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10th April 2019


Welcome to the April 2019 Edition... Words Dan & James Hutton, Publishers Welcome to the April 2019 edition of The Beast, the monthly magazine for Sydney’s Beaches of the East. First up we’d like to thank all of our loyal readers, writers and advertisers for your support. We’ve faced some big challenges over the years and we wouldn’t have gotten through them without you all. We are still as passionate as ever about producing quality local content that isn’t riddled with PR garbage and biased news articles. It’s probably cost us in the short-term but the fact that we’re still here against the odds is proof that this long-term strategy is working and we'll continue to resist the pressure to go down the sponsored content path that most others have.

We recently had the pleasure of meeting a great young bloke from Bondi named Grayson Hinrichs. Our mate Ben Davies recommended Grayson a while back, so we caught up with the World Junior Surfing Champion - who also happens to be our youngest cover star - to hear about his recent victory and learn what makes him tick. In local news, Isabella Puentes reports on Bronte mum Hannah More’s work with remote Fijian communities, Siriol Dafydd outlines the latest developments in parking (always a hot topic) and Joel Bevilacqua brings to light the issues facing Clovelly Road businesses, as well as reporting on the looming demolition of the ‘Bondi Ranch’. We hope you enjoy the read!

The Beast The Beast Pty Ltd ABN 32 143 796 801 www.thebeast.com.au Editors james@thebeast.com.au dan@thebeast.com.au Advertising Enquiries advertising@thebeast.com.au www.thebeast.com.au/ advertise Circulation 61,000 copies are delivered every month; 55,500 are placed in mailboxes and 5,500 in local shops. PEFC Certified The Beast uses paper from sustainably managed forests. Letters To The Editor Please send your feedback to letters@thebeast.com.au and include your name and the suburb you live in.

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CONTENTS Apri l 201 9 Issue 171

06 09 10 12 20 22 22 24 34

Welcome Note Contents Pearls of Wisdom Monthly Mailbag Local Chick Thumbs Up Dogs of the Month Local News Calendar

35 36 46 47 48 50 52 53 54

Local Tradies Interview Marjorie's Musings Beastpops Headnoise Satire Unreliable Guide Tide Chart Travel Bug

Max Ravier's view south from Mackenzies Bay, @maxravier.

56 58 60 62 64 65 66 66

Con Gestion Sporting Life Local Photos Food & Wine Reviews Trivial Trivia Beardy From Hell Trivia Solutions


Role models.

Under the Influence Words Pearl Bullivant Photo Spencer Pratt With our world morphing into one big marketplace of materialism, envy and greed, the strangest by-product to emanate from society’s unfettered commercialism and consumerism is the ‘influencer’. In an intelligent, philosophical, thinking society an influencer would be a person with street cred who would encourage people to think and question in a positive and ethical manner. But in today’s weird new world an influencer is far from that, and instead is a cheerleader for mindless consumption and an upholder of the luxury lifestyle we all so desire. In Australia, the influencer set is heavily dominated by reality TV ‘stars’, fashion divas, AFL WAGS, socialite wives, the offspring of rich dudes and attractive wannabes; people who affect the lifestyle decisions of the masses (i.e. what to wear, eat, drive and how many babies to have) based on their physical appearance and penchant for posting scantily clad photos on social media. The fact that these influencers hold so much sway speaks volumes about our 10 The Beast April 2019

society. Perhaps we could make a decent go of eliminating world poverty and global warming if we weren’t wasting our precious time caring about the vegan, gluten-free smoothie ingested by a bikini wearing AFL WAG? I’m sure Pearl could follow the lead of the Insta-WAGs and influence the lives of others - without needing to reveal my dirty laundry, without needing to wear a string bikini and a spray tan, and without needing to complain about the jealous bullying of trolls who take exception to scantily clad selfies. Pearl Bullivant is here to influence the masses in a positive way. Being somewhat of an enigma but at the same time having a large following via The Beast, Pearl has that unique blend of micro and macro influencer that helps her stand out from the crowd. If people are naïve enough to defer to a wealthy yummy mummy when making important lifestyle choices, like whether to become vegan or purchase a $5,000 Fendi handbag, I’m sure they can be influenced to become less

self-absorbed and more courteous via Pearl’s Instagram feed. Imagine the power of good I could yield through social media: selfies of Pearl having her Opal card ready before boarding the bus, Pearl keeping to the left on footpaths and escalators, Pearl parking her Suzuki Swift legally and between the lines, Pearl leashing her dog and picking up its excrement. These are the lengths I would happily go to to convey the positives of behaving in a mindful manner. There’d be no need for props like bikinis, green elixir or acai poke bowls, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t say yes to appearing on MKR if my Instafame attracts their attention. If the health department can squander $600,000 of taxpayers’ dosh on engaging pretty young influencers to sell exercise to the masses, they would get a far better deal by paying old Pearlie here to Instagram her power walking regime, sweaty and red faced with 2XU clothing clinging to her skinny frame, held in place by a fresh pair of Mizuno Waveriders.


comped. It's not Westfield. If you usually buy from the independent deli, bakery, butcher there, it may prompt you to get it all from Woolworths to pump up your shopping tote. Seriously. Check it out Beast. Who thought this up? Not great for honest locals just filling up their pantry. KELLIE COOGEE

The Beast's Monthly Mailbag Words The People of the Eastern Suburbs RUBBISH RUMMAGING ILLEGAL OR JUST GROSS? Hi Beast - Firstly, love your publication. It's wonderful and kudos to your team for the hard work. This morning I was annoyingly awoken by a lady going through my recycling bin looking for cans and bottles to cash in. I am curious to know what the legalities are around digging through someone else's bin. I am all for a clean, sustainable environment, hence why I recycle, but it feels both intrusive and sly creeping up and down someone's street at the crack of dawn. I think the local councils need to set some ground rules around these early morning rubbish rummaging expeditions. ANONYMOUS

family meant the absolute world to him, and our hearts go out to all of them, especially Justine and Felix. Justin's life was full, and he lived like few are able, but never once lost sight of what mattered to him most. The word ‘community’ is thrown around a lot in a time when some would say it has lost its true meaning, but the outpouring of support shows we are all still capable of looking after others when it is needed. If nothing else, this should show everyone that it may not be the obvious times when that support is needed most. Vale Juz. You were my mate and I will miss you terribly. IAIN BYRNE BRONTE

VALE JUZZY For the most part loss is an intangible thing. With the recent death of much loved chef, husband, father, friend and family man Justin Bull, the local Bronte community has been faced with the loss of a man who had made his mark on the world with a smile that filled a room. The legacy of his amazing café, Huxton's, stands proud as a reminder of his talents in the kitchen, but a deeper legacy will be the memories of those who knew him, his sense of humour, his generosity, his loyalty and his love of his family. I know his

NEW STRICT CONDITIONS AT VILLAGE CAR PARK If Woollies is your local at Coogee, get ready to pay four dollars just for picking up some bread and milk for the breaky rush. The new parking rules are only comped based on how much minimum you spend on your groceries. Go down and check out the new sign, Beast. If some people are abusing the two hours free by buying a stick of gum, then at least give locals 20-30 minutes comped parking for unmetered shopping balances. We don't need 2 hours

