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WELCOME TO JUNE 2017... WHERE HAS THE YEAR GONE? Words Dan Hutton Picture Jeremy Greive
elcome to the June 2017 edition of The Beast! It’s hard to believe that we are already in the sixth month of 2017, but unless some kind of Groundhog Day phenomenon occurs, we suppose we’d better roll with the punches and accept that time does, in fact, pass. Last month in the east we were overrun with a variety of highbrow literary events as the Sydney Writers’ Festival dominated our fine city. This month the Sydney Film Festival comes to the Randwick Ritz for the first time ever, and we can’t wait to be delighted by the wide range of films on offer. It’s also been an interesting month of sport, with the Roosters enjoying a good early season run, the Swans suffering five losses on the trot for the first time in god knows how long, and Sydney FC securing the A-League title seven years after their previous success. In the mag this month we’ve
got a real cross-section of features for you. We’ve gone through Randwick Council’s Draft Budget for 2018 and Waverley Council’s Bronte Park Plan of Management, sussing out the important bits so that you don’t have to (trust us, it is dry reading). We’ve also got the lowdown on what’s going on with the iconic Bondi Trattoria now that it is changing ownership for the first time in 30 years.
The Clovelly Crocs are celebrating their centenary this
year, so we’ve had a chat to a local historian and the club president to bring you some of the most fascinating titbits from the Crocs’ long history. There’s also an op-ed inside that seeks to shine some light on Waverley Council’s ‘Stage 1’ development application for the Bondi Pavilion, and a feel good story about a local community bank giving back to its constituents through its investment in the local surf clubs. On the cover this month is media mogul Mia Freedman. If you Google her, Mia is apparently a divisive figure, but we couldn’t have had a lovelier time chatting to her. She’s quick-witted, passionate, and fiercely loyal to the proliferation of women’s voices in media. As always, we hope you rug up, read The Beast in its entirety, and have an excellent month. Dan and James Publishers
6 The Beast | June 2017
JUNE 2017 ISSUE 149
06 Welcome Note
43 Trade Directory
64 Street Style
08 Pearls of Wisdom
50 Rupert’s Rant
68 Local Photos
10 Monthly Mailbag 18 Local Chick 19 Local Bloke
20 Thumbs & Dogs 22 Local News 23 Beastpop I 42 Calendar
51 Beastpop II
52 Fish ‘n’ Tips 54 Tide Chart
56 Unreliable Guide
58 This Sporting Life 60 Travel Bug 62 Sexy Time
Autumn magic at North Bondi, by Ché Daniel - Instagram: @chezdaniel.
66 Enviro News 70 Bandage 72 Reviews
73 Arts Bits
76 Food & Wine
80 Trivial Trivia
82 Beardy From Hell 82 Trivia Solutions
Get off your fat arse.
ARE FATTIES REALLY BEING FAILED BY THE HEALTH SYSTEM? Words Pearl Bullivant Picture Eta Burger
Health system ‘failing’ obese Australians” - this was a recent headline grab that caused Pearl to splutter her breakfast of Elle Macpherson Elixir down her P.E Nation running crop top into her aging (but taut) belly button. The ‘health system’? The very one that spends $21 billion a year of taxpayers’ dollars on the overweight and obese? Shouldn’t I be reading: “McDonalds and Dominos are ‘failing’ obese Australians”; or “Government is ‘failing’ obese Australians by not taxing junk food”? Even “The Biggest Loser ‘failing’ obese Australians” would have more credibility with Pearl. Of course the story behind the headline failed to deliver the same level of outrage in Pearl, but its sentiments – GPs being more mindful when identifying obesity in patients – still needed exploring. Like teachers being held responsible for every facet of school students’ wellbeing, it bewilders me that doctors are accused of letting the team down. If the consumption of food is not a personal responsibility and we have a health system that doesn’t discriminate
8 The Beast | June 2017
between thin and fat, then why should the onus be on a GP? Obesity is an unfortunate byproduct of our consumer focussed economy, similar to environmental damage sustained due to unfettered capitalism. If the eater is not to blame, shouldn’t we be pointing the finger at food manufacturers and fast food companies, and a government too scared to levy a junk food tax on corporations that are already avoiding contributing to Australia’s coffers via elaborate tax avoidance schemes? The call to spend taxpayers’ dollars on training doctors and nurses to mindfully treat overweight people is yet another band-aid act when the food industry again fails to be held to account. Australians are well aware of the dangers of unhealthy eating. Entire industries are built on the zeal of the anti-sugar, clean eating brigade and still Australians prefer to go large. Education isn’t working and we are instead setting doctors up for ‘shoot the messenger’. As for ‘failing’, it’s ironic that the very people who are being failed by the health system are the fit and healthy folk who are often
prone to misdiagnosis - the fit 60-year-old dismissed by GPs only to discover that their back pain was not caused by cycling but cancer; the menopausal marathon runner prescribed anti-depressants rather than a laparoscopy - all failed by an over-stretched system. My fit niece, with a vascular condition predisposing her to stroke and dissections, has failed to find a specialist to monitor her as she is “too healthy” and annual screenings are a “Medicare burden”, yet her obese, chain-smoking sister-in-law is given carte blanche to a medical system supporting a diet of McDonalds. So what next? Let’s follow through on the idea of shifting the onus to school teachers via compulsory NAPLAN weighins (whilst neglecting the crap in school canteens). Or we could just allow obesity to go the way of the environment – the damage will create jobs and growth! The way things are going, I’m envisaging “Airlines and cinemas ‘failing’ to accommodate obese Australians” will be the next headline grab to outrage skinny Pearl.
THE BEAST'S MONTHLY MAILBAG Words The People of the Eastern Suburbs Illustrations Dalton Wills KEEP COOGEE SOBER I have just read the piece by David Glasheen about Randwick Council not having consultation etc. re the alcohol ban at Coogee (Are They Drunk? Randwick Council Bans Booze at Coogee Without Consultation, The Beast, May 2017), and I would like to respond. It is definitely not - as he claims - increasingly clear that the vast majority of residents do not support the ban. The time for consultation is over. Coogee residents and beachgoers have put up with the alcohol-related anti-social behaviour for so many years and it is now such a relief that there is a total ban in place. The council and police should be supported in the alcohol-ban decision - not criticised. And what's wrong with having a few public places - especially beautiful Coogee - where we can all enjoy ourselves without alcohol? Julie Allomes Coogee DON’T CHARGE ME, OFFICER! Recently my partner and I went to two local restaurants, and on receiving the bill there was a 'cc' charge. At the Surry Hills restaurant, when asked what the charge was, the guy casually replied, “The credit card charge.” My partner told him that we were paying cash. The waiter apologised and corrected the bill straight away, but it made us think how many times this has happened before and we 10 The Beast | June 2017
haven't been aware of it. The next week we went to a Coogee restaurant and the same thing happened. I just think people should be aware of this charge when it doesn't apply to them. It may only be a couple of dollars, but with corkage and even a 10 per cent charge at some places, for a table of 10 or more it soon adds up. Jo Clovelly DON’T BIN THE PARTY, FIX THE TRASH ▼ To Pancho, who wrote in last issue about the tourist apocalypse that we narrowly avoided by banning the booze at Coogee Beach (Alcohol Ban Works, Letters, The Beast, May 2017).
It’s clear from the letters supporting the ban that it’s not the smiles that piss people off, nor the laughter, nor the catching up with friends, nor the dancing to music on the grass near the beach. It’s not the feeling of freedom, having a beer with your feet on the grass, that really grinds people’s gears. And the letters aren’t complaining about the extra business that the merry makers bring with them. Nope, the number one complaint is rubbish left on the grass and broken bottles leaving hard to remove, dangerous shards of glass waiting to slice up little feet. And rightly so! No one wants that. Not even people who like to drink by the sea. So we ban everything. Here’s the thing though: can’t we come up with some sort of middle, win/win solution? What about a bottle deposit scheme local to Coogee, or volunteer networks of rubbish collectors roaming on peak days, or a no glass policy, or some sort of organisation that runs the day on peak days. Can’t we just fix the main problem of excess trash and broken glass? It’s not that hard. Can’t we think in terms of: “how can we let people have fun and let their hair down and dance and laugh and drink safely and somehow leave the ground spotless”? What if we simply ask everyone at the end of the day to do just 15 minutes of rubbish
252 campbell parade, North bONDI BEACH BURRITO COMPANY
collection instead of saying, “Oh no, I don’t like it - ban it”? I mean, Pancho, think of all the crazy things happening to places in the world at the moment, and you’re worried about “putting Coogee Beach at risk again of becoming the go-to party hub”. Seriously. God forbid my suburb becomes a go-to party hub. Pancho, you and lots of other people like you in the country need to start coming to the middle ground a bit. And if you’re really worried about the pressure on Coogee with Bondi, Tama, and Bronte all having alcohol bans, then why don’t you campaign for those bans to be lifted, to spread the traffic around the beaches a bit, eh? There’s a whole class of these people slowly shutting down the life of this city - this sensitive bunch, so easily offended you’d think they were French dukes screwing their noses up in disgust at the peasants in the park from their private balcons: “Oh mon dieu! They had to ring the shark alarm three times because those awful people were drunk on the beach. It’s outrageous. I won’t stand for it! Call Madame D’Souza at once! They should all be in a licensed venue under competent supervision, not terrorising the parks with their shameful revelry.” If Crocodile Dundee were alive he’d be disgusted with this snobby bullshit. This ain’t Versailles. This ain’t Chelsea. It’s Coogee. Australia. And no, I’m not a local. I’ve only been in Bondi five years, and the reason I moved to Bondi was because it had a vibing party scene
12 The Beast | June 2017
with bars like Canteen and White Revolver, and Sunday sessions on the grassy knoll, and good music pumping out of the Bucket List. And every time something like this gets shut down the community is poorer for it, all because we take the complaints of boring people who really belong more in say, Kiama, or the mid north coast, or somewhere nice and quiet with more sensitivity than is truly warranted. And because quiet streets are worth more real estate dollars than noisy streets. I fear for the Beach Road Hotel with the apartments being built near it - how long will it be before some jerk gets in there and starts complaining about the thump, thump, thump music emanating from its second floor? Dan Mac Bondi BUS SERVICE A BUST ▼ Hi Beast - Thank goodness I have your magazine to read whilst I waste endless hours of my life waiting for the x74/374 services from Randwick to the CBD, which are continually late, full, or simply do not turn up at all. It is a regular occurrence for not one, but two services in a row to be so over capacity just a couple of stops into the route that they drive on past leaving the good people of Randwick waiting for up to 30 minutes to board a service during peak hour. Prices are going up whilst service is going down. I am continually given the excuse that the problem is the building work
on Alison Road, but the problem starts much earlier than that there simply aren't enough services on the route at peak hour. The least that they could do is sort out the app so that you can accurately tell just how late you are going to be. Will they ever listen? Laura Randwick WHAT IS WORSSAM’S PROBLEM? Dear Editor - Andrew Worssam insults the intelligence of local residents when he says they could not understand the question: ”Pedestrianise Queen Elizabeth Drive and create more green space through a new underground car park?” (Car Park-Gate #1000000, Letters, The Beast, May 2017). In a survey of 900 people, those responding ‘yes’ to this question outnumbered ‘no’ by a margin of three to one. Yet Mr. Worssam says this result is invalid as, according to him, the question contains so many hidden meanings locals could not possibly decipher it! A three to one margin in an election is considered a landslide. If a sample of the millions of visitors to Bondi Beach was taken I believe the margin would be even higher, as almost all of them arrive by public transport. Mr. Worssam cites a few submission responses to Council as evidence of “overwhelming community opposition” to the proposal. Curious that during the submission process his Facebook site pumped out templates of objections to be submitted to Council. Anyone reading the submissions (available on Council’s website) can see they repeat the same misinformation used by Mr. Worssam, e.g. his ‘service road’ argument, which says that Queen Elizabeth Drive, post-car park, will be left as an empty road waiting for emergency vehicles – despite Council clearly saying it will be pedestrianised! In fact, one would almost think the same person is writing the same submission to Council over and over again. Who knows? Is there any verification on who really sent those submissions to Council?
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If Mr. Worrsam wants to believe a handful of corruptly manipulated submissions trumps a 900-person survey, he is welcome to that alternate reality. The Facebook site in question, ‘No Underground Car Park for Bondi Beach’, could be renamed ‘No Extra Green Space for Bondi Beach’ or ‘Concrete Not Trees’! It’s inevitable Mr. Worssam will continue his sad crusade, despite the majority seeing the overground car park for what it is – an eyesore, pedestrian hazard, and urban heat island with many acres of concrete that would be better utilised as green recreation space for the community to enjoy. Though the majority of people walk to or catch the bus to Bondi Beach, motorists such as Mr. Worssam are still catered for. I live on Birriga Road in Bellevue Hill and sometimes I walk to the beach; other times I drive down and park on QED. If I have to park underground and walk an extra minute to the sand it is no skin off my nose. So what is Mr. Worssam’s problem? Why the vehement opposition to more green space? As a Bondi Beach resident, perhaps Mr. Worssam can leave his car at home and also try walking to the beach. Just think, by eliminating all those short car journeys he’ll be doing wonders for the local environment! Alan Doyle Bellevue Hill ROCK FISHING LEGISLATION DOESN’T ROCK ► Hi - Paul Cooper (Rock Fishing Legislation Needs Amendment, Letters, The Beast, April 2017) makes sensible suggestions as to improving the Rock Fishing Legislation. However, as the relevant NSW Government Fact Sheet bears a photo of a supposedly safety-conscious rock fisherman wearing long, loose trousers (an absolute no-no on the rocks) along with inappropriate shoes, one wonders at the level of government awareness of the nature of the activity. The reality is that experienced fishers are being put to inconvenience and expense as a consequence 14 The Beast | June 2017
of those, usually of overseas origin, who have little knowledge of and/or regard for the sea. It seems ludicrous that a surf club member who might be required to swim without a safety vest to the rescue of a fisherperson would be required to wear a vest if standing on a rock with a fishing rod in the same vicinity. Experienced surfers regularly enter and exit the water from ocean rocks. The legislation applies to areas declared by the minister to be “a location where high risk rock fishing takes place”. In supposed ministerial wisdom, every rock on or proximate to the water in the entire Randwick Municipality appears to have been so deemed without any consideration of the risk level attached to them. So much for the ministerial duty to properly consider the risks. Perhaps an exemption should be made for past and present life saving club members. Greg Maidment Bronte LETTER TO RUPERT Hi Rupert - I agree with your title of ‘It’s Time to Nail Easter to the Cross’ (Rupert’s Rant, The Beast,
April 2017) and your conclusion about celebrating all other festivals that are popular around the world and here! All these festivals have their origin in Babylonian sun worship, which was practiced by the Babylonian empire thousands of years ago. Only the Jews had direct instructions on what/how to worship God, and therefore Judaism was the only true religion at the time. The Old Testament was about Christ coming to the world as a man. Easter, Christmas, New Year, etc. wasn’t canonised into so-called Christianity until the 4th Century AD when the Roman emperor Constantine, in order to keep cohesion and prevent the Roman Empire from collapse, did so. So what did the true Christians in those days observe before being forced to follow Rome or die? They observed the ‘Jewish’ festivals handed down by the original apostles. The ‘Jewish’ festivals were meant for everyone to observe worldwide if they understood what they stood for; they are essentially events in the timeline that God has for humanity as a whole. The Jews only existed as an example to the world to be unique
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and separate, and to teach the rest of the world the truth! It therefore follows that Christ came to call and instruct those who are willing to follow his teachings to throw off the pagan, deceived ways of this world. These teachings are still valid today. You’ve got to understand that we live in a world so greatly deceived by that great deceiver that our whole way of life is built on lies. That’s why the Catholic Church eventually became so dogmatic and murderous, because it sought to be the intermediary between Christ and man, instead of a direct relationship with Christ. Have you noticed how the pope is falling over himself to unite all religions worldwide and draw allegiance to him? This is history repeating itself for one last time, because the Bible says that he and the coming worldwide super dictator originating from Europe will persecute everyone who does not pledge allegiance to them as God. If you want further explanation of these pagan festivals, let me know. I greatly implore you to do some research on these issues, because the greatest deception is coming to trick the whole world into believing that he is Christ returned, when in reality he is the antichrist in our lifetime. The fact that the current pope is uniting all religions worldwide is a prelude to worldwide domination of these two blasphemous individuals. Anonymous 16 The Beast | June 2017
OUR NEW NATIONAL PARK – JUST NOT FOR YOU! ▲ Has anyone seen Randwick Council’s promotion for our new national park lately? Apparently Malabar Headland is “now open and it’s in your backyard”! Or is it? My family and I were keen to explore the 177 hectares of bushland that, according to Wikipedia, features dramatic sandstone cliffs and provides spectacular coastal views – after all, where else in the world can you find a national park right in the middle of a city? But we made a mistake – we didn’t read the fine print! As it happens, the park – which is also home to the ANZAC Rifle Range – is closed during rifle range operation. We knew that but decided to take our chances anyway, only to be turned away by an armed policeman guarding the heavily fenced off entrance! Not an inviting sight in the first place. He told us to come back two days later when the park would be open. So we did. But the park was closed again. The kids were disappointed and so were we (and the many, many other people we saw being turned away on both occasions). Our disappointment turned into anger when we checked the National Parks website. Now who would have thought that the shooters are out there pretty much all of the time? Turns out, they are. According to the National Parks website, the park is closed every
Saturday, every third Sunday, and every single day except one for the rest of the school holidays (and this is only for the month of April)! Furthermore, “closures may occur with little or no notice”. In my naivety I thought that, apart from conservation, national parks are there for education and simple enjoyment. Now how does that fit in with the reality of a park that is hardly ever accessible? In my opinion it really defeats the purpose of ‘giving’ the community a national park if they can only access it on the odd day when the shooters are having time off (mainly during times when most people are unable to do the walk anyway). Why sacrifice the enjoyment of the whole community for the particular interest of a few? Yes, I know, the shooters pretty much hold the balance in our political system that is called democracy, but national parks and shooting simply do not match. The rifle range needs to move, preferably sooner rather than later. Now how to tackle it… Katja Klikauer Coogee
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What music are you into at the moment? I am a big Fleetwood Mac fan and have an intense love for R&B. At the moment I’m into Sean Paul, Chance the Rapper, and The Internet. Who is your favourite person? My parents are definitely my favourite/ most supportive duo, but I do have to give a shout out to my business partner and best friend Jorgia. She once saved a distressed whale at Bronte Beach and can tell the most animated story you have ever heard! What do you get up to on the weekends? It depends if I have a hangover or not, but I try to make the most of the beach, catch up with friends, go for a wine or 10, and just generally lap up all that Sydney has to offer.
