The Beast - September 2017

BEAST The

September 2017

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WELCOME TO SEPTEMBER 2017... A SWEET TIME TO BE ALIVE Words Dan Hutton Picture Jeremy Greive

W

elcome to the September 2017 edition of The Beast.

We’re really getting towards the tail end of the year now, which is a strange mixture of exciting and terrifying all at once. Apart from the fact that we’re all aging and there’s nothing we can do about it, September is a pretty sweet time to be alive and kicking in the Eastern Suburbs.

This month is chock-a-block with local community events, all of which are guaranteed fun for the whole family (unless some members of the family aren’t into wholesome activities and the outdoors).

Randwick’s Eco-Living Fair will be kicking off the festivities on Sunday, September 3, the Festival of the Winds at Bondi Beach will be flying high on Sunday, September 10, and from Friday, September 15 to Sunday, September 17, the NOX Night Sculpture Walk will be lighting up Randwick once more.

The Taste of Coogee food festi-

val will also be returning, this time on September 2, and September 4 marks the beginning of Women’s Health Week. Remember, ladies, that if you don’t put yourself and your health first, you’re doing it wrong - we rely on you way too much to see you get sick.

In the mag this month we’ve got a great range of stories for you, from the lowdown on what’s going on with the scrapped council merger, to a look at the stakeholders involved in Waverley Bowlo’s possible

relocation, and the tale of five Bondi lifeguards who’ve just completed one of the toughest ocean endurance events in the world.

There’s also a refreshingly honest and enlightening talk with one of the founders of the Pink Elephants Support Network, a charity concerned with assisting mothers who have experienced one or multiple miscarriages. It’s an incredibly worthy cause.

You may notice the absence of Pearl and Rupert this month. Pearl is taking a well-earned vacation while Rupert is currently recuperating from some major surgery.

Our cover star this month is Waverley's Vera Blue. We talked with Vera about her motivations, her love of electronic music, and her awesome new album, Perennial.

As always, stay safe, stay motivated, and stay thankful!

Dan and James Publishers

profile

8 The Beast | September 2017

Contents

SEPTEMBER 2017 ISSUE 152

08 Welcome Note

43 Trade Directory

64 Enviro News

10 Monthly Mailbag

44 Interview

66 Local Photos

18 Local Chick

50 Fish ‘n’ Tips

68 Bandage

20 Local Bloke

52 Tide Chart

70 Reviews

22 Thumbs & Dogs

54 Unreliable Guide

72 Arts Bits

24 Local News

56 This Sporting Life

76 Food & Wine

25 Beastpops

58 Travel Bug

80 Trivial Trivia

40 Satire

60 Sexy Time

82 Beardy From Hell

42 Calendar

62 Street Style

82 Trivia Solutions

Coogee's resident fox, by Tineka Solomon.

done editors. Why don’t you stick to what you are good at boys and leave bigoted matters to the bigots.

Peter Manus Strain Bondi Beach

THE BEAST'S MONTHLY MAILBAG Words The People of the Eastern Suburbs Illustrations Stiffy McPherson RESIDENTS RESPONSIBLE FOR CEMETERY HERITAGE LISTING Dear Dan and James - I would like to clarify once and for all the difference in community groups interested in Waverley Cemetery.

There still seems to be confusion.

There are three groups: Friends of Waverley Cemetery (FWC) are affiliated with Waverley Council. They charge a small fee and conduct tours and circulate a newsletter. They have a wonderful in depth knowledge of the history of the cemetery.

Save Waverley Cemetery (SWC) have agitated for commercial development of the cemetery – a large pavilion on the gully site with a café and function rooms. The proposals were vehemently opposed by residents and others. As it turned out, their proposals were proved to be ludicrous given the storm damage to the gully last year. Their development would have been washed away completely.

Residents for Waverley Cemetery (RWC) have been lobbying for over 15 years for this extraordinarily iconic site to be protected and restored.

The group prepared and lodged the application for State Heritage Listing. The intention was that the listing would result in grants to assist in preserving the cemetery. Neither FWC nor SWC were involved in the Heritage application.

Residents for Waverley Cemetery would welcome those who are similarly passionate about protecting and preserving the cemetery. There is no fee. You can find us on Facebook.

Marie Persson Residents for Waverley Cemetery

10 The Beast | September 2017

NO RIGHT HAND TURN AT RUTHVEN STREET Dear Beast - I was wondering if any of your other readers have been booked for turning right from Birrell Street at the intersection of Ruthven Street, Bondi Junction?

The sign was installed in January 2017 and in February Waverley Council added a large fluorescent ‘Traffic Conditions Changed’ warning sign on top of it. I am wondering if anyone has a photo of the sign taken before the warning sign was installed on top of it. If they do could they please email it to me at clovellygreens@gmail.com?

Ralph Green Clovelly A BITTER PELL TO SWALLOW Hysterical! The Beast now has a view on whether or not it should support organised religion, whatever that means. As it turns out not only does it not “support” organised religion, but in fact it feels “animosity” towards it (sad face). Does this means it supports disorganised religion, or has it not formed an educated view on this yet? No doubt this “animosity” does not extend to Buddhism or at least Tibetan Buddhism, for that would not be a trendy position to take. And guess what, The Beast has joined the popular left in believing that Cardinal Pell “compounds” its animosity towards organised religion. And even better than that, The Beast has formed another no doubt considered position that it is entitled to offend the country’s 5.5 million Catholics by referring to Cardinal Pell as a “pompous old prick”. Well

ANOTHER BITTER PELL TO SWALLOW Do you have the balls to print this letter? - I have moved to the Eastern Suburbs to enjoy the magnificent natural beauty that it has to offer. I now call Coogee my home. I choose to give The Beast a quick read before it goes into the recycling bin as it gives some local information, and provides some low level reading, which at times may be considered amusing. Be what you want to be: a yogi, a lesbian, an affluent yummy mummy, transgender, or a no gender suburbanite. I don't care. But I'm Catholic and proud to be so. I do not expect adherence to my faith to be trashed as you have on multiple occasions.

Furthermore, throw the book at Pell and let him rot in jail if he is guilty - but until found so, how dare he be tried by media and the likes of you. I don't believe in reincarnation, chakras and sun saluting the Hindu gods, but I respect those who do. I ask only the same courtesy. Be brave enough to respect me and those who, 'God forbid', happen to be Christian, or anything other than New Age secularist.

Liz Coogee DIVERSITY IS EVERYTHING Hey guys! - I wanted to respond to a letter, ‘We Grew Here, You...

Moved Here’, published in the August 2017 mag.

This letter saddened me. Bondi and the surrounding beaches are a mixture of transient cultures, from the newbie backpackers to the original board riders, the young to the old, the wealthy and the struggling. This is what makes the area such a diverse and interesting place to live. I want to hear from different people that have lived or are new to the area, because it represents our unique population.

Sometimes I hear residents talking about Bondi like it is owned solely by them, but it's not. Bondi and the surrounds are for everyone to share and enjoy. And I want to hear their unique and individual stories.

Kerry Cusack Bondi Beach

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THE CLOVELLY FOX ▲ Hi readers - Has anyone encountered a sweet but invasive fox at Clovelly Beach? I had a chance meeting last week around 7.30pm.

I would like to know how many are located around the Clovelly area and what is being done to control their numbers. Obviously our native wildlife does not need another adversary in their urban jungle struggle.

James Robert Clovelly BONDI PATHWAY UPGRADE? Could you ask Waverley Council if they have improvements planned for the 70-metre long pathway from the end of the promenade to the toilet block at South Bondi? It has been in a shitty state of repair for over 17 years. Waverley Council continually highlights the proposed Bondi Pavilion upgrades and the many millions of dollars planned to be spent, however, no mention is ever given to the important pathway link that seems to be continually forgotten.

This pathway area is used as part of the Bondi to Coogee walkway and many, many more people use this narrow pathway strip on the journey to or from the Bondi Pavilion. Council recently completed a good job on the upgrade to the toilet block at the southern end of the walkway.

I have just read Council’s

12 The Beast | September 2017

‘Waverley in Focus’, Winter 2017 magazine that was dropped in local residents’ letterboxes. It states on page 4 that Waverley is proud of its beautiful open spaces, which is why it has ensured our parks and playgrounds are the best they can be.

It is not mentioned on page 6 of the magazine as part of the looking to the future work to be done over the next 12 months.

The Pavilion upgrade gets all the attention whilst all the public continue to walk the walk on this pathway.

John Fallon Bondi BONDI PAVILION PLANS A COMPLETE FARCE Dear Dan - What an ugly spectacle at Tuesday night’s council chambers - Liberal Councillors Goltsman and Cusack in a duet of diatribes, not that they seemed to need any provocation from Labor Councillor Wakefield.

I was interested in the motion Councillors Goltsman and Cusack sponsored concerning ‘correct information’ about Bondi Pavilion. 40 years of my working life has been well spent designing and building gardens – over a couple of hundred in the Waverley and Woollahra municipalities alone. Perhaps as well as anyone in the room that night I was competent to speak about the plans, ramifications, and costing for Bondi Pavilion.

I entered the spirit of the motion with facts and figures - the number of toilets to be removed in Stage 1 are misrepresented in council information; the toilets in the Bucket List and staff amenities are not counted.

The fact is that no rainwater falling on the Pavilion is recycled.

Nor is any food waste recycled - contrary to the council’s EPA 3 - the ‘Bondi Gobbler’ video with an enthusiastic endorsement from Mayor Betts is on the council website.

The quantity surveyor, Altus Page Kirkland’s figures for a similar scope of work vary wildly from the July 2016 whole project assessment to the Stage 1 April 2017 figures.

On the contentious issue of privatisation of the Pavilion, at the June meeting Councillor Goltsman sponsored a motion. It gave the owners of the Bondi Pacific an unprecedented outright lease to 160 square metres of public footpath on Campbell Parade. This was contrary to the council’s own ‘Design Review’ and current practice of a footpath permit issued to the cafe/ restaurant operator, not property owner.

Not exactly a ringing endorsement for the mayor’s ‘no privatisation’ claims.

I note my dictionary has ‘privation’ and ‘privilege’ either side of ‘privatisation’.

In speaking to their own motion, ‘correct information’ was absent, and both councillors resorted to hysterical invective regarding citizens having a contrary view to their own.

Surely these are not people to be trusted to represent a vibrant and diverse municipality at the September elections.

Murray Cox Bondi LOVE YOU, KIERAN! Kieran Blake’s satirical article (The Truth Behind The Light Rail Finally Revealed, The Beast, August 2017) was perfect for a loud laugh, as usual.

Conspiracy theorists from this side of Anzac Parade will feel validated too. The Beast does it again.

Thank you!

Carolyn Lancaster Bondi Beach

ecolivingfair.com.au

Randwick Community Centre 27 Munda Street, Randwick

DAMN THE DAM; DAMN THE TRAM Yet again we see the facts that in the past they knew better. For almost 100 years the trams ran beside Centennial Park, between the trees in Alison Road, Randwick. They operated on a purposely built raised area, which also acted as a levy bank to prevent any flooding (overflowing) from the ponds in the park.

This system worked well, with no real issues during that time. After the trams ceased operating, the levy bank, minus the tracks, remained and continued to prevent any flooding of Kensington.

Many years later it was (unwisely) decided to lower the levy bank to provide better views of the park. This was done and it was not long after that the pond overflowed and flooded many parts of Kensington. After this, the old levy bank height was then reinstated, with no flooding issues.

So it’s remarkable to see that a "high risk dam" (further cost blow out) now has to be constructed between the pond and the new light rail tracks to prevent flooding.

It seems unbelievable that there has been no follow up on history, and reasons for past construction, which worked so well. The levy bank height has now been removed (again), making the light rail tracks almost the same level as the pond, hence the need for a dam.

Of course none of this would have been necessary if the original proposed route beside the racecourse had been adopted.

Chris O'Sullivan Queens Park UNDERGROUND CAR PARK BLUES The Editors - It is no secret that GDA Consultants recommended an undergound car park at Bondi Beach in order to meet the parameters of its brief from the council, which included “reducing pedestrian access severance along Park Drive and Queen Elizabeth Drive (QED)”. Despite it having been the centre of debate in your pages for some years, Mr. Doyle (Letters, The Beast, August 2017), criticises me for failing to mention that recommendation in my July letter.

From my perspective this debate in The Beast has been about the proposed prevention of us, the public, from car access to QED; criti-

14 The Beast | September 2017

cism of the proposed underground parking station is merely ancillary to that issue.

I quoted extensively from the GDA report in order to inform your readers of the persistent misinformation from Mr. Doyle in his mischievous assertions to the effect that QED would be ripped up and converted into verdant green recreation space despite it being necessary as an access road for police, ambulances and a variety of service vehicles.

Greg Maidment Bronte ARE YOU A BUNCH OF DARK MOFOS? Dear Editor - At first I took the ‘Bondi Amusement Park Fails to Raise Winter's Bone’ (Rupert’s Rant, The Beast, August 2017) to be a typical Generation Y response considering the number of people who lined up for hours every weekend to get a ride on the camels. However, after doing a quick Google search on Dark Mofo and seeing the SBS photos from the event, I could see how people covered in blood during a three-hour bloody sacrificial ritual would be more suited to the general population of Waverley.

Considering the Winter Magic festival is on during school holidays for school aged students and their families from the surrounding area and Australia, I can't help but think ice skating, camels, and the Bondi Eye are more appropriate sources of entertainment.

An ‘Average’ Bondi Local Bondi AMALGAMATION WISHES Dear James and Dan - As amalgamation of Waverley Council appears to have gone away and elections are imminent, I thought I might share my wish list for the next Waverley leadership.

The biggest single issue facing Waverley residents and ratepayers is the quality of council planning. Nowhere is this more apparent than in the peak community strategy document, Waverley Together 3 (WT3).

The community strategy answers the questions of how to become the community we want to be and how will we judge progress.

The NSW Government offers two templates for our community’s strategic planning, both centered

on themes of society, economy, environment, and civic leadership.

The ‘simpler’ template assumes each issue has only one theme. The ‘more comprehensive’ version encourages analysis of each important issue across all four themes - i.e. a multidimensional approach.

Waverley Council, without consultation, imposes the ‘simpler’ approach for our community’s strategic plan.

Why is the multi-dimensional approach not preferred? All Council activities impacting on a community issue should be consistent, targeting the agreed goal. Managers have clear guidelines whether they are making decisions on social, economic, environmental, or governance aspects of an issue. Inconsistencies and inefficiencies can be identified and eliminated, new programs developed when there is need. Relative priorities can be determined – after all, resources and funds are finite.

Council's leadership can then analyse Council's capacity and capability, and shape the organisation to deliver the ask. The Delivery Plan can identify the rationale for each program and how it is linked to the high level strategic goal/ vision. The annual Operational Plan provides detail and budget, leading to evaluation and accountability by program and issue.

A poor planning example with the lot. Management of Bondi Beach is a major issue; the cost of hosting visitors and tourists almost certainly a drain on ratepayers’ funds. Who gets the economic benefits is unknown. The one dimensional WT3 provided no coherent high-level strategic direction for the latest Beach Plan of Management. Despite a national heritage classification based on the nature-based beach culture, there is no contemporary ‘destination brand’ strategy in either document, an unforgivable omission given the international reputation. There is no attempt to engage with the tensions between residential amenity, community facility and international/ national/regional visitor demand.

The finances remain opaque. There’s no accountability.

The next Council needs to treat Waverley as a complex place and adopt the multi-dimensional template to plan our future strategy.

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I nominate Bondi Beach, sea level rise, over-development, the worsening alcohol situation since the lockout laws were introduced (assaults up 24.1 per cent per annum three-year trend for Bondi Beach), a declining residential amenity, and Council’s own governance and culture as significant issues for realworld analysis and consultation. No doubt there are others.

