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WELCOME TO JANUARY 2019... STILL KICKING Words Dan and James Hutton


elcome to the January 2019 edition of The Beast, the monthly magazine for the Beaches of the East, and a big, fat happy New Year to you all! What a year 2018 was. We spent the best part of the first half of it in St Vincent’s Hospital while I kicked cancer’s face in and James sat by my side, feeding me nourishment for both the stomach and soul in the form of non-hospital food, good company, SMH crosswords and plenty of laughs. There was a period of time there when I genuinely didn’t know if I’d be here to welcome in 2019, but the big man upstairs (whom I don’t actually believe in) can’t banish me to the bowels of hell that easily. Life’s good and I’m going to stick around to enjoy it for a long time yet! In the magazine this month we cover everything from the recent spate of shark sightings at our local

beaches to the backlash against TPG’s recent mobile phone tower rollout and Duncan ‘The Horse’ Horscroft’s wrap-up of the summer ocean swimming season so far. We’ve also included a couple of helpful guides to what’s going on in the Eastern Suburbs on New Year’s Eve and where to find the best film festivals over the summer months. Speaking of film festivals, filmmaker Gracie Otto is gracing (see what I did there?) our cover this month. Not only is she the daughter of screen legend Barry Otto, she’s an esteemed director in her own right. She’s also an ambassador for this year’s Flickerfest short film festival, which will take over Bondi Pavilion’s amphitheatre from January 11 to 20. We hope you enjoy the start of yet another year of magnificent monthly editions of The Beast. Dan and James - Publishers

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January 2019 Issue 168 08 11 12 20 22 24 24 26 42

Welcome Note Contents Monthly Mailbag Local Chick Local Bloke Thumbs Doggies Local News Calendar

44 56 57 58 60 61 62 64 66

Interview Marjorie's Musings Beastpops Bruce's Banter Headnoise Tide Chart Unreliable Guide Con Gestion Sexy Time

Maroubra rise, by Mat Smith. Instagram: @naturalnotionsf ilmco.

68 69 70 72 74 80 81 82 82

Enviro News Sporting Life Travel Bug Local Photos Food & Wine Reviews Trivial Trivia Beardy From Hell Trivia Solutions

THE BEAST'S MONTHLY MAILBAG Words The People of the Eastern Suburbs MORE GUNS ON OUR BEACHES After a year of disappointments, it was heartening to read in the December edition of The Beast the decision to issue guns to Eastern Suburbs lifeguards (Eastern Suburbs Lifeguards to be Issued with Guns, The Beast, December 2018). It’s time that straying board riders and people swimming outside the flags were taught a strong lesson. Perhaps punishment could be extended to guys who insist on bodysurfing in long board shorts rather than speedos and people who refuse to wear sunscreen? Thanks to Kieran Blake and all The Beast team for terrific reading throughout the year. Happy Christmas and may you continue to make us smile in 2019. John Randwick GUNS ARE NOT BAD, OKAY Putting guns in the hands of responsible citizens keeps the peace. That's why we arm the police, you know, like the ones who stop people from killing others. Let's hope the day never comes when having an extra armed presence at Bondi would have saved someone's life. Dan Bondi LET IT BEE Did you know that there are likely heaps of beehives in your suburb? Not just the European honey bees either - there are many different types of native bee flying about. Have you seen the blue-banded ones? Gorgeous! They're pollinating flowers to make fruit for us and the local animals, and making us honey. 12 The Beast | January 2019

I'd love to remind you that even if you don't personally have a hive you are directly affecting the health of all of our local bees by what you're doing in your own home and garden. Please don't use pesticides on your plants because they kill our buzzy friends. You can control pests with permaculture principles and netting. Please plant flowering plants, especially lavender, grevillea and daisies. Even let clover weeds be - they need food! As more people get urban hives, more of us need to be the gardeners, growing their food so they can help us grow ours. If you're keen to learn more, check out the Amateur Beekeeping Association or the Urban Beehive. Cyn Colli Coogee EVICTION: STEPS FROM DESPAIR TO HOPE Bad news comes in many forms. For me it was while holidaying on the Rhine. “Say goodbye to your house. Prince of Wales Hospital is moving in” - cryptic the email may have been, but my house and 88 others were facing demolition to make way for a hospital ‘upgrade’, another code word for: “Move out of Eurimbla Avenue, we’re moving in.” And so the road to eviction began. Step 1 Holidays over, I returned to find a not-so-friendly letter under the door and discovered I had until September 2018 to move out or I could watch the demolishers pull it down. I was not alone in my despair as other affected residents sought help and a group of residents formed to do battle with the bureaucracy.

Step 2 We met with the minister, federal and state politicians, and local councillors. I am not sure that we achieved a great deal as there was no negotiation to reverse the decision to acquire the properties, even though we believed there were other possibilities including demolishing old onsite singlestorey buildings. To no avail. Step 3 I’m on my own, engaging my own solicitor (grade 1 easy), dealing with the bank (grade 2 easy), looking for a new home (grade 3 easy). Have you ever dealt with solicitors not on your side (not easy at all)? Do they make mistakes on purpose to destabilise you (grade 4 difficult)? Decisions, decisions, decisions! Where would I look for a new house? Did I have enough money? Should I do any improvements to my house in order to make it as presentable as possible for a valuation? When our family home was sold in Randwick some years ago I needed to find a new place to live. I had searched for several months and inspected about 35 residences. I found a semi in Eurimbla Avenue, Randwick that ticked all the boxes – enough space, in Randwick, close to shops, transport, family, friends and Coogee Beach. I expected that I would live there for many years and not move again. Silly me. Step 4 I decided to do some painting, tidy the gardens and declutter – mostly my books. A good decision as, after all, there is a great local library. I began looking at properties both on the Internet and by personal inspection to see what was on the market and the selling prices. The properties were either too big, too small, had too many steps or were not close to public transport. I could not commit to any purchase as I did not have a valuation from ‘them’ to know how much I could afford. But I had to move. Step 5 Packing was the next drama. Just thinking about it was a worry. I had packed a few things but when the removalist came to pack the china and glassware, she proceeded to pack everything else that I had not packed, so I still had lots of ‘stuff ’.

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Step 6 There are days to remember or forget. Moving is one of them. It was a very stressful day with settlement and moving on the same day. Many people have to do this but it was a new experience for me. The removalists arrived about 8am and did not complete moving until 7pm. They would have been tired but I was exhausted. My new house, you ask? More problems, more decisions. Overdue rates not paid (not my problem, but my problem to solve), gas and electricity accounts a mess for three months, a few leaks from the roof after heavy rain. And what do you do with a possum in the shed? And what do I miss? Conversations and get-togethers with neighbours, especially Christmas drinks under the reindeers. Coffee in the mornings and chats in the evening with neighbours. Bats flying south overhead at night. There is comfort, though, in some things remaining the same. I am still living in Randwick and remarkably I have retained the telephone number that has been with my family probably since the 1940s. Only the prefix has changed – from FX to 39 to 398 to 9398. Swimming in the ocean and choir singing have helped in dealing with the stress. Step 7 It’s now six months since I have moved into the new (well not ‘new’, but very comfortable) house. It hasn’t quite got the feel of ‘home’ but I can now look back with a lessening sense of dread. Perhaps come Christmas time it’ll be drinks with my new neighbours, and saying hello every now and then to the resident possum. Margaret Randwick NOTLEY-SMITH AND CYCLEWAYS I note the article written by Bruce Notley-Smith (Bruce’s Banter, The Beast, December 2018): “My first bike brought me immense feelings of freedom and joy. Dedicated cycleways will ensure everyone else can feel that way too.” I really doubt that pedestrians who experience bicycle crashes would agree. Motorists who cannot find a parking space because a cycleway has removed parking spaces won't agree either, and then there are 14 The Beast | January 2019

bus users who may no longer have a bus stop anywhere near home because of a cycleway who won't agree either. Guess what Bruce they all vote! You know a pollie is up to something when they resort to pure emotion. But note the emotional attachment Bruce has to the bicycle lobby. It’s no wonder we can't get rational transport outcomes in this state when pollies get their jollies from an emotional attachment to a fictitious 'good'. It is ironic that he also refers to riders of dockless bikes as being “unencumbered by ownership or responsibility”. Many of us would consider that all cyclists consider themselves as being “unencumbered by responsibility”, particularly when it comes to pedestrians. Bicycle-ways in inappropriate locations are innately destructive as road space in the east is at an absolute premium. The sad fact is that local government is now infested with cycling lobbyists and they are hell-bent on creating maximum havoc for all other road users with the naive assistance of state MPs - just like Bruce. One also wonders how many trees will be removed by the bicycle juggernaut as it crashes its way through the east in the years to come? Doug Tamarama

you’ve voted once or a thousand times, or whether you even live in Randwick Municipality. I wonder how many times the person whose job is funded by this levy will vote? Surely allowing anyone to vote on a measure that only has a financial impact on ratepayers is a form of extortion? Secondly, many of the services the council attributes to the levy are services that should be regarded as basic services. In their propaganda, the council actually threatens the withdrawal of these services if the levy is voted down. Isn’t this close to blackmail? Thirdly, for the tens of millions raised by the levy over the last 14 years, what has actually been achieved? All that the council can point to seems like small beer to me. The problem here is the levy is too vague. It is for the ‘environment’. Not many governments would get away with imposing an unspecified levy. Surely it would be better to impose a levy for specific projects. That way there is accountability for how much they cost, and ratepayers can actually know what they’re getting. Don’t let the council screw ratepayers with such a vague and cynical cash grab. You can voice your opposition by emailing Rob Clovelly

ENVIRONMENTAL LEVY OR TAX? Is a levy that has been going since 2004 really a levy? When does it become a permanent increase in rates? Every five years Randwick Council has asked us to vote on continuing the environmental levy. They have recently commenced voting on extending the levy for another five years. From the accompanying information, the council is clearly for the continuation. Of course they are - when does an appendage of government ever not want more money? I have some serious problems with this levy and the ways it’s being voted on. Firstly, the levy is only paid by ratepayers, but anyone can vote. Indeed, you can vote on their web page, and there’s no way they can tell who you are, whether

FEEDBACK WELCOMED ON ENVIRONMENTAL LEVY Randwick Council has achieved a lot over the past 15 years because of the Environmental Levy. The Coastal Walkway has been upgraded and extended at Malabar, Maroubra, South Coogee and Cape Banks. Stormwater is being recycled for irrigation and Gross Pollutant Traps are reducing contamination entering our beaches. The levy also provides funds for community education, events, food gardens and solar panels. Every five years we go back to the community and ask your view on whether the levy should continue. We think this provides added transparency and accountability. We’re currently seeking feedback from the community though a community consultation

program, which includes a number of options for ratepayers, residents and stakeholders to have their say. Every ratepayer has been notified about a ratepayer survey, which can be completed by post or online using a secure login and password. This survey includes security measures ensuring only ratepayers can complete it. We are also conducting a random and representative telephone survey of the general community, holding information sessions and providing a submission function for any interested person to have their say on our website or through correspondence. I’ve seen the progress we’ve been able to make as a council because of the levy. Ultimately we’ll be guided by what our community wants. We’ve sent information to all ratepayers with details about what has been achieved, what is proposed to be funded in the future and the implications of not continuing the levy. Should the levy not be continued, it means some projects won’t happen, some will take longer to implement and some may affect the timing and scope of other capital works programs. I’d encourage everyone to visit to see the details and to have your say. Councillor Kathy Neilson Mayor of Randwick SHAME, SHAME, SHAME Hello Dear Editors - Pearl’s person of the year article (Derryn Hinch) (Pearls of Wisdom, The Beast, December 2018) was sadly so true of now, and sadly so spot on. Having lived through the original ‘shame, shame, shame’ that Derryn gave voice to, I recall it as a ‘wake up Australia’ call. And so it should have been. Shame was a new thing. In those bad old days we as a nation needed to be shaken awake. Things weren’t good for everyone and we needed to know that. Shaming now has become an excuse of ‘not my fault, your fault’, the equivalent of ‘you shame me, I blame you’. Total self-defence and self-regard. Here is the nub of selfdestruction as a culture. Too much self, no other. Jen Tamarama 16 The Beast | January 2019

TRAM HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF SOME 57 YEARS LATER Dear Editor - This may be of interest to your readers. Comparative photos below show the Randwick Tramway workshops graveyard, with trams awaiting scrapping in the first photo taken in 1961. In the second photo, taken in 2018, and not even a kilometre away from the old workshops, new trams now wait to enter service on the new CBD and South East Light Rail, much of which replicates the original tramway network. Chris O'Sullivan Queens Park 1961


ANOTHER PEARLER Hello guys - Firstly, I'm sending warm and happy wishes to our Dan Hutton, now back after his long health trial. All the best Dan; have many healthy and happy days! Also, I do love you Pearl (99.8% of the time). In your December issue you gave your ‘Person of the Year’ award to ‘shame, shame, shame’ Derryn Hinch. I admired him in the past for his voice against child molesters and so forth. Then, it was brave and good. However, he now picks on poor Pauline (no uni degree there - shame, shame - just a plain speaking girl, but she's used to it and soldiers on). Sadly, I heard the tail end of a speech Derryn made a few weeks ago in parliament referring to

someone else’s maiden speech. He said he then shook this person's hand but later went home and washed his hand (did Pearl notice this incident when it was on TV?). Not a full shower for you, Derryn? Shame, shame, shame. The liver transplant you had some time ago must have given you a lilywhite replacement. As Pearl says, we lose the art of vigilance, investigation, critique. Oh yes, dear Pearl, we are quickly losing our free speech! I do not approve nasty free speech. However, one can move away from it without being called names that are far, far worse. Our nation is almost already at a standstill when every utterance must be carefully guarded for fear of bitter verbal reprisals. Most of our politicians mouth the same inanities all the time. Surely they must memorise a ‘verbal list’ before being allowed into Canberra. You know what warms my cockles? We still have people like Pearl and The Beast and James and Dan, honestly reporting, to their best abilities, in their publication. Giving space and printing ‘verbatim’ all the letters, and a voice to all. Great, great, great! And thank you! Happy season and warm hugs everybody! Francine BEN THE MALE MODEL Hi - It’s incredible how fast the time goes. In the November issue you published a photo of our grandson with the title of ‘Ben the male model’. The issue appeared a week before his birthday - what a birthday present for him! Many thanks for publishing his photo. At the same time, thank you for publishing my photos. Juan BRONTE CUTTING CONCERNS Dear Dan and James - I am writing in response to the article in the December issue of The Beast about the Bronte Cutting (Beachgoers Lose Vital Car Spots, The Beast, December 2018). It seems that Council is reacting to a perceived danger associated with the former shared pedestrian and car zone by suggesting a number of different options for moving people through the cutting.


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Your writer, rightly alarmed at the removal of 20 car spaces to accommodate a trial footpath, proposed the idea of an elevated walkway along the cliff-top. However, this is not the right response due to issues with accessibility and pedestrian safety. The writer dismisses concerns about accessibility on the basis that other parts of the coastal walk are not accessible to all. That is no reason to create another walkway where you can’t push your stroller or your bike and which bars the disabled, the very young and the elderly. Indeed, Council’s own development controls insist on accessibility for all. It does not seem right that Council could apply a lesser standard to itself than it does to developers. Another issue is that people parking in the cutting need to be able to safely load and unload their passengers and get from their car to the beach. An elevated walkway means they have no safe way of doing this. They would be forced to walk along the cutting surrounded by cars travelling at speeds of up to 40km/h. There are also issues of heritage - the cutting is listed as an item of regional heritage significance - and the protection of the remnant native vegetation along the cliff-top. Was the old system really that dangerous? Could a shared pedestrian/car zone with a 10km/h speed limit and appropriate traffic calming devices be a better solution than one involving the loss of 20 car parks? Penny Mora Bronte CUTTING THROUGH THE CRAP Dear Editors - Duncan Horscroft makes a very good point about the lack of car spaces through summer, especially for the Nippers families and for others who have forked out their hard-earned for beach parking. Also, the idea of a 40km/h speed limit in the cutting is sheer madness, especially in summer. How can that be true? It’s completely crazy. Even if stairs and a platform were to be built on the top of the rocks it would not stop the elderly, those with strollers and prams, and 18 The Beast | January 2019

the downright lazy from walking or running up and down the cutting. Mix that with cars parked and other cars travelling at 40km/h and you do have a problem. The whole thing looks like a bad idea - Council seems to have completely forgotten that the cutting is a heritage item with regional significance. None of the proposed changes would enhance its beauty or its heritage value. I'm a firm believer of the old adage that ‘if it’s not broken, then don't fix it’, so I'd like to see the evidence that there is an actual problem with the cutting as it is. Best regards, Chris Elliott Bronte PLEASE DO NOT DESTROY THE BEAUTY OF BRONTE CUTTING In order to provide safety for pedestrians on the coastal walk, Waverley Council has made new options available for the Bronte Cutting. Option one is a temporary walkway made permanent, and option two has extra speed bumps with few changes cost effective options which make more sense preserving the beautiful coastal landscape we love. The other options, three and four, will disfigure the natural rock face of the Bronte Cutting and change our treasured beach heritage. Besides carrying a high cost, option three discriminates against mums with prams and those with limited mobility. Georgie Bronte BRONTE CUTTING Dear Editor - I use the Bronte Cutting most days and appreciate Waverley Council's desire to improve the amenity and safety of the millions of pedestrians walking between the beach and Calga Reserve. The current trial achieves the goal of separating pedestrians and traffic by keeping cars on one side of the road and people safe on the footpath on the other side. Importantly, it is accessible to everyone in all seasons. Other options proposed in the survey include the long-standing status quo with pedestrians and traffic intermingled along the cutting. This could be improved with the implementation of speed bumps.

