The Beast - December 2016

BEAST The

December 2016

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WELCOME TO DECEMBER... ALWAYS A BIG ONE Words Dan Hutton Picture Grant Brooks

W

elcome to the December 2016 edition of The Beast – the monthly magazine for Sydney’s Beaches of the East.

We cannot believe that the silly season is already upon us. It’s actually terrifying to think how quickly the year has snuck by.

That said, it’s also been a great 12 months, with many challenges overcome and goals achieved.

Perhaps the most exciting achievement has been the addition of one more smiling face to the Hutton clan - either that or the two dredging barrels that James made it out of in G-Land earlier in the year!

We hope that 2016 has brought you all the success and happiness you deserve, too.

December is always a big one in the Eastern Suburbs, with local councils and community groups going above and beyond to bring everyone together over the Christ-

mas season. Think carolling, Santa, fireworks, and croquet, just to name a few of the awesome events that will be taking place over the next few weeks.

This month in the mag we’ve rounded up all the best carolling events in the Eastern Suburbs, so that you have no excuse not to warm up those vocal chords and belt out a rousing rendition of Good King Wenceslas. The kids might seem embarrassed, but trust us, they love it.

Also in the mag this month is a piece on the long-awaited State Heritage listing of Waverley Cemetery, and a heartening look at the ever-wonderful work done by Mal Ward on the Forever Johnno Christmas Presents for Sick Kids event. This year Mal’s joined in his efforts by Dave Martin from Courtyard Café – we think they’ll make an iconic duo!

On the cover this month we have the one and only Peter Nevill, Australian Test wicket-keeper extraordinaire and closet guitar afficianado. Peter’s got a heap of wisdom for us, spanning from the power of tenacity, to the best place to grab an afternoon schooner in the Eastern Suburbs.

We hope you have a wonderful December, a happy Christmas, and an even better New Year.

Dan and James Publishers

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Contents

DECEMBER 2016 ISSUE 143

08 Welcome Note

62 Rupert’s Rant

80 This Sporting Life

16 Monthly Mailbag

66 Aquatic Wildlife

84 Bandage

12 Pearls of Wisdom 30 Thumbs & Dogs 32 Local News 33 Beastpop I 50 Calendar

52 Interview

58 Local Faves

64 Fish ‘n’ Tips 68 Tide Chart

70 Street Style

72 Unreliable Guide 74 Enviro News 76 QTips

78 Sexy Time

'The Moon in One Hand' by Marion Gehrmann. Instagram: @_mari_ion_.

82 Local Photos 86 Reviews

87 Arts Bits

88 Food & Wine

96 Trivial Trivia

98 Beardy From Hell 98 Trivia Solutions

Philosophical.

PEARL’S COMPLETELY REASONABLE CHRISTMAS WISH Words Pearl Bullivant Picture René Descartes

W

hen celebrities, WAGs, models and reality TV stars are the movers and shakers in a society obsessed with sport, it is only fitting that Pearl’s Christmas message comes courtesy of a rugby league player, the Melbourne Storm’s very own philosopher, Cameron Smith. Even more apt is the fact that his words were uttered on Eastern Suburbs soil during a Kangaroos training session at Coogee Oval. It was as if Smith was somehow purposely directing his words of wisdom - “I don’t see why it’s so hard to be a good person and do the right thing” toward the Camilla kaftan clad set of the East, like he somehow had an insight into the very quality lacking in the suburbs of affluence.

This Christmas, Pearl is appealing to the people of the Eastern Suburbs to channel a Melbourne Storm player and the Book of Jeremiah (after all, Christmas isn’t just about perfecting your child’s Santa photo at Bondi Junction Westfield) - be good people and consider the welfare of others before satisfying one’s own needs at all costs.

12 The Beast | December 2016

Granted, Eastern Suburbs people aren’t engaging in drive-by shootings like in Birrong, or making headlines on A Current Affair like they do out in the Druitt, but our behaviour is not beyond reproach, as evidenced by Pearl’s monthly rant and also the letters page of this very magazine.

Despite our affluence, which gives us access to privileges way beyond those available to the majority of Sydneysiders, we don’t always do the right thing by others, wrapped up as we are in the smug self-importance that only money can buy.

In this individualistic, look-atme, competitive world, being good and doing the right thing often garners a negative reaction from Eastern Suburbs people. “No one tells me what to do”, “It’s a free country, not a nanny state”, “I’m averse to following rules”, “Can’t you see I’ve got four kids and I’m in a hurry” – all reactions from people intent on deflecting their bad behaviour. Even worse, these people deflect their bad behaviour onto their victim, labelling the person on the receiving end as a

whinger or NIMBY instead of taking criticism on the chin and admitting they’re wrong.

This festive season, think about your neighbours when you toss another soiled nappy into an overflowing wheelie bin. Consider the impact on the community when you submit a DA for the construction of your four-bedroom, fourlevel ‘dream home’. Ask yourself: “Is my behaviour infringing on the rights of others?” before parking across a driveway. Take into account the fact that you are endangering lives when you use your mobile whilst driving. Realise that buying a Range Rover will clog up an already overcrowded suburb.

And in the spirit of Christmas (and Cameron Smith), make it your mission to be a good person.

Remember, ‘it takes a village to raise a child’, and what type of child is the village raising when its members fail to be good and do the right thing by others?

As the Christmas carol goes: “He knows when you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake!”

Pearl xxx

THE BEAST'S MONTHLY MAILBAG Words The People of the Eastern Suburbs Illustrations Dalton Wills THINK OF THE KIDS It is true there are an increasing number of children in the Bondi area as Mark Hersey says (Underground, Overground, Wombling Free, Letters, The Beast, November 2016). I am bringing up two young children in a unit. We could move further out to get a bigger place, but we prefer the amenity of living in the Eastern Suburbs, and wish to remain close to family and friends. Public recreation areas act as our backyard, as they must for children growing up in units.

I think it would be great to make Bondi Park bigger. I take my children to the promenade frequently, where they enjoy riding their tricycles and scooters.

At times, when the promenade is congested, it can be unsafe for small children, especially with joggers insisting on running too fast.

It would be great if the aboveground car park were given over to pedestrians; there’d be more room and it would be safer for children.

If the only way to achieve that is to put the car park underground, then it should be considered.

Mr. Hersey mentions that local primary schools are at 140 per cent capacity. It is essential that the Department of Education recognises this area has an increasing number of children who need school places.

The work being done to expand Bellevue Hill Primary School is a good start. However, the current 16 The Beast | December 2016

overcapacity in primary schools will naturally flow onto senior schools. Is anything being done to expand government high school places locally? They need to look at that as well.

It was very short-sighted of the Carr government to close down Vaucluse High School. Why does the north shore have a good mix of government and private high schools, yet the Eastern Suburbs is almost all private high schools?

Many local parents will struggle to pay private school fees. Also, some parents would prefer to send their children to a secular school rather than a religious one. I know of local families who’ve moved to the north shore just so their children can get into a good government high school. The saving in school fees can be $20,000 to $30,000 a year.

Finally, the increasing number of local children shows why it is essential that Bondi Pavilion is kept as a community facility. We have more than enough restaurants and cafes. I was brought up in a house with a backyard and took it for granted that I could do various activities at home such as painting or playing musical instruments with friends. Many of these activities are not possible for children living in cramped units.

The Pavilion should be the place where we can take our kids after school, or on weekends, to do the activities they can’t do at home.

I understand Council wants the Pavilion to pay for itself, however some things are more important than money. We’ve already lost the Hakoah Club as a local community facility, surely not the Pavilion too.

I read there are many creative minds coming up with imaginative ways to reactivate the Pavilion as a vibrant community facility. Whilst the Pavilion has to cater for many needs, above all it should cater for local children and teenagers.

It should be an artistic creative hub that energises and inspires generations of children. We already have a high-class restaurant over the water. It’s called the Icebergs.

There is more to life than catering for the rich!

Due to our higher density living we must retain what public community spaces we have (Pavilion) and expand them where possible (Bondi Park). Makeover not takeover!

Caroline Beaumont Bondi Beach COUNCIL CAN’T CONTROL EVERYTHING I am writing to advise that there are some things Council can't control, and that is when an approved DA is started (construction begins). Especially when it goes through a private certifier. The case in point is to do with 223-225 Coogee Bay Road. There is a DA for it (DA/565/2015). It has been approved.

There was a sign up sheet around the vicinity of 223-225 Coogee Bay Road from businesses and their customers who wanted Council to stop the demolishing of the current building in the upcoming late spring/summer period, as it could cause problems with summer trading.

Council can't stop this. The private certifier can't stop this from happening. Who do people think they are? Selfish. People have rights to start their construction demolition in this case - whatever time of the year. The DA has been approved. So get over it!

Anna Cook Randwick

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PLASTIC NOT SO FANTASTIC AT SCULPTURE BY THE SEA The arrival of Sculptures by the Sea along the Bondi to Tamarama walk, and the flowering of jacarandas, marks the beginning of summer. The organisation and the hours spent by artists, curators and facilitators is exceptional and every year it is exceptionally executed, drawing huge crowds.

However, one of the most striking artworks this year to me was the most alarming. The underlying message of ‘Operation Crayweed’

by Jen Turpin and Michaelie Crawford was to increase awareness of the loss of crayweed and the subsequent loss of ecosystems when there was a mass destruction during the 70s and 80s. This important message is supported by the Sydney Institute of Marine Science, Sydney University, Centre for Marine Bio-innovation, UNSW, and NSW Fisheries, to name a few. How then did no one in any of these institutions, or the Sculpture by the Sea directors, not stop to think about the green impact of their instalment?

The ‘artwork’ is made from over 1000 metres of non-biodegradable yellow barricade PVC mesh, hundreds of plastic baubles, thousands of metres of plastic flags, three plastic buoys and seemingly millions of single-use-non-degradable-PVC-zip ties that were used to hold this artwork to the fence-line of the coastal walk.

PVC makes up one-third of the global plastic output and consumption. Not only does its production use fossil fuels, but it does not break down or degrade. Instead, it breaks down into tiny particles that are ingested by animals, which lethally disrupt their digestion and also make them toxic for human consumption.

It is disappointing to see that there seems to be a complete disregard to making the sculptures and artworks environmentally conscious. Chris and I are both active citizens of the community who continually try to reduce our carbon imprint by avoiding wastage and never littering. It is just 18 The Beast | December 2016

shocking and sad to see such a lack of awareness exhibited in a public display that epitomises Bondi and its locals. The intention is great, but surely there must be a better way to increase public awareness of crayweed ecosystems that won’t contribute to landfill.

Don’t get me started on the other plastic dominated displays.

Please, Sculpture by the Sea, try and consider artists’ green imprint.

Christopher and Millicent Bondi THE SAD REALITY ▼ The sad reality of Mark Hersey’s criticism of published arguments against the proposed closure of Queen Elizabeth Drive (QED) and the construction of an underground car park behind the Bondi Pavilion is his failure to be factual.

He selectively quoted Council Fact Sheets where it suited his case. Those same facts sheets predict only a resultant 15 per cent increase in green and recreation space, yet he scathingly attacked that 15 per cent as a “claim” when used in those arguments as though the figure was plucked from the air. Then, again despite of the Fact Sheets, he suggests that the effect of closing QED would be to “double the size” of the park (Wentworth Courier, October 19).

He twice suggests to your readers that a one to two-storey car park is envisaged, whereas the Fact Sheet states: “An underground car park of approximately two to three-storeys would be built”. Next, contrary to the diagram contained in the Council Fact Sheets, he

suggests that the car park could be accessible by foot as per the small Redleaf Pool car park. It will be underground with more than 10 times the capacity of that at Redleaf, a non surfing location, and the reality is that people would need to navigate to and from the bowels of the car park via walkways, stairs and certainly lifts.

Mr. Hersey quoted a correspondent, Andrew Worssam, as follows: “Getting in and out of an underground car park could add 20 minutes…” but misleadingly omitted the qualifying “to a quick morning surf or exercise session at the southern end” and poured scorn upon the suggestion, saying: “We are talking about a minute or two either side. Seriously, is that really going to ruin one’s day at the beach?” He also left out the fact that the quote referred to those who shoehorn in an early surf or exercise session before school or work, not near the car park, but at the distant south end. To those beach users time is of significance.

Mr. Hersey asked me to explain my “alarming comment” that the car park would be a hazardous and unsavoury place, however he omitted my words: “especially for the growing number of female surfers who change in and out of their wetsuits alongside their cars”.

Leaving aside the obvious, I refer to the report to Council by GTA consultants who listed as a disadvantage “Police concerns regarding safety/security of underground parking to be resolved”. If the police have concerns, so should the community.

He suggested that “a few regular locals” are seeking to impede the proposal. GTA note in their report that Council estimated that cars parked in QED 575,144 times during 2012, of which 457,583 had beach parking permits, which I assume were predominately purchased by more than “just a few” regulars. GTA also observed to the effect that drivers preferred parking close to the beach (i.e. on QED), and that the historical arrangement was for the parked cars to be facing the beach. This arrangement of course favours the elderly and infirm who wish to view the beach from or beside their or a carer’s car.

It also favours those who wish to check the conditions prior to deciding whether or not to swim or surf.

A visit to the beach even shortly after sunrise on any reasonable week day discloses a surprisingly large number of beach and park users who enjoy the facility of parking proximate to their preferred area of healthy activity in the limited time available before their work/school commitments drag them away. It is not “just a few regulars”. They should not be discouraged by the introduction of an inconvenient parking regime.

I have no problem with pros and cons being put, however your readers do deserve to be provided with the truth.

Being 75 years of age it is unlikely that any such car park will be completed whilst I am still active.

My concern is for the generations who would be denied the level of enjoyment that Bondi has provided me and many thousands over the years.

I might add that the consultants informed that, in 2012 terms, it would cost about $30 million. The history of public-funded projects tells us to expect major blowouts in cost estimates, especially dated estimates. Those regulars who constitute some 80 per cent of the parking numbers in QED might prefer the $30 million-plus of rate payer revenue not be wasted on a project that would reduce their available car spaces by more than 100 and also would add to the parking miseries of nearby residents.

Greg Maidment Bronte NOT AMUSED BY SCHADENFREUDE ▼ I read the interview of John Gannon from Maroubra (Local Bloke, The Beast, November 2016), and was shocked by the comment he made in response to his favourite thing: recently seeing two cyclists fall off their bikes.

At the end of the interview, he states that his wisdom to pass on is

to be kind. What is kind about enjoying seeing cyclists fall off their bikes? Cycling around the Eastern Suburbs is quite perilous and they are vulnerable in traffic. Everyone needs to be bike aware and give them one-metre clearance. I think he should swap his weekend beers for a good, healthy bike ride to get a better perspective of how hard riding really is, instead of being such a jerk.

Thanks, Martha Birch Clovelly NOT HAPPY, JOHN In his profile piece last month, John Gannon said that his favourite thing about the Eastern Suburbs was seeing two cyclists come off their bikes in the last month!

John thinks that it is a good idea to be fit and doesn’t like the traffic in the Eastern Suburbs. The traffic will only get worse if people don’t take up cycling for local trips, and cycling certainly assists fitness.

The last thing he says is: “The only words of wisdom I have are always be kind.”

Respect for others, including cyclists on roads and sympathy for their misfortunes, would be an extension of his own values of fitness and kindness.

Sue Tracey Randwick YOUR COUNCIL AT WORK Regardless of what you think of the merits of either an underground car park or a renovated Bondi Pavilion, you should think twice if you believe it will be done efficiently or cheaply.

Case in point is the footpath that connects Penkivil Street and New Street. It’s a 90-metre path that lets people either walking or cycling up to Bondi Junction go directly rather than walk up Old South Head or Bondi Roads, and it’s really popular in the mornings and evenings.

For whatever reason, Waverley Council decided to replace the footpath (even though the state of the footpath was not much differ-

20 The Beast | December 2016

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ent to the kilometres of footpath leading there and the kilometres of footpath leading away from there) and stick in a few new shrubs.

So you would think that replacing 100 metres of footpath is a relatively painless and quick process. Think again. The footpath was fenced off for around six weeks and finally completed a few weeks after that, and the cost was $280,000.

I’m not an engineer and I thought that was a lot, so Dr. Google helped me. Apparently laying 200 square metres (approximately the 90-metre length by two-metre width) of driveway is going to cost you $15,000. And even neighbouring Botany Council has a gazetted cost for 200 square metres of footpath of $30,000.

Add in a few shrubs and you might spend another $5,000. A long way away from $280,000.

So unless something is not what it seems, Council appears to be able to overspend by a factor of five on simple tasks. And they can’t even do it quickly. If you want any further evidence, just look at the cost and time to completions for things like the toilets at North Bondi, or landscaping at the beach, or any of the children’s park refurbishments. Do you really trust them to do more than $5 million of work?