Turning dreams into reality.
LOCAL CHICK... ALI CLEMESHA FROM BRONTE Interview James Hutton Picture Grant Brooks
hen Bronte local Ali Clemesha isn’t working in her day job in advertising, she’s putting the hard yards in with her new business venture, The Nanny Emporium. Ali shares her local favourites with The Beast… How long have you lived here? I am blessed to have lived here my whole life. What's your favourite beach? Bronte Beach. My happy place. What's your favourite eatery? Sunday brunch at Trio or Shuk, acai at Gusto, and Japanese at Raw Bar. Where do you like to have a drink? Anywhere that sells wine and a good Bloody Mary. At the moment I’m loving Suey Sins, my friend’s new bar in Surry Hills. The food is ridiculously good, there 18 The Beast | June 2017
are plenty of glamours, and the cocktails taste like heaven. Best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? Just look around at where we live; it doesn’t get much better than this! I also have a love/ hate relationship with what we call the ‘Eastern Suburbs bubble’. It’s pretty hard to go anywhere without seeing people you know, especially when you’re not looking your best, but it’s nice living in a community of so many familiar, friendly faces. Worst thing about the Eastern Suburbs? Parking meters and Brendan McKinnon. Do you have a favourite sporting team? I am a born and bred Rabbitohs fan, but I live in Roosters territory so I cop a bit for that. You’ve got to stick with your roots, I say.
What do you do for work? I work in advertising full-time, but I also run an online nanny/babysitter database with my bestie, Jorgia. We were both nannies during university and discovered a shared passion for the industry. We finally got our act together two years ago and brought The Nanny Emporium to life. We now run a website that offers an affordable, hassle-free experience for parents, babysitters, and nannies to communicate and share job opportunities. You can check us out at www.thenannyemporium.com.au. What's your favourite thing about work? Definitely the people I get to work with. Do you have a favourite quote? Treat people how you would like to be treated. You never know what someone is going through or has been through; be kind always. Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? If you have a passion or an idea, pursue it every single day until that dream or business idea turns into a reality. Don’t let anything or anyone stop you. And if you are looking for a nanny or babysitter, The Nanny
New Zealand's greatest export.
LOCAL BLOKE... JOE SMITH FROM BONDI Interview James Hutton Picture Grant Brooks
iwi native Joe Smith first came to Bondi nearly twenty years ago, and he’s never looked back. He shares his local favourites with The Beast… How long have you lived here? I first came to Bondi in 1999, but have been living here on and off (mostly on) since 2002. What's your favourite beach? Bondi Beach by far. I use the beach weekly as I love to soft sand run and the kids are small enough to still love the baby pool. What's your favourite eatery? I’m a big fan of Trio for consistently good coffee, service, and food, but I love going to the Bucket List for its proximity to the beach and the music and ambience. I also love The Italian - Paulie has the best authentic Italian food in Bondi. Where do you like to have a drink? The Crossing is always good for a cheeky cocktail or a few whiskeys. I also love the Bucket List and I’m still a diehard Beach Road Hotel fan too.
Best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? People are always happy and friendly where I live. I’m guessing it’s the proximity to the beach and living in what I consider to be a beautiful area. Worst thing about the Eastern Suburbs? Traffic. Hands down the worst. Do you have a favourite sporting team? Being from NZ originally, it will always be the All Blacks. What music are you into at the moment? I’m a diehard funk, soul, and disco fan, but I prefer the new remixed stuff from a lot of the current DJs. I Iove old school hip hop as well. Who is your favourite person? I have two favourite people and they are aged 7 and 2 - my daughters, Ayla and Evie. What do you get up to on the weekends? A lot of kid and family oriented weekend stuff. If it’s not a birthday party, then we are meeting up with family or friends. We
love going up to the Blue Mountains on the weekends too. What do you do for work? I run a couple of local businesses. One is called Lippsinc Entertainment and we provide DJs, bands, musicians, and entertainers for events, venues, bars, and pubs. I also have an audiovisual hire company called Bondi PA Hire. We rent out all manner of equipment for parties and events. What's your favourite thing about work? Being my own boss, working my own hours, and being able to create something that’s mine and then share it with everyone else who might be interested in it. Do you have a favourite quote? “Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk!” Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? I did something recently that I haven’t done for a long time. I went down to the south end of Bondi Beach and watched the sun rise. I highly recommend going down there just for the hell of it. You won’t regret it! June 2017 | The Beast 19
FELIX Age 5 years Sex Male Breed Foxy x Italian Greyhound Weight 8kg
THUMBS UP LIFEGUARDS The heart-wrenching episode of Bondi Rescue in which the boys performed a double resuscitation was the most dramatic thing I’ve ever seen. THE ENVIRONMENT June 5 is World Environment Day, a timely reminder to be conscious of the effects that your actions have on the environment. PUFFER JACKETS Daggy as they may be, these lightweight warmth providers are like a sleeping bag with sleeves and make winter much more bearable. CLOVELLY CROCS This great little rugby league club marks its 100-year anniversary with a gala dinner on June 17. Visit www.clovellycrocodiles.com.au. VICTOR Clovelly’s Tim Glendinning, a good mate of The Beast from back in the day, passed away last month. He will be sorely missed by many.
THUMBS DOWN COCAINE Cocaine is bad. Lots of people die in order for you to stuff it up your privileged nose. It is also illegal. It really isn’t that hard to understand. MORAL DILEMMAS It always feels good to do the right thing, even if it means sacrificing something. That said, the decision making process is torture. DEBT It seems like everyone has got it, including our federal government, and it’s going to cause a hell of a lot of headaches in the coming years. MOULDY/YEASTY WETSUITS The water temp and wind chill have really kicked in now, so dust off that yeasty wetsuit that’s been stagnating all summer. PNEUMONIA Don’t take that chesty cough for granted. Get to your doctor now and grab some meds. There is nothing nice about pneumonia. 20 The Beast | June 2017
Felix is a relaxed and easy-going boy. He is very social with other dogs and handles well. He is also a great ball player. Felix came to Doggie Rescue with very little hair on his body, but with antibiotics, creams, medicated washes, and eye ointments he now has hair regrowth and is looking great. Felix comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. His adoption cost is $400, which includes a free health and wellness voucher for the Doggie Rescue Vet. Please call 9486 3133, email email@example.com or visit the website at www.doggierescue.com.
HEFF Age 6 years Sex Male Breed Shihtzu x Weight 7kg Heff is a sooky, cuddly Shihtzu that is very social with other dogs. He is a little shy with people at first, but soon warms up and becomes very playful. He has a non-shedding coat and would suit apartment living. He’s incredibly independent and would be the perfect companion for a full-time worker. Heff comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. His adoption cost is $400, which includes a free health and wellness voucher for the Doggie Rescue Vet. Please call 9486 3133, email firstname.lastname@example.org or visit the website at www.doggierescue.com.
MARLEY Age 5-6 years Sex Male Breed Staffy x Labrador Weight 20kg Marley is a calm, gentle boy that came to Doggie Rescue as a stray and was saved from a vet clinic. He is very friendly and is polite on a lead. He has been fine around other dogs in a busy clinic environment, and he is also good with kids. He would suit a family with older children. Marley comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. His adoption cost is $400, which includes a free health and wellness voucher for the Doggie Rescue Vet. Please call 9486 3133, email email@example.com or visit the website at www.doggierescue.com.
Living within our means.
NO BUDGET BLOWOUTS AS RANDWICK REMAINS DEBT FREE Words Madeleine Gray Picture Jake Nolan
ot many local councils can proudly state that they are debt free. Randwick Council is one of the lucky few. Council has just released its 2018 Budget & Operational Plan, and unlike most of us living on credit and canned tuna, it can say that it has now passed a decade of balanced budgets and significant infrastructure investment funded entirely without borrowings. “It’s a point of pride for us that we can go to our residents year after year and let them know about the plans we have to improve Randwick City, without having to rely on loans,” Randwick Mayor Noel D’Souza said. “Instead, we ensure we spend within our means and that all revenue is reinvested into the community.” Council plans to invest $148m in services for the community, including $28.6m in direct capital expenditure for new and upgraded playgrounds, parks, roads, and footpaths, which will be made up of $8.5m spent on parks and recreation, $13.1m on roads and new kerbs and guttering, $5.8m on
22 The Beast | June 2017
buildings, and $1.2m on drainage. In excellent news for all wouldbe Woodbridges and Woodfordes in the local area, Heffron Park in Maroubra is set to receive $10m, with plans underway to construct a new tennis centre. Lycra enthusiasts will also be pleased to learn that the upgrades at Heffron will also include the construction of a new gymnastics centre. The South Sydney Rabbitohs will also benefit from the bestowal of funds, with Council to contribute up to $3m to the new Rabbitohs home in Heffron. The remaining funds will come from the club, and state and federal grants. Despite the traffic annoyance and general eyesore that is the construction works of the new light rail, things are looking up for pedestrians, residents, and businesses, with $7m to be invested as part of the Light Rail Support Plan to create more street parking and new town squares at Meeks Street, Kingsford and Waratah Avenue, Randwick. The majority of Council’s funds come from rates paid by home and business owners. In 2017–18,
rates will increase by 1.5 per cent. However, this will vary from home to home depending on individual land valuations. There will also be a marginal hike in the Domestic Waste Management Charge (that’s the charge for collecting your bins and undertaking kerbside clean-up services), which will rise by $11 to $554. That’s the price we pay for having houses that are not wilting under piles of trash, so who’s to argue? There are also plans to extend the Coastal Walkway through the NSW Golf Course at La Perouse. This is part of Council’s long-term plan to create a continuous walkway from Clovelly to La Perouse. The draft budget was on public exhibition and open to public consultation and feedback from April 24 and May 22. Randwick Councillors will now consider the feedback from residents and adopt a final Budget & Operational Plan for the coming financial year. According to Mayor D’Souza, all changes are in place to ensure that “there is no better place to live than right here in Randwick city.” Seems like a good plan to us.
WHERE DO YOU THINK OUR COUNCILS SHOULD BE SPENDING RATEPAYERS' MONEY? Words and Pictures Catriona Stirrat
I think the council should fund the creation of more outdoor facilities. They should continue to invest more in outdoor gym areas and coastal walkways like the one in Malabar, as this promotes physical health and wellbeing.
I think the council should fund repairs of the lifts at Royal Randwick Shopping Centre, which are in desperate need of a revamp because they are too small to fit a pram.
What they are doing at the moment with the light rail seems like a pretty good idea, so I am interested to see how it will turn out. I think it makes sense to invest in the light rail so we don't have to rely on buses.
I am interested in trees and gardens and playground areas for kids, so I think the money should go there. I think it is very sad how they have cut down the trees to cater for the light rail, though I do think the light rail is a good idea.
I think the main focus of the council should be repairing road infrastructure around the area, including the streetscapes and footpaths.
Australia has one of the highest skin cancer rates in the world, so it surprises me that there are still not enough shaded areas. I would like to see the council invest in more sheltered areas near the beach for sun protection. June 2017 | The Beast 23
Not very functional.
BUS STOP RELOCATION A WELCOME FEATURE OF BRONTE PLAN Words Madeleine Gray Picture Morgan Wood
ouncil Plans of Management are not exactly scintillating reading. In fact – and maybe this will be controversial – they are incredibly boring. However, they also contain vital information about how councils intend to shape and improve public space, so to ignore them based on their monotonous banality would be cutting off our nose to spite our face. As such, we at The Beast have done the dirty work for you, and have gone through Waverley Council’s Bronte Beach Plan of Management and its Bronte Beach Village Centre Plan so that you don’t have to. The new Plan of Management boundary runs from the cliff line around both ends of the beach, back along Bronte Park, and up to the slopes behind Bronte Gully. Just to give you an indication of how dry the language is, and how much innate positivity and tenacity a Council researcher must have in order to not give up, here’s a gem from early on in the Plan: “Results 24 The Beast | June 2017
indicate high levels of people visiting the park and beach area alone. However, it was observed that while many people do visit alone, most are in groups of two, walking or exercising together.” Thrilling stuff. It ain’t all that dry, though, and there are some useful findings, particularly that “pedestrian access from Bronte Road bus stop and car parking is not at an accessible grade and entrance into the park and beach is difficult to identify.” This is totally true. For a newcomer to Bronte, it might be difficult to ascertain whether the entrance to the park from the bus stop is available to pedestrians, or just to cars. The entrance to the beach from the pedestrian crossing across Bronte Road is also visually ambiguous. As such, Council intends to, “review and where necessary redesign entrances into the park from Bayview Street and Bronte Road to ensure they are welcoming and easily accessible.” Work on other entrances and accessibility is also promised.
The bus stop on Bronte Road is the other looming issue, and it’s covered in the Bronte Beach Village Centre Plan. The position of the bus shelter next to the park is notoriously confusing for non-locals, as people waiting for buses are often unsure whether to stand there or at the bus stop next to the cafes on the other side of the street. The new plan would see the latter bus stop relocated into the bus terminal, so as to avoid confusion and unnecessarily missed busses. No doubt this will also be a relief to Nourish and La Plage cafes, whose outdoor seating has long been subject to bus fumes and stumbling bus crowds. It will certainly make moving along the footpath in front of these cafes far easier. These are the main changes, folks, but you don’t have to take our word for it. Head to www. waverley.nsw.gov.au if you have a spare two hours and an appetite for unflinching detail. I’d recommend brewing a coffee first though.
