The Beast - January 2024

BEAST The

January 2024

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Welcome Note

Helter-Swelter Words James Hutton, Publisher Happy New Year, and welcome to the January 2024 edition of The Beast, the monthly magazine for Sydney’s sweltering beaches of the east. Summer is officially here and the beaches are absolutely pumping - time to escape down the coast, perhaps?

This month’s cover art comes courtesy of Bronte artist Beverley Luland, after her grandson Jack got in touch to tell us how awesome she is! You can see more of Beverley’s work at the iconic Wet Paint Restaurant, where her son is also the chef. I strongly recommend ripping into a Louisiana Chicken while you’re there, as does Beverley.

Thanks to everyone who entered The Beast Young Writers Competition. I had intended to reply directly to everyone, but I ended up receiving hundreds of entries and gave up pretty quickly. Celebrity judges Marj,

Paula, Allegra and Mr Compton are currently reading through all of your poems and short stories, and I’m looking forward to announcing the winners on Instagram (@thebeastmag) as soon as they’ve been chosen. I’ll also be publishing them in coming editions of The Beast.

I was blown away by the high standard of the entries - far better than the dribble I was writing when I was a kid, that’s for sure!

I’m also planning a kids’ photographic competition and some sort of art competition over the coming months, so please stay tuned for that too.

For anyone facing the prospect of spending Christmas Day alone this year, local lawyer and event producer Sebastian Cassie and his team of volunteers will once again be hosting the Bondi Community Xmas Day Lunch.

Everyone is invited to rock up to Bondi Surf Club on Christmas Day to enjoy a free three-course lunch and take home a gift bag from sponsors Original & Mineral Australia and Brown Sugar.

6 The Beast January 2024 Issue 228

Fresh ingredients have been donated by Harris Farm Markets and Woolies Metro, with desserts provided by Pasticceria Papa. Renowned chefs, volunteers and local charity Our Big Kitchen will be preparing the lunch. For more information, email xmas@bondisurfclub.com.

I really hope 2024 turns out to be the best year ever. I’ll sign off with Beverley’s words of wisdom, “Be kind to one another.”

Cheers, James

The Beast

The Beast Pty Ltd ABN 32 143 796 801 www.thebeast.com.au Editor james@thebeast.com.au Advertising Enquiries advertising@thebeast.com.au Rates and Specs thebeast.com.au/advertise Circulation 60,000 copies are delivered every month; 58,000 in mailboxes and 2,000 in shops.

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CONTENTS January 2024 Issue 228 06 Welcome Note 08 Contents 10 Pearls of Wisdom 12 Monthly Mailbag 20 Local Artist 22 Local News 30 Bits & Pieces

Flipping Fantastic, by Walter Kennard.

32 Crime News 34 Local Photos 36 Kieran's Satire 38 Unreliable Guide 40 Headnoise 42 Marj's Musings 44 Fishing Report

45 Tide Chart 46 Dana's Recipe 47 Classifieds 48 Brainteasers 49 Reviews 50 Beardy from Hell 50 Trivia Solutions

All 482 visas may now apply for PR, including cooks, café managers, hairdressers, marketing staff, etc.

The qualifying period has also been reduced to two years Please call Brendan to discuss further

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Check out what's on at the Pav bondipavilion.com.au Issue 228 January 2024 The Beast 9

Pearls of Wisdom

What cost of living crisis?

Here's to Trimming the Corporate Fat Words Pearl Bullivant Photo Arthur Ficial Darlings, it’s time to make those 2024 New Year’s resolutions, Eastern Suburbs-style.

No doubt your resolutions, made during a midnight binge on champagne and illicit substances, will be based around building more wealth and muscle, and looking younger and more beautiful than the year before. Each resolution will employ words like ‘embracing’ and ‘sustaining’ and could entail accumulating more investment properties, employing a life coach or changing one’s skincare regime to something more indulgent and luxurious.

All expensive resolutions, thankfully unattainable by the poorer beings residing in the Western Suburbs.

There is one New Year’s resolution, though, that is timeless and egalitarian - the resolution to lose weight and

eat healthier. In the Eastern Suburbs, that would normally involve juice cleansings, enemas, protein shakes and the adoption of a biodynamic diet as well as daily CrossFit, yoga retreats and switching from cab sav to Passion Pop or Prosecco (explaining the strange popularity of the latter). Our focus, of course, would be on wellness, because there are no overweight people in the Eastern Suburbs; we have way too much time and money to devote to our fitness and our looks, and we are far too competitive and vain to allow for kilo creep.

This column is not out to fat shame those who have weight loss on their resolutions list.

Instead, my purpose is to fat shame the Australian Government, which I hold responsible for the statistic that shows 65 per cent of Australians are

10 The Beast January 2024 Issue 228

overweight or obese. For years, the government has sat silent while companies that manufacture fast and ultra processed food play with the populace’s psyche and physiology. Every day, young people (like my great nephews, who were raised on an extremely healthy diet) make poor food choices due to advertising, convenience, taste and availability. In 1980, did we envisage that, 44 years later, we would be consuming popcorn chicken, cheese-stuffed pizza crusts, bacon flavoured chocolate and dubiously seasoned potato chips?

As we know, being overweight increases one’s risk of cardiovascular disease and diabetes, placing a burden not only on those carrying extra pounds but also on the taxpayer. Convenience and taste come at a cost to our health and the economy, but rather than imposing junk food taxes, restricting artificial substances and placing healthy eating, exercise, and nutrition psychology at the forefront of a national strategy, the government shirks any responsibility to its people, opting to encourage fat activism while taking the easy routine of approving Ozempic for weight loss, further lining the coffers of pharmaceutical companies.

I am convinced the government would prefer an unhealthy populace rather than daring to intervene in the working of capitalism (unless it involves corporate subsidies and bailouts). If everyone stopped eating ultra processed food and instead cooked at home, while swapping the car for pedestrianism, well-deserving corporations would be denied revenue.

So, in 2024, let us celebrate the sacrifice of our wellbeing and health system to the god of market forces - to that, I will guzzle a glass of low sugar Prosecco.

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Monthly Mailbag

The Beast's Monthly Mailbag Words The Good People of the Eastern Beaches Misleading Sculptures My visit to Sculptures ended on a very disappointing note as I reached the top of the stairs at Bondi. I had an EFTPOS machine put in front of my face and was asked for a donation.

I noticed a sign suggesting $5, and $15 for families. I found the sign to be misleading for those who do not have English as a first language or for those who do not speak or read English.

This is a public coastal walk.

The buckets along the walk are the better option.

Paula Waverley Art Is in the Eye of the Beholder In regards to Doug Richards’ obvious dislike of the Sculpture by the Sea dialogue (November’s Cover, Monthly Mailbag, The Beast, December 2023), I would like to remind him of two things; art is in the eye of the beholder, and Tamarama is for everyone and a chance to enjoy something that is only for two weeks of 52.

Just be gracious about being fortunate enough to live there for those 52 weeks when many others are simply trying to survive life and many more are homeless.

Tracey Malabar Negotiation Expertise The Heads of Agreement for the new building negotiated between Bronte SLSC and Waverley Council officers contains an absurd example of negotiated outcomes.

Not only has Council offered to put over $7 million of ratepayers’ money towards the project, it has also thrown in a sweetener, a

clause which would contractually gift the private club with a licence for nine car spaces in Bronte Cutting for the next 20 years.

Would someone please explain to ratepayers struggling to find a park near the beach how that provision has any relevance to the building project. Will our councillors allow this, and for 20 years?

The whisper is that, not only are the professional lifeguards being allocated a less than optimum surveillance location in the proposed structure, the club hierarchy is proposing to increase the floor area for its grand function centre and to enlarge the office to accommodate additional staff required to manage it. All this at the expense of the gym intended to improve lifesaver fitness. Is beach safety really the priority, or is the focus on using ratepayer funds to subsidise a private enterprise?

Greg Maidment Bronte Bronte SLSC I couldn’t agree more with Greg’s letter about Bronte SLSC and the plans for the new building. I’m a Nippers parent and second class member myself. Environmental sustainability of the new building should be the top priority.

Urs Bronte To Party, or Not to Party?

Will we or won’t we party? The 150th anniversary of the erection of the statue of Captain James Cook in Randwick is just months away, and what is planned to celebrate this event?

12 The Beast January 2024 Issue 228

The statue was gifted to Randwick by the local notable resident Captain Thomas Watson, and he also contributed to its upkeep.

This was the first such statue erected in Australia of Captain James Cook. Initially the statue stood on Captain Watson’s estate.

It was unveiled in its present location with great pomp before a large crowd.

Captain Watson was a seafaring man himself and had enthusiastic admiration for the intrepid circumnavigator. He worked to ensure the memory of Cook. He was instrumental in the erection of the first tribute to Cook in Liverpool and the statue of Cook in Hyde Park.

Watson spent the greater part of his life in Sydney. He held the posts of Lightkeeper at Macquarie Lighthouse shortly after its establishment. Afterwards he obtained the appointment of Pilot of Port Jackson and subsequently rose to the position of Harbour Master. He was also a member of the Marine Board for several years.

Randwick councillors and Council officers, who are forever spruiking ‘save our heritage’ for every old dump proposed for demolition, should prioritise this genuine matter of heritage.

Sean Buck Coogee Extraordinary Sighting Last week I was walking back from the rip bowl, up the Grassy Knoll, when I saw a most extraordinary sight standing outside Max’s Café. And I mean extraordinary.

I saw a man who caught my eye (not like that). Immediately I could tell there were a number of salient features about him which made him quite different from the other men and women patiently waiting for their soy milk latté in expensive recyclable keep cups.

What I noticed first was that he carried no yoga mat, nor did he look like he missed the experience. I looked carefully and couldn’t see any kale on his person either. I could see he had a book under his arm, but upon closer inspection it was

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Monthly Mailbag not a self-help guide - it was a novel. He was also apparently neither coming from, nor going to, a pilates class. From where I stood it looked to me as if he was perfectly comfortable in his own thongs and didn’t need Indian spirituality to get him through the morning.

He was not a vegan, nor did he tell everyone he wasn’t. It was just a fact. Not that he had anything against vegans. He knew some people, acquaintances of his, who were vegans. They might have told him as much.

He was cleanly shaven too and sported a hairstyle that did not resemble a mullet, or any other fish for that matter. I could tell he relied heavily on his watch to tell him the time but not necessarily to tell him how he felt or how he slept or how far he’d walked. His watch didn’t talk to his phone and his phone didn’t talk to his watch, and he didn’t talk to either of them. In fact, he talked to his wife.

Yes, he had a wife, who - wait for it - apparently held a proper job which did not involve teaching yoga or interiorly decorating her girlfriends’ holiday homes in Byron Bay. Speaking of which, I overheard him saying he was about to go on a trip that did not involve spending anytime at Byron or Aspen or even the ‘new Byron’, Yamba. He was a surfer alright, but he was old-fashioned in that he measured his surfboards in feet and inches and not litres; a measurement he reserved for his purchase of milk.

He was a brave man too, brave enough to be so offensive and politically incorrect in public as to wish his friends and family a Merry Christmas and a Happy Easter. ‘Happy Holidays’ were things he and his family went on.

Just not to Byron or Aspen.

Peter Bondi Schmiddy - Urgent Press Release Dear the loyal readers of The Beast - Yet another gripe for our loyal publicans, who do the hard work day in, day out - not just the weekend warriors.

Some licensed venues have come up with the disgraceful

idea of a ‘schmiddy’, a cross between a schooner and a middy, yet they still charge the price of a schooner for less grog in your glass. For reference, a schooner measures 425ml, perfect. But the unwanted schmiddy measures 350ml and we are still being charged the same price as if it was a schooner. I’m looking at you Estate Coogee. And do not get me started on plastic cups!

Many regards and cold beers, Snag Coogee Housing Crisis Sir - In his Bradfield Oration our new premier, Chris Minns, like all his predecessors, has set out to “solve the housing crisis” and again has blamed bureaucratic councils for obstruction. But, has he forgotten the previous state government relieved local councillors from all planning responsibilities? One wonders what our councillors have left to do? One by one they have let community areas such as schools, bowling clubs, tennis courts, charitable institutions, etc. be rezoned for development, with hardly a whimper. Facilities that cannot be returned to the community ever again.

With the federal government opening the flood gates to migration once again, we must ask where are they all going to live?

Minns’ solution is to increase density, but at what cost? Residents of the Eastern Suburbs live in the most densely populated area in the country. How much more density are we expected to take, and will it be at our cost, progressively lowering our standard of living?

With no major road or transport improvements in 50 years, we now are subjected to draconian solutions such as 40km/h speed limits on major access roads. And just how many 333 busses can you fit onto Bondi Road? 30 years ago the railways wanted to put in a switch back line to the beach; it was opposed

by Labor and Greens so it never went ahead. Surely with our current density and huge increases in tourism a project like this should now have top priority?

14 The Beast January 2024 Issue 228

So, we must ask what are our local councillors doing about protecting our environment?

Deafening silence! With most councillors belonging to major parties, it is obvious that their national agenda overrides the needs of those who actually elect them. Even on really important matters we don’t get a guernsey!

Andrew Goldfinch Bondi Junction The Environmental Levy We, like many others in our area, are elderly and survive on a fixed income. With the current cost of living pressures, the last thing we need is for our already sky high rates to be increased with this environmental levy.

Randwick Council donated $28,900 of ratepayers money to the ‘Voice Yes’ campaign, this money should have been spent on relevant ratepayers’ issues.

Council has no business even discussing political issues during Council meetings, never mind donating ratepayers’ money to these issues. They are not elected to do that. ‘No’ to the environmental levy!

Richard and Glenda Ementon Maroubra Monkey's Grave on Shark Island Dear James and Co. - Thanks for an informative and entertaining magazine. I’m hoping your readers might have some information about a monkey’s grave on Shark Island. I remember visiting it a few times as a child in the 1960s.

My mother said the monkey was a ship’s captain’s favoured pet.

There was some sort of gravestone or plaque.

Yours sincerely, Richard Maynard Bellevue Hill More Scents Than Sense I had a meal at the Beach Road Hotel the other night. Afterwards, we passed through the front bar and gaming area on our way out and I almost gagged from the overpowering smell of the ghastly and sickening air ‘scenting’. Sadly, the Beachie is not unique. I have been noticing this smell emanating from just about every pub I pass for some

Happy Holidays from Bronte Medical Centre!

Wishing our amazing patients and community a season filled with joy and good health. If you need any medical assistance or advice during this joyful season, don’t hesitate to reach out. We are open all days except Christmas Day, Boxing Day and New Years Day. Warm wishes from the Bronte Medical Centre team.

Call us: 02 9389 4422 Book online: brontemedical.com Issue 228 January 2024 The Beast 15

Monthly Mailbag time now and it finally got to me.

I literally had to run outside to the fresh air.

So, I went home and Googled this phenomenon. Sure enough, it’s a thing and it’s called ‘premium scenting’. Apparently it’s supposed to create a pleasant environment and make people comfortable. As if regular, clean air is not good enough, we need to be overcome by toxic, airborne ghastliness.

Am I the only one who thinks it’s repulsive? It’s the same, ubiquitous smell from Newcastle to Canberra and beyond. Why? Odour pollution contributes in a measurable way to environmental pollution. In fact, the volatile organic compounds from scented products (and that’s just about everything in our world, from laundry detergent to deodorant to cleaning products to perfume to sunscreen) create just as much petrochemical air pollution in the atmosphere as the amount of petroleum burned as fuel. This ‘premium scenting’ business is bizarre. I think we need to talk about it.

Tina Bondi Noisy Motorcycles With regards to Joseph’s letter (Noisy Motorcycles, Monthly Mailbag, The Beast, December 2023), I have asked more than one policeman about the ‘poor condition’ of the mufflers on those Harleys that go up and down Bondi Road, and I have gotten lip service every time. “If we give them a defect notice, they fix it then take the muffler back off the next day,” one told me. It makes you wonder…

Andrew Bondi Racism Dear The Beast - As an Asian Australian that has recently come back home from living in the UK, I am shocked at the amount of casual racism there is in everyday life in Sydney.

Australians have a bad reputation as racist in London, and coming back to Sydney just reinforces this stereotype even more. Today at the gym, one of

the guys decided to do the eye squint gesture right next to me, the same day I was at a supermarket and one of the white teenagers came up to me and was asking me where the bread was but in a heavily Asian accented way. Earlier this year I had to leave a toxic job due to mob bullying from these white Australian co-workers who were all hostile from the start to both me and another co-worker (who happens to be Asian as well).

What I’m asking is for everyone to educate themselves (especially your teenagers) to be culturally aware and sensitive.

I’m saying this as I personally know many Australian people of colour whom have decided to move overseas due to the amount of racism we had to endure growing up and the significant trauma as a result. Hence Australia is losing many great talents it has fostered and home grown. I’m very lucky and privileged to grow up in this country, but Australia may not be home for me for much longer.

Tired Bellevue Hill The Merge My name is Richard Whalebone, and I am the 2023 Randwick Boys’ High School Captain.

This letter seeks to highlight the baseless nature of the defamation my school has faced from Randwick Girls’ High School, along with their expressed concerns about the upcoming merger. Specific comments they’ve circulated are notably inappropriate and demand immediate attention.

The students of Randwick Boys’ High School are renowned with qualities of pride, balance, courage and education.

Let’s present some facts about Randwick Boys’ High School and some of its more recent successes...

• Competing in the World Scholars Cup in Yale University in New York (2022) • Runner up in Waratah Shield statewide rugby competition (2022, 2023) • Runner up in Puma Cup statewide soccer competition (2022)

16 The Beast January 2024 Issue 228

Aside from the above, for the 2020-2022 HSC results for comprehensive schools, Randwick Boys’ High School placed 12th in Chemistry, 15th in Physics and 7th in Mathematics Extension 1. Not bad for a “disgraced school, in need of help,” as per the inappropriate comments from Randwick Girls’ High School.

It is essential to understand that perceptions may vary, and those who hold differing opinions may have a comprehensive misunderstanding. It’s worth noting that no school is without its nuances. To characterise Randwick Boys’ High School, one might liken it to one among 660 commendable individual angels, with perhaps ten individuals who, for various reasons, fall short of certain standards. Just like every other metropolitan high school, perfection is an elusive ideal and Randwick Boys’ is no exception, sharing the same reality.

The question arises, ‘How and, more importantly, why is Randwick Girls’ High School asserting that the merger will assist a purportedly “disgraced” boys school?’ as they assert in less articulate terms? It leads one to ponder whether these sentiments truly reflect the perspectives of the Randwick Girls’ community, or if the baseless assertions only reflect some individuals manipulating events from the shadows, rather than embracing change and demonstrating leadership and maturity.

I acknowledge that with any change comes uncertainty and a myriad of questions, but that shouldn’t serve as a reason to disseminate misinformation within the community, foster discontent among your fellow students and create divisions between schools.

In my experience working with Randwick Girls’ High School’s captain, I’ve observed her as a strong and reliable individual, who confidently expresses her opinions. It’s regrettable that these qualities seem to be neglected. While they assert a desire to “protect the sanctity of single-sex education,” their words reveal the true motive: a reluctance to work with Randwick Boys’ High School towards

Monthly Mailbag the change. It’s disheartening, and it’s a clear indication of their resistance to embracing the present reality and acknowledging that Randwick Girls’ High School is gradually a name of the past.

I would also like to make it extremely clear that I have gotten to know a few young women from Randwick Girls’ and they are extremely kind, friendly and brilliant people to be around.

I truly value the friendships I have with these girls. That reality exacerbates the confusion of this conflict between the two schools.

It simply makes no sense.

During 2023, my prefect body attempted to plan events with Randwick Girls’ High School as they are our so-called ‘sister’ school, but they flung our overtures in our collective faces.

We rarely had contact with one another, even to the point when the girls would not wander onto their half of the oval in order to avoid communication with Randwick Boys’ students at recess and lunch. What a joke!

Now we come to the fundamental concept with the value of education. Co-education has its benefits - if nothing else, it is simply a reflection of what happens in life. University is co-educational, the workforce does not segregate men and women. While men and women have long ago learnt how to communicate with members of the opposite sex, it would seem Randwick Girls’ High School and their opinions flounder in the dark ages.

Notwithstanding anything our neighbouring school may like to say, Randwick Boys’ High School is proud in any way. In fact, during 2023 Randwick Boys’ High School established a strong relationship with Riverside Girls’ High School and our year 12 cohort had a highly successful day at Riverside to prepare for the HSC. Randwick Boys’ High School is welcoming of the merger and I believe it will positively benefit both schools. Afterall, $42 million dollars is on offer from the NSW Government to upgrade the merged schools. That is money that can be used for desperately needed upgrades and the

introduction of new facilities.

Randwick Girls’ High School seems content to throw that away to satisfy their selfish and archaic agenda.

I am proud to be a Randwick Boy, and I am proud to say that I care for each and every student in this school. In the spirit of Randwick Boys’ High School our students will prevail and ultimately will help to shape the next generation of young men and women within a co-educational environment, with or without the help of some of the girls and their backward thinking teachers.

Richard Whalebone 2023 School Captain Randwick Boys' High School School Almalgamation Dear The Beast - The letter from Geoffrey James in December’s The Beast, must surely demolish any move to combine Randwick Girls’ High School with Randwick Boys’ High School.

Every argument for such a merger was countered by Mr James with well thought out reasons based on his teaching and administrative experiences both at Randwick Girls’ High and other schools in which he has taught.

Those pushing for amalgamating the two Randwick schools cannot disregard the opinions of someone with the knowledge of the subject which Mr James brings to this matter.

I hope Mr James’ letter becomes a rallying cry to all those who value diversity in public education.

Alan Wood Bellevue Hill Same Sex School - No Fun High School Teacher Geoffrey James’ letter (Randwick High School Merger Will Erode Choice, The Beast, December 2023) is indeed all about a choice. Well, nature has made its choice - it created boys and girls, women and men.

As we know since Darwin, having the opposite sex has evolutionary, biological and social advantages. As a consequence, there is next to no species that comes without the opposite sex.

Even in Noah’s Ark there was

18 The Beast January 2024 Issue 228

Noah (a man), his wife, family and friends, and two animals for each species - one female and one male.

Unless arguing for an oldman-imposed baleful Afghanistan-Taliban-style segregation, humans - in school, society, trams, even on a Randwick ‘bus’, cafes, shopping centres, parks, beaches, bedrooms... - reject segregations such as men versus women, black versus white, etc.

In other words, a park bench labelled ‘for men’ and another ‘for women’ is as out-dated as schools ‘for boys’ and schools ‘for girls’.

As Australian anthropologist Vanessa Woods shows in both her Bonobo Handshake and Survival of the Friendliest books, we do not only like, love and seek the other - we absolutely need the other. In short, segregation is not good for human beings.

The earlier we understand the other, the better for us, for girls and for boys, and the better for schools and society. Perhaps it might even make a positive contribution towards ending violence against women and femicide.

Quite apart from having a positive effect on society, segregated schools are not much fun.

Thomas Klikauer Non-segregated Coogee Beach Combining the High Schools Dear Beast - It is such an exciting initiative championed by Dr Marjorie O’Neill to have a comprehensive public high school in Randwick. As a mother of a boy and girl I am so glad that our local high school is now able to accommodate both of my children, educate them and set them up for success in the world.

The site, with the significant investment planned by the government, is such an investment in our children’s future. Thanks Marjorie.

Annette Randwick ¢ Please send your feedback to letters@thebeast.com.au and include your name and suburb. We try and publish as many of them as possible, but nothing too crazy please.

We are proud to provide the community with outstanding care and customer service for all your eyecare needs.

www.willsproperty.com.au Wills Property would like to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Thankyou for a great 2023.

We look forward to assisting you with your property requirements in 2024.

Kind regards,

John Wills

Wills Property willsproperty.com.au 02 9387 1700 Issue 228 January 2024 The Beast 19

Local Artist Who are your artistic inspirations? Van Gogh or any of the French Impressionists.

What are you working on at the moment? I’ve just completed a painting of Mackenzies Beach.

I love how it’s captured the rare moment of dogs being able to play on the beach, let alone a beach within the Eastern Suburbs. It’s now on display at the restaurant.

Beverley enjoying the hospitality at Wet Paint.

Local Artist...

Beverley Luland from Bronte Interview James Hutton Photo Jack Luland Local artist Beverley Luland is the talent behind this month’s cover painting of Bronte. She shares her local favourites with The Beast...

How long have you lived here?

15 years. This is where most of my family have lived. My grandkids went to Clovelly Public and my son started a restaurant here.

I’ve decided to join them, it’s nice having them so close by.

What's your favourite beach?

Clovelly Beach has always been my favourite, but it’s been a while since I put a cozzie on and swam.

What's your favourite eatery?

Wet Paint Restaurant. My son is the chef there. The Louisiana Chicken is always recommended.

Where do you like to have a drink? At home. A glass of shiraz with dinner is as wild as it gets these days.

Best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? I love living here as it brings back fond childhood

memories from visiting relatives who lived in Coogee. We used to billy cart up and down Arden Street! I also love the pristine landscapes the Eastern Suburbs has to offer, it keeps me busy with my landscape art.

Worst thing about the Eastern Suburbs? There are a lot less art societies around here compared to Sutherland Shire and the North Shore where I’ve lived previously. Ever since I moved away from the North Shore it’s been harder for me to place my work into competitions and compete within competitions.

How would you describe your art? That’s the problem, you’ll catch me often getting into modern art, with plenty of bold colour, but in reality I consider myself as an impressionist artist - that’s where my passion lies.

Where can people see your work? Wet Paint Restaurant. You’ll be able to find my landscapes and modern art on display all across the restaurant.

20 The Beast January 2024 Issue 228

Do you have any exhibitions coming up? No, it’s been a fair while since I’ve done any exhibitions. However, one of my prouder moments was being commended in the Opera House Exhibition, and I also won two major awards - the major prize at the Oyster Bay Art Festival and first prize at the Castle Hill Art Show.

When did you discover you had a gift for your craft? I’ve always been painting, even as a child.

I guess it’s stayed with me my whole life.

Any other local artists to look out for? Suzanna Chen Chow.

We’ve travelled the country and around the world together, and we’ve painted the Flinders Ranges in South Australia to the Amalfi Coast in Italy and even China.

Did you study art? Yes, four years studying the Art Certificate course at TAFE in Gymea. I also spent a lot of time in the Royal Art Society of North Sydney, where I studied watercolour with Frederick Bates and Molly Flaxman.

Any words of wisdom for young aspiring artists? Use art as an excuse to travel and capture the world.

What do you get up to on the weekends? I enjoy playing bridge on the weekend, I also enjoy my glass of shiraz with dinner.

Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? Be kind to one another.

2025 Scholarships are open.

Considering an International Baccalaureate pathway?

We have a number of IB and other scholarships available.

Apply at: www.kambala.nsw.edu.au

Local News

The Lets Go Surfing crew with Waverley Mayor Paula Masselos.

Local Businesses Shine at Brightest & Best Awards Night Words Anthony Maguire Photo Gene Ross A bicycle shop that goes the extra mile in matching customers with exactly the right bike was the first winner to grace the stage at Waverley’s Brightest & Best Business Awards.

Bondi Bike Shop won the prestigious General Retail category at the Waverley Council-run awards night on November 16. Co-founder and director Giuliano Pessoa was congratulated by Waverley Mayor Paula Masselos and walked away with a $250 shopping voucher courtesy of Waverley Council, plus vouchers for a swag of other goodies donated by commercial sponsors of the event.

All the winners received this ‘glad bag’ of prizes. Some award categories also had individual prizes and the total prize pool was worth $15,000.

The next winner to the front of Bondi Pavilion’s theatre was Cassie Wang, owner of Play Studio Kids, which won the Childcare & Education award.

Based in Bondi Junction, its website describes the business as “a boutique space committed to creative, intellectual and social experiences for children

from 4 months to 5 years old.”

The third local business to be honoured was Sage Beauty, which won the Environmental Sustainability category. According to Cathy Levins-Byres, MC at the awards ceremony, the judges had been wowed by the Bondi Beach salon’s commitment to “sustainably-grown products for your skin and health.” Sage Beauty owner and local legend Junia Kerr stepped into the limelight to be congratulated and receive her prizes.

There were 12 award categories in total, and technology loomed large among the winners. AI specialist The Strategy Group won the Professional & Other Services prize, while business tech platform Ajust took out the award for Entrepreneurial Innovation. Winner in the Digital & Online section (sponsored by The Beast) was Music Health, which has designed an app that provides personalised music experiences for dementia patients.

The highly competitive Hospitality prize was won by Brown Sugar Bondi, the bistro that “brings a slice of the Mediter-

22 The Beast January 2024 Issue 228

ranean to Bondi Beach,” in the words of MC Cathy, while Lets Go Surfing took out the Fitness & Wellbeing section.

Other winners included The Facial Room (Beauty Services), 100% DANCE (Creative Business), Bondi Family Dentist (Professional Healthcare & Medical) and Nourish Organic Marketplace (Best New Business).

The winning businesses were drawn from 62 finalists. These were then assessed by Council-appointed mystery shoppers.

The finalists were invited to the awards night, with only a few staff from Waverley Council knowing who the winners were.

There were a dozen explosions of delight as winners were announced, matched by the odd shadow of disappointment on the faces of also-rans.

Mayor Masselos told the audience of over 200 locals, “These businesses define the soul of our community.”

She said the diversity of the LGA’s many businesses reflected the diversity of its residents and concluded her speech with the clarion call, “I want to encourage all of you to continue pushing the boundaries!”

Also taking to the speaker podium was the dynamic Emmanuel Constantinou, President of the Bondi & Districts Chamber of Commerce. Mr Constantinou congratulated businesses for their “unwavering passion”.

“Each of you has played a crucial role in shaping the landscape of our beloved Waverley,” he said.

Celebrating with Gilly.

WINNERS 2023 General Retail

Childcare & Education

Environmental Sustainability

Professional Healthcare & Medical

Bondi Bike Shop

Play Studio Kids

Sage Beauty

Bondi Family Dentist

Professional & Other Services

Best New Business

Entrepreneurial Innovation

Digital & Online

The Strategy Group

Nourish Organic Marketplace

Ajust

Music Health

Creative Business

Hospitality

Beauty Services

Fitness & Wellbeing

100 Percent Dance

Brown Sugar Bondi

Sponsors

The Facial Room

Lets Go Surfing

Local News

Randwick Council Goes in to Bat for Centennial Park's Flying Foxes Words Anthony Maguire Photo Daniel Battley

This year's Flickerfest promises to be bigger and better than ever.

33rd Flickerfest Short Film Festival Set to Dazzle Audiences Yet Again Words Anthony Maguire Photo Shane Rennie Celebrating 33 years, Flickerfest returns to Bondi Pavilion this summer, rolling out the red carpet from the 19th to the 28th of January 2024 for ten days of the finest short films on offer.

Don’t miss your annual fix of films that are short in length but big on ideas and creativity, as the best short films from home and abroad hit the Flickerfest big screen.

With more than 200 shorts screening across 18 Oscar Qualifying programmes and six showcase sessions, Flickerfest features a glittering line-up in a programme selected from over 3,400 entries.

In one of the films being screened, a departed dad plays a bizarre prank on his daughter. Ashes stars Bondi legend Michael Caton and is written and directed by Georgina Haig, who also stars. Flickerfest Executive Director Bronwyn Kidd describes it as “a gorgeous dark comedy that we know local audiences will love.”

Another big name featuring in the programme is UK comedian Ricky Gervais with his tale 7 Minutes, a quirky film he has written and directed that tells the story of two people meeting

for the first time and finding out they share an unusual connection.

Also gracing the Flickerfest big screen is WAR IS OVER! It’s a 10-minute animated production set to the track Happy Xmas (War is Over) by John Lennon and Yoko Ono. The co-executive producers of the film are Sean Ono Lennon and Peter Jackson. A timely film for our current times, WAR IS OVER! is set in an alternative reality and tells the story of pigeon keepers from opposing armies who play a game of chess, using a pigeon called Icarus to transmit their moves and reminding us of the humanity we all share.

Audiences will also be delighted with a celebration of youth filmmakers aged 18 and under (FlickerUp), LBGTQI films (Rainbow Shorts), the best of shorts from the European Union, (EU Showcase) kids and family-friendly films (FlickerKids), films about relationships (Love Bites) and comedy films (Short Laughs).

To view the full Flickerfest 2024 programme, and to purchase your tickets, please visit flickerfest.com.au.

24 The Beast January 2024 Issue 228

Could a massive building development proposed for Randwick Racecourse be pipped at the post by a furry, flying group of locals - the fruit bat (flying fox) colony in nearby Centennial Parklands?

Randwick City Council has tabled a raft of objections to the seven-storey mixed use hotel development on the Royal Randwick Racecourse site - and one of them is undesirable impacts on the huge bat colony roosting in the canopy of Lachlan Swamp, near the southern edge of the parklands.

Councillors agreed to ask the applicant to assess “the impacts of lighting on the nearby grey-headed flying fox camp,” and prepare a Biodiversity Impact Statement and ecological monitoring program.

The flying fox issue is being raised with the New South Wales Government, along with other concerns including bulk and scale (despite the development having been reduced from eight storeys), streetscape impacts, adverse health consequences for local (human) residents and heritage issues.

Just hanging around.

33rd International Short Film Festival

y® dem Aca fying i l qua AFTA B and nised g o c e r

Everyone’s Invited!

19–28 Jan 2024 Bondi Pavilion, Bondi Beach flickerfest.com.au I

flickerfest I #flickerfest2024

Issue 228 January 2024 The Beast 25

Local News

Divisions Continue Over Burrows Park Upgrade Words Anthony Maguire Photo Con Sultation

A man of many talents.

In Like Flynn - Creating the Right Persona to Sell a Fashion Label Words Anthony Maguire Photo Max Muddle A fashion label built around an off-stage presence called Flynn is starting to carve out an international profile for Bronte entrepreneur Louie Collins.

The 26-year-old creator of the Five by Flynn label explained how he grew up in the Eastern Suburbs, where, as we all know, people can be cliquey.

“Flynn emerged as a persona who cuts a cool image in a cliquey society,” he explained.

“The idea was to create something bigger than myself.”

Flynn remains faceless, and his likeness does not appear in any labelling or marketing material. But he can be imagined behind the scenes. You can visualise him off-camera when a recent clip for the label was shot in Brazil featuring glamorous and exotic local talent.

Where does the name Flynn come from? Not from oldschool Hollywood star Errol Flynn - Mr Collins hadn’t heard of him before he started the label and people started asking him about the name. No, he has a younger brother called Flynn and just likes the sound of the word.

Mr Collins established the label four years ago and describes the clothes as “street-resort wear.” It started out as a men’s label, then two years down the track, branched into women’s wear.

“Girls talk about clothes more, whereas guys might buy a shirt and don’t necessarily tell their mates about it.”

Just over a year ago he opened a shop in Paddington and now has plans to expand with a retail location on Bondi Beach once a bit more cash starts flowing through the till.

“I also want to open a pop-up shop in London or a mainland European city.”

And where does the ‘Five’ come from? Mr Collins initially envisaged releasing a selection of five garments in each range.

His first release four years ago was a collection of five camp collar style shirts.

Now he’s starting to collar an international market and working on growing the business. He credits his grounded parents, Sarah and Pat, with helping him keep a calm head, ditto his girlfriend Maddie.

26 The Beast January 2024 Issue 228

The proposal to upgrade Burrows Park in Clovelly generated passionate discussion at the November 28 meeting of Randwick City Council.

Friends of Burrows Park representative Tim Fleming was invited to address the meeting and he said a recent community consultation process had been a “push poll” which ignored objections from locals about a proposal to increase the size of the sports field. The expansion would destroy remnant bushland and have no community benefits, he told councillors.

While expansion of the sports field remains a sticking point, there is now general agreement among community and sporting bodies that an extensive upgrade or complete replacement of the park’s amenities block should go ahead.

Councillors agreed to engage consultants who will prepare a masterplan that looks at two broad upgrade options. The first option would include an upgrade to the amenities building plus an extended sports field. The second option would upgrade the amenities building without changes to the existing field configuration. There is also a specific caveat that any plan must come back to the community for consultation.

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Ben Fraser 0452 630 236 bfraser@mcgrath.com.au Issue 228 January 2024 The Beast 27

Local News

More Workers Will Soon Be Able to Call Australia Home Words Anthony Maguire Photo Mike Ration

Damian Moss, bridging the gap between the inside and outside.

How Prisoners Are ‘Escaping’ From Jail With Their Art Words and Photo Anthony Maguire If you think of the words ‘prisoner’ and ‘bedsheet’, you’re probably more likely to visualise a jail inmate tying sheets together to escape, as opposed to an inmate transforming a super king-sized sheet into a memorable artwork.

But that’s what Long Bay resident Tony has done, turning a three by two metre bedsheet into a giant painting featuring a pair of Aboriginal elders (plus a magpie) by a camp fire. And, in a way, this endeavour would have helped him escape.

Tony’s painting, ‘Naidoc Long Bay’, was the centrepiece exhibit of an Indigenous art show at Long Bay Correctional Complex’s very own art gallery.

The Boom Gate Gallery displays works not only from Long Bay’s 930 inmates, but from jails all around New South Wales. Not just any prisoner with a paint set can get a showing though - the works that go on show have to meet standards set by curator Damian Moss and his fellow-curators, Eliz-

abeth Day and Philipa Veitch (Randwick City Council’s new mayor).

Immersing themselves in painting is good therapy for inmates and provides a respite from the rigours of life on the inside. When paintings are sold, inmates get 75 per cent of the purchase price. Meanwhile, a kind of bridge is formed between the incarcerated artist and the outside world when works go in the gallery.

“The art acts as his proxy; he can’t be at home with his family, but the painting he makes can speak for him in his absence,” Mr Moss so eloquently explains.

Located at the edge of the correctional complex’s car park and signposted on Anzac Parade, Matraville, the Boom Gate Gallery is open Thursday to Monday from 9am to 3pm or by appointment. You can also view paintings through the website, www.boomgategallery.dcj.nsw. gov.au, and the Instagram page, @boomgategallery.

28 The Beast January 2024 Issue 228

Relaxed visa criteria are going to make it much easier for people to get permanent residency and for businesses to attract and retain staff.

Under the 186 Visa, businesses have been able to sponsor their workers for permanent residency, but until very recently, workers must have occupied jobs for three years and be highly-skilled. Now, under an easing of conditions announced by the Federal Government, workers right across the employment spectrum can be sponsored for permanent residency and they can qualify more quickly - after just two years.

Bondi Migration Agent Brendan Muldoon said this paves the way for a big increase in the numbers of workers sticking at jobs for two years, “because they’ll now have the incentive to get permanent residency.”

“Permanent residency, commonly referred to as ‘PR’, is an overriding concern for many people who come here from overseas,” Mr Muldoon said.

He predicts a surge of PR applications from workers sponsored under the new, relaxed regime.

Brendan the migration expert.

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www.timeframegroup.com.au Issue 228 January 2024 The Beast 29

Bits & Pieces and “form partnerships with local organisations that have a shared goal of keeping people and communities safe.” If you feel the need to call Lifeline and talk to one of its trained volunteers, the number is 131114.

Good news for hounds.

Bits & Pieces Words Banyak Penulis Photo Ann Jing New Off-leash Dog Parks For Randwick City

By John Webb The number of off-leash dog parks in Randwick City will increase to 16 after councillors resolved to add two new parks at the most recent meeting of Randwick Council in late November. Community consultation found general support for the proposals to permit dogs offleash at Emily McCarthy Park in South Coogee and Kensington Rotary Reserve in Kingsford.

The changes will come into effect following the installation of signage. For more information, visit www.randwick.nsw.gov.au.

Throwing a Safety Line to People in Crisis

By Anthony Maguire From an office in Bondi Junction’s Westfield building, a team of phone workers is helping people step back from the brink of suicide and other crisis situations. Lifeline Bondi is one of six regional Lifeline call centres in New South Wales.

It opened in August 2022, and since then it has built up a team of 60 volunteer telephone crisis support workers who take calls from all over Australia. More are needed, with plans to increase the number of volunteers to 100.

This goal is an urgent one - the service gets so busy at times that 10-15 per cent of calls go unanswered. Lifeline Bondi says it wants to strengthen its ties with the Eastern Suburbs community

NIB Award Winners Announced

By Anna Tidswell This year’s Mark & Evette Moran Nib Literary Award, which celebrates excellence in research-based Australian writing, has been awarded to Alison Bashford for her book An Intimate History of Evolution: The Story of the Huxley Family.

Presented by Waverley Council, the Nib Award remains the only award of its calibre to be presented by a local government council, earning nationwide recognition for its appreciation of compelling research-based literature. This year’s award included a major prize of $40,000 - the most the award has ever offered - thanks to the generous support of principal sponsors Mark & Evette Moran.

The $4,000 Nib People’s Choice Prize was awarded to The Age of Seeds by Fiona McMillan-Webster. Waverley Mayor Paula Masselos congratulated this year’s winners. “Waverley Council has supported Australian literature through the Nib Award for more than two decades, and its longevity reflects the importance of the award to the Waverley community, lovers of great stories, writers and the Australian publishing industry,” she said.

Biggsy's 48-Hour Run For Bottle It

By Deuce Bigalow On December 27, Waverley Lifeguard William Bigelow will run for 48 hours along the Sydney coast between La Perouse and the lighthouse at Watsons Bay as many times as he can, in order to raise much-needed funds for mental health foundation Bottle It. While working on the beach, Will and his fellow Lifeguards see the worst of what negative mental health can do to individuals and the people around them. This has motivated him to team up with the foundation,

30 The Beast January 2024 Issue 228

which aims to encourage the community to be proactive in their search for positive mental health by putting on community-based events and groups for people to chase the light in a safe, supportive and encouraging environment while being active.

Will is aiming to raise $48,000 - exactly $1,000 for each hour he runs. All proceeds will be donated to Bottle It to help the foundation to open up to a larger audience and host more community events, one-on-one meetings and mental health retreats in 2024. Anyone who would like to get behind Will’s run and contribute can do so by visiting www.gofundme.com and searching ‘Biggsy’s 48hrs for Bottle.It’.

Randwick Council Wants Feedback on Coogee Amenities

By Johann Idriss Two options to improve the amenities and café building on Arden Street at Coogee Beach will be put to the local community for feedback. One option proposes a $4 million refurbishment of the ageing facility, keeping much of the external structure but doubling the number of female toilets. A second option proposes a $6.75 million knockdown and rebuild, with a new building connecting the various functions, as well as doubling the number of female toilets and providing more storage for Council Lifeguards and Coogee Surf Club. For more information and to provide feedback, please visit www.randwick.nsw.gov.au.

Grants For Community Groups

By James Ewing Eighteen community groups will be given cash and inkind support totalling almost $90,000 as part of Randwick Council’s latest round of funding for its Community Investment Program. The activities receiving grant funding include a dine and dance event for International Disability Week, a seniors carnivale, an RSPCA healthy pet day, a Greek exhibition, sewing skills workshops and a First Nations artwork project at Matraville Sports High.

Coogee Boys’ Preparatory School Founded on the principles of Gentleman, Scholar, Sportsman, 2024 marks Coogee Preparatory School’s 110th year in providing primary education for boys in Sydney’s eastern suburbs.

With tradition at its core, Coogee Prep is a modern education environment that encourages students to be their whole selves when at school.

Whether their passion lies in literacy, numeracy, digital technologies, art, or sport, we are focused on developing independent, resourceful, caring individuals, and contributing members of society.

Coogee Prep is based in Randwick, with students attending from Sydney’s eastern suburbs, inner city, and inner west.

Enquire about a place for 2024 across our Kindergarten to Year 6 classes.

Book a tour at admissions@coogeeprep.nsw.edu.au (02) 9398 6310 We look forward to welcoming you into our community.

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Issue 228 January 2024 The Beast 31

Crime News But the long arm of the law caught up with him and Police extradited Pryde back to NSW. The 32-year-old faces 18 counts of fraud plus a charge of threatening to harm a person to prevent them giving information to police. Police allege he cheated his victims out of $4 million-plus.

Anyone seen this bloke?

Crime News Words Jimmy Felon Photo Mark Metaberg Police Hunt Burglar Police say the man pictured above may be able to assist with their enquiries into a two-day crime spree carried out in Randwick and Coogee.

An intruder “entered several homes in the area, stealing motor vehicles and personal property including bank cards,” according to Eastern Beaches Police.

The cards have since been used in “multiple fraud offences” and police are keen to hear from anyone who can identify the man captured on security vision. If you can assist in any way, please contact Maroubra Police on 9349 9299 or Crime Stoppers on 1800 333 000, quoting reference number E95057972.

Investors Lost $4 million in Dodgy Betting Scheme, Court Hears A court has been told how the architect of a sports betting scheme conned millions from people in Sydney’s east.

When Michael Pryde’s ‘Simply the Bets’ system went pear-shaped, he was living in the Eastern Suburbs. However, Downing Centre Local Court heard, he kept encountering his victims when he was out and about. And they were not greeting him with open arms, so he fled to Queensland.

$1m Reward for 1998 Murder A reward of $1 million has been posted by NSW Police for information leading to the arrest of a killer who beat a Dover Heights woman to death a quarter of a century ago.

The murder took place in the early hours of March 10, 1998, when a male intruder reportedly broke unto the home of Denise Govendir on Dover Road, claiming to be a policeman. He is said to have attacked the 53-year-old mother of two and her 55-yearold male partner, then driven away in their Ford Laser. The vehicle was found abandoned in Rose Bay eleven days later.

The alleged male victim later told investigators he was knocked unconscious, then came to with his hands and feet secured with cable ties. He was able to call emergency services, but Ms Govendir could not be saved. A subsequent inquest found she died from blunt force head trauma.

Announcing the $1 million reward, NSW Police Homicide Squad Commander Danny Doherty said, “This reward gives us an opportunity to appeal to those who may not have spoken to police - or provided them the whole story - all those years ago.”

Man Kidnapped Ex Outside Icebergs After She ColdShouldered Him - Police A court has been told how a young woman was kidnapped outside Bondi Icebergs by an ex-boyfriend who wouldn’t accept that their relationship was over.

32 The Beast January 2024 Issue 228

Ethan Davis, 23, a worker on $12 million super yacht Oceana, is said to have attempted a reconciliation with the woman when they met at the Icebergs.

But after she told him the relationship would not be continuing, he is alleged to have grabbed her phone, then gone outside to his car.

The NSW Supreme Court was told she joined him in the car, but kept the door open. When she began appealing to passers-by for help, he slammed the door shut and drove away. He then drove around demanding she give back jewellery he had bought for her. Eventually he dropped her home and gave the phone back. Then his behaviour took a much more dangerous turn, the court heard.

It is alleged he subsequently ambushed her outside her workplace wearing black clothes and latex gloves. He is said to have carried her to his car, where he produced a knife. Then he is alleged to have subjected her to a terrifying car ride, during which he forced her to take a ‘blood oath’ not to report him to police by cutting her finger with the knife. Again, he eventually let her go. But this time she didn’t keep quiet.

The next morning, she went to Bondi Police Station and told officers what had been happening.

Davis was subsequently arrested and spent more than two months in jail before being released on $1 million bail at his latest court appearance in the Supreme Court. He faces a raft of serious charges.

Mr Davis allegedly turned violent.

EVERY GRAVE TELLS A STORY Get involved at Waverley Cemeteries

FIND OUT MORE

Expression of Interest Randwick Local Planning Panel Community Representatives Randwick City Council is seeking Expressions of Interest for eligible representatives from the local community to join Randwick Local Planning Panel.

The role of the Panel is to determine certain local development applications including relevant modification applications and provide advice on planning proposals submitted to Council.

Community Representatives are appointed to bring local knowledge to the Panel and are not expected to be experts in planning matters.

This is a part time position and will be remunerated as per Minister’s Direction (i.e. $1,500 plus GST per meeting per day).

For full details of Expression of Interest requirements and eligibility criteria, please visit https://www.randwick.nsw.gov.au/about-us/ jobs and click on ‘Current Vacancies’ to see the role details and Information Sheet or contact Manager Development Assessment, Frank Ko on 02 9093 6965 or Executive Planner, Angela Manahan on 02 9093 6794. Applications close at 9am on 6 January 2024.

1300 722 542 randwick.nsw.gov.au

Issue 228 January 2024 The Beast 33

Subject Lori Lollies Location Randwick Photographer Erik Buchholz

Subject Training Location Bondi Photographer Walter Kennard

Subject Double-up Location Coogee Photographer Brody Vancers

Subject Worshippers Location Bronte Photographer Neil Grace

Subject Tickling the Ivories Location Bondi Photographer Joe Giunti

The Beast Magazine wants your local photos...

Subject Morning Glow Location Coogee Photographer Theresia Hall @theresia.g.hall

Subject Summer Daisies Location Waverley Photographer Jean McPeak

Subject Happy Hour Location Clovelly Photographer Cloey Glen

Subject Handball Heaven Location Clovelly Photographer Johnathan Thompson

Subject The Boss Location Tamarama Photographer Sosi Colvin

Please send them to photos@thebeast.com.au

Kieran's Satire

296 trees and shrubs were illegally destroyed at this reserve on the north side recently.

No Trees in Prison Words Kieran Blake, kieranblakewriter.org Photo Layne Cove A heavy metal latch drops coldly and firmly in place and seals the man’s fate. Tepid light struggles to penetrate the grated square in a lonely corner of the bare wall, which joins abruptly with the low-set ceiling. Grey, featureless walls close in on the man and accentuate the constriction in his chest. He risks short, shallow, inaudible breaths.

Reality sinks in, like a needle into the heart of an old growth tree. Further. Deeper. Irretractable. Fatal.

Reality courses through his veins like a truth serum that will slowly erode his resistance and reduce him to an empty shell.

The man and the tree are intertwined. Both will be missed. Initially. But life will soon hurtle forward in the dynamic coastal paradise they both called home. The desirable beachside suburb with enviable ocean views and proximity to stunning beaches and popular

shopping and dining precincts, all within easy reach of the Sydney CBD. In the dim light, he greets his new roommate with justifiable trepidation.

I’m not like him, he assures himself. A mistake has been made. A miscarriage of justice.

They belong in prison, not me.

The internal dialogue plays on continual loop. I didn’t do it.

I didn’t do it, a refrain he will hear ad nauseam from his new housemates in the coming days.

He didn’t do it, of course. The arborist did it, in the dead of night, and was duly compensated.

The man is not an arborist.

He is a harbourist. He lusted after views to die for. He lusted after views to kill for.

He harboured a desire for uninterrupted ocean views and greater resale value. He harboured a desire to savour the wonders of nature, unencumbered by the wonders of nature.

Now his new housemates

36 The Beast January 2024 Issue 228

harbour a desire for him. An unquenchable desire.

He coveted views of a secluded bay of azure waters fringed

by Sydney sandstone and lush green hues. He now resides in a longer bay and is surrounded by a uniformity of green atop mounds as hard as stone.

His new view is the underside of his roomie’s solid, utilitarian, standard-issue mattress, while he suffers through the first of countless fretful nights on his own solid, utilitarian, standard-issue mattress. His former roommate shared his bed and his obsession with high thread count. His new roomie will soon share his bed and an obsession with a high headcount.

In prison, the salty air does not waft lazily through his bedroom window as the sun breaks the horizon.

In prison, the sea breeze does not caress his skin on languid summer evenings.

There are no trees in prison, and no views to obstruct.

Waverley Council Update Mayor's Message

On behalf of Waverley Council and my fellow Waverley Councilors, I would like to wish our community a wonderful start to 2024 and a happy and safe year ahead. The next 12 months will be a busy time for Council as we progress several existing projects and launch some exciting new initiatives.

In December, we celebrated the reopening of our new Waverley Park Playground, home to Sydney’s newest rocket ship and bespoke launch control play tower. The new playground is the cornerstone of the Waverley Park upgrade project, proudly co-funded by the NSW Government, through the NSW Public Spaces Legacy Program, in association with the Council. The Council received a $1.75 million grant from the Public Spaces Legacy Program to assist in funding Waverley Park upgrades including the new inclusive playground, park lighting upgrades, landscaping and relocation of a fitness station.

Access and inclusion are at the heart of the design for the playground upgrade which restores the historical footprint

of the original playground and enhances the existing open space for all to enjoy.

Our Charing Cross Streetscape Upgrade Project is progressing with preliminary electrical works, including undergrounding of power lines, taking place early this year. Our design for the project, which is line with Transport for NSW road specifications, aims to preserve the beauty and character of this terrace-lined village centre while making it more sustainable and safer for pedestrians, including the many students who attend school in the area, motorists and those using public transport. We are continuing to work closely with Charing Cross residents and businesses to keep them informed about the project and its milestones.

Council is also upgrading Bronte Ocean Pool, one of our most treasured destinations in Waverley. Our upgrades to the pumphouse, pump system, stairs and pool surface will help reduce maintenance requirements and improve serviceability and the public’s safety and enjoyment. In December, we consulted with the community about the concept designs for the new pumphouse and stairs, and I would like to thank everyone who provided their feedback. A reminder that if you are visiting Bronte Ocean Pool, please

Ph: 9083 8000 | waverley.nsw.gov.au waverley.nsw.gov.au/subscribe Stay in touch:

respect the space so that it can be enjoyed by everyone.

Entering the pool via fenced-off areas is strictly prohibited and poses serious safety risks to you and other swimmers.

Randwick and Waverley councils have again joined forces to promote the “Float to Survive” water safety campaign, in conjunction with the Surf Life Saving NSW’s ‘Swim Between the Flags’ message, over summer. Float to Survive promotes floating as the best chance of survival for swimmers who get into trouble in the water, and has now been adopted by Blacktown City Council to help prevent drownings among its diverse community.

Waverley Council’s summer school holiday program is all about kids having fun and learning new skills along the way. We offer everything from sports and dance, arts and crafts, and theatre performances from the likes of The Listies at The Pav. This summer there is also the opportunity to show your appreciation for our coastline with the Love the Coast photography competition that all are welcome to enter as part of Summerama. See our website for more details.

Paula Masselos, Mayor of Waverley

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The Unreliable Guide news ‘chefs’ like SBS or the ABC, I reckon they can be relied on to serve up a nutritious portion of the latest events. That way, we can keep up to speed with what’s going on in the world without getting a dose of information indigestion.

Depressing.

The Unreliable Guide to...

Information Overload Words Nat Shepherd Photo George Orwell The Unreliable Guide’s New Year’s resolution is to delete all the news apps from my phone. I can’t take the information overload anymore. I feel responsible for things I can’t do anything about: wars, famines, knife attacks, mass shootings, murders, car crashes… it’s relentless!

Back in the days when we lived in small nomadic tribes or villages, we only had access to local news about people we actually knew - Jane was having another baby, John was mean when he drank too much, some bastard was knocking off the turnips... Until a flood wiped us out, or an angry mob turned up wanting some action, we had no idea about the horrors taking place in the wider world.

Perhaps Orwell’s slogan-producing Party in 1984 had it right - ignorance is a kind of freedom. But if you want to stay informed and not feel like

you’re drowning in a sea of news, The Unreliable Guide has some tips and tricks to help you survive this deluge of saturated facts.

News Nibbles The trouble with having news apps on our phones is that we get bad news when we’re not ready for it. Day and night, wars, disasters and murders pop up on our screens like special offers from Domino’s.

And we take that tasty click bait and get drawn into the drama before we’ve even had breakfast. For me, these pop-up nibbles of news really are just like snacks - tempting, moreish, but ultimately bad for our health. I think we should all delete these pesky news apps and sit down for a proper meal of quality news in the evening like Mum and Dad used to do.

If we choose one of the sensible

38 The Beast January 2024 Issue 228

Doomscrolling The other consequence of being bombarded by bad news is that we can become addicted to the dark side. This problem is so widespread there’s even a term for it. Doomscrolling, or doomsurfing, is “the act of spending an excessive amount of time reading large quantities of negative news online.”

Sound familiar? If so, watch out, because scientists reckon we are wrecking our brains.

Apparently, evolution has given us a “natural negativity bias” when consuming information.

Researchers at Ohio State University believe that we are “all hardwired to see the negative and be drawn to the negative because it can harm [us] physically.” Back in the days of sabre-toothed tigers, someone telling us where the beasts liked to hang out was the kind of negative information that helped keep us alive. But now we’re getting a ton of information that doesn’t affect us directly. Another mass shooting in California is awful, but if you live in Bronte it probably won’t threaten your survival. And social media algorithms are also partly to blame. They note the content we engage in and keep offering similar posts until we feel as if the world is a very bad place indeed.

Finally… The Unreliable Guide suggests we view the news like hot chilli; adding a little to your daily diet can spice up your life, but have too much and the world will fall out of your bottom.

The latest from Randwick City Council about living in this great city

Randwick News Randwick Mayor Philipa Veitch

A new year brings with it new hopes for the future and the thought of fresh possibilities. I’ve been thinking about what’s in store for Randwick City for 2024.

We’re a culturally diverse community. I hope 2024 gives us the opportunity to embrace this diversity as we strive for a City that reflects our community in all of our programs and initiatives, so that every resident can see a reflection of themselves and feels a sense of belonging.

I also look forward to 2024 being a great time for art and culture in our City. Council’s ‘Creative Space’ program means there are venues available for artists. Barrett House offers residencies for artists for up to three months. Applications are open until August 2024 through our website.

In 2024 we’ll also be looking at ways to increase opportunities for live music and local performers. Our Summer Pop-Up Music program is one example. Local First Nations musicians and performers will be performing at Culture on Country in front of the La Perouse Museum on Jan 26 from 3pm-6pm.

Council’s environmental programs are a great way to meet other people who share your interests and learn new skills.

The Bushcare Volunteer program, PermaBee group and the Saturday Circle at the Randwick Sustainability Hub are all fantastic community initiatives that bring people together.

It’s been wonderful to meet with so many residents and community groups as Mayor over these last few months.

Our residents, clubs and volunteer groups are the backbone of our community and I’m really looking forward to continuing to meet with you throughout 2024. No matter your interest, Council has something to offer. I hope you make 2024 the year to get involved.

Here’s to happiness and health for 2024.

Councillor Philipa Veitch Mayor of Randwick 1300 722 542 randwick.nsw.gov.au

What’s On FRI 5 JAN SUPER MARIO FILM

Lionel Bowen Library 2pm – 3.30pm

TUE 16 JAN CARTOONING WORKSHOP Lionel Bowen Library 10am – 12pm

WED 17 JAN ‘SWIFTIE’ FRIENDSHIP BRACELET MAKING (AGE 8 – 18)

Malabar community library 10am – 11.30am

MON 22 JAN CLAYMATION

Lionel Bowen Library 1.30pm – 4pm

FRI 26 JAN AUSTRALIA DAY COMMUNITY EVENT

Kensington Park, 2R Edward Ave Kensington Noon – 4pm

FRI 26 JAN CULTURE ON COUNTRY La Perouse Headland 3pm – 6pm

Headnoise

Number two.

Shit Happens Words Jeremy Ireland Photo Tony Abbott With the New Year just around the corner, it’s often a time we reflect, take stock and seek the need for a little self-improvement or inspiration.

We might put a New Year’s resolution on the table and look for ways to motivate, change and move towards some goal to make our lives better.

However, the reality is most New Year’s resolutions tend to fall away after a few weeks.

If one has struggled to keep a resolution going before, maybe the catalyst for change this New Year can be found in a quotation. For example, rather than making a resolution to lose five kilos in five weeks, it might be more useful to use a quote. For this, you could try Jordan Peterson’s, “Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.” This quote can be used for many things, but if we are wanting to lose a few kilos, then weigh yourself every day and compare it to what you weighed the day before. If you have only shed one gram then you’re winning. Even if you weigh the same, you could say. “Well, I did some exercise today,” or, “I had less sugar today than I did yesterday.” The point is we’ve done something small today that improves on what we did yesterday, and it makes us feel better about ourselves and encourages us to keep going.

There are millions of quotes out there, some that are a bit light and fluffy and others that truly resonate. Quotes from prominent people tend to be the ones we most respect and draw inspiration from, but it doesn’t always have to be the case.

The bottom line is an inspirational quote gives us a quick burst of wisdom to help motivate change, 40 The Beast January 2024 Issue 228

primarily because they make us feel like we are in control of our own success. Such motivation gives us a sense of ‘self-efficacy’ to ultimately change a behaviour that has been bogging us down. Quotes help us believe and promote the confidence needed to complete a task successfully. Often they can drive us to work harder, find inspiration and promote success.

The real key to an inspirational quote is its ability to tap into the different emotions of a person’s life. Because everyone’s emotional state varies to some degree there is no one-size-fitsall approach, but if the end goal is to change a particular behaviour then to do so we must look into one’s emotional state. It’s worth remembering that thinking affects feelings, and our feelings affect what we do. So, to change a behaviour we need to tap into the emotion.

By doing a simple search on the top inspirational quotes it’s easy to see a pattern. Will Rogers said, “Don’t let yesterday take up too much of today.” Here, the message tries to lift us from ruminating in the past, as what is done is done. This can be useful if we are feeling a bit depressed, as depression tends to be exacerbated by past events.

If we are feeling anxious, which is a future state, we could try, “Today I will not stress about things I cannot control.” Again, it’s worth remembering anxiety lies in the future, generally seeing us worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet.

When it comes to love, Marilyn Monroe once famously stated, “If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best.” Regarding conflict, Thomas Sowell said, “There are no solutions, only trade offs.” To help someone, Thomas Sowell also said, “When you want to help people you tell them the truth.” For happiness, you could try Albert Einstein’s, “If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”And who could go past Dr Seuss’ sage advice, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” If we are expecting someone else to change to make our life better, rather than using, “A leopard never changes its spots,” please feel free to use my variation, “Why does a dog lick it’s groin? Because it can.”

If your emotions are getting the better of you and preventing you from changing a behaviour, thinking about it differently by using a quote that fits your situation is a good place to start. If that fails, just go back to this article’s title!

Jeremy Ireland is a local psychotherapist.

Have you got a question? You can get in touch with Jeremy by calling 0400 420 042.

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Marjorie's Musings

Summer around here is hard to beat.

Summer, Sun, Sharing and Safety Words Dr Marjorie O’Neill, Member for Coogee Photo Sandy Toes Happy holidays, Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah! I sincerely wish you a happy and safe festive season. There is so much to do right here on our beaches and in our parks that is a wonder that many of us chose to holiday away, but we do, and I wish everyone a safe journey.

Whether you are staying local, flying off somewhere or making the annual pilgrimage up or down the coast, remember to slop slop slap, drive carefully and take care in the water.

Please help to keep fatalities on the water and the roads down.

Thankyou to everyone who is continuing to work during these weeks, especially our essential workers in retail and hospitality, health and transport, our firefighters and police - you make it possible for the rest of us to enjoy a vacation.

We are a community that thrives on connection and community service. Our vol-

unteer lifesavers help to make our beaches safe. We should all look out for our neighbours over this time, offer to help those going away by moving their garbage bins, keeping safe parcels or mail that is obviously left in public view and reporting suspicious instances. Invite those who are alone to join in a meal or a chat. Just say hello in the street. Make a gift of overbought perishables. Be friendly and assist the many visitors to our area during this time who are seeking information.

There are lots of ways that we can contribute to the environment during this season. We do not have to over-consume.

A thoughtful recycled gift or something made by the person you know is much more meaningful than yet another thing to clutter our lives. Who doesn’t love a jar of preserves, a clever personalised card, a photo of someone important to you or

42 The Beast January 2024 Issue 228

something pre-loved that you can actually use? Less and more simple food and drink, but with a narrative as to its composition and origins, sounds very appealing compared with masses of heaped up plates. We don’t need to go broke to enjoy ourselves.

We can also do quite a lot to help the environment and ourselves over these summer holiday weeks by simply walking to the beach or shops rather than driving, cleaning up and removing our rubbish when enjoying public spaces, using reusable drink and food containers and implements and washing everything less.

Let’s close the curtains and doors on very hot days to keep our homes cooler and use less air-conditioning.

If you are one of those really energetic people who loves doing and achieving, you might want to consider organising an activity that improves the environment while also building community such as a local beach or street cleanup, a community picnic, a book swap or a recycling stall in your street.

You could share your skills and offer a free dance, yoga or exercise class over the holidays, or buy flower or herb seeds and give them to your neighbours with a handwritten note. There are so many cheap and fun ways to be kind and contribute to our community.

Thankyou to everyone who has made 2023 a lovely year for me and my family. I am looking forward to receiving my next collection of recycled books, jars of honey and plants! I am also looking forward to spending some time as a volunteer lifesaver at the Clovelly SurfClub, walking my dog Hermes a bit more and attending the very many marvellous community events held in our beautiful area over the weeks ahead.

Fishing Report

Charlotte the flatty whisperer.

Catching a Feed on the Road Words Lewis Kennedy-Hunt Photo Paj Jeero Just as quickly as the first day of summer rolled by, Charlotte and I took it upon ourselves to make a hasty escape from the Bondi chaos. It was a ‘pack the 4wd with all of the essentials and point it north’ type job, with no one to see and nowhere to be until our return for Christmas Day. The objectives were simple - catch waves, catch fish, and whatever else happened in between was in the hands of nature. We had a list of spots we wanted to hit, with a lap of Fraser Island being our northernmost stop, before we made our way back down the coast towards Sydney.

On trips like these it’s easy to blow out the budget on the likes of sunset schooners or post-surf meat pies. And that’s where catching a feed of fish really comes into its own, offering a prime source of fresh seafood at the discounted price of zero dollars. After deliberating for a while, I decided not to tow the boat on this adventure, reasoning that I couldn’t justify the inconvenience of it all. Accord-

ingly, I went about packing a range of rods that would cover all suitable landbased fishing scenarios we would be likely to encounter. The three main ones being beach, rock and estuary fishing.

Beach fishing is perhaps the most accessible form of fishing in Australia with the country being surrounded by literally thousands of them. On the first day of the trip, Charlotte and I decided to go down to the beach from our North Coast campsite and have a quick fish before dinner. Beers in hand, we strolled down and started casting bladed lures into a suspect gutter that looked too good not to have a flathead in it. Lo and behold, the very first cast produced a nice eating sized flathead on a TT SwitchPrawn straight off the bat. After half an hour of casting, we returned to the campsite with empty beers and a nice bag of fresh flatties as the setting sun gave way to darkness.

Bonnies for breakfast.

After enjoying the culinary spoils of our beach fishing ventures the night before, we hopped along a few headlands up the coast to our next destination. We decided that rock fishing was the way to go, with the area known to have produced some great landbased game fish over the years. The ledge was located right at the tip of a peninsular and required a 30 minute hike, which was pretty harsh in the summer heat. Along the way we traversed along the side of a towering coastal moun-

44 The Beast January 2024 Issue 228

tain as pods of dolphins hunted schools of fish in the crystal clear waters below. Red rock wallabies littered the path but quickly scattered at the sight of us as we continued along. When we finally reached our destination we saw a school of big kingfish swim right past the ledge as more pods of dolphins surfed the swells past us. After belting out a few casts with a small metal lure, we spotted a bronze whaler cruising the surface in the distance, admiring the rawness and wildness of the spot. Finally I came up tight to a large tailor, which regrettably shook itself off as I tried to lift it over the rocks. Lucky for me the loss was all but forgotten when, seconds after my very next cast, a pack of southern bonito charged in behind my lure before screaming off with it.

Charlotte and I landed two good sized bonito in quick succession from the ledge, which were bled immediately in readiness to be eaten later that day. Taking some South American inspiration, we decided to use the fish to whip up a ceviche - a dish that uses the acids of lime juice to cook the fish. Back at the campsite, the beers were sweeter post hike-in rock fishing mission, as we enjoyed somewhat of a pseudo fine dining experience with our fresh caught bonito ceviche. You just can’t beat it!

Now, as I write this from the shores of south east Queensland, my fishing sights for the rest of the trip are set on catching some top water whiting out of an estuary before attempting to catch a shark off the beach up at Fraser Island. I’ll catch you next month with plenty more to come.

Charlotte's Arsenal Rod TT Black Mamba BMS701ML (7ft, 2-4kg) Reel Okuma ITX-2500 Line 8lb Platypus Pulse X4 braid, 10lb Platypus Stealth FC Fluorocarbon leader Lure TT SwitchPrawn+ 8gm (King Tiger)

Tide Chart

January 2024 Tide Chart Numbers Bureau of Meteorology Tidal Centre Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday

Thursday

Friday

Saturday

Sunday

1 0034 1.26 0601 0.67 1225 1.62 1910 0.51

2 0118 1.27 0648 0.71 1305 1.54 1948 0.54

3 0206 1.29 0742 0.75 1349 1.45 2030 0.57

4 0258 1.32 0844 0.78 1441 1.36 2115 0.59

5 0351 1.38 0955 0.78 1542 1.28 2202 0.60

6 0445 1.45 1109 0.74 1650 1.23 2252 0.61

7 0535 1.53 1216 0.66 1757 1.22 2342 0.60

8 0625 1.63 1314 0.56 1857 1.24

9 0031 0.58 0713 1.74 1403 0.44 1951 1.28

10 0121 0.54 0800 1.85 1451 0.34 2042 1.33

11 0211 0.50 0849 1.94 1538 0.25 2130 1.37

12 0301 0.45 0938 2.01 1624 0.20 2220 1.40

13 0353 0.42 1027 2.04 1712 0.18 2310 1.43

14 0445 0.41 1116 2.01 1759 0.19

15 0000 1.46 0540 0.43 1206 1.93 1845 0.24

16 0052 1.48 0637 0.48 1257 1.79 1932 0.32

17 0146 1.50 0739 0.54 1350 1.62 2021 0.40

18 0243 1.53 0847 0.60 1450 1.45 2111 0.49

19 0343 1.56 1004 0.63 1559 1.30 2204 0.56

20 0444 1.60 1127 0.62 1715 1.21 2300 0.61

21 0545 1.65 1242 0.56 1829 1.19 2359 0.62

22 0642 1.70 1342 0.50 1930 1.21

23 0053 0.62 0733 1.74 1429 0.45 2019 1.24

24 0142 0.60 0819 1.77 1509 0.41 2100 1.28

25 0226 0.57 0900 1.79 1545 0.39 2138 1.31

26 0306 0.55 0938 1.79 1618 0.39 2213 1.33

27 0344 0.54 1014 1.78 1650 0.40 2246 1.34

28 0420 0.54 1047 1.75 1721 0.41 2321 1.35

29 0458 0.56 1120 1.69 1751 0.44 2356 1.37

30 0537 0.59 1154 1.62 1821 0.47

31 0033 1.38 0619 0.64 1229 1.53 1853 0.51

• • •

•

Moons

Moon • New Quarter • First Moon • Full • Last Quarter

Issue 228 January 2024 The Beast 45

Dana's Recipe

Just add wine.

Crispy Chicken With Watermelon and Smashed Cucumber Salad Words Dana Sims Instagram @stone_and_twine Thinking back to a magical holiday on a small Mediterranean island where the produce was supreme, I was inspired to create a summer salad for two with a nod to traditional Greek ingredients.

Succulent crispy skinned chicken makes this a substantial dish, and the fresh salad has salty, sweet and sharp notes with loads of textural elements.

It’s always fun to add a pickle to a dish, and this one is so simply prepared and will last for weeks in the fridge if you decide to make extra.

Even without the Greek island setting, I promise this recipe will be magic - I’m picturing friends sharing on an outdoor deck, perhaps with a crisp white wine to complete the picture.

Chicken 4 boneless chicken thighs, skin on Juice of ½ lemon 2 cloves garlic, finely chopped 1½ tbs olive oil ½ tsp sea salt ½ tsp cracked black pepper

Ingredients Pickled red onion 1 red onion, thinly sliced into rings 1 cup white vinegar 1 cup water ⅓ cup white sugar 1½ tbs sea salt

Dressing 1 tbs olive oil Juice of ½ lemon 1 tbs red wine vinegar ½ tsp honey ½ tsp sea salt ½ tsp fresh cracked black pepper

Salad 2 lebanese cucumbers, sliced in half lengthwise 2 cups watermelon, cut into chunks 1 large handful flat leaf parsley, leaves picked 1 large handful mint, leaves picked 50 gms Greek feta, broken into large chunks ½ pickled red onion, rings separated ¼ cup pitted Kalamata olives

46 The Beast January 2024 Issue 228

Method 1. To pickle the onion, place all ingredients except the onion in a saucepan and stir. Heat gently, then remove from the heat once the sugar has dissolved and allow to cool. Place the onion in a jar, pour over the pickling liquid and seal well. For a quick pickle, refrigerate for 2-3 hours.

2. To marinate the chicken, place garlic, lemon, olive oil, salt and pepper in a bowl and combine. Add the chicken and coat well with the marinade. Set aside for 30 minutes.

3. Heat a pan to high heat. Add the chicken, skin side down, and cook for 2-3 minutes until well browned. Reduce heat to medium, turn the chicken and cook for 6 minutes until cooked through. Remove from the pan and set aside to rest.

4. For the cucumber, using the back of a heavy knife, press down firmly on the cucumber to achieve a ‘smashed’ effect and then cut into large pieces. For the remaining salad ingredients, combine all in a large bowl with the cucumber.

5. To make the dressing, combine all ingredients and whisk together well. Pour over the salad and gently toss through to coat all the ingredients.

6. Plate the salad on a large serving dish. Remove half of the pickled red onions from the jar and gently strain off the liquid, then add to the top of the salad.

7. Place the warm crispy chicken next to the salad and serve.

Dana Sims is a Sydneybased food and prop stylist who has grown up in the Eastern Suburbs and loves to create delicious food.

She is inspired by the fresh produce we have access to in Sydney. For ideas, recipes and styling inspiration, check out her Instagram, @stone_and_twine.

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Beast Brainteasers

The Beast Supercross 1

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ACROSS 1. Mad Men actor (3,4) 4. Singer who starred in Moonstruck (4) 8. Divide by cutting (5) 9. One stroke under par (6) 11. Declare invalid (7) 13. Small drum played with the hands (5) 15. Anxious awareness of danger (5) 16. Sport lesson at school (1,1) 17. It ... what it ... (2) 19. Small freshwater crayfish (5) 22. Flour tortilla folded around a filling (7) 24. Official who shows you to your seat (5) 25. Oblong cream puff (6) DOWN 1. Australian golfer (5,3) 2. Shorter than a

novel and longer than a short story (7) 3. Abbreviated upper lip hair (2) 5. River in New York (6) 6. Perennial grass (4) 7. Move at high speed (3) 10. Last game of the season (1,1) 12. Port city in western Turkey (5) 13. Member of Destiny’s Child (7) 14. Slang for mouth (3) 18. Drink with small mouthfuls (3) 20. Uncouth person (5) 21. River that flows through Melbourne (5) 22. The lowest part or edge of something (4) 23. A submerged ridge of rock or coral near the surface of the water (4)

Trivial Trivia Words Lisa Anderson Photo Theresia Hall Instagram @theresia.g.hall 1. Which element’s name comes from the ancient Greek word meaning ‘light bearing’?

2. Why did the crew of Wild Oats X ‘make history’ in the 2018 Sydney to Hobart yacht race?

3. How many white keys are on a piano; 43, 52 or 58?

4. In The Twelve Days of Christmas, what was the fifth gift given by “my true love”?

5. Which American musical was awarded the 2016 Pulitzer Prize in Drama?

6. Which performer changed her name from Destiny Hope to her childhood nickname?

Candyfloss Coogee.

48 The Beast January 2024 Issue 228

7. What is the closest star to earth?

8. What shape is wombat poo?

9. What rustic Italian bread is named for the slipper it resembles?

10. In which Australian town do about 60 per cent of the inhabitants live underground?

Reviews

ANDRE 3000 New Blue Sun

Label Epic Records Reviewer @aldothewriter Rating  One and a half hours of pure self-indulgence from a man who has long marched to the beat of his own drum. No, I didn’t listen to it all, and I daresay any reviewer who claims they have is lying to you. But if you woke up and could do whatever the hell you wanted with your life, would you master the flute and record a crazy instrumental album? Probably not. I’d likely go to the beach. So, it doesn’t even really matter what any of us think of New Blue Sun’s musical value; the fact that it exists is wonderful enough.

PSYCHEDELIC PORN CRUMPETS Fronzoli Label What Reality? Records Reviewer @aldothewriter Rating 

Poor Things Genre Drama, Comedy, Sci-fi Reviewer Linda Heller-Salvador Yorgos Lanthimos (The Lobster, The Favourite) is at his quirky best with his eccentric adaptation of Alasdair Gray’s award-winning and peculiar coming-of-age novel, Poor Things.

Take a feministic modification of Mary Shelly’s Frankenstein, add Tim Burton, Wes Anderson and Terry Gilliam’s creative flare, a whimsical, energetic and potential Oscar-winning performance by Emma Stone, throw in Victorian, Gothic and Steam-Punk elements, and gorgeously eccentric costuming by Holly Waddington, then finish it all off with an opulent technicolor production design by Shona Heath and James Price, then you’ll have the tip of the iceberg of what’s in store for you.

This is absolutely my favourite film of the year. It’s a deliciously dark comedy that ticks all the boxes and is perfect in every way. I’m preferring not to divulge anything plot-related about Poor Things only to say, do yourself a favour and stay away from previews that reveal anything. It’s a gloriously demented film best viewed with an unadulterated visual perspective. I’m predicting multiple Oscars.

Hectic. I think if you locked the Arctic Monkeys and TV on the Radio in a studio for a week and fanned meth through the air vents they might come up with a sound similar to Psychedelic Porn Crumpets (which is undeniably one of the best band names ever). I felt exhausted just listening.

That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy it though. ‘Hot! Heat! Wow! Heat!’ is in fact a late charger for my top ten in the Hottest 100. Not that I’ll actually vote, because I’m too lazy and cynical, but, you know, if I did.

FLOWERKID

LET IT BE ENOUGH Label Warner Music Reviewer @aldothewriter Rating  Elliot Smith fans, pay attention. This sort of dark, haunting folk really puts the jam and cream on my freshly baked scones. Sure, it’s not going to fill the dance floor at a Catalina wine mixer, but if you like long walks on drizzly days then this is for you. I don’t know if Charles Dickens is still cool, or if he ever was, but I can’t help but think this is the kind of music Estella from Great Expectations would have listened to as a young lady. Or maybe I’m giving her too much credit - she’d probably listen to Taylor Swift.

Issue 228 January 2024 The Beast 49

Beardy from Hell Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20 The only trip you’ll ever regret is the trip you don’t take, unless that trip involves shopping at Bondi Junction.

Leo Jul 23-Aug 22 Why do so many horrible things keep happening to you? Only you know the answer to that question.

Aries Mar 21-Apr 20 As the focalising sun aligns with fiery Mars in your eighth house of merging, please be sceptical of superstitious nonsense.

Virgo Aug 23-Sep 23 Nothing short of a complete lifestyle change will see you ever getting back to your peak level of fitness and hotness.

Visions Beardy from Hell

Taurus Apr 21-May 21 It’s not really okay to talk to yourself, even if you require ‘expert’ advice from a totally uninformed source.

Libra Sep 24-Oct 23 Despite being surrounded by a positive, happy bunch of wonderful people, you’ll choose to remain miserable.

Capricorn Dec 22-Jan 20 The holiday season tends to be an emotional time for you, just like every other time of the year.

Maybe it’s time to get a grip.

Gemini May 22-Jun 21 Sabotaging your own relationships isn’t generally a great idea, but you’ve probably got enough excess to ruin a few.

Scorpio Oct 24-Nov 22 Water signs need an anchor in their lives, and you already have one in the form of your partner, which is not always a good thing.

Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19 Your long-harboured dream to learn to play guitar or write a novel is calling to you once again. Please ignore it.

Cancer Jun 22-Jul 22 Joy and happiness will surround you this summer, before the hangover kicks in and completely ruins your life.

Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 21 The skin on your neck is starting to sag quite noticably, and the only person who can do anything about it is a plastic surgeon.

Star Signs

Trivial Trivia Solutions 1. Phosphorous 2. First all-female professional crew to sail in the race. 3. 52 4. Five golden rings 5. Hamilton 6. Miley Cyrus 7. The Sun 8. Square 9. Ciabatta 10. Coober Pedy 1

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Experience excellence in locally run electrical services.

Your safety and satisfaction are our top priorities.

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Bespoke design consultation Energy saving solutions

Switchboard upgrades Wiring safety inspections

Get ready to transform your home with us today!

Repairs & Maintainance

Present this flyer to receive 20% off any electrical service

0450 100 893

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50 The Beast January 2024 Issue 228

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CONTACT US

@jsparkandco

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Our Service:

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incredible showroom, made-to-order headboards & beds

45 % O FF LEA D ING B RAN DS bedsaustralia.com.au 503 Old South Head Road Rose Bay 1300 588 788