Campbell Dawson Bondi

22 The Beast | December 2016

TRAIN TO BONDI A GOOD IDEA ▼ I refer to Sidonie Roberts’ letter (Bondi Needs Saving From Michael Caton, Letters, The Beast, October 2016) on the protests in the late 90s that stopped a rail link between Bondi Junction and Bondi Beach.

On my daily commute I often think of those anti-rail protesters and how they 'saved' us from that rail link. I think of them as my bus makes its slow, agonising crawl up a gridlocked Bondi Road. I think of the hour I could’ve saved every day with a rail link; time I’d rather spend with my family, instead of being stuck on a bus. I wonder if those actors/artists/singers who protested the rail link have to negotiate the same peak hour traffic I do. Do they have nine-to-five jobs in the city they need to get to?

Probably not!

In the late 90s, when I questioned anti-rail protestors on their motives, the most commonly expressed response was: “Keep the Westies out!”. That is, make a trip to/from Bondi Beach as hellish as possible so that outsiders would never return (such noble, highminded sentiment!). Well, guess what? They’re coming anyway!

However, instead of arriving via an efficient, environmentally friendly form of public transport, they’re arriving by car. Blocking our streets and driveways. Great result protestors!

Organisations like the Bondi Beach Precinct exist ostensibly to serve the interests of local residents. In reality they seek to keep Bondi Beach in some sort of 1950s time warp.

For decades Bondi Beach residents have had to go to the Junction to shop at a Coles or Woolies. In 2013, when it was announced that the Pacific Bondi development would contain one of the two major grocery chains, I like many others welcomed the amenity and walkability of buying groceries locally.

However, the Bondi Beach Precinct had other ideas. They opposed the proposal and a 2500 signature petition was organised to stop it. The local Labor councillor, Cr. John Wakefield, supported the petition.

According to our precinct leaders, residents must be denied the chance to shop at a local Woolies/ Coles as it would ruin the mythical utopian ideal of Bondi Beach only they understood.

No, we must be frog marched into cars, or packed into buses, and then wait patiently on gridlocked streets to get to the Coles/Woolies in the Junction. Like on many other issues, the precinct’s archaic vision was paramount and the amenity of local residents comes last.

Thankfully sanity prevailed and Bondi Beach now has a Woolworths, which has been a big hit.

Has the availability of reasonably priced groceries led to the ruination of Bondi Beach as forecast?

Methinks not! It would be interesting to know if the leaders of the Bondi Beach Precinct shop at the new Woolworths? Probably!

Sanity will also eventually prevail regarding the rail link (heavy or light). The local precinct and NIMBYs can whinge all they want. However, in a city that is adding a million to its population every 10 years, logic and the broader public interest must eventually win out. It may be decades late, but it will eventually win out.

Thomas Aspland Bondi Beach

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BITTER ABOUT KALE ▼ I went to my local health shop and I tried to do the right thing and ask for advice on a ‘healthy’ alternative to stay awake during the day to study. As I’m not a coffee or tea drinker I’ve found that drinking Coca-Cola isn’t sustainable. I explained to the shopkeeper my predicament of not drinking hot drinks and having a sweet tooth.

She recommended a green powder, which I was hesitant about due to past experiences of disgusting kale tasting powder supplements. I suggested a tastier acai powder, as I know I like the juice. I was told there was no opportunity to have a taste and was firmly recommended the green stuff, and reassured it would taste great and give me the pick me up I desired. I was advised I could drink it warm and not hot.

To my horror I got home, tasted the warm drink and spat it back out. When I emailed my disappointment to the company I was told to Google some recipe options to accommodate my sweet tooth as it was a bitter product.

If I had been told it was bitter when I asked what it tasted like I would never have bought it and would have gone for the sweeter acai option.

Perhaps staff need to listen to customer needs before flogging

24 The Beast | December 2016

off the wrong product, which they will not like. Companies should also reconsider the way they deal with customer complaints and remember without customers they don’t have a business.

Stressed Sweet Tooth (no address provided) KEEP THE BRONTE BUS STOPS The Macpherson Street, Bronte bus stop should be kept to service the needs of those - although there aren't many of us - who catch public transport to work. It is nice to have a shelter to protect us from sun and rain. It’s even nicer to reflect on people who would have used the shelter years ago when waiting for the tram. The DA proposing it be sacrificed in favour of a driveway for a new development is plain rude.

Bronte is becoming a gated community. No street frontages left. No chats with neighbours.

Just imposing walls and remote controlled garage doors keeping people safe from the risk of interacting with anyone.

All the new developments make it painfully obvious the residents have no interest in what goes on beyond their walls - all the swimming pools underline this point.

Anonymous Bronte

MISINFORMATION ABOUT UNDERGROUND CAR PARK It is revealing to see the outrageous lengths that car park advocates will go to, doing the developer's work for them and trying to make the case for an expensive and unnecessary underground car park at Bondi Beach. The proposal will rob beach users of over 100 parking spaces for a mere "15 per cent more green and recreation space"*. Claims that you'll get twice as much grass and trees are simply untrue. These are the facts, but please don't take my word for it, go to Waverley Council's website and check out their Bondi Park, Beach and Pavilion Plan of Management and Master Plan Vehicle Parking and Movement Study Investigation of Parking Options (GTA Consultants and CM) and fact sheets, it's all there. Mark Hersey and others who seek to muddy the waters and to mislead readers on this issue need to refer directly to these documents and stop making stuff up.

The Queen Elizabeth Drive (QED) - The QED will be replaced by a service road. Will you be able set up your Esky and a deck chair on it? No, it will be a service road, accessed by council trucks, police, ambulances, special events vehicles, as well as potentially servicing a taxi rank. Mark Hersey needs to look at the GTA report and tell everyone where his "tree-shaded pedestrian promenade" (replacing the QED) comes from; this is pure fantasy.

The Feasibility Study - Waverley's Liberal councillors voted in the $100,000 feasibility study after receiving the results of their latest community consultation, which showed conclusively that respondents had overwhelmingly rejected the underground car park proposal. Democracy, eh? As for the feasibility study, if we've learnt anything from the Yes, Minister TV series, it's that no government undertakes a study that they don't already know the result of !

No Lifts Required? - Common sense dictates that the slope behind Bondi Pavilion is not steep enough to house a large underground car

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park that is "directly accessible by foot" as some have suggested. The Redleaf Pool car park comparison is hardly valid, as it is a much smaller facility, on a steep slope, of which some 20 spots require Council employees to park each other in. Comparisons with similar car parks suggest that such a facility would definitely need to have a lift and would require the digging of a massive trench, at least 150 metres long, 50 metres wide and nine metres deep.

Trees - The excavation would necessitate the removal of nearly every mature tree behind the Pavilion and the surf club. If we've learnt anything from the Anzac Parade debacle, it's that people don't like seeing their trees being turned into woodchips; trees are not simply interchangeable. In any case, any new trees would have to be planted around the exhaust stacks. Nice thought, huh?

Security - In their report, GTA consultants have identified police safety concerns that need to be resolved. Ask yourself, if you were a woman, how would you feel about getting changed in a dark corner of an underground car park? Or being in a lift in your bikini surrounded by a bunch of leery blokes? Simply put, people behave differently when they think they can’t be seen.

Children would be at risk from impatient drivers desperately trying to find a spot in an under lit, confined environment, while you're struggling to gather all your beach gear from the car.

Flood Risk - Is there a flooding risk for an underground car park at Bondi? I would draw the readers' attention to Waverley Council's Coastal Risks and Hazards Vunerability Study, pages 72-77. Note the red bits where the underground car park would be located on Figure 4.15. Sure, we're talking about a one in 100 year event, but then again, those residents at Collaroy didn't think that their in-ground swimming pool would end up on the beach either.

The Bondi Pavilion - Waverley Council's deeply unpopular $38 million Pavilion upgrade plans 26 The Beast | December 2016

are inextricably linked to the car park proposal. Recently they have come up against a brick wall (and a Green Ban) of community resistance. The GTA report identifies "Pavilion through access" as a heritage issue, which needs to be addressed. This refers to the huge walkway that plans show will be punched through the middle of the Pavilion, wiping out the amphitheatre and the Flickerfest event, in order to facilitate access from the underground car park to the beach, at considerable expense. Where is the money for all these boutique projects supposed to come from?

Construction Problems - GTA consultants have identified ease of construction of the car park as being one of the major drawbacks of the proposal. Substantial engineering challenges would have to be overcome, not the least of which is building the structure into the water table. This was a significant issue when constructing the underground car park (on higher land) at the nearby Pacific development, leading to increased costs.

Efficiency - Will it work well?

Traffic flow in and out of an underground car park would be much slower than the present arrangement, clogging up Campbell Parade, a problem identified by GTA. Imagine the chaos when, for example, a southerly buster hits the beach and everyone runs for their cars. Many of us are time poor and like to squeeze in a quick visit to the beach before work, so every minute counts. Realistically, any estimate of the time taken to access the beach from the proposed underground car park must include the time taken to enter and park at such a facility, then to exit through the lift and traverse through the Pavilion, only then to be able to walk to the end of the beach that you choose to access. It is clearly not just a matter of walking from the rear of the Pavilion to the front of the Pavilion. This will also discriminate against parents of young children who usually prefer the northern end of the beach.

Cost - Based on 2012 calculations, GTA consultants estimated

that it would cost a minimum of $30 million (and this figure doesn't include a range of costs such as engineering or geo-technical work), with the money to be mostly raised from parking revenues (i.e. they're going to gouge beach users for the money; if you think parking at Bondi is expensive now, well... ). Resident parking permits were identified as being problematic, as local residents like to use the beach (funny that), so look out Waverley ratepayers! There is no doubt that this $30 million figure would be much higher now.

This is a bad idea and not supported in the local area. You want to take your elderly parents or a disabled friend down to see the sea at Bondi? You might need to go to Clovelly instead. No amount of misinformation and gratuitous motherhood statements about where the children will play can disguise the many problems with this proposal. * Waverley Council Fact Sheet, August 2014 Andrew Worssam Bondi

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ANGIE Age 10 years Sex Female Breed Maltese x Weight 3.6kg

Many happy memories aboard the Indies Explorer.

THUMBS UP CAROLS The religious side of Christmas carolling is pretty weird, but there’s something empowering about belting out tunes at the top of your lungs.

REGIFTING Some people frown upon this practise, but as long as you don’t regift a present to the person you received it from, we don’t see the problem.

CHRISTMAS PARTIES The season of drunkenness and debauchery is upon us. Now is the time to finally do something about that office crush. Get in there!

MOORE PARK The ‘green lungs of Sydney’ is set to turn 150 this month. That’s a pretty bloody impressive feat, particularly with Chainsaw Mike in power!

SOCIAL SUMMER SPORT Whether it’s touch footy, AFL 9s, Oztag or netball, social sport in the evenings after work is one of summer’s greatest assets.

THUMBS DOWN BOAT FIRES The coolest boat in the Mentawais, the Indies Explorer, went up in flames in early November and now she sleeps with the fishes.

THE FIRST DING There is nothing sadder than getting back to your brand new car and realising some lowlife has opened their door into it and left a mark.

CHRISTMAS SHOPPING Shopping is torture at the best of times, but during the Christmas period it goes to a whole new punishing level of shitness.

AMERICA They voted in Donald Trump. For President. To run the so-called ‘greatest country in the world’. What a special bunch of f**king morons.

BIN NIGHT Why does it always rain on bin night?

And why do I always forget to take the bloody things out until just before I’m about to get into bed?

30 The Beast | December 2016

Angie is a gentle, affectionate girl. She has a bright, happy nature, is very social with other dogs, and does not mind cats. She came from the pound with mammary tumours and terrible teeth, but this has all been fixed up and she is ready for a forever home. She comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. Her adoption cost is $450, which includes a free health and wellness voucher for the Doggie Rescue Vet. For further details, give Doggie Rescue a call on 9486 3133, email monika@doggierescue.com or visit the website at www.doggierescue.com.

BUSTER Age 17 weeks Sex Male Breed Kelpie x Rottweiler Weight 10.7kg Buster is a soft, lovable boy with a happy, friendly nature. He is very social with other dogs and is even gentle with smaller dogs. He also enjoys the company of kids and has a gentle, playful manner. He has a short coat and weighed 10.7kg at 17 weeks. He comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. His adoption cost is $400, which includes a free health and wellness voucher for the Doggie Rescue Vet. For further details, give Doggie Rescue a call on 9486 3133, email monika@doggierescue.com or visit the website at www.doggierescue.com.

JERRY Age 10 years Sex Male Breed Beagle Weight 18.7kg Jerry is a very lovable, well-mannered Beagle. He is incredibly food motivated, always sniffing out for treats. He is very social with other dogs and is agile and active. He has no problems getting his paws up on the kitchen bench! He has a short coat and comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. His adoption cost is $400, which includes a free health and wellness voucher for the Doggie Rescue Vet. Give Doggie Rescue a call on 9486 3133, email monika@doggierescue.com or visit the website at www.doggierescue.com.

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progress. Starting quietly over 10 years ago with 1000 participants, they now attract about 8000 people a year. Matraville resident and co-organiser Carlos Da Rocha says, “It’s a celebration of community more than anything else. We don't have the ‘superstars as seen on TV’, but we do have the every day superstars that we are so very proud of.”

COOGEE CAROLS BY THE SEA Grant Reserve, Coogee Saturday, December 10 6.00–10.00pm Coogee is home to two caroling events. Today’s festivities are organised by the combined Churches of Coogee, and they’re sure to be a hit. Think bellowing baritones, sweet sopranos, and everything in between. Head here after you’ve sufficiently impressed everyone in Matraville earlier in the day!

Family friendly.

A BRIEF GUIDE TO THE EAST’S BEST CAROLS BY CANDLELIGHT EVENTS Words Madeleine Gray Picture Carole Itten

C

arols by candlelight is a magical concept in its simplicity.

Whether you’re a little kid revelling in being up past your bedtime, or an adult revelling in being a little kid, carols unite and transcend us.

In the Eastern Suburbs, we are lucky to have a vast range of carolling events to tempt us, from the famous Bondi and Coogee events, to smaller, more local shindigs.

Here, we present you with a few of the best (in chronological order).

BONDI CAROLS BY THE SEA Bondi Park, Bondi Beach Wednesday, December 7 5.00–8:30pm Perhaps the most iconic carolling event in Sydney, this year audiences will be treated to a lively night of entertainment from the Cool Yule Trio, a capella 32 The Beast | December 2016

group Heartbeat (think Pitch Perfect, but better), and the wonderful Bondi Brass, as well as performances by the Primary School Rock Stars, Bondi Beach Public choir and violin groups, and the School of Arts Academy of Dance. Plus, of course, a visit from Santa! Gather your picnic rugs, warm up the vocal cords, and let your voice carry across the ocean.

MATRAVILLE CAROLS

BY CANDLELIGHT Barwon Park, Matraville Saturday, December 10 5.00–9.00pm We sometimes forget the gorgeous local community that exists just a stone’s throw away in Matraville, but not this year! The annual Matraville Christmas Carols have become a marker of the suburb’s

SOUTH MAROUBRA CHRISTMAS PARTY South Maroubra Village Green, Meagher Ave, South Maroubra Saturday, December 17 2.00–9.00pm Organised and primarily sponsored by the fine folks at Walsh’s Pharmacy, the South Maroubra Christmas Party is a day of family fun, with performances from local kidlets, choirs, and you!

Past surprise guests have even included Spider Man, so be sure to round up the tin lids and let the Christmas glee soar!

COOGEE CAROLS AT COOGEE BEACH Goldstein Reserve, Coogee Beach Sunday, December 18 6:30–8:30pm Organised by Randwick Council, this event is always a Christmas extravaganza. Think big stage, massive choir, twelve-piece band, amazing singers, and local celebrities. A visit from Santa is the cherry on top! Head down to the Pav or the Bay in the arvo and settle in for a night of festive cheer for the whole family. This is where the magic happens.

ARE YOU PLANNING ON HEADING TO A CAROLS BY CANDLELIGHT EVENT THIS CHRISTMAS? Words and Pictures Madeleine Gray

Isobel WAVERLEY

Andrew RANDWICK

I might go to the Bondi Carols, or maybe Coogee.

It’s always nice to head out for the evening and get into the festive spirit. I love Christmas.

I’ll go with the kids to the Coogee Carols.

They love seeing Santa, and singing their little hearts out.

Morgan CLOVELLY

I think not. I love the idea of carolling, but in practice it usually involves a lot of drunk guys singing really loud, and kids crying. I’ll stay at home and play some Mariah Carey Christmas covers.

Jim CLOVELLY

I think I’d prefer to stay at home and listen to old records in peace, perhaps with a glass of white and some fresh prawns.

Rosie RANDWICK Kyle BONDI JUNCTION

No. They seem to be always very busy and overcrowded. But if I had a young family, I might reconsider.

Yes, I’ll go to the Coogee Carols with my girlfriends, I think.

We’ll probably start at Coogee Pavilion, and that way we’ll be more up for singing when the time comes.

December 2016 | The Beast 33

Stop looking at me, swan!

MOORE PARK CELEBRATES 150 YEARS Words Madeleine Gray Picture People's Park; Centennial Park - A History

N

ot many things make it to 150 years old. Time withers away even the strongest of structures.

The oldest living woman in the world, Jeanne Calment, passed away at 122 years, 164 days. Hell, even Sydney University’s famous quadrangle jacaranda tree recently gave up the ghost after 88 years.

The so-called “green lungs of Sydney”, better known as Moore Park, is bucking the trend. This December, Moore Park (including all its constituent parts, from Centennial Park, to the SCG, to the Hordern Pavilion, to Moore Park Golf, to the Royal Hall of Industries) celebrates the 150th anniversary of its dedication as a place of public restoration, and there are no signs that it will be slowing down any time soon.

In the 150 years since the park’s public dedication, its uses have continued to expand and multiply.

People often forget, for example, that Moore Park was the site of Sydney’s public zoo for 37 years.

Established in 1879, Moore Park Zoo featured elephants, bears, tigers and birds – in fact, 177 animals and 329 birds were transport-

34 The Beast | December 2016

ed across the harbour from Moore Park to Taronga Zoo in 1916.

Moore Park has also played a pivotal role in Sydney’s sporting culture, as the home to the SCG, E. S. Marks Athletics Field, Moore Park Golf, and, of course, a plethora of sports fields and tennis, basketball and netball courts used for school sport and community competitions.

Crucially, Moore Park has been, and continues to be, a place where professional and amateur players compete side by side. Across from the basketball courts where primary school teams battle it out over slam-dunks and orange quarters, for example, is the field on which Australia’s first official polo match was played in 1874.

“Whether it is sitting in the SCG watching an Ashes battle, or a Swans nail-biter, Moore Park has been the ultimate place to watch sport for 150 years,” a Moore Park spokesperson said.

Hordern Pavilion has also hosted musical legends, from Eric Clapton, to Frank Sinatra, to Nirvana, and even potential 2020 US Presidential candidate Kanye West. And who could forget that

for 115 years the Royal Hall of Industries was home to the Royal Easter Show? Homebush is not to be sniffed at, but for the older generations, Moore Park is synonymous with fairy floss, carnival rides, and the familiar earthy smell of horse dung.

On Saturday, December 10, Moore Park is inviting the public to come and celebrate this momentous anniversary with a day jam-packed with family fun. There will be amusement rides, petting zoos, sports clinics, face painting, special guests, delicious food trucks and more.

There will be appearances by the Olympic gold medal winning Women’s Rugby 7s team, as well as past and present NRL players.

The Sydney Roosters cheerleaders will also be giving a special performance at 10:45am, and the Australian Army Roving Band will be jamming away from 10:15am.

Gather the kids, call your friends, and get the family together for an entertainment extravaganza. For more information about the day’s events, please head to www.centennialparklands.com.au.

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BITS AND PIECES FROM AROUND THE BEACHES Words Madeleine Gray Picture Amaury Tréguer Instagram @morningbondi

BONDI ALL SCHOOLS REUNION A locally based Facebook group is this year hosting the inaugural Bondi All Schools Reunion. Aiming to help bring the old-school community together, plans are underway to make it a regular event with anyone who went to school in the local area more than welcome to attend. The event is to be held at the North Bondi Surf Club from 5pm to midnight on March 4, 2017. Catering is included in the $63 cover charge, with tickets available on Eventbrite via the Facebook group ‘Bondi All Schools Reunion’. For further information, flick an email over to bondiallschoolsreunion@ gmail.com.

LOCAL SUPPORT FOR WOMEN WITH ILLNESS make.me.me is a voluntary community based event created for women dealing with cancer or long-term illness to spend an afternoon together being pampered.

If you would like to attend the next free event or know someone who would, get in touch by contacting Nicola on 0421 598 153 or email

Building sandcastles.

nicola.beverley@gmail.com. The next event will be held on December 7, midday to 4pm, at 7 Wemyss Street, Enmore, but locations change each month, with Eastern Suburbs locations often chosen.

BONDI TO BRONTE RETURNS The ocean swimming season is underway, but it’s the first weekend of summer that has played host to one of Australia’s most popular swims for the past 15 years. The Macquarie Bondi to Bronte Ocean Swim on Sunday, December 4 is a bucket list event for any keen ocean swimmer, and this summer there are some great new additions. Recent Rio Olympian Jarrod Poort considers it one of his favourite races in the world. Find out more and enter online by visiting www.bonditobronte.com.au.

HEFFRON PARK UPDATES CONTINUE Heffron Park’s transformation is continuing this month with upgrades underway on a number of new facilities in the Maroubra park. Current projects include the replacement of the existing

natural turf junior netball courts with hard-surface asphalt, a new amenities building adjacent to the Heffron Pedal Park off Jersey Road complete with change rooms, toilets, a canteen and community room, and a spectator seating wall alongside the newly constructed synthetic playing fields. Please visit www.randwick.nsw.gov.au for more information.

RANDWICK SPORTS AWARD WINNERS CONGRATULATED Randwick City Council would like to congratulate all the recent winners at its 2016 Sports Award evening. Seven local sporting stars were honoured at the annual awards night on October 27, recognising their excellence, commitment and achievement in sport. Winners included Alexandra Spaska ( Judo), Dylan Katz ( Judo), William Harrison (Rugby Union and Surf Life Saving), Heather Hawkins (Marathon Running), Robert Dwyer AM (Rugby Union), Stephen Hoiles (Rugby Union) and Terence Reid (Rugby Union). Great work, you fabulously fit folks!

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F**k off! We’re the People’s Front of Judea!

CEMETERY HERITAGE LISTING LEAVES LOCALS DIVIDED Words Madeleine Gray Picture Basil Fawlty

T

here is an incisive scene in Monty Python’s The Life of Brian that pretty accurately encapsulates the nonsensical factionalism that occurs within many political causes.

Brian apprehends a group of people and asks them whether they are the Judean People’s Front.

Flabbergasted and provoked, they respond, “F**k off ! Judean People’s Front. We’re the People’s Front of Judea! The only people we hate more than the Romans are the f**king Judean People’s Front.”

The obvious irony here is that these ‘fronts’ want the exact same thing, but consistently make things harder for themselves by refusing to work together.

If you’ve been reading the Letters section in The Beast over the past year or so, it’s likely that you will have come across our Eastern Suburbs version of the Monty Python split: Residents for Waverley Cemetery (RWC) versus Save Waverley Cemetery (SWC).

Residents for Waverley Cemetery is a group of local residents who are committed to “protecting and conserving the cemetery”.

Their primary concern has been with getting the cemetery State

38 The Beast | December 2016

Heritage listed – something that they have now achieved. This heritage listing has been encouraged

by Waverley Council.

“The protection of Waverley Cemetery is now assured for the future and I look forward to knocking on the state and federal governments’ doors for funding to restore some of its amazing monuments,” Waverley Mayor Sally Betts said.

Chris Elliott, a spokesperson for RWC, echoed Cr. Betts’ sentiments.

“Heritage listing means that lines of funding from the state and federal government (Council is now applying for National Heritage listing) have opened up,” he said. “We also think that the increasing stature of the cemetery will mean that new benefactors and other sources of funding may become available in the future.”

So why is Save Waverley Cemetery so vehemently opposed to the methods of the RWC? Spokesperson for SWC Dr. Bronwyn Kelly said that the main schism arises from the groups’ competing methodologies. Dr. Kelly said that while RWC wants to save the cemetery by ‘leaving it alone’, SWC thinks that the best way to move forward

is to get proactive.

SWC argues for such steps as the construction of a pavilion/ event centre under the cliffs at the cemetery, the erection of a café, flower and gift shop that might raise revenue for monument restoration, and for a bigger perimeter fence to deter night-time vandalism.

RWC spokesperson Penny Mora said “it would be utter folly to build [a pavilion] there [under the cliffs]”, and after the landslide at the site earlier in the year, it’s hard to argue with her thinking.

The RWC’s Mr. Elliott went on to reinforce this point.

“The people of Waverley have been saved from the enormous and ongoing burden of having to pay for a loss generating building that was proposed to be built in the line of fire of a rising and increasingly furious ocean,” he said.

Basically, it comes down to this: the cemetery needs money to survive. With the State Heritage listing, it seems that SWC’s plan for the cemetery to become selffunded via on-site commercial exploits is dead and buried. RWC’s plan to “Do as much as necessary and as little as possible” prevails.

SATURDAY 10 DECEMBER, 10.00 AM – 3.00 PM KIPPAX AREA, MOORE PARK

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Enjoy amusement rides, petting zoos, face painting, Taronga Zoo animals, kids sports clinics for tennis, golf and rugby, show bags, exclusive behind-the-scenes tours of Fox Studios, delicious Sydney food trucks and more!

Meet and greet special guests including past and present players from the NRL & AFL, Olympic gold medal winning Women’s Rugby 7’s team, Sydney Roosters Cheerleaders, plus many more!

#moorepark150 For more information visit centennialparklands.com.au/mp150

Six months later.

BRONTE POOL BACK IN THE SWIM – FINALLY Words Duncan Horscroft Picture Fi Shep Instagram @photogra_fi

T

he historic Bronte Pool has withstood the test of time for more than a century, but this year it failed to withstand the test of human error.

Earlier in the year the pump broke down and after much deliberation from Waverley Council it was decided to send to Germany for a new one. And so the wait began.

A few years ago Council was told by a local maintenance man that the original pump was in a state of disrepair, but nothing was done about it until it finally gave up and a temporary mobile pump was shipped in from Newcastle and set up on the promenade.

The three swimming clubs that use the pool for weekend competition in summer and winter continued to use the pool while awaiting the new German model.

But, alas, Mother Nature decided to unleash a tempest in the form of a huge east coast low in early June, which battered the coastline and smashed Bronte Beach and its surrounds.

40 The Beast | December 2016

Despite early warnings of this potential natural disaster, the pump was not moved and remained on the promenade until the full brunt of the storm relocated it, smashing the machine and rendering it useless.

Waverley Council said they knew there were ‘leaks’ in the pool and earmarked it for a total makeover, using the downtime from the storm damage to begin the work.

It wasn’t until the second week in November that the covers came off and revealed a bright new pool to the public. To their credit, the successful tenders for the work did a great job, but the question has to be asked: why did it take more than six months?

No one can predict the ocean, but there is technology available such as the Bureau of Meteorology website, and when excuses are made that strong surf conditions undid some of the work, why didn’t anyone access this information and wait until calmer conditions to reline the pool?

A new Aristone surface was laid, but it was damaged by waves,

so why was it done when there were warnings of dangerous surf conditions?

In October there was a period where the surf was virtually nonexistent for more than a week with hardly a wave lapping on the shoreline, so why wasn’t the resurfacing done then given it took a couple of days to cure?

Council estimated the total cost of the refurbishment of the pool was around $900,000, and, contrary to popular belief, there was no insurance for an ‘act of God’, although there were a few grants issued to offset the costs.

Waverley Council has done a great job in getting the beach and its surrounds back to their natural beauty with new walls along the promenade, and a new ramp and fencing inside and outside the pool.

But we will now have to wait to see if Bronte and its pool can again stand the test of time and bear the brunt of Mother Nature’s fury, because it is inevitable that it will happen again.

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MORE BITS AND PIECES FROM AROUND THE BEACHES Words Madeleine Gray Picture Miriam Chaplyn DONATIONS NEEDED FOR HOSPITAL EQUIPMENT Attention all Beasts! Dr. Ian Jacobson, ear, nose and throat surgeon at the Prince of Wales Hospital, needs your help. This Christmas he has joined the Prince of Wales Hospital Foundation to raise funds for an urgent piece of equipment. By making a donation you will help patients with head and neck cancers from both Sydney and rural NSW at one of the busiest Head & Neck Surgery Units in the state. Please visit www.powhf.org.au or call 9382 4263 for more details.

BONDI BOY MAKES CHANGING THE WORLD EASY There has never been a better time to be a changemaker. But trying to find the support needed to kick-start a social enterprise or project that will make a positive difference can be difficult. Until now. Social Change Central (www. socialchangecentral.com) is a comprehensive, easy-to-use platform

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that gathers the most up-to-date social enterprise opportunities - both in Australia and internationally - from funding to awards, competitions, exposure, programs and more. It’s the brainchild of Bondi local, social entrepreneur and Myer Foundation Fellow Jay Boolkin, and it’s calling your name.

sleep. Baby Shusher projects loud, rhythmic shushing noises. It’s a sleep miracle that can be used from newborns and up featuring a builtin timer, adjustable volume, and a wrist and hanger strap. It’s also small in size, making it portable and easy to use. Baby Shusher only costs $49.95 and is available now at www.babyshusher.com.au.

COOGEE ROCK REMOVED It may have easily found its way into a Coogee ocean pool during the Sydney storm in June, but removing the massive 30-tonne rock proved to be a complex and difficult task. The rock was removed last month through a new rock breaking technique, using powder poured into pre-drilled holes.

NEW EASTERN SUBURBS VOLUNTEERING SERVICE A new service club is launching in Bondi. BLU 50 will focus on volunteering and fundraising for local causes and charities, with anyone from Darlinghurst to Watsons Bay aged between 18 and 50 welcome to join. Kicking off formally in February, BLU 50 has already begun volunteering and recruiting founding members, and will be having a social meeting at the Beach Road Hotel on December 6 at 7.30pm. You can find out more at www.facebook.com/blu50Bondi or give Kathryn a little tingle on 0412 025 601.

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Eat yourself silly.

CELEBRATE DIVERSITY AND DELICIOUSNESS AT KINGSFORD NOODLE MARKETS Words Madeleine Gray Picture James Campbell

W

hile Pauline Hanson may not be a fan of the Halal Snack Pack, and though she seems to think that “98 per cent of Australians don’t believe in halal certification”, here at The Beast we couldn’t think any more differently.

In fact, we love and celebrate all the amazing multicultural cuisines we are lucky enough to have access to in Australia.

When you’re travelling in India, you get sick of curry pretty quickly.

The same goes for pizza and pasta in Italy, and tagine in Morocco.

The great thing about living in Australia is that we don’t have a national cuisine as such (unless you count the humble sausage sanga, or even the witchetty grub), and so our taste buds are constantly getting to globetrot, even as our bodies stay firmly put.

And while Spice Alley in Chippendale is being celebrated for bringing Asian street food to the CBD, and the newly opened Tramsheds in Annandale is now offering a range of delectable cuisines in ultra-hip settings, the Eastern Suburbs is home to a hidden culinary gem, too: the annual Kingsford Noodle Markets.

44 The Beast | December 2016

For one delicious day on December 3, Meeks Street in Kingsford will be closed off to traffic and transformed into a bustling gastronomic hub, with a lantern garden and a hawker-style food market.

The event is presented by Randwick City Council in collaboration with the Kingsford Chamber of Commerce, and promises to offer a taste of the best that Kingsford has to offer.

Kingsford has long been a hub for authentic Asian food, with UNSW’s large international student population propping up a plethora of home-style restaurants catering to customers who know their stuff.

Many of these local restaurants will hold stalls at the Noodle Markets and cook their signature dishes with fresh produce right in front of you. Take your pick from Indonesian nasi timbel, Japanese katsu, Malaysian mee goreng and Vietnamese pho. It’ll all be up for eats!

Randwick Mayor Noel D’Souza recently told The Beast of his excitement about the event.

"Kingsford Noodle Markets is

an event I look forward to every year to see Meeks Street bustling with families trying out some of the great local cuisine,” he said.

“It's the perfect event to come and enjoy some delicious food whilst celebrating local diversity and supporting the local businesses of Kingsford."

If you’re planning on bringing the kids, Randwick Council’s got you sorted, with plenty of entertainment and activities for all to enjoy, including lion dancers, cultural performances, tarot reading and live music.

Don’t fret about car parking either, as there’ll be free parking for the day at UNSW, which can be accessed via Barker Street at Gate 14. From there it’s just a short stroll to the event via Harbourne Road.

Say what you want, Pauline, but we’ll never dismiss a delicious feed just because the people who make it might’ve come here on a boat (oh, the irony). Join the hungry hordes at Meeks Street on December 3, from 12pm to 9pm, and dig in. If you want more information about the event, please head to www.randwick.nsw.gov.au.