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Save the Pav!
PAVILION PROPOSAL LITTLE MORE THAN AMENITIES AND SHOPS WRAPPED IN A HERITAGE FAÇADE Op-Ed Murray Cox Picture Reg Mombassa
n good design, ‘form follows function’ – Bondi Pavilion is and has been a community cultural centre for 40 years. In the ‘Stage 1’ development proposal for the Pavilion there is no substantive change from the December 2015 plans, which were castigated by a community response of over 700 submissions in early 2016 and again in an independent consulta26 The Beast | June 2017
tion in late 2016. This current DA splits the more politically palatable elements – restoring a heritage façade, retiling a leaking roof, new toilets, solar panels – from the principal agenda of the scheme, which is privatisation of the upper floor for a corporate function facility and the installing of a glass box ‘multi-function’ facility in the southern courtyard.
The Pavilion houses the only public theatre and art gallery in the three eastern municipalities – along with the two large halls, two courtyards, and amphitheatre it is a unique and affordable venue for single and multi-stage events. The proposed pond in the northern courtyard and 50 palm trees will severely curtail these possibilities for the sake of a ‘resort effect’. The Bucket List’s ‘glass bubble’ is a poorly designed protuberance on an attractive colonnaded façade, but it is an example where the gradual accretions of cultural use strongly contribute to a building’s heritage. The bubble’s elevated view of the beach and weather protection, along with the rear addition for cool rooms, storage, and office space essential to a facility catering for 400 patrons, will be demolished in the Stage 1 scheme and there is no provision for a vibrant restaurant that connects the beach and promenade to the Pavilion. On the council website and in its consultant Arup’s report on ecologically sustainable development, daylight and fresh air are considered “innovative” and they wrongly infer that the Pavilion stormwater will be recycled. In fact all stormwater flows into existing pipes. The essential ecological point is that with all the funds expended on French tiles and copper guttering and downpipes, nothing is spent on respecting the rain. Council’s publicity says “many more toilets for the Pavilion”, stating there are currently 27 toilets and 12 showers, forgetting that they propose to demolish the Bucket List and their own council staff amenities room - there are, in fact, currently 38 toilets and 15 showers. The municipality is becoming more populous and the publicly owned community and cultural spaces are shrinking. There is no driving spirit to the design that matches technological innovation with the creative and playful culture of Bondi. Sadly it is merely a plan to wrap some amenities and shops in a heritage façade.
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BITS AND PIECES FROM AROUND THE BEACHES Words Madeleine Gray Picture Andrew Worssam VALE TIMOTHY VICTOR GLENDINNING (4.4.81 – 27.4.17) During the month we lost a good mate of ours. His family asked that we publish the following… To all Tim’s friends, colleagues, and acquaintances in the Clovelly area and the greater Eastern Suburbs, our dearly loved son and brother died suddenly of a stroke on Thursday April 27, 2017. He is deeply missed by all who knew and loved him. Over 350 people gathered to farewell Tim and celebrate his life on Friday, May 5 at All Saints Anglican Church, Woollahra followed by a wake at Ovolo, Woolloomooloo. Lynette, Bruce, and Matt Glendinning wish to thank the many people who rang, posted, or attended for their love and support. Tim was a regular at Clodeli on Clovelly Road and we are grateful to the Clodeli team and members of the Papadopoulos family for all their support over this difficult time. Donations in Tim’s honour can be made to the Stroke Foundation of Australia. - The Glendinning family SURF FOR A CAUSE SurfAid is a humanitarian aid organisation working to bring clean water, access to basic healthcare,
The little girl and the sea.
and improved nutrition to remote villages in Indonesia. Founded by surfers in 2000, its work focusses on communities living close to iconic surf breaks, and is centrally focussed on how surfers can give back to the places they love so much. On June 2 at Bondi Beach, SurfAid will host the SurfAid Cup Bondi, a tag-team style surfing event. Teams of four are encouraged to sign up. For more info and to register, go to www.surfaid.org. LIFEGUARDS CONGRATULATED BY MAYOR Lifeguards have one of the hardest jobs in our community, and they are constantly putting their own lives at risk in order to help others. In early March lifeguards at Bondi Beach attempted to rescue two family members who got into difficulty in the water – the woman was resuscitated, but her brother-in-law did not survive. Mayor Sally Betts responded to this news saying, “This tragic incident highlights how quickly the oceans conditions can take a life despite the best efforts and skills of our lifeguards. The team did an exceptional job rescuing this couple and our gratitude
and appreciation cannot be put in words.” The dramatic rescue featured in an episode of Bondi Rescue this season. It is definitely worth watching. Find it on TenPlay. LOCAL BLOKE ROCKS TRIATHLON FOR SCHF Congratulations to local bloke Benjamin Webster, who recently completed an ultra-triathlon that consisted of an 11km swim from Bondi to Watsons Bay, a 320km ride from Watsons Bay to Canberra, and a 50km run from Canberra to Yass. Not only did he have a craving for the satay beef at Yass’s world famous Fook Lee Loy Chinese Restaurant, he was also raising funds for the Sydney Children’s Hospital Foundation (SCHF). In total Benjamin has raised $31,642, which makes him the second highest individual fundraiser for the SCHF. The Sydney Children's Hospital sees over 60,000 ill or injured children per year and it is drastically underfunded. Of the 60,000 children, over 70 per cent of patients come from rural or remote area's of Australia. Benjamin’s help is not going unnoticed or underappreciated!
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June 2017 | The Beast 29
The end of an era.
BONDI TRATT TO CHANGE HANDS AFTER 30 YEARS Words Madeleine Gray Picture Morgan Wood
he commonly regurgitated stat is that nine out of ten restaurants fail in their first year. While it is hard to find statistics that explicitly support this, the message remains: the restaurant business is notoriously difficult to succeed in. So when a restaurant manages to stick around for not just one year, but for 30 years, it’s a clear indication that the place is pretty bloody good. This year marks 30 consecutive years of business for Eastern Suburbs stalwart, the Bondi Trattoria. Situated at the south end of Bondi Beach, the Tratt has remained a local favourite for decades, providing residents and tourists alike with stunning views, fresh Italian food, and the friendliest staff you could ever meet.
30 The Beast | June 2017
Brothers Matthew and Rodney Sen opened the Tratt in 1987. Back then it lived in a different spot at the north end of the beach. In 1991 it moved to its present location, and over the years Matthew has co-owned the business with a handful of different blokes, in different formations, including Andrew Anthony, Andy Davies, and Ross Annas. As of early May, Matthew and current co-owner Mr. Annas will be officially handing over the reigns of the popular restaurant to new owners, Joe Pavlovich and Alasdair France. “Everyone I have spoken to in the industry has a huge regard for Joe and Alasdair,” Matthew said. “They are keeping the Bondi Tratt name and a large part of the team.”
Over the years the Tratt has been the venue for not only thousands of family dinners, dates, and coffees, it has also been the meeting place of several romantic pairings, particularly amongst its staff, and including Matthew himself. “After a busy service in 1993, I was having a drink at the bar with a waitress named Irene, who later became my wife,” he said. “The Tratt has also spawned a dozen kids via no less than eight staff couplings!” In 1994, the Sen brothers also opened Barzura at the southern end of Coogee Beach, a business that Rodney still runs until this day. It’s fair to say they are very much entrenched in the Eastern Suburbs restaurant scene, and in the community itself. “I feel both institutions have embedded themselves in the local community,” Matthew said. “Despite our fabulous locations we have been local restaurants serving local people, supporting local events and schools. “It’s hard to get through a Bondi or Coogee winter without the help of your regulars.” When asked to share some of his favourite memories of the restaurant over the past 30 years, Matthew was quick to mention his intergenerational client base. “From the start we were serving kids and welcoming families,” he said. “Those kids come in with their own families now. “The last month, having told regulars of the sale, has been amazing. I’ve been reminded of their much-appreciated loyalty. “One customer told me that his son had his first restaurant meal at the Tratt 22 years ago, and they still come in every Wednesday for dinner.” When asked how he felt about moving on from the Tratt, Matthew was frank. “All restaurants need renewal, and we have always tried to keep the Tratt fresh whilst still maintaining its heritage,” he said. “After 30 years, it’s time to see someone else do that.”
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The Clovelly Crocs team of 1935; does anyone recognise any of these blokes?
CLOVELLY CROCS CELEBRATE 100 YEARS Words Madeleine Gray Picture Adrian Lam
t’s hard to define what it is that makes a community. People, surely. A general location. A sense of spirit. They’re all necessary factors, but not quite enough. There has to be an element that draws all of these disparate people together, and cements their loyalty to each other. In most communities that element is a sports club, and in Clovelly it’s the Clovelly Crocodiles Junior Rugby League Football Club. This year the Crocs are celebrating their 100-year anniversary, which is no mean feat. Over the past century the Eastern Suburbs has been home to many different rugby league clubs, but now, in 2017, there are only four remaining. As part of the club’s centenary celebrations, local amateur historian Nicholas Carroll has compiled a forty-minute long documentary about the history of the Crocs, which is set to premier at the club’s 100 Year Gala Dinner on June 17 at the Australian Turf Club in Randwick. “It’s more than just the history of a club - it’s a social history too,” Mr. Carroll said. 32 The Beast | June 2017
“Through the lens of this small club, we get to see the history of rugby league in the Eastern Suburbs, and the social progression of Clovelly and surrounds.” Mr. Carroll told The Beast that while Clovelly is now known as a wealthy, middle class suburb, that was not always the case. “Clovelly used to be called ‘Poverty Point’ and everyone living here post-WWI was really poor,” he said. “That’s when rugby league really started here – when soldiers were returning from war. The tram line came out here in 1913.” In the process of making his documentary, Mr. Carroll has interviewed 19 present and past members of the Crocs about their memories of playing for the club. “It’s not just about the sport; it’s a social hub,” he said. “Old men I’ve interviewed in their 70s and 80s still tear up remembering their time in the Crocs and the coaches they had, who were more like mentors and father figures to them. “For example, a few blokes talked about Keith Goodsell, who
coached in the 60s and whose team won five consecutive grand finals. They loved him. “And then when he was in his 80s, he came back to coach again. “It’s about that loyalty.” Current club president Andrew Monaghan stressed the sense of direction that being part of the club provides for teenage boys. “We provide an environment with good role models, structure, sport, and friendship,” he said. While the club is open to both sexes, Mr. Monaghan confirmed that at present there are only “three or four girls”. This imbalance is something that the club intends to work on improving in the future. If the raw talent of St Anthony’s girl Pearl Collins, who is currently playing centre in the under 10s side, is anything to go by, it would be silly not to follow through on that intention. Regardless, 100 years is something to celebrate. The Crocs have produced some of the best professional rugby league players in this country, but more than that, they’ve facilitated life-long friendships and community, which is priceless.
MORE BITS AND PIECES FROM AROUND THE BEACHES Words Madeleine Gray Picture Sebastian Diaz Instagram @surfographer RANDWICK RUGBY CLUB GETS NEW SYNTHETIC PITCH Randwick Rugby Club is in for a treat, with Randwick Mayor Noel D’Souza set to officially open a new synthetic pitch at their training ground at Latham Park in late May. At the time of publication, Randwick had won only three out of their six first grade matches, so here’s hoping the new training pitch gives them the boost they need. Up the Wicks! ROOSTERS ON WINNING RUN This month our beloved Roosters only have one match on their home ground, and that’s on June 3 at Allianz Stadium against the Broncos. As such, it is vital that they muster all the support they can get. If you are a really, really keen Chooks supporter, they’re also facing off against the Wests Tigers at Campbelltown Stadium on June 11. Don’t be a chicken, get out there and cheer on your team! HELP FOR FOOD ADDICTS Are you having a hard time controlling the way you eat? Are you severely overweight, underweight, bulimic, or obsessed with food or weight? Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) offers
help and hope. FA meetings are held every Friday at 10am at the Salvation Army Hall, Boyce Road, Maroubra. They also have a meeting every Tuesday at 7pm at 1-3 Cross Street, Double Bay. FA is free and open to all women, men, and teens who want to stop eating addictively. For more information, call Maria on 0410 566 724 or visit www.foodaddicts.org. DEBI HAZELDEN SMASHES IRON CENTURY On Sunday, May 7, local legend Debi Hazelden marked the end of 100 gruelling days of triathlon. Debi achieved a record-breaking triathlon feat, completing 100 half Ironman triathlons over 100 consecutive days (a.k.a. ‘Iron Century’). The 36-year-old embarked on the ultimate endurance test with her partner, all to raise money for the Red Cross. We wrote about Debi and John’s ambitious project back in our March edition, so we are very proud and happy to hear of Debi’s success. WAVERLEY COUNCIL WINS HERITAGE AWARD Waverley Council is now the proud recipient of a Publications Award from the National
Trust Heritage Awards. Waverley Council, in collaboration with Weir Phillips Architects, received a Publications Award for a series of Inter-war Fact Sheets. “So many people love the architecture of our wonderful flat buildings in Waverley, constructed in the 1920s, 1930s, and 1940s. I am so pleased the hard work of our Urban Design and Heritage team has been acknowledged through this prestigious award,” Waverley Mayor Sally Betts said. ENGRAVE YOUR FAMILY PAVER Michael ‘Wippa’ Wipfli will set his family members’ names in stone in Centennial Parklands in the coming months to symbolise their shared love for one of Australia’s most iconic green spaces. It is all for Celebration Steps, a new project from the Centennial Parklands Foundation that will bring together engraved pavers from the community. Families or individuals can make a donation of $500 for a personally engraved paver with a message or name on it. Funds raised will go towards education, environment, and heritage projects in Centennial Parklands. For further information, please visit www.yourparklands.org.au.
June 2017 | The Beast 35
"Don't worry, we're getting a new one!"
COMMUNITY BANK A LIFE SAVER Words Duncan Horscroft Picture Olive Yeroc
ronte Surf Club’s equipment ranks have been bolstered by the addition of a new inflatable rescue boat (IRB) courtesy of the Clovelly Community Branch of Bendigo Bank. As part of their ongoing commitment to give back 80 per cent of their profits to support local community organisations such as surf clubs, the local bank presented a cheque to the Bronte club, which enabled it to add another rescue boat to its fleet. Bronte Surf Club president Basil Scaffidi said the generosity of the local Bendigo Bank helps Bronte maintain a strong standard of safety during the patrol seasons. He said the club had been the recipient of the bank’s generosity for more than a decade following a decision by Clovelly Bendigo Bank director Andrew Winters to regularly donate an IRB to the Bronte, Clovelly, and Coogee surf clubs. “We take it in turns and every three years the Bronte club gets a new boat,” he said. “The IRBs are 36 The Beast | June 2017
invaluable and are an integral part of surf rescue. “Around 20 per cent of rescues at Bronte involve IRBs and they play an incredible part in helping to save lives.” He said the club was proud of its strong record of no lives lost during the patrol seasons for around 25 years, and he credited the changes in surf lifesaving methods, such as the introduction of the inflatable boats, for helping keep the beach safe. “It’s vital to get to a person in trouble in the surf as quick as you can,” he said. “And because Bronte can be such a treacherous beach, an IRB can get through the break a lot faster than a swimmer or rescue board. “The size of the surf and how far a swimmer is out to sea determines the length of time it takes for a rescue, but in most cases an IRB can get there quickly. “Without the support of sponsors such as Bendigo Bank we would find it hard to keep our equipment up to date, and it is a
great testament to the local Community Branch that its focus is on the community and helping to save lives.” The Clovelly Community Branch is not unlike surf clubs in its management, as it is run by a voluntary board of directors who give up their time to ensure the bank is run efficiently, and the board operates the bank as a franchise of the Bendigo Bank. “Our charter is to give up to 80 per cent of our profits directly back to support local community organisations such as Bronte Surf Club,” Nicola Powell, Community Partnership Manager, Clovelly Community Branch, said. “We choose not to have an advertising budget as this would take funds away from our supported community groups. “We have been serving the community for 15 years as a philanthropic bank and to date we have given over $1 million back to our community via sponsorships and grants.”