12 The Beast April 2019

DOES WOOLLIES HAVE A HEART? Dear Beast - As a quite long time resident of Coogee (since 2005), I have seen many small businesses going to the wall. And that is always painful. So I was hoping, probably foolishly, that a giant business like Woolworths might show a bit of heart and avoid being the cause of two more small shops dying. Towards the end of last year, therefore, I wrote a letter to the manager of the Coogee store, which put forward my point of view. The text was as follows: As a long time customer of your store, I would – first of all – like to congratulate you on the expansion of your store. It was much needed and was the most likely outcome following the sad closure of one of the Coogee Bay Village shops, the long time fruit shop. My second reason for writing is that I did want to focus on the fact that you are now one of only six stores in the Coogee Bay Village. And members of a village are a community and do need to support each other. I was therefore very distressed to see that your store now has a coffee bar with cakes and sandwiches, and a bakery with a wide range of fresh breads and rolls. This immediately puts at risk two of your neighbours. The delicatessen is anyway struggling, and its coffee and sandwich bar is one of its few sections that is helping it to survive. Likewise, I was saddened


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to see the number of people availing themselves of the fresh breads and rolls in your store, thereby immediately reducing the number of customers to the bakery, also hurt by the range of cakes in the coffee bar. I am a shareholder in your company. And I can assure you that I would rather have a slightly smaller profit than one derived from running small businesses into the ground. All your store needs is to – now, finally – have the wider choice of items in your aisles that other Woolworths stores have. And to have a heart and support your business neighbours by not setting up in direct competition against them on the small range of items that they are marketing to survive. I look forward to hearing from you with the hope that there will be a slight change in your business model, in order to support your fellow villagers as a true member of our Coogee community. Sadly, I got no response to that. And I should point out that from what I've seen of other Woolworths stores, a front of store coffee bar is not a typical design of their supermarkets. So now I'm taking the next step and appealing to what I would think is a pretty substantial Coogee readership of The Beast to go on supporting the Coogee Village deli and bakery, and help them to survive in their David and Goliath situation. ANNE RING COOGEE COLES DOESN’T CARE Dear editor - Readers need not look far for the kind of corporate behaviour that prompted the banking royal commission. I live in Pacific Square, above Coles, one of the two supermarkets in Australia that enjoy a cosy and profitable duopoly. Apparently shoddy construction means the use of hammers

14 The Beast April 2019

or power tools in Coles reverberates up through the walls and into the apartments above. It's like trying to sleep while a dentist applies the drill. Told by Randwick Council to work only during business hours, how did Coles respond? With profuse apologies and assurances there would be no repeat (I have a letter from the council that says as much), before resuming night time work anyway. Cue me at midnight standing in front of a mob of contractors in my pyjamas begging them to comply with the council’s guidance. The point is, Coles would far prefer to keep residents awake at night than risk losing a few bucks by doing the work during the day. Meanwhile, the manager of Coles, along with staff from Excel Building Management and Charter Hall, shrug their shoulders and head home for a night of undisturbed sleep. The blatant disregard for community and “doing the right thing” is exactly the type of behaviour the banking royal commission upbraided. Yet here it is being repeated in our backyard. What’s worse, there is a series of small businesses in Pacific Square that have carried out complete refits and not once disturbed those living upstairs. They’ve shut up shop, put their heads down and got the work done during business hours. They deserve our gratitude, respect and custom. Is it any wonder that the electorate feels zero sympathy for big business? JOANNA MATHER MAROUBRA HEAR HEAR, THOMAS Thanks for an excellent article Thomas from Coogee (Drugging Madness, Monthly Mailbag, The Beast, March 2019). I agree 100 per cent with your comments and opinions. I wish more

people would not only open their eyes to see the 'Australian' drug problem from a broader perspective, but also the way of life we are supposed to live in today's modern and highly competitive world. Let's think a bit harder and stop buying things we don't need and work less for people we don't know. BRANO SYDNEY ARISE SIR THOMAS Who is this well-read hero Sir Thomas of Coogee (Drugging Madness, Monthly Mailbag, The Beast, March 2019)? More like him, more like him please. NAME AND ADDRESS NOT PROVIDED SILENCE IS DEAFENING Dear editors - I read with interest the response from a ‘Spokesperson from Transport for NSW’ (Transport for NSW Reply to Anthony Parelli, Monthly Mailbag, The Beast, March 2019) regarding my letter published in the February edition (Thrown Under the Bus, Monthly Mailbag, The Beast, February 2019). For a moment I thought that I was reading from a Yes Minister script. I suggest that the spokesperson should read a copy of the Transport for NSW 'Disability Inclusion Action Plan 2018-2022' and see if the intentions of the plan to ensure DDA requirements were taken into account when making these changes. Let's look at the suggestions mentioned in the note: 1. Use an alternative Community Transport Service - The Transport spokesperson should have mentioned that as good as the Randwick-Waverley Community Transport is for seniors, and after meeting prescribed conditions, the service comes at a higher cost and its resources are quite limited. Last time I looked at this service it was $15 for a return trip to Bondi Junction.


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That is significantly more expensive than the Gold Opal cost of $5 return by public transport for seniors. 2. Catching the 381 on the corner of Dellview and Fletcher Streets - Look again as the stop is not on the corner but further down Dellview Street on an incline and it does not have a bus shelter as the footpath is too narrow. The bus stop has been placed in front of a couple of semi-residences and street parking is restricted. 3. Regarding the walk to the Dellview Street stop being slightly longer and within standard guidelines for access to bus services from Kenneth Street, it does not take into account the 85-metre hill up Fletcher Street (approx. 30-degree incline) between Alexander and Dellview Streets. This makes it difficult, especially for the elderly, who may have high blood pressure as well as the need to manoeuvre a tri-wheel walker. Perhaps the spokesperson should make time to get out of the office and walk up the hill rather than measuring the distance on a map. The intersection of Fletcher, Alexander and Sandridge Streets is also difficult to cross due to passing and turning traffic. 4. Fewer than 50 customers board Route 361 from Sandridge Street towards Bondi Junction Is this a case of, ‘There are three types of lies: lies, damn lies and statistics'? I wonder how many patrons now board the bus on Dellview Street to head toward Bondi Junction? Like Drew Mitchell mentioned in his note within the March edition, the silence from the current (as at February 2019) local member has been deafening. In summary, if only Transport for NSW could acknowledge that the changes made here were an error (we all make them) we could move forward and find an

16 The Beast April 2019

equitable and safe alternative for the community, such as putting a bus stop and shelter in Alexander Street (between Kenneth and Fletcher Streets). ANTHONY PARRELLI BRONTE P.S. I've enclosed a photo of the hill going up Fletcher Street between Alexander and Dellview Streets for your information...

