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January 2017

From Kakadu to Kingsford


WELCOME TO JANUARY 2017... OFF TO A ROLLICKING START Words Dan Hutton Picture Rachel Kelly


elcome to the January 2017 edition of The Beast – the monthly magazine for Sydney’s Beaches of the East. Yep, 2017 has arrived, so hello to the Year of the Rooster! With a new year comes new dreams to be dashed - or fulfilled (we don’t know your life; perhaps you have it together and if so, congratulations, you legend) - we hope that you’re off to a rollicking start. The silly season is now all but over, so it’s time to start working on all those New Year’s resolutions. Hopefully you’ve made some that are actually achievable, and are working towards your goals in an incremental and focused fashion. Otherwise, the undisputed quickest way to lose weight is to chop off a limb. Do what you gotta do. It’s all about priorities. This month in the local area we’ve got loads of summery events

and entertainment to tickle your fancy, from long days at the cricket with family and friends, to evenings spent watching feature films on the outdoor screen at Centennial Park or scintillating short films under the stars at Flickerfest at the Bondi Pavilion. There’ll be plenty of beach days thrown in for good measure, too.

In the mag this month we are incredibly thrilled to feature an in depth interview with actress Miranda Tapsell. Talking with her was a real treat. We hope you are as stimulated and challenged by her insightful takes on the Australian

entertainment industry, racial representation, and the changing role of artists as we were. Also in the mag this month are pieces on the new compulsory life jacket trial for rock fishers in NSW, a bunch of local bodyboarders from the ‘Bra who are fixing the environment one clean-up at a time, a male nude calendar with a twist, and a brief update on what is happening with the local council merger. We are continually heartened by all the good work done by Eastern Suburbs locals, and we are proud to be able to share what many of you achieve with the surrounding community. As ever, we hope that this month (and the coming year) brings you peace, prosperity and happiness. We live in the most gorgeous spot on Earth, so that’s a solid start. Dan and James Publishers

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06 Welcome Note

44 Interview

64 Sexy Time

08 Pearls of Wisdom

51 Beastpop II

68 Local Photos

07 Contents

12 Monthly Mailbag 20 Thumbs & Dogs 22 Local Chick 24 Local Bloke

26 Local News 27 Beastpop I 42 Calendar

Coastal walk detour, by Breda Farrell.

50 Rupert’s Rant 52 Fish ‘n’ Tips 53 Tide Chart

54 Aquatic Wildlife 56 Street Style

58 Unreliable Guide 60 Enviro News 62 Travel Bug

66 This Sporting Life 70 Bandage 72 Reviews

73 Arts Bits

74 Food & Wine

80 Trivial Trivia

82 Beardy From Hell 82 Trivia Solutions

All my shit designer.



ne doesn’t normally associate the horrors of domestic violence with designer handbags and luxury personal care items. But designer handbags were definitely on Michaelia Cash’s mind last Christmas when the Minister for Women promoted an ‘initiative’ whereby Perth’s wealthy elite filled their passé Prada and Chanel handbags with items designed to make women in domestic violence shelters feel ‘special’ and ‘wanted’. Michaelia patronisingly showed off her benevolence in a smug photo opportunity in Julie Bishop’s prosperous electorate where a few teenage models were on hand to bring glamour to what 8 The Beast | January 2017

is an extremely disturbing aspect of Australian society. The sight of the Minister for Women touting these ‘goodies’ filled me with complete rage. How out of touch is the woman now dubbed as ‘Malcolm’s secret weapon’? Is it sheer ignorance or arrogance? Every three hours one woman is hospitalised in Australia as a result of domestic violence and this is Michaelia’s contribution – a second hand luxury handbag so that women in need can ‘spoil’ themselves? What did I expect from a woman whose heroes are dinosaurs - Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher - and who sits on the

far right of a political party that believes the solution to Australia’s deficit is stripping meagre social security payments from those in need rather than taxing the arses out of the fat cat industries that control Australia? Maybe, as an ideologue, Michaelia truly believes the solution to domestic violence lies in trickle-down economics, with the wealthy handing over their unwanted luxuries to brighten the day of someone they pity. Domestic violence is a subject that raises Pearl’s hackles. It is unacceptable that four women in my life have suffered abuse at the hands of men. One of these women, who unfortunately passed away two years ago, was extremely close to me. A mother of four, Kathleen was rendered physically, psychology and financially powerless at the hands of a vicious, philandering man for fifty years. Kathleen did not need a used luxury handbag stuffed with cosmetics to feel dignity. Kathleen possessed loads of dignity; too much, in fact. If she had neglected that dignity for one spilt second maybe her life would have been different. What she lacked was power over her own life. She desperately required government help in the form of financial assistance, a safe house for her four children, a guarantee of life long help for her disabled child, and legal and police protection. Most of all she needed her husband to be in jail so he couldn’t play mind games, and she needed the assistance of professionals to help her turn her life around in a way her friends and family (no matter how hard we tried) could not. Michaelia Cash, do not let this be your ‘Let them eat cake’ moment. Open the government’s Prada purse and fund support services and programs instead of cutting funds to heal your precious deficit. In the words of Rosie Batty, do not “tip toe around the issue of family violence”. It’s time to make family violence every Australian’s business.


Expats, Backpackers, Singles, Lonely Locals... Enjoy a Traditional Turkey Roast & Plum Pudding with us Expats, Backpackers, Singles, Lonely Locals... Enjoy a Traditional Turkey Roast & Plum Pudding with us.




e v E s r a e New Yat


THE BEAST'S MONTHLY MAILBAG Words The People of the Eastern Suburbs Illustrations Dalton Wills BONDI DREAMING I am so glad to be able read your wonderful magazine from abroad in the UK where I now live. I miss the Eastern Suburbs and the people. Although I do get to visit once in a while it's not the same as living there. Having said this, I do live in a beautiful, unspoiled part of Wales, UK - Mumbles village, gateway to Gower Peninsula, Britain's first ever listed Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty. But, it's not Bondi with 'The Office’, ‘The Temple’, and other (unofficially named) spots where a few select local pals meet for a morning yarn, stretch and swim. The one thing I am still grateful for is that when I do, on occasion, visit, my old buddies are still there in the original time frame that we always met. Reading The Beast reminds me of happy times spent living at 'Surfside Six’, right opposite the ‘Bergs and, of course, the beach! Lisanne Beck Swansea, Old South Wales RANDWICK COUNCIL RUINS GORDON'S BAY In recent weeks, Randwick Council has erected three enormous concrete pillars in previously unspoilt Gordons Bay. The pillars are up to five metres high. They completely dominate this side of the bay, and are visible from all around the bay. 12 The Beast | January 2017

Council says the pillars are there to prevent rock falls, but there were other options that would not have ruined the visual quality of the bay - a bay that Council calls ‘a secluded oasis’. This is an ugly, brutalist approach in a really special part of Sydney. Of late, the pillars have also become giant canvases for graffiti artists. Council engineers should hang their heads in shame. The best solution: take the pillars away and sack the idiots who made the decision to erect them. Stephen Sheldon Coogee OPERATION CRAYWEED: REUSE, REPURPOSE, RECYCLE ‘Operation Crayweed: Art-WorkSite’ at Bondi’s 2016 Sculpture by the Sea is the first in an ongoing series of environmental, participatory and educational art/science projects to be installed reusing the same materials at a number sites along the Sydney coastline from Cronulla to Palm Beach. The ongoing series aims to work creatively with local communities to raise awareness of the reforestation of the Sydney coastline with crayweed, a foundation seaweed species that disappeared in the 1970s and 80s, most likely as a result of significant water pollution. The art and science project is a collaboration between artists

Turpin+Crawford Studio and scientists from UNSW and the Sydney Institute of Marine Science, who are responsible for the crayweed research and restoration program. The letter entitled ‘Plastic Not So Fantastic at Sculpture by the Sea’ by Christopher and Millicent (Letters, The Beast, December 2016) raised relevant concerns about the use of plastic in the art installation. This is an important issue that was seriously considered by the artists and scientists in the lead up to the project. We took a mitigating approach to the selection of materials that comprised the following three principles: a requirement for longevity, durability, and safety; a commitment to a diligent install and removal methodology; and an intention to reuse, repurpose and finally recycle all materials. All the materials used in this first installation have been collected, cleaned and stored ready for reuse in the next installation, potentially at Manly, in 2017. The plastic barrier mesh, bunting, crab floats, buoys and various signage materials, as well as thousands of nylon cable ties, will be reused and repurposed multiple times before being recycled, wherever possible, upon completion of the project in a few years’ time. Michaelie Crawford & Jennifer Turpin No Address Provided TRIVIAL PURSUIT Hi James and Dan - I’m a big fan of The Beast, but the Trivial Trivia quiz annoys me no end. Once again this month, nine out of the 10 questions are seemingly irrelevant to your readers (not to mention impossible to answer, e.g. ‘How many medals did Ireland win at the 2004 Olympic Games?’). Surely it’s possible to write 10 questions about the local area – geography, history, personalities, sport, etc. You might even get one of the many pubs that host a regular quiz to sponsor it and derive some advertising dollars. David Clark No Address Provided

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EASTERN BITCHES NEED A SLAP ▲ Living in the Eastern Beaches area, known as the Eastern Suburbs, is full of lovely things to do: cafes, swimming, nice walks along the beach. And then there is real estate. All I hear about now is real estate, and how some properties on offer are so overvalued that one should get free private school education to go with it – well, that's if one has children. But I have realised that the people of the Eastern Beaches (our upcoming new council name) need a bit of a slap. I have lived in the east for quite some time, mostly in Randwick. Over the past many years I have noticed more parking issues (which people seem to complain about, but there really is no solution), and people just not really caring about anyone other than themselves. My friends, who work for local councils, tell me stories about how many people, often women and 14 The Beast | January 2017

some men, always play the 'I pay my rates' or 'I have just paid two million dollars for my property in Little Bay’ card. I guess it's not my fault that one has paid too much for their property, in Little Bay. Is Little Bay even in the east? It used to be full of pestilence and disease back in the day. But who really cares about your property, and that you pay rates? All homeowners pay rates, some pay land tax, but all in all it doesn't really make you special, so stop being an arsehole to try to get better service. It's like a Hollywood star saying, ‘Don't you know who I am?’ One needs a slap. The Eastern Beaches, or if you’re saying it in an accent it's ‘Eastern Bitches’, has everything the rest of Sydney would want to kill for, so why are people so glum, rude and pushy? I feel people need to take a chill pill. I am sure there are many prescribing those. How else are all

the mothers out there able to do everything, and still be able to look like they perhaps live in Stepford? I do like living here, and love the outdoor lifestyle, but now it seems very competitive - competing for a parking spot, a cafe seat, the best schools, even a parcel of land. Sometimes I feel like I am on the set of The Real Housewives. Maybe they should change the council name to Eastwick? The Bitches of Eastwick - now that would be much more realistic! Anna Cook Randwick GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT Interesting, Thomas Aspland, that you made those comments about Bondi Beach Precinct wanting to keep Bondi Beach in some 1950s time warp based on our opposition to a 24-hour Woolworths BWS and supermarket going into the basement of the old Swiss Grand

(Train to Bondi a Good Idea, Letters, The Beast, December 2016). You obviously weren’t involved in this objection, or you would have been aware that the arguments were soundly based, partly supported by the Waverley Police and Waverley Council, and wholly supported by local businesses. That our objection helped to restrict the hours (24 hours selling cheap booze just opposite the park) is a win for us. We were also concerned about an increase in the number of delivery trucks on Bondi Road and Campbell Parade (which segues into your remarks about traffic), amongst other things. Interesting also that you don’t seem to have been an active participant at Precinct meetings. There are no ‘leaders’ at Precinct meetings – they are facilitated by a chair (usually the convenor) and a secretary takes notes, but they are open meetings for anyone who wishes to attend. You should come along; you might even enjoy it. And everyone is encouraged to voice their opinion. Lenore Kulakauskas Bondi

be altered clearly do not use it regularly. Of course the toilets, showers and change rooms need repair and refurbishment. However, easier access from the beach can be achieved simply by creating an entrance to the northern side of the Pavilion adjacent to the surf club. The Bucket List is the first hospitality business that has ever worked there. It holds a place in the affections of all of the locals and should not be destroyed by reactionary architects, planners and heritage consultants. The council’s proposal to spend $38 million on a makeover will rob Eastern Suburbs ratepayer’s of our beautiful world class festival venue, a much loved local business, and 50 per cent of our community space, simply to line the pockets of developers. Adrian Newstead Bondi Beach PEOPLE WHO WRITE LONG LETTERS SUCK ▼ Dear Eds - After waking up early one morning, but still wishing more sleep, I started reading your magazine. Ignoring the letters to the editor, I was still very much

awake until I did start reading readers’ contributions. Boy did I start to get drowsy, and it was Stephen Lighfoot’s letter that eventually got me into the land of nod. Maybe he can take up a new profession: writing letters - long boring ones - and getting people to read them, which will put them to sleep. No more sleeping drugs! It’s a miracle. Mark Schlink Coogee ANOTHER LONG LETTER HATER Can all your readers please reduce the length of their letters? No one wants to read a page-long complaint. That is all. Features Bronte BRONTE RSL BLUES In the November edition of The Beast I asked if we were at the beginning of the end or merely at the end of the beginning of the Bronte RSL redevelopment saga (Is This the Beginning of the End of the Bronte RSL Development Saga?, The Beast, November 2016). Given recent moves by the new developer, Mr Danny Avidan of the

SPEAKING OUT I am deeply alarmed in regard to the Stage 1 works under the currently proposed Bondi Pavilion upgrade by Waverley Council. Unless there is concerted community action, this foolish proposal could actually get up and destroy our much loved community and festival facility. The thought of losing the northern courtyard or having it reduced in size is heartbreaking. Over 40 years of attending festivals and events in the Pavilion, I am convinced that its current configuration, including the location of the central toilets, is perfect just the way it is. It has taken nearly 100 years of holding community events in the Pavilion and incremental improvements to make it into a functional, practical and workable space. Ripping everything out and rebuilding at great cost would be sheer madness. Those who insist the built form January 2017 | The Beast 15

RDA Property Group, it seems we are actually back where we started in 2012. Unbeknownst to the community, the developer met with the Waverley Council planners in October to discuss changes to the approved 2015 RSL DA. Subsequently, RDA put in an application to weaken the planning controls attached to the DA. In a confusing move, the application was later withdrawn. Save Bronte has been told it will be resubmitted in the near future. The changes requested were far from “minor” as stated by Mr. Avidan. They involved significant re-directing of construction and service trucks through our residential streets and past the Clovelly Public School, Bronte Early Education Childcare Centre, Clovelly Childcare Centre and the Clovelly Scout Hall. The disruption and safety implications of these changes are plain to see. The application sought to solicit several structural changes to our streets to accommodate the large trucks that would otherwise not be able to manoeuvre round the existing tight corners. The most

16 The Beast | January 2017

significant of these is the relocation or ‘“removal all together” of the pedestrian crossing at the corner of Macpherson Street and St Thomas Street - a ridiculous suggestion for those readers who know the busy crossing. Ominously the developer requested access to Chesterfield Lane for trucks not only during the construction period, but also to service “the completed development” in the future. Servicing the building from the rear lane opens up the possibility of a large supermarket being put on the site, which is exactly what our community and our council rejected way back in the beginning of this saga. Simply put, this would cause chaos on Macpherson Street. The Waverley Traffic Committee (WTC) took into account the safety and other traffic issues of the redevelopment when it examined the DA last year. The subsequent WTC recommendations were endorsed and implemented by the Waverley Development Assessment Panel during the DA approval process. It would be madness to now, less than a year later, do a backflip and allow the truck

movements deemed inappropriate by the WTC, but requested by a developer. When Danny Avidan bought the RSL site, he told the Bronte community to “relax” because he would only build as per the approved DA. From bitter experience we didn’t relax and now we are more than ready to continue our four-year campaign for a complying development. What Mr. Avidan needs to remember is that his company bought the RSL site and not the whole suburb. He should keep his word and stop trying to change the DA. Stephen Lightfoot Bronte CEMETERY SAVED ▼ Dear Beasties - The SWC's idea of commercial exploits at Waverley Cemetery would never have preserved the cemetery at all. It would have attracted more people to vandalise the beautiful cemetery. As for a higher perimeter wall, that would be a total disaster. On the south side near Boundary Street, where we have lived and walked for over 40 years, there has



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never been any trouble. The wall is great, and gives people a clear view of the beauty of the cemetery. So just bugger off and leave our cemetery alone. The People's Front of Judea (Lyn) Judea WHY SO SELFISH, ANNA? Hey Anna (Council Can’t Control Everything, Letters, The Beast, December 2016), You can stop it from happening. You are obviously aware of all the steps the locals and traders (who you will be in cohabitation with in the neighborhood you have chosen to demolish and construct in) have taken to delay this. Or is this just another investment property and you have no idea? Selfish! Get over it! Andrew Travers Randwick A LETTER OF THANKS I was down in Bondi on Thursday, December 1, enjoying a nice afternoon in the surf. It started to bucket down on my way back to the car and, as I was all wet anyway, after placing my board on the roof of my car I stood and just enjoyed the rain on my face. Feeling refreshed, I hopped into my car, turned up the tunes, and drove off feeling very proud of myself. Until, that is, I got to Bondi Road (from North Bondi) and realised I hadn’t strapped my board to the roof ! After retracing my steps (twice!), there it was, leaning against a restaurant on Campbell Parade. Apparently someone behind me watched me drive off with my board flying off, tried to honk at me to stop, but due to my usual blasting of tunes I did not hear it. So a massive thankyou to the do-gooder. You have some great karma coming your way! Tara Twiddy Randwick UNDERGROUND CAR PARK NOT SUCH A BAD IDEA Dear Editor - I refer to the letters of Messrs Worssam and Maidment (Letters, The Beast, December 2016) and their objection to a massive increase in green recrea18 The Beast | January 2017

tion space by relocating the Bondi Beach aboveground car park underground. Who would’ve thought the objective of creating acres of extra room for the community would be so fiercely opposed? Albeit by two! Converting the aboveground car park space to recreation use creates many possibilities: an upper pedestrian boulevard shaded by trees; an extra outdoor gym; another or expanded playground. More parkland, grass, trees, seating, tables, barbecues. More shade. More space for everyone. The majority of park/promenade/beach users arrive by public transport, walk or cycle down. Motorists who normally park on Queen Elizabeth Drive (QED) would only have to walk an extra 50 metres to get to the beach from a car park relocated behind the Pavilion. Indeed, motorists parking for the purpose of going to the Bondi shops, markets or restaurants would have their walk reduced. Mr. Worssam lists a whole series of engineering objections to an underground car park. However, Mr. Worssam doesn’t share with us the engineering qualifications that allow him to make all these objections. Well, I've got news: Council’s engineering/geo-technical feasibility study has not even commenced! So I believe Mr. Worssam is simply wasting everyone’s time going through his ever more fantastical list of geo-technical objections. Mr. Maidment objects to me saying “a few regular locals” are doing everything they can to stop the expansion of Bondi Park. Well perhaps I should clarify: it is actually two regular locals. Mr. Maidment writes of a relocated car park: “My concern is for the generations who would be denied the level of enjoyment that Bondi has provided me and many thousands over the years,” he wrote. Seriously? On a hot summer’s day when there are 40,000 people on the beach, what percentage of beachgoers have the 300 car spots on QED? One per cent? Two per cent? So why were

the other 98 per cent not deterred from going to the beach? What an absurd argument to say a car park relocated behind the Pavilion will deny generations enjoyment of the beach! And how do the overwhelming majority of beachgoers arrive at Bondi Beach? The answer: public transport. Yes, public transport! These are two words you never hear from Messrs Worssam and Maidment in all their fantastical claims that people’s accessibility to the beach will be impeded by a relocated car park. If they really wanted to address accessibility to the beach they would be advocates for better public transport. But sadly that is not the case. Clearly all this talk of ‘beach accessibility’ is a sham for the car-obsessed to retain their favourite parking spot. It’s hard to believe a proposal to turn a large concrete car park into green recreation space could attract such fierce opposition, albeit from two! Especially when an alternative adjacent car park is being provided. This opposition to extra green space takes place in the context of a city with a fast growing population (forecast to grow from the current 5 million to 7 million in the next 20 years). It takes place in the context of a suburb that is high density, highly visited and has an increasing number of local children growing up in units. Go figure! Mark Hersey Bondi A GET OUT OF JAIL FREE CARD Remember playing Monopoly? Back then I had a strategy, and that was to buy up everything I landed on as quickly as possible. I noticed if you just played the game, paying for bills and rent as you landed on other players’ properties, all the while deciding what you may end up buying after a few rounds, it was more participating than trying to win. Buying everything meant you’d go dangerously close to having no money in your bank, but someone would land on your place and pay taxes and soon enough you’d be ahead again with enough to spare

to turn a few houses into a hotel and, well, that was always a game changer. Surprisingly, the jail square is the most commonly visited square on the board. And to have a ‘get out of jail free card’ was also a game changer. We had a real life ‘get out of jail free card’ recently that I’d like to share. After moving for the third time in a few years we decided we should stop paying rent and purchase a property we couldn’t get kicked out of. Endless house showings and a spiralling market dashed hopes quickly and we placed the idea on the backburner. That was until the real estate agency contacted us informing us that our landlord wanted to come and do an inspection/assessment on our rental property. Fearing the inevitable letter to vacate, we got back out there. We tried to play cool with real estate agents that dripped with confidence stating the property

we’d shown interest in would sell way over our very, very best offer… and they would! After my better half expressed the wish to own the little singlestorey terrace we were renting (and hadn’t been kicked out of ), I had an idea. I’m great at delegating so I asked the missus to Google the names of the landlords that were on our lease. Lucky for us the two names were a couple and they lived back in the USA. My wife made contact, penned a simple email expressing our love for their rental and asked would they perhaps be interested in selling. A few emails back and forward, no pressure, and all the while we kept paying them rent until yes, without having to move again, we bought our rental. Massive advantage, no pressure from agents, no downtime for the landlords or fees, just smooth sailing from one week paying rent to the next week paying a mortgage my ‘get out of jail free card’! Tim Bondi Junction

THE BEAST Publisher The Beast Pty Ltd ABN 32 143 796 801 Editors Advertising Enquiries Circulation 61,000 copies of The Beast are distributed every month. 55,500 are placed in mailboxes and 5,500 in local shopfronts. PEFC Certified The Beast is printed on paper sourced from sustainably managed forests. Letters To The Editor Please email your feedback to

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January 2017 | The Beast 19

CHESTER Age 5 Years Sex Male Breed Jack Russell x Staffy Weight 7kg

Danger! High voltage! When we touch, when we kiss.

THUMBS UP ELECTRICAL STORMS Sitting in Clovelly car park (or other suitable oceanside vantage points) and watching the lightning is one of summer’s great joys. PANTY POSTMAN If you didn’t get the missus a subscription for sexy knickers for Xmas, it’s not too late to do so for Valentine’s Day. Visit TEST CRICKET Is there anything better than a fiveday block of world class cricket? If you answered ‘yes’, you are wrong. Test cricket rules, okay! A BRAND SPANKING NEW YEAR If you had a shitty 2016, you can now happily forget about it and start preparing for a less shitty 2017. Hurrah! LONG, HOT DAYS Late evening swims, backyard barbies, singlets, stubbies and thongs. Long, hot days are what The Beast yearns for and now they are here.

THUMBS DOWN ASTHMA STORMS At last check, eight people had died in Melbourne as a result of November’s socalled ‘asthma storm’. That’s pretty bloody scary. STICKY SHEETS Get your mind out of the gutter! We’re talking about the result of hot, humid summer nights, not some debaucherous bedroom romp. THE DEATH OF PRINT Dolly magazine disappeared from newsstands last month. What will be next? Will The Beast survive? Of course we bloody will! CHILDCARE CENTRE CLOSURES Those few weeks over Christmas/New Year when you can’t send your kids to childcare are complete torture. Agreed? ADULTING Do we really have to grow up? Being an adult sucks. Can’t we just behave like children forever and forget about the worries of the world? 20 The Beast | January 2017

Chester is a sweet, easy dog. He is social with other dogs and has been walked with older children, but at present he is nervous about walking without a doggy pal. If you don’t already have a dog, you should definitely buy two if it is Chester that takes your fancy. Chester has a short coat and he comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. His adoption cost is $400, which includes a free health and wellness voucher. For further details, give Doggie Rescue a call on 9486 3133, email or visit

MARLEY Age 5 Years Sex Male Breed Beagle x Pug Weight 10kg Marley is a happy, active boy. He is social with other dogs, loves people and is happy to be around older children. He walks well on lead provided another dog is walking with him to give him encouragement. He enjoys pats from strangers and doesn't mind being picked up. He comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. His adoption cost is $400, which includes a free health and wellness voucher. For further details, give Doggie Rescue a call on 9486 3133, email or visit

ANGIE Age 10 Years Sex Female Breed Maltese x Weight 3.6kg Angie is a gentle, affectionate girl. She has a bright, happy nature and is very social with other dogs. She does not mind cats either. She has a non-shedding coat and came from the pound under a Duty of Care. She had mammary tumours and terrible teeth, but this has all been fixed up. She comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. Her adoption cost is $450, which includes a free health and wellness voucher. For further details, give Doggie Rescue a call on 9486 3133, email or visit

Celebrate Australia Day in Randwick City

Waterslides Coogee Beach 10am-2pm


Entertainment Prince Henry Centre Little Bay 12-2pm 1300 722 542 Alcohol is prohibited at Coogee and Clovelly beachside areas from 6pm Wednesday 25 January to 8am Friday 27 January 2017.



Nikki's gonna knock you out.

LOCAL CHICK... NIKKI SNOW FROM BONDI Interview James Hutton Picture Grant Brooks


ocal personal trainer Nikki Snow grew up in Vaucluse, but now calls Bondi home. She shares her local favourites with The Beast…

Where do you like to have a drink? The Corner House for a Malbec. Have I just repeated my favourite area? Bondi Road near Denham Street is great!

How long have you lived here? I’ve been living in my apartment in Bondi for the past six years, but grew up in Vaucluse.

Best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? The beaches and the amazing coastal walks. Also, my family lives in the east, which is handy for pop-ins and babysitters.

What's your favourite beach? Tamarama. I can literally walk there in five minutes as it is right there at the end of my street. Also, they don’t call it Glamarama for nothing. The people there are just fabulous! What's your favourite eatery? Jo & Willy’s Depot in North Bondi for my favourite morning acai bowl, Lyfe Café on Glenayr Avenue for chilli chicken salad at lunch, and dinner at Sefa Kitchen on Bondi Road for great sharing dishes and a glass of wine. 22 The Beast | January 2017

Worst thing about the Eastern Suburbs? Traffic on a summer’s day. Do you have a favourite sporting team? The Sydney Swans. Who cannot love their great arms? What music are you into at the moment? Whatever my friend Tammy (who works at Sony) tells me to listen to. Who is your favourite person? My baby daddy and, of course, my sixmonth old baby Oscar, too.

What do you get up to on the weekends? I work most Saturday mornings, love Sunday morning workouts with my chicks followed by brunch, and of course Sunday night dinner with the family at Mamma’s. What do you do for work? I am a personal trainer based at Bondi in my gym. I don’t consider it work as I love what I do and who I train. What's your favourite thing about work? My amazing clients and helping them reach their goals. Also, my son can fit perfectly into my work routine and is a great drawcard for my clients. Do you have a favourite quote? “Enjoy life because this is not a dress rehearsal.” Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? Being fit and healthy is not a fad, it’s forever.

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Who is your favourite person? Tony Robbins, the entrepreneur, best-selling author, philanthropist and number one life and business strategist. He is down to earth, amazing, genuine and real. We love treating him at Cryo when he comes to Sydney to run his seminars, and he swears by whole body cryotherapy! What do you usually get up to on the weekends? Gym, followed by Cryo whole body cryotherapy and going out with friends in Darlinghurst and Oxford Street. After a big night I often have a Cryo session, which instantly fixes any hangover.

Just chillin'.

LOCAL BLOKE... JACOB OHLSON FROM DARLINGHURST Interview James Hutton Picture Grant Brooks


acob Ohlson is the owner of Cryo. He has lived in Darlinghurst for the past four years. Jacob shares his local favourites with The Beast…

lenged friends. The décor is great with the wallpaper made up from old Raj period black-and-white photos.

How long have you lived here? I've lived here for four years now.

Where do you like to have a drink? Eau De Vie at the Kirketon Hotel for the 1920s influenced décor, craft cocktails and great food. Half the tables are held for walk-ins and locals like us.

Best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? Everything you need is either a walk or push bike ride away. Worst thing about the Eastern Suburbs? You tend to forget there is a world outside of the Eastern Suburbs and hate travelling out of it! What's your favourite beach? Bondi Beach. I love the Bondi Hipsters even more, taking the piss out of the whole beachside resident sub-culture. What's your favourite eatery? Malabar Indian in Darlinghurst. Great South Indian food with vegan options for my meat chal24 The Beast | January 2017

Do you have a favourite sporting team? Cryo are sponsors of www. We decided to sponsor them as they focus on promoting sport, fitness and healthy lifestyles among Sydney’s LGBTQI community. What music are you into at the moment? I am actually responding to these questions while on holiday in South America and am getting into Latin house. It makes a change from the usual progressive deep, tech house we dance to at the clubs we frequent back home.

What do you do for work? I have built up a successful IT services company that I started when I was 17. We now have offices in Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane and Auckland, and look after clients like UBER. Combining my passion for technology with health and fitness, I founded Cryo after personally experiencing the health benefits of cryotherapy and that business is taking more and more of my time as we build out our franchise, which launches in 2017 around the country. What's your favourite thing about work? Changing people’s lives for the better through Cryo. Cryotherapy is a proven natural healing treatment to combat inflammation and pain in many medical conditions including inflammatory disorders. I especially love seeing the relief for people we treat with medical conditions like arthritis, fibromyalgia and Lyme disease. Do you have a favourite quote? “Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity, and responsibility to give something back by becoming more.” – Tony Robbins. Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? Only do what you 100 per cent have passion for, and make sure you absolutely love every minute of doing it! Time is too short.




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January 2017 | The Beast 25

Hati hati fellas.



ock fishing is a classic Aussie pastime, and here in the Eastern Beaches we are lucky enough to boast some of the best rock fishing spots in the world. However, the inevitable downside to spending hours standing on a wet rock at the edge of the Pacific Ocean is that danger abounds. The ocean is strong – stronger than you – and when a wave decides to crash, there is no negotiating with it. 10 people died while rock fishing in NSW in 2015-16. That is 10 people too many. Further, evidence shows that a person is more likely to die while rock fishing in the Randwick Local Government Area than anywhere else in Australia.

26 The Beast | January 2017

“Rock fishing is one of Australia’s deadliest pastimes, and of the 10 people who died in NSW in 2015-16 not one was wearing a life jacket,” NSW Minister for Emergency Services David Elliott said. Alongside the considerable emotional toll of rock fishing deaths, there is also a significant financial cost associated with these deaths. “In the coroner’s report into the death of nine rock fishers from July 2015 it was noted that in 2011 each death cost an average of $450,000 to $600,000 per incident to the community,” Mr. Elliott said. While people should be free to do what they want with their spare time, some exceptions must

be made, especially when it comes to safety. As such, Minister Elliott has now introduced a 12-month compulsory life jacket trial for rock fishers in NSW. “The government is supporting the mandatory lifejackets in Randwick LGA trial through the allocation of funding of $11 million over three years to water safety initiatives across NSW,” Mr. Elliott said. “There will also be a coordinated statewide education and public awareness campaign to support the legislation and trial.” A 12-month grace period is now in effect. Those rock fishers found not wearing life jackets will not incur the proposed $100 fine until the grace period has ended in December 2017. As well as the implementation of physical signs at popular rock fishing spots, the communication strategy for the trial will address the fact that the majority of rock fishing deaths have have been fishers whose first language is not English. As such, it will involve ads and information being placed in media including community language newspapers, rather than just mainstream sources. Factsheets and information on the trial and rock fishing safety will be produced not only in English, but also in Chinese, Korean and Vietnamese. Minister Elliott urged rock fishers to consider their own safety, and the possible harm to others, when making choices regarding their fishing attire. “The message to all rock fishermen and women is clear: wear a life jacket at all times, wear appropriate clothing and footwear, don’t fish alone, and be aware of the conditions,” he said. Transport for NSW’s Old4New van will visit popular rock fishing spots over the summer selling discounted life jackets and disseminating safety information to local fishers. Sure, it might be a hassle to remember the vest and to buckle up, but it’s a hassle with very real benefits – primarily, staying alive. For more information, visit www.



Jeremy BONDI

I think they should wear them anyway and I think if a law has to be passed, a law has to be passed, because it keeps everyone safe.

I think it sounds quite risky doing it without a life jacket, so it is not worth it. I think they should wear them.



If it was to make a difference to loss of life, then definitely. If rock fishermen get swept off, life jackets are going to mean they are more likely to get rescued. Without life jackets resources are going into finding this person.

I don’t think it should be mandatory, but it needs more of an education program. They should be wearing cleats and they should be able to swim. A lot of them can’t work out the sea conditions.


Ashley BONDI

I think it’s a great idea. I mean, if it can save lives why not do it?

I think there have been too many unnecessary rescues along the coastline because of people who are not very good swimmers and should have had life jackets on. It would save a lot of time and expense. January 2017 | The Beast 27

You've earned your beng-bengs boys.



odyboarding, environmentalism, and Eid are not three things you usually find in the same story. And yet, as it turns out, they actually work in perfect harmony. Back in the 1980s and early 1990s, the bodyboarding scene in the Eastern Suburbs was really kicking, with the Eastern Suburbs Bodysurfers Club hosting regular contests and encouraging newbies to get involved. By the mid 90s, however, the enthusiasm had died down. It wasn’t until 2008 that the group arose afresh, this time culminating in the Maroubra Bodyboarders Club. “We meet monthly for contests, and provide an entry platform for riders to make friends, learn skills, and progress to larger contests, such as young Liam Lucas who's been over competing in South Africa,” club member Dilan Carestia explained. “It's just bloody good fun, riding a boogie.” This year, three senior riders – Mr. Carestia, Michael Clarke and Marc Abbott - came up with the idea of travelling to the remote Indonesian island of Sumbawa 28 The Beast | January 2017

to catch some waves and do some good. Sensing an opportunity to introduce the youngsters in the club to an entirely different culture, they invited along three grommets – sixteen-year-olds Noah Gilroy, Liam Flanagan, and Liam Newman. “It was out of this world,” Mr. Gilroy said. “The waves were perfect, and with good mates and sick vibes, what more do you want?” Mr. Carestia has long been invested in keeping the waves and sands clean, and after attending a fundraiser for Take 3 for the Sea (a not-for-profit organisation that encourages beachgoers to pick up three pieces of rubbish whenever they hit the sand), he decided that this trip posed the perfect platform to put that ethos into practice. With the help of his five travelling companions, he decided to make a show of collecting rubbish on the beach, encouraging locals to get involved. “I see rubbish all the time in the surf and on the sand, but I'm also a geography teacher, and looking at the stats blows my mind,” Mr. Carestia said.

“By the year 2048 scientists are predicting the collapse of marine ecosystems. There will literally be more pieces of plastic in the sea than fish. “When we were there, it was the end of Ramadan and the litter piled up quick. “We saw a lot of the locals cooking up barbecues on the beach, but when the day was over we saw what a mess was left behind.” As the boys began to collect the rubbish, a glorious thing happened – everyone else wanted in, too. “Once we started cleaning up, the locals came and helped – some just wanted photos with the blonde Aussies (the price of a photo was a piece of rubbish), but others just opened their eyes and saw what we were doing,” Mr. Abbott said. “Sometimes a bit of external perspective can change what’s the norm.” Ain’t that the truth. To get involved in Take 3 for the Sea, head to If you’re interesting in joining the Maroubra Bodyboarders Club, you can find their page on Facebook.





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BITS AND PIECES FROM AROUND THE BEACHES Words Madeleine Gray Picture Rachel Kelly SUMMERAMA FUN DAY OUT Looking for some summer magic? Join this fun day full of activities for the whole family, including a ‘trashion-fashion parade’, trash for treasure, outdoor music, wildlife, sand castle play, a rock pool tour, theatre, face painting and more. Organised by the good folk at Waverley Council, the day will be held on Saturday, January 14 at Bondi Park and Bondi Beach. Bookings are essential via www.eventbrite., and any questions can be answered by calling Ale Torres on 9083 8045 or e-mailing DISRUPT SPORTS WINS BIG Local entrepreneur Gary Elphick of was recently named the winner of the Start Up Business of the Year in the Optus My Business Awards. The Optus My Business Awards celebrate the best businesses and individuals from across Australia in 24 categories. Manufacturing everything from surfboards and snowboards to skating equipment and yoga mats, DisruptSports allows customers to customise and design their own equipment,

Max Dupain tribute.

which they then make locally and deliver. You can find out more at

Tickets are on sale now via www., in partnership with OzTix.

OLD SURFBOARDS NEEDED Do you have a surfboard hiding in your garage that you never use? Grass Skirt Project is collecting donated surfboards to send to Papua New Guinea to encourage and enable local people to take up surfing. If you have a board or any other gear (leg ropes, fins, deck pads, rashies, boardies, etc) that you’re willing to part with and send to a new home in Papua New Guinea, go to or email or

YOGA BY THE SEA CELEBRATES Yoga by the Sea is celebrating its 10-year anniversary in collaboration with Future Sound of Yoga at Tamarama Surf Club on January 13 from 7pm. Making waves, this sensory yoga experience will sound like a sunset in Ibiza, fusing chilled summer vibes (live DJ), ocean views and homegrown community spirit in a magical evening by the sea. Tickets are $35 (yoga mats provided) and bookings for this special occasion are essential at

BOWL-A- RAMA TICKETS ON SALE The largest and most exciting skate event in the Southern Hemisphere, the General Pants Bowl-A-Rama™, will return to the Bondi Skate Park from February 18 to 19, 2017. Over two massive days of big-air entertainment, music, stalls and much more, Bowl-A-Rama will welcome some of the world’s best known skaters, including skateboarding legend Tony ‘The Birdman’ Hawk.

SOCK IT TO ME Do you have three years worth of New Yorkers just sitting on your bedside table, unread? Perhaps it’s time to invest in a subscription you’ll actually use. Introducing Swanky Socks, the world’s first monthly sock subscription. For every pair sold, a pair will be donated to Homelessness NSW. Located in Coogee Beach, Swanky Socks is a local business with a big heart. Head to

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January 2017 | The Beast 31

Let the national tour begin.



hort films are a very particular art form. They belong to a medium that does not receive very much funding or attention, but when done well they are able to move an audience to tears or send them into fits of uproarious laughter within the space of a few minutes. That is no mean feat. As such, and despite existing in a time when public arts support continues to get cut, the ongoing strength of Flickerfest is a cause for jubilant celebration. Now entering its 26th year, Flickerfest remains Australia’s only Academy-accredited and BAFTA recognised short film festival – and, luckily for readers of The Beast, it retains its traditional home at the iconic Bondi Pavilion. This year, Flickerfest kicks off on January 6 and runs until January 15, with festival ambassador (and this month’s cover model) Miranda Tapsell at the helm. Miranda, who you might recognise from her fabulous work on Love Child, her many captivating performances at the Belvoir, or from films such as The Sapphires, is currently a tour de force in the Australian entertainment scene, and this year she stars as Dorothy

32 The Beast | January 2017

in Flickerfest’s annual trailer. Every year Flickerfest organisers choose a theme for the festival, then they get together a bunch of Australia’s best and brightest talent to produce a short film introducing the festival’s line-up to the world. This year they’ve outdone themselves. “Every year the Flickerfest trailer does some sort of homage to a certain iconic film,” Ms. Tapsell said. “Last year, they had my friend Abby Earl play Marilyn Monroe. Before that, there's been a 007 theme, and Blues Brothers.” This year’s trailer splices together the classic fairytale narrative of The Wizard of Oz with a quest to get to the Flickerfest film screenings in Bondi, and boasts an entirely Indigenous cast. Starring Tapsell as Dorothy, Christine Anu as the Good Witch, Jeremy Ambrum as the Cowardly Lion, Bjorn Stewart as Tin Man, Meyne Wyatt as the Scarecrow and Alexis Lane as the Wicked Witch, the trailer is a cheeky, aesthetically gorgeous delight directed by award-winning Indigenous director Dena Curtis. The 2017 Flickerfest program is chock-a-block with Aussie talent

– think Alyssa McClelland, Cameron Knight, Damian WalsheHowling and the aforementioned Abby Earl and Miranda Tapsell, to name just a few. Among the awesome shorts on show, we are particularly excited about new Australian film The Eleven O’Clock, with an all-star cast including Josh Lawson, Damon Herriman and McClelland, the film tells the story of a delusional patient of a psychiatrist who believes he is actually the psychiatrist. Festival director Bronwyn Kidd could not hide her pride in the festival, which embarks on a road trip to over 50 Australian venues after the completion of the Bondi event. “After 26 years I’m proud that Flickerfest continues to be a platform for the best of Australia’s and the world’s most talented filmmakers and I’m very much looking forward to showcasing these brilliant short films to eager audiences not just in Sydney but at over 50 venues in all states of Australia on our national tour,” Ms. Kidd said. For tickets and more information about Flickerfest, head to

Only privileged individuals can drive a Volkswagen Fastback.



astern Beaches hipsters have reacted with effortlessly subdued excitement to the recent arrival of ‘deconstructed mechanics’ at designated garages from Bondi to Maroubra. Nonchalant high praise was heaped upon the repair service, which returns vehicles to their owners in separate pieces, strewn across wooden boards. Hipsters availing themselves of the ‘deconstructive experience’ receive a chassis surrounded by axels, drive shafts, steering columns and other components, all of which are accompanied by engine oil and transmission fluid in glass jars. Paying customers then sit on milk crates or pre-school chairs and use the complimentary tool kit, or a set of chopsticks, to reconstruct their own vehicles. Select Michelin-rated ‘deconstructive salons’ will even dress the wooden boards with a dash of brake fluid and coolant. The salons also double as immersive and connected art spaces where clients can photograph and edit images of their creations be-

34 The Beast | January 2017

fore uploading them to their social media accounts. The service is a natural evolution, yet complete departure, from ‘deconstructed food’, as local trend forecaster Iyma Khonman painstakingly explained. “We are liberating our beneficiaries,” he beamed. “We have freed them from conventional paradigmatic perambulatory care services and empowered them to autonomously reconstruct their vehicles in a manner which is more closely aligned with their personal creative journey. “Our fan base eschews conformity and oppressive homogenous cultural reference points and it is this rejection of an absolute truth that draws them to our experience – that and the reviews they read first on Yelp and Foursquare.” This freedom is already proving popular, according to Khonman. “Even in its infancy, this new child is already well loved and nurtured,” he pointed out. “Our family consists of privileged individuals who have earned the right to possess cars such as the

Citroen Ami, the Plymouth Valiant and the Volkswagen Fastback. “Their relatives include the doting parents of Lowriders and the Clovelly mums who have showered us with incessant praise on their parenting blogs for the love and attention provided to their designer label strollers.” The service does not, however, extend to backpacker vans, because, as Khonman pointed out, “vehicles must be in one piece in the first place in order to be deconstructed”. Khonman also explained that many local garages were invited to join the revolutionary movement. “We offered to many established businesses the blessing of family membership,” he said. “This includes Phil O’Sullivan’s garage in Queens Park. However, upon receiving the news Phil Jr. simply laughed, before striding towards us menacingly wielding a wooden implement of sorts, upon which were myriad ominous red stains and an inscription that read ‘Viv Richards’. “We ran away.”

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Kensington sunsets.


WAVERLEY UPGRADES PLAY SPACE Families will have access to an improved local facility thanks to Waverley Council’s upgrade of the hidden gem, Thomas Hogan Reserve. The play space, located on Francis Street in Bondi, has been updated with new play equipment, grass areas for playing sport, new paths, new native trees and a retaining wall. Children will also be able to stay sun smart, with the positioning of the playground under existing trees and shade cloth to be installed over the slides. For more information, please visit WAYS TO GREATNESS It’s hard enough to study and get good results when your home life is stable and strong, never mind when it’s not. As such, we could not be happier to report that 12 of the 14 students who commenced in the first CHC42015 Cert IV in Community Services course delivered by WAYS Youth Training Bondi Junction should graduate with a full qualification. There are

three young mothers in the group, four Indigenous students, students who are in temporary accommodation, and others struggling with issues of their own. However, they are all united in their enthusiasm to work in the sector. CODING IS COOL (AND LUCRATIVE) Calling all future billionaires. Code Camp is back again this summer holidays teaching kids as young as seven how to build their own iPhone apps. Founded by Eastern Suburbs locals Pete Neill, Ben Levi and Hayley Markham, Code Camp has introduced over 10,000 Aussie kids to coding. With a range of venues across the Eastern Suburbs, head along to to reserve your spot. SLIP, SLOP, SLAP, SUN-NATION The sun is getting stronger and the days longer, and the need for skin protection grows and grows. Enter Sun-Nation. Sun-Nation is the new chic urban range of UPF50+ sun protection wear ‘rashies’ by

designer Julienne Giles of Paddington. The collection offers cuts that reveal a figure-enhancing silhouette no matter your shape. The range includes kids, youth, men’s and women’s garments. Sunnation is available online at www. Beast readers can enjoy 25% off by using the code ‘FRIENDS16’ at the checkout. For more info, email or call 0412836129. CHARITY DOGGO CALENDAR DoggieRescue is all about saving the lives of wonderful dogs 365 days of the year. To keep their doors open, they have launched their major fundraiser for the year: a 2017 calendar full of pics of DoggieRescue dogs that have found their forever homes, and what these dogs mean to their families. Buy a calendar this year for your friends and family, or just get one for yourself. The doggos will thank you from the bottom of their paws. Go to to order.

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You'll do whatever I decide is best for... me.

LOCALS HAVE NO SAY IN MERGER Words Duncan Horscroft Picture Cole Bennetts


hat’s going on with the socalled ‘Super Council’ and the pending amalgamations, and why are they even going ahead? Since Premier Mike Baird issued the edict that local councils must prove themselves fit to stand alone or merge, neither Randwick nor Waverley Council – which have both agreed to merge - have provided any insight into what it will mean to the residents of these areas. The question has been asked as to how the new council will deal with local issues such as surf clubs, park maintenance, sporting venues, and resident and beach parking permits, and who will be responsible for these areas if the amalgamation goes ahead. The fly in the ointment for the successful merger of the Eastern Beaches councils is Woollahra Council, which has challenged its right to stand alone. In July last year Woollahra lost its initial court challenge against the state government’s public inquiry into the proposed forced amalgamation. It then launched an appeal that is still ongoing, but 38 The Beast | January 2017

now in limbo until February when court resumes. Given that this process is ongoing and both Randwick and Waverley have agreed to merge, there have been no local council elections - which were due last September - and because of the undecided result with Woollahra, it’s not likely there will be another local election until 2020. This means that if the amalgamation does take place, all existing councillors will almost certainly be redundant and an administrator appointed to oversee the new council, giving locals no say at all as to how their communities will run. Some believe the status quo will remain and all existing entitlements and such for the existing areas will stay in place, but it remains to be seen how an independent administrator will deal with issues in three separate council areas. Waverley Councillor Paula Masselos maintains Waverley Council should not merge and that residents have never been asked for their input. “I cannot see any overt benefits

of amalgamation,” she said. “Savings, efficiencies and coordination are already being achieved through a range of strategies. “There will be 15 councillors for a population of over 250,000, whereas in Waverley Council we have 15 councillors for a population of close to 80,000. “We are waiting to be advised as to how these positions will be distributed. The Boundaries Commission report recommends three wards of five councilors, but I have heard that five wards of three councillors has also been touted.” She said the mayor will be elected by the newly-elected councillors, and it will not be a popular vote as the mayor will not be elected by the community. “We may not have a democratically elected council for more than two years; for the duration of this time we would be under administration,” Cr Masselos said. “This means an administrator will be making all the decisions and without any accountability to the community. “As a democracy, this is unacceptable and anti-democratic.”


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e a man. Grow a pair. Boys don’t cry. The expectations surrounding masculinity both within Australia and around the world are harmful not only to the women who are victims of male assault, but also to men who are expected to conform to stereotypes of violent masculinity, and to eschew their emotional and mental health. According to a recent study by World Suicide Prevention Australia, on average five men take their life through suicide each day in this country. A cultural change is needed. As a society, we have to stop perpetuating the myth of male insensitivity and ‘toughness’. 40 The Beast | January 2017

In light of this, a group of local Eastern Suburbs blokes have taken it upon themselves to get the ball rolling (so to speak!), launching a nude calendar to raise awareness and money for Beyond Blue. The calendar will pay tribute to the gorgeous landscapes of our fair suburbs, the different professions in which the blokes work, and the overarching theme that it’s okay to ‘strip everything back’, be vulnerable, and be real. Let’s Go Surfing surf instructor Conrad Pattinson is part of the crew. He said that the team has picked Beyond Blue as the charity to support because “it is the most recognised organisation in Aus-

tralia helping mental health.” Fellow calendar star Michael Fatouris, from Bondi Junction, expanded on this, explaining that deconstructing masculinity is “not just about positively influencing male mental health, but that of all ages and sexes.” “I feel like raising awareness for mental health in a cheeky and lighthearted fashion contrasts with the quite severe perspective that many people can still have about such issues,” Mr. Fatouris said. “The 'macho tough guy' thing is an unfortunate hangover from a time when it was expected of men to repress any feelings of vulnerability, and not to come forward and seek help for their problems. “As a youth I struggled with the duality of the need to share and express myself against the culture of masculinity and ultra-stoicism shared amongst my peers. This led to intense feelings of isolation. I eventually found reprieve by stripping down in front of the camera.” So what can you expect from the calendar itself ? Think Calendar Girls, but with better rigs and more workplaces. Local surf photographer Shaun Tunnicliffe has shot the blokes in a variety of workplace and social scenarios – from business meetings, to labouring work, to dentistry. And all in the nude (with some parts strategically covered, of course)! The calendar was launched on the evening of November 30 at Bondi Bowling Club, and are available to purchase now at Bondi Markets or by visiting the website When asked which month’s photo he thinks is most swoonworthy, Mr. Fatouris was diplomatic. “Each month, in my opinion, has an admirable level of swooning potential,” he said. “Purely in terms of 'how did this photo manage to get taken?', though, I think the nude midflight airplane pilot photo would have to be one of the standouts.” So do your bit for mental health and buy a calendar full of hunks in the buff. It’s for charity, after all.

MAYOR‘S MESSAGE Brightest and Best Business Awards 2016 Congratulations to all the winners, finalists and local businesses who entered Waverley Council’s Brightest and Best Business Awards. Well done to the following winners: Yellow Brick Road Bondi (Professional Services); Expression Dance School (Educational Services); Tender Gourmet Butchery (Retail-Groceries and Fresh Food); Mere (Retail-Fashion); Di Bartoli Home Barista Centre (Retail-General); Cooee Art Gallery (Creative Services); Bondi Skin Cancer Clinic (Medical Services); Sage Beauty (Hair and Beauty); Let’s Go Surfing (Health and Fitness); Bondi Rumba (Hospitality Services); Drygreen Drycleaners (Environmental Awards); Bondi Junction Vet Hospital (Golden Bin). Thank you to all the local small businesses in the area who are playing an important role cementing Waverley as the economic heartbeat of the Eastern Suburbs.

Thomas Hogan Reserve Opening I was so excited to recently open another play space within the Waverley community, and celebrate with our local residents. Stage 1 of Thomas Hogan Reserve upgrade includes new play equipment, new grass areas for sport, new footpaths, and more trees providing shade for you all to enjoy. Given the children boom currently occurring in Waverley, providing more play space for our families is more important than ever.

Bondi Pavilion Upgrade Council recently voted to go ahead with Phase 1 renovations of the Bondi Pavilion. After taking on board the views expressed by the community – Phase 1 includes a new pottery studio, retains the existing

CUSTOMER SERVICE CENTRE 55 Spring Street, Bondi Junction NSW 2022 PO Box 9, Bondi Junction NSW 1355 PHONE 9083 8000 WEB

theatre and music studios and increases the current community rooms and facilities in the building. We are also performing critical upgrades to the building, including new and larger toilet facilities, improved waste facilities around the northern courtyard and restoring the façade and roof of the whole building. Thank you to all community members who participated in the consultation.

Sally Betts, Mayor of Waverley


Summerama Fun Day Out 2017 Saturday 14 January 2017, from 9am Bondi Beach and Bondi Park Looking for some summer magic? Join our Summerama Fun Day Out! There’s something to suit all ages and interests at Waverley’s Summerama 2017. The day will be filled with amazing activities that are fun for the entire family. There will be a trash for treasure clothing exchange, a theatre play and a family picnic with face painting, storytelling, art exhibitions, tips on sustainable living and much more. Find out more at For more event info visit our website

Connect with us:

January 2017 MONDAY




31 2 3 4 5 9 10 11 12 16 18 19 23 24 26

OLD SURFBOARDS NEEDED Do you have a surfboard hiding in your garage that you never use? Grass Skirt Project is collecting surfboards to send to Papua New Guinea so locals can take up surfing. Visit or email or

NSW WOMEN OF THE YEAR The search has begun for outstanding Eastern Suburbs women to be recognised, with the nominations for the NSW Women of the Year Awards now open. Nominate impressive women from all walks of life. Entries close on January 10. Visit

TEST CRICKET RETURNS The Sydney Test gets underway at the SCG today, as Australia takes on Pakistan. Fans are encouraged to wear pink clothes to day 3 for Jane McGrath Day, which supports the McGrath Foundation and the fight against breast cancer. Visit

THE EDGE OF 17 Moonlight Cinema displays contemporary, cult and classic movies on the lawns of Belvedere Amphitheatre in Centennial Park. Critically-acclaimed coming of age flick The Edge of Seventeen is showing tonight. Please visit

LIFE JACKETS FOR ROCK FISHERS Over the last 10 years, there have been on average 10 rock fishing related deaths in NSW each year. That needs to change. As such, Minister for Emergency Services David Elliott has introduced mandatory life jackets for rock fishers on the NSW coast. Buckle up, save your life.

BIG BASH BLOCKBUSTER The Sydney Sixers take on the Melbourne Renegades in an exhibition of hit and giggle that is sure to have the crowd out of their seats. The Big Bash League is the best thing to happen to cricket in Australia since the World Series. Visit

FRED HOLLOWS RESERVE WALK Venture through one of the last remaining open creek lines in the Eastern Suburbs and hear about the history, hidden plant life and exotic bird species. Reserve a place for $5 per person, and meet at 9.30am at Bligh Place, Randwick. Tickets at

BEGINNERS’ SNORKELLING Does your snorkelling ability begin and end with your mask filling up with water? Maybe it's time to take action. For $15, from 2:305pm today, join the experts and up your snorkelling game. Meet at the eastern side of the Clovelly kiosk. Tickets at

ROCKPOOL RAMBLE Doesn’t the verb ‘ramble’ just fill you full of glee? Today, between 2pm and 4pm, join fellow ramblers and local marine experts along the rock platforms of South Maroubra for an educational stroll like no other. Meet at South Maroubra Surf Club and get ready to ramble.

FORT BARE ISLAND GUIDED TOUR Meet your National Parks and Wildlife Service Discovery Ranger across the footbridge at Bare Island and share the experiences of this nationally significant island, today from 11am to 1:15pm. It’s free! All you have to do is reserve your spot at

BONDI SINGS HITS THE RIGHT NOTE Bondi Sings community choir is looking for new members. Be part of a friendly group of enthusiastic and dedicated singers who meet weekly. The group rehearses every Tuesday at the Bondi Pavilion from 7.30-9.30pm. Please email Huan Jiang at

SCHOOL HOLIDAYS PROGRAM Waverley Council's school holiday program in January is jam-packed full of events for the kids. Keep all ages happy at Waverley Library, Waverley-Woollahra Arts School and other local venues. Please visit for the full school holiday program.

SUMMER FUN AT CENTENNIAL PARK Keep the kids entertained over summer and book them into Centennial Parklands’ school holiday programs. With over 40 events and activities for kids, the Parklands have an exciting calendar in January. Visit

WOMEN’S SOCIAL GOLF For too long lazy morning golf sessions have been the domain of men. We think women should get in on the fun too. Today from 10am to 11am at Moore Park Golf, join other women and a MPG professional for a golf lesson and a laugh. Visit

AUSTRALIA DAY AT COOGEE Randwick Council will host free, fun family activities this Australia Day at Coogee Beach with ridiculous floating swans, waterslides, and multicultural celebrations. However, we also encourage readers to remember that today is less celebratory for our Indigneous population.

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Carpenter Mark Potocki Against The Grain Ph: 0415 688 562 Concretor Jay Rodney Oceanside Ph: 0411 989 565


6 13 20 27


1 7 8 14 22 28 29

FLICKERFEST OPENING PARTY Australia’s leading short film festival, Flickerfest, will open tonight at the Bondi Pavilion. This year’s Flickerfest, running from January 6-15, is headlined by Beast cover girl Miranda Tapsell, and is sure to be epic. For more details, please visit

SYDNEY FESTIVAL BEGINS Get along to a mix of free and ticketed events for all ages, at all hours, from today until January 29. Every January, Sydney Festival enlivens and transforms Sydney with a bold cultural celebration based on the highest quality art and big ideas. Visit

SUNSET YOGA BY THE SEA Yoga by the Sea celebrates its 10-year anniversary in collaboration with Future Sound of Yoga at Tama Surf Club tonight at 7pm. This sensory yoga experience will sound like a sunset in Ibiza, fusing chilled vibes and home-grown community spirit. Book at

SUMMERAMA TRASH FOR TREASURE Waverley Council’s celebrations are where it’s at today. Join the Seaside Scavenge and help clean Bondi Beach before trading the litter you collect for funky secondhand clothes that have been donated by locals. It’s on from 9am-1pm at Bondi Park!

EXTREME ENGINEERING FOR KIDS Encourage your kids’ cerebral potential and enrol them in today’s engineering worksop at the Learning Centre off Dickens Drive in Centennial Park. Between 9am to 4pm, your munchkin will literally learn how to build a bridge and get over it. Tickets at GET A BETTER SICKIE EXCUSE We get it. You’re going to be hungover from yesterday, and you’re not going to want to go to work. No one wants to. That means that you’re going to have to step up your excuse game today: Tree Man Sydnrome? Why not. Cotard Delusion? Perfect.


ELECTRIC GARDENS Get down to Centennial Park on the Saturday of the Australia Day weekend for Electric Gardens, a summer dance festival headlined by Eric Prydz and supported by a stellar line-up of international DJs across three stages. Visit www.

FIELD DAY KEEPS THE PARTY GOING Field Day is a hectic, *vibez* filled way to keep the party pumping on New Year’s Day. The Domain’s multi-stage outdoor party will feature Chance the Rapper and Childish Gambino, among other headline acts. For more information, visit REIN IN THE WAY YOU EAT If you are having a hard time controlling the way you eat, Food Addicts Anonymous (FA) offers help and hope. Meetings are held every Friday from 10am and Wednesday from 7pm at the Salvation Army Hall on Boyce Road, Maroubra. Visit

AUSTRALIA VERSUS PAKISTAN The Aussie one-day cricket team takes on an unpredictable Pakistan outfit this afternoon and this evening in a day-night fixture at the SCG. It’s the fourth game in a five game series against the Pakistanis. Fingers crossed it won't be a dead rubber. Visit

GREASE SING-A-LONG If you say that you’ve never wanted to belt out ‘Alone at the Drive In’ at an outdoor cinema with a bunch of other Grease fanatics, you’re either way cooler than we are, or you’re lying. Head to Moonlight Cinema at Centennial Park tonight to make your dreams come true.

Painter Brett Dooley Nielson Dooley Ph: 0404 888 089 Fencing Troy Salvatico Jim’s Fencing Ph: 0405 543 530 Building Design Todd Maguire Design Solutions Ph: 0405 617 428

Rubbish Removal Dave Whiteley Dave's Rubbish Ph: 0401 296 069 Mechanic Jordan Hayman JH Automotive Ph: 0424 144 987 Plumber Matt Scott Surfside Plumbing Ph: 0450 391 734 BBQ Caterer Wardy Wardy & Sons Ph: 0414 293 396 Cleaner Sarah Callan Exec Home Office Ph: 0414 510 275 Plumber Luke Fletcher Pipe Up Plumbing Ph: 0431 638 558 Locksmith Bradley Rope SOS Locksmiths Ph: 0498 767 767 Electrician Adrian Langen Langen Electrical Ph: 0400 006 008 Arborist Jeff Hunt Prompt Trees Ph: 0412 280 338

by visiting

From Kakadu to Kingsford

MIRANDA TAPSELL Interview Dan Hutton Photography Johnny Diaz Nicolaidis Hair and Makeup Kelly Bowman

Where are you originally from? I'm a Larrakia woman. I'm from, and my people are from, the Darwin region. I didn't grow up on my country, though. I grew up in Kakadu National Park. Where are you living these days? I live in Kingsford. I've been living there for a good two years. What do you love about the Eastern Suburbs? I like being close to the beach. I love that I'm close to friends and I'm close to the city, and close to the airport. It's a really great, convenient area. My favourite beach is Maroubra. It's family-oriented. I feel like I don't have to be as dressed up as I do in some of the other areas. I like that there's a sweet little rock pool there that I swim in. Do you have any favourite local haunts? I tend to get my coffee at 22 Grams on High Street in Randwick. For lunch, I often get a really nice tuna salad there. They've got a great green juice too, and a really fab brekkie the corn fritters are my favourite. For special occasions the Cookhouse is really lovely. It's got great tapas and cocktails, and things like that. It's nice and close to where I live, so if it's a last-minute sort of shindig with friends, it's a good little place to go. That is on Belmore Road.

What gets your goat about the Eastern Suburbs? I just wish that the train line would extend from Edgecliff and Bondi Junction down to Randwick and Maroubra. How did you get into acting? I was just really into stories. Whether it was my parents reading to me, or renting videos with my friends, I was just so invested. I liked the idea that you could be the hero of you own life, you know? When I found out you could actually do it for a job I was all for that. When I started high school a young Aaron Pederson came to my school. He made me believe it was possible. Also, seeing Deborah Mailman on TV in The Secret Life of Us and the waves she made, and the way she really made a name for herself on mainstream Australian commercial television, was a huge thing. But it did mean leaving the Northern Territory and it did mean leaving my community, but I knew that if I really wanted to follow that path, that's what I had to do. Were there many acting opportunities back at home? There is a great theatre scene up there. There's Brown's Mart Theatre, and obviously the Darwin Festival really goes off. There are lots of local shows, as well as shows that have come up from Melbourne and Sydney, and around the country.

So there is a thriving art scene up there, but in terms of screen work, there wasn't much in the way of that. With opportunities to work on the stage at Belvoir and the Sydney Theatre Company, prestigious theatre companies like that, I did have to move down. You’re a NIDA graduate; how was the transition from living in the far north of the country to coming down and being smack-bang in the middle of Sydney at NIDA? Gosh, I just felt lost all the time. I was so disoriented. People in my year were constantly picking me up by car, or I had to meet them at the easiest possible place I could find because this was all before any sort of smartphone or Google Maps, you know? It's interesting, having been here for quite a while, that I now find Sydney quite small. It's nothing to travel from one side of Sydney to the other. Things never seem that far away, especially coming from the Territory where everything is at least four hours away. Did you have any friends down here when you moved down, or were you just thrown straight in deep end? I did have family in Sydney, because my dad is originally from Sydney. We've always had Christmases down in Sydney with my relatives, but it's one thing to visit and it's another to be living January 2017 | The Beast 45

there permanently. Also, I wasn't living close to them because a lot of them live down in the Shire. It was just nice knowing that they were there, though. At the same time, the course was demanding. It demanded a lot of my time and a lot of my commitment, but I can't imagine not going through that institution because things happen so fast [in acting]. You don't get a lot of time to work on things, and to have a set of skills to help you get through something is so important. I'm grateful to have been given that opportunity. Not many people from the Northern Territory get that opportunity, and I'm one of the lucky ones. Did you, and do you still, miss home? Yeah, I miss the change of pace. I get cold too easily, and I get sick of rugging up regularly when I'm in Melbourne or in Sydney for work. It's just nice to kind of put life into perspective a little bit. You don't always have to be part of the hustle. You've played some amazing, strong women over the years; what would you consider to be your breakout role? My breakout role was in a play called Yibiyung at the Belvoir. I played the lead role, whose name is Yibiyung. That was a huge opportunity for me. The director needed to recast because the gorgeous actress Ursula Yovich was pregnant and wasn't able to play the role. He met me, and I got to not only finish my course at NIDA, but also do a main stage show at Belvoir, which was an incredible experience. It was huge. You've done a lot of theatre as well as film and television; how do the practices in each medium inform each other? I think what's nice is that you kind of get to fall in love with the craft of acting again when you go back to the theatre. The great thing, also, about being on screen is that you get to do things again. Sometimes, though, things happen so quickly that you don't have time to contemplate or build your anxiety over whether you've 46 The Beast | January 2017

got the capability to do it. I feel like being thrown into the deep end is the greatest challenge. I find it really fulfilling when I have to work fast and I do a good job. Do you think the boundary between stage actress and film actress is being eroded? Yeah, I think it's starting to change a lot. I think actors working in the theatre once found it a lot harder to break into TV, and vice versa. I'm one of the very blessed actors that gets to work and be cast in both. I hope that that happens for more actors. To be an all-round actor is how you perfect your craft. Many of the roles you play have been specifically Indigenous roles; do you feel you have a responsibility to your people to share those Indigenous stories? I'm one of the few First Nation women to get this platform and to get the opportunity to speak out on things, on issues that face Indigenous people, as well as the way they're represented on film and TV. I could've easily not made the speech that I made at the Logies [on the need for more diverse representation in television], but I could either let people define me or I could define myself. I'm proud of who I am. I want to use my voice to help celebrate Australia's First Nations people. We're seeing a rise in Indigenous representation in television, but the reason why I made the speech at the Logies is that it’s still only five per cent. I also spoke about other marginalised groups that are underrepresented on television. I think television and stories are the best ways for people to see and share other walks of life. Playing Dorothy [from The Wizard of Oz] in this year’s Flickerfest trailer was really special, because I want young girls like me to see that they too can be Dorothy. And the other boys in the trailer, like Meyne Wyatt, Jeremy Ambrum, and Bjorn Steward, who played Tin Man, Lion, and Scarecrow respectively, are all Indigenous, and I thought that was a really lovely celebration of what

it means to have dreams and to believe in what is over the rainbow. The beautiful Dena Curtis directed it. She's a wonderful Indigenous filmmaker. I think we are starting to see more Aboriginal people represented in mainstream television and film, and I just hope it grows more. In the digital, televised age that we live in, actors are expected to have a stance on what's going on in the world; would you rather be just an actress, or are you quite happy having that responsibility to speak out? It’s so interesting that actors are viewed to be apolitical. It's interesting because I believe that art is political. A wonderful writer named Toni Morrison said that, and I really see her point of view because when you think about Shakespeare, think about Arthur Miller, and think about all the iconic theatre, they all speak on social issues of the time. I think some people have really stigmatised what being political means, and what it is. I think it just means having empathy of what's happening in your country, and to the people around you. Artists are empathetic people. If we're not happy with the decisions being made around us then of course we're going to speak out. Unfortunately I can't be separated from the politics surrounding Aboriginal people. It's attached to me whether I want it to be or not. If I want those situations to change, if I want the gap in health and education to change, then I need to say something. What is really important is to have my friends and work colleagues to back me up in what I say. The expectation to speak on racism and sexism in particular is often left with the people who experience that. They're left to fight their battles on their own. No one really amplifies their voice. It goes the same for the LGBTQI community. I just believe that burden could be shared around with people who don't come from a marginalised race, who are able-bodied, who are heterosexual. I feel like they need

to not only be in support, but actually vocalise it. How can theatre reach more diverse audiences? I think more funding needs to go towards the arts. Unfortunately the Australia Arts Council that funds a lot of projects has had its annual funding halved. As a result, tickets can be very expensive, and the people who do support the arts are often just the people who can afford it. I think we need more philanthropists to back the arts. We need our government to see the importance, and the relevance, of art. I think people forget just how much we rely on it on a daily basis. Whenever we tune into Netflix, whenever we buy a song on iTunes, whenever we buy tickets to the movies, that's an investment in art. It's obviously a huge part of everyone's life. To take money away from that means that things get harder to make. This year you're an ambassador for Flickerfest; what do you love about our local Academy-accredited short film festival? I love Bronwyn, who is the CEO there. I just think it's such a great place for artists like me to get out there. If the phone isn't ringing, then you go out and make a short film with talented people, and come together to make a really great story. To be able to show it at Bondi, it's so great. And it’s an Academy-accredited film festival as well. For viewers, there's a beautiful family atmosphere. It's very comfy; there are lots of cushions, lots of beach chairs. You get to sit down and watch films at the beach on a huge screen outside under the stars in summer, which is so beautiful. As ambassador for Flickerfest, what does your role involve? It’s about encouraging everyone to come along and support short films. Short films aren't easy to make. They're done with lots of love, but very little money. Lots of people put their heart and soul into these projects. If people can come along and spend a great night under the stars watching a really great film, then they should do it. 48 The Beast | January 2017

What can short films do that feature-length films can't? It's a lot harder work to make a short film, because it's almost like a haiku. You haven't got a long time to tell your story, or to put your message across. You've got to do it in only so many words. That takes a very special skill, to really condense the idea. And there’s often a great punchline or twist at the end. What advice would you give to aspiring Australian actors trying to get a break in the industry? You've kind of got to throw yourself in to it. Not just into acting, either; you've actually got to learn about writing, and directing, and producing. You've got to do lots of things to really find your voice and find your craft. Find what you love. You have said in the past that you would love to play some kind of superhero role; which role in particular do you see yourself playing? Oh gosh, too many. I am a massive comic book fan, and they are coming into a lot of changes in the Marvel comics in particular. Someone else is going to be Iron Man, and it's a young African American MIT student called Riri Williams. She's this amazing aeronautical engineer. She's now going to take over Tony Stark and be Iron Heart. I'm so down for being Iron Heart. I have even got the Iron Man t-shirt. That's how lame I am. Do you think that we've progressed to the point as a society where an Indigenous Australian woman could be picked to play a role like Wonder Woman? I remain hopeful that we may see that. I saw the Wonder Woman trailer recently and I just geeked the hell out. I was just like, "Yes, please!" I would want nothing more than to be cast as Wonder Woman. Unfortunately, I'm not tall enough, because she's meant to be an Amazon; she's supposed to be really tall. Are there any other roles you have your eye on, or any new projects coming up in the pipeline? I re-

cently finished filming a TV show called Newton's Law with Claudia Karvan. That comes out next year on the ABC. And, of course, Love Child season four will start filming next year too. I'm very excited for 2017. What's it been like working on what is arguably Australia's most iconic television program, Play School? Oh, it is extremely special. I just love singing and dancing, and making crazy, wild things. I love going back into my imagination in that way, and I love that young kids can go on that journey with me. One thing I'm really bad at though is any form of arts and crafts. That's something I'm very determined to work on, because my finger painting is just atrocious. Who would you say are your role models? I definitely look towards Leah Purcell. She's a wonderful mentor, and she plays Daisy in Love Child. I've known her since I was 19. She's been a great mentor for me. All the women in my family, too. My mum, my aunties, my grandmothers, they were all huge role models for me, because they all encouraged my education, and they all encouraged me to make something of myself and give it 100 per cent. I owe everything to them. Do you ever plan on taking the leap and leaving Australia for the bright lights of LA? I love what America is doing arts-wise at the moment. There are lots of exciting projects, particularly led by African Americans. There's a lot of diversity starting to grow in a big way, and there are lots of interesting ways that identity and gender politics are being explored, particularly with Transparent and Atlanta with Donald Glover. If I get a chance to go over there, hopefully it's safe to go over. In an ideal world, what does the future hold for Miranda Tapsell? In an ideal world, I think I'd just like to be happy and healthy, and continuing to do what I love.



Federal Member for Wentworth Prime Minister of Australia

Ground Floor, 287-289 New South Head Road, Edgecliff NSW 2027 9327 3988


Authorised by Malcolm Turnbull MP, Ground Floor, 287-289 New South Head Road, Edgecliff NSW 2027.

Where did it all go wrong?

HAS SYDNEY LOST ITS SOUL? Words Rupert Truscott-Hughes Picture Charles Darwin


think I’m ready to leave. After spending my whole life on the shores of Sydney Harbour, I think it’s time to go. I’m not sure if I need a sea-change, a tree-change or something in between, but my life definitely needs an upheaval. I don’t think I’m alone in feeling this way, either. I know house prices are driving a lot of younger folk, especially those with families, to far away places, but I don’t believe that is the only reason for the exodus. I actually think Sydney has lost its soul. It would be easy to blame ‘Casino Mike’ Baird for this whole mess, and he is certainly not without some responsibility, but I think this is something that has been accumulating for a time far longer than his tenure. It’s not just the lack of nightlife beyond midnight or the heinous removal of century-old fig trees without a thought for their heritage value that is destroying Sydney’s soul, it’s actually the people. I’ve always been fairly selfabsorbed, but this has been balanced out by the good people 50 The Beast | January 2017

around me who kick me in to line. Unfortunately that status quo no longer exists. The good people are diminishing in numbers and the wankers are multiplying. Sydney has become so competitive that we have all turned in to a bunch of self-interested c#@ts, for lack of a better adjective. The thinking being, I believe, that it’s the only way to get ahead. We compete for property, tables at restaurants, car spaces, a patch of sand at the beach, and the opposite (or the same) sex. It’s survival of not only the fittest and fastest, but also the richest and most cunning. I’m not sure how Darwin would feel about it, to be honest. To some extent I blame the Internet. It’s just a massive hype beast. There are no secrets anymore. Places that I used to hold close to my heart for their peace and tranquillity in amongst our bustling city are now being overrun by people because Broadsheet or Concrete Playground or Timeout featured an article about them and it went viral on social media, whatever that means. I’m having

to book tables or, God forbid, line up at the cafes and restaurants I love, and places like Gordons Bay and some of the hidden harbour beaches where I could once unveil my pasty, wobbly torso without fear of being seen or mocked are now bastions of insecurity. The pools at my place have never gotten so much use. Of course the question then arises of where I should move to. It’s far too much of a cliché to move up to Byron Bay or its hinterland, and from what I hear the soul is quickly being sapped from that joint too. Noosa, on the other hand, lost its soul many moons ago. Maybe I’ll head down south. Kiama still seems quite quaint. It’s close enough to Sydney that I can come back if I feel a little homesick, a stone’s throw from the Southern Highlands if I want to pop up to the polo, and only an hour from the white sands of Hyams Beach. I’m sure I can get my hands on a harbourfront spread down there for under $2 million too!




I’d love to live in Western Australia because the waves are way bigger than in Sydney.

Byron Bay, because the beaches and the town are all so beautiful.

Caroline COOGEE

I think I would live in Port Macquarie, because I really like being outside and there’s beautiful hiking there and long beaches. I think it would be a nice way to be in a beach town that is more rural.


I’d move to Melbourne due to the nightlife and the food, but sadly they don’t have the beaches so that’s why Sydney wins all the time, every time.


I’ve thought about Tasmania for the hot summers. It is a bit cooler down there, a bit chilled out. I haven’t actually been there to check it out, but anyway...


Definitely Noosa, because it is so beautiful and relaxing there. January 2017 | The Beast 51

Frutti di mare.

TIME WAITS FOR NO MAN Words and Picture Dan Trotter


here the hell did 2016 go? It’s fascinating to sit and try to recall all the days that flashed by - the good, the great, and the forgettable. It’s all part of the rich tapestry of the lives we lead. How will 2017 shape up in comparison? Does it really matter? My mother often says: “To worry about tomorrow is to empty today of its happiness and joy.” Perhaps looking back and trying to consider the past against a future we can never really know until it’s the present is futile? Now there’s a meditation to keep you in the present! Fishing and freediving are both pursuits that require the passionately afflicted to reflect upon the 52 The Beast | January 2017

past (often in the form of a written diary) to plan for the future, yet whilst in the moment they both require focus and presence to be successful. Is it meditative? Sometimes… January is the perfect time of year to take a meditative approach to your fishing. In a way it’s the lazy month, or at least it should be. Gone are the December stresses of work and the family commitments of Christmas. What’s left is a chance for some slow time with sand between your toes and the mighty Pacific lapping at your feet. The fishing for the month ahead should be wide open in Sydney, all the way up and down the NSW

coast, and inland through the rivers. In brackish waters Australian bass should be firing on hot summer’s afternoons. Try casting surface-splashing poppers around fallen timber and under overhanging trees. In the rivers and estuaries the mighty mulloway should be on the prowl. Seek out deep waterholes, rock bars and swirling tidal eddies. Fish fresh live baits suspended just off the bottom, or cast heavily weighted soft-plastics along the shorelines using a focused pause to ensure maximum drop time. Further north, these tactics will also put you in good stead for a rampaging mangrove jack. Try dawn and dusk for best effect and beef up the tackle using 15-24 kilogram leaders and 15 kilogram braided mainline to stand a chance of stopping a healthy sized fish. Around the estuarine boundaries where the rivers meet the sea, the salty surface should be alive with action on the turn of the tide and the change of light. Study the movement of the water as fish race about in their feeding frenzies. A trained eye should be able to pick the tell-tale signs between each species of fish simply by the way they move water and the splash (or lack thereof ) they exhibit whilst engulfing prey. Expect yellowtail kingfish, Australian salmon, tailor, frigate mackerel, bonito and a mix of occasional northerly visitors. If all of that isn’t enough, the offshore options are always hard to resist, with snapper, mulloway and kingfish all in good numbers and easily accessible from a seaworthy five-metre plus boat. Further and wider where the cobalt currents run, the mahi mahi, tuna and billfish will be on the hunt too. It’s just a matter of picking the weather and watching for the signs. With all that in mind, what are you waiting for? Put The Beast down, start making a plan, or just grab your gear and get the hell out there. And remember, time waits for no man so make sure you embrace 2017. Your future is waiting!

JANUARY 2017 TIDE CHART Numbers Bureau of Meteorology Tidal Centre Picture Erik Janousek MONDAY

30 0417 1043 1714 2316

0.42 1.82 0.27 1.48



31 0502 0.42 1125 1.78 1753 0.28



• New Moon • First Quarter • Full Moon • Last Quarter •


1 0432 1101 1738 2339

0.50 1.78 0.34 1.37

6 0306 0902 1509 2138

1.45 0.62 1.46 0.43

7 0407 1017 1620 2237

1.52 0.59 1.40 0.43

8 0509 1134 1732 2336

1.62 0.52 1.39 0.41

0.35 1.98 0.16 1.47

13 0313 0942 1620 2220

0.34 1.99 0.16 1.48

14 0402 1030 1706 2309

0.36 1.96 0.19 1.47

15 0452 1115 1749 2355

0.41 1.87 0.25 1.44

19 0215 0811 1409 2035

1.37 0.69 1.37 0.56

20 0307 0913 1503 2123

1.37 0.73 1.27 0.60

21 0402 1022 1608 2217

1.39 0.73 1.21 0.62

22 0500 1133 1716 2313

1.43 0.70 1.19 0.62

26 0135 0808 1446 2038

0.53 1.69 0.40 1.34

27 0215 0846 1523 2116

0.49 1.75 0.35 1.38

28 0255 0925 1559 2155

0.45 1.80 0.30 1.42

29 0335 1003 1635 2234

0.43 1.82 0.28 1.45

2 0516 0.52 1142 1.74 1819 0.35

3 0025 0603 1225 1902

1.37 0.55 1.69 0.37

4 0114 0656 1312 1950

1.38 0.58 1.62 0.39

5 0207 0755 1406 2042

1.41 0.61 1.53 0.42

9 0609 1.73 1244 0.41 1841 1.40

10 0033 0705 1345 1942

0.39 1.84 0.30 1.43

11 0129 0800 1441 2038

0.36 1.93 0.22 1.46

12 0221 0852 1531 2130

16 0540 0.47 1159 1.76 1831 0.33

17 0041 0628 1241 1912

1.42 0.55 1.63 0.42

18 0127 0717 1323 1952

1.39 0.62 1.49 0.50

23 0555 1.49 1235 0.63 1820 1.21

24 0005 0644 1326 1913

0.60 1.56 0.55 1.25

25 0052 0728 1409 1958

0.57 1.63 0.47 1.29

Summer tunes.


Who wants a heady?

THE MYSTERY VISITOR Words Pascal Geraghty Picture Kenny Kenizzle


’m ashamed to say that I was over on the north side the other week. As in all the way over the bridge, on the other side of the harbour. I gathered a selection of survival equipment for the journey: a sextant, astronomic charts, a compass, maps, radio comms, food and water rations, boardies and a personal locator beacon. I fuelled up the car, plus a few extra jerries just to be safe, and set off from Coogee with the family. I successfully navigated us to Little Manly, where we dived in for a refreshing swim. We were towelling off on the grass when I noticed a large fin slicing through the water only metres from the sand and swimmers. Was it a shark? No, it couldn’t be. The fin was behaving too erratically, darting this way and that and swinging side to side. Quickly onlookers were shoulder-to-shoulder at the water’s edge, scratching their heads. It was most unusual. We then thought that it could only be an inquisitive, playful seal sticking its flipper out. The only flaw in that 54 The Beast | January 2017

hypothesis was that it never once came up for breath. Then all of a sudden the mystery beast launched its full body out of the water, but instead of furnishing a positive ID it only confused us further. Several people swiftly launched their SUPs to investigate. It turned out to be a sunfish! I nearly fell off the kids’ swings when this info struggled into my exostoses-riddled ears. I thought sunfish were just big, strangelooking, pelagic lumps found drifting far out to sea gobbling jellyfish, not lithe, limber fish scooting around in chest-deep water. It turns out they can be all of the above. While not their modus operandi, I’ve since learnt that they are known to materialise in shallow coastal waters and, in fact, have a rich history in Sydney Harbour and Manly Cove especially. The sunfish is the heaviest, and certainly one of the weirdest, bony fish on the planet. It’s a relative of the pufferfish of all things, and is frequently seen sun-baking near

the surface. It also spends considerable time at depths greater than 200 metres. Its teeth are fused into a beak-like structure making it unable to fully close its small mouth. Ironically for a fish, it’s also a clumsy swimmer that waggles its fins for propulsion and steerage. Like a poor driver it requires plentiful room to maneouver. The clue as to what this sunfish was doing at Little Manly lies in the fact that the species is known to become infested with skin parasites. To combat this they visit shallow waters and offer these critters to the local small fish to chew on. Their other strategy is to jump up into the air and land with a splash to try to shake the parasites free. So I’m guessing our friend had a bug problem. That sunfish is something I’ll remember forever. It’s added in me another layer of fascination for Sydney Harbour. For a big city, she’s still got some splendid surprises up her sleeve! I’m looking forward to the next one.

hangers. To avoid a clip mark, fold in the sides and clip the inside of each garment. 6. Save space by hanging pieces together. Similar items like pairs of black pants or pieces often worn together like a top under a particular jacket can be displayed on the same hanger. This also makes getting dressed much quicker and easier. 7. There are dozens of shoe storage options like shoe racks, hanging shelves, or clear plastic boxes. I keep mine protected by stacking them in their boxes with a photo of each pair stuck to the front - this way I don’t forget what’s inside. 8. With jewellery, it’s often a case of ‘out of sight, out of mind’. Keep yours visible in a glass-topped box or accessible in smaller boxes on top of a dresser.

Allie from Bondi.

Alice from Bondi.

EIGHT SIMPLE STEPS TO GET YOUR SUMMER WARDROBE IN SHAPE Words and Pictures Sharmin Musca, Personal Stylist


ut your best foot forward to tackle the New Year with a newly over-hauled wardrobe. Purge what’s tired and make some space so you can start wearing more of what’s in your wardrobe. Here are eight simple steps to get your summer wardrobe in shape for the start of 2017… 1. Using your bed or the floor, take all your clothes out and place them into three piles: ‘keep’, ‘cull’ or ‘alter’, based on what you do and don't wear, and what suits your current body shape. For any pieces you think you'll wear ‘one day’, try teaming them up into an outfit. If you can’t, it’s time to cull. 2. Pieces not worn over the last 12 months should be placed in

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the charity pile. Getting rid of unsuitable clothing is the most crucial step in a wardrobe clean out - space is key when it comes to best storing and displaying your clothes. 3. Bulky winter coats and woolly jumpers have no place in your summer wardrobe. A couple of light jackets are all you need. Store away the rest of your warmer gear for winter. 4. Cocktail and formal dresses are the first things to hang up. Remember to remove them from their plastic dry-cleaning bags as this suffocates the fabric and can cause yellow stains. 5. Hang any pants, skirts or shorts that you wear frequently using clip

In just eight steps you’ll make space and rediscover some beautiful pieces hidden in the depths of your wardrobe that rarely see daylight, but totally should. On the streets I found: NAME Allie LIVES Bondi OCCUPATION Sales STREET STYLE Allie wears a Xirena shirt, ONH Brand shorts and Holly Ryan earrings (all from Tuchuzy), with a vintage red bag and leather jacket, and YSL sunnies. NAME Alice LIVES Bondi OCCUPATION Nurse STREET STYLE Alice wears a Mister Zimmi dress, Iconic sandals and Bailey Nelson sunnies. If overhauling your own wardrobe seems too time consuming, Sharmin Musca – Personal Stylist can help. Call 0405 518 155 or email

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January 2017 | The Beast 57

in g-strings. Beautiful, ancient cities may have equally old drains and smell of poo. Don’t let this ruin your trip. Perfection is an illusion; be open to the entirety of a place and enjoy it for what it is.

All aboard.

THE UNRELIABLE GUIDE TO... OVERSEAS HOLIDAYS Words Nat Shepherd Picture Suresh Prabhakar Prabhu


e Aussies are famous around the world for our adventurous spirit and love of travel. We love holidays, or so we tell ourselves. When it comes to deciding on where to go, surveys suggest that three quarters of travellers want to visit somewhere new. According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, in 2015/16, 9.6 million residents left Australia for short trips. Relate that to our population size and (even allowing for frequent flyers) it means about 40 per cent of us headed overseas last year. But why do we want to go? Turn on the news and ‘overseas’ is a terrible place. Terrorists selfdetonate in public places, volcanoes explode and force planes to land, tsunamis wash away beaches and hotels, and killer viruses are determined to wipe us out. Bearing all that in mind, it’s amazing we ever 58 The Beast | January 2017

THE DANGERS OF TRIPADVISOR AND WHY MICRO-PLANNING ‘FUN’ IS DUMB “My Name is Nat and I’m a Tripadvisor addict.” I’ll confess to you now: that site rules my life. I find the perfect hotel online and I’m about to book when I read the one miserable review that says the beds are full of roaches, the cleaning staff dress up in your underwear and the manager sacrifices chickens at midnight. So I begin my search anew. Why must everything be pre-booked now anyway? In the old days we just turned up somewhere on a whim and hoped for the best. Now, every location, hotel and tour must be checked and double checked - it’s exhausting. I say to you, travellers of Australia, just say no! Pack your passport and your credit card and follow your noses (then leave a Tripadvisor review so I know which is the best hotel in Minsk).

DON’T BE SCARED OF FOREIGN FOOD Be scared of a jihadi revolution. Be scared of an earthquake. Don’t be scared of eating an unusual cut of chicken or trying sweet and sour wasps fried in their own business. Life is an adventure. Sample other cultures. Jump in. What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger (just be sure to pack the Imodium).

TRY SOMETHING NEW, EVEN IF YOU CHOOSE TO STAY AT HOME The philosopher Kierkegaard stated that habit is the most ‘cunning’ of enemies, because it stops us from truly living. “Love is dissipated in the lukewarmness and indifference of habit,” he said. When we walk the same streets, eat the same foods, and see the same people, the senses are dulled and we experience nothing. That’s why we crave holidays. But do we have to travel to experience? Even if you stay at home this holiday season, do different things. Find streets in your own suburb you have never walked before, or take a slow train to Cabramatta and eat something unpronounceable.

MANAGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS AND YOUR DISAPPOINTMENTS WILL FADE AWAY Paradise beaches often have sandflies, local hustlers and obese men

Finally, the Unreliable Guide suggests that if the above has put you off travelling completely, don’t worry. We live in paradise, have a look.

dare to step outside the front door. If, despite the dangers, you’re determined to set off for new horizons, hold onto your sunhats, the Unreliable Guide is here to help you make the most of it…






Call 9365 1800 or visit 128 Ramsgate Ave, Bondi Beach.

That means fewer bins needed and less overflow. Solar panels power the compactor with emissions-free renewable energy, which helps on the low carbon front. With real-time monitoring of bin capacity over Wi-Fi, staff can efficiently manage collection rounds. They are proven to reduce street bin collections by 80 per cent, which means lower pollution, less noise and better safety. Tick, tick, tick! Plus it also means savings on operational and labour costs. Other cool features include airfresheners that deodorise the bins and clear signage to help people do the right thing.

Where's ya bin?

CLEANING UP WITH SMART TECHNOLOGY Words Nicola Saltman Picture Leon Hayes


et’s face it: litter is not the sexiest subject alive. Especially since it continues to haunt us on the sand and in our streets. Research in early 2016 has shown significant littering of takeaway food packaging at bus stops and other transport interchanges, as well as at the beach. It makes our neighbourhoods ugly. It clogs our storm water drains. And it has zero appeal when it ends up on your face during a morning swim. So what do sunshine and Wi-Fi have to do with helping to solve this major rubbish problem in Bondi? In a bid to help tackle litter head-on over summer, Waverley Council is rolling out Australia’s second largest fleet of solarpowered smart bins. It will be hard to miss these bright red and yellow

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babies at the beach and in Bondi Junction. SO WHAT ARE SMART BINS EXACTLY? These Bigbelly solar bins use the power of the sun to squash the waste inside them, and Wi-Fi to let staff know when they're full to manage collection runs. That means fewer emissions from transport, less electricity, easy disposal, fewer overflowing bins, and less litter. Pretty cool, huh? A BIN IS A BIN THOUGH, RIGHT? Not exactly. These solar bins contain an internal compactor that squashes the rubbish, so each bin can hold up to eight times the volume of common street litter bins or five times the volume of your average 120-litre wheelie bin.

WHERE WILL I FIND THEM? The 28 solar bins (waste and recycling) will be installed in 14 hot-spot locations along Campbell Parade, in Bondi Park, up at Bondi Junction, and at each foot ramp down to Bondi Beach. This deployment is the second largest for an Australian council to date. It follows great examples in other notable smart cities worldwide, including Barcelona, Amsterdam and New York. Other national councils with solar bins include Parramatta, Melbourne and Canada Bay. Building on the success of the plastic-bag free campaign in Bondi, Council will also be engaging with local businesses to help reduce takeaway packaging. And you will also see more butt bins at hot spot locations. HOW CAN YOU HELP? We’d love for you to continue your great work in binning rubbish and recycling, even if it’s not yours. Why not start off 2017 by making sustainability second nature in our local area, and keep Bondi beautiful? For more information about Waverley’s solar-powered smart bins, visit waste or contact Tiffany Key at, or on 9083 8116.

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26th International Short Film Festival


Gala Opening Night & Closing Night Parties


Over 100 Hot Shorts Under the Stars Over 10 Days & Nights

Panoramic Pop Up Beach Bar with Food & Drinks

January 2017 | The Beast 61



e first sighted the Star Flyer, a four-masted tall ship, in Cannes Harbour, and even amongst the wealth and opulence of this classic French Riviera port the vessel stood out. This boat would be our home for the next seven days as we sailed the Mediterranean. Our itinerary included stops in Corsica, St Tropez, Sanary-sur-Mer, Sete, Cape Vendras, Palamos and Barcelona. What can I say - it’s a tough life. Upon boarding the vessel I conveyed to our Russian captain, who was aptly named Yuri, what a magnificent boat it was. “A boat?!” he cried. “This is not a boat!” He then proceeded to explain with an accented scowl that a boat is a vessel that’s 500 gross tonnes or less. The Star Flyer weighs in at a massive 2,298 gross tonnes. “This is a ship!” he proudly informed us. The ship can carry a total of 170 passengers and there is also a crew of 77. My dreams of sailing the Mediterranean had always been filled with gorgeous sunny days, full moons are starry nights as we glided through magical seas with warm gentle breezes puffing out the sails, all the while sipping cocktails by the piano bar, but that's the exact opposite of the conditions we encountered on our first night. Lightning filled the sky, rain bucketed down, waves rocked the boat (sorry, ship), but thankfully we were relatively unaffected by the outside elements as we dined on an excellent a la carte dinner inside. And all of this before we even left port! At around 10pm the weather abated slightly and the Star Flyer set sail. It's a ritual when leaving port that everyone goes on deck as the captain orders his crew to hoist the sails. As this happened, Vangelis’s Conquest of Paradise was blasted over the ship’s sound 62 The Beast | January 2017

system – an uplifting scene despite the unseasonal weather. Upon waking up on the first morning, it was like we’d been transported back to the womb as the ship rolled gently on a sparkling and smooth Mediterranean Sea. For the entire week we were blessed with exceptional cruising weather. Outside our porthole the sun was shining, a school of pilot whales were escorting us and the Star Flyer was slicing seamlessly through the calm sea.