The culture needs to change.

Don’t forget to vote.

Ray Johnson Bondi Beach THE EASTERN ORACLE Well those nice ‘beasty’ boys from the Beast were so chuffed that I called it right on the amalgamation backflip by Team Gladys and her merry cohort of back-somersaulting members that they invited me back to see what other tea leaves I could read ahead of the local council elections on September 9!

I guess you didn’t need to be a brain surgeon to call the ‘no amalgamation’ decision. It was a dead certainty. But of course Gladys and Gabby must have been nibbling the cheese and sipping the red wine in front of the fire last week and realised they better come out with the news in time to dampen any election backlash, especially as the local government elections were being held in each of the areas that the amalgamation ‘swords’ were swinging precariously! Now they (Team Gladys and her cohorts) are hoping they are sitting pretty in each of their mostly blue ribbon seats come election day.

But wait, there’s bound to be more. After all, we’re swinging into election mode and there’s light rail vehicles under wraps at the racecourse waiting for an unveiling moment. Wouldn’t that be a grand sight for disgruntled Randwick residents and ratepayers, whether they were sitting in traffic bottlenecks across the city or sipping quietly on glasses of champas at the community race day at Royal Randwick - Team Gladys no doubt riding high, not on million dollar nellies, but astride a billion dollar, 60-metre, glistening and sweaty light rail vehicle, on display for all to see just ahead of going to the polls. Let’s hope they at least take the plastic wrapping from the light

16 The Beast | September 2017

rail vehicle down to the Perry Street Recycling Centre as a token of making up for the environmental vandalism that most have forgotten about with the butchering of that stunning grove of trees across from the racecourse, or the historic figs along Anzac Parade!

Let’s face it, Captain ‘Bizarre’ Constance, our ‘motorways for everybody’ Transport Minister, Premier Gladys, and Minister for Everything Gabby Uppity-ton have already booked tickets for the first light rail test-drive so they can make their victory lap around the outside of the racecourse, up Wansey Road to the hospital terminus ahead of any NSW state election (scheduled for March the year after, but it could happen sooner).

Everything they do onwards of the local council elections in September is gearing up to stake their winner’s cup for the next state election.

I have read the tea leaves in my market stall, and here’s what else I can tell you is coming down the track to make this Christmas and next spectacular for Eastern Suburbs residents - an extension of the light rail to Maroubra. Surely it couldn’t be too far off; it’s just a matter of time (or timing!) with Team Gladys’ red-wine sipping head-honchos plotting and planning in front of the fireplace at Parliament House.

The sale of Long Bay Jail and relocation of lucky inmates to some equally lucky inland backwater town (probably publicised as ‘regional revitalisation’) may be a little further down the track, but an announcement of re-development plans at the former jail will definitely precede the next election date. Gladdy and Gabby, the Minister for Everything, are likely to leave any proposed ‘revitalisation’ of Maroubra Junction and its public housing space (code for urban activation precincts Mk II) until after they get their March 2019 mandate, and when that comes they will kindly admit that they listened to the locals and will push through the light rail to La Perouse (you wouldn’t want to be a tree in the middle of Anzac Parade when they make that announcement, would you?).

Or perhaps they will at least take the light rail to Eastgardens (if somebody else is going to pay?)

and then they can announce they just want to ‘ameliorate’ the surge of vehicles (i.e. traffic chaos) around the Little Bay and Long Bay redevelopments. What gorgeous pretty name will developers come up with for the Long Bay site? Something French or Parisian, like LongueBah, maybe. I wonder what the Aboriginal words are for “sitting pretty on multi-million dollar Pacific Ocean views”?

Anyway, I shouldn’t exhaust my tea leaves any further as we still have a long run through byelections, council elections and state elections! I did hear a whisper that they might celebrate the Powerhouse Museum relocation decision with an announcement that the first light rail vehicle under wraps at Royal Randwick will be the first post industrial Team Gladys exhibit once the Museum opens at Parramatta in a decade. Could it be that the light rail vehicle will even be adorned with gladiolas, marking the pretense of its naming as ‘Gladdy, Queen of the East’?

Ima Watt (stallholder)

THE BEAST Publisher The Beast Pty Ltd ABN 32 143 796 801 www.thebeast.com.au Editors james@thebeast.com.au dan@thebeast.com.au Advertising Enquiries advertising@thebeast.com.au www.thebeast.com.au/advertise Circulation 61,000 copies of The Beast are distributed every month.

55,500 are placed in mailboxes and 5,500 in shopfronts by our trustworthy distribution team.

PEFC Certified The Beast is printed on paper sourced from sustainably managed forests.

Letters To The Editor Please email your feedback to letters@thebeast.com.au.

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You're definitely doing something right, Leigh.

LOCAL CHICK... LEIGH DOLE FROM WAVERLEY Interview James Hutton Picture Grant Brooks

L

eigh Dole is the director and creator of Blow Bar Co in Charing Cross, which is the first concept venue of its kind in Australia. She shares her local favourites with The Beast...

How long have you lived here? I've lived in the Eastern Suburbs for six years now, with a few cheeky years in Bali in between.

What's your favourite beach? Clovelly. I love the concrete; it must be the Italian blood in me!

What's your favourite eatery?

Sorelle in Charing Cross. Rosie is amazing and it's just like being in Mamma's kitchen at home.

Where do you like to have a drink?

It may sound like a shameless plug, but for me it has to be Blow Bar Co. The staff, the menu, the customers, the vibe... it's just so much fun! Add into the mix the Charo and the Hood and you have the perfect trio.

Best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? Everyone seems to know everyone around here. It has

18 The Beast | September 2017

that real community feel, which I absolutely love.

Worst thing about the Eastern Suburbs? As much as I love the East, she does have her flaws; the traffic and the parking police, to name a couple.

Do you have a favourite sporting team? The St Catherine's School, Waverley Year 4 Panthers.

What music are you into at the moment? I'm loving a little '70s smash hits vibe at the moment - oldies but goodies.

Who is your favourite person?

Please don't make me pick! Between my man, my daughter, and my dog, they all rock my world.

What do you get up to on the weekends? You'll find me dealing with the 300-plus women who visit Blow Bar Co, enjoying the ultimate blow with a glass of bubbles.

We also do a few hen's parties, which are always fun. Or walking our dog Lexi - that's the most chill time I get.

What do you do for work? I'm the director and creator of Blow Bar Co in Charing Cross, with our Balmain bar about to open any day now. I'm also a partner in a gorgeous natural skincare and body range from France called Une Olive en Provence. There are a million things that I want to do and create, I just need to find a few more hours in the day.

What's your favourite thing about work? Combining hospitality, fashion, and beauty together like never before. Blow Bar Co was the first concept venue of its kind in Australia. We love our clients, who are all so faithful and fun. We must be doing something right!

Do you have a favourite quote?

“Men have golf clubs, women have Blow Bar Co” and “Olive's the new black” - Leigh Dole.

Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? Do what you love, but ensure you get a good shareholder's agreement! Oh, and you can check out our new website at www.blowbarco.com.au.

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www.boozehound.com.au September 2017 | The Beast 19

Bonjour Amaury, où est votre caméra?

LOCAL BLOKE... AMAURY TRÉGUER FROM BONDI BEACH Interview James Hutton Picture Eugene Tan Instagram @aquabumps

F

renchman photographer extraordinaire Amaury Tréguer recently moved to Bellevue Hill after living in Bondi for eight years.

You might know him from his daily photo blog, Morning Bondi, or from his many shots in The Beast over the years. He shares his local favourites with The Beast…

How long have you lived here? I’ve been living in Bellevue Hill for the past two months, but previously I lived in Bondi Beach for eight years. Before that I was living back home in Paris.

What's your favourite beach?

Bondi Beach, of course! Especially in the morning from 6-8am when it’s less crowded. I go down to the beach every single day at that time and believe me, it's definitely the golden hours!

What's your favourite eatery? I would say The Nine, Da Orazio, Bills, China Diner, and Icebergs for special occasions.

Where do you like to have a drink?

The good old Bucket List, the Crossing, and lately Ravesis, since they refurbished it.

20 The Beast | September 2017

Best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? The constant holiday vibe, the morning crowd, and the beach.

When you live in the Eastern Suburbs you have the impression you’re living in paradise.

Worst thing about the Eastern Suburbs? The property market (renting or owning). I understand that there is a price to pay for paradise, but it is way too expensive!

Do you have a favourite sporting team? The last time that I watched sport on TV was the FIFA World Cup, and it’s like this every four years. However, come World Cup time it’s ‘Allez les Bleus’!

What music are you into at the moment? I listen to a lot of random music depending on my mood. I’m quite a big jazz fan and you can’t go wrong with a bit of Miles Davis.

Who is your favourite person? My adorable 18-month-old daughter Charlotte and my beautiful wife Gaëlle. I love them both so much!

What do you get up to on the weekends? I enjoy a bit of a sleep in, heaps of family time, catch-ups

with friends, and surfing - it’s the best meditation!

What do you do for work? I’m heading the Social and Content department for Haussmann Group, a group of marketing and communications agencies. My job is to craft and implement social and digital strategies for clients.

What's your favourite thing about work? I get to work with everyone within the different agencies, kind of like a consultant within a team of 50 people. I’m a people person so this is the dream job really.

Do you have a favourite quote?

“Winners never quit and quitters never win” - Vince Lombardi. It’s actually my dad’s favourite and it has been for years. I guess I was raised with this in mind and that shapes the way I behave.

Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? I strongly encourage anyone to wake up early and make the most of these special morning hours. But for those of you who like to sleep in, you can always check out my website at www.morningbondi.com.

YOU MUST GROW OLD, BUT YOU CHOOSE TO GROW UP!

September 2017 | The Beast 21

ACE Age 9 months Sex Male Breed Foxy x Weight 6.9kg

Victor the Inflictor.

THUMBS UP VICTOR RADLEY The Bronte local last month became the first born and bred Eastern Suburbs boy in several years to play first grade for the Roosters.

KEY SAFES Being able to safely hide your keys is a basic human right. Whoever came up with this genius idea should be knighted immediately.

WAVERLEY BOWLO Bowling clubs are one of the pillars of Australian life, but greedy developers are hell bent on destroying them all to build more units.

AMALGAMATION BACKFLIP Randwick, Waverley, and Woollahra Councils will continue to stand alone with forced amalgamation off the cards, for now.

SPRING It always brings a smile to our faces when September 1 arrives and you realise that there’s nine blissful months ahead until the next frigid winter.

THUMBS DOWN NAMING RIGHTS US giant Abercrombie & Fitch has allegedly trademarked the name ‘Bondi Beach’, and is blocking Aussie businesses from using it.

TUMMY BUGS The inevitability of watching a spew bug quickly rip through your family, knowing it’s only a matter of time until it’s your turn, is torturous.

WAVERLEY BOWLO PROPOSAL Generally speaking, The Beast is a fan of Easts Group, but their proposed development of the Bowlo is nothing but greed.

CANCER SCARES The fear/prospect of being riddled with cancer is almost as bad as actually receiving an undesirable diagnosis. Either way, cancer sucks.

TELSTRA Just when you think they’ve turned a corner, they cut your phone off for not paying a bill that they never actually sent you. F**k you Telstra.

22 The Beast | September 2017

Ace is a sweet, active boy who is social with other dogs. He is very keen on his walks and enjoys a run too. He is incredibly smart and only too willing to please. Don’t be surprised if he brings you your slippers in the morning and a cup of hot toddy before bed. He has a short coat and weighs 6.9kg. He comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. His adoption cost is $400, which includes a free health and wellness voucher. Give Doggie Rescue a call on 9486 3133, email monika@doggierescue.com or visit www.doggierescue.com.

WESLEY Age 9 years Sex Male Breed King Charles Cavalier Weight 9.6kg Wesley is a super affectionate boy who is great with other dogs. He has a gentle nature and would do best in a quieter household. He came from the pound very thin and neglected, but is gaining weight and looking a lot better. He has a medium coat and weighed 9.6kg when he came in. He comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. His adoption cost is $400, which includes a free health and wellness voucher. Give Doggie Rescue a call on 9486 3133, email monika@doggierescue.com or visit the website at www.doggierescue.com.

PIPPA Age 2 years Sex Female Breed Staffy x Spitz Weight 17.8kg Pippa is sweet, affectionate girl who is social with other dogs. She will greet you with a gentle gallop and nuzzle her face into your hands. She is such a gentle dog. It is hard to believe she is a Staffy x Spitz, as is written on her chip. She is more the shape of a kelpie, has a short coat, and weighs 17.8kg. She comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. Her adoption cost is $450, which includes a free health and wellness voucher. Give Doggie Rescue a call on 9486 3133, email monika@doggierescue.com or visit the website at www.doggierescue.com.

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Why hasn't this sign been heritage listed?

EASTS GROUP PLANS SOUND DEATH KNELL FOR ICONIC WAVERLEY BOWLING CLUB Words Madeleine Gray Picture Jack High

A

s usual, controversy is afoot in the cutthroat world of Eastern Suburbs commercial real estate development. However, the latest furore could detrimentally impact the lives of many Eastern Suburbs locals, and could cut short the legacy of a crucial community institution: the Waverley Bowling Club.

Waverley Bowling Club was established in Bondi Junction in 1893, and is one of the oldest bowling clubs in NSW. In 1967 the club moved to its current residence on Birrell Street.

In 2006, essential upgrades and renovations caused the club to fall into debt. In 2009, the board sought expressions of interest in an amalgamation with other sporting clubs. The Easts Group was the successful club chosen for the amalgamation – a decision influenced by Easts’ success in redeveloping other bowling clubs in greater Sydney.

24 The Beast | September 2017

At the time, Easts Group CEO Robert Riddle wrote, “It is not our intention take over and sell your assets”.

According to a joint statement released by the presidents of the Waverley Men’s and Women’s Bowling Clubs, Patrick Fitzsimons and Marilyn Eccles, “Easts promised to prepare a plan to upgrade the premises over a period of time… this plan has never been presented to the board.”

However, recent events suggest clearly that Easts does not intend to upgrade the Waverley site at all. In fact, it plans to do quite the opposite.

On June 27, Easts Group presented Waverley Bowling Club’s board with a new concept plan for the future of the club. Two days later, members of Easts Group were sent notice of an extraordinary general meeting to be held on July 25, which would ask the

members to give permission to sell the Waverley site and move the bowling greens to the Bondi Golf and Diggers Club site at North Bondi.

Easts’ plan, explained by Easts Group chief executive Scott Bennetts, is to “create a new state-ofthe-art golf and bowling facility at North Bondi [golf course site], which will be fully funded.” Two new bowling greens would be built at North Bondi, as well as a new indoor pool, restaurant, and other amenities.

The Waverley site, meanwhile, would be sold to a third party developer, and turned into an aged care facility, a childcare centre, and a “small club”.

Unsurprisingly, the Waverley Bowling Club community and board are unhappy with this proposal. Firstly, this would see the end of the Waverley Bowling Club as we know it. Secondly, the development proposal at North Bondi hinges on the assumption that Easts will be able to renew its lease of the Diggers site, which is Crown Land, at the end of 2018.

If this does not occur, then the Waverley Bowling Club may be lost forever.

At the time of print Easts Group had changed the date of the scheduled extraordinary meeting to 5.30pm on Tuesday, August 22 at 93-97 Spring Street, Bondi Junction. Spokesperson for Waverley Community Action Group, Paris Bisley, encouraged all Waverley club members to attend, and to vote no on Resolutions 3–6.

If Easts Group isn’t willing to reconsider its position, the bowling club board is more than happy to go it alone again, if that’s what it takes to save the site.