RIGHT OF REPLY REGARDING BUSES Dear editors - Thanks for publishing my Bus Bedlam letter (Monthly Mailbag, The Beast, March 2019). I was hoping to have a right of reply to Transport for NSW’s response, please? Before I start my rant, to set the record straight I’m from Bronte not Bondi. I suspect the Bondi locals won’t want to be associated with me. Whilst the Transport for NSW response was mainly factual, it didn’t address the issue of the cancelled 361 bus service NOT going up Hewlett Street, into Alfred and along Birrell Street. The 381 replacing the 361 does a loop along Marine Parade on the Tamarama and Bronte beachfronts before going up Bondi Road to add to that overly congested route, along with the extra 333 services. There is now only the 360 service along Alfred and Birrell Streets with the cancellation of the 361 and this is the crux of the issue, having to wait up to

40 minutes plus in peak times. In fact, on several afternoons departing Bondi Junction interchange the bus was so crowded it couldn’t pick up any passengers outside Westfield. And with a bus only every 20 minutes at best, some would have had to wait up to an hour and this was at around 4pm. Yes, a busy time with schoolkids, so additional services or the reinstatement of the 361 would alleviate this. So it’s multi-directional, not just at Sandridge Street, making a mockery of the 50 customers boarding – not all get on or off at Sandridge Street, obviously. I also note that two school-only buses turn up like clockwork every weekday at the Alfred Street stop in the same traffic conditions that are often used as the excuse for the unreliable service. Go figure. The community is getting agitated as I often see signs stuck on the bus shelters suggesting contact emails, phone numbers, etc. to complain to, most notably Bruce Notley-Smith and Transport for NSW, whom I’ve contacted numerous times, all to no avail. As an aside, who puts these signs up and who rips them down? Another story, perhaps. So thanks to The Beast for running with the issue and actually getting, albeit a very glib, response from Transport for NSW. Please stay on the case. DREW METCALFE BRONTE ABOVE AND BEYOND I had to write this email to commend a local business. Last night I ordered home delivery from Lebanon and Beyond. After an hour I queried how long it would be - apparently my order had been lost in the system, so I told them to cancel it. The manager then rang me back and said that they would deliver my order, free of charge, if I still wanted it. About 20 minutes later it was delivered by the person I


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April 2019 The Beast 17


presumed to be the manager, who was very apologetic and said that they were implementing a new system and there were some glitches. No charge! In these days of large companies with large customer re(gu) lations departments that spend their time proving any issue was the customer's fault (no matter what the issue), it was so refreshing to encounter this type of reaction from a local business. I can only commend Lebanon and Beyond for their performance, and despite the fact that I was pissed off at the time, they changed my perceptions and I will definitely be ordering from them again. The food was, as usual, also above average. JOHN MURRAY RANDWICK LK AND THE ORGANICS Quick two things. Firstly, just highlighting the history of Lenore Kulakauskas to those

18 The Beast April 2019

who don’t religiously read the letters to the editor like I do. She is running for the seat of Vaucluse and was the head of some Bondi residents’ group. I better state that I am no fan of Upton. I think she has handled her various portfolios terribly over the years but Lenore Kulakauskas is not a Labor progressive, more like a left wing conservative. She was against most of the New Year’s concerts in Bondi around the mid-late 2000s and she was originally against the Bondi ice rink when it first started up. She has been against various liquor licences of the smaller bars and restaurants, and was also against the BWS/ Woolworths in the Pacific development. She facetiously suggested we might as well serve drinks to the kids at Bondi Public School (how ridiculous) if they put in a discount liquor store there. So any Labor voters who

aren’t a fan of lockout laws or the war on festivals should at least think twice about voting for Lenore. Secondly, why are Bronte and Waverley Public School advocating organic food? I’m sure it began with good intentions, but the organic industry is strongly against the important scientific field of biotechnology and is constantly demonising conventional agriculture and GMOs. It isn’t more nutritious and in many areas it’s worse for the environment. It would be like the schools offering a group discount on the latest climate change denier book. Despite what the posters say, organic farms do use pesticides and whether something is synthetic or organic is not an indicator of its safety. Stick with teaching kids about healthy nutritious food and avoid the ideology. ANTHONY BOSCH BONDI


out with my friends. I also love going away whenever I can. Do you have a favourite sporting team? I love sports but I don’t follow any team. What music are you into at the moment? I love everything from ‘80s classics to reggae, jazz, disco and electronic music. Who is your favourite person? My parents (can’t chose one!), for their unconditional love and support, wherever I am.

Enjoying the journey.

Local Chick... Alicia Gonzalez from Bondi Beach Interview Dan Hutton Photo James Hutton Alicia Gonzalez moved to Bondi from Spain two years ago, when she took up a job as a designer with Blakes of Sydney in Charing Cross. She shares her local favourites with The Beast… How long have you lived here? Two years, and it feels like home. I am from Spain, where I grew up and studied, but I lived in the UK for a couple of years before coming to Sydney. Why do you live here? I am a beach lover. I grew up on an island so I love living by the ocean and being able to enjoy it every day. Plus it’s beautiful, fun, relaxed and the weather is amazing - it ticks all my boxes! Best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? Having so many delicious places to eat and drink, the relaxed lifestyle and the beaches. You don’t feel like you are living in a city. It’s like you’re in a beach holiday area 20 The Beast April 2019

but there is everything you need at your fingertips. Worst thing about the Eastern Suburbs? The traffic. Bondi Road on the way to work can be terrible. What's your favourite beach? Bondi. I love the cosmopolitan atmosphere, everything it has to offer, the sunrises and sunsets, and chillin’ at North Bondi. What's your favourite eatery? The Depot. I like the laid-back setting and their all day breakfasts are the best. Where do you like to have a drink? Anywhere where I can share a cold drink and good moments with my friends. What do you get up to on the weekends? I enjoy a Saturday morning run on the coastal walk, being outdoors around the beach, cooking and hanging

What do you do for work? I work for Blakes of Sydney designing joinery, kitchens and bathrooms and helping manage the renovation process. We design the renovations, connect our clients with industry experts and help them through the process to achieve great results and make their renovation journey enjoyable and stress-free. What's your favourite thing about work? I am passionate about designing (with a special love for kitchens) and love that each project is like a new challenge. I am lucky to be part of an exclusive business model that is able to help people to make their dream renovation come true, within a budget they can afford. I love seeing the progress of the renovations and the happy faces of our clients upon completion. Plus I work with great professionals who I always learn from. Do you have a favourite quote? “Do more of what makes you happy.” Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? Enjoy your time with the people you love and who make you smile. Believe in your dreams and work towards them, but remember to be present and enjoy the journey.


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CURLY Age 11 years Sex Male Breed Maltese X Poodle Weight 4.5kg Curly is a happy, friendly Moodle who loves cuddles and is very social with other dogs. He has a quiet nature and is easy to groom. He has a non-shedding coat and would suit apartment living and families working full-time. Curly comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. Also included for the love and wellbeing of Curly is a free health and wellness voucher with the Doggie Rescue vet. For more details, please call Doggie Rescue on 9486 3133, or email monika@doggierescue.com. Tony Sowersby's 2005 Bald Archy Prize winner, “The Cardinal With His Abbott”.

THUMBS UP THE BALD ARCHY PRIZE Known internationally as the only art competition in the world to be judged by a sulphur-crested cockatoo, this competition is a spoof of the more serious Archibald Prize and it’s touring in Sydney until April 28. Please visit www.baldarchy.com.au. MARDI GRAS Sydney's Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras is always pretty entertaining but this year's event blew the socks (and other garments) off nearly everyone in attendance and reminded us how fun Sydney can be. FISHING One of life’s luxuries for the enlightened few who participate in this most pleasurable of pastimes. There’s no more enjoyable and environmentally friendly way to consume seafood than to go out and catch it yourself.