At each port we meandered around the old towns, astonished that such beautiful places still existed... On deck we watched as the captain and crew guided the ship ever so slowly towards the picturesque Corsican town of Calvi. The Star Flyer can sail right into most ports, but here it was too large for the shallow waters and we had to anchor as close as possible and take a tender to shore. Calvi, with its ancient citadel high above the town, looked surreal. It was the perfect start to an amazing journey through some of the most enchanting port towns in the Mediterranean. From the cobblestoned streets of Calvi through to the narrow alleyways and charming waterside cafes of Palamos in Spain, each stop was like another page from a fairytale. At each port we meandered around the old towns, astonished that such beautiful places still existed, all the while discovering an enormous appetite for gelato, crepes, coffee and sangria. Apart from St Tropez, with its disappointing lack of Hollywood movie stars, each destination was refreshingly free of touristy

schmaltz. These are towns that exude charm and seem not to have changed for centuries. We never tired of sitting in small harbourside cafes, my favourite place to do so being Sanarysur-Mer, where we watched a kaleidoscope of colourful fishing boats bob about in the gorgeous, calm bay. In the little French port town of Sete, also known as the Venice of the Languedoc, we ended up jiving to buskers while the local morning markets were in full swing. It’s here we decided to forego our usual bucket of gelato and have a plate of paella instead, which was made in what looked like the world’s largest wok. Delicious! After a tour of each town we’d head back to the ship for the afternoon high tea ritual. Then at night the on-board entertainment included the ship’s musician playing hits from the forties jazz classics, as well as talent quests and fashion shows. These quirky times were what set the Star Flyer apart from your usual large commercial cruisers. The Star Clipper group has the cruising formula perfectly down pat. The cruise surpassed all of our expectations and the crew did a remarkable job of coaxing me off the ship to ensure I left once we’d docked in beautiful Barcelona. For a long time I thought I was too young for cruises. Now I know there’s no such thing. How To Book Star Clippers/Royal Clipper Reservations Centre (61) 2 8913 0797 How To Get There Vicki Gildon at Rose Bay Travel (02) 9371 8166

Come swing with me.

WHAT IS SWINGING ALL ABOUT? Words Matty Silver, Sex Therapist Picture Ivana Roasting


ast year a client came to see me to talk about an issue that was upsetting her. She was 39 years old and has been married to a man the same age for about 15 years. Neither had many partners before they got together. They'd had a good sex life but in the past few years she had felt the passion was missing. She was getting bored and was thinking about what sex with other men would be like. She had no intention of cheating on her husband and when she read an article about a swingers club in their area, she was curious. When she suggested the idea to her husband she was quite surprised that he was not upset. On the contrary, he seemed quite interested. It took them a while to find the courage, but they finally gave it a try. They both liked it and it improved their sex lives for a while. They looked at each other with 'fresh eyes' and had a higher level of sexual desire. But the one thing my client had not expected was feeling jealous when her husband

64 The Beast | January 2017

had sex with women who, in her opinion, were better and sexier looking than she was. Although she was an attractive woman she began to feel more and more insecure. She decided not to take part in swinging any more, but her husband became disappointed and blamed her for suggesting it in the first place. As far as I know the topic has not been academically researched in Australia, but writer and comedian David Smiedt wrote an article some years ago about the local swinging lifestyle, which was published in GQ magazine. Smiedt found swingers were a representative sample of mainstream Australia. Their age group was 30 to 45 and they were no more or less attractive than the people you see in a shopping centre. Drug use in most swingers clubs is forbidden, as is drunkenness, and there is an enormous emphasis placed on good manners. Swingers are expected to show up to events in a well-groomed state, shower between erotic interludes, and

make sure they always practise safe sex. Over the years I have spoken to couples who said they were attracted to swinging because it added spice to their relationship and they liked the excitement of an anticipated encounter with another couple, or sometimes a single woman. Swinging has a special attraction for women who want to experiment with their bisexuality or be the centre of attention of two males. The couples believe swingers are generally happier in their relationships because they are more open-minded and adventurous, but all insisted on the importance of setting personal boundaries. While swinging enhances or improves the sex lives of many couples, it's not for everybody. If you want to try it but have insecurities, or you are not able to communicate well with your partner, swinging can ruin your relationship instead of improving it. Swinging only enhances relationships that are already strong and happy.

A private six-bedroom guesthouse, perfectly situated amongst the world renowned waves of Indonesia's famous Mentawaian Playgrounds.

Australia's finest.

ONE HELL OF A RACQUET Words Alasdair McClintock Picture Elizabeth Hurley


itch Hedberg once said: “The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.” It’s a fine quote that has absolutely nothing to do with what I intend to write about in this article, but I just thought it was a nice opener. Much like the Australian Open is a nice opener for the sporting year. Without it, January would be a pretty dour month, sporting wise, filled mainly with sports whose administrators have realised will never compete with the entrenched winter codes. There is of course cricket, but it has usually lost its lustre by this stage of the summer, especially given Cricket Australia’s wild insistence on drowning us in series after series of meaningless one-dayers and Twenty20s. Tradition be damned; like Shane Warne, they’ll do whatever it takes to remain relevant. All the while tennis remains steadfast. One must admire a sport that considers it incredibly poor form to speak during service, 66 The Beast | January 2017

but par-for-course that a player might be risking death by simply stepping onto the court in near fifty-degree heat. I’ve never understood why tennis is considered a summer sport here. It makes sense that it would be in England, but here, Down Under, is it not madness to force people to run around for up to five hours in the sweltering heat in a sun-soaked, concrete arena? Why not October? The Australian Open could be a great solution to spring’s dreaded sporting gooch. But that’s the way it is, I guess, and I do love the tennis fever that grips the country in January. There is a strange pleasure in watching great athletes challenge their bodies and cramp up in distress while challenging yourself to consume a kilogram of nachos and six beers. Relatively high profile tournaments like the Sydney International have added to the excitement. Plus, there’s the ever-present sideshow that is the Hopman Cup, forever consigned

to that weird group of events that continue to exist, though no one really knows why. The only thing really holding the game back this year is a champion we can rally behind. For a while it seemed like Sam Stosur would be our saviour, but there are few things Australians can stomach less than choking. One of those is, of course, tanking, which also rules out the super brats, Kyrgios and Tomic. I do wonder how the public would respond to one of them breaking the drought and winning the Open, though. Would all be forgiven? Australians love a winner above all else – once again, I refer to Warnie – but I think both rap sheets are far too long for us to embrace them immediately. You can’t accuse them of not being characters, though, and that is ultimately what makes tennis so darn entertaining. It’s a pretty dull game otherwise. So while Kyrgios and Tomic make it immensely hard for anyone to support them, they at least put on one hell of a show.


SUBJECT Maccas mornings LOCATION Mackenzies Bay PHOTOGRAPHER Poppy Wolanski SUBJECT Aqua LOCATION Bondi PHOTOGRAPHER Andrea Colliss

SUBJECT Morning meditation LOCATION Bondi PHOTOGRAPHER Poppy Wolanski

SUBJECT Tillage LOCATION Bondi PHOTOGRAPHER Johannes Geppert - @moswantedexhibit

The Beast Magazine wants your local photos!

SUBJECT The waiting room LOCATION Bondi PHOTOGRAPHER Johannes Geppert - @moswantedexhibit SUBJECT Just chillin' LOCATION Bondi PHOTOGRAPHER Andrea Colliss

SUBJECT Super duper moon LOCATION Bondi PHOTOGRAPHER Luke Wilson

SUBJECT Local lad LOCATION South Coogee PHOTOGRAPHER Terry Niimi-Moshides

SUBJECT Green room LOCATION North Bondi PHOTOGRAPHER Jason Graham-Nye

Please send them to

Fresh out of Raiderstan.

BAG RAIDERS ARE BACK, ALRIGHT Words Dan Hutton Picture Daniel Jones


ince releasing their eponymous debut album back in 2010, Sydney electronic dance musicians Bag Raiders (a.k.a. Jack Glass and Chris Stracey) have been amassing a stack of new music, which they’re now ready to share with the world. With their new single ‘Beat Me To The Punch’ lighting up the airwaves, Bar Raiders are embarking on a national tour that will land at the Beach Road Hotel in Bondi on January 4. We caught up with one half of the formidable duo, Jack Glass, during the month… If we had to describe our sound in one sentence… we’d call it dance music for the lounge room. My first memory of music is… playing xylophone in primary school music class and then a little later doing piano exams at the conservatory - I really hated those exams! Growing up my parents listened to… classical music, jazz and the Beatles. Our dream gig... would be more of a dream country rather than

70 The Beast | January 2017

a dream gig. We love Japan; we played there only one time and we’d love to go back. Someone book us, please. If you come see us play, you can expect... a fun time, I hope! We certainly have fun performing, so fingers crossed we transmit that same energy to the crowd. There was one time when we were starting out... that a girl slapped me in the face when I didn’t play her request right away (the request was Muscles). There were many such times when we were starting out. Our favourite song to perform would have to be... ‘Shooting Stars’. It’s hard to go past that song. It’s still pretty amazing and inspiring to see the reaction it gets. It’s obvious the song means something to a lot of people and we like that. The best thing about the local music scene is… that it’s super supportive. Or at least it was when we were coming up. We are friends

with most bands and musicians in Australia (there’s not all that many of us to be honest) and it feels like a nice, friendly scene rather than an anonymous or competitive one like you might find elsewhere in the world. If we could have chosen one song to have written it would have to have been... ‘Xtal’ by Aphex Twin, the first track on Selected Ambient Works. One person we’d still really like to record with is… Steve Gadd. It would be amazing to track live drums with a weapon like him. Our biggest fan has got be… someone with a Bag Raiders tattoo (there are a few out there), or otherwise maybe our parents. We’ll know we have made it when... Raiderstan finally comes into existence… If you would like to find out more about Bag Raiders, please visit

ALBUM #1 Artist The Weeknd Album Starboy Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  I am inclined to respect a man who apparently cuts his hair with a blowtorch, but I think that’s as rugged as The Weeknd gets. After a decent start with the titular ‘Starboy’, each song thereafter gave me more and more of a sugar headache. Don’t get me wrong, there are some good ones, they’re just better served in small doses. It’s also hard to take a guy seriously when he sings of people ripping off his style, while he’s just joined the litany of artists trying to sound like Drake. Well, Mr. Weeknd, Drake is massively overrated, and I suspect you might be too.

ALBUM #2 Artist A.B. Original Album Reclaim Australia Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating 

MOVIE REVIEW TITLE Paterson GENRE Drama REVIEWER Linda Heller-Salvador If you were to read a synopsis of the film Paterson you would probably consider it to be bland and uninteresting, but in the hands of innovative writer/director Jim Jarmusch (Coffee And Cigarettes, Broken Flowers), it is anything but - slow and meandering maybe, but never uninteresting. It takes us into the lives of a laidback New Jersey bus driver called Paterson (Adam Driver), his quirky wife Laura (Golshifteh Farahani), and their mischievous dog Marvin. Paterson chooses to under-share his life and allows it to simply unfold around him. He has a passion for writing poetry and draws inspiration from casual conversations he overhears, as well as quiet observations of the life that swirls around him. Every day for Paterson is much like the previous one: up early, work, home, dinner, walk dog, stop at bar for a beer, home, repeat, repeat, repeat. As mundane as his life may appear, Paterson is content. That is until an unfortunate incident occurs that temporarily unsettles him. This is an intimate, soulful and amusing film that draws you in with its charming characters and engaging music score, and much like some of his previous films, Jarmusch has focused on the everyday moments of ordinary lives and allowed them to be something extraordinarily beautiful in their normality. 72 The Beast | January 2017

It’s near impossible to write a review for this album without being a little political, so I’m sorry in advance. But not really. These guys are furious and have good reason for it. If there is a silver lining to their anger, it is that they’ve released one of the great Australian albums, abrasively tackling some pretty big issues with well-produced, catchy as hell songs, and some great one-liners. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at some points, which is probably how they feel all the time. Nothing would make me happier than ‘January 26’ getting number one in the Hottest 100. The symbolism would be delicious.

ALBUM #3 Artist Childish Gambino Album Awaken, My Love! Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  I really want to like Childish Gambino’s music, because I like him as a dude, but so far I just haven’t been able to get into it. He has completely reinvented his sound for this album as well and, sadly, I like it even less. I found the whole thing boring as hell. I suppose you would categorise it as funk, but it doesn’t feel all that funky. There’s no slow, rhythmic thrusts of the hips here (that’s how you dance to funk, isn’t it?), just a few frustrated yawns and the realisation that Gambino should focus on his acting and screenwriting, because he is much better at it.

ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT FROM AROUND THE BEACHES Words Madeleine Gray Picture Peter Franc YABUN FESTIVAL CELEBRATES INDIGENOUS CULTURE First held at Redfern Park in 2003, Yabun Festival continues in the tradition of Aboriginal ‘Survival Day’ gatherings. These gatherings, held to coincide with Australia Day, have occurred throughout the country since as early as the 1930s, and seek to commemorate, bring attention to, and celebrate the survival of Australia’s Indigenous cultures in the face of European invasion. Yabun’s current home is in Victoria Park, Camperdown, where it now features two performance stages, over 100 stalls, and a wide range of festival components. Head on over on January 26 and celebrate the traditional custodians of this land we call home. Head to for more info. BONDI, BALI & BEYOND The latest book from Bondi surfer and author Matthew Ellks is a collection of stories and interviews about our surfing culture. The stories span five decades and most surfers will relate to the book because it covers many aspects of their way of life. From the seedy streets of Bondi to the jungles of Sri Lanka, the book touches on the many threads that weave surfing's

Red treadley.

tangled fabric. From standover bullies to graceful stylists, the stories that unfold will take you on a ride that will remind many, and enlighten others, of the fun and games that incorporate the traditions of such a popular pastime. For more information about the book, email FLICKERFEST OPENING PARTY Australia’s leading short film festival, Flickerfest, will open on January 6 at the Bondi Pavilion. This year’s Flickerfest, which runs until January 15, is headlined by Beast cover girl Miranda Tapsell, and it is sure to be epic. Please visit for more details. SYDNEY FESTIVAL RETURNS Get along to a mix of free and ticketed events for all ages, at all hours, from January 7 to 29. Every January, Sydney Festival enlivens and transforms Sydney with a bold cultural celebration based on the highest quality art and big ideas. Visit GIRLS’ NIGHT OUT AT THE RITZ The concept of a ‘girls’ night’, particularly as it is used in marketing, can often feel like a condescending

patriarchal construct designed to belittle and infantilise female friendships. But while the name itself might be grating, what it involves –ladies getting together, supporting each other and having fun – sure isn’t. This January, gather your female pals, embrace your power, and head to the Randwick Ritz to see a special screening of new Jackie Onassis biopic, Jackie, on January 11. Tickets are available at TATSUO MIYAJIMA AT THE MCA Instead of lamenting the lack of art you see, and then settling back into another evening of Netflix and sleep, why not trot on down to the MCA and see one of the most captivating art exhibitions ever to grace Sydney’s shores? Miyajima is one of Japan’s most renowned contemporary artists, and this is his first exhibition in the Southern Hemisphere. He plays with sculptural works, rooms and environments, and performance videos, and uses small, digital counting devices to explore time and its passage. LEDs are a staple: you’re sure to be transported to a trippy alternate universe. The show runs until March 5. For more information, please visit

Exotic, affordable and delicious.

ZHU CANTON: RANDWICK’S ANSWER TO CHINATOWN Words Dining Dave Instagram @diningdave Picture Grant Brooks


andwick now has an elegant Asian-fusion restaurant where freshness, quality and stunning presentation are central to the experience. Zhu Canton is no ordinary restaurant, so of course it is not in an ordinary location; you’ll find it taking up the entire third floor of the Randwick Club (formerly the Randwick Labor Club) on Alison Road. Take the lift up and you’ll find a stunningly large hall with a contemporary Asian decor that includes a bar area, main dining room, side rows of tables and a few private dining suites. Graciously led to our table by restaurant manager Keith Wong, he explained that Zhu Canton has four dim sum chefs ready to create and deliver freshly prepared dumplings, and that procedurally it’s best to order three dishes at a time staggered by five minutes to maximise the flow of the meal. Zhu Canton is designed for

74 The Beast | January 2017

groups, or for at least two people, with a strong emphasis on sharing. Our group of four seemed like the perfect size for the experience. Unlike the yum cha you’ll find in the CBD’s Chinatown, the dumplings at Zhu Canton are made to order rather than being cooked in bulk in advance and delivered around the hall on trolleys. This approach ensures that the dumplings are fresh out of the kitchen. The difference showed once we were bombarded with bamboo steamers containing our first course, the ‘Zhu Dim Sum Mix’, made up of six of their favourite dumplings including combinations of prawn, spinach, caviar, vegetables, chicken soup and pork, all wrapped up either in rice or flour dough. Quality doesn’t lie, and whether you dunk the morsels in soy, vinegar or chilli sauce, they will most certainly light your mouth up. The next round of delights to

greet us included serves of steamed pork buns and baked pork buns (if you have to choose, choose the baked buns), before the real eye-pleasers arrived: deep-fried taro dumplings (prawn, cheese, egg, taro, salty duck egg in fried rice dough), which looked like a bird’s nest with a tiny egg peeking through; and manga dumplings (sweet corn, carrot, Chinese cabbage, celery, king oyster and Chinese mushroom in fried flour dough), which looked like a small hedgehog, complete with two little black eyes made of poppy seeds. After a dumpling recovery period, out came the mains including wild deep-fried ‘squirrel-shaped’ barramundi (a whole fish in a squirrel-like position with tail and head up), a full plate of sautéed crispy skin eggplant covered in sesame seeds, and crispy skin duck with red pepper, wok-fried mushrooms and asparagus spears. Zhu Canton’s fusion approach to its dishes really does stand up. For dessert, Keith amazed us again, bringing out three creations that looked as impressive as they tasted. The mango pancake rolls filled with fresh cream were simply delightful, while the freshly baked egg custard tarts were light and refreshing. The visual standout was a three-layer creation of watermelon, coconut jelly and osmanthusinfused jelly sprinkled with red and yellow flower petals. Overall, Zhu Canton brings to Randwick an Asian culinary experience that needs to be shared, not just by Randwick residents, but by anyone who is hungry for something exotic, affordable and delicious. Zhu Canton Address Level 3, The Randwick Club, 135 Alison Road, Randwick Phone (02) 9399 4188 Instagram @zhucanton Open Tues – Sun, 11am-10pm (Dim Sum until 8pm) Price $20-$50 per person Cards Accepted All major Licensed Yes


Congratulations to the Randy Petes on a successful 2015-16



Congratulations to the Randy Petes on a successful 2015-16

Yum Cha Daily

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Outdoor BBQ area Fully catered packages available Only minutes from the CBD Courtesy Bus available for corporate pick-ups | 9399 4188 Randwick Club PROUD SPONSOR OF RANDWICK PETERSHAM CRICKET CLUB 135 Alison Road Randwick Congratulations to the Randy Petes on a successful 2015-16 PROUD SPONSOR OF RANDWICK PETERSHAM CRICKET CLUB

Congratulations to the Randy Petes on a successful 2015-16

Come and sample the wide ranging menu at


andy Petes on a successful 2015-16 Outdoor BBQ area Fully catered packages available minutes from the CBD OUROnly EATERY Bus available for ON THECourtesy GREENS corporate pick-ups Outdoor BBQ area Fully catered packages available Only minutes from the CBD Courtesy Bus available for CricketAGMAd A4 1602 RAN.indd corporate pick-ups


Randwick Bowling Club 2 The Avenue Randwick 2031 Phone 02 9399 3036 /randwickclub

January 2017 | The Beast 75 11/02/2016 11:49 am

Australia's oldest family-owned winery.

A QUIET STROLL THROUGH SAMUEL’S GARDEN Words and Picture Alex Russell Instagram @ozwineguy


alumba is Australia’s oldest family-owned winery, dating back to 1849. If you’re in the Barossa, it’s worth a trip to Angaston to visit them. Yalumba makes wine for pretty much everyone. There’s the usually-great-value-for-money ‘Y Series’ range, which includes a wide range of grapes. Most of them you’ll know, like Riesling, Sauv Blanc, Merlot, etc. But there are also a couple of interesting drops such as the Tempranillo and the Vermentino (my personal favourite). Looking for a light-bodied, aromatic white for seafood? Try Vermentino. There’s also a range around the $20 mark called Samuel’s Garden. The wines discussed below belong to this range, plus there’s also a couple of gorgeous whites from the Eden Valley - a Viognier (Yalumba’s pet white grape) and a Roussanne (gorgeous textural food wine) - and a couple of reds including a GSM and another Shiraz. Beyond this, there are some pretty special wines indeed coming out of Yalumba. I’ll discuss these 76 The Beast | January 2017

another day, but suffice it to say that it is these top-shelf drops that have made Yalumba famous. If you ever get the chance, grab yourself a bottle of the FDR1A Cab Shiraz (about $45) – a personal favourite. OLD BUSH VINE GRENACHE A lot of people know very little about Grenache, and to be fair, those who have tried it probably still know very little about it. It’s a red grape that can be made into a number of different styles including some that almost include a touch of ‘bubble gum’ to them, designed to be drunk now, and others that are dry, structured monsters destined for decades in the cellar. This one is kind of in between. It’s certainly not sweet, but it drinks well now - a lighter style, savoury, and a great wine to get into over summer. THE SCRIBBLER CABERNET SHIRAZ One of Yalumba’s top shelf drops is ‘The Signature’ Cabernet Shiraz – a wine that I absolutely adore. Each vintage is dedicated to someone special at Yalumba, and that person’s signature appears on

the back. ‘The Scribbler’ is the baby brother of ‘The Signature’. It’ll drink well now, but a few months in the cellar won’t hurt. It’s a great wine for when you want to drink Shiraz, but your partner/friend/ guest wants to drink Cabernet. It’s pretty good value, too. PATCHWORK SHIRAZ This wine is a steal. If you like your big Barossa shirazes, but you’re on a budget, look no further. It boasts that typical deep inky colour, loads of darker plummy notes and fruit on the nose, and a palate that goes on and on, much like my articles. These wines will generally set you back about $20-25, but I’ve seen some on special for around $17-18 recently. I opened all of these with a few friends recently. There was no firm winner. Each wine had about the same number of people saying it was their favourite, and no wine was disliked by anyone. They are truly good value wines. As a side note, this is a great way to taste wine – side-by-side, so you can really compare and contrast the different drops. Try it!

January 2017 | The Beast 77

2. Frozen banana, avocado, a spoonful of raw cacao powder and natural peanut butter - not only for a healthfully decadent breakfast, but also to kick your magnesium intake, energy and libido up a notch with cacao, and boost your protein and fats with good ol’ peanut butter. 3. Frozen banana, avocado, spinach, blueberries and acai - for the taste of an antioxidant super punch from acai, and extra iron and green phytochemical power from spinach. Toppers for these bowls can go any which way you please, but if want to dress to impress you should aim for a good quality sugar-free granola, whole oats or ‘rawnola’, almonds, cashews, pepitas, sunflower seeds and linseeds, or a lovely dollop of natural, Greek or coconut yoghurt.

Definitely winning.

FROZEN SUMMER BERRY AND AVO BREKKY BOWLS Recipe and Image from Seasons to Share by Jacqueline Alwill


othing says ‘summer’ quite like some tasty, icy cold, fruity goodness, and this recipe ticks all those boxes. With an extra kick of nourishing fats from avocado, it’s bang on for nutrition, with all the ingredients boosting that summer glow in your skin. It’s full of flavour and super simple too. The best part, though? It tastes like ice cream and you don’t need to feel guilty about eating it for breakfast because it’s gluten-free, dairy-free and sugar-free. Winning. INGREDIENTS 1 frozen banana 1/2 cup frozen berries 1/2 avocado Seasonal fresh fruit, granola/oats, nuts and seeds to serve (optional) METHOD 1. Place frozen banana, frozen berries and avocado in a blender or food processor and blitz until creamy and uniform in texture.

78 The Beast | January 2017

2. Top with seasonal fresh fruit, granola or muesli, nuts and seeds and serve. This recipe serves one person NOTES It’s important to freeze the banana and berries (you can use store bought frozen berries) the night before so that it creates the creamy texture in the bowl. The frozen banana and avocado provide great base ingredients for you to mix in other flavours that might be on hand in the pantry or fridge. For some extra 'va va voom' in your breakfast bowl, try these delicious combinations too: 1. Frozen banana, avocado, tahini, vanilla, cinnamon, medjool dates and protein powder - to up the ante on the protein, increase daily intake of calcium from sesame, and ensure lovely even blood sugar levels from cinnamon.

Bondi local Jacqueline Alwill is a qualified, practicing nutritionist, personal trainer, whole foods cook and, most importantly, mother to Jet. She is committed to improving the health, wellbeing and happiness of all individuals. In her first cookbook, Seasons to Share, Jacqueline has brought together a delightful collection of beautiful seasonal wholefoods recipes for all occasions. Seasons to Share (Murdoch Books) is available now in all good bookstores and online.

Tart and zesty with a sweet, creamy filling and crunchy crust.

15-MINUTE KEY LIME PIE PROTEIN BALLS Words and Picture Tamika Woods


hese delicious morsels taste just like Key lime pie, all rolled up into perfect bite-sized, coconut-crusted balls of happiness. They are so zesty and summery that they will transport you to a faraway tropical location on your first bite. I love using fresh lime zest in desserts to really make the flavour pop. I've added some vegan protein powder to these protein balls to make them a perfectly balanced and satisfying snack to take with you on the run. Super simple to throw together, these are the perfect Sunday afternoon activity to set up your healthy eating goals for the week (New Year’s resolutions slipping already anyone?). They are naturally sweetened, packed with healthy fats from cashews and tahini, as well as a little protein to ward off those cravings until lunch/dinner time. Just like a delicious Key lime pie only healthy, these protein balls are tart and zesty, but balanced out by a sweet, creamy filling and crunchy

crust. Your summer time protein snack is now sorted!

or almond milk until it begins sticking together.

INGREDIENTS 1/2 cup rolled oats (GF if required) 1/2 cup cashews 5 medjool dates, pitted 1 tbsp tahini 1 scoop vegan protein powder, e.g. pea protein (optional) 1 tsp salt Juice and zest of 1 lime 1/4 cup desiccated coconut (plus extra to roll in)

5. Taking one heaped teaspoon at a time, roll the mixture between your palms until smooth.

METHOD 1. Add oats to a high strength food processor and process for around a minute until roughly broken down. 2. Add dates and process again until the dates are finely chopped. 3. Add remaining ingredients (save some coconut for rolling in later). 4. Process until just coming together. If the mixture looks a little crumbly add a dash of water

6. Add desiccated coconut to a shallow bowl and roll each protein ball until covered. 7. Store in a sealed container in the fridge for up to a week. Enjoy! This recipe makes around 16 balls Tamika Woods is a Bondi-based Nutritional and Dietetic Medicine student and recipe maker. She is the founder of Sproutly Stories, a health food website designed to encourage spending more time in the kitchen. Her wholesome recipe ideas inspire others to enjoy real food that is conveniently healthy. For more guilt-free recipes, check out January 2017 | The Beast 79



















ACROSS 1. Australian musician who sang at the close of the 2016 Arias (4,7) 7. Chemical element also known as ‘quicksilver’ (7) 8. Fortuitous; accidental (6) 9. Toy that goes up and down on a string (2-2) 10. Acidity level (1,1) 12. The act of making something better (12) 13. French term used in English to denote someone’s maiden name (3) 14. Statements that have been proven true (8) 15. Relating to the sun (5) 18. To listen sympathetically

or attentively (4,2,3) DOWN 1. Cold Chisel singer (5,6) 2. Former Australian Socceroos captain (5,6) 3. Offensive to the senses (4) 4. Blind blues musician (3,7) 5. Philanthropist, social reformer (12) 6. Term for a planet (especially Venus) that can be seen before midnight from Earth (7,4) 11. Image (7) 16. French heroine, Joan … Arc (2) 17. Character from Married with Children, … Bundy (2)

TRIVIAL TRIVIA Words Madeleine Gray Picture Peter Franc 1.True or false: Women account for 92 per cent of carers for disabled children? 2. In what country was Leonard Cohen born? 3. At what English school was the sport of rugby founded? 4. Who is Australian journalist Lisa Wilkinson married to?

Where are the waves? 80 The Beast | January 2017

5. How many Indigenous politicians have sat in the Federal Parliament of Australia? 6. A long, narrow, deep inlet of the sea between high cliffs is better known as what? 7. What is the name of the body part between the top lip and the nose?

8. Does a king eider have feathers, fur or fins? 9. How many women have been nominated for their directorial achievements in the history of the Oscars? 10. What is the name of the local man who would like more trivia questions he knows the answer to?

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PISCES FEB 20-MAR 20 Make the most of what's left this silly season before you're forced to return to your pathetic life on the capitalist treadmill.

LEO JUL 24-AUG 23 When dealing with an inconsiderate neighbour with a barking dog, keep in mind that it isn't the dog's fault and poison the owner instead.

ARIES MAR 21-APR 20 Yes, melanoma can kill you, but you look so much more attractive with a tan, especially when you're a bit chubby like you are now.

VIRGO AUG 24-SEP 23 It is acceptable to drink drive if Uber has surge pricing in place or you couldn't be bothered picking up your car the next day.

TAURUS APR 21-MAY 20 Next time a toddler annoys you at the beach, bury them in the sand until they have mild to permanent brain damage.

LIBRA SEP 24-OCT 23 2017 is going to be the best year of your life. You've had a pretty good run so far, but it's about to get a whole lot better very soon.

CAPRICORN DEC 23-JAN 20 Be kind to the huntsman spiders that decide to move in with you over summer. Their mates will f**k you up if you try to hurt them.

GEMINI MAY 21-JUN 21 Don't try to park anywhere near the beach. You're only wasting your time and annoying the people who pay a fortune to live there.

SCORPIO OCT 24-NOV 22 Your New Year's resolution will be about as effective as the cemetery coastal walk repairs. That's right, the ones that haven't commenced.

AQUARIUS JAN 21-FEB 19 Learn from the dirty, dry, brown, needle-shedding mess in your living room and rethink the need for a real Christmas tree next year.

CANCER JUN 22-JUL 23 The fact that your friends make way more money than you doesn't really matter when they work harder than you, but they don't.

SAGITTARIUS NOV 23-DEC 22 Next time an annoying weekend visitor to the area inconveniences you by driving like an idiot, follow them home and slash their tyres.

STAR SIGNS Words Beardy from Hell

TRIVIAL TRIVIA SOLUTIONS 1. True 2. Canada 3. Rugby School 4. Peter FitzSimons 5. Eight 6. A fjord 7. Fulcrum 8. Feathers 9. Four 10. David Clark 1



I 7















R 8


O 11






C 14






L 16


82 The Beast | January 2017



E 15




R 13
























M 6
























U 17
















Selling your home for its maximum potential doesn’t happen by chance. At McGrath we pride ourselves on our vast local area knowledge, our relationships within the community and our exceptional results. To speak with our team for any of your real estate needs, please contact one of our Eastern beaches specialists today.

Simon Exleton 0414 549 966

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The Beast - January 2017  

The January 2017 edition of The Beast featuring Miranda Tapsell...

The Beast - January 2017  

The January 2017 edition of The Beast featuring Miranda Tapsell...