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August 2017


A Lasting Legacy

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WELCOME TO AUGUST 2017... A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL Words Dan Hutton Picture Jeremy Greive


elcome to the August 2017 edition of The Beast – the monthly magazine for Sydney’s Beaches of the East. It’s been bloody freezing this past month, so we hope you’ve all managed to avoid the almost inevitable winter lurgy. Luckily we can now see the light at the end of the tunnel, with the end of August marking the close of winter - hopefully we can finally say sayonara to the ‘sandpaper snouts’ we’ve become accustomed to. This month, the crown jewel of what’s on locally is, of course, the City2Surf (C2S), which ends at our iconic Bondi Beach. It’s the best run to do if you not only want to put yourself through the paces, but also get maximum social media kudos and exposure. The Instagrams at the finish line are off the charts – just a tip. In the mag this month we’ve chatted to past C2S winner and

Commonwealth gold medallist Heather Turland, and she’s given us the top tips on how to smash the race, even if your long-term prep has been, shall we say, inadequate.

Also in the mag is a look at a young Bondi comic who is currently smashing it on the small screen, a fascinating exploration of

the life of an old-school entertainer in the 60s and 70s in Coogee, a chat with ex-Beast writer Pascal Geraghty about his month-long kayak through the Great Barrier Reef to raise funds for mental health, and a short piece celebrating the incredible life of local Coogee performer Tommy Rayburn (real name Tom Dunnigan), who passed away in mid-June this year at the ripe old age of 85. It would be remiss of us not to mention that our cover interview this month is culinary king Neil Perry. Neil’s energy, verve, and passion for the restaurant industry is palpable, and we talked with him about his new collaboration with David Jones, Rockpool’s replacement, and his go-to meal to whip up at 9pm on a weeknight. As always, stay safe, stay happy, and have a great month! Dan and James Publishers


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08 Welcome Note

43 Trade Directory

64 Street Style

10 Pearls of Wisdom

50 Rupert’s Rant

68 Local Photos

09 Contents

12 Monthly Mailbag 20 Local Chick 22 Local Bloke

24 Thumbs & Dogs 26 Local News 27 Beastpop I 42 Calendar

44 Interview

51 Beastpop II

52 Fish ‘n’ Tips 54 Tide Chart

56 Unreliable Guide

58 This Sporting Life 60 Travel Bug 62 Sexy Time

Winter sunsets at Bondi Beach by Annie Elliott, Instagram @aello18.

66 Enviro News 70 Bandage 72 Reviews

73 Arts Bits

76 Food & Wine

80 Trivial Trivia

82 Beardy From Hell 82 Trivia Solutions

This kid lined up for hours to pay $755 for a f**king t-shirt.



philosophical Pearl often questions whether she is living in an altered state of reality. One day I’m assisting pensioners to balance a budget while I’m placating a yummy mummy who cannot cope with her children despite the live-in nanny, the following week I’m waging a war with Abstudy and listening to my greatnephew whinge about a school kid whose father has a helicopter. I might be at a dinner party and upset the host by suggesting that the wealthy should be living within their means instead of complaining that they are doing it tough, or walking back to my apartment past Range Rovers that could double as luxury beds for the homeless. Affluent Australians live in an altered reality, a reality that lacks resilience, where every setback is a major disappointment and a reason to throw a tantrum. Take, for instance, the bizarre reaction of a fashionista who had stupidly lined up at 3am to purchase a $1400 hoodie from the LV pop-up store in Bondi, complaining that his kidneys, back, and ankles hurt

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from prolonged exposure, and that he had been “violated” and “disrespected” by the store. There’s definitely no sign of an Australia that is supposedly in recession when 100 people are prepared to pay $445 for a bandana; all I see is stupidity and a lack of empathy for those who have no alternative but to sleep rough. Then there’s the ‘news’ that 30 per cent of 1000 Australian women believed that posting the same outfit twice on social media was “an unthinkable fashion faux pas” forcing “fashion forward women” and “influencers” to spend $10,920 annually on clothes. $10,920! There are women who barely have $10.92 remaining from their Centrelink benefits each fortnight, yet we have a bunch of wusses whinging about the pressure from social media to keep up with the latest trends, claiming that this is a “societal norm”. Oh my, how devastatingly pathetic. Do these whingers and wusses sit back and reflect, or is self-reflection reserved only for the realms of the yoga room

and meditation retreat? Do the intense 30-somethings who are so determined to build their ‘dream home’ (reflecting their pre-kiddy life in New York), throwing their LL.Bs in the face of any neighbour who dares challenges their DA and their ‘right’ to possess a bathroom that transports them back to their luxury honeymoon in Marrakech, ever pause and consider how people survive in fibro constructs along the railway line in Mount Druitt? Affluent Australia has gone beyond ‘middle class’ issues. Instead, our issues are vanity, a drive for perfection, and slavery to ridiculous food and fashion trends. Reality TV programs like ‘Yummy Mummies’ and ‘The Real Housewives of Sydney’ are sterling examples of the pathetic and weak among us; those who cannot tolerate less than perfect, while the masses are keeping it real on low incomes in the ‘burbs and travelling on trains. In society we all have needs and wants, but to the affluent every want is a need. Love, ‘Influencer’ Pearl xx

THE BEAST'S MONTHLY MAILBAG Words The People of the Eastern Suburbs Illustrations Dalton Wills THE USUAL SUSPECTS Dear Editor - Mr. Worssam's opposition to extra green space at Bondi Beach is by now well known to regular readers of The Beast Letters pages. Unable to argue his case on its merits, Mr. Worssam now resorts to snooping through Australian Electoral Commission files to check the voting record of an opposing letter writer?! (Fake News, Fake People, Letters, The Beast, July 2017) Oh dear. How sad! It’s also curious that Mr. Maidment should quote extensively from the GTA consultants’ report to argue against relocating the car park underground (The Car Park Debate Continues, Letters, The Beast, July 2017). It's a bit like a turkey extolling the virtues of the traditional Christmas lunch! That's because this report strongly advocates putting the Bondi Beach car park underground to create extra green space above! It’s a shame Mr. Maidment didn't share that with the readers! Alan Doyle Bellevue Hill LEGISLATION TO BAN THE BAG ► Hi Dan & James - I am part of a community organisation known as Blue Bondi Green. Our objective was to have the Bondi Beach business district free of lightweight, supermarket type plastic bags by the end of last year. Of the 75 businesses I visited, 22 were plastic bag free already. Some businesses had a mix of paper and plastic bags. But 50 per 12 The Beast | August 2017

cent of businesses gave out single use plastic bags as the only alternative. None of the businesses I talked to intended to change, despite my pointing out the problems of plastic. I was disheartened by these encounters and now feel that the only way Bondi Beach will become plastic bag free is to have legislative change through the NSW parliament. Three states and the two territories have already achieved this. It is now time for NSW to do the same. Anne McArthur Bronte

IRKSOME ELECTIONS WON’T RUIN LOCAL EVENTS Well don’t feel too bad if you missed another piece of local government news, especially with all that weaving and ducking going on as to whether Randwick would amalgamate with Waverley, or whether Woollahra will be swallowed into the ‘beach bogan’ fraternity or stand forever on its own ‘blue ribbon’ feet! As Randwick decides to get on the legal appeal merry-go-round with Woollahra, the aforementioned Woollahra waits for its appeal day in the High Court, and poor Sally Betts from Waverley has her own local battle going on around meeting conducts and pavilions, Team Gladys and local Minister for Everything Gabby Upton want all of those pesky unamalgamated councils and their democratically traumatised residents to go to the polls on Saturday, September 9. So were you in the know, or did that compulsory day of voting miss out on being included in your very busy social calendar of shipping youngsters from soccer to ballet and their best friend’s play-dates?




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While you’re not supposed to dodge this very important day for democracy across the Eastern Suburbs, at least two of the hapless local councils (Randwick and Waverley) are holding family and environmentally friendly events that may help you survive your September 9 play-date with Team Gladys and her local government cohorts! Of course we speak of Randwick Council’s annual flagship environmental event, the Eco Living Fair, now running in its 12th or 13th year, depending on whether you count the year it was blown south by the cold blasts from Antarctica. Thousands of residents from not only the Eastern Suburbs, but Inner West and seedy south, will descend on the normally tame ‘village green’ of the Randwick Community Centre for a very full day of presentations, demonstrations, workshops, and stalls on all things sustainable and environmental! There will be kids entertainment and live shows with reptiles and birds, electric cars on display, solar panels galore, free trees given away, and tastings of locally harvested honey, seed collections, pickles, and pizza. Expect food trucks aplenty (all environmentally sound of course), and amidst the parking for cars you’ll be able to safely and smoothly ride your bicycle to the event (and park in the bike valet

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area) or catch the free shuttle bus from pick-up points across Randwick’s fair city. This year, as at last year’s event, there are special sustainability ‘speed dating’ sessions for residents to ask all the technical questions they can on making their house, semi, or unit more energy conscious and environmentally comfortable. Plus it’s all free, on Father’s Day - somewhere free and local to take your dad before he’s off to the polling booth the following weekend! But there’s more to get you over those polling day blues and compulsory voting for local councillors you’ve never heard of and who may not be there by next winter if Team Gladys and her prickly crew of Macquarie Street pollies have their way on amalgamation (but not very likely now according to all those ‘flies on walls’!). The Sunday after local council elections you can all get along to Bondi Beach for the very beautiful and spectacular Festival of the Winds! Hot air or not, the skies will be riddled with colours and waving fabric as Waverley Council brings you an event that is even more free than their other wonderful big event in October, Sculpture by the Sea. What better way to shake off the polling place blues than to sit

or stand on the grass overlooking beautiful Bondi, and let the soaring of kites of every size imaginable lift up your heart and mind and prepare you for the next round of councillors trying to knock the wind out of their colleagues’ sails once those election day results are known to all. Oh the joys of local democracy (challenged by the omnivorous presence of state politicians just waiting to send them off to the administrator’s sin-bin!). Stay tuned, as mayoral elections will probably be just ahead of our wonderful Sculpture by the Sea exhibition. Perhaps Gladys and Gabby may want to bronze a few redundant local councillors and enter them as sculptural caricatures of local democracy as it used to be? Ima Watt, Stall holder Randwick ABANDONED CARS SOLUTION ▼ In response to Jason’s letter, ‘Abandoned Vehicle Nuisance’ (Letters, The Beast, July 2017), I agree with him and also live in North Bondi where sometimes I feel our streets must be listed on an 'ideal spot to dump your car' list. Recently we've had six abandoned vehicles within a 500-metre radius, taking up valuable parking spots in an area that is not restricted, so the dumped vehicle won't even receive a parking fine!

I agree that the authorities should do more. A $550 fine seems a rather cheap option to pay than having to go through the proper channels of disposing a vehicle legally. Plus the unrestricted areas of Bondi attract opportunities to dump vehicles. I believe the fines should be in the thousands to deter abandoning vehicles, all Bondi's streets should be restricted, and multiple fines should be able to be issued and allowed to pile up on the vehicle. Most of all, though, Council should remove them ASAP. I know of one vehicle on Hall Street that has been there for a year, even with the council sticker on it. To report vehicles you need to check the rego end date. I use the Service NSW app where you enter the rego and it tells you the end date. Most other states have a similar app or website - they're all on the front page of my phone! I then take a pic of the vehicle, note the street address location it is dumped,

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email customerservice@waverley. with ‘Abandoned Vehicle’ in the subject, and send them the details. Council then action this and go through their costly, laborious, and bureaucratic process of notifying the owners – blah, blah, blah. Then I chase them up regularly by forwarding that email. The other issue is that then sometimes the tow trucks removing the vehicles can't get access to remove the vehicle, so it can stay there even longer. But the sooner they are reported the better although some people dump their cars six months before rego is up. It's a very frustrating issue we have in this area that has a major impact on availability of parking for those of us living here. The fact we live in a society where we are affluent enough to simply throw away cars like they are rubbish is just another blot on the state of our society today. Louise North Bondi

WE GREW HERE, YOU… MOVED HERE ▼ Hi - I just want to say I love your magazine. However, it upsets me when you have your photos of locals and I read they grew up overseas or interstate, but now because they reside in our wonderful suburb that makes them a local. I have lived here all my life. I would love to see the ‘real locals’ in your magazine. I'm sure they are not too hard to find. Kerri Dresser North Bondi THE SOUFFLE THAT DIDN’T RISE I was bitterly disappointed Dining Dave missed the opportunity to deliver the triumvirate of fine dining vernacular when reviewing his meal at the Charo (The Beast, July 2017). While managing to deploy the “different elements on each plate” staple, a liberal sprinkling of “caramelised” and “if I don't get this right I'll be going home today” would have delighted the breath-



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lessly awaiting foodie readership, this writer included. All I can say is I hope Dave doesn't have MasterChef aspirations; at this rate he would be going home after the first entree. David Beins Randwick WHAT A BABY What qualifications does Nat Shepherd have to advise on naming your baby? If you have a kid, name it what you want! Michael Hunt Bondi Junction THAT’S RUBBISH I have no idea why Martha Birch stated: "I am still upset by this and will take it further with the council" (De-Clutter Your Life, Letters, The Beast, July 2017). It has absolutely nothing to do with the council what people actually put out on the kerb on clean-up days. It is the total irresponsibility of residents, as Martha rightly states, "who are too busy/lazy to find a better place to take their unwanted belongings". The council does a commendable job providing free biannual cleanups; it is not the responsibility of the drivers and off-siders to have to pick through lazy people's rubbish. Leeanna Maroubra 18 The Beast | August 2017

STILL RUBBISH ▲ Hello again - I was reading in the Letters section about Martha Birch and her letter titled 'De-Clutter Your Life'. She was writing about how she saw some household items – furniture, etc. - go into a Randwick City Council clean-up truck. Martha was pretty upset at the thought of everything going to landfill, and she was going to talk to Council about it. Well Martha, as you said, the responsibility lies with society and not Randwick Council, or any other council that does on-call clean-ups. The on-call clean-up is a service run by Council to allow household items to be collected. Some items, such as mattresses, are actually reused, but most stuff gets crushed and goes to landfill. Now it is not Council at fault, as even if some of the items collected go to a recycling centre it would be pretty full, as many things get collected on a daily occurrence. Some charities don't want 'older', 'rundown' items anymore; they want the good stuff so they can sell it. So no matter what, we are a wasteful society and Council can only do so much to discourage dumped and illegal items, which is why on-call cleanups are so successful - even though some people are too lazy to organise one and just dump household goods on a nature strip and expect Council to pick them up.

