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BEAST The

October 2018

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WELCOME TO OCTOBER 2018... IN FULL BLOOM Words Dan and James Hutton

W

elcome to the October 2018 edition of The Beast, the monthly magazine for Sydney’s Beaches of the East. After a rather cold and uninspiring beginning, spring is finally in full bloom. In just a few weeks the coastal walk will be awash with art-loving locals and visitors alike, all trying to get the perfect Instagram shot with whatever sculpture it is that piques the greatest collective interest this year. Will there be anything anywhere near as good as the melting ice cream truck from 2006? Probably not. In the magazine this month there is plenty to look forward to. Enthralling articles about fishing bans, new bus services, scrapped bus services and Coogee Bay Road upgrades all get a start, along with our usual riveting monthly contributions on everything from sport and sex, to food, wine and travel.

8 The Beast | October 2018

Local pollies Marjorie O'Neill and Bruce Notley-Smith have also taken the time to pen opinion pieces and they're both well worth a read. On the cover is Australian wicket-keeper Alyssa Healy, who popped in to Beast HQ in the leadup to another bumper summer of cricket. When she’s not pulling on the gold for Australia or the sky blue for NSW, she’s getting in touch with her feminine side and donning the hot pink of our local Big Bash franchise, the Sydney Sixers. Not one to mince words, the interview with Alyssa is a no holds barred insight into the life of a ferociously competitive female cricketer. Thanks again for taking the time to peruse our little magazine. A lot of love goes into it and we hope you enjoy the read. Dan and James - Publishers

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Contents

October 2018 Issue 165 08 11 12 14 22 24 26 30 42 43

Welcome Note Contents Pearls of Wisdom Monthly Mailbag Local Bloke Local Chick Thumbs and Dogs Local News Calendar Trade Directory

44 56 57 58 60 61 62 63 64 66

Interview Marjorie's Musings Beastpops Bruce's Banter Sporting Life Tide Chart Con Gestion Unreliable Guide Headnoise Enviro News

The Coathanger from Dudley Page Reserve, by Matthew Pearce.

67 68 70 74 76 80 81 82 82

Satire Sexy Time Travel Bug Local Photos Food & Wine Reviews Trivial Trivia Beardy From Hell Trivia Solutions


Talking sense.

AN OPEN LETTER TO ALEX TURNBULL, SON OF FORMER PM MALCOLM TURNBULL Words Pearl Bullivant Picture Peter Dutton

D

ear Alex - I had hoped to publish this open letter in The Australian, but as my meagre part-pension could not cover the exorbitant cost of the Murdoch rag, the lovely editors at The Beast have agreed to indulge me by printing this ‘opinion piece disguised as political propaganda’ in place of Pearl’s column. It may seem strange for an old leftie like Pearl to be writing to the fund manager son of a multimillionaire former prime minister. But seeing that you have participated in one of Pearl’s favourite pastimes, whistleblowing, and after reading your tell-all interview in the Sydney Morning Herald, which revealed the home truths behind your father’s usurping, I realised that you could be the man to form a political party with. Pearl has become despondent with politics and it is horrifying to think that Australia is now being governed by a coal throwing, public school hating, climate change denying Christian fundamentalist who is prepared to sacrifice the environment for the sake of rent 12 The Beast | October 2018

seekers. But, alas, the alternatives aren’t of appeal - the ALP is run by unionists in cahoots with big business and the Greens (my favoured party) have evolved into apologists who trade in victimhood rather than environmental concerns. So surely there’s a place for a socially and environmentally aware party with Pearl at the helm? You have the financial contacts, I have the minds behind the Clovelly Push, and with your father’s money we could be running Australia. And I mean the whole of Australia, not just local or state or federal - all of it - with our mission being to wipe out the rent seekers (corporations, banks, property developers, mining and media magnates, supermarkets, the list goes on) that Australia is controlled by and governed for. Our campaign statement will be a simple ‘Just Say No’. The rent seekers, whose modus operandi is to scaremonger the masses and hand over political donations, need to be treated like Clovelly yummy mummies and Rose Bay matrons, employing the same

tactics used by council rangers when dealing with illegally parked 4WDs or untethered dogs – “No you cannot do that, you will be fined, and I don’t care who you are or how much money you have.” The rent seekers need to be told they cannot indulge in anticompetitive practices, cannot build ugly, shoddy housing developments, cannot clear forests for the sake of wood chip export, cannot live export, cannot frack. And just like the velour tracksuit is so last decade for the yummy mummy, the rent seekers need to be told that coal is the same – it’s antiquated and musty - and that renewable energy, like a Camilla kaftan, is timeless and guaranteed to always deliver (at fashion week). So, Alex, I am hoping you will indulge Pearl in this flight of fancy. Forget backing the ALP (and, God forbid, Bill Shorten) - the Bullivant Turnbull Party has that hipster nostalgic ring to it, don’t you think? Kind Regards, Pearl Clovelly


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THE BEAST'S MONTHLY MAILBAG Words The People of the Eastern Suburbs DEVIL’S ISLAND Congrats on a great publication. I often find a copy when visiting Bondi. But your double-paged plug for tourism in WA at Rottnest Island (A Long Ride Around Rottnest Island, The Beast, August 2018) really disturbed me. As a folk music fan I have heard the Bernard Carney song 'Devil's Island' at many festivals. It tells the true history of the hot spot off the coast of Perth. For nearly 100 years it was home to an Aboriginal prison where the early white colonisers of WA dumped any Indigenous person who resisted the theft of their land. Many died of hunger, disease and abuse - a sad tale of dispossession and cultural destruction. It continues to this day with the richest woman in Australia, Gina Rinehart, and her multinational bankers profiting from the theft of the minerals her father Lang Hancock stole from the deposed tribes. The resort hotel your real estate contributor raves about was the former prison. Next time get with the times we live in and tell the true ‘history’ of this country and not just the quirks of European colonial explorers. Without truth there can be no reconciliation, with Adam Goodes nor any of our Indigenous forebears. Jefferson Lee Petersham IN THE FIRING LINE A letter I sent to Randwick Council: My first amendment rights of being able to walk freely are being

14 The Beast | October 2018

sabotaged by the second amendment rights of the shooters of Malabar. I went off on Sunday, August 5, 2018 for a much-anticipated family walk over by Malabar Heads only to be told that they were shooting at the range. So my understanding of this is that if I and the rest of the non-rifle owning public (which I would assume would make up the majority of Australia) would like to enjoy the outdoors in this beautiful, recently tax-funded upgrade part of Sydney, we can only walk during the working week and on every second Sunday of the month. This is ridiculous, and I feel we are being held hostage by the ‘Yankee do da’ gun owners! Please explain how this can be? DW Randwick ANOTHER EYESORE FOR MAROUBRA BEACH Maroubra Beach is a stunningly beautiful place to live. Many residents and visitors love the area’s natural wonders and village vibe. However, Maroubra Beach does have one tiny thing that will never fit in to the landscape. Located for all to see on Marine Parade, its six storeys of gargantuan, inappropriate, overscale and overbuilt bulk is a daily reminder of exactly how overdevelopment can be so detrimental to a community. Unbelievably, developers are proposing to do it all again, but sadly not with one building, but three! Yes, the same type of gross, ugly, overdevelopment is being proposed for the former Maroubra

RSL Memorial Bowling Club (‘the Bowlo’). This club was built in 1955 by members of the Returned and Services League, Australia (RSL). It was sold by the RSL in 2016 to Catholic Healthcare. Currently the Bowlo remains intact while the proposed development is being assessed. There is still huge support for retention of this community facility. While still owned by the RSL, wives of local members of the Australian Defence Forces innovatively proposed caring for the needs of both older and younger Australians through an integrated childcare and aged care facility. Sadly, all pleas and plans from locals fell on the deaf ears of the RSL and politicians. The Bowlo was sold. Technically not rezoned (in all but name), the Bowlo has been awarded a Site Compatibility Certificate (SCC) by the NSW Government’s Department of Planning and Environment. The SCC radically changes the original permissible land use of ‘RE2 Private Recreation’ - private open space for recreation purposes. The site can now undergo intensive, overscale development. Like a magic wand! The SCC turns lowly valued, open community recreation space into a site that offers the potential for massive overscale development. This process significantly increases the value of the site. With the SCC secured, R3 planning height restrictions of 9.5 metres to 12 metres that apply to the surrounding area are thrown out the window. To maximise profits the highest building proposed for the site will be 25.85 metres, with a two-metre terrace effect from the bowling greens to the surrounding landscape. The buildings will tower almost as high as our unmissable six-storey eyesore on Marine Parade. Unrestrained by height limits, Catholic Healthcare intends to severely overdevelop the site to maximise ocean views and maximise profits. The development is being marketed as aged care, yet the majority of dwellings constructed will be for exclusive luxury one, two and three-bedroom ocean view apartments. An extra 400-plus people can live and work on the site, yet only


93 car parks are planned. The extra traffic and cars will clog the surrounding streets. Incongruously, two driveways are planned amidst a pedestrian crossing and drop-off/ pick-up zones that serve St Mary St Joseph Catholic Primary School. While the proposed development is being marketed as aged care, it makes a lot more sense for aged care to be facilitated in Maroubra Junction, close to a comprehensive and large choice of health and medical facilities, community services and other facilities including shops and transportation. Like an industrial estate or office block, its design is boxy and square, with large areas of exposed glass and masonry. Hard surfaces are maximised and open space/garden areas and street setbacks are minimised. No consideration has been given to energy efficiency. Air conditioner use will be maximised, sucking energy and creating a micro-climate, heating up the development and surrounding area. In winter and summer a wind tunnel is created, funnelling strong, cold westerly winds and then hot northerly winds, respectively, on to the neighbouring properties and St Mary-St Joseph Catholic Primary School. Plus, the proposed development is in a flood prone area. The impacts have not been properly addressed. The height and bulk of the proposed development will result in significant visual impact as neighbourhood views are lost or destroyed forever. It will result in overshadowing, overlooking and loss of privacy for many neighbours including St Mary - St Joseph Catholic Primary School. The proposed development by Catholic Healthcare will see the Bowlo totally destroyed, resulting in a huge loss of community open space and amenity without any compensation for a facility that is a community resource. It will be totally unsympathetic to the surrounding environment, strongly clashing with the area’s pleasant open, low-rise, coastal aesthetic. Despite its potential to impact the community for the next 100 years, it is devoid of architectural merit and lacks proper environmental impact considerations.

If the politicians haven’t the gumption to stop this overdevelopment then at the bare minimum they should insist that the developers significantly curtail the overdevelopment. The height and bulk should fit into the current planning restrictions of R3, enforced on the area and its current residents. The design and look should be an enhancement to the area, but currently the proposed overdevelopment mimics the ugly mistakes made in the past (and now present) for all to see on Marine Parade. Mia Hart Maroubra ANGIE'S OTHER PLANET ‘Angie’, the anti-vaccination crusader, gives her address as ‘Another Planet’ ( Jibberer Not a Jabberer, Letters, The Beast, September 2018). All I'm sure of is that whatever planet it is, she's firmly convinced that it's flat. Probably lots of fairies there too? Peter Russell Coogee NO MORE JIBBERISH PLEASE The ebola outbreak in remote villages in Guinea, Liberia and Sierra Leone rapidly grew into an epidemic. When sufficient medical aid finally arrived, the strategy used to halt its progress was to segregate infected patients from the uninfected, inoculate healthy persons physically close to infected patients, and inoculate infected patients with less grave symptoms. Some of these sick patients actually survived following inoculation (surprise, surprise), as did those who received early inoculation. Note that the medical aid did not have to address neurological disorders, allergies and other causes to stem the outbreak. This episode highlights the fact that mass inoculation serves greater society with the greater good and most of us are prepared to accept the very small amount of collateral damage from adverse reactions to inoculation, even though we may be part of that collateral damage. I would like to debate this topic further, but I shan’t tarry because I am off to have my next inoculation. Yours faithfully, Steve Bronte

PASSING OF A SURF CLUB LEGEND Words Duncan Horscroft

W

ally Woodford Boon was a well-known and respected life member of the Bronte Surf Club and a longtime member of the Bronte Splashers. Sadly, at the age of 79, Wally succumbed to a long illness and passed away in late August. A celebration of his life was held at the Bronte Surf Club and attended by hundreds who remembered a mate who was an avid sportsman. His sporting prowess was well noted by his former teammates as well as those whom he mentored. After joining the surf club as a 13-year-old he went on to play rugby league and rugby union for NSW, as well as playing for the Eastern Suburbs Roosters, and coached the Clovelly Eagles junior rugby union team to premierships. Wally worked for many years at News Ltd and had a long career in the sporting industry with brands such as ASICS, Mizuno and Ring Pro. Condolences go out to his loving wife Laurel and children Melanie, Cameron and Jason, and grandchildren Jorja, Bianca, Connor, Ethan, Jake and Josh. His family thanked everyone for their support. RIP Wally.

October 2018 | The Beast 15


SELFISH CITIZEN Angie seems to be reluctant to divulge her full name, but since she is from another planet it probably doesn't matter. What matters, though, is that she decided to share her thoughts with us about vaccinations, which don't affect her much being from another planet. As a medical practitioner (studied six years undergraduate and ten years post grad) with 25 years of experience, having published five articles in peer-reviewed journals, which was my own research (each article took years to publish and had to go through ethics committees and many other hoops, none of them funded by 'Big Pharma'), I am a bit offended by her opinions. I have to maintain my knowledge through regular continued professional development courses, evenings, conferences in order to maintain my medical registration and my registration at the Royal College of General Practitioners, and also read three medical journals a week. I am by no means an expert on vaccinations and am certainly not well read enough on this subject to really advise you all of the very latest knowledge in this particular extensive field of medicine, but I do trust the Medical Advisory Committee that advises the government on the latest immunisation updates, as these epidemiologists and physicians involved have also got years and years of experience in statistics and epidemics and infections and all sorts of aspects of healthcare of the general population, and also have to maintain their standards to remain registered. So for young Angie to question their factual statistics I really think is a bit rich, especially if you're from another planet where these statistics don't apply. We all living here on Planet Earth unfortunately have to cope with the onslaught of various diseases and all of us regard our own lives, those of loved ones and also those surrounding us as valuable, and not just dispensable. One fact is that Australia has been in the top six countries on this planet regarding highest average life expectancy and whilst it may be due to better hygiene, safe water supply and good availability of healthy

16 The Beast | October 2018

food (not for all of us, though), it is also related to extremely good vaccination rates and excellent general health care. It might be convenient to Angie that she has never had HPV-related cancer or precancerous lesions, but to thousands of women in the last few decades this was not the case as we did not have the vaccination available, just gradually improving cervical cancer detection schedules also suggested by the government at the advice of specialists in this field. The result of all this scientific founded research over decades (done by Australian and international researchers at enormous accumulated expense of time and devotion) and advancing healthcare is that cervical cancer (and other HPV-related cancers) is rapidly declining in Australia. Yes, we don't know for sure that the vaccine won't cause cancer, but at this stage it certainly does not look like it at all, and it sure is saving thousands of lives and avoiding really bad misery for even more individuals. My colleague has had HPVrelated tonsillar cancer treated and would have been far better off had he been vaccinated 30 years ago. To think that you don't need other childhood vaccinations living here in the Eastern Suburbs where everyone else is vaccinated is extremely selfish. Unfortunately self observation of those in your immediate environment is not statistically sound compared to evidence-based, peerreviewed publications, I'm afraid. Tilmann Rust Maroubra VACCINE NATION Hi James and Dan - I love your mag, Pearl keeps me in stitches. I often get hot under the collar when I read some of the stuff people write in about, but I've finally gotten off my arse and put finger to keyboard (the modern day pen to paper?). I'm emailing in response to Angie from ‘Another Planet’, which, based on her vaccinations logic, sounds about right - her logic really is from another planet, because it sure as hell isn't a scientific or rational Earth view of the topic. Rather than having the 'Woman's Day' ap-

proach towards evidence as to why we shouldn't vaccinate our children, why don't we give the modern day, Earth-accepted, scientific approach a go. I agree, the influenza vaccine is probably one of the least effective vaccines, statistically speaking. However, the virus is constantly evolving, making this a difficult task. Washing hands is always a good idea, but if you had investigated properly (as you said you had), you would have quickly found that studies have demonstrated surgical masks are highly ineffective in preventing the transmission of respiratory-borne viruses. Sterilising buses (shall we steam them?) is not simple or realistic on any level. There would need to be a (dedicated) person on each bus, constantly wiping everything every passenger has touched (we carry the virus for a period before the infection manifests, so how do we know who is contagious?). Prior to the introduction of the measles (Varicella) vaccine in 1963, for example, the measles virus resulted in the death of over two million people each year. This has now dropped to around 90,000 deaths annually, and this is in developing countries. The death rate (not including the also present risk of encephalitis and subsequent brain damage, pneumonia, blindness, etc.) in the developed world for a person that contracts measles is 0.2-0.3 per cent (2-3 per 1000 cases) in the healthy population, but we should be very clear, not everyone in our population is healthy. Children and adults walk around with cancer, HIV, and all sorts of other immune suppressing conditions. For them, the death rate is closer to 30 per cent. And it is not that uncommon for me to receive an email from school notifying me of identified cases of measles, chicken pox, etc. I can only imagine the terrible fear you would have as the parent of a child with cancer, worrying if there were unimmunised children around your own fragile child that could potentially pass on a lethal infection. Our job as a community is to protect that child, just as much as it is to protect yours. Indeed there are side effects for some people associated with mod-


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ern medicine. With the Varicella vaccine, this can include transient febrile seizures, anaphylaxis, and possibly encephalitis. Except for anaphylaxis (which obviously won't occur with the disease), the rate of these conditions is far higher, and more lethal, than those experienced with the vaccine. Please don't kid yourself that a small case of infertility is about the long and short of contracting the disease (I note that you already have children, so of course infertility in someone else is not so bad). Cancer is not a disease with a higher incidence in vaccinated, versus unvaccinated, people. There was a study (one of many) in 1986, looking at identical twins in Finland; one received the Measles/Mumps/Rubella (MMR) vaccine, the other didn't. Interestingly, while the twin who received the vaccine briefly had a small increase in experience of mild fever and general irritability, any other symptom was reported equally in both twins. There were no deaths amongst the 1162 participants. Statistics would tell us that if it was the disease, not the vaccine, two or three people would have died. Death caused by the vaccination is so rare it is actually quite difficult to find a true incidence. I had a friend who died of cervical cancer at age 25 - a really fun girl with so much life ahead of her. The death rate of cervical cancer is about 8 per cent at 5 years after diagnosis, and around 30 per cent at 5 years if it's found in the later stages. Human papilloma virus (HPV) has been demonstrated (in actual scientific studies) to cause the large majority of invasive cervical carcinomas. These studies have clearly shown to date that there is no increased risk of serious adverse events from the HPV vaccine, compared to people who haven't received it. There's a very clear difference between the death rates of people who have cervical cancer, compared to those who don't. To withhold or speak out against something that has been scientifically demonstrated to decrease the risk of a lethal condition, just in case it causes cancer or death, despite there being no evidence that this is the case, is not only illogical, it's

18 The Beast | October 2018

dangerous and stupid. I wonder what Angie's response will be if her daughter (if she has one) comes to her in her 20s telling her that she has cervical changes, or worse, cancer associated with HPV infection, something she might have avoided if her mother hadn't decided on her behalf that the risk of cancer was less than vaccination risks. I can imagine her daughter might be pretty angry. I'm not quite sure what Angie means by "people are sicker than ever with autoimmune diseases, deadly allergies, neurological problems (just general neurological problems?), and cancer". This is vague, and doesn't at all inform us of what Angie's investigations have revealed to her. I would agree that our community is suffering the ill effects of lifestyle-related diseases, such as Type 2 Diabetes (not autoimmune), obesity, cancer related to obesity and smoking, etc. - there is clear literature on this. This has nothing to do with vaccinations, other than that the population no longer suffers from diseases that are vaccinepreventable, and are living long enough to get old and fat, hence develop some of the aforementioned conditions. Medical advances have allowed us to diagnose autoimmune conditions, and certain neurological conditions, with much higher accuracy; so rather than an increase in the number of cases, we're just able to identify a larger number of people who have a given disease. These people are now less likely to die due to their condition because of appropriate treatment, therefore the overall incidence must increase. This is not related to vaccination. I would carry on addressing the rest of Angie's ill-informed views, but I don't want your readers to fall asleep. I'm a doctor. All of my children are vaccinated. I cannot name one single doctor, of the hundreds I know, that hasn’t vaccinated their children. The evidence is so overwhelmingly in favour of it. There is no conspiracy here. We aren't 'hiding the truth'. We aren't supporting vaccinations so we can make some extra money treating the adverse effects of them.

I don't think most of us "feel powerful jumping on the bandwagon" in support of vaccination, just informed enough to know that it is the responsible thing for the community, especially the most vulnerable. RP Bronte FREE HOLIDAY FOR ANGIE Hi Dan and James - I really must respond to a letter by Angie from Another Planet in The Beast, who writes this statement: “I no longer believe that vaccines can take the credit for eradicating any diseases.� Well indeed she is from another planet. A planet that rewrites history and ignores all established peer-reviewed research, science and evidence. I have a smallpox injection scar on my shoulder from having travelled to Indonesia where smallpox was still in existence in the 1970s. Smallpox was only and finally eradicated because of vaccination. Pure and simple. I have a genuine invitation to Angie - would she accompany me with her unvaccinated children to a remote overseas village in Africa, where diseases like polio, cholera and yellow fever are still found? She can wash and sanitise all she likes and bring her own food. I will pay the airfares. I will even bring my vaccinated kids along for company. Kind regards, Kirstie Clovelly ANTI-VAX LOONIES Dear James and Dan - I was disappointed that you gave airtime to Angie and her crackpot claim that her organic quinoa is better than immunisation. The claims of the anti-vaxxers are not only bullshit, but they are downright dangerous for the most vulnerable members of our community. In 20 years working in the healthcare sector, I'm yet to meet a doctor or nurse who doesn't immunise their kids. Deluded fruitcakes like Angie don't need a megaphone to broadcast their ignorance, and their views certainly don't belong in the pages of The Beast. Cheers, Ron


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CRUISING FOR A BRUISING Lately there has been a vibrant debate about where to place a new passenger terminal for fat and polluting cruise ships. The proposed places for the terminal, set to open in 2024, are either Garden Island or Yarra Bay in Botany. As one of the Liberal Party’s more faithful propaganda outfits recently told us: “Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has vetoed the favourite Garden Island site”. The question might remain - for those still believing in democracy and community input - whether our (now former) Prime Minister, born to rule and at times behaving like the CEO of Australia, can on his own just veto Garden Island? In any case, Turnbull’s veto comes with two good reasons. For one, the Navy still occupies Garden Island so that the government can spend billions of taxpayer dollars on war ships to defend us against an enemy that does not exist. More important, however, is the Liberals’ ‘not in my backyard’ policy. Obviously Mr Turnbull doesn’t want an ugly terminal – usually not an architectural masterpiece – in front of his house. Neither does he want big polluting ships cruising past his mansion. Hence the ugly terminal gets pushed down to the lower end of the Eastern Suburbs where it can pollute the people of Botany with the human cargo of the, often rather senseless, mass tourism that will be off-loaded between container ships and oil tankers. That is the plan. One already wonders why the ‘itcreates-jobs’ argument isn’t wheeled out. It usually justifies every madness from war-making submarine building to Adani coalmines. In any case, ‘all inclusive’ cruise ships offer next to no jobs for the people in Botany other than (literally) pumping shit and maybe a few ‘Made in China’ souvenirs flogged off to passengers quickly ushered away to see the Opera House. Even the passengers’ dirty towels are washed on board, while many travellers prefer a free pizza on the ship instead of buying one in Botany. That leaves us with pollution. Unlike container ships switching to smaller engines when moored, passenger ships run large engines

20 The Beast | October 2018

to power their stratospheric energy consumption day and night. This is done with sulphur-rich, cheap but cancer-causing diesel petrol. Cities like Venice in Italy, Marseilles in France and Dubrovnic in Croatia have recently started fighting against cruise ships. The people in Botany might be in for a treat, facing much pain (cancer) for next to no gain (jobs) under what the Liberals have in store for them. Thomas Klikauer Coogee

rently with Waverley Council and can take months for approval. But if it does go ahead, and a Development Application is then proposed that could be out of Council's hands anyway, this would be terrible. I think it is about greed. I think many are getting sick of these new developments. I think Charing Cross/Bronte Road, Waverley is fine the way it is. It has got character. It doesn't need this. Anastasia Beaverton Queens Park

AN AMAZING GIFT Hi there Dan and James - My subject above is not relating to the wonderful mag you give us each month, nor is it referring to the very generous sharing of your health battle Dan. My subject refers to Delilah. The love and understanding and contentment she shows towards her Daddy captured in this photo (Onwards and Upwards, The Beast, September 2018) is by far the greatest gift of all! Julie Coogee

NOISY NINCOMPOOPS My first impression when I arrived to Sydney and confirmed its international airport does not operate at night to keep the city calm and ease people's rest was, “Wow, finally might I have found a peaceful place where people actually respect each other.” Then, all of a sudden, there are cars and motorcycles that after modifications on their exhaust system - silencers are removed - easily exceed the noise of a far-off plane, without any remorse for the people nearby. Since motorcycles and car noises are supposed to last for a short period of time and then disappear, people should just tolerate them? What about one after another, in a continuous noise chaos? For sure there are people who tolerate the noise (probably the ones who would generate it also), there must be a group that stands the noise with indifference, and for sure there is a group that is bothered and distracted by such noises. It's not just a problem in Sydney and/or the Bondi area; it's a humankind cultural problem. A brilliant thinker (E. Fromm) would describe the people generating such noises as 'impotent', lacking inner human power and only feeling powerful when riding such means of transportation. Referring to the August 2018 edition of The Beast, with neurosurgeon Charlie Teo as main guest, this is a subject that clearly reinforces the city’s aggressiveness that he exposes in the interview (Charlie Teo, Finding the Right Balance, The Beast, August 2018). Nicolás Argentina

CHARING SQUARE - COMING SOON? The Robin Hood Hotel in Charing Cross (Bronte Road, Waverley) is wanting to create ‘Charing Square’, a place of cafes, restaurants, and 26 apartments. I called Waverley Council as I saw something about it in the Wentworth Courier. Waverley Council told me that it had to be spot zoned to allow for the added residential aspects of the development. What was not mentioned in the Wentworth Courier, or shown, was the towers. Along the streetscape at 223-227 Bronte Road there will be a seven-storey apartment tower. Charing Cross is not Bondi Junction or Kingsford/Maroubra. Charing Cross does not even need more cafes or restaurants. It has plenty. I do think also with the current traffic conditions, it would be a nightmare to have an extra lot of people in such a development. And with the tower height of 23 metres, it would certainly stand out. But not for the better. I may be getting ahead of myself, as the spot zone application is cur-


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Worst thing about the Eastern Suburbs? Property prices - an obvious answer, but true. Do you have a favourite sporting team? The Swans. AFL is a new game for me. I had heard of it when I was in the UK, but never knew the rules and hadn’t been to a game. Once I moved here I went to a couple of games and loved it. What music are you into at the moment? I’m still loving Frank Ocean, Plan B and Stereophonics, and I’m a long-time fan of the Preatures and War on Drugs. I used to run underground house clubs in London and Sydney and I still love that music too. You just can’t beat deep funky techy beats.

Beauty is nothing without brains.

LOCAL BLOKE... JAMES MCAULEY FROM RANDWICK Interview and Picture James Hutton

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andwick’s James McAuley moved from London to Sydney 14 years ago. He is a research scientist and Associate Professor at NeuRA, where he is developing and testing new treatments aimed to prevent and better manage chronic low back pain. He shares his local favourites with The Beast... How long have you lived here? I have lived and worked in Randwick for eight years. I came to Australia from London in 2004 and lived in Darlinghurst at first. In 2010 I finally decided to make the Eastern Suburbs home. I love it here. Why do you live here? Living close to work gives me more time with my family, as I’m not wasting time on a daily commute. Plus there are not many places in the world where you can have amazing beaches right on your doorstep and still have the convenience of living in a vibrant multicultural city. What's your favourite beach? I love the long, wide beach at South Maroubra. It’s a perfect place for

22 The Beast | October 2018

kids as it has a large, safe natural rock pool. It’s a great place to soak up some beautiful sunshine while our little boy Alfie runs around and burns off some energy. In a year or two he’ll join Maroubra Nippers. What's your favourite eatery? Carbon Mexican Woodfire. My son was born in Mexico two years ago. We had to wait eight weeks for his citizenship, so we ate a lot of Mexican food. I developed a real taste for it, particularly the street food in Mexico City. In Sydney, Mexican food can be a bit hit and miss so it was great to come across Carbon in Bondi - great food and drinks, super tasty and authentic, but with an Aussie twist. Where do you like to have a drink? Bat Country at The Spot. It has a super chilled, relaxed atmosphere and it’s the first place I had draught Young Henry’s, which is still my favourite beer. Best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? The people and the close proximity to the beach - essential for a Pom!

Who is your favourite person? My son Alfie and my partner Marco. What do you get up to on the weekends? Playgrounds, beach and entertaining an energetic two year-old. What do you do for work? I’m a research scientist and Associate Professor at NeuRA in Randwick, where I am developing and testing new treatments aimed to prevent and better manage chronic low back pain. What's your favourite thing about work? It is fun. And stimulating. I have some great people in my team. There are not many jobs where you can have an idea about how to improve people’s health and then try out ways of actually doing it. Do you have a favourite quote? “Everything stinks until it is finished” - Dr Seuss. Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? Tidy up after yourself. And if you have chronic low back pain and are interested in helping us potentially change the way chronic low back pain is treated, visit our trial website - www.neura.edu.au/resolve and contact us if you are interested in participating.


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up in Canberra and being a total nerd with no interest in any sport whatsoever, it has surprised me how much I now love AFL. What music are you into at the moment? I sing for a living, so at the moment I'm busy learning Rosina's role in The Barber of Seville by Rossini for this wonderful company I sing with, Opera Bites. I'm also writing my own cabaret, Disenchanted, which is on at the Pavilion on September 27 and 28.

Singing her own song.

LOCAL CHICK... ELIANE MOREL FROM BONDI Interview and Picture James Hutton

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ctor, singer and cabaret writer Eliane Morel has lived in the Waverley Municipality for 25 years and calls Bondi home. She shares her local favourites with The Beast... How long have you lived here? I’ve been in Waverley for 25 years, 22 of them in Bondi. Why do you live here? I'm from Canberra and my husband is from Melbourne. We'd both been living in every inner city suburb in Sydney, it seemed, so when we decided to move in together, both being from cities not known for their surf, our first choice was the sea. We took a bus down to Bronte, found a flat in a block called Corona where we could hear the ocean, and never looked back. What's your favourite beach? I've really grown fond of Bondi. Our kids both did Nippers there and are now doing patrol, and it's got such a variety of things going for it. What's your favourite eatery? Sefa Kitchen on Bondi Road -

24 The Beast | October 2018

outstanding Middle Eastern style food with a twist, and not too expensive. I also love Bondi Trattoria and the Bondi Dairy. Where do you like to have a drink? If there's a show on at Bondi Pavilion, the best place to have a drink is at dusk on the balcony there. The view is priceless, there is no loud music pumping and it's free! Best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? One thing I learned through the Save the Bondi Pavilion campaign, with which I was closely involved, is that there is a community of great people here. Worst thing about the Eastern Suburbs? I wish we had more, and better connected, cycle paths. Making it easier to cycle, away from cars and pedestrians, would make it more popular and our roads and public transport less congested. Do you have a favourite sporting team? One of my besties and my husband are both Hawks supporters, so I am now too. Growing

Who is your favourite person? My husband, my son, my daughter, my own parents, my brothers, my husband's family and my dear friends. Everyone has something about them that makes them unique, and everyone is my favourite for that thing that makes them unique. What do you get up to on the weekends? A walk to a cafe with my husband to do the Herald crossword; visit Malabar Headland; shopping for fruit and veg at Paddy's Markets; a footy match on TV at a friend's house; a show at Bondi Pavilion. And on Sunday we make time to see Insiders. What do you do for work? I'm an actor and a singer, and now a cabaret writer, it seems! What's your favourite thing about work? Making people happy. Whether I'm singing in a nursing home, acting in a school show, performing for Opera Bites or singing in my own cabaret, it fills my heart with joy when I make people happy. Do you have a favourite quote? “The audience is just as important as the performer.” Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? Support local Arts - watch a show at a local theatre, check out a band in a local bar, visit a gallery or come and see my Sydney Fringe Festival show Disenchanted: A Cabaret of Twisted Fairy Tales at Bondi Pavilion Theatre on September 27 and 28. You can book at www.sydneyfringe.com.


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COSMO Age 1-2 years Sex Male Breed Bull Arab X Cattle Weight 17kg Cosmo is a happy, bouncy boy. He is friendly with other dogs and loves people. Cosmo is easy to walk on a loose lead, ignoring other dogs and cars. He knows how to sit and has a very playful puppy-like manner. He is great around children but likes to jump up and get excited. Cosmo comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. Also included for the love and wellbeing of Cosmo is a free health and wellness voucher with the Doggie Rescue vet. For more details, please call Doggie Rescue on 9486 3133, or email monika@doggierescue.com. Simple pleasures.

THUMBS UP CAMPING Sure, you can camp in winter, but who in their right mind actually enjoys it? Now that the mercury is on the rise, it’s time to dust off the tent and revel in the great outdoors. SCULPTURE BY THE SEA Cue Tamarama residents raging in the streets as they struggle to find a park for their Porsches, and coastal walk joggers losing their shit at the meandering crowds. THE HONEY BADGER We made the mistake of watching an episode of The Bachelor and now we’re hooked. How can you not fall in love with the Honey Badger? RAMEN The best Japanese invention since gluestick butter. We’re going through a real ramen phase at the moment and it hasn’t abated as the weather has warmed up.

THUMBS DOWN POLITICS Oh where to begin? Last month’s antics in the national capital were an embarrassment, and ‘our’ Prime Minister, who we refer to on a first name basis, is no longer. CONSPIRACY THEORISTS The lesson here is probably that we need to spend less time on Facebook and review our ‘friendships’, but what is it with all the bloody ‘crazies’ out there? BAKING When you start having nightmares about the Woman’s Weekly Children’s Birthday Cake Book, it’s time to call the Cupcake Princess and never wield a spatula again. 26 The Beast | October 2018

ATHENA Age 4 years Sex Female Breed Staffy X Ridgeback Weight 26.7kg Athena is a happy, playful girl. She is very childfriendly but best suited to kids 12 years and older, mainly due to her size. She is a very attentive, relaxed and stable dog. She loves to walk, ignoring cars and other dogs as she goes, and she also enjoys a jog or a run. Athena comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. Also included for the love and wellbeing of Athena is a free health and wellness voucher with the Doggie Rescue vet. For more details, please call Doggie Rescue on 9486 3133, or email monika@doggierescue.com.

BELLE Age 18 months Sex Female Breed Sharpei X Weight 23.4kg Belle is a very sweet dog. She gets excited to go outside and walks along at a good pace. She enjoys cuddles and being patted and is easy to bribe with food. Belle has the most beautiful amber eyes. She is more the size of a Sharpei and has a smooth coat that’s easy to look after. Belle comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. Also included for the love and wellbeing of Belle is a free health and wellness voucher with the Doggie Rescue vet. For more details, please call Doggie Rescue on 9486 3133, or email monika@doggierescue.com.


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Good things come to those who bait.

FISHING BAN ‘JUST GOVERNMENT ANGLING FOR VOTES’ Words Siriol Dafydd Instagram @sirioldafyddwriter Picture John Dory

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he NSW Government has issued a proposal that intends to ban fishing across 25 sites between Newcastle and Wollongong. These areas include Bronte to Coogee, along with several other popular local fishing spots in Sydney. According to the NSW Marine Estate, the idea is “to reduce risks at a local scale from some site-based threats, while helping to conserve marine biodiversity”. By splitting restrictions across 25 sites rather than one big marine park, the aim is to allow “for a wide range of recreational and commercial activities to still occur”. Sceptics have raised the question of whether this is really about marine protection or if it’s just a political ploy by the Berejiklian government. Robert Brown, NSW MLC for the Shooters, Fishers and Farmers Party has been quoted in the press saying, “Inner City Liberals are sitting on smaller margins than they were in 2011 so they created this as a way to claw back green votes...We’re coming after their seats.” But political squabbling aside, what do local fishermen think about the proposed changes? By locking recreational fishermen out of 43 kilometres of coastline, the ban will remove one of the last remaining free activities that long-

30 The Beast | October 2018

term locals can enjoy. And with 60 per cent of Sydney Harbour already off limits because of sanctuary zones, naval zones, shipping lanes and lack of foreshore access, fishers will now have to move to riskier locations at their own peril. NSW Recreational Fishing Alliance President, Stan Konstantaras told The Beast, “Fishers are a very low threat and have minimal impact on marine biodiversity.” “Priority threats like pollution, over development and habitat degradation have been ignored by the Marine Estate Management Authority,” he said. Long-term local fishers know and respect marine life. They contribute $15 million a year ($35 per fishing licence) towards compliance, habitat action and education. They support catch and size limits and follow localised recovery plans if species are threatened. So what are we really achieving by punishing local fishermen when they arguably give more of a shit about marine life than most? Greg Maidment has enjoyed recreational shore-based line fishing between Bondi and Coogee his entire life. “I see the ban as being politically and socially ill-conceived,” he told The Beast. “I am retired and fishing is

important to me as a recreation which I can pursue from local areas that are both safe and likely to provide a feed. “I have felt worried since the announcement and my wellbeing has suffered. “Marine reserves, which generally permit fishing, already exist between Bondi and Coogee. Biodiversity and fish numbers are not said to be in bad shape... There is no evidence specific to this area or to other proposed zones to demonstrate that shore-based fishing has had an adverse effect upon biodiversity.” Bronte fisherman Jack Johnson echoed Mr Maidment’s concerns “It’s the biggest joke,” he said. “I think they’re just doing it to get votes. Because people today are so politically correct, they think everyone’s gonna just jump on it and say, ‘save the oceans’. “When we were younger and the surf wasn’t good, we’d go fishing. If we weren’t fishing, we’d have been out causing trouble. I wouldn’t want to bring my kids up not being able to fish. “Families can’t even have a glass of wine down the beach and now they want to take fishing away from us? It’s a joke. I could understand if all the fish stock was depleted, but it’s not.” According to the official NSW Marine Estate Management Strategy, recreational fishing generates $3.4 billion annually in economic activity and creates the equivalent of 14,000 jobs. It also states that fishing offers considerable health benefits and is an inclusive pastime with a long history in NSW. These are the government’s own statistics, so why then would they prohibit recreational fishing when its impact on biodiversity is seemingly small potatoes compared to other massive issues we’re facing? Public consultation on the proposal closes on September 27, so unless you’ve gotten your mitts on The Beast early, it’s out of our hands. The outcome should be revealed over the next few weeks (or months - it is state government after all), so for now all we can do is wait - and go fishing while we still can.


Bloody brilliant.

BRIDJING THE TRANSPORT GAP BETWEEN BONDI AND ROSE BAY Words Joel Bevilacqua Picture Bridget Bardot

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hanks to a new trial currently being carried out by Transport for NSW (TfNSW), it’s claimed residents throughout Bondi, North Bondi and Dover Heights travelling to major hubs like Circular Quay can now slice an estimated 15-30 minutes off their travel time. TfNSW has partnered with BRIDJ, an on-demand bus service, to offer a faster and more convenient public transport connection to and from the Sydney Ferry Network. BRIDJ buses aim to be more efficient than regular buses by using real-time traffic data and passenger inputs to avoid congestion when possible, and ensure streamlined pick-up and drop-off points. On weekdays, people in the catchment zone of Bondi, North Bondi and Dover Heights will be able to utilise the BRIDJ

32 The Beast | October 2018

technology to connect to the Rose Bay ferry in peak times more conveniently than ever before. On weekends, BRIDJ will offer all-day connections. “We are excited to arrive in Rose Bay and have estimated some travel time savings of up to 30 minutes into major hubs, such as Circular Quay,” BRIDJ General Manager John Langford-Ely said. BRIDJ also estimates people travelling to North Sydney will save up to 10-20 minutes compared to other options, and those travelling to Barangaroo can save up to 15 minutes compared to public transport. Commuters book a bus using the BRIDJ app, downloaded via the App Store or Google Play. The cost of a one-way journey is $3.10, or $1.50 for concession cardholders, which is far cheaper than a taxi or Uber.

Once booked, passengers follow directions to a designated pick-up stop that is set based on other nearby users headed in the same direction. Like other on-demand services such as Uber, passengers can track their vehicle in real-time as it approaches. The 16-seater mini-buses boast free Wi-Fi, charging docs and designated seats. Mr Langford-Ely said BRIDJ will continue to work with the state government to develop an on-demand public bus solution that is sustainable and that people want to use. He also said that the service will grow and evolve with feedback from the community. Simply convincing people to download the app and give it a go seems to be the biggest challenge BRIDJ and TfNSW face at the moment. “I’m a bit of a dinosaur for apps and things,” one Bondi local told The Beast. Senior Lecturer at the School of Civil and Environmental Engineering and member of the Research Centre for Integrated Transport Innovation at UNSW, Dr David Rey, recognised that many elderly commuters may be deterred by the technology required to catch a BRIDJ bus. “This is a problem that many on-demand trials are facing,” Dr Rey explained. “You need to try and educate the population and say: There is a solution, it’s not that difficult to use, and it doesn’t cost more than a regular service.” Dr Rey said that for Sydney to be trialling an on-demand service such as BRIDJ shows “really good initiative”. He also told The Beast that he thought the BRIDJ trial itself was a good model. “By combining with ferries – this multi-modal aspect – that’s an interesting solution,” he said. “There’s potential to have less traffic on the road.” The Inner East BRIDJ trial kicked off on August 20 and will run for at least six months. It will operate weekday mornings from 6.30am to 9.00am, weekday afternoons from 3.00pm to 9.00pm and weekends from 8.00am to 8.30pm.


Waverley Garden Awards will be presented at Bronte House

What’s on in Waverley


Change for the better.

COMMUNITY SUPPORTS COOGEE BAY ROAD UPGRADE Words Siriol Dafydd Instagram @sirioldafyddwriter Picture Supplied

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ocal residents may already be aware of some construction work happening on Coogee Bay Road. As of September 17, a major upgrade project of Coogee town centre began. The work, to be carried out between Arden Street and Brook Street, will be completed in two stages. Stage 1 will continue through to December, whilst Stage 2 will begin in March and continue until late 2019. So don’t fret, the good people at Randwick Council have carefully scheduled things so that you can enjoy a constructionfree summer! The project is a result of consultation with local residents back in 2013 (yeah, we know that’s five years ago, but these things take time). In a survey of 1,787 Coogee residents, ratepayers and business owners, 76 per cent of respondents stated that improving Coogee Bay Road was important or very important and 72 per cent were in favour of widening the footpaths. 78 per cent wanted to see an improvement in the management of commercial waste bins, 69 per cent wanted better outdoor dining options and 68 per cent wanted to see more attractive shop fronts. “Coogee is a nationally renowned tourist destination as well as a local village with its own char-

34 The Beast | October 2018

acter,” Randwick Mayor Lindsay Shurey said. “This upgrade will enhance Coogee’s reputation and make it even more vibrant and attractive.” So what can we expect to see from this $5 million project? Upgrade features will include the removal of overhead powerlines, widening of footpaths and installation of new pavers. The new and improved streetscape will also include 12 new Callery pear trees and street furniture upon which residents and visitors can relax and enjoy the local buzz. The idea is to improve public safety while creating more space for people. The hope is that tourism and local businesses will also thrive with increased space for outdoor dining options and inviting street furniture. The upgrade will also include additional safety measures as part of Council’s anti-terrorism obligations, including impactrated bollards and concrete seats. And if you, like the rest of us, live in constant fear of finding a place to park, don’t stress. Once construction is over, Coogee Bay Road will remain a two-way street with free on-street parking and a similar amount of spaces available on both sides of the road. This all sounds fine and dandy in theory,

but how do local residents and business owners feel about the project? David Martin, owner of Courtyard Cafe on Coogee Bay Road, has lived in the area for over 40 years and is all for the upgrade. “I think it’s badly needed,” he told The Beast. “Council has been talking about doing this for years. “I went in to Council’s information session thinking it was going to be a shit-fight, but I think everyone was pleasantly surprised at how much thought and consideration they’ve put into it.” Working construction around the peak summer season is as much for the local businesses as it is for local residents. “I think the construction will definitely impact my business but change has got to happen; you can’t just wave a magic wand,” Mr Martin said. “With construction in stages, the impact should hopefully be minimal if everything goes to plan.” Local resident Heather Mabry thinks that the project is a positive thing and that the timing of construction is well considered. “I think if it was done during summer, it would be a shit-show,” she said. “A lot of residents in the Randwick and Coogee areas haven’t been super happy with Council, not because they don’t do a good job, but because they haven’t always consulted with the community. “For example with the alcohol ban, they identified a problem, which admittedly is a real one, but came to a conclusion without consulting enough people. “This time they’ve been more mindful of all parties that want to have a say rather than one specific portion, which is a positive thing.” So it looks like the general consensus is positive among Coogee residents. Here’s hoping the project doesn’t follow in the footsteps of our beloved light rail construction, though, or you’ll be cashing in your super before you see any Callery pear trees near the place!


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BITS AND PIECES FROM AROUND THE BEACHES Words Lisa Anderson Picture Matthew Pearce Instagram @_adventurehat_ EN PRIMEUR AT URBAN WINERY En primeur is a French wine trade term for wine that is sold as a ‘future’, i.e. before it is bottled. The team at Urban Winery Sydney are collating a team of 12 winemakers from around NSW to showcase the 2018 vintage with an en primeur-style tasting, before sitting down to a long lunch where each winemaker will pour and talk about their favorite current release. This rare opportunity to taste some of the state’s best wines will be held on Sunday, October 28 at Urban Winery Sydney, with the tasting running from 10am-12.30pm and lunch from 1-4pm. The tasting will set you back $25 and the full spread is $150. To book your spot, visit www. urbanwinerysydney.com.au. $100K FOR BRAIN CANCER Determined to beat brain cancer, Eastern Suburbs locals packed out the Royal Oak Hotel in Double Bay on the evening of August 23. In collaboration with National Miss World finalist Lavinia White, the venue raised over $100,000 for the Charlie Teo Foundation via a shower of local donations. The Royal Oak’s owners have a personal connection to brain cancer, with upstairs Phil’s Bar named in memory of Phil Malouf, who passed away from

A rough in the diamond.

brain cancer at just 22 years of age. Donations to the Charlie Teo Foundation can be made by visiting www.charlieteofoundation.org.au. VIVA AMERICA LATINA Viva America Latina is a day of dining, dancing and entertainment for the whole family at Lyne Park, Rose Bay from 1pm to 9pm on Saturday, October 27. Get down to the bay for a range of Latin American food and drinks, browse artisan market stalls, and enjoy a full day of entertainment including DJs, bands and dancers from all over Latin America. Children will enjoy storytelling, face painting and the opportunity to get a photo taken with an alpaca. Visit www. woollahra.nsw.gov.au/community/ whats_happening/viva_america_latina, call 9391 7166 or email community@woollahra.nsw.gov.au. THE HOUSE You may have seen Sydney Morning Herald journalist and Coogee resident Helen Pitt spruiking her new book, ‘The House, the dramatic story of the Sydney Opera House and the people who made it’, at her stall at Taste of Coogee in September. Although the book is a story of tragedy and intrigue about the world-famous building, she wrote most of it in her Eastern Suburbs

home and at The Spot’s popular café-cum-bar Bat Country. The book is available from Harry Hartog at Westfield Bondi Junction and Big W at Westfield Eastgardens (and all good bookstores) for $32.99. GET CRAFTY Become a creature of craft during Sydney Craft Week at City East College. Make and create in affordable short courses taught by leading artisans; sew a tote or vintage fabric purse, learn to arm knit, craft a bespoke silver ring or learn how to transform beloved old clothes. Courses will be held from October 10-14 at 98 Bondi Road and range from $55 to $160. Visit www.cec.edu.au/creatureofcraft. ABSEIL FOR YOUTH Sir David Martin Foundation’s Abseil for Youth is a unique event that brings together hundreds of people who scale a 33-storey building in the Sydney CBD. The event raises money for Triple Care Farm, which is a 12-week rehabilitation program for Australian youth facing issues such as substance abuse and addiction, homelessness and mental illness. Abseil for Youth will be held on October 18 and 19 at 1 Market Street, Sydney. The cost is $200 per person and you can register now at www.abseilforyouth.com.


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October 2018 | The Beast 37


It’s been a while since the fleet was upgraded.

WHEELS STOP TURNING FOR LOCAL BUS SERVICES Words Duncan Horscroft Picture Con Ductor

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astern Beaches residents are up in arms over the announcement that major bus services have been cancelled in their local areas and replaced with new routes. The changes may force many people to walk further to find new bus stops on some routes and will add to the confusion already in place after the 378 and 440 Bronte buses were pulled without any community consultation. Now there is a big push to reinstate the 378 after it was abandoned in 2015, as there is now no direct access to Central Station, forcing travellers to change at Bondi Junction and wait for connections to areas such as Paddington and Darlinghurst. The 440 Rozelle bus initially replaced the 378 with no notification to locals, but was stopped in 2017 and replaced with the 379, which now goes from Bronte Beach to North Bondi via the Bondi Junction interchange. It appears the brains trust at the state government thought it better to push local commuters through the Bondi Junction interchange and link up with the train or other bus services - not an easy task for

38 The Beast | October 2018

the elderly, particularly if they have to negotiate getting on and off buses more than once with a walking frame or walking stick. Waverley councillor Paula Masselos has been behind a big push to get the 378 back for Bronte residents and wants the NSW Government to reinstate the service and reverse all cuts to public transport. “Commuters now have almost an hour a day added to their commute, or are forced to change at an already congested and dangerous interchange,” she said. “Our elderly and infirm residents no longer have a single bus trip to St Vincent’s Hospital and many of our schoolchildren no longer have a single trip to their schools in inner city areas.” At a public meeting earlier this year, locals vented their anger against the changes and more than 1000 people have already signed a petition that is currently circulating and that will be put to the state parliament. Late last year the Eastern Suburbs was part of an on-demand bus service trial by a private provider that was funded to the tune of $20 million by the government.

This service failed and was replaced in August by the BRIDJ on-demand private transport service, which is running in the western suburbs and accessed only by an app on a phone or computer. Interestingly, the American-based BRIDJ failed in the US and the company wound down, but it has now brought its technology to Australia and teamed up with Transport for NSW and private bus operator Transit Systems in another pilot program with the NSW Government. As well as the 378 and 440 services from Bronte, the 389 (from Bondi to Bondi Junction) and 327 services have been cancelled in the Bondi and Darling Point areas. And as of September 23, the 382, 361, x79 and x84 - which all go to Bondi Junction - have also been taken out, and changes to the L24, 380 and 381 will mean some passengers will need to walk more than 100 metres to their new bus stop. It’s been well documented that the State Transit Authority wants to privatise bus services in the west and it certainly looks like the Eastern Suburbs is in line to suffer the same fate. For more information, email bringbackthe378@gmail.com.


Back to school.

HELPING CHILDREN TO MAKE A SMOOTH TRANSITION TO SCHOOL Words Emma Forbes, Early Childhood Educator Picture The Queen

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tarting school is a big milestone in the lives of children and families. Children who make a positive start to school are more likely to feel comfortable, relaxed and motivated to learn, have good relationships with others and develop a sense of belonging within their new school community. Helping children to make a smooth transition to school as capable and involved learners is an important part of any preschool curriculum. To understand what makes a great preschool curriculum, it is important to understand what a curriculum is. Intentional educators aim to create a curriculum that delivers a holistic ‘ready for school’ program that supports every child to reach their full potential considering that all the day’s routines are learning opportunities. ‘Belonging, Being and Becoming - The Early Years Learning Framework’ (2009) defines a curriculum as “all the interactions, experiences, activities, routines and events, planned and unplanned, that occur in an environment de-

40 The Beast | October 2018

signed to foster children’s learning and development”. Intentional educators work to equip each child to take on new challenges during the transition to school by promoting children’s wellbeing, sense of identity, their capacity to look after themselves (dressing and feeding, for example), to plan, play and create with others, to show care and respect for others and the environment, to make choices, take risks, manage change and celebrate achievements. When looking at what being truly ‘ready for school’ means, it is for each child to display some or all the following traits: • Building and maintaining positive relationships with other adults and children around them; • Being ready to make good, independent decisions and be able to solve any problems that may arise; • Displaying confidence in following routines, coping with transitions and interacting with a wide group of people with confidence; • Being a curious, interested and engaged learner;

• Having the ability to be responsible for one’s own belongings; • Demonstrating the ability to collaborate in both small and large groups with ease. All this is achieved through carefully prepared, interesting and challenging learning environments, playbased learning, intentional teaching and exploratory creative play. There are many things that families can do to help their own child get ready for the transition to school, just as the early learning service does each moment of every day. Some of these things include: • Parents having conversations on topics of interest with the child can help develop critical thinking, vocabulary development and confidence; • Providing a literacy rich environment at home for children with a variety of books available and reading to children regularly helps develop a love of quality literature; • Regularly giving children the responsibility of looking after their own belongings and putting them away helps assist with self-help skills; • Creating a visual routine to help children understand the steps in common place experiences such as getting ready for preschool helps them predict what happens next, understand the meaning of routine and manage transitions (something that happens a lot in school). Getting children excited and ready for the transition to school is an equal partnership between the early learning service and the family home, and by educators and families working together we can all help make children’s start to formalised learning an absolute joy. Emma Forbes, Head of Education & Curriculum at Only About Children, is an experienced early childhood educator having worked in all elements of early childhood over the past 18 years including teaching, directing and writing and implementing curriculum. She holds a Bachelor of Teaching (Early Childhood) as well as Master of Education (Leadership).


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October 2018 MONDAY

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TUESDAY

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THURSDAY

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DINOSAUR FESTIVAL Become a real ‘T.rexpert’ at the Australian Museum’s Dinosaur Festival, exhibiting from September 29 until October 14 with plenty of full day, half day and drop in activities. For more information and to book your spot, please visit www.australianmuseum.net.au.

POT-A-PLANT @ ROYAL RANDWICK As part of its free school holiday fun program, Royal Randwick Shopping Centre invites families with kids to pop in and Pot-APlant from 11am-2pm, today until October 5. For more info about this and other school holiday activities, visit www.royalrandwick.com.au.

BONDI CINEMA CLUB Join this great local club to enjoy monthly screenings of amazing films at the Bondi Pavilion Theatre.Tonight’s film is On Body and Soul by Ildiko Enyedi, a poetic unsettling romance between two shy abattoir workers. Please visit www.cinemaclubfilmprojects.com.

$1 OYSTERS AT THE CHARO Not only are oysters a healthy, lowcalorie source of zinc, they’re also great for making you horny (and happy), so you’ll be stoked to hear that they’re going for just $1 each at the Charing Cross Hotel every Thursday evening. Please visit www.charingcrosshotel.com.au.

FREE FACE PAINTING As part of its free school holiday fun program, Royal Randwick Shopping Centre invites families with kids to come in and get their face painted today and tomorrow from 11am-2pm. For more info about other school holiday activities, visit www.royalrandwick.com.au.

COOGEE DIGGERS DEALS Get into the Coogee Diggers Club for $12 dinners from 5.30pm every Monday to Thursday and $10 lunches every weekday from 122.30pm. There’s also live acoustic music in the main lounge every Friday night. For more info, please visit www.coogeediggers.com.au.

MARINE AND COASTAL DISCOVERY Get ready for hands-on adventure with Randwick Council's spring school holidays Marine & Coastal Program. Discover and touch the unique marine and land animals that live on our coast, taste bush tucker and more! Bookings can be made at www.randwick.nsw.gov.au.

INTERNATIONAL COMING OUT DAY Since 1988, October 11 has been ‘Coming Out Day’: a day to celebrate our LGBT community and the bravery and grassroots activism inherent in the act of coming out. We love and support all our Beasts – those who’ve come out, and those who are yet to!

ANNE-MARIE @ THE METRO Frontier Touring is delighted to welcome pop breakthrough Anne-Marie to Sydney for a very special one-off performance of her chart-topping tunes tonight at the Metro Theatre. For more information and to book, please visit www.frontiertouring.com.

$15 SCHNITTIES AT THE CHARO Wrangle a bunch of your hungriest buddies and head to the Charing Cross Hotel for a delicious $15 chicken schnitzel, every Tuesday while the kitchen’s open. The feed at the Charo is all time, especially when it’s only $15! Please visit www.charingcrosshotel.com.au.

NATIONAL RIDE2WORK DAY The Australian National Ride2Work Day is a commuter cycling social movement and participatory event that encourages commuters to bicycle to and from work. It’s on today, so dust off the treadly, slap on the lyrca and get pedalling. Visit www.bicyclenetwork.com.au.

ABSEIL FOR YOUTH Sir David Martin Foundation’s (SDMF) Abseil for Youth is an exhilarating event that brings together hundreds of people to scale a 33-storey (135-metre) building in the Sydney CBD. It’s on today and tomorrow. Please register at www.abseilforyouth.com.

LEARN TO PAINT Explore your creative potential in this structured painting course with City East College, your local, non-profit adult education provider. The course is perfect for beginners, as well as those who want to expand their painting skills. Book now at www.cec.edu.au.

$45 LA TAVOLATA SET MENU Book your group at Bondi’s Da Orazio Pizza + Porchetta this month and enjoy their amazing La Tavolata set menu for just $45 per person. Da Orazio is located at The Hub, between Hall and O'Brien Streets, Bondi Beach. Please visit www.daorazio.com.

WOOLLAHRA VIEW CLUB MEETING Looking for a way to give back to the community? This leading women’s volunteering organisation meets at 10am on the 4th Wednesday of every month at Gaden Cafe & Community Centre. To get involved, please give Jan a call on either 9357 3448 or 0422 922 095.

MALONEYS HOME DELIVERY Too lazy to do your grocery shopping? Maloneys offers a complete home delivery service, so there’s no excuse for living on Domino’s and Deliveroo. Get your order in by 7pm and it’ll be delivered fresh to your door the next day. Please visit www.maloneysgrocer.com.au.

BLUE KNOT DAY Today is Blue Knot Day, and ASCA asks all Australians to unite in support of the five million Australian adult survivors of childhood trauma. The day is a national awareness day. For more information, jump on to www.blueknot. org.au/BlueKnotDay.

JOIN WAVERLEY BUSHCARE Join like-minded locals and help make a difference to one of Waverley’s special green spaces. You’ll learn about native plants and wildlife and enjoy the benefits of time spent in nature. No experience is necessary. For more information, visit www.waverley.nsw.gov.au.

HALLOWEEN Yes, it’s another example of American culture infiltrating the Australian way of life, but you have to admit, Halloween is pretty bloody fun. After all, who doesn’t like dressing up (or dressing the kids up) and going door to door in search of tasty treats?

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FRIDAY

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MICHAEL BUBLE @ ALLIANZ Superstar Michael Bublé will thrill Aussie fans after a long absence from performing during this oneoff special event tonight at Allianz Stadium. It will be the final event held at the venue, which will be closed for reno’s until 2022. Get your tickets at www.scgt.nsw.gov.au.

SHIR MADNESS Sydney's favourite Jewish music festival, Shir Madness, returns to the Eastern Suburbs today, celebrating the Jewish contribution to music with 11 hours of joyous, funny, soulful and rocking performances of every imaginable kind. Visit www.shirmadness.com.

QUEEN OF THE DESSERT Australian icon Margaret Fulton will be honoured this month with the staging of the musical comedy Margaret Fulton: Queen of the Dessert at the Bondi Pavilion Theatre from October 12 to 27. For tickets and information, visit www.bonditheatrecompany.com.au.

LEARN SOMETHING NEW City East College is your local, non-profit adult education provider, offering hundreds of short courses. Term 4 begins today, so for new skills, improved fitness, or to advance your career, take a look at the diverse range of affordable courses at www.cec.edu.au.

URBAN WINERY BLENDING CLASS Blend your own wine and experience what it’s like to be a winemaker today at Urban Winery. Learn, taste, blend and judge in this unique workshop within minutes from the beach. It's only $150 per person and you can book at www.urbanwinerysydney.com.au.

FEEL GOOD CHOIR Learn how to sing three-part harmonies to a bunch of songs you already know and love with a group of friends and a drink in hand at the Coogee Diggers from 7-9pm tonight. It’s a great night out and it’ll only cost you $10 at the door.

GARAGE SALE TRAIL This amazing event, now in its eighth year, launched in Bondi and encourages households around Australia to hold garage sales on the same weekend (yep, today and tomorrow). Get rid of all your junk and raise coin for a good cause. Visit www.garagesaletrail.com.au.

SCULPTURE BY THE SEA Sculpture by the Sea is back again on the stretch of coastal walk between Bondi and Tamarama, and the line-up of artists and sculptures looks set to be truly amazing. The exhibition runs from October 18-November 4 and we recommend weekdays.

FOOD ADDICTS MEETINGS Today, Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) is hosting one of its twice weekly meetings, which are held every Wednesday at 7pm and Friday at 10am at Salvation Army Hall, 100 Boyce Road, Maroubra. For more information, please visit www.foodaddicts.org.

VIVA AMERICA LATINA Celebrate a huge day of dining, dancing and entertainment for the whole family at Lyne Park, Rose Bay from 1-9pm. For more info, visit www.woollahra.nsw.gov.au, email community@woollahra.nsw.gov.au, or call 9391 7166. SYDNEY FC v WANDERERS @ SCG

WINEMAKERS EN PRIMEUR EVENT Urban Winery Sydney have gathered 12 local winemakers to showcase the NSW 2018 vintage with an ‘en primeur style’ tasting and long lunch. It's only $25 for the tasting or $150 for the lunch and tasting, and you can book at www.urbanwinerysydney.com.au.

Plumbing Steve Kova Blocked Drain Co. Ph: 0414 885 675 Fencing Troy Salvatico Jim’s Fencing Ph: 0405 543 530 Builder Mark Potocki Against The Grain Ph: 0415 688 562 Rubbish Removal Dave Whiteley Dave's Rubbish Ph: 0401 296 069 Mechanic Jordan Hayman JH Automotive Ph: 0424 144 987 Painter Brett Dooley Nielson Dooley Ph: 0404 888 089 BBQ Caterer Wardy Wardy & Sons Ph: 0414 293 396 Concrete Head Jay Rodney Oceanside Ph: 0411 989 565 Plumber Luke Fletcher Pipe Up Plumbing Ph: 0431 638 558 Locksmith Bradley Rope SOS Locksmiths Ph: 0498 767 767 Electrician Adrian Langen Langen Electrical Ph: 0400 006 008 Arborist Jeff Hunt Prompt Trees Ph: 0412 280 338

by visiting www.thebeast.com.au/events-guide


The Fresh Face of Australian Cricket

ALYSSA HEALY

Interview James Hutton Pictures Paul McMillan Instagram @paulmcmillanphoto

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ith a surname synonymous with Australian cricket, it comes as little surprise that Alyssa Healy, like her famous uncle Ian, has risen through the ranks to become the country’s best wicketkeeper. The Beast caught up with the Aussie gloves-woman at Bronte Surf Life Saving Club during the month... How are you this morning Alyssa? Very well, thank you. Where did you spend your childhood? All over the shop. We moved to Sydney when I was seven; I was born up in Queensland on the Gold Coast and Dad moved down for work, so naturally we followed. I grew up in Epping and then I’ve moved around a little bit since. And now you're in Curl Curl? Yeah, now we're on the Northern Beaches, which is ironic given that I’m doing this interview for an Eastern Suburbs magazine, but don't hate me for it. So what brings you to the Eastern Beaches? You're playing for the Sixers in the WBBL, right? Yeah, I'm part of the Sydney Sixers, which is obviously heavily in this area - based in the east and the north of Sydney - and we're part of the Women's Big Bash League, which starts in December. It's a huge summer for us coming up and the Sydney Sixers is one of the most enjoyable teams to be a part of. And you guys play at the Sydney Cricket Ground? Yep, we’re based at the SCG.

What would you say are the best and worst things about the Eastern Suburbs? Obviously the beaches are a big drawcard, and I guess the multicultural nature of the area. Every time I come down here, whether it's for recovery or for training, I just seem to meet people from all over the world that sort of flock to the Eastern Suburbs, which I feel is a really cool part of Sydney. And to come to little hidden spots like Bronte, get a really nice coffee and breaky and go for a swim, is what makes Sydney what it is and it’s a real attraction for people all over the country and all around the world.

“The Big Bash itself brings a whole lot of international cricketers to Australia to play cricket. In my mind it's the premier domestic competition in the world.” Can you tell us a bit about the Women's Big Bash League? Are you playing alongside players from other countries? We've had three years of the WBBL, which runs at exactly the same time as the Men's Big Bash League, which has been going for a little bit longer than us. Each franchise, I think, can have four international players, excluding the Australian players that are already playing for the franchise. At the Sydney Sixers we've got a Kiwi and two South Africans that play for us, and we have been really successful - out of the three

seasons, we've won two of those titles. The Sydney Thunder won the first one, so the Sydney teams have been really successful. The Big Bash itself brings a whole lot of international cricketers to Australia to play cricket. In my mind it's the premier domestic competition in the world. There are only a couple running, but it's the one that everyone wants to come and be a part of. For us to be able to base ourselves at the SCG and play a lot of games there, either alongside the men or on our own, is really cool. You first came to prominence in 2006 when you became the first girl to play among boys in the Private Schools Competition in New South Wales; can you tell us a bit about that? I can. That was one of the more unique experiences I've had in my life. I've played with the boys all my life growing up and it was nothing new to me. I got approached by the head of cricket at Barker College, up in Hornsby, and he asked if I'd be interested in playing cricket with the boys that summer and I said, "Why not? I'll trial and if I'm not good enough, don't pick me. I'll play twos or threes or wherever you place me." As it happened, they picked me in the first XI and at 6am one morning Denham Hitchcock from Channel 9 was knocking on the front door of our house while my parents were away and my grandma opened it to him wanting a quote as to what was going on. I had no idea what was happening and he handed me the Daily Telegraph and there, next to a massive headline about Osama bin Laden, was a picture of me and two of my October 2018 | The Beast 45


schoolmates and an article saying that an old boy had written a letter in saying it was a disgrace and a shame on the competition. It all got kicked up a little bit more than it should have, but at the same time I had a really great experience playing with the boys at school and some of them are still some of my closest mates, so I've thoroughly enjoyed it. Do you know who sent that email? I don't remember his name. I think he was named in the article, but I don't remember who it was. He can eat his words. He'd be eating his words now... Yeah. We won the premiership that year, so having a girl in your team mustn't be all that bad. That said, individually I didn't have two great seasons, especially behind the stumps. So you were keeping wicket for the Barker open team? Yeah, and came in and had a whack here and there. It was nothing new to me. I've played with the boys my whole life. So which year were you born in? I was born in 1990. 17 years after Michael Jackson released Thriller... There you go, a bit of trivia.

“It's not just a part-time job or a hobby for us anymore; it's a way of life and it's a job and a career.” How did you end up playing as wicket-keeper? Funnily enough, in my first year of playing proper cricket outside the plastic stumps and plastic balls, I was playing Under 10s at the Carlingford Waratahs, the local club, and it was one of the games of cricket where everyone had to have a go at everything - the first two weeks I got to bowl and bat and I thought I was going to be a fast bowler. 46 The Beast | October 2018

It was exactly how I thought my cricket would be, then in week three it was my turn to have a go with the keeping gloves. It was ironic that it was so early on in the season and there was a little kid with the last name Healy running around. They thought, "Oh, we'll give her the gloves, see what she can do," and that was my last ever game as a bowler. From then on I was stuck with the gloves, and the following week I was playing in the Under 11s because the keeper was missing. Luckily it's the best place to be on the field, so it wasn’t such a bad move. How many broken bones have you had? A lot. I've broken a lot of fingers throughout my time as a wicket-keeper, but I haven't actually had a major injury, touch wood. The only other thing I've broken is my nose and that was playing hockey, so I've been pretty lucky. Your father, Greg, was part of the Queensland cricket squad, as was your uncle Ken, and obviously your uncle Ian was Australia's Test wicket-keeper; what was it like growing up with those three guys around? Yeah, it was certainly interesting growing up with them around! I never wanted to play cricket when we were living in Brisbane. We were obviously spending a bit more time around the Healys then, like with Christmases and birthdays and special events. But I never really wanted to play cricket. I just never really saw it as something I wanted to do. When we moved to Sydney it was perchance that I fell into the game via a friend from school. While I was growing up I didn't really understand what they'd done and especially what Uncle Ian was doing. I sort of just saw him on the TV here and there and appreciated that, but it wasn't until I played cricket a little more seriously, once I was playing rep cricket and playing for New South Wales - and he'd retired by then - that I sort of understood what he had done and how good he was and that it was

potentially something that I could do as well. It didn't really have too much influence on me playing cricket, per se, but in saying that my dad's thrown me countless balls over the years, especially when I was younger, so I guess I was lucky to have someone who'd been pretty successful in their cricketing career who was willing to throw me balls and make me get better, I suppose. During the 2009/10 season you belted your highest score of 89 not out at faster than a run a ball and made the most dismissals of any wicket-keeper in the Women's National Cricket League ever. In the last eight years, how much has the standard changed? Do you find it harder; is everyone catching up with you or is it similar? Yeah, I think it has changed from when we first started. The professionalism of the women's game has changed, especially over the last three or four years, and I guess with organisations and sponsors throwing a little bit more money in it's affording girls more time to practise cricket. It's not just a part-time job or a hobby for us anymore; it's a way of life and it's a job and a career. To be able to practise your skill full-time, you're naturally going to get better, and with a lot more full-time staff around us, strength and conditioning coaches, physios and coaches to throw you balls, you're naturally going to get more athletic as well, so from my point of view it's come on in leaps and bounds and it's continually getting better the more that the girls are afforded more time to train. It's been really exciting; it's nice to be a part of this generation. I feel really lucky that I've been a part of the era where it's really grown and hopefully we can just keep making it better and better for the young ones coming through, because there's some really talented kids out there who can now see a future in playing women's cricket and I think that's really exciting. You've played Tests, one-dayers and Twenty20s for Australia;


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what's your favourite form of the game? I love playing Test cricket. I think that's the pinnacle of our game and it's unfortunate for us women at the moment that it's not really a reality for us. We only really get to play it for the Ashes every two years, which is pretty cool in itself. We play for the Ashes and you get to play a Test match, but unfortunately for us a lot of our game is T20 and one-day cricket a lot of white ball stuff - but hopefully we can continue marketing and promoting the game through those shorter formats and maybe one day Test cricket will come back. Every single Test I've been a part of has been really exciting, so hopefully there's a future for it. Do you have a career highlight thus far? I've had so many that it's so hard to choose just one. I think being part of a side that won three T20 World Cups in a row and to be part of the Sixers and win two WBBL titles in a row is something really special. I think playing for New South Wales and being a part of the New South Wales Breakers is something really special too, and it's probably a team that no one's heard about but in the 21 years that the competition's been going, the Breakers have won 19 out of those 21 titles. So for me to be a part of that and continue that success and that legacy that they've created, in my mind, is pretty special. It's the best domestic sporting team in the country that no one's heard of. How did you get your break in the Aussie team? Being a wicketkeeper it's often tough to break into a side and I was really lucky in the end. I debuted before the 2010 World Cup, due to injury. Jodie Fields, the keeper at the time, got injured a couple of weeks out from the World Cup and I wasn't meant to be going - I was enjoying myself away from the game - and then I got the phone call that I was heading to the West Indies. I guess that was sort of a breakthrough for me. It was like a Contiki tour for me but at the same time it was a real 48 The Beast | October 2018

taste of proper cricket and playing in a World Cup. Winning that World Cup was an eye-opener and I guess it made me hungry to play for Australia more. I was in and out of the side after that with Jodie coming back in. I forced my way in to the team as a batter for a little bit and then I had to bide my time to get behind the stumps, but from my point of view that's the best way to do it; to be made to wait to play for Australia makes you more hungry and I knew it was definitely something I wanted to do. How old were you when you first played for Australia? I think I debuted when I was 18 or 19; 19 maybe.

“I think the biggest untapped market for cricket in this country and all around the world is females, and getting more and more females involved in the game.� Both you and Australian teammate Ellyse Perry have publicly advocated girls playing against boys; how different is the standard between men and women currently? I think it's a hard one to answer. I think the women's game is continually growing, but for us when we were younger the only option was to play with the boys, because there were no female competitions at that younger age. There was obviously grade cricket that you could progress into when you got a little bit older, but for us the logical option was to play with the boys. Nowadays with Cricket Australia and everyone pumping a bit more money into it there's a lot of female-only competitions out there, which is fantastic and it's making young girls more comfortable playing the game with some mates, but if you're comfortable playing with the boys it's a real test of your skill, I guess.

The boys get big and strong a lot quicker than we do and being a 14 or 15 year-old girl playing with 14 or 15 year-old boys, you're a lot smaller, but in saying that I think you learn about your game and you learn about the game a lot quicker, so there are upsides to both. I think playing in the women's comps you learn a bit more about the women's game, as we play it a little bit differently, but playing against the boys is a real test of your skill. How long do you think it is before we see a female playing in the men's comps? I think professionally it probably will never happen, and it's something that I don't think should happen. I think we both play different games. It's funny, it's an argument that we're constantly dealing with. People, you know, say we bowl too slow... What about a spin bowler? Is there a chance that some freakish female spinner could come out of nowhere and just turn everyone inside out? Yeah, I think that could happen, maybe in an exhibition style format. For me, I see it at home with Mitch (Alyssa’s husband is Australian fast bowler Mitchell Starc), who's 6'5" and bowling at 140 kilometres an hour, because he should bowl that fast at that height, and you see someone like Ellyse Perry who's bowling in the 120s and she's a foot shorter than him and a lot lighter in frame. So for mine I think we actually punch well above our weight. Maybe it might happen one day, but at this stage I think we'll dominate the women's game and if some freak of a player comes along and wants to give themselves a proper challenge I think go for it, but the reality of it is that the boys do things in their game that we're not exposed to in our game. We don't have anyone 6'5" running in bowling at 140 kilometres an hour. Realistically, if we trained and had a proper crack at it then maybe, but you can't just expect a young female to be thrown in there and be able to handle it.


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woollahra.nsw.gov.au/viva October 2018 | The Beast 49


Do you think that remuneration should be based more on the marketability of players or the ability of players? How does it work now? Yeah, interesting question. It's a hard one to answer. I think, at the end of the day, most of the girls now are potentially full-time and should be paid that way and paid for the games that they're playing and the opportunity that we're providing for young girls who see us out there playing the game. At the moment we're sort of paid a retainer and then a match payment as we go. It's a hard one because some people have the argument that we're not bringing in money for the sport so why would they pay us, but it's a vicious cycle. I think if you actually pay the players and invest in the players then they're going to promote the game and market the game and therefore bring in money that way. It has to start somewhere and I think both investing in women's cricket and investing in the players will start that off, and that's something that's been happening over the last few years and it's definitely gotten bigger and better. Well the money is coming in, right? Yeah, it is. Do you think a woman playing for the Australian women's team should be paid the same as a man playing for the Australian team, even though there's that difference in ability due to the physiological side of blokes being bigger and stronger? I think right now I'd say no, but it has the potential to go that way. I think the biggest untapped market for cricket in this country and all around the world is females, and getting more and more females involved in the game. It's not just playing either, it's just being involved, like volunteering or in admin or coaching. By investing in the women's game and the female players it's only going to promote that further and therefore bring in more money that can be passed on. At the moment the men are seeing a lot more than we are, but that’s more than okay. 50 The Beast | October 2018

How is the Australian women's team going on the world stage at the moment? At the moment we're number one in all three formats, which is something that we can hold over the boys, but in saying that we don't hold either of the T20 or the 50-over World Cups, so that's something that's coming up next for us, the T20 World Cup, and hopefully we can get that one back in our cabinet and then work towards the 50-over one in a few years' time. The team's going really well, though, so hopefully we can maintain that. Your uncle, Ian Healy, was always considered a great 'night watchman'; how do you feel about the concept of a night watchman generally? Are you a bit of a night watchwoman? No, I'm too aggressive for that. The day-night Test we just played in North Sydney last year for the Ashes, I was batting at seven and we lost a wicket late in the evening and I was asked if I wanted a night watchman to come in before me and I said no because the new ball had just been taken and two of the England quicks were steaming in and bowling fast. One of them is very aggressive and there is no way I would want to subject somebody else to that. I'm a super competitive person and I wanted to go out there and blunt their attack as much as I could. I could see the benefit, but at the same time if you're a batter why not get out there and face it yourself ? I'm sure you recall Adam Gilchrist's famous 'walk' in the 2003 World Cup semi-final against Sri Lanka; would you have done the same thing or would you have stood your ground? I'm not too sure because I've never really been in that position, but knowing me being super competitive I think I would've stood my ground. That said, I'm a big believer in playing the game fairly and I would've felt really guilty afterwards, so potentially I may have walked, but in that situation I think I would've stood my ground and...

Waited for the umpire's call? Yeah, at the end of the day that's their job so they can do it. Even if you knew you were out, that you'd snicked it? Yeah, that happens every now and then. I feel like it evens itself out. The amount of times you get an absolute stinker of a decision, to get away with one every now and then is sort of a win.

“For someone like Donald Trump to still be in a role, because he can't get shafted, but then for someone who's doing a pretty good job to just be turfed out is ridiculous.� Would you be pissed off if a teammate walked when they weren't given out and you lost the game or would you respect their decision? I would 100 per cent respect that decision, but at the same time I'd question it. In 2016 you married fast bowler Mitchell Starc - I'm getting deep and personal here; how did you two meet? Funnily enough we played cricket together growing up. We played for the Northern Districts rep team and we played against one another in the club competition, so we've known one another since we were nine. Mitchell will recall the story of how we first met at Cheltenham Oval and I was the little blonde girl running around with the bob and he was one of 16 other blokes, so I had no idea who he was but he obviously remembers me because I was the only girl there. So we've known one another a very long time and yeah, it's sort of progressed into a marriage, which is quite nice. Do you ever have to settle domestic issues with a net session? No, actually we leave the cricket away from home as much as we can, but


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we're probably one of the more competitive couples going around so you'll often see us on the golf course having a shootout.

so. I think some sports are pretty well funded, ours not so much. I think if there's an even split, then definitely.

Have you faced him? No, not at full tilt. I've faced him a little bit when he comes back from injury but, like I said before, he's 6'5" and he's delivering the ball from 7' and that's something that's so unique to men's cricket. For me, he was bowling a comfortable pace but going forward, trying to drive it, he was hitting me in the splice of the bat, which was just so foreign to me. The bounce was just so uncomfortable. I have kept to him, though. We played a charity game up in Brisbane when he first started playing for Australia and I kept to him for the first time since like under 15, or under 16 cricket. The few beers the night before didn't help, and the first one hit me in my gloves before I was even ready and I was like, "Whoa, he bowls it quicker than he used to!"

What should we do about all the people locked up on Nauru and Manus Island? Oh, Jesus Christ. I don't know a whole heap about that, I'll be honest with you. I'm heavily on social media so I see bits and pieces here and there, but it's a hard one to answer. I think for me as a human being I don't like seeing that. I think it tugs at your heartstrings a little bit to see people locked up, especially young kids, but at the same time I guess as a country where do we draw the line as to who's coming in and who's going out? It's a difficult one, but I guess being a human being with a conscience, I don't like seeing it.

How do you feel about the current state of Australian politics? It's a shambles, an absolute shambles, and for someone that doesn't really know anything about politics but just watches on as an observer, it's shameful for our country that we're sort of seen as a bit of a joke when we change prime minister every six months, which is what it feels like. It's a shame. For someone like Donald Trump to still be in a role, because he can't get shafted, but then for someone who's doing a pretty good job to just be turfed out is ridiculous. What can we do to make things better? Well, I think ask the public, in my mind. We obviously vote in a party, but we also vote for the person that we think is going to do the best job for our country, so it’s a shame for the public to then turn around and see that the politicians themselves have made their own decision. Does sport receive enough government funding in Australia? I have absolutely no idea. I guess 52 The Beast | October 2018

“I think that getting hit in a game of cricket is part and parcel of it, and more often than not if you see me wandering around in the summer in a pair of shorts you'll see bruises all over my legs.” Australian cricketer Phil Hughes was struck by a short-pitched ball in a Sheffield Shield match between New South Wales and South Australia at the SCG on November 25, 2014. For the benefit of our readers who don't follow cricket, the ball burst an artery in his neck, caused a haemorrhage in his brain and he tragically died two days later in hospital. What can be done to make the game of cricket safer, or do you think it's safe enough already and we shouldn't overreact to one freak incident? Yeah, Phil was a really good mate of ours. Mitch and him grew up playing cricket together at Western Suburbs when he moved down to Sydney, and they played

for New South Wales together so it was a really difficult time for everybody in the cricketing community, whether you knew him as a mate or just knew him as a player. It was one of the hardest things that everyone had to go through, but I think safety-wise a lot is coming up post that incident, and while being a freak incident and something that we may never, ever see again, it's nice to see that a few options have come in after that to make players feel more safe and more comfortable at the crease. I think with the stem guards and the new helmets, I think that's good that we're having that conversation about it. At the same time, cricket is such a traditional game and the old days of a fast bowler coming in and trying to take your head off have sort of been lost a little bit because people are scared for that to happen again. It's a hard one. You sort of want to see that contest in cricket but at the same time you don't want to see anyone get hurt. As long as the players are comfortable at the crease then by all means have a crack, but it is a fine balance. I've played cricket in some form or another my whole life and I'm still shit scared of a cricket ball; do you have any fear when you're playing, or are you completely fearless? I think fear is a good thing to have. I think fear and nerves are something that you want as an elite sportsperson. I think the fear of failure and I think the fear of getting hit is what makes you better because you turn that into, “Well, how can I not get hit and how can I get myself into a better position so I can hit the ball instead of it hitting me?” For me, I don't have that fear when I go out there. I think I've always been a good puller and hooker of the ball so I back myself to hit it. I think that getting hit in a game of cricket is part and parcel of it, and more often than not if you see me wandering around in the summer in a pair of shorts you'll see bruises all over my legs.


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I guess you've got to remove that doubt and just back yourself to hit the ball. Would your contract allow you to fill in for our indoor cricket team, the Bronte Gully Bats, if we're ever short one week? Definitely. Who were your role models growing up? I absolutely loved watching Ricky Ponting bat when I was a young cricketer and my first ever bat was the Ricky Ponting Kookaburra Ridgeback. I guess once I discovered that I loved playing sport, not just cricket - I played every sport under the sun - I used to look up to someone like Layne Beachley quite a bit. She was a very inspiring woman at that time. She's been on the cover of The Beast as well… Well, there you go, privileged! She's one that I often talk about as being a real role model of mine, but in the cricketing space Ricky Ponting was a weapon and someone that I really wanted to bat like.

“As a wicket-keeper it's part of my role to keep the team up and to get stuck into the opposition team, so for me sledging is a part of my game and something that I quite enjoy. But I think that there is a definite line.” Cricket Australia chief James Sutherland has said that, "Sledging remains part of the game, but it's up to umpires to ensure the line is not crossed." What are your views on sledging? Are you a sledger? I completely agree with James on that one. I think sledging is a part of the game and cricket is such a mental game, not just a physical, skill-based game. It's all about your mental resilience and part of that is copping it from the 54 The Beast | October 2018

opposition. At the end of the day, there are 11 of them out there and there are two of you batting so you've got to learn to be able to cop it a little bit. As a wicketkeeper it's part of my role to keep the team up and to get stuck into the opposition team, so for me sledging is a part of my game and something that I quite enjoy. But I think that there is a definite line. What is that line? I think there's a personal line that I don't think you should cross. When people's partners and families and potential mistakes that they've made in the past are brought into the game, I think that's where it can get nasty, but I think when there's general banter out there that's in jest and in no way threatening to the opposition I think it can be a bit of fun. What would you be doing if you weren't a professional cricketer? I have absolutely no idea. I was studying marine biology at university and I'm still trying to finish that degree, but it's eluded me while I’ve been pursuing my cricketing career. I think I'd be playing sport of some sort. Like I said, I played every sport under the sun when I was younger and sort of fell into cricket, but I have no doubt that I would be playing some sort of sport. What do your parents do for work? My dad worked for AMP for a bazillion years, doing financial planning and then corporate super, and my mum has worked a heap of different jobs doing what she loves. What advice do you have for young girls, or for anyone for that matter, wanting to make it as a professional cricketer or a professional sports person? I think just enjoy it. That’s something that sticks with me, because at the end of the day what people forget is that if you want to play professional sport, it is your job, it's your career, it's the nine to five that everybody else is doing except it's not nine to five, it's seven days a week, longer hours. At the same time, it's pretty

cool to be able to travel the world doing something you love, so enjoy every moment and embrace it because realistically as an athlete your career doesn't last long, so if you enjoy every moment while you're there then it'll be one hell of a ride. What's your favourite ground to play on? You can't go past the SCG; it's so iconic in world cricket. I think everyone dreams of playing at the SCG. Adelaide overall is probably one of the most picturesque grounds to go and play at, too, and it has so much history. It's still got a hill... And it's still got a hill, which is a bit of fun. Do you have much time to do charity work or anything like that? I do bits and pieces. I feel like I was put on this planet to help other people. I'm an ambassador for the Chappell Foundation at the moment, which does some fantastic work in raising money and awareness for youth homelessness in the country, which is something really pertinent that no one really knows about. At the moment I'm doing a bit of work for them, but stuff pops up left, right and centre that's easy to be a part of. In a perfect world what does the future hold for Alyssa Healy? Great question! Hopefully happiness. At the end of my career I want to look back and know that I contributed positively to successful teams and left nothing out there on the park. I'm a really competitive person and I love to play cricket. I'm not so much the trainer, but I love to play and I love the competitive nature of the game. Once I finish my career I can go and do whatever it is I might want to do at the time and hopefully have a long marriage, have some kids and settle down next to a beach somewhere and bum about for the rest of my life. And beat your husband at golf... Yeah, that happens regularly already anyway!


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PRIVATISED ASSETS A PUBLIC CONCERN Words Dr Marjorie O’Neill Picture Lizzie Magie

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rowing numbers of Australians are seriously concerned and even fiercely opposed to the continuing sale of government assets and the privatisation of so many services once provided by government. With the mass selloffs of the family furniture across the board at all levels of government, many of us now hold serious concerns about losses of important government income streams, and likewise, many of us know of a friend or relative who lost their jobs as privatised entities immediately started the mass layoffs of staff. Yet only 25 years ago, when large-scale privatisation commenced in earnest, many people were fully supportive of at least some levels of privatisation. After all, surely it would be better to have the private sector wave its magic efficiency wand over the socalled ‘lazy’ public sector workers, often imagined to be standing with cigarette in hand in the courtyards of city office blocks, or staring at holes in the ground. Shouldn’t

56 The Beast | October 2018

government be focussed on basic governing while the private sector provides goods and services? Many informed people agree that the merits and demerits of privatisation need to be assessed on a case-by-case basis but, on balance, the tide of public opinion has turned against both the sale of government assets and the privatisation of government services. After all, the fire sales of the Commonwealth Bank, Telstra, Qantas and Medibank do not appear to have resulted in great gains for the average Australian. Nor have the privatisation of our electricity, roads or buses seen benefits flowing to the community. Sadly, we’ve seen quite the opposite - higher medical insurance fees, banks behaving badly, staff cuts and poor services all round. Many older Australians had a strong loyalty to what they saw as Australian icons. Many Aussies still do have some loyalty to these institutions and they feel aggrieved when they learn that this

loyalty is viewed as a ‘stickiness’ to brand, to use the latest managerial jargon. These days such loyalty is ‘rewarded’ with higher fees and reduced competition. It is shocking and hurtful to learn that a loyalty to Australian enterprise, so closely interwoven with the love of our country and our heritage, can be turned upon us. Privatisation, of course, can mean different things, ranging from the complete sale of an asset to the use of private sector contractors to perform certain functions. While the use of private specialists to perform certain functions in government departments and agencies sometimes makes economic sense, the widespread use of contractors has also contributed to the huge growth in the peripheral and insecure workforce. When Aussies imagined back in the 1990s that privatisation would result in a smaller public sector, less taxes and fewer sightings of ‘smoko’ out on the streets, it seems that little concern was directed to the implications of privatisation for those on the periphery of society, including not only the poor but also those in rural and isolated areas. Put simply, government ownership enabled cross-subsidisation and allowed Australians in small towns, in remote areas and those in financial need to receive services at a subsidised rate. The sale of the Commonwealth Bank and the closure and sale of post offices alone led to unimagined consequences and losses. Cross subsidisation works by providing services and products that make money and using the ‘profits’ to subsidise the cost to those who need it. For example, the Eastern Suburbs bus and rail services are some of the most profitable in NSW and by providing these services the state is able to provide public transport to less populated areas at a loss, so that everyone can access public transport. Makes sense, doesn’t it? So what happens when the most profitable bus service is sold off or the railway line is privatised as some suspect is planned in NSW?


Unfortunately, time and time again what we see is that profit comes before people, resulting in a more expensive product or service generally delivered at a poorer rate. The most evident example for all of us is the ever-increasing electricity prices for families and small businesses, with wholesale prices increasing by 20 per cent in 2017 alone. And the revenue streams of sold off electricity companies now flow into overseas shareholder coffers rather than funding our schools and hospitals. Power prices are now so high, most nights of the week you can find a bunch of older locals hanging out in one of our many clubs, as it’s cheaper to have two beers with your mates than it is to be at home with the heater on. Not so long ago governments at least purported to be selling off government assets and privatising government owned businesses in order to achieve efficiencies. Now, such pretense has been abandoned. One classic and tragic case of privatised NSW is the Powerhouse Museum. The Powerhouse, opened on March 10, 1988, is on the site of the old Ultimo Power Station, one of Sydney’s original powerhouses. Housed on public land and purpose built, this site is earmarked as yet another government asset to be sold, adding to the $50 billion of publicly-owned assets that have already been sold off in NSW since 2011. With many people now extremely concerned at this plundering of public assets, it’s time to take a stand against further asset sales. Not long ago the Bondi Pavilion was seriously threatened with privatisation and loss of community space. We stood up against that at a local level. Will we stand by and do nothing when parts of our beaches and parks are privatised or our precious water supplies are on the chopping block? It is time to say enough is enough. Dr Marjorie O’Neill is a Waverley Councillor. The views expressed here are her own, although we generally agree with them.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT GOVERNMENTS SELLING OFF AND PRIVATISING PUBLIC ASSETS? Derek YAGOONA I really, really like hamburgers, and anything that will allow me to buy more hamburgers is a good thing. Will this help with my ability to purchase more hamburgers? If the government sells off the electricity network then they may not be able to cook my hamburgers, so I suppose everything except that would be just fine. Hopefully we build another desalination plant soon, because that thing is unreal!

Jane BONDI I suppose it depends on the specific asset you’re talking about. I certainly wouldn’t want to privatise our jails, for example, because it could make it financially worthwhile to imprison people, and then you could get a lobby group representing private prison businesses pushing the government to be tougher on crime so that more people are incarcerated. Politics and governments in general drive me berserk.

Tom RANDWICK Although selling off public assets has the potential to free up cash that can then be reallocated to other areas in need of funding, privatisation can often end up creating monopolies, resulting in increased prices for consumers. There also seems to be plenty of evidence that privatisation doesn’t always result in increased efficiency, which is one of the main arguments put forward by proponents of privatisation. October 2018 | The Beast 57


Coogee Public School’s main building and demountables back in 1912.

WHICH SCHOOL IS BEST? Words Bruce Notley-Smith, State Member for Coogee Picture Ed Ukayshun

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othing gets that barbecue or dinner party conversation off to a start better than the debate over which school is best. And why wouldn’t it? Every parent or guardian cares deeply about the quality of education their child receives, some to the point of obsession. Public or private, big or small, secular or faith based, single sex or coeducational, selective or comprehensive, even the prevailing ethnicity of students, are just a few of the choices to be pondered long before little Tarquin or Celeste heads off for their first day of school. Much has been said lately about secondary education options available locally. The eclectic mix of schools we have in the Eastern Suburbs today has its origin in the absence of direct government funding, control or ownership until legislative reforms from 1848 to 1880 led to the public school system we know today. As the population increased in the 1850s, local private schools were established by church parishes or private individuals. St Catherine’s is the only school remaining from this period. The Public Schools Act 1866 and the Public Instruction Act 1880 delivered government junior schools in Coogee, Waverley, Woollahra and Randwick.

58 The Beast | October 2018

Despite these reforms, few government secondary schools were established; various primary schools were instead used to accommodate intermediate classes or fully converted to secondary schools as the need arose. More denominational schools, many of which exist to this day, were established and filled much of this demand. Post WWII, dedicated secondary schools were built in Randwick, Vaucluse, Dover Heights and Maroubra. The development of large government housing estates across Maroubra and South Coogee, also home to the Endeavour Migrant Hostel, added to the need for extra schools in the south-east. Despite the continual increase in housing stock that took place over the post war decades, the local population began a steady decline from 1971 until it plateaued in the 1990s. The fall in student numbers left several schools unable to offer an acceptably broad curriculum, resulting in their closure or mergers. Abandoned sites in Vaucluse and Maroubra Bay were sold off, as was Maroubra Girls High, which was acquired by Lycee Condorcet to become the French School, and Randwick North High was repurposed to accommodate the Open High School and the Centennial Park School.

Years after these closures there remains significant spare capacity in the south east’s public secondary schools. Rose Bay Secondary College in the north, a hybrid of Dover Heights and Vaucluse Boys High Schools, has in contrast experienced a surge in enrolments over recent years, providing fuel and profile to the current ‘capacity crisis’ discussion. It’s a discussion I’m having at the highest levels of government, but most importantly with those in our local community who cherish public secondary education and want to see it continue to grow and succeed. Finger pointing previous governments and public officials seeking to lay blame don’t solve a problem. If provoked, I’ll call them to account for their inaction and hypocrisy, but my efforts will be focussed on finding a solution and the resources needed to fix it. Over the many years I have been both a local councillor, a mayor and a member of parliament, I have attended countless school assemblies, end-of-year and other presentation days and evenings, school concerts, P&C meetings and catch-ups with principals. The great news is that there isn’t a single school in the electorate of Coogee that I wouldn’t happily send my, or your, daughter or son to.


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It’s that time of year again.

AS THE MADNESS DESCENDS Words Alasdair McClintock Picture Sandy Clam

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omewhere this month, on a beach in a small coastal town, a young family will settle in for an early morning sandcastle session. Beside them they may spot an indeterminate, sandy lump. They may even think it is the remnants of another family’s sandcastle adventures from the previous day, but they’d be wrong. Just as little Benny is laying down his seashell façade upon the eaves of his sandy masterpiece, a monster will burst forth from the ground beside him. Screaming nonsense and reeking of booze, it will stamp mindlessly over his creation, seeking reparation from its fourth-grade teammates for the cruel joke they have played, unaware of the damage it has just unleashed upon a tiny, sandy kingdom. Welcome to the end-of-seasonfooty-trip-season, little Benny. Your life may never be the same again. With the football season over, small towns all over the country

60 The Beast | October 2018

are experiencing the hell that is end of year footy trips. An influx of sub-district sports teams invading their quiet havens to consume far too much alcohol and behave like untethered 19 year-olds full of rum, sugar and sexual frustration. Some of these people actually are 19, so their actions are vaguely understandable, if still not quite acceptable. It is the older men one must wonder about. Dangerous beasts, all of them. Club stalwarts who married young, had kids by their mid-twenties and still play team sports so they can hang out with people years their junior, late into their thirties. Never trust a man near forty who is willing to drink for 48 hours with 19 yearolds, especially if that man has children. These footy trips are like buck’s parties, in that there is always going to be a few of these fellows who drag the rest of the group, who are all more or less respectable, into the dark pits of hell - the kind of place that leaves you with

the Monday morning horrors for merely being associated with it; a cold terror that they might have committed hideous crimes after you went to bed and there is video footage of you dancing shirtless on a wheelie bin with them, in front of pensioners having an early dinner. Is there any value in these trips? I’ve never been sure. Usually by the end of the season you’ve already spent too much time with these blokes and the last thing you want to do is travel anywhere with them. The idea of a simple Mad Monday has always appealed more to me. One and done. A lock in somewhere, where you can’t cause too much damage to anything but yourself. Whatever your position on these sordid affairs, if you do get caught up in one, steer clear of the rugged, balding guy with a sinister glint in his eye. This is his annual apocalypse and he won’t be content until all four horsemen have drunkenly fallen off their steeds.


OCTOBER 2018 TIDE CHART Numbers Bureau of Meteorology Tidal Centre Picture Ashlea Hingston Instagram @ashhingstonphotography MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

3 0226 0808 1443 2138

1.20 0.61 1.57 0.43

4 0346 0925 1556 2244

1.23 0.58 1.62 0.35

5 0453 1036 1700 2340

1.32 0.51 1.70 0.27

11 0415 1033 1652 2256

0.29 1.73 0.28 1.51

12 0452 1115 1739 2341

0.38 1.70 0.34 1.40

1 0005 0558 1229 1907

1.30 0.52 1.59 0.47

2 0110 0656 1330 2022

1.23 0.58 1.57 0.47

8 0215 0824 1426 2038

0.17 1.63 0.25 1.78

9 0257 0908 1515 2126

0.18 1.69 0.23 1.72

10 0336 0951 1603 2211

0.22 1.73 0.24 1.63

15 0115 0649 1322 2015

1.20 0.65 1.50 0.56

16 0211 0740 1415 2117

1.14 0.71 1.44 0.59

17 0318 0845 1518 2221

1.12 0.75 1.40 0.58

18 0429 0959 1628 2319

1.15 0.75 1.40 0.55

22 0126 0736 1335 1943

0.39 1.47 0.48 1.55

23 0159 0811 1415 2021

0.35 1.55 0.41 1.57

24 0231 0845 1455 2100

0.32 1.63 0.35 1.57

25 0305 0922 1537 2141

0.32 1.70 0.30 1.55

29 0004 0547 1216 1857

1.37 0.49 1.74 0.35

30 0102 0642 1311 2001

1.30 0.56 1.69 0.39

31 0209 0745 1414 2112

1.25 0.62 1.64 0.40

Green machine.

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

6 0548 1.43 1138 0.41 1758 1.76

7 0030 0738 1333 1949

0.20 1.54 0.32 1.80

13 0530 0.47 1156 1.65 1828 0.42

14 0027 0607 1237 1918

1.29 0.56 1.58 0.50

19 0530 1.21 1107 0.71 1730 1.43

20 0008 0618 1204 1820

0.49 1.29 0.64 1.47

21 0049 0700 1253 1903

0.44 1.38 0.56 1.52

26 0341 1000 1621 2225

27 0418 1042 1708 2313

0.36 1.78 0.28 1.44

0.33 1.76 0.28 1.50

28 0500 0.42 1127 1.78 1800 0.31

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ROBOT ROBBERS ARE ALL AROUND Words Con Gestion Picture Robin Hunt

M

y dear sister, Consuela, only the other day made a remarkable statement. She said: “Robot robbers are all around us.” Naturally I was thrown into a mild state of panic by this rolling alliteration, so I immediately asked her what she meant. Connie explained that she was talking of the poker machines that proliferate like the plague in every pub and club in our district, except, fortunately, for our surf life saving clubs. She explained that they were robots, as they are highly sophisticated, programmed, mind-bending machines of some artificial intelligence designed to rob you of your money. She even alarmingly suggested that they can talk to each other and follow you around the VIP gaming dens and lounges (for that is what they are laughingly called) from machine to machine, from club to pub, through fingerprint technology or, God forbid, facial recognition. I am old enough to know that when they were first naively introduced, before the plague, 62 The Beast | October 2018

they had a mechanical arm on the side to execute the theft and were consequently known as ‘one-armed bandits’. Now, of course, they have much simpler buttons, which you can press many times and lose far more at a faster rate. Locals now call them ‘slap machines’ and you can easily lose $1,000 an hour. Unfortunately it is rarely people with plenty of money who lose. It is the desperate, the poor, the depressed and those numerous people with mental disorders who get quickly seduced and mesmerised even before the grog takes over. Consuela developed into a rage, as if I was to blame. “Who doesn’t know people who have had their lives wrecked by these pernicious beasts, homes repossessed, families broken, children undernourished,” she screeched. “Nowhere else in the world has a society let them become rampant - even the sensible Chinese corral them in Macao and the mad Americans in Las Vegas, but not stupid us.

“We stick them on every street corner pub and into the supposed pillars of the community, the licensed clubs!” I was aware that regulating poker machines, or preferably just selling them off as scrap, had surfaced again as a topical issue after the recent SMH reporting of the suicide of a much-loved family man after a pokie binge at Dee Why RSL. It was a heartbreaking story that revealed the telling statistic that the club in one year had poker machine gambling revenues of $43 million and had given just $1.9 million back to the local community. I tried calming her down with a placid voice, asking the eternal question about this plague: “But why is it so?” She referred me to an excellent book on the subject she had just read by Sydney journo Drew Rooke called ‘One Last Spin - The Power and Peril of the Pokies’. It was a Friday night when I had a thorough browse of it over a few schooners at my local club. Clearly the pokie plague was all about greed, executive salaries, corporate profit and lazy politicians scared of losing their jobs due to PR campaigns about gambling regulation destroying local communities and being ‘un-Australian’. I could’ve choked on my beer. I knew the entire state of WA, which I regularly visit, had no pokies except for at the casino, yet people seemed happy and kids still had their footy kits. No wonder they want to secede. Hopefully we are waking up to this plague. It seems the Tasmanian Labor Party and the Greens’ policy platforms want them banned, and AFL clubs are realising they are a pox on health, like tobacco. There are now even some proud pokie-free clubs and pubs awake to the evil robot menace. Connie eventually arrived at the club after a while and I bought her a nice Margaret River Chardonnay and some tickets in the meat raffle on the condition we didn’t talk about the stupid noisy things. Knowledge can be shocking.


The Boonara Avenue Markets.

THE UNRELIABLE GUIDE TO... DE-CLUTTERING YOUR LIFE Words Nat Shepherd Picture Col Lector

T

he Unreliable Guide moved house last month and had to sort out ten years worth of accumulated stuff. It turns out I was hoarding a lot of crap. Are you? Apparently about 80 per cent of us find it painful to get rid of stuff, even if it’s not used, wanted or liked. We may not be among the five per cent of clinical hoarders you see on television - like Mrs Bobolas in Bondi, who has had her junk cleared away by Council 15 times at a cost of $350,000 - but it can be hard to get rid of clutter. The Unreliable Guide has some tips and tricks to help you... ARE YOU A HOARDER? Do you have a drawer, a room, a house or a storage facility in which you stash stuff you don’t know what to do with: old magazines, daggy t-shirts and those shoes you never wear because they always give you a blister? Judge everything you own by this simple criteria: Does it bring me joy? If not, let it go. A clutterfree life far outweighs the potential value of any stuff you might be hanging on to ‘just in case’.

THE PRESSURE TO CONSUME Many psychologists suggest that hoarding is on the rise. We live in a society that suggests that acquisition leads to happiness. It doesn’t, it leads to more and more stuff. Ultimately, the stuff takes over and you can’t enjoy your space. If things get really out of hand you’ll have to rent a storage space. Self-storage is one of the most profitable business ventures out there; we pay these people to store our guilt. And then feel guilty about it. EMOTIONAL CLUTTER Many of us store guilt-inducing items: expensive clothes we don’t like wearing, worthy books we can’t be bothered to read, fancy exercise equipment we don’t use, broken things we’ll never get round to mending. Worst of all are those unsuitable presents from friends and relatives. It’s hard to throw out something given as a gift, but do any of these items add value to our lives? Nope, they make us feel crap. Take them to the op-shop and ask everyone to

give you perishables instead: food, booze or flowers. Better still, ask for a dinner out, or a trip to the theatre. If you avoid keeping the menu or the program their gift will only take up memory space. THE VALUE OF SPACE Many hoarders hate waste. We believe our unwanted stuff has a monetary value and that it would be stupid (or even immoral) to give or throw it away. But space has value too. The average price per square metre in a Bondiapartment is $15,000. Your fancy cross-trainer may have cost $1000, but every time you look at its dusty, unused shape you are filled with self-loathing and it occupies 3 square metres, or $45,000 worth of space. Let it go. Finally, The Unreliable Guide suggests that if you find it hard to get rid of stuff, don’t invite it into your life in the first place. Instead of spending your free time at the mall, go to the beach, where the only thing you’ll collect is fresh air and some sand in your shoes. October 2018 | The Beast 63


This can’t possibly be good for you.

IS YOUR PHONE YOUR BEST FRIEND? Words Jeremy Ireland, Psychotherapist Picture Ray di Yowaives

R

ecently I found myself in conversation with the local postman who was delivering the street’s mail. After exchanging a few pleasantries, we quickly got on to the topic of how his job has changed over the last 10 years. He cut straight to the chase, saying that people don’t send letters anymore meaning he now delivers less mail over a larger area. His round has been extended by a few extra kilometres, and considering he gets around on foot it’s quite a bit of walking. “It’s the Internet,” he said. “Everything’s done online now. I don’t mind; the extra kilometres keep me fit and active”. It’s no surprise that technology has changed how we communicate, but what is probably not so apparent is how this technology has shaped an entire generation who have known nothing but the Internet. This particular generation has been branded as ‘iGen’. In broad terms, it includes anyone born between 1995 and 2012, although some might say it extends right up to the present. The term iGen works well as it not only nicely depicts the cultural shift away from GenY (1980-94), but it metaphorically describes in one word the cultural shift from the collective to the individual. Everything now seems to have an ‘i’ or a ‘my’ in front of it – websites

64 The Beast | October 2018

like ‘mygov’ and ‘mynrma’, devices like the iPhone, even cars like Hyundai’s iMax and iLoad. It’s a marketing term hard to resist in today’s environment. So how does this cultural shift and its ensuing technology affect our iGen population? Perhaps the biggest impact has been on communication. There’s no doubt it’s changed during the iGen era, but which communication method is best? Ironically, on top of the list is good old face-to-face, one-on-one conversation, then in descending order: face-to-face group discussion; live video conference (like FaceTime); phone call; interactive live email or chat rooms; standard email; text message; personal letter; post-it note; and then the trusty old flyer or poster. Despite the list, it might be a fair call to say today’s teens are more comfortable talking online and indeed prefer it over talking ‘face to face’; communicating through a screen via social media or a texting app certainly has an appeal. Professor of psychology Jean M. Twenge is leading the charge in explaining how this has come to be. According to Twenge, it is directly attributed to the smartphone. The first iPhone hit the stage in 2007; by 2011 they were pretty much mainstream and it seemed like every adolescent had one. The smartphone allowed the net

to be accessed anywhere, anytime and on your own. Granted, there’s nothing wrong with keeping up with technology, but it’s the time spent alone on such technology that has created the most concern, and for good reason. Current research has revealed a steep increase in levels of anxiety and depression when the ownership of smartphones among kids became mainstream around 2011-12. It is important to clarify right here that smartphones or indeed social media do not cause anxiety or depression, but what this research does show is a direct correlation among our iGen’ers between time spent online alone and levels of anxiety and depression. It’s the link between the two that’s causing the most worry. Other noticeable differences between iGen and those generations previous are that iGen’ers seem to have less face-to-face social engagement, appear to be growing up more slowly and are in less of a hurry to move out. The adult privileges and independence that previous generations craved seem to hold less value in the present, a trend that seems to have gained momentum with the advent of the smartphone, and which appears to be universal among differing cultures no matter what their ethnicity, where they live or their financial standing. As confident, optimistic and happy iGen’ers seem on Snapchat or some other social platform where everyone’s smiling and taking selfies, there is a real and present undercurrent of vulnerability with kids addicted to their phones, keeping them in a vortex of stimulus from which they can’t escape. As much as technology is part of iGen and indeed everyone’s culture, it’s no secret that those who spend more time interacting with friends in person are happier, healthier and just better off. So what do we do? Well it’s about balance and moderation. Technology is not the enemy; it’s how we use it. Let’s face it, as appealing as a virtual world can be, the reality is it’s not real. Just ask your local postman.


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water efficient showerhead, or up to 20 litres if using a conventional one. 4. Play detective and find that leak - Some leaks are very difficult to spot and can waste over 3,500 litres of clean water each year. A spike on your water bill could mean there’s a leak in your home. Check your water meter at night to see if it’s turning. If so, contact a plumber. 5. Only wash when you have a full load - By adjusting the water level of your washing machine and using the economy cycle you can also help save water. 6. Install a water efficient showerhead - Water efficient showerheads are inexpensive, super easy to install and will definitely help you save a lot of water.

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WATER FOR ME, WATER FOR ALL Words Ale Torres - Sustainable Communities Team, Waverley Council

O

ur country is in the midst of a terrible drought. Sydney’s dams and catchments, responsible for bringing water to our taps, are currently at 69 per cent capacity. Farmers’ hardships are giving rise to city fundraisers and stirring up a collective concern for our people on the land. And rightly so; it would be foolish for us to take this precious resource for granted. From hydration, cooking, washing, cooling, growing food, maintaining gardens and making products, water is the fuel of life that we cannot do without. With National Water Week on our doorstep (October 21-28), it’s never been a more important time to take simple steps to make saving water second nature. So whether you’re driven by the current 66 The Beast | October 2018

drought situation, the need to save cash or you simply want to make a difference, here are 10 easy tips to start saving water today... 1. Water for me, water for all - This October, take part in National Water Week. Take a few minutes to think about how you use water at home and pick two things to change to save water. 2. Only turn the tap on as hard as you need - A gentle stream for brushing your teeth or hands, rather than full blast. 3. Have a three-minute power shower - Grab a shower timer or time your shower to one of your favourite songs. Reducing your shower by one minute helps save up to nine litres of water if using a

7. The right time for the right plants - Minimise evaporation and only water your garden in the morning or evening when temperatures are cooler. Use plants that are adapted to the Australian climate and do not require too much water. 8. Mulch that garden - Put mulch around plants to help retain moisture and reduce the need to water frequently. 9. Make it dual, save water Three-star rated dual flush toilets use a third as much water per person per day compared to older full-flush models. 10. Buying a new appliance Water efficient appliances can help you save money and water. Check waterrating.gov.au/choose for more information on how to choose an efficient appliance. For more information and to download Waverley Council’s 10 Top Water-Saving Hacks Checklist, visit secondnature.org. au/water. Sydney Water also has great info at sydneywater.com. au/SW/your-home.


One last kiss before boiling.

AIR-PATTER BRINGS SHORT-TERM PET HIRE TO LOCAL FOOTY FANATICS Satire Kieran Blake Picture Ray Warren

E

astern Suburbs residents are scrambling to hire the few remaining September Pets in anticipation of strong local representation at the business end of this year’s footy finals. Last minute orders are flooding in to local enterprise AIR-PATTER, which is offering short-term leasing of freelance roosters, rabbits and swans. “Hire the perfect accessory,” reads the AIR-PATTER promotion. “Proudly display your undying loyalty to your favourite team with a freelance pet for the duration of the football finals. Then, once your pet has served its purpose, return it to us.” “Requests have flooded in for roosters, rabbits and swans,” confirmed an AIR-PATTER spokesperson. “We had expected to adorn the pets with a garland of waratahs, but unfortunately, waratahs will not be in bloom in Sydney this spring.” The initiative is likely to result in an inundation of freelance pets at

local parks, beaches, playgrounds, cafes and pubs. The beer garden at the Alexandria Hotel is set to be overrun with rabbits, while the ‘Charo’ will welcome pet roosters with a special 10-course ‘pecking degustation’. Swans, meanwhile, will lead their owners serenely into whichever bar happens to be trending on social media. The real excitement begins, however, once the pets have been returned to AIR-PATTER. On October 1, the animals will feature prominently in the biggest street party the Eastern Suburbs has ever seen. Centennial Park will host a massive barbecue with a sumptuous buffet, including dishes such as Gallo Pinto, rabbit stew and Pico de Gallo. “Visitors are in for a real treat,” promised the AIR-PATTER spokesperson. “The party starts in the early hours of the morning when men in horse-drawn carts will roam the streets calling out to our clients to return their freelance pets.

“They’ll then head to the park, where visitors can watch the hawkers skin and pluck the animals before preparing them for our mouth-watering feast. “Also, we’re very hopeful Russell Crowe will attend and slaughter some of the animals with one of his Gladiator swords – great family-friendly fun.” Guests can also sample exotic cuisine including sharks, rare birds and big cats, all acquired from exRoosters player Martin Kennedy. Kiwi fruit provides the theme for dessert, while entertainment will feature a fire-breathing dragon and pony rides for the Queenslanders. Organisers have assured visitors there will be enough soft drink and alcohol on offer to cater for those who are celebrating or commiserating. They were also at pains to stress to locals that they are doing absolutely everything within their powers to appease the weather gods. “No one wants a storm in Sydney on these dates,” the spokesperson said. October 2018 | The Beast 67


Taiwan’s annual gay pride parade, Taiwan Pride.

WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE GAY AND ASIAN? Words Matty Silver, Sex Therapist Picture Mike De Jesus

I

t is difficult enough for young men and women in Australia to come out when they realise they are gay, but being gay when you belong to a culture that doesn’t accept homosexuality is much more difficult. One of my clients is a young Chinese man who is studying in Sydney. He suspected that he was different, but had never been in contact with other gay young men in his small town. It didn’t take him long to embrace his sexuality in Australia, but his parents expect him to come home when he has finished his studies. He is the only son and realises his parents will be devastated to learn he may not marry and have children, and he expects this will bring shame on the family. In 2013, Benjamin Law, an Australian author and journalist, wrote a fascinating book called Gaysia: Adventures in the Queer East, a journalistic exploration of LGBTQI life in Asia. He visited many Asian countries to investigate what it’s like to be gay in Asia. 68 The Beast | October 2018

In China, homosexuality was decriminalised in 1997, but only in the last decade have cities like Beijing and Shanghai seen the rise of lesbian and gay communities with bars and gay meeting places. Few Chinese gays and lesbians come out to their families and many feel they have to marry, which is tragic for them and the partners they choose. Lesbian women often experience physical violence from their parents when they are found out. It has become popular over the last few years for gay Chinese men to marry lesbian women. There are websites for finding lesbian wives and in Shanghai there is a yoga studio that holds a party every month where gay men and women can ‘shop’ for a spouse. They can then easily live separate lives and still satisfy their families who may never find out the truth. Taiwan is to become the first country in Asia to legalise same sex marriage, after the island’s constitutional court ruled in May 2017 that their current laws defin-

ing unions as between a man and a woman are invalid. Taiwan’s highest court, the Council of Grand Justices, said barring gay couples from marrying violated “the people’s freedom of marriage” and “the people’s right to equality”. Thailand has become a popular holiday destination for gay couples and it could soon be cashing in on another niche market if a proposal to legalise gay marriage is accepted. In Japan, there is no law against homosexuality, but there are no civil unions or gay marriages yet, and overall the subject is kept silent. There is no religious basis for discrimination but gay people still struggle with Japan’s strict family and gender roles. Countries such as Malaysia, Myanmar and Brunei still outlaw homosexuality and Singapore has a draconian law that criminalises sex between men. My client will be living here for a few more years, but it doesn’t look like things will change soon in his native continent.


VOLUNTEERS for CHARINGFIELD Do you have some spare time to make an aged care resident’s day? We are looking for kind, compassionate and generous people who would like to enhance the lives of our elderly residents. We have a group with diverse backgrounds and interests who have time on their hands and would enjoy a visit from locals in Waverley and the Eastern Suburbs.

Most of our residents are locals with a rich history and knowledge of the area. Any local memorabilia such as books, photos or posters would be gratefully accepted and a great conversation starter. Volunteers who speak another language are appreciated.

Please contact us at Charingfield Hostel Phone: 9369 5444 Email: admin@charingfield.org.au

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A VERY LONG JOURNEY ON A VERY LONG TRAIN Words and Pictures The Bondi Travel Bug

O

ur very first sighting of the Indian Pacific train, with its iconic silver bullet-like carriages and famous eagle emblem, was at Perth train station. It was so long that we couldn’t see its beginning or end. The train is an unbelievable 774 metres in length, just less than two full laps of an Olympic running track. It is made up of 28 passenger carriages, along with engine rooms and separate carriages for restaurants, bars, lounges and the charismatic crew. The trip we were about to embark on goes from Perth to Sydney and takes four days and three nights. Leaving on a Sunday, it was five-star service all the way, and offered a range of excursions and stopovers while travelling through some of the country’s harshest and most barren landscapes. Excursions took place in Kalgoorlie, Adelaide, Broken Hill and the Blue Mountains, with short stopovers to check out Rawlinna and Cook. Once the formalities were completed, we made our way to the most essential carriage on the train, the Outback Explorer Bar and Lounge, where we met our fellow travelling companions. This was the place where a lot of time would be spent and tales shared on our journey. From the lounge area we looked out at the impressive views while sipping some of Australia’s finest wines. I personally introduced myself to the barista who immediately fired up the espresso machine and kept it on constant rotation for the fours days that would follow. After lunch (each meal was delicious), we split our time between our super comfortable ensuite cabin (which magically turned into a sleeping boudoir each night thanks to the attendants) and the lounge area, from where we were able to observe Western Australia’s Avon Valley wheat belt, the accompanying countryside and 70 The Beast | October 2018

the occasional tiny township as we quietly rattled on by. It wasn’t long before we were operating on ‘train time’ and slowing to a standstill to embark on a night excursion through the famous gold mining town of Kalgoorlie, where we learnt about the early gold rush history through tales of ‘gold and brothels’. We also got to see the world’s largest open cut gold mine, ‘the super pit’, which has been operating nonstop (literally 24/7) since 1989, and still has an estimated lifespan of 20 years. The next morning our train stopped at Rawlinna, which is home to Australia’s largest sheep station - where 70,000 sheep are spread out over 2.5 million acres. The air was crisp and fresh and we indulged in a breakfast of egg and bacon sliders served under open flame heaters right next to the train. We then travelled across the Nullarbor Plain, which was hot, long, flat, arid and treeless, until we reached our next stopover, the township of Cook, which was quite literally in the middle of nowhere. The population of Cook after the last census was four people and 23.5 million flies, and on the day we arrived to see this virtual ghost town every fly was there to greet us. Cook used to have a population of 200, with a hospital that had a famous slogan: ‘If you’re crook, come to Cook’. There was also a school and a golf course, but due to the privatisation of the railways in 1997 it’s now just a refuelling stopover for our train. My highlight of our Cook stopover was the two singular jail cells, which looked like giant wooden port-a-loos! Thankfully we were soon back on board our fly-free train and continuing our trans-continental adventure. The train travels at a very comfortable pace with varying speeds ranging from 85 to 115 kilometres per hour, which allowed us to

catch occasional glimpses of emus, kangaroos and a plethora of native birds, as well as the obligatory sheep and cattle. Our next stopover and excursion was in Adelaide, where we had the option of taking in the city sights walking tour, the central markets tour, the city and river precinct tour, or seeing the Adelaide Oval in all its glory before boarding the train and heading to our next stop, Broken Hill. Known as the ‘silver city’ thanks to its early mining days, Broken Hill has a colourful history and the excursion we chose was a nobrainer for us - a drag show at the town’s famous Palace Hotel, which was featured in the much-loved Australian classic, ‘Priscilla Queen of the Desert’. The two rather large entertainers with their big hands, big smiles, big personalities and two ‘real’ female assistants put on a bawdy hour of glitz, glamour and fun. We woke the next morning chugging towards the glorious and world-renowned Blue Mountains, where we got to ride on the Scenic Skyway cable car and the world’s steepest passenger railway (with its 52-degree incline), as well as heading to the Echo Point lookout to admire the views that people from all over the world come to see. After lunch at a restaurant with glorious mountain views we sadly came to the end of what the brochures describe as one of Australia’s greatest train journeys. We couldn’t have agreed more. Where to stay Hilton Perth www.perth.hilton.com (08) 9215 2000 How to travel Great Southern Rail www.greatsouthernrail.com.au How to get there Vicky Gilden at Rose Bay Travel (02) 9371 8166


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20.81 20.93

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• Create a clear vision for your life • Breakthrough old thought patterns, limiting beliefs & habits • Take inspired action • Become the most radiant version of you!

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SUBJECT Hues of blue LOCATION Coogee PHOTOGRAPHER Jessica O’Dell

SUBJECT Beached boats LOCATION Coogee PHOTOGRAPHER Sue Kerr INSTA @sooziegirl

SUBJECT Icey Icebergs LOCATION Bondi PHOTOGRAPHER G. Garayalde INSTA @gabrielgarayalde

SUBJECT Native wildlife LOCATION Clovelly PHOTOGRAPHER Natasha Parsons

SUBJECT Three crosses LOCATION Waverley Cemetery PHOTOGRAPHER Todd Griggs INSTA @toddgriggsphoto

The Beast Magazine wants your local photos!


SUBJECT Circling seagulls LOCATION Bronte PHOTOGRAPHER Todd Griggs INSTA @toddgriggsphoto

SUBJECT Wombat chasing his dreams LOCATION Bondi PHOTOGRAPHER Jodee Lenaine-Smith

SUBJECT Pink poles LOCATION Sydney Harbour PHOTOGRAPHER Ben Daniels INSTA @bendanielsphotos

SUBJECT Giddy up LOCATION Centennial Park PHOTOGRAPHER Neil Paton

SUBJECT Frothy face LOCATION Bondi PHOTOGRAPHER P. McMillan INSTA @paulmcmillanphoto

Please send them to photos@thebeast.com.au


Head Chef Stuey and his wonderful Welsh Rarebit.

ROCKER BONDI – A VERSATILE VENUE AWAY FROM THE HUSTLE AND BUSTLE Words Siriol Dafydd Instagram @sirioldafyddwriter Picture Nikki To

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estled up in the far corner of North Bondi at the Ben Buckler shops, Rocker might not be on everyone’s list of go-to restaurants in the area. Many may even be unaware of its existence because it’s located up the hill and away from the hustle and bustle of Bondi Beach. But rest assured, those extra few steps will be worth it, and if you’re feeling super lazy there’s a bus interchange right out the front. You can literally fall off the bus and crawl into the restaurant if you want - or need - to. Trendy yet welcoming, it’s the perfect restaurant for an intimate date, a catch-up with friends or for dining out with the kids. The decor is modern and relaxing. Both the restaurant and wine bar areas are stripped back and filled with plants. The space is simple, edging at minimalistic, but still warm. The dinner menu, served from 5.30pm, is designed to share. It offers a variety of categories including Snacks, Smalls, Bigs, Sides and Sweets, and you are encouraged to choose a few dishes from each category (depending on the size of your group). It’s just as well, really, because most of the dishes sound absolutely amazing and choosing just one would have been extremely

76 The Beast | October 2018

difficult, even heartbreaking, for a gluttonous hog like me. With guidance from the friendly wait staff, I let my dining companion do the picking and she selected a couple of options from each category. Knowing that no self-respecting Welsh person could attend a restaurant with Welsh Rarebit on the menu and not order it, she kindly selected it as our first dish, which satisfied my patriotism. For those who don’t know, Welsh Rarebit isn’t particularly Welsh at all; it’s actually just cheese on toast. But to our surprise and delight, Rocker’s version of the delicacy is a little different. It’s served as balls, not too dissimilar to arancini. The result is gooey yet textured melted cheese cased in a crispy ball that just melts in your mouth. What followed was an onslaught of deliciousness. Dish after dish was brought out to us, each more mouth-watering than the last. Cauliflower hummus with potato bread and fried chicken with buttermilk, chilli and vinegar finished off our selections from the Snacks and Smalls sections. Both were absolutely fantastic. Next we had the macaroni with pea, pistachio, burnt butter, zucchini and pecorino. This was my

favourite dish of the evening. Textured and creamy but not too rich, it was the perfect meal to warm us up whilst watching the worst of Sydney’s winter weather (torrential rain and ridiculous gusts of wind) through the window. The chargrilled sirloin steak with smoked anchovy butter was also a noteworthy delight. The roast potatoes that accompanied it were cooked to perfection - crispy on the outside, soft on the inside and flavoured with a blend of herbs and spices. To end the evening, we shared the salted rye and treacle tart, which came with vanilla ice cream. Although we were stuffed from the rest of the dinner, we made sure we found enough room to finish this wonderful dessert. We practically licked the plate. All in all, Rocker’s dinner menu offers the perfect balance between fanciness and comfort food. The tucker is tasty and the atmosphere is relaxed. They also offer Day, Little Rockers and Group menus, as well as a Pasta and Vino special on Tuesday nights where you can enjoy a two-course meal and a glass of wine for $39. On Sundays you can sample the best potatoes I’ve had this decade as part of a two-course Sunday Roast that comes with a glass of wine for $35. Also, kids eat free between 4pm and 6pm every day (one kids meal for every adult dining or drinking), so you can make it an affordable outing for the entire family. If you’re looking for a versatile venue that ticks several boxes, Rocker is definitely the go. Rocker Bondi www.rockerbondi.com.au Address 5/39-53 Campbell Parade, North Bondi Instagram @rockerbondi Phone 8057 8086 Open Tue 5.30pm-late; Wed-Sun 8am-late (closed Mondays) Prices Snacks $3-11; Smalls $1416; Bigs $24-41; Dessert $10-15 Cards Accepted Visa, Mastercard and Amex Licensed Yes


Pimped up to the max.

OAT COOKIES WITH MINI SMARTIES Recipe and Picture Catherine Noonan

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hen it comes to sweets, Smarties are one of the few lollies I'll let my children eat. This is because they're fairly harmless in the additive department. Made using natural colours, as far as lollies go Smarties are a wiser choice than their rival M&Ms. By contrast, M&Ms are made using artificial colours that are known to cause aggressive behaviour, headaches, gut aches and/or skin rashes that can last for days. It really is a good point to remember when children are in mind. So when I saw Mini-Smarties in the cooking aisle I got a little bit excited, bought a packet and made this very batch of oat cookies, pimped with Mini-Smarties. For a special treat, they were a hit! If you prefer a healthier version, substitute the Smarties for plain dark choc-chips, carob chips or chopped dried dates. TOOLS Small sized saucepan Wooden spoon Measuring cup Mixing bowl Baking tray and baking paper

INGREDIENTS 1 tablespoon brown rice syrup 100g coconut oil 1 teaspoon bicarbonate of soda, dissolved in 3 tablespoons of boiling water 1 cup rolled oats ½ cup buckwheat flour ½ cup brown rice flour ¾ cup coconut sugar ½ cup desiccated coconut ⅔ cup Mini-Smarties METHOD 1. Preheat a fan-forced oven to 160˚C; 2. Line the baking tray with baking paper and set aside; 3. Place the coconut oil and rice syrup in the saucepan over low heat and stir with the wooden spoon until melted and well combined; 4. Add the bicarbonate of soda and boiling water mixture and stir until combined, then remove from the heat; 5. To the mixing bowl add and combine the oats, buckwheat flour, brown rice flour, coconut sugar and desiccated coconut, then add the liquid mixture and continue

to mix; 6. When almost combined, add the Mini-Smarties and continue to mix until a soft and even dough is formed; 7. Using your hands, roll the mixture into 16 small balls, placing them onto the baking tray; 8. Press each biscuit flat, ensuring there are big enough gaps between them all to allow for expansion during baking; 9. Place the tray in the oven and bake for 20 minutes. If your oven is fast, check the oat cookies at 15 minutes; 10. Your oat cookies will be cooked when golden but may still feel soft. Once cooled they should be crunchy on the outside and chewy on the inside. Cath Noonan is a self-confessed health-foodie, recipe creator, and nutrition student, as well as the founder of healthy food blog, I Heart Scratch. Check out the delicious food pics on her Instagram account, @i_heart_scratch, and find more recipes by visiting www.iheartscratch.com.au. October 2018 | The Beast 77


The Balnaves started in the wine industry in the early 1970s.

BAG A BARGAIN FROM COONAWARRA Words and Picture Alex Russell Twitter @ozwineguy

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oonawarra is famous for its Cabernet Sauvignon and its blends, and in the whites you’ll see a bit of Sauv Blanc and Chardonnay getting about. There are some bloody good drops and if you’re clever you can certainly bag a bargain. Here are a few of my favourites that won’t break the bank... BOWEN ESTATE Bowen Estate’s Cabernet and Shiraz are amazing value at $27 per bottle direct, and you have the choice of cork or screwcap on these. When I was there, I was surprised to discover a Chardonnay was available too, for $24. Made in small quantities, it’s worth grabbing a few to bring home. BALNAVES Balnaves is right next door to Bowen. They’re famous for their ‘Tally’ Reserve Cabernet, which is outstanding. It’s the perfect wine to pop in the cellar for a special occasion in 10-15 years. Their regular Cabernet is also a pearler at about $40, and their Chardy at $30 is also worth stocking up on. The surprise for me is their $35 sparkling Cabernet. I’ve had a few sparkling reds in my time, but I really enjoyed this. Take a moment to enjoy the scenery, too. 78 The Beast | October 2018

PARKER Parker’s ‘First Growth’ is one of the more expensive wines from the region, clocking in at $110, but it’s made them their name. Their regular wines, known as the ‘Terra Rossa’ range (after Coonawarra’s famous red soil) are a much more reasonable $34. This represents cracking value. There’s a Cab, a Shiraz and a Merlot, and they’re also starting to release some small batch wines.

ZEMA The first Zema wine I tried was the ‘Cluny’ blend, which is a Cabernetbased blend. I fell in love with the blackberry aromas of the vintage I tried many years ago and it hasn’t let me down since. We’ve recently opened a few bottles from our trip and they are outstanding, both the Shiraz and Cabernet (both ~$25). Get there at the right time of year and you’ll get to see the sculptures they make from their vine cuttings.

YALUMBA MENZIES Yalumba is based in Angaston near the Barossa, but they also have a foot in Coonawarra. Their ‘Cigar’ (~$30) and ‘Menzies’ (~$50) reds are outstanding. They are a couple of reasonably priced additions to the cellar that are worth exploring.

DIGIORGIO DiGiorgio make some top wines, but it’s worth stopping in at the winery just to check out the cutting out the back, where they’ve excavated between the vines to show the profile of the red soil on limestone.

KATNOOK I was saddened to hear of the passing of Wayne Stehbens from Katnook last year. I went to a tasting with him a few years ago, where he opened up a 20 year-old Sauvignon Blanc, and was amazed that he had the guts to even bother keeping it that long given that Sauv Blanc generally doesn’t age well. But this guy knew his wines, and made amazing stuff. There are plenty of Katnook wines in my cellar.

WYNN’S If you can spare some time, check out the events at Wynn’s. Just about everyone knows their ‘Black Label’ Cabernet (~$30) and many cellars are built on it, but you can also go there to partake in a workshop if your timing is right. Be sure to book ahead though. If you've got any favourite wines that you’d like to share, hit me up on Twitter at @ozwineguy.


ALT-J Reduxer Label Infectious Music Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  An interesting concept, which had me bubbling with excitement, but left me simmering just below boiling point. The rappers let it down with their borderline lazy lyrics (I can’t be sure about the French and German guys, but I assume they’re being lazy too). Were they saving their best lines for their own work? Probably. Which is fair enough, I guess. It leaves a bit of a hollow feeling though, in what is otherwise a solid listen. Australia’s own Tuka appears on it and drops by far the best of the tracks and I’m not being biased, he genuinely does.

EMMA LOUISE Lilac Everything Label Liberation Records Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating 

FILM REVIEW TITLE Mandy GENRE Action Thriller REVIEWER Linda Heller-Salvador

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secluded cabin in a remote wilderness woodland, a blissfully happy couple, a chainsaw wielding lumberjack, a drug fuelled satanic cult yep, it may all sound very familiar, but in visionary writer director Panos Cosmatos’s (Beyond The Black Rainbow) second feature film, Mandy, he has taken all the horror genre tropes and put his own unique spin on it to create a psychedelic, over-thetop revenge thriller like no other. Loved up couple Red Miller (Nicolas Cage) and Mandy Bloom (Andrea Riseborough) live a secluded and blissful existence in remote woodlands, but when the sadistic cult leader Jeremiah (Linus Roache) and his motley crew of followers threaten their tranquillity, all hell breaks loose. Yes, Nicolas Cage has had a few dud films, but don’t let this put you off. In Mandy he has delved into his dark side and pulled out one of his most extreme performances, which should redeem some of his past film sins and take you on a mind-blowing rollercoaster ride into the depths of despair. Dare I say there is a possibility that Mandy could hover near the extreme-cult-status realm of the Evil Dead trilogy! In my eyes it’s a definite yes, but only time will tell. 80 The Beast | October 2018

North Queensland is not a place I’d usually associate with high culture, but Emma Louise is really doing her best to dispel my prejudices. A true poet inspires and from open to close this album flows like a gentle ocean breeze caressing your face in a fine moment of nostalgia. It feels timeless, like a watch with no hands. I could go on with my terrible attempts to be clever, but it’s probably best if I leave it to Emma. Listen to Lilac Everything on a cold, drizzly day by a fireplace, preferably surrounded by native bushland and close family.

TASH SULTANA Flow State Label Mom + Pop Music Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  It’s hard to believe this is Tash Sultana’s first album. It shows the curious nature of the music industry that someone without an album can achieve such prolonged enormity off basically one song - it is one hell of a song though! Does the album live up to expectation? Yes. It’s easy listening with just enough grit to fool you into thinking it’s not. If you say you don’t like it, you’re undoubtedly a liar. You’d better hope you do anyway, because I anticipate that you will be hearing it absolutely everywhere for at least the next twelve months.


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ACROSS 1. Famous Australian tree nut (9) 7. Sodium chloride (4) 8. Safe to drink (7) 9. Introduce air into (6) 11. Milky coffee drink (5) 12. Salivates (6) 13. Typical colour and ingredient for mimosas (5) 15. French for ‘between’, which also relates to a part of a meal (5) 17. Creature that almost cooked Luke Skywalker in Return of the Jedi (4) 19. Lacking meaning or

sincerity (5) 20. Large dishes for serving food (8) DOWN 1. Italian cream cheese (10) 2. Standard garnish for a Bloody Mary (6) 3. Fruit that fell on Isaac Newton’s head (5) 4. Prejudices, bigotries (12) 5. Way of cooking eggs (4,4) 6. Place where animals are killed (8) 10. Strong, zesty, acidic flavour (5) 14. Flavour, scent (5) 16. Consumes (4) 18. Preferred drug of plebs (3)

TRIVIAL TRIVIA Words Cameron Anderson Picture Robbie Brandie Instagram @littlepaperpics 1. Which American physicist remade Carl Sagan’s TV documentary, Cosmos? 2. At what temperature are Celsius and Fahrenheit equal? 3. Who is the Senegalese hip hop artist who had the smash hit single ‘Lonely’ in 2004?

4. Who was the highest paid actress of 2017? 5. Where does the kiwi fruit originate from? 6. Who played Rosemary in Rosemary’s Baby (1968)? 7. Which rugby league player has played the most NRL games?

8. By relating average pay to the average rental or mortgage expense, what is the least affordable city in the world? 9. In which eastern suburb of Sydney was Scott Morrison born? 10. Which country has the highest GDP per capita?

Wedding Cake candle. October 2018 | The Beast 81


SAGITTARIUS NOV 23-DEC 21 Don’t confuse being boring with being a good listener. If you can’t bring anything to the conversation, you’re not worth talking to.

TAURUS APR 21-MAY 21 Be careful not to run over your selfish f*ckwit neighbour’s barking dog, unless you can be absolutely sure that no one is watching.

CAPRICORN DEC 22-JAN 20 Using a KeepCup probably doesn’t compensate for the massive environmental damage your privileged Eastern Suburbs lifestyle entails.

GEMINI MAY 22-JUN 21 Putting heaps of cushions on your bed may look cool on the one day a month you make it, but the rest of the time they’ll just be annoying.

AQUARIUS JAN 21-FEB 19 A forgiving mirror is a far better investment than a gym membership, especially for someone as sloth-like and lazy as you.

CANCER JUN 22-JUL 22 A weird dream about making love to an overweight person will haunt you, making your life quite difficult until you actually do it.

LIBRA SEP 24-OCT 23 There is absolutely nothing wrong with masturbating in a dark corner of a movie theatre, except maybe during school holidays.

PISCES FEB 20-MAR 20 You will no longer be able to resist the powerful urge to snap off a turd in public, so make sure you always carry a leaf.

LEO JUL 23-AUG 22 Never ever let anyone see your Spotify history. Your taste in music is way more embarrassing than the weird shit you search on Google.

SCORPIO OCT 24-NOV 22 At some stage you’ll abuse your position of power to take advantage of someone under your control, and you’ll thoroughly enjoy it.

ARIES MAR 21-APR 20 Politics is not like footy - you don’t have to stick with supporting the same shit team your whole life. Maybe it’s time for a shake up?

VIRGO AUG 23-SEP 23 If you read about some miracle cure for cancer on an obscure website with the word ‘green’ in the URL, keep that horse shit to yourself.

STAR SIGNS Words Beardy from Hell

TRIVIAL TRIVIA SOLUTIONS 1. Neil deGrasse Tyson 2. -40 degrees 3. Akon 4. Emma Stone 5. China 6. Mia Farrow 7. Cameron Smith 8. Caracas, Venezuela 9. Waverley 10. Liechtenstein

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The Beast - October 2018  

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