It’s an exciting time in Randwick City and Council is busy building new and expanded outdoor facilities giving everyone even more opportunities to get outside and enjoy the great outdoors. Recently I was very pleased to officially open new basketball courts and cricket nets at Coral Sea Park in South Maroubra. Basketball is a fast-growing sport and these courts provide a healthy and social place for our local youth to play. I also recently opened a new synthetic playing field at Latham Park in South Coogee. This all-weather facility provides a durable and long-lasting surface perfect for rugby – both training and games. Construction will start shortly on a new walking track through the western part of the new Malabar Headland National Park. This new Council-funded track will connect South Maroubra Beach and Malabar Beach and link up with the Boora Point walking track. Meanwhile, the new toilets, changerooms, kiosk and Lifeguard office at Coogee Beach are progressing well and set to open in time for summer. We’ve committed funds in next year’s Budget to progressing our plan for a network of cycleways linking key destinations such as UNSW, the CBD, light rail stops and of course our beloved beaches. Koojay Corroboree will once again light up the sands of Coogee Beach on 26 May. A spectacular ceremonial dance, followed by speeches, performances and a large market will kick off the beginning of National Reconciliation Week. I hope to see you there. Councillor Noel D’Souza
Mayor of Randwick 3 June Nursery Winter Saturday Sale 9:00am-4:00pm Randwick Community Nursery 2B Barker Street, Kingsford
23 June Table Tennis for Fun 1:00-3:00pm Lionel Bowen Library 669-673 Anzac Parade, Maroubra Junction
13 June Minecraft Club 4:00-5:30pm Lionel Bowen Library
17 June Bike Maintenance Workshop 1:30-4:30pm Randwick Community Centre 27 Munda Street, Randwick
Mikelangelo and the Black Sea Gentlemen 7:00-8:30pm Randwick Town Hall 90 Avoca Street, Randwick
1300 722 542 email@example.com www.randwick.nsw.gov.au PHOTO: GILES BATHS, COOGEE BEACH
Free How to Survive Tantrums 10:00am-12:00pm Margaret Martin Library
"Sorry, I don't work there anymore."
MEET THE WONDERFUL MR. B Satire Kieran Blake Picture Mike Hunt
nce upon a time, there was a man named Mr. B. Mr. B liked many things starting with B. Most of all though, he liked spending time with his family. Mr. B likes BUILDING. One time, he built a train. Not a big train, just a little train. Do you know how long it takes to build a train? It takes a long time. So long, lots of mums and dads got stuck in traffic and couldn’t spend time with their families. So Mr. B spent time with their families. Mr. B likes BAKING. He taught kids how to bake cakes, cookies, and other tasty treats. Do you like cookies? When Mr. B was baking, something strange happened. After the mixing, after the kneading, after the tasting, and after putting the goodies in the oven, Mr. B left. He left an almighty mess in the kitchen - flour, eggs, chocolate, milk, water – all 38 The Beast | June 2017
over the place. Mummy and daddy had to clean up all the mess. Mr. B left the baking to spend more time with his family. Mr.B likes BARRACKING. Do you know what barracking means? It means cheering and supporting someone. Mr. B barracked for kids playing sport, because their parents were stuck in traffic. The kids ran, kicked, passed, hit, jumped, tackled, scored, and smiled. Mr. B barracked. Then something strange happened. Mr. B left at half time. The kids had no oranges to eat. Mr. B left to spend more time with his family. Mr. B likes BOARD RIDING. He took kids board riding, because their parents were stuck in traffic. One day he took some kids out the back for the very first time, to catch their first real wave. The wave came. “Paddle, paddle, paddle!” cried Mr. B. The kids stood up for
the very first time. They were so happy. Then something strange happened. Mr. B left. He left the kids out the back in the middle of a rip, all alone. The lifeguards had to save the kids. Mr. B left to spend more time with his family. Mr. B likes BULLDOZING. One day, when the mums and dads were stuck in traffic, he bulldozed their kids’ veggie patch. Then the mums and dads came home. “What happened?” they asked. “Mr. B bulldozed our vegie patch,” the children explained, crying. “We said no, but he put special bracelets on us. Look!” After bulldozing the veggie patch, Mr. B went to spend more time with his family. So Mr. B likes building, baking, barracking, board riding, and bulldozing. He also likes spending time with his family. But do you know what he likes most? He likes BANKS.
Mayor‘s Message Thank You to our Lifeguards
I would like to publicly acknowledge the tireless work our Council Lifeguards do on a day-to-day basis. I have been disappointed about the unfounded criticism from one or two people and felt the need to comment. Every day our lifeguards go to work not knowing what’s in store for them. They do an extraordinary job keeping our beaches safe and never give up on educating the community on the dangers they may face in the water. Some of our beaches are quite dangerous and the ocean conditions can change quickly. This creates dangerous scenarios for swimmers, despite the best efforts and skills of our lifeguards. I encourage everyone to swim between the flags, be conscious of signs indicating dangerous conditions, and always listen to the directions given by lifeguards. More importantly please explain our beach conditions to foreign visitors. This will help to ensure everyone will have a safe and enjoyable time at the beach. Our lifeguards save thousands of lives every year and for that Council have the highest level of trust in the work they do for our community. I know that the majority of residents are very grateful that we have our Lifeguards and the Lifesavers who work together to keep our beaches safe.
Bondi Winter Magic
Bondi will once again be transformed into a winter wonderland for Bondi Winter Magic. This great event is held in partnership with Bondi and Districts Chamber of Commerce and will run from 30 June–30 July. There will be old favourites like Bondi Beach Ice Rink, where visitors can skate in the sunshine or under the stars, and the exciting introduction of the Bondi Eye! This ferris wheel offers a 360 degree, 32 metre high view of Bondi. For more information please visit bondiwintermagic.org.au.
Sally Betts, Mayor of Waverley CUSTOMER SERVICE CENTRE 55 Spring Street, Bondi Junction NSW 2022 PO Box 9, Bondi Junction NSW 1355 PhONE 9083 8000 WEB waverley.nsw.gov.au
Events Community Open Day at the Recycling Centre Sunday 4 June, 12–3pm 72 Perry Street, Matraville Join us for a FREE sausage sizzle and a tour of the Recycling Centre. Don’t forget to bring items such as household batteries, paint, fluoro tubes and globes, motor and other oils for recycling and learn how it gets recycled! RSVP at crcopenday.eventbrite.com
Bondi Feast 18–29 July Tuesday–Saturday from 6pm Bondi Feast is back! Following four years of hot winters by the beach, Bondi’s fringe-style winter festival kicks back into gear in July, celebrating all the best in theatre, music, comedy, visual arts and food. Transforming the iconic Bondi Pavilion into a carnival playground, Bondi Feast will showcase over 60 performances of new work across two delectable weeks of feasting. Take your pick from a handful of shows on offer every Tuesday–Saturday night, with hot food and mulled cider pumping from the themed pop-up bar each night of the festival. Tickets from $10. For tickets and more info head to bondifeast.com.au For more event info visit our website waverley.nsw.gov.au.
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MORE BITS AND PIECES FROM AROUND THE BEACHES Words Madeleine Gray Picture Amaury Tréguer Instagram @morningbondi PIZZA MONCUR HAS ARRIVED Plot twist: did you know that acclaimed Woollahra pizzeria Pizza Moncur now has a Randwick store? It recently opened on the corner of Clovelly Road and Frenchman’s Road, where Salt & Lemon once was. We love the pulled pork pizza, and while it may be divisive, we can’t go past the ham and pineapple option thanks to its fresh cut pineapple caramelised in brown sugar with pulled pieces of succulent smoked leg ham and fresh buffalo mozzarella. Yum. If you order online you can also get wine or beer delivered with your order, and orders over $30 get free delivery. Plus, if you order on Mondays and Tuesdays you’ll get free garlic bread with every order. Go to www.pizzamoncur.com.au or call 9314 5566. DAVE DIGS DEEP FOR LOCAL HOMELESS Courtyard Cafe and High St Society owner Dave Martin is again holding his annual winter drive to keep the local homeless population warm throughout the cooler months. Dig deep and drop any old jackets, doonas, or
blankets down to Courtyard Café on Coogee Bay Road before June 12. It feels good to know that someone is feeling cosy because of your generosity. A BIG THANK YOU TO OUR NURSES Gabrielle Upton MP and Bruce Notley-Smith MP have thanked nurses living and working in the Eastern Suburbs for their continued commitment to care for the community. On May 12 it was International Nurses Day, and Ms Upton was careful to acknowledge the significance of the day saying, “It takes a special person to be a nurse or a midwife, which is why it is so important that we take the opportunity on this day to thank these hardworking women and men for their compassion, professionalism, and round-the-clock commitment to caring for patients.” BUDDHA BABIES, PEACEFUL MUMS Give yourself the gift of a beautiful birth. That’s the message to pregnant women as a new social enterprise launches in Bondi. Buddha Babies offers ‘mindful’ antenatal classes and ‘hypnobirth-
ing’ courses, designed to eliminate the fear commonly associated with birth and teach women practical tools for relieving pain. 20 per cent of all course fees go directly to The Freedom Project, a charity that rescues children from sex trafficking and slavery. The next course takes place on June 4 and 18 in Bondi Junction. Please head to www.buddhababies.com.au for more information. WE HEARD IT ON THE DATEVINE Dating can be really, really bad, but it shouldn’t have to be. Luckily the good people at The Datevine organise awesome events and dinner parties at local restaurants where the focus is on creating a fun, social, and relaxed atmosphere for bunches of new people to meet, eat, and have a laugh – plus guests are invited to bring mates if they want! The next event is a Singles Dinner Party for 28–40 year-olds at Bondi Hardware on June 15 from 7:30pm. Tickets are $55 per person, which includes all food. Drinks can be purchased separately. Places are limited (16-20 guests max), so get in quick! Go to www.thedatevine.com.
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June 2017 MONDAY
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WORLD ENVIRONMENT DAY World Environment Day (WED) is the biggest, most globally celebrated day for positive environmental action. Every year participants organise clean up campaigns, recycling drives, social media campaigns, and different contests. Register at www.unep.org.
BOP TO BOOKS Join the community at Margaret Martin Library for this weekly Thursday program for children 2–3 years old. Featuring rhymes, music, and stories, it’s a blast for carers and babies. Bookings are necessary. To get involved, visit www.randwick.nsw.gov.au/library.
STILLS GALLERY FINAL EXHIBITION STILLS gallery is sadly closing at the end of the month, so head to Paddington to check out its last exhibition, Curtain Call, running from May 24 to June 30. The exhibition will involve the mother of all curtain hangs, featuring over 60 artists from 26 years of exhibitions.
SWANS V BULLDOGS It's the game the Sydney Swans have been waiting for all year: the chance to take on 2016 premiers the Western Bulldogs in a grand final rematch on home turf at the SCG. Play starts at 7:20pm, and you can get your tickets by visiting premier.ticketek.com.au.
BRONTE WATERFALL BUSHCARE Join the hardworking Bronte Waterfall Bushcare Group today from 9am-12pm and play a vital role in caring for our native coastal bushland. Drop in whenever suits, and feel free to bring the kids. For more information, please email firstname.lastname@example.org.
DATEVINE LOVE Dating can be crap; Datevine is here to change that. Tonight, join their Singles Dinner Party for 28–40 year olds at Bondi Hardware at 7:30pm. Tickets are $55pp, which includes all food. You’ll be wined, dined, and fully appreciated for your beautiful self. Go to www.thedatevine.com.
WAYS TO HAVE FUN WAYS Youth Services’ after-school program is laden with exciting activities for children and teens. There are acting lessons every Friday from 5.30-7pm for $10. WAYS also has a fully equipped music studio available for all to use. Call 9365 2500 or visit www.ways.org.au.
FREE GARLIC BREAD Carb lovers rejoice! On Mondays and Tuesdays at Pizza Moncur Randwick (yep, that’s today!) you get free garlic bread with every order. There might not be such thing as a free lunch, but there is free garlic bread. Call 9314 5566 or go to www.pizzamoncur.com.au.
KIDS CLUB @ BOWEN LIBRARY Do you have a 3–5 year-old who loves to play, engage with other kids, and learn? At 10:15am at Bowen Library in Maroubra today, Kids Club is back on! Your youngster will be entertained by craft, stories, and film. Register your intent at eventbrite.com.au.
NATIONAL WHALE DAY Today is IFAW’s National Whale Day, which highlights the fact that Japan is planning to return to the Southern Ocean to begin whaling again. Collect signatures and write a letter to your local MP at www.ifaw. org/australia/our-work/whales/ national-whale-day-australia.
ART CLASSES WITH LILY OEN Do you ever find yourself promising to dedicate some ‘me time’ to yourself, but never actually getting around to it? That’s not good enough! Sign up to Lily Oen’s art class today from 1–3:30pm at Bowen Library, and lose yourself to the serenity. Register at 9314 4888.
AUTHOR TALKS: MICHAEL BENDON Tonight from 6:30–7:30pm at Margaret Martin Library, author Michael Bendon will discuss the theme of his book, 'The Forgotten Flotilla', revealing the little known story of how thousands of ANZAC troops were saved from the hands of invading German forces by locals.
VIVID LIVE This year’s Vivid Live will feature over 20 performances and more than 120 artists, raising the roof of Sydney Opera House’s theatres, rehearsal spaces, recording studios and, most famously, its iconic sails. Vivid runs until June 17. For more info, visit www.vividsydney.com.
STABLE YOUR HORSE Own a horse but live near the city and want to save on tolls, petrol, and time? The Centennial Parklands Equestrian Centre has a number of high quality stabling facilities available. It is open 365 days a year. For more info, visit www.cpequestriancentre.com.au.
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SURF COMP WITH A CAUSE Today at Bondi Beach, humanitarian aid organisation SurfAid is hosting the SurfAid Cup, a tag-team style charity surf comp. Money raised goes to bringing clean water, healthcare, and improved nutrition to remote villages in Indonesia. Please visit www.surfaid.org.
ROOSTERS V BRONCOS Head to Allianz Stadium tonight to see the Roosters take on their old foe from north of the border, the Brisbane Broncos. Bulk up on meat pies, grab a round of VBs for your mates, and enjoy an evening out at the footy. For more info, visit www.roosters.com.au.
BUDDHA BABIES, CHILLED MUMS Buddha Babies offers ‘mindful’ antenatal classes and ‘hypnobirthing’ courses, designed to eliminate the fear commonly associated with birth and teach women practical tools for relieving pain. The course is on today in Bondi Junction. Visit www.buddhababies.com.au.
ALI’S WEDDING @ THE RITZ FOR SFF Ali’s arranged marriage is looming, but he loves someone else. What’s a Muslim cleric’s son to do? This Australian comedy won an AWGIE for Best Original Screenplay. It’s on tonight at 8:15pm and tickets are available at http://tix.sff.org.au/.
TITANIC THE EXHIBITION Titanic the Exhibition takes you on a journey of discovery. The tale of the Titanic has captivated people since 1912. Find out all about the ship's ill-fated final voyage at the Byron Kennedy Hall at the Entertainment Quarter, Moore Park. Visit www.titanictheexhibition.com.au.
GET YOUR CULTURE ON The Eastern Sydney Chamber Orchestra & Choir will perform Saint-Saens' Symphony No.2 and Haydn's Symphony No.6 "Le Matin" today at 2:30pm at St Mary's Anglican Church, Birrell Street, Waverley. For tickets and info, visit www.wrps.com.au.
FOOD ADDICTS ANONYMOUS Are you having a hard time controlling the way you eat? Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) meetings are held every Friday at 10am at the Salvation Army Hall, Boyce Road, Maroubra. For more info, call Maria on 0410 566 724 or visit www.foodaddicts.org.
WALLABIES V SCOTLAND The Wallabies take on the Scotsmen at Allianz Stadium today at 3pm as part of the annual June international series. The Scots have come on in leaps and bounds in the last few years so this will be no cake walk for the green and golds. Visit www.rugby.com.au/teams/wallabies.
HOLY AIR @ THE RITZ FOR SFF In this clever comedy, a Nazareth businessman must negotiate with the holy city's rulers, gangsters, and his own family when he tries one last idea to get rich, selling 'holy air'. It’s on tonight at 6:50pm at the Randwick Ritz. Get your tickets at http://tix.sff.org.au/.
SYDNEY SWANS V ESSENDON The Sydney Swans will host Essendon tonight at the SCG. The young Bombers have plenty to prove and will be looking to keep the Swans down in wooden spoon territory. Play starts at 7:50pm, and you can get your tickets at premier.ticketek.com.au.
BONDI FARMERS MARKET Get down to Bondi Beach Public School every Saturday to sample some of the freshest and best produce you could hope to lay your eyes on. There’s a wide range of stallholders to satisfy your every culinary need. For info, please visit www.bondimarkets.com.au.
GO WHALE WATCHING Got nothing to do this Sunday? Why not tick whale watching off your bucket list? You've been thinking about it and you certainly won’t regret it. If you like beers with your big ocean-going mammals, we recommend Get On A Boat – www.getonaboat.com.au.
HALFWAY THERE It’s time to work through all the regrets you’ve already accumulated in the first half of 2017, and then just let them go like a bunch of balloons on a windy day. The second half is going to rock – at least it will if you manifest positive vibes and either drink wine or do yoga.
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Balance is Bullsh*t
MIA FREEDMAN Interview Madeleine Gray Picture Jeremy Greive
Where are you originally from? I'm originally from the Eastern Suburbs. I haven't strayed far. I grew up in Rose Bay. I was a Rose Bay Public girl, and then a Woollahra Public girl, and then a Vaucluse High student, and then an Ascham girl. I worked my way around. I was mortified having to go to Ascham. It was the worst day of my life. What do you love about the Eastern Suburbs? I love that it enables you to have such a nice lifestyle, and much of it for no money. The Bondi to Bronte walk is free. Bondi Beach is free. Centennial Park is free. The beautiful cliff walk along the beaches is free. Walking around Westfield is free – I’m not even kidding, I absolutely love Westfield. I'm very visual, so I like the visual stimulation of just walking around the shopping centre. Any other favourite local haunts? Yes! Up the bus depot end of Oxford Street there’s a shop called South of the Border. My girlfriend owns that shop so I spend a lot of time in there. And there’s also the Cook & Baker up there. That's my other little enclave that I love. What gets your goat about the Eastern Suburbs? Parking meters. It's free to park in most other suburbs, but in the Eastern Suburbs it costs you a fortune just to buy a litre of milk. You got your gig as Editor-in-Chief of Cosmopolitan magazine at 24, which must have been amazing, but incredibly daunting; how do you manage self-doubt, and how did you throw yourself into that? I wasn't daunted at all. I'm far more daunted at 45 than I was at 24, or even 19, or even 15. I think the
older you get the less you realise that you know. I had supreme confidence-slash-arrogance at 24, but that has been knocked out of me in the 21 years since then. You’ve worked in women's media for decades; what are the most noticeable changes you’ve observed in the industry and how do Australian women consume media today? Well digital, obviously. The only place there was women's media until ten years ago was women's magazines. They had a real iron grip on the whole female demographic, and that's where I wanted to work. But in the early 2000s I started to be more interested in online as a consumer, and I've always wanted to work in whatever medium I'm consuming. Digital has been a massive thing, and it's enabled us to start Mamamia. Digital media makes us consume content differently and there's been a movement towards a more confessional style of journalism; is that something you've noticed? Yes. It's interesting because I've always written in first person, since I had a column at Cosmo, and over the years I got more and more confident in doing that. I used to have a first person newspaper column before people really did that. The problem with the instant gratification and the proliferation of blogs, which I think are fantastic, is that there's a lot of stuff that people just put out there immediately without processing it, or understanding the consequences of either what they've experienced, or going public with it. I think that that's something that I've always been very mindful of. So in my book, for example, and when I've written for digital, I try to take some time to process things and
not just word vomit them out immediately as they happen. Has there been a time when you've been like, ‘Shit, I shouldn't have published that’? Yeah, I think when I've written stuff about my kids that has upset them. And I always used to think that as long as I was the butt of the joke, it was okay. That used to be my rule. But the other thing the Internet's done is blurred the boundaries of privacy. What I might think is not a big deal, to a kid it can be a huge deal if they're going through a particular time in their life. My eight-year-old is embarrassed that he was ever a toddler. I think that I've learned through trial and error, and my son wrote a chapter in my book about this. I've broken trust and I've damaged relationships with people when I've not respected those boundaries. You just mentioned that your son, Luca, wrote a chapter on your relationship in your new book, ‘Work Strife Balance’; did you just let him have free rein? I did. I had to. He was quite shocked that I let him have free rein. We both kept waiting for my publisher or my editor to say, "You know what, this chapter doesn't work." But as soon as he handed it in I knew it was brilliant, and it was very moving for me to read in good and bad ways. But it was scary. It's like having a performance review from your kid. It's full on. It's like, "What type of parent was I? Go." Can you tell us about what the book entails more generally? It's called ‘Work Strife Balance’. I originally wanted to call it ‘Balance is Bullshit’ because I think it is, and I think that work-life balance has become this stick that women particularly use to beat ourselves June 2017 | The Beast 45
up with because we don't feel like we're achieving it. No one's got work-life balance. The best things and the most important things that happen in your life will throw you off balance, so judging ourselves by this impossible standard is about as realistic as women trying to have a thigh gap. Who have you written the book for? My writing in the past has often been for myself, to process things. This book's written for other women, because it's the book I wish I could have read in my twenties, thirties, and forties. Because the stuff that happens to you in those decades is really common, but most women don't talk about it, and so I wanted to not just talk about what happened to me, but what I learned from it. Everything from a marriage breakdown, to an eating disorder, to career humiliations, all of those kinds of things. People who are reading the book are probably also reading your website and your columns - clearly Mamamia originates from who you are as a brand as well as a person; that being the case, how do you balance the views and experiences that you give voice to? I am not the editor of Mamamia anymore, and I haven't been for a lot of years now. We have a fantastic team that does that. The whole point of Mamamia was always for it to not be about my views and my opinions, even in the beginning when it was just me in my lounge room. I'm a privileged middle-class white girl from the Eastern Suburbs. That's one very narrow worldview. There are many, many others that I want to use this platform and our audience to give voice to - firstly, because that's the right thing to do for women and girls, and secondly, because it's more interesting to read about experiences other than your own. We do have a lot of diversity on our staff, a lot of diversity with our contributors. That's how we make sure we are for all women, not just women who think a certain way. What do you see is your role in society as a media producer? Do 46 The Beast | June 2017
you think that what you do can create tangible change? I know it can. The difference between our media company and a lot of the other big media companies that are trying to target women at the moment is exactly that - they're trying to target women to make money out of them. The core purpose of our business is to make the world a better place for women and girls. And we check everything we do against that. That's not to say it's not a commercial business, it is, but I'll give you an example. We give at least one and a half million dollars worth of space to charities every year, women's charities. We ran a story about the plight of homeless women who didn't have access to sanitary products and a woman, one of our readers, read this story and was so shocked by it that she started a charity called Share the Dignity that collects and distributes tampons and pads to homeless women. Last year we had pregnancy loss awareness week, because when I lost a baby there was nowhere that I could go and feel normal, and so we did that. There's no commercial benefit to those kinds of things for us, but it does make the world a better place for women and girls, and we're very focussed on that. And on a small, local basis, we employ over a hundred women, and give women a platform to express themselves, which is a good thing. I'm really proud of that. Teen Vogue has been doing some of the most incisive political journalism lately, and everyone was totally shocked when they realised that publication was actually doing smart things; is that underestimation of women's and girls’ media changing, and how do you harness that? When I started Mamamia, the only websites for women were either cooking sites, parenting sites, fashion sites, or gossip sites. I'm interested in all of those things, which doesn't make me dumb, but I'm also interested in politics, current affairs, news, books, and a bunch of other things. At Mamamia we're very content agnostic. It's not highbrow or
lowbrow, it's no brow. Women very easily and comfortably jump between Trump and the Logies red carpet in the same conversation. That's just how women talk. I wanted to create a media platform and a media company that reflected the diversity of our interests. A topic that women are obviously interested in is motherhood, and yet there's this kind of cultural embarrassment about ‘mummy bloggers’, as they are termed; what does that tell us about how we, as a society, view motherhood and caregiving? I think the fact that it's even called ‘mummy blogging’ is a way to put it down. If men want to try to put me in my place they'll call me a mummy blogger, and I'm like, "Dude, I own a media company." There are three people in the world who can call me mummy, and they're my kids. Anyone else who does it is being a dick. Parenthood is a really important thing in women's lives, and I think that parenting blogs have been a fantastic thing for women to be able to give meaning and expression and creativity, and in some cases make money, around something that's really common and that so many of us do. It’s really important, and why shouldn't it be written about? It's no less important than sport, or politics, or fashion, or gossip, and it's arguably more important than all those things. Of course we're all trying to work out how to do it well. Motherhood can be really lonely, and the Internet and the blogging world can be a real lifeline. You’ve faced some public criticisms from past colleagues, saying that you value relationships based on professional expediency, neglecting them once they are no longer of use; can you talk us through that criticism? Is that gendered? It's pretty gendered. I've never read an interview with a male executive who's asked why he's not still besties and having beers with everyone he's ever worked with. Digital media and running your own business, as
anyone who's run their own business knows, is all consuming. It eats your life. And then working in a women's media company is also pretty intense and intimate, because the stuff we're writing about and talking about is often pretty personal. So when people are here, things are very intense. Often they leave because they can't handle the pace of digital, which I completely respect, or they've had kids, or they're in a different life phase. I totally understand that and I always wish them well. I'm friends with many, many people I've worked with, not just at Mamamia, but in magazines as well, but my life doesn't slow down. I've only got a certain amount of hours in my day and I have to prioritise first of all my own family, and second of all our business and the people who work in it now. Friendships are for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. And just because they're for a reason or a season, it doesn't mean they are any less valuable. But you can't stay friends at the same level with everyone in your life, otherwise you wouldn't have room for a life. In the past you’ve talked about your struggles with anxiety. While mental health dialogue is getting much better, understanding about anxiety is still quite vague; can you tell us about your experiences with anxiety? When I was first diagnosed with it about five years ago, after having an anxiety attack that lasted for 11 days, I didn't know anyone else who had anxiety. I knew people who had depression, but I didn't know anyone who had anxiety, and I think that's probably because a lot of people who have it just think that they're highly strung, or they're stressed, or that life is just really hard. It's like so many things that I've written about in the book. So many experiences - whether it's ending a marriage, losing a baby, being diagnosed with anxiety - it's like there are all these secret clubs out there that you don't even realise are out there until you join one. And usually it's not of your choice. There's this whole network of people who 48 The Beast | June 2017
are ashamed and silent and sort of trapped in their own anxiety and embarrassment about it. If you just open up, everyone goes, "Oh my god. Me too." So that's why I write about things that other people might think are too personal or too revealing, because the more that people in the public eye can be honest about their struggles and their shit times and the hard things that they go through, and not just post photographs in bikinis on Instagram with washboard stomachs, the more they’re helping other people. Are there any particular journalists and/or publications that you really love at the moment? I will read anything Caroline Overington writes. I would even read her shopping list. And I would read any interview that Leigh Sales does. She's extraordinary. I'm really into podcasts at the moment, too. There's a fantastic podcast that I love called The Guilty Feminist. Podcasting is a big part of our business and it's the majority of what I do now. I've also really loved The Good Weekend under Amelia Lester, who I've become really close to because I reached out to her. She and I are about to start a new political podcast about American politics because we're both obsessed. Obsessed with Trump. We used to go out to dinner at The Paddington when she lived in Australia and we would just sit there for three hours eating chicken and chips and talking about US politics. Do you have any role models in the industry? There are three women who have been hugely influential for me: Lisa Wilkinson, Pat Ingram - who's been more behind the scenes, but everyone in the magazine industry knows – and, of course, Ita Buttrose, who I've never worked with, but who has really blazed a trail. Do you have any advice for youngsters, particularly young women, wanting to get into media and journalism? I've got a chapter about that in the book. It's called
‘Fuck Your Dreams’. That's a little bit harsh, but it means you should know the difference between a hobby, a job, a career, a vacation, and a dream. And your dream, or your hobby, or your passion is not necessarily going to earn you an income, and that's okay. I would also say don't be afraid to work for free, as long as you feel it is a fair exchange of experience for service. If there's something in it for you and you don't feel that you're being exploited, don't let anyone tell you that you're being exploited. Everyone I know who has gotten into journalism started for free. It's also a way to learn what you're into and what you're not into, otherwise it's really hard to know what the job even entails if you've never been into a particular workplace or industry. Do you support any charities? I sure do. I am an ambassador for Rise Up, which is a charity that supports women and children leaving domestic violence situations and helps set them up in homes. I also support the City Dogs and Cats Home, which is where my two dogs came from. I'm big on animal welfare. And finally Share the Dignity, which is about providing sanitary products for homeless women. You’ve talked about global expansion for Mamamia; what does the future hold for Mia Freedman and the business? In the immediate future I've been toying with having a gap year in New York, because we've set up our business over there. Once upon a time that's all I wanted to do, but then you go to New York and you come back to Sydney and it's like, "Why?" New York is not the centre of the universe in the way that it once was, and I would find it very, very hard to tear myself away from Sydney, so I'll be doing a bit of commuting in the near future, I think. We’ve already got an office in New York and we've got about 15 staff over there, and we've got a website in New York called Spring St. We're also expanding our podcast network there as well. That's the new frontier for us.
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TIP TURKEY INVASION TURNS POINT PIPER ON ITS HEAD Words Rupert Truscott-Hughes Picture Michael Atherton
oint Piper, home to our prime minister, ‘Aussie’ John Symonds, Frank Lowy, and yours truly, is now home to another renowned Australian: the white ibis. Better known these days as the common bin chicken or the terrestrial tip turkey, the Australian white ibis has been causing quite a stir throughout the harbour city, but nowhere more so than in the 2027 postcode. As there is no shopping strip in Point Piper, and hence very few accessible rubbish bins, it has until recently remained one of the few places in the city where the horrendously ugly fowl haven’t flocked en masse. This has been a point of much pride for many residents of ‘the Point’, and it has also helped attract new buyers to the pricey suburb. Atlassian founder Scott Farquharson recently paid a handsome $70 million for a dilapidated mansion in Point Piper, and was overheard telling his business partner Mike Cannon-Brookes that the reason he purchased there as opposed to picking up Channel 7 boss David Leckie’s lavish Lang Road abode was that he found
50 The Beast | June 2017
its proximity to the ibis-infested Centennial Park unappealing. Little did Farquharson know that the much maligned birds were already planning their own move into the prestigious peninsula, attracted by the refuse left at Duff Reserve by thoughtless Instagrammers picnicking and seeking the perfect ‘sunset behind the Harbour Bridge’ shot. Some residents believe that a disgruntled former Point Piper resident may be responsible for introducing the belligerent birds in order to drive down property prices and get a foot back in the exclusive market. Others believe that ibis are the new Illuminati and they’ve come to seek vengeance on the many lizard people who call Point Piper home. Not since Salim Mehajer threatened to move into the neighbourhood have residents shown such great concern about a new arrival. An action group has been set up to deal with the influx of ibises before they reach the plague proportions seen in other Sydney suburbs. Some residents have suggested an annual ibis hunt, which will al-
low them to dust off their antique rifles and don the shooting jackets and flat caps that they often flit about in while targeting clays at their weekenders in the Southern Highlands. A few of the suburb’s more entrepreneurial residents have suggested putting some land aside – possibly Farquharson’s crumbling pile - to farm the unflappable scavengers, and selling their meat to the Plumer Road Chicken Shop to use in their delicious burgers. At this stage a workable solution seems unlikely any time soon. At present the many security contractors that continuously circle Point Piper’s streets have been tasked not only with guarding the wealthy elite from ‘baddies’, but also searching for and eradicating any intruding ibises. The rest of their time will, as per usual, be spent sitting inside their vehicles listening to the radio or calling friends and relatives. As a resident myself, I am shocked that it has come to this. If ever there was a time for the prime minister to make a ‘captain’s call’, surely it is now. If ibises are allowed to take up residence in our exclusive suburb, what will be next?