THUMBS DOWN PELL APOLOGISTS To throw your steadfast support behind a convicted paedophile priest without having even heard the complainant’s roughly four days of testimony just reeks of prejudice and arrogance. RUSTED ON REDNECKS The ability to discuss government policy in a non-partisan manner seems to be rarer than rocking horse shit these days. Why are so many people so rusted on? 22 The Beast April 2019

FRAPPÉ Age 12 weeks Sex Male Breed Bull Arab X Weight 30-35kg (fully grown) Frappé, along with Latté, Mocha and Cappuccino, was dumped at a pound. They will all grow up to be big strong dogs, best suited to older children. The pups have undergone puppy socialisation classes and have been around other dogs. Frappé comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. Also included for the love and wellbeing of Frappé is a free health and wellness voucher with the Doggie Rescue vet. For more details, please call Doggie Rescue on 9486 3133, or email monika@doggierescue.com.

MARTY Age 7 years Sex Male Breed Jack Russell X Chihuahua Weight 7.5kg Marty is a gentle boy, timid but easy to handle. He is social with other dogs but, given his small stature, bigger dogs may see him as a meal rather than a mate. He has a short coat and would suit apartment living with full-time workers. Marty comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. Also included for the love and wellbeing of Marty is a free health and wellness voucher with the Doggie Rescue vet. For more details, please call Doggie Rescue on 9486 3133, or email monika@doggierescue.com.


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Creating connections across continents.

Bronte Mum’s Charity Making Waves Across the Pacific Words Isabella Puentes Photo Rob Gray Hannah More has always called the Eastern Beaches home. Born and raised in Bronte and now living in Maroubra, Hannah and her family are familiar faces in the east. Her cafe, The Bogey Hole, is iconic to Bronte and has played a large role in her history, being owned and run by her family for over 26 years. The cafe has become a hub for local residents and a welcoming place for the community. A mother of four, Ms More and her family fostered a young boy named Sio Ratu in 2013. Sio was born in Fiji and the 15 year-old now has two families and two islands to call home. Ms More spends her spare time raising awareness and fundraising for underprivileged communities in Fiji as well as working closer to home with Indigenous foster children in NSW. She organises fundraisers including Christmas in July at the Bogey Hole Cafe and fun run teams for events such as the SMH Half Marathon and 24 The Beast April 2019

the City2Surf, which give all members of the local community a chance to get involved. As a result, Bronte’s sense of community has extended across the seas. “I wanted to create connections with Sio culturally and with his family, and to try to help them where we could,” Ms More said. For this reason, the Sio Ratu Foundation was officially registered as a charity this year and the local community has already begun fundraising. The foundation aims to help children and their families in the remote villages of Fiji, and assist in providing basic needs such as electricity and school materials. One of the foundation's current projects is the provision of school packs and care packs for children in the villages. Packs will include items such as bamboo toothbrushes, sustainable hygiene products and basic schooling needs such as books and pencils.

The foundation will also provide school and care packs to foster children in NSW. “Children bounce around from home to home with a plastic bag and a few bits and pieces,” Ms More said. “This way they can own their care packs with items they need such as sleeping bags.” Next January marks a big step for the foundation. A team will head to Fiji to install solar power to the Ratu family home. The solar power will provide electricity for daily necessities such as running fridges and charging phones. Mark Devereux, a family friend and board member of the foundation, will join Ms More on the visit to Fiji next year. Ms More’s grandfather and Sio’s father played important roles in Mr Devereux’s upbringing, having been active members of the running club that Mark was a part of. Now a professional plumber, Mr Devereux will organise the installation on site. He told The Beast that the panels will ensure everyday electrical usage, and the system will also “provide them at least five days of power” if weather conditions damage the panels. Ms More will once again participate in the SMH Half Marathon to raise money for the foundation’s upcoming projects. This year’s race will be held in May and she hopes to get together a team of 50 sponsored runners. “It’s not just about raising the money, it’s about creating that connection,” she said. “We want to open it up for the community and village here to be a part of something really special.” To join Ms More, please email sioratufund@gmail.com or register at https:// www.registernow.com.au/ secure/RegistrationType. aspx?E=33092&G=82138.


The latest from Randwick City Council about living in this great city

What’s On

Randwick News This Anzac Day we invite you to join us for an incredibly moving dawn service held on the shores of Coogee Beach at 5.30am on Thursday 25 April. All across Australia, people gather together on this day to remember and honour those who currently serve and have served in our defence force. We meet before the sun rises, just as the Anzacs did before landing at Gallipoli, and stand in solidarity with them.

UNTIL SUNDAY 4 AUGUST LA PEROUSE THROUGH THE LENS

Wednesdays 10am–2pm Weekends 10am–4pm La Perouse Museum 1542 Anzac Parade, La Perouse

EVERY FRIDAY FRIDAY VOLUNTEERS IN THE PERMACULTURE GARDEN

9.30am–12.30pm Randwick Community Centre 27 Munda St, Randwick

10 APRIL THE AUTHOR TALKS: AN EVENING WITH JANE CARO

The Anzac Dawn Service provides us with a time to give thanks and reflect upon how fortunate we are to live in a peaceful nation and reaffirm our commitment to contribute to peace in other areas of the world.

6.30pm–7.30pm Margaret Martin Library Royal Randwick Shopping Centre Belmore Road, Randwick

Our website and Facebook page will have details about the best ways to get to the event and which local cafes and business will be open early for breakfast.

SECOND FRIDAY OF EVERY MONTH CLOVELLY BAY BUSHCARE

I hope you’ll join us in one of Sydney’s most beautiful and spectacular Anzac events. As the ranks of our older veterans diminish, let us all maintain this day as an occasion on which to reflect on their sacrifice and feel grateful for our freedom.

12 APRIL CABARET AT THE MUSEUM

Councillor Kathy Neilson Mayor of Randwick

9am–11am 8 Eastbourne Ave, Clovelly

7pm–8.30pm La Perouse Museum 1542 Anzac Parade, La Perouse

25 APRIL ANZAC DAWN SERVICE

5.30am–6.30am Coogee Beach, Arden Street, Coogee

1300 722 542 randwick.nsw.gov.au


Time's up mate.