The other two options - constructing an elevated walkway on the cliff or excavating 1.5 metres into the cutting - would destroy the character and natural form of the rock face without solving the core problem of intermingled traffic and pedestrians. People parking, and those with compromised mobility or prams, would still need to use the road. Walking through the cutting adds interest and context to the narrative of the coastal walk. Why would you destroy the environmental, heritage and experiential value of the cutting for car spaces when the problem is not solved anyway? It may not be necessary to make 20 car spaces unavailable to beachgoers. As noted in Duncan Horscroft's opinion piece (Beachgoers Lose Vital Car Spots, The Beast, December 2018), there are six spaces dedicated to the Bronte SLSC, which are often vacant at high-peak times. Could these be reclaimed for the public and other spaces dedicated to the Bronte SLSC be found closer to the surf club? An extra space seems to be possible at the north end of the temporary footpath. Most of the year there are vacant car spaces in the cutting but during peak beach times (summer holidays and weekends) any number of car spaces will not satisfy the demand in the context of the whole beach precinct. Option one, the current trial, satisfies the objective of fully separating pedestrians and traffic without destroying the natural forms of the coastline and the heritage value of the cutting. Josephine Bronte THE GREATEST EYESORE Great article by Con Gestion in the last issue (The Greatest Eyesore of the East, The Beast, December 2018)! The Maroubra Seals is a disgusting eyesore! Con's idea gets my vote. What a monstrosity, all built off the gambling losses of the poor housing commission people on the hill. Randwick Council should help them rebuild the place; it is obviously too big a job for the diehard old management. Dust off those plans, Council! David Coogee

What music are you into at the moment? I'm in an a cappella choir called Timbre Flaws, which rehearses at Kensington. We sang Nick Cave’s ‘Ship Song’ at my book launch at Harry Hartog’s in Bondi Junction. Who is your favourite person? My son, Liam. He’s a monosyllabic 16 year-old who says I do all the talking for him. But he was very supportive while I wrote my book – largely because of all the Uber Eats meals I let him order rather than having to cook.

Counting on her own strength.

LOCAL CHICK... HELEN PITT FROM COOGEE Interview and Picture James Hutton


ydney Morning Herald journalist and Coogee local Helen Pitt has just written a book about the Sydney Opera House called The House. She shares her local favourites with The Beast…

thinks the food here is better than in France – and the view reminded him of his native Corsica. I also love Bat Country for its food and drinks (the muffins are deadly and I love the Monday night roast).

How long have you lived here? Nine years, I'm Sydney-born from the mighty west originally - but moved to California for a decade and wanted to live by the beach when I came back.

Where do you like to have a drink? The rooftop bar at the Pavilion is fabulous for a sundowner. I also love X74, my local café, and the Courtyard for coffee.

Why do you live here? I love the soothing sound of the tide, which is why I live three blocks from the beach. In summer I start each day with a sunrise swim at Coogee’s McIver’s Ladies Baths. It doesn’t get any better than that. What's your favourite beach? Coogee of course, but I also love Maroubra’s Mahon Pool - not technically a beach but a favourite rocky outcrop and swim spot. What's your favourite eatery? Barzura, for its food and view. I used to take Joe Bertony, the 96-yearold inventor of the Sydney Opera House’s erection arch, there and he 20 The Beast | January 2019

Best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? The coastal walks, community and cafes. I love walking the streets and bumping into friends from my son’s school. Worst thing about the Eastern Suburbs? The lack of green space - I miss the bush, which is why I love the new walk from Maroubra to Malabar. It is a breath of fresh, green air. The light rail construction and traffic are maybe my least favourite things here. And parking tickets, of course. Do you have a favourite sporting team? I’m a reluctant team sports watcher, but if I must I’ll go for the Swans and the Roosters.

What do you get up to on the weekends? The past two years I’ve been focused on writing and editing my book in any spare moment I had. I’m looking forward to getting back to cycling and swimming more. What do you do for work? I’m a journalist for the Sydney Morning Herald, where I began my career 32 years ago. I’ve been an editor and writer for almost every section of the newspaper. But writing a book was my lifelong dream so I was thrilled to get great reviews and an interview on Richard Fidler’s Conversation Hour. Winning the 2018 Walkley Book award, the highest accolade in journalism, is a career highlight. What's your favourite thing about work? Interviewing so many different interesting people and getting to write about them. And taking on powerful people like Alan Jones in the pages of the paper when he bullied Opera House CEO Louise Herron and spoke in favour of putting advertising for a horse race all over our national icon. Do you have a favourite quote? “Il ne faut compter que sur ses propres forces”. It means, roughly, “You can only count on your own strength”. Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? Go see the world. And take a copy of my book, The House, as the Opera House is an international brand more recognisable than Australia. It’s a great story everyone should know.

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Do you have a favourite sporting team? I’m not really into team sports. What music are you into at the moment? Thanks to Spotify I’m into searching multiple cover versions of old favourites. Check out George Michael’s version of Bonnie Raitt’s classic love song, ‘I Can’t Make You Love Me’. Who is your favourite person? My favourite person is anyone who practises art, thinks art or buys art. Art is humanising.

Creating magic in people’s lives.

LOCAL BLOKE... PETER SOLNESS FROM MAROUBRA Interview and Picture James Hutton


aroubra resident Peter Solness is a photographic artist and teacher who uses light as a way of reimagining the world around him. For Science Week this year he ran a large-scale public art event in Centennial Park that attracted over 600 participants. Peter shares his local favourites with The Beast… How long have you lived here? I was born at the War Memorial Hospital in Waverley in 1958 and learned to swim at Bondi Baths in the mid ‘60s, so I’ve kicked around these parts for a while. I’ve recently moved back to Maroubra where I lived in the mid 2000s. Why do you live here? My son goes to Maroubra Bay Public, so we can ride our bikes to school rather than drive, which is priceless. I’m always up for a surf and I also love slipping into a pilates class for a ‘plank’ at the Des Renford Aquatic Centre. 22 The Beast | January 2019

What's your favourite beach? For any surfer an empty wave is a premium. Thankfully Maroubra Beach delivers the goods. What's your favourite eatery? For the past ten years, on the first Tuesday of the month I have eaten at Jack’s Pizzas on Coogee Bay Road. I’m part of a men’s group. We sit around a table eating Jack’s ‘Coogee Bay Special’ with a glass of red discussing les affaires du jour. Where do you like to have a drink? Any place that serves Young Henry’s Pale Ale on tap. Best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? I can stand on a sandstone outcrop at Maroubra and see an infinity of shimmering light running all the way to the horizon. It’s pretty special. Worst thing about the Eastern Suburbs? So many nice trees seem to go missing.

What do you get up to on the weekends? I still like to hear the clomp of the Sydney Morning Herald landing outside my bedroom window on a Saturday morning. On Sunday mornings I’m one of a sea of parents watching their little tykes do beach sprints at South Maroubra Nippers. What do you do for work? I practise an obscure method of photography called ‘light painting’. In essence, I mount a camera on a tripod and experiment with torchlight in darkness. The results are astounding. I’ve illuminated wonderful Aboriginal rock engraving sites around Sydney, including at North Bondi and Mackenzies Point. You can see them on my website, I also run light painting workshops in schools, including Woollahra Public and Cranbrook. The kids love them. What's your favourite thing about work? Creating magic in people’s lives by stepping into the dark and waving lights around. A year 9 student said recently: “I can’t express how happy I feel at the moment”. That is job satisfaction. Do you have a favourite quote? It’s better to light a candle than to curse the darkness. Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? Listen to others people’s stories. It will take you places you never imagined.

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THUMBS UP THE WIGGLES These guys have been entertaining children (and their parents) for nearly 30 years and they’re still going gangbusters. What a wonderful Aussie success story! HELEN PITT A huge congratulations to the Sydney Morning Herald journalist, Coogee local and winner of the 2018 Walkley Book Award for her timeless masterpiece, The House (Allen & Unwin). We can’t wait to read it. FIREWORKS While you can no longer buy a barrage of bungers at the corner store, it is great to get outside on New Year’s Eve and enjoy the annual panorama of pyromaniacal rapture. SURVIVAL 2019 is finally here, and we’re glad to be alive. 2018 was testing, but if there’s one thing that really makes you enjoy life, it’s a close brush with death. POST SERIES NETFLIX DETOX Finishing a Netflix series and finally getting your life back (at least until you find another equally addictive show) is one of life’s greatest pleasures.

THUMBS DOWN ELF ON THE SHELF We’re glad this silly little doll has buggered off back to the North Pole (storage) for another year and we no longer have to find new places to put it each night. PINE NEEDLES If there is anything less enjoyable than hand picking a thousand pine needles from your living room carpet, I am yet to experience it. POST CHRISTMAS BLOWOUT They say summer bodies are made in winter, but unfortunately there’s no clever catchphrase to help you maintain them through Christmas. 24 The Beast | January 2019

Sunshine is an excitable, energetic and happy girl. She is good with kids but is quite strong and would probably suit older children who won't fit inside her jaws. She enjoys a cuddle and likes to jump up and lick people's faces - not ideal if she's just been mauling another dog's arse. Sunshine comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. Also included for the love and wellbeing of Sunshine is a free health and wellness voucher with the Doggie Rescue vet. For more details, please call Doggie Rescue on 9486 3133, or email

BEAR Age 2 years Sex Male Breed Siberian X Weight 26.8kg Bear is a well-mannered boy. He's not used to lots of attention so he may find you annoying. He has a gentle nature, but if you go anywhere near his food he will end you in an instant. Bear has an impressive coat that sheds seasonally, so you'd better have a decent vacuum cleaner lying around. Bear comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. Also included for the love and wellbeing of Bear is a free health and wellness voucher with the Doggie Rescue vet. For more details, please call Doggie Rescue on 9486 3133, or email

CASH Age 12 months Sex Male Breed Bull Arab X Weight 27kg Cash is an affectionate boy who loves cuddles and pats. He is very intelligent and will sit on command. Cash walks at a good pace and likes to jog. He is high energy but responds to commands and positive reinforcement. He is quite excitable around other dogs but nothing too hectic. Cash comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. Also included for the love and wellbeing of Cash is a free health and wellness voucher with the Doggie Rescue vet. For more details, please call Doggie Rescue on 9486 3133, or email

Spectacular beaches, beautiful sunrises, and some of the most stunning residences in Australia... It's no wonder that the Eastern Suburbs is one of Sydney's most desirable locations to live. It's about feeling at home, wherever you go. So, whether you're moving in, or moving on, call Mary Howell. She will make sure you feel right at home, wherever you are. MARY HOWELL 0414 400 345

January 2019 | The Beast 25

Bronte Reef ’s resident great white.



owards the end of November, the Eastern Beaches area saw a disconcerting spike in the number of shark sightings. Bondi Beach was closed after an estimated four to five-metre shark surfaced behind a surfer – the second sighting that day – while Maroubra Beach was evacuated after a four-metre great white was spotted near the bay. These sightings came just days after local surfers and swimmers were shaken by a picture of a 4.65-metre great white caught in a net off Maroubra. The sightings have ignited talk about what is being done to mitigate the risk of attacks at our beaches. The responsibility of shark management lies with the Department of Primary Industries (DPI). When it comes to our beaches, the DPI currently employs contractors to monitor shark nets and there is a VR4G ‘Clever Buoy’ shark listening device stationed at Bondi. The buoy provides real-time tracking of tagged sharks. While anyone can obtain information about sharks from this device by

26 The Beast | January 2019

downloading the SharkSmart app, a shark detected by this buoy does not prompt an evacuation. Shark encounters in NSW have been a growing issue over the past few years. Niall Blair, NSW Minister for Primary Industries, has said that aerial surveillance including drones and drumlines will be key to this summer's defences. However, the Eastern Beaches will not be receiving either of these devices just yet, with most of the trials taking place in the state’s north. Drones are the latest technology being tried in an effort to avoid shark attacks, and some amateur pilots have already spotted sharks at our beaches using these devices. Over summer, the DPI is launching a trial in partnership with Surf Life Saving Australia (SLSA), which involves training drone pilots (both professional SLSA lifeguards and volunteers) to spot sharks. So far 18 beaches have been selected to participate, but again, this does not include any Sydney beaches. Surf Life Saving NSW’s Duty Media Officer, Donna Wishart, said the decision on what beaches

were chosen was made predominately by the DPI, driven by data on previous shark activity. When asked if, given the recent spike in sightings, any Eastern Suburbs beaches would now be brought into the trial, the DPI said the current trial will first be evaluated and the findings will inform future trials of shark management technologies. It looks like official sharkspotting drones for our beaches are off the table until at least next summer then, which gives Eastern Suburbs residents some time to answer an important question: Do we want drones spotting sharks at our beaches? While smart-drum lines, which allow animals to be tagged and released, have proven to be far more successful at capturing target species compared to regular shark nets, drones are less tested. Speaking to The Beast, local surfer and Tracks Magazine editor Luke Kennedy raised some concerns regarding the introduction of drones. Mr Kennedy believes that while drones have the potential to mitigate risk, they may also significantly increase the number of shark sightings and fuel hysteria by spotting sharks that were always there but never really causing a problem. He also said that it would be difficult to determine when a shark is actually a risk. “A drone can probably go well beyond the headland of the beach; at what point does the drone notify lifeguards?” Mr Kennedy asked. Mr Kennedy said he thought drones were “not a bad idea”, as long as those flying them are empowered to use them with some common sense. However, he realised that there would be issues of liability for trained pilots. Mr Kennedy said he thought this legal responsibility could potentially affect a pilot’s judgment when assessing the risk. North Bondi, Tamarama and Bronte SLSCs have all said they would be interested in participating in the drone trial if the opportunity was presented to them.

1300 722 542

Can we get these in the Eastern Suburbs please?

LOCALS MOBILISING AGAINST MAJOR TELCO Words Matthew Bartolo Picture Clive Palmer


ustralian telecommunications company TPG is facing backlash from both local residents and Randwick Council regarding the company’s plan to roll out over 60 small cell mobile towers in the area. Residents throughout the Eastern Suburbs are concerned that the radiation the facilities emit will have long-term health effects on local families who will now likely live within close proximity to one or more of the units. Eighteen mobile towers have already been built within Randwick Council’s boundaries and another 48 have been proposed, with Bondi, Bondi Junction, Bellevue Hill, Waverley, Tamarama, Randwick, Queens Park and Coogee all set to host the units. The proposal and implementation of the towers has come under fire, with the potential health effects and lack of public consultation angering residents.

28 The Beast | January 2019

“Residents are grappling with the idea of living next to a mini mobile tower, exposing them and their loved ones to constant electromagnetic radiation as they eat, sleep and try to enjoy the quiet contentment of being home, which is a basic human right,” Coogee local Dr Jenny Khan said. “The 28-day public consultation process, which is supposed to precede the installation work, is often kept hazy and poorly publicised by the telco so they can slyly erect the installation and swiftly move on to the next one, before residents know what has happened. “What makes this process even more farcical is that the outcome of the public consultation submission is decided by the telco, which is a major conflict of interest. They are hardly going to say ‘no’ to themselves.” Such has been the backlash by local residents, Randwick Council has sought legal advice in a bid to

hold off on the developments until more is known about the effects the towers might have. “Residents have approached Council with concerns about the safety of small cell mobile phone facilities being installed close to people’s homes,” Randwick Mayor Kathy Neilson said. “I too share these concerns and will advocate on behalf of these families and present their concerns to the relevant authorities. “Recent studies have called into question the safety of small cell mobile phone facilities. The federal government must err on the side of caution and suspend the rollout of these towers until such time as their safety has been assured.” The council’s ability to halt TPG may be in vain though as federal legislation allows for telecommunications companies to install towers that are classed as low-impact onto power poles without requiring the approval of local councils. They do, however, have to carry out independent environmental reporting to ensure the towers are not of harm to those in the area. “Mobile carriers are required to prepare a separate environmental compliance report for every single network facility,” TPG Stakeholder Manager Jacqueline Crompton said. “These reports demonstrate the maximum or worst-case radio signal strength from the proposed facility, and are prepared in strict accordance with ARPANSA's reporting requirements. “At all times, and in any location, TPG operates its radio (mobile) network safely and responsibly at signal strengths significantly below World Health Organisation and Australian standards.” While there is no specific timeline on when a final decision will be made on the towers that are still in the proposal stage, it appears that the collective voice of the community, and the local council that represents it, are making some waves of their own. To view the independent reporting on each tower you can head to


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BITS AND PIECES FROM AROUND THE BEACHES Words Lisa Anderson Picture John Lee SUMMERAMA FUN DAY OUT 2019 Looking for some summer magic? Take your friends along to a fun day of free activities and music at the Summerama Fun Day Out on Sunday, January 20 from 9am to 1pm at Bronte Park. Meet some of the incredible animals that call Waverley's ocean and bushland home courtesy of Taronga Zoo, join the Seaside Scavenge for trash, tunes and treasure or get tips on how to make sustainability second nature. There will be roving theatre, exciting workshops, music and more. Bookings are essential and can be made at For more information, email or call 9083 8045 or 9083 8106. RUNNERS SHOP ON THE MOVE Runners Shop Randwick has moved into a bigger and better location at 201 Clovelly Road, Randwick (across the road from Clodeli). This iconic local sports footwear shop has been serving the community since 1978. Margaret Beardslee (nee Ricardo) owned the original Frenchmans Road store with Bob Talay and has returned to the business after a 30-year hiatus. She has a successful Runners Shop in Killarney Vale on the Central Coast and plans to

Coogee weir.

return the store to its former glory by extending the current range of shoes and accessories, employing local staff and supporting the local fitness community. WALKWAY WORKS ON TRACK A new section of Coastal Walkway currently under construction at Cape Banks will complete a critical missing link helping walkers to safely traverse through the NSW Golf Course at La Perouse. The Randwick City Council project will connect the existing Henry Head walking track in the Kamay Botany Bay National Park - which currently ends at Cruwee Cove Beach - with a public car park near the Westpac Rescue Helicopter Base. The walkway upgrade has been designed in consultation with the NSW Golf Course. The Coastal Walkway extension is funded by Council’s Sustaining our City Environmental Levy and follows the opening in February 2018 of the popular Malabar Headland Western Escarpment Walk. Work is due to be completed in early 2019. PAINTING WITH LIGHT Taught by award winning light painter Peter Solness, the Painting with Light workshop will teach you how to apply torchlight to darkened subjects such as flowers

and trees to create unique and exciting photographic images. Centennial Park is the ideal learning space as there are no streetlights and the park has a wonderful range of subjects to explore. The Painting with Light workshop will be held on January 4. It costs $135. For bookings and information, visit whatson/painting-with-light. PERMANENT WHEELCHAIR MATTING ON MALABAR BEACH Malabar Beach has become the first beach in Sydney with permanent wheelchair access as part of a project by Randwick City Council, the Lions Club and the Rainbow Club Australia. The 60-metre long, specially designed mat has been installed over the sand, providing easier access for wheelchair users to reach the water’s edge – just in time for summer. The matting is a permanent fixture available seven days a week, all year round. The self-anchored wheelchair matting, manufactured by Mobi-mat, is made from 100% recycled plastic and designed to ensure a smooth ride all the way to the hard sand. Malabar Beach was chosen for the project given its protection from ocean swell and relative calmness, meaning the matting can be kept in place year round.


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January 2019 | The Beast 31

A new king is crowned.

GREAT SCOTT! BRONTE SURFERS HAIL THEIR NEW KING Words Dan Hutton Picture Bill Morris Instagram @billmorris


he Bronte Boardriders 2018 season wrapped up on the first weekend of December in fun 2-3 foot conditions, with victory to Mitchell Scott in both the open championship (Carter Cup) and the man-on-man Matt Clements Cup, reaffirming somewhat of a changing of the guard down at the Eastern Suburbs’ most challenging surf beach. “It was down to Mitch Scott versus Troy Stewart in the last round of the competition and it was set up for a showdown in the final, but Troy fell on a good wave in his first heat and blew it,” Bronte Boardriders president Robert Bruns told The Beast. For quite some time, the Carter Cup was dominated by veteran Bronte surfers including Caleb Reid and Ryan Clark, but Mr Scott has been knocking on the door and many felt it was inevitable that he

32 The Beast | January 2019

would start asserting his dominance over his aging competitors. “Mitch grew up in Bronte, originally known as the youngest son of Australia’s best known glass brick builder, and forged his own identity by having the world’s best bowl cut,” Mr Bruns said. “He was a frother and a good surfer, but he’s always been a good clubman as well. “When he was about 16 years old we went to a tag team event in Wollongong and he was in his wetsuit for 29 hours straight. “He surfed in it in the morning, wore it out at night under his clothes, then surfed in it again the next day. “If that’s not commitment, then I don’t know what is. He’s a much deserved winner.” Mr Scott was understandably stoked with the outcome on the final day of the season.

“When I was a grommet I could never win any boardriders events but this year it just all came together,” he said. “I’m frothing to win it. “It’s pretty good to have my name on the trophy next to blokes like Whippet (Ryan Clark) and Caleb Reid. They’re the big guns. “But the best part of it was the presentation down at the beach, because everyone was there and it was just a mad day.” While it was Scott who took away the spoils, Michael Jenkinson stole some of his thunder with the undisputed highlight of the day in the water. A chronic neck injury has limited the time the lifeguard better known as ‘Mouse’ has spent in the surf over the past year, but that didn’t stop him tucking into a dredging left-hand barrel through the bunker and emerging unscathed before flipping the bird, beating his chest and stepping straight from his board on to Bronte’s golden sands to the whoops of an elated crowd. On land, another highlight was about to unfold as Sydney Roosters premiership player and longtime Bronte local Victor Radley surprised his fellow frothers with a guest appearance of the NRL premiership trophy. Needless to say, many photos followed with the local legend and the spoils of his late September triumph. “I remember when I was about 14 having a sleepover with a mate at my house and the Roosters were just shithouse and we legitimately thought they would never win a premiership in our lifetime,” Mr Bruns said. “Now to see them win one with a kid from Bronte in the side playing a key role is pretty epic. “That said, Victor’s achievements shouldn’t overshadow those of his brother, Jack ‘Manhead’ Radley, the two-time, undefeated Penis Olympics bogey hole death race champion.” Other major award winners on the day included Junior Champion Paddy Power, Masters Champion Mark Maidment and Rookie of the Year Brynn Siltala.

Roll out the red carpet.

A FEAST OF FILM FOR ALL THIS SUMMER Words Siriol Dafydd Instagram @sirioldafyddwriter Picture Bronwyn Kidd


hristmas movies are undoubtedly awesome. But if you over-did it on elves, reindeer and gooey stories unfolding in snowy settings this festive season, you’re probably ready for a change. So for those of you looking for new and exciting films to watch, here’s a quick guide on how to get your culture fix over the next few months. Let’s start with Flickerfest. Running from January 11 to 20, this short film festival will transform Bondi into a hub of culture, talent and fascinating stories. This year’s record 2700 entries from over 100 countries has been whittled down to the best and most creative 200 films, which will be showcased in Australia’s only Academy®™ accredited and BAFTA recognised short film festival. 34 The Beast | January 2019

From categories like FlickerKids for families and Rainbow Shorts featuring LGBTIQ+ stories, to comedies in the Short Laughs category and juicy relationship sagas under the Love Bites umbrella, there’s a style, genre and story for everyone in this year’s festival. And if you’re interested in uncovering up-andcoming talent, the FlickerUp National Youth Competition for talented Australian filmmakers under 18 is definitely worth a look. The diverse program includes films from all over the world as well as some fabulous home grown Aussie talent. Key highlights in this year’s program include the premiere of Desert Dash. Written, directed and starring Gracie Otto, this wonderful film takes a new and somewhat twisted look at life in the Aussie outback. Bondi

local, Flickerfest veteran and international award winner Paul McDermott is also back this year with the Australian premiere of The Ghost Bear, a moving and thought-provoking animation for kids. Believe it or not, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. For a look at the full festival line-up or to buy tickets, please head to the official website at Film buffs can also see fresh stories from new talent at this year’s Tropfest on Saturday, February 9 in Centennial… oops, sorry… Parramatta Park. Or for cinematic delights closer to home, you can enjoy the Sydney Short Film Festival at Randwick’s Ritz Cinema on February 5. Because seriously, who in their right mind leaves the Eastern Beaches of their own volition any time after November? If you prefer blockbusters and Hollywood glam to artsy shorts, St George OpenAir Cinema returns to Mrs Macquarie’s Point from January 8 to February 16 with a plethora of awesome films. This year’s 39-night run will feature no less than 16 premieres and preview screenings including the Australian premiere of historical drama Mary Queen of Scots starring Margot Robbie. If you can’t be bothered to traipse into the city, you can always dodge bat droppings whilst enjoying one of Moonlight Cinema’s many offerings in Centennial Park instead. It opened on November 29 and runs until March 31, with a program covering all sorts of movies from Storm Boy and Smallfoot to Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes Of Grindlewald and Mortal Engines. For details on the full program, visit So there you have it Beast readers. Whether you want to support new talent and hobnob with artsy industry types, or simply kick back with a beer and some popcorn whilst watching Keira Knightley miraculously disguise the fact that she can’t actually act, there’s a film for everyone in Sydney this summer!



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MORE BITS AND PIECES FROM AROUND THE BEACHES Words Lisa Anderson Picture Fabio Fontes Instagram @fabiopfontes THE GIFT OF SONG Unlock Your Voice’s studio in Bondi Junction is now open and offering gift vouchers. Many people would like to give singing a go or brush up on their vocal skills. Since opening its doors in Bondi Junction a few months ago, Unlock Your Voice has helped over 200 students get started, reach their potential, or in some cases, go professional. Gift vouchers are available from Unlock Your Voice, 17-25 Spring Street, Bondi Junction or over the phone on 0403 329 184. COOGEE BAY ROAD CONSTRUCTION ON HOLD Construction workers have completed the first stage of street improvements along Coogee Bay Road and have downed tools until March, when the busy summer period has come to an end. Coogee Bay Road will return to being a two-way street, footpath barricades will be removed and visitors will enjoy new, wider footpaths on the corner of Arden Street and Coogee Bay Road. The completion of stage one of the works will give residents and visitors to the popular beachside stretch a glimpse of how the street upgrades will look once the rest of the upgrades along Coogee Bay Road, up to Brook Street, have been completed in

Love is in the air.

2019. Work on stage two of the Coogee Bay Road street upgrade will include new street furniture, landscaping and the planting of 12 new Callery pear trees. THE CHEEKY CALENDAR RETURNS The Cheeky Calendar is the work of a group of mates who get their kit off each year in order to raise money for mental health – yep, they remove their clothes to remove the stigma associated with mental illness. Given that mental health issues can be hard to open up about, they decided to shine light on them in the most open way possible - a nude calendar! So far they have raised over $20,000 for Beyond Blue and they’ve found themselves shooting starkers in places like aeroplanes, dental surgeries and bike racing tracks. This year the theme is ‘parties’, so make sure you join the party and grab a copy as it's all for a good cause. They’ll be on sale at the Bondi Markets or you can check out CYCLEWAY SEES THE FOREST FOR THE TREES Trees proposed for removal as part of a planned cycleway between Kingsford and South Coogee will be reviewed and alternative design options considered to retain

as many trees as possible as part of the next stage of the project. The 1.9km separated cycleway and streetscape upgrade along Bundock and Sturt Streets is proposed to link up with the light rail terminal at Kingsford and connect with another proposed cycleway to continue north along Houston Road and Doncaster Avenue to Centennial Park and on to the city. Randwick Council released two options for the cycleway; one would see the removal of 129 on-street parking spaces and 37 trees, while an alternative would result in the removal of 172 parking spaces and 30 trees. In both options, 60 advanced new trees would be planted to offset the loss. An arborist report will be publicly released early in 2019. BONDI TO MANLY WALK A REALITY Representatives from all three levels of government came together last month to announce an historic partnership to create a single walking track from Bondi Beach to Manly Beach. The Bondi to Manly Walk will link all of the existing coastal and harbourside walking tracks and paths between Bondi Beach and Manly Beach. Once completed, this 80-kilometre public walking track promises to be one of the world’s greatest urban walks.

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Festive family fun at Coogee Sparkles.

A LAST MINUTE GUIDE TO NEW YEAR'S EVE IN THE EAST Words Siriol Dafydd Instagram @sirioldafyddwriter Picture Noni Carroll


o you’ve done it again; you’ve filled your December social calendar to the brim with barbies and boat parties but you haven’t a clue about what to do on New Year’s Eve. Well, don’t worry, you’re only human - and besides, we’ve got your back. If you always feel compelled to read The Beast as soon as it gets delivered (understandable really, we’re awesome), then you’re just in the nick of time for our last minute guide to NYE. Now let’s be a hundred per cent honest here, a couple of obligatory NYEs at the harbour are more than enough for one lifetime, and most reasonably sane humans would rather steer clear of the crowds and enjoy the fireworks from a safe distance. But that doesn’t mean you can’t still have a jolly good time! So what’s crackin’ in the Eastern Suburbs this year? FAMILY FRIENDLY FIREWORKS If you’re keen to avoid the harbour and all the perils that come with it for 2018’s final fling, there is no better place to be than Coogee, especially if you have a family. Coogee Sparkles will set the sky alight at 9pm with around 20 heart-pumping minutes of pyrotechnical precision. Take in an

38 The Beast | January 2019

afternoon swim and enjoy a picnic dinner while waiting for the sun to set and the show to start. If your heart is set on the harbour, you don’t have to be stuck in the rowdy crowds at the botanical gardens to enjoy the fireworks. There are plenty of fantastic vantage points from Rushcutters up to Watsons Bay. Most of these parks are free to enter but they do vary in capacity, so get there early (most gates open from midday) to avoid disappointment. BYO booze is permitted at Christison Park and a few other venues in Vaucluse, but many are alcohol-free and glassware is a definite no-no. You can find out more about this on Woollahra Council’s website. If you fancy a bit more entertainment, head to Dudley Page Reserve with a picnic and enjoy a free jumping castle, face painting, playground, DJ, licensed bar, food stalls and the all-important fireworks. Gates open at 6pm and tickets are available from Moshtix or Waverley Council. BUST A GROOVE IN BONDI If you’d rather bring in the New Year with some funky beats, the Bucket List will be hosting ‘Live, Love, Bondi’ with techno legend

Late Nite Tuff Guy. Doors open from 7pm and the party will continue until 2am. First release tickets are $70 and available via Moshtix. If you don’t plan on spending the first few hours of 2019 with your head in a bucket, swing on over to Icebergs for their annual New Year's Day celebrations. Every year, the sleek and sophisticated Icebergs Dining Room and Bar is transformed into the best day club in the Southern Hemisphere. This year, Mambo Brothers and Sneaky Sound System will be providing the beats whilst chef Monty Koludrovic will showcase a custom AustralianItalian menu. Tickets are $450 per person and include entertainment, canapes, signature Icebergs drinks and Perrier-Jouët Champagne. OLD-SCHOOL COOGEE DISCO Travel back to a simpler time with Coogee Diggers Club and their ‘80s RockFish party band. Enjoy a world where Michael Jackson is still alive and kickin’ and Donald Trump is just a super-rich creep rather than a super-rich creep in charge of the free world. Tickets for Fish Year's Eve are a reasonable $17 and doors open at 8am. BUGGER OFF TO BALI If you’ve got the time and dosh to escape to Bali, resident nutcase Kai Suteja (of @urmumsyadad fame) is hosting a crazy futurist party in an abandoned airplane on the roof of a four-storey building, as you do. With the capacity for 5,000 people, Gypsy Land 2049 is set to be Kai’s biggest event to date. Along with a bunch of techno lords from Germany, Kazakhstan and the UK, this Blade Runner themed party will also include a half pipe, fire breathers, circus acts, strippers and a jumping sex castle (seriously, no joke). And with pre-sale tickets at $30 via www. or $50 on the door, you definitely get your money’s worth. So there you have it you disorganised delinquents. Despite your organisational inadequacies, your NYE is now sorted, courtesy of the good folk at The Beast.

The latest from Randwick City Council about living in this great city

What’s On

Randwick News As summer begins, the first stage of the Coogee Bay Road street upgrade has come to an end. The construction crew did a great job of keeping to schedule so that residents, visitors and business owners could enjoy the busy Christmas and summer period free of interruptions. Coogee Bay Road will return to being a two-way street and footpath barricades will be removed. The footpath along the south side of Coogee Bay Road, from Arden Street to Vicar Street, and on Arden Street outside the Coogee Bay Hotel will give you the first glimpse of what the upgrade will look like once complete. Of course there will be new street furniture, landscaping and the planting of 12 new Callery pear trees, as well as powerlines placed underground during the next stage. The wider footpath and increased amenity will provide us with just a taste of what is to come.


6.30pm-8.30pm, Goldstein Reserve, Coogee Beach


9pm, Goldstein Reserve, Coogee Beach


Various dates and activities See Council website for more details.

The second phase of the upgrade will start in March, and we’ll be sure to minimise any inconvenience. I want to thank you all for your patience during this time, and I look forward to enjoying the new look Coogee Bay Road in 2019. Councillor Kathy Neilson Mayor of Randwick

SATURDAY 26 JANUARY 2019 CELEBRATE AUSTRALIA DAY IN RANDWICK CITY 12noon-2pm, Arthur Byrne Reserve, Maroubra Beach

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What a bloody fantastic photo!

ALL HANDS ON DECK FOR OCEAN SWIMS Words Duncan Horscroft Picture Mark Hunter Picture @bondihunter


here is no better display of surf lifesaving skills, outside the competition arena, than those displayed at open water events. Coogee kicked off the ocean swimming season in late November with the Coogee Island Challenge, which featured more than 1400 swimmers taking part in the 2.4-kilometre swim around Wedding Cake Island, the 800-metre Junior Dash and the one-kilometre swim inside the bay. The event was blessed with good weather and a plethora of volunteers were on hand to deal with any problems, though nothing more than a few minor first aid issues eventuated. Joshua Attard, 22, was the first male home in the Island Challenge, with 15 year-old Cassandra Fayers the first female across the line. The one-kilometre event was won by Oliver Spanton and 12 year-old Max Moylan from Randwick won the 800-metre junior event. A week later it was Bronte’s turn for the Macquarie Bondi to Bronte Ocean Swim. After rough condi-

40 The Beast | January 2019

tions on the Saturday it looked like the event would have to be held around the bay at Bondi, but the ocean gods smiled upon them and the event ran as originally planned. Bronte Surf Club President Basil Scaffidi said they didn’t make the call to swim to Bronte until early on the Sunday morning when they were greeted with near perfect conditions. “We were really worried the event would only be held at Bondi, the same as last year,” Mr Scaffidi said. “On the Saturday the conditions looked ominous and we were dreading the fact it would be at Bondi again. “But when we saw the conditions on the Sunday we knew it would be on and it turned out to be one of the most successful swims in the event’s 17-year history. “The conditions were amazing and there were no incidents bar a few first aid incidents and we raised $20,000 for the Kids’ Cancer Project.”

More than 2000 swimmers turned up and registered for the event’s three courses and there were almost 300 volunteers on hand. Joining the swimmers in the ocean were 80 water safety crew, along with 11 IRBs from six surf clubs, two jet skis and two offshore rescue boats. More than 600 sausages and 40 kilograms of bacon were consumed, along with 600 apples, 700 bananas and 3000 drinks. The overall winner in the open event was former ironman Kendrick Louis in an amazing 23 minutes and 10 seconds. He only just beat the first female home, with Tayla Martin finishing in 23 minutes and 30 seconds. The junior male event was won by Jake Andrews and Sophie Ferenczi won the female division. It was a great effort from all involved in both swims and a credit to the great training and skills volunteer lifesavers gain from their local Eastern Beaches surf life saving clubs.

Mayor’s Message Have Your Say Waverley It is set to be another productive year for Waverley Council, with a number of major projects underway in 2019. The Bondi Pavilion and Restoration Project has progressed from the concept design phase to drawing up the plans for submission of the development application. There’s still work to be done around alternatives to the current amphitheatre so that we can continue to host exciting outdoor events. The Pavilion restoration is vital under the requirements of the NSW Heritage Office-endorsed Bondi Pavilion Conservation Management Plan, and we are excited about the year ahead. The project is one of a suite of works taking place at Bondi Beach. Those works include the Campbell Parade streetscapes upgrade, South Bondi amenities project and the civil infrastructure upgrade at the northern end of the beach including the seawall and promenade. We look forward to delivering these and many projects in 2019 and encourage you to continue to provide valuable feedback through our Have Your Say Waverley website John Wakefield, Mayor of Waverley

“We are excited about the year ahead.”

Events Gift Wrapping, Oxford Street Mall 20–21 December, 11am–2pm For a gold coin donation, you can get your gifts wrapped at Oxford Street Mall. All donations go towards the Starlight Foundation.

New Year’s Eve at Dudley Page Reserve 31 December, 6pm–12.30am Bring in the New Year at Dudley Page Reserve, with a relaxed family environment and amazing views of the harbour fireworks. Tickets are essential:

School Holiday Program 7–20 January Free and paid activities for children and young people. All programs are facilitated by a combination of Waverley Council specialist staff, artists, industry professionals and partner organisations. Bookings essential: schoolholidayprogram.

Summerama Sunday 20 January, 9am–1pm Bronte Park, Bronte Seaside Scavenge, Taronga Zoomobile, roving theatre, reusable bag painting, Ocean Action Pod and exciting workshops. Bookings essential: brontesummerama. For more information, visit au/events.

Ph: 9083 8000 | | Stay in touch: Waverley Customer Service Centre: 55 Spring Street, Bondi Junction.

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MARINE & COASTAL DISCOVERY Randwick Council’s Marine & Coastal Discovery Program runs from January 7-22. Be part of the action this summer with hands-on learning experiences at locations along Randwick’s spectacular coastline. Bookings essential. Visit

MALONEYS HOME DELIVERY Too lazy to do your grocery shopping? Maloneys offers a complete home delivery service, so there’s no excuse for living on Domino’s and Deliveroo. Get your order in by 7pm and it’ll be delivered fresh to your door the next day. Please visit JOIN WAVERLEY BUSHCARE Join like-minded locals and help make a difference to one of Waverley’s special green spaces. You’ll learn about native plants and wildlife and enjoy the benefits of time spent in nature. No experience is necessary. For more information, visit

ICEBERGS NYD 2019 Each year, Icebergs Dining Room and Bar transforms into the best day club on the planet. Mambo Brothers and Sneaky Sound System will provide the beats whilst chef Monty Koludrovic will showcase a custom Australian-Italian menu. All inclusive tickets are $450.

ST GEORGE OPENAIR CINEMA If you love blockbusters and Hollywood glam in the great outdoors, St George OpenAir Cinema returns to Mrs Macquarie’s Point from today until February 16 with a plethora of top films. This year’s 39-night run will feature 16 premieres. Visit

SYDNEY FESTIVAL BEGINS Get along to a mix of free and ticketed events for all ages, at all hours, from today until January 27. Sydney Festival enlivens and transforms Sydney with a bold cultural celebration based on the highest quality art and big ideas. Visit

WILD ABOUT WHALES Discover these giants of the deep at the Australian Museum this summer with school holiday programs and activities to keep the kids busy. The Australian Museum is the oldest museum in Australia. For more information, please visit

SIXERS VERSUS RENEGADES Catch all the KFC Big Bash League action from 7.15pm as the Sydney Sixers take on the Melbourne Renegades under lights at the SCG. The BBL has become one of the biggest events on the summer cricket calendar. Visit

SIXERS VERSUS STRIKERS Tonight’s KFC Big Bash League clash at the SCG is against the mighty Adelaide Strikers. Action gets underway at 7pm and we’re expecting a swag of sixes from the men in pink as they look to secure a spot in the finals. Please visit

NEW YEAR’S TEST Australia takes on India in the final Test of their four-match series, starting today at the SCG and running until January 7 (if it goes the distance). India has never won a Test series in Australia, but that could all change soon. Please visit FREE CHIPS AND A DRINK Little L Chicken and Burgers are throwing in a free regular chips and a drink with every burger purchased at their Coogee store this month. For more information about the most delicious chicken and burger shop on the planet, please visit

SIXERS VERSUS HURRICANES The Sydney Sixers will come up against the Hobart Hurricanes in tonight’s KFC Big Bash League fixture at the SCG. The first ball will be bowled at 7.15pm and from there the action will quickly heat up. For more information, visit

WORLD CLASS STAND-UP Enjoy killer comedy with drinks delivered direct to your seat every Thursday, Friday and Saturday night at the Comedy Store Showcase in the Entertainment Quarter. For more information, please phone 9550 3666 or visit

FOOD ADDICTS MEETINGS Today, Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) is hosting one of its twice-weekly meetings, which are held every Wednesday at 7pm and Friday at 10am at Salvation Army Hall, 100 Boyce Road, Maroubra. For more information, please visit

FIRST CHIMP IN SPACE On this day in 1961, Ham the chimpanzee became the first nonhuman hominid to be launched into space on the MercuryRedstone 2 mission as part of America's space program. His flight was only 16 minutes and 39 seconds long.

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THE PIANO MAN Need an excuse to turn off the telly and get out of the house? Get down to the Charing Cross Hotel for a good old retro sing-a-long every Friday and Saturday night from 10pm with the Piano Man. For more information, please visit

SUNDAY SESSIONS AT THE SHEAF Looking for a great new Sunday session? Sheaf Sundays has got you covered, with an eclectic season line-up of some of the coolest independent talent from across Australia every Sunday from 4pm. For more information, please visit

FLICKERFEST - THE WORLD’S BEST Flickerfest kicks off tonight and will run until January 20, transforming Bondi into a hub of culture, talent and fascinating stories. 2700 entries from over 100 countries have been whittled down to the best and most creative 200 films. Visit

AUSTRALIA VERSUS INDIA Australia will take on India in a series of one-dayers. Today’s daynighter gets underway at 1.20pm at the SCG and it’s bound to be an absolute belter. Can we bounce back from our recent terrible form? Probably not. Please visit

BONDI SUNDAY MARKETS Today, and every Sunday between 10am and 4pm, you’ll find clothing from up-and-coming designers, handmade jewellery, exotic imports, retro-chic furniture, vinyl records, homewares, one-off vintage pieces and more. Please visit

TUFF NUTTERZ The world's largest inflatable obstacle course is taking over Centennial Park this summer from January 18-20. Tuff Nutterz is an exciting 270-metre long course with more than 30 different obstacles to complete. Please visit

BONDI FARMERS MARKETS Choose from a huge range of fresh seasonal fruits and vegetables, organic meat and poultry, fresh flowers, breads, jams, cheeses, seafood, herbs, spices and so much more at Bondi Beach Public School every Saturday from 9am. Please visit

SUMMERAMA FUN DAY OUT Looking for some summer magic? Take your friends along to a fun day of free activities and music at the Summerama Fun Day Out today from 9am to 1pm at Bronte Park. Bookings are essential and can be made at

HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY We love our sunburnt country so let's celebrate! Randwick Council will be holding a family friendly community celebration from 12noon-2pm today at Arthur Byrne Reserve, Maroubra Beach. For more information, please visit

KILTER AT THE SHEAF Beatmaker and global superstar performer Kilter will be hitting the decks at The Sheaf today from 4pm. Head down to Double Bay and catch the hottest 100 live and loud in one of Sydney's most iconic venues. For more information, visit

Plumbing Steve Kova Blocked Drain Co. Ph: 0414 885 675 Fencing Troy Salvatico Jim’s Fencing Ph: 0405 543 530 Builder Mark Potocki Against The Grain Ph: 0415 688 562 Rubbish Removal Dave Whiteley Dave's Rubbish Ph: 0401 296 069 Mechanic Jordan Hayman JH Automotive Ph: 0424 144 987 Painter Brett Dooley Nielson Dooley Ph: 0404 888 089 BBQ Caterer Wardy Wardy & Sons Ph: 0414 293 396 Concrete Head Jay Rodney Oceanside Ph: 0411 989 565 Plumber Luke Fletcher Pipe Up Plumbing Ph: 0431 638 558 Locksmith Bradley Rope SOS Locksmiths Ph: 0498 767 767 Electrician Adrian Langen Langen Electrical Ph: 0400 006 008 Arborist Jeff Hunt Prompt Trees Ph: 0412 280 338

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Interview James Hutton Pictures Jeremy Greive Instagram @jeremygreive


o suggest Gracie Otto is a newcomer to the world of film would be downright contemptuous. Not only is she the daughter and sister of Australian theatrical royalty, she’s an esteemed director in her own right, with numerous television commercials, short films and a critically acclaimed featurelength documentary to her name. She’s also a long time supporter of Flickerfest, a little local film festival that has, over the years, not only supported her, but many others of her ilk. She has once again signed on to be a Flickerfest ambassador in 2019 and her latest short film, Desert Dash, is part of the festival’s official selection. The Beast caught up with Gracie during the month… How are you this morning, Gracie? Oh, you know, not bad. Sitting here in Bronte, the sun is out. It's finally getting to summer. The weather has been shit for six months.

up there. I'm making a documentary on my dad so I've gone back to live at the family house. Are you going to move to the beach? Oh, I'm ready to leave any day now. No, it's been good. You're one of Australia's best known and most respected young directors, with over 10 years of successful film making to your credit and you're only 31 years old... 31? Yeah, I am.

“In a way I knew he wasn't going to last that long but it was an amazing time to meet someone at the end of their life like that. I mean, he changed my life.”

Were you living on the beach? No, I was in West Hollywood. It's got that dry desert heat. When I got back here I was struggling. In LA it's cold for two weeks and you're like, "Ugh." Here, usually you think, "Oh, it's cold in August," but I was like, "It's been cold since April and it's now November."

You were born four years after Michael Jackson released Thriller; how did you get so much done in so little time? I don't know if I've got that much done. I was just looking at my dad's CV the other day. My editor was like, "Look at his CV," and I was like, "How did he get that much done?" I've always just been interested in different things. I played soccer when I was growing up and lots of sport, and then I got into wanting to do acting and then I was kind of like, "No, I want to be a director." Then I wanted to edit. Then I did stand-up comedy. Now I kind of like to do everything, which I think you can.

Where are you originally from? I'm from Petersham in Sydney. I grew

You did stand-up comedy? Yeah, in LA for about two years, but

Where are you living now? I live in Petersham. I was living in LA the last few years. Here you have wind; there's no such thing as wind in LA. If it says it's 22 degrees, it's 22 degrees.

I haven't done it here so I can't really say I'm a comedian. I think I got to 30 and I just really wanted to (try doing it). All of a sudden you get to 30 and you think, "Oh, what do I want to do with my life?" Or, "What have I been doing?" Or, especially as a girl, "Oh, should I be having babies?" I just thought I really wanted to do comedy and I'd never done it. People would always say, "You're funny," and I thought, "Let's just give it a go." It was a really good self-reflection. That was to an American audience? Yeah. I think my comedy resonated more there because it was about being an Australian in America. Whereas here I'd be like, "Americans are dickheads," and everyone is like, "We know," right? Generally speaking. You made your feature-length directing debut with the 2013 documentary The Last Impresario, which is about prolific British theatre impresario and film producer Michael White. Can you walk us through the process of making that film? How long did it take? That took a good four years. I met Michael White in 2010 and he was 75. He died when he was 80. He died about a year and a half after the film came out. In a way I knew he wasn't going to last that long but it was an amazing time to meet someone at the end of their life like that. I mean, he changed my life. He introduced me to everyone and was such an inspirational person. He taught me how to live a good life - it's not always work; you have to have fun as well. You got quite close with him? Yeah. January 2019 | The Beast 45

I met him and he was quite ill, but he still knew how to have a good time. He was still reading local papers every day, like the Evening Standard or whatever, seeing what was happening. He would be the kind of person in the Eastern Suburbs who’d read The Beast and be like, "Oh, I'll go out and see that tonight." He was someone who, despite all the stuff in his life that wasn't going well - his age, his health and everything like that - he still was so happy to be alive. That's why he was inspirational. We would go out in London, for example, and it would be snowing, it'd be freezing cold, and after five nights out I would just be like, "No way, I'm staying in," and he would be like, "Let's go to this theatre thing," or, "Let's go somewhere else." He just really lived life. I think when you meet someone who just really appreciates life and lives it to the fullest, it's a very amazing kind of thing.

“I grew up in an industry where our best family friends were all directors and actors, but obviously then being in America I was just a complete nobody.” Is it difficult to make a decent living in film these days? Yeah. It's hard to make a decent living in anything these days. For me, you kind of have to do what you're passionate about. I'm trying to get more into attaching on TV, because I feel like that's where it’s at. I've been doing a lot of TV commercials this year, especially for Bonds. That's been great because you get to work with really amazing creatives. It's a shorter thing, and it's a good way to test out ideas and work with amazing people. When I do a short film, basically everyone works for free on it and it’s like a labour of love. There are the two different styles. It’s like 46 The Beast | January 2019

learning your craft somewhere and then putting it into what you love. Do you need to have a commercial project on the go in order to be able to do the passion projects? Yeah, yeah, you do. Do you think the government should be funding arts or do you think that artists should be funding themselves? They’ve definitely cut a lot of the arts money. I think Screen Australia obviously has great initiatives and there are a lot of things being put in place like ‘Free the Bid’, which I'm a part of. It's basically where these women started this thing so that when you pitch on ads, they go to the companies and say, "Well, if there are three people pitching an ad, why can't at least one of them be a female?" All these companies have signed on saying, "We promise you we'll have at least one female." It's just a website that has every female creative on it, around the world now. It's just to say, "Hey, if you didn't know there were female directors, here they are and here's the website to go to." Is the process of funding a feature film punishing? How does it work? I haven't done a feature, I've only done a documentary. I think films can take 10 years to get up, and I'm really impatient and I've had to learn in the last 10 years that had I stuck to just pursuing something it might have actually happened. I got impatient and moved into documentaries. I always say that making a feature film is like climbing a mountain. You kind of climb up and you're like, "Oh, what about the money to make it?" Whereas making a documentary is like jumping out of a plane. It’s like, "I've got a camera, I've got the subject, we're filming. It's happening." Then you're like, "How are we going to finish this? We have no money." Then it picks up momentum because people are like, "What? You're shooting that? It's really happening?" You're like, "Yeah, I'm just getting through it."

You've directed five short films? Yeah, and I've done heaps of ads and fashion films. All of your short films have been screened at big international film festivals; do you prefer making shorter films? I hadn't made a short film for 10 years until I made Desert Dash this year, because I've been doing a lot of fashion films with SIDE-NOTE and Vogue and Harpers Bazaar, which was good, because I was working with celebrities and working with very limited time. Being on set they're like, "You've got 20 minutes to shoot a three-minute film," and you're like, "Okay, cool." So there are different skillsets you learn. With TVCs you have a lot more money. With a short film you're like, "Oh, I've got none of that. I've got to just scramble." So I hadn't made a short film for 10 years, but this one was interesting because I wrote and directed and edited and produced and acted in it. I hadn't acted in 10 years either. It was pretty stressful. Was your surname and your lineage - being the daughter of Barry Otto and sister of Miranda Otto - a help in getting your foot in the door early in your career? Did you milk it? No. Obviously if I say no, people will be like, "Yeah, right," or whatever. I grew up in an industry where our best family friends were all directors and actors, but obviously then being in America I was just a complete nobody. I think it's always a double-edged sword, in a way, because you're like, "Oh, I'll never live up to what they did." There are a lot of people who feel like that, whereas I kind of see my family as though we're all very individual - we're not in competition with each other. I'll be on TV sets now and I'll have people who are 60 who are working and they'll be like, "I worked with your dad 30 years ago on this film,” or whatever. I always try to get lots of people from different ages when I'm choosing my crew, because I love working with them all. I just worked with


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Russell Boyd, who shot Master and Commander, and he's 80. He's a cinematographer and I just wanted to know about all of the little things he had, little wooden clipboards and all those kind of things. It's important to work with up-and-coming people as well as really established people, because that's the thing in any industry; people get to a certain age and everyone forgets because there are a lot of new people making films now. We've got all these amazing people who made the most classic Australian movies who are sitting there going, "Yeah, I'd love to do an ad," and you're like, "Really?" Did your old man actually ever direct? No, he just acted. Did anyone else in your family direct? No, they were all actors. Actually, Darcey, my niece - Miranda's daughter - acted in Desert Dash, my short film at Flickerfest. Can you share your thoughts on the current state of the Australian screen industry? Oh, I've got lots of thoughts. But, in brief, I think things are obviously improving for marginalised people - females, everything like that. It is moving forward but still needs more. My mum, she used to work at the women's and arts festivals back in the '80s and she was like, "There hasn't been much progress. We were doing the same stuff that you guys are doing now to try to get women a voice," or whatever. I do think we're also really lucky with the government support we have with Screen Australia and places like that, because you don't get that in other countries. I learnt that in America. According to the Australian Writers' Guild, the number of Aussie films and TV shows on Netflix dropped seven per cent in the last year; do you think we need quotas for Netflix and other mediums to guarantee a certain amount of local content on our screens? Yeah, I think so, definitely. It's interesting 48 The Beast | January 2019

coming back from America because America is so far ahead with all the apps and having Apple TV and things like that. My friend and I were paying for all these different subscriptions - Netflix, Prime, Hulu - then, coming back to Sydney I was like, "Oh my God! We have to watch something at 7pm because it's on at 7pm?" You're so used to being like, "I want to watch this whenever I want." I only got Apple TV the other day because I would go to my friend's house and realise that I couldn't get SBS on Demand, or ABC iView. Now, because I want to work more in TV, I'm starting to watch more Australian shows - because there wasn't really that choice in America - and I'm like, "Wow, we make really good stuff and our stories are really interesting." You do need to go out and be like, "If Breath is opening, we're going to go and see that movie on the opening weekend because it will help. We can see the big blockbuster one the following week," or whatever. I think Graeme Mason, the head of Screen Australia, was on ABC yesterday talking about it how, with independent films and all that, people would rather watch that on an on-demand thing at home and spend their money on the bigger films when they go out.

“We already have an amazing culture that goes largely unrecognised with our Indigenous community.� Did you enjoy Breath? Yeah, I loved Breath. I'm actually going to see my friend Jamie who produced it. His office is just down the road here. When you're in America, do you see much Australian content on the box? I think you have to go searching for it more. You have to get a VPN, log in, pretend you're in Australia and download. It's the

same if you live in France. I used to live in France and you'd watch a lot more French things, obviously. I do feel like now there are a lot more opportunities because there is so much stuff being made here now. There is a shift happening from film to TV, which has already happened in the States. Is it actually that important to have local content? Some people couldn't care less, right? I think it definitely is because we have to have culture. We already have an amazing culture that goes largely unrecognised with our Indigenous community. My friend was talking about that the other day, which is so true. She's like, "Why don't they sing an Indigenous song when we sing the national anthem?" Of course we all should. How important are the ABC and SBS? Incredibly important, because otherwise we'll have Trump News. What are your top five Aussie films of all time? I loved Picnic at Hanging Rock. Russell Boyd shot that. Wake in Fright is an Australian film - I know it was an English director - but that's definitely one of my favourite films. I think the film dad did, Strictly Ballroom, was a great one. Obviously, Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. Those kind of movies - so representative. What about Two Hands? I love that film, yeah. Do you ever get star-struck working with famous people or are you immune to that? I get excited meeting people that I really respect. I know famous people who, when they meet famous people, go nuts. You're like, "What? Really? You?" I had Warren Beatty come to my stand-up show. That was a highlight because I've always really liked him. There's a guy, Gustavo Santaolalla, who's Argentinian, a composer, who was at Cannes six years ago and I had dinner with him. He would have been someone that I was like, "Oh my

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god, I loved meeting him." No one knew who he was at Cannes, you know what I mean? But that was a highlight for me. You were a talented sportswoman back in the day. You represented Australia and NSW in indoor soccer and represented NSW in softball; are you still playing much sport? No, definitely not. Why definitely not? I don't know. I go to the gym and stuff. I got into yoga. I get into running at the gym. I think, for me, there's only so much time in life and it's really good to try new things. Obviously it's good to be fit and really enjoy it, but I think in school it was such a competitive thing and I kind of got to the top of the level I wanted to get to and I was like, "Cool, now I really want to explore film." It’s the same as last year, being like, "Yeah, I really want to try stand-up comedy and do that." Sometimes I think, "F**k, I'd really love to compose music." Do you play an instrument? I used to play music at school. I played bass clarinet. I used to love the idea of composing. I feel like we all should have to go back to school at 30 and it should all be paid for, to just do whatever you want to. I didn't do history past year 10. I know my history is limited. It's so far behind what an average person should know about the world and the wars. I don't know anything about wars... I couldn't tell you who was in the war. That's bad. But, I could tell you amazing directors from China, or whatever. And that's why I find documentary really interesting because you get to really explore. Do you have an opinion on current moves towards pay parity in sports? Yeah, I mean, that's obviously hard. The great thing is, when I played sport you didn't see it on TV - women's sport, I mean. At the InStyle Awards recently I met the woman who runs one of the big male AFL teams. She was 50 The Beast | January 2019

the person that said, "If you don't make female AFL a reality, I'm going to cut all my funding." And they did (make it a reality). That's why you see women on posters in Melbourne for the AFL. That's so cool. We didn't have those people to know about before. You spent a year living in Paris; how was that? Yeah, I was 18 and I'd just finished school. I studied French at school and I wanted out of this country, and I wanted to learn the language. There was a girl from my school who didn't put much effort into French. She went to France for four months and got like 100 in HSC French, just from hanging out at bars there. I was also really interested in French cinema at the time. Do you spend much time in the Eastern Suburbs? Not as much time as I'd like to. I'd always wanted to live in the Eastern Suburbs. My sister's got a place in Double Bay. Her husband Pete's got a place in Coogee. I have lots of friends who live in the Eastern Suburbs. What do you love about this area? My friend from Russia, who is a model, is coming here in December. I was like, "You have to stay in Bondi." Do you know what I mean? And, she's like, "Oh, really?" I was like, "You'll never go home. You're going to meet an Australian. They're going to be like, 'Holy shit!'" She lives in LA and Bondi is just like LA in that way. But, she also has a very funny sense of humour, which Americans sometimes don't have. That's why I enjoy coming back to Australia and working with Australians - the laughs we have. In America, you say something and someone's like, "Oh, that's funny." You're like, "Why didn't you laugh? You just said that was funny." Do you have any favourite local haunts around here? I used to hit up a little bar in Tamarama that was a little pizza place a few years ago. I used to like going to

Speedo's in North Bondi and getting the coconut smoothie thing they do and getting that last bit of tan, back when I used to tan. I definitely spend a lot more time here in the summer. What shits you about the Eastern Suburbs? Would you say it's not as multicultural as other areas? Maybe not the permanent population. If you go out to Lakemba or Auburn it’s obviously a lot more diverse… What I used to hate about the Eastern Suburbs was that so many of the people from this area have never ventured out of it. I played soccer and softball, so I was going to Narrabeen every day, Lakemba, heaps of different places. I really knew the city very well and I fell in love with it. The schools around here were so sheltered. But I don't ever go out very far now either, other than Petersham. I always go east.

“It doesn't matter where you come from and where you were born. If you're leaving a country because you would rather risk your life to go somewhere else, your life is f**ked and that's not your fault that you live there.” It's hard enough getting someone from Bondi to go for a surf at Maroubra, let alone getting them to go to Auburn for dinner! Who's the biggest legend you've ever worked with? I've interviewed a lot of really interesting people. I've worked with them because they're in my documentary, but it wasn't like, "Hey, we're working together." I thought Yoko Ono was pretty entertaining. I interviewed her for my documentary. Jack Nicholson is probably the most entertaining person I've met, but he's not in my film. He was the one who told me

I should do comedy, so that's why I did it. I was like, "F*ck, if he thinks I should do it, I might give it a go." Are you interested in politics? Are you passionate about any particular issues? Would it be bad if I said no? I feel like my family's very ‘Labor’ - very left-wing, very political. I'd say I probably need to be a bit more vocal in my opinions. The younger generation, even when The Project started or whatever, it was really good because they really told you the news in a way that I understood. I definitely got more into it when I was in America because it was just so f**ked up. It was just interesting to see even the strongest Democrats I knew still thinking America was everything. I'd be like, "Where's your favourite place to go on holiday in the world?" They'd be like, "Hawaii." And you're like, "But you're the left of the left over there and you still think this country's number one?" Were you interested in American politics? Oh, it's so complicated to understand. I feel like I probably don't voice my opinion enough because I know what I believe in but if someone starts challenging me or having a fight, being like, "I'm voting for this person," or whatever, I don't feel like I have the knowledge to back it up, even though I know why I'm a Labor supporter and why I care about other people over money. Sometimes, when someone wants to argue, it's really hard to keep arguing. Arguing with a rusted-on right or left-winger is a complete waste of time because you're never going to change their mind. How do you feel about offshore detention? That it’s the worst thing ever. Would anyone say, "Oh, what a f**king great idea?" It has to be horrible for humanity and we should be ashamed to be Australian. Do you think we should have an open door policy, just let anyone come in? Yeah, I do. Anyone at all? Yeah. 52 The Beast | January 2019

You're the only person that actually admits that... Really? That's the Eastern Suburbs. I'm not from the Eastern Suburbs. What about the economic migrants who just come here for a better standard of living? What if they started coming in the tens of thousands? I'd be fine. You'd be sweet with it? It doesn't matter where you come from and where you were born. If you're leaving a country because you would rather risk your life to go somewhere else, your life is f**ked and that's not your fault that you live there.

“For me, I find everyone in the industry who works overseas or comes back, even if it's Joel or Nash Edgerton or whoever, we all started making short films for Flickerfest and everyone comes back to support it because Bronwyn was so supportive when we were starting out.” What about people coming here whose lives aren't f**ked and they just want to come here anyway? Yeah, but why not? We can go wherever we want as well. What about the impact on the environment? Like what? What are they going to do? We've got so much room here. When you think about how big our country is, there's so much room for everyone. You're an ambassador for Flickerfest, is that right? Yes I am. Once again Flickerfest will be kicking off the summer movie season under the stars at Bondi Pavilion from January 11 to 20, screening the best short films from Australia and the world. After that it tours to over 50 venues nationally from January to May. It's grown so much!

Are you an ambassador every year? No, but Flickerfest is really important to me. I had my first short film in this festival. My best friend and I made a trailer in 2009 and I was in it. It was a Jean-Luc Godard French one and I had a wig on. One of my best friends, Sam, who worked at the festival with Bronwyn and sadly died last year, did that with me. Are you directing the Flickerfest trailer this year? No, I'm not directing the trailer this year. I think it's just a sad time for Flickerfest because Sam was working on the festival launch when she passed away last year. Actually, my short film Desert Dash is kind of based on my last conversation with her. Now we have an award at the festival called the Sammy Rebillet Award, named in her honour. Bronwyn Kidd, the festival director, has done so well to keep Flickerfest running for so long; what is it that sets this short film festival apart from the rest? She's obviously so passionate about short films and has been for many years. She's all about community. It’s also the leading Academy Accredited short film festival in Australia. For me, I find everyone in the industry who works overseas or comes back, even if it's Joel or Nash Edgerton or whoever, we all started making short films for Flickerfest and everyone comes back to support it because Bronwyn was so supportive when we were starting out. It's just grown and grown. She's very proud of the fact that she loves short films. I think lots of people do short films to try to do features, but she just loves short films. What's the format for this year’s festival? How many films are there and from how many countries? I don't know how many countries, but they've had over 2,600 entries! It's a record number this year. Have you ever heard of a short film called Benny Unseen Hero? Yeah, but what is it about again?

28 TH






11–20 JAN 2019


January 2019 | The Beast 53

It's about this guy that does amazing things but no one ever sees them... Did you make it? No, but it’s the best short film ever made. What advice would you give to aspiring youngsters trying to get a start as a director? Well, I think now you can really do stuff with the amount of technology that's out there that isn't too expensive. I think if you want to do a short film, keep it simple, one location. I think people sometimes try to do these ambitious short films in ten locations. Everyone these days owns cameras, whether they're cinema cameras or whatever. I shot my documentary on a Canon 5D back in the day and it still went to cinemas. I think there are opportunities.

“I think when I'm in Australia I always want to leave, even though I love it. At the moment, I just finished two jobs and I don't have a ticket out of here, so I'm going a bit mad.” You shot your doco on a Canon 5D? Yeah, in 2010. A Canon 5D Mk II. It was about $2,000 at the time. I went and shot 65 interviews around the world with two of those cameras. Now, because I work with Canon, I've got a C200, so I'm shooting my dad's documentary on that. I did a lot of work with Canon, because they bought some of the copies of my film to put with the 5D and it was all about starting something. These days you can just get a camera and start shooting stuff, whether it's a documentary or whatever. That's why things like Tropfest really encourage the community to get out there and do stuff. I think it's just about getting a group of friends together and having fun. Desert Dash, even though I was probably pretty stressed, I had a great time 54 The Beast | January 2019

when I look back on it. It was a really small crew and everyone just worked so hard on it and really cared.

magazines, or whatever - women like that who have had amazing careers. Lot's of different people are role models…

How long did that take you to put together? We shot in July, because I was on a commercial until two days before it. We shot for four days I think, but it was a 12-hour drive to Lightning Ridge so it was definitely an adventure, but it was fun. I had been out to the outback a few times before. I was not at all interested in Australian cinema when I was younger, because I always wanted to travel and explore the world, but then I started watching all the old classics and I was like, "F**k, it's such an amazing landscape we have here." I just wanted to shoot something out there.

Was there no one who took you under the wing and showed you the ropes? I feel like Michael White did that.

So you shot it, edited it... I didn't shoot it; I directed it, wrote it, edited it. What are you working on now? You mentioned a doco about your dad; is that what you're working on? Yeah, I'm working on that at the moment. I just did three commercials for Bonds, too. One comes out - the Christmas one - this week. And I’ve just been trying to get Desert Dash into some festivals. Do you have any tattoos? No. This is big for me to have pink hair. I don't have my ears pierced either. I'd like to get a tattoo. I don't know what I'd get though. You've got to be careful. If I had a tattoo for every year since I was 16, I'd have the shittest tattoos in the whole world… Yeah, I'd have to think. When Sam passed away I had thought about something, but I don't know if I'm ready for it. Who would you say are your role models? God, I don't know. I like people who are interested in their body of work but it's not like they do the same thing for their whole life. I'm trying to think of an example of someone who might have acted but then got into doing

You've already spent a bit of time working over in the US; do you plan on going back over there? Yeah, I've got my visa there. I feel like in the States, I probably went negative about it because I didn't work as much, and it's been really good to be back here and I've been busy all year working. In LA, I didn't like having no money to travel and waiting for the phone to ring, even as a director. I think when I'm in Australia I always want to leave, even though I love it. At the moment, I just finished two jobs and I don't have a ticket out of here, so I'm going a bit mad. Sydney is a socially confused city these days... Yeah, but I feel like it comes good around now. Do you know what I mean? When you feel like they just turned the heat up a bit. Now's the time to be here, for sure... That's why I'm like, "I've made it all this way." I flew to LA and Toronto a month ago, but other than that I've been here for six months straight, which is the longest I've ever been anywhere for the last five to 10 years. Desert Dash is actually playing in LA, New York, and Chicago in a few weeks. I was like, "F**k, maybe I should go before Flickerfest." Then I was like, "No, it's too cold." Is the Russian model a real person? Why don’t you move to Bondi with her? Yeah, she'll come to Flickerfest. I'll invite her. In an ideal world, what does the future hold for Gracie Otto? Oh, stay alive. I mean that in all honesty. I just want to have a good time and not get too sentimental. Have fun - that's the main thing.

D E S I G N . B U I L D I N G








S T U D I O C A LY P S O.C O M . A U H E L LO @ S T U D I O C A LY P S O.C O M . A U S T U D I O C A LY P S O

The greatest touch football team of all time.

A HEALTH KICK FOR COMMUNITY SPORT Words Dr Marjorie O’Neill Picture Anita Lam


ummertime is here and that means mid-week touch and tag footy is back. It’s a great time to get out there and enjoy the longer, warmer days, while also getting fit and making new friends, or just getting together with old ones. We are so fortunate in the Eastern Suburbs with our many beautiful local parks and community sporting opportunities. We must never take these for granted and we must preserve the special role sport and sporting spaces have in our society. At the same time, there are some downsides to the central role sport plays in Australia. We need to acknowledge that sport is a source of injury and that not all members of our community have the same opportunities to participate and enjoy local sports. Let’s be clear that participating in team sports throughout our lives is a very worthwhile pursuit with numerous direct and indirect benefits. Multiple studies have shown that participating in team sports boosts our overall health and wellbeing, at the same time connecting us with people from diverse backgrounds, with the added social and emotional benefits of making us feel part of a larger community. Additionally, several studies have revealed other holistic benefits of participating in team sports such as reducing obesity and increasing self-esteem, and some

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studies have even shown that team sports make us smarter! I am a huge promoter of community sports participation for all ages and I know from first-hand experience that our sporting hubs such as Queens Park, Centennial Park and Heffron Park are really ‘critical infrastructure’ for people of all ages across our local communities in the Eastern Suburbs. Despite the obvious benefits of sport participation, it’s hard to overlook the irony of so many active and fit sportsmen and women experiencing the dreaded anterior cruciate ligament, or ‘ACL’, injuries – a common knee injury but also one of the most serious. We’ve all seen NRL players on the ground writhing in agony after doing an ACL and it’s equally as likely to happen on any given weekday at a suburban touch football competition. There’s no getting away from the fact that playing sport can leave us with injuries. Australia has one of the highest rates of ACL injuries in the world, with approximately 72 per cent of ruptures sport related. ACL injuries increase rapidly during the early teenage years and peak between the ages of 15 and 25. Research shows girls and women are two to 10 times more likely to rupture their ACL when participating in certain sports.

Costly knee reconstructions are most often required following this injury and the injured person can suffer lifelong consequences. Almost all athletes who tear their ACL are at increased risk of osteoarthritis later in life. Despite sport related knee injuries in Australia increasing by five per cent a year, ACL injury is largely preventable. By engaging in preventive programs from a young age, trials have shown that prevention programs could reduce the risk of ACL injuries in females by 52 per cent and 85 per cent in males. Preventative programs are well understood and used in elite athlete training. As increasing numbers of kids participate in such sports, embedding these programs into grassroots sports would have long-term preventative health impacts. It is estimated that for every 100,000 high-risk sport playing youth, there are 3,764 lifetime ACL ruptures, 842 lifetime cases of osteoarthritis and 585 total knee reconstructions. Many of these could be prevented by instilling better sporting habits from a young age when kids are first introduced to high impact sports. One of the major objectives in setting public policy in the sporting sphere must be to ensure that more preventative injury programs are imbedded in all community sporting activities. Around 35 per cent of traumatic spinal cord injuries occurred while the person was engaged in a sport or leisure activity. About three per cent were incurred whilst playing rugby. This is a dreadful outcome and these injury rates should be considered unacceptable given that sport is meant to be primarily a health, leisure and social activity. I’m not suggesting people stop playing the team sports they love, but what we need to consider as a society is better preventative health in the sporting realm. Prevention is always better than cure. One other factor to ponder when we’re talking about promoting sport and community health is the fact that involvement in organised sport and physical activ-

ity decreases with age. The most recent data shows that people aged 15-24 years have the highest rate of involvement in a playing role (43 per cent) and the highest rate of involvement in sport overall (44 per cent). In comparison, people aged 55-64 and 65 years plus have the lowest rate of involvement in a playing role (18 per cent and 17 per cent respectively) and the lowest involvement in sport overall (19 per cent and 18 per cent respectively). This needs to be addressed. Sport, in various forms, can and should be a lifetime activity. Sporting activities, with their health and social benefits, are worthy of encouragement and support across our entire community. What I’d like to see in the continued support and promotion of community sport is threefold. First, we must protect our sporting spaces - as regular readers know, this is a passion of mine. Second, we must develop community campaigns to ensure a better delivery of preventative injury programs. And finally, we need a new focus on how best to engage our older age groups in community sporting activities. After years of playing netball, basketball and rugby union – and a little cricket and water polo – without engaging in the proper preventive training, my knees are not too crash hot these days. The mere site of someone running on concrete sends shivers down my spine. Many of us have our own sporting injury story, and sometimes that very story is the reason we don’t participate in sport the way we did in our younger days. Let’s try to do better and reduce the harmful side of some community sporting activities while also working toward a more equal participation in sporting activities across all ages, ethnicities and socio-economic groups, in our valuable green spaces across the Eastern Suburbs. Now blow that whistle, ref ! Dr Marjorie O’Neill is a Waverley Councillor. The views expressed here are her own, although we generally agree with them.


Jesse TAMARAMA In the classroom children build on their social skills, and any individual sport or exercise can help a child's physical development. I think team sport combines social and physical development for kids. In team sport classic characteristics such as team players, leaders and good sportsmanship are built - I'm sure a lot of people would have put some of those characteristics down on their resumes before.

Elayne BELLEVUE HILL Absolutely! Sport is important for children, whether it's individual or in a team. Team sport teaches discipline and how to work in a group environment with a set of rules. There’s an emphasis on working together to achieve goals. As a child, that connection gave me the confidence I needed to successfully mature. I train up at Lifecycle Fitness and the team up there are fantastic. I’m still learning from a team environment.

Will RANDWICK I played soccer and rugby for Waverley College when I was younger. I still remember having a ciggie in the Waverley College dunnies before going out to compete. Team sport is great for camaraderie, confidencebuilding and communication in kids. A bunch of blokes fighting over a round-shaped object and trying to push it between two poles is a very Freudian concept and it’s good to learn these skills early in life. January 2019 | The Beast 57

Boys f ishing off the rocks near Bunnerong Power House, circa 1943.

NSW WON’T BE LEFT OUT IN THE COAL’D Words Bruce Notley-Smith, State Member for Coogee Picture Elle Ectric


nergy policy and climate policy are an inseparable mix, perfect partners, like Red Bull and vodka, gin and tonic, malt whiskey and, um, more malt whiskey. Our local ex-MP, Malcolm Bligh Turnbull, unfortunately twice found that imbibing this policy cocktail comes with a nasty hangover: awaking to discover you’ve been shafted by the Climo Skeps gang, lads who never mix, never worry. They opt only for an oldfashioned moonshine, 50 proof pure ideology, distilled in a small wooden shack hidden deep in the Brindabella Ranges, high above Canberra. This gang wreak havoc on debate, and their polar opposite (though of a similarly uncompromising ilk, pulling party cones of their organic and hydroponically grown harvest) haven’t helped either. Despite the 10-year absence of a national energy policy framework, and little hope of future consensus no matter who is in charge of Asylum Canberra, private companies in the business of supplying energy have continued to do what businesses always have done: provide a service with the aim of turning a profit. I’m not suggesting all of them are oozing altruism and have your best interests front of mind - some of them are royally screwing us - but by and large we get a pretty good deal relative to the amount we pay. The electricity business is something state governments have wanted out of for years now. All have tried; some have succeeded.

58 The Beast | January 2019

Sure, those state-owned corporate monopolies generated quite a bit of cash and could be loaded-up with massive debt, keeping it off the government’s balance sheet. And the assets themselves are worth a pretty penny. But the downside is the sector’s uncertainty, and its cost to the taxpayer should governments get it wrong. We have reached the point where renewable energy will soon be the most commercially sound proposition and will be adopted as the most viable means to meet our energy demands. That’s why the private sector has resoundingly rejected any suggestion by some MPs that they should invest in new coal-fired power stations, and for good reason. The exponential take-up of small scale solar (a new panel is installed every 17 seconds on Australian homes), the eye watering advances in battery technology, the myriad sites available for pumped hydro and the flexibility of gas-fired turbine generators make building new coal-fired plants as attractive an investment as Sony Betamax. Existing coal-fired power stations produce inexpensive energy because their original construction costs have long been written-off. So, in 2017, the marginal cost of generating power from an existing coal-fired power station is around $40 per megawatt hour, while wind power is $60-70 per megawatt hour. However, all NSW coal-fired power stations are nearing the end of their design capability, so their

operating and maintenance costs are rising and any replacements will come with an enormous price tag. With more competition in the retail energy market, and consumer contracts now easy to break, suppliers have to respond not to what consumers say, but what they actually do with their money. NSW’s renewable energy has almost doubled since 2011. The first concentrated solar thermal plant, eight new wind farms and nine new solar farms, including Australia’s first major solar farms at Nyngan and Broken Hill, came online in 2016, and this year new solar farms at Griffith, Parkes, Goulburn and Coleambally mean NSW has more solar farms than any other state. Another 90 renewable energy projects have been approved or are progressing through the planning system, and if every one of them is built, this $26 billion investment will add an extra 18.5 gigawatts to the grid - enough energy to power every household in NSW. Network operator TransGrid currently has enquiries from proposed solar, wind and hydro projects to connect an extra 40 gigawatts to the grid. NSW customers are increasingly taking control of their own energy supply, with 410,000 households and small businesses accessing the benefits of rooftop solar, or one in six households, with many more expected to follow as system costs continue to fall. Canberra should be providing the leadership but has proven itself incapable for 10 years now. Thankfully energy company directors value their shareholders’ money more than parliament’s coal advocates value sound economic and environmental policy. The NSW Government’s investment in renewable energy is the sensible thing to do to address climate change. But it’s also the commercially sensible thing to do. It never ends well when ideology trumps economic reality. Our future is a renewable energy one.

Bruce Notley-Smith is the State Member for Coogee. The views expressed here are his own, although we generally agree with them as well.


Merry Christmas Happy New Year! I hope you get time to relax and unwind with family and friends over the festive season and enjoy the long hot days in our very special part of the world. Sydney sizzles in summer, and our energy use skyrockets, so it’s a good time to ponder how we will produce the energy we all need in the future. I’d love to hear your thoughts on renewable energy. Cheers, Bruce.

I want to know what you think about renewable energy

Join the discussion today it

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Bruce Notley-Smith MP State Member for Coogee

15/53-55B Frenchmans Road, Randwick NSW 2031 02 9398 1822 bnsmp Authorised by Bruce Notley-Smith, 15/53-55B Frenchmans Road, Randwick NSW 2031 using parliamentary entitlements.

Memorable moments.

THE SMELL OF FEAR Words Jeremy Ireland, Psychotherapist Picture Amy Shark


ot too long ago I found myself late night channel surfing, glass of red in one hand, remote in the other. There was nothing worth watching and it seemed Netflix would win again. After almost giving up I stumbled across the cult classic, Jaws. I was hooked, literally. I refilled my glass, put the headphones on and settled into what many might consider to be the best thriller movie of all time. The film works in so many ways. Like most thrillers, it’s fear that draws you in, as if it’s been placed like bait on a hook just waiting for you to have a nibble. Fear that evokes terror, panic, anxiety and possibly phobia. I remember seeing the film for the first time when I was a kid. I was totally freaked out, couldn’t sleep and was reluctant to swim at the beach for some time afterwards. In hindsight, I was way too young when I saw it. I wouldn’t say that watching Jaws sparked a phobia of sharks, but it certainly didn’t help. So what is fear? Well, for starters, it’s an emotion, it’s primitive and it’s powerful. In cave man talk, it serves as an early warning signal for danger that in turn triggers fight or flight responses. Fear can be used to manipulate and change attitudes - think back to the grim reaper during the AIDS epidemic

60 The Beast | January 2019

or cigarette packets with pictures of people disfigured from gangrene. Campaigns in politics using fear are common - the fear of invasion being a favourite. In this sense, it’s no secret that high levels of fear can be extremely effective in getting people to change behaviour. It’s a heavy concept, and perhaps it’s best to stick to the analogy of our freaked out moviegoer who’s now reluctant to put a toe in the water. Let’s look again at old mate Jaws, who is wreaking havoc and attacking beachgoers at will. There’s something stronger at play here: fear of the unknown. Fear of the unknown can metamorphose in many ways, but in the movie it was Spielberg’s ace card. For most of the movie we never actually see the shark. It’s implied that it’s there through the use of music and camera movement. We can sense it lurking around, we see ripples on the water, washed up blood, people screaming, but still don’t see the shark. My favourite Jaws moment was when they tried to catch the shark with a massive hook the size of an anchor with what looked like half a lamb on it, the hook being attached to a giant chain that was secured to the jetty. Jaws, of course, not only takes the bait but the entire jetty with him, and then he

comes back still pulling the jetty to attack the guys who were trying to catch him. And still we don’t see the actual shark. Brilliant! The movie ends with Jaws’ death, but afterwards I thought about why it is that sharks, especially great whites, have such a ‘branding’ issue. It boils down to ‘heuristics’ or, in layman’s terms, the most logical and procedurally driven way to solve a problem. In the movie it’s ‘see shark, kill shark’, a very useful strategy when trying to make a quick decision - good in the short-term, perhaps, but more problematic in the long-term. Recently, there was a 4.5-metre great white found in the shark nets off Maroubra and multiple shark sightings at Bondi, which shut the beach. To hunt down and kill the Bondi shark would be a very ‘heuristic’ way of dealing with the issue. The more personally vulnerable people feel about a threatened outcome, the more attentive they are to the message and the more likely they are to follow its recommendation, i.e. kill the shark. The real problem is we’re prone to lean disproportionately to events that are easy to recall, vivid and imaginable. In other words, we tend to remember impressionable events and thus overemphasise their importance, or the probability of them happening again, over less memorable events. For example, people think they are more likely to die in a plane crash than a car crash as plane crashes tend be all over the news, are more dramatic and are much easier to recall over the fence with a neighbour than your run-of-the-mill car crash. The reality is you have way more chance of being killed by something on your way to the beach than actually being killed by a shark once at the beach. The latter is just more memorable for the average punter and is more appealing for news bulletins. So next time you’re swimming at the beach feeling a bit spooked, remember that Jaws was really just a giant rubber mechanical prop that kept breaking down. Maybe that’s the real reason we never saw him.

JANUARY 2019 TIDE CHART Numbers Bureau of Meteorology Tidal Centre Picture Matt Pearce Instagram @pearce_m MONDAY




2 0633 1.63 1310 0.52 1857 1.30

3 0044 0720 1400 1947

1 0541 1208 1759 2358

1.57 0.58 1.33 0.50

8 0400 1031 1710 2306

0.54 1.75 0.38 1.32

9 0437 1107 1745 2344

0.56 1.72 0.41 1.31

15 0344 0945 1542 2205

1.39 0.72 1.31 0.55

16 0441 1100 1652 2300

1.47 0.67 1.28 0.53

22 0326 0956 1635 2236

0.32 2.07 0.10 1.52

23 0419 1047 1724 2328

0.32 2.05 0.12 1.53

29 0410 1037 1628 2230

1.51 0.63 1.25 0.59

30 0511 1152 1740 2327

1.54 0.61 1.21 0.61

7 0323 0957 1635 2230

0.53 1.77 0.37 1.32

14 0247 0836 1439 2113

1.34 0.73 1.37 0.54

21 0233 0905 1545 2145

0.36 2.02 0.14 1.49

28 0308 0921 1518 2134

1.50 0.61 1.36 0.53

Hati hati sebelum mati.




4 0127 0803 1445 2032

0.52 1.73 0.42 1.31

5 0207 0844 1523 2114

0.52 1.76 0.39 1.32

6 0245 0920 1600 2152

0.52 1.77 0.37 1.32

10 0516 0.59 1143 1.67 1821 0.44

11 0024 0559 1220 1900

1.31 0.62 1.60 0.47

12 0107 0645 1300 1940

1.31 0.66 1.53 0.50

13 0156 0736 1345 2024

1.32 0.70 1.44 0.53

17 0536 1208 1800 2355

18 0630 1.69 1309 0.45 1902 1.34

19 0048 0722 1403 1959

0.46 1.82 0.33 1.39

20 0141 0814 1455 2052

0.40 1.93 0.22 1.45

25 0020 0610 1229 1901

26 0114 0708 1321 1950

1.52 0.47 1.68 0.36

27 0210 0812 1416 2041

1.51 0.54 1.51 0.45

0.51 1.69 0.47 1.30

1.57 0.58 1.30 0.50

24 0514 0.34 1138 1.98 1813 0.17 31 0608 1.58 1256 0.57 1843 1.21

1.53 0.39 1.85 0.26

• New Moon • First Quarter • Full Moon • Last Quarter

Don't assume the missionary position.

THE UNRELIABLE GUIDE TO... RELIGION Words Nat Shepherd Picture John Chau


s Christmas has emptied my pockets once again, The Unreliable Guide has been thinking about religion. I’m not alone. The largely secular western world is watching in surprise and trepidation as the rest of the world appears to be moving away on a rising tide of fundamentalism. But why is that happening? Maybe we agnostics and atheists should start believing in something other than consumerism as the path to happiness? The Unreliable Guide has some tips and tricks to help you decide if you should be a believer… WHY RELIGIONS ARE GREAT Since the dawn of mankind we have tried to make sense of our world. Religions offer a narrative that has helped us to understand the inexplicable: from early man’s curiosity about the sun rising and despair at the crops failing, to the eternally perplexing question of what happens when we die. Religions also organise us, salving our desire for social cohesion and, at their best, offering ways in which we can strive to be better versions of ourselves. They provide a moral compass, outline ways of behaving and

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suggest how we should treat each other. They also promote cultural identity and maintain rituals that give a sense of continuity and safety. Smart! No wonder they are popular. WHY RELIGIONS ARE CRAP The main reason religions are crap is that when people believe something strongly they tend to think that everyone else should think the same. After greed, religion has been the main cause of war for millennia. Religious certainty can lead to the belief that those who don’t think the same way as you should be excluded, tortured or killed. Even like-minded believers may be expelled or shunned if they don’t follow the exact laws laid down by the current leaders. Worst of all, by preventing questioning of the status quo, religions limit the expansion of human knowledge. Religion provides easy answers to hard questions, hindering philosophical advancement and leaving mankind in a self-imposed rut. WHICH RELIGION SHOULD YOU CHOOSE? If you fancy being part of something and want someone tell you

what to eat, think and wear, there are plenty of folk out there ready and waiting to enfold you into the bosom of their flock. Like nightclubs, however, some religions are easier to get into than others. While certain religions require years of study before they allow you in, others will come looking for you. They’ll knock at the door, thrust a magazine into your hand and invite you to join them there and then. If you want a religion by teatime just pop into any of the happyclappy Christian sects and they will welcome you (and your credit card) with open arms. The problem comes when you try to leave. Buddhists are equally welcoming, but they don’t ask you to tithe a tenth of your income and seem happy with casual membership. Just one word of advice: don’t join any religion that insists you leave all your friends and family behind. They are cults. Finally, The Unreliable Guide suggests you just practise loving-kindness. Tread lightly, use empathy, don’t be a wanker. This idea is at the core of every major religion, but it often seems to get forgotten along the way. Handmade. Timeless. Customisable Furniture Handmade. Timeless. Customisable Furniture

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The peanut gallery.

CORRUPTION OF MATES Words Con Gestion Picture Diana Stee


orry readers, but I need to get serious as I am hurting. My beloved adopted country, Australia, is ailing. A love of democracy is close to my Greek heart, which is currently pained. All I see in Australia is its corruption by mates - the nepotism of the entitled putting their mates and their children and friends into positions of power with no regard for merit, wisdom, integrity or even, god forbid, intelligence. We are being led largely by stupid people. There is now the ridiculous situation of a selfentitled careerist married couple as Commonwealth and NSW cabinet ministers. New family dynasties are looking to replace the Downers, Creans and Fergusons. Is it any wonder our public discourse and leadership have descended so low? Most young Australians have zero political interest as they no longer see the process helping them. And these are the actual owners of the country. Look what the corruption of mates led by the Bushes and Clintons has given the US - a psychopathic demigod infesting the swamp with, yep, his family. Government policies are now outsourced to the highest and loudest bidder. It is a lot easier this way;

64 The Beast | January 2019

there’s less work to do. Whether it’s energy, the Murray-Darling Basin, climate change, poker machine reform, destruction of the ABC, or the Opera House as a billboard. Where have the concepts gone of civility (rudeness dominates the public discourse) and building this great nation? Instead we get a live Utopia, a mimic of television satire making mockery of the mates. Thank you ABC. These mates have corrupted the political process to look after themselves. That is all they are about; it’s their career. They don’t give a rat’s arse about people. They have no lights on the hill for guidance, only blinding ideology that requires no thinking. There is no technical strength or analytical discipline in these ministers, their backbench or their policy advisers. They rely on purchased policies and their spin doctor PR machines to confuse, confound and coerce. Instead of cultivating our interests with our neighbours in Indonesia and the Pacific Islands, they take their policies from the American bullies and make us enemies we don’t need in the Middle East. Instead of elevating clever people to develop policies for industries of the future, like

renewable energy, battery storage, electric vehicles, digital education and decentralisation, we have the shock jocks selling the myopic self interest of the moneyed classes. These mates can’t extol the great Australian virtues of egalitarianism, a fair go and self-reliance. They’re so removed from the people, the barbecue, the pub and the workplace that if you talked or acted liked them you would be sacked, get a punch in the mouth or, at best, have your pay docked. Consuela, my dear sister, often bewails: “What’s to be done to save this wonderful land of multicultural opportunity?” Getting rid of this professional political class has to be the priority. Maximum fixed terms of, say, eight years should get them into the workforce where most have never been. It might reduce our superannuation bill. How many ex PMs are on the gravy train right now? Seven! Get the children out of the minister’s office - let them have only three adults and write their own speeches. Rebuild the public service as a noble, robust institution restored as custodians of regulation and our common air, land and water resources. The Chinese don’t employ children to run their country; they like technically capable people. Finally, every minister responsible for a portfolio should either have a background in it or have to spend a few days a week working on the frontline - I am talking technically proficient adults as our leaders and policy makers. Unfortunately, we have far too many politicians in Australia across the three tiers of government, numerous parliaments and the nut job senators. They are all self-obsessed. Constitutional reform, like the inevitable republic, is rarely discussed. Is it any wonder that the great welfare state of Tasmania has the world record for politicians per head? Our democracy has failed. I think I will go and visit Greece to see what happens next. “Don’t despair,” I hear Consuela cry. “Hope springs eternal.”

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DO BABIES RUIN YOUR SEX LIFE? Words Matty Silver, Sex Therapist Picture Filip Mroz


ith all the media attention most celebrities receive showing off their pregnant bellies and photographs of their newborns, you’d think it was all so easy. Welcome to new parenthood! But for most couples, the joy of becoming a parent is often cancelled out by losing a healthy and active sex life. Sex after pregnancy may be the last thing on your mind after childbirth, as you will probably be too exhausted to even think about it. And it will most likely take a while for things to get back to normal. It is recommended that you wait six weeks after childbirth before having sex, and it is best to wait for any bleeding to stop first to avoid infections. It is not necessary to wait for the six-week postnatal check-up if you feel healed and interested. On the other hand, you don’t have to rush it if you would like to wait longer. Men often worry that they will hurt their partner and women worry that their stitches may open up. Some women feel detached from their 66 The Beast | January 2019

sexuality trying to adjust to being a mother, which is quite a normal response to having a new baby. Caring for a newborn is exhausting. Some of the reasons for not feeling like sex are lack of sleep, changing hormone levels, sore or tender stitches and a baby who has problems feeding or has difficulties settling down. Sleep will become your number one priority and, thus, sex may take a back seat. All of these concerns are normal and it is important for couples to talk to each other. Talking about sex with your partner will allow you both to voice your concerns so you can keep feeling connected, which is important for your intimacy as neither of you are mind readers. Until you are ready to have sex, maintain intimacy in other ways. Be creative. If penetrative intercourse is difficult there are many other ways to be sexual. You can start with cuddling, kissing, giving a massage, oral sex or good old masturbation.

Try not to wait until bedtime. Consider having sex in the daytime, if possible, when the baby is asleep or a family member can spend some hours with the baby. It is also important to think about birth control. I don’t know too many people who would like to have two babies under the age of two, let alone sooner. Losing interest in sex after a baby is pretty common. Some women totally lose their sex drive, but most sexual concerns resolve within a year. Of course, if couples have issues in their sex life before having a baby these will emerge more strongly after the baby is born. Some women do not feel like having sex when they feel let down, unsupported or angry with their partners. Being at home all the time without an external social life can also lead to low self-confidence or depression. Babies bring a huge pressure to even the most stable and harmonious couples. It is important to set reasonable expectations as you try to adjust to parenthood.

A weedy seadragon kicking back in the waters around Kurnell.

WHAT LIES BENEATH? AN INTERVIEW WITH MARINE ECOLOGIST DAVID BOOTH Words Ale Torres and Nicola Saltman, Sustainable Communities Team Waverley Council Picture John Turnbull


f you’re anything like us, being near, on and in the ocean brings pure happiness. For David Booth, Professor of Marine Ecology at UTS, it’s been a life-long passion and professional research playground. We asked the eminent scientist and advocate of sustainable fisheries and marine parks to give us the scoop on some of his discoveries in Sydney waters. It’s worth a ponder while you’re out enjoying coastal activities this summer... Why do you love what you do? I get to work with young people who are committed to saving the world, I pass the ocean message through media and public lectures and I occasionally get to jump in the ocean and study fish. Sydney boasts over 600 fish species, more than New Zealand or coastal Europe, including iconic ones like the weedy seadragon, which we have studied since 2001 (you can spot them in waters around Kurnell). What is one of the most amazing things you have ever seen whilst researching underwater? I recently did a dive off Sydney Harbour to observe the newly 68 The Beast | January 2019

growing branching corals and the amazing coral reef fish they support. The branching corals are deep green in colour and with ocean climate change we can expect more of them. However, this won’t compensate for the impending climate change-related losses on the Great Barrier Reef. What are the main changes you’ve seen at local beaches and harbours over the last decade or so? The good news is, due to better sewage treatment and more controlled land runoff, I’ve seen big improvements in the water quality in places like Sydney Harbour. However, I’ve seen more plastic rubbish accumulating in our shallow coastal waters and beaches, as seen in our studies of cigarette butt impacts on coastal intertidal zones. We’ve monitored coral reef fish influx (the ‘Nemo Effect’) into Sydney over 18 years and some species, such as surgeonfishes, have heavily increased in the last five years, which is clearly linked to climate change and warmer waters. How can what’s happening under the water impact our lives on land? The ocean is a source of food for

many, and we are seeing declines in fish stocks even in Australia. The ocean is a huge climate sink and CO2 emissions are not being fully absorbed by the oceans; this has affected our climate on land. Climate change is affecting the intensity of cyclones and east coast lows, one of which devastated Sydney’s coast in June 2016. Name three simple things that people can do to help protect what lies beneath the surface of our oceans? 1. Keep agitating your local MP to take a strong stance on climate change; letting go of coal is a big part of that as well as protecting our oceans. 2. Reduce waste, especially plastics and how they are disposed. 3. Join an active local environmental group, like NSW Underwater Research Group (one of Australia’s oldest dive clubs). Get along to Waverley Council’s coastal celebration, SUMMERAMA, for a fun day of music and free activities at Bronte Beach on January 20. To book, visit

Ashleigh Barty is our big hope this year.

OPEN ALL HOURS Words Alasdair McClintock Picture Rod Laver


very January, the nation collectively becomes obsessed with tennis. It’s a wonderful time when, for around two weeks each year, we all become self-anointed experts of the game and the world’s best descend on Melbourne to melt for our entertainment. 2019 marks the Australian Open’s 50th anniversary. It feels like such an ingrained part of our summer that it surprises me the tournament is so young. Did you know the first one was held in Brisbane? Neither did I. Apparently they used wet cabbage leaves to cool themselves down in the final. I don’t know why they did this, considering I’m pretty sure they had freezers and icepacks by then, but I will try it out myself before I rag on them for it – if you see a weird looking dude selling cabbage leaves on Bondi Beach on a hot summer’s day, you’ll know they were on to a good thing.

While I love the Open fever that grips us, I must admit my two-week window of interest is getting a little narrower every year. It’s hard to stay engrossed when it’s the same old show each time. Most of the Aussies crash out early, one keeps the dream alive briefly and is touted as the next big hope before failing magnificently, then we’re left with at least three of the ‘Big Four’, plus Serena Williams and an eastern European whose name few can confidently pronounce. As I’ve grown older, my bedtime has eked closer to midday than midnight as well, so the ridiculous timeslots do me no favours. What right-minded fool chooses to stay up until hours past midnight to watch a game of tennis? Come to think of it, what right-minded fool would organise a major sporting event where such a thing could occur? Truth be told, I have long given up suspecting the organisers of

the Australian Open are rightminded. Sadists, most certainly, but right-minded? I doubt it. You would have thought that such cabbage leaf extremes in the first ever tournament might have encouraged them to shift the dates, but they resolutely push forward, perhaps hoping that by eradicating the majority of contenders through heat stroke, an Australian might actually win it. Ashleigh Barty is our big hope this year. It feels as though she has been around for ages, but she is still only 22. It might be a stretch for her to go all the way, but a deep run into the finals would not surprise. In fact, if she can make it to the final I may just be willing to stay up and watch it. Alex de Minaur is another. He and Barty are both still a few years off their peaks, but we can dare to dream. They both have all the hallmarks of being champions we can get behind. Remember what that feels like? January 2019 | The Beast 69

THE BEACHES AND BEAUTY OF MILOS ISLAND Words and Pictures The Bondi Travel Bug


eparting Athens from the port of Pirius on a 7am ferry got us to the island of Milos at around midday. We were greeted by a cloudless sky and a warm, gentle breeze. There were only a few taxis around so we had to scramble into the first available. From the port it was only a 10-minute drive along some hilly dirt roads until we reached our accommodation, Villa Mina. The owner greeted us like we were long lost family, and once we had settled into our digs we were quick to venture out to hire a scooter before proceeding to devour a ton of delicious Greek tucker at a nearby waterfront restaurant. We ate so much we feared we’d be pulled over by authorities on the way back to our villa and charged for exceeding the local road weight limit! The next morning after breakfast we set out with a map that’d been marked out by the owner of our villa with her recommendations for things we must do and see. Our first stop was the biblically named Pollonia, where we discovered a quaint little beach located on a gorgeous rocky cove with only a few people enjoying its charms. It looked like something out of a picture-perfect postcard. With a dramatic cliff-face and numerous other islands as a backdrop, a little red-hulled boat bobbed just out from the shore in the sparkling aquamarine Aegean Sea. For a bit over an hour we swam, sunbaked and revelled in the serenity of the crystal clear blue water before proceeding to the main shopping area for lunch, where we gorged on a big fat gyros stuffed with meat and chips and dripping with garlic sauce, all while admiring the stunning view. The beach, the weather, the 70 The Beast | January 2019

food and the wine made Pollonia the perfect stop, and it is now embedded in our ‘must-comeback-one-day’ memory bank. Our next stop was at Papafragas Beach, a relatively short ride away but still quite challenging to get to. It’s like a cavernous version of the Garden of Eden, with a steep climb down the side of a cliff that leads you into a cave that you have to swim through to get to the beach. We ended up choosing another rocky little beach that was only about 50 metres away but involved a far less tricky descent. The final beach we visited that first day was called Sarakiniko, and it was simply breathtaking. If you’ve ever envisaged hiking on the moon, the walk leading to this beach is probably as close to that as you’re ever likely to experience. Vibrant white cliffs enveloped the coastline, in contrast with the extraordinary colour of the ocean. It was a visual feast. After a magical day discovering the island’s beaches we made our way to Plaka, the highest point in Milos, to take in our first island sunset. We commandeered an area of a bar with 180-degree views and proceeded to sample the local beverages as the sun slowly melted into the sea and any cares quickly melted into oblivion. The following day we had booked a full-day boat tour that circumnavigated the island. Our twin-masted vessel was named Leloudo, after the wife of the King of Milos in the 17th century. Although fairly new, it was built to look like the traditional wooden boats of the Southern Aegean from the days of yore. A clear blue sky oversaw our 9.30am departure and with the guests all comfortably on board we were welcomed by our wonderful Greek host with a very Greek name, Theodoras (meaning gift from God) Kupakakis. Incredibly

passionate and with the knowledge of a Greek encyclopaedia, Theodoras was able to explain anything and everything historical and current emphatically and in great detail. Over the course of the day we stopped off at five magnificent locations, my favourite being Kleftiko with its majestic cove, intriguing rock formations and brilliant turquoise waters. Each stop was magical in its own right and we swam in places that were so crystal clear they looked as if they’d been photoshopped. Throughout the day we ate like kings, stuffing our faces with a delicious range of vegetarian Greek cuisine. In the afternoon, the whole watermelons we’d seen dangling inside the fishing nets at the front of the boat were cut into huge wedges for us to devour. As the sun slowly began its descent we passed the quaint fishing village of Klima, where the shoreline was dotted with a kaleidoscope of colourful boathouses. These mainly two-level houses were fronted by multi-coloured wooden doors and, combined with the old boats stored below on the ground floor, they gave the buildings an appearance of a bygone era. As we pulled back into the port at around 7pm, we all raised a glass and made a cheerful and loud toast to this most delightful and memorable day, which exceeded everyone’s expectations. Yamas! Where to stay Villa Mina +30 2287 022 037 How to get there Vicky Gilden at Rose Bay Travel (02) 9371 8166 How to book boat trip +30 2287 023 422

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Mesmerising miso baked salmon.

ROSIE’S... THE EMBODIMENT OF BALANCE Words Dining Dave Instagram @diningdave Picture Ashley Mackevicious


s we approached Rosie’s in Coogee on a recent Wednesday evening, I couldn’t help but sing that classic Guns ‘N’ Roses power ballad November Rain to myself, as the coastal hamlet was being drenched by a torrential downpour. I assumed the inclement weather would keep the crowd light at Rosie’s, but the night would prove me mistaken. Just steps from Coogee Beach, Rosie’s is located on Alfreda Street in the space once occupied by The Hub and, prior to that, Sauce. It’s enjoyed a full makeover and now features mainly neutral colours and white, creating a light and airy interior that still enjoys prime views over Coogee Oval. Open since the beginning of April, Rosie’s is the creation of Shannon Rosie, a clinical nutritionist, and her partner Dan. They have designed Rosie’s to be a place where the food acts as nutritional medicine. In practice, this means that you can have great tasting, high quality foods and cocktails without that nagging feeling of guilt.