It’s that wonderful time of year again and the festive season is in full swing. Whether you are planning an exotic escape, relaxing on local shores or gearing up for your busiest work period of year, the excitement of summer is all around us. The streets are bustling with people enjoying live music, great shopping and fabulous food, and thousands of visitors from around the world are here to experience Christmas by the sea.

There are also plenty of special activities to keep you entertained and inspired this summer season. Christmas carol events run throughout December, culminating in the famous Coogee Carols on 18 December, which draws tens of thousands of people to Goldstein Reserve. Coogee Beach lights up again for New Year’s Eve, with the magical fireworks display of Coogee Sparkles.

However you choose to spend your precious summer season, stay safe, look out for one another and take good care of our natural environment. And as always, swim between the flags! From everyone at Randwick City Council, we wish you a very merry Christmas and happy New Year.

Councillor Noel D’Souza Mayor of Randwick 3 December

3 December

Nursery Summer Saturday Sale 9:00am-4:00pm Randwick Community Nursery 2B Barker Street, Randwick

Kingsford Noodle Markets 12:00pm-9:00pm Meeks Street, Kingsford

12 December

18 December

Card Making with Gail Kenward 5:30pm-6:30pm Lionel Bowen Library

Coogee Carols 6:30pm-8:30pm Goldstein Reserve, Coogee Beach

10 December Matraville Carols by Candlelight 5:00pm-9:00pm Barwon Park, Matraville

31 December Coogee Sparkles 9:00pm-9:30pm Goldstein Reserve, Coogee Beach

1300 722 542 council@randwick.nsw.gov.au www.randwick.nsw.gov.au PHOTO: COOGEE CAROLS

Johnno & Mal.

CHRISTMAS PRESENT DRIVE EMBODIES THE SPIRIT OF GIVING Words Madeleine Gray Picture James Hutton

A

t Christmas time we all focus on those we love. Regardless of whether we believe in God or not, chances are that we believe in family, and Christmas time is when we really sit back, take stock, and appreciate who (and what) we have.

For some families, Christmas is the hardest time of the year. When you’ve got a sick kid in hospital, it’s a little harder to don a red hat and give thanks. It gets pretty hard to do anything, actually.

Mal Ward is a local bloke who knows this all too well. Mr Ward’s son, Johnno, was born with childhood liver disease, and was in and out of hospital for much of his life.

In 2000, Mr Ward started Forever Johnno to raise funds for the Westmead Children’s Hospital and to help sick kids. On August 29, 2008, Johnno passed away at age nine. Four months later, Mr Ward organised Forever Johnno’s first annual Christmas Presents For Sick Kids event.

“Being the first Christmas without him I wanted to do more for the hospital in his name,” Mr. Ward told The Beast.

46 The Beast | December 2016

“Every kid loves Christmas and its hard on them and the family if it must be spent in hospital. To get presents from complete strangers is a great boost for them.”

In that first year, Forever Johnno collected 161 presents. In the past few years, that number has skyrocketed to over 1000 presents collected each Christmas.

“We also make sure all the siblings get presents, and even the mums and dads,” he said.

“This eases the burden and cost of Christmas time on the family.”

This year, Christmas Presents for Sick Kids will have its official present drop-off day on Sunday, December 18, between 1pm and 4pm at the Sea Breeze Room in the Coogee Bay Hotel. Everyone is encouraged to pop in, bring the kids, and donate a gift or two.

There’ll be face-painting offered between 1pm and 3pm, sponsored

by The Beast, and a free sausage sizzle (courtesy of Wardy & Sons Great Aussie BBQ) will ensure that no one goes hungry.

“It’s a great opportunity for parents to show their children the true meaning of Christmas,” Mr.

Ward said.

“I love the kids’ enthusiasm when they come to wrap the presents or when they are just putting them under the tree.

“You can see the pride they have in helping other kids less fortunate.”

Dave Martin, the legend behind Courtyard Café in Coogee, will be joining forces with Forever Johnno this year, his café providing another drop-off point for gifts.

Alternatively, presents can be dropped off any time from now until December 19 to Erik De Haart at Clovelly Taxation Services (17A Doncaster Ave, Kensington), or to the friendly reception team at the Coogee Bay Hotel.

Anyone who wants to do a collection at their workplace is more than welcome. Ultimately, if you’re in a position to give, your gifts will not go unappreciated.

“Johnno loved Christmas,” Mr. Ward said.

“I know he would be so proud of what is being done in his name. I miss him every day, and even more at Christmas time.”

MAYOR‘S MESSAGE Congratulations to Phil and Joan O’Sullivan Congratulations to Phil and Joan O’Sullivan on the remarkable achievement of celebrating their 70th Wedding Anniversary. I was very pleased to celebrate with them and their family and friends at the same venue as their 1946 wedding reception. The grandstand at Waverley Pavilion is of course named in honour of Phil and Bob Horsell in recognition of their contribution to cricket and the Waverley community.

Waverley Cemetery heritage listing I was excited to join Environment Minister Mark Speakman for the announcement that Waverley Cemetery will be listed on the State Heritage Register and thank the residents who have pushed for this listing for many years. This announcement assures the continuation of our cemetery as an operating cemetery and quashes any idea that it can be turned into a memorial park or have a Pavilion built on site.

Wee Care Kindergarden Congratulations to Ruth Weinstein and the team at Wee Care Kindergarten in St Marys Street on delivering 40 years of quality childcare. The children have just completed a project to create a submarine to save the animals in the Ocean and raise money to buy a ‘Sea Bin’ to prevent rubbish entering the Ocean. It is comforting to know that our future is in the hands of these wonderful children.

Bondi and Districts Chamber of Commerce new board I would like to congratulate President Mary Anne Cronin, Vice President Emmanuel Constantinou, Treasurer Maree O’Flaherty, Secretary John Attard and all board members on being elected at the Bondi and Districts Chamber of Commerce AGM last week.

I look forward to working with the team in the future.

Sally Betts, Mayor of Waverley CUSTOMER SERVICE CENTRE 55 Spring Street, Bondi Junction NSW 2022 PO Box 9, Bondi Junction NSW 1355 PHONE 9083 8000 WEB waverley.nsw.gov.au

Events National Disability Insurance Scheme FREE Workshop Friday 18 November, 10am–2.30pm Margaret Whitlam Centre For people with a disability, their families and carers.

• Hear about the NDIS and what it will mean for you • Talk about planning and things to consider • See what some people are already doing Workshops are fully accessible and lunch will be provided.

To register please phone 1800 144 653 or email info@mychoicematters.org.au

Carols by the Sea Wednesday 14 December, 5–8.30pm Bondi Park, Bondi Beach Welcome in the festive season at this year’s Carols by the Sea at Bondi Beach.

This merry annual event brings the community together to celebrate the spirit of Christmas.

With children’s entertainment, Christmas tunes and carol singing, it’s a great way to celebrate the festive season.

It promises to be a fun night for everyone, so bring along your Christmas spirit, singing voices and a rug to sit on!

For more event info visit our website waverley.nsw.gov.au.

Connect with us:

EVEN MORE BITS AND PIECES FROM AROUND THE BEACHES Words Madeleine Gray Picture Sheridan Nilsson NEW PARKING APP There is a new way for Bondi residents to earn some extra cash. Launching just in time for summer, Share with Oscar is Australia’s first live, on-demand parking app. With a simple tap of a smartphone screen, the app allows residents to rent out their driveways, garages or front lawns by the hour to drivers looking for parking. Drivers can book their spot live and pay through the app itself. Car spot owners in Bondi could stand to make as much as $10 an hour. What’s not to like?

TINDER BUT FOR FRIENDSHIPS It’s a bit strange that no one’s done this earlier – Hobspot is a very simple social media app strictly for friendships. You register your profile, choose current hobbies and things you are interested in, and Hobspot gives you a result of local users who also have these same hobbies and interests. The vision is to enrich people’s lives

through like-minded connections, and create genuine friendships.

A social app that doesn’t aim to facilitate dick-pic sharing? We’re in. Download Hobspot from the App Store.

LOOKING FOR A CELEBRANT? Weddings, funerals, commitment ceremonies, naming ceremonies and renewal of vows - Gaynor Cobby is passionate about love and has a very professional approach to each individual ceremony. Her aim is to help make your day as special, unique, stress-free and enjoyable as it can be. Let Gaynor help you write the next chapter of your life.

Call 0418 679 417 or flick her an email at gaynor@gaynorcobbycelebrant.com.au.

NEW FREE OUTDOOR FITNESS WEBSITE Did you know Sydney is full of free outdoor training locations and activities? From outdoor gyms to fitness trails, free yoga to running

Science of the Surf with Dr Rob Brander and Matt Abood.

groups, you can train all week without paying a cent. And now there’s a website where you can locate all these free training options, and it’s free as well. It’s been launched just in time for summer, ready for you to make the most of the long days and summer sun.

You can check it out by visiting www.freeoutdoorfitness.net.

THE WHOLE FAMILY CAN GET OCEAN FIT If you’ve been dreaming of enjoying the freedom of the ocean like a ‘real local’, then it’s time to take the plunge. Local business OceanFit has been teaching aspiring ocean swimmers how to stay safe at the beach, develop confidence in the ocean and prepare for ocean swims on Bondi Beach since 2009, and they’re doing it all again this summer. Their small-group programs are for all ages (from five) and abilities, from entry level to awesome. For more information, visit www.oceanfit.com.au.

Family Laughter Memories Christmas Holidays Dinners Weekends Friends

SPECIAL MOMENTS IN LIFE HAPPEN AT HOME

Mary Howell and Donna Burke understand the significance of your home. It is your sanctuary, your haven, and it deserves respect and appreciation - just as you do.

When you're planning to sell your home, call Mary and Donna. You'll receive professional, calm, honest service and you'll also get two highly experienced agents who understand that selling a home is more than just a transaction.

Mary Howell D 8622 4583 M 0414 400 345 W maryhowell@mcgrath.com.au

Donna Burke D 8622 4528 M 0418 213 210 W donnaburke@mcgrath.com.au

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MOONLIGHT CINEMA RETURNS Moonlight Cinema is Australia’s favourite open-air cinema, screening advance previews, contemporary, cult and classic movies on the lawns of Belvedere Amphitheatre in Centennial Park. Please visit www.moonlight.com.au/sydney for the program and more info.

ART CLASSES WITH LILY OEN Do you ever find yourself promising to dedicate some ‘me time’ to yourself, but never actually getting around to it? That’s not good enough! Sign up to Lily Oen’s art class today at 10:30am at Bowen Library, and lose yourself to the serenity. Register at 9314 4888.

BECOME A BUSHCARE VOLUNTEER Become a bushcare volunteer and work with Randwick Council's bushcare officers on the bush regeneration program. Get involved at the corner of Dooligah Avenue and Burragulung Street, Randwick.

Work runs from 9am-12pm today.

Visit www.randwick.nsw.gov.au.

ADULT CHESS CLUB Chess is the kind of game that you will not learn if you don’t specifically try to. It requires concentration, and a fair bit of work. Why not benefit from the chess expertise and enthusiasm of your local community, and head to Adult Chess Club at Bowen Library, from 1:30–3pm today?

BUSHCARE AT BRONTE WATERFALL Join the hardworking Bronte Waterfall Bushcare Group today from 9am to 12pm, and play a vital role in caring for our native coastal bushland. Drop in whenever suits, and feel free to bring the kids. For more information, please email bushcare@waverley.nsw.gov.au.

TEEN BOOK CLUB IN RANDWICK Join fellow readers in a fun discussion of various titles, genres and film adaptations at Margaret Martin Library from 4.00-5.30pm.

This is a free program for library members attending high school (or equivalent). To register your interest in joining, call 9314 4888.

CHRISTMAS IN THE CITY Each night until Christmas, the city of Sydney will be transformed into a magical place. From Hyde Park to Martin Place, and Town Hall to Darling Harbour, Sydney will be a lit up, festive and colourful city to stroll through. Visit www.sydneychristmas.com.au.

LAST MINUTE SHOPPING Some idiots wait till Christmas Eve to do the last minute gift shopping, but we say tonight’s the night to get ahead. Try and get down to Bondi Junction Westfield or your shopping complex of choice as early as possible, as the crowds are bound to be large.

PONY RIDES AT CENTENNIAL PARK Hand–led pony rides at Centennial Park give children a wonderful introductory horse riding experience every Saturday and Sunday.

The pony rides are for kids aged 2-11 years, cost $15 per person and run from 10am-2pm. Please visit www.ponyrides.eventbrite.com.au.

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BOATS, BATS, BALLS, BOXING DAY Nurse your Christmas Day hangover by watching the Sydney to Hobart yachts cruise past from the harbour or the local cliff tops.

If that doesn’t tickle your fancy, switch on the idiot box to catch the first day of the Boxing Day Test match on Channel 9. Sorted.

CHANUKAH AT THE BAY We are incredibly lucky to have a big Jewish population in the Eastern Suburbs, and particularly lucky come Chanukah time – Jews know how to throw a damn good party! Head to Steyne Park in Double Bay today between 4pm and 9pm to celebrate.

Visit www.chabaddoublebay.com.

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CODE CLUB (CONTINUERS) This free club is for children in school years 4-6 who want to learn how to make computer games, animations and websites, and have already completed the beginners course. It runs from 4-5pm at Bowen Library. Visit www.randwick.nsw.gov.au/library.

GET LOST, COME BACK TO NATURE Lost Paradise is a bespoke music festival set in the Glenworth Valley from December 29-31. Explore the magic beyond the world-class line-up, including a creek-side yoga tent and full service spa.

Jump on to www.lostparadise.com. au for more information. Get lost!

Now you can upload all your local events for free

Carpenter Mark Potocki Against The Grain Ph: 0415 688 562 Concretor Jay Rodney Oceanside Ph: 0411 989 565

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ROYAL CROQUET CLUB AT BONDI Contrary to popular belief, croquet is not actually just a made-up game they play in Alice in Wonderland. Come see for yourself, as RCC brings a truly immersive lifestyle festival to Bondi, from November 24 to December 4. Go to www.royalcroquetclub.com.au.

COOGEE FAMILY FUN DAY Coogee Family Fun Day is on today and it’s celebrating its 22nd birthday, so get down to Goldstein Reserve from 10am to 6pm. There’ll be carnival rides, live entertainment and a range of food and artisan stalls. Visit www.coogeebeach.net. au/home/coogee-family-fun-day.

BONDI TO BRONTE SWIM The 16th Macquarie Bondi to Bronte Ocean Swim is on today. It truly is an iconic swim, and something we definitely recommend doing, even if you only do it once.

All funds raised go to the Kids’ Cancer Project. For more info, visit www.bonditobronte.com.au.

MATRAVILLE CAROLS We are spoilt for choice in the east when it comes to the range of carolling events on offer. Tomorrow (December 10) the festivities kick off at Barwon Park in Matraville between 5pm and 9pm. If you’re keen, start at Matraville and then power on to the carols in Coogee.

CAROLS BY THE SEA AT COOGEE Get into the Christmas spirit tonight from 6-10pm at Grant Reserve in Coogee, as the beach is lit up with flickering candles and the soaring voices of carollers. The combined churches of Coogee organise this event, so it’s quite literally ‘come all ye faithful’.

FOOD ADDICTS HAVE AN ANSWER Are you having a hard time controlling your eating? Are you severely overweight, underweight or bulimic? Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous meetings are held every Friday at 10am at the Salvation Army Hall in Maroubra. For more info, visit www.foodaddicts.org.

HOLIDAY TENNIS PROGRAM Rushcutters Bay Tennis Centre’s School Holiday Programs are designed for children aged 4-14 years of all levels of ability. They run through December and January. They are an excellent way for children to experience the game of tennis. Call 9357 7332 for more info.

SOUTH 'BRA CHRISTMAS PARTY Is your favourite time of year actually tree-decorating time? Do department stores filled with tinsel and baubles give you hope and joy?

Get along to South Maroubra Village Green today from 2pm to 9pm and get in the Christmas groove.

Call 9311 0088 for more details.

COOGEE CAROLS Join Randwick City Council and the good people of Coogee at the 15th annual Coogee Carols, today from 6:30pm to 8:30pm at Coogee Beach. Expect a line-up of amazing special guests and star singers, a big live band, and, of course, an appearance from Santa.

SYDNEY SIXERS AT THE SCG Dust off your best ‘ocker’ gear and trot down to the SCG, because tonight marks the first home game of the season for the Sydney Sixers in the T20 Big Bash League. Tonight, the Sixers take on the Hobart Hurricanes. Tickets are available at premier.ticketek.com.au.

HAPPY CHANUKAH The Festival of Lights gets underway on the evening of December 24 and runs until January 1, so dust off your menorah, don your favourite yarmulke, dish out some gelt to the tin lids and celebrate like only Jews know how – for eight whole days! Mazel tov!