Jurassic Parking: Is Free Parking a Thing of the Past? Words Siriol Dafydd Photo Mickey Finn When it comes to parking, the Eastern Suburbs is a dog-eatdog nightmare. It’s almost impossible to find decent parking within reasonable walking distance of just about anything that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg. Between residents, businesses and visitors, it’s a carnivorous shit-show of vicious beasts waiting to pounce at any opportunity to score that elusive spot. And as velociraptors (yummy mummies in Audis) prowl the busy streets ready to bite your arm off for a free space, one can but pray for a metaphoric Chris Pratt to come to the rescue in the form of affordable shortstay parking. And it looks like things have just gotten a little bit worse in Coogee. Customers making small purchases at Coogee Bay Village in return for free parking must now spend upwards of $10 for the privilege. The car park, run by private company CarePark, recently 26 The Beast April 2019

implemented a new system that requires shoppers to spend over $10 at participating stores for one hour of free parking and over $30 at Woolworths for two hours. Otherwise the regular fees apply, which are $4 for up to one hour, $9, $13 and $16 for up to two, three and four hours respectively, and $23 for anything over four hours. This comes as a mighty blow to local residents who regularly use the car park for daily errands and now face the option of forking out $4 for parking in order to purchase a litre of milk, or bumping up their shopping bill with unnecessary purchases from Woollies in order to park for free. And what about the other local businesses in the Village? If shoppers can score free parking by getting their milk, bread, meat and everything else at Woollies, why would they bother supporting their local butcher situated in the same shopping centre? What

is great for Woollies could seriously damage the local business economy, which is already struggling thanks to extortionate rent prices. One Coogee resident who uses this car park for daily errands told The Beast that the new rules are ridiculous and unfair on locals simply wanting to stock up their pantries. “If some people are abusing the two hours free parking by buying a stick of gum then at least give locals 20-30 minutes comped parking for unmetered shopping balances,” she said. “We don't need two hours comped. It's not Westfield.” At time of printing, The Beast was still waiting for answers from CarePark as to when and why this rule was implemented, whether it’s a set-up they share with Woollies in other locations, and if it applies to any other stores in the precinct. Meanwhile, a glimmer of hope shines a few suburbs north where Waverley Council is implementing 15-minute drop-in zones to allow free parking for quick trips. Council anticipates that 19 of these will be available by the end of March in Bondi Beach (Hall Street, Curlewis Street, Campbell Parade), Bondi Junction (Oxford Street, Spring Street, Bronte Road) and Charing Cross (Bronte Road). Another eight locations will be presented to the Waverley Traffic Committee by the end of March and, if approved, will be installed in May. Waverley Mayor John Wakefield told The Beast that these changes are “in response to overwhelming public feedback about a package of proposals we put to the community last year”. He added that council has resolved to introduce further significant changes to parking at Bondi Beach including switching off parking meters in certain areas after 7pm.


Mayor’s Message Changes to parking Last year, Waverley Council introduced a fairer system of parking fees and permits for residents and visitors. This included removing the fee for the first Residential Parking Permit and switching off parking meters at 6pm in the Bondi Junction commercial area to reinvigorate business in the evenings. I am happy to report that Council has resolved to introduce further changes including switching off parking meters in Queen Elizabeth Drive and Park Drive North/Park Drive South after 7pm all-year-round and switching off parking meters on Campbell Parade after 7pm for the six-month winter period of May–October each year, excluding meters in Resident Parking Scheme zones. All three-hour parking zones in the subject area will be changed to two-hour zones. The changes are subject to approval by the Waverley Traffic Committee and public exhibition of the fees, and are in response to overwhelming public feedback about a package of proposals we put to the community last year during the Waverley Council Parking Review. We will also be implementing 15 minute ‘drop in’ zones in key locations in Bondi Beach, Bondi Junction and Charing Cross to make it easier for people to do business. John Wakefield, Mayor of Waverley

Home Grown band, Lion.

Events Home Grown 2019 Friday 29 March, 6–11pm Bondi Pavilion Celebrate the wealth of musical talent in the Waverley community at this concert presented in conjunction with Friends of Bondi Pavilion. Performers include The Distractions, Ella Haber and Lion.

Waverley Business Forum Monday 1 April, 6–8pm Easts Leagues Club Women in Business is the first of three free Business Forums for 2019. Four female entrepreneurs will share their tips for success. Bookings are essential.

Parenting seminar: Talking with your teenager about challenging teenage issues Monday 1 April, 6.15–7.45pm Free Led by experienced adolescent and family clinicians at WAYS Youth & Family. Aimed at parents/guardians with children aged 10–17, who want practical, effective information and strategies to build stronger parent-child relationships while managing and understanding adolescent behaviour. For more information, visit waverley.nsw.gov. au/events.

Ph: 9083 8000 | waverley.nsw.gov.au | Stay in touch: waverley.nsw.gov.au/subscribe Waverley Customer Service Centre: 55 Spring Street, Bondi Junction.

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Bits and Pieces from Around the Beaches Words Dan Hutton Photo Kristen Roy Instagram @pearlroy RANDWICK REQUEST PLANS A recent article in the Sydney Morning Herald revealed the existence of plans for an eastern extension of the Sydney Metro West line, including options for a line to Malabar via Randwick. Randwick Council has requested that all documents and plans for the Sydney Metro West line, including the strategic options for the eastern extension, be released to the public. We’ll keep you posted on any developments. OCEAN LOVERS FESTIVAL International and local stars of sport, art, music, film and the environment will gather in Bondi this April 11-14 for the inaugural Bondi Ocean Lovers Festival to showcase to the public practical and fun ways to find out about loving oceans better and respecting the blue heart of our planet. Festival founder and Bondi local Anita Kolni said the community consciousness about ocean

Sunset juggles.

health was generating a huge wave of concern making blue the new green, and her accessible festival would highlight everyday solutions from the commercial world through to the artistic, sporting and community sector. Waverley Council has supported the event, with the Bondi Pavilion as a central hub for dozens of films, talks and Eco Markets, while the beach will host activities ranging from sunrise yoga to surf and swim events. Please visit www.oceanloversfestival.com. SOLAR FOR YOUR HOME With energy bills on the rise, it's never been a better time to install solar power on your home to get immediate savings on your bills. Come along to this free information session at Bronte Surf Lifesaving Club from 6.30-8pm on Tuesday, April 2 to find out whether solar and batteries are right for your house. Register your spot at solarpow-

erforhomes.eventbrite.com.au or call Nicola on 9083 8023 for more information. THE RESOLVE STUDY Researchers from NeuRA (Neuroscience Research Australia) are developing new drug-free treatments to cure low back pain and are seeking volunteers to participate in their research. New research shows that there are changes in the brain when someone has pain for a long time and they believe it is these changes that could make recovery from pain slower and more difficult. Using this knowledge, they have developed two new treatment programs for chronic low back pain and are conducting a clinical trial to determine which of these treatment programs is most effective. For more information, please visit www.neura.edu.au/resolve or contact the RESOLVE research team on resolve@neura.edu.au.


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April 2019 The Beast 29


Very sad indeed.