DO YOU THINK OF IBISES AS DISGUSTING, DIRTY, ANNOYING PESTS, AND SHOULD THEY BE CULLED? Words and Pictures Catriona Stirrat
I do think that they are annoying pests. If ibises were a native animal I would reconsider, because they should be allowed to inhabit their own environment, even if it means rummaging through the bins.
Ibises are an annoying and filthy bird, but I don’t think they should be culled. It is not like they are creating major issues for the community such that we would need to reduce their numbers.
I don’t think ibises are dirty, annoying pests at all. Ibises are just like many other birds, and while they may not be everybody’s cup of tea, they deserve a life like every living creature. If we start culling, where do we stop?
Maybe ibises are just misunderstood creatures, but they have certainly stolen a few too many sandwiches of mine. I think perhaps they could be taught a few manners, but they don’t need to be culled.
I don’t really pay attention to ibises. They seem to be fairly clean and they don’t bother me, so I don’t see why they should be culled.
I think ibises are a pest to the community and should be culled. They get into garbage bins and spill rubbish all over the ground. Ibises have taken my son’s lunch from his lunch box, and they pull plastic apart creating litter. June 2017 | The Beast 51
Clint with his first longtail, or northern bluefin tuna.
IT’S TIME TO BUCKLE DOWN AND HATCH PLANS Words and Picture Dan Trotter
ith winter on the doorstep, it’s time to buckle down and hatch plans for local adventures and far flung fishy missions with mates. Last week a group of my most fanatical fishing buddies and I did just that. After months of careful planning with a close eye on the moon phase, tides, holiday breaks, and everything else that goes into curating a successful trip, we grouped together in the late hours of a Tuesday night on the freeway just north of Sydney and set off on our biannual trip to the Mid North Coast of NSW. Arriving as dawn broke across the windswept sky, the boat ramp car park was a frenzy of unpacking and repacking as we raced to hit the water for a couple of hours before the accommodation we’d booked would let us bunk down for the following few days of adventures. One thing is for certain: fishing trips for the dedicated aren’t really 52 The Beast | June 2017
about relaxing. They’re about packing in as much time on the water as you can endure for as many days in a row as the weather will allow. And that’s exactly what we did - in between sleeping, poorly made meals, fishing talk, and a fair amount of ribbing and swearing. It was a blast. We sure caught some fish too: Spanish mackerel, spotted mackerel, longtail and yellowfin tuna, snapper, bar rock cod, Maori cod, pearl perch, a stack of yellowtail kingfish, and two ‘Alfonsino’, a delicious deepwater species rarely caught be recreational anglers. With five boats and 14 anglers, it sure was a fishy time with plenty of competitive banter over beers and rig tying each night. Sadly, it’s now over, which means only one thing - it’s time to start planning the next trip! On home waters June is still a great time to get out for a fish and fill your piscatorial dream bank
with images of bent rods, big fish, and tasty dinners. For me it’s about two fish and one crustacean: snapper in the shallows, tuna out wide, and the hunt for aliens where the Tasman Ocean swells greet Terra Australis. With any luck I’ll get connected with all three. If boat fishing isn’t your thing then the local harbour and ocean beaches will provide action in the form of winter whiting and bluenosed bream. Fish lightly weighted fresh offerings of worms or nippers for best results. Off the ocean rocks it’s worth targeting southern calamari squid and Australian salmon, as well as the omnipresent luderick and black drummer. All present a wide variety of options and a tasty feed if you approach the preparation and cooking the right way. Keep warm, fish hard, and plan a trip away with mates. You can’t go wrong!
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JUNE 2017 TIDE CHART Numbers Bureau of Meteorology Tidal Centre Picture Alex James Finch Instagram @yolexlego MONDAY
1 0118 0810 1424 2006
1.71 0.47 1.41 0.74
2 0221 0904 1525 2116
1.60 0.52 1.44 0.75
8 0139 0727 1311 1944
0.54 1.40 0.57 1.76
9 0216 0806 1345 2018
15 0615 0.52 1220 1.33 1750 0.73
21 0518 1.53 1122 0.40 1753 1.84
22 0022 0618 1214 1845
28 0547 1155 1735 2355
29 0639 0.39 1250 1.43 1833 0.65
• New Moon • First Quarter • Full Moon • Last Quarter 5 0515 1.43 1121 0.56 1753 1.62
6 0015 0601 1200 1832
0.64 1.42 0.56 1.67
7 0100 0645 1236 1909
0.58 1.41 0.56 1.72
12 0408 1004 1535 2206
0.47 1.36 0.63 1.77
13 0447 1046 1616 2245
0.49 1.35 0.66 1.74
14 0530 1131 1700 2327
0.51 1.33 0.70 1.69
19 0310 0938 1605 2215
1.52 0.47 1.58 0.63
20 0415 1030 1700 2320
1.52 0.43 1.71 0.52
26 0402 1005 1545 2213
0.19 1.51 0.44 2.03
27 0455 1100 1640 2303
0.24 1.48 0.50 1.93
0.31 1.45 0.58 1.79
0.40 1.54 0.38 1.96
3 0323 0954 1620 2224
1.52 0.55 1.49 0.73
4 0422 1040 1710 2324
1.46 0.56 1.55 0.69
0.50 1.40 0.57 1.79
10 0253 0845 1420 2053
0.47 1.39 0.59 1.80
11 0330 0925 1458 2129
0.47 1.38 0.61 1.80
16 0013 0702 1313 1846
1.63 0.53 1.35 0.75
17 0105 0753 1410 1952
1.58 0.52 1.40 0.75
18 0205 0845 1508 2103
1.54 0.50 1.48 0.71
23 0119 0716 1306 1937
0.29 1.55 0.37 2.05
24 0215 0814 1359 2030
0.22 1.54 0.37 2.09
25 0309 0910 1452 2121
0.18 1.53 0.40 2.09
30 0047 0729 1345 1935
1.65 0.47 1.42 0.71
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dog, be a good owner. If your dog is barking all day it’s not the only one that’s unhappy. Make more of an effort. Train it properly and walk it at least twice a day. PARK THOUGHTFULLY Complaints about parking probably outnumber every other whinge in Sydney. We live in a city, it’s crowded, and you may have trouble finding somewhere to park your car. That’s a fact of life for you and for your neighbours, so make the most of what parking you do have. Don’t park your car so it blocks the pavement, or someone’s driveway, don’t park in such a way that only two cars can fit into a three-car space, and if you have a garage clear it out and park in it instead of taking up space on the street. Maybe do like the Europeans do - instead of getting a massive 4WD, get a scooter or a smaller car that takes up less space.
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THE UNRELIABLE GUIDE TO... NEIGHBOURS Words Nat Shepherd Picture Dan Fogelman “Neighbours, everybody needs good neighbours. With a little understanding you can find the perfect blend. Neighbours should be there for one another. That's when good neighbours become good friends…”
ome of you will laugh out loud reading those lyrics, but the Unreliable Guide does actually have some great neighbours. They look after my parcels until I get home, water my plants when I’m away, and are happy to lend me an egg, an ear, or a hand. They are a good bunch, but it was a long, hot summer this year and my normally happy neighbours fought each other over issues that will be familiar to all residents of this highly populated little area of ours: noise, parking, and the sharing of communal facilities. 56 The Beast | June 2017
High-density living is a challenge, but the Unreliable Guide is here to help prevent neighbours from turning from good friends into the worst of enemies... KEEP IT DOWN I love a party, but having them too often and too late doesn’t make for happy neighbours. If you’re young and frisky and need to party from Friday to Monday every week, do it properly and go out. If you have kids and live in an apartment, maybe don’t let them play in the driveway. You may not care about the racket your darlings make, but it’s dangerous as well as noisy. We are never far from a communal space in the east so get off your lazy arse and take your kids to the park or the beach. If you have a
DON’T BE STINKY No one wants to endure other people’s pongs. Smoking is a hot topic at the moment and soon they’ll probably ban it altogether, but in the meantime use your head and make sure your smoke is drifting away from others’ windows and balconies. If your neighbours wanted to smoke in bed, they would light their own. Communal bin areas are often so disgusting that new life forms are created. Leave a bag of prawn shells or fish heads in there for a sunny week and you’ll create a stench that could strip paint. The solution is simple: keep your stinky meat/fish in the freezer until collection day. BE KIND Think communally: what can you do to be helpful for your neighbours? Can you bring some shopping home for the old dear at number 24? Can you help out the single mum at number 12 with her toddlers? Can you keep a parcel for the nurse at number 5 who works crazy hours? Do this and you won’t have any trouble finding someone to feed your cat or water your plants when you’re away.
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June 2017 | The Beast 57
Welcome to the big time Teddy.
DIRTY JUNE THIRTY Words Alasdair McClintock Picture Ted Jamesco
magine if your employer texted you this evening and told you not to come in tomorrow; they’ve sold you. To another company. In another city. You start next week. No, you can’t bring your cat. You might be so unhappy in your present state of malaise that you welcome it, but for most it would cause some alarm, and rightfully so. Yet for professional sportspeople this is now very much their reality. In Australia it is admittedly not quite as bad as in other countries, but with the June 30 transfer deadline looming like some meanspirited formal date who you’ve put off asking in the hope you can find someone better (you won’t), a lot of rugby league players must be wondering where they’ll be living next year, if not next week. Once this sort of perilous situation was reserved for fringe players who were probably just happy to have a contract, but as recent years have proven, not even the stars are 58 The Beast | June 2017
safe. Indeed, in the English Premier League star players are treated like prized pigs - groomed to reach their peak and then sold off before they break a hoof and lose value. It doesn’t matter if it weakens the team; think about the bullion! Fringe soccer players have it even worse than their rugby league counterparts. They get passed around like a joint at a frat party and by the end of their careers must be so burnt out that they can’t possibly know which end of them is up. Where is home? Wherever the hell I can get a goddamn drink! At least rugby league players appear to have some sort of say in where they go. Chances are they’ll end up in the same city or, at worst, just down the highway. There is little risk they’ll end up playing third division in Iceland, but given the Burgess brothers’ recent form they ought to be wary. It brings up a serious question of loyalty, though. Is loyalty dead?
In the sporting and professional world, at least, I think it is. Fans often bemoan a player leaving the club for a bigger pay cheque. We accuse them of being greedy, turning their backs on those who nurtured them for a bigger house and a bit of spare coin. But loyalty is a two-way street - or at least it should be - and I see very few sporting clubs or major corporations showing much loyalty to anyone - underperform and you’re out on your arse; excel and you might just get sent to market to become a plaything for a slightly mad heir with oil money. So as the June 30 deadline looms for our NRL players, it also looms for a bunch of stressed out bean counters, fiddling away with their abacuses of destiny, deciding who stays and who goes. I hope all you footy stars have been nice to the folk in the accounts department. They’re a little odd, I know, but they are more powerful than you think.
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June 2017 | The Beast 59
Hard work on a pushy.
SAILING INTO THE SUNSET IN SANTORINI Words and Pictures The Bondi Travel Bug
t takes about 90 minutes by ferry to get from Mykonos Island to Santorini. Along the way the ferry navigates through spectacular mountainous coastlines dotted with bays and inlets, giving the feeling that you’re sailing into a mystical battle scene from Game of Thrones or a classic viking movie. As you get closer to Santorini, white specks begin to appear, scattered on the cliff tops like a fresh dump of snow. These are the renowned villages perched on some of the most glorious real estate in the world. After disembarking from our ferry and negotiating the hoards of hawkers trying to sell us last minute hotel deals and other holiday packages, we were soon sitting in the comfort of a prearranged bus and on our way to the town of Fira, the capital of Santorini. To get to the hotel we drove up the most incredibly steep hill. If you suffer from vertigo, I wouldn’t suggest looking down, though I must say the views on display are mesmerising, so if you can overcome your fear of heights, it’s well worth it. Every road driven and corner turned presented us with yet another beautiful vista, the likes you expect from a heavily photoshopped travel brochure. From the first time I saw photos of Santorini and its whitewashed houses and churches with classic blue
60 The Beast | June 2017
domes, they have been etched into my mind. When I sighted them in the flesh for the first time, I was far from disappointed. Fira is situated above the old port on the western side of the island. We stayed in a classic multi-level whitewashed hotel perched on the top of a cliff, which offered exquisite views of the Aegean Sea and the volcanic islands surrounding Santorini. To get to our hotel we had to walk through a narrow cobblestone lane, passing a multitude of dazzling plumes of bougainvillea on the way. We could’ve easily spent our entire time in Santorini holed up in our gorgeous hotel room and patio, such were the views that confronted us, but we had much to see and do in our short four-day sojourn. As such, not long after settling in we were getting a scooter delivered to our front door. It would be our transport for the duration of our stay. As well as a famous museum and cable car, Fira has the island's largest shopping selection and the greatest choice of dining, cafes, and late night entertainment. Our first tour of the island took us to Oia, which is the most famous of all the villages in Santorini and is only about 20 minutes by scooter from Fira. It is known throughout the world for its dazzling sunsets and is one of the most beautiful and picturesque villages on the island. Oia
is located on top of an awe-inspiring cliff and the views are exceptional. Get there early to grab the best vantage point as it gets insanely crowded. Another highlight of Oia is the famous blue domed and whitewashed churches. There are also many shops, taverns, and cafés located on the main pedestrian path that runs along the whole length of town. There are also some outstanding walks in Oia. One of the standouts takes you down a few hundred steps to Amoundi Bay, which is one of the most quaint and beautiful places to visit. It’s a little fishing port and it boasts a number of waterfront seafood restaurants. Colourful little fishing boats bob up and down on the waterfront, and freshly caught octopus is stretched out on racks to dry in the sun outside the restaurants. It is also a great place to dive off the rocks and go for a swim. To further enhance this magical bay, donkeys are lined up at the bottom of the cliff ready to transport overfed tourists back up the 300 steps to their motorised transport. Donkeys and mules are located all over the island due to the many steep walks and steps. Generally speaking, if you’re looking for a beach holiday Mykonos is the place to go. In saying that, we did go and checkout some of Santorini’s most popular beaches and they didn’t disappoint. The beaches are unique due to their red and black sand. The most famous of Santorini’s beaches is Red Beach, which has a dramatic red cliff backdrop and stunning aquamarine coloured water. Other popular beaches feature the unusual black sand, including Perissa, Kamari, and Perivolos. A warning though, in the middle of the day that dark sand gets bloody hot – pack your thongs! Santorini is definitely an island I highly recommend putting on your bucket list. Where to Stay Tzekos Villas www.tzekosvillas.gr
Where to Eat Everywhere. Greek food is sensational!
