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May 2017


Running for Tiny Babies












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Sydney Swans v Brisbane Lions

7 May

NSW Waratahs v Blues

6 May

Sydney Swans v Hawthorn

26 May

Sydney Roosters v Parramatta Eels

14 May

Sydney Swans v Western Bulldogs

8 June

NSW Waratahs v Rebels

21 May

Sydney Roosters v Brisbane Broncos

3 June

Sydney Swans v Essendon Sydney Swans v Gold Coast Suns

23 June 8 July

Wallabies v Scotland

17 June

Stadium Stomp

16 July

Sydney Roosters v South Sydney Rabbitohs

7 July

Sydney Swans v St Kilda

22 July

NSW Waratahs v Jaguars

8 July

St George Illawarra Dragons v Rabbitohs Sydney Swans v Fremantle

TBC 12 August

Sydney Roosters v Newcastle Knights College Football – Stanford v Rice Owls

21 July 27 August

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WELCOME TO MAY 2017... COMIN' IN FROM THE COLD Words Dan Hutton Picture Grant Brooks Instagram @brooksypic


elcome to the May 2017 edition of The Beast – the monthly magazine for Sydney’s Beaches of the East. Say goodbye to languid, sunny days at the beach, and head on down to the pharmacy for your supply of fake tan and cold and flu tablets: the tail end of autumn is upon us, and the frosty nip of winter is lapping at our heels. This being the case, it’s time to celebrate all things indoors. Luckily, May in Sydney means it’s time for the Sydney Writers’ Festival. Even though it’s a little further out than we usually venture, it’s definitely worth the effort to get down to Walsh Bay and the CBD to hear fascinating discussions by the world’s best authors and journalists. Local event highlights this month include seeing the Roosters take on the Eels at Allianz Stadium on May 14 - this is also,

coincidentally, Mother’s Day, so don’t forget to get Mum a ticket, or organise a brunch so that you can lope off to the footy in the arvo - and the Forever Johnno Monster Raffle on May 19 at the Coogee Bay Hotel.

This month in the mag we’ve got the rundown on what’s up with a new smoking ban on Hall Street, Bondi, a look at just how open to the public Malabar Headland’s new national park really is, a

debrief on Waverley Council’s plan of action for Waverley Cemetery, and an op-ed from the Coogee Chamber of Commerce in regard to the booze bans. On the cover we have a true local hero, Coogee resident Sophie Smith. Sophie is one of the strongest, most tenacious and generous subjects we’ve ever had the pleasure of interviewing. In our chat, she talks about how losing her premature triplets inspired her to start charitable running group Running for Premature Babies (RFPB), and doles out plenty of life wisdom along the way. She is a truly impressive woman, and we can’t wait for you to read about her story. As always, have an excellent month. Stay dry, safe and warm, and remember to look out for one another! Dan and James Publishers

Bondi Junction|Coogee


What a great start we’ve had to 2017! The weather is cooling but the market is not.

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MAY 2017 ISSUE 148

08 Welcome Note

44 Interview

64 Street Style

10 Monthly Mailbag

51 Beastpop II

68 Local Photos

09 Contents

18 Local Bloke

20 Local Chick

22 Thumbs & Dogs 24 Local News 25 Beastpop I 42 Calendar

43 Trade Directory

50 Rupert’s Rant 52 Politics

54 Fish ‘n’ Tips 55 Tide Chart

56 Unreliable Guide

58 This Sporting Life 60 Travel Bug 62 Sexy Time

66 Enviro News 70 Bandage 72 Reviews

73 Arts Bits

76 Food & Wine

80 Trivial Trivia

82 Beardy From Hell 82 Trivia Solutions

The wreck of the Hereward at Maroubra, by Dean Jezard - Instagram: @poseidonsreach.

THE BEAST'S MONTHLY MAILBAG Words The People of the Eastern Suburbs Illustrations Dalton Wills FOR RUPERT, RE EASTER In the United States, Easter days are not federal public holidays, probably due to a stronger constitutional separation of church and state culture than we have here. Some states are an exception. As for every religion having a holiday, what about those with no religion, one of the largest groups in Australia? I suggest the answer is strictly secular: no public holidays for any belief, be it religious or otherwise. Max Wallace Secretary, Rationalist Association of NSW PETE EVANS COVER A JOKE "Healthy, Happy and Wise" - I almost fell on my face laughing in the middle of Spring Street. Clever, maybe, having made a success selling brand Pete, but anyone peddling anti-vaccination, anti-fluoridation twaddle is far from "wise". Angus Macrory Bondi Junction EASY ON THE EYES Great to read the 'More Bits and Pieces From Around the Beaches' page in your recent issue. It’s so much easier to read this when it's printed on a white background rather than the usual coloured page. Awesome job! Jason Address not provided THANKS FOR BEING RELIABLE! Dear Dan and James - I wanted to let you know how much I enjoy your ‘Beast’. I look forward particularly to reading Nat Shepherd's story in the ‘Unreliable Guide’ each month, as it is always fun and entertaining.

10 The Beast | May 2017

I'd also like to let you know that the last two issues have been even more helpful and informative than usual, with information about cafes and events, etc. that I would like to visit. Keep up the good work. Yvonne Wylies Coogee PETE NEEDS TO SCREW HIS HEAD ON ▼ A few quick points on Pete: he doesn't just delete mean comments on Facebook, but he deletes any comment that might contradict his conspiratorial views, no matter how polite you might be. Being the know-it-all narc that I am, I decided to respectfully point out the inaccuracies in his sunscreen comments and, boy, quicker than a flash of lightning my comment was deleted and I was banned. Do you sit there all day Pete? Or do you hire someone to permanently watch your Facebook? Regarding fluoride, Pete fails on dose level. Fluoride is only a neurotoxin in high concentrations. Fluoride

occurs naturally in rivers, lakes, etc. and there is no difference between man-made fluoride and naturally occurring fluoride. Tea has very high concentrations of fluoride, way higher than the World Health Organization’s recommended rate to water, and in cultures where tea is consumed a lot more than water, I believe (though I’m not too sure on details) there are cases of fluorosis (weakening of the bones), but not brain damage. And yeah, Aboriginal people didn't drink milk, but that doesn't mean ‘milk is bad for you’, or whatever Pete said. Anthony Bosch Bronte P.S. I should apologise to the people at Save Bronte. I did go a bit over the top in my last letter. I was very hungover, and if that's what they want to blow up about, who am I to judge? CAR PARK-GATE #1000000 I would like to thank Alan Doyle/ Mark Hersey for drawing the readers' attention to the ‘No Underground Car Park for Bondi Beach’ Facebook page. It is an excellent source of information and has over 1,000 likes - unlike Hersey/Doyle's lonely crusade. Hersey/ Doyle has had to endure his lies being shot down in flames every other month (or week, until the Wentworth Courier got sick of him), and it turns out that this month will be no exception. The results quoted by Mr. Doyle/ Hersey were from the infamous ‘Have Your Say’ survey. TICK A BOX number 43 (of 46) asked: "Pedestrianise Queen Elizabeth Drive and create more green space through new underground car park." Now, anyone with the most rudimentary grasp of market research principles will know that double-barrelled


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questions are a no-no (let alone triple-barrelled questions). Was this much-vaunted "60 per cent" saying yes to "more green space" (hello, motherhood question anyone?) or to a "new underground car park"? Or did they just want the QED pedestrianised? Or all of the above? It's impossible to say, thus rendering the 60 per cent figure statistically invalid. Compare this with the subsequent survey that required respondents to actually do more than tick boxes; they had to write, like, consecutive words. Indeed, some respondents penned serious essays on the topic. Well over one hundred responses were received and published on Waverley Council's website. Approximately 84 per cent were against the underground car park proposal, so it is little wonder Waverley Council ignored the results and approved their $100,000 feasibility study regardless! Your taxes at work, folks. But hang on, what is that sound? Yes, it is Alan Doyle/Mark Hersey and his developer mates choking on their ad hominem attacks and 'alternative facts'! Andrew Worssam Bondi P.S. I may be a bit paranoid here, but is there any suggestion that Mark Hersey and Allan Doyle are the same person? TRAFFIC MAKES FOR HOT AIR ▼ If you are to overhear a conversation at any cafe across the east, you will find many people will be talking about their ridiculously overpriced properties, high rents, or the problems with the busy roads and lack of parking. Welcome to the Eastern Suburbs, where being late for work is

12 The Beast | May 2017

because you couldn't find a parking spot, your bus was late or full, or you were lining up for a long time at the local cafe. Currently all these 'traffic' issues are heightened by the construction of new apartments and the light rail. As we go on our merry way in life in the east, I wonder what exactly are the solutions to these problems of traffic, parking, and real estate (renting and buying). In the past 15 years, I have noticed major differences in traffic and parking, even with the parking permit schemes available. I guess cars are now cheaper, so it is easier to drive everywhere than take public transport. On weekends it's worse, as everyone is out enjoying themselves, and it takes longer to get from A to B. I was having coffee with a friend who had just moved to Coogee. She was complaining to me about the parking and traffic issues in that suburb. I said to her: “What did you expect?” I further said, “One day this will all be a car park or a three-lane highway.” Living in the Eastern Suburbs has some great advantages, but what are the actual solutions to the problems with parking, traffic, and the price of real estate? All I know is that I'm sick of hearing about it. One has to realise that the Eastern Suburbs is basically congested, but everyone seems to want to live here. If one keeps on complaining about it, I'm sure they would have a solution for it, perhaps. Maybe the upcoming light rail could reduce congestion on our roads, but we will have to wait and see. For now we have to live with it, unless there is a great solution, but if not, maybe there are other areas one could move to, like the country. Anna Cook Maroubra

CONGRATULATIONS GEORGE AND DAVE Hello Beast - May I offer my congratulations to both George M (What Constitutes a Local, Letters, The Beast, April 2017) and Dave Martin (Sorry Johnny!, Letters, The Beast, April 2017) for making the shortlist of the best letters to ever be published by this magazine. As a born and bred ‘local’ of Coogee, I too took issue with Marie’s statement that the worst thing about the Eastern Suburbs is the amount of tourists. I, as well, have to respectfully disagree with Marie, as tourists actually benefit the area in a number of ways, such as boosting local business. Tourists in summer also add to the atmosphere of the beaches, which I think we take for granted. I am an oddball, but I think it’s great that tourists and ‘outsiders’ come to spend their leisure time at our beaches; life is meant to be enjoyed. To answer what constitutes a local, George, you need to: (a) move here less than 10 years ago; (b) complain about parking; and (c) go out of your way to tell everyone you support the South Melbourne Swans. I hope that helps. I think there would be more attributes that build the Eastern Beaches ‘local’. George, you should be enamoured with the super ‘local’ Pete Evans gracing the April edition, preaching his irresponsible belief that his unscientific methods will save the world. Now to move on to Dave’s letter. I think that this disdain towards tourists has blinded a majority of narcs in the Coogee area. For some reason the narcs failed to highlight the abject failure of the council to both realise that quite a lot of people are probably going to have a few beers at the beach to enjoy the festive season, and then, following this, to provide the adequate infrastructure, i.e. skip bins, to mitigate the garbage on Coogee Beach. I’m going to also offer a suggestion that perhaps a lot of the people who were on the beach that Christmas were in fact ‘locals’, but the narcs have successfully forced the blame on all those backpackers who just ruin the ambience of our area. Also, it is probably not unreasonable to suggest that the same narcs, if they were still in their early 20s, would have been at the beach party, and in their youth would have also run amok as backpackers in Europe/South America to the disdain of locals there.

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Now all adults and businesses on the strip are punished for the actions of a few, all so we can generate a family friendly atmosphere. The family friendly atmosphere is a paramount aim, but as Dave highlights, Coogee already had it and it always had it - I know; I grew up here. The alcohol ban is a kneejerk reaction. A dusk to dawn ban would be much more effective without punishing businesses in the area. Instead, it will become more common to see police patrolling the area like the video I saw of 15-20 riot police going down to Thommo’s (Gordons Bay) to take away all alcohol, and the time I saw about 20 police officers walking the promenade of Coogee in the mid-morning of December 28. I am unsure what is less family friendly, a few respectful adults having a few beers while they enjoy the outdoors, or riot police creating a pretty hostile environment? Hopefully Cr D’Souza can enlighten us. Angus Bennett Coogee ALCOHOL BAN WORKS I am replying to Dave Martin regarding his letter saying there has been a kneejerk reaction to what occurred on Christmas Day at Coogee Beach and parks, and the subsequent total alcohol ban (Sorry Johnny!, Letters, The Beast, April 2017). We dodged a bullet! This was a very timely warning with a barely containable crowd of 10,000 necessitating the shark alarm to be sounded three times with drunken revellers having to be dragged away from the rising tide. This is a health and safety issue. How can we not support our police and our life saving club in their endeavors to protect us! Coogee has a plethora of licensed drinking options in beachside clubs, pubs and restaurants for all of us (locals and visitors alike) to enjoy. With an alcohol ban in place at Bondi, Tamarama and Bronte, and the rising use of social media, we simply can't put Coogee Beach at risk again of becoming the go to party hub. We simply don't have the resources to cope with occurrences such as Christmas Day. Yes, it is a disappointment that we have to put this ban in place, but the alternative must ring alarm bells for any clearly thinking resident. I live right on the beach and since

14 The Beast | May 2017

the permanent ban on alcohol I have to disagree that the crowds have diminished. The crowds right outside my place and on the promenade and the beach all over January were greater than ever. Pancho Coogee COOGEE ALCOHOL BAN MUST STAY Please support the current ban on alcohol in Coogee and surrounding parks, just like the rest of the beaches and parks in Randwick Council! The difference that the ban has made over the past few months has changed the community so much for the better. We've had enough, and we don't want our beach and parks trashed anymore, or our rates paying for scenes of rubbish and grot anymore. Donna Singer Coogee

The fact that there is so much debate and concern about the safety of the current vaccines being injected into newborns - like Hep B for example, a disease you get from unprotected sex or dirty needles - by educated locals and millions of others worldwide would under normal circumstances warrant unbiased investigation by the government. I am educated and have vaccinated my children, however, I can think critically and choose now to protect my immunity from heavy metals contained in the vaccines by seeking healthier ways to ward off diseases like the flu. Stick to the lighthearted digs at the locals, Pearl, unless you are willing to do quality research and report in an unbiased fashion. Unconvinced Coogee

PEARL NEED(LE)S TO GET SERIOUS ▼ I usually love reading your rants. Pearl gives me a good laugh! But this month the content is not funny. Your photo of Dr. Andrew Wakefield and subsequent claims that he has been jailed are incorrect. A simple Google search would have given you that information. And trivialising such a serious topic as immunisation is quite frankly irresponsible on your part.