Clovelly Road Shop Closures a Sign of the Times Words Joel Bevilacqua Photo James Hutton Clovelly locals and others who frequently traverse Clovelly Road would be aware of the concerning number of shop vacancies in the retail hub at the top of the street. The closure of the much loved DeNavi’s Delish Deli in August last year means there are now five vacant spaces amongst the short stretch of shops. The Beast spoke to several former and current business owners in the area in an attempt to better understand why so many stores are shutting up shop. Clodeli owner Christine Papadopoulos believes unrealistic rent increases are largely to blame for the shop closures and the empty spaces remaining vacant for so long. “A few of them (landlords), from what I’ve heard, are asking for quite high rents and it’s turning quite a few people away from renting the spaces,” Ms Papadopoulos told The Beast. “It’s really sad because half the street is empty when you look at it.” Owner of the Green Mango cafe, Hanka, said rent-hikes are putting significant pressure on her business. 30 The Beast April 2019

“It (the rent) just keeps going up every year,” she explained. “We can’t keep putting up our prices accordingly.” Both Papadopoulos and Hanka said that if the rent was as high as it is now when they were first starting off they would never have moved into the street. Hanka also said the lack of parking for customers is a major issue. She said customers are frequently complaining that they cannot find a park in the area and as a result cannot stop in as often as they would like. In August last year, after 25 years of operation, Michael DeNavi and his wife Mary-Anne shut the doors of their deli for good. Mr DeNavi confirmed the aforementioned issues, renthikes and inadequate parking for customers, had taken their toll. Mr DeNavi also blamed a domino effect that began when the butcher shut over six years ago. He said there was a far greater variety of shops when he first moved in and that the diversity attracted more foot-traffic. “When there’s a vacant shop there’s less reason for people to come,” Mr DeNavi said. “It all just snowballs eventually.”

Despite the many closures, harm caused by vacant spaces and the tremendous pressure this is placing on businesses still operating in the area, Mr DeNavi said certain landlords remain unsympathetic and disinterested in negotiation. Rapid gentrification in the area may also be partly to blame. According to a joint study conducted by Aussie Home Loans and Core Logic, when DeNavi’s first opened its doors back in 1993 the median house price in Clovelly was just $273,000. Just before DeNavi’s shut its doors in August last year this price had climbed to $3.3 million. Higher house prices mean a new demographic with different shopping habits. Co-owner of Village on Cloey, Simon Hoc, suggested the changing demographic in the area may have affected some businesses. “A lot of the people that lived in Clovelly used to shop in Clovelly, they were very insular, but now you’ve got a new breed of people coming in that aren’t as tied to the area,” he said. Over six months after vacating, the old DeNavi’s space remains empty. A sign announcing its closure still hangs from the front window and on it a loyal customer has left a message: “So sad. We will miss you!” In happier news, the sign also advertises that Mary-Anne’s famous Christmas puddings can still be ordered online from denavis.com.au. Mr DeNavi told The Beast these will be available again this year, kindly distributed via Green Mango. Randwick Council is conducting a consultation aimed at developing a masterplan for Clovelly Road and is seeking public input. Have your say at www. yoursay.randwick.nsw.gov. au/clovellyroadmasterplan.


Authorised by Paul Pearce 2/55 Murray Street, Bronte NSW 2024.

Marjorie O’Neill & Labor will: Take real action on climate change to protect the environment and preserve our beaches;

Deliver more nurses and improved care across New South Wales with better nurse to patient ratios;

Put local schools and the Prince of Wales Hospital before the Liberals’ $2.2 billion stadium splurge;

Stop over-development, fix the Light Rail and broken bus services, and save our heritage trees;

Build a new co-ed high school in the Eastern Suburbs;

Put downward pressure on the cost of living by regulating electricity prices and investing in renewables.

MarjorieforCoogee

MarjorieforCoogee

Marjorie.O’Neill@nswlabor.org.au 0457 217 008 www.marjorieoneill.com.au


Another community hub gone.

Fate of 'Bondi Ranch' to be Sealed by Bulldozers Words Joel Bevilacqua Photo Nick May For five years, 5/43 Hall Street, Bondi was a squalid drug den littered with hoarded junk. Those who lived or worked in the area at the time would remember this period well. Over five years, the tenant at the time – a former sports ticket dealer – turned the property into a dump that was frequently used for parties. He would threaten neighbours who strayed too close to his kingdom and police were often required to visit the property, which was at the back of a unit complex. In February 2016, after years of avoiding eviction, the problematic tenant was finally forced to decamp. It took five men two weeks to clear out the property and cost over $50,000. While the clean-up was an improvement, the property was still an eyesore. Occupants on the beach side of the neighbouring complex looked down upon a gutted cottage and a barren yard of dirt. Then Bondi local Nick May moved in. Mr May cleaned the place up, turning it into an ur32 The Beast April 2019

ban oasis that became known as the Bondi Ranch. The transformation has made for some spectacular ‘before and after’ shots that can be viewed on the Bondi Ranch Facebook page (www. facebook.com/bondiranch). The property is not something one might expect to exist just metres from the busy Hall Street. Secluded by two apartment complexes and only accessible via a narrow side passage, the Ranch is reminiscent of the secret garden described in Frances Hodgson Burnett’s book of the same name. The effort Mr May has gone to to rejuvenate the once forlorn property also mirrors that of the book’s protagonist, Mary. The hard dirt ground is now coated with verdant grass and the scourge of hoarded junk that once covered it has been replaced by over 180 cacti. Decorations adorn the fences and an impressive tepee stands next to the now somewhat bohemian cottage. “When I moved in it was like a junkie house, like an ice den,” Mr May told The Beast.

“I turned it into a cactus paradise.” Recently 43 Hall Street and the neighbouring 45 Hall Street, two blocks side by side, sold to developers for $20.6 million. Mr May is being evicted and the properties are to be demolished and replaced with a five-storey residential building with integrated basement car parking. The façade of 43 Hall Street is heritage listed and this will be preserved in a glass box and used as a retail space. Mr May has been left devastated by his eviction and the Ranch’s impending destruction. “It is sort of like the last oasis of Bondi,” Mr May said. “You don’t get big yards like this anymore. “It’s just a beautiful place to come and hang out and get away from the hustle and bustle of Hall Street and the beach. “So many people love this place and have had the most amazing time here. A lot of people come here and chill in summer and hang out in the hammocks.” Nick Smith, who has lived next door to the Ranch for over two years, told The Beast he will be sad to see it go. “I’ve always said that’s a little hidden gem in Bondi; you can’t find anything like that in the heart of Bondi Beach,” Mr Smith said. “Nick used to have chickens. I’d catch him doing his thing and he’d go ‘Egg?’ And I’d go ‘Yep!’ and one would come flying up to my balcony.” Mr May said he knew it was only a matter of time before he became another victim of ‘progress’. “I knew it was going to happen. All these people who have lived in these epic places around the east have all had to leave, and this is probably one of the last ones that will be here.”


Politics Done Differently I want to be your voice for change in Canberra. Please come and join me at your local pub to talk through issues that are important to you. I’ve been hearing that climate change and the environment, reviving Sydney’s live music scene and getting kids off Nauru matter—but I want to hear it from you. I hope to see you there, in the meantime follow me for times and locations. DrKerrynPhelpsMP DrKerrynWentworth @DrKerrynPhelps

Authorised by Dr Kerryn Phelps AM MP, 287-289 New South Head Road, Edgecliff 2027


April 2019 Monday

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Talking With Your Teenager This seminar is designed for parents with children aged 10-17 who want practical, effective info and strategies to build stronger parent-child relationships and better understand adolescent behaviour. It’s on at WAYS Youth & Family from 6.15pm. Visit waverley.nsw.gov.au/events.

Solar for Your home With energy bills on the rise, there’s never been a better time to install solar power. Come along to this free session at Bronte Surf Lifesaving Club from 6.30-8pm to find out if solar is right for your house. Please register at solarpowerforhomes.eventbrite.com.