There has to be another way of allowing better use of items that are no longer wanted. But as society wants new and better things, what are the solutions? Maybe Martha has some she could tell Randwick Council? Anna Cook Maroubra

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An extremely talented, kind, and pretty lady.

LOCAL CHICK... MELISSA MARTIN FROM BRONTE Interview James Hutton Picture Grant Brooks


lovelly resident Melissa Martin was born and raised in Bronte, and she now runs Studio Calypso, the best boutique design studio in Sydney. She shares her local favourites with The Beast… How long have you lived here? Forever. I was born and raised in Bronte and I now live in Clovelly. What's your favourite beach? It's still Bronte, whether it’s for swimming, exercising, barbecuing with friends, or just lying in the sun. I've had a lot of great times there. What's your favourite eatery? I've taken a liking to Huxton's in Bronte recently. It’s got a relaxed vibe and awesome coffee and food. I miss Jed's in Bondi too.

creative hub if you look in the right places. There's inspiration around every corner. The beaches are definitely the highlight, though. Worst thing about the Eastern Suburbs? The traffic is insane - it’s not even worth having a car - and property prices are just ridiculous. Do you have a favourite sporting team? I’d say the Manly Sea Eagles, purely because my dad and brother have always supported them. What music are you into at the moment? I love all types of music and Shazam introduces me to new bands daily. My boyfriend’s guitar skills are my favourite though.

Where do you like to have a drink? In our sunroom, where we are close to mastering the perfect margarita.

Who is your favourite person? I've had a fascination with David Bowie since the movie Labyrinth. He had so much character and talent that inspires me in many ways.

Best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? It’s actually a buzzing little

What do you get up to on the weekends? I'm outdoors as much as

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possible and love catching up with friends, doing the SMH crossword, and going down the coast to relax. If it's rainy I'll rugg up, put some tunes on, and paint the day away. What do you do for work? I'm a graphic designer and illustrator. I love being able to design for a living. I’m passionate about it and the more I do it, the more I love it. What's your favourite thing about work? Creativity, of course! I love being able to bring a visual identity to life through design. Do you have a favourite quote? Nike has been doing some interesting rebranding lately, and 'Just Do It' still remains so relevant. Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? If you or your business needs some design TLC, visit or email Our personalised service and competitive pricing are unparalleled.

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August 2017 | The Beast 21

Worst thing about the Eastern Suburbs? House prices. People are always going to want to live here so that is not going to change. I wouldn't want to live anywhere else, so I'm resigned to renting. Do you have a favourite sporting team? I love my rugby, so it's the Waratahs in the Super Rugby, and while I played with Easts, I spent a fair bit of time working as a physio with Randwick, so I support them now in the Shute Shield. In summer it’s my cricket club, the mighty UNSW Bumble Bees. What music are you into at the moment? I'm not the most knowledgeable bloke when it comes to music, but I recently missed out on Ed Sheeran tickets, which I'm dirty about. Who is your favourite person? My son Caelen and wife Crissie share that title. We've got another one coming along in August, so they might get pushed aside, at least for a while.

Physio Stu will heal you.

LOCAL BLOKE... STUART MCKAY FROM COOGEE Interview James Hutton Picture Grant Brooks


hysiotherapist Stuart McKay has lived in Coogee for the past nine years and recently opened his own practice on Clovelly Road. He shares his local favourites with The Beast‌ How long have you lived here? I've lived in the Eastern Suburbs all my life, and in Coogee for the past nine years. What's your favourite beach? I live exactly one kilometre from both Coogee and Clovelly beaches. Two years ago I would have said Coogee, but I now have a 20-monthold son and there's nothing better than a summer day down at Cloey. What's your favourite eatery? We recently went for a Sunday roast at the Charing Cross Hotel and it

22 The Beast | August 2017

was the best meal I've had out in a long time. The Little Kitchen in Coogee has also been a favourite since it opened, and we'll often grab some breakfast at Village on Cloey or Green Mango on the weekend. Where do you like to have a drink? If it's a drink with the fellas it will usually be the Robin Hood or the Coogee Legion Club. If it's a family affair the children's area on the ground floor of the Coogee Pavilion is magic. Best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? The lifestyle. We're a stone's throw from the best beaches in the world, parks, and the amazing coastal walk. There's no better place in the world to live a healthy and active life.

What do you do for work? I'm a physiotherapist and I've recently opened a practice on Clovelly Road called Total Physiotherapy. If you'd like to make an appointment, please visit our website at What's your favourite thing about work? I pride myself on not only identifying someone's injury, but coming up with a treatment approach that will result in the best outcomes for them. Everyone is different so will have differing needs in their treatment, and I enjoy the challenge of getting that right. Do you have a favourite quote? "Learn from yesterday, live for today, look to tomorrow, rest this afternoon." - Charles M. Schulz, Charlie Brown's Little Book of Wisdom. Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? We're lucky to live in such a beautiful part of the world, so get out and enjoy it!

August 2017 | The Beast 23

OSKA Age 5 years Sex Male Breed Beagle x Weight 14kg

Pompous old prick.

THUMBS UP HANGOVER DOCTOR Only available on Deliveroo, this Bondi based service will deliver everything you need to relieve your post enebriated anxiety. PRINT They say print is dead, but as long as the online world persists in being a clusterf**k of misinformation, it will continue to prosper. Hopefully. DICLOFENAC The Indian vulture population may disagree (Google ‘Indian vulture crisis’), but if you’ve got a crook neck this stuff is heaven sent. CORDS Corduroy pants are one of the greatest inventions ever. Not only are they warm and aesthetically pleasing, they also make a fantastic sound. RUNNING One of the purest forms of exercise, running gets you fit, improves your mental health, and if you do the City2Surf it’ll take you Bondi.

THUMBS DOWN CARDINAL PELL The Beast has never been particularly supportive of organised religion, and it’s blokes like Pell that compound our animosity for it. GARAGE RENTAL PRICES Remember when you could get a lock-up garage at Bondi for under $50? You’re lucky to get a car space for $100 these days. MOVING BOXES What the hell are you supposed to do with these oversized cardboard boxes once you’ve moved house? They’re so bloody cumbersome! LEAVES We used to like trees, until we rented a place with a massive one that dropped leaves everywhere in winter and we had to clean them all up. NIGGLING INJURIES I’s the little niggles that hardly warrant treatment but just won’t go away that really give us the irrits. Oh, to be young again! 24 The Beast | August 2017

Oska is a sweet, gentle dog. His former owner went to a retirement village so he is accustomed to the quiet life. He is very social with other dogs and is well mannered around kids and strangers - he is an absolute pleasure to have around. Oska has a short coat and weighs about 14kg. He comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. His adoption cost is $400, which includes a free health and wellness voucher for the Doggie Rescue Vet. Call Doggie Rescue on 9486 3133, email or visit the website at

RACHEL Age 6 years Sex Female Breed Chihuahua x Jack Russell Weight 5.2kg Rachel is a slightly timid, but very sweet girl. She is social with other dogs and would do best in a calm environment with a family that has patience to let her slowly crawl out of her shell. It could take a bit of work, but it would be well worth it. Rachel has a short coat and is quite thin at just 5.2kg. She comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. Her adoption cost is $450, which includes a free health and wellness voucher. Call Doggie Rescue on 9486 3133, email or visit

SNOW Age 12 years Sex Male Breed Siberian Husky Weight 26.5kg Snow is a beautiful, mature gentleman. He walks calmly on lead, ignores other dogs, and is happy to just stroll. He loves to be bathed, brushed, and cuddled! He has a thick coat that needs regular diligent brushing, which he is more than happy to sit through. Snow weighs 26.5kg and comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. His adoption cost is $400, which includes a free health and wellness voucher for the Doggie Rescue Vet. Call Doggie Rescue on 9486 3133, email or visit the website at

b e a c h b u r r i t o c o m pa n y



A real life superhuman.

TURLAND’S TIPS FOR CITY2SURF SUCCESS Words Madeleine Gray Picture Dan Hutton


here are few races as notoriously beautiful, or as notoriously difficult, as Sydney’s City2Surf. It’s always a massive deal, with thousands of supporters lining the streets, and this year there will also be 18 musical acts stationed along the course, encouraging runners to go faster and not give up. We salute those of you who’ve stuck to a strict training regime for the past year (or even the past few months), but for those of you who have perhaps a more laissez-faire approach, we’ve decided to cut you some slack and call in an expert for a bit of friendly advice. Heather Turland is a Bondi

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local who runs Jo & Willy’s Depot in North Bondi. She is also a former long distance runner who not only won the City2Surf on three occasions, she also won Commonwealth gold in the marathon back in 1998. Turland stressed that the key to doing well is managing your expectations. “If you are only just thinking about training for the City2Surf now then you need to be realistic about your goals,” she said. “Don't go trying to make up for lost time and end up injured, never race if you are sick or feeling unwell, and restrict alcohol when training and racing.”

“You will need to back your training off the week before the race so that you are fresh on the day. 
 “So now, with just a few weeks to train, commit to getting out three times a week and make one of those runs or walks a long session if you can. “Wear the shoes and clothes you intend on wearing on the day to test for blisters and chafing, and try having the same breakfast you plan to have on race day. Come the race itself there will be no surprises.” So what does a marathon champion eat before the race? “I've seen at an elite level person have a full breakfast and another just tea and toast,” Turland said. “Cut back on high fibre foods the day before and start hydrating well two days out. “A high fibre diet the day before a fun run can take the fun out, then you're only left with the runs.” In terms of the City2Surf course’s particular challenges, Turland reminded runners not to peak too soon. “It’s easy with all of the excitement and amazing party atmosphere to go out too fast, but take it easy until after Heartbreak Hill then see what you have left, remembering there are still three small hills to follow. “No one talks about them, but they are the ones that will get you if you have gone out too hard.” Turland’s final message was to just get out there and have fun. “The C2S has always been my favourite race of all,” she said. “I love the fact that as an elite athlete it is a prestigious race to win, but more importantly it is a race for everyone – it’s a big party for the whole community. “Winning it brings so much pride and joy, but so does just finishing it, knowing that you did it, and that you raised money for people who need the help.” The City2Surf takes place on Sunday, August 13. For more information on the event, please visit



I have in previous years, but definitely not this year. If I was fit enough I would, but with my terrible knees at the moment it’s a no. I'm going to let other people do the dressing up and I'll cheer them on.


No, I have to work. I have done it before, but it's not really my cup of tea. I prefer hikes in rural places, not in the city with heaps of people, but each to their own.



No, I'll be working, sadly. It's our biggest day of the year at Bondi Relish. I’m going to be selling lots of bacon and egg rolls, and burgers, and roast pork rolls. I ran it several years ago and it was one of the best things I've ever done.

Unfortunately not. I have run it before, and I think it's a great event for Sydney. It's an iconic event, it showcases Bondi, it's great for the east, and it's also the unofficial end of winter.


Sayaka BONDI

No. And I never will. I have zero interest in running. The only time you'll ever see me running is for a sample sale.

No. I don't see the point in catching a taxi at 7am in the freezing cold all the way into the city to then run home. However, I will celebrate with a beer for those who ran it, and steal a medal off someone and pretend I ran. August 2017 | The Beast 27

Not a bad way to get to work.



ven those of us not living in Bondi are well aware that getting from Bondi to the city can be a bit of a nightmare, especially in the morning. Despite the relatively small distance between the two (approximately 9 kilometres), and the fact that in regular traffic the drive only takes about 15 minutes, in morning peak hour things get a bit crazy. Congestion can prolong car trips by in excess of 30 minutes, while the bus from Bondi to the north of the CBD can take up to an hour. Unsurprisingly, a number of Bondi locals, led by Siobhan O’Toole, have decided that enough is enough. Ms. O’Toole told The Beast that not only is the bus ride interminably long, but that the only other option is “a jolting bus ride up Bondi Road with stops every 50 metres, and then descending into the train to the city (at Bondi Junction) that goes to Martin Place/Central”. While commuters from Coogee have the option of an express bus to Chifley Plaza, which only stops 11 times and takes 29 minutes, “no such option exists for Bondi. All

28 The Beast | August 2017

transport options are via Bondi Junction”. So how to solve the problem? Adding more buses to the congestion seems unlikely to work unless other commuters stop clogging up the road with cars, and building another road to the city seems out of the question. As such, Ms. O’Toole and her fellow Bondi residents are suggesting an alternative route for getting to the city: taking the ferry from Rose Bay. The only catch is that there are no direct buses between Bondi Beach and Rose Bay, and according to Ms. O’Toole, driving to the ferry is not feasible as “the ferry car park is full by 7am as most of the car parks are restricted to four hours”. Apart from being a faster commute option, Ms. O’Toole was quick to remind us that speed is not the only benefit. “The ferry ride from Rose Bay to Circular Quay is gorgeous,” she said. “You get to enjoy the best of living in Sydney on the way to work - check out the Opera House on your way into the daily grind. “Happiness means more

productivity too, and who doesn't smile after a boat ride?” All action is now being directed towards lobbying Waverley Council and the NSW Government to create an express bus route between Bondi Beach and Rose Bay, with more services in the morning. A Facebook group - ‘The Bondi to Rose Bay Ferry Bus Service’ has been created and has just 87 members so far. It has already corresponded with local MPs Andrew Constance and Gabrielle Upton. Additionally, Ms. O’Toole has started a petition, which shares the same name as the Facebook group. So far it has 156 signatures, and aims to reach 500 before it is sent to Constance and Upton. “With increased development in Bondi, more options for transport need to exist,” Ms. O’Toole said. “The buses are full as they come up Bondi Road, often not stopping from Denham Street onwards. “It's about creating options and providing Bondi with parity services as those provided to Coogee and Manly.”