PLASTIC WASTE IS ALL OUR PROBLEM Dear Beast - I was very pleased to read the article about takeaway coffee cups last issue (Takeaway Coffee Cups – The Issues ‘Unwrapped’, Enviro News, The Beast, April 2017). It made me feel that someone finally said out loud what I have on my mind every single day. Coming to Australia about three years ago, I must admit I was shocked to see such

plastic waste - complimentary plastic bags in Woolies and Coles, and the huge amount of takeaway cups, were my biggest concerns. Being European, we don't get any of these back at home for free. It kind of makes people think if they really need five (or more!) plastic bags for their weekly shopping, plastic water bottles for single use, and a takeaway cup for their daily coffee. And it works! People got used to bringing their own cups; in some cafés you even get rewarded for bringing it, whether it is a free snack or a discount on your next coffee. It would be great to see a similar approach here and, most importantly, to see people being more conscious before they buy another piece of plastic, which in most cases they don't even need. This is a real problem (every piece of plastic ever made still exists today!) and we all have to play our part to battle it in order to save our planet. Please, keep that in mind before you buy another takeaway coffee cup tomorrow morning. Martina Coogee MORNINGS ON BONDI ROAD Every day last week at around 7:30am there were between one and three cars parked on Bondi Road where the signage clearly states ‘No Stopping 7am - 9am’. As my ‘late to school’ 11-year-old son correctly observed, it's like they are parking in the middle of the road. Whilst offending vehicles appeared to have tickets, which improves Council revenue, this does nothing to reduce the impact on the environment caused by bringing Bondi Road almost to a standstill in one lane. Can Council give tow truck operators an incentive to remove these vehicles and tow them to somewhere

16 The Beast | May 2017

west of Penrith for the owners to find, or simply crush and recycle the vehicles with a same day service? Richard Bondi TICKETS ON MYSELF ▲ I'm fed up with this selective ticketing. If I overstay my parking meter by 10 minutes, inevitably I find a ticket under my wiper. If I stop in one of the ‘no stopping’ areas, which used to be ‘no standing’, I get a ticket. Why do I never see a ticket on all the illegally parked vehicles on Warners Avenue between Mitchell and Glenayr? Walking this stretch at night is a serious hazard. Mothers with strollers are forced on to the road when vehicles park in driveways and encroach on the footpath. Roads & Maritime clearly states: You must not stop your vehicle (that is, bring it to a stop and either stay with the vehicle or leave it parked) in the following circumstances: On or across a driveway (unless dropping off or picking up passengers for no longer than two minutes); On or across a footpath. How can the parking police be so blind to a cash cow of this magnitude? It's not just Warners; it's all over Bondi. So give me a break. Look at new opportunities and let me run in and get my skinny almond latte and spend $6 instead of $259. Richard Lees Address not provided RANDWICK COUNCIL IS ROLLING IN IT Hi Dan and James - I just wanted to comment on an article that appeared in the April issue of The Beast (Coogee Beach Water Quality: A Storm in a Teacup, News, The Beast, April 2017). At the end of the article, Ms. Gray comments on extending the storm-

water pipe discharge point at Coogee Beach: “The latter strategy was investigated and then deemed ‘not viable’ in 2014 for being too expensive, so its fate this time around will likely rest on whether funding can be raised.” I just want to tell you about funding. The NSW government has loads and loads of it. I live in a building possibly the closest to the stormwater pipe at Coogee's northern end. A very recent unexpected death resulted in one of our units being sold for $2.3 million the other week, with stamp duty of $112,000 being paid straight into the state coffers. Another unit just sold for $2 million last week with the stamp duty of almost $100,000 also being paid. This is just one Coogee building within one month! Our NSW government is absolutely reaping a massive unplanned windfall. At the very least give the people of Coogee enough of a portion of this windfall back to fix the outfall, particularly those who live right next to it who are being taxed abominably for the privilege. At the very least they deserve a clean beach. Julie Podmore Coogee Beach

THE BEAST Publisher The Beast Pty Ltd ABN 32 143 796 801 Editors Advertising Enquiries Circulation 61,000 copies of The Beast are distributed every month. 55,500 are placed in mailboxes and 5,500 in local shopfronts. PEFC Certified The Beast is printed on paper sourced from sustainably managed forests. Letters To The Editor Please email your feedback to

ELO, Queen, the Beatles. The playlist on my phone is all 60s, 70s, and classical. Best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? Everything you need is so close - the city, the SCG and Centennial Park. I love reading about its history, from the Alison Road ‘Tollway’, to Maroubra Speedway and the Tamarama ‘Wonderland City’. For musos, especially guitarists, in Sunburst Music we have the best vintage guitar shop in Sydney, and maybe Australia. Worst thing about the Eastern Suburbs? Traffic and parking, but that’s the same anywhere these days. Who is your favourite person? I have a few, but I’d say my daughter Kate. She has cerebral palsy, but it hasn’t stopped her swimming, laughing and learning. She is the happiest person I know. What do you get up to on the weekends? Randwick Farmers Market on Saturday with the fam, then the rest is work/gigging.

Music to our ears.

LOCAL BLOKE... FRANKY VALENTYN FROM RANDWICK Interview James Hutton Picture Grant Brooks


ranky Valentyn is a full-time musician who has lived in the Eastern Suburbs for the best part of 30 years. He recently released his first solo album, ‘All In A Dream’. He shares his local favourites with The Beast… How long have you lived here? 30 years next year. I’m a Blacktown boy and grew up out there. It was such a culture shock moving here as I wasn’t used to so much traffic. I love it now and can’t see myself leaving the east anytime soon. What's your favourite beach? I’d say Tama, as it’s the one I’ve been to the most. I’m not much of a beachgoer, but I love Sculpture By The Sea. 18 The Beast | May 2017

What's your favourite eatery? We don’t get to go out much, but if I had to choose it would be a toss up between Pinocchio’s or the 4 Frogs at The Spot. During the day it’s The Shed in Randwick Plaza. Where do you like to have a drink? The Shed. A skinny de café cap with hazelnut does the trick. Do you have a favourite sporting team? Sydney Sixers, Swans, Sydney FC, Liverpool FC, the 49ers, the San Francisco Giants. I love my sport and I get to the SCG as much I can. What music are you into at the moment? Always been an old school Prog boy - Rick Wakeman, Yes,

What do you do for work? I’ve been a full-time musician since I left school. I was in bands like The Beatnix and Le Club Nerd for many years. These days I do solo/ duo/band/cabaret and kids shows. I also compose music for TV and have just released my first original solo CD called ‘All In A Dream’, which is very Symphonic Prog. I worked on it for 17 years. What's your favourite thing about work? The people I’ve met and the tours I’ve done. Do you have a favourite quote? “Don’t throw stones at a man who carries a machine gun” - Rowdy Roddy Piper (RIP) Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? Go to gigs. Whether it’s an acoustic duo at a corner pub or a fully-fledged band at Souths Juniors. Keep live music alive, and you can only do that by showing up.

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choice to others. My selection tends to be pop or house music James Arthur, The Weeknd, Flume, Beyoncé, John Newman and Adele. Best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? It has everything you could ever need at your fingertips. Worst thing about the Eastern Suburbs? The amount of rubbish we seem to create and the overflowing bins, which attract some not so nice creatures. Who is your favourite person? My baby girl. I still can’t believe how happy, content and in love one little person makes me. Family are my absolute rock, and when you relocate, your friends also become your family. What do you get up to on weekends? Ballet class with my daughter, being outdoors at the beach or around nature, picnics, arvo wines, enjoying good food with family and friends. The design entrepreneur.

LOCAL CHICK... PIPPA BORWELL FROM COOGEE Interview James Hutton Picture Grant Brooks


oogee local Pippa Borwell is the designer of Firefly Covers, making stylish patterned covers to beautify your barbecue. She shares her local favourites with The Beast...

What's your favourite eatery? My current faves are Toko in Surry Hills for a special occasion, and Li’l Darlin in Randwick as it’s so cosy with great wine.

How long have you lived here? 12 years now in different spots around the Eastern Suburbs, and a little stint in Queensland. I have spent most of my time based in Coogee. Most of my friends are based here, so it feels like home.

Where do you like to have a drink? I love my local, the Pavilion, as it’s just so close and I appreciate that view every single time I go. I'm very lucky to have it on my doorstep and be able to walk home.

What's your favourite beach? I am extremely lucky as I get to Coogee Beach most days with my daughter, so my loyalties lie here. That said, I love to snorkel, and if you get the right day then Clovelly Beach really can have some amazing fish. 20 The Beast | May 2017

Do you have a favourite sporting team? I was a tennis coach, so I love to watch Murray, Federer and any up and coming Australians. In the NRL I support Wests Tigers. What music are you into at the moment? I tend to leave the music

What do you do for work? I design patterned barbecue covers and have recently launched Firefly Covers ( I decorated my balcony and covered my barbecue with an ugly black cover, which spoilt the entire area, so I designed patterned covers that enhance the barbecue. What's your favourite thing about work? Seeing customers having gatherings in their home with a Firefly covered barbecue not spoiling the beautiful picture and memory. I also still get to do my most important job of being a mummy. Do you have a favourite quote? "Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? Appreciate family and friends, do what makes you happy in the present, follow your dreams, always believe everything will work out in the end, and enjoy the ride.


May 2017 | The Beast 21

AUDREY Age 7 years Sex Female Breed Boxer x Weight 30kg

Merokok menyebabkan kanker mulut.

THUMBS UP SMOKING BANS Cigarette smoking is just plain gross, and non-smokers shouldn’t have to cop second-hand smoke. We’re all for smoking bans. JUMPER WEATHER The novelty will no doubt wear off quickly, but it's nice to rug up in a jumper having not done so for the best part of six months. SAVING TINY BABIES Sign up to run the SMH Half Marathon in May, join Sophie Smith’s team (see page 44), and help save babies’ lives. LEFTOVER CHOCOLATE The best part of the recently passed Easter is the stockpile of chocolate that you’ll likely accrue and snack on throughout May. JOE’S FOR MEN Joe’s $15 buzz cuts are quite possibly the best value thing in the whole of the Eastern Suburbs, and Joe is a bloody legend too!

THUMBS DOWN BLANKET BOOZE BANS Randwick Council could at least conduct a community consultation on this, particularly given that residents weren’t responsible. ENDLESS RAIN Apparently it rained on 23 of March’s 31 days. Unless you’re a farmer or duck, or maybe a plant, precipitation really is the pits. RUNNY NOSES With temps plummeting and more hours spent indoors, colds and flu are inevitable. Add kids and you’ll be crook more often than not. DAYLIGHT SAVING SLEEP DEPRIVATION Anyone with kids knows full well that the end of daylight saving does not mean an “extra hour of sleep”. TRAPEZII The muscles connecting the neck and shoulders are the bane of our existence, particularly when they’re in spasm and deadline is looming. 22 The Beast | May 2017

Audrey is an affectionate lady who has been very popular with pound staff and volunteers. She is social with other dogs. She pulls on lead and is quite strong. She ignores cars, but sometimes pulls towards dogs to say hello. She is bright and affectionate, and loves to give slobbery boxer kisses. Audrey comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. Her adoption cost is $450, which includes a free health and wellness voucher for the Doggie Rescue Vet. For further details, please email, call 9486 3133 or visit

JULIET Age 3-4 years Sex Female Breed Chihuahua x Pomeranian Weight 4.3kg Juliet is a sweet-natured girl who is very social with other dogs. She has a very busy, active nature. She came from the pound pregnant and gave birth to two lovely little pups in early November 2016. She is tolerant of older children (12 and older), but will not voluntarily engage with them. Juliet comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. Her adoption cost is $450, which includes a free health and wellness voucher for the Doggie Rescue Vet. For further details, email, call 9486 3133 or visit

SCOUT & LINCOLN Age 11 years Sex Male Breed Toy Poodle x Weight 3.6kg and 5.8kg Lincoln and Scout are sweet, affectionate brothers who want to stay together. They are cuddly, childfriendly dogs that would suit gentle children. They are looking for a family where someone is home most of the time and they prefer to sleep on someone's bed. They have non-shedding coats and come desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. Their adoption cost is $800, which includes a free health and wellness voucher for the Doggie Rescue Vet. For further details, please email, call 9486 3133 or visit

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I love a ciggie every now and then too.

HALL STREET SMOKING BAN A BREATH OF FRESH AIR Words Madeleine Gray Picture Peter Stuyvesant


he banning of smoking in public places poses an interesting philosophical conundrum. At what point does a government or ruling body get to legislate on what individuals can do with their own bodies? Does the health risk posed to members of the public automatically negate the smokers’ right to smoke? Occasionally analogies are drawn with other contentious issues that argue for a person’s right to ‘harm’ their own body if they so choose – in particular, euthanasia. What separates euthanasia from public smoking, though, is that euthanasia does not hurt innocent bystanders. In recent years, research into the effects of passive smoking has brought to light the incredibly

24 The Beast | May 2017

detrimental health consequences faced by those who inhale secondhand smoke. “Second-hand smoke is a cause of cancer, and there is no safe level of exposure,” Scott Walsberger, Lead Prevention and Tobacco Control Manager at Cancer Council NSW, explained to The Beast. “In adulthood, exposure to second-hand smoke increases a person’s risk of cancer, cardiovascular disease and other lung conditions. “For example, six per cent of lung cancer cases in men and women have been attributed to living with a partner who smokes. “For children, second-hand exposure is even more dangerous, leading to health problems such

as bronchitis, pneumonia and asthma.” It is for the above reasons that Waverley Council has taken the initiative to make both sides of Hall Street between Campbell Parade and Glenayr Avenue in Bondi smoke-free between 7am and 9pm daily. “This new smoke-free area follows on from the successful trial of smoke-free Oxford Street Mall, which started in December 2015 and was found to significantly reduce smoking rates in the mall,” Waverley Mayor Sally Betts said. “A smoke-free environment is the only way to fully protect non-smokers from the dangers of second-hand smoke.” To ensure that smokers are not caught unawares, Council set up an information stall on the corner of Hall Street and Campbell Parade on March 15 to raise awareness about the program and field enquiries from members of the public and businesses. Signage was also rolled out throughout March. Mr. Walsberger was quick to add that banning smoking in public places is for everyone’s benefit, and crucially, contributes to the denormalisation of smoking in our society. “Hall Street is a public place that attracts crowds of people, including children and families,” he said. “Eliminating tobacco smoke can therefore play an important role in protecting the community from exposure to second-hand smoke. “A smoke-free Hall Street is also likely to result in reduced litter, and will further denormalise smoking in our community, which helps to prevent the uptake of smoking among young people.” Smokers, however, were quick to point out inconsistencies in national policies regarding air pollution and public health. “If you’re banning smoking because of air quality, you’ve got to put your money where your mouth is and agree to a carbon tax,” Bondi resident and smoker Anne Williams said. “You can’t just pick and choose, dependent on the public mood.”




It’s not hard to quit smoking and it should be banned because it's bad for your health, but I don’t think it ever will be because people aren’t strongwilled enough and the government profits from taxing it.

No, I don't think smoking should be banned because you should have freedom over the choices you make relating to your body. It is good that they have designated smoking areas to be mindful of those who don’t smoke.


I don’t think it should be banned, because it's like anything else - if it's legal and then illegal it forces it underground. We might as well accept it. Education is key, but really if you are still smoking you are a bit of a fool!


I probably think smoking shouldn’t be banned altogether. However, it is good if there are strong restrictions in place.


No, I don’t think smoking should be banned because we are not kids and I don’t think the government should be telling us what to do.


Ideally I think smoking should be banned altogether, but I think that it would be more effective to approach this as a process rather than an immediate ban. May 2017 | The Beast 25

Thousands of people having fun at Coogee.

ARE THEY DRUNK? RANDWICK COUNCIL BANS BOOZE AT COOGEE WITHOUT CONSULTATION Op Ed David Glasheen, Member - Coogee Chamber of Commerce Picture Cyn Coco


ately there has been a great detail of attention surrounding Randwick City Council’s decision to ban alcohol at Coogee Beach. However, in all of this Council seems to have forgotten to consult small business operators — the ones who are impacted most by this change. Small business, as we know, is the backbone of our local economy, employing locals and driving investment in our local community. The Coogee Chamber of Commerce represents over 100 small businesses throughout Coogee. For the past 22 years the chamber has been part of the fabric of our community and has been involved in raising money to support local charities such as the Sydney Children’s Hospital, Randwick Offshore Rescue Boat, Caretakers Cottage, the Richie Benaud Cancer Fund, and Coogee Lions. It is the collective voice of many businesses in our area. That is why I was disappointed by Randwick City Council’s decision not to consult with

26 The Beast | May 2017

affected business owners at Coogee Beach and the surrounding area. Through my conversations with locals it has become increasingly clear that the vast majority of residents and business owners do not support the ban. I condemn the actions of those who took part in the impromptu gathering on Christmas Day that left the beach in such an appalling state. However, Council’s decision to give into media pressure and ultimately ban alcohol was not the right call. Enforcing such bans will only move this type of behaviour to other locations, such as Maroubra Beach and La Perouse. The argument that ‘businesses will profit’ simply doesn’t stack up, with there already being reports of a significant loss in foot traffic and patronage. The idea that I cannot responsibly enjoy a bottle of wine with my family by one of Sydney’s best beaches is just ridiculous. This ban has the potential to result in increased alcohol-fuelled violence around licensed venues and will

not fix the culture of drinking. I’m sure I speak for many when I say that Council really should have engaged in meaningful and constructive conversation with all stakeholders, not just precinct committees, to implement the changes that are needed to ensure this doesn’t happen again. Additional temporary garbage bins on public holidays, more visible rangers who are willing to involve police when necessary, and appropriately placed signage highlighting Council’s policy, are all measures that don’t seem to have been adequately explored. Local councils are the level of government closest to the people. They have the opportunity and resources to engage in consultation with all stakeholders, yet in this case haven’t done so. We all know that small businesses play a crucial role in growing our local economy, as well as bringing people in the community together. We need a council that recognises the importance of its community and values its contribution.