How to Get There Vicki Gilden at Rose Bay Travel (02) 9371 8166
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THE DISAPPEARING PENIS Words Matty Silver, Sex Therapist Picture Stiffy McPherson
ome years ago a survey of 1,000 British men showed that a third of men aged between 35 and 60 years were unable to see their genitals due to a protruding midriff or, less politely, a beer belly. One of the questions/statements was: "Take off your clothes, stand upright, and look down at your penis. If you can't see it, you are obese." Men who are overweight are more likely to develop type 2 diabetes, colon cancer, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart disease, and other health problems. But what the research did not spell out was that obesity has been linked to erectile problems and difficulties with sexual performance. From a psychological point of view, overweight men often feel uncomfortable with their bodies and have lower self-esteem. They may suffer from anxiety, depression, or emotional distress and therefore may acquire performance anxiety. Unfortunately it's not something they want to talk about, neither to their GPs nor a counsellor.
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The social and psychological obstacles these men face are not the only factors causing sexual problems. There is also a direct biological origin. An erection is the result of increased blood flow in the penis, and to maintain a penile erection one must have a healthy circulatory system. There hasn’t been a similar survey in Australia yet, but you only need to look around to realise how many men are overweight and have a beer belly. They often shrug their shoulders and joke about their weight. I’ve previously heard quips including: “I have the body of a God, and my God is Buddha", or my personal favourite: "It’s just a veranda over my toy shop". Most men care more about maintaining their cars than their own bodies, and often only see the doctor if told by a partner or relative to do so. However, overweight men should view the prospect of impotence as a compelling motivation to lead a different lifestyle, one that involves regular exercise
and a healthy diet. It is not only for their own sake, but that of their partners. Erectile dysfunction does not just affect overweight men. The world's largest study to examine links between erectile dysfunction and heart disease found that even minor erection difficulties in healthy, fit men can be an indicator of future heart risks. The researchers concluded that erectile dysfunction does not cause heart disease, but may be an early indicator of the problems that lead to it, such as a build-up of plaque in the arteries. These results tell us that every man who is suffering from any degree of erectile dysfunction should be seeking medical assistance as early as possible, and also insisting on a heart check by their GP at the same time. I assume most women don’t fancy a man with a beer belly so large that he can’t see his penis anymore. If your man fits into this category, it’s time to have a serious discussion and help him to lose some weight.
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June 2017 | The Beast 63
DENIM Jeans are the real essential of any winter wardrobe. They can be paired with just about anything to be appropriately dressed up or down for all occasions. Current trends include the enduring looser fitting, distressed boyfriend jeans and the high-waisted, flared, cropped jeans. WOOL FEDORA Keep your head warm this winter without sacrificing style - a wool fedora is the perfect accessory to finish off almost any outfit (and a great way to cover up hair that’s due for a wash). KNITS A beautiful knit is an absolute essential for every winter wardrobe. Add a splash of colour with a floral embroidered knit or keep it simple with a refined knit in a neutral hue, and focus on your accessories. This month on the streets I met Sim from Dover Heights and Alex from Bondi…
Sim from Dover Heights.
Alex from Bondi.
STAYING WARM AND STILL LOOKING STYLISH Words and Pictures Sharmin Musca, Personal Stylist
or some this season is the opportunity for a much-needed wardrobe update, while for others it’s a time for despair as the summer glow slowly fades away. You might be content sporting your latest Peter Alexander onesie while curled up in front of the heater, but what will you wear when you leave the house? Here are my tips for the tricky task of staying warm and still looking stylish this winter. There’s no need for compromise; all you need is a few quality essentials. VELVET DRESS Simplify nighttime dressing by switching your trackies for a cute 64 The Beast | June 2017
dress or romper matched with an over-the-knee boot (then no one can see your hairy legs). The fabric of the season is velvet, best worn as a wrap style dress. LAYERS Why is it that when the temperature drops outside the places you frequent overcompensate by blasting the heater? The solution is to layer up, keeping each layer light to avoid looking two dress sizes larger. Start with an organic cotton/merino wool camisole as a base layer, followed by a long sleeve top or light knit, and finish with a statement coat.
SIM FROM DOVER HEIGHTS Occupation Owner of Casanovas Italian Shoes, Double Bay Street Style Sim wears jeans from Glassons, top from Zara, and jewellery from Girls with Gems. Her Givenchy bag, Lola Cruz trainers, and Diesel sunglasses are all from Casanovas Double Bay. Fave Item for the Season Velvet ankle boots from Casanovas. ALEX FROM BONDI Occupation General Manager of Pelicano Double Bay Street Style Alex wears a Brent Wilson shirt and Nudie jeans. His Tom Ford sunnies and Marc Jacobs trainers are from Casanovas. Fave Item for the Season Linen bomber jacket from Venroy. If overhauling your own wardrobe seems too time consuming, Sharmin Musca – Personal Stylist can help. Call 0405 518 155 or email firstname.lastname@example.org.
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Second fridges and freezers Recycle for free with Fridge Buyback, save energy bills, and score a $25 rebate! Get in quick as the program is officially closing at the end of June. Collection for Waverley and Randwick Council residents is on June 9. Call 1800 708 401. TVs, laptops, and electronic equipment Drop them off at Council’s e-waste collection day. They get melted down into valuable parts for recycling. Street furniture.
PLANET FRIENDLY TIPS FOR DUMPING YOUR JUNK Words Nicola Saltman, Chief Environmental Officer - Waverley Council
hichever way you cut it, we always wind up with stuff we don’t need – in our garage, cupboards, attics, and elsewhere. It makes moving house a far more frustrating endeavour. For some it’s a buzz to offload unwanted junk from a declutter session. But where does it all go? Unfortunately some of it winds up on our streets and in our parks. Dumped rubbish makes our beautiful neighbourhood a lot less awesome, causes havoc in our waterways, and costs stacks in clean-up costs. Dumping is also against the law, with fines of up to $1500 for repeat offenders. According to recent NSW EPA research, most Council areas are dealing with up to 100 dumped rubbish incidents a year, and around one in 10 spend more than a whopping half a million dollars annually on prevention, monitoring, and enforcement of illegal dumping. That’s dosh that could instead be funnelled into better facilities and improved services locally. It needn’t be this way. Check out these handy reuse and recycling options to dispose of your bulky waste sustainably. You never can tell what trash (for cash) will be someone else’s treasure! 66 The Beast | June 2017
FIND IT A NEW HOME Sell, swap or give it away Who doesn’t love a garage sale, with proceeds to go towards your next holiday?! Swap parties with friends are also loads of fun. List online Freecycle, Gumtree, or Ozrecycle are three of the best options. Donate it Look to a local charity like Vinnies. Contact the Bower Re-homing Service These guys collect your junk for free for reuse. They accept household furniture, bikes, electronic appliances, small quantities of building materials, bric-a-brac, kitchenware and books. Visit bower.org.au. GIVE IT UP FOR RECYCLING Mattresses Call Soft Landings on 9083 8080 to organise a free collection to recycle these for free. This company works in partnership with Council to salvage the metal, foam, and timber to make into carpet underlay, animal bedding, and boxing bags.
Community Recycling Centre Your one-stop drop-off point (think whitegoods, cardboard, e-waste, and more). Grab a barbecued sausage at their community day, on Tuesday, June 4 from 12-3pm at 72 Perry Street, Matraville. Household batteries, globes, and mobile phones By July you’ll be able to drop these off in dedicated recycling bins at Waverley Library and the Customer Service Centre. BOOK A CLEAN-UP COLLECTION Each Waverley household is entitled to two free Your Call collections of household items each calendar year, plus a free scheduled collection. The only thing is that what gets picked up ends up in landfill, thereby missing the opportunity to give your old stuff a new eco-friendly life. For more information about dumping your junk, there’s a free workshop about bulky waste solutions for apartment blocks on Thursday, June 15. You can RSVP at www.secondnature. org.au. To find out more about the Community Recycling Centre, visit www.randwick. nsw.gov.au. To learn how best to sort your rubbish, go to www. waverley.nsw.gov.au/waste. And if all else fails, call the Resource Recovery Hotline on 9083 8000.
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SUBJECT Hungry Noisy Miners LOCATION Eastgardens PHOTOGRAPHER Neil Paton
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Possibly the greatest Aussie band of all time.
A BLAST FROM THE PAST Words Dan Hutton Picture James Philson
rinspoon really need no introduction. Having formed in 1995 in the backwaters of Lismore, they went on to become one of the most successful Australian rock bands of the late 90s and naughties. Their live performances were second to none, with front man Phil Jamieson regularly whipping the crowd into a frenzy. Though they now have seven albums under their studded belts, you’d be hard pressed to find one more popular among fans than their debut, Guide to Better Living, which first dropped 20 years ago. As such, Grinspoon are packing up the tour bus and hitting the road to play the album in its entirety at a range of venues around the country, and they’ll be hitting the stage at the Enmore Theatre on July 6 and 7. We fired a few questions at Mr. Jamieson during the month… My first memory of music is… gospel, though my first memory of popular music was hearing ‘Evie Part 1’ by Stevie Wright at the age of three. Growing up my parents listened to… Christian music, mainly; Keith Green, that kind of jazz. They may have had the Skyhooks/ the Eagles/Deep Purple as part of
70 The Beast | June 2017
their vinyl collection, but it rarely got played. My dream gig... would include Sufjan Stevens, Bud Powell, Billy Ocean, Bikini Kill, No Zu, the Tall Grass, Spoon, Lonely Island, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Magic Dirt and the Easybeats. If you come to see us play Guide to Better Living in its entirety, you can expect… Guide to Better Living played in its entirety. I think young Aussies connected with Guide to Better Living and Grinspoon because… I made the record when I was 19, so perhaps that has something to do with it? Otherwise I have no idea! If I could go back to 1997 and give myself one piece of advice… I wouldn’t stop at one piece of advice. I’d have at least five pieces of advice: 1. It’s a marathon not a sprint; 2. Roll don’t fold; 3. Don’t buy the Jeep; 4. Don’t sell the EH; and 5. Avalon is a long way from anywhere. My biggest regret from the last 20 years is… 1. Not buying that Hawaiian shirt; 2. Letting Chris Cheney buy the Hawaiian shirt 3. See above.
My career highlight is… hard to put a finger on. Thinking of highlights seems to be way too self-congratulatory. I really love Grinspoon’s second album, Easy, and I really liked programming Rage for the first time as I had been watching it/ taping it since I was a kid. It was a surreal experience. There was one time when we were starting out… that Pat quit the band whilst sitting on a toilet. If I could have chosen one song to have written it would have to be… I have millions of these. Today it’s ‘Mr Sandman’. My favourite song to perform would have to be... I love them all (well, sort of ). ‘More Than You Are’ holds a special spot, though. The best thing about the local music scene is… Stale Cakes, Jack River, and Flow Bar. Our biggest fan has got be… You? My mum? I’m not sure. To find out more about Grinspoon’s upcoming tour, please visit www.grinspoon.com.
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June 2017 | The Beast 71
ALBUM #1 Artist Kendrick Lamar Album DAMN Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating Kendrick rarely disappoints, but DAMN, I feel a little disappointed. Not that this is a poor album - it’s far from that - I just wanted more. Maybe I even needed more (dark times, etc.). We need a voice to cut through the crap, and while Kendrick’s voice is still pretty clear, I just wish there was a bit more beat behind it. Because for me, hip-hop, rap, whatever is still music, and I listen to music to be both inspired and to mindlessly shake my sweet little thang, and there isn’t enough reason to shake my thang here, Kendrick. Don’t you want me to shake my thang?
MOVIE REVIEW TITLE Don’t Tell GENRE Drama REVIEWER Linda Heller-Salvador Don’t Tell is a confronting Australian drama based on the true story of Lyndal (Sara West), a young woman who sought justice for the abuse she endured as a 12-year-old (Kiara Freeman) while boarding at an exclusive Anglican school in Toowoomba. In 1990 Kevin Guy (Gyton Grantley), a housemaster at the school, violated his position of trust and sexually abused Lyndal. When the school headmaster Robert Brewster (Robert Taylor) was informed, the school and church denied the allegations, and proceeded with an insensitive and calculated cover-up. Years of trauma followed until psychologist Joy (Rachel Griffiths) and local lawyer Stephen Roche (Aden Young) helped her expose the cover-up and attain the justice she deserved. Her determination not only for herself, but for the many others who suffered a similar fate, was enough for her to ignore the words of her assailant when he said: “Don’t tell. No one will believe you.” Powerful performances from an impressive cast including Jack Thompson and Jacqueline McKenzie, as well as provoking dialogue that was taken directly from courtroom transcripts, adds strength to the film’s already confronting authenticity. This is an important story that will leave you angry, shocked, and inspired. 72 The Beast | June 2017
Artist The Smith Street Band Album More Scared of You... Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating Have you noticed that skate punk is cool again? Bands like Smith Street and Violent Soho are taking over the airwaves and it’s wonderful. There are few things more liberating than hollering along to a punk rock sing-a-long and Smith Street have continued to provide us with some belters. They have been accused of being too preachy, but I don’t hear it. This is more about internal struggles than worldly struggles and they are torments most of us can relate to, in one way or another. This is another cracker from Australia’s best punk-poets.
ALBUM #3 Artist Gorrilaz Album Humanz Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating I don’t mean to be ageist, but there is something unsettling about men in their forties releasing the music of 20-year-olds. What are their motivations? Are they sinister? Probably not, in the case of Gorrilaz, but it is food for thought. This album is far more rooted in pop than anything else they’ve released, which is confusing, as bands usually go the other way. Still, it’s a good enough listen. In fact, if they’d released it earlier in their careers we would probably all be hailing it as a miracle of modern creation. Instead I just find it pleasantly confusing.
ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT FROM AROUND THE BEACHES Words Madeleine Gray Picture Erik Janousek COOEE! COOOOEE! A cooee always has an echo, right? This seems to be ringing true for Cooee Art Gallery, which has just opened a second permanent location on Oxford Street, in addition to their Bondi space. Both galleries have stunning and important exhibitions to kick off with. Excitingly, launching the Paddington gallery will be a solo exhibition from renowned Pitjantjatjara artist Jorna Newberry, the niece of famous Aboriginal artist Tommy (Yannima) Watson. For further details, please visit www.cooeeart.com.au. DISCO ACROBATICS? YES PLEASE! Fancy a night of frivolous fun? Back by popular demand, the ARIA nominated, award winning hit show ‘Velvet: A Divine Discotheque Circus’ is returning to Sydney as part of its Australian and New Zealand tour in 2017. Each performance invites the audience into an intoxicating glitterball world where the performers and the audience walk the fine line between the romantic and the audacious, and dazzling acrobat-
Crab's eye view.
ics are pitted against disco divas, channelling Studio 54. Running from July 27 to August 6 at Roslyn Packer Theatre, this is not one to miss. For more information, visit www.velvettheshow.com. CONCERT WITH A FRENCH FLAVOUR Hold the front gate, because the Eastern Sydney Chamber Orchestra & Choir will soon perform the famous Pavane by Faure. The orchestra will perform Saint-Saens' Symphony No.2 and Haydn's Symphony No.6 "Le Matin", where members showcase their skills in many solo parts. The concert is on Sunday, June 11 at 2:30pm at St Mary's Anglican Church, Birrell Street, Waverley. Tickets cost $25 for adults, $20 for concessions, and $10 for students. For more info and tickets, visit www.wrps.com.au. SLIP, SLOP, SLAP Exciting times lie ahead for local band Sunscreen, whose track ‘Voices’ has been hitting the Triple J rotation for the first time ever over the past few weeks. Guitarist
Alex McDonald hails from Clovelly and his catchy riffs spearhead the guitar-pop with “dreamy Cocteau Twins-esque vocal melodies over driving post-punk-inspired beats” (Sunscreen’s own words, obviously). The group has been playing at venues like Golden Age, The Lady Hampshire, and Oxford Art Factory, and we definitely recommend that you check them out next time they’re jamming. Follow @sunscreentheband on Instagram or go to www.facebook. com/sunscreentheband. STILLS GALLERY TO CLOSE After more than 25 years, STILLS Gallery will cease operation in its current form at the end of June this year. In its final exhibition, Curtain Call, the gallery will take the opportunity to look back over the history of STILLS, and will present the mother of all salon hangs featuring over 60 artists from over 26 years of exhibitions. The exhibition will run from May 24 to June 30, and the official opening (free drinks!) will take place on Saturday, May 27 from 3–5pm.
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a 14x20cm loaf tin with baking paper. 2. Mix coconut oil, eggs, vanilla, cinnamon, bicarb soda, and baking powder together in a large bowl until well combined. 3. Add zucchini, currants, sultanas, pecans, and mix gently. 4. Fold in coconut and teff flour, and combine all ingredients gently together. 5. Spoon into loaf tin and bake for 45-55 minutes or until cooked when tested with a skewer. 6. Remove from oven and allow to rest in tin for 20 minutes, before transferring to a wire rack to cool. 7. Slice and serve with a smear of butter and a cup of tea. 8. Store for 1-2 days in an airtight container, or slice and freeze for toast in the weeks ahead.
THE TASTIEST TEFF FRUIT BREAD ON THE BLOCK Recipe and Image from Seasons to Share by Jacqueline Alwill
ith a curious name like ‘teff ’, you might be a bit concerned about how this fruit bread is going to taste. Well put your food fears aside and have faith, for this is by far the tastiest fruit bread on the block. Teff, for those new to it, is a tiny Ethiopian grain rich in calcium, iron, and protein, and it just so happens that it’s also gluten-free. It has a nutty flavor, which teams up well with the fruit, pecans, and sneaky hit of veg in this delicious dish. As I always like to say, don’t knock it till you bake it! (This recipe serves 8 people) 76 The Beast | June 2017
INGREDIENTS 1/2 cup coconut oil, melted 3 eggs 1 tsp vanilla 1 tsp cinnamon 1/2 tsp bicarb soda 2 tsp aluminum and gluten free baking powder 2 medium (250g) zucchinis, grated 3/4 cup currants 3/4 cup sultanas 1/2 cup chopped pecans 1 cup shredded coconut 1 cup Teff Tribe ivory or brown teff flour METHOD 1. Preheat oven to 180C and line
Bondi local Jacqueline Alwill is a qualified, practicing nutritionist, personal trainer, whole foods cook and, most importantly, mother. She is committed to improving the health, wellbeing and happiness of all individuals. In her first cookbook, Seasons to Share, Jacqueline has brought together a delightful collection of beautiful seasonal wholefoods recipes for all occasions. It is available now in all good bookstores and online.
If you don't know at least one of these guys, you really need to get out more.
HIGH ST. SOCIETY – HOSPITAL FOOD IT AIN’T Words Dining Dave Instagram @diningdave Picture Dan Hutton
now have a reason to look forward to a visit to the hospital – great coffee, fresh food served up quickly, and cheery service thanks to the good folk at High St. Society, a new café in Randwick that has made everyone sit up and take notice. Located across the road from the Prince of Wales Hospital on busy High Street, just near the intersection with Avoca Street and Belmore Road, High St. Society was opened back in January by three close mates, some of whom you may have heard of. Sydney Roosters captain Jake Friend is one, another is Aussie actor Les Hill, who recently played bad boy Max Saliba on the hit TV show Wonderland, and rounding out the trio is local identity Dave Martin, owner of Courtyard in Coogee. Attracting the ‘stethoscope crowd’ from the hospital, when I popped in most patrons appeared to be coming from across the road, some clearly employed by the hospital, others more likely visiting patients. High St. Society is not focussed solely on hospital staff, though. It’s aiming to become part of the greater Randwick community, attracting students, families, and foodies alike. Wooden tables and white-
washed walls make up the look of the café interior, and there’s a stone ledge for sipping a latte on if you don’t have time to sit down. There are currently a few outdoor tables along the side of the building with further outdoor seating slated for the near future. My companion and I were seated by Jake at around 11am on a Thursday and were immediately impressed with the offerings. Open for brekky and lunch at this point, High St. Society offers café classics as well as a few quirkier creations such as their Italian meatball baguette. We started off with a couple of organic, free-trade coffees (sourced from Girdlers), a fresh fruit ‘Zapple’ (apple, pineapple, mint, and ginger), and an acai smoothie (acai, banana, mixed berry, orange, apple juice). Served in on-trend mason jars, both had the right mix of ingredients to prep the palate for what was about to follow. First out was the aforementioned Italian meatball baguette with Napoli sauce, rocket, and grated parmesan, and a ‘healthy green’ salad of fennel, green peas, broccoli, cucumber, celery, spring onion, chives, roasted almonds, feta, and pomegranate seeds. Next up was a ‘BRAT’, made of bacon,
rocket, avocado, tomato, cheese, mayo, and grilled chicken breast, and a vegetarian frittata with baby spinach, caramelised onion, cherry tomato, goats cheese, and sweet potato. We didn’t manage to finish it all, but only for reasons of quantity, not quality. With what little room we had to spare, we finished off by indulging in an in-house baked brownie, one of the many tasty desserts on offer. Though hardly run-of-the-mill fellows, Jake, Les and Dave have successfully brought a high-quality community café to High Street. And while I wouldn’t recommend a double ristretto immediately before or after a double bypass, at least pop in for a bite to eat. High St Society Address 1/64 High Street, Randwick Phone 8056 5967 Instagram @HighStSociety Facebook www.facebook.com/ HighStSociety Open Breakfast, Mon-Fri, 7am12pm and all day Saturday. Lunch, Mon-Sat 11am–3pm Prices $15-20 pp Cards Accepted All major Licensed No June 2017 | The Beast 77
METHOD 1. In a small pot, combine rhubarb pieces, lemon juice, maple syrup, and ginger, and bring to a simmer. Stir and cook until the rhubarb is tender and falling apart (around 5 minutes). 2. Add the tapioca flour and water mixture to the rhubarb and stir well until slightly thickened. Remove from the heat and set aside to cool. 3. In a high strength food processor, add the almonds and pecans and process until a coarse flour is formed. 4. Add all remaining base ingredients and process until it forms a ball. This mixture should hold together when pressed between two fingers. 5. Press the base mixture into the bottom of a medium sized bread or cake tin. Use your fingers to evenly flatten the base.
Plenty of wow factor.
DECADENT RHUBARB LEMON ‘CHEESECAKE’
6. In the same food processor, add all filling ingredients and process until completely smooth.
Words and Picture Tamika Woods
7. Pour filling over the base, then smooth with the back of a spoon.
he most decadent mix of gingery stewed rhubarb, creamy lemon filling, and a crumbly pecan base, this ‘cheesecake’ is the perfect healthy replacement for the real thing. Made with raw cashews, coconut milk, and maple syrup to replace the common cream cheese and sugar ingredients, it’s simple to put together and its impressive three-layer look makes it a ‘wowfactor’ dessert to impress friends and family with. They’ll never guess it is actually healthy! INGREDIENTS Topping 1 bunch rhubarb (leaves removed), cut into 5cm chunks Juice of 1 lemon 1.5 tbsp maple syrup (or your favourite sweetener) 5cm piece fresh ginger, grated finely
78 The Beast | June 2017
2 tbsp tapioca flour mixed with ¼ cup cold water Base ½ cup raw almonds 1.5 cups pecans 1 tbsp maple syrup (or your favourite sweetener) ¼ cup desiccated coconut 1 tbsp tahini Pinch salt Tiny dash of almond milk or water Filling ½ cup coconut cream ½ cup cacao butter, melted (you can do this in a small pot on the stove) 1 cup raw cashews, soaked for at least 4 hours Juice and zest of 1 lemon 2 tbsp maple syrup (or your favourite sweetener) 1 tsp vanilla essence
8. Place the tin in the freezer for 2-3 hours to firm up. 9. When ready to serve, pour the rhubarb mixture over the cheesecake and serve slices with fresh raspberries. Enjoy! Tamika Woods is a Bondi-based Nutritional and Dietetic Medicine student and recipe maker. She is the founder of Sproutly Stories, a health food website designed to encourage spending more time in the kitchen. Her wholesome recipe ideas inspire others to enjoy real food that is conveniently healthy. For more guilt-free recipes, you can check out Sproutly Stories by visiting www.sproutlystories.com.
Vineyards in Chateauneuf-du-pape, France.
IT’S TIME TO GIVE GRENACHE A BASH Words and Picture Alex Russell Instagram @ozwineguy
renache is pretty popular the world over, but many in Australia know little about it. And yet Grenache can make some pretty special wine. Many would argue that Peter Dean hit the nail on the head when he controversially said: “Grenache delivers what Pinot promises.” It’s a versatile grape, in that it can produce all sorts of different wines, from full-bodied beasts to perfumed, elegant masterpieces. It all depends on where it’s grown and the vintage conditions. It is known as Garnacha in Spain, where it’s key in Rioja wines, and is also popular in France, particularly in Chateauneuf-du-Pape and Gigondas. Most of you will know of Grenache from the GSM blends with Shiraz and Mataro/Mourvedre, but many producers bottle it by itself, too. MCLAREN VALE If you want to explore McLaren Vale Grenache, d’Arenberg has an astonishing array of wines, including both GSMs and straight Grenaches. ‘d’Arry’s Original’ (a blend of Shiraz and Grenache for around $18ish) is one of their best-known wines and is a big red that’ll keep you warm. ‘The Custo-
dian’ Grenache (also around $18) is also a cracker, initially featuring darker berries on the nose, then making way for lighter raspberry and lifted red berry aromas. A personal favourite is ‘The Derelict Vineyard’ Grenache (about $29), made from a specific plot of vines that were neglected for years. All wines vary depending on the vintage, but this one especially so. You’ll often find a lighter, more vibrant, almost cheerful style of wine with this one. In three bottles from the one producer, you’ve got three very different styles of Grenache. There are a lot of other great producers of Grenache in the Vale, such as Kay Brothers ($28), Aphelion (a few to choose from, but the $29 one is great), and Jauma ($28), to name just a few. CLARE VALLEY You will find a bit of Grenache in the Clare Valley. Notable producers are Kilikanoon (a personal favourite with a few to choose from), Tim Gramp ($22), clos Clare ($26), and Mitchell’s Grenache Mataro ($24). HEATHCOTE REGION There are a handful of producers making Grenache from grapes
grown in Heathcote. You can get Heathcote Estate Grenache Noir for $29 (or much cheaper if you know where to look). Another worth trying is the Jasper Hill ‘Cornella Vineyard’ Grenache (about $50). This is usually fairly high octane (about 15.5% alcohol volume), but still well balanced. BAROSSA VALLEY I don’t manage to get to the Barossa much these days, but when I do I always visit Marco from Cirillo Estate Wines. It’s always great to catch up, plus he lets me taste out of the barrels to get a glimpse of future releases. Marco’s vineyard has some of the oldest Grenache vines in the world, dating back to the 1850s. They’re old, gnarled beasts, and the wines are nothing short of profound. Whenever I want to show someone what Grenache can be, I open a bottle of Cirillo ‘1850s’ Grenache. Over the years the alcohol levels have decreased just a bit. You can find these for about $50 a pop, including in some big retailers. So why not grab yourself a bottle of Grenache and get away for a special occasion, like International Grenache Day on September 15? June 2017 | The Beast 79
THE BEAST SUPERCROSS 1
ACROSS 1. Winner of the first series of Australian Idol (3,9) 7. Quash (7) 8. Having a nice view (6) 9. Infamous American restaurant chain with an owl logo (7) 10. Second planet from the sun (5) 11. Mother (colloquial) (2) 13. Second hand (4) 15. Basic makeshift boat (4) 18. Bin chicken; tip turkey (4) 21. Person whose power derives from their wealth (9) 22. Famous Julie Andrews movie, ‘The …’ (5,2,5) DOWN 1. Chequered pattern often on tablecloths (7)
2. Primary colour (6) 3. Neurological disorder that causes seizures (8) 4. Bottomless hole of nothingness (5) 5. Inability to sing (4,4) 6. Behaviour highlighted by an egotistical admiration for one’s own attributes (12) 12. Animal displaying pale skin, light hair and pinkish eyes (6) 14. Doctor (2) 16. Basic unit of electrical resistance in the emucgs (centimetergram-second) system of units (5) 17. Island group often associated with the Caicos Islands (5) 19. Turn (4) 20. Japanese modern martial art (4)
TRIVIAL TRIVIA Words Madeleine Gray Picture Poppy Wolanski 1. True or false: There are three female late-night comedy show hosts in the US at present? 2. What is Katy Perry’s real name? 3. According to new changes in World Rugby’s Test eligibility regulations, how long must a player live in a new country before he can represent that nation?
Sentries. 80 The Beast | June 2017
4. Which new Hulu show depicts a dystopian future in which women are used as sex slaves under a totalitarian regime? 5. Who is the NSW Minister for Mental Health? 6. Which country produces the most carrots annually? 7. If you go into outer space,
do you become taller? 8. Does a Stimpson's goby have feathers, fur, or fins? 9. Which actress recently won the first ever gender-neutral acting prize at the MTV Movie and TV Awards? 10. What are the club colours of the Clovelly Crocs?
LEO JUL 24-AUG 23 Fill your mouth with ice cubes and reward your long suffering partner with a cool, soothing gobbler they'll never forget.
CAPRICORN DEC 23-JAN 20 Suddenly you'll realise that you've wasted the last few years of your life being miserable in the same shit job. Don't make the same mistake again.
VIRGO AUG 24-SEP 23 If your fancy 4WD is too big to squeeze past the other cars parked on your street, just f**k off to some other suburb. You're not wanted here.
AQUARIUS JAN 21-FEB 19 Spend some quality time naked and alone in front of the mirror, masturbating yourself into a euphoric sweaty stupor.
LIBRA SEP 24-OCT 23 Your friends aren't copying you, they're copying everyone else; you just think they're copying you because you copy everyone else as well.
PISCES FEB 20-MAR 20 It's time for some soul searching and reflection. You need to learn how to be happy within yourself before you can make someone else happy.
GEMINI JUNE 21-JUN 21 On the happiness/satisfaction matrix, happily unsatisfied is the best quadrant to exist in. To be satisfied is to have given up on living.
SCORPIO OCT 24-NOV 22 Quit bitching about politics. The new budget presents a great opportunity for you to keep working hard to help the ultra rich and the ultra useless.
ARIES MAR 21-APR 20 You're going to be so bloody horny for the next month, you really need to be careful or you're going to get yourself into some serious trouble.
CANCER JUN 22-JUL 23 You're about to slip back into a routine of overeating and general slothlike behaviour. It's already too late to fight it; just let yourself go.
SAGITTARIUS NOV 23-DEC 22 When you're running away from something, always be careful to look where you're going or you could bump into something even worse.
TAURUS APR 21-JUNE 20 A friend cull is on the cards, but don't put all of your eggs in one basket; with close friends comes too much obligation.
STAR SIGNS Words Beardy from Hell
TRIVIAL TRIVIA SOLUTIONS
‘All In A Dream’ The Franky Valentyn Project
1. False. There’s just one. 2. Katheryn Hudson 3. Five years 4. The Handmaid’s Tale 5. Tanya Davies MP 6. China 7. Yes, the cartilage disks in your spine expand under zero gravity. 8. Fins 9. Emma Watson 10. Red, white, and blue 1
“An absolutely stunning masterpiece” (Rated on ITunes!) Drawing on the inspiration of artists such as Rick Wakeman, Mike Oldfield, and ELO,
82 The Beast | June 2017
‘ALL IN A DREAM’
is now available to download online, with CDs at CDBaby and all good Music outlets. www.thefrankyvalentynproject.com.au
Lovingly & Locally Handmade. FASHION HOMEWARES ACCESORIES JEWELLERY BEAUTY GIFTS MUSIC
Sunday 4 June, 10am-4pm Royal Randwick Shopping Centre, Lvl 1