“If operating and improving the Waverley site is too much for the Easts Group to handle, the Waverley Bowling Club board is willing to de-amalgamate with Easts and find another party who will fulfill the promises that Easts made, maintaining a community staple of the club and the bowling greens,” the respective bowling club presidents said.

DO YOU THINK WAVERLEY BOWLING CLUB SHOULD BE DEVELOPED OR LEFT THE WAY IT IS? Words and Pictures Catriona Stirrat

Bob BRONTE

Elyse WAVERLEY

The club is an icon but if it's not being used then something has to be done with it. Some kind of community development would be preferable, with plenty of green space, rather than another commercial apartment construction.

Ginni BONDI

I really don’t think the Bowling club should be developed.

My friends and I love going there because it feels like you have stepped back in time a little bit; especially since it’s authentic and doesn’t have exorbitant prices.

Julian WAVERLEY

If it was to be developed I'd like it to be maintained as a community space. It would be a shame if it was to turn into a unit complex because there are not many places around where both you and your kids can enjoy yourselves.

I've bowled at Waverley so it's sad that bowling is losing popularity and they're considering construction where we once had a great time bowling. But, it’s called progress and people want to live there, so it's hard to find a solution.

Theo BONDI JUNCTION

The bowling club should definitely be left the way it is because we don’t need more development, but we do need more community places.

Sarah BONDI JUNCTION

I think maintaining Waverley Bowling Club as a community centre would be better than any residential development.

September 2017 | The Beast 25

Where shall I flick this booger?

COUNCIL MERGERS CANNED AS LOCAL ELECTION LEAD-UP GETS UNDERWAY Words Madeleine Gray Picture Dominic Perrottet

A

fter all the hubbub, controversy, and blame games, it is now certain that the proposed ‘Super Council’ merger between Waverley, Randwick, and Woollahra Councils is no longer going ahead.

This outcome was the result of a long wave of vocal resistance to the forced mergers in various councils across the state, including Woollahra Council, which, until the mergers were called off, had engaged in serious legal action, and had been granted a full High Court appeal in an attempt to overturn a Supreme Court decision to uphold the merger.

The State Government’s attempts to force regional council mergers had already been abandoned in February. The decision to scrap the remaining mergers midway through the implementation of the state-wide regime means that there will now be serious size

26 The Beast | September 2017

discrepancies in councils across the state.

Some councils, including Waverley Council, have also voiced concern about the wasted money they have spent in preparing for their mergers, however a spokesperson from Waverley Council recently told The Beast that the “State Government has confirmed it will compensate local councils”.

Both Waverley Mayor Selly Betts and Randwick Mayor Noel D’Souza have welcomed the revocation of the merger.

“We have always said Waverley’s first option was to stand alone if we could,” Cr Betts said.

“We are in a really strong financial position and will now be working towards developing a new Community Strategic Plan.

“Although today’s announcement means a merger is off the table, the business efficiencies

identified in this process, projects undertaken, and positive relationships formed will be able to be adapted and developed to ensure better services and improvements for our communities.”

Mayor D’Souza’s comments exemplified a similar attitude regarding the end of the mergers.

“I am very pleased that the NSW government has now listened to the community,” Cr D’Souza said.

“Randwick City Council’s position has always been that we oppose mergers and would prefer to stand alone.

“Our council is one of the largest, strongest and most financially viable in the state.

“The NSW government’s now defunct ‘Fit for the Future’ program was orchestrated to force council mergers.

“They told us ‘no, change is not an option’ and created a process that forced mergers.

“Now it’s time to get on with the job of serving the residents of Randwick City.”

This appears to mark the end of what has been an incredibly protracted stand-off between state and local governments.

In the wake of the revocation, NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian sought to explain the reason for the decision.

“While the amalgamations program had been successful and ratepayers in the merged councils were benefitting… the government’s merger policy has always been about putting ratepayers first and it has become increasingly clear that certain councils were happy to continue lengthy and costly legal proceedings,” she said It sounds like a roundabout way of admitting that the little guy won.

With merger speculation now out of the way, local council elections are set to take place on Saturday, September 9. The full list of mayoral and counsellor candidates has not yet been released, but we advise readers to keep an eye on www.elections.nsw.gov.au, which is being updated regularly.

The Armstrongs; Gabbi, Cam, Samuel, and Hugh in Fiji.

PINK ELEPHANTS THERE TO SUPPORT MOTHERS WHO HAVE MISCARRIED Words Madeleine Gray Picture Pio Tuwai

W

hile many lament the ‘unfiltered’ nature of the Internet, there are innumerable ways in which the Internet’s democratising pathways to knowledge and international communities are changing lives for the better.

In particular, those who have experienced trauma can use the Internet to foster relationships with others who have gone through the same or similar things.

For a long time miscarriage was the ‘elephant in the room’.

People didn’t like to talk about it, and mothers were forced to deal with the physical and emotional repercussions of miscarrying without the support of others – let alone others who had trodden the same path.

Gabbi Armstrong, a longtime Randwick resident who has now relocated to Botany, is working with a team of wonderful women to run the Pink Elephants Support Network, an online tool repository 28 The Beast | September 2017

and community space that attempts to ensure women who have miscarried do not have to continue to cope alone.

In the process of trying to conceive, Gabbi experienced multiple miscarriages, so she knows just how difficult it can be to manage. About 18 months ago she responded to a Facebook post about miscarriage, and then received a private message and a request to meet for coffee from a woman named Samantha.

“Sam had just had her second loss and just wanted to talk to someone who ‘got it’, who’d been there before, which I had,” Gabbi said.

“We agreed that there was an unmet need for women experiencing early pregnancy loss.

“Often women are told they’ve lost their baby and leave their appointment/GP/ultrasound clinic with no further information.

“So they are not only heartbro-

ken, they’re also unsure of what to expect and unsure where to go for support and reliable information.

“Suffice to say by the end of that coffee date, the concept for Pink Elephants was created and we are now a registered charity!”

The support network provides online resources, like advice brochures, PDFs, and physical miscarriage care kits, which are available for women and their partners to support them through early pregnancy loss. These are free and easy to download and/or organise distribution of from the website (www.pinkelephantssupport.com).

“We have also launched our Rainbow Stickers into The Royal Hospital for Women,” Gabbi said.

“They are called ‘Rainbow’ stickers because a Rainbow Baby is one that is born after a previous loss or losses.

“The stickers will be used on antenatal cards to alert nurses, midwives or anyone caring for women that this person has experienced a previous loss and may need extra emotional care and reassurance during their pregnancy.”

Next year will see the launch of the Pink Elephants Peer Ambassador support program, where volunteers who have ‘been there’ are professionally trained to give support to those women currently going through loss, particularly recurrent loss.

The mantra that Pink Elephants runs by is thus: “Whilst miscarriage is an individual journey, no woman should have to walk it alone.”

“No matter how supportive your partner, family, or friends may be, there is nothing like the understanding of someone who has been there before and who ‘gets it’”, Gabbi said.

“The power of shared experience really is better than anything!”

If you'd like to get involved, please reach out to the Pink Elephants team by emailing support@pinkelephantssupport.com.

As the network is a charity, it relies on donations. If you would like to donate, please do so by visiting www.pinkelephantssupport.com.

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BITS AND PIECES FROM AROUND THE BEACHES Words Madeleine Gray Picture Amaury Tréguer Instagram @morningbondi WIN A ROOSTERS VIP GAME DAY EXPERIENCE Seeing the Roosters play from any seat in the stadium is always an awesome time, but let’s face it, getting to watch the pre-game warm up from on field, and then watching the game from a spot in the player’s enclosure, all with a free Roosters merchandise package in tow, would be pretty bloody sweet. Luckily, such a cool experience is up for grabs right now. All you have to do is enter your details at www.isowheysports.com.au/ roostersgameexperience and say who your favourite Roosters player is and why.

RAW BAR CELEBRATES 20 YEARS Bondi favourite Raw Bar is an institution in the East, and this year it is celebrating 20 booming years of business. Considering we find it hard to commit to anything for longer than a few months (hello unused gym membership), this really is quite an impressive feat. Raw Bar is still serving up the fresh, sustainable, and innovative

The morning migration.

Japanese that made it popular all those years ago. Since 1997 it has served over 1 million customers and sold over 16,000 bottles of saké.

MR. PERFECT IS A FAKE Discussion about mental health among men is often fraught with stereotypical perceptions of acceptable masculinity, so grassroots organisation Mr. Perfect has started a mental health support network and community with a vision to transform men’s mental health by making it a comfortable discussion for all. They facilitate conversation and connection through authentic personal stories, education, and interaction, particularly through Meetup BBQs across Sydney. For more information, visit www.mrperfect.org.au.

BONDI2BERRY A RIDE TO REMEMBER Following its success in 2016, the Bondi2Berry charity bike ride will return this year on Saturday, September 9, once again raising

money for dementia awareness.

All spots on the race team are already filled, so the best way to get involved now is by donating, which can be done by visiting www.bondi2berry.com/donate.

Competitors this year will include Natarsha Belling, Bondi lifeguard Andrew Reid, and The Hon. John Watkins AM, Alzheimer’s Australia NSW CEO. TASTE OF COOGEE DATES CONFIRMED September 2 and 3 will see the return of the wonderful Taste of Coogee festival. Since its launch five years ago, Taste of Coogee has quickly become one of the hottest events on Sydney’s culinary calendar with over 40,000 people attending last year alone. An excellent line up of restaurants and producers are already confirmed for Taste of Coogee 2017, including Wine Selectors, Petersens House Winery, The Shuk Truck, and Parrilla Argenchine South American BBQ. Please visit their Facebook page for more inforation.

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September 2017 | The Beast 31

Experience the evening like never before.

FESTIVAL SEASON HITS THE EASTERN BEACHES AS SPRING BEGINS TO BLOSSOM Words Madeleine Gray Picture Annie Lennox

S

tuff Coachella. Say sayonara to Burning Man. The best festivals to attend this year are to be found right here in our own backyard.

This September brings not one, but three wonderful community events, each with a singular focus and an epic vibe to boot.

Randwick’s Eco-Living Fair will be kicking off the festivities on Sunday, September 3, the Festival of the Winds at Bondi Beach will be flying high on Sunday, September 10, and from Friday, September 15 to Sunday, September 17, the NOX Night Sculpture Walk will be lighting up Randwick Environment Park.

The Eco-Living Fair is now in its twelfth year, which is a testament to the popularity of the event as well as its continued necessity in these climate change affected times. If you’ve not been before, it’s a great event that combines educational, environmental fun for the kids with handy eco-friendly tips, stalls, and entertainment for the adults. This year the event falls on Father’s Day, so those of you who prefer a walk in the park to

32 The Beast | September 2017

crumby breakfasts in bed are well catered for!

“The Eco-Living Fair is the ultimate day out for the family to learn about simple and fun sustainable practices to use in day to day life,” a spokesperson for Randwick Council said.

Activities will include DIY workshops, gardening, kids nature play, exploring alternative transport options and waste minimisation.

The Festival of the Winds, to be held on the following Sunday at Bondi Beach, is another stalwart on the Eastern Suburbs festival scene, celebrating its 39th birthday this year.

The free event will see Australian and international kite flyers showing off their skills and amazing hand-made creations from 11am, with winners announced at 3pm on the day.

Amateur revellers will have the chance to make their own sky-high creations at one of the kite making workshops offered throughout the day, and there will also be food stalls from around the world, chil-

dren's activities, demonstrations, puppet shows, and a day-long entertainment program on the main stage. You’ll be high as kite by the end of the day.

Finally, the NOX Night Sculpture Walk, which will be taking place over three nights, will let visitors experience the evening time at Randwick Environment Park like never before. In a really impressive collaboration between UNSW and Randwick Council, artists from UNSW Art & Design will transform the park and wetland into an illuminated outdoor art gallery.

Artworks will be installed around the park to form a leisurely 1.5km loop walk, starting and ending at the Randwick Community Centre, and artists will be on site every night to discuss the inspiration behind their artworks.

“All of the works do something at night,” a NOX spokesperson said. “They either emit sound, performance, or light.”

So grab the calendar, mark these magnificent events in, and get involved in what your great local community has to offer.

A genuine role model.

HOILES’ ‘CLASSIC WALLABIES’ A LIFELINE FOR RETIRING RUGBY PLAYERS Words Madeleine Gray Picture Alan Hoiles

A

s a concept, retirement is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, you’ve made it; you’ve kept yourself alive for 65 years or so. However, the prospect of idle hours and a lack of purpose can also be incredibly daunting.

Now imagine that rather than retiring at 65, the intensity of your chosen career requires that you hang up the boots (literally) at a much younger age – around 35 – and not only do you have to find a way to earn money using an entirely different skillset from the one you’ve honed your whole life, after years of adulation, reverence, and existence within a carefully curated and controlled environment, you’re now just a regular guy with very little structure in your life.

These are some of the issues

34 The Beast | September 2017

faced by ex-professional sports players, and these problems are often exacerbated in the “macho” world of male rugby players, as the pervasive ideologies of toxic masculinity make men feel that voicing their emotional concerns and seeking help for mental health issues is somehow taboo.

This systemic failing is known all too well by ex-Wallabies footballer Stephen Hoiles.

“For a long time in your life [as a professional rugby player] you’re getting paid to do what you’ve always loved,” Mr. Hoiles said.

“I started footy when I was four years old. When that suddenly stops it can be hard to deal with.

“Many guys who finish professional rugby are injured, so there are the physical issues, and then

there is the challenge of working out what you want to do for the next 30 years, and wondering how you’ll ever find a career that will give you the same satisfaction.

“Then there are financial pressures, too.

“All of these combined can cause mental distress to some guys and their families.”

As a way to help combat this difficult transition period, Hoiles has taken over the management of the ‘Classic Wallabies’, a team designed for former Australian Test rugby players.

“We focus on three specific areas,” Hoiles said.

“We celebrate our past by hosting social reunions, playing in a few tournaments and exhibition games each year.

“We help the game grow by using Classic Wallabies to get out and visit clubs and schools all around Australia.

“And we help our players develop from professional rugby into the next stage of their careers.”

Hoiles explained that rugby has been going through a “frustrating” period in Australia, and that the game needs to step up when it comes to community engagement, as AFL has done.

“It’s always about the kids and the fans and offering them the opportunity to meet their heroes,” he said.

For Hoiles, playing club rugby at Randwick has been an important part of his transition away from professional rugby.

“Club rugby has always been the lifeblood of rugby in Australia,” he said.

“Rugby isn’t just about the professionals. It’s about the fourth grade guys who put in the same time year after year without any public praise, and the volunteers who work behind the scenes.

“They are what make the club, and the game, great.”

For more information about the Classic Wallabies and how you can help out, visit www.classicwallabies.com.au, or email info@ classicwallabies.com.au. To get involved with Randwick Rugby, visit www.randwickrugby.com.au.

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MORE BITS AND PIECES FROM AROUND THE BEACHES Words Madeleine Gray Picture Andrew Worssam ECO-LIVING FAIR RETURNS Randwick’s Eco-Living Fair is now in its twelfth year, which is a testament to the popularity of the event as well as its continued necessity in these climate change-y times. This year the event falls on Father’s Day (Sunday, September 3), so those of you who prefer a walk in the park to crumby breakfasts in bed are well catered for.

Activities will include DIY workshops, gardening, kids nature play, exploring alternative transport options, and waste minimisation.

Visit www.randwick.nsw.gov.au.

THE BIG ANXIETY FESTIVAL The Big Anxiety Festival - the biggest mental health and arts festival in the world - will explore and re-imagine the state of mental health in the 21st century and will take place from September 20 to November 11 across Sydney.

Leading national and international artists, scientists, technology experts, and thinkers will assemble for this fabulous festival. The Big Anxiety Festival is an initiative of the University of New South

Tamarama purnama.

Wales (UNSW) in association with the Black Dog Institute.

For more information please visit www.thebiganxiety.org.

TEACHING KIDS KINDNESS Teaching our kids to say 'thank you' is important, but truly instilling a sense of gratitude in them is another matter entirely. Likewise, kindness isn’t something we’re born with - it’s something we’re taught. At a dynamic panel event on raising kind and grateful kids on September 13 at Kin & Kind in Bondi Junction, you'll hear from three wise and inspiring women, who will be sharing their insights and tips on how can we help our kids learn to live gratefully and focus them (and ourselves) on what really matters by parenting for and with - kindness. Check out the event website at www.kinandkind. com.au/events/kindandgrateful.

SCHOOL HOLIDAYS AT CENTENNIAL PARKLANDS Stuck for ways to get the kids away from screens and into the great outdoors? Check out Centennial

Parklands’ massive list of outdoor school holiday activities. Children can make a mud map and follow the treasure trail with Kids vs Wild, gain valuable fishing skills with Kids Big Fish, learn all about bushcraft and wildlife with Bush Rangers, or participate in a variety of sports at the Multi-Sport Camp. For more information on the school holidays program, visit www.centennialparklands.com.au.

RANDWICK RUGBY LEGEND JIOJE AROPIO RETIRES Local sporting groups are integral joints in the backbone of every community, and the individual members that make up those groups are just as important. As such, we’d like to give a fond farewell to Jioje Aropio, who is hanging up his boots after 12 seasons with the Galloping Greens. Family members, including his gorgeous granddaughter, were all down at Coogee Oval to witness his final game for the Wicks. Best wishes for the next 50 years (yes, 50!) Jioje and thank you for your incredible service to Randwick Rugby.

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September 2017 | The Beast 37

Look at the camera please fellas.

BONDI LIFEGUARDS QUESTION THEIR IMPOSSIBLE AT MOLOKAI PADDLE Words Madeleine Gray Picture Matty from @solardsunscreen

Y

ou might think that saving lives daily as part of your job would qualify you for a bit of a break in your time off. Maybe crack open a cold one, slob around a bit, watch The Bachelor.

However, this kind of logic seems not to apply in the minds of Bondi’s lifeguards. It’s almost as if the more they do, the more they seek to do. This kind of ‘challenge inertia’ has arisen once again, with a group of five Waverley Lifeguards - Reidy (Andrew Reid), Whippet (Ryan Clark), Harries (Anthony Carroll), Corey (Corey Oliver) and Juliana ( Juliana BahrThomson) – recently competing in one of the most challenging endurance events in the world: the Molokai-2-Oahu Paddleboard World Championships (M2O).

The M2O is not for the fainthearted. Competitors must paddle a gruelling 53 kilometres across the Channel of Bones, starting on Kaluakoi Beach on the north shore of Molokai and finishing in Maunalua Bay on the south shore of Oahu.

Top athletes typically complete the crossing in less than five hours, riding mid-channel waves that can 38 The Beast | September 2017

crest more than 12 feet and carry paddlers hundreds of meters at a time. Our lifeguards managed to do it in about 6 and a half hours, all finishing within about 15 minutes of each other.

“We did it as part of the ‘Question Your Impossible’ Project, which is all about encouraging kids to challenge themselves and then go overcome that challenge, and that’s what we were doing in training for Molokai, too,” Reidy explained to The Beast.

Whippet concurred, saying that getting kids active and raising awareness about the increasing commonality of childhood obesity and type 2 diabetes was the lifeguards’ main aim.

The five lifeguards teamed up with GPS technology company Garmin, and in the lead up to the race they travelled to the Gold Coast, Perth, Adelaide, and Bondi to run free Kids Active Camps – one hour training sessions that got kids moving, active, and motivated.

“To see the kids with wide smiles across their faces, out of their comfort zones, maybe exercising for the first time in a long time, was wonderful,” Whippet said.

“The amount of kids who are obese and not getting the exercise they need, I just find terrifying. To be able to change kids’ and parents’ perspectives was so gratifying.”

Competing in the race itself was both a mental and physical challenge for the group. While the first three hours were relatively comfortable, the wind soon turned.

“We had the whole power of the Pacific Ocean going against us, slamming through a tight, tight channel,” Reidy said.

“There were definitely bragging rights on the line in terms of who could cross the finish line first, but it just so happened, incidentally, that Ryan Clark managed to be the first lifeguard home.”

Whippet was quick to counter this explanation, saying the finishing order “was less about my talent, and more about Reidy’s lack of talent.”

“It was just phenomenal to do something involving that much endurance,” Whippet added.

“I’ve never done something for six and a half hours straight in my life, apart from sleep. And beating Reidy was just the icing on the cake.”

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I'd happily surf that every day.

COOGEE TO HOST INTERNATIONAL SLUDGE SURFING CONTEST Satire Kieran Blake Picture Muddy Waters

C

oogee Beach will push Maroubra and Bondi Beaches off the international surfing map when it hosts the world’s first Sludge Surfing contest.

The planet’s best board riders will fight for the title of ‘Sludge Master’ when they tackle the fetid waters exiting the storm water drain at the northern end of the beach.

“Maroubra’s got great waves, Bondi great eateries, and Kelly Slater’s created the perfect wave, but Coogee will become famous for Sludge Surfing,” declared a spokesperson for the event.

“All the world’s best surfers are keen. We haven’t set aside a specific date yet because we’re just waiting for a big storm to flush out the drain, then we’ll dig out a stationary wave in the channel and start ripping psychedelic turns.”

Organisers are promising a thrilling event, which will boast a series of world firsts as well as a green room that is more olive/ brown.

“The event can be held at 40 The Beast | September 2017

night thanks to the neon glow emanating from the water,” the spokesperson said.

“All of the surfers will wear glow in the dark disco bands as well as special Hazchem wetsuits, and for the final we can set the water on fire.

“Plus, we’re in discussion with a few manufacturers to design a line of anti-corrosive surfboards.

“What’s more, media coverage will be enhanced by highly advanced military grade thermal imaging cameras, which we got on loan from the ‘Aussie Cozzie’, a.k.a. His Excellency General the Honourable Sir Peter Cosgrove.”

When the world surfing tour descends upon Coogee Beach for the first time, competitors will fight for prestige, handsome cash prizes, and a chance to win lifetime premium health cover.

Medical staff from the Prince of Wales Hospital and travel vaccination centres will be on hand to treat all eliminated competitors, and any surfers who cannot be saved from the beastly bacteria can

always take up knee-boarding.

“The contest will operate under an eliminator format, which has been hugely popular in recent Ironman life-saving races,” the spokesperson said.

“Basically, the winner will be the last one standing. We’ve actually heard rumours of some of the competitors doing acclimatisation training in the Citarum River, the Ganges, and the Yellow River.”

The contest may even be held in these polluted rivers in the future, and could be expanded to include body boarders, SUP riders, body surfers and even goat boats.

“Well, actually, not goat boats,” stressed the spokesperson.

Organisers are also promising a variety of entertainment at the festival style event. Live music is planned, as well as a multicoloured slip-and-slide for the kids, who can join their parents in a family friendly atmosphere.

“You won’t need drugs or alcohol to get high at this beach party,” the spokesperson said. “All you’ll have to do is inhale.”

COUNCIL NEWS After Dark in the Junction Discover Bondi Junction after dark from 11–24 September and enjoy great music, delicious food and vibrant street art. Over two exciting weeks, we’ll be transforming evenings in the Junction with a series of family friendly events. From children’s storytelling at the Old Boot Factory to live jazz in Waverley Mall, there’s something for everyone.

For more information, visit waverley.nsw.gov.au/ greatplaces.

Waverley Cemetery turns 140!

On 4 August 2017 Waverley Cemetery celebrated a momentous occasion – its 140th birthday! The first part of the Waverley Cemetery was officially finished and opened on the 1 August 1877. Three days later in the afternoon of 4 August the first interment took place. Since that time more than 83,000 interments have been conducted in 50,000 gravesites and memorials, over 16 hectares.

Do you marvel at the monuments in Waverley Cemetery and wonder who is buried here? Then join a tour of this special working cemetery and visit the resting place of many famous and influential people.

To book your place you can call 9083 8899 or email cemetery@waverley.nsw.gov.au.

Skate Park Refurbishment In response to community feedback, we are pleased to announce that Bondi Skate Park will be receiving a face lift. Refurbishment works are scheduled to commence from 21 August, and last until October 2017 (weather permitting). During this time, the skate park will be closed. Works will occur from Monday–Friday 7am–5pm, and Saturdays 8am–1pm.

We look forward to unveiling the freshly painted and renewed skate park for you to enjoy in October!

CUSTOMER SERVICE CENTRE 55 Spring Street, Bondi Junction NSW 2022 PO Box 9, Bondi Junction NSW 1355 PHONE 9083 8000 WEB waverley.nsw.gov.au

Events Festival of the Winds Sunday 10 September, 11am–4pm Bondi Beach The skies above Sydney’s most famous beach, Bondi, will come alive for the 39th time at the annual Festival of the Winds.

Held on Sunday 10 September, the free ‘wind-powered’ event sees Australian and international kite flyers showing off their skills and amazing hand-made creations from 11am.

Make your own sky-high creation at one of the kite making workshops offered throughout the day. There’s also food stalls from all over the world, children’s activities, puppet shows, and a day-long entertainment program on the main stage.

Bushcare Join like-minded locals and help make a positive difference to one of our special green spaces.

You’ll learn about native plants and wildlife, and enjoy the well-being benefits from time spent in nature.

Email bushcare@waverley. nsw.gov.au for more information.

For more event info visit our website waverley.nsw.gov.au.

Connect with us:

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4 5 6 7 11 13 14 18 19 20 21 25 26 27 MOVIE MONTH Having started in 1993, Movie Month is the Starlight Foundation’s longest running national fundraising event, where you can turn your love of movies into valuable support. To host a movie night or movie-themed party, visit moviemonth.starlight.org.au.

RAW BAR CELEBRATES 20 YEARS In the fickle food industry, and in trend-a-week Bondi, no less, getting a restaurant off the ground is no mean feat. As such, the fact that this year Raw Bar in Bondi is celebrating its 20th anniversary is cause for jubilation. Head on down for a sake or two to rejoice.

INTO THE LIMINAL Black Eye Gallery in Darlinghurst will be exhibiting Liminal by Armando Chant, from Aug 24 to late September. The show will explore the potential for engagement that exists with the relationship between imagery and objects. Visit www.blackeyegallery.com.au.

BIG HEART APPEAL Every year big-hearted Australians help save lives and make worldclass research possible by supporting September’s Heart Foundation Big Heart Appeal. Over 120,000 volunteers will be knocking on doors. Sign up by visiting www. heartfoundation.org.au/bigheart.

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KIN AND KINDNESS Kindness isn’t something we’re born with—it’s something we’re taught.

Come with your kids tonight to Kin & Kind in Bondi Junction to listen to a talk on instilling gratitude and genuine kindness in your children.

Visit www.kinandkind.com.au/ events/kindandgrateful.

R U OK? DAY R U OK? Day was started back in 2009. It envisions a world in which we’re all connected, and people aren’t afraid to talk about mental illness and suicide. The task for you is simple: reach out to those around you, and just ask: ‘Are you okay?’ We’re all in this together.

ENGLISH CONVERSATIONS CLASS Every Monday morning at Bowen Library, this free English conversation class is open to migrants from all non-English speaking backgrounds. It’s a great learning environment and also a fabulous way to meet new people. For more information, please call 9314 4888.

BOP TO BOOKS Join the community at Margaret Martin Library for this weekly program for kids aged 24 – 35 months. With rhymes, music, and stories, it's a great opportunity to acquaint your kids with the wonderful world of words. Please visit www.randwick.nsw.gov.au/library/.

THE BIG ANXIETY FESTIVAL The biggest mental health and arts festival in the world explores and re-imagines the state of mental health in the 21st century. It takes place from today until November 11 across Sydney, with lots of events at UNSW’s Paddington campus. Visit thebiganxiety.org.

WOOLLAHRA SINGS! Don’t let your talent go to waste.

Woollahra Sings is a community choir for all ages and abilities who love to sing. The group meets Thursdays (that’s today!) from 5.30 – 7pm at Holdsworth Community Centre. $10 per session is payable on the day. Please call 9302 3600.

CONTROL THE WAY YOU EAT Are you having a hard time controlling the way you eat? Food Addicts (FA) in Recovery Anonymous meetings are held every Friday at 10am at the Salvation Army Hall on Boyce Road, Maroubra.

Call Maria on 0410 566 724 or visit www.foodaddicts.org.

ART CLASSES WITH LILY OEN Do you ever find yourself promising to dedicate some ‘me time’ to yourself, but never actually getting around to it? That’s not good enough! Sign up to Lily Oen’s art class today at 10.30am at Bowen Library and lose yourself to the serenity. Register at 9314 4888.

LIBRARY BRIDGE CLUB This club meets Wednesdays once a fortnight from 1.30-3.30pm at Lionel Bowen Library for those who already have at least a basic knowledge of Bridge. So if you’re available, build a bridge, climb over it, and get on down. Reserve a spot at www.randwick.nsw.gov.au.

WOMEN’S HEALTH WEEK Women’s Health Week, taking place this year from September 4 - 8, aims to give women across Australia the opportunity to focus on their health. This year the theme is ‘Time We Put Ourselves First’. Amen. For more info, visit www.womenshealthweek.com.au.

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2017 FRIDAY

SATURDAY

Removalist Zak Clark Clark Removals Ph: 0409 808 866 Builder/Electrician Matthew Olive Sydney Power House 8007 4229

SUNDAY

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BLOOMIN' HECK! Tonight from 5.30 – 7pm, Centennial Parklands will host its first Inside Dig – a new 1.5 hour workshop on the secrets of growing and styling succulents, complete with wine, antipasto spread, and great company. Visit www.centennialparklands.com.au.

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NOX TO SET COOGEE AGLOW From today until Sunday, NOX Festival at Randwick Environment Park will be hosting nightly sculpture walks. In a collaboration between UNSW and Randwick Council, artists from UNSW Art & Design will transform the park into an illuminated outdoor gallery.

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TASTE OF COOGEE September 2 and 3 will see the return of Taste of Coogee. Since its launch five years ago the festival has become one of the hottest events on Sydney’s culinary calendar, with over 40,000 people attending last year. Please visit coogeebeach.net.au/tasteofcoogee.

RANDWICK ECO-LIVING FAIR Randwick’s Eco-Living Fair will be held today between 9.30am and 3pm at the Randwick Community Centre, with sustainability workshops, food stalls, live entertainment, and more. Plus, it’s Father’s Day, so you can drag the old man and the whole family along.

BONDI2BERRY Following its success in 2016, the Bondi2Berry charity bike ride will return today, with cyclists mounting up to undertake this mammoth ride once again to raise money for dementia awareness.

To donate to those cycling, please visit bondi2berry.com/donate.

FESTIVAL OF THE WINDS The Festival of the Winds is a stalwart on the Eastern Suburbs festival scene and it's on at Bondi Beach today. This year it's celebrating its 39th birthday and the sky will again be filled with kites of all shapes, colours, and lengths. It really is a glorious sight to see.

NSW BIKE WEEK NSW Bike Week will run from Saturday, September 16 to Sunday, September 24 this year. The week is an annual celebration of cycling, aiming to promote cycling as a safe and healthy mode of transport, and to highlight safe ways to ride.

Visit transportnsw.info/bikeweek.

SURRY HILLS FESTIVAL Venturing out of the Eastern Suburbs can be daunting, so best to take it slow. Why not start with the Surry Hills Festival today? The suburb comes to life today with an exploration of its history, colourful culture, diversity, and creative energy. Visit www.surryhillsfestival.org.

AFL GRAND FINAL Today is the day we’ve been waiting for all season. Two teams will battle it out for the Toyota AFL Premiership and we are confident our Swannies will be in contention. Whether you’re at the game or in front of a screen, wave that red and white flag with pride!

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BLOOMS BONDI BAREFOOT Choose from a selection of four distances on the soft sands of Bondi Beach. This is a unique opportunity to run across one of the world's most famous beaches with all proceeds going to North Bondi Surf Life Saving Club. Register at bondibarefoot.eventbrite.com.au.

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Drain Jet & CCTV Steve Kova metrojet.com.au Ph: 0414 885 675 Fencing Troy Salvatico Jim’s Fencing Ph: 0405 543 530 Carpenter Mark Potocki Against The Grain Ph: 0415 688 562 Rubbish Removal Dave Whiteley Dave's Rubbish Ph: 0401 296 069 Mechanic Jordan Hayman JH Automotive Ph: 0424 144 987 Painter Brett Dooley Nielson Dooley Ph: 0404 888 089 BBQ Caterer Wardy Wardy & Sons Ph: 0414 293 396 Concretor Jay Rodney Oceanside Ph: 0411 989 565 Plumber Luke Fletcher Pipe Up Plumbing Ph: 0431 638 558 Locksmith Bradley Rope SOS Locksmiths Ph: 0498 767 767 Electrician Adrian Langen Langen Electrical Ph: 0400 006 008 Arborist Jeff Hunt Prompt Trees Ph: 0412 280 338

by visiting www.thebeast.com.au/events-guide

From the Heart

VERA BLUE

Interview Madeleine Gray Picture Jeremy Greive Hair & Makeup Samantha Lee

H

aving grown up in country New South Wales, Celia Pavey moved to the big smoke to pursue a career in music. She got her first big break in 2013 on The Voice, placing third, and has since gone on to reinvent herself as electronic superstar-in-waiting Vera Blue. With her recently released debut album, Perennial, lighting up the charts, The Beast was lucky enough to sit down with the Waverley resident during the month and fire a few questions her way…

Where are you originally from?

I'm originally from a little country town called Forbes, out near Orange. Forbes is beautiful. It's where I grew up. It's where my parents still live, and my grandparents, my sister, and my uncle. I love it.

Where are you living now? I'm living in Waverley, right near Bondi Junction. It’s a really good spot.

What annoys you about the Eastern Suburbs? There's not much that annoys me, really. It’s beautiful, and so close to the ocean.

There are shops, and everyone's chill. A lot of my family lives here, which is a bonus. Maybe the only thing that would be a negative is that it's so far from my immediate family. If I had to come up with something else, I’d have to really think about it. I love living in the Eastern Suburbs.

Do you have any favourite haunts in the East? Yeah, I love Ruby's Diner. It's my favourite spot; I had brunch there this morning. It's a place where I like to take everyone that I know. When I hang out with someone I'm like, "I want to take you to Ruby's Diner." I've also found a new spot called Bare Na-

ked Bowls in Bronte, and I really, really love their acai bowls.

Plus, Coogee is actually where all of my mum's siblings live. I love going to Coogee. I generally go to Coogee Café and Coogee Pavilion.

And I just love the ocean. There's something really calming about it; just being there. A lot of nature around here is really nice. I went down to Centennial Parklands for a walk the other day and I was just so blown away by it. I hadn't actually been for a proper walk down there, and it was amazing.

Growing up in Forbes, how did your parents influence your musical tastes? I heard your dad is a big Kasey Chambers fan... Yeah, Dad's a big Kasey Chambers fan. Growing up in the country had a big influence on the organic energy of the music, and I grew up playing the violin. That was the first instrument that I learnt, and my mum played the organ in church. All of our family would go to church on a Sunday and sing together. Church music is very organic - real organ, guitar, all that kind of stuff.

Also, Dad is a horticulturalist and owned a nursery. At his nursery he used to play a lot of Celtic music.

If Mum was busy we’d go there on a weekend, and Dad would play his Celtic music, Irish music, where it was all about whistles and violins and all those beautiful sounds. I think that might have had an influence as well.

My pop loved guitar, and he loved old folk songs. He loved jazz music as well. I'm not a big jazz fan, but we listened to a lot of folk stuff together. Mum loves Simon and Garfunkel, and all those artists from back in the 1960s and 70s. I love all that calming story-telling music, which is just really dreamy.

Did you enter school talent quests and showcases in your formative years? Yeah, definitely. Every week we'd have a school assembly where we’d have a performance from one of the students playing an instrument. When I was 15 or 16 I started teaching myself guitar.

I was listening to Taylor Swift, Angus and Julia Stone. I discovered Joni Mitchell through Angus and Julia Stone. That's where the ball started rolling with the songwriting stuff. I think when I was 16 I started writing my own songs, and I wrote my very first song called ‘Candle in the Night’. I had one of those ‘this is it’ moments when I was performing at a high school event and people were really getting into it. It was really nice to be able to perform songs that I'd written at such a young age at school, and my sister and I would sing together at eisteddfods in Forbes, and some over in Orange and Bathurst, and places like that.

That was really special.

You rose to prominence in 2013, taking third place on television talent show, The Voice; what prompted you to enter the competition? As I said, I was writing songs from the age of 16, and then I was just doing music as a hobby.

I knew I really loved it and I thought, “This feels like my thing.”

But in the back of my mind I couldn’t help but think about how hard it would be. After school I had other things that I liked doing, like sports, and hairdressing. Then I realised music was my thing, and my parents were really passionate about what I did, and it sounds really clichéd, but they let me follow my dreams.

I moved to Sydney when I was 17 going on 18 and went to the September 2017 | The Beast 45

Australian Institute of Music (AIM) in Surry Hills. I was young for my year in high school; I was the one who wasn't 18 when it all finished. At AIM I was in a course where it was very much performance oriented. I felt like I knew who I was. I was a little folkish singer writing my folk songs, but I wanted to just go for something, so The Voice was just the perfect opportunity.

I was told by a lot of friends, "Just try something; don't be afraid." One day I just went for it. I just logged onto their website and I actually tried to do it a few times. You have to send a video of yourself singing and you have to fill out a form, and the Internet was so bad where I was living, it just wouldn’t work. I was literally going to give up, and then one day it went through. From there I got into the first round, then I got into the next round, and then got into the live auditions. It was just amazing. I loved it.

I was repairing the whole time and I was going through different things, meeting new people, and discovering new things, and that came through on the album.

Knowing what you know now, would you do the whole thing over again? Would you tell your 18-yearold self to go on The Voice? Oh yeah, one hundred per cent. I think people have the power to know what's best for them in their own way. I would hesitate to make that call for others, but that was what felt right for me at the time.

It was a really good stepping stone to where I am now, and the time after The Voice gave me so much. I explored different music, listened to different sounds, and it really opened up my eyes to electronic music, and then I fell in love with electronic music and 46 The Beast | September 2017

wanted to blend it with who I was, as an artist already, which was a folk artist.

The sounds and genres that you’re traversing right now are very different to those with which we first came to associate with you on The Voice; how did you come to electronic music? I was a little bit narrow minded, and loved just folk music. I thought of myself as the next Joni Mitchell. I mean I always loved Beyonce, and artists like Rihanna, and whoever was big at the time in the pop scene, but I never focussed on it too much.

And then I discovered Alt J, and I was like, "What. Is. This?" Then I discovered FKA Twigs, Banks, and artists that were using electronic music in a really emotional way, rather than it just being a throbbing dance beat. I thought to myself, "I love this; it's making me feel more than an acoustic song makes me feel."

There's something about electronic music, and beat and synths, which draws so much more emotional energy to a song.

I went into a writing camp called the Native Tongue Writing Camp, and I met Andy Mack, who is now my producer, and also singer/ songwriter Gossling, and I was a big fan of hers. We weren't actually going to be working together, but then I got into a session with Andy and it was just the most perfect match. I said to him, "I've written this chorus, it's a song called ‘Fingertips’, and I just really love electronic music, but I don't know how to produce myself." He was like, "Well that's what I'm here for; let's experiment."

So we just wrote it as a folk song, completely finished the song, and then we just went hell for leather with production, and really drew a lot of emotions through sounds, like tapping things, and really thick angsty stuff. I met Andy’s younger brother, Tom, who is my co-writer, and we're like a little team. They work with a sound engineer called Jackson, who is young as well, and we all just work really closely together. I see them

as Vera Blue as well. Vera Blue is all of us, not just myself.

So how would you describe the Vera Blue project? It’s not an alter ego like Sasha Fierce, and it’s not a band, so what is it? I see myself as representing the project, but we are a collective. We started the sound, we started the songs from scratch, we just really experimented. I feel like we created our own little vibe. And when I work with them it's really like I'm able to open up to them and express my emotions. We've made something totally written off real things that are happening, and it’s stuff that you normally wouldn't really share with other people.

While you were creating your new record, Perennial, you were out of the spotlight living an ‘ordinary’ life, working in a pharmacy, hanging out with friends; how was it balancing this crazy, cathartic, experimental music experience you were having with the normality of a day job? Over the past couple of years while working on the record I was working in a pharmacy because obviously I wasn't touring yet. I was also coming out of a relationship, so I just needed to do something else with my time.

It was a very emotional phase and period of my life, where I was discovering myself. I was repairing the whole time and I was going through different things, meeting new people, and discovering new things, and that came through on the album. But it’s not a break-up album; it’s a self-discovery album.

It’s interesting that you make that distinction, because Lorde was quick to make it, too, about her new album Melodrama. I feel like that distinction evidences a kind of feminist shift in how female musicians are reclaiming and subverting sexist album tropes. It’s not a girl whining over her ex, it’s a girl learning to be alone, and to thrive; is that a shift you’ve noticed, or consciously participated in? Yeah, and I think it's a shift that a lot of people are going through. I think

a lot of people hear an album and just go, "Oh, it's got love songs," and it's automatically a break-up album. I don’t know whether any album is really a break-up album.

It's always about what someone’s been through to overcome it as well. The album is really about learning to be okay with being vulnerable, too. That's something that I think a lot of people, especially women, don't like to recognise in themselves. It's okay to wear your heart on your sleeve.

There is also harnessing that vulnerability and turning it into a ‘f**k off’ kind of empowerment song.

There are two songs on the album that stick out for me in that regard, ‘Lady Powers’ and ‘Regular Touch’; can you tell us about them? It's actually ‘Regular Touch’ that I love talking about right now, because it was written in the very early stages of Perennial, where I'd just come out of a relationship, and I felt like I really couldn't break free from the chains of feeling sad and in pain.

It’s funny, in that song the person that I was singing about is kind of who I am now. I feel so content, I feel so happy on my own. When I wrote the song I wanted to feel that I didn't need that attention or affection to feel complete, or to feel loved. And now I’m there. So it's crazy that we're just releasing that song now because I'm connecting to it more than ever, even more so than when we wrote it.

‘Lady Powers’ was really fun, we wrote that quite recently actually. I was going through a period where I was feeling a little disrespected as a woman. It wasn't so much an industry thing. It was more the relationship thing, and feeling like I was being thrown around, or having to change for someone to meet their requirements. And no one should ever change for anyone else to make them happy. ‘Lady Powers’ was written from realising that you shouldn't have to use your body to be respected as a woman.

When Tom and I started writing that I think I said the phrase ‘lady powers’ in a conversation we were having and he was like, 48 The Beast | September 2017

"Huh, what'd you say?" And, I was like "lady powers", referring to my body, and he was like, "Let's start writing a song!" He just started writing on the guitar, and we were having a conversation and he was like, "I'm pretty sure this is the worst song we've ever written or the best song we've ever written.”

You were saying that ‘lady powers’ aren’t necessarily about using your body, but clearly aesthetic is an important part of the Vera Blue project. How does your visual aesthetic complement and strengthen the music? I feel like with the folky stuff, there's always gonna be that organic vibe, just being who you are, just normal, natural hair, whatever. But then with the electronic thing, I feel like it had such an energy – it’s colourful, high fashion, angsty. There's just so much you can do with certain sounds, and then with the visuals as well.

I really look up to Joni Mitchell as an artist, and as a person. I've never met her, and it's okay if I don't, but I love my idea of who she is now.

You're currently touring and performing all the songs live from your new album, which must be a very different experience; Is it cathartic, painful, both, or neither? It's a bit of both, I guess, because I think there's something really special about the word ‘perennial’. The whole concept of the album is that I'm always going to be living within this album. I'm always going to be remembering moments from past relationships, and looking back on them and realising that maybe they haven't mended, and things are just going around and around.

When I perform the songs live I'm totally in the song; I'm not thinking about anything else.

It's something that just happens, and I'm in that moment of the song, and almost reliving what

I'm thinking about, or feeling. It's really special to be able to connect with people in that way, because we're not alone, and I'm not alone.

Everyone's feeling these things and it's just totally normal.

Is the Australian music scene a good place to be? It's super exciting. I love Australian music. I love being in the Australian industry. I was just at Splendour in the Grass and the energy back stage, and the energy out in the audience as well, was something else. I was lucky enough to spend some time relaxing, watching the music just like a normal festivalgoer, and it was just awesome. I feel like the music industry is just super fun too. I'm really good friends with a lot of people, and lots of women especially, like Montaigne for example.

There are just so many amazing people that I've connected with.

Do you have any role models, inside or outside of the industry?

My mum. She's a really big inspiration of mine. She's a very strong woman; a very positive and passionate woman. I really look up to Joni Mitchell as an artist, and as a person. I've never met her, and it's okay if I don't, but I love my idea of who she is now. My sister and my friends are role models, too.

In an ideal world, what does the future hold for Celia Pavey/Vera Blue in ten years time? I don't know. I'm one of those people who is in my head, not in the future.

I very much take things day by day. I guess I would love to just be touring. Maybe it would be cool to have a family, but music will always be something that I'm going to be doing, whether I'm writing songs for other people, or I'm still touring as Vera Blue. I love everything about it.

Vera Blue’s debut album, Perennial, is out now.

Vera Blue was kindly dressed by EWOL for the cover shot and alice McCALL for the inside shot.

Bendalong lobsters on an open fire.

GETTING BACK TO NATURE Words Dan Trotter Picture Stephen Corey Lanfranco

W

hat would we all do without our mates - mates to get you into trouble, mates to get you out of trouble, mates to make you laugh so hard your facial muscles hurt, and mates who are there for you in tough times or just to give you shit.

Weekends away with a group of friends in winter are a special gift, one that reminds us of the simple pleasures - a log fire, food cooked in the coals, smiles, stories, and a refresher from the hard work we’ve got to put in to get wherever it is we’re going. I’ve just come back from a weekend down the South Coast that, whilst quite exhausting, was such a great time that it’s really fuelled me up with good vibes to get me through the weeks and months ahead.

If it’s been a while since you last got away with a group of great friends, maybe now’s the time to start making that a reality. Put down your copy of The Beast, pick up your phone, call a few mates, and make a plan.

50 The Beast | September 2017

What made my weekend away all the more special was being by the ocean and catching feeds from its salty shores. Being on the South Coast, abalone and crayfish were the order of the day, and the bounty didn’t disappoint, keeping the lads fed with the freshest lunches one could wish for.

With unseasonably warm months across July and August, who knows what September will bring? Flicking through the fishing diary there’s not a lot to report, perhaps because it can get so cold that I don’t fish all that often.

A few notes are worth sharing, though.

September is a month for burley and bait fishing, by and large, with the cold water slowing down the metabolism of most fish. A persistent mist of burley with the occasional small chunk can turn a quiet afternoon’s session into one to be remembered. I’d suggest either tucking in behind the tall cliffs of North or South Head on a day when the westerly winds

are blowing, or picking a calm afternoon with a gentle northwest or northeast breeze, anchoring up on a decent reef edge, and being patient and attentive to the burley and the bait presentation. With any luck you’re in with a good chance of snapper, silver trevally, yellowtail kingfish, salmon, tailor and possibly bonito.

The shallow inshore grounds along the east coast are also notorious for large numbers of small mako sharks, and whilst they are not a target species for myself, they can really add to the excitement of an outing for a few minutes whilst they run fast and leap high before biting you off. If you’re lucky enough to see one boat-side, free swimming with it sure is a special gift – they are streamlined perfection with their blue colours, black eye, and stunning beauty.

With spring having just sprung, make the most of it. Call your mates, hatch a plan, pack the car, and get back to nature, even if it’s just for a few nights.

Please contact Kylene for more information... phone 0405 129 882 email info@smashcake.com.au www.smashcakes.com.au

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September 2017 | The Beast 51

SEPTEMBER 2017 TIDE CHART Numbers Bureau of Meteorology Tidal Centre Picture Andi Perdana Instagram @andiperdanaphoto MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

• New Moon • First Quarter • Full Moon • Last Quarter 4 0100 0657 1238 1903

3 0022 0616 1156 1824

0.46 1.27 0.54 1.62

10 0439 1057 1705 2315

0.29 1.62 0.37 1.52

8 0320 0929 1526 2142

0.23 1.57 0.32 1.70

9 0359 1011 1614 2226

0.25 1.61 0.33 1.63

•

14 0226 0817 1453 2144

1.23 0.55 1.59 0.45

15 0346 0930 1604 2253

1.23 0.55 1.63 0.38

16 0458 1040 1709 2351

1.29 0.50 1.70 0.31

0.21 1.57 0.30 1.73

•

21 0243 0853 1455 2106

0.24 1.59 0.31 1.66

22 0318 0931 1538 2145

0.29 1.60 0.35 1.56

23 0352 1009 1620 2224

0.36 1.58 0.40 1.46

1.19 0.64 1.43 0.62

28 0134 0715 1354 2051

1.13 0.69 1.39 0.62

29 0247 0825 1501 2158

1.12 0.71 1.39 0.59

30 0400 0936 1608 2255

1.15 0.69 1.43 0.52

0.27 1.47 0.36 1.75

11 0523 0.36 1145 1.61 1803 0.42

12 0008 0613 1240 1909

1.41 0.43 1.60 0.46

13 0112 0710 1343 2025

1.30 0.51 1.58 0.48

18 0041 0645 1235 1855

0.24 1.45 0.36 1.78

19 0125 0730 1324 1941

0.21 1.52 0.31 1.78

20 0205 0813 1411 2025

25 0458 1124 1749 2345

0.50 1.52 0.53 1.27

27 0034 0619 1255 1942

•

SUNDAY

2 0531 1.20 1108 0.60 1742 1.55

0.24 1.53 0.33 1.75

6 0210 0810 1400 2020

Where you'd rather be.

1.15 0.64 1.48 0.53

7 0245 0848 1442 2100

0.32 1.40 0.41 1.73

26 0535 0.58 1206 1.47 1841 0.58

1 0434 1013 1652 2338

SATURDAY

•

5 0135 0733 1319 1942

0.38 1.34 0.47 1.68

FRIDAY

17 0555 1.37 1141 0.43 1805 1.75 24 0425 1046 1703 2303

0.43 1.55 0.46 1.36

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September 2017 | The Beast 53

The master manipulator.

THE UNRELIABLE GUIDE TO... LYING Words Nat Shepherd Picture Sheryl Crow

A

lmost everyone tells at least one lie a day. This is because lying has a huge range of purposes: flattery, self-defence, kindness, malevolence, boredom, survival, self-aggrandisement, and so on.

The list of why we lie is endless and we start young. A child first lies between two and five years of age, and linguistically adept children tend to lie the earliest.

Learning to lie is a natural stage in child development and, even though we all tell our kids not to lie, lying is a social necessity. But if we are all lying our socks off, how can we ever trust anyone?

The Unreliable Guide has some tips and tricks on how to tell a fib or spot a fraud…

SPOTTING A LIAR We all lie, but some of us lie much more than others and studies have shown teenagers are the biggest liars. Researcher Timothy R. Levine suggests that 74 per cent of 13 to 17 year-olds lie, every day, as opposed to 44 per cent of 60 to 77 year-olds. But how do we spot a liar? Truth is, we don’t really know.

Previously trusted signifiers - rubbing one’s nose, scratching an ear, looking up, avoiding eye contact

54 The Beast | September 2017

- have now been proven false. Apparently it’s microsecond reflexes in the face that indicate deceit and the only way to spot these is to not look for them. We notice with our subconscious mind, so if you feel like a person is lying just trust your gut. You’re probably right.

BIG LIES, LITTLE LIES, WHITE LIES, BLACK LIES Not all lies are made equal. A ‘white’ lie is the kind we tell to be socially polite, and without these civilisation would crumble.

“Pleased to meet you” is often the very first lie you tell someone, but it’s a necessary social lubricant.

‘Little’ lies, or fibs, like “I didn’t eat all the cake”, are irritating, but ‘big’ lies, like “I didn’t sleep with mother”, are more damaging because they have the potential to deeply hurt others. The worst lies, ‘black’ lies, deliberately intend to denigrate others, like “She’s the one who did it...” Watch out for people who use this malicious type of lie; they are evil and their lies have blackened their souls.

LYING TO YOURSELF Philosopher Jean Paul Satre termed lying to one’s self ‘bad

faith’, but sometimes it feels essential for our mental health. We tell ourselves that the awful job will lead to better things. We convince ourselves that he/she really loves us. We pretend we are a size medium when it’s clear we are an extra large. Be careful of these lies; fooling yourself is okay in the short term, but you may lie yourself into a mediocrity you don’t deserve.

THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH IS ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE People who tell the absolute truth, all the time, are freaks. If you start giving out your actual opinion without the slightest gloss of a lie you really won’t be popular.

We have to lie to be polite - “Yes, the yak soup was delicious, thank you” - and to be kind - “No, no, your bum looks great in those hot pants”. And remember, there is no such thing as truth anyway; it’s just your subjective perception of reality.

Finally, the Unreliable Guide suggests that we always aim for kindness rather than the pure and simple truth, for the truth, as Oscar Wilde once said, “is rarely pure and never simple”.

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Why the long face?

HORSES FOR COURSES Words Alasdair McClintock Picture Bart Waterhouse

S

pring has sprung, which means so will the horses from the starting gate at Randwick very soon. So dust off those fascinators and suits that fit just a little too snugly, and get ready to lose some money. Or win it. Apparently that can happen sometimes, although I’m yet to experience it.

This year’s Spring Carnival brings with it an extra cherry in the form of the inaugural running of The Everest, the world’s richest turf race. A 1200-metre sprint with a cool $10 million prize pool.

I’d be tempted to run it myself, but the $600k buy-in is a tad out of reach. Plus, if what my shrink has been telling me is true, I’m not actually a horse.

And a horse is a horse, of course (of course), unless it’s Winx. Then it’s something else entirely. A freak of nature and a champion we can all get around. Winx won’t run in The Everest, but at the time of

56 The Beast | September 2017

writing she is at least pencilled in to run at Randwick on September 16 for the George Main Stakes.

You can be assured there will be a solid crowd that day, so if you don’t plan on going I’d advise avoiding Alison Road at all costs, lest you wish to risk running over a group of overdressed degenerates, riled up by low-cut dresses, horseflesh and liquor.

What is it about champion horses that we love so much?

People still talk with awe about Phar Lap and I doubt many who saw him run are even alive these days. There is certainly an air of magic about a horse in full flight, though, especially an unbeatable one. Put an ear to the ground as they gallop by and it feels as if the continental shelf itself might be shifting below you.

With an ear to the ground you might even hear whisperings of night racing coming to Randwick.

I’m sure there is some community body out there dead against it, but without knowing any of the facts, night races have my vote, and isn’t that the modern day way?

Day races are all well and good, but pouring out of the course in the late afternoon with a skinful of overpriced beer is a weird thing.

You know you should go home, but while there is still light in the sky it feels like an impossibility.

What would you do? Sit drunkenly and stare at the walls?

So you’re forced to run the gauntlet with the local bouncers as they drearily eye off your now dishevelled suit. They know you’ve been drinking all day, but are just trying to gauge how much of a dickhead you are and how likely you are to start trouble. They can’t turn everyone away, but you get the feeling that sometimes they’d like to. Chances are you’ve lost all your money on the punt anyway.

16-24 September 2017

Get on your bike at Heffron Park!

Join us for a morning of fun on two wheels!

Sunday 17 September 2017 9.30-11.30am Heffron Pedal Park, Jersey Rd, Maroubra Explore Heffron Park on two wheels or let the kids have some fun at the Pedal Park, a dedicated bike track for kids to ride bikes and scooters and learn safe riding skills.

Please remember to bring your helmet.

FREE: • Coffee

• Sausage sizzle • Great bike giveaways • Bike maintenance

For event details, call Randwick City Council’s Community Road Safety Officer on 9093 6786 or email: roadsafety@randwick.nsw.gov.au

For more information visit transportnsw.info/bikeweek

A FEW DAYS IN AND AROUND DARWIN Words and Pictures The Bondi Travel Bug

T

here were only two facts that I knew about Darwin before my recent visit to the capital of the Northern Territory.

The first was that it was attacked and bombed by the Japanese in WWII, causing widespread damage and resulting in 243 deaths.

The second is that on Christmas Eve in 1974, Tropical Cyclone Tracey devastated the city. It was one of the most terrifying cyclones ever recorded in Australia. 70 per cent of Darwin’s homes were destroyed, with many of its residents relocated around Australia until the city could be rebuilt.

And rebuilt it was. Today Darwin is the largest city in the Northern Territory, and it’s a thriving metropolis with a growing population of 142,450 residents.

We recently spent five nights at the Hilton Darwin, which overlooks Darwin Harbour, and from its central location most attractions are only a casual walk or short drive away.

We visited Darwin at the end of May and the temperature was perfect, averaging 28 degrees with a balmy tropical breeze and negligible humidity.

Before we ventured out on our first walk, which was down to the Darwin waterfront, we indulged in a delicious breakfast at the hotel, a chance for me to start expanding my holiday breakfast buffet body!

Stepping out we felt the city’s languid atmosphere and pace as we headed down to the harbour. Upon seeing the waterfront for the first time, I knew it was somewhere I’d be spending a lot of time.

Apartments have been built here to take advantage of the harbour views, recreation swimming areas, and parks. Lifeguards patrol the swimming area from 9am to 6pm daily due to its popularity.

There’s also a wave pool and a wide selection of restaurants, bars, and other businesses in the locale.

On returning to the Hilton we enjoyed some well-earned pool 58 The Beast | September 2017

time before our next exciting adventure, which was just down the road to Crocosaurus Cove.

One of Darwin’s most popular tourist attractions, Crocosaurus Cove is classified as a wildlife park, with exhibits including turtles, snakes, reptiles, and a variety of fish including barramundi. Of course the main attraction, crocodiles, are there too!

There was up to 200 crocodiles varying in size from babies to several giants. A few of these saltwater behemoths weighed in at just over 800 kilograms and measured over five metres in length, with hideous grins inhabited by massive serrated teeth. Even though we viewed them in complete safety, their sheer size and girth caused my heart to start beating at a frantic pace.

The markets were buzzing with locals and tourists alike, and the vibrant atmosphere was fuelled by live entertainment and over 200 stalls selling all kinds of food, gifts, and other goodies.

If you want to take things another step further, the ‘Cage of Death’ is an option worth considering. It’s basically an enthralling heart in your mouth dive where you (not me) are lowered into the crocodile pool in an acrylic glass cylinder, enabling you to eyeball the primeval monsters close up.

Later that afternoon we made our way to the Darwin Sailing Club, which is located on the water’s edge at the delightfully named Fannie Bay, to enjoy a meal and a refreshing ale as the sun slowly disappeared into the Timor Sea. The next day we explored the city before indulging in an Australian classic feast of fish and

chips by the seashore for dinner.

The place to do this in Darwin is at Cullen Bay, and along with our gourmet delights we were blessed with a sunset that will be etched into our memory (and memory stick) for a lifetime.

We managed to time our trip to the top end to coincide with Darwin’s popular Mindil Beach Markets. Located only a few kilometres from the city centre, the markets are open from 5-10pm on Thursdays and 4-9pm on Sundays from April to October. The markets were buzzing with locals and tourists alike, and the vibrant atmosphere was fuelled by live entertainment and over 200 stalls selling all kinds of food, gifts, and other goodies. This is a must visit if you’re ever in Darwin.

While I loved Darwin city, our next adventure iced the cake.

Only about a one and half hours drive from Darwin is the beautiful Litchfield National Park. We opted to hire a car and drove there ourselves, but there are many types of tours available also.

Litchfield has a plethora of things to see and do: waterfalls, gorges, walks (long and short), termite mounds, wildlife, and also campgrounds if you wish to stay longer. We only did a day-trip, which was magnificent. A word of advice, though: don't forget to take your cozzies as the natural rock pools are breathtaking!

This trip has ignited my love for our country and when possible I will be planning many more Australian adventures. Heck, I didn’t even get down to Kakadu this time around, but I will definitely be back!

How to Get There Vicki Gilden at Rose Bay Travel (02) 9371 8166 Where to Stay www.darwin.hilton.com (08) 8982 0000

Relax, it's just a purse... for sausages.

WHY DO WOMEN WANT DESIGNER VAGINAS? Words Matty Silver, Sex Therapist Picture Buster Hymen

T

he number of women and teenagers undertaking genital cosmetic surgery in Australia is increasing at an alarming rate, as they turn to surgeons in their pursuit of so-called ‘designer vaginas’.

The most popular procedure is labiaplasty, which is covered by Medicare. Although parental permission is required, this procedure has been performed on girls as young as 14 years old.

Many people think the external genitals of a woman are called the vagina, but this is wrong. The vagina is the tube or passage inside, which is not really visible from the outside. What you can see from the outside is the vulva, and it’s the vulva that so many women would like to have surgically altered. The main features of the vulva are the four labia, or lips. There are two outer labia, which are called the 'labia majora', and two smaller labia, or 'labia minora'.

Some women are unhappy with the appearance of their labia minora, complaining that they are too long, too irregular, or just ugly, and that they should not protrude.

Some women have seen their labia

60 The Beast | September 2017

change in appearance after giving birth naturally. Some believe that labiaplasty, the surgical reduction of the size of their labia, will make them look normal again.

But what is normal? During the last decade, images of female genitals have become widely available on the Internet, but many of these images are totally unrealistic and don't depict normal variations. It often seems like a case of cosmetic surgeons and other health professionals playing on the insecurities of women.

Labiaplasty surgery can have damaging after effects, such as infection, scarring, and painful sex. Sometimes labiaplasty results in painful labia, particularly if the surgeon makes the labia too short or sculpts the tissue in a certain way.

I am not sure that the surgeons who are happily cutting off pieces of labia realise the additional problems that can occur with this procedure.

Frances D'Arcy-Tehan, a psychologist and clinical sexologist in Geelong, Victoria, became aware of women's genital anxieties

and their impact on self-esteem through her private practice work. She asked women to take part in an online survey for her PhD topic, The Effects of Genital Image and Body Image on Sexual Functioning in Women, and hopes the research will contribute to improve women's sexual health and well-being.

