clemesha@raywhite.com 0418 415 260

CONTENTS Se pte mbe r 201 9 Issue 176

6 8 10 16 18 20 34 35

Welcome Note Pearls of Wisdom Monthly Mailbag Thumbs Local Bloke Local News Calendar Local Tradies

36 46 47 48 50 52 54 56

Interview Unreliable Guide Tide Chart Satire Enviro News Marj's Musings Headnoise Local History

Winter swimming, by Sebastian Elmaloglou @intepic.

57 60 61 62 64 65 66 66

Sporting Life Food Review Recipe Local Photos Reviews Brainteasers Beardy From Hell Trivia Solutions

Quite disturbing.

How Good is God Words Pearl Bullivant Photo Brian Houston Warning: This article may offend readers who are of the belief that the prime minister should be respected regardless of their conduct and actions.

As a staunch advocate of a secular Australia I am uncomfortable with the prime minister commandeering the podium of the Hillsong Church and evoking the name of God on behalf of all Australians. Even more unsettling is that this merger of state and church has gone unnoticed by the aspirational Australian masses and the tabloids.

What would God think of our praying PM? I’m certain She’s not thinking, “How good is that dude from Australia, toadying to me from the pulpit of a pseudochurch.” Instead, God is sitting on Her pearly white cloud (attired in a white Camilla kaftan) seething in rage at his presumptuousness.

“Who in Christ’s name is this arrogant twerp thinking he can treat God as a common genie that grants wishes at command, or a DJ taking requests at a Christian nightclub?”

8 The Beast September 2019

God has plenty of ‘very important things’ to address, like drought in Africa, rising sea levels in the Pacific, escalating obesity and mass homicide in the US, so why would She be bothered with the pathetic pleading of an ungrateful minion living in God’s land of plenty, a plenty that has been exploited and abused?

ScoMo’s catch phrase may be, “How good are jobs,” but God is up there muttering, “How good is this vengeful God. You give a go, you get a go and, hell, I’m giving you a go, ScoMo.” “ScoMo, forget your prayers for drought relief, for God will plunge Australia into incessant drought for your failure to ‘have a go’ at protecting God’s earth from climate change. You have not been forgiven for your attempt to mock Me with a lump of coal in Parliament.”

“You beseech God to ‘break the curse of suicide’, to help ‘people of middle-age going through difficult trials’ and you pray for ‘an avalanche of love

to those with disabilities’, yet God has noted that you’ve made a bloody good ‘go’ at demeaning the lives of Centrelink recipients and forcing the disabled and middle-aged onto Newstart, driving people to despair. Can you not grasp the concept of cause and effect?

For this, God will send down an avalanche of wrath, and Barnaby Joyce’s recent destitution is only the beginning (God doesn’t take kindly to adulterers).”

“You pray for veterans who are doing it tough, yet your insignificant country commits troops to any war doing the rounds, and I know your prayers for the Indigenous are really appeals on behalf of mining companies - do you think I’m an idiot? Why don’t you get off your lazy arse and have a go at fixing all you pray for? And stop bothering my son, Jesus.”

“As a parting gesture of karma to a man who has arrogantly assumed God as Christian, I bestow upon you, in your next life, reincarnation as a flea. God Speed!”

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The Beast's Monthly Mailbag Words The People of the Eastern Suburbs WHY ARE WE A SOCIETY OF COMPLAINERS? It has saddened me to learn that an elderly man has had to get rid of his pet rooster as it made too much noise during the day.

The owner of this pet ensures his rooster is locked away in the house at night so that it won’t crow at first light and disturb his neighbours - I think this is very considerate!

After a failed attempt by neighbours to poison the bird by throwing Ratsak over the fence, he was informed by Council that a complaint had been made and he must get rid of his beloved pet. This man is in his eighties and is a long-standing member of the Clovelly community.

I grew up in this suburb and have lived here for 30 years.

The community that it was back then is certainly not what it is today. People looked out for one another and they acknowledged, spoke with and supported each other.

Nowadays, a slight noise of nature and people complain, not to mention that the location of the complaint lies directly under a flight path and is on one of the busiest roads in Clovelly with plenty of buses, trucks and cars. Instead of complaining about that noise, which goes on for a good part of 18 hours a day, we feel compelled to complain about a man’s pet that may crow a few times a day.

I hope the complainers are now happy with hearing the

10 The Beast September 2019

man-made noises of progress.

Maybe between the coming and going of flights on the east-west runway they will take a moment to think of the hurt and devastation they have caused this elderly member of the Clovelly ‘community’. I often wonder whether we still have a sense of community, or if it’s just everyone for themselves?

Formerly Fond Resident Clovelly WATER TIME TO BE ALIVE Dear Editor - I read with interest Marjorie’s article on water conservation (Water Time to be Alive, The Beast, August 2019), however Marjorie neglected one major point: waste sewerage.

Sydney currently pumps millions of litres of sewerage water into our oceans every year. This could and should be redirected to both conserve water but also protect our oceans.

While building infrastructure to do this might not be very glamorous it certainly would be better than spending two billion dollars on a new football stadium that few Eastern Suburbs residents wanted and only a small percentage of Sydney’s population use.

John Randwick A PROMPT RESPONSE FROM OUR LOCAL MEMBER I certainly agree with John’s comment that we should be recognising the potential of

recycling water from sewerage. There is so much more we should be doing to reduce both the waste going into our oceans and to ensure more efficient use of our precious water.

In Sydney we only recycle about 2.3 per cent of our water.

Meanwhile, roughly 90 per cent of the wastewater generated in Israel is reused, making it the leading nation in water recycling. Spain recycles 20 per cent of its wastewater, making it the second largest nation for water reuse.

Water conservation and reuse can help us to survive drought and periods of water scarcity, and I’m not even talking about potable water here, just water for agriculture and the environment. It is clear that in New South Wales, and Australia more broadly, we have a long way to go, and it is critical that we start working towards achieving real long-term water sustainability.

As I hope all readers of The Beast would know by now, as much as I love my sport, I also agree with John’s comment that $2 billion spent on a new football stadium could have been much more wisely spent on improving our water usage and enhancing our environment.

Dr Marjorie O'Neill State Member for Coogee WHY DOES COUNCIL WASTE MONEY ON HERBICIDES? Dear Editor - I am very disappointed by Waverley Council using herbicides on its land. It does not make any sense to me.

Economically, the council will be open for future economic loss because it did not take its duty of care for the workers that did the job - a job that did not need to be done in the first place. We know that: • Weeds are becoming resistant to herbicides and the council will need to use stronger doses for it to continue killing.

• Workers do the spraying on days when it rains or it’s windy days when it should not be done,

but because the spraying was booked for that day it has to be done anyway.

• By spraying close to where natives are growing, they not only kill the weeds but also the natives that should be protected to provide food and shelter to our native wildlife.

• The empty containers and residual chemicals will add to the pollution of our natural environment.

We need council staff that care about our wellbeing instead of thinking they are saving time and money - they are not.

Fernanda Rodas Vaucluse COMMUNITY OR CONVENIENCE? Woolworths recently lodged a Development Application (DA) with Waverley Council to open a Woolworths Metro in the former Bronte RSL site on Macpherson Street, Bronte.

A Woolworths Metro is more like a cafe and takeaway than a traditional supermarket. Typically a Woolworths Metro sells fewer household items but concentrates on a cafe/takeaway/ ready-made meals model. That means barista coffee and breakfast items, pre-packaged meals, juices and drinks, pastries and bread. They also retail meat and smallgoods, milk and dairy products, fruit and vegetables and packaged salads. Then there are stationery items, health and beauty and pharmacy goods, soft drinks and mixers and flowers. We understand they wish to be open daily from 7am to 10pm.

There are those in Bronte who will welcome what they perceive to be convenience and lower prices (although Woolies Metro is not actually that cheap), others are concerned at the thought of additional traffic and parking issues, and some people worry deeply about the effect of a giant Australian and New Zealand company with the buying power and brand to establish itself quickly as an alternative to the

many small businesses that have created the truly unique character of our Bronte neighbourhood centre.

How will the butcher, baker, pharmacies, florist, newsagency, takeaways and cafes cope with the competition, let alone the existing general stores? Anecdotal evidence suggests that the QE Foodstores on Frenchman’s Road and in Charing Cross have already impacted some Bronte businesses quite significantly, and I won’t go into the eyesore on the Bronte Beach cafe strip that is the new neon-lit convenience store!

It’s no exaggeration to say this may truly be the end of the Bronte community as we know and love it. With the closure of small independent and small franchise businesses, more big franchises will move in. Pressure on developers and Council will increase and more multilevel buildings will appear.

Bronte residents should be worried and many of us are.

We hope that people will take the time to let Council know of our concerns and request that they refuse this DA based on protecting our neighbourhood centre and our community.

You don’t get to pass the time of day or feel connected to your neighbourhood when you swipe your plastic through a check-out machine. If we don’t act soon, that may be all we have left.

Joanna Savill Bronte REPLY TO TONY KING Thank you to Tony King for his priceless memories of a childhood spent enjoying Bondi's Thomas Hogan Reserve (Letters, The Beast, August 2019), in response to the article published in an earlier edition (A Hidden Delight… Schneider’s Gully, The Beast, June 2019).

Even now the reserve has its wilder corners. A few years ago some friends discreetly built a cubby house for their kids on the densely forested upper slopes (it was then promptly

occupied by a homeless guy!).

Waverley Council is currently taming the place somewhat and recently commissioned a heritage impact statement of the park, which appears on their website and has a lot of great historical information.

I suspect that it was known locally as Bob’s Gully after Albert Lee’s gardener, ‘Bobbs’.

The Lee family owned the Glen Roona property on Penkivil Street and the reserve below from 1885 until the late 1930s.

Mr Lee was evidently a rather stern Victorian patriarch, but also a keen amateur horticulturalist with a special interest in palms. Here’s a little snippet about Bobbs from Albert Lee’s grand-daughter Barbara Hamilton: “Barbara Hamilton also mentions her grandfather’s interest in and collection of palms in this charming anecdote: One story that came down to me was that when they [her parents] were first married, Grannie Lee said to Bobbs the gardener to take a palm to mum and dad to decorate the entrance of their new house.

When grandfather Lee arrived, he said ‘that’s my Gigliana Bobbs, take that home again at once’.”

Andrew Worssam Bondi THE CUTTING I recently read in The Beast that it would be a good idea to build an elevated walkway above the sandstone in the Bronte Cutting (Locals Want Car Spots Back in Cutting, The Beast, May 2019).

I can’t agree - I think it would be a bad idea for a number of reasons. Firstly there are environmental and heritage issues.

People seem to forget that the cutting is an important part of our local heritage. Secondly, such a walkway would violate the Disability Discrimination Act. It would be inaccessible to wheelchairs, the old and the infirm, not to mention prams and strollers.

September 2019 The Beast 11

But the biggest problem is the bleeding obvious - that no one will bother to use it. Most walkers and joggers will take the path of least resistance and continue to walk or jog up and down the cutting as they have always done. What would result is a very expensive white elephant at ratepayers’ expense.

I’m struggling to understand why our council is trying so hard to fix something that was never broken. Could it be that they read something (possibly in The Beast) that frightened them into this dubious course of action?

Chris Bronte

ners. You can have your opinion, marry who ever you want and be an ‘it’ for all I care, but don’t you dare force it on me or my children.

Finally, your throw away ‘thumbs down’ comment shows your ignorance to the fact that, as proven in a multitude of countries, my freedom to believe and carry out what my religion espouses, even within a religious institution, is under threat of being taken away because a law to protect it from the likes of you was not there. I’m offended and really, really angry with your comment.

Liz Coogee

WHO IS REALLY DOING THE WANKING? To James - Shame on you Beast.

Once again, promoting your own form of discrimination and that of anyone who is anti-religious freedom.

It seems that religious freedom is allowed as long as the “God-botherers” teach their kids that the changed definition of marriage is okay, think that gender is a social construct that can be changed at will, believe that euthanasia laws protect one’s dignity and do not lead to an increase in ending life, and that the heart of a baby in the womb, which starts to beat at four weeks, is not life but just a bunch of cells.

My freedom to believe that which underpins my very existence as a human and the dignity I hold for it is under threat by you and all who believe that I am not allowed to have an opinion unless it is as far north as the moral compass can get. A wank indeed.

Perhaps I should get myself a flag and use some other Old Testament symbol of God’s promise on it (yes, the rainbow is from the bible) and wave it around because I am heterosexual. Oh, and why not make it the next national flag? For it seems that we are not far off from adding the rainbow to our official ban-

LEAVE POLITICS AND IDEOLOGY OUT PLEASE Dear Team - I love the magazine but note of late that your articles and opinions have been biased.

Your magazine recently displayed a hugely one-sided article about Coogee Labour representative Marjorie O’Neill, which was also preceded by a similar soft piece about Kerryn Phelps. It would have been nice to hear from the opposition candidates or perhaps even the newly elected Wentworth member (hopefully you have approached and he has been unobliging to date).

Moreover, I don’t see the need to criticise Israel Folau and your self-labeled pro-discrimination “God-botherers”. Keep your ideology to yourself and please focus on what you deliver best: a terrific community tabloid reporting on local issues, events and classifieds.

James Bondi

12 The Beast September 2019

A BIT OF RESPECT Dear Beast - I love reading your magazine, The Beast. I’ve been reading it for a few years now.

However, I was disappointed after reading one of the articles featured in the August 2019 edition, titled “The Unreliable Guide To... De-termination”, written by Nat Shepherd.

Firstly, as a Catholic, I found the article to be quite disrespectful towards not only Christianity but also other monotheistic faiths such as Islam and Judaism, as in the caption of the photo, people of faith (who appear as the anti-abortionists in the image) are referred to as “God-botherers”. The phrase was used not only in this article but also in the Thumbs Up, Thumbs Down article on page 16 of the magazine.

This is insulting and degrading, as it invalidates the faith and spirituality of anyone who believes in a God, and it implies that people of faith are not loved, wanted and valued by their God, and are instead a bother and a nuisance to their God. Personally, I know this to be completely untrue; I know my God as a kind, loving and compassionate friend, which is why I felt disgusted after reading this comment.

Secondly, under the subtitle “What is life?”, a mockery is made of God: “If we must obey God’s plans for our existence, surely we should not use technology to go against the things He, in His infinite wisdom, sends to shorten our lives, such as disease”. This statement is not only sarcastic but also offensive and untrue. God is not vengeful and does not send us diseases and illnesses to shorten our lives - this is an outdated belief.

I hope you appreciate my feedback and my point of view.

Kiara Randwick THE MAMMOTH IN THE ROOM Hi Guys - Waverley Council’s Nicola Saltman (Electric Vehicles: Five Common Myths Debunked, The Beast, August 2019) writes about the benefits of Electric Vehicles (EVs) and in particular of the availability of charging stations. The article, however, does not confront the elephant - or perhaps the mammoth - in the room, being the time a recharge takes.

Waverley Council, which has a charging station on Queen Elizabeth Drive, states on its website that the charging station provides 150km/h. Not satisfactory if there is a queue. I guess that is irrelevant as there is no provision for, nor room for, a queue, and the station only has provision for one car. Keep driving around the block until, hopefully, the spot is vacant, I guess.

The NRMA tells us that a level 1 charger provides roughly 3 kilometres for every 15 minutes of charging, level 2 around 300 kilometres per 6 hours, level 3 about 300 kilometres per 20 minutes and the ‘ultra fast’ charge provides approximately 400 kilometres per every 15 minutes of charging.

Anyone who drives to the South Coast from Sydney during holiday periods would be aware of the high traffic density.

Having reached Ulladulla (250 kilometres away) many would consider a recharge prudent and certainly necessary for a return trip. Many thousands of cars make that trip. I can only imagine the length of resultant queues at whatever charging stations might be available (should there be parking room) either there or at any location a similar distance from Sydney should there be a significant uptake of EVs at the present level of technology.

Hopefully the future will provide practical facilities for those who are attracted to EVs. Greg Maidment Bronte EVERYONE LOVES BROOKE Hi Editors - It’s not often I write to you with praise, but I sincerely congratulate you on publishing the interview with Brooke Boney (Brooke Boney - We Need to Talk, The Beast, August 2019). Great to see her given the space to express her thoughts, ideas and experiences.

It’s a terrific interview, expanding thoughtfully on serious topics in terms that reflect deep

14 The Beast September 2019

knowledge and reflection, and at the same time describe experiences that are recognisable to the everyday reader. Informed, articulate, accessible - thank you The Beast, and especially thank you Brooke Boney.

Sandra Alexander Clovelly THANKS BEAST Dear James & Dan - I just wanted to offer you guys my commendation for your little mag - I love reading it, especially the longer format interviews. It’s good to have a bit more space to explore things a bit deeper with some of the interesting characters you track down. Your questions are generally spot on - insightful, exploratory, but not over intrusive.

I’ve learnt a lot about the people you’ve interviewed and the issues they’re engaged with from reading them. That Anthony Lister interview would have been a bit of a challenge I’m guessing!

He’s a tripper, who seems to like expressing in half riddles!

Well done, a little gem I have found since I’ve moved to the Eastern Suburbs the last few years.

Dr Richard Stiles Queens Park DOG OWNERS ARE DICKS In response to ‘Cafés Just for Humans’ (Letters, The Beast, July 2019), a few days after I read the article I was sitting outside at a café on Frenchmans Road, enjoying breakfast with my wife, when this guy comes with his dog. Within a minute or two his dog was licking my lap for food.

I brought it to the dog owner’s attention, “Excuse me sir, what is your dog’s name? Look, how funny, it is licking my pants…”

Actually, that did not happen.

What really happened was, as I brought the matter to his attention he initially apologised and then he just started abusing me with the F-word several times and telling the dog, “Don’t get close to him, he stinks…”

What a nice way to enjoy our morning coffee! Beware of dog owners, I’ve only got myself to blame for this.

Pakko Coogee CAFES JUST FOR HUMANS Bravo! Someone finally called it for what it is. Coogee Bay Road on most mornings, weekends in particular, has turned into another dog park. Walking along the footpath, one must walk around or step over the plethora of dogs sitting around there.

Their barking is a nuisance and they often lay just inside or at the entrance of many cafe’s, which from last observation is against the health regulations.

Council should have inspectors walking around fining the food and beverage businesses that allow dogs inside.

Garry Jay Coogee FAR TOO MANY MISERABLE PEOPLE In response to Nos from Maroubra’s letter (Cafés Just For Humans, Letters, The Beast, July 2019), if you ask me, the number of humans, especially the miserable variety, are the ones in too much abundance.

Leave the dogs alone, they are beautiful, happy souls and their spirit certainly soaks up a good deal of the aforementioned variety of human.

I am not sure your wish for peace in a public space is entirely feasible - with or without dogs. There’s always the sound of children, either playing or engaging in a tantrum, and the pretentious, overly loud squawk of conversations nearby. Or, worse still, the one-sided variety conducted on speaker phone including, but not limited to, heated debates over whether the kale was organic or not.

I vote for more dogs in cafés, and kudos to all the cafés around our beautiful beaches that look after their doggy visitors so well.

Clare Clovelly

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THUMBS UP SPRING FESTIVITIES The Eco Living Expo, Festival of the Winds and Taste of Coogee all take place this month. Could September actually be the best month of the year?

PUSHIES There’s no better way to start the day than by cycling around Centennial Park at sparrow’s fart, other than a refreshing dip in the ocean perhaps.

MACK HORTON Hats off to the freestylin’ Olympic gold medallist for taking a stand against state-sponsored drug cheats.

FOOTY FINALS We always enjoy seeing Sydney come to life as the business end of footy season brings a bit of atmosphere to our increasingly sterile city.

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THUMBS DOWN TANTRUMS The entitled behaviour of Sculpture by the Sea organisers last month was more akin to what we’d expect from a spoilt two year-old.

POLLUTION We don’t understand how the Courier Newspapers get away with littering the Eastern Suburbs with their plastic-wrapped trash every week.

NARKS The Eastern Suburbs is grossly overrepresented with vexatious litigants and constant complainers ruining it for everyone.

UBER EATS AND DELIVEROO The damage that these huge multinational companies are doing to local businesses has been all but ignored by the authorities for way too long.

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rugby is next level now. Just recently I’ve been introduced to AFL and so the Swannies.

What music are you into at the moment? Everything. Music is always around me. I grew up on Midnight Oil, Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin, but right now I’ve got Splendour Live on Triple J playing in the background.

Making people happy.

Local Bloke...

Andrew Marsh from Bondi Interview James Hutton Photo Cameron Bloom Local bloke Andrew Marsh is a meditation teacher with his own studio in North Bondi. He shares his local favourites with The Beast…

How long have you lived here?

Just over 18 months. I’ve spent a lot of time in this area during my life, so it was only a matter of time before I settled here.

Why do you live here? Surf.

I’ve surfed since I could walk.

My family surf. We spend a lot of time in the water. I’m always salty.

What's your favourite beach?

Bondi. I love Tama and Bronte and all the way around to Maroubra. What can’t you love about this coastline? It’s a remarkable, majestic and historic piece of Sydney. Totally sick!

What's your favourite eatery?

The Bucket List. It’s not just a great location and a cool place, the food is next level. I take Dad 18 The Beast September 2019

there a lot. He’s fussy but he loves it. He’s a great barometer.

Where do you like to have a drink? Bondi Beach Public Bar. Great vibe. Go in, sit and have a drink, and you’ll see what I mean. The food’s awesome too.

Best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? The natural beauty of it. The surf, the cliffs, the walks... it’s endless when you get out and explore.

Worst thing about the Eastern Suburbs? The Eastern Suburbs has a tendency for certain pockets to fall into a ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ mentality. We’re Aussies, let’s keep it simple.

Do you have a favourite sporting team? I have a few. Eastern Suburbs U12 Rugby team. I’ve been a massive Roosters fan all my life. Rugby is actually my game, so I’m loving watching the Beasties, and school boy

Who is your favourite person?

Tom Carroll. Tommy was one of my heroes growing up. I’m teaching him to be a meditation teacher at the moment. Not only is he one of the greatest surfers of all time, he is the most amazing human being. Do yourselves a favour and Google ‘Tom Carroll and Bob Hawke’.

He is going to be the most incredible meditation teacher.

What do you get up to on the weekends? Surfing. After that, we tend to be at the SCG watching stuff. I also walk my sheep dog Spook twice a day to Bronte and back. He’s a legend!

What do you do for work? I’m a meditation teacher. I have a studio in North Bondi. It rocks!

I was a winemaker for 27 years in the Hunter Valley. I grew up in a winemaking family. That was pretty cool.

What's your favourite thing about work? I get to wake up in the morning and make people happy. I teach love. Then I go to bed. I’ll do anything to see people happy and frothing and having the best life.

Do you have a favourite quote?

“Radiate life for all to enjoy.”

That sums it all up.

Any other words of wisdom?

Meditation is a simple, natural, effortless technique that will change your life in every way.

It’s f*cking gold!

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September 2019 The Beast 19

We can’t handle the truth.

This Was Never Supposed to Be About Us Words Siriol Dafydd Photo Con Fronting For a suburb where many residents’ main concern is the surf conditions, Bondi’s seen a lot of drama recently. Thanks to one mural, this normally chilled area has become the focus of a savage national debate.

In case you’re miraculously oblivious to this chaos, a mural painted by artist Luke Cornish on the Bondi sea wall recently made headlines. Intending to provoke action against the poor treatment of Asylum Seekers, Mr Cornish painted 24 armed Australian Border Force officers under the words ‘Not Welcome To Bondi’ to symbolise the 24 suicides in Australia’s onshore and offshore detention centres since 2010. And then all hell broke loose…

Intentionally confronting, the mural split the entire country into two camps: those in support and those who were deeply insulted and concerned.

With two opposing online petitions gathering thousands of signatures between them, an urgent motion was introduced at Waverley’s council meeting by Liberal councillor Leon Goltsman. After hearing from 20 The Beast September 2019

some locals who raised concerns about the mural’s impact on children, families and veterans with PTSD, councillors began to debate whether or not it should be removed.

The debate quickly devolved into party politics and the hesaid-she-said finger pointing of schoolyard squabbles. After two excruciating hours of petty jabs and a heap of bureaucratic nonsense, a decision was made to begin a curatorial process to replace the mural, which would take a few weeks. Mayor Wakefield, who suggested this sensible solution, said it was intended as a fair and balanced compromise.

“The decision of Council gained cross-party support for a reasoned and considered approach which took into account - and paid respect to - the artist, as well as the views of those calling for the temporary mural to be removed, and those who wanted it to remain,” he said.

But mere hours after this compromise was reached, some colossal wombat decided to take matters into their own hands and cover most of the mural

with white paint. There’s little doubt that by the time this edition of The Beast rolls off the printing press and into your mailbox more drama will have ensued, but we can pretty much guarantee that the point is still being missed.

Thanks to extensive media coverage, followed by the inevitable social media onslaught, this has somehow morphed into a debate about freedom of expression. It should, however, be about helping asylum seekers and tackling our huge detention centre problem which, despite the media coverage, remains the giant pink elephant in the room that refuses to budge.

Apart from a few who bury their heads in the sand, many of those who opposed the mural didn’t necessarily oppose its message. Though they’d rather shield their children from the “horror” of an image of men with guns in the safe haven of Bondi, they agree that something needs to be done to change our appalling treatment of asylum seekers.

Rather than pouring more fuel on the already raging fire that is this ridiculous debate over a temporary piece of art, why not do something productive to help asylum seekers in Australia instead?

“This really presents an amazing opportunity to raise awareness to create a positive change that sees the world’s most desperate people treated with love and compassion,” Mr Cornish told The Beast.

So, if you want to see this torrid little chapter end on a positive note, you can donate some time or money to the Asylum Seeker Resource Centre because, really, this was never supposed to be about us.

For information on how you can get involved, check out the Asylum Seeker Resource Centre website at www.asrc.org.au.

Best Gift Market

FREE EVEN T

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Calling local artisans & designers!

Applications close: Monday 14 October 2019 This project is a Sustaining Our City initiative and is funded from the Environmental Levy.

We’re bringing together local artisans, creatives, home-crafters and designers to establish the Best Gift Christmas Market.

If you, or someone you know, would like to display or sell your wares at this market, please contact us.

The Best Gift Christmas Market focuses on locally made, original, high quality and environmentally responsible gifts for Christmas.

For expressions of interest please contact Natalya on 9093 6222 or sustainability@randwick.nsw.gov.au

Feel better about your future.

Eco Living Expo Empowers Locals to Make a Change Words Siriol Dafydd Photo Sue Stainable Despite what the mutant tangerine currently in charge of America might say, environmental sustainability is a huge concern for all of us. Unless you’ve been in a coma for the past five years, chances are you’re already well aware that we need to make some changes.

From single use plastic to energy consumption and waste management, we need to make significant adjustments to our daily habits if our planet has any hope of survival.

But don’t worry, you don’t have to do it alone. The good folk at Randwick Council are once again throwing their annual Eco Living Expo to educate and support us through these changes. Taking place at the Randwick Community Centre on Sunday, September 22, it will feature some of Australia’s top sustainability experts as 22 The Beast September 2019

well as market stalls, workshops and wonderful entertainment. Whether you’re looking for some tips and advice on a greener lifestyle, or just want a fun day out with the kids, the Eco Living Expo will have something for everyone.

Dr Karl will be back again this year to deliver more talks and presentations. He will be looking at Australia’s 2030 zero emissions target and exploring if and how we can reach it.

Other sessions in the new Eco Living Expo Speaker Series will tackle some of the big questions facing us and look at how we can move forward. These include Camille Reed exploring the circular fashion trend, Tim Washington & Geoff Mewing on electric vehicles and driverless cars, and a presentation on Al Gore’s Climate Reality project.

Yes, that is the Al Gore, former

vice president of the US and subject of the Oscar winning film An Inconvenient Truth.

If the thought of lectures and presentations makes you doze off like a narcoleptic in a bed store, there are plenty of other options to keep you entertained.

For hands-on learning you can try some workshops and demonstrations about de-cluttering and saving energy. If you just fancy perusing the market stalls you can discover some fantastic environmentally friendly homewares and products from all over Sydney. Meanwhile, the kids can enjoy some nature play, a native wildlife and bird show, recycled arts and crafts workshops, a rock climbing wall and much more.

“Our Eco Living Expo is not just for sustainability experts and passionate environmentalists but for anyone with an interest in looking after our Earth and making better choices,” Randwick Mayor Kathy Neilson told The Beast.

“Each of us can make a change, whether big or small, that will have an impact on our environment, and the expo will empower people to know what choices are right for them,” she said.

“The expo isn’t just about making different purchasing decisions. Our speaker series, featuring the likes of Dr Karl and Camille Reed, will give people a dose of hope, inspiration and plenty to think about. The fun, carnival atmosphere of the expo will ensure everyone leaves feeling better about our future.”

If you’re looking for a free day out with friends and family or want to learn more about how you can help save the planet, pack your reusable water bottle, grab your keep cup and pop down to Randwick Community Centre on Sunday, September 22 between 10am and 4pm. For more information, please visit www.randwick.nsw.gov.au.

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September 2019 The Beast 23

The Statue of David.

Sculpture Finds New Path Hard to Figure Words Duncan Horscroft Photo Tanya Trum It appears the organisers of Sculpture by the Sea are put out because Waverley Council has opted to provide disabled access to Marks Park.

Council has decided to build a path in the park to make it more accessible for those with disabilities and easier for them to be able to enjoy the annual sculpture event.

But Sculpture founding director David Handley feels the event will be put at risk and has threatened to make this year’s show the last for Marks Park.

“Waverley Council’s decision is devastating for Sculpture by the Sea and destroys Marks Park as a window to the world for the hundreds of thousands of people that come to see the artworks set against the iconic backdrop every spring,” Mr Handley said in his media release.

“We have informed Council this is likely to be the last exhibition.”

24 The Beast September 2019

It’s not as though Sculpture by the Sea organisers weren’t aware of the changes to the park as Waverley Council has been in regular contact with Sculpture representatives over the proposed changes to the path.

“Council has had significant contact with various Sculpture by the Sea representatives over the park upgrade and accessibility path over the past few years, including with the organisation’s then chief executive,” Waverley Council’s general manager Ross McLeod told The Beast.

“Feedback received from their representatives helped inform our plans for the pathway, and consultation for the project.”

“We do not accept the assertion that Sculpture by the Sea will have to relocate because of our accessible pathway (and) suspect the impact is being overstated.”

There was some suggestion that the path would be dangerous in adverse weather conditions, but Mr McLeod rejected those claims.

“Council has reviewed risk reports provided by Sculpture by the Sea,” he said.

“There will be no greater risk from people being on the path than there is from people being on grass/turf in the same location.”

“The risk emerges from people being there at all and is accentuated by them being there in large numbers for events like Sculpture by the Sea.” Despite Sculpture’s threat of relocation for the event, Waverley Council recently agreed to continue supporting the event and also offered an extension of the licence should Sculpture by the Sea wish to remain in Bondi until 2030.

Waverley Council has been a solid supporter of the 23 yearold exhibition, which attracts more than 400,000 people over its one-month duration from late October.

“Council will continue to support the event to the tune of around $150,000 each year including covering the cost of soil remediation, traffic control and grants of around $16,000 including $5,000 for the ‘Tactile Tours’ and the $5,000 Mayor’s Prize,” Waverley mayor John Wakefield told The Beast.

Unfortunately it seems this support is not enough for Sculpture by the Sea, who view the new access path for locals and visitors alike as an inconvenience, a claim Council disagrees with.

“Council’s view is that services for people with disabilities outweighs some inconvenience and potential aesthetic impact over a small portion of the Sculpture by the Sea event which will still be free to use the park,” Mr McLeod said.

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Bits and Pieces from Around the Beaches Words Dan Hutton Photo Jules Breese FESTIVAL OF THE WINDS Waverley Council’s Festival of the Winds is one of Sydney’s premier festivals, attracting up to 70,000 visitors to the free, funfilled day on Bondi Beach. It’s also one of the largest and best known kite festivals in the world, attracting local and global media coverage. The festival features a main stage with live performances, food stalls, roaming performers, kite making workshops, jumping castles, a puppet show, face painting, craft making, amateur kite flying competitions and more. Come along to Bondi Beach on Sunday, September 8 from 11am to 4pm and enjoy a perfect spring day at the beach.

For more information, please visit www.waverley.nsw.gov.au/ recreation/places_of_interest/ bondi_pavilion/annual_attractions/festival_of_the_winds.

features inspired essentials made from natural cotton and linen. For more information and to shop, visit www.curlewis.co.

involvement should be. For more information and to book, please visit www.darlinghursttheatre. com/whats-on/the-god-of-isaac.

LEARN WHILE SAVING LIVES Coogee local Silvia Kvasnovska runs private barista courses for absolute beginners at a price you will never see anywhere else.

Her motivation for doing this is to support CanToo, an awesome foundation supporting cancer research. The courses are the main fundraising activity while Silvia will be running the New York marathon in November for this fantastic cause. For more information about the barista course, please visit www.amecatering. org.au/barista-training. You can visit the fundraising website at www.cantoo.org.au/fundraisers/ silviakvasnovska/new-yorkmarathon-2019.

HEY, GREEN THUMBS! Have you got a beautiful garden that you’d like to show off?

Randwick City Council’s 2019 Garden Awards are now open.

There are categories to suit every type of gardener, from best residential garden to best balcony garden and best rooftop or edible garden, and there are also a number of awards to be won. You can download your entry form at www.randwick. nsw.gov.au or email events@ randwick.nsw.gov.au for more information. Nominations close on Monday, September 9.

UPSIZE YOUR WARDROBE Local Bondi-based plus size fashion brand Curlewis has just launched, offering elevated leisure wear essentials in sizes 16-24. The label’s debut collection features beautiful linen and cotton pieces that offer the plus size market something unique while remaining quintessentially ‘Bondi’. The label’s founder, Courtney Dransfield, was frustrated by a lack of premium plus size options and has created looks that are current and sophisticated. The new collection

THE GOD OF ISAAC Written by celebrated American playwright James Sherman and described as “a serious comedy”, The God of Isaac will be showing at Eternity Playhouse from September 5 to 22. Set in 1977 in Skokie, Illinois, Isaac Adams, a second-generation American Jewish journalist, learns of a plan for a group of neo-Nazis to stage a demonstration. Since Isaac was raised in a non-observant home, his Jewishness had been of no relevance to him and he wonders what, if anything, his

Shades of grey.

WOOLLAHRA LOCAL GRANTS More than $87,000 worth of grants were recently awarded

by Woollahra Council to local community groups and charities to support important initiatives in the Woollahra community.

Initiatives awarded with funding include Splash without the Trash, the Pick Me Up service and Cuddle Bundles, a volunteer project which helps mothers and babies in need by providing curated packs of baby items. More information about Woollahra’s community grants program is available at www.woollahra.nsw. gov.au/community/improve_ your_community/grants.

September 2019 The Beast 27

The morning ritual.

Trouble bRUing in North Bondi Words Siriol Dafydd Photo Meghan Narkle Move over Home and Away, because a real life soap opera is currently taking place in North Bondi. For over a year now a number of small local businesses have been hit with endless complaints forcing them to reduce trading hours, remove outdoor seating and deal with a lot of red tape.

At the centre of the drama is bRU Coffee, a little local takeaway coffee shop. Loved by locals, it’s the kind of place where the staff know their regulars’ names, as well as the names of their dogs and children.

The sorry saga began with a number of complaints to Waverley Council about a patch of trees and seating on the street.

After investigating the matter, Council determined that the ‘garden’ was non-compliant.

Following a petition from locals opposed to any changes, an officer spent six months investigating and trying to come up with a compromise that worked for everyone. Eventually it was 28 The Beast September 2019

replaced with grass, but the complaints didn’t end there.

Since then, the coffee shop has dealt with complaints about trading hours, bin placement, mug-borrowing policies and window seating, to name a few.

The nearby local grocers were forced to remove their on-street fruit and vegetable displays and a local restaurant reportedly had to change their kitchen operations following complaints about oven smells and fumes.

Although none of the business owners wanted to go on the record for this story, the general consensus among the people we spoke with was that these complaints have been driven predominantly by one person.

Phoebe, the general manager at a local restaurant, told The Beast that while the business she works for was happy to comply with any regulations or investigations, she personally finds the effect it’s having on smaller businesses and the community to be upsetting.

“It’s a community and a family in North Bondi,” Phoebe explained to The Beast. “It’s all very well that this person speaks up and shares their frustrations but there needs to be an end point, and so far it just hasn’t stopped - it’s killing small local businesses.”

Belinda, a North Bondi local, has lived in the area her entire life and shares a similar view.

“We are all walking around on eggshells and we are afraid of this person. They take photos of people outside the cafés and it’s just putting everyone on edge. We all joke that this is just what Sydney has become, but is that really what this has come to? If we can’t party at night then please just let us have a coffee and a chat in the morning!”

Although many readers of this magazine are sick and tired of local narks complaining about everything, we can certainly sympathise to a degree. After all, not everyone is a morning person, and having people lined up outside your apartment at the crack of dawn waiting for coffee is probably quite annoying. And if there are genuine health concerns surrounding the emission of fumes from nearby restaurants, then any resident is within their rights to highlight these to local authorities.

Having said that, when living in close proximity to a hub of cafés and restaurants, people should expect some level of disturbance - that is a reality of living in this wonderfully vibrant area. Many people choose to live here precisely because of the buzz of the café culture, and when endless complaints are lodged against the businesses that create that atmosphere, one has to wonder if there is any kind of compromise that can keep everyone happy. If not, where will this all end?

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September 2019 The Beast 29

Eat yourself silly.

Taste of Coogee to Showcase Sydney's Finest Words Siriol Dafydd Photo Tim Gill The fabulous Taste of Coogee food festival is back. Now in its seventh year, this festival is one of Coogee’s biggest annual events and is filled to the brim with great food and wine.

Seriously, what more could you want?

This year’s festivities will take place at Coogee Oval (Brook Street, Coogee Beach) on Saturday, August 31 from 10am-8pm and Sunday, September 1 from 10am-6pm. Overlooking Sydney’s wonderful Coogee Beach, the festival will be showcasing Sydney’s best restaurants and boutique breweries as well as some of Australia’s wonderful vineyards.

Love a bit of bubbly? Be sure to visit VBUB, a VW Kombi serving sparkling Prosecco. Or for some lovely Hunter Valley wines, head to the Hungerford Hill stand where you can enter 30 The Beast September 2019

a draw to win an epic tasting for two people. If you’re steering clear of the booze, The Citrus Factory create fresh lemonade made to order in a cocktail shaker. Made with only 100 per cent natural Australian products, it’s a great sweet refreshment for the kids too.

With an endless supply of wonderful new foods and drinks to try, as well as some classic Aussie favourites, you could easily spend the day simply eating and drinking while sitting in the sun. If you fancy doing a little more, there are also cooking demonstrations, free masterclasses and a whole roster of live entertainment that will continue into Saturday night.

Now, those of you who are reading this after your morning cup of coffee may have already realised that September 1 is also

Father’s Day. So if you’ve been a bit crap this year and haven’t made any plans yet, why not celebrate that special man in your life with some amazing local food and wine? The festival even has an ever so popular Father’s Day Long Lunch event so that you can spoil him with foodie feasts, fun and entertainment.

Single day general entry is $5 but kids under 18 and seniors can enter for free. You can buy tickets on the day but to avoid queues we advise that you purchase online in advance. If you are planning on enjoying a few alcoholic beverages, a single day RSA wrist band is required (this is New South Wales, after all). These cost $15 but come with a souvenir tasting cup and a drink token to use at the festival.

But the Taste of Coogee festival isn’t just about awesome food, wine, beer and dancing barefoot on the grass. It’s also about supporting local businesses, promoting local artists and raising money for local charities. In fact, since the event was established in 2013, it has raised over $100,000 for charity. This year, Taste of Coogee will be supporting The Banksia Project, an organisation focused on wellness and early intervention in men’s mental health.

With the support of events like Taste of Coogee, this wonderful organisation provides peer to peer, community led support in a safe and supportive environment for those struggling with mental health. So not only can you indulge in fabulous foods and wonderful wines while enjoying some epic entertainment, but you can also feel good about the fact that you are supporting a local charity too.

See you there, folks. I’ll be the one hanging off the Kombi like a deranged sloth after one too many.

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September 2019 The Beast 31

More Bits and Pieces from Around the Beaches Words Dan Hutton Photo Lisa Fausti Web lisafaustiphotography.com.au CONCERT FOR LIFE Join Australia’s finest classical musicians on World Suicide Prevention Day to raise funds to fight Indigenous youth suicide.

Presented in association with Suicide Prevention Australia, Concert for Life unites musicians from the Sydney Symphony and Opera Australia Orchestras to form the Orchestra for Life, conducted by Roger Benedict alongside celebrated pianist Simon Tedeschi and the Sydney Children’s Choir. The concert kicks off from 8pm on September 10 at Sydney Conservatorium of Music. Tickets are available from $99 and can be purchased at www.concertforlife.com.au.

POTENTIAL SCULPTURES BID Randwick Council decided in its most recent ordinary meeting to gauge the interest of Sculptures by the Sea to move or extend the exhibition to Randwick City after the 2019 season. A team will meet with the organisation to discuss a range of options, including a potential partnership with Waverley Council to host the exhibition in future years.

CRAFT BEER FOR A CAUSE Celebrate the very best local beer and wine with spectacular views of Sydney Harbour at Sydney Children’s Hospitals Foundation’s annual beer tasting event, Amber Affair. You’ll be treated to free-flowing canapés on arrival, as well as a tasting from every exhibitor and three

Limbering up.

full glasses from your favourites.

Amber Affair will take place from 6-10.30pm on Thursday, September 19 at Cruise Bar, Circular Quay and tickets are only $80. For more information and to purchase tickets, please visit www.amberaffair.com.au.

CALLING LOCAL ARTISANS AND DESIGNERS If you or someone you know would like to sell your wares at Randwick City Council’s Best Gift Christmas Market, now’s the time to sign up. Stalls will focus on locally made, original, high quality and environmentally responsible gifts for Christmas and this year’s market will be hosted at Coogee Beach on Sunday, November 17. Applications for stalls are open now and will close on Monday, October 14.

If you are interested in being a part of it, please email sustainability@randwick.nsw.gov.au or call Natalya on 9093 6222 if you have any further questions.

ANNA & GUY AT THE PAVILION Beachy Brazilian bossa nova, exhilarating Afro Latin grooves and a new song about Bondi Beach are just some of the sounds you’ll hear at the Bondi Pavilion Theatre from 8pm on Saturday, September 7 as this fast-emerging and synergetic duo play their one-off show. Anna Salleh woos audiences with her vocal artistry and natural feel while Guy Strazz’s guitars sing with deep expression. You can find

out more about Anna and Guy by visiting www.sallehandstrazz. com or purchase your tickets at www.trybooking.com/BCEXL. SEX DOWN UNDER The Beast’s former ‘Sexy Time’ columnist and sexual health expert, Matty Silver, has written a book called SEX Down Under.

The forty chapters offer readers simple tips, advice and information aimed at creating healthy attitudes to sex. Her motivation for writing the book is to try to normalise sex and encourage people of all ages to feel more comfortable talking about it.

It’s a conversation starter for parents, lovers, partners and teenagers to talk about issues that often have been too embarrassing to raise. To get your hands on a copy, please visit www.mattysilver.com.au.

OPEN ALL AREAS Get stuck into free hands-on art sessions at the National Art School Open Day on Saturday, September 7 from 10am to 4pm.

Whether you’re interested in studying there or just want to see what goes on behind the walls of the old Darlinghurst gaol, everyone is welcome. The all-day program includes painting classes, ceramics, sculpture, bronze pouring, screen printing and kids workshops, with food, music, market stalls and the chance to talk to students, graduates and teachers. Please visit nas.edu.au.

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September 2019 The Beast 33

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Kids Eat Free at The Cloey Mouths to feed? Sick to death of slaving away in front of a hot stove? Well, you’ll be happy to hear that kids eat free every Monday from 5-6pm at the Clovelly Hotel. And the chocolate machine is back! For more information and other specials, visit www.clovellyhotel.com.au.

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Poster Art Exhibition Paper Tigers shows 200 original 1970s posters by artists including Chris O'Doherty (aka Reg Mombassa), Martin Sharp and Marie McMahon. It’s on from August 30 until October 12 at the National Art School Gallery. For more information, please visit www.nas.edu.au.

Join Randwick Bushcare Keen to do something positive for your local environment? You should join a bushcare group!

There’s a group for Malabar Beach, McIver's Ladies Pool, Maroubra Dunes, the Prince Henry Centre and Gordons Bay Reserve. For meeting times, please visit randwick.nsw.gov.au.

The God of Isaac Written by celebrated American playwright James Sherman, The God of Isaac will be showing at Eternity Playhouse from this evening until September 22. For more information and to book, please visit www.darlinghursttheatre.com/whatson/the-god-of-isaac.

Concert for Life Join Sydney’s finest musicians, conductor Roger Benedict and pianist Simon Tedeschi this evening from 8pm at Sydney Conservatorium of Music to raise funds and awareness for Indigenous suicide on World Suicide Prevention Day. Visit www.concertforlife.com.au.

Curry or Pie? Get down to the Robin Hood Hotel on Wednesday nights from 5pm for $20 specials on the bistro’s delicious curries and pies. Apparently Andrew Bogut prefers the curry, but each to their own. For more information, please visit www.robinhoodhotel.com.au.

R U Okay? Day Founded by Gavin Larkin in 2009, R U OK? Day envisions a world in which we’re all connected and people aren’t afraid to talk about mental illness and suicide. The task for you is simple: reach out to those around you and ask: ‘Are you okay?’ We’re all in this together.

Join Waverley Bushcare Join like-minded locals and help make a difference to one of Waverley’s special green spaces.

You’ll learn about native plants and wildlife and enjoy the benefits of time spent in nature.

No experience is necessary. For more information, please visit www.waverley.nsw.gov.au.

Sven's Viking Pizza Deal We love Sven’s Viking Pizza here at The Beast, so we’re stoked to announce that they’re offering our readers a free drink and garlic pizza with pickup of any two large pizzas from Tuesday to Thursday until the end of September. For the full menu, visit www.svens.com.au.

An Evening with Helen Pitt Join Sydney Morning Herald journalist Helen Pitt as she tells us about the colourful history of some of the people behind the Sydney Opera House this evening from 6.30-7.30pm at Margaret Martin Library, Randwick. Please register at www.eventbrite.com.au.

Amber Affair Celebrate the best beer and wine Sydney has to offer while raising funds for the Sydney Children’s Hospitals Foundation. Amber Affair will be held this evening from 6-10.30pm at Cruise Bar, Circular Quay and tickets are only $80. Please visit www.amberaffair.com.au.

Maloneys Home Delivery Too lazy to do your grocery shopping? Maloneys offers a complete home delivery service, so there’s no excuse for living on Domino’s and Deliveroo. Get your order in by 7pm and it’ll be delivered fresh to your door the next day. To order, please visit www.maloneysgrocer.com.au.

Randwick Council Meeting All residents are welcome to attend the Ordinary Council Meeting from 6-9pm on the 4th Tuesday of each month at the Council Chambers on the 1st floor of Randwick Town Hall.

The agenda for each meeting is available on Council’s website at www.randwick.nsw.gov.au.

Woollahra VIEW Club Meeting Woollahra VIEW Club meets at 10am at Woollahra’s Gaden Community Cafe on the 4th Wednesday of every month, with a guest speaker followed by an optional lunch. If you’d like to come along, please call Jan on 0422 922 095 or email nettiet@bigpond.com.

Learn Something New Based in the Eastern Suburbs, City East Community College offers a huge range of courses for people wishing to learn a new skill or try something different. For the full course list and more information, please visit cec.edu.au, and use discount code 'BEAST' for 10% off!

Women's Health Week Women’s Health Week, taking place from September 2-6, aims to give women across Australia the opportunity to focus on their health. Research suggests the biggest barrier for women not maintaining a healthy lifestyle is lack of time. Visit www. womenshealthweek.com.au.

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2019 Friday

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Father's Day There’s plenty of options to entertain the old man today. Day two of Taste of Coogee is on at Coogee Oval, the Dragons are playing the Tigers at the SCG from 4.05pm and the Clovelly Hotel is hosting The Cloey Cup mini golf competition in the beer garden from noon.

Food Addicts Meetings This morning, Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) is hosting one of its twice-weekly meetings, which are held every Wednesday at 7pm and Friday at 10am at Salvation Army Hall, 100 Boyce Road, Maroubra.

Please call 1800 717 446 or visit www.foodaddicts.org.

Native Plant Sale Drop in to Randwick Community Nursery at 2B Barker Street, Kingsford today from 9am to 4pm to take advantage of their Spring Saturday Sale. There’s a huge variety of native plants on offer at amazing prices. Please call 9093 6250 or email nursery@randwick.nsw.gov.au.

Festival of the Winds The 41st annual Festival of the Winds will be held in the skies above Bondi Beach today. Bring the family along and enjoy a clear blue sky filled with kites of all shapes, colours and sizes. It truly is a glorious sight to see.

For more information, please visit www.waverley.nsw.gov.au.

Work Hard, Play Harder The Golden Sheaf proudly presents Out of Office, every Friday evening from 4pm. Handshake Happy Hour will run from 4-6pm, with DJs until late.

Clock off the 9 to 5 week with a well-deserved drink at The Sheaf. For more information, visit thegoldensheaf.com.au.

Height of Spring The Woollahra Philharmonic Orchestra presents Height of Spring, a program of Schumann, Stravinsky, Ravel and Dvorak, featuring violinist Darcy Dauth.

It’s on today from 5.30pm and tomorrow from 2.30pm at St Columba Uniting Church, Woollahra. Visit www.wpo.org.au.

Worms and Composting Course Enjoy a free composting and worm farming workshop today at Paddington Community Garden from 2-4.30pm as part of the 3-Council Footprint Program. For more information or to book your spot, please call City East Community College on 9387 7400.

Bondi Farmers Markets Choose from a huge range of fresh seasonal fruits and vegetables, organic meat and poultry, fresh flowers, breads, jams, cheeses, seafood, herbs, spices and more at Bondi Beach Public School every Saturday morning from 9am. Please visit www.bondimarkets.com.au.

Eco Living Expo Randwick’s epic Eco Living Expo, now in its 14th year, will be held today between 10am and 4pm at Randwick Community Centre. Meet the changemakers, learn new skills and be the solution to a better planet.

For more information, please visit www.randwick.nsw.gov.au.

AFL Grand Final Day Today is the day we’ve been waiting for all season. Two teams will battle it out for the AFL Premiership and we are obviously bitterly disappointed our beloved Swans won’t be there this year. Not to worry, grab a beer and a few mates and enjoy the game of the year.

Bondi Sunday Markets Every Sunday from 9am to 4pm at Bondi Beach Public School you’ll find clothing from up-and-coming designers, handmade jewellery, exotic imports, retro-chic furniture, vinyl records, homewares, one-off vintage pieces and more. Visit www.bondimarkets.com.au.

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Bondi Memorial Project Artists have until today to submit expressions of interest for the first phase of the Bondi Memorial Project at Marks Park, Tamarama. Waverley Council and ACON have been working on this project since 2015. For more information, visit tenderlink.com/waverley/.

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Email your resumé to james@thebeast.com.au

DAN WYLLIE THE REAL DEAL Interview James Hutton Pictures Nicholas Wilson

Local actor Dan Wyllie is everywhere. He seems to have appeared in just about every Australian theatre, television and movie production of the last three decades, such is his impressive portfolio of work. The Beast chatted with Dan while he was filming the new series of Seachange up in Brunswick Heads last month...

How are you this morning, Dan? I’m very well mate. I’m standing on the banks at Brunswick Heads. It’s about 22°c at 10am in the morning. It couldn’t be more perfect.

Are you up there for Splendour?

No mate, this is where we’re shooting Seachange. This is what you’re interviewing me about, right?

That is what I’m interviewing you about, that’s right... Yeah, there you go, remember that?

It’s Brunswick Heads and it’s so absolutely beautiful and the most stunning time of year to be up here. This is the location for the show, which was formally Barwon Heads in Victoria. It would be a lot colder there than it is up here right now.

You wouldn’t want to be in Barwon Heads now... No, you wouldn’t. Even in summer it would be cold. I just had a swim, it’s so beautiful.

You grew up on the north side of Sydney; what are your favourite childhood memories? I was in North Sydney Demonstration

School then North Sydney Boys High, so I am a North Sydney boy. I used to love swimming in the harbour, scrambling around the train tracks, sneaking into Luna Park and stuff like that.

I was quite a city boy. It was a bit of a burgeoning metropolis there, North Sydney, about thirty years ago, so I was skateboarding and playing in the park. We were three train stations away from the Town Hall steps so I enjoyed it a lot. With that being said, I liked the beach and I liked to swim and surf so I have since gravitated towards the Eastern Suburbs to get a bit more of that in my life.

When did you move to the Eastern Suburbs? After I went through high school and through university, that’s when I kind of started living over there.

You were at UNSW for a while?

I went to New South Wales Uni for a couple of years. A half-arts degree I like to call it, because I didn’t finish it, and then I started acting in my late teens and then gave that up and fell into a life of poverty and chaos.

And hard work by the looks of your portfolio, I feel like you’ve been in everything that’s ever been on Australian TV... Bits and bobs mate. I’ve been very lucky to have been in some of the more quality stuff, so that’s half good luck and half good management.

I feel I’ve been blessed to have been in some iconic productions.

It’s been a great long and winding road.

Is there a secret to your longevity, considering that you have managed to be an in-work actor for about 30 years now? I always wanted to do different things.

I wanted to do character work and leading man stuff if I could.

I started off in Muriel’s Wedding playing a kind of bogan from Queensland. It was weird because I was from North Sydney, but I just guess I tried to experience lots of different worlds and be comfortable in all those sides of yourself as well. I wanted to do lots of different things and I guess the key is to try not to do too much crap really. When I started out I didn’t want to do TV, I only wanted to do theatre and film, but now that landscape has kind of shifted. I wanted to do everything. If you consider yourself an artist you want to be looking for the truth of something, or the situation that is going to have some meaning, and I guess I liked theatre and film growing up because of that sense of illumination of humanity, that you could be transported and affected by going to the theatre or watching a movie or even a television show. I guess that’s the higher style I wanted to do, so I don’t know if that explains my longevity. I think if you aim for something of that kind of merit then maybe people will give you a second chance.

You are one of the most recognisable Aussie actors now...

Talk to me about it mate, I get harassed! I get harassed in every god damned shopping mall I go to. I once had a full can of beer

September 2019 The Beast 37

thrown at me on the Central Coast with someone yelling, “Argh, Underbelly!” and that was a compliment, I don’t even think it was an act of aggression.

Some of the roles you've played are hilarious, I can see why you would be getting attention...

I always wanted to do comedy and drama. It’s very difficult in this country because we have a smaller industry. There’s a lot of very good creative people around. People want to box you in a bit more. I’ve been lucky. It is a struggle to not get boxed in.

It’s been a lot of fun.

Were you always interested in acting from a young age? I always liked going to the movies. I was taken to the theatre from an early age and I loved the ‘transportation’ of it - it’s the only word I have for what that is. I guess that’s particularly affecting when you are a bit younger and you get that gob-smacking thing that happens when you see your first truly great theatre show or incredible movie or something like that. I never considered it as a career.

My folks both had a couple of degrees each so they were kind of always pushing me to do that.

I did drama at high school and did drama classes on weekends.

It was kind of like more of a dirty little secret than anything else.

Then I went to uni and started doing a bit of amateur theatre at Australian Theatre for Young People (ATYP) and started getting some work, so I guess I was on the right path, but I certainly wasn’t doing tap dancing lessons at age seven. I guess I did love it from a young age but certainly people tend to think of it as a career path. I never did that. I didn’t really even call myself an actor until I was in my late 20s, I was so unsure of it. I tried to pass myself off as a student really. I guess it was clichéd and kind of maligned, “Oh, you’re an actor are you? Great.”

38 The Beast September 2019

You should have said you were a model... Yeah, “I’m a porn star,” yes.

Your first major acting role was as Frank Fletcher in the film Spotswood alongside Anthony Hopkins and Ben Mendelsohn; how did you land that one? And Russell Crowe and Toni Collette.

I was in Australian Theatre for Young People and they put out a call through one of the truly great casting agents called Alison Barrett, looking to cast some of the parts for late teens or early 20s.

"You know you’ve really made it when you’re on the dole, washing dishes and waiting for the next acting job."

You were still at uni then? Yes, I was at uni and had done a couple of amateur theatre shows at ATYP. I suddenly found myself auditioning with Benny Mendelsohn and getting the job, as a complete unknown really.

Russell Crowe got me my first agent and he was on it too. Toni Collette had been at ATYP as well when I was there so we knew each other. Then I did Romper Stomper the year after that because I met Geoffrey Wright down there who directed that.

Then I got a couple of professional theatre gigs and it just started happening a bit. That’s when I started washing dishes and got on the dole, so then I knew I was truly an actor.

You knew you had really made it... You know you’ve really made it when you’re on the dole, washing dishes and waiting for the next acting job.

You’ve said before that you consider yourself to be an untrained actor; given that you don’t have

that classical training, how do you prepare for a role? I had done a lot of acting classes but I hadn’t done that formal threeyear training with a sadomasochist institution.

Is that what somewhere like NIDA does? Yes, that’s what NIDA does, they’re famous for it. You read the scripts, you read any pertinent information, you try and go to the plays where it’s happening, and you do anything that is going to inspire the imagination. Once you’ve locked into that, you’ve begun.

Do you sometimes find yourself staying in character even when you're back at home and that sort of thing? I know absolutely nothing about acting so I’m just trying to picture what it’s like...

You just have to tap into your imagination really, or if you require physical skills then you have to do that too. You may have to work on your voice, you may have to work on sword fighting or horse riding or something like that, maybe you have to work on chopping up vegetables.

Staying in character? I find that a bit of a cliché. It’s probably something that younger actors fall into, this whole idea that you can actually become someone else, which of course is patently ridiculous. I appreciate Daniel Day Lewis’s commitment to his craft very much, and Robert de Niro. You can commit to that to varying degrees, and you do become consumed by whatever part you’re playing. It’s as if you put on a pair of coloured glasses, whether that’s rose or not, so you kind of see things in a different way. That’s art really.

Everything is giving you more confidence and detail. It’s great to have that artistic kind of focus.

It is all-consuming really, it does take over. Once you’ve set flight with that, it does kind of inform everything and you’re kind of just cherry picking life for the job. It’s really interesting.

The latest from Randwick City Council about living in this great city

What’s On

Randwick News The collection of waste comes with many challenges, but I believe that treating waste as a valuable resource may be the key to reducing the amount of rubbish we send to landfill. Randwick City Council is currently looking at how we deal with waste and making sure that, as a community, we recover the maximum amount of resources and prevent them from needlessly becoming landfill.

Viewing waste as a resource for materials or energy, rather than a problem, helps to create a mindset of opportunity. This, in turn, will help us to find and identify better ways to deal with waste in the future. Council is currently conducting a Waste Services survey. We’d like to collect your thoughts on our current residential waste management strategies and find out where we might be able to make some improvements.

Your feedback will help us deliver services that meet your expectations. Please take a moment to complete the survey at www.yoursay.randwick.nsw.gov.au before Tuesday 3 September.

If sustainability is also a passion for you, I know you’ll get a lot out of our Eco Living Expo coming up on Sunday 22 September at the Randwick Community Centre, starting at 10am. It will be chock-full of innovative ideas and information to help you take steps, both small and large, towards living a more eco-conscious life. Dr Karl, Camille Reed and a host of others will join us for our new speakers’ series, which is designed to empower and inspire all of us.

4 SEPTEMBER LIBRARY AFTER DARK: TABLETOP GAME AND RPG (16+) 6pm

Margaret Martin Library Level 1, Royal Randwick Shopping Centre, Belmore Road, Randwick

6 SEPTEMBER PLAY WORKSHOP FOR PARENTS AND CHILDREN (18-24 MONTHS) 10.30am Lionel Bowen Library 669-673 Anzac Parade, Maroubra

6 SEPTEMBER FRIDAY NIGHT MOVIES: THE FIFTH ELEMENT 6pm

Lionel Bowen Library 669-673 Anzac Parade, Maroubra

11 SEPTEMBER FRED HOLLOWS RESERVE BUSHCARE 9am Meet at the end of Bligh Place, Randwick

18 SEPTEMBER THE AUTHOR TALKS: HELEN PITT, AUTHOR OF THE HOUSE 6.30pm, Margaret Martin Library, Level 1, Royal Randwick Shopping Centre, Belmore Road, Randwick

22 SEPTEMBER ECO LIVING EXPO 10am

Councillor Kathy Neilson Mayor of Randwick

Randwick Community Centre 27 Munda Street, Randwick

1300 722 542 randwick.nsw.gov.au

In Love My Way there are a number of scenes featuring you on a surf board; is that you or a stunt double? That was me.

I’ve seen you in the surf at Bondi; how often do you get out there?

Not as much as I would like to.

I’ve got a four year-old daughter so not as much as I’d like to. I don’t really surf Bondi as much, I’d normally go down to the Bra.

"They are homogenising our product, seeping out the natural Australian character, casting it with better looking people than is realistic and taking out that natural Australian kind of character that is who we are."

Do you find being a parent in the Eastern Suburbs quite challenging? In general, yes. I’m sure it’s pretty tough in the Inner West too. We spent our first couple of winters in god damned Melbourne working, which was tough. I love that Bondi kids pool and we have beautiful parks around us, and being able to get down to the beach is incredible.

It’s an absolute privilege, a gift.

Will you get your kids into nippers and that sort of thing? Yes, I’d like to. My wife’s not into any of that stuff. She’s a fairly cityfied chick and she finds the water too cold; too much sun, sand and moisture. I’d like to though. My daughter is a pretty good swimmer. We’ve been going to swimming lessons. I never did that stuff but I’d love to make her surf-smart because I really love the ocean. I did the Watsons Bay swim a couple of months ago,

40 The Beast September 2019

ten kilometres from Bondi to Watsons Bay. Do you know how many sharks there are behind there? It’s riddled out the back and there’s nowhere to go... Yeah, we had a shark tag and our support paddler, and there are so many tinnies out there that they’d be scared shitless.

Is it true that you’re the voice of B2 in Bananas in Pyjamas on TV? That’s correct mate. It’s not a big secret.

Does your daughter know? My daughter finds it a little bit existentially hard to comprehend.

Even when I do the voice, and I’ve got a little B2 doll, it’s very difficult to grasp the many layers of reality involved in that process and the innate connection that a little kid will have with a cartoon show. She kind of grasps it and says it as a mark of pride at her day care centre.

You’re absolutely loving it, living in Bondi? I’ve been coming and going from Brunswick Heads down to Sydney. It’s been a dream job shooting up here. This has been so gorgeous up here at this time of year when it’s not torrential rain, but it’s just been so sunny. I love autumn in particular in the Eastern Suburbs, when everyone just says goodbye to the beach but the water is still warm. It’s bizarre.

The water’s still 19°c now...

It’s 22°c up here. It’s incredible mate. I saw a stingray about six foot across just swimming then.

Where was that? In the river?

Brunswick Heads, swimming up past the breakwall. I love it going into daylight savings. I was just training for this swim, really early mornings, getting in there as the air temperature gets down to 10-12°c and the water is still 20°c. It’s incredible watching the sun come up over Bondi.

Do you reckon you’ll stay here forever? That being said, my wife and I are moving to London for four months next week, just up until December so that I can come back and get sunburnt.

I’ll get fat and white over there and then come back and get sunburnt.

Do you have any favourite local haunts around Bondi and the Eastern Suburbs? I love the Rats, getting down there for a kid’s meal after a swim. I just love North Bondi. I love all the terrifying spots. I love Westfield because I know where to park.

I just know where to go to get a car park. Everyone else, it’s like going into Mordor for them, it’s like driving into a black hole for them and I’m just like, “Here we go, bing bing, in and out. Twohours free parking, done.” We live up near Cooper Park and I love Cooper Park because no one knows where that is, and I love swimming Bondi Bay. I’ve swum around Clovelly and Coogee a few times, which is mind blowing. We do Clovelly in the early mornings - ins and outs, that little loop - and then one day a guy said, “Let’s go round to Gordons Bay.” Those rock slabs off the car park at Clovelly, if you swim that on a flat day it is mind blowing. Those huge slabs of sandstone out there are as big as apartments. It is incredible. I saw a turtle out there this season.

Off the back of Cloey? I’ve seen them a couple of times. I love that we can be so close to the city and get to have that as well, it is completely unique. Mates that I swim with saw a grey nurse maybe a month ago. I’ve never seen sharks. I’ve seen a lot of wobbegongs, little sand sharks and rays and stuff, but I’ve never seen sharks.

What really annoys you about the Eastern Suburbs? The traffic. Am I allowed to say ‘South Africans’?

Mayor’s Message Festival of the Winds Waverley Council’s 41st Festival of the Winds is on Sunday 8 September from 11am–4pm at Bondi Beach and Park. We’re expecting more than 70,000 visitors, and additional Route 333 bus services will run regularly from the city to Bondi Beach and return.

We look forward to seeing you there.

Bondi Mermaids Council is preparing options for a series of events and activities to commemorate the 60th anniversary next year of the placement in April 1960 of the Bondi Mermaids at Ben Buckler headland by local sculptor, Lyle Randolph. We support, in principle, the reordering of sites in the Public Art Master Plan to allow for the commissioning of a new public artwork in Bondi Park to give new life to the Mermaid story. We will also consider if the original remnant piece is relocated potentially to the Bondi Pavilion after the refurbishment project is complete.

Festival of the Winds Sunday 8 September Bondi Beach

Events How to choose quality childcare Monday 2 September, 7–8.30pm Mill Hill Early Education Centre

Artists have until 27 September to submit expressions of interest for the first phase of the Bondi Memorial Project at Marks Park, Tamarama.

Waverley Council and ACON have been working on this project since 2015. For more, tenderlink.com/ waverley/

Would you like to be more informed about early education and care options and how to know what’s best for your child? This is a free information session for families presented by a panel of experienced early childhood professionals for information sharing, networking and discussion.

John Wakefield, Mayor of Waverley

waverley.nsw.gov.au/ qualitychildcare

Bondi Memorial Project

Festival of the Winds Sunday 8 September, 11am–4pm Bondi Beach Join us for festival of the winds, one of the largest and best known kite festivals in the world!

There will be live performances, food stalls, kite making workshops, jumping castles, face painting, craft making and more.

The best way to get to and from Bondi Beach is public transport. Please prepare for delays and plan your trip at transportnsw.info For more information, visit waverley.nsw.gov.au/ events

Ph: 9083 8000 | waverley.nsw.gov.au | Stay in touch: waverley.nsw.gov.au/subscribe Waverley Customer Service Centre: 55 Spring Street, Bondi Junction.

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You can say ‘South Africans’ if you like... Depends if you want the pay back. What do I hate? I don’t know, what do you hate?

What do I hate about the area?

It’s getting a bit pretentious around the beaches these days...

Yeah, there you go, that’s South Africans, and a lot of lawyers and their families - how exciting.

And the cost of living. It’s kind of got to the point where, say a young actor, there’s no way a young actor could afford to live here... When I was living there in the early ‘90s and every drama school every year would just pop out at least a dozen new people who would come to move in to these incredible share houses from Bondi to Coogee.

Were you in living in Coogee when you were at UNSW? No, I lived in Randwick. No actors can live there now though. It’s diabolical. I guess you do worry about the cultural seepage in that respect. If it’s just South Africans and lawyers, you know, this is going to be inspirational in the next ten years.

They’re not doing theatre in their spare time? No mate, they’re not, and they’re not arts aficionados in any regard, are they? It’s going to become pretty boring but I don’t know what you do about that. That’s just the nature of the beast.

Do you worry about the amount of American crap on our TV screens? Do you think it's causing us to lose our identity, whatever that means? Yes, I think so. It’s like a lot of Australian production companies have been bought up and have had big chunks of their shares bought out by American production companies. Those producers have a say in the production and they’re ostensibly making cheap content for their streaming platforms and for their late-night

42 The Beast September 2019

TV. They are homogenising our product, seeping out the natural Australian character, casting it with better looking people than is realistic and taking out that natural Australian kind of character that is who we are. Certainly that’s evolving, and it’s not kind of a Chips Rafferty style reality.

American reality is nothing to be proud of and hopefully we can push back against that because it’s really, really boring. You see shows that are getting on to the ABC and commercial networks that have influence from American production companies and it’s pretty boring. The idea that it’s going to be a global market is... I don’t know.

"Do it for a sense of truth and try and have some artistic integrity with it and try and do it for the betterment of humankind, to illuminate and exalt the human spirit."

What do you do about it? If you were the Minister for the Arts what policies could you put in place? Stop leeching money out of the ABC and their productions. You could insist on quotas for Australian content. Netflix in particular has no quota for Australian content. They’re making more money than anyone else out of Australia.

Not paying any tax here either...

Not paying taxes. Like all those other channels. They try and sidestep it all the time by making reality TV and crap soaps, but in terms of Australian content there’s no obligation for these streaming platforms to have Australian content. I think Europe has 30 per cent.

Is that for Netflix as well? We have nothing, yes. Europe has content regulations for their streaming platforms and local channels but we don’t. We had a meeting with the Media, Entertainment and Arts Alliance (MEAA) the other day and we’ve got to push it to 15 per cent but it’s still going to be crap.

Americans come here, they make movies, it’s good work for the crews, but not as great for actors generally. But at least the crews get to work and make American shows at Fox Studios or up on the Gold Coast or whatever.

Have you seen the cartoon Bluey? Yes, it’s very good.

Do you know who is behind that?

Is that a Queensland production company?

I’ve got no idea but I have a little niece and nephew and they love it... I love the little dance at the beginning. That’s the lead singer from the band called Custard.

You won the silver Logie for Most Outstanding Actor in a Drama Series for your role in Love My Way and you’ve also received Australian Film Institute award nominations, a few of them... Not enough wins. It’s a pleasure to be nominated though.

Do you actually care about those awards? No, they are a massive pain in the arse. I think I’ve been to ten Logies. Either you are nominated or you have to present or something. They are a god damned punish.

Those nights must be fun though, getting on the piss with everyone from the industry...

Yes, but you have to present the award on live TV. Would you like to do that?

Blind? No, live. I put it to you, would you like to present an award on live TV reading an autocue that may fail?

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It would be pretty stressful. Depends how blind I was and how much I was worried about my reputation... You can’t get drunk.

that’s B2. Are you that voice of that banana? I’m gunna bash him. Let’s bash him and f*cken peel him, mate.”

Really? No, you won’t be getting drunk mate. No, you don’t do that. Why would you do that?

You’re on the red carpet for about an hour and a half being asked questions by people not as smart as you, not as classy as you, James. It’s a punish mate.

It’s a big publicity exercise. These publicity machines - here am I talking to you - these publicity machines are a kind of self-propagating machine to try and pump these things up. It’s not what story telling or acting is about.

In fact it’s kind of the opposite.

You’re trying to search for a semblance of truth or humanity and then a red carpet, or some f*cking idiot asking you stupid questions, is the opposite of truth and humanity.

What advice do you have for young actors keen to follow in your footsteps? Don’t follow in mine, follow in your own.

You don’t care for the wanky side of acting? For me it’s the opposite. Some people might think they want to be famous, and then once you get it it’s not what you want.

I can see how it would be f*cking annoying at times... Everyone loves a free cabcharge and a nice restaurant reservation, but it’s true, I get hassled everywhere.

I’m kind of extroverted and kind of introverted, I do like my own space, but it can be a bit of a punish sometimes. Everywhere you go you get hassled, which is fine, I also appreciate it too, with what I do, but I certainly have a lot of very big hats and big sunnies that I wear most of the time. Try to imagine walking outside and people are looking at you all the time. Maybe they half know you, maybe they know you, maybe they don’t know you.

You don’t want to come across as a rude prick either... You can’t be an arsehole to people because they are generally like, “Oh wow,

44 The Beast September 2019

Great quote! This is a good quote, are you ready? “What you should do is try to have a little bit of empathy and try and walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, then at the end of the day you will be a mile away from someone and you’ll have their shoes.”

That’s good advice... I don’t know. You’ve got to do it for whatever reasons you like, but I think fame shouldn’t really be one of them because it’s very elusive. Do it for a sense of truth and try and have some artistic integrity with it and try and do it for the betterment of humankind, to illuminate and exalt the human spirit. End quote.

Do you have to chase the jobs or is work just coming in now?

Or do you have a bloody good agent? I’ve been lucky to have been given the jobs. I’m old now mate. I get offered stuff. You have to work on stuff. You have to be good. You have to know how to manage the stress. You have to know how to be nice to people you might hate or dislike intensely. Film sets or a theatre are very intense environments for a very limited amount of time and people are under stress.

They are working big hours. They are getting on stage.

This is a really shit question, but do you have aspirations to work in Hollywood? This is a shit question. I’ve been over there, I’ve had a visa and came back because I was getting more interesting work here. That being said, who knows? I genuinely have had really interesting work over here. My wife is a burgeon-

ing television director so she is probably now more the circus than I am, so who knows?

Do you write, Dan? No, I don’t.

I’ve tried that. It’s very difficult.

I’m not made for writing. The idea of getting up and doing four hours every morning is never going to work with me.

Are you interested in directing? Yes, the idea of directing, maybe, and writing, yes. I guess I’ve had acting in my bones for so long. You should have a good writing head on you as an actor, you should have a directing head on you as an actor as well, if you want to be a good one.

"A lot of the American stuff is complete shit, and the hoops you have to jump through over there are just at odds with me."

You're the real deal. You don’t give a f*ck about Hollywood, you don’t give a shit about fame, you just want to act because you enjoy it; is that an accurate summary? I’ve been really lucky. I’ve had genuinely quality humanoid projects. A lot of the American stuff is complete shit, and the hoops you have to jump through over there are just at odds with me. I want to do the Watsons Bay swim again next year, that’s what I’ll try and gear my life around.

I’ll have to train for that.

In an ideal world, what does the future hold for Dan Wyllie? Look, I’ve got a four year-old daughter, I’d be quite happy watching her grow up and seeing her being happy - happy and unhappy and getting wonderful experiences and just being part of life as a family really, above and beyond acting. Plus I’d like to get a bit more three-foot glass ●

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had to be home before dark, that was it. We were aware of the possibility of ‘bad men’, there was a weirdo in the park who sometimes flashed his willy, but he was no more scary than the mad dog that lived at the end of the street. We just laughed at him and ran away.”

Before the iPhone.

The Unreliable Guide To...

Childhood Play Words Nat Shepherd Photo David Boon Undirected or child-driven play, where kids get to run amok and have fun without adult interference, is so important to their development that it has been recognised by the United Nations as a human right.

According to paediatrician Kenneth R. Ginsburg, “Play allows children to create and explore a world they can master, conquering their fears while practising adult roles.” Many parents, perhaps due to media scaremongering, don’t believe kids are safe out by themselves.

Most kids have next to no time for free play; they’re either busy attending organised activities or passively staring at screens.

I interviewed a varied group of over 40s - that last generation to grow up without 24/7 tech to see what childhood was like for them.

Outback Australia “By today’s standards we were a large family, there were six of 46 The Beast September 2019

us and I was in the middle so I always had someone to play with. We had an enormous sense of freedom. Our property was a fair way from the local town so we mucked about like galahs from dawn till dusk - all the kids did. We knew everyone nearby so there was always someone you could ask for help if one of the littlies fell in the creek or something. Mum expected us home for our dinner, the rest of the time she’d have spat the dummy if we stayed at home, getting under her feet.”

Suburban United Kingdom “Ours was a small family, just me and my brother, but we made up for that by linking up with the rest of the kids in our street. The road was ours most of the time, games of hopscotch or cricket only paused to let a car go by. When that got boring we’d head over to the local park and explore, or scrump apples from neighbours’ gardens. We

Rural Ireland “We were a large family, but not by the standards of the day.

Five of us and I was the youngest. We were on a farm, so there was plenty of work to do and all the kids were expected to chip in to the family coffers. You’ve not got a great earning potential at seven, but sometimes tourists would pay us for pictures of the donkey and all that money went to our Ma. But that sounds like it was hard and it wasn’t. We had great craic, so much freedom. Everyone in the village knew everyone else, so there was always someone to keep an eye out for you or clip you round the ear for misbehaving.”

Suburban Sydney “We had a large family, there were five of us in a large ramshackle house near the harbour.

We knew most of the kids in our street and Mum actively encouraged us to be out of the house during daylight hours so she could get some peace and quiet. We used to catch the ferry sometimes into the city and just wander around. No one seemed to care. If you did that now I think people would probably stop you and ask where your parents were.”

Finally, The Unreliable Guide wonders if the world really is scarier now than when we were kids? Or are we overprotecting our children, letting them slide away into a virtual world that could be far more dangerous than the physical one? What do you think?

September 2019 Tide Chart Numbers Bureau of Meteorology Tidal Centre Photo Sebastian Elmaloglou Instagram @intepic Monday 30 0258 0911 1520 2131

Tuesday

Thursday

Friday

• New Moon • First Quarter • Full Moon • Last Quarter

0.13 1.77 0.17 1.76

Saturday

•

Sunday 1 0329 0936 1531 2150

0.08 1.64 0.22 1.91

8 0400 0932 1615 2311

1.13 0.66 1.52 0.52 0.34 1.47 0.42 1.62

4 0545 0.34 1207 1.63 1827 0.42

5 0029 0632 1302 1935

1.41 0.46 1.58 0.50

6 0130 0725 1403 2051

1.26 0.56 1.54 0.55

7 0243 0826 1509 2206

1.16 0.63 1.52 0.55

0.48 1.22 0.60 1.59

11 0042 0639 1217 1844

0.43 1.29 0.55 1.62

12 0117 0715 1258 1920

0.39 1.34 0.50 1.65

13 0149 0749 1335 1955

0.36 1.39 0.46 1.66

14 0219 0821 1410 2028

0.34 1.43 0.43 1.65

15 0249 0853 1446 2100

17 0348 1000 1601 2210

0.38 1.51 0.45 1.50

18 0419 1036 1644 2248

0.42 1.52 0.48 1.41

19 0452 1115 1730 2330

0.47 1.52 0.52 1.32

20 0530 0.53 1159 1.50 1823 0.56

21 0021 0615 1249 1927

1.24 0.59 1.49 0.59

22 0124 1.17 0711 0.64 1351 1.49 2043 0.57

24 0400 0938 1612 2302

1.19 0.61 1.61 0.39

25 0506 1046 1715 2356

1.28 0.52 1.72 0.27

27 0045 0650 1241 1901

28 0130 0738 1334 1952

0.11 1.63 0.21 1.91

29 0215 0824 1427 2042

2 0414 0.14 1025 1.66 1627 0.26 2241 1.77

3 0500 1115 1725 2333

0.23 1.65 0.34 1.59

9 0506 1.17 1036 0.64 1714 1.55

10 0001 0558 1131 1802

16 0318 0926 1523 2135

0.35 1.49 0.42 1.57

23 0241 0822 1501 2159

1.15 0.65 1.53 0.50

Leap of faith.

Wednesday

26 0600 1.40 1145 0.41 1810 1.83

0.17 1.52 0.30 1.90

•

•

•

0.09 1.71 0.17 1.86

Well within firing range.

China Takes Ownership of Wedding Cake Island Satire Kieran Blake, kieranblake13@yahoo.com.au Photo Wei Fenghe Wedding Cake Island has become the first piece of the Commonwealth of Australia to be formally ceded to China as the emerging superpower looks to expand its presence in our region.

According to a document leaked exclusively to The Beast, Australian diplomats made a feeble attempt to resist the seizure, but when they held up images of Donald Trump and Boris Johnson in an effort to remind the Chinese of Australia’s military allies, the Chinese simply laughed.

The annexation of Wedding Cake Island is the first step in China’s plans to construct new islands along the Eastern Beaches in the coming months. The document reveals the intention to create the following islands between Bondi and La Perouse: First Glance Island will sit just off shore. According to their first impression of the island, visitors can opt to turn left, before returning to the beach, or veer right and continue their journey.

48 The Beast September 2019

Having veered right from First Glance Island, visitors will arrive at First Date Island, an island full of wonder and mystery, which includes a romantic boutique restaurant serving catch of the day.

Disaster Date Island will appear benign at first, but during rough seas and wild northeasterly winds bluebottles and seaweed will wash up on its jagged shore, which surrounds a barren landscape devoid of shade. Fortunately, the island will be fitted with numerous distress beacons that will alert friends of the visitors when their date turns out to be a pretentious, self-obsessed bore.

The Chinese Central Government is yet to confirm the construction of Break-Up Island, Make-Up Island and Renewal of Vows Island, and has not responded to rumours surrounding the construction of platforms designed specifically for viewing rainbows.

After numerous sorties on Disaster Date Island, lucky

visitors will arrive at Proposal Island, featuring 24-hour, 360° sunsets, cloud seeding, impossibly white sand, turquoise waters and a gentle breeze.

The endless sunsets of Proposal Island will conveniently obscure the view of Divorce Island. On Divorce Island, couples are invited to hold hands on either side of a small crevice which runs through the centre of the island. As the crevice widens, the strolling couple will no longer be able to hold hands, will lose eye contact, and will eventually be unable to communicate at all. A leaky boat surrounded by Lawyer Sharks will transport them back to shore, stopping off at Disaster Date Island to collect more passengers.

Visitors who successfully negotiate the turbulent, complicated and arduous passage of Dating Straits will be rewarded with safe passage to Wedding Cake Island, where they will receive small red envelopes promising a life of wedded bliss.

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On the tools.

Why Buy When You Can Borrow?

Words Nicola Saltman and Amy Croucher, Waverley Council Keen to try surfing but don’t own a board? Need to drill a hole in a wall or trim a hedge but don’t own the power tools?

Imagine being able to borrow these items for tasks you only do every now and then, rather than splashing cash to get them.

Community-run tool and other sharing ‘libraries’ help save you money and kick goals for the planet.

Tool libraries have been running in North America and Europe for years. It’s great news for us that Australia is slowly catching up as we rethink the way we consume. The sharing movement is building on home turf.

Why is sharing good?

It’s a sobering fact, but the average power drill is used for only 13 minutes in its lifetime.

50 The Beast September 2019

The sharing model gives tools multiple lives, which means less resources needed to make new tools and less waste going to landfill. That’s a big tick for the environment.

Tool libraries are also a great way to meet your neighbours and learn some new skills community and borrowing go hand in hand. And you save bucks, which can be diverted to fun holiday plans instead.

What’s happening locally?

Sydney’s first tool library, the Inner West Tool Library (IWTL), opened this year in Petersham. There are now around 13 tool libraries in Australia including a few in New South Wales: Make-Do Illawarra, Share Shop Newcastle and Hawkesbury Remakery.

IWTL’s mission is to provide tools for all people to live low waste, sustainable lives.

“We’re driven by our vision of a future where all people can access the tools they need to create, connect and thrive,” IWTL founder Amy Croucher says.

Only six months since opening its doors, IWTL has more than 130 members, has completed 435 loans and has already helped save borrowers $32,000, or $400 per person.

Its 200-plus item inventory is constantly growing and includes circular saws, drills, pressure washers and hedge trimmers. There’s even an ice cream maker, slow cooker and a surf board.

The most popular items?

Hedge trimmers, sanders, clamps, lawn mowers, circular saws, drills, pressure washers and the food dehydrator. Go the DIY! Here in the east, the Bondi Toy Library has been running for 33 years, allowing families to borrow a great variety of children’s toys. They even have children’s party hire packages including dress-up clothes and a bubble machine. You can also borrow games and toys at Randwick City Library.

How do I make reuse second nature?

• Join or donate to your local tool/toy library or consider starting your own. Waverley Council may also be able to help with advice if you send an email to secondnature@waverley. nsw.gov.au.

• Check out IWTL on Facebook at www.facebook.com/iwtool library.

• Get involved in the Garage Sale Trail on the weekend of October 19-20, another great option to give your stuff a second life. You can register now at www.garagesaletrail.com.au.

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What a clusterf*ck.

Fresh Fields Needed for Eastern Suburbs Sport Words Dr Marjorie O'Neill, Member for Coogee Photo Stuart Ayres It doesn’t seem so long ago I was writing about the transition from autumn to winter, so it’s hard to believe we’re already into the final chilly month of the year, which also means the business end of the winter sporting competitions.

With our high population in a relatively small piece of real estate, Sydney’s Eastern Suburbs epitomises a city obsessed with playing and watching sport. You can’t drive around the block without encountering one of our major sports fields teeming with kids and their families.

We have thriving junior competitions in soccer, the rugby codes, Australian Rules and netball. In the summer months it’s all about cricket. People play touch football all year round, with the nation’s biggest touch football competition right here in the Eastern Suburbs.

What irks me though, as a local sports fan, is the lack of high quality facilities at some of our treasured and most frequently used sporting fields. I’ve always believed a lack of clean, modern and accessible sporting facilities stymies participation in sport, particularly when it comes to women’s sport.

While we certainly have a gem of a facility at Waverley 52 The Beast September 2019

Oval with the state of the art Margaret Whitlam Centre, this is an exception rather than the rule. It’s fantastic that our junior rugby league players and cricketers have access to upto-date facilities at the oval - if only some of our other major sports grounds could be upgraded to equivalent standards.

Take a look around the area.

Queens Park is home to enormous soccer and touch football competitions but the facilities have not been upgraded since the ‘90s. Clovelly’s Burrows Park is a vital ground for the Clovelly Rugby Club and world famous Cloey Crocodiles (the home club of Victor ‘The Inflictor’ Radley), yet this is another field badly in need of some love.

Coogee Oval, home to Randwick’s Galloping Greens and the Randwick Petersham Cricket Club, has cemented its place in sporting folklore but the grandstand was built in 1924 and has barely changed since, and some of our other heavily used sports fields have little more than ancient brick amenities blocks.

While I’m not advocating for a massive new grandstand at every ground, I certainly believe it’s time for some genuine, significant investment in upgrading our local sporting facilities.

In recent times, investment in larger scale projects has come at the expense of local sporting infrastructure. While a high quality yet simple upgrade of the Sydney Football Stadium, rather than a lavish rebuild, could have shaved hundreds of millions off this doomed project, a fraction of the money saved could have been directed to where it’s really needed community sport, which is where the overwhelming majority of sport is played.

Local sporting infrastructure is about fostering a sense of community and forging links between people and groups, out there in the fresh air of the real world, rather than in cyberspace where so many spend their time these days.

I like to think of local community sport not so much as a competitive endeavour with two teams out there in the middle of the pitch trying to score the most points, but as a binding endeavour, bringing people together, the real reward being part of a team with all the ensuing social benefits. Team drinks back at the pub or club after the game, presentation nights and charity functions, the tears of joy in a proud parent’s eyes as their little one intercepts deep in their territory and sprints the length of the field to score a sensational meat pie... anyway, you get the gist!

Local sport makes people happier, healthier and more connected. Every dollar spent on local sport, as long as it’s well planned and managed, is a dollar justifiably spent. That’s why I will always be an advocate for the prioritisation of investment in local sport right here in our local area.

To paraphrase a well known proverb, “Community sport is great, it’s one of the few things in life you don’t need to be good at to enjoy.”

If you have any issues at all that you require assistance with, please do not hesitate to contact my office on 9398 1822, email coogee@parliament.nsw.gov.au, or come in at 15/53-55 Frenchmans Road, Randwick.

CONTACT MARJORIE

Electorate Office Details: Address: 15/53-55 Frenchmans Road, Randwick NSW 2031 Email: coogee@parliament.nsw.gov.au Phone: 9398 1822 Fax: 9398 1044 Authorised by Dr Marjorie O’Neill MP, 15-53-55 Frenchmans Road, Randwick NSW 2031.

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Australia's favourite hoarder.

There’s Something Else About Mary Words Jeremy Ireland Photo Judi Young Our beloved Mary Poppins has returned, not as Emily Blunt but as her original self. She seems edgy, perhaps even a tad anxious. She’s darker in spirit, a little confused and can’t decide where to land with her trusty umbrella.

Despite being immaculately dressed, something has changed. She has a mobile phone and checks it incessantly.

She fumbles for a cigarette, becoming visibly distressed as she struggles to find a lighter.

Exasperated, she checks her phone again and looks skyward.

The relief on her face is apparent as her excess luggage falls gracefully from the sky. The days of ‘hand baggage only’ are well and truly over, but it’s not just excess luggage that has arrived, it’s excessive luggage Mary has become a hoarder.

Hoarding, generally speaking, is the persistent difficulty discarding or parting with possessions, regardless of their value. Hoarding can have harmful effects on both the individual and those around them, especially loved ones who live with the hoarder. There are emotional, physical, social and 54 The Beast September 2019

even legal ramifications for the hoarder, something that is often pushed aside in lieu of the relief gained by having their ‘stuff’ around them. It’s worth pointing out that collecting or having an untidy house is very different to hoarding, specifically the quality of the item rather than the quantity. Usually a hoarder will have trouble passing something up that is free or presents as a bargain - newspapers, magazines, plastic bags, empty bottles, clothing, cardboard boxes and even food.

Despite the cramped conditions in a hoarder’s house, they often don’t see it as a problem.

The narrow pathways from room to room are seen as nothing more than an inconvenience.

Hoarding tends to be private behaviour that gets worse over time, often going unnoticed until it becomes extreme, unhealthy and impossible to manage. Professor of Psychiatry Irvin D. Yalom writes about a particular patient who presented as dignified, attractive and self-assured, with an established career as a radiologist.

The patient wanted help with his inability to hold a relation-

ship due to his anxiety. After a number of sessions it became apparent there was more to it.

Finally Yalom’s patient revealed he was a hoarder, finding it impossible to get close to someone for fear of them discovering the truth. Those who hoard may also have concerns in line with obsessive-compulsive behaviour, attention difficulties, anxiety and depression.

Unfortunately, it is still not clear what drives one to hoard.

Possible causes being researched include genetics, brain functioning and stressful life events. There are milder forms of hoarding that are less debilitating. Magazines and lifestyle shows are constantly showing us the benefits of de-cluttering.

Their message is usually clear: if you feel the weight of ‘stuff’ in your house is getting you down, consider recycling, selling it or just throwing it out. Easier said than done perhaps, but the feeling of discarding junk with no remorse is uplifting to say the least.

In today’s world we are sick from stuff, bogged down by consumerism, materialism and buying unnecessary things that have no real place or meaning in our lives. Richard Denniss’ book Curing Affluenza has a clear message: “Buy less stuff and save the world.” I might add to that by asking, “Do you really need it, do you really want it, and will it change your world if you don’t have it?”

If you, like Mary, feel a bit crushed with all the stuff around you, maybe you should consider throwing it out, or at least stay off the garage sale trail. And if you feel you need assistance, seek help from a mental health practitioner.

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Well, well, well... what have we here?

The Mystery of Emma's Well Words John Ruffels Photo Andrew Worssam At the top of Heartbreak Hill, the steep stretch of New South Head Road at Rose Bay loved

by City To Surf runners, and directly opposite the Rose Bay Convent is a low sandstone wall just behind the normal roadside gutter. Attached to the wall is a marble tablet telling you this is the site of Emma’s Well.

The spring is permanent water and formed the northern arm of a stream which flowed through the Tivoli property and into Rose Bay at Sophia’s Falls.

Mr George Thorne of Claremont is given the credit of having a trough placed there in 1874 for the benefit of horses labouring up the long hill. Iron cups were also placed there for human use and a stream of water from the land of the Hon. Sir John Hay was diverted to it to ensure a constant supply of water.

Back in 1934 when Woollahra Council planted this plaque, this innocent spot became the subject of a lively debate about who Emma actually was. The illustrious Royal Australian Historical Society brought out three eminent commentators who each had a different opinion.

The debate was in the newspapers and lasted five years.

56 The Beast September 2019

A Paddington man, who used to travel to Vaucluse to fish, recalled back in 1874 often seeing an Aboriginal couple who lived in a hut opposite the well. The Aboriginal man was known as Peter Collins and his wife was Emma. One day the fisherman produced some chalk and wrote “Emma’s Well” on a large rock beside the stream.

As frequently happened back then, when much was not written down, the local Wentworth family said they had always called it St Agnes’ Well from a hymn about Good King Wenceslaus. Someone else felt sure the name came from a sonnet by English poet William Wordsworth (which mentioned a spring and a girl named Emma). Other locals just called it The Spring.

Prominent historian K. R. Cramp decreed in the delicate language of his day, “Emma was probably an old ‘abo’ woman of the early days, who showed settlers, or even perhaps the military in convict days, this unfailing supply of crystalclear water.” Back then natural spring-water was important for travellers in mid-summer Australia, especially on steep hills.

Despite all this expert knowledge there was another explanation. A quick search on Google answered the mystery; up came details of a village in Hertfordshire, England, named Amwell, which had a fresh water spring supposed to have curative powers and was named Emma’s Well.

“O’vering with shrubs that fringe the chalky rock. A little fount purr’d forth its gurgling rill. In flinty channel trickling o’er the green, From EMMA nam’d perhaps some sainted maid, For holy life rever’d so such erewhile, Fond superstition many a pleasant grove, And limpid Spring was wont to consecrate, Of Emma’s story nought Tradition speaks, Conjecture who behind Oblivion’s veil. Along the doubtful past delights to fray, boasts now indeed that from her well the place Received as appellation.

In Domesday book this village Amwell written Emmaswelle.”

The well’s water flows under the road, and fills the aforementioned artificial pool, created by damming, with its two interlinked manicured turfed isles.

Upon the islet is a monument to this scheme’s deviser, Sir Hugh Myddleton (1609). It states: “From the spring at Chadwell 2 miles west and from this source at Amwell the aqueduct meanders for the space of XL miles conveying health, pleasure and convenience to the metropolis of Great Britain. An immortal task since man cannot more nearly initiate the Deity than by bestowing health.

This monument was dedicated

by Robert Mylne, architect, engineer in 1800. Sacred to the memory of Sir Hugh Myddleton Bart who, successfully assisted by the patronage of the King, conveyed this stream to London. This humble tribute to the genius, talents and clarity of mind.”

F*ck him up, Mack.

Aussie! Aussie! Aussie! Drugs! Drugs! Drugs!

Words Alasdair McClintock Photo Anna Bollick Drugs. They fuel musicians, artists, writers, chefs, truckies and athletes. Many lawyers and journalists too. They save lives, ruin lives, shrivel penises and, if the Russian gentleman I’ve been in correspondence with is telling me the truth, also enlarge them (I’m just waiting on the package). Society has a complicated relationship with drugs, but the one thing we all agree on is that they have no place in sport.

Or so you would think.

Growing up, my dad used to say they should have two Olympics, one for normal people and another for drug cheats. “Let them dope themselves up to the eyeballs and go at it,” he said.

“It’ll be a great watch!”

I’m still not sure if he was joking or not, but there is certainly an argument for it. As long as there is glory in sport, there will be drugs. Never mind the money, people want to be celebrated above all else. You throw cold, hard cash into the mix too though, and you get the

shysters along with the egoists.

Perhaps if we gave these freaks their own outlet, we may just get a clean competition.

We won’t, of course, but it’s a nice fantasy. Someone will always try their luck. They might be cleaner, but like an OCD sufferer’s battle with dust, it will be endless and it only takes one extended holiday before you’re back to square one.

The dust will swan back in on a breeze and next thing you know it’s more than a fine sediment darkening that sixteen year-old female swimmer’s lip, it’s the beginnings of a testosterone fuelled El Chapo mo.

Drugs in sport have been thrust into the spotlight once again - like my elephant sized penis soon will be (you better not disappoint me, Oleg) - by Australian swimmer Mack Horton’s holier than thou protest against China’s Sun Yang.

No matter where you sit on Horton’s refusing to stand on the podium, I think we can all agree he made the Australians

look like a bunch of dicks when it emerged one of his teammates, Shayna Jack, had tested positive pre-competition and been forced to withdraw. Could someone not have tapped him on the shoulder before? Did Horton not hear a Who? I’m not going to lay too much into the Mack-Daddy, because I kind of admire him, but I will say that, after the sandpaper stuff, Mack, we don’t need this shit, okay? We need to look down at our shoes for a while and chew on some humble pie - you, personally, should watch what you eat and drink though, and definitely avoid Yum Cha. Because, despite my inner cynic, I’m sure some athletes, like Shayna Jack apparently, have inadvertently ingested the wrong thing and been banned as a result. I have absolutely no faith in ‘the system’, just look at the contrasting fates between the Cronulla Sharks and Essendon Bombers, but if the system doesn’t always nail it, perhaps hearsay isn’t too spot on either.

September 2019 The Beast 57

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Innovators.

3 Steps: Original, Brave and Exciting Words Joel Bevilacqua Photo James Hutton With its vintage layout, odd opening hours and mixture of Turkish fare and fun, kioskstyle food, The 3 Steps Café has become a must visit destination for local foodies. Its unheralded arrival has surprised many food fossickers, including myself, but don’t bother trying to find these guys on Instagram.

So underground is this café, in fact, that nobody is quite sure when 3 Steps actually opened.

Given that local foodies have only begun posting about it in the last few weeks, we can safely assume it has only been in operation for a month or so.

I first heard of 3 Steps while waiting for a table at a trendy North Bondi bistro. Between chatter about how much coke they had done the night before, and plans to make vegan brownies that afternoon, I overheard a group of girls in their very early twenties mention that an ‘influencer’ had just checked in at some new joint on Bondi Road.

I needed to check this place out. The very next morning I found myself strolling up Bondi Road in search of this mysterious underground establishment. As soon as I 60 The Beast September 2019

saw the Coca-Cola sponsored sign hanging over the footpath I immediately understood why 3 Steps was being touted as the hottest new café in the East.

The 3 Steps Café, in a nutshell, can be described as ‘take-away café chic’. The layout of the split-level room is a refreshing deviation from the usual pseudo-rustic interior most cafés in the area have opted for. Rather than dark timbre furniture and exposed brick, 3 Steps has retained its golden oak floors and VJ lining, and the tables are yellow with black polka dots.

The dining area upstairs features two large mirrors strategically hung from opposing walls to create an Instagram friendly environment. The other walls are a genius mixture of Aboriginal artwork, water colours, football jerseys and random family photos. A secluded back room offers views across the suburb and it is said that regulars are allowed to smoke in there. An ashtray resting on a set of shelves in the corner suggests there may be some truth to this rumour.

The menu is an incredibly original mixture of Turkish

cuisine, kiosk fare and playfully themed breakfasts. A bain-marie is stocked full of deep fried classics including dim sims, chicken wings and even chiko rolls. An open kitchen means kebabs, burgers and focaccias are made right in front of you.

The Turkish flatbread encasing my lamb kebab was warm and puffy and its contents were brightened by a fresh, minty tzatziki. A pleasingly plump dim sim was coated in a crispy golden crust and housed a delightful combination of seasoned mixed meats.

The breakfast menu includes dishes such as the ‘Tradesman’s paradise’ (bacon, egg, sausage, mushrooms, hash browns, beans, chips and steak) - a clever nod to the types who would have attended this style of establishment back in the day.

The drinks menu has all the classics including Coca-Cola, Lipton Ice Tea and Monster Energy. Excellent coffee is served in understated brown cups.

3 Steps’ brave and unusual opening hours speak volumes of its desire to break the typical café mould, opening at 4.30am every morning and closing as late as 1am on Friday and Saturday nights, and every item on the menu is always available.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and call this the most original, brave and exciting establishment to open in Bondi in recent memory.

The 3 Steps Café www.the3stepscafe.com Address 113 Bondi Road Phone 9369 5728 Open Sun-Thu 4.30am10pm; Fri 4.30am-1am; Sat 4.30am-12am Prices Wraps and Kebabs around $12, Breakfast around $16 Cards Master, Visa, Amex Licensed No

For the crumble: 100g plain flour 120g chilled butter, cubed 70g rolled oats 70g flaked almonds 1 tsp ground ginger 2 tsp caster sugar

Comfort and indulgence.

Pear, Ginger and Lemon Crumble Words and Picture Dana Sims Insta @stone_and_twine When it comes to baking crumbles there are many tried and tested fruit combinations. This pear, ginger and lemon version is one I absolutely love and wanted to share. An irresistible combination of sweet pears infused with the subtle heat of ginger and the zest of lemon, topped off with a textural nutty crumb, it’s the ultimate winter comfort food and it’s so simple to create.

The trick with this recipe is to get a perfect texture on the pears so they’re easy to bite through but still hold their shape. You also want to get a good crunch on the crumble.

Adding some flaked almonds to the oats is a good way to achieve this.

The best accompaniment for this delicious dessert is vanilla ice cream, melding together in perfect harmony when it hits the piping hot pear filling.

This recipe serves 6-8 people.

I made one larger crumble but the recipe can also be made in small individual ramekins. Best enjoyed while wearing PJ’s on the couch - enjoy!

Ingredients 7 large ripe pears - Buerre Bosc or Packham ½ tbsp finely grated fresh ginger 1 tsp ground ginger Zest of 2 lemons ½ tsp cinnamon 1 tbsp maple syrup 1 tbsp caster sugar

Method 1. Preheat the oven to 180ºc fan forced; 2. Peel, core and cut the pears into 3cm pieces and transfer into a large bowl; 3. Add the lemon zest, grated ginger, ground ginger, cinnamon, caster sugar and maple syrup and mix to combine; 4. Place the pears in a saucepan, cover and cook over medium-low heat for 10 minutes or until the pear has softened, stirring occasionally; 5. Transfer the pears and the liquid to a medium sized baking dish; 6. To make the topping, place the flour in a large bowl with the oats, flaked almonds, ground ginger and caster sugar, mix, then add the butter and rub the mixture together with your fingers until it resembles large coarse breadcrumbs; 7. Spoon the crumble over the pear mixture; 8. Place the baking dish in the oven and cook for 35-40 minutes until golden brown and crispy; 9. Serve piping hot with a generous scoop of vanilla ice cream.

Dana Sims is a Sydneybased food and prop stylist who has grown up in the Eastern Suburbs and loves to create delicious food for entertaining and family.

She is inspired by the fresh produce we have access to here in Sydney. For ideas, recipes and styling inspiration, check out her Instagram, @stone_and_twine.

September 2019 The Beast 61

Subject Grayson flies Location Tamarama Photographer Mark Hunter @bondihunter

Subject Day's end Location Dover Heights Photographer Sam Daniels

Subject Local wildlife Location Coogee Photographer Sebastian Elmaloglou @intepic

Subject Winter warmth Location Bondi Photographer Poppy Wolanski

Subject Reflections Location Bronte Photographer Sebastian Elmaloglou @intepic

Subject Sharing is caring Location Tamarama Photographer Andrew Worssam

The Beast Magazine wants your local photos!

Subject Cuddly cuttlefish Location Gordons Bay Photographer Sebastian Elmaloglou @intepic

Subject Layers Location Camp Cove Photographer Alex Sorge @sorgy_design

Subject The House Location Mrs Macquarie's Chair Photographer Stephane Vandaud

Subject Gliding Location Centennial Park Photographer Sebastian Elmaloglou @intepic

Subject Peeping Sophie Location Bronte Photographer Gina Maroske

Please send them to photos@thebeast.com.au

THE TESKEY BROTHERS Run Home Slow Label Ivy League Records Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  More of the same from The Teskey Brothers and this is no bad thing. As their star begins to grow, my only concern is that they’ll move away from their soulful ‘60s and ‘70s sound. There’s enough modern crap out there, lads, keep doing what you’re doing. If you like Motown or have ever enjoyed an evening rolling along to some old classics, you need to add Run Home Slow to your listening list. September is my birthday month and I’ve already put in a request for the vinyl. Then I’ll get smashed on cheap bourbon and steal a harmonica.

ANGIE MCMAHON Salt

DOGMAN Matteo Garrone Genre Drama Thriller Reviewer Linda Heller-Salvador Dogs, drugs and desolate urban landscapes all play a major role in director Matteo Garrone’s (Gomorrah, Reality) latest offering of a darkly atmospheric and sometimes humorous noir film titled Dogman. Inspired by real-life events that happened in 1988, it explores the seedy gangster fringes of life by delving into the psychological dynamics of power and acceptance between an abusive bully and his intimidated victims.

Dogman is appropriately set in a depressingly grimy and derelict boardwalk area of an Italian seaside town. It follows Marcello (Marcello Fonte), a gentle and unassuming single father who runs a neighbourhood dog grooming business, as he struggles with the noxious relationship he has with Simoncino (Edoardo Pesce), a psychotic and violent thug who terrorises the local shopkeepers and is intent on making everyone’s life a complete misery.

Nicolaj Brüel’s bleak yet striking cinematography, coupled with Fonte’s award-winning soulful character study of a man who loses his innocence when push comes to shove, ensures this to be a standout film for 2019.

64 The Beast September 2019

Label Dualtone Music Group Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  I had to check Angie McMahon’s birthdate to make sure she wasn’t born the day Jeff Buckley died.

Not that I believe in reincarnation, but sheesh, if she had been, I would have been reassessing some stuff. Normally young people from Melbourne annoy me with their affected, yet somehow still ethical, narcissism. But hey, if a douchebag saves the planet, I guess that’s still a good thing, right?

Right? Anyway, McMahon isn’t a douchebag, as far as I can tell, she’s just a young artist who’s released the best album I’ve heard in years.

OF MONSTERS AND MEN Fever Dream Label Republic Records Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  Whenever I think of Of Monsters and Men I think of Hobbits. I don’t know why, maybe because they’re from Iceland and I assume all people from cold climates are short, Pagan, drunkards. But I’m not going to dance merrily around the maypole here, this is hard to listen to. It sounds like when Mumford & Sons moved away from their anthemic folk songs and pretty much ruined their career. When Monsters’ songs were folksy, they had a shred of indie credibility, but they were still undeniably pop. Now it just sounds like Katy Perry got sad.

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ACROSS 1. Half man, half bull (8) 5. Friend (3) 7. Big house (7) 8. Amplitude Modulation (1,1) 10. Australian animal on coat of arms (8) 11. Belonging to us (3) 12. Amount altogether (5) 13. Sweet liquid (6) 16. Sailor greeting (4) 18. Conniving (7) 19. Roman emperor known for his cruelty and debauchery (4) 21. Dark, thick, flammable liquid (3) 22. A thing with distinct existence (6) 23. Crouch on the knee (5)

DOWN 1. Timon from The Lion King (7) 2. Selection to participate (10) 3. Octopus appendage (8) 4. Mythological horse creature (7) 5. Brand of chewing gum (1,1) 6. King Julien in Madagascar movies (5) 9. Kevin Bacon dancing movie (9) 14. Jealousy (4) 15. Cheeky person (6) 16. Plant used to treat sunburn (4) 17. Abominable snowman (4) 18. Forgetful fish in Finding Nemo (4) 20. Rodent (3)

Trivial Trivia Words Cameron Anderson Photo Laura Galvanek Instagram @fortheloveofbondi 1. Jeff Goldblum played lead character Seth Brundle in which 1986 movie?

2. What is the name of the New Zealand comedy duo comprising of Jemaine Clement and Bret McKenzie?

3. The Offspring released what song in 1998 about an uncool Caucasian male?

4. Denzel Washington played a drunk pilot in which 2012 film?

5. What are Gideon Sundback and Whitcomb L. Judson credited to have invented?

6. A myth according to a 2007 animated film claims that which animal shouldn’t be able to fly according to “all known laws of aviation”?

7. What is an entomologist?

8. Which 1987 Pink Floyd song details David Gilmour’s lessons of a certain activity?

9. What are the first names of the Wright brothers?

10. What do you call a fly with no wings?

A magical winter.

September 2019 The Beast 65

Scorpio Oct 24-Nov 22 Why work your arse off when you’re just going to waste your money on rubbish anyway? May as well put your feet up and relax.

Aries Mar 21-Apr 20 Your libido is about to go off the charts. Wear thick, loose fitting clothing so passers by aren’t exposed to the side effects.

Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 21 The reason you don’t get invited to anything isn’t because people have forgotten about you, it’s because they don’t like you.

Taurus Apr 21-May 21 It’s good to care about the environment, until it starts costing you money, at which point it stops being as important.

Visions Beardy from Hell

Capricorn Dec 22-Jan 20 You respond so much better to sticks than carrots, which probably explains why people are always threatening you.

Gemini May 22-Jun 21 No matter how loose you are with your spending, money will continue to magically appear and keep you out of trouble.

Virgo Aug 23-Sep 23 Whatever it is that’s been getting on your nerves for a while, you need to deal with it now so you can move on with your life.

Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19 It’s been apparent for a while now; you’re not who you think you are. Perhaps it’s time to start asking questions.

Cancer Jun 22-Jul 22 Think things through before launching into a new project.

You’re probably better off just sticking with the nine to five.

Libra Sep 24-Oct 23 Although you think that smoking hot work colleague is way beyond your reach, you’re actually in with a half-decent chance.

Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20 The more you try to be different, the more you’ll be the same as everybody else. It’s so much easier just to be yourself.

Leo Jul 23-Aug 22 No matter what you suggest, you’ll find everyone disagreeing with you, to the point where it’s obvious they’re just being c*nts.

Star Signs

Trivial Trivia Solutions

1. The Fly 2. Flight of the Conchords 3. Pretty Fly for a White Guy 4. Flight 5. The fly zipper 6. Bees (from Bee Movie) 7. Someone who studies insects 8. Learning to Fly 9. Orville and Wilbur 10. A walk

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FREE EVENT

ECO LIVING EXPO

Sunday 22 September 10am-4pm Randwick Community Centre 27 Munda Street

FRE TALKES B

Y DR AND CA KARL MIL REED LE

Meet the change-makers, learn new skills and be the solution to a better planet.

• Speaker series and fun workshops • Eco innovation exhibition • Displays and demonstrations • Organic gardening and bee-keeping • Healthy food alternatives • Kids activities

BYO reusable bag, water bottle & cup.

1300 722 542 randwick.nsw.gov.au