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f you’ve been reading the Letters section of The Beast over the past few years, then you’ll know that what goes on at Waverley Cemetery and the coastal walk that it backs on to is of paramount concern to several dedicated groups of local citizens. However, those who are less vocal are also stakeholders, despite their voices rarely being heard above the din. The cemetery is the burial place of thousands of deceased members of our community, and is visited by mourners and sightseers alike. After all, it has got to be one of the most scenic cemeteries in the world. The precarious position of the cemetery on the precipice of the coastal cliffs at Bronte has meant there has been much land slippage into the ocean over the past several years, in particular. High seas and powerful waves from storms like last June’s ‘super storm’ thrash against the rocks, forcing bits of the cliff face to crumble into the sea. Part of the coastal walk itself is built on landfill, which has been amassing for decades. A Waverley Council spokesperson confirmed that the June 2016 28 The Beast | May 2017

storms alone had “eroded approximately five metres of the landfill embankment along the cemetery’s coastal edge.” Council hired a coastal engineer to conduct a post-storm report, which found that the coastal walk in its current state was inherently structurally undermined due to its landfill base. Further, the report found that “the gully is made up of an igneous dyke through the centre, contributing to further embankment instability”. According to the report, the most cost effective solution to this instability is “to build a sea wall at the toe of the gully; this will minimise the amount of soil to be removed from site, and protect the gully from future storm events.” Aesthetically, this will mean that a large ‘wall’ will sit at the base of the gully, next to the ocean, while stone revetments and rock armouring will be placed in an upwardly diagonal, tessellating pattern along the gully’s slope, to allow for stone overtopping. A new and improved coastal walk will sit a little further back than the path’s current position,

and between it and the cliff ’s edge there will be space for a timber deck, seating area and viewing point. In October last year, the cemetery gained a place on the State Heritage Register after an application was lodged by devoted community group, Friends of Waverley Cemetery. Heritage Minister Mark Speakman said the Heritage Council for NSW awarded Waverley Cemetery this listing based on the cemetery’s spectacular “genealogical, historical, architectural and artistic character”. This plan seeks to ensure that Minister Speakman’s comments remain true for many years to come. Council’s next steps are to give a cemetery stakeholder presentation, ensure Crown Land consent to undertake the changes, and then move in to the detailed design stage of the process. The hope seems to be that the cemetery’s Heritage Listing will make grant claims for cemetery preservation far more likely to be successful. Here’s hoping.

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BITS AND PIECES FROM AROUND THE BEACHES Words Madeleine Gray Picture Neil Paton WALK AWAY THE PAIN Bad mental health is made a hundred times worse if the person suffering feels that they cannot speak about their problems. The stigma against mental illness must end. On May 6, thousands of walkers will gather in darkness at Bondi Beach and around the world to walk together at sunrise. Darkness into Light is raising funds for Batyr and Pieta House, two organisations fighting the stigma against mental health and providing treatment to those in need. Tickets cost $27.50. If you'd like to help by volunteering, email The walk starts at Bondi Surf Club at 5:15am. SOFT TOYS FOR ABUSE VICTIMS Evolve as we might as a species, no technology can replace the comfort and sense of safety that soft toys provide us with as kids. Sadly, many kids do not live in environments where the purchase

Why the long bill?

of soft toys in financially viable. Bonnie the Bunny is a mission that seeks to even the balance. For $35, you buy a gorgeous stuffed toy for a child who's been admitted to hospital with injuries as a result of abuse or neglect. One hundred per cent of profits then go to supporting some of Australia's most vulnerable children. With $34,000 raised in the past three years, it’s an initiative to get behind. Head to ‘The Change Angels’ Facebook page to get involved. CHOOSE A MOTHERS’ DAY GIFT THAT GIVES TWICE Ecodownunder has created a new collection in support of the McGrath Foundation. 20 per cent of online sales from the collection using promo code ‘MCGRATH’ will be donated to the McGrath Foundation until May 14. Shop from the collection and in doing so help the McGrath Foundation raise money to place specialist breast care nurses wherever they’re

needed, and make breast health understanding a priority. To shop from the collection, go to www. and click on the McGrath Foundation logo at the bottom of the page. CENTENNIAL PARK SHARING THE LOVE Centennial Park is an incredible, verdant public space, with room enough for all. This year, the park is running a campaign entitled ‘Share the Park’, which aims to bring park-goers together in communal fun and solidarity, reminding them that the park is for one and for all, and that everyone deserves to be safe within it. Awesome interactive installations are part of the campaign, and with elements like giant horseshoes suspended from trees, and a hay bale maze for kids, it’ll be hard not to get swept up in the excitement. You can find out more at www. things_to_do/_share_the_park.



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May 2017 | The Beast 31

Rare coastal heath habitat at Malabar Headland National Park.



he undeveloped bushland at Malabar Headland has long been contested ground. The land was for many years owned by the Commonwealth, but early last year was handed over to the NSW state government. In October last year, Matt Thistlethwaite MP memorably referred to the state government’s leasing of much of the land to the Rifle Association of NSW as “a secret, dirty backroom deal to lock the community that I represent out of 177 hectares”. Malabar Headland National Park is comprised of two sections of bushland: an eastern coastal section of approximately 54 hectares on the peninsula seaward edge, and a smaller western section of approximately 15 hectares located approximately one kilometre inland. The rifle range sits in between.

32 The Beast | May 2017

As of March 23, 2017, the eastern section is finally open to the public for bushwalking and other activities. A 3.7 kilometre walking track (the ‘Eastern Walkway’) around the escarpment has been constructed, which makes for breathtakingly scenic walks along the coast. The western section is yet to open. Randwick Mayor Noel D’Souza was understandably upbeat about the opening. “I’m incredibly pleased that Council has been able to play a role in preserving this green space and ensuring that everyone has access to this important public space,” he said. However, the presence of the Anzac Rifle Range poses one quite jarring obstacle to public enjoyment of the headland. The eastern coastal section and its walkway are only accessible to the public when

the rifle range is not in use. Given that the rifle range is home to the NSW Rifle Association, it is rarely dormant. According to terms set out by the Supreme Court, the association has the legal right to shoot every day of the week. David McGuigan, Executive Officer of the NSW Rifle Association, stressed that the association’s promise to not shoot on Mondays and Thursdays is a voluntary concession, and added that “shooting generally finishes by 5.30pm, so after 6pm on any day is available to walk on the headland.” Unfortunately this means that non-shooter citizens cannot access the coastal walkway during the day on the weekend, a point that Mr. Thistlethwaite was quick to jump on. “What’s the point of a national park that’s not open on Saturdays?” he said. In 2015, then Environment Minister Greg Hunt talked of attempting to find an alternative site for the range, but this now seems unlikely as he has more recently referred to the Rifle Association having a “long-term future” at the headland. As such, it seems best to look to what is positive about the situation. Randwick Council has confirmed that it will soon “commence construction on the ‘Western Walking Track’, which is located in an area of the headland that will not be impacted by the rifle range shooting days. It will be open to the public seven days a week and has easy direct access via both Maroubra and Malabar beaches.” Further, while it is easy to resent the Rifle Association’s hot property, Mr. McGuigan made an interesting point. “If the rifle range hadn’t existed [since the 1980s, as it has] then the entire area would have suffered the same fate as the rest of the headlands along this part of the coast and would have been developed,” he said. Perhaps, all things considered, we should count our blessings.

Johnno & Mal at Coogee Beach.

HE WOULD HAVE BEEN 18 THIS YEAR Words Madeleine Gray Picture James Hutton


ere at The Beast, we are constantly astounded by the strength and generosity of those in our local community. Like this month’s cover star, Sophie Smith, Mal Ward has gone through one of the toughest things that anyone can go through: losing a child. Mal’s son Johnno passed away in July 2008, aged nine, after a long battle with childhood liver disease. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, Mal started his charity, Forever Johnno, to help raise money for sick kids in the Liver Transplant Unit at Westmead Children’s Hospital. Every year Mal organises the Forever Johnno Christmas Present For Sick Kids appeal and hosts the Forever Johnno Monster Raffle and Charity Auction, and this year’s Monster Raffle is fast approaching, set to take place on Friday, May 19 from 7pm at the Coogee Bay Hotel sports bar. While every event that Forever Johnno has put on has existed to celebrate and remember Johnno, and to make sure that his legacy helps other kids in need, this 34 The Beast | May 2017

year’s charity raffle and auction is particularly poignant: were he still alive, Johnno would have turned 18 on March 23 this year. As ever, Mal stressed to The Beast that while the fundraising aspect of his events is obviously incredibly important, remembering Johnno’s life is at the core of why he continues to do what he does. “What we raise is not the priority,” Mal said. “It’s a night to remember John and, this year, to celebrate his 18th birthday. “I know Johnno would be very proud of what is being done in his name; he told me so when he was still alive. “After one of the events he asked me all about it, and wondered who was there. “After I told him, he had a big beaming smile on his face and said, incredulously, ‘Were they all there just for me, Dad?’ “I still have people ringing up saying ‘When’s your Johnno do on?’ and they’re saying his name to me without any kind of silence. “There’s none of that ‘don’t

mention his son because his son died and that might make him sad’ silence. It’s about John’s name being out there.” This year’s raffle will continue in this celebratory vein, with Alby Talarico from Steele Sports as MC and Nick Andrews & Friends set to rock the crowd. There will be over 30 prizes to win and four fabulous auction items to bid for. “It's a great night with a real feel good atmosphere,” Mal said. “This is its 17th year and we only raised about $5,000 in the early days, but we broke the record last year and raised $14,265 thanks largely to The Beast Magazine putting my mug on the front cover and making it the feature story. “This year we hope to raise around $10,000 on the night.” There will be a scattering of local celebrities there on the night, but, according to Mal, “the real VIPs will be the nurses from the Clancy Ward at Westmead Children's Hospital - at least a dozen of them come along each year and get a chance to let their hair down.”

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MORE BITS AND PIECES FROM AROUND THE BEACHES Words Madeleine Gray Picture Sheridan Nilsson Instagram @sheridannilsson TAMARAMA SLSC RIDES WAVE OF DIVERSITY Tamarama SLSC volunteers are collaborating with Weave Youth & Community Services to evaluate the viability of reintroducing and extending the successful ‘Holly Days’ Indigenous outreach program. The program’s goal is to encourage La Perouse children to be involved in group and community activities outside their local area, and a two-week trial is currently being run with a view to reconstituting the program in its entirety. Success stories like 16-year-old Ben Porter – one of the original participants, who is now an active patrol member at the club – inspired the program’s reconstitution. LOCALS FUNDRAISE FOR LAOS Clovelly legend Paul Dwyer is not letting distance stop good deeds. Paul is working with veteran journalists Trish Clark and Iain Finlay, who have been involved in philanthropic projects in Laos for many years, to reach their fundraising goal of $70,000 to build a twoclassroom school in Phoujong. Paul has organised a film screening of a documentary on the building of

Nimble nippers.

the school for May 4 at 6:30pm at 104 Projects in Redfern. Renowned author Thomas Keneally will introduce the film. Adult tickets cost $50, while concessions are $25, with all money raised going to the project. To purchase tickets, please email Paul at LETTERBOX THIEF APPREHENDED As reported in The Beast’s March issue, Bondi homes were hit with a host of break-ins and burglaries earlier this year. It now seems that a central perpetrator in these crimes has been apprehended. A 47-year-old woman from the Liverpool area, discovered breaking into a Bondi home by using keys taken from the letterbox, was arrested and charged with multiple break and enter and property offences. Justice, sweet justice. ECODOWNUNDER ENVIRO AWARD The winner of the April Ecodownunder Environment Award is Maria Poulos Conklin. Maria started the Responsible Runners group at Yarra Bay Beach, dedicating many hours each week to beach cleanups, in addition to doing a great job raising awareness of the problem

of marine debris. The team at Ecodownunder would like to show their gratitude and award Maria the April $500 gift voucher for making a difference to the environment. If you know someone who does something to make a difference to the environment, please send your nominations for next month’s Ecodownunder Environment Award to IT AIN’T EASY BEING GREEN Get down to Clovelly Childcare Centre's sixth annual Green Fair on Sunday, May 7 from 10am to 1pm on the corner Arden Street and Boundary Road, Clovelly. Children will enjoy craft activities and face painting while adults appreciate musical entertainment, select delicious goodies from the cake and preserve stalls, and grab quality second-hand children's clothes, books and toys for a bargain price. The fair showcases the centre's environmental initiatives, including its composting and kitchen gardening program, to the broader community. Enjoy a fun morning out and be inspired about how you, your family or organisation can make sustainability a possibility.

May 2017 | The Beast 37

The no-man's land booby trap.

STREET HAZARDS KNOW NO BOUNDARIES Words Duncan Horscroft Picture James Hutton


t’s becoming increasingly obvious that our councils are more focussed on development than fixing local problems such as dangerous manhole covers and crumbling footpaths. One example of the lack of ongoing concern is ‘no-man’s land’ at the southern end of St Thomas Street, where Boundary Street turns around. Numerous emails and phone calls expressing local residents’ concern surrounding a protruding manhole lid, collapsed Telstra pit, and a crumbling footpath have fallen on deaf ears. Both Randwick and Waverley Councils seem to want nothing to do with the problems, which have already claimed a couple of victims, the first more than three years ago. The most recent incident, in 2015, involved a German tourist who tripped over the protruding manhole lid and spent the rest of her holiday with her arm in a sling. Local resident Gina [surname withheld] has been in touch with 38 The Beast | May 2017

Waverley Council on numerous occasions, but still nothing has been done. “I contacted the council in early March 2015, notifying them of the accident to my German friend, asking if I should seek legal advice regarding the matter,” she said. “They replied saying that the matter was ‘allocated for investigation’ and a few weeks later told me the matter had been ‘finalised’. It’s been more than two years and we have still heard nothing. “It was lucky my friend had travel insurance as she had to see a specialist about the injury to her shoulder.” A reply from Waverley Council Customer Service told Gina it was a matter for the council’s insurance co-ordinator, and was subsequently told it was not Waverley’s responsibility, but a matter for Randwick Council. They also advised her that the ‘trip hazard’ on the footpath was to be painted and earmarked for replacement. More than two

years later the paint has faded, the Telstra pit is still a major hazard, as is the crumbling footpath on the corner. In the interim a new footpath on both sides of St Thomas Street had been laid, but only down as far as the intersection of Boundary Street, leaving five houses with an old footpath out the front. Last October Gina asked the council to address the three ‘trip hazards’ and was told “an officer will investigate and attend to your request as soon as possible”, with the enquiry to be finalised last November. The main contention seems to be that both sides of Boundary Street are in two council areas, although residents on the eastern side of St Thomas Street, where Boundary Street meets, pay their rates to Waverley. It appears that this is not so much a grey area, but more a black and yellow one, which is the colour of the Boundary Street sign that bears the Waverley Council logo.

Council’s draft 2017/18 budget is now on public exhibition, and I’m pleased to announce $32.7m in proposed capital expenditure on new footpaths, roads, buildings and playgrounds in Randwick City. Proposed plans include a new playground at La Perouse, a stormwater harvesting system at Maroubra Beach, new plazas at Meeks St in Kingsford and Waratah St in Randwick and an upgraded archery range at Latham Park in South Coogee. You can view all the plans and see what’s proposed for your suburb by visiting our consultation website Meanwhile, Council will commence work shortly on extending the Coastal Walkway through Malabar Headland connecting South Maroubra and Malabar Beaches. This project will see a 1.15km walkway built through the western portion of the newly opened National Park and it will comprise a boardwalk, steps and seating, and viewpoints to watch for whales during the migration season. The work is part of our long-term vision to create a continuous Coastal Walkway from Clovelly to La Perouse so that residents can enjoy everything these naturally spectacular spots have to offer. The walkway will be open seven days a week. Construction is expected to finish later this year. As we commemorate Anzac Day, it’s a fitting time for us to reflect on the importance of community – in remembering those who have made the ultimate sacrifice during armed conflict. Commemorations are taking place across Randwick City and I encourage you to get involved and pay your respects. Our website has more information on local services. Lest we forget. Councillor Noel D’Souza

Mayor of Randwick 25 April Anzac Day Dawn Service - Coogee 5:00am Goldstein Reserve, Coogee Beach

16 May Young Adult Writing Group 4:00-5:30pm Lionel Bowen Library 669-673 Anzac Parade, Maroubra Junction

8 May Card Making with Gail Kenward 5:30-6:30pm Lionel Bowen Library 669-673 Anzac Parade, Maroubra Junction

20 May

12 May Table Tennis For Fun 1:00-3:00pm Lionel Bowen Library 669-673 Anzac Parade, Maroubra Junction

26 May

Permabee Garden Volunteers 3:00-5:00pm Randwick Community Centre 27 Munda Street, Randwick

1300 722 542 PHOTO: COOGEE BEACH

Seaside Singers 2:00-4:00pm Lionel Bowen Library 669-673 Anzac Parade, Maroubra Junction

How depressing.



undreds of barefooted locals went without food and drink at A Moveable Feast on Bondi Beach recently and recreated a scene that is becoming all too common along the length and breadth of the Eastern Beaches. A Moveable Feast organisers failed to cater for the huge demand for basic foodstuffs among hungry, impoverished locals, who can be seen queueing for hours outside local food outlets on a daily basis. In scenes reminiscent of the Great Depression, shabbily dressed, exhausted, unkempt souls, without the funds to repair their jeans or buy a razor, flock to food distribution centres on weekday mornings, while the chosen few toil away in full-time employment. Many stand beside the cafĂŠ, triumphantly clutching their prized beverage, the procurement of which has become a victory rather than a transaction. Some patrons tread the familiar daily path with the same worn, beaten, reusable cup in which to 40 The Beast | May 2017

receive their daily succour, and are on a first name basis with benevolent staff, trained to respect the dignity and needs of anyone dressed in a gender-neutral black and white striped t-shirt. Many broken souls are forced to consume their daily bread atop a milk crate or a pre-school sized chair, while their caffeinated elixir perches perilously on a grossly undersized and wonky table. So dire is the situation that some patrons have actually resorted to seating themselves on the footpath, without so much as a blanket protecting them from the hard, cold, unforgiving pavement. A trip down Clovelly Road will also reveal hordes of believers yearning for a miracle of loaves and fishes from out of the blue. Further evidence of the severity of this issue is the presence of children and dogs at most cafes. Malnourished, starving kids and canines whine, complain, bark, cry and throw tantrums as their

parents stand nearby with their ears glued to the phone, either on hold with Centrelink or the local council as they await the verdict on the DA for the second renovation of their humble waterfront shelter. Local councils are sentient of the issue. They have promised to strike a balance between removing pavement squatters, who are accused of lowering the tone of suburbs, while respecting people’s rights to attend to their most basic needs. They have also reminded residents that no action can be taken until overworked rangers finish clearing away the bodies of slaughtered backpackers. Politicians on both sides have also committed to stimulating the local economy through large scale infrastructure projects such as light rail, underground car parks and the redevelopment of Bondi Pavilion, which they resolutely assert will rival the splendour of the Sydney Harbour Bridge. Meanwhile, locals continue to wait.


A special thank you to Dan Hutton, from The Beast for spending some time with our Officers and myself, catching up on all the local projects in Bronte, including the Bronte POM, the Bronte Village, and Coastal Walk upgrades.

Bondi Feast 2017

I am pleased to announce that Bondi Feast is back and taking submissions for 2017. Following four years of great winters in Bondi, our fringe-style festival will continue to celebrate all the best in home-grown and international theatre, music, comedy, visual arts and food, from 18–29 July 2017. Bondi Feast will be held in the Bondi Pavilion and showcase over 60 performances from a wide range of practitioners over two exciting weeks. If you’re a performer and wish to share your talents, I encourage you to apply. Applications are open until 23 April and can be submitted at

Waverly Council Local Hero Awards

On Wednesday 5 April, Tony Kay, Deputy Mayor kindly filled in for me and spoke at a special presentation to recognise the altruistic achievements of our Waverley Local Hero Joe Coelho. Joe was recognised for his long term volunteering work and in particular his dedication in preserving Waverley Library’s Local History Collection. A Mayoral Certificate of Commendation was also presented to Dr Paul Hotton for his leadership work as Head of Education at North Bondi Surf Lifesaving Club and his education advocacy to Surf Lifesaving Australia. We were also pleased to award a Young Hero Award. I would like to offer my congratulations and thanks to the awardees. It is volunteers such as yourselves and the support, generosity and sense of community spirit you provide, that makes Waverley a truly special place to live.

Sally Betts, Mayor of Waverley CUSTOMER SERVICE CENTRE 55 Spring Street, Bondi Junction NSW 2022 PO Box 9, Bondi Junction NSW 1355 PHONE 9083 8000 WEB

Events The Global Table Sunday 7 May, 11am–4pm Oxford Street Mall Eat, dance and celebrate your way around the world at this year’s Global Table, a cultural extravaganza of food, music, dancing and entertainment in the heart of Bondi Junction. Feel free to take a seat at the 35 metre long communal table to share your food choice with old friends or take the opportunity to meet some new ones. To find out more about Global Table, visit

Bushcare Join like-minded locals and help make a positive difference to one of our special green spaces. You’ll learn about native plants and wildlife, and enjoy the well-being benefits from time spent in nature. No experience necessary and supervised children are welcome. Tools, gloves and morning tea are provided. For times, dates and locations please visit For more event info visit our website

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May 2017 MONDAY




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BOOK CLUB FOR ESL READERS Is English your second language? Are you looking to get more fluent in a fun and unintimidating environment? Today from 1:30-3:30pm at Bowen Library, join other nonnative English speakers for a book club specifically tailored to helping you improve your English!

THE BODYGUARD If you hate fun, then do not go see The Bodyguard tonight at the Lyric Theatre. You will have the best time. It is literally Whitney Houston, banger after banger, starring Bronte bloke Kip Gamblin and iconic Aus Idol alumnus Paulini. Tickets from $80 at

SIGN UP FOR THE CLASSIC The annual Mother’s Day Classic fun run and walk provides the community with a great way to celebrate Mother’s Day and raise much-needed funds for breast cancer research. It’s on this Sunday, so you still have time to sign up at

ART CLASSES WITH LILY OEN Do you ever find yourself promising to dedicate some ‘me time’ to yourself, but never actually getting around to it? That’s not good enough! Sign up to Lily Oen’s art class today from 1–3:30pm at Bowen Library, and lose yourself to the serenity. Call 9314 4888.

BRONTE WATERFALL BUSHCARE Join the hardworking Bronte Waterfall Bushcare Group today from 9am to 12pm, and play a vital role in caring for our native coastal bushland. Drop in whenever it suits, and feel free to bring the kids. For more information, email

CYBER SAFETY FOR OLDIES Are you worried about what you do online? This info session, from 10–11am at Waverley Council, will outline common online scams, how to identify and report them, and provide practical tips on protecting yourself online. Register at

MY FOOD ALLERGY FRIENDS Children’s author Jackie Nevard has made it easy for you to explain food allergies to your kids, and how they can best look out for their allergic friends. Get along with your kiddies to Waverley Library from 2–3pm today to hear Jackie talk. Register at

IT CLASSES IN CANTONESE Are you a Cantonese-speaking senior with a desire to learn how to navigate the world of the Internet? If yes, Randwick Council has got your back! Head to Bowen Library today at 1:30pm and you’ll leave at 4:30pm equipped to email, Tweet and take selfies. Book at 9093 6400.

SYDNEY WRITERS’ FESTIVAL In a culture where ‘fake news’ is venerated and an orangutan runs the US, it is more important than ever to relish the escapism of books. SWF opens today, and will see hundreds of international authors and journos discussing the stuff that matters. Visit

FOOD ADDICTS ANONYMOUS Are you having a hard time controlling the way you eat? Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) meetings are held every Friday at 10am at the Salvation Army Hall, Boyce Road, Maroubra. For more information please call Maria on 0410 566 724.

UNSW PRESENTS: ROXANE GAY We sometimes forget the amazing cultural resource that we are home to in the east: UNSW. The uni runs so many free seminars, exhibitions and talks. Tonight, celebrated gender theorist Roxane Gay will talk all things feminism. And it's free. Register at

EVAN DANDO AT THE OAF The scruffy, haphazard Peter Panlike presence that is Evan Dando has achieved music-lover legend status down here in Australia, and tonight the Lemonheads frontman will be performing solo at the OAF, playing tracks from his reissued first EP, ‘Baby I’m Bored’.

BEARD SEASON BEGINS TOMORROW To all the charitable men out there, today is the last day for the next three months that you may remain clean shaven. From tomorrow onward you will grow a beard to raise awareness for melanoma prevention. for more info, please visit

FILM SCREENING FOR LAOS Clovelly legend Paul Dwyer is working with journalists Trish Clark and Iain Finlay to raise funds for the building of a school in Phoujong. Tonight, head to 107 Projects in Redfern for the screening of a doco about the school. For tickets, email

ART PRIZE ENTRIES CLOSING Tomorrow is your last day to submit entries for this year’s Waverley Art Prize. There are categories for painting, sculpture, drawing, and more. The only pre-requisite is that you be over 18 years old. The prize pool is up to $12,000, so hurry along to

Now you can upload all your local events for free

Carpenter Mark Potocki Against The Grain Ph: 0415 688 562 Builder/Electrician Matthew Olive Sydney Power House 8007 4229



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BONDI FARMERS MARKET Get down to Bondi Beach Public School today and every Saturday, 9am–1pm, to sample some of the freshest and best produce you could hope to chow down on. There’s a wide range of stallholders to satisfy your every culinary need. Visit

THE GLOBAL TABLE The Global Table is a celebration of cultural diversity through the two global languages of music and food, highlighted by a 35-metre long communal table running between the food stalls under the umbrellas of Oxford Street Mall, Bondi Junction today.

CANCER RESEARCH MORNING TEA Cancer Council NSW is encouraging everyone to support cancer research this month by hosting a charity morning tea event at their workplace or with friends. Register to host at or call 1300 656 585 to receive your host kit.

ROOSTERS VERSUS EELS Today at 4pm, get over your hangover and take Mum to Allianz Stadium to see the Roosters take on the Parramatta Eels. It’s the only home game the Roosters are playing this month, so maximum enthusiasm is necessary. Tickets are on sale at

FOREVER JOHNNO RAFFLE Beast favourite Mal Ward will be hosting the Forever Johnno Monster Raffle and Auction tonight at the Coogee Bay Hotel sports bar, from 7pm. Expect great live music and good vibes as they raise money for the Clancy Ward at Westmead Children’s Hospital.

MERCEDES FASHION WEEKEND Fancy yourself a bit of a fashionista, or just really enjoy seeing ridiculously good-looking people strutting about in hot clothes? Hit up Mercedes-Benz Fashion Weekend Edition at Carriageworks to see the shows and the shoes. Tickets at

SMH HALF MARATHON Do you often joke that if people see you running, they should run to, because clearly something must be chasing you? If yes, perhaps it’s time to review your attitude to exercise and sign up for the SMH Half Marathon! For more info, visit

SWANS VS HAWKS When we went to print, the Swans had lost their first three games of the season, but this will all be forgiven if they can beat Hawthorn tonight at the SCG at 7.50pm. As long the Swans beat the Hawks, this season will not be a complete failure. Visit

DRUM & PERCUSSION SHOW If you love pounding away on the old Pearls, the Sydney Drum & Percussion Show is for you. It’s on all weekend out at Rosehill Gardens in the Grand Pavilion. Expect panels, seminars, workshops and performances from some of the country’s best beat keepers.

VIVID SYDNEY IS BACK Vivid Sydney got underway on May 26 and runs until June 17. See Sydney in all its lit-up glory, and revel in the fact that you live in one of the most wondrous cities on Earth. Watch light-art sculptures and large-scale projections transform the skyline. Visit

ART SOCIETY ANNUAL EXHIBITION Today marks the official opening of Randwick Art Society’s 8th annual art, craft, and photography exhibition. It will be open for three days at 2 Coast Hospital Road, Little Bay, and tonight from 6–8pm there’ll be an opening do. Support local artists, and have a blast!

Painter Brett Dooley Nielson Dooley Ph: 0404 888 089 Fencing Troy Salvatico Jim’s Fencing Ph: 0405 543 530 Building Design Todd Maguire Design Solutions Ph: 0405 617 428

Rubbish Removal Dave Whiteley Dave's Rubbish Ph: 0401 296 069 Mechanic Jordan Hayman JH Automotive Ph: 0424 144 987 Plumber Matt Scott Surfside Plumbing Ph: 0450 391 734 BBQ Caterer Wardy Wardy & Sons Ph: 0414 293 396 Concretor Jay Rodney Oceanside Ph: 0411 989 565 Plumber Luke Fletcher Pipe Up Plumbing Ph: 0431 638 558 Locksmith Bradley Rope SOS Locksmiths Ph: 0498 767 767 Electrician Adrian Langen Langen Electrical Ph: 0400 006 008 Arborist Jeff Hunt Prompt Trees Ph: 0412 280 338

by visiting

Running for Tiny Babies


Interview Dan Hutton & Madeleine Gray Picture Grant Brooks Instagram @brooksypic


astern Suburbs local Sophie Smith lost her triplets, Henry, Jasper, and Evan, to complications stemming from their premature births in 2006. Within a year, she had founded Running for Premature Babies (RFPB), a running group raising money for the Royal Hospital for Women’s Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. RFPB now has the largest running contingent in the SMH Half Marathon, and has raised over $2 million. Sophie’s husband and partner in crime, Ash, passed away last year after a prolonged battle with brain cancer. This month, on the eve of the 2017 SMH Half-Marathon, we talk to Sophie about her incredible resilience, strength, and the insuppressible love of life that guides her… Where are you originally from? That's actually a bit of a difficult question for me to answer, because I am British, but I was born in Japan, I grew up all over Asia, and I've lived in 10 different countries, so I'm from everywhere. I came to Australia at the end of 1999 and I have lived in the Eastern Suburbs for 17 years now. What do you love about the Eastern Suburbs? I love the beaches. I love the ocean pools. I love the coastal walk. I love the community. The Coogee community has been amazing throughout the whole RFPB journey, but more recently through Ash's illness and then after he died. Coogee Surf Club, the Coogee Cougars, everybody's come together to help me even though I'm not originally from Coogee. I feel so welcomed. What gets your goat about the Eastern Suburbs? What gets my goat is the number of people who would never dream of dropping litter, and yet don't think twice about using the beach as an ashtray, or just flick their fag butts on the street or in the park. Do you have any favourite local haunts? Yes. Lots. The best fish and chips are at the Dolphin Street Fish Shop. We love Friday night fish and

chips at the beach. Annie's Restaurant is my most visited, and my kids and I have been known to pop down to Annie's after dinner for dessert because they do the best Nutella pizza. What was your profession before you started RFPB? I was a primary school teacher for many years, and I absolutely loved it. Now I just have so much else going on in my life, and since having kids I just don't have the patience for other people’s kids anymore. I don't know if I'd be as good a teacher as I used to be. You founded RFPB in 2007 after you lost your triplets, Henry, Jasper and Evan; can you tell us about that experience? The experience of becoming first time parents three times over was absolutely incredible. When I was pregnant with my triplets, we thought we were the luckiest people on Earth, and then our joy turned to tragedy when Henry was born at 21 weeks and lived for just an hour. Evan and Jasper held on for another three weeks, and then began the rollercoaster that is the Newborn Intensive Care Unit (NICU) journey. Evan lived for 10 days and died of a brain haemorrhage, and Jasper fought on, but his lungs collapsed when he was 58 days old and nothing more could be done. Of course the tragedy of losing all of our babies was beyond devastating, but their lives were so beautiful and so precious. There was an intensity to the love that I felt for them that I'd never felt before. That is what I like to remember about them. Ash and I had become parents and they were our children, and that never stopped being the case. What do people not understand about losing a child, or children, to problems stemming for premature birth? I think often people presume that the longer a baby lives, the greater the loss. People have even suggested to me that it would have been kinder on me if my babies had all been born when Henry was born, and they'd all have been born and died on that day. That absolutely couldn't be further from the

truth. My grief for Henry is as intense as my grief for my other boys. But I'm incredibly grateful that we had ten days with Evan and we had 58 days with Jasper to get to know them and create memories, and we got to know their individual personalities. The second thing with baby loss is that people presume that you shouldn't mention the baby's name, I think for fear of upsetting the parent. I personally find that I love to hear my babies' names spoken, and I love it when people want to listen to me talk about them. I think that a lot of other people I've spoken to who've lost babies feel similarly. That’s why I like to have shirts printed for people running on my team who’ve also lost a baby with their own baby's name on their shirt, because I know how beautiful it is to see your baby's name. You completed your first half marathon nine months to the day after the birth of Evan and Jasper, and just six months after Jasper died; how were you able to harness the power of your grief and your pain into something so positive so quickly? To me my babies weren't here anymore, but I was still their mum, and I felt like I had a job to do to ensure that their lives mattered and meant something. Ash was the one who suggested to me that I run the half marathon and try to raise some money for the hospital in their memory. I remember on that first marathon day how proud I was of Henry, Jasper, and Evan, and how proud I was to be their mum, because I was running with a team of 98 people and our goal had been to raise $20,000, but we'd managed to raise $80,000 for the hospital. You've talked about how you were in part inspired to push on by reading a poem on the Internet called 'Mummy'; has the Internet been a valuable support resource for you? How are Internet communities changing the way we grieve? Only a few weeks after Jasper died I found a poem on the Internet, and there were two lines of that poem that stuck in my head, and still stick in

May 2017 | The Beast 45

my head, actually. The line was: "Please don't be sad, Mummy. Go on and live for me. It's so important that you do, because it's through your eyes I'll see". So when I read that, it just inspired me – to live my life, to go on, to go forward and live my life in honour of my boys, rather than give up on my life because I'd lost them. The Internet was really quite incredible because I felt very lonely after we lost all our boys. The Australian Multiple Birth Association had a bereavement group for people who'd lost multiples, but this group had people who had lost one twin or one triplet, and for me I felt I was just in a very different situation because I'd lost all three over three months. I was looking on the Internet and I came across this US group called ‘Loss of All in Multiple Births Support’ (LAMBS) and I just couldn’t believe it. I couldn't believe that there were other people like me out there, and there are actually many people out there like me who have lost all of their triplets, or both of their twins, and sometimes, like me, over extended periods of time. I connected with that group and the support that I received from these people from all over the world was incredible. Then I was in turn able to offer support to people who came after me in that group. Even now, 11 years later, I'm friends with them. Each year the amount of people involved in running for and donating to Running for Premature Babies grows; could you tell us about the network and relationships that have formed as a result? Over the years many people have joined my team because they too have lost a baby. It has been really wonderful to be able to help people celebrate and honour the babies they’ve lost by doing something positive for others. When a baby dies everybody wants to help, but nobody knows what he or she can do. RFPB gives them something concrete to do. People also join the team because we offer free running training, and because they want to run a half marathon, but also to transform it into something bigger than their own race. Equally, we have many people running to celebrate their children who have survived. Last year we had the parents of five different sets of prematurely born triplets on the team. Some of these parents’ babies had only just come home from hospital, some of their children are already teenagers, but those parents are able to connect and network and support each other with the unique challenges that are presented when bringing up a child who has been born prematurely.

46 The Beast | May 2017

Is that difficult for you, connecting with parents whose premature triplets have survived? To be honest, it’s been quite a journey for me. In the early days I did find that quite difficult because it accentuated my own loss, and for quite some time I found triplets extremely difficult. It was very rare, but when I did see triplets it was like somebody was stabbing a knife into my chest and twisting it around; the pain was unbelievable. But it gets easier. Last year I met up with five families and all of their triplets, and it felt really wonderful to know that four out of those five sets of triplets had used the life-saving equipment provided by RFPB and had thus benefited from Henry, Jasper, and Evan's legacy. Apart from the benefits of human connection, your organisation has managed to raise over $2 million to provide life-saving equipment for premature babies in the Newborn Intensive Care Unit at the Royal Hospital for Women; how has this money improved outcomes for premature babies? The equipment that we provide is the very latest technology in neonatal care. We’ve paid for two neonatal ventilators, which enable babies even smaller than Evan and Jasper to survive, because they use technology that is very, very gentle on the babies' lungs, and mean that a baby born at even 23 weeks gestation doesn't actually have to be intubated. This makes all the difference to the babies' lungs. If that machine had been available in 2006, Jasper probably would have survived. Last year we raised funds for a special new x-ray machine that gets results instantly at the baby's bedside. Time is of the essence in the life of a premature baby, and if doctors can get an instant result, they can solve the issue. All up so far we’ve provided 29 pieces of life-saving equipment. We also fund research into the advancement of the care of premature babies, and the doctors have told me how this research is as vital as the equipment. It's not as tangible as the equipment, but it's only with research that advances can be made into the care of premature babies and the challenges they face. Moving forward, what will future funding go towards? This year and next year we're funding a completely new monitoring system that's going to be installed in the unit, which means that the babies can be monitored from different stations, so when things go wrong doctors can be on top of it straight away. We've raised $2 million so far I'm hoping to raise another $300,000 this year.

How many runners are you hoping to attract? I'm hoping for 500 runners. Currently, as of today, I have 394 registered. Last year we had 520, and that was our biggest ever. It was our tenth year, so we had a massive push last year. I want to back that up this year with another 500. So I need another 106 runners in the last month or so. You’re now a mother to two healthy boys, Owen and Harvey. Owen arrived two years after the loss of your triplets, which must have been joyful, but hard; how did you balance the conflicting emotions? I think when I was pregnant with Owen I was worried about balancing the grief and the joy, but the second he arrived it was a thousand per cent joy. I never worried about that again. I remember his first night in hospital and he was unsettled. One of the lovely midwives came in and said, "Would you like me to take your baby to another room so you can have some rest?" I was horrified at the idea of anyone taking my baby. I don't think I put him down for six months. Taking him home from the hospital I cried all the way for my boys who never made it home, and I cried tears of joy for this beautiful little boy who'd come into our lives and absolutely rescued us, really. Owen has never replaced the love for my triplets, and the grief is always there, but Owen's helped us massively through that. What are some of your favourite things about Owen and Harvey? What are their weird quirks? They are so sweet and funny and crazy and wild, and they make life wonderful. They're very different from each other, but they're best friends. Owen's sensitive and thoughtful; Harvey's a bruiser and he’s got a wicked sense of humour just like his dad. Speaking of your husband, Ash, he lost his battle with brain cancer last year; after another loss, what stops you from just crawling into a ball and giving up? How do you manage self-care amongst everything else? Crawling into a ball and giving up is not an option. Ash battled brain cancer for seven years, and he never gave up. He ran the SMH Half Marathon with Running for Premature Babies right up to the end. For his final race, he had recurrent brain tumours and he was between chemo. It took him over three hours to complete the race, but he did it and he had such an amazingly positive attitude, and he never ever asked, "Why me?" Last year, after Ash died, I started

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training for the New York marathon, and by November last year I was the fittest I've ever been in my life, and for me that was self-care. I’ve also had amazing support from so many people like Bruce Scott, the ‘Body Magician’. People have reached out to help me in such beautiful ways; the Coogee Cougars running group has a roster going whereby every Thursday morning a different member of the group gives up their run to babysit for me at 5.30am, so I don’t have to miss out on running with this fantastic group of women. It's the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me. How have you taught your sons about grief and dealing with the loss of their father? I think that I tried to teach Owen and Harvey by my example, that even when the worst happens, even when your heart is broken, you can pick yourself up and you can carry on, and you can still find joy in life. It's not about forgetting their dad, it's about living in honour of their dad, like Ash and I tried to do after we lost our three boys. Ash is very much a part of our present at home. We laugh when we remember memories, funny times we had together. Ash is buried in Waverley Cemetery. It’s a very normal part of our life to pop up to the cemetery and water the flowers on his grave. Do you ever think ‘why me?’ or do you just not have time for that? No, I think that’s a complete waste of time. People often tell me how unlucky I've been in my life, and I actually completely disagree. I feel like I've been incredibly lucky. I had the most amazing relationship with my husband. We were together for 15 years, married for 10. He was my best friend, an amazing husband, and an incredible father. We've been through enormous heartbreak, but we've also been through enormous joy, and we were there to support each other through it all. I'm now blessed with these two absolutely beautiful little boys and I wouldn't want to swap my life with anyone. Let's talk about the task of running a half marathon; is it too late for people who want to get involved to put their hand up? Absolutely not. There's plenty of time. Every year we offer a training program that starts at the end of January and goes through to the race in May. This year we're offering free training five days a week. We have our head coach, Mandi O’Sullivan-Jones, who's designed our training program, and we have many volunteer trainers in

48 The Beast | May 2017

Coogee Beach, Queens Park, Centennial Park, North Sydney, and the city. Rejoov Runners also offers free training to anyone on my team. It’s 21 kilometres, so if you're not already running then 21 kilometres might be out of your reach. However, there's also the option to team up with a friend and split the kilometres. You don't have to run the whole way, either. Ash did it with a head full of brain tumours. There are time cut-offs in the race, but a sort of jog/walk should get you through. You will receive a free cap and singlet, and all we ask in return is that every runner raises at least $200 for Running for Premature Babies. How can people sign up to participate? How can they donate if they don't want to run? If you want to participate, you can just jump on the SMH Half Marathon website and register for the event, either for the 21-kilometres or for the relay. Just enter Running for Premature Babies as the team you’d like to join. Or you can contact me directly through my website. If anyone would like to donate, the link to our donation site is on our website. If you aren’t able to run the SMH Half Marathon, but want to run another event throughout the year, you can still fundraise for Running for Premature Babies. If you don’t want to run at all, but fancy swimming instead, we also have RFPB swimming costumes for sale. I believe you’re about to become a registered charity; is that correct? Yes, we’ve been going for 10 years just as a running group that raises money for the Royal Hospital for Women, but I'm now in the process of registering RFPB as a charitable foundation, and this way we'll be able to expand the reach of RFPB to cover more newborn intensive care units around the country, and to give premature babies an even better chance of survival. You obviously dedicate a lot of your time to RFPB; are there any other charities that you support or you'd like to give a plug to? I’d love to give a shout-out to Can Too. Can Too was founded by Annie Crawford about three years before RFPB. They've now raised $15 million for cancer research. Annie Crawford is one incredible human being who has inspired thousands of people to achieve their fitness goals and raise money for cancer research. The other charity is Charlie Teo's charity, Cure Brain Cancer. We were lucky enough to have Charlie as Ash’s doctor, and it's because of Charlie's

brilliant work, and the work of Cure Brain Cancer, that Ash survived for seven years with a disease that usually kills people within one. When Ash was first diagnosed in 2008, Owen was six months old and we were told Ash would most likely live for one year, best-case scenario. Two years later we had another baby, Harvey, and Ash then lived for five years in remission. We had some amazing experiences together in that time and it means Owen and Harvey will grow up remembering their dad. Are there any RFPB supporters that you’d like to thank? RFPB wouldn’t be where it is today without the amazing support of the local community, particularly my hard working committee, our head coach Mandi O’Sullivan Jones, Running Bare, The Running Company Bondi Beach, Rejoov Runners, Bondi Fit, the Coogee Cougars, the Great Aussie BBQ, Superheroes Inc, Jesse Taylor photography and The Spot 2B Hairdressing & Beauty, to name just a few. I’m also excited to announce that we’ve just been chosen as the charity partner of the Taste of Coogee festival later this year. What are the words of wisdom you live by? There's a quote I like which is from Mother Teresa: "It's not how much we give, but how much love we put into giving.” In an ideal world, what does the future hold for Sophie Smith? Running for Premature Babies never stops. My vision for the future of RFPB is that it will grow to be a successful charity that supports newborn intensive care units Australia wide, giving premature babies a better chance of survival and allowing parents to celebrate their prematurely born children, both living and lost. Ash had an amazing ability to live in the present and not worry about what the future has to hold, and it's something that I'm trying to learn to do. But in an ideal world, my life and the life of my boys will be filled with joy and love and health. The SMH Half Marathon will be held on Sunday, May 21. For more information about Running for Premature Babies, please visit

A big thankyou to the Coogee Pavilion for providing the venue – and a delicious bottle of bubbly - for our cover shoot.

Randwick's Eddie Jones (left) in action against Parramatta in the 1984 grand final, which Randwick won, of course.

RUGBY UNION A FORCE NO LONGER Words Rupert Truscott-Hughes Picture Jeffrey Sayle


bout five years ago I wrote down my thoughts about the floundering feelings I was experiencing towards the game they’re said to play in heaven. At the time I had become disinterested, and mutterings of late prove that I am no longer alone. Australian rugby is in the doldrums, and a big part of that comes down to the fact that we’re fielding too many teams in the Super Rugby competition and we simply don’t have the talent to fill them and remain a force. As such, a franchise will be unceremoniously flushed down the proverbial football drain at the end of the 2017 season. At the time of print it was still uncertain which club that would be, but the shortlist had been whittled down to two: the Rebels and the Force. To be honest, I’d be happy to see them both go. Neither has enjoyed much success and interest in the 15-man game outside of NSW, Queensland and the ACT just isn’t that great. Anyone who says otherwise is simply perpetuating a myth.

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Personally, though it would never happen, I would’ve been more than happy to see the Waratahs get the axe. Despite so much potential, they’ve only been able to deliver us Sydneysiders one Super Rugby premiership in over twenty years of competition. The heartache and pain over this period has far outweighed the fleeting elation delivered by the sometimes reliable boot of Bernard Foley on a chilly night back in August 2014. The reasons behind rugby union’s demise downunder are many and numerous. Pundits and ex-players have been postulating about it for some time now, but it was former Wallaby Simon Poidevin’s letter to the ARU, signed by a number of other former players and coaches, that summed things up best. In brief, it called for a greater focus on grassroots rugby, the breeding ground of most of our Wallabies stars. Call me old-fashioned, but I still find that the most entertaining rugby union is played on Saturday afternoons at 3pm on suburban football fields around our fair

city – Coogee Oval, Forshaw Park, Pittwater Park, Concord Oval, Manly Oval, and my old stomping ground (literally), Woollahra Oval, to name just a few. In fact, I’d rather set foot on the sidelines of the main ovals of Cranbrook or Scots than throw a cable knit over my shoulders and attend the concrete colosseum that is the Sydney Football Stadium. And if you think you’re ever going to get me out to Homebush again, you’ve got another thing coming. I’ve vowed only to return to that hellhole should the Brumbies and Waratahs ever contest a Super Rugby final out there, and that is looking about as likely as Bill Pulver inviting Paul Peters over for Christmas lunch. It’s a boon for the game that the ARU has finally realised that the code just isn’t strong enough here in Australia to support all these Super Rugby franchises. If they also learn that grassroots rugby is where the talent comes from, and start funding it appropriately, they might get me through the SFS turnstiles again.




It’s a bit of a toss up between AFL and soccer as my least favourite, but I would have to say soccer because it is a little bit more boring with a lot less goals in between.

I would say NRL is my least favourite because I grew up playing union in a family that followed union. Plus, the limited plays in NRL make the game less entertaining.


Soccer would have to be my least favourite because it's the one that I played the least. I watch it occasionally, but I never played it well at school, unlike rugby union, which I played for 30 years!


I don't like the Aussie rules because I don't understand it, being from England. The union is more appealing, especially with the hunky guys!


My least favourite would have to be league because of its association with that kind of boof-head mentality. I prefer union because I am from England and it is a bit more gentrified.


Union would have to be my least favourite footy code because I don’t understand the rules, so it looks like a bunch of six-year-olds jumping on each other. May 2017 | The Beast 51

A tax cut, a tax cut, it all trickles down.

TAX CUTS A GOOD START WITH MUCH MORE TO DO Words Andrew Bragg - Head of Research, Menzies Research Centre Twitter @ajamesbragg Picture Ronald Reagan


’day Beast readers, I'm Andrew Bragg from the Menzies Centre. We’re a think tank backing Australians prepared to take a risk: to start a business, to grow a business, and to create opportunities for others. I'm going to be writing a regular piece for The Beast about public policy issues that impact enterprising types in Sydney and beyond. I'll start with the Senate passing tax cuts for small and medium sized businesses. Cutting tax is a good idea. From 2018-19, 3.2 million small and medium sized businesses employing 6.5 million Australians will pay 27.5 per cent tax. This will apply to all businesses with a turnover of less than $50 million and is instead of the 30 per cent rate for large companies. As anyone who has spent their Sundays sending invoices and filling in business activity statements knows, every dollar not going to the taxman can be invested into the business. Dean Willemsen of PrimeBuild says, “I’ll be using any tax cut we get to employ more people, train them better and buy new equipment.”

52 The Beast | May 2017

Two reasons the tax cuts should be revisited are: 1. Australia needs more investment; 2. All businesses need the cut. First, Australia has relied on foreign investment since the First Fleet and we need more of it. An incorrect old Australian saying is "we're selling the farm". This is often uttered by people in Sydney. But there is simply not enough capital in Australia to develop our vast continent, which has caused us to require the $3 trillion foreign investment stocks. When Chinese company Moon Lake purchased Van Diemen’s Land dairy farms, Queensland MP Bob Katter said just that: we're selling the farm. Ironically, the National Farmers Federation’s Tony Mahar has said “industries like agriculture struggle with a gaping hole in the capital required to build on the vast market opportunities presented by a cashed-up and quality-conscious consumer...” Here he’s referring to the Asian middle class: expected to number 3 billion by 2030. The head of the Farmers Federation encouraging foreign investment should put the “selling

the farm” thesis to bed. Secondly, the cut should apply to all businesses. Elsewhere, tax cuts apply to all companies. The UK cut its rate from 30 to 20 per cent with an agenda to get to 15 per cent. Singapore is down to 17 per cent and Canada is now hitting 26.5 per cent. In Australia, Parliament decided that ‘big business’ doesn’t deserve a tax cut. Yet. But big business employs millions, pays billions in tax, and is owned by us. Lower taxes deliver higher profits for companies and returns for investors. But the boost doesn’t go to a ‘strawman’ of big business. The returns go to shareholders, because companies are owned by people. Profitable corporates provide higher returns to super fund members – i.e. all workers. The average super fund has 30 per cent of its assets in Aussie equities. This isn’t fake news. For example, the Commonwealth Bank is mainly owned by Aussie mums and dads (54 per cent). We should therefore cut tax for all business to 20 per cent in a global business environment.


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May 2017 | The Beast 53

Dylan fishing in a bathrobe to keep warm (that's all there was in the car).



ith all the crappy weather over the last couple of months, I thought it would be interesting to contemplate openly the difficulty of finding and catching fish consistently in the estuaries when the ocean has been turned chocolate brown and pea green by rough waves and bucket loads of rain. It certainly isn’t the easiest set of conditions to catch a feed in, so here’s what I’ve learnt over the years… Firstly, remember that saltwater is heavier than freshwater, so the fresh surface layer is going to be separated from the deeper, denser salty layers, unless there’s just been so much rain and runoff that 54 The Beast | May 2017

separation isn’t possible. With that in mind, try areas of your local estuary where there are deeper sections. This can at times be a real jackpot, as fish tend to congregate in order to get out of the fresh water. On the flipside, flicking lightly weighted soft-plastics or working hard-bodied lures where there’s run-off draining into an estuary can pay dividends. Stormwater drains, small creeks and waterfalls all carry food in the form of insects and terrestrial animals. Whilst this may seem strange, fish the world over have been eking out a subsistence diet from ‘drains’ for millennia.

Tidal current lines also provide an excellent moving location to work lures both deep and shallow. To understand this you need to realise that the different salinity and/or temperature levels actually create a physical barrier to smaller baitfish, prawns, etc., because the osmotic pressure in their cells prevents them from moving between the two. Larger predatory fish can easily withstand these forces due to their larger body size. Calm spots in turbulent seas can also be a boon. Just as most terrestrial animals seek refuge from storms and wind, so to do fish. If they can escape wild, rough seas they will; if there’s a small pocket along a coastline, or an easy swim into the closest estuary, this is where you will find the fish that can make the journey safely. Take the picture in this month’s article, for instance, of local angler Dylan making the best of the bad conditions and catching himself a feed of black drummer. Similarly, there were many stories of good catches of snapper during the recent storms just inside the harbour off the rocks with deep water running nearby. Finally, areas where you can safely fish the ocean from a boat close to an estuary will often provide a real reward in otherwise unfishable conditions. My mates and I recently headed down to Jervis Bay and had a weekend of murky waters and solid three to four-metre swell, coupled with a 20-30 knot southerly. Rather than stay in bed, we figured we were there to fish, so by the time the sun was shining over the white caps we were as close to the heads as we could get, catching bait and getting ready to anchor where we could comfortably fish the run-out tide on the lee side of Bowen Island. What followed was a three-hour session full of laughter, quality snapper, samson fish and large cruising sharks interested to see what we were up to. Whilst fishing in less than ideal conditions can be testing, the rewards are there if you know where to look.

MAY 2017 TIDE CHART Numbers Bureau of Meteorology Tidal Centre Picture Andrea Colliss Instagram @andreacolliss MONDAY




1 0627 0.37 1232 1.41 1811 0.62

2 0038 0732 1340 1916

1.80 0.43 1.36 0.70

3 0143 0839 1451 2030

1.71 0.48 1.36 0.73

4 0252 0940 1558 2143

1.64 0.50 1.40 0.73

8 0036 0632 1242 1904

0.58 1.54 0.50 1.67

9 0119 0714 1315 1939

0.54 1.52 0.51 1.71

10 0159 0753 1347 2013

0.51 1.50 0.52 1.75

11 0235 0830 1418 2045

15 0511 1110 1640 2309

0.54 1.33 0.70 1.68

16 0556 1156 1724 2352

0.57 1.30 0.75 1.63

17 0645 0.60 1247 1.28 1815 0.79

22 0447 1108 1730 2340

1.60 0.43 1.66 0.54

23 0543 1.64 1155 0.38 1819 1.80

24 0036 0637 1242 1907

0.42 1.66 0.35 1.93

29 0514 1119 1658 2323

0.27 1.48 0.55 1.95

30 0612 0.33 1219 1.43 1756 0.62

31 0019 0712 1321 1859

1.83 0.41 1.41 0.69

5, 4, 3, 2, 1... Go!




5 0359 1035 1655 2249

1.60 0.51 1.46 0.69

6 0457 1123 1744 2347

1.57 0.50 1.54 0.63

0.49 1.47 0.55 1.76

12 0313 0909 1450 2118

0.48 1.44 0.58 1.77

13 0350 0947 1524 2153

0.49 1.41 0.61 1.76

14 0430 1027 1600 2230

0.51 1.37 0.65 1.73

18 0043 0740 1345 1915

1.58 0.61 1.29 0.81

19 0141 0836 1448 2026

1.55 0.59 1.33 0.80

20 0245 0930 1548 2136

1.54 0.55 1.42 0.75

21 0348 1020 1642 2241

1.56 0.49 1.53 0.66

25 0130 0731 1330 1956

0.32 1.66 0.34 2.02

26 0225 0828 1418 2045

0.24 1.63 0.36 2.08

27 0320 0924 1510 2137

0.21 1.59 0.41 2.08

28 0415 1021 1602 2230

0.22 1.54 0.47 2.04

• New Moon • First Quarter • Full Moon • Last Quarter

7 0548 1.56 1204 0.50 1826 1.61

doco he did in country Victoria with Joel Creasey, exposed the everyday homophobia many still face. Also recommended are Aussie Hannah Gadsby, and the UK’s Simon Amstell. IMMIGRANT COMEDY AND CULTURAL DEFINITION Just like the gay community, many immigrants face prejudice and abuse every day. Second or third generation immigrants in particular, caught between cultures, can use comedy to redefine their cultural identity, and create bridges of understanding through laughter. Outstanding examples are UK/ Nigerian Gina Yashere, Aussie/Egyptian Akmal Saleh, UK/ Iranian Omid Djalili and Aussie/ Chinese Ronny Chieng.

Jerry back in his heyday.

THE UNRELIABLE GUIDE TO... STAND-UP COMEDY Words Nat Shepherd Picture Larry David


he Sydney Comedy Festival is bringing the giggles our way soon (April 24-May 21) and it made me think: what is ‘funny’? What makes you laugh will be guided by your own culturally directed sense of humour, but the Unreliable Guide has strong beliefs when it comes to stand-up comedy. Call me old-fashioned, but it has to be witty. The dictionary definition of wit is: “mental sharpness, inventiveness and keen intelligence”, but that’s not a given in all stand-up shows. I’ve endured too many nights watching someone make a dick of themselves on stage in the ill-founded belief that this is stand-up comedy. Sure, the audience may laugh, but it’s the kind of laugh the drunk gets when he falls off his chair. They’re laughing at you darling, not with you. If you’ve ever suffered through a comedy night that was as funny as a trip to the dentist, here’s a breakdown of my favourite comedians…

56 The Beast | May 2017

THE IRISH AND THE POMS NEED TO LAUGH The Poms and the Irish have to laugh, because their weather is a joke in itself, but when it comes to comedy they do have some of the finest wits in the world: Bill Bailey, Dylan Moran, Sean Lock, Dara O’Briain, Jack Dee, Mickey Flanagan, Russell Kane, Russell Howard, Kevin Bridges and Chris O’Dowd all excel at self deprecation, social observation, and class analysis, and they’re scalpel-sharp at finding that funny bone. THE FABULOSITY OF GAY WIT Famous wit Oscar Wilde knew that comedy is a great defence. It didn’t save him, but it’s still a great way to challenge homophobic prejudices and raise important issues. Rhys Nicholson’s recent show, Bona Fide, was hilarious, but highlighted the inequality of Australia’s laws on gay marriage. Likewise, Gaycrashers, a comedy

POLITICAL COMEDY AND SATIRICAL PROTEST Something about political comedy seems to really burn people out. Lenny Bruce and Bill Hicks both died early (aged 41 and 32 respectively), and the wonderful Aussie satirist Steve Hughes is just hanging on after a nervous breakdown, but these guys are so worth listening to. Part prophet, part fool, they can redefine your view of the world. They say the unsayable. Laugh and think. THE LADIES OF LAUGHS Many comedians say that comedy is a tough world for the ladies. Women, it seems, have to be funnier, tougher, more persistent. Some ladies rely on fat jokes or rants on the folly of men, but these ladies have it just right: the UK’s adorable Sarah Millican, Aussie legends Judith Lucy, Kitty Flanagan and Fiona O’Loughlin, and Mullumbimby’s inimitable Mandy Nolan. And finally, the Unreliable Guide strongly recommends that you check out local Eastern Suburbs resident Luke Heggie. Recently nominated for an Aria award, this wordsmith’s everyday observations of Australiana make him a worldclass wit.

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Crowd favourite Sabrina Frederick-Traub celebrates yet another major.

A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN Words Alasdair McClintock Picture Norm Smith


here are few things more patronising than a male talking about women’s sport. I know this. And I know I’m on a hiding to nothing here with certain types, desperately poised with 140 characters of venom to throw at anyone who misspeaks or doesn’t 100 per cent fall in line with the way they think. But I’m diving in anyway, like a drunk Eric the Eel, to give my two cents on the latest thing to sweep over our nation. I assure you, by the end of it you’ll see the only thing I intend to patronise is a Swifts game. The notion of women’s sport is nothing new, of course. It’s just that it’s been thrust more and more into the national consciousness the past couple of years, hitting peak levels with the introduction of the AFL Women’s competition. Previously, the only female athletes who were household names (and didn’t have modelling contracts) thrived in individual sports: swimming, tennis, golf. There was the odd netballer, sure, but they had to be world-beaters. Now names

58 The Beast | May 2017

like Erin Phillips and Mo Hope (a great name [and player]) have filtered into our lounge rooms and many men are actually talking about how good they are at footy, not how good they look. This is a key point, and the one most likely to provoke fury in the aforementioned Twitterati. I get why they’re angry, but anger doesn’t help. Most men are simple folk, myself included. We see a pair of breasts bouncing and all else is forgotten. Our values, sense of decency and ability to think rationally become clouded by an instinctive, primal and indeed lecherous need to perv. But we’re learning. Slowly. Evolving, even. It’s about time, I know. It’s about time the Australian sporting landscape had a shake up, too. Despite the emergence of the A-League, the past few years have had the stench of an old pond, stagnating while the same old mosquitos buzzed around it. Women’s sport brings excitement back, and an enthusiasm that has

been severely lacking of late. These female footballers aren’t just playing for the pay cheque, which was exemplified by the Women’s AFL players’ need to have a ‘Silly Sunday’ rather than ‘Mad Monday’, because the majority of them work weekdays. They’ve been playing for the love of the game for so long, it will be nice when they finally start seeing more financial rewards. That will take time, however. The concept of equality is not a complicated thing, but equality in pay cheques is. It’s all well and good being idealistic, but the reality is that all our wages are directly related to how much money we are bringing in for our employers. Thus, if you really want to see change in that regard, stop complaining and start going to some games. Watch it when it’s on the television. Have a barbecue with friends when the netball grand final is on. For better or worse, money makes the world go round. If you really want equality, you better start patronising.

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May 2017 | The Beast 59

Love at first sight.



t generally takes me a while to embrace a new destination, to really form an opinion of it. But not Mykonos. In fell in it love with it instantly. My first sightings of Mykonos Island in Greece were of its vivid whitewashed houses and hotels with vibrant blue doors and window frames, plumes of intensely colourful bougainvillea lit up by glorious sunshine and framed by a dazzling Aegean Sea. After checking into our delightful hotel we made our way up the stairs to our patio with epic views over Mykonos Town, its colourful boatfilled port, and the island’s famous five windmills. Soon after we were tearing ourselves away from the view and embarking on a short stroll along the narrow bougainvillea-flanked cobblestone streets of the town. Our first walk took us to the waterfront bar and restaurant area known as Little Venice, where we met one of Mykonos’s most famous residents, Petros the pink pelican. Petros was holding court as he sat proudly in his favourite restaurant, casually taking in the throng of paparazzi (me!). There are only a few pelicans that live on Mykonos Island and they all have star billing. Moving on we passed an array of shops, including some very exclusive boutique clothing stores, along with the obligatory souvenir stores, but we were on a mission and moments

60 The Beast | May 2017

later we reached our goal - the local gyros shop. For the uninitiated, a gyros is soft pita bread stuffed with your favourite filling, be it lamb, chicken, pork or falafel, then smothered in tzatziki and filled with tomato, lettuce and onion. The secret to a Mykonos gyros is that they stuff them with handmade hot chips, and they quickly became our staple daily diet for the duration of our stay. Greek food is exceptional, yet humble. Our two favourite meals of the trip were at Nikolas Taverna, a family owned restaurant located in Agia Anna on Paraga Beach, which is staffed entirely by the owner’s relatives, and at Matsuhisa Mykonos, another innovative creation by the famous chef Nobu Matsuhisa, at The Belevedere, Mykonos’s first five-star hotel. The meals we devoured there were a gastronomical delight. Soon after our town tour and gyros fix, we decided to go to one of the many vehicle and bike hire shops to hire a scooter. The three most popular forms of transport on Mykonos, apart from buses and taxis, are motorbikes, motor trikes, and cars. Of course when hiring any kind of motor vehicle overseas, make sure you have the correct box ticked on your travel insurance regarding motor vehicles. If this is not done and you have an accident, you are not

covered medically on any level. The vibe and feel of Mykonos Town is as friendly as I’ve ever felt. No matter the time of day, be it midday or midnight, there was not a moment when we felt uncomfortable or threatened. Mykonos in summer is a party town and the after dark vibe is like New Year’s Eve - every night. In town the little bars are full of highoctane partygoers overflowing onto the narrow streets, and the energy is pulsating. To fully understand this party island culture you have to go to one of the legendary beaches where sunbaking, swimming, eating, drinking cocktails, and partying all morph into one. DJs pump out the music and day turns into night, and visa versa. You can start your day at the beach and still be there partying when the sun rises the next day. Some of the most popular party beaches we made it to included Paraga Beach, with the trendy Kalua Beach Club and Scorpios Bar, and Paradise Beach, where you’ll find the super popular Tropicana Beach Bar. The pick of the bunch, though, was undoubtedly Super Paradise Beach, where the island’s fabulous Jackie O’ Beach Club & Restaurant, with its beachside pool, is a must for the hardcore, go all day and night, drinking, dancing, heaving, pinging party freaks. The beach culture is legendary and buffed waiters are on hand to deliver food and drinks. The water is as beautiful as you’ll find anywhere in the world, and once a daybed is procured, you’re not moving anywhere. Some destinations I travel to are definitely a one-off, and as much as I love them I’d never go back as there are so many places to visit and so little time. Mykonos Island is definitely not one of those! Where to Stay Mykonos View Hotel The Belvedere Hotel

Where to Eat Matsuhisa Mykonos at The Belvedere Nicolas Taverna, Paraga Beach How to Get There Vicki Gilden at Rose Bay Travel (02) 9371 8166

Wheelchair tonguies.

SEX AND DISABILITY Words Matty Silver, Sex Therapist Picture Able Ploughman


ex and disability tends to be a taboo topic for many. In today’s society people with physical or intellectual disabilities are often regarded as non-sexual adults, since sex is very much associated with youth and physical attractiveness. Opportunities for sexual exploration among disabled people, particularly the young, are extremely limited. There is often a lack of privacy and they are much more likely than other young people to receive a negative reaction from an adult if discovered participating in a sexual act. They are often completely denied sex education. There is also a belief that disabled people are asexual (not interested in sex) or incapable of sex. It's easy for disabled people to be influenced by these myths and begin to believe they don't have a right to sex. Sexuality is a key part of human nature and disabled people experience the same range of sexual thoughts, feelings and desires as anyone else. The desire for love and intimacy is natural for everyone. But when someone has a disability

62 The Beast | May 2017

or considers themself disfigured, it is sometimes hard for them to believe they are attractive. Sex can be a wonderful reason to keep going when everything else seems bleak, and it can be a beautiful way of connecting with someone we love. If we define sex not as intercourse, but as physical contact for the purpose of sharing intimacy and pleasure, there's really no disability that makes sex impossible. People with a chronic illness or disability often give up on sex; they may lack energy and want to save their strength for other things. They may have discomfort, loss of sensation or unpleasant feelings in their genitals or other parts of their body. Sex does require some effort, but sexual desire is also a powerful source of energy. Pleasure derived from sex can raise a person's quality of life and slow down the course of their illness. Sex can strengthen the connection with partners and give them a chance to forget about illness for a while. Their bodies can be a source of pleasure, not only of frustration.

For many couples, whether they are disabled or not, sex isn't the most important part of their relationship. Many find kissing, caressing each other or mutual masturbation just as rewarding, and this may be particularly important if penetrative sex is impossible. Sex may be different, but it can still be good. People with disabilities should have the right to explore and express their gender and sexuality, and should be allowed to have relationships based on consent and respect. But to understand and enjoy sexuality, everyone needs adequate advice, information and support. Cory Silverberg, a well-known Canadian sex educator, is coauthor of a brilliant book called The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability, for people who live with disabilities, pain, illness, or chronic conditions. It's written by a medical doctor, sex educator, and disability activist, providing readers with encouragement, support, and information. I strongly recommend it.

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May 2017 | The Beast 63

Try changing your shopping habits with these five tips for avoiding your next impulse purchase: 1. Side-step situations that prompt a panic purchase, like flash sales, late night internet browsing with a glass of wine in hand (9pm is Neta-Porter’s most profitable hour), or shopping on your pay day. 2. Always shop for your current body shape, not the shape you think (or wish) you’ll become. 3. Make a mental list of three things in your wardrobe that will go with the new item and three occasions on which you will wear it. If you can't think of any, don't buy it.

Michelle from Bondi.

Karina from Bondi.

THE DARK SIDE OF IMPULSE BUYING Words and Pictures Sharmin Musca, Personal Stylist


ave you noticed the frenzied look on the faces of those shopping at Zara on a Friday? We’ve all been one of those desperate women stalking the racks searching for that perfect Friday night desk-to-disco outfit. An impulse shop is nothing new, but wearing your purchase only once is. According to a study by charity group Barnados, modern women are adopting a ‘wear it once’ approach to their wardrobes, with the average purchase put on just seven times. The survey of 1,500 women over the age of 16 found that one third consider clothes ‘old’ after wearing them fewer than three times. Charities like Barnados directly benefit from well made, unwanted clothing, but when it comes to pre-worn fast fashion pieces, they’re often in a state not fit to be on-sold in their shops. So where are we sending all these joyless garments once we’re done with them? To landfill. 64 The Beast | May 2017

The concept of wearing something once actually misses the point of what fashion and style are about. Fashion is about appreciating the beauty of clothes and style is the ability to effortlessly put together outfits from your wardrobe that show you’re comfortable in your own skin. However, social media fuels the idea of not being seen in outfits more than once for fear of the social faux pas of being ‘tagged’ wearing the same dress to two consecutive events. Such is the level of scrutiny under which we place our wardrobes, even a royal duchess like Kate Middleton is praised for her ‘thriftiness’ if she wears an outfit more than once. The challenge for all of us (myself included) is not to clutter our wardrobes with pieces we hardly wear, shop smarter for clothing that we’ll value and hang onto for longer, and consider what happens to our clothes once we’re done wearing them.

4. If you’re unsure, put the item on hold for 24 hours. If you don't think about it again once you’ve left the shop, or you can't be bothered to go back and purchase it, you know it's not for you. 5. Enquire about the returns policy at the till and always keep your receipts. On the streets this month I found... MICHELLE FROM BONDI Occupation Owner of Mischka Boutique Street Style Michelle wears Tom Ford sunnies, a vintage recycled leather jacket and denim shirt, skirt and boots by Spell, Benah x Karen Walker bag, and jewellery from Mischka Boutique. KARINA FROM BONDI Occupation Interior Designer Street Style Karina wears a hat by ACF, Gunners tee from Top Shop, denim shorts by Camilla & Marc, Lucy Folk jewellery and Birkenstocks. If overhauling your own wardrobe seems too time consuming, Sharmin Musca – Personal Stylist can help. Call 0405 518 155 or email



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May 2017 | The Beast 65

like brightly coloured, shallow throated flowers. Smaller birds like plants that attract insect food, typically scented flowers in white, blue, cream, or yellow hues. Sunny spots are perfect for blue-tongued lizards and other reptiles, with dense vegetation or a wood pile nearby for hiding. BRING COLOUR TO YOUR PATCH Choosing plants that flower, fruit and seed in different seasons cannot only add a burst of colour to your garden, but can provide important food, especially when scarce in winter. Waverley Council Bushcare Coordinator Sue Stevens suggested the following winterflowering plants to attract birds and insects: local wattles, native peas, and the climber/scrambler golden guinea vine. For fruits, plant lilly pillies. Hello possum.

TOP TIPS FOR CREATING A WILDLIFE FRIENDLY GARDEN THIS AUTUMN Words Nicola Saltman, Chief Environmental Officer - Waverley Council


magine our world devoid of plants and wildlife. This stark picture is enough to sour your coffee (sorry). Unfortunately, it could be the way we’re headed in Australia if outcomes from the recent national State of the Environment report are anything to go by. The report shows that our biodiversity is under increased threat and continues to decline at a rapid rate. The top culprits? Feral species, urban development and habitat fragmentation. It’s not all bleak, however. There’s plenty we can do in our own gardens to help little critters and native plants thrive. “With a bit of thought, you can attract butterflies and other insects, lizards, birds and even small mammals, providing a valuable refuge for local wildlife,” said David Bateman from Randwick Community Nursery. Birds and other animals can also 66 The Beast | May 2017

help control damaging insects. Gardening is also great for fitness and flexibility. There are also social perks, as Bronte local Kim Isaacs has discovered. “Our nature strip looks more natural and loads of people comment on it,” she said. “I've met lots of my neighbours in the time I spend gardening there.” With International Day for Biodiversity on May 22, we’ve asked local experts for their top tips to make wildlife friendly gardening second nature this autumn… CELEBRATE THE DIFFERENCES It’s good to grow a range of plants, including grasses, groundcovers, shrubs and several taller trees that suit different creatures. “Wrens, for example, seek out grasses such as Poa for nesting material,” Mr. Bateman said. He also suggested that butterflies

NOURISH YOUR GARDEN Give your plants a fertiliser boost now before heading into winter. “Plants put energy into their root zone during autumn, which makes for stronger plants and lots of healthy new growth come springtime,” Mr. Bateman said. Mr. Bateman recommended to also cut back on watering, but “remember that autumn and winter winds can be very drying”. Good rule of thumb? Water twice a week, but check soil moisture to make sure plants don’t dry out. TIDY WITH CARE According to the experts, autumn is a great time for pruning. That said, Mr. Bateman advised that “before you prune a shrub or tidy up a pile of leaves, think about whose home it may be”. You can pledge to create a wildlife friendly garden and Council will help you to do just that at For local native plants and advice, visit Randwick Community Nursery. To view the Australia State of the Environment report, visit science/soe.




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Please send them to

Lucius in his element.



n terms of locally grown Eastern Beaches musical talent, few if any bands have come close to achieving the success of Cog this millennium. After a near six-year hiatus from the end of 2010 until mid 2016, Cog returned with a run of headline shows and they’re still going strong. Cog drummer Lucius Borich was recently named as one of the featured performers for the upcoming Sydney Drum & Percussion Show, which will take place at the Rosehill Gardens Grand Pavilion on May 27 and 28. The Beast fired a few questions at Lucius during the month…

Marley, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Mahavishnu Orchestra - lots of blues, rock, and jazz.

If I could have chosen one song to have written, it would have to be... ‘Hey You’ by Pink Floyd.

The thing I missed most about Cog during our hiatus was… playing our music live for the people who love our songs. Plus hanging out and creating with my two partners in the group, Luke and Flynn Gower. It’s always a lot of fun and laughs when we get together.

My favourite song to perform would have to be... ‘Problem, Reaction, Solution’ by Cog.

If I had to describe my drumming in one sentence… I'd say it's a journey of self discovery.

The best thing about being a drummer is… to be that rhythm beat doctor, so people feel in their hearts that to dance and enjoy music makes up an essential part of their lives.

My first memory of music is… my father, Kevin Borich, playing music with his band. Growing up my parents listened to… Frank Zappa, Steely Dan, Santana, Jimi Hendrix, Bob 70 The Beast | May 2017

If you come to see the Sydney Drum Show, you can expect... to see me playing what I think and feel are my best drumming ideas from the Cog albums.

There was one time when I was starting out... that the drumming possibilities seemed endless, and they still do!

My dream gig... is any gig. Every gig is a dream, just like life itself. The best thing about the Sydney music scene is… that whenever Cog show up to play Sydney shows the people always like to come and share space with us. One person I’d still really like to record with is… Roger Waters of Pink Floyd. My biggest fan has got to be… my mother, Louise. To find out more about the Sydney Drum Show, please visit http://www.australianmusician.

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May 2017 | The Beast 71

ALBUM #1 Artist Drake Album More Life Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating 

It’s a terrible moment when you realise you are prejudiced, but I was ready to tear Drake a new one before even hearing this album. I realised this when I pressed play and immediately had the metaphorical red ink out. I wanted this witch to burn! And you know what? He bloody did, and it felt so good. Judge me how you like; I assure you it won’t be harsher than I judge myself. Drake will always have his moments, and Drake fans will always love Drake, but did you know that drakes (male ducks) are reflexive rapists? So you need to ask yourself: What kind of sick pervert would name himself after one?


MOVIE REVIEW TITLE Battle of Memories GENRE Thriller Sci-Fi REVIEWER Linda Heller-Salvador Battle of Memories is Taiwanese director Leste Chen’s (Miss Granny, Doomsday Reverse) greatly anticipated follow-up to his 2014 psychological thriller, The Great Hypnotist. His latest foray into the mind takes us to dark and sinister places, and unlike the bittersweet memory-manipulation film Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, this is a rollercoaster ride of intrigue and suspense. Written by Leste’s regular collaborator, Reng Ren (Miss Granny, The Great Hypnotist), it is set in the not-too-distant future, where memory designing is commonplace and available at the push of a few buttons. When prominent novelist Jiang Feng (Huang Bo) becomes overwhelmed by the painful recollections of his failed marriage, he undergoes a procedure for erasing parts of his memory. However, he soon has a change of heart and attempts to reverse the process, but instead unwittingly uploads a disturbing memory from a sadistic serial killer. After experiencing alarming flashbacks from the rogue memories, Jiang seeks the help of police officer Shen (Duan Yihong), but while attempting to uncover the truth they stumble on to an unexpected conspiracy. Sumptuous in its production and sophisticated in its plot, this beautifully stylised sci-fi thriller is sure to keep you enthralled to the very end. 72 The Beast | May 2017

Artist Milky Chance Album Blossom Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  If you don’t like Milky Chance’s hits, you are lying to (and probably hate) yourself. My empathy is boundless, I assure you, but there is an easy solution: just get into it. These blokes are doing nothing new, but they hit the right vibrations and their music just feels good, above all else. It’s easy listening, yet, when you have just the right amount of responsibly served standard drinks, you want to dance to it. And what’s wrong with that (apart from the dictatorial values of ‘responsible service’)? Sure, their lyrics have as much depth as a shot of tequila, but I certainly don’t care. Do you?

ALBUM #3 Artist The Shins Album Heartworms Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating 

Do you love your grandparents? Have you ever stolen from them? Did you enjoy it? If your answer to all those questions is a resounding ‘yes’, what the hell is wrong with you? I can only assume you are also at the vanguard of people who don’t give two hoots about intellectual property and are responsible for bands which were once great, but have no real creative drive anymore, having to return to work because the royalty cheques have dried up. The end result? You get free music, your grandmother has a broken heart, and The Shins might have tainted their legacy. But you know what? They actually kind of nailed it. Your grandmother still hates you, though.

ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT FROM AROUND THE BEACHES Words Madeleine Gray Picture Paul Corbett Instagram @_corbs SFF COMES TO THE RITZ You know you have a bloody good cinema on your hands when the Sydney Film Festival (SFF) decides to screen there. We are so excited to announce that this year, SFF has chosen the Ritz Cinema in Randwick as a new festival screening venue! The Ritz is celebrating its 80th birthday this year, and while we’ve known of its brilliance forever, we’re excited that it’s getting the cinematic recognition it deserves. Other venues include the State Theatre, the Hayden Orpheum, and the AGNSW. The Ritz will wipe the floor with them, we’re sure. For tickets, please visit COOGEE’S PERFORMING ARTS HUB Empire Performing Arts has recently opened at St Brigid’s Church Hall in Coogee, offering classes for ages starting at 18 months through to adults in dance and the performing arts. The founders, Ellie Swiatkiwsky and Emma Milgate, are both accomplished in the performing arts fields. Ellie is the first Australian to graduate from The Juilliard

Bronte's burning.

School in NYC with a Bachelor of Fine Arts, and Emma is certified with the Royal Academy of Dance. To organise a trial class, please visit LOCAL BLOKE NABS LEADING ROLE Congratulations to Bronte local and actor/singer extraordinaire Kip Gamblin, who has managed to snag the titular role in the newest production of the internationally award-winning hit musical, The Bodyguard, which opens at the Sydney Lyric Theatre on April 21. Based on the Warner Bros hit movie starring Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner, The Bodyguard has been hailed as “London’s best musical” by the UK’s Magic FM. Kip will be performing alongside the iconic Paulini. For more information, visit EYE ON THE (WAVERLEY ART) PRIZE It’s fun to win money, and even more fun to win lots of money. Throw in the fact that Waverley Council is hosting a comp whereby you can win lots of money just by submitting some of your rad art

and you’ve got the ideal situation, really. Submissions for the 31st annual Waverley Art Prize close on May 19, with a $12,000 prize pool up for grabs. The prize is open to painting, drawing and printmaking, and the only condition is that artists be over 18 years old. Please visit EUGENE'S STAR KEEPS RISING Canon Australia is excited to announce the second episode of ‘Down Under From Above’, a series celebrating photography from above, featuring Aquabumps founder (and grammatical genius) Eugene Tan. For the last 18 years, Eugene has photographed the iconic Bondi Beach, which has been his place of inspiration since he began his career in professional photography. In 2007, Eugene was inspired to push himself creatively and to get a fresh perspective, leading him to a newfound passion in aerial photography. To check out the episode, visit au/explore/stories. And if you’re on Insta, Eugene’s ‘Aquabumps’ account is definitely worth a follow.



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Everyone loves Mike!

TUCKER TAKES UP WHERE PARC LEFT OFF Words Dan Hutton Instagram @thebeastmag Picture Grant Brooks


t’s always a bit heartbreaking when one of your favourite cafes closes its doors, so when I drove down Clovelly Road earlier in the year and saw the windows of Parc cafe boarded up, I must admit to going through a bit of a grieving process. Parc was a leader in the local café scene, creating dishes not seen elsewhere (hello potato cake), and opening in a suburban location away from the busier shopping strips of the east. It was a destination café before such a thing was cool. In early March my disappointment was quickly replaced by joy when I returned from a holiday to see the doors of the café formerly known as Parc open once again, though now with the name ‘Tucker’ embossed in gold across its front window. Better still, Parc owners Sam and Michael Kern were inside, 76 The Beast | May 2017

busily bussing tables, taking orders, and generally doing their best to control the chaos that generally befits a popular café at lunch time. While much of the vibe from the days of Parc remains, there are some obvious changes. The first thing you notice when walking in is the greater sense of space. The bulkhead above the kitchen is gone, as is the table for six that once occupied the front window, allowing customers room to peruse and access the diverse range of delicious takeaway meals on display in the three-door fridge that fills the front third of the café’s eastern wall. Above it, a massive takeaway blackboard menu competes for your attention. There’s also new furniture, a brand new kitchen, and a fresh lick of paint, too, but it’s the clear change in the café’s strategy that stands out most. “It’s nearly 12 years since Parc

opened and there are so many other cafes now,” Mike said. “We just felt we needed to change things up to remain competitive and interesting, for us and our locals. “We’ve seen a big shift in demand towards takeaway meals, so we’ve changed our style of service to suit that.” Despite the changes, a lot of the old favourites are still on the menu. I’ve been in several times since it reopened and have managed to sample most dishes, and there are plenty of standouts. For breakfast, my top three picks are the avocado smash with feta, a poached egg and chilli oil on grain toast; the gravlax with poached egg, pickled onion, wasabi cream and rye; and the quinoa bowl with haloumi, pistachio, poached eggs and green dressing. For lunch, the burgers are all delicious, but the fried chicken burger with redslaw and hot aioli is my pick of the bunch. The smoked trout salad with a poached egg, crisp capers, kipfler potato and poppy aioli had my missus salivating, and the pastrami on rye with sauerkraut, mustard and pickle is the pick of the sandwiches. You’ll pay a bit less if you takeaway rather than eating in, so if it’s a nice day and you feel like a picnic, you can save you a few bob on your bill. Opening for dinner is on the cards, but a date is yet to be locked down (though late May is the goal). If you’re a Parc fan and you’re worried that Tucker just won’t be the same, fear not. I assure you that it is better than it has ever been. Tucker Address 30 Clovelly Road, Randwick Phone 9398 9222 Instagram @tucker.randwick Facebook https://www.facebook. com/parccafe.clovelly Open Monday to Friday, 6am3pm, Saturday 7am-3pm Prices Breakfast $12-$18, Lunch $12-$24 Cards Accepted All major Licensed/BYO No

The King of Riesling.

AUSTRALIA’S UNDISPUTED RIESLING KING Words and Picture Alex Russell Instagram @ozwineguy


effrey Grosset of Grosset Wines is pretty much the undisputed Riesling King of Australia. His two top shelf Rieslings (the ‘Polish Hill’ and ‘Springvale’) are found in most serious cellars (including mine), because they age so well. Recently there have been a few new wines added to his portfolio, which has got wine buffs like myself quivering with excitement and nervous anticipation. SPRING RELEASE The ‘Polish Hill’ Riesling is the one that most people seek. There’s a lot of power in this wine. It’s dry, but with a lovely acidity and minerality through it. It ages delightfully for up to two decades, but also drinks well young. The Springvale vineyard is about five kilometres away from the Polish Hill vineyard. The Riesling from here is a touch chalky due to the limestone below the soil, with a lifted bouquet that is more citrus than the floral ‘Polish Hill’. It finishes dry and long. One of the latest additions to the Grosset stable, the ‘Alea’ Riesling, first appeared in 2012.

From the Rockwood vineyard in Watervale, this is an off-dry style. There’s just a touch of sweetness. I often have this with Thai or Vietnamese food. If you’re a Semillon Sauvignon Blanc drinker, Grosset also has you covered. Quite different to those coming out of Margaret River, this SSB is a serious wine that doesn’t get the attention it deserves. In 2014, two new wines appeared: the ‘Apiana’ and the ‘Nereus’. The ‘Apiana’ is made from an old grape called Fiano. When made by the Romans, wines from this grape resembled honey. The name springs from this honey connection, as an apiary is a place where beehives are kept. I’ve only tried the 2014 vintage of this wine, but genuinely loved it - it’s all about the texture. I am yet to try the ‘Nereus’ (a shiraz-based wine with a touch of Nero d’avola). AUTUMN RELEASE The ‘Piccadilly’ Chardonnay was actually my first introduction to Grosset Wines. The Piccadilly Valley boasts a really cool climate, so it produces a subtle style, described

by Grosset as “shy and reserved on release”, although the 2016 apparently has a lot more intensity to it. I’ve just ordered mine and I’m looking forward to trying it. Grosset also makes a Pinot Noir. There’s a lot to this wine dark berries, brambles. It’s a spicy little number, but the story here is the structure. It’s almost a little bit of a challenge to understand, but once you do get your head around it, you’re hooked. Give it a couple of years to develop, but don’t age it forever. Grosset’s most famous red is the ‘Gaia’. The tough thing about reviewing wines is that you often see new releases, and many Cabernets are made with age in mind. This is definitely restrained in its youth, but have a mouthful, swallow it, close your eyes and sit back, and note how each exhale thereafter brings another hit of flavour. This is one of Australia’s best reds. Grosset even makes a Rieslingbased spirit now. I’m yet to try this, but it’s high on my to-do list. Get on his mailing list because there isn’t enough to go around. May 2017 | The Beast 77

3. Add all remaining ingredients for hazelnut crust and process until just coming together. The dough should stick together when pressed between two fingers. If it’s too crumbly, add a dash of water or almond milk. If it’s too wet, add another tablespoon of oats. 4. Press crust mixture into the base of the pan, creating an even spread across the bottom and up the sides. 5. Place pan in the oven for 17 minutes, or until just golden, but not brown. 6. While the crust is in the oven, start to make the filling. 7. Add all filling ingredients to a blender or food processor and blend until completely smooth and creamy.

Such a tart.



his chocolate espresso tart with hazelnut crust is so silkysmooth and decadent - you would never guess that the secret ingredient to this perfect texture is tofu! With a crispy, nutty crust filled with rich, velvety chocolate espresso mousse and topped with a thin spread of vanilla chocolate cream, desserts don't get better than this. INGREDIENTS (serves 8) Hazelnut Crust 1.5 cups raw hazelnuts 3/4 cup oats 3 tbsp coconut oil 2 tbsp almond milk (or water) 1/2 cup desiccated coconut Pinch salt Filling 600g silken tofu (make sure you use soft tofu, not firm) 140ml coconut milk

78 The Beast | May 2017

3/4 cup cacao powder 1 tsp vanilla essence 2 tsp espresso powder (optional omit if you don't like coffee) 2 tbsp tapioca flour 1 cup maple syrup (or your favourite sweetener) Vanilla Chocolate Cream 2 tbsp maple syrup 2 tbsp almond butter 2 tbsp cacao powder 1 tbsp coconut oil 1 tsp vanilla essence INSTRUCTIONS 1. Preheat oven to 180°C (350°F). Lightly grease a round springform pan (mine is 20cm wide). 2. Add hazelnuts to a high strength food processor or blender and process until finely broken down and resembling a coarse flour.

8. Pour filling into the baked crust and place back in the oven for around 35 minutes until firm to the touch (the surface of the filling may crack during baking - this is totally normal and will be covered up by the vanilla chocolate cream). 9. Add all the chocolate cream ingredients to a small bowl and whisk to combine. 10. Allow the tart to cool, then spread the cream over the top of the tart. Place in the freezer for 30 minutes to allow the cream to set. 11. Serve the tart with fresh berries, an extra sprinkle of cacao powder, and cacao nibs if desired. Enjoy! Tamika Woods is a Bondi-based Nutritional and Dietetic Medicine student and recipe maker. She is the founder of Sproutly Stories, a health food website designed to encourage spending more time in the kitchen. Her wholesome recipe ideas inspire others to enjoy real food that is conveniently healthy. For more guilt-free recipes, check out

Heaven in a bowl.

WARM PUMPKIN, QUINOA AND CABBAGE SALAD Recipe and Image from Seasons to Share by Jacqueline Alwill


umpkin has to be one of my all time favourite vegetables for the cooler months. It’s grounding, wholesome, nourishing, beautiful in colour and rich in flavour. With this recipe from my book, Seasons to Share, I’ve teamed it with quinoa, parsley, cabbage and walnuts to create a delicious salad, and the dressing is the perfect combo of sweet with a touch of spice to top it all off. Heaven. It’s also gluten-free, dairyfree, sugar-free, and vegan and vegetarian friendly, so everyone can enjoy it. INGREDIENTS (serves 4) Salad 750g pumpkin (winter squash), skin on, seeds removed, sliced into 8 pieces 1 tbsp olive oil A good pinch of sea salt 140g cooked red quinoa 1 small handful of flat-leaf (Italian) parsley leaves 130g red cabbage, finely shredded 60g walnuts, toasted

Dressing 2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil 1 tsp balsamic vinegar A pinch of ground cinnamon 1 tsp maple syrup (optional) METHOD 1. Preheat the oven to 200°C (400°F) and line a large baking tray (baking sheet) with baking paper. 2. Toss the pumpkin slices in the oil and salt and arrange on the tray so they lay as flat as possible; this helps keep them whole for presentation. Bake in the oven for 20 minutes, or until deliciously golden.

Bondi local Jacqueline Alwill is a qualified, practicing nutritionist, personal trainer, whole foods cook and, most importantly, mother. She is committed to improving the health, wellbeing and happiness of all individuals. In her first cookbook, Seasons to Share, Jacqueline has brought together a delightful collection of beautiful seasonal wholefoods recipes for all occasions. It is available now in all good bookstores and online.

3. Once cooked, arrange the pumpkin in layers on a large serving platter with the quinoa, parsley, cabbage and walnuts. 4. Combine all of the dressing ingredients together, then drizzle over the salad. 5. Serve while warm (although this salad is also delicious served cold). May 2017 | The Beast 79






















ACROSS 1. Rapper, comedian, actor and writer set to appear in a Han Solo film (6,6) 7. The El Alamein Fountain in Kings Cross resembles this flower (9) 8. Frequency Modulated radio (1,1) 10. Letter ‘E’ in the NATO phonetic alphabet (4) 11. Country whose capital is Reykjavik (7) 12. Married With Children father, … Bundy (2) 13. Without purpose; avoiding work (4) 14. Performers in movies and plays (6) 16. Possess (3) 17. Ice cream brand; Derek

Zoolander pose; pistol (6) 18. A ‘hallux’ is an example of this (3) 20. Tissue connecting muscle to bone (5) 21. Quest (7) DOWN 1. Aboriginal instrument (10) 2. Blasé (10) 3. Tibetan Buddhist leader (5,4) 4. Classic Warner Bros. animation series (6,5) 5. Popular beer brand (1,1) 6. Cure (6) 9. Collection of Christian rites (9) 15. Adelaide AFL team (5) 17. List of food and drinks at a restaurant (4) 19. Alternative metal musical genre, … metal (2)

TRIVIAL TRIVIA Words Madeleine Gray Picture Bill Morris Instagram @billmorris 1. True or false: Actor Heath Ledger grew up in Brisbane? 2. Is singer Madonna’s name a stage name or her birth name? 3. Which golfer was the first Australian to win the Masters Golf Tournament? 4. Which Australian teen

Uncrowded North Bra. 80 The Beast | May 2017

television show has recently been adapted into a feature film starring Miranda Otto? 5. Who is the current French Prime Minister? 6. In which US state did the first McDonald’s restaurant open? 7. Colloquially, what part of the

body is known as the ‘weenis’? 8. Does a Tibetan Mastiff have feathers, fur or fins? 9. For what film did Jennifer Lawrence garner her first Academy Award nomination? 10. Who was the first official Mayor of Waverley?

CANCER JUN 22-JUL 23 When property yields less than a savings account, something is very wrong. If you already own, sell up. If you want to own, just be patient.

SAGITTARIUS NOV 23-DEC 22 Please be more gentle when handling the genitalia of others. No one can withstand the kind of rough treatment you give yourself.

LEO JUL 24-AUG 23 Unfortunately someone in your inner circle is plotting to kill you in the very near future. Continue living your life as normal, but trust no one.

CAPRICORN DEC 23-JAN 20 You generally have quite a pretty face, but this month you'll need to cover it up as much as possible until the ugliness passes.

VIRGO AUG 24-SEP 23 Get off your arse and do something energetic. Sitting on the couch looking at your gut isn't going to make it go away any time soon.

AQUARIUS JAN 21-FEB 19 Stop pretending that winter isn't going to happen and buy some warm clothes instead of whinging about the cold for the next four months.

TAURUS APR 21-MAY 20 Don't waste too much time trying to perfect your matching eyebrows. Always remember: they're supposed to be siblings, not identical twins.

LIBRA SEP 24-OCT 23 Your tonsils are going to fill up with lots of smelly little yellow things. Pick them out with your pinky and flick them on your friends.

PISCES FEB 20-MAR 20 You should drink more alcohol. It reduces your risk of dying from heart disease and you're a way better person when you're blind drunk.

GEMINI MAY 21-JUN 21 If you need to shit, find the nearest dunny and get it out quick. Holding in a shit is bad for you and nothing smells worse than wind off a log.

SCORPIO OCT 24-NOV 22 The only way you can afford to live here is by becoming a criminal. If you decide to sell drugs, be sure to keep your own habit under control.

ARIES MAR 21-APR 20 Be sure to value an asset on its fundamentals rather than paying the 'market rate' and hoping some other fool will do the same later.

STAR SIGNS Words Beardy from Hell

TRIVIAL TRIVIA SOLUTIONS 1. False (he hailed from Perth) 2. Birth name (she was born Madonna Louise Ciccone) 3. Adam Scott 4. Dance Academy 5. Bernard Cazeneuve 6. California 7. The loose wrinkled skin at the joint of one’s elbow 8. Fur 9. Winter’s Bone 10. David Fletcher

Sewing classes for beginners and beyond for adults & kids Learn how to:

SEW, KNIT or CROCHET For info please call 9386 9977 22-28 Macpherson Street BRONTE NSW 2024 82 The Beast | May 2017





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The Beast - May 2017  

The May 2017 edition of The Beast featuring Running for Premature Babies (RFPB) founder Sophie Smith...

The Beast - May 2017  

The May 2017 edition of The Beast featuring Running for Premature Babies (RFPB) founder Sophie Smith...