CHRISTMAS DAY As much as people love to hate Christmas, there’s nothing quite like December 25 for bringing family and friends together. Put a cap on present prices and focus on the gift of hanging out with the people you love best. Merry Christmas to all from The Beast!

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HAPPY NEW YEAR Bye bye, 2016! It’s been a wild ride.

Randwick City Council heralds in the New Year with a family friendly fireworks event at Coogee Beach commencing at 9pm, and the best views of the city fireworks are from Waverley’s Dudley Page Reserve. Sparkle away!

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Painter Brett Dooley Nielson Dooley Ph: 0404 888 089 Fencing Troy Salvatico Jim’s Fencing Ph: 0405 543 530 Building Design Todd Maguire Design Solutions Ph: 0405 617 428

Rubbish Removal Dave Whiteley Dave's Rubbish Ph: 0401 296 069 Mechanic Jordan Hayman JH Automotive Ph: 0424 144 987 Plumber Matt Scott Surfside Plumbing Ph: 0450 391 734 BBQ Caterer Wardy Wardy & Sons Ph: 0414 293 396 Cleaner Sarah Callan Exec Home Office Ph: 0414 510 275 Plumber Luke Fletcher Pipe Up Plumbing Ph: 0431 638 558 Locksmith Bradley Rope SOS Locksmiths Ph: 0498 767 767 Electrician Adrian Langen Langen Electrical Ph: 0400 006 008 Arborist Jeff Hunt Prompt Trees Ph: 0412 280 338

by visiting www.thebeast.com.au/events-guide

A Real Keeper

PETER NEVILL Interview Dan Hutton Photography Grant Brooks

Where are you originally from? I grew up in Melbourne, and then moved up to Sydney eight and a half years ago. I've got a playing contract with Cricket New South Wales. When I first moved up I joined Eastern Suburbs Cricket Club. Back then I jumped in a spare room for a month or so with a member of the club who lived in Darling Point, which was a lovely start, and then I zig-zagged my way from Woollahra to Kensington and now to Randwick.

How did you end up playing for Easts? The president of the club at the time was travelling down to Melbourne and was trying to recruit me to move up. I was a rookie with the Victorian Bushrangers at the time. He was trying to convince me to make the move, and then it worked out well that I got contracted to New South Wales anyway, so I already had that relationship. The only place I really considered coming to was Eastern Suburbs Cricket Club.

What do you love about the Eastern Suburbs? What's not to love? You can't go past the beaches.

I've been lucky enough to do a fair bit of travelling and they're some of the best beaches in the world.

There's also an abundance of good coffee, and there are some really good restaurants.

Did the fact that they had a number of other high quality players on their books sweeten the deal?

Yes, absolutely. Being able to spend a bit of time with Brad Haddin in particular was a big drawcard, but I also got the opportunity to do that for New South Wales as well.

What gets your goat about the area? Mate, what's not to like?

There's nothing really. I suppose the only thing I’d like to be able to do that I can’t is ride my self-balancing scooter on the road. I think that's illegal, so I can't do that.

Do you have any favourite local haunts? My favourite place for coffee is a place called Vigor Espresso on Belmore Road in Randwick.

They do an excellent coffee. My favourite cafe is probably Indigo in Double Bay. And for a beer I've got a soft spot for the Woollahra Hotel. When I first moved to Sydney I spent a bit of time at the Woollahra Hotel, and they're now actually a sponsor of Easts Cricket Club as well.

52 The Beast | December 2016

When did you first pull on the baggy green? July 2015, at the age of 29. I'd been having progressively better and better seasons playing for New South Wales, and then I had the opportunity to play for Australia A, so there was some indication of progression there, and then there was a West Indies and Ashes touring squad that I got selected for. Once you're in those squads you're never too far away.

I happened to get an opportunity and made my Test debut at Lords.

It's hard to describe, actually. It's remarkable. It's one of those pinch yourself scenarios. And Steve Waugh presented me with my baggy green, which was incredible.

Every time you get to represent your country it is a real privilege and a real honour, and it comes

with a great deal of responsibility and pressure.

How nervous were you when you were back there behind the stumps setting up for the first ball at Lords? By that point I was pretty good. That's the thing, I suppose, with Test matches, that the hardest part is the lead up. When you get into actually playing, you’re sort of in your comfort zone.

What does the baggy green mean to you? It represents everyone that's gone before you. 444 players to date have been lucky enough to wear the baggy green, and there is a lot of responsibility that comes with that, a lot of tradition and culture that needs to be upheld.

Steve Waugh put a great emphasis on it. I was chatting to Merv Hughes a while back and he was saying that they used to just get a new baggy green for every tour, but then that changed and everyone loved looking at Steve Waugh's baggy green because it was tattered and it had blood and sweat and everything in it, and I suppose that made it even more special and it became folklore. Seeing everybody wearing these represented all the hard work they'd done and how much playing for Australia meant to them.

What's your favourite form of the game – one-dayers, Tests or Twenty20? I suppose I've always enjoyed the long form of the game the most. It's the most pure format of the game, the way it was intended to be played originally.

Having said that, I really enjoy playing Twenty20 as well. It's a lot of fun, but it is different to playing long form cricket.

At the moment you're the Australian keeper for the Twenty20 side and the Test side; are you hoping to add the one-day side to that repertoire, or are you just happy to be doing what you're doing?

I'm just focused on what I need to be doing at the moment, making sure I'm performing in Test cricket and T20 cricket. I'm not looking 54 The Beast | December 2016

beyond that at all. I think if I neglect what's right in front of me, I'm setting myself up to not do it justice.

When you first made the Test team, how did you find playing under Michael Clarke’s leadership? I've never had any issues with Michael.

He's always been very supportive of me, and I suppose I'm someone who never got involved very much, never saw the inner workings of what went on with team management and hierarchy and that sort of thing. All I can speak about is my personal experience, and Michael has always been lovely with me. I also love playing with Steve Smith. He's someone I've played quite a lot with, especially at New South Wales before he started playing for Australia, and he's a lovely guy. He's a hell of a cricketer. His work ethic is second to none. You spend lots of close and personal time together when you're on a team, and the amount of time he puts into his game and the dedication he has to improving is incredible. He got his chance playing for Australia initially as a leg spinner, and has turned himself into the best batsman in the world.

What was playing in your first Boxing Day Test last summer like?

It was a highlight. I used to attend religiously with my father every Boxing Day. I must have been to the first day of the Boxing Day Test at least ten times. Being on the other side of the fence, it was really lovely to look up in the stands and imagine my dad in there somewhere.

Are you looking forward to playing in a proper Sydney Test this season after January’s wash out? Yes. I'd love to. I'd love to play at the SCG. That is my home ground. It's got so many fond memories for me, so to play a New Year's Test and not be hampered by rain and have a wonderful large Sydney crowd there, that would be fantastic.

You're good mates with former Australian wicket-keeper Brad

Haddin; was it bittersweet that your spot on the Aussie team came at his expense? Ever since I moved up to New South Wales, he's put an incredible amount of time into me improving as a cricketer and becoming the best keeper I can be, but no, I wouldn't say it was bittersweet. Brad is such a wonderful character and such a lovely guy that he was very happy for me when I did get selected. He and Karina, his wife, sent a bottle of champagne to my room, and he's just been so supportive ever since. I can't speak highly enough of him.

Are you in the Australian team as a wicket-keeper batsman, or for your skills behind the stumps alone? My initial response would be that you’d have to ask the selectors. In saying that, I was selected for the West Indies and Ashes tour on the back of making 700 and something runs at an average of 70-odd in Shield cricket. Before I started playing Test cricket I averaged over 40 in Shield cricket, and that's after about 60-odd games.

Obviously I'd like to contribute with some significant performances with the bat at this level.

Can you walk us through the Sri Lankan stumping that caused a bit of controversy earlier in the year? This is actually something that Haddin would do quite a lot, and I reckon that's probably where I picked it up from. The batsman missed and I sensed he was about to shift his weight and lift his back foot, and it was just a very fortunate piece of timing, really, because his foot wasn't off the ground for all that long. I understand there were a few people commenting who disagreed with it, but I can certainly put my hand on my heart and say that I've always played in the spirit of the game and I do hold that quite dear. I would never look to do something that I thought was against the spirit of the game.

What are your thoughts on sledging in cricket? I've got no issues with it. A lot of people use sledg-

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ing as a way to get themselves up to the contest as much as to try and get in the opposition's head, but I've never found that I needed to do that in order to get myself up. I'm actually very vocal on the field, but I tend to direct my energy towards my team as opposed to the opposition.

You're really in the best vantage point in the house to watch him bowl when you're behind the stumps, and I think he bowled one last year that was 160 kilometres an hour, which is just incredible when you're standing that far back and the ball’s zipping through. It's very exciting.

What can supporters of the game look forward to this summer?

We've got some very good opposition out here this summer.

There are a couple of Test series, and some quality opposition in the form of South Africa and Pakistan.

It's going to make for some very entertaining cricket. If Australia plays well, we'll have every chance of winning both those series.

Who do you least enjoy facing?

Mitchell Starc in the nets, and before that, Mitchell Johnson in the nets.

You won a T20 Big Bash title with the Sydney Sixers, but now you've gone back down to your home state to play for the Renegades.

Are you looking forward to the domestic T20 competition? It's always really enjoyable, the Big Bash. I think the public have really embraced it. Both the TV ratings and the attendance at the grounds have been exceptional and continue to grow. I think you're seeing new demographics attending cricket, which is wonderful. It's growing the game. The public have really embraced it, so it is exciting to be a part of that and to play in front of big crowds.

Do you have a career highlight thus far? I reckon debuting at Lords was a really special moment for me, and winning that Test in four days. Also winning the Test series in New Zealand earlier this year and becoming the number one ranked Test nation in the world was incredible, then also being involved in the ICC World T20 in India. Playing cricket in India in front of some of the most enthusiastic fans in the world, and the culture over there, it’s almost indescribable. They live and breathe their cricket.

Who do you most enjoy keeping wicket to? I'd say Mitchell Starc.

56 The Beast | December 2016

Were you ever scared when facing those boys in the nets? Yes. Especially when you're batting in the nets, because there is a feeling that you're a bit confined, and it can get a bit hairy if you're on some practice wickets at the SCG that are a little bit green.

Do you reckon there's a slightly sadistic element to those fast bowlers? I don't think so. I wouldn't say they are sadistic. At the end of the day they're just trying to get wickets for their team, and a bouncer is a very effective delivery to help disturb the batsman's footwork.

Did you have a backup plan if the whole cricket thing didn't work out? I finished a university degree about three years ago now. I did a Bachelor of Management with a marketing major and a commercial law major, so it's a pretty broad degree. I just wasn't really sure what I might like to do after cricket.

What about other sporting skills?

Are you a jack of many trades?

No, it was cricket or nothing. My hand-eye skills are good enough, but my running certainly isn’t good enough to play AFL or anything like that.

What do you get up to when you're not playing or training? I play guitar a lot. I play heavy metal guitar. Shane Watson is a really good guitarist, actually, but he likes playing Johnny Diesel and that sort of thing, and he can sing as well. I'd love to be able to sing.

Myself and Usman Khawaja used

to catch up and play a few Metallica tunes before he moved up to Queensland.

Who are your role models in the game? I think Brad Hodge was a big one for me when I was younger. I was at the Melbourne Cricket Club, and he played there when he played T20 and a half a dozen Test matches for Australia, so I've followed his career really closely. Whenever he was around you'd be like a sponge and just pay attention to what he was doing in terms of his training and trying to pick his brains when you could.

And obviously Brad Haddin is a role model of mine, being a wicket-keeper and seeing the way he approached his training and his attitude towards the game. He would analyse the game as well as anybody else and he's been a massive influence on me.

Do you have any advice for youngsters looking to make a career out of cricket? Train smarter than other people. You're not going to get better just by doing the same thing every time you turn up for training. Be methodical about what you need to improve and how you're going to go about improving it, and then put the time into doing so.

Do you support any charities?

Not specifically, no, but my NSW teammate Ryan Carters has got his charity, Batting for Change, which runs in association with the LBW Trust. Eastern Suburbs Cricket Club is supporting them this season. Ryan is very passionate about education, and he has been able to do things like build part of a school in Nepal, and he's raising money to put Indian women through tertiary education as well.

He's a weapon. He's put a lot of time and effort into that, and it's getting a lot of traction.

In an ideal world, what does the future hold for Peter Nevill? Two Test series wins this summer. And, personally, I'm looking forward to getting married in April.

The supercoach.

LOCAL BLOKE... TOM CARTWRIGHT FROM BRONTE Interview James Hutton Picture Grant Brooks

W

hen Bronte local Tom Cartwright isn’t coaching clients to be the best they can be, you can find him rolling an arm over with the Daily Batters or demolishing a chicken roll. He shares his local favourites with The Beast…

How long have you lived here? I have been living in Bronte for 20 years now.

What's your favourite beach? I developed most of my swimming abilities in the surf at Bronte, but once I was old enough to choose where I swam, I chose Tamarama and that has been my favourite spot ever since.

What's your favourite eatery? It would have to be The Char on Bondi Road. I couldn’t recall how many chicken rolls I have had for lunch there. Great food and friendly staff. All I need.

Where do you like to have a drink?

The beer garden at the Clovelly Hotel is hard to beat. Other than 58 The Beast | December 2016

that, the Waverley Bowlo as the sun goes down is beautiful.

Do you have a favourite sporting team? The Randwick Rugby Club has been a part of my life for many years. I played for the Colts and then manned the bar after home games for two years. And local T20 cricket team the Daily Batters.

They bring all the entertainment a supporter could ask for, not that we have much off-field support.

What music are you into at the moment? No artists or genres in particular.

Who is your favourite person? I have a collective group who are my ‘favourite people’. We push each other to gain more in life. They know who they are.

What do you get up to on the weekends? Coaching sessions with clients, beach, friends, dinners, networking, and never a weekend without a round of golf and a big innings for the Daily Batters.

What do you do for work? I bring direction and clarity to teenagers and young adults who are unsure of where to go in life, or how to get there. I am able to do this through my coaching practice, Cartwright Coaching. For more info, visit www.cartwrightcoaching.com.

What's your favourite thing about work? The success that clients and I get to share together. Their growth is most important to me, so when we reach their goals everything seems to be taken care of.

Do you have a favourite quote?

“When you are born, your life’s purpose is placed in your heart. It is your job to find it.” Luckily my purpose is to help you find yours!

Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? Stop focusing on ‘how’ you are going to have more time, money, relationships, freedom, fast cars, dream homes, etc. and focus on ‘why’ you want them. When your why is big enough, the how gets taken care of.

generation who grew up in Bondi are bitter about the changes since our childhood, but I loved it then when it was called Scum Valley and still love it now!

What’s the worst thing about the Eastern Suburbs? The traffic, without a doubt; it’s a struggle to get to places on time without being stressed.

Do you have a favourite sporting team? I’m not really into sport much, but I was brought up as a Roosters supporter and I married a Rabbitohs nut, so I guess I haven’t been able to escape the footy.

What music are you into at the moment? I have a few playlists on Spotify with a mix of many decades and styles. I also love using Pandora where you can punch in a favourite song and everything that follows is in the same genre.

Who is your favourite person? My three adult children: Nic, Jake and Emily. They kill me sometimes, but they will always be my besties.

Lisa the yogi from Planet Yoga.

LOCAL CHICK...

LISA HOLLAND FROM BONDI Interview James Hutton Picture Grant Brooks

E

arly childhood teacher and children’s yoga instructor Lisa Holland was born and bred in Bondi. She shares her local favourites with The Beast…

How long have you lived here? 53 years. I was born and bred here in Bondi. My mum grew up in Vaucluse when there was a dairy across the road from her house and my dad came from Europe to Bondi just before the outbreak of WWII. I’m lucky enough to have my whole extended family still here in the area.

What's your favourite beach?

Bondi during the week with

60 The Beast | December 2016

smaller crowds is part of my soul, and the top of Parsley Bay with its isolation and beauty is also very special to me.

What's your favourite eatery? I love the food and vibe at Depot in North Bondi and the Speedos window seat for the best view.

Where do you like to have a drink?

I like quiet boutique bars. The Hill Eatery is one I’ve been to a bit recently. My garden at home is pretty good too.

What’s the best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? The beaches, the shops and the people. A lot of my

What do you get up to on the weekends? My partner lives in Terrigal, so we take turns to hang out there or at Bondi. Either choice always feels like a holiday.

What do you do for work? I’m an early childhood teacher. I run a children’s yoga company called Planet Yoga, which teaches yoga at schools and childcare centres.

I also assess childcare students at Randwick Tafe and OTEN. What's your favourite thing about work? Arriving at a centre and being mobbed by excited preschoolers who love my fun yoga sessions.

The cuddles are hard to beat, too!

Do you have a favourite quote?

“Prevention is better than cure.”

Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? Perspective is everything. Almost anything can be turned around to be a positive experience.

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SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? Words Rupert Truscott-Hughes Picture Sandy White

E

very year it seems to be a dilemma – do I head out of town for Christmas and New Year’s Eve or do I stay put? Both options have their pros and cons, and inevitably I’m left with the feeling that the grass is greener on the other side.

In fact, I’ve even returned early from the South Coast on occasion only to get back to Sydney and realise that I’ve made a big mistake.

This year, before making my final decision on whether to stay or go, I’ve decided to list some of the pros and cons of the conflicting options…

STAYING PUT Generally speaking, Sydney is an absolute shit fight in summer, but during the Christmas week it isn’t so bad. A hell of a lot of people head out of town and very few outsiders can afford the exorbitant rents to visit the area during this period.

The city itself is like a ghost town on December 25. I strongly recommend a Christmas walk down George Street if you ever get the chance. It’s quite an eerie experience.

62 The Beast | December 2016

Of course, all of this changes on New Year’s Eve when the throngs return in their droves, but the days leading up to January 1 are often bliss.

The start of the Sydney to Hobart is another good reason to stay put. It is an absolute spectacle, especially if you’re on a big boat near the start line. The view from my harbourside abode isn’t too bad either.

The biggest downside of staying in Sydney is that everyone else seems to leave – friends, family, neighbours - it can actually feel quite lonely, particularly at a time of year went you’re meant to be surrounded by your loved ones.

HITTING THE ROAD If you’re travelling domestically, heading out of town is great once you’ve actually arrived at your destination, but the journey there and the thought of the journey home can spoil even the most relaxing escape.

Regardless of whether you’re heading north, south or west, you

can guarantee that the traffic is going to be a nightmare. To overcome this I’ve taken to travelling in the middle of the night to avoid the inevitable logjam. Luckily I’m yet to fall asleep at the wheel.

It’s probably the worst time of year to be up or down the coast too, because everyone else has the same idea. You’ll have to book ahead at restaurants, circle the block for beach front car spaces, and probably end up in a traffic jam if you’re travelling any distance longer than a kilometre or two.

Another option for the Christmas break (if you’ve got the coin) is to jump on a plane and leave the country entirely. For many it’s low season Bali that beckons, but I prefer to dust off the ski gear and head over to Aspen or St Moritz.

Regardless of whether you plan to stay put in Sydney or hit the road, Rupert here would like to wish you all the merriest of Christmases. Have fun, stay safe, and I’ll see you all in the New Year.

Seafood basket.

WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO THE LUCKY COUNTRY? Words and Picture Dan Trotter

W

hat ever happened to the lucky country? That’s what I want to know!

If you read my article regularly, you will know just how lucky I think we all are, living here in our piece of paradise with great weather, ample opportunities, clean oceans, drinking water straight out of the tap, and a decent economy too. But what happened to our country?

A lot has changed since Australia was first coined the ‘lucky country’.

Now you can’t sneeze, turn left or right, have a beer, pitch a tent or go for a fish without some law enforcer watching your every move.

These last three months I’ve been searching for somewhere to go camping with friends this coming Christmas break. Somewhere without borders, away from neighbours and crowds, where we can camp wherever we want, do whatever we want, and engage with nature. The search has uncovered some hard truths about just how difficult this is, and sadly everything points back 64 The Beast | December 2016

to the fact that there are simply too many people thinking of only themselves and no one else.

On that note, for those readers passionate about fishing and taking home a fresh feed, you should know that just around the corner is a whole new set of marine park zones for Sydney fishos to contend with. Just what exactly is about to happen seems almost impossible to find out. However, one thing that is for sure is that a handful of law makers, heavily influenced by non-government organisations, are drawing up the battle lines as you read this, and there’s no doubt that people and groups on both sides of the lines are going to be disappointed by the outcome.

How is this going to affect you?

Only time will tell, so stay tuned!

Moving along to matters more fishy, what can we anglers hope for this Christmas month? Well, December is decidedly tricky warm currents one day and cold upwellings the next. The unknown aside, dropping a line in December

is well worth the effort if you’re keen to put a tasty seafood feast on the table. Yellowtail kingfish will be about in healthy numbers, and the summer mulloway run should also be well into its paces on the offshore reefs. Wider still, the mahi mahi, billfish and occasional wahoo will be on the hunt in the ocean currents.

Back in the estuaries fish life should be abundant. Drifting baits or flicking lures for flathead is a fun way to spend an afternoon.

Be sure to set a few blue-swimmer crab pots on the sandy drop-offs for an unbeatable dinner table treat too. If early mornings are your thing, get prepped the night before and hunt the bays of the harbour for dawn patrolling pelagics. Keep a keen eye out for surface activity and cast small, lightly weighted lures or soft plastics into the melee using an erratic variable speed to entice a strike, then enjoy the tussle that ensues.

Tight lines and the merriest of Christmases!

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Whatcha doin' in my waters?

THE SHAGGY BEARD SHARK Words Pascal Geraghty Picture Evonne Wobbegong

N

ever mind the brutish great white sharks swarming the north coast. There may be an equally sinister, less conspicuous character patrolling our surf zones - according to the media, anyway. Over the past few years our very best journos have been judiciously reporting on a spate of ferocious wobbegong attacks in NSW waters.

They told us of one lucky survivor who fought off a bloodthirsty wobby in the shallows at Mona Vale. It set upon him in the shorey and tried to drag him to his doom.

Miraculously this horrifying ordeal left him with nothing but a spurt of adrenaline, a few small puncture marks, some claret and a souvenir tooth.

In the dreamy, smoky Byronshire this time, an innocent non-hippie boy was attacked at a popular swimming beach. It turns out he simply kicked the hapless wobbegong away as he exited the water. No stitches required.

Yet another savage wobby

66 The Beast | December 2016

attack took place on the Central Coast. The leg of a budding female surf star was mauled shortly after performing a textbook ‘three to the beach’. She laughed it off.

The truth is, wobbegongs are placid, peace-loving, reclusive creatures that only resort to lashing out if stepped upon or threatened. Who wouldn’t?

Until fairly recently there were thought to be two species sleeping on Sydney’s reefs – the spotted wobbegong (O. maculatus) and the ornate wobbegong (O. ornatus).

Subsequent genetic research, however, revealed a third, closelyrelated local species: the banded wobby (O. halei).

The term wobbegong is believed to come from an Australian Indigenous language and translates to ‘shaggy beard’. Wobbegongs are lazy, bottom-dwelling fish that use their spectacular camouflage to lie in waiting for tasty morsels to mosey on by. Instead of actively looking for food or chasing after prey, they wait for food to come

close to them and then grab it with their mouth. Come to think of it, they remind me of a few people I know.

They rest during the day in dark caves, then feed at night on a Mediterranean-inspired diet of fish, lobsters, crabs and octopus.

In contrast to the lazy, bearded types I have in mind, however, wobbegongs are incredibly flexible, which serves as a warning to anyone thinking about picking one up. They are famous for being capable of biting their own tail, including any hand holding it.

I’ve seen this happen and it took myself and another armed with a steel meat hook each to pry open its mouth and release the sore and sorry hand in question.

Despite the media’s profiling, wobbegong sharks are quiet, introverted fish. Like anyone, they are willing to defend themselves when it comes to the crunch, but they would much prefer to be left alone to get on with their daily regime of snoozing the hours away.

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DECEMBER 2016 TIDE CHART Numbers Bureau of Meteorology Tidal Centre Picture Erik Janousek MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

1 0334 1004 1640 2236

0.50 1.74 0.37 1.34

2 0411 1041 1718 2316

0.52 1.74 0.38 1.32

•

8 0339 0927 1538 2215

1.37 0.66 1.49 0.41

9 0439 1039 1646 2311

1.47 0.60 1.48 0.37

•

15 0327 0956 1634 2237

0.32 2.03 0.12 1.48

16 0418 1045 1726 2330

0.37 2.00 0.16 1.44

•

23 0458 1110 1659 2312 30 0313 0945 1621 2216

• New Moon • First Quarter • Full Moon • Last Quarter 5 0047 0620 1245 1931

1.28 0.63 1.62 0.44

6 0140 0714 1334 2024

1.28 0.66 1.56 0.45

7 0238 0816 1432 2119

1.31 0.68 1.52 0.44

12 0055 0722 1352 1951

0.30 1.85 0.27 1.53

13 0145 0814 1448 2047

0.29 1.95 0.18 1.53

14 0236 0905 1542 2143

0.29 2.01 0.13 1.51

19 0116 0657 1314 1958

1.36 0.58 1.66 0.40

20 0212 0754 1404 2046

1.34 0.66 1.52 0.48

21 0307 0855 1459 2135

1.34 0.71 1.40 0.53

22 0403 1001 1558 2224

1.36 0.73 1.32 0.55

26 0040 0715 1351 1936

0.54 1.60 0.52 1.30

27 0120 0754 1431 2019

0.52 1.66 0.45 1.32

28 0158 0831 1509 2059

0.51 1.72 0.40 1.34

29 0235 0908 1545 2137

0.49 1.76 0.36 1.35

Rock hopping.

FRIDAY

•

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

3 0450 0.56 1119 1.71 1800 0.40

4 0000 0532 1200 1844

1.30 0.59 1.67 0.42

10 0536 1.59 1149 0.50 1752 1.50

11 0003 0630 1253 1853

0.33 1.72 0.38 1.51

17 0510 0.43 1135 1.91 1817 0.23

18 0023 0602 1225 1908

1.40 0.50 1.80 0.32

1.41 0.71 1.28 0.56

24 0547 1213 1758 2357

1.47 0.66 1.26 0.55

25 0633 1.54 1306 0.59 1850 1.28

0.49 1.78 0.34 1.36

31 0352 1022 1659 2257

0.49 1.79 0.33 1.36

the puffed sleeve, pirate or bell shapes, or create your own interest by wearing piled-on bangles over your sleeves, right up your forearm.

YELLOW From saffron, to chartreuse, to bright citrus, we’ve seen a whole range of options of the colour yellow and there’s something to suit every skin tone. At spring/ summer fashion weeks around the globe designers previewed everything from highlighter-like neon, to fizzy sherbet yellows, to more muted mustard paired with statement gold earrings.

FLOATY DRESSES AND ASYMMETRICAL HEMLINES Dresses are always a summer staple, but this season make yours a loose, languid, asymmetrical number rather than one with structured shape. Stay on trend and keep your eye out for floaty dresses with dreamy ruffles or asymmetrical hemlines.

On the streets I found: Fraser from North Bondi.

Blair from Bondi Junction.

GET YOUR WARDROBE WARM WEATHER READY Words and Pictures Sharmin Musca, Personal Stylist

T

he warm weather is finally here. It’s time to get your wardrobe ready with the latest trends for summer 2016/17.

ACCESSORIES A new weighty earring trend has emerged and the bigger the better it seems. We’ve seen an abundance of super-sized accessories like pom-poms and chandelier styles hanging from the earlobes of many models and style gurus.

Furthermore, if you’ve lost one half of your favourite pair then it looks like you’re in luck – another of this season’s fashion trends is to juxtapose your accessories with one small earring on one ear and

70 The Beast | December 2016

one huge, dangling piece on the other – who would have thought matching pairs would become so last season? You could go further still and embrace the single, supersized earring trend. Note: It must be worn with confidence to avoid looking like you lost an earring sprinting for the train.

THE STATEMENT SLEEVE It’s time to have fun with your sleeves this season and really make a statement. Roll up shirt sleeves in oversized folds, yank down to expose the shoulder, or unbutton and invert the cuff so it fans out over your arm. Look for eye-catching detail in shirts like

NAME Fraser LIVES North Bondi STREET STYLE Fraser wears an Aqua cotton shirt and slate grey shorts by local label Venroy, Adidas shoes and a Country Road bag.

FAVE ITEM FOR THE SEASON Garrett Leight sunnies.

NAME Blair LIVES Bondi Junction STREET STYLE Blair wears a dress

by Auguste, grey clutch by Charlie Middleton, Vuelo eyewear and Converse trainers.

FAVE ITEM FOR THE SEASON A one-piece swimsuit from local label Bondi Bather.

Need help with your wardrobe or want to update your look? Sharmin Musca is a Personal Stylist who helps men and women of all ages, shapes and sizes. You can call her on 0405518155 or email sharmin@personalstylist.net.au.

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Find us

December 2016 | The Beast 71

it away and almost a third of us would rather give money to charity than buy gifts. It’s understandable: gift giving and receiving gracefully is tricky. We feel judged by what people choose for us, but we shouldn’t. Pressies are a minefield.

We’ve all seen less than enthusiastic responses to our carefully chosen gifts. In 2015 Australians received more than 20 million unwanted gifts, but they were all bought with good intentions. If you get something rubbish, smile, say thank you and hope they’ve included the receipt.

Boxing day booze-up.

THE UNRELIABLE GUIDE TO...

SURVIVING CHRISTMAS Words Nat Shepherd Picture Rudolph

S

tudies have shown that there is a greater chance of dying on Christmas Day, Boxing Day and New Year’s Day than on any other day of the year. This is not due to an excessive consumption of eggnog or a penchant for overly dramatic games of charades; it’s down to stress. Why do so many of us find the Yuletide season so demanding? Who knows? Fear not, though, for the Unreliable Guide has some tips to help you survive the festive season…

tion of Christmas is hard; it’s the time when all the marketing departments in the world increase their determination to get cash out of your pocket. Except most of us don’t use cash anymore, we just wave our magic credit cards and try not to think about the January bills. Here’s a tip: decide on a budget for Christmas, take that amount out of the ATM and leave your credit cards at home. When the cash is gone, your Christmas shopping is complete. Guilt free.

DON’T OVERSPEND According to the Commonwealth Bank, in 2014 Aussies spent $7.6 billion on Christmas gifts alone.

Dealing with the commercialisa-

GIVE AND RECEIVE GIFTS GRACEFULLY One in four of us will regift an unwanted present this year. Two per cent of you will just throw

72 The Beast | December 2016

COPING WITH RELATIVES Relatives are fine at a distance, but extended exposure mixed with too much brandy makes it almost inevitable that something will explode. Christmas Day is like a wedding; everyone has expectations of how it should go. This may lead to disappointment, frustration and arguments. Make a clear schedule so people know when things are going to happen: food, pressies, cricket matches, charades, etc. Don’t forget to factor in some all-important moments of time out, particularly for teens. And most importantly, make sure everyone is aware of your final escape time if you’re visiting or the time they should all bugger off if you’re hosting. There’s nothing as stressful as looking at your watch every five minutes wondering when it’ll all be over.

DON’T COMPENSATE BY OVEREATING/DRINKING Do relax and have a couple of glasses of bubbly, do break the diet and have a bit of Christmas cake, but if you go crazy on the food and drink it might just finish you off. Remember, most of the food we eat at Christmas was designed for European winters, not Aussie summers. Have a salad.

Finally, the Unreliable Guide suggests that if you can’t make the effort and be nice to people for one day of the year, just book an overseas holiday and miss the whole shebang.

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journeys and tips to make positive change happen.

IS THERE ANYTHING YOU’VE SACRIFICED THAT YOU REALLY MISS? Tim Tams!

WHAT’S NEXT ON THE CARDS? My 2017 challenge is to start making and growing as much of my own food as possible – making my own bread, growing veggies and hopefully having a chicken coop out the back.

Go on, steal.

NOW IS THE TIME TO EMBARK ON YOUR ZERO WASTE JOURNEY Words Nicola Saltman Picture Madolyn Garnham

L

ooking to cut back the amount of rubbish you toss? We asked founder of Zero Waste Sydney and local Second Nature (secondnature.org.au) champion Madolyn Garnham about her last 12 months of trying to do just that.

carry my ‘zero-waste kit’ in my backpack: a fold up bag, a metal straw, a glass bottle and a reusable KeepCup. I also try to buy food from markets and bulk-food stores.

WHAT MADE YOU EMBARK ON YOUR ZERO-WASTE JOURNEY? I started to think about what happened to the stuff that I used daily once I was done with it: that old toothbrush, the empty coffee cup, the chip packet - where did it all go after I threw it in the bin?

After some research, I was shocked that these things will take more than my lifetime to break down in landfill. It's a pretty scary thought.

WHAT’S BEEN THE MOST CHALLENGING THING? Cutting down what I buy in the first place. Being zero-waste isn't just about reducing disposables or plastic packaging, it's about shrinking overall consumption.

Whether it's a new clothing item or something for the house, I try hard to cut back on anything that isn't useful, or an absolute necessity. Plus I try to choose quality items that will last longer.

WHAT’S BEEN THE EASIEST THING TO CUT OUT OF YOUR LIFE? The big four plastics: plastic bags, straws, water bottles and takeaway coffee cups. They are so prevalent in our daily lives, and there are simple go-to alternatives. I always

WHAT’S BEEN THE MOST SURPRISING THING ABOUT YOUR JOURNEY? How supportive other people have been. There is a growing zerowaste community in Sydney, and it’s inspiring to hear about others’

74 The Beast | December 2016

WHAT ARE YOUR THREE TOP TIPS FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT TO START CUTTING THEIR WASTE DOWN? 1. Start with one thing. Look at your habits at home (e.g. in the kitchen, the bathroom), then try to add or remove one thing from your routine. I found that a lot of my plastic consumption was in the bathroom. I replaced my plastic toothbrush with a bamboo one that’s compostable, and I now make my own toothpaste. Just like that, this daily routine has become zero-waste!

2. Be prepared. Put together a zero-waste kit of alternatives (e.g. reusable bag, bottle, etc.) to take with you everywhere. Be creative and reuse the things you already own. One of my favourite tools in my kit is an old cloth drawstring sunnies case to carry loose groceries.

3. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

Your journey is your own, so don’t feel disheartened if you’re only just starting out. Every small bit counts.

Waverley Council will be working with businesses and the community this summer to help reduce packaging waste and litter. Join Madolyn and over 1300 people who’ve signed up to Council’s Second Nature environmental program at www.secondnature.org.au.

You can follow Madolyn’s journey at instagram.com/ plasticnotfantastic.

Waste matters Drop off your household problem waste for recycling

You can drop off:

Paint

Gas bottles and fire extinguishers

Fluoro globes and tubes

Household and car batteries

Motor and other oils

Cans and plastic containers

Smoke detectors

Computers and televisions

Randwick Community Recycling Centre is located at: 72 Perry Street, Matraville Hours: Monday to Friday: 6am–3pm; Saturday: 8–11am For more information call Randwick City Council on 1300 722 542 or visit www.epa.nsw.gov.au/recyclingcentres Only household quantities accepted.

This project is a NSW EPA Waste Less, Recycle More initiative funded from the waste levy. Visit www.epa.nsw.gov.au

The shop that started it all.

QTIPS #12 - GOULD STREET FAVOURITES Words Dan Hutton Picture Penelope Chuz

W

hen you find yourself in need of a new wardrobe, or maybe you need to furnish your new abode, Bondi shouldn’t be looked over. Gould Street alone has everything you need to get you looking, smelling and feeling good - from dog kennel air fresheners to paper laundry baskets. Here are a few of our favourite Gould Street stores that are all about that Bondi lifestyle…

BONDI BATHER Designed by a collection of beach loving Bondi babes, the swimwear range pays tribute to the bubble lifestyle. They take natural colour palettes from around Bondi and introduce them into the collection, creating a totally Bondi feel. If you are in need of a new cossie for the summer season, look no further.

DENIM COLAB Being in, from or even around Bondi, you need to have that statement piece of denim that makes you feel at home. Thankfully the local team at Denim CoLAB have popped up with their banging store, stocked with some awesome cuts of anything denim. For the ladies and the dudes, be sure 76 The Beast | December 2016

to pop in to pick up those light pieces for the summer ahead. And remember, double denim is cool, but just be sure to contrast.

TUCHUZY A Bondi staple. Hell, a Sydney staple. Without Tuchuzy, the ladies in our lives might be a little lost. A totally distinctive boutique, stocking names that you know and a stack of other names that you should know. If you need an outfit for that Christmas party or just something special, the team here will be able to find you exactly what you need.

UASHMAMA When you walk into the store you have that immediate want to buy it all. Uashmama specialises in producing paper bags… with the strength of leather. Effortlessly cool pieces. Throw a cactus in one or use it for laundry; either way, this is always a good spot to pick up a little something different.

TOTEM ROAD Delicious furniture. Not that you can eat it, but it makes you want to. If you’re new to the bubble or just looking to update your current

bed, The York is probably your best bet. Scandinavian design with sleek lines – yum.

BONDI WASH Big on botanicals and fragrances, the team at Bondi Wash have a spray for all your needs, from the body, to your yoga mat and even one for the dog kennel. Made from all natural plant-based ingredients, these guys will have you smelling fantastic in no time.

ORLEBAR BROWN Based in London with stores all over the world, Bondi is happy to welcome the OB team, with their fine men’s swim collections. Think of their apparel as something that you can wear to the beach, but also to the bar. They started with the humble short and have expanded to create a whole range of beachwear that is more than at home in Bondi.

The QT Concierge App, your little black book to the best of Bondi – cafes, bars, shops, restaurants, activities and more – is out now.

Download it at https://itunes. apple.com/au/app/qt-gold-coastconcierge/id526442408.

CAROLS in Randwick city Coogee Carols Sunday 18 December 6.30-8.30pm Coogee Beach

Matraville Carols

by Candlelight Saturday 10 December 5-9pm Barwon Park, Matraville 0419 204 056

1300 722 542

www.coogeecarols.com.au

Carols by the Sea

CAROLS BY CANDLIGHT

Saturday 10 December 6-10pm

Sunday 11 December 4.30-8pm

Grant Reserve, Coogee Organised by the local churches.

9665 5409

St Lukes Anglican Church, corner Varna Street and Arden Street, Clovelly.

9665 8320

South Maroubra Christmas Party Saturday 17 December 2-6pm South Maroubra Village Green, 5-19 Meagher Avenue.

9311 0088

1300 722 542

www.randwick.nsw.gov.au

Biblical porn.

SEX, RELIGION AND GUILT Words Matty Silver, Sex Therapist Picture Fanny Growler

M

any of my clients have acquired sexual problems because of their religious beliefs or cultural backgrounds. Often they are completely unaware of it - not surprising when they’re taught confusing values from an early age.

It's difficult to grow into a healthy sexual being when you are told by religious parents and/or church leaders that God created sex to be something beautiful, and pure, but it should only be enjoyed in marriage, and only between a man and a woman, and that you have to be a virgin, preferably having no sexual activity at all before marriage. No masturbation is allowed either, and homosexuality is definitely out of the question.

Almost all religious groups, throughout the ages, have condemned masturbation, claiming it inhibits self-control and promotes sexual promiscuity. The many myths and outdated beliefs surrounding masturbation remain hard to shake. For instance, the myth that masturbation leads to blindness, that it causes impotence later in life, or that it’s responsible for premature ejaculation. The latest false claim is that it leads to 78 The Beast | December 2016

sex addiction.

One of the most destructive emotions a person can experience is guilt. It's not as if this guilt makes people abstain from forbidden sexual activity, it just makes them feel bad and depressed.

Given these negative messages, it's not surprising that there are still feelings of shame and embarrassment about this very natural and healthy activity.

One of my clients felt guilty using his hands to masturbate and from an early age did so by lying face down on the floor or on his mattress, which puts excessive pressure on the penis. These sensations are not easily replicated and he now has great difficulties enjoying sexual intercourse with his wife.

Well known US sex therapist Dr. Marty Klein wrote a very interesting book: America’s War on Sex, Lust and Liberty. In it he explains how the religious right faction is successfully censoring what people should read, hear, and see, limiting access to contraception, legislating 'good' moral values, and brainwashing teenagers that God hates premarital sex.

According to Dr. Klein: "Sexuality is religion's worst nightmare because it offers the possibility of personal autonomy. Anyone can be sexual – rich or poor, old or young, tall or short, educated or not.

Religion attempts to seize sex as its own domain, claiming a monopoly or morality, which primarily is about limiting sexual expression.

Religion's ideas about sex centre on 'don't do this and don't do that'."

Unfortunately there are still many conservative groups and organisations in Australia that agree with many of these ‘values’.

For some girls it’s important not to have sex before marriage.

However, a disturbing side effect of ‘saving’ one’s virginity is the possibility of ending up with a condition called vaginismus. There are no statistics available, but I see at least about two or three women with this condition every month.

I tell my ‘religious’ clients who are overwhelmed by feelings of sexual guilt that I do not believe God would have created men and women with sexual organs that can give them pleasure if they were simply to be used for procreation alone.

WEDNESDAY 14 DECEMBER 2016 5–8.30pm

Bondi Park, Bondi beach

On rail.

SAIL AWAY, SAIL AWAY, SAIL AWAY Words Alasdair McClintock Picture Alan Bond

A

life on the sea. The very thought evokes all sorts of romantic ideas. The salty air blowing your hair back and washing the troubles of land away. A man or woman and their Labrador, sailing around the world at their own leisure. Going from port to port. A lover in every town.

And then, of course, there are tales of forced buggery and dreadful initiations. Fights to the death and strange forms of prostitution in international waters. But everything has a dark side, doesn’t it? I think it was Batman’s butler, Alfred J. Pennyworth, who said: “Without darkness, there is no light.” Or it could have been Ghandi. Either way, they shared a similar ethos.

And where better to celebrate fights to the death and strange forms of prostitution than Sydney Harbour - the epicentre of all that is good, hedonistic and evil in this country? It will be positively heaving with sailboats and debauchery

80 The Beast | December 2016

this summer.

Even us landlubbers can get amongst it; the sailing, that is (and the debauchery too; I won’t judge you). You will have to fork out a little cash, but if you’re after some salty excitement (still talking about sailing) you can jump on board one of the boats involved in the Twilight Racing at Double Bay. No experience is necessary, apparently - just watch out for that swinging thingy attached to the mast.

Then, of course, there is the magnificent spectacle that is the Sydney to Hobart yacht race. This is a serious business. Even the celebrities have to pull their weight in this one, or so they claim.

Us mere mortals have no hope of getting on one of the bad boys involved in this big race. You need years of training or a hell of a lot of cash. It’s the ultimate playground for the rich and is a bit like the English Premier League, in that whoever has the most money

usually wins. I’ll be damned if I can be bothered researching it, but I doubt there have been too many Leicester Citys in the history of the race. I think I’d remember if a couple of drunk folk in a tinny had won the thing anyway.

But nobody really cares who wins. We follow it with a sick fascination, secretly hoping a celebrity will go overboard and have to be rescued in dramatic circumstances, in high seas, by a fella hanging out of a helicopter.

I, for one, would like to see Kelsey Grammer on one of the yachts. There is something about that man’s huge, balding head that just screams “Seaman!” to me. Put one of those little white hats on him and you’ve got yourself the very paragon of a captain. Deeply disturbed and desperately wrestling with his white whale, you just know he is destined to go down with his ship.

Much like us all, I suppose.

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Grassroots talent.

SOAKING UP THE SWEET SOUNDS OF WILD HONEY Words Dan Hutton Picture Luke Gallagher

S

ydney five-piece guitar rockers Wild Honey have had a big year so far, releasing their selftitled debut EP and clocking up the kilometres touring the east coast. They’ll be seeing out the year on stage at Lost Paradise festival in the Glenworth Valley. The Beast caught up with Wild Honey front man Thom Moore during the month…

If I had to describe our sound in one sentence… I’d say our songs prove that guitar bands can still give you a buzz like nothing else, fifty years after the Beatles.

My first memory of music is… my nanna guiding what were my tiny hands along the piano keys, singing the pitch of each note as we pressed the key, then mixing up the order of the notes in the scale.

Melody.

Growing up my parents listened to… Abba (Mum) and Van Morrison (Dad). Abba’s song ‘SOS’ still makes me want to pick up the phone and give Mum a call and Van Morrison’s ‘Into The Mystic’ sums up my dad perfectly.

Our dream gig... would be a

84 The Beast | December 2016

festival down at Bronte Beach with local legends Brightness, Wartt Gunn, Hair Die, Mesmeriser, the Preatures, Gang Of Youths, DMA’s, Sticky Fingers and us.

If you come to see us play, you can expect… your girlfriend to lose her senses momentarily when she sees Jacko play that Hammond.

There was one time when we were starting out… that we left Sydney at midnight, drove through the night to Byron, surfed for a few hours, got back in the van, drove up to the Sunshine Coast and played a gig. Cruisey…

If I could have chosen one song to have written it would have to be… ‘God Only Knows’ by the Beach Boys.

Our favourite song to perform would have to be... ‘Eye to Eye’. It was our first single and has had a few plays on Triple J over the year, so people know it. I still haven’t got tired of playing it.

The best thing about the local music scene is… that it even manages to survive. It’s a harsh reality for a band starting out gigging.

Playing mates’ parties and small gigs is easy enough, but to take it to even the very next level can be a huge leap due to the shortage of venues and lack of general interest in undiscovered bands.

One person we’d still really like to record with is… Jack Moffit from the Preatures. We have produced all of our releases so far with Jack, and I can still say he’s who I’d most like to record with tomorrow and the next day.

Our biggest fan has got be…

Maddy in San Remo, Victoria.

She’s a sweetheart.

We’ll know we have made it when... Thom E is not delivering doughnuts, Sammy B isn’t pouring beers at the bowlo, Jackson’s not wearing steel caps, Adam is renting a room large enough to fit a double bed, and I’m not sleeping in the tour van.

Our next big gig is… Lost Paradise!

To find out more about Wild Honey, please visit www.facebook.com/reachwildhoney.

ALBUM #1 Artist Leonard Cohen Album You Want It Darker Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  I wonder how many of us could freely name a Leonard Cohen song, other than 'Hallelujah'. Disturbingly, quite a few probably still don’t even know he wrote that. But that’s neither here nor there, I guess. I can’t say I’m a humungous fan of spoken word albums, which is effectively what this is (I am a huge fan of the word ‘humungous’ though, for what it’s worth).

However, it’s hard not to enjoy this one. It reminds me of cosy family times by the fire with grandpa, whisky in wrinkly hand, telling a tale or two. Which is hardly surprising, as Cohen is 82. Well, he was before he died.

ALBUM #2 Artist Tkay Maidza Album TKAY Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating 

MOVIE REVIEW TITLE I, Daniel Blake GENRE Drama REVIEWER Linda Heller-Salvador For over 50 years, multi-award winning director Ken Loach (The Wind That Shakes the Barley, Kes, Sweet Sixteen) has been an advocate and a powerful voice for the marginalised, unemployed and working class underdog. I, Daniel Blake, which won the Palme d’Or at this year’s Cannes Film Festival, is one of Loach’s most emotional and thought-provoking films to date.

It is a compassionate and gritty portrayal of two people who meet while struggling to navigate their way through a frustratingly draconian welfare system in England. Daniel Blake (Dave Johns), a widowed carpenter who has recently had a heart attack and is unable to work, and Katie (Hayley Squires), a single mother who has moved from the city so she can provide for her two children, are caught in an absurd cycle of bureaucratic catch-22 with no apparent way out.

I, Daniel Blake’s extensively researched and bittersweet script by Paul Laverty (The Wind That Shakes the Barley, Sweet Sixteen), along with a beautifully subtle score and powerful performances throughout, will awaken all of your senses.

It will enrage you, make you smile, pull at your heartstrings and rouse your conscience.

86 The Beast | December 2016

You might remember Tkay Maidza for that god-awful song 'Brontosaurus', which was inexplicably flogged a while back. It honestly sounded like a song from a toddler’s computer game. Thankfully that is nowhere to be seen here. Tkay’s sound has moved into its teens and is now a Surry Hills brand manager’s wet dream, with its diverse mix of EDM, rap and whatever the hell else you want to label it. She said herself that this album was loosely based on movies like Mean Girls, and if that doesn’t immediately make you like it, you can’t sit with us.

ALBUM #3 Artist Trophy Eyes Album Chemical Miracle Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  First of all, if you’re not in to the heavy stuff, you may as well move right along. Quickly now! This is only for those who like a bit of grit in their bacon sandwich.

The boys from Newy have blessed up with their second full-length and dang it’s good! They dance a sexy line through the best parts of skate-punk and hardcore, while (perhaps unknowingly) producing the perfect tribute to the early 2000s. I am going to flog this record all summer. No doubt about it. Trophy Eyes are the best thing to come out of Newcastle since Joey Johns.

ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT FROM AROUND THE BEACHES Words Madeleine Gray Picture William To COOGEE PUBLIC SCHOOL POP-UP MUSEUM Get along and discover the history of Coogee exhibited by the students of Year 3 at their Pop-Up Museum located at Coogee Bowling Club from November 29 to December 1. The exhibition looks at the change and continuity of Coogee over time and the contribution made by individuals and groups to our local community. There will be many exciting and interactive displays for you to explore. It’s open from 10am to 2pm and 3pm to 6pm each day.

INDIGENOUS ART EXHIBITION FUNDRAISER Bronte surfer and artist Ned Sevil died from bowel cancer in 2010 at the age of 30. For the last eight years of his life Ned worked and lived in a remote Aboriginal community called Warmun, in the Kimberley. Before he died Ned set

Enchanted sculptures.

up a not-for-profit called Ground Up Community Support Network to provide independent funding and support to Indigenous initiated and led projects in remote Aboriginal communities. Ground Up is now having a fundraising art exhibition at Cross Art Projects, Kings Cross from December 2 to 10. This exhibition will be selling beautiful ochre artworks donated by the Elders and Gija artists from Warmun. Money raised will go towards Gija language classes for all ages. The opening is on December 3, at 3pm. Call 0419 498 789 or visit groundupcommunity.org.

SO FRENCHY, SO CHIC Get ready for a party and a picnic in the park celebrating life and culture, the Frenchy way. So Frenchy So Chic In The Park is the next best thing to jetting off to the south of France, and will be taking place in Bicentennial Park, Glebe,

on Sunday, January 15. A day of cultural discovery and delight for all the senses is yours for the taking. As always, kids under 12 get in free. Tickets will sell out before Christmas, so jump on to www.sofrenchysochic.com.au and book now!

(NOT) JUST ONE MORE BONDI ACTRESS Bondi Beach actor Karen Mitchell has finished shooting Just One More Day, a feature film due to be released in 2017. Mitchell plays the mother of a child who has to embark on a journey of self-discovery while his father is deployed to an overseas military conflict.

The story, from Think Grand Films, represents the cross-section between Indian and Australian culture. Mitchell starts filming on other projects in the United States in 2017, details of which are still under wraps.

Big, delicious, made with love.

GO BIG OR GO HOME: GASTRONOMIC GREATNESS AT BELL & ANCHOR Words Madeleine Gray Picture Grant Brooks

T

he cafes along Arden Street are prime real estate. Literally across the road from the sparkling blue waters of Coogee Beach, they have the kind of view that most businesses only dream of.

So when the good folk behind Café Congo decided to close up shop after more than two decades late last year, Coogee carpenter Brock Thompson decided to seize the moment. Putting his hospitality experience and woodworking skills to use, Brock renovated the space by hand, exchanging Café Congo’s brown tiled floors for sleek concrete, and swapping a dated cream paint job for distressed brick and lovingly crafted wooden panels. And thus, Bell & Anchor was born.

When I popped in with friends during the month, it was immediately clear that the staff members at Belle & Anchor were the loveliest people you will ever meet.

88 The Beast | December 2016

Brock is friendliness personified, and while his personal aesthetic is decidedly non-hipster, his knowledge of the menu and the origins of all the produce used would put many a man-bun sporting lumberjack to shame. Our waitress, Ange, was a deadest legend, too, and her genuine exuberance made the whole ordering experience a treat.

We were presented with a culinary extravaganza. The menu is an homage to good old-fashioned seaside tucker, with an added Americana twist (Brock’s wife hails from Kansas City). And it looks beautiful.

We started with a range of breakfast options (both breakfast and lunch are served all day). The grilled halloumi stack was heaped on balsamic glazed sourdough, topped with perfectly poached eggs, grilled tomato, baby spinach, aioli and basil pesto.

Both the breakfast bruschetta

and the prosciutto stack also outdid themselves. The bruschetta raised the bar with its salty, crispy chorizo and Danish feta, while the prosciutto sat atop not one, but two types of cheese: feta and goat’s cheese.

For the ‘lunch’ element of our feast we went for three standout burgers, and a salad, just to be healthy.

The ‘Captain’ was a whopper of a meal, combining a thick wagyu beef patty, smoked barbecue brisket, crunchy bacon, deep fried mac ‘n’ cheese, pickles, lettuce, tomato, and truffle chipotle sauce – with fries on the side. It was insane, but also insanely good.

The 'Southern Chick' is apparently a best seller, and one taste of the zesty house made pineapple chutney made us realise why. The spice fried chicken breast and bacon really upped the ante too.

Our final burger, the 'Aunt Rita’s Jerk' with marinated jerk chicken breast, coleslaw, grilled pineapple and Jamaican barbecue sauce, offset by the creamy scrumptiousness avocado mayonnaise, was also on point.

Meanwhile, a surprise winner was the Hawaiian-inspired grilled mango and chicken salad. It was delightfully fresh, sweet and salty.

Drinks-wise, you can go in two directions. Either choose an expertly made coffee (brewed with award-winning Queensland roaster Duckinwilla’s beans), or go to the other extreme: how about a donuttopped salted caramel and popcorn milkshake? Or why not both?

Brock and the team are now licensed too, and expect to start opening for dinner very soon.

Keep your ears open – you won’t want to miss it.

Bell & Anchor Address 208 Arden Street, Coogee Instagram @bellandanchorcoogee Facebook www.facebook.com/ bellandanchor Opening Hours Daily, 7am–4pm Prices $15-$20 Cards Accepted All major Licensed/BYO Yes/Yes

Deviate Café & Restaurant Clovelly NEW Summer Menus Breakfast Lunch & Dinner 344 Clovelly Road, Clovelly (Beach end - opposite the Cloey Hotel)

NOW OPEN THURSDAY, FRIDAY & SATURDAY EVENINGS Bookings recommended ph 9665 2342 www.gordonscafe.com.au

www.deviate.com.au Ph 9664 7888

December 2016 | The Beast 89

It's that time of the year again.

WHAT YOU SHOULD BE THINKING WHEN IT COMES TO HOLIDAY DRINKING Words Alex Russell Instagram @ozwineguy Picture Rosé Gonzalez

D

ecember is a great time to buy booze. Here are a few quick Christmas shopping tips…

LOOK AROUND Keep in mind that different shops will generally have different things on special, to differentiate themselves. So if you go to one shop and see a particular wine on special, another shop down the road will often have something different on special. Explore a few different shops and take advantage of the variety and discounts.

STOCK UP December is the busiest time of year for retailers, as people are buying for Christmas presents as well as Christmas lunch and New Year’s Eve. Because it’s busy, shops buy in bulk and get great prices, which translates into great prices for you.

So if the budget allows, consider stocking up now with a case or two.

GIFT SUGGESTIONS Booze is a great gift. Feel free to ask for suggestions from the staff at your local bottle shop and let 90 The Beast | December 2016

them know your budget. If you say you want a $30 bottle of bubbles for someone, they’ll help you find the best value for money. If you don’t know what to get, there are certain rules of thumb that retailers will resort to: generally bubbles or white wine for ladies, and red wine or whisky for gents.

Remember, they don’t know your friends and can only guess. If you can, ask the recipient what they like to drink. If you do want help with your choices, try to do your shopping before December 24.

Retailers will generally be run off their feet that close to Christmas.

NEW YEAR’S EVE If at all possible, try to buy your booze in the days leading up to December 31. If you’re buying wine on the way to your party, don’t expect it to be cold. A bottle of wine takes a couple of hours in the fridge to cool down, and lots of other people will have beaten you to it.

WHAT SHOULD I DRINK? Whatever you want! Feel free to splash out and get something

fancy, or drink the cheapest, nastiest drop you can. Drink whatever you like, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

That said, my tip for Christmas lunch would be a Hunter Semillon or Clare Riesling with a prawn salad, then a sparkling red with ham and turkey. All of that leads to a lovely afternoon nap, before leftovers for dinner with a really nice big red. Maybe a Barossa Shiraz.

For New Year’s Eve, a session beer is a good option. Little Creatures ‘Rogers’ is a favourite of mine as it’s a little lower in alcohol, so you can go a little longer.

Bubbles are always a lot of fun here, too.

For me, this Christmas/New Year period will be a quiet one. Our second child is due on December 16, so we’ll toast him with a couple of quiet Belgian ales - Tripel Karmeliet, to be precise.

Have a safe holiday, thanks for reading, and I’ll see you all in January for some essential hangover suggestions.

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December 2016 | The Beast 91

baking paper, place baking weights on top and cook in the preheated oven for 20 minutes.

6. Remove from oven, take off baking weights and top sheet of baking paper, then return to the oven for 10 minutes to allow the tart to become slightly golden.

7. Once cooked, set aside and allow to cool.

8. To make the filling, whisk together the ricotta, honey and vanilla in a bowl.

9. Spread the filling over the base of the cooled tart.

Yes please.

SUMMER MANGO BERRY TART Recipe and Image from Seasons to Share by Jacqueline Alwill

S

ummer brings out the best in people. It also brings out beach days and heavenly, delicious, nourishing desserts like this little beauty. The tart is a combo of teff (an ancient Ethiopian grain rich in calcium and iron), brown rice flour and arrowroot, with just a touch of sweetness from rice malt syrup.

Topped with yoghurt or ricotta and any of your favourite summer fruits, it’s a cracking dessert that looks and tastes impressive, yet it’s super simple to whip together. It’s also gluten-free, sugar-free and vego friendly.

INGREDIENTS Tart 1 cup brown teff flour 1 cup brown rice flour 2/3 cup arrowroot flour 1 good pinch sea salt 5 tbsp cold coconut oil 6 tbsp iced water 2 eggs 3 tbsp rice malt syrup Filling 1 1/2 cups ricotta, greek yoghurt or coconut yoghurt

92 The Beast | December 2016

2 tablespoons honey 1 pinch of vanilla Topping 1 mango, sliced finely into segments 1/2 cup raspberries or berries of choice 1/4 cup pomegranate arils Optional: edible flowers METHOD 1. Preheat oven to 180°C and grease a 20cm tart tin with coconut oil.

2. Combine all dry goods (three types of flour) in a mixing bowl.

3. Whisk together the eggs and rice malt syrup, then fold in the flour. Add coconut oil and iced water, and knead all ingredients together well.

4. Cover the dough with glad wrap and rest in the fridge for half an hour, then remove from the fridge and roll dough out between two sheets of baking paper.

5. Remove the top sheet and press the dough into tart tin. Cover with

10. Arrange mango, raspberries, pomegranate and edible flowers over the top of the tart and serve.

The dish can be stored in the refrigerator for 2-3 days.

This recipe serves 8 Bondi local Jacqueline Alwill is a qualified, practicing nutritionist, personal trainer, whole foods cook and, most importantly, mother to Jet. She is committed to improving the health, wellbeing and happiness of all individuals.

In her first cookbook, Seasons to Share, Jacqueline has brought together a delightful collection of beautiful seasonal wholefoods recipes for all occasions. Seasons to Share (Murdoch Books) is available now in all good bookstores and online.

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by appointment

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I met her in a club down in old Soho...

30-MINUTE BANANA BREAD GRANOLA Words and Picture Tamika Woods

Y

ep, you heard it here first: granola that tastes just like banana bread, only crunchy! Naturally sweetened with Medjool dates and held together with a generous scoop of tahini, it’s almost worth baking this granola just for how delicious your house will smell afterwards try to time your baking for when you have guests arriving to appear like a seriously impressive chef.

This delicious granola also doubles up as a perfectly balanced energy boost to snack on throughout the day. Make a big jar of this granola and your breakfasts (and snacks) will be sorted for the week!

1/2 tsp ground clove 1 pinch salt 11/2 cups oats 3/4 cup almonds, roughly chopped 1/4 cup pepitas (pumpkin seeds) 3/4 cup raw buckwheat 1/2 cup flaked or desiccated coconut

INGREDIENTS 4 Medjool dates, seeds removed 2 tbsp tahini 2 very ripe bananas 2 tsp cinnamon 1 tsp nutmeg 1 tsp ginger

3. Add banana mixture to a large bowl and add all remaining ingredients.

94 The Beast | December 2016

METHOD 1. Preheat your oven to 180°C (350°F) and line two baking trays with baking paper.

2. Add dates, tahini and bananas to a food processor and blend until smooth and creamy.

4. Stir well and then spread granola mixture over the two baking trays.

5. Bake for around 20 minutes, until just golden and crunchy, stirring a few times throughout to stop the edges from burning.

6. Allow the granola to cool completely, then serve with fresh fruit and yogurt or store in an airtight jar for up to a week.

This recipe serves 10 Tamika Woods is a Bondi-based Nutritional and Dietetic Medicine student and recipe maker.

She is the founder of Sproutly Stories, a health food website designed to encourage spending more time in the kitchen. Her wholesome recipe ideas inspire others to enjoy real food that is conveniently healthy. For more guilt-free recipes, check out www.sproutlystories.com.

THE BEAST SUPERCROSS 1

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ACROSS 1. … on 34th Street (7) 5. Greek God of all gods (4) 8. Person who travels across snow on sticks (5) 9. Central area of Venice, Italy (8) 10. Focus of public attention (9) 12. Uncomfortable sensation on the skin (4) 14. Sparkly stuff hung on a Christmas tree (6) 17. Addams family character, Cousin … (2) 19. Chocolate seed (5) 21. What Popeye eats to get strong (7) 22. Title character of the Kung Fu Panda franchise (2) 23. Extreme limit (3) 24. Became aware of (8)

DOWN 1. Plant that you must kiss under (9) 2. Best picture winner from 1988 starring Dustin Hoffman (4,3) 3. Song sung at Christmas time (5) 4. Make someone very angry (6) 6. Parramatta rugby league team (4) 7. Type of whiskey (6) 11. American rapper born Clifford Joseph Harris Jr. (1,1) 13. Made contact with (7) 15. Holy place dedicated to someone or something (6) 16. Engraves, carves (6) 18. Stone rain (4) 20. Boy from Toy Story (4) 21. To such a great extent (2) 22. 3.14… (2)

TRIVIAL TRIVIA Words Madeleine Gray Picture Amaury Tréguer Instagram @morningbondi 1.True or false: Ireland won no medals at the 2004 Athens Olympic Games?

2. What is the real name of New Zealand singer Lorde?

3. As of November 6, 2016, who is the men’s world number one in tennis?

Shimmering light.

96 The Beast | December 2016

4. Which Hemsworth brother stars in new HBO television extravaganza Westworld?

5. Which 2016 American presidential candidate has also won a Grammy?

6. What is the capital city of Samoa?

7. What is the only entirely

marine mammal to feed exclusively on plants?

8. Does a strange-tailed tyrant have feathers, fur or fins?

9. What is the name of Tom Hanks’ wife?

10. What is the name given to the bay that spans Bronte and Tamarama?

AQUARIUS JAN 21-FEB 19 Just admit that a small part of you wanted Donald Trump to win the US election, just so you could see what would happen next.

CANCER JUN 22-JUL 23 You can try a million different diets and see all the doctors in the world, but the only thing that will stop you feeling so tired is sleep.

PISCES FEB 20-MAR 20 You've got one month left to actually achieve something of any significance this year. May as well just wait until 2017.

LEO JUL 24-AUG 23 Why on Earth do you stay here when all you do is bitch and moan about the quality of life and how expensive everything is? Go away.

ARIES MAR 21-APR 20 Any more than two knuckles can get pretty hectic, but it's sweet to explore the inner workings of your bumhole in the appropriate setting.

VIRGO AUG 24-SEP 23 If the best things in life really were free, you would save a fortune on coke and hookers. But they're not, so be careful to cover your tracks.

SAGITTARIUS NOV 23-DEC 22 The only thing your partner is going to give you this Christmas is an STD. Well, at least you won't need to act surprised.

TAURUS APR 21-MAY 20 The hottie at your local café gets paid to be nice to you, which is the only reason why they are nice to you, so don't get too carried away.

LIBRA SEP 24-OCT 23 Purchasing insurance will only give you a false sense of security and if something goes wrong they won't pay you out anyway.

CAPRICORN DEC 23-JAN 20 Pay extra attention to the cleanliness and general presentation of your genitals because you're about to get some much needed action.

GEMINI MAY 21-JUN 21 You're only a few steps away from becoming that fat person the kids make fun of on the bus, so get your shit together before it's too late.

SCORPIO OCT 24-NOV 22 Steal at least one small item from everyone you meet this month.

They probably won't notice and it's much more fun than buying stuff.

STAR SIGNS Words Beardy from Hell

TRIVIAL TRIVIA SOLUTIONS 1. True 2. Ella Yelich-O’Connor 3. Andy Murray 4. Luke Hemsworth 5. Hillary Clinton for ‘Best Spoken Word Album’ 6. Apia 7. The dugong 8. Feathers 9. Rita Wilson 10. Nelson Bay

SUNDAY DECEMBER 4, 2016

WIN

Flights ,A & Entrie ccommodatio Noosa s for the 2017 n Su Just en mmer Swim. ter or Bay the B2B Swim online!

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The Bondi to Bronte proudly partners with The Kids Cancer Project to raise money for childhood cancer research.

Every swimmer who raises $250+ gets their entry fee refunded!

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@bonditobronteswim

BRONTE SLSC – THE WORLD’S FIRST SURF LIFE SAVING CLUB

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FOLLOW US @bonditobronte

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CHECK OUT THE NEW ADDITIONS AND ENTER ONLINE AT

www.bonditobronte.com.au

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YOUR LOCAL FINE FOOD MARKET Opening Spring 2016 300 Campbell Parade North Bondi connettscorner.com.au

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