In her research she found that to prevent unnecessary surgery it is important to educate health professionals and the public about the anatomy and physiology of the vulva. The labia minora is a highly sensitive sexual organ and plays an important role for sexual response.

It is dense with nerve endings and sensory receptors, which are highly sensitive to light touch. The main function of the vulva is to give pleasure, and labiaplasty has the obvious potential to destroy an erogenous zone and can lead to lack of arousal and impede orgasmic responses.

My advice is to seriously think again before spending a fortune on an operation that cannot be reversed, and may have lasting effects on your sex life.

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heels to best match your dress, now don't leave it to the last moment to work out your jewellery.

A sparkling necklace or drop-earrings and bright red lip can really lift an outfit.

HOW MANY TIMES HAS THIS GROUP SEEN YOUR OUTFIT? If the answer is many then perhaps it’s time to consider buying or borrowing a new dress for this occasion and shelving your old dress for a more anonymous wedding or party.

Jill the entrepreneur.

Jo the sales assistant.

WHAT TO WEAR TO YOUR NEXT WEDDING Words and Pictures Sharmin Musca, Personal Stylist

W

ith the onset of warmer weather, wedding season is about to begin. I’ve had the pleasure of helping a few brides and grooms navigate their outfit selections, but they have it comparatively easy when it comes to wedding dressing because they get to choose the tone and set the dress code to suit themselves. For the guests, especially the single ones, selecting a wedding outfit can be a stressful endeavor, so here are some points to consider when deciding what to wear…

HOW FORMAL IS THE WEDDING? Dress codes make less sense these days. ‘Summer Black Tie’ or ‘Relaxed Formal’ aren’t particularly helpful outfit guidelines. Play it safe and ask for clarification or even a suggestion from your host of what they’d wear if in your shoes.

DO YOU NEED TO MAKE AN IMPORTANT FIRST IMPRESSION? Will your ex’s new significant other be attending? What about potential future parents-in-law?

62 The Beast | September 2017

Dress for yourself, but let this guide you in your general aesthetic.

WHO’S YOUR AUDIENCE? Dressing for yourself is always key. You’ll never relax if you don’t feel comfortable in your sartorial choice for the evening. That said, there are nuances to dressing and I always consider my audience – for example, what I’d wear to a cousin’s parent-packed nuptials is different to what I’d wear to a fashion industry friend’s wedding.

HOW HARD DO YOU PLAN TO PARTY? If the answer is hard then I wouldn’t wear anything delicate, expensive, or that could induce a wardrobe malfunction while you’re cutting it up on the dance floor.

WILL GRASS BE INVOLVED? Sinking heels ruin everything.

Consider this now and plan your outfit around your footwear.

HAVE YOU CONSIDERED YOUR ACCESSORIES? So you’ve planned for the killer

WILL IT BE COLD? No one wants to cover up a smoking hot dress, but even in the middle of summer (and no matter how much you’ve had to drink) it can still get cold at night. Bring something to cover your shoulders - think a bolero jacket by Sass and Bide, cropped faux fur jacket by Keepsake, or even a feathered cape from Topshop. Just don’t limit yourself to a boring pashmina, okay?

On the streets this month I found...

Name Jill Occupation Owner of online jewellery store, jillory.com.au Street Style Jill wears a Capulet jacket from Tuchuzy, shirt by Grail, All Saints jeans, sunnies

by Marni, and shoes and scarf by ACNE. Fave Item for the season By Boe jewellery.

Name Jo Occupation Sales assistant, Hunt & Muse Street Style Jo wears a shirt from Top Shop, skirt by Shakuhachi, boots by The Last Conspiracy, and circular basket bag, all from Hunt and Muse (on Bondi Road).

Fave Item for the season Doc Martin boots.

For more style tips or help with your personal style, contact Sharmin Musca Personal Stylist on 0405 518 155 or visit personalstylist.net.au.

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sydney breast clinic Level 12, 97-99 Bathurst Street, Sydney NSW 2000 Phone 1300 653 065 Fax 02 9283 1158 www.sydneybreastclinic.com.au

PARKLANDS KIDS Bring the kids to Centennial Parklands for fun school holiday activities this spring.

Find out more and book at centennialparklands.com.au/whatson 173108 School Holiday program_TheBeast_128x93_ART.indd 1

September 2017 | The Beast 3/08/2017 4:11 PM 63

Clovelly Public School legends.

THE SECRET TO RIDING WITH POWER Words and Pictures Ale Torres and Nicola Saltman, Sustainable Waverley

W

e all know cycling is good for us. And we know bicycles are better for the planet and our climate. And there’s also the case for fewer traffic jams and congestion-free streets - “Just look at the Netherlands”, as my friend so enthusiastically pointed out recently after a trip to tulip-land.

But killer hills in Bondi and the Eastern Suburbs tend to throw those theories to ‘la-la land’, unless you are a super fit cyclist or happy to get sweaty and puffed.

Unless, of course, you own an electric bike!

You won’t be alone in choosing plug-in pedal power. With a total of 35 million sold in 2016, electric bikes are the highest selling vehicle on the global market. They are transforming the world of transport, one tyre at a time.

SO WHAT IS AN ELECTRIC BIKE? Electric bikes, also known as e-bikes, look and pedal just like any other bicycle. The difference is they have a battery, a motor, and a controller incorporated into their design. Basically they’re bikes 64 The Beast | September 2017

with their own power booster. The battery increases your pedalling power, but does not totally replace it. You still need to do some pedalling to get to the end of your trip, but it’s totally within your control.

WHY GET ONE? Cheaper than a car, e-bikes are the perfect solution if you aren’t fit and you’re keen to get to work or that party without a bead on your brow, all while avoiding the usual traffic frustrations. The electric assisted motor can take you long distances over steep hills and through pesky headwinds. Who can say no to affordable, quick transport with low long-term running costs (no petrol!), which could also make you fitter? Plus, you’ll be reducing your carbon footprint, which is an added bonus. So join the pack and make cycling second nature.

FIVE THINGS TO LOOK FOR WHEN BUYING AN ELECTRIC BIKE… 1. Motor Unless you have special needs, front motors are preferable to rear ones. They are easier to maintain and remove if you get a puncture.

2. Throttle Throttles are really useful if you need a hand to take off or want to take a break from pedalling.

Just remember that they will chew through your battery faster than pedal-assist alone. Some of the better quality pedal-assisted bikes won’t require a throttle as they are more sensitive to your pedal push.

3. Tyres If possible, get a bike with puncture-resistant tyres. They’ll save you from the headache of having to change too many flats.

4. Weight E-bikes can weigh up to 27kg, making them heavy to push up a hill with a flat tyre.

5. Check before you buy Watch out for shonky bikes on the market.

There are really only two legal options: 1) Pedal-assist-only up to 250W; and 2) others up to 200W power.

WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT ELECTRIC BIKES? Join Waverley Council’s Bike Week event – Sunday, September 18, 10am to 1pm - at Warners Avenue, near Bondi Markets. There’ll be electric bikes for you to try and bike-powered smoothies to enjoy.

SUBJECT South Swell LOCATION Mackenzies Bay PHOTOGRAPHER Andrew Worssam

SUBJECT Crazy orange lights LOCATION Bondi PHOTOGRAPHER Octavio Gomez Haro INSTA @bondi SUBJECT Samuel shredding LOCATION Chifley Skatepark PHOTOGRAPHER Blake Barnard INSTA @bibarnard

SUBJECT Big old sunset seas LOCATION Coogee PHOTOGRAPHER Joe O'Donoghue INSTA @moresaltthanpepper

SUBJECT Catching up on the news LOCATION Bondi PHOTOGRAPHER Ash Walker

The Beast Magazine wants your local photos!

SUBJECT Morning stretch LOCATION Dover Heights PHOTOGRAPHER Luke Wilson INSTA @weepy_ SUBJECT Mermates LOCATION Bondi PHOTOGRAPHER Poppy Wolanski

SUBJECT Morning sun LOCATION Centennial Park PHOTOGRAPHER Pat Kennedy INSTA @pk_photographyandfilms

SUBJECT Icy dips LOCATION Bronte PHOTOGRAPHER Bennett Campbell INSTA @bennettcampbell

SUBJECT Yummy mummies LOCATION North Bondi PHOTOGRAPHER Catherine Hickson

Please send them to photos@thebeast.com.au

Dannii Minogue, Kate MillerHeidke, the Veronicas, Katie Noonan and Clare Bowen (from hit TV series Nashville). I’m very happy with it.

If you come to see my Innocence To Understanding Greatest Hits Tour, you can expect… a great night out.

I want people to escape and have some fun. It’s all the hits, a few surprises, a great band, interesting sets and lighting, and some great fashion.

If I could have chosen one song to have written it would have to be… I can’t think of one particular song, but as songwriters I love Fleetwood Mac, Prince, the Bee Gees, ABBA – there are so many great writers.

The best thing about the local music scene is… how eclectic it is.

I’ve travelled a lot over the past 40 years and I genuinely believe that Australian music has never been better than it is now.

They should name an arena after her.

UNDERSTANDING POP ICON TINA ARENA Words Dan Hutton Picture Acer Arena

T

ina Arena really needs no introduction, so I’m not going to bother with one. We caught up with the Aussie pop icon during the month…

My first memory of music is… Italian tunes coming from our kitchen as my mother cooked.

Growing up my parents listened to… all kinds of music. Lots of old Italian songs and European music.

And my big sister influenced the more contemporary music that I listened to growing up.

Taking to the stage at Splendour in the Grass with the boys from Client Liaison was… electric. It was so much fun. I love everything about Client Liaison - their sound, their fashion, their sense of humour.

They have such a great brand and

68 The Beast | September 2017

they’re fantastic live, just infectious. Splendour is a great festival – open-minded music lovers out to have a good time.

One person I’d still really like to record with is… Chris Martin from Coldplay.

My biggest fan has got be… my son and my husband, hopefully.

They are my world.

People still listen to my music because… it makes them feel good.

My dream gig would have to be…

Royal Albert Hall again. I love it there. I played the Herod Atticus in Athens last year, an outdoor theatre that was completed in 161 AD! It was wild. I also played my first pub gig in 25 years recently at the Corner Hotel in Melbourne and it was so much fun. I play in all kinds of venues and I love that.

My career highlight is… singing in other languages and having success in other languages. That has been very fulfilling. Also performing at the opening of the Sydney Olympic Games, and being recognised with an Order of Merit in both Australia and France was pretty special.

My greatest hits album, Innocence To Understanding, is… a celebration of 40 years of work. I don’t like the traditional ‘greatest hits’ albums, so having other musicians collaborate on the album was awesome. It features everyone from Jess Mauboy to Jimmy Barnes,

If you would like to find out more about Tina Arena, please visit www.tinaarena.com.

Tickets for Tina’s Innocence To Understanding Greatest Hits Tour are available now from www.tinaarena.com/tours.

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ALBUM #1 Artist Dan Sultan Album Killer Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  I must admit to struggling to get a grip on Dan Sultan’s ‘sound’. Is he singer-songwriter? Is he bluesman? Is he country? Whatever he is, he’s good. There’s a great energy to this album. Can I call it groovy? I’m going to call it groovy. Not long haired, peace sign groovy, but swinging hips on a dance floor groovy. I’d like to see him live with a big band behind him, horns and all. There is also an inspiring grit to his lyrics. The struggle seems real. It’s not just the usual whinging of an out of touch rock star.

ALBUM #2

MOVIE REVIEW TITLE Logan Lucky GENRE Comedy Drama REVIEWER Linda Heller-Salvador Oscar winner Steven Soderbergh (Traffic, Solaris, Behind The Candelabra) has come out of a four-year self-imposed retirement to direct, edit, and shoot Logan Lucky, a fun-filled, low-down Southern American version of his Ocean’s films - think Ocean’s 11 meets The Dukes Of Hazzard. If anyone can succeed in creating an anti-glam, no-tech heist caper, it’s Soderbergh.

Channing Tatum is Jimmy Logan, a hard working, divorced father who has been fired from his construction job. Needing money for a lawyer to stop his ex-wife taking his daughter interstate to live, he hatches an elaborate plan to rob one of the biggest NASCAR races of the year.

He convinces his slow-drawling deadpan brother Clyde (Adam Driver) and their no-nonsense sister Mellie (Riley Keough) to help, but first they need an explosives expert. In steps Daniel Craig in one of his wackiest roles to date, as Joe Bang, an eccentric career criminal.

The banter between this bumbling band of misfits is gold, and you can’t help but want them to succeed.

Although it takes a while for Logan Lucky to kick into gear, when it does it’s a riotous good-time film with a lot of laughs that should keep everyone happy.

70 The Beast | September 2017

Artist Vera Blue Album Perennial Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  “I’ve seen The Voice, I’ve tried to understand it, but it never feels that real - oh-wo-wo-wo, oh-wo-wo-wo!” Okay, enough of that. Vera Blue is from The Voice, if you didn’t quite grasp why I was channelling Johnny ‘Whispering Jack’ Farnham. I don’t watch the show, can’t stand the judges, but I can stand Vera Blue. Her debut album has all the right ingredients – perhaps even a little too much so, as it can feel a tad overproduced at times. At the risk of sounding like a complete wanker, I recommend this with some Hunter Valley Rosé on a spring afternoon.

ALBUM #3 Artist Meg Mac Album Low Blows Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  Meg Mac has more grunt than Russell Crowe could ever dream of. More swing than David Warner on a flat deck. More sole than a cobbler’s workshop. Damn it, that last one only works if you verbalise it. She is also a welcome breath of fresh air to the Australian music scene. Most of our popular singer-songwriters are getting a little bit too cute for me. Nothing wrong with that of course, but the frail indie vibe is a bit old hat now. It’s probably because they all wear them - old hats, that is.

Get Ready and Go Biking Bondi Spring is a great time to get ready and go biking! Join us for a celebration of NSW Bike Week and find out how to get fit and avoid traffic congestion.

Sunday 17 September 2017, 10am–1pm Warners Island, Campbell Parade, North Bondi (near Bondi Markets) FREE This event is suitable for all ages.

• Check out the electric bikes which will allow you to ride Bondi’s hills easily • Talk to the experts about how to get started so you can commute by bike to work, school or just for play • Discover the fun in preserving the environment by making cycling for transport ‘Second Nature’ #secondnatureimin • Join in a ride from Bondi Junction to the event • Lots of other fun activities and giveaways

For more information contact Carolyn on 9083 8678 or email carolyn.new@waverley.nsw.gov.au

16–24 September 2017 For more information visit transportnsw.info/bikeweek

ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT FROM AROUND THE BEACHES Words Madeleine Gray Picture Leroy Horton Instagram @bondiangler NOX TO SET RANDWICK AGLOW From Friday, September 15 to Sunday, September 17, NOX Festival at Randwick Environment Park will be hosting nightly sculpture walks. In a collaboration between UNSW and Randwick Council, artists from UNSW Art & Design will transform the park and wetland into an illuminated outdoor art gallery. “These young artists have created works that will help light up Randwick Environment Park and help us all see the area through fresh eyes. I’m happy to be able to provide such a unique ‘gallery’ for these up-and-coming creatives and encourage everyone to experience it for themselves,” Cr Noel D’Souza said.

LOCAL MUSICIAN LENKA RELEASES NEW ALBUM Local muso Lenka has just released her new album, ‘Attune’.

She says, “This album came about after a period of uninspired, semi-retired creative apathy finally broke. I heard this quote: ‘Would you still make it if no one ever saw (or heard) it and you didn't get paid for it?’ and that idea lit a spark inside me and I started writing

Launching humpback.

songs again, just for myself. After four solo albums and two with Decoder Ring this is my favourite material so far.” For more details, please visit www.lenkamusic.com.

MAKE YOUR HORTICULTURAL SKILLS BLOOM Make your Instagram inspiration a reality! On September 1, Centennial Parklands will host its first Inside Dig – a new 1.5 hour workshop on the secrets of growing and styling succulents, complete with wine, antipasto spread, and great company. Participants will meet Yates horticulturalist Angie Thomas in this unique class designed to combine a fun, relaxed social setting with beginner gardening tips. The event will go from 5.30 – 7pm and costs $65 per person, with wine, antipasto, and a succulent to take home included.

To reserve your spot, please visit www.centennialparklands.com.au.

PHOTOGRAPH LIKE A PRO A Bronte local is running a series of workshops for aspiring photographers, fashion bloggers, and models. Cassandra Adams, an experienced photographer who has

worked for the likes of Le Specs and Karen Walker, has created a special course to allow ‘newbies’ to get a foot in the door of this highly competitive market. She has set up a studio where students can go behind the scenes, take professional-like photos of real models, and learn how to stage a fashion shoot and produce images to create a portfolio from an experienced team. For more information, visit thefashionphotographyschool.com.

IN THE LIMINAL SPACE Black Eye Gallery in Darlinghurst is excited to announce the opening of Liminal by Armando Chant, on Thursday, August 24 at 6pm, which will run throughout September. Liminal builds an interest with the potential for engagement that exists with the relationship between imagery and objects that sit within an in-between state of emergence and realisation. Chant has worked internationally across a diverse range of artistic disciplines and currently lectures at the University of Technology Sydney for the Fashion and Textiles Program.

For more information please visit www.blackeyegallery.com.au.

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September 2017 | The Beast 75

Miso hungry.

WARMING MISO ROOT VEGETABLES Recipe and Image Jacqueline Alwill

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s a kid I spent many years living in Tokyo, Japan and that time has had a huge impact on the way I understand food, cook and live. The Japanese influence pops up pretty frequently on the menu both at home and in our catering ventures at the Brown Paper Kitchen.

In this recipe it’s all about miso play. Miso is seriously delicious (obviously), and as a fermented food it offers the body some heavenly nutrients that nourish the digestive system. You can team the yummy flavours of these Warming Miso Root Vegetables with your protein of choice and give your guts a little loving while filling your face.

It’s gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free, and vegan friendly, so can safely serve it at a dinner party without offending any guests.

INGREDIENTS (Serves 4-6) 500g pumpkin (approx. 1/4 small Jap pumpkin), peeled and cut into large chunks 500g sweet potato, peeled and cut into large chunks

76 The Beast | September 2017

500g carrots, cut into chunks 3 tbsp coconut oil, melted 2 cups baby spinach 2 Asian spring onions, sliced on the length, white part only 1/4 bunch coriander, leaves picked, stalks finely sliced 1/4 cup walnuts, roughly chopped 1 tbsp sesame seeds, toasted Sea salt and ground black pepper Miso Dressing 2 tsp white miso paste 2 tbsp olive oil 1 tbsp maple syrup 1 tbsp lemon juice METHOD 1. Preheat oven to 220C and line two large baking trays with greaseproof paper.

2. Arrange pumpkin, sweet potato and carrot over the trays, drizzle with coconut oil, sprinkle with a touch of sea salt and roast for 30 minutes or until lovely and golden.

3. Remove from oven and arrange on a large serving platter with baby

spinach, spring onions, coriander, walnuts and sesame seeds.

4. Drizzle with miso dressing and serve.

This delicious recipe was provided by local nutritionist and author of Seasons to Share, Jacqueline Alwill. For whole food catering, nutrition workshops, recipes, and much more, please visit www.thebrownpaperbag.com.au.

Vinomofo founders Justin Dry (left) and Andre Eikmeier (right).

OPENING YOUR MIND AND PALATE TO ONLINE WINE CLUBS Words and Picture Alex Russell Instagram @ozwineguy

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sold wine for around 10 years and during that time I observed the majority of customers sticking to what they know. They would buy the exact same wine each time they visited, or stick to the same variety without being willing to explore new stuff.

I get it, though. There’s so much to learn about wine and it’s daunting, so it’s easiest to stick with what you know. And no one wants to look like they don’t know much about something. If it makes you feel any better, even the most celebrated wine writers in the world continue to learn new and interesting things about wine on a regular basis – no one knows everything.

But exploring wines is still tricky. Many wine retailers are genuinely excited about getting you to try new and interesting wines, while others are happy to just stand behind the counter, scan your bottle, and take your money. Plus, it can be difficult to describe what you like (and what you dislike), so asking for help can be daunting.

If you are interested in trying new wines and are willing to trust

people who are genuinely interested in putting wine recommendations together for you, there are a few options you can explore.

FABULOUS LADIES WINE SOCIETY Last month I wrote about the Fabulous Ladies Wine Society.

They offer a monthly package, with two wines chosen. If you only want two bottles then you only get two bottles! And delivery is free, with the wines discounted around 25 per cent off the recommended retail price (RRP). It’s a great way to get a couple of new wines to try each month.

VINOMOFO Vinomofo offers a few clubs. The Original Club ships a dozen wines every quarter, with an extra case at Christmas. Don’t like something?

You can opt out of a particular style (personally, I opt out of Sauvignon Blanc). Only want reds?

No problem. Only whites? Too easy. They also offer ‘The Cube’ nine wines every nine weeks for $99. At just $11 per bottle for some new wine exploration, it’s not a bad deal at all.

THE WINE GALLERY The Wine Gallery tries to match wines with your palate. You start by taking a ‘palate profile quiz’ and they use that information to work out which wines to recommend to you. They have a three-time Sommelier of the Year leading a team that looks after wine recommendations for you. You get three wines a month (but can opt in for more if you like), and the recommendations are always pretty interesting.

There are plenty of others wine clubs around, too, and if you’ve got a decent local bottle shop you can ask the team there to put a selection together for you.

REMINDER ABOUT THE WOMEN IN WINE AWARDS It would be remiss of me not to remind you of the Women in Wine Awards, which will be held on September 26 at 8pm. Check the website (www.womeninwineawards. com.au) for local events. At the time of publishing I hadn’t seen the wine list, but judging by the wines from previous events it’ll be a spectacular line-up!

September 2017 | The Beast 77

Saké is an extra special treat.

SAKÉ DOUBLE BAY – ELEGANT JAPANESE FOR THE EAST Words Dining Dave Instagram @diningdave Picture Grant Brooks

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his month, The Beast has sent Dining Dave a little further afield than usual; outside of the Eastern Beaches. Never saying no to an assignment, my companion and I made the demanding trek to the upscale oasis known as Double Bay. Justifying the break with protocol was the opportunity to enjoy a Sunday lunch at one of Australia’s best restaurant group’s best restaurants – Saké.

Saké is the modern Japanese offering of the Rockpool Dining Group (of Neil Perry fame), which first opened in the Rocks in 2014, but has since expanded to Double Bay, as well as Melbourne and Brisbane.

Located within the Intercontinental Hotel on Cross Street, Saké provides three distinct seating areas: private group rooms, a main dining area, and, for us, the streetview section, where, if we needed to be reminded what part of town we were dining in, the black and white Lamborghini parked next to our window being photographed

78 The Beast | September 2017

by every passer-by assured us. The main interior feature of the restaurant is the matching brown-marble center table and wall behind the room-length bar. Inside, the dim yellow-tinged lighting relaxes, even at midday.

We were settled in by Ari, the very knowledgeable manager, who convinced us to go totally overboard with ordering lunch.

Saké offers several lunch set menu options, including a bento box featuring many of their classic dishes.

However, given the full menu we began with five starters including nori crisps, tuna, kingfish, green onion, togarashi (chilli pepper), and sesame dressing (a Neil Perry addition); Hiramasa kingfish with soy dressing, house made lime, and jalapeno kosho; popcorn shrimp with chili mayonnaise; steamed prawn dumplings (shumai and wari ponzu); and tuna akami sashimi.

One of the things that raises these dishes to dizzying heights is the incredible manual effort

that goes into them. Take the nori crisps, which are hand-pressed, the soy sauce that Sake makes inhouse, and the intensive rolling of the dough for the dumplings. Of course, all of the elements are very fresh and of high quality. For us, the kingfish - one of their classics - the nori crisps, and the popcorn shrimp were the standouts.

For mains, Ari brought us the Cape Grim short rib bo ssam - a Saké twist on the traditional Chinese san choy bau lettuce wraps, which was amazing - and their succulent Glacier 51 Toothfish coated with miso butter, nori, and baked in bamboo leaves, which was probably the most delicious dish we've eaten all year.

Saké’s wonders aren’t limited to their seafood and beef, so when it came time for dessert we doubled down with the frozen mochi - a visually appealing arrangement of four frozen sorbet dumplings (caramel & miso and raspberry & white chocolate) nestled on a plate of smouldering dry ice - and the miso caramel chocolate fondant - a warm chocolate pudding with a miso caramel centre and vanilla ice cream.

We thoroughly enjoyed our Sunday lunch at Saké, and driving the extra mile outside the beaches was well worth it. For lunch or dinner, Saké is an extra special treat. If you appreciate elegantly served and finely prepared modern Japanese cuisine in an upscale setting that’s not too far from home, Saké in Double Bay is simply the best you're going to get.

Saké Restaurant and Bar Address 33 Cross St, Double Bay Phone 02 8017 3104 Instagram @sakerestaurant FB facebook.com/SakeRestaurantDoubleBay/ Open Lunch 12pm – 3pm (daily), Dinner 5.30 – 10pm (Sun to Thurs), 5.30 – 11pm (Fri and Sat), Sushi bar 3pm – 5.30pm (daily) Prices $50 - $150 p.p.

Cards Accepted Yes Licensed Yes

A match made in Heaven.

RUM & RAISIN CHEESECAKE - THE HEALTHIEST BOOZY DESSERT EVER Words and Picture Catherine Noonan

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his is the easiest and healthiest Rum and Raisin Cheesecake recipe on the planet. Decadent and full of flavour, one slice is never enough! The firm, chewy base is made from almonds, coconut, dates, and coconut oil. The creamy filling is made with raw cashew nuts, almond milk, coconut oil, vanilla, rum, and raisins. This recipe is best started a day ahead, but if you can’t wait a whole day, give it at least fours hours!

INGREDIENTS (Serves 8) Base 200g almonds 1/2 cup desiccated coconut 10 Medjool dates 4 tbsp coconut oil, melted Filling 2 cups raw cashew nuts, soaked in filtered water overnight (or for at least 4 hours) 1/2 cup maple syrup 1/2 cup coconut oil 1/2 cup almond milk 3 tbsp lemon juice 1/2 tsp vanilla 1 1/4 cup raisins, soaked in 1/2 cup Bundaberg rum overnight

METHOD 1. After you’ve soaked the cashew nuts, drain and discard the water.

vanilla. Blitz until smooth. Turn off the blender.

2. After you’ve soaked the raisins in rum, drain and set aside (you can save the rum for something else).

8. Using a spoon, gently fold in 1 cup of the drained raisins (reserving the last 1/4 cup for decorating the top).

3. Grease a cake tin with coconut oil. Line the base with non-stick baking paper and set aside.

9. Pour the mixture on top of the almond base and scatter the remaining 1/4 cup of raisins on top.

4. To make the base, in a food processor add the almonds and desiccated coconut. Whiz until a fine nut meal results.

10. Cover with cling film and place on a level surface in the freezer.

Allow to set overnight or for at least four hours.

5. Add the medjool dates and melted coconut oil. Whiz until evenly combined.

11. Keep frozen unless serving.

Return leftovers to freezer to avoid melting.

6. Pour the base mixture into the greased and lined cake tin and, using your hands, press down firmly ensuring that the base is level, and spread to the edges. Transfer to the fridge.

7. For the filling, to a blender add the cashews, maple syrup, coconut oil, almond milk, lemon juice, and

Cath Noonan is a self-confessed health-foodie, recipe creator, and nutrition student, as well as the founder of healthy food blog, I Heart Scratch. Check out her delicious food pics on her Instagram account, @i_heart_scratch, and find more recipes by visiting www.iheartscratch.com.au.

September 2017 | The Beast 79

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ACROSS 1. Relating to calculations of numbers (12) 7. Married name of Jennifer Aniston’s character in Friends (6,6) 8. Meadow (3) 9. Express discontent (6) 10. Another term for Cantonese (3) 11. White powder drug (7) 12. Naturally occurring metal (3) 15. Place where a specific service is based (7) 17. Birthplace of Naomi Watts (7) 18. Search (4) 19. Complains (7)

DOWN 1. Famous Australian Olympic swimmer from Bondi Swimming Club (6,4) 2. Fishing equipment (6) 3. Transportation device that goes up and down (8) 4. Branch of mathematics involving letters (7) 5. Lighting (12) 6. Part of throat (6) 13. National bird of USA (5) 14. Communication code that involves beeps (5) 15. Frozen water vapour (4) 16. NFL ‘try’ (abbrev.) (1,1)

TRIVIAL TRIVIA Words Madeleine Gray Picture Amaury Tréguer Instagram @morningbondi 1.True or false: Abortion has been decriminalised in NSW? 2. Jay Z’s latest album, released in 2017, is called what?

3. AFL was invented in which Australian city?

4. What is the name of Hamish & Andy’s new TV show?

Beautiful Ben Buckler.

80 The Beast | September 2017

5. Name two Australian politicians who have recently been forced to quit due to their dual citizenship?

6. Which country has won the most Summer Olympic medals?

7. What is the atomic symbol for Hafnium?

8. Does a gadwall have feathers, fur, or fins?

9. Which 1940 screwball comedy starred Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell?

10. In what year did Bondi Junction railway station first open?

SCORPIO OCT 24-NOV 22 Rather than trying to escape to a better life somewhere else, why not focus on making the most of life here? The location isn't the problem.

ARIES MAR 21-APR 20 Stop talking about what you were gonna do. I know you shoulda, coulda, and woulda, but you didn't so leave the glory to someone who did.

SAGITTARIUS NOV 23-DEC 21 Still waiting for house prices to come down? Not while we're importing nearly 200,000 people a year they won't. All aboard!

TAURUS APR 21-MAY 21 An unintentional sloppy fart will leave you feeling humiliated and helpless, especially when it spills out of your undies and down your leg.

CAPRICORN DEC 22-JAN 20 When the universe continually stifles your plans, maybe it's a sign.

So stop being such a stubborn prick and just let things happen.

GEMINI MAY 22-JUN 21 If there's a more pretentious topic than a child's eating habits, please let me know. But for now, stop talking about it because no one gives a shit.

VIRGO AUG 23-SEP 23 Anyone who hovers around your cafĂŠ table when you're still eating deserves to have a cup of boiling hot water poured on their face.

AQUARIUS JAN 21-FEB 19 Get someone else to manage your finances. Even if they charge you a fortune, you'll be much better off because you're financially retarded.

CANCER JUN 22-JUL 22 When someone wants to wrap up a phone call, just let them go for f**k's sake. Why would you want to trap someone and bore them like that?

LIBRA SEP 24-OCT 23 Will this be a summer filled with heaps of roots? Or another summer spent masturbating in isolation?

The time to get in shape is now.

PISCES FEB 20-MAR 20 Nothing is more important than your health, so start looking after yourself. At the very least cut back on drugs or hookers, but not both.

LEO JUL 23-AUG 22 Just because you can't find your sex organ, doesn't mean you have to trim your pubes. Hairy people can still be functioning members of society.

STAR SIGNS Words Beardy from Hell

TRIVIAL TRIVIA SOLUTIONS 1. False 2. 4:44 3. Melbourne 4. True Story with Hamish & Andy 5. Matthew Canavan, Scott Ludlam, Larissa Waters 6. USA 7. Hf 8. Feathers 9. His Girl Friday 10. 1979

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