74 The Beast | January 2019

When we arrived we were immediately greeted by Shannon, who explained to us the Rosie’s concept and revealed that this especially appeals to a female clientele. The Rosie’s dinner menu takes inspiration from both Mediterranean and Asian cuisines, which makes sense given the natural foundation of those diets. This means there are no burgers, no pizza and no pasta on the menu, and even the cocktails are balanced and low in sugar. We decided to begin our meal with a couple of ‘conscious’ cocktails including the signature Green-Tini with freshly-squeezed green juice, Hendricks gin and celery bitters, and the Healthy Sailor, a concoction of Cargo Cult sugar-free spiced rum, apple, kombucha, ginger syrup and cinnamon (both $18). After settling in, we ordered a few starters including prosciuttowrapped halloumi ($14), green quinoa falafel with hummus ($13) and the herb goats cheese with ginger, sesame and shallot ($18).

The halloumi was the unanimous standout of the three. Moving on to mains, we opted for Rosie’s flank steak with ponzu and Asian salad ($35), and the miso baked salmon ($25), along with sides of sweet potato wedges with aioli ($14) and baked cauliflower with pomegranate, parsley and pistachio ($13). All the dishes were beautifully presented and meant for sharing, and we really could’ve done with a third person to help us out. Our two favourites were the salmon and the cauliflower. The salmon (enough for two) was cooked to perfection and the miso flavouring really lifted the fish, while the cauliflower was deliciously creamy despite the absence of cream. Despite being at bursting point, we had to try a few of Rosie’s healthy desserts, particularly the good-gut brownie ($11) and the vegan lemon cheesecake ($14). The brownie is made using pure chocolate and ghee instead of normal fatty butter; we’re told it’s good for gut health, which is said to be important in disease prevention. The ‘cheesecake’ looks and tastes like cheesecake, but contains no cheese or eggs. Rather, it’s made with ground cashews and lemon, among other things. Shannon is the face of Rosie’s and her philosophy of ‘food as medicine’ is clearly on display. Our dinner at Rosie’s was a fantastic experience. It is the embodiment of balance, and Coogee already seems to be much healthier because of it. Rosie’s Address 31 Alfreda Street, Coogee Phone 9665 6797 Instagram @rosiescoogee Facebook rosiescoogee Open Wed-Fri 12pm-late, Sat-Sun 9am-late, closed Mon & Tue Prices Entrees $13-$18; Mains $25-$35 Cards Accepted All major Licensed Yes

This stuff is bloody delicious.

DRINKS TO WELCOME IN THE NEW YEAR Words Alex Russell Twitter @ozwineguy Picture Benedict Cumberbatch


ight, so you’ve blown all your money buying gifts at the end of 2018 and you also treated yourself to some fantastic wine (well done you). The booze budget is a bit tight, but the weather is warm and everyone seems to be on holiday, so there’s still some shopping to do! What should we drink? The obvious answer is to crack open some beers, ciders or even tuck into a great G&T. There are some amazing Australian gins around at the moment. Applewood, Poor Tom’s and Four Pillars are some of my many favourites. Do try Four Pillars’ Spiced Negroni Gin in a G&T - I guarantee it will change your life, and if it doesn’t just send the remainder of the bottle to me. No harm done. For beer, if you feel like travelling over to the Inner West there are now about half a dozen or so breweries in a very small area, which makes it easy to breweryhop. Start at Batch (near Sydenham Station), then wander along

Victoria Road a little until you reach Sauce, then a little further until you hit Grifter. Cross the train lines for Willie the Boatman. All have a decent selection on tap (and takeaways), along with a great environment to just sit down and enjoy some time with your mates. You’ll often find food vans here too, and the selection of food is different each day. Red wine sales often drop during summer as it’s not particularly pleasant to drink a red on a 40-degree day. Having said that, you can always pop a red in the fridge, and some styles do well with a little bit of a chill on them - not too much as all the interesting flavours will be masked, but a decent 15 minutes in the fridge before opening it and you can certainly enjoy a nice Beaujolais, or even a funky little wine like Spinifex Papillon, in the backyard with a snag or a rissole. Let’s face it, though, it’s mostly whites and perhaps even bubbles that we’re going to go for at this

time of year. The great news is that summery whites are often fairly cheap to make, so you can get great value on a budget. Riesling, Semillon and even Pinot Gris/Grigio of great quality can often be had for around the $20 mark. Do look for aromatic blends of Riesling, Gris and whatever else the winemaker has on hand, which are really nice food-friendly styles. And for a bit of fun, a rosé-like Gewurztraminer often gets people to stretch out and try something a little different because it just smells so interesting. Many bottle shops will have a little bit of stock leftover after Christmas and New Year, so you may still find a few of them doing specials to get rid of the excess. This will be the case more towards the start of the month rather than the end, and you may have to do a bit of calling around, but specials can be found. Also remember that many shops deliver. Happy New Year! January 2019 | The Beast 75

8 mini soft taco tortillas Salt and pepper 1 avocado, roughly diced 1½ cobs of corn 1 tablespoon Sriracha hot chilli sauce ¼ cup mayonnaise Vegetable or canola oil for shallow frying

The ultimate summer crowd pleaser.

FANTASTIC FISH TACOS Words and Picture Dana Sims Instagram @stone_and_twine


ith ingredients this fresh and light, it’s hard to think anything other than ‘summer’. A fish taco takes you to Mexico. They are great for a gathering of friends or a family midweek meal idea. You can quite easily create your own version of this relaxed dish, but hopefully I’ll inspire you to stick with a few key ingredients that are delicious in combination: melt in your mouth fish, the crunch of healthy salad ingredients, an avocado corn salsa, chilli and the freshness of lime to tie it all together. They’re fun to make and, with a napkin on hand, they’re easy to eat. I like the idea of a bit of heat in my tacos and chilli is only going to add to the flavour. If you don’t like spice or you want the little ones to tuck in too, stick to some mayo and lime for flavour. We all look for quick, simple 76 The Beast | January 2019

and tasty dishes to create and this one is a sure-fire crowd pleaser. All the ingredients can be sourced at the supermarket, but I prefer to get the fish from a good local fish shop – I use ling or snapper but any firm white fish will be perfect. I write these recipes for The Beast in order to inspire people to whip up simple tasty meals, and this is a great one to kick off with. Keep it colourful and fun as the Mexicans do - ice cold Corona and lime optional! INGREDIENTS (Makes 8 small tortillas) ¼ red cabbage, shredded or sliced finely 1 bunch fresh coriander, roughly chopped 3 limes cut into wedges 500g fresh white boneless fish (slightly firm to hold together) Flour, for dusting

METHOD 1. Shred or finely slice the red cabbage, set aside; 2. Roughly chop the coriander, set aside; 3. Cut fish into approximately 1-inch strips and dust in flour to coat the fish. Season with salt and pepper; 4. Dice the avocado, set aside; 5. Cut kernels from the corn cobs and slightly char in a pan on medium heat with a drizzle of olive oil. Remove when they are coloured. Once cool, add to the avocado and mix gently to combine; 6. In a small bowl, mix the Sriracha hot chilli sauce and mayonnaise and set aside. Adjust quantities to taste. If you don’t want to use chilli, mix mayonnaise and lime juice; 7. To cook the fish, heat the oil in a frying pan to shallow fry on medium heat. The flour gives the fish a coating that will turn slightly golden. Cook on each side for approximately 2 minutes or till cooked through. Remove and drain on paper towel; 8. Warm through the tortillas in a low-heat oven for a few minutes only, then set aside; 9. To assemble the fish tacos, pile the ingredients into each tortilla. Add the coriander and the chilli mayo at the end, then squeeze lime over the top to finish. Dana Sims is a Sydney-based food and prop stylist who has grown up in the Eastern Suburbs and loves to create delicious food for entertaining and family. She is inspired by the fresh produce we have access to here in Sydney. For ideas, recipes and styling inspiration, please check out her Instagram, @stone_and_twine.

An easy way to make everyone happy.



s my young family grows, there is increasing pressure to perform extraordinary multi-tasks throughout the festive season. Christmas shopping, gift wrapping, Santa impersonating, the reporting of behaviour to said Santa and extra catering make it a very demanding time of year. It’s the time-saving recipes that help me to get ahead, or at least minimise that stress. When you are responsible for the extra catering, making everyone happy isn’t as easy as it used to be. Gone are the days when people were willing to eat conventional trifle, pudding and cake. With the rise of vegan, paleo and other diets, food allergies and sensitivities, together with the fussiness of children, it’s hard to make everyone happy with one quick recipe. Or is it? I was recently confronted with this challenge. With a little dark chocolate, a shot of your favourite espresso and some other allergysensitive ingredients, this chocolate espresso celebration cake will help you to rise above.

Top your cake with fresh berries and serve with vanilla ice-cream. To make it more festive you can add the same classic spices that you’d find in a Christmas cake or panforte. It’s a small cake - 18cm to be precise - but it only takes five minutes to prep and 35 minutes to bake, so it’s easy to whip up a few batches. Enjoy! TOOLS Small saucepan and wooden spoon Blender Mixing bowl 18cm round cake tin INGREDIENTS 100g dark chocolate 100g coconut oil 250ml coconut cream ¼ cup hot water 1 shot espresso coffee 250g dried pitted dates, chopped ½ cup coconut sugar ½ cup buckwheat flour ¼ cup cacao powder 1 teaspoon psyllium husk 1 teaspoon vanilla bean powder 1 teaspoon aluminium-free bi-carb soda

METHOD 1. Preheat fan-forced oven to 160˚C; 2. Grease the round cake tin with coconut oil, line with baking paper and set aside; 3. In a small saucepan, gently melt the dark chocolate and coconut oil; 4. Add the melted liquid to the blender together with the coconut cream, hot water and espresso shot, then blitz until smooth; 5. In a separate mixing bowl combine coconut sugar, buckwheat flour, cacao powder, psyllium husk, vanilla bean powder and bi-carb soda, then pour in the mixture from the blender and combine with a wooden spoon; 6. Scrape into the cake tin and bake for 35 minutes, then allow to cool before serving. Cath Noonan is a self-confessed health-foodie, recipe creator, and nutrition student, as well as the founder of healthy food blog, I Heart Scratch. Check out the delicious food pics on her Instagram account, @i_heart_scratch, and find more recipes by visiting January 2019 | The Beast 77





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THE 1975 A Brief Inquiry Into... Label Dirty Hit/Polydor Records Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  I’ve really been getting into music press releases recently. They’re so wonderfully full of wank. Occasionally they can be quite insightful, though, and the final quote from the A Brief Inquiry into Online Relationships release sums up this record better than I can: “You can have these bits, the sad bits, but don’t leave the dancing out.” It’s a fine thing to say and it immediately endeared me to the record. The 1975 have always confused me a little with their mishmash of styles, but I think they’ve found their feet here. An album for young people who like to both party and think.

MEEK MILL Championships Label Atlantic Records Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating 

FILM REVIEW TITLE The Favourite GENRE Period Comedy-Drama REVIEWER Dan Hutton


hen it comes to historical period comedydramas, I must admit I’ve seen rather few, but after watching Yorgos Lanthimos’s The Favourite, it could well be my new genre of choice. It’s the early 18th century and England is at war with the French. Nevertheless, duck racing and pineapple eating are thriving. A frail Queen Anne (Olivia Colman) occupies the throne and her close friend (and secret lover) Sarah Churchill (Rachel Weisz) governs the country in her stead while tending to Anne’s ill health and mercurial temper. When a new servant, Abigail Hill (Emma Stone), arrives, her charm endears her to Sarah. Sarah takes Abigail under her wing and Abigail sees a chance at a return to her aristocratic roots. As the politics of war become quite time consuming for Sarah, Abigail steps into the breach to fill in as the Queen’s companion (and lover). Their burgeoning friendship gives her a chance to fulfil her ambitions and she will not let woman, man, politics or rabbit stand in her way. Stellar performances from the three leads and a delightfully quirky script make this factually ambiguous period piece a must watch for anyone with a sense of humour or, equally, a sense of the absurd. 80 The Beast | January 2019

Meek Mill has had a pretty tough trot. I don’t know enough about the perils of the American prison system or racism to comment on that with any authority, but I’ll do my best to at least give him a fair and honest review here. Like most people, I really wanted him to drop a banger. Fresh out of prison, with a whole lot of gears to grind, I expected him to. His pain would be our gain - kind of grim I suppose, when you think about it like that. He hasn’t done that though. It’s okay, but it feels like he rushed it. I’ll hang around for the next one.

MUSE Simulation Theory Label Warner Bros. Records Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  These guys have gone a little rogue, haven’t they? They were always a tad weird, but were good enough to get away with it. Now they’re like that mate you went to high school with who keeps posting crazy shit on Facebook. You’re still quite fond of them, but you might give the beers a miss next time you’re home. Simulation Theory feels like a B-grade sci-fi movie; one of those ‘so bad, it’s good’ sort of capers. I used to love Muse but, like with that aforementioned mate, kind of knew they were going this way. I’ll pretend this never happened.





















ACROSS 1. Where experiments are conducted (10) 7. Symbol for iron (2) 8. An atom or molecule with a net electric charge (3) 10. Absorbs the sun’s rays as a source of energy (5,5) 11. Operating system whose logo includes a penguin (5) 12. I, Robot author, Isaac ... (6) 14. Earth’s most abundant metal (2) 17. Scientist who discovered Polonium and Radium (5,5) 19. Result of a deep heady, ... reflex (3) 20. Transmittable from parent to offspring (10)

DOWN 2. Lab equipment with open gas flame (6,6) 3. Instinctive (6) 4. Pertaining to heat (7) 5. Symbol for Rubidium (2) 6. Telephone inventor, Alexander Graham ... (4) 8. Where Leonardo da Vinci was born (5) 9. Liquid or gas injected into the rectum (5) 13. Electronic force (7) 15. John Hughes sci-fi movie, ... Science (5) 16. Detected by the olfactory organ (5) 17. US abbreviation for the study of quantity, space and change (4) 18. Scent of Hydrogen Sulfide (4)

TRIVIAL TRIVIA Words Cameron Anderson Picture Poppy Wolanski 1. Which planet in the Milky Way has the most moons? 2. Which number on an analog clock is often incorrectly written (intentionally) in Roman numerals? 3. What is a perfect number? 4. Which famous scientist declined the invitation to become President of Israel in 1952?

5. Which Indigenous Australian inventor appears on the $50 note? 6. Which 2016 film focuses on the work of three African American mathematicians working for NASA? 7. What is the “answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything" in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?

8. How many squares are there on a standard chessboard? 9. What is the sum of the opposite numbers of a standard 6-sided die? 10. What does the following sequence of numbers denote: 0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, …?

Morning magic. January 2019 | The Beast 81

PISCES FEB 20-MAR 20 That subtle fishy odour coming from your genitals isn’t anything to worry about, just a yeasty or some rotting food or something.

LEO JUL 23-AUG 22 Cutting back to a four-day working week is great in theory, until you find yourself sitting around with no money and nothing to do.

ARIES MAR 21-APR 20 Every time you let out a yawn, some annoying prick will try to stick their grubby finger in your mouth and ruin your enjoyment.

VIRGO AUG 23-SEP 23 Talk openly about your personal problems with your nearest and dearest so they can ridicule you behind your back.

TAURUS APR 21-MAY 21 Blaming everyone but yourself when you misplace something important is a good way of getting them to help you look for it.

LIBRA SEP 24-OCT 23 It’s amazing how there are always so many hotties who want a piece of you when you can’t do anything about it, but none when you can.

CAPRICORN DEC 22-JAN 20 It is not totally necessary to inform your partner every time you fart, so leave something to surprise especially at the dinner table.

GEMINI MAY 22-JUN 21 You are one of those rare and unique specimens who looks better pasty and white, so try to avoid too much exposure to the sun.

SCORPIO OCT 24-NOV 22 Invest some time and effort into your friends and family or you’ll find yourself ostracised and alone, but probably better for it.

AQUARIUS JAN 21-FEB 19 You will no longer be able to resist the urge to sniff your own toilet paper. Be careful to avoid swiping the end of your nose.

CANCER JUN 22-JUL 22 A small yet painful haemorrhoid will introduce itself into your life. Grab a box of All-Bran before you end up with a full bunch.

SAGITTARIUS NOV 23-DEC 21 Go on, make another New Year’s resolution, then let your failure be a reminder of how mentally weak you’ve become.

STAR SIGNS Words Beardy from Hell

TRIVIAL TRIVIA SOLUTIONS 1. Jupiter 2. 4 (often written at IIII instead of IV) 3. A positive integer that is equal to the sum of its proper divisors (e.g. 28 = 1 + 2 + 4 +7 + 14) 4. Albert Einstein 5. David Unaipon 6. Hidden Figures 7. 42 8. 204 9. 7 10. The Fibonacci Sequence 1

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The Beast - January 2019  

he January 2019 edition of The Beast featuring Gracie Otto...

The Beast - January 2019  

he January 2019 edition of The Beast featuring Gracie Otto...