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Definitely a demand for funny females.



f we had a dollar for every time we’d heard some ‘dude’ shrug and say, “Women just aren’t funny, man,” we would literally have all the dollars in the world. The sexist misconception that women are innately less humorous than men is ideologically concerning on a societal level, but for female comics, it is worse than this: it has long meant that they simply have not been given jobs. That’s why it is so important to foster female comedic talent at local and grassroots levels. As such, we are very happy to introduce you to Bondi’s very own homegrown comic, 23-year-old Victoria Zerbst. Ms. Zerbst started doing comedy in revues at Sydney University, and has recently been smashing 30 The Beast | August 2017

it on the small screen as a cast member of ABC2’s new comedy sketch show, Aaron Chen Tonight (previously called John Conway Tonight). She also co-founded the all-female comedy group Freudian Nip in 2015. “When Jenna and I started out doing comedy at Uni, the scene was definitely a massive boy’s club” Ms. Zerbst said. “We found so much strength writing together and finding our voice as comedians, and we made a point of working with women who may have not had a platform to be involved with comedy otherwise. There is definitely a demand for funny female voices. “The scene is definitely changing, but there still are moments at

gigs or shows where we experience misogyny and realise there is still so much more to do in ensuring equal opportunity and respect for women in comedy.” As much as we all love Bondi, we can probably agree that elements of the Bondi lifestyle are ripe for satire. So what is the funniest thing about living in Bondi, according to Ms. Zerbst? “It’s navigating the hypocrisies of living a carefree beach lifestyle, while also being so concerned with self-image and commercial success,” she said. “I myself have had to become very comfortable with my predictable, activewear-esque lifestyle choices that I like to claim are ironic. “But I’m not going to lie, living in Bondi gives me great fodder for character-based humour and jokes at the expense of aspiration culture. “One of my characters in the Aaron Chen Tonight show is a South African wellness coach hell bent on treating clients with tapeworm. “That character is totally inspired by my South African mum, and, of course, living in a very health conscious community.” While Sydney’s Inner West might be more readily associated with stand-up comedy, Ms. Zerbst told The Beast that the Eastern Suburbs holds its own. “Two of my favourite comedy rooms are in the Eastern Suburbs: the Comedy Store in Moore Park and the Gaelic Club in Surry Hills, which hosts a monthly comedy night called Green Lights,” she said. “There’s also Bunker Comedy on the first Friday of the month at Coogee Diggers.” So hop on to ABC iView, catch up on Aaron Chen Tonight, and like @freudiannip on Facebook and Instagram for information about upcoming gigs. According to Ms. Zerbst, her next sketch involves playing a character called ‘Size 14 Emma Watson’ (Victoria’s own clothing size). We really cannot wait.

BITS AND PIECES FROM AROUND THE BEACHES Words Madeleine Gray Picture Sebastian Elmaloglou Instagram @intepic DOUBLE WHAMMY! TwoSpace is a Sydney startup that turns restaurants closed during the day into a network of co-working spaces. Members are able to connect with a community of likeminded people working around them while getting stuff done. Now your very own Coogee Bay Hotel and Bondi’s Best are co-working spaces! TwoSpace has venues across Sydney and Melbourne and members get access to all of these unique venues for an affordable subscription fee. You can grab your free week trial at SYDNEY DECK SEALING SEALS THE DEAL Well-established local business Sydney Clear Coatings, run by wooden boat builder Chris Ellard, has been very busy of late re-sealing decks all over the Eastern Suburbs. Due to the large demand for deck restoration work they have purchased two new vans and changed their company name to Sydney Deck Sealing and set up a new

Weary travellers.

freecall 1800 number. To celebrate this new era they are offering a 20 per cent discount across all deck sealing services this month. Visit to make a booking for a free inspection and quote, or call 1800DECKSEAL today. EDODOWNUNDER’S LOCAL HERO ENVIRONMENT AWARD Ecodownunder’s latest environment award was presented to Florian Obst, who organised a mammoth beach clean up at North Bondi as part of the Sea Shepherd Marine Debris Campaign. Over 20,000 pieces of rubbish were removed from the beach. The main culprits were cigarette butts (7000plus) plastic food wrappers (5000plus), polystyrene, and 667 plastic lids. Thanks Florian for doing a great job raising awareness of the problem of plastic in the ocean! UNSW SCIENTISTS NEED YOUR HELP A team of chemical engineers from UNSW is working on a prototype that will hopefully be able to cap-

ture greenhouses gases and deadly particles, but due to a shortage of equipment and materials the team has set up a Gofundme page to help raise the necessary funds. Global warming is not an idle threat, and community involvement is necessary if we’re going to tackle this thing. To donate to the UNSW team, head to www.gofundme. com/climatepolesolution-com. HSC YA SOON Students preparing for the HSC and International Baccalaureate exams this year can take advantage of even more study resources and events available at Woollahra Library at Double Bay with the extension of opening hours during the HSC trials ( July 1– August 17) and the HSC exam period (October 3–November 16), Monday to Thursday from 9am to 10pm and weekends from 9am to 5pm.
Woollahra Library is also providing free sessions with qualified tutors to provide students with assistance with specific subjects. Game on.

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August 2017 | The Beast 33

Brimming with confidence.



n Australia, it's estimated that 45 per cent of people will experience a mental health condition in their lifetime. If you are not suffering from ill mental health yourself, it’s likely that you know someone who is. So how do you help if you’re not a doctor or psychiatrist? The key, according to ex-Beast magazine writer, marine biologist, and Eastern Suburbs local Pascal Geraghty, is to concede your limitations, and just do what you can. And often that is going to involve raising money so that the professionals who can help in more tangible ways are equipped with the resources with which to do so. Mr. Geraghty and his friend Eamon Hanna are doing just this. In August the pair will be sailing two kayaks 1,500 kilometres through a section of the Great 34 The Beast | August 2017

Barrier Reef, from Fraser Island to Townsville. They will be alone, unassisted, and totally vulnerable to the elements for over a month. They are undertaking this challenge to raise money for the Black Dog Institute. “To be perfectly honest there’s nothing profound in what we are doing,” Mr. Geraghty said. “Going on little adventures in the water is what we live for, but this trip presented a good opportunity to draw people’s attention to the fact that a huge proportion of the community is suffering at the hands of mental illness. “People are on their knees and desperately need help.” The project’s name, ‘Cutting Depression Adrift’, is not without symbolic meaning. People suffering from depression can feel lost in hopelessness, and often feel that

everyday challenges are insurmountable. This journey is about visibly working through that vast chasm, one day at a time. Mr. Geraghty knows how devastating mental illness can be having witnessed his brother’s lifelong battle with anxiety. “It’s had profound impacts not only on him, but also on our family as a whole, for a long time,” he said. “For those suffering, the struggle is unrelenting, irrational, and complex. And for friends and family, the shameful feelings of helplessness are like a knife in the guts. “It’s these feelings that compel you to want to do something, anything, that you can.” But mental illness does not have to be a permanent state of being, and Mr. Geraghty is quick to stress that coming through such a hard mental health journey can contribute to the formation of an incredible strength of character. Mr. Geraghty commended his brother, “whose condition has undoubtedly shaped him into the quality man that he is today, and whose strength and resilience fill me with a huge amount of pride, respect and admiration.” In terms of the practical concerns and dangers involved in the venture, Mr. Geraghty’s biggest fears are that he will miss his family, and that the weather will turn on them. “I also have a sneaking feeling that Eamon and I are completely and utterly unprepared,” he said. “Other than that, we’re brimming with confidence!” The duo are holding a fundraising evening for their trip on Saturday, July 29, at The Boathouse, Shelly Beach. Readers of The Beast are urged to attend. There’ll be food, drinks, and a silent auction with great prizes including signed boards donated by legends Ace Buchan and Ben Player. To donate to the venture, head to, or to For tickets to the fundraising evening, email


AMERICAN FESTIVAL at Sydney Live Plaza










locations & activations subject to change

at the ICC



The Coogee Crooner, Tommy Rayburn.



hile lamenting the demise of the ‘good old days’ can sometimes seem like a fatalistic kind of attitude, there is also much value in remembering and honouring an older, more traditional way of consuming culture. Local Coogee performer Tommy Rayburn (real name Tom Dunnigan) passed away in midJune this year at the ripe old age of 85. Tommy did not grow up, nor did he perform, in a world where music can be streamed from the ether without human contact. Tommy was born in Glasgow in 1932, the second youngest of eight children. After discussing Tommy’s life with his wife, Bev, Tommy’s great niece Kelly O’Rourke told The Beast how 36 The Beast | August 2017

“after losing two sons and her husband to WWII, Tom’s mother couldn’t bare the thought of another son being enlisted to war, so she decided to send 16-year-old Tom to Australia as part of the ‘Big Brother Movement’ as a ‘Ten Pound Pom’”. Though scared and sad to leave his family, Tom was welcomed in Australia by the man assigned to be his mentor and ‘big brother’, a lovely potato farmer based in Walcha, New South Wales. The farmer helped Tom save the money to buy his first truck, and he went on to make a good living with his own ‘potato run’. Despite this success, Tom was clearly dreaming of something bigger. He became an amateur boxer,

represented his town in rugby league, and then at age 19 entered a singing competition on a popular wireless program called the ‘Radio Amateur Hour’, which he won. Tom’s performance garnered him an agent who recommended that he change his name to Tommy Rayburn, and, as luck would have it, his new promoter had a contact at Miller’s Brewery, which owned the Oceanic Hotel in Coogee (now the Crowne Plaza). Tom moved to the Eastern Suburbs (and he eventually lived on Leichhardt Street, Bronte for 27 years) and joined the house band at the Oceanic, the Lenny Hutchinson Band. He became their lead singer and also played the double bass, an instrument he mastered through study at the Conservatorium of Music. There were definitely no jeans and sneakers allowed at the Oceanic in those days; on stage, Tom always wore a black dinner suit and a black bow tie. “During the 60s and 70s, the Oceanic was the place ‘to be’,” Ms. O’Rourke said. “Every night (except Sunday) there was live music, dancing and a show.” Tom’s wife still has fond memories of the time. “People were ‘dressed to the nines’ in black tie, gowns, fur coats, etc.” she said. “Couples would foxtrot and twist all night. “Tom was a baritone, and people said he sounded like Billy Eckstine and Nat King Cole. “The Oceanic was always a fabulous and fun night out. Everyone loved going there, and people really made an effort for these nights out.” During his performing career, Tom also started a band called ‘Top Five’, which often performed at the Coogee Randwick RSL, and he was the permanent weekend act at the Maroubra RSL for 15 years. Though times have changed, live music is still alive and kicking in the Eastern Suburbs, it just needs the locals to dress up, get down, and support it. Vale Tommy Rayburn.

Build that wall!



ecret documents leaked exclusively to The Beast reveal that the multi-billion dollar light rail project will actually be a wall to keep ‘Westies’ out of the Eastern Suburbs. A high level government source leaked the documents on condition of anonymity, under the title: ‘Westie Wall’ . The ‘Westie Wall’ of which the source speaks will be constructed along Anzac Parade, traditionally regarded as the unofficial boundary between the promised land and the rest of the world, and will extend from Moore Park to Kingsford. It will reach between three to five metres in height and up to five metres in width. The project was instigated under the governance of former premier Mike Baird (a.k.a. the Supreme and Glorious Leader of the Greater Democratic Territory of North Victoria) and was cleverly disguised as a light rail project that promised to alleviate traffic congestion and provide an alternative transport option to the increasingly overcrowded Eastern Suburbs. Construction began after a prolonged and assertive push from

38 The Beast | August 2017

a local progressive society, the campaign mantra of which was encapsulated by Danny Hill of Maroubra, who wrote in a previous issue of this publication: “…hoards (sic) of people from the western and inner western suburbs… descend on the Eastern Beaches at this time of year… we pay enough already in council rates to use these beaches.” Previous measures to mitigate this scourge include ‘Westie Lanes’ at all patrolled beaches, which restricted Westies to seaweedinfested sections of the ocean, away from the locals and the best waves. These ultimately proved unsuccessful as the currents kept sweeping Westies into the flags. Bondi locals also created the Bondi Pass, or BPass, but the lucrative trade in forged tattoos soon rendered the pass futile. Critics of the Westie Wall slammed its discriminatory nature, its price tag, and the potential to greatly detract from the region’s inherent beauty. Project managers insist the cost will be worn by the disposable income of the Westies and that the

wall will possess enormous visual appeal. The eastern facade will be adorned with artwork and phrases such as ‘We.Live.Here’, ‘#loveit’, ‘#thegoodlife’, and ‘#blessed’, while the western side of the wall will be cement. Opponents also argued that Westies could simply access the region via public transport. In response, local area police commanders promised to increase surveillance at Bondi Junction and Central stations, where commuters will be required to produce a foreign passport or pronounce words such as ‘turmeric’, ‘quinoa’, ‘espresso’, ‘panini’, and ‘beaujolais’. Special dispensation will be made for visiting fans of teams such as the GWS Giants, the Wanderers, the Tigers, and West Harbour, provided the teams agree to lose and that the fans vacate the Eastern Suburbs before the designated curfew. One Westie, who was asked if he would rush to the Eastern Suburbs before the wall denies him access, replied, “Nah mate, why worry? It won’t be built in my lifetime.”

MAYOR‘S MESSAGE Bronte RSL update The Waverley Development Assessment Panel (WDAP) unanimously refused the Section 96 application to change the approved DA from 2015 for the Bronte RSL site on Wednesday 28 June. Thank you again to the residents, led by Stephen Lightfoot, and Bruce Notley Smith MP for working so closely with Council to ensure that the already approved bulk and scale and traffic conditions do not get changed.

Bondi Junction Wi-Fi Launch Many thanks to the State Government, for a generous grant which has allowed Waverley Council to launch free public Wi-Fi in Spring Street and Oxford Street Mall, Bondi Junction this July. This is the last of six sites, which included Bondi Beach, Tamarama Beach, Bronte Beach, Waverley Park and Waverley Library, where public Wi-Fi has been installed or upgraded over the past 18 months. The roll out consisted of installing over 70 Wi-Fi access points together with almost 1km on cabling to ensure we provide the best coverage for our residents and many visitors. We understand the demand for internet access in public spaces is growing and that technology is changing the way people work and communicate. Any Global City needs free Wi-Fi so I am very pleased to say that again we are leading the way to roll out Wi-Fi across Waverley.

Sally Betts, Mayor of Waverley CUSTOMER SERVICE CENTRE 55 Spring Street, Bondi Junction NSW 2022 PO Box 9, Bondi Junction NSW 1355 PHONE 9083 8000 WEB

Events National Tree Day 2017 Sunday 30 July, 9am–1pm Bronte Gully This National Tree Day we’ve got a range of nature immersion activities for all ages! Join us for yoga, a guided walk with local ecologist and bird expert, nature crafts, macro photography, plant giveaways and garden advice, food and live music! Find out more and register your place at brontenationaltreeday.

Time and Place – Kate Mulheron 1–10 August, 10am–5pm daily Bondi Pavilion Gallery Maroubra artist Kate Mulheron explores her home suburb and its identity over time, incorporating its industrial, environmental, maritime and coastal heritages. Find out more at For more event info visit our website

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MORE BITS AND PIECES FROM AROUND THE BEACHES Words Madeleine Gray Picture Ben Tenison BACK IN THE RING Maroubra MMA fighter and former Beast cover model Richie Vaculik is heading over to Japan to take to the octagon with young Japanese fighter Nobuki Fujii on August 20 as part of the Pancrase 289 show. His opponent has not been finished off in his last 26 fights. Richie told The Beast his preparation is bang on thus far, getting his grappling in at Gracie Alexandria, kickboxing with Matty Gardner, and boxing with Kurt Bahram and Tony Del Vecchio. He’s moved back up a weight class to bantamweight and he’s feeling great. We wish him all the best. THE BENTLEY EFFECT AT THE RITZ On Tuesday, August 8 at 6:30pm, check out the award-winning doco ‘The Bentley Effect’. Filmed over five years, this film documents the struggle to keep Northern NSW free from invasive gas fields. The campaign culminated with dramatic community action at Bentley. What happened helped unleash a unique and inspiring social movement. The screening will be followed by a Q&A with Bentley farmer and member of the Nation-

Meditation on vacation.

als Party, Meg Nielsen. Tickets start at $12. Go to lockthegate. This event will be hosted by the Eastern Suburbs Coal and Gas Watch. KIN & KIND GETS THAT PARENTS ARE ALSO PEOPLE You don’t really understand how little ‘me time’ is involved in parenting until you have kids of your own. Luckily, Kin & Kind provides grown-up workshops at child-friendly times. It was started by two very passionate and community-minded mums who wanted to help parents find an avenue for self-care by providing stimulating and creative workshops with childcare for those who need it. They have created an eclectic program of events like news-hour, indoor gardening, parenting skills, nutrition, and business. Check out SWEET TREATS WITHOUT THE REGRET Need a 3pm pick-me-up sweet without the guilt? Local mum Em Reynolds runs a healthy sweet treats company called Raw Me Treats (

She makes her own all-natural, energising, and naughty-tasting treat balls (gluten-free, vegan, refined sugar-free) using only a handful of nourishing ingredients, which she then delivers to cafes and stores around Bronte (with the help of her 11-month-old assistant, Finley). If you see her treats at stores such as Café Salina, Huxton’s, Gordons, Mr. Perkins, or Clovelly Foodworks, give them a go! PROGRESSIVE LEGAL FOR ENTREPRENEURS Progressive Legal is a Bondi start-up law firm for start-ups and small businesses, which has helped thousands of small businesses get off the ground and do law completely differently, and affordably. They’re also about to launch Law-In-A-Box, which will collate a whole host of legal information for start-ups all around Australia, answering their most common legal questions. There will be articles, FAQs, case studies, and relevant and up-to-date easy-to-read legal summaries of different things businesses need to watch out for. We don’t object!



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August 2017 | The Beast 41

August 2017 MONDAY




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SCANDINAVIAN FILM FESTIVAL The other SFF will run from July 11 to August 2, with films from Norway, Sweden, Finland, Iceland, and Denmark. Screenings are at Norton Street, and, much more conveniently for us, at Verona on Oxford Street. Please visit

POTTERY FOR KIDS AT BONDI PAV Kids can indulge their senses with this fun tactile medium under the guidance of potter Agatha Pupaher at the Bondi Pavilion. Expect small class sizes where friendly, experienced tutors will have the kids hand building, decorating, and glazing. Visit

PHOTO EXHIBIT IN DARLO Black Eye Gallery in Darlinghurst will be hosting ‘Luminosity and Momentum’, a joint show by Melbournian photographic artists Rob Love and SoonHoe, from July 18 to August 6. This series is about water and light! For info, please visit

ENGLISH CONVERSATIONS CLASS Every Monday morning at Bowen Library, this free English conversation class is open to migrants from all non-English speaking backgrounds. It’s a great learning environment, and also a fabulous way to meet new people. Please call 9314 4888.

WOOLLAHRA LIBRARY HOURS Students preparing for the HSC and International Baccalaureate exams this year can take advantage of even more study resources and events available at Woollahra Library at Double Bay with the extension of opening hours during the HSC trials.

UNSW TALKS: CHINA’S ORPHANS Tonight at UNSW, see Jane Hutcheon discuss her book, China Baby Love, which tells the story of Australian grandmother Linda Shum’s two decades working in a Chinese orphanage. The event is free; just reserve a spot by visiting

TRIVIA AT THE ROBIN HOOD Instead of letting the Monday blues get you down, why not perk up and impress Charing Cross with your amazing general knowledge and beer drinking abilities? It’s trivia night at the Robin Hood Hotel from 7:30pm. Start studying, friends.

ART CLASSES WITH LILY OEN Do you ever find yourself promising to dedicate some ‘me time’ to yourself, but never actually getting around to it? That’s not good enough! Sign up to Lily Oen’s art class today at 10:30am at Bowen Library, and lose yourself to the serenity. Register at 9314 4888.

THE MADHOUSE EFFECT Join noted US climatologist Michael E. Mann, psychologist Stephan Lewandowsky, and activist Anna Rose in conversation about climate change tonight at the Sydney Opera House. It’s the biggest issue of our time. Visit

CRYPTIC CROSSWORD GROUP Do you hate dummies? Do people who don’t get etymological jokes piss you off ? Then we’ve found the place for you. In the Library Theory Room at Waverley Library today at 10am, the Cryptic Crossword group meets. Call 9803 8777 for more details.

STABLE YOUR HORSE AT CP Own a horse but live near the city and want to save on tolls, petrol, and time? The Centennial Parklands Equestrian Centre has a number of high quality stabling facilities available. It is open 365 days a year. For more info, visit

BABIES LOVE BOOKS IN JAPANESE Babies Love Books in Japanese is a monthly program for children 0-5 years from 11.30am-12pm at Margaret Martin Library. Children can enjoy music, rhymes, and stories every month. Cost is free, and no bookings are required. Visit

URBAN DESIGN AWARDS Tomorrow (August 25) is your last chance to enter Randwick Council’s Urban Design and Architecture Awards. Electronic submissions should be sent to with ‘Architecture and Urban Design Awards 2017’ as the subject line. ARTS DISCUSSION FOR SENIORS Some of the best conversations are born from discussion about the arts – from debates over film adaptations to controversial novels. Today at Waverley Library from 10am to 11:30am, seniors get together to discuss the stuff of life, in stories. Visit

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Removalist Zak Clark Clark Removals Ph: 0409 808 866 Builder/Electrician Matthew Olive Sydney Power House 8007 4229


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JEANS FOR GENES DAY Pull on your jeans today to help raise funds for research into birth defects and diseases such as cancer, epilepsy, and a range of genetic disorders. Every dollar raised will help scientists at the Children’s Medical Research Institute. Visit

WAVERLEY CEMETERY TOUR Cemeteries are fascinating places, where people from all walks of life are joined in commemoration of those who have passed on. Join the Friends of Waverley Cemetery today for free tours, talks, and look-ups. Please call 9083 8899 to book your spot.

PHOTOGRAPHY MASTERCLASS The popular Canon Light Awards LIVE is heading to Sydney on August 5 and 6. Participants will learn under Australia’s top professional photographers, choosing one of four inspiring three-hour masterclasses. For more information, head to

FOOD ADDICTS ANONYMOUS Today, Food Addicts Anonymous (FA) is hosting its twice-weekly food addicts in recovery session, a free 12-step recovery program held every Wednesday at 7pm and Friday at 10am at Salvation Army Hall, 100 Boyce Road, Maroubra. Everyone is welcome.

SWANS VERSUS DOCKERS The Swans’ second last home fixture of the regular season is against the Fremantle Dockers. The Swans should enter the game as favourites. First bounce is at 1.45pm at the SCG. For more information, please visit

SMH CITY2SURF Whether you’re super-buff, or just have a weird sense of humour, fun awaits you today at the City2Surf. The course is notoriously hard – winding from Hyde Park to Vaucluse to Bondi Beach – but it’s all for charity, so get off your bum. Details at

THE ADDAMS FAMILY The University of New South Wales' Theatre Society (known as NUTS) is staging a production of The Addams Family, The Musical this August at the Science Theatre on the UNSW campus. It runs from August 17–19. Please visit www.

ROOSTERS VERSUS TIGERS The Chooks come up against the Tigers in their only home game this month. They started the season well and hopefully by the time this game comes around they’ll be entrenched in the top four. Kickoff is at 5.30pm at Allianz. Visit

VOLUNTEER FOR DAFFODIL DAY Help grow hope for Australians affected by cancer – hope for better treatments, hope for more survivors, and hope for a cancerfree future. Daffodil Day is today, so get your shit together and volunteer! For more info, please visit

DADS READ Argue for dog videos all you want, but there is nothing quite as cute as seeing dads reading to their kids. At Waverley Library this morning, there will be cuteness in multitudes, with a program specially designed for kids and their male carers. Please visit

SWANS SEASON FINALE The Swans play their last regular season game of the year against Carlton today at the SCG. Hopefully they’ll have a finals spot sewn up by now, but that certainly isn’t guaranteed. First bounce is at midday. For more info, please visit

Drain Jet & CCTV Steve Kova Ph: 0414 885 675 Fencing Troy Salvatico Jim’s Fencing Ph: 0405 543 530 Carpenter Mark Potocki Against The Grain Ph: 0415 688 562 Rubbish Removal Dave Whiteley Dave's Rubbish Ph: 0401 296 069 Mechanic Jordan Hayman JH Automotive Ph: 0424 144 987 Painter Brett Dooley Nielson Dooley Ph: 0404 888 089 BBQ Caterer Wardy Wardy & Sons Ph: 0414 293 396 Concretor Jay Rodney Oceanside Ph: 0411 989 565 Plumber Luke Fletcher Pipe Up Plumbing Ph: 0431 638 558 Locksmith Bradley Rope SOS Locksmiths Ph: 0498 767 767 Electrician Adrian Langen Langen Electrical Ph: 0400 006 008 Arborist Jeff Hunt Prompt Trees Ph: 0412 280 338

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A Lasting Legacy

NEIL PERRY Interview Madeleine Gray Picture Jeremy Greive

Where are you originally from? Sydney. I was born in Kogarah Hospital and grew up in a place called Bald Face Point, which is not very far from Tom Uglys Bridge, and the very famous Paul's Hamburgers, which was a bit of a hang for my family and myself when I was younger. How much of your culinary success over the years do you credit to the influence of Paul's Hamburgers? I don't know about that! Mainly, I think it's my parents. Both of them influenced me as a person, because they were both very even-handed and very loving, and I think that set the tone for the type of person that I am. My father was a butcher by trade, but a fisherman and a gardener, too. We would spend time in the garden, in winter and summer, and we had we had chickens, so we would harvest the eggs and about once every month or two Dad would kill one of the chickens and we'd have it for Sunday roast. Every weekend we'd be fishing, and that's what we ate. I didn't realise it at the time, but I just had this incredible upbringing, and what I learnt then is so important to me now: produce and seasonality. I always used to say that Dad collected people, too. He was just such a lovely person, and just so engaged in what other people did. Because he was running a meat works, we had a lot of new Australians working for us - Yugoslavians, Greeks, Italians - and they all became friends. Their food culture became our food culture. Dad used to take me to Chinatown as a very young person and we used to go to a restaurant called The Mandarin, which was in George Street, above a gun shop. We became really great

friends with Robert Ho, who owned that restaurant. And Ken and Jensen, who were waiters, became really great friends, too. It was really fantastic. I got to go to their weddings, their auspicious occasions, Chinese New Year. I didn't realise it at the time, but it was the mid-1960s in Australia and I was eating this incredible Chinese food. Everyone else was eating sweet and sour pork, chow mein, and black bean beef while I was eating suckling pig, chilli mud crab, abalone, and eggplant. Where are you living at the moment and what do you love about the Eastern Suburbs? I live in Rose Bay. I love how close it is to the city, because the way I work, I'm in at work by seven in the morning and I don't leave the office till quite late. What gets your goat about the Eastern Suburbs? I hate it when I miss that no-traffic window and end up driving to work in peak hour, because that turns it into an hour-long drive. It’s horrendous. In a perfect world I would live above Rockpool Bar and Grill, because I just hate wasting time. What are your favourite haunts in the Eastern Suburbs? I'll often go to Victor Churchill. I love the whole meat program over there; it's exactly the same as Rockpool Bar and Grill. And my other favourite thing is Iggy's bread. The bread shape they make is a torpedo, which is just fantastic; it's the perfect shape to make the most amount of crust. That with some French butter is my favourite thing in the world. And if we’re anywhere near Bondi the kids make me drive to Messina. My favourite place to eat in the

Eastern Suburbs would probably be Catalina. A mate of mine owns it, so on a beautiful day I just sit on the balcony and eat oysters there. Plus, last year my group, the Rockpool Group, merged with another company and we took over the Sake restaurants, so we've changed the menu there and I really love it. There’s one in Double Bay that's really handy for me, and the dish that we do there, bo ssam, is one of my favourite things in the world to eat. The best coffee shop is in Llankelly Place in Potts Point Room 10. My daughter JP went to school near there, at Vinnies, for two years during her "I need to go to another school Dad" phase, and that was when it became my favourite. Your Wikipedia page says that you were a hairdresser before you worked in hospitality; is that true? Yeah, that is true actually. It was from about 17 and a half to about 18 and a half years old. Does it say that on Wikipedia? I’ll have to get in there and change that (laughs). I worked for Lloyd Lomas, who's a very famous Australian icon hairdresser. He looks exactly the same as he did then, only his hair's a bit greyer. How did what you learnt from hairdressing influence your understanding of the hospitality industry? I think it's along the same path. From being reasonably shy at school, it's great to put yourself out there, and hairdressing's really about the conversation. I think what happened was, after Year 12 I was going to do a gap year and I think I saw Warren Beatty's hair in Shampoo. I thought it could be a good way to get chicks, basically, so I that’s why I got into it. August 2017 | The Beast 45

What was it that actually made you move into hospitality? My dad had always been restaurant savvy, and I had been going to restaurants a lot as a young person, and I always loved the whole notion of eating out and the social context of it, and the family experience behind it. It always fascinated me: the whole movement of people through the dining room, how the food was presented and arrived at the same time, and the conversations going on at the next table. I was always geared towards that from a very young age.

I think the important thing now is that I've created a great legacy. I want to see the Rockpool Group become something incredibly special, in terms of its longevity. What was the first restaurant you worked at? I worked at The Australian Club, actually, in Macquarie Street. The guys there were doing all this fancy stuff, like carving beef at the table. It was a whole white glove thing. I used to hate polishing the silverware in the afternoon, because at first I was obviously the most recent person employed there and as such that was my job. I was so happy when I was there for about three months and we employed another commis and I was like, "Yeah, you can polish the silverware!" After working there I answered an ad for a job at Sails at McMahons Point for an assistant manager. I guess I just presented really well so I got the job without the qualifications and moved up though the ranks pretty quickly, and learned a lot about being a restaurateur from Ross Hartman, who was my initial mentor. I became assistant manager, which back in those days meant washing the windows, cleaning the toilets, vacuuming the carpet, then running the dining room, ordering all the wine, and tasting wine with reps. One of the great things back 46 The Beast | August 2017

then was there was no import duty on imported wines. The franc was really weak against the dollar, so we were drinking amazing French wines at the same price we were drinking Australian wines, which allowed me to have an incredible education in wine, at that level. Did the move into the kitchen happen organically? Basically. I spoke to a great friend of mine, Damien Pignolet, who had Claude's at that stage. Damien is running Regatta at the moment, but he ran Bistro Moncur too. I used to eat at all his restaurants, because I was running restaurants and making really good money, and I ate out a lot because I used to love it for the social aspect. Wherever I went I always became friends with the guys in the kitchen. I said to Damien, "I really want to cook." The first thing he said to me was, "Read everything from Jane Grigson, and everything from Elizabeth David, and then we'll talk again." After I’d followed his advice I got a phone call and he said, "Come in and start working casually with us." After a week I was working for him full-time, then he got a job for me at Stephanie’s. I just worked at so many restaurants from then on. A year after I started cooking I was offered a job as a chef at Barrenjoey House at Palm Beach. I was nowhere near qualified enough to do it. I think Michael McMahon, the owner at the time, just listened to all the people who I'd actually worked for, and we got on well and started talking about wine, and so I got the job. It was amazing. A month later Leo Schofield came up, did a review, gave the place 17 out of 20 and said, "The kid’s a star." That was it. The place was full and reviewers were all over us. That was in January 1983. Then you went on to open Rockpool, which basically epitomised fine dining in Sydney for 30 years… You know I wouldn't like to be starting out now; it's much more difficult. There's a proliferation of really good restaurants. I'm really happy I started when I did

because it was easier to get traction. With Rockpool, the whole view was to create a world-class restaurant. At that time the focus of it was seafood, which is why I called it Rockpool. It's quite interesting actually, because afterwards people would say, "Oh, so clever, it's in the Rocks," and I hadn't even really thought about that. The Rockpool focus changed over the years, but what was great was that we really set out to design a restaurant that had a beautiful ambience. You walked up that ramp and it was amazing. In 1989 it blew people away, and then we very quickly moved on to achieve three hats, and Gourmet Traveller Restaurant of the Year, and all those sorts of things. Then I was away on my honeymoon in 2003, skiing, and got a phone call saying, "Hey, you've just been named number four in the top 50 restaurants in the world." The subsequent nine years that we spent in that list were really awesome. It all comes back to the fundamental philosophy from which we started that restaurant, though. From the beginning I spoke to the floor and the kitchen about the fact that the emotional side of what we do is so important, and that our business is to create great memories every day. We do a really great day today, we see our guests out the door, essentially it's all over, and then we've got to recreate that experience tomorrow. I set my guys the challenge of doing better tomorrow than they did today. Online restaurant guides like Broadsheet, Concrete Playground, and Urban List are changing the way reviewing works. Generally speaking, there's a compulsion to be totally superlative on these platforms. Is that a shift you’ve noticed, and is it detrimental or beneficial? There are people in my business who live and breathe those reviews, but I never read any of them. People send me reviews and I actually delete them, because it is really distracting. I take a traditional view of listening to word-of-mouth from a customer saying what's happening. They say that probably 65 per cent of the

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reviews online are put up by your opposition, so it's really hard to weed out what is right and what is wrong. My daughter would probably take a different view, because she's in the restaurant business now at 23, but I try not to undermine the tradition of what we're trying to do, the social aspect, and the romance of it. Food television shows are promoting the idea that anyone can be a chef and have a “food dream”; is that attitude something that you promote? I think anybody can have a dream, but you can't do it without the hard work. That's the thing. If you think you can go on MasterChef, win, and open a restaurant, you can do that, but I would bet nine times out of ten that you would probably end up regretting it, because the bank would own whatever assets you started with. Cooking is only one part of the restaurant business. That said, I started cooking when I was 25, so I would say to anybody who rocks up, dive in. Give it a go. I was really lucky, though. I think the important thing now is that I've created a great legacy. I want to see the Rockpool Group become something incredibly special, in terms of its longevity. Speaking of business as legacy, you’ve recently teamed up with David Jones, the longest operating department store in the world; can you tell us about your relationship with David Jones? I think one of the most important things is that we have very like-minded brand values. I am certain that DJs is a really great fit for me. I get asked to do endorsements all the time, and I'm really selective because, essentially, I want to make sure that we share values, and that we add value to each other. The current management group at DJs is totally invigorated. They want to create great memories, to surprise and delight. You're going to see an incredible, iconic Australian brand burn bright again, and be a very important part of people's lives. I’m working with the DJs food halls, and the strategy is to single48 The Beast | August 2017

handedly create one of the greatest food experiences in the world. There’s a really amazing focus on food service and retail intertwining for the first time, so that we deliver a better, integrated, curated experience for our customer. You can buy what you eat, and vice versa. Often there's been a retail attitude of ‘stack them high, watch them buy’, which would mean offering say 35 olive oils and telling the customer to take their pick. We’re saying, "Here are 10 olive oils that we believe are the best. Here's why we think that and we'll help you make a decision if you want." And importantly we're looking at waste and sustainable usage of everything within our sphere, so that the customer is getting the best freshness, the greatest experience, and as little by-product as possible is wasted. Your work with David Jones will be unveiled when the new food hall launches at Bondi Junction on August 3; what can Eastern Suburbs residents expect to experience? David Jones will combine a premium food services experience with an incredible food retail offering in a way you won’t find anywhere else in Australia. You can have a great piece of steak at the restaurant or oysters at the oyster bar, and then buy that exact same product from the butcher or fish monger to cook at home, along with all the accompaniments like a spice rub, a beautiful salad, or fresh herbs. You just opened your new restaurant, Jade Temple, where Rockpool and then Eleven Bridge once stood; if the industry is harder than ever, as you say, what makes you think that this restaurant is going to work? I think all the years that I've spent in the business, and the incredible staff. I mean, at the core restaurants are about people; they're either about customers or staff. I have the most brilliant staff - they're fantastically trained and they all buy into the philosophy. We're famous for our service standards, from food notes, to photographs, to sequences of service, to cocktail training, to wine training.

Most importantly, though, I think I have a really good sense of what people enjoy. I think I've chosen a really fantastic Cantonese menu that's expressive of some of the clichéd classics, but there are also brilliant less-known dishes there. We're going to be very strong in roast and we're bringing a dim sum master out from Macau. We're really excited; it wasn’t easy to get him here. I had to use every relationship, even from the Prime Minister’s department, but we got him over the line, which is fantastic. It's 9pm, you've just gotten home from work, what do you cook for yourself? I'd knock up a very quick pasta dish. Or it would be some stir-fried noodles, probably more Korean than Chinese, because I do tend to go for the Gochujang a fair bit in the fridge. Or it would be an omelette, because I make great omelettes – they go very nicely with a good glass of burgundy. It would probably be five past nine when I got started, because I'd go down to the cellar and pick out a nice bottle of wine. In an ideal world, what does the future hold for Neil Perry? I can't see myself stopping work, so I would really want the dining group to be incredibly successful. And, crucially, we're focusing very strongly on the Rockpool Foundation; we're the only dining group in Australia with our own charity. We're headhunting a CEO at the moment, and all the funds for head office will come from the restaurants. We will have zero costs attached to any funds raised. We believe we're capable of raising between five and six million dollars a year, and we're going to have a very strong focus on youth support, education, and changing the cycle of education so that we can change cycles in poverty. We want to support disabled youths to come into work and have selfworth, and be able to be supportive to the point where they can then feel that they can continue that job and work within a business, both in the food industry and otherwise. That's what I'd really love to see.

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BONDI AMUSEMENT PARK FAILS TO RAISE WINTER’S BONE Words Rupert Truscott-Hughes Picture Camela Anderson


aving just returned from a trip to Hobart’s Dark Mofo festival, I lobbed up to Bondi for brunch with a friend at Speedo’s and was immediately confronted by a large erection in the middle of the beach. Such a sight is not uncommon in the summer months when amorous backpackers take to the bay and set out to make the beast with two backs, but in winter the sand is far too cold for such frivolous activities. Of course, the erection I speak of on this occasion is not phallic in nature, but the ferris wheel on Bondi’s beachfront does feel a bit like the sort of showboating you’d expect from a fellow in a bright red Ferrari, clearly overcompensating for a lack of horse power in the downstairs department. But does Bondi really need to be peacocking when the beach itself is the equivalent of a porn star’s engorged package? Does an amusement park ride really make one of the world’s most amazing beaches better? I think not. 50 The Beast | August 2017

The whole ‘Bondi as an amusement park’ thing is not a new phenomenon. It all started with an ice rink (a novel idea to get folk down to Bondi), was followed by a procession of camels a la Cable Beach in Broome, and now we’re borrowing ideas from the Brits with this recent installation of the ‘Bondi Eye’, a massive ferris wheel festooned in fluorescent lights that has been plonked down beside the pavilion. It’s down there as part of Bondi Winter Magic, which I believe is the work of the Bondi Chamber of Commerce in partnership with Waverley Council. Basically it’s Bondi’s attempt to beckon tourists when it’s colder than a witch’s tit and the last place they’d want to spend their money is at a wind blown beach. In terms of social currency, it’s probably not a bad attempt. People are going to want to post photos on Facebook of their ferris wheel ride and Instagram the hell out of their ice skating session adjacent to the

sand. But surely Bondi can put on something better than a beachside fun fair, because at the end of the day that is what it boils down to. Did I mention I went to Dark Mofo? Of course I did. Everyone who goes to Dark Mofo lets you know about it. In that sense, it’s like the weird love child of veganism and Crossfit. The reason I mention Dark Mofo, though, is because it’s bloody amazing. And Tasmanians made it. Imagine what we civilised Sydneysiders could do if we put our minds to it. Hopefully something more than a f**king ferris wheel, that’s for sure. What I’m trying to say here is that if we really want to attract people to Bondi in winter, let’s put on something that’s actually good. I flew all the way to Tasmania to swim naked, watch things burn, take in some obscure art, and eat at a delicious banquet. I’m sure plenty of tourists staying in the city would hop on the 333 if Bondi pulled its finger out and offered something similar.



Definitely. The beach is not that appealing in winter, and there are a lot of cafés here, and the more people that come here the better. There are not a lot of things to do in Coogee, really, other than the beach and eating.


I’d like to say no, because Coogee is unique as it is. It's very familyorientated, and I don't think we need more attractions to make Coogee better as it is already perfect.


No, it's stupid. Get rid of it all. I'd never go on that ferris wheel. It's good to look at, I guess, but why do they have it there? It's just some carney bringing in tourists to make money. We don't need any more tourists.

Siobhan COOGEE

Nah, we're not try-hards in Coogee. We don't do things just for the ‘Gram (Instagram) like they do in Bondi. It’s all for show, not for local business.


No, I don't think so because I don't want Coogee to turn into Bondi with camels and ice rinks and whatever else they have there. Coogee Beach is beautiful enough on its own. Don’t change it. Don't bring camels.


No, because Bondi is the tourist place for a reason, and Coogee should stay local. It has enough attractions already, like a beautiful beach, and we don't want to overcrowd it. We don't need to exploit the town. August 2017 | The Beast 51

What's the John Dory?

WAITING FOR THE WINTER BLUES Words Dan Trotter Picture Charlie Mizzi


ast month’s article touched on the annual run of tuna that sweeps up the south east coast of Australia, often reaching Sydney’s far wide fishing grounds during July, August, and September. Whilst these majestic and sought after fish have not turned up wide of Browns Mountain or even around Heatons Hill just yet, they are coming. During July the southern bluefin tuna were thick in the cobalt currents off the game-fishing Meccas of Narooma and Bermagui. Whilst the frenzied surface feeding schools have been 40 nautical miles offshore, glassed off weather conditions provided keen anglers in small boats the chance to get stuck into tuna fishing reminiscent of the old days, with 30 to 40 kilogram specimens on the surface for hours at a time

52 The Beast | August 2017

eating everything that hit the water. Fingers crossed for us more northerly anglers that we get the chance to see action like this for a few days during August. The downside of the deepest, darkest days of winter is the other blues (not the fishy type) that can accompany short days when there are more dark hours than daylight. We all experience this to some degree, or know of family members and friends who have a struggle to stay buoyant at this time of year. If you’re feeling the funk, make the effort to pick up the phone and make a call, or set time aside in your week to catch up with mates, get outside for some exercise, enjoy some good conversation, and, if they’re partial to a spot of afternoon fishing, get to the water

and wet a line. It’s amazing what a little time by the ocean can do for the soul. August is also a month to focus on winter visitors to our harbours, particularly the delicious and mysterious John Dory. Rarely encountered by everyday anglers, with a little bit of focus and some patience the rewards can be yours. It’s worth doing a little reading on where these fish can be found. Once common in winter in the upstream bays of Middle Harbour and on the Lane Cove and Parramatta Rivers, water quality, landborne pollution, and commercial fishing pressure have all taken their toll on numbers. John Dory tend to favour the deep, clear bays and harbours, and are rarely taken in shallow or muddy rivers or estuaries. During summer they live out on the deep reefs, and according to divers I’ve spoken to they are also common around wrecks, particularly those on a sand bottom. They move into the bays and harbours in May and retreat back to the offshore reefs in about September. As such, the best places to start are the deeper bays closer to the heads where populations of small yellowtail scad and baby snapper are prolific. These incredibly successful slow moving ambush predators use stealth and an incredible jaw assembly to gobble down prey most fish their size would only dream about. The next step is to select a lightweight outfit with a sensitive tip, capable of also putting up a decent fight should a mulloway grab the bait instead. Use a 10 to 15-kilogram leader, a six to 10-kilogram braid mainline, and a 40-gram bean sinker coupled with a 4/0 or 6/0 light gauge octopus style hook. Fish straight up and down from the boat or suspend from a float cast well away from the shore, and aim to have the bait sitting approximately two metres off the bottom. As always, target the turn of tide (high tide in this instance) or the change of light. Now start licking those lips in anticipation of that tasty meal.



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August 2017 | The Beast 53

AUGUST 2017 TIDE CHART Numbers Bureau of Meteorology Tidal Centre Picture Sebastian Elmaloglou Instagram @intepic MONDAY




2 0400 0954 1638 2320

1.19 0.62 1.50 0.63

3 0502 1.20 1046 0.61 1728 1.56

4 0011 0556 1134 1813

0.56 1.24 0.58 1.62

5 0054 0642 1218 1853

0.49 1.28 0.55 1.68

9 0316 0915 1458 2122

0.31 1.42 0.44 1.78

10 0353 0956 1541 2201

0.30 1.45 0.44 1.74

11 0430 1038 1626 2243

0.31 1.47 0.46 1.68

12 0510 1123 1715 2328

0.33 1.49 0.49 1.59

16 0228 0834 1511 2149

1.31 0.49 1.59 0.51

17 0345 0941 1617 2301

1.28 0.49 1.67 0.42

18 0500 1.30 1045 0.46 1720 1.76

19 0004 0602 1145 1817

0.32 1.36 0.41 1.85

23 0315 0920 1512 2130

0.18 1.53 0.33 1.82

24 0356 1004 1559 2214

0.23 1.53 0.37 1.70

25 0434 1046 1645 2255

26 0511 1129 1732 2336

0.39 1.49 0.52 1.44

30 0211 0806 1450 2138

1.15 0.65 1.40 0.66

31 0324 0911 1554 2244

1.13 0.66 1.43 0.61

1 0254 0900 1543 2219

1.22 0.62 1.46 0.69

7 0207 0800 1338 2008

0.37 1.35 0.48 1.77

8 0242 0838 1417 2045

0.33 1.39 0.45 1.78

14 0019 0640 1305 1915

1.49 0.42 1.52 0.56

15 0118 0733 1405 2030

1.39 0.46 1.55 0.56

21 0147 0748 1334 2000

0.17 1.48 0.32 1.93

22 0233 0835 1424 2046

0.15 1.52 0.30 1.89

28 0019 0626 1258 1919

1.32 0.55 1.42 0.65

29 0109 0711 1350 2026

1.22 0.61 1.40 0.67

New South Whales.


0.31 1.51 0.44 1.57



6 0131 0722 1259 1930

0.42 1.32 0.51 1.73

13 0552 0.37 1212 1.50 1811 0.53 20 0059 0658 1242 1910

0.23 1.42 0.35 1.91

27 0547 0.47 1212 1.45 1823 0.59

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THE UNRELIABLE GUIDE TO... ENERGY VAMPIRES Words Nat Shepherd Picture Anne Oying


n his ‘Advice For Young People’ William S. Burroughs said: “If, after being in someone’s presence, you feel like you’ve lost a quart of plasma, avoid that presence. You need it like you need pernicious anemia... (and) by the inexorable logistics of the vampiric process they always take more than they leave...” In other words, some people are so greedy for attention they literally drain you of energy. You know one of these people; if you don’t then you’re probably one yourself. Nothing pleases them more than the sound of their own voice. They’ll launch into some tedious monologue as soon as they set eyes upon you and have no interest in anything you have to say. I encounter heaps of these people and I’ve had enough. Time is precious, so the Unreliable Guide would like to present some suggestions to these vampires amongst us… THE ART OF CONVERSATION Good conversation is like a game of ‘pass the parcel’: you do a little bit then pass it on. It’s not one person unwrapping the whole parcel themselves whilst being watched by glazed-eyed others. Unless there are very special circumstances - you 56 The Beast | August 2017

just saw a spaceship land on Bondi Beach/met a Hollywood celebrity on the bus/were involved in a hostage situation with wolves - you should not be continuously speaking for more than two minutes. After two minutes - a long time in any conversation - chances are the other person would like to chip in. If you don’t give them that opportunity they will probably start thinking about something else or wishing you would shut the f**k up.

ing every step of six-year-old Poppy’s recent ballet performance, but I DON’T CARE. Unless Brooklyn plays for the Socceroos or Poppy’s got a gig at the Bolshoi, you get to show me one picture and then move on. Enough already.

YOUR HEALTH DOES NOT FASCINATE ME Listen very carefully: I do not want to know the intricacies of your health situation. Unless we are intimately related, I am not interested in more than a brief, twenty-second update about the current state of your body. Likewise, I won’t dream of giving you the full breakdown on my sore back, dicky tummy, or mysterious bum rash. This stuff is dull; save it for your nearest and dearest or, better still, your GP.

ARE YOU A BORE? The funny thing about bores is that they never think they are one. These conversational steamrollers think anyone a bit ‘chatty’ is a terrible bore, because chatterboxes have the audacity to interrupt a bore’s fascinating monologue. The true bore will deal with such impertinence by talking over the offending interlocutor, or interrupting their reply with an: “Excuse me, I hadn’t finished”. A trick of the party bore is to pick off the weakest in the herd, annexing some poor soul who was previously happily talking with a mixed group of interesting people. If you’ve ever done any of these things you may well be a bore. Stop it.

YOUR CHILDREN ARE NOT SPECIAL I know you worship them, but your kids are not nearly as interesting as you think. You love nothing better than watching video reruns of little Brooklyn’s soccer game or review-

Finally, the Unreliable Guide suggests that empty vessels make the most noise. To avoid being a boring energy vampire, try asking more than you tell. That way you might actually learn something.


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August 2017 | The Beast 57

Death to America.

OPENING UP A CAN OF WHOOP-ASS! Words Alasdair McClintock Picture Anjing Panas


f the end of winter is getting you down, look up Al Pacino’s speech in Any Given Sunday. The movie itself is not his best, but when he delivers that monologue in the dull red locker room to those intimidating football players in black, I challenge you not to get goosebumps. “We can climb outta hell, one inch at a time... You find out life's this game of inches; so is football.” Sure, it’s a bit over the top, but American Football is over the top. That’s why we love it. And the circus is coming to town, people! August 27. The NCAA College Football Championships. Stanford University taking on Rice University. The Sydney Cup. Humbly billing itself as “The Greatest Show on Earth”! You’ve got to admire their gall for marketing it like that. Especially given even they know it’s a goddamn lie. I watched the Super Bowl last year and that was a great show, but not the greatest. Do they really expect us to believe that the opening round of the 58 The Beast | August 2017

college circuit is going to not just compete, but surpass it? The scary thing is, perhaps they do. Some will baulk at another American product being shoved in our faces, but having been brainwashed by the Simpsons and Hollywood from a young age, I have to admit I don’t mind a bit of American culture. It is so brash and ridiculous at times that it borders on pantomime. You can guarantee this will be the same, considering it will feature “marching bands, cheerleaders, mascots, and traditional American stadium food”. Ah, traditional American stadium food. Leave your organic, gluten-free health bowls at the door, please, we’ve got some arteries to clog! A quick online search of the phrase ‘American stadium food’ revealed the biggest bloody hot dog I’ve ever seen in my life. It looked absolutely disgusting, but I wanted it so, so much. That thing could seriously be used as a weapon. It’s brilliant. The equivalent game last year drew 61,247 fans to ANZ Sta-

dium, and someone really needs to crunch the numbers and work out how many metres of hot dog were consumed. It should become the new measuring standard for the success of a public event. Will we eat more this year? Only time will tell. A cynic might point out that moving the game to Allianz seems to suggest organisers suspect we won’t. Maybe the novelty will have worn off, and it is only a college game, after all. The obsession with college sport in the US has always been a head scratcher for me. We can barely a get a good crowd to the NRL here, yet over there mere students are celebrated - hero worshipped, even. No wonder they go on to do horrible, entitled things, like murder, illegal dog fighting, and deliberately deflating balls to win championships. Which is worse? You decide. Regardless of how you feel about the American incarnation of ‘football’, remember one thing: “Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose!”

August 2017 | The Beast 59

Adani's new water treatment pond.



he Great Australian Bight, the Great Sandy Desert, and the Great White Shark are all, well, great. But when you’re talking all things great, there’s one Aussie attraction that stands alone at the top of the dais, and that’s the worldrenowned Great Barrier Reef. The Great Barrier Reef is one of the seven wonders of the natural world, and is the largest tropical reef ecosystem on the planet. Extending 2,300 kilometres from Bundaberg in the south to beyond Cape York in the north, it spans more than 300,000 square kilometres, making it larger than New Zealand. It’s even larger than the Great Wall of China, and is the only living thing that can be seen from outer space. Recently I was lucky enough to spend four days and three nights aboard the Coral Expeditions 11 - a 44-berth, 35-metre vessel - snorkelling, scuba diving, and discovering some of the world-renowned coral reefs, cays, and bays of this exquisite natural wonder. We visited four separate reefs on our trip - Sudbury, Nathan, Noggin, and Coates - all of which are located between Cairns and Hinchinbrook Island. Over the four days we travelled approximately 327 kilometres. With all the recent publicity given to the coral bleaching epidemic that has tarnished large swathes of the Great Barrier Reef, it was with a mixture of trepidation and excitement that we first set off from Cairns harbour on a sparkling, sunny morning. In the early afternoon, after three

60 The Beast | August 2017

hours of slicing through the calmest of waters, we reached our first destination, Sudbury Reef. The colour of the water was a mix of sapphire blue and a sprinkle of emerald. If I’d seen it in a travel brochure instead of in the flesh, I’d certainly have assumed it’d been photoshopped. Before entering the water, a scuba diving and snorkelling expert briefed us on all aspects of water safety, then it was time to pull on our sexy full length stinger and jellyfish proof suits, which are there prevent any possible poisonous encounters with the deadly box jellyfish and some of its pain-inducing pals. Thankfully the suits were thin and felt like little more than a second skin we just looked preposterous! I personally resembled an Oompa Loompa from Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory. Diving down into Sudbury Reef ’s coral gardens was like falling down the rabbit hole and ending up with Alice in Wonderland. Some of the coral colours I didn't know existed in nature - deep purples, vivid greens, fluorescent yellows, and deep maroons, mixed in with the intriguing shapes of the reef, some of which looked like giant brains and alien profiles. The huge variety of fish down there was mind-boggling. A couple of exhilarating hours later and we were drying off to be taken to a nearby sand cay for sunset drinks. We were the only people on this tiny sand island, and as the sun slowly and languidly disappeared it completed a day that will never be forgotten. The next day we awoke to find ourselves moored off Dunk Island,

where we took an early morning guided walk to the summit of Mount Kootaloo. It was a challenging twohour rainforest walk, but the views at the top made it all worthwhile. Another option for guests is an easier rainforest and beach walk. Our next destination, Nathan Reef, was where I had my one and only scuba dive of the trip, and seeing the reef from a fish’s perspective was nothing short of breathtaking. After our afternoon snorkelling and scuba diving session, drinks were served on-board, followed by a delicious restaurant quality dinner, before we finished off our night in front of an inspiring David Attenborough documentary about - surprise, surprise - the Great Barrier Reef. Soon after we were gently lulled to sleep in our snug maritime-styled air conditioned cabins, reenergising our underwater batteries for the next day’s reef adventure, which saw us getting salty at Noggins Reef, where magical manta rays, schools of groper, and friendly reef sharks abounded. Our last night on-board the Coral Expeditions 11 concluded with a quirky quiz amongst the guests. It was like a United Nations gathering, with travellers from Sweden, Switzerland, USA, Canada, and Australia, ranging in age from a 17-year-old girl to an 86-year-old Aussie gent who was as alert as a meerkat and involved himself in as much physical activity as he was able to. He certainly made me lift my game! The Coral Expeditions Company has certainly got the cruising formula down to a fine art, and this memorable trip was enhanced by staying at two superb Hilton Hotels when on dry land: the Hilton Cairns and the Double Tree by Hilton Cairns. If you’re looking to hit the Great Barrier Reef, you’d be a fool to look elsewhere. How to Get There

Where to Stay Hilton Cairns (07) 4050 2000

Double Tree by Hilton Cairns (07) 4050 6070 How to Book

Fake it till you make it.

WHY DO WOMEN OFTEN FAKE AN ORGASM? Words Matty Silver, Sex Therapist Picture Nora Clitoff


ome time ago a 23-year-old woman came to see me. She had had a few short-term relationships with boyfriends, but never achieved an orgasm with any of them while having penetrative sex. They didn’t seem to worry about it much and neither did she, because she never had a problem having an orgasm on her own. However, she met a guy who she really liked and she became quite upset when he claimed she was the only girlfriend he'd ever slept with who did not orgasm when they had intercourse. What was wrong with her? What most men and women don’t know is that only 20 to 25 per cent of women can achieve an orgasm by just having penetrative sex. Women who often don’t have a problem achieving an orgasm on their own can’t understand why they don’t climax with their partner. Since this is not common knowledge, there is a high 62 The Beast | August 2017

percentage of males and females (especially) who end up feeling very inadequate. Unfortunately popular culture doesn’t help either. How many movies do we see these days where within minutes of starting to have sex the actors end up having mind-blowing simultaneous orgasms, which in reality is almost impossible? Some men, like my client’s boyfriend, believe in their sexual prowess so much that they see it as a personal challenge to make their girlfriends climax – and are very disappointed when they don’t. By expressing this with questions like, “Have you come yet?” it’s no surprise that some women believe ‘faking it’ is so much easier – they may feel guilty, but it’s an easy way to keep their partner happy. That said, protecting a man's ego is understandable, but it does not really work as a ‘relationship maintenance strategy’.

I suggested my client sit down with her partner and tell him there was nothing wrong with her, but she was not prepared to fake an orgasm and that she'd like to discuss ways to change how they have sex. So what does make it easier for women to have an orgasm with a partner? A woman who is comfortable touching her own body is more likely to know what feels good for her, and she can then show her partner what she likes, whether that is him stimulating her clitoris during intercourse, or her using her own fingers or a small vibrator to do the same. A good option for a man is giving oral sex first to get her aroused. So should you be a faker? I don’t believe so. The most important thing is to communicate and focus on each other’s pleasure, and realise that it is not always necessary for sex to end with the ‘elusive’ orgasm!

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CENTENNIAL PARK SATURDAY 12 AUGUST 11AM–3PM Join us to celebrate National Science Week at this free, fun, family event. Meet a dinosaur, see a life sized shark in a bus, enjoy our incredible science shows, learn more about lizards, snakes, bats and lots more...

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August 2017 | The Beast 63

variations to the theme for SS18, with designers offering their take on the short sleeved shirt with Hawaiian inspired prints and pyjama shirt styles. A tricky look to get right, but if worn with confidence it can give your outfit a suave, retro-Americana feel. Or you could copy the runways with their counter-intuitive styling: designers paired the loose, printed shirts with dressed-up trousers in traditional check.

Thales from Rose Bay.

Andrea from Bondi Junction.

WHAT MEN WILL BE WEARING IN SPRING/SUMMER 2018 Words and Pictures Sharmin Musca, Personal Stylist


unway shows from the recent Men’s Fashion Weeks showcased models in some outrageous sculptural pieces, sequins, and really short shorts, but thankfully there were also loads of pieces for men to actually wear, and some new ways to wear what they already own. Here’s a roundup of what men will be wearing and how they’ll wear it for Spring/Summer 2018…

they were worn with personality, as contrasting striped pieces were layered over each other. We saw a thick striped nautical sweater worn over a thin, horizontal striped polo shirt at one show, while at another a pin-stripe jacket was wrapped around the waist of a model wearing a thick vertically striped shirt. The key here is to keep your stripes running in the same direction, but vary their proportion.

EMBRACE YOUR SUMMER WHITE Previously associated with summertime in the Hamptons, for SS18, white-on-white takes on a more utilitarian feel. Think workwear basics like a white denim jacket, crew-neck tee, or a well-worn button-down to make the monochrome summer look feel less precious.

LINEN BOMBER JACKET The bomber has a timeless appeal that transcends years, styles, and trends, which makes it a worthy investment for those with classic personal style. The most recent satin, embroidered version is popular with fashionable blokes. Keep your eye out for the bomber next season - it’s been reinvigorated in linen form.

LAYERED VERTICAL OR HORIZONTAL STRIPES Breton-stripes were again seen on the runways, although this time 64 The Beast | August 2017

THE SHORT SLEEVED PARTY SHIRT The 1950s-esque camp-collared shirt trend continues with new

THE TUCKED TEE The so-awkward-it’s-cool tuckedin tee look may actually become a trend. The dorky styling, more synonymous with older dads, has been spotted on many style rebels of late. These stylish men of various tribes are pairing their tucked-in tees with trendy kicks and jeans, or high-waisted pants with side-tabs or front-pleats, which admittedly does look pretty edgy on them. The jury is out on how this will translate to the average Joe sporting a hint of a beer-belly and man-boobs. On the streets I found: Name Thales Lives Rose Bay Occupation Bartender Street Style Hat by Primitive, top by Among Equals, sunnies by Sienna Alexander London, and Adidas trackies and trainers. Fave item for the season A bucket hat. Name Andrea Lives Bondi Junction Occupation Co-owner Coral Sky Street Style Top by Indikah, denim skirt by Lost in Lunar, peep toe boots by Nude, and vegan bangle bag, all from Coral Sky in North Bondi. Fave Item for the season Black sheer dress with gold polka dots by Sass. For more style tips or help with your personal style, contact Sharmin Musca Personal Stylist on 0405 518 155 or visit


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So what can I recycle? • Plastic shopping bags • Cling wrap (generally clean) • Bread, rice, pasta, lolly, and cereal bags/liners • Biscuit packs (but not the trays) • Chocolate bar wrappers • Frozen food bags • Newspaper and bubble wrap • Dry cleaning bags • Fruit and veg bags and netting • Toilet paper and paper towel packaging • Old reusable bags You can also visit au/what-to-redcycle to see what can and cannot be REDcycled. A good way to remember to recycle these plastics is to put them straight into your reusable shopping bag, or a bag in the pantry/ kitchen, for dropping off on your next shopping trip.

Or you could just make a football jersey.

UNPACKING THE CONFUSION AROUND SOFT PLASTICS RECYCLING Words Nicola Saltman and Leslie Mallinson, Sustainable Waverley


alk down any supermarket aisle or peer into the pantry and it’s pretty clear that a plastic-free world is a distant dream, especially with the plethora of hard-to-avoid soft plastics and packaging. So is there a planetfriendly solution? Following on from ABC’s War on Waste and Plastic Free July, we’ve sought expert advice from Liz Kasell, founder and director of REDcycle, who set up a dedicated recycling business five years ago to help address this very question. What exactly do we mean by soft plastics? Soft or flexible plastics are the kind that can be scrunched into a ball. Think bread bags, plastic bags, plus packets for crackers, chips, pasta, nuts, lollies, biscuits, etc. 66 The Beast | August 2017

Why can’t I just throw them in the yellow recycling bin? They get caught in the recycling machinery and screw up the whole process to recover hard recyclable plastics like bottles and containers. But can they be recycled anyway? A big YES! At your local supermarket. Since 2012, the REDcycle Program ( has created a revolution in soft plastics recycling, allowing householders to recycle them at drop-off points at over 800 supermarkets across Australia. Over the last five years REDcycle has collected over 300 million pieces of soft plastics for recycling. And that’s from Coles alone. It’s super easy, and way better than simply putting it in the red garbage bin, destined for landfill.

How do I know if my local recycling drop-off point is legit? Look for REDcycle signage, and for the words “soft plastic bags and soft plastic packaging”. If your supermarket is listed on www. then you know they are doing the right thing. What happens to these plastics after I drop off at a REDcycle collection bin? They are sent to an Australian manufacturer and program partner in Melbourne, Replas, which converts them into recycled plastic products such as outdoor furniture, decking, and signage for schools, councils, and communities. Where can I find a collection bin locally? Easy! You can find them at Woolworths in Bondi Junction, Eastgardens, Maroubra, Rose Bay North, Randwick, and Hillsdale, and at Coles in Bondi Junction, Maroubra, Pagewood, Randwick, Rose Bay North, and Hillsdale. Let’s together make recycling soft plastics second nature. For more information, please email or visit

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I'll give these guys six months before they're a household name.

MIRELLA’S INFERNO - RAW, ANGRY, AND RELEVANT Words Dan Hutton Picture Meghan Dea


nchanting, otherworldly, and luxuriously dark, Sydney band Mirella’s Inferno bring a deep and visceral electronic edge to the indie pop genre. Their new single, ‘Eternal Seekers’, is set to drop in August, and to launch it they’ll be playing a gig at Old Dave’s Soul in Coogee on August 19. We caught up with front woman Meghan Dea… If I had to describe our sound in one sentence… it would be ‘enchantingly dark electronic dreampop with a hit of grunge rock’. My first memory of music is… riding in my dad’s car listening to ‘Sexual Healing’ by Marvin Gaye, but singing ‘sensual healing’ and asking dad what that meant - no direct response to date. Growing up my parents listened to… a wide range of genres and artists including Madonna, Bowie, Tina Turner, Fleetwood Mac, Boney M, and this one mixed bag CD filled with 90s EDM, so I guess that's why you hear the crossover in our music as well. Our dream gig… would definitely be Coachella. Any stage. We’ll take what we can get!

70 The Beast | August 2017

If you come to see us play, you can expect… layers of intricate, lush sounds, lots of emotion, a bit of grooving, and feathers (sometimes). People should come to our gig at Old Dave’s Soul in Coogee because… they will get to experience new sounds and hear our amazing local supporting artists (LA Vif and Field of Wolves) perform before us. This local venue is the perfect location for our intimate show. There was one time when we were starting out… that we realised we are slaves to the sound guy - always buy him/her a beer before you play. If we could have chosen one song to have written it would have to be… ‘…Baby One More Time’ by Britney Spears, because it is so simple, catchy, and anyone from any age group can relate to it! It sounds great as a piano ballad too. Our favourite song to perform would have to be... ‘MANIAC’ by yours truly, because it is a crowd favourite that always kicks up the energy, and we get to see some manic dancing by the audience.

Our new single, ‘Eternal Seekers’, is… raw, angry, and relevant to everyone today because it is speaking about the ‘eternal seeker’ in each of us and our lack of contentment with what we have. The best thing about the local music scene is…the amount of talent in various styles that’s new and exciting. Sydney seems to be a harvesting pot for some very fresh sounds and crossover styles, once you know where to find it. One person we’d still really like to record with is… Massive Attack or Air, because their sound is so inspiring and moving that it would be an experience to pick at their genius brains and see how their art is created. We’ll know we have made it when... we get a slot at one of the big festivals in Sydney, or anywhere in Australia. To be able to play in front of a home-grown festival crowd would be amazing. To find out more about Mirella’s Inferno, give them a listen on Spotify, iTunes or SoundCloud, or visit

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ALBUM #1 Artist Alt-J Album RELAXER Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  I have a theory that a band’s third album is usually its best, and Alt-J have just joined the pile supporting that little hypothesis. It took a few listens, but I can now happily say I am down like Debbie with this album. My only criticism is that, at only eight songs and 38 minutes long, I wanted more. But this is just me being greedy, and given RELAXER feels a more complete piece of work than anything they’ve done before, Gordon Gekko may be wrong in this instance: greed is not good.


MOVIE REVIEW TITLE It Comes At Night GENRE Horror/Thriller REVIEWER Linda Heller-Salvador


ward winning writer-director Trey Edward Shults has blurred the lines between reality and dreams in this bleak and unnerving portrayal of the extremes people will go to in order to protect the ones they love while still holding on to a semblance of humanity. After a deadly virus has apparently wiped out much of the human population, Paul ( Joel Edgerton), his wife Sarah (Carmen Ejogo), and Travis (Kelvin Harrison Jr), their 17-year-old son, isolate themselves in a remote house among the woods in order to survive. When a young family arrives looking for help, Paul cautiously welcomes them in, but it is not long before mistrust appears in the happy relationships they have formed. Tension between the families spirals into paranoia, which eventually culminates in devastating consequences for all. Although it has been touted as a horror film, I would be inclined to suggest it is more of a psychological thriller. Horror comes in all shapes and sizes, but some people will be disappointed if they are expecting a ‘traditional’ horror story. It is a darkly atmospheric film that has no need for backstories and deliberately leaves questions unanswered, which is not necessarily a bad thing. 72 The Beast | August 2017

Artist Lorde Album Melodrama Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  How good is Lorde? Honestly, she must be the best thing to happen to pop music since George Michael, may he rest in peace. She could be singlehandedly saving the mainstream musical minds of the next generation, too. Strong, powerful songs litter this album and I was a little embarrassed to find myself unleashing my inner woman and unconsciously humming ‘Green Light’ out loud down at Bronte the other day. I couldn’t help it. This album makes me want to be a woman - a real passionate one with big hair. Lorde, basically. I want to be Lorde.

ALBUM #3 Artist King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard Album Murder of the Universe Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  Prolific is an understatement for these guys. They intend to release five albums this year, but I’m not sure this one can even be considered an album. It sounds more like a soundtrack for one of those scrolling computer games from the nineties, which I’m guessing is deliberate given the frequent references to Altered Beast - a great game, but would you want to sit down and listen to the soundtrack for an hour? No, you wouldn’t. Good on them for messing with the formula, but I will never listen to them again.

ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT FROM AROUND THE BEACHES Words Madeleine Gray Picture Sebastian Elmaloglou Instagram @intepic WAVERLEY ART PRIZE WINNERS The winners of the 2017 Waverley Art Prize were announced recently at a vibrant awards ceremony at the Waverley Woollahra Art School. The Open Prize, which was the night’s largest award, was presented to Maz Dixon for her work, Shangri La. Other prize winners were Nicola Smith, Kathryn McGovern, Anthony Buselli, Claire Primrose, and Samantha Thompson. A massive congratulations to all the winners, and to those who entered their works and missed out. RANDWICK COUNCIL URBAN DESIGN AWARDS OPEN There are three responses to a piece of design: yes, no, and wow! Randwick City Council is looking for the ‘wow’ by inviting submissions for the 7th biennial Architecture and Urban Design Awards 2017. The awards recognise design excellence and inspire good architectural, landscape, and urban design by acknowledging the designers involved in enhancing Randwick City’s built environment. For more info, head to the Randwick Coun-

Big Bronte.

cil website, or email electronic submissions to with ‘Architecture and Urban Design Awards 2017’ in the subject heading by 5pm on August 25. UNSW PERFORMS THE ADDAMS FAMILY The University of New South Wales' Theatre Society (known as NUTS) is staging a production of The Addams Family, The Musical this August at the Science Theatre on the UNSW campus. The entire cast and crew will be comprised of locals, and literally who does not love Wednesday Addams? Visit html for tickets. MOTHERHOOD THE MUSICAL The Bondi Theatre Company will present its inaugural season of musical and cabaret at the Bondi Pavilion from August 17 to 26. Rose Bay resident Rebecca Spicer plays Amy in Motherhood the Musical by Sue Fabisch. “Amy is three weeks from giving birth when three of her friends give her

a surprise baby shower,” she said. “She thinks that having a baby is the most wonderful time of her life, but her friends soon give her a preview of what she is in store for.” The season also includes three other cabaret acts - Joanna Weinberg performs her hilarious dedication to the love of handbags in Pandora’s Bag, Sam Anderson sends up fitness in Spin Class, and Richard Woodhouse pays tribute to the legendary composer Cy Coleman. You can book tickets at BLACK EYE GALLERY HOSTS NEW SHOW If you’ve not yet checked out Black Eye Gallery in Darlinghurst, you’re missing out on some serious culture, mahn. From July 18 to August 6, the gallery will be hosting ‘Luminosity and Momentum’, a joint show by Melbournian photographic artists Rob Love and SoonHoe. The series explores the interplay between light and water, and it's calling your name. For more information, please visit



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Insanely delicious hot out of the oven.



inter and comfort food always go hand in hand, but often the comfort foods we crave aren’t the most abundant in nutritional value. We can change that in a heartbeat, though, with a few simple tweaks to the norm. One easy way to do so is by swapping the humble baked potato with dinner for an antioxidant rich sweet potato dish. The one I have chosen this month features a delicious curry spice mix, an extra boost of calcium from sesame seeds, and a kick of nourishing fats from coconut flakes and oil. While this recipe is insanely delicious hot out of the oven, it also keeps well for lunch the next day and is super tasty tossed into a salad, too.

1 tsp curry powder
 2 tbsp sesame seeds
 3 good pinches sea salt 2 tbsp olive oil or melted coconut oil 1 cup flaked coconut

INGREDIENTS (serves 6 as a side dish) 1.3kg sweet potato, peeled and cut into cubes

5. Remove the sweet potato from the oven and place the coconut flakes into the oven to toast for 2 minutes or until golden.

76 The Beast | August 2017

METHOD 1. Preheat your oven to 200C and line a baking tray with baking paper. 2. Toss the sweet potato cubes in the curry powder, sesame, sea salt, and oil. 3. Bake in the oven for 30 minutes. 4. While the sweet potato is cooking, spread the coconut flakes over a lined baking tray.

6. Toss the ingredients together and serve. This delicious recipe was provided by local nutritionist and author of Seasons to Share, Jacqueline Alwill. For whole food catering, nutrition workshops, recipes, and more, visit

Jane's fighting the good fight.

WOMEN IN WINE Words and Picture Alex Russell Instagram @ozwineguy


ane Thomson has been fighting a battle to make wine communication more relevant to women. She argues that wine communication has often been yawn inducing, and even testosterone-fuelled. So to battle this she set up the Fabulous Ladies Wine Society. It’s clearly been well received, as she was awarded Digital Wine Communicator of the Year in 2013 and 2016, and was one of Wine Business Magazine’s Top 50 Stars in 2012 and 2015. The Fabulous Ladies Wine Society now has a team of four. They also have an online wine club. They pick out a couple of wines each month and will either send you a two-pack, a six-pack (three of each), or a dozen (six bottles of each). They also give you a bit of information about the winery and the wines themselves, and it’s all quite accessible through their website. They have videos of the winemaker discussing the wines, and written tasting notes. They have picked out a few of their favourite wineries and listed them on their website, too.

WOMEN IN WINE AWARDS In 2015, the Fabulous Ladies launched the Women in Wine Awards. As you might have guessed, the aim is to celebrate women in the wine industry, which has traditionally been a bit of a boys club. They started off with four categories (listed below), and in 2016 added two new categories, including Researcher of the Year – a category close to my heart. Winners in 2015 included Winemaker of the Year Rose Kentish (Ulithorne Wines), Viticulturist of the Year Irina Santiago-Brown (Inkwell Wines), Owner/Operator of the Year Rebecca Duffy (Holm Oak Vineyards), and Workplace Champion of Change Dianne Laurance (Laurance Wines). In 2016, Winemaker of the Year went to Emma Norbiato (Calabria Family Wines), Prue Henschke (Henschke) claimed Viticulturist of the Year, Owner/Operator of the Year was Jenny Semmler (919 Wines), Workplace Champion of Change went to Iain Riggs and Brokenwood Wines, Roberta De Bei and Cassandra Collins both

took home Researcher of the Year, and the inaugural Cellar Door Person of the Year was won by Rebecca Barr (Fernfield Wines). Videos of the awards nights are available on the website, All of the categories aim to celebrate women, although it is worth noting that the Workplace Champion of Change in 2016 was Iain Riggs, of Brokenwood. On the face of it, it might seem a little strange that a male was given an award at a Women in Wine event, but Iain is a deserved recipient here. Nominations for the 2017 awards were still open at the time of writing, and it will no doubt be a spectacular field of talented wine women who take home the gongs. For the first time ever the awards will be held in London, but local events will occur – and you can even register to hold your own events if you wish. The 2017 Awards will be held on September 26 at 8pm (AEST), so frock up, pop a few corks, and get ready celebrate the work of all the great women in the wine industry! August 2017 | The Beast 77

Oh, how we've missed you.

FORMER OWNER AIMS TO RETURN CLODELI TO ITS GLORY DAYS Words Dining Dave Instagram @diningdave Picture Grant Brooks


ot many food joints are known as ‘institutions’, and for good reason. They need to make an impact in the area that gravitates beyond standard café fare. From about 2005 to 2012, Clodeli in Clovelly was known by locals as an institution. Familyowned and offering a modern delicatessen concept – part oldfashioned grocery store, part café - Christine Papadopoulos and her father and brother became an important part of the local community. Now, after a break of about five years, Christine is leading the comeback of Clodeli, and she has brought a whole new approach to the hospitality game. My companion and I arrived at Clodeli on a sunny but cool Friday, a little before midday, and took a

78 The Beast | August 2017

seat at one of the six tables that straddle the footpath on Clovelly Road near Bishops Avenue. The café is noticeably light and airy with ample open space for prams and groups. We got started with two cappuccinos whipped-up from a house blend by specialty roaster Mecca Coffee, before meeting Christine for the first time. With a passion you could see in her face, she explained the storied history of Clodeli, and her new vision. Looking to become a re-established institution, the café blends fresh, seasonal produce with fine technique, creativity, and a diverseenough menu to appeal to varying tastes without sacrificing quality. It’s not your average menu, either. For example, Clodeli’s

avocado toast is made with pumpkin hummus, marinated feta, pomegranate, and poached egg. It’s a delight on the plate and the palate. Our ‘paleo’ serving of green eggs and lamb, made with socca (a chickpea flour pancake), wilted greens, haloumi, and sesame, was the dish of the day, though. Last but not least, Christine’s recommendation of the house made chicken and leek pie with red pepper chutney and greens was spot-on. It was clear to see why the fresh, flaky pastry filled with tender chunks of chook and leek is such a big seller. In addition to engaging dishes, Clodeli also offers some spirited juice creations such as the ‘Henry’ - a super-green concoction of seasonal greens, apple, celery, and lemon - and a house made soda with rhubarb and juniper berry. Dessert offerings are no less innovative, featuring gluten and dairy-free donuts based on a pumpkin core, with fresh raspberry glaze and ‘chocolate’ from dates, all created by a local home-baker. You’ll think they’re the real thing. Our dessert plate also included a chewy granola bar, also sugar free, and several raw chocolates from local chocolatiers. Brunch at Clodeli was a fun experience for us, not just because of the prime location, the delicious dishes, and the robust coffee. As a central place in Clovelly with a great vibe - even midweek in the depths of winter - Clodeli is well on its way to regaining its ‘institution’ status, which is something that the entire Eastern Suburbs community can really look forward to. Clodeli Address 210 Clovelly Road, Clovelly Phone 9664 1885 Instagram @clodeli_clovelly Open Mon-Fri 6:30am-3:30pm, Weekends 7am-3:30pm Prices $15-20 Cards Accepted Visa, Mastercard, EFTPOS Licensed Yes

You probably won't be needing an airtight container, or a fridge for that matter.

NO-BAKE SEED AND CHOCOLATE SLICE Words and Picture Catherine Noonan


here are two star ingredients to this recipe: dates and buckinis. Dates, a.k.a. nature’s candy, provide sweetness, dietary fibre, and carbohydrate energy, while buckinis (or activated buckwheat) are packed with essential amino acids and provide seriously delicious crunch! The rest of the nutrient dense base comprises coconut, chia seeds, sesame seeds, pepitas, and sunflower seeds. But it’s the top chocolate layer - made with superfoods including coconut oil, naturally sweet carob, cacao powder, vanilla, and sea salt - that really makes you line-up for seconds. If this part of the recipe sounds too hard, you can always melt and spread your favourite super-dark chocolate on top instead. It’s so delicious you wont believe it’s good for you! INGREDIENTS (makes 16 slices) Base 200g dried dates 1 cup water 1/4 cup coconut oil 2 cups desiccated coconut

1 cup activated buckwheat grouts 1/2 cup sunflower seeds 1/4 cup chia seeds 1/4 cup black sesame seeds 1/4 cup pepitas Topping 1 cup coconut oil, melted at room temperature 1/3 cup cacao powder 1/3 cup carob powder 1 tsp vanilla powder (or extract) 1 pinch sea salt

5. Press the mixture evenly into the lined slice tin, ensuring the corners are filled. Transfer to the freezer to set. 6. Meanwhile, in a small mixing bowl combine all of the topping ingredients. Mix thoroughly. 7. Pour the chocolate topping over the slice and return to the freezer. Ensure it is sitting level so that the topping sets evenly.

METHOD 1. Line a 20cm by 30cm slice tin with non-stick paper and set aside.

8. Freeze for at least two hours or refrigerate overnight before serving.

2. Add the dates and water to a saucepan and bring to a simmer over medium heat. Stir with a wooden spoon for about 5 minutes until the water is evaporated and you’re left with a caramel-coloured paste.

STORAGE Store in an airtight container in the fridge or freezer.

3. Remove saucepan from the heat, add the coconut oil, and stir until melted and combined. 4. To the saucepan, add all remaining ‘base’ ingredients. Mix with a wooden spoon to combine.

Cath Noonan is a self-confessed health-foodie, recipe creator, and nutrition student, as well as the founder of healthy food blog, I Heart Scratch. Check out her delicious food pics on her Instagram account, @i_heart_scratch, and find more recipes by visiting August 2017 | The Beast 79





















ACROSS 1. Country of sporting teams the Springboks and Proteas (5,6) 7. Mary Donaldson became princess of this country (7) 8. Kiwi singer (5) 9. European country home to the world’s most prestigious cycling race (6) 11. A machine that supplies power (5) 13. Part of an atom (8) 16. Give medical attention (5) 17. Slang term for a Canadian (6) 18. About; concerning (2) 19. Suppress unacceptable content (3) 20. Slept (7)

DOWN 1. Capital of New South Wales (6) 2. Island in Southeast Asia (5) 3. Protective gear for cooking or welding (5) 4. Egyptian sun god (2) 5. Orange vegetable used as motivation (6) 6. Conversation starters (3,8) 8. Citrus soft drink (8) 9. High singing voice (8) 10. Jail in San Francisco (8) 12. Not off (2) 14. Stages in a gradual process (5) 15. Medical professional (5) 19. Music disc (1,1)

TRIVIAL TRIVIA Words Madeleine Gray Picture Josie Luisi 1.True or false: Eritrea is a country? 2. What is the most played song of 2015 on Spotify (worldwide)? 3. As of July 9, 2017, who is the male world number one in golf ? 4. Which Neil Gaiman book was turned into a TV series recently?

5. What rule did Ivanka Trump recently break in the US Speakers Lobby? 6. What is the capital of El Salvador? 7. How many stomachs do cows have?

The Bombie Crew at Pat Saunders' paddle out. 80 The Beast | August 2017

8. Does a Sheepshead have feathers, fur, or fins? 9. What was Jeff Goldblum’s first feature film? 10. In which suburb east of Anzac Parade do George and Pitt Streets run parallel?

LIBRA SEP 24-OCT 23 Before rudely interrupting to ask a second question, allow the person to finish answering the original question first, you wanker.

PISCES FEB 20-MAR 20 I don't usually condone drug use, but you really need to get yourself on to some heavy mood-altering gear before someone kills you.

SCORPIO OCT 24-NOV 22 Give in to the urge to lick a bumhole. It may seem weird at first, especially if it's dirty, but the person on the receiving end will be stoked.

ARIES MAR 21-APR 20 You shouldn't complain about your tax bill, although if you got paid what you were actually worth, you'd be paying no tax at all.

SAGITTARIUS NOV 23-DEC 21 I like the idea of the whole 'not looking in the mirror before you leave the house' thing, but you've taken it too far and you look ridiculous.

TAURUS APR 21-MAY 21 The joy that comes from hard fought victories always trumps the easy wins, so be sure to celebrate them all, no matter how big or small.

LEO JUL 23-AUG 22 Believing in aliens is actually way less ridiculous than believing in God, because there is a small chance that aliens actually exist.

CAPRICORN DEC 22-JAN 20 A lack of care while wiping your blurter after backing out a sloppy jalopy will result in a slightly shitsmeared intergluteal cleft.

GEMINI MAY 22-JUN 21 I don't want to be alarmist, but there's a chance that you're going to come home from work and find your whole family butchered by a madman.

VIRGO AUG 23-SEP 23 Spend time developing your genuine existing relationships, rather than wasting it trying to amass a stable of new and fancy 'friends'.

AQUARIUS JAN 21-FEB 19 If you need a job done, give it to someone who's already busy, which would mean someone other than yourself because you're a lazy bastard.

CANCER JUN 22-JUL 22 Start chucking sickies, rocking up late, and bludging at work because you're about to get fired and no amount of arse licking will save you.

STAR SIGNS Words Beardy from Hell

TRIVIAL TRIVIA SOLUTIONS 1. True 2. ‘Lean On’ by Major Lazer 3. Dustin Johnson 4. American Gods 5. She wore a sleeveless dress 6. San Salvador 7. Four 8. Fins 9. Death Wish 10. Randwick

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The Beast - August 2017  

The August 2017 edition of The Beast featuring Neil Perry...

The Beast - August 2017  

The August 2017 edition of The Beast featuring Neil Perry...