Steak and Trivia at The Cloey Test your brain out while you demolish a $16 steak and chips every Wednesday at the Clovelly Hotel. It’s $5 happy hour from 4-6pm every Monday to Thursday so you may as well make a night of it! For more information and other specials, visit www.clovellyhotel.com.au.

Roosters vs Broncos at the SCG Our beloved Roosters will battle it out with the Brisbane Broncos tonight at the SCG from 7.50pm. Both clubs have the rosters to be in contention for the premiership this year so this should be a belter. For tickets and information, please visit sydneycricketground.com.au.

Maloneys Home Delivery Too lazy to do your grocery shopping? Maloneys offers a complete home delivery service, so there’s no excuse for living on Domino’s and Deliveroo. Get your order in by 7pm and it’ll be delivered fresh to your door the next day. To order, please visit www.maloneysgrocer.com.au.

Bondi Cinema Club Monthly screenings of the best arthouse and independent cinema now feature at the Bondi Pavilion. Enjoy filmmaker Q&As, special events and talk film with other film lovers. This month’s film is Shoplifters. For more information, please visit cinemaclubfilmprojects.com.

An Evening With Jane Caro Join popular author, journalist, social commentator and women’s advocate Jane Caro as she discusses her latest book Accidental Feminists from 6.30-7.30pm this evening at Margaret Martin Library, Randwick. For more info, please visit www.randwick.nsw.gov.au.

Swans vs Demons at the SCG The mighty Sydney Swans will take on the Melbourne Demons tonight at the SCG from 7.20pm. Will the boys bring home another premiership in 2019? Well, we certainly hope so! To purchase tickets and for more information, please visit sydneycricketground.com.au.

Food Addicts Meetings Today, Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) is hosting one of its twice-weekly meetings, which are held every Wednesday at 7pm and Friday at 10am at Salvation Army Hall, 100 Boyce Road, Maroubra. For more information, please visit www.foodaddicts.org.

Sydney FC vs Perth Glory Make your way down to the SCG this evening to support Sydney FC as they take on Perth Glory in the A-League. Tonight’s game will be kicking off at 7.50pm sharp, so don’t be late. For tickets and more information, please visit sydneycricketground.com.au.

Woollahra VIEW Club Meeting Woollahra VIEW Club meets at 10am at Woollahra’s Gaden Community Cafe on the fourth Wednesday of every month, with a guest speaker followed by an optional lunch. If you’d like to come along, please call Jan on 0422 922 095 or email nettiet@bigpond.com.

Anzac Day (and Rugby League) Take the time to commemorate the brave Aussies and New Zealanders who served and died in wars, conflicts and peacekeeping operations to preserve our way of life. The Roosters will be taking on the Dragons from 4.05pm at the SCG. Visit sydneycricketground.com.au.

Dive Into Fun Splash into deep sea craft, film-making workshops, yoga, a neon disco and science inspired by the Whales | Tohorā exhibition during the April school holidays at the Australian Museum. For more information on the museum’s activities, visit www.australianmuseum.net.au.

Sydney Comedy Festival Sydney’s biggest annual comedy event kicks off today and runs until May 19. This year’s program features performances from the finest Australian acts, the biggest international stars and the most promising emerging talent. For more info, visit www.sydneycomedyfest.com.au.

Des Bishop at Comedy Store Native New Yorker and one of Ireland’s most loved comedians, Des Bishop returns to Australia with a brand new hour of standup at Comedy Store this week. For dates and session times, or to book tickets, call Comedy Store on 9550 3666 or visit www.comedystore.com.au.

Sven's Viking Pizza Deal We eat a shitload of Sven’s Viking Pizza here at The Beast, so we’re stoked to announce that they’re offering our readers 30% off their first order until the end of April. All you have to do is jump on to svens.com.au and use the code ‘BEAST’ when you order. Wood fired tastes better!

Join Waverley Bushcare Join like-minded locals and help make a difference to one of Waverley’s special green spaces. You’ll learn about native plants and wildlife and enjoy the benefits of time spent in nature. No experience is necessary. For more information, please visit www.waverley.nsw.gov.au.

Interested in delivering The Beast magazine?


Removalist Zak Clark Clark Removals P: 0409 808 866 Lawns/Gardening Ray Brownlee Ray's Lawnmowing P: 0467 670 785

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Permaculture Volunteers Learn something new and get a little outdoor exercise by volunteering in Randwick's Permaculture Interpretive Garden at Randwick Community Centre, 27 Munda Street, Randwick every Friday from 9.30am-12.30pm. Please visit www.randwick.nsw.gov.au.

Sydney FC vs Melbourne Victory Get your fix of football this evening at the SCG as Sydney FC takes on the mighty Melbourne Victory under lights. The ‘big blue’, as it has become known, will be kicking off at 7.50pm sharp. For tickets and more information, please visit sydneycricketground.com.au.

Stanton & Co. Banquet Deal The kind people at Stanton & Co. Bar & Dining in Rosebery are offering readers of The Beast $20 off their stunning $85 banquet on weekends until the end of April. All you need to do is mention The Beast when you book. Visit parlourgroup. com.au/stantonandco.

Cabaret at the Museum Bite sized morsels of masterful magic, chaotic clowning, preposterous physical feats and more. Enter the world of the La Perouse Museum after dark this evening from 7-8.30pm at 1542 Anzac Parade, La Perouse. For more information, please visit www.randwick.nsw.gov.au.

Bondi Farmers Markets Choose from a huge range of fresh seasonal fruits and vegetables, organic meat and poultry, fresh flowers, breads, jams, cheeses, seafood, herbs, spices and more at Bondi Beach Public School every Saturday morning from 9.00am. Please visit www.bondimarkets.com.au.

Urban Winery Blending Class Blend your own wine and experience what it’s like to be a winemaker today at Urban Winery. Learn, taste, blend and judge in this unique workshop within minutes from the beach. It’s only $150 per person and you can book by visiting www. urbanwinerysydney.com.au.

Good Friday The Friday before Easter is the day on which Christians annually observe the commemoration of the crucifixion of Jesus. Good Friday was observed as a day of sorrow, penance and fasting. In modern times most of the day is spent stuck in traffic trying to get out of Sydney.

Waratahs vs Rebels at the SCG Celebrate Easter Saturday by watching the Waratahs go up against their traditional foes from south of the border, the Melbourne Rebels, at the SCG tonight. Kick-off is scheduled for 7.45pm. For tickets and more information, please visit sydneycricketground.com.au.

Easter at The Bucket List The Bucket List has got a massive long weekend planned for local revellers this Easter, with festivities kicking off from Thursday. Highlights include live entertainment from Stardust Kids and Bondi's biggest Easter egg hunt today. Visit www.thebucketlistbondi.com.

Larry Dean at Comedy Store Fresh from a sell-out international tour, Larry returns to Sydney with his Edinburgh Comedy Award-nominated new show that’ll have you pissing your pants within minutes For more information or to book, please call 9550 3666 or visit www.comedystore.com.au.

The Sydney Derby The fine young men of the mighty Sydney Swans will take on the Greater Western Sydney Giants tonight from 7.25pm at the SCG in what is fast becoming the clash of the season. To purchase tickets and for more information, please visit sydneycricketground.com.au.

Sunday Roast at the Charro Get down to the Charing Cross Hotel every Sunday from 12-9pm and choose between a delicious beef, lamb or pork roast. If you take a copy of The Beast in with you they’ll even throw in a free pint of Guinness or Bulmers with your feed. Visit www.charingcrosshotel.com.au.

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Arborist Jeff Hunt Prompt Trees P: 0412 280 338

Email your resumé to james@thebeast.com.au


GRAYSON HINRICHS THE WORLD AT HIS FEET

Interview James Hutton Pictures Jeremy Greive Instagram @jeremygreive It’s been a long time since Bondi boasted a surfing world champion, but 16 year-old local Grayson Hinrichs rewrote the history books late last year when he took out the ISA World Junior Surfing Championship at Huntington Beach, California. Not only is he a natural on top of the big blue, he’s also a world class waterman beneath it, confidently spearing kingfish more than half his size when the waves are flat, all the while fending off man-eaters from the deep and maintaining his composure. We caught up with Grayson during the month… How are you this afternoon, Grayson? I'm very good, thank you. What have you been up to this morning? I went out this morning and checked the surf but it was a little bit fat so I got my spearfishing gear ready and jumped off the rocks and went for a spearfish. At North Bondi? Yeah, at North Bondi. You're a born and bred Bondi boy, aren’t you? Yeah, I've lived in Bondi pretty much my whole entire life. I’ve surfed here since I started. What are your favourite things about Bondi? One of the good things about living in Bondi is it's got a really tight community, so you always see people you know. It's a good place to grow up if you want to be a competitive surfer because it's got really grindy waves and the WQS (World Qualifying Series) is pretty similar. It's a good place to grow up and learn how to surf bad waves.

You're 16 years old; what have been your fondest memories of growing up around here? My fondest memories of growing up in Bondi would be probably back when I was about 12 and we had a massive group of mates and we always used to go down and surf for eight hours every single day. I don't know how we did it. We had breakfast, went out, then we'd come back and have dinner. It was pretty crazy. What annoys you about the Eastern Suburbs? The most annoying thing about living in Bondi and the Eastern Suburbs is definitely the crowds. The crowds are just crazy. You get heaps of people coming in, dropping in on you and thinking they own the joint when they've never actually lived here in their life. It's annoying but it happens.

As I've gotten older surfing has become pretty trendy, so almost everyone does it now. How do you deal with that in the water, with people not being respectful? As long as I get a couple of waves in the water I'm not too fussed anymore. When I was younger I got really frustrated because I felt like I could never get a wave, but now that I get a couple more waves, if someone drops in it's not really worth arguing unless they hurt you. What changes have you noticed around the area during your life here? When I first started surfing there were always a lot of people surfing but most of

them were pretty experienced. As I've gotten older surfing has become pretty trendy, so almost everyone does it now. Do you think the Eastern Suburbs has changed for the better or for the worse? There's definitely a lot more industry in surfing now and everyone's kind of trying to make money off Bondi. There are heaps of TV shows on - obviously Bondi Rescue has been going forever, but then there's Bondi Tattoo and The Bondi Vet - and heaps of new shops opening up trying to appeal to the new way of living on the coast. You have the city just there and then you have the beach right there as well, so everyone wants a piece of it. If you were the mayor for a day, with executive authority to do anything, what major changes would you make? I would open up Bondi more for competitive surfing and world class competitions. Apparently it's difficult to get comps in Bondi because there's already a lot going on at the beach, but I reckon maybe having a couple of fun comps here would be pretty cool. Are you a member of Bondi Boardriders? Yeah. How is the club’s relationship with the powers that be? Yeah it's really good. If there are no waves on a particular boardriders competition day they can't just cancel the whole comp and move it to the next weekend if there's already another event on, which is understandable. There was the Boost air comp several years ago but that ended for whatever reason. There’s also the SurfAid comps that happen

April 2019 The Beast 37


once a year. I heard that people are pushing for more comps in Bondi but they're hard to organise because there are already so many events on.

of shirts and shorts; it was like the best day of my life. They gave me stickers too. I only cared about the stickers. I just wanted to slap the stickers on my board.

Do you remember when you first stood up on a surfboard? Yeah, it was Christmas, just before I turned seven. That was the first time I surfed.

Who are your major sponsors now? I got sponsored by Billabong when I was 14 and I've been riding for them ever since. That's my major sponsor. My first board sponsor was Lost Surfboards.

Do your parents surf? My dad started when I started, so he's pretty bad. When did you realise that you were actually pretty good at surfing and could potentially make a career out of it? When I was little a few people would come up to me after surfs and compliment me but I didn't really think much of it. I was still really little. When you were seven or eight years old? I was probably about 10. My dad entered me in a couple of grom comps but I could never make it past the quarter-finals. I think I'd just get to that stage every time and have a meltdown and just lose it. I started getting more serious in comps when I was about 12. That was when I started travelling a little bit around Australia. Did your dad take you everywhere? Yeah, dad kind of taught me, to see if I wanted to do it or not. He opened it up for me. It's expensive to do all the comps too, isn't it? Yeah, you really want a sponsor that'll pay for you to do them. Speaking of sponsors, how old were you when you first got sponsored? I'm pretty sure I was 12 years old. I got sponsored by the Globe store in Bondi. This local Globe store opened up and I went in one day and they actually came up to me and were like, "Oh, we're opening up a team, would you want to be one of the surfers on the team?" I was frothing so hard. They gave me a couple of pairs of shoes, a couple

38 The Beast April 2019

I just bought one up at Surf Culture and it's bloody unreal... They're so sick. Lost was my first board sponsor. They picked me up at Bondi Boardriders. It was actually on a demo day and they were down there. They came up to me after, had a chat, then I called them the next day and ordered some boards. Some of the biggest influences that have come through with my surfing career are Globe, for being my first supporter, and then Lost and Billabong. Lost has just done so much for me; same with Billabong - my first trips, exposing me to new stuff, it's been awesome to have that support. Surf Culture also opened up a lot of opportunities for me. They gave me some good links.

Finally the hooter went off and there I was. I'd actually won. Froggy (Surf Culture owner) would have to be the most connected man, surfing-wise, in the local area‌ For sure. You recently won the ISA World Junior Surfing Championship at Huntington Beach, California; can you walk us through that? I qualified for the world championships in 2017. I won the Australian title, which qualified me for the world titles. I went to California last year, at the end of 2018, and I was going there with a goal just to make the quarters. It was more for the experience. I'd never been in such a big event and I just wanted to just experi-

ence the whole thing. I kept pushing on through my rounds and I got to the quarter-finals. I made it through my quarter-final heat and I had this gut feeling; I was like, "Hey, I could win this." I felt so good going through the rounds. I was thinking, "If I just keep doing what I'm doing and avoid thinking about anything else, I probably could be able to make the finals." I got into the semi-finals and then the nerves slowly started kicking in as the rounds got more progressive. I made it through the semis and into the preliminary finals, which is the decider just before the final. There are kind of two finals - it's a weird format - and I was just standing there thinking, "Wow, this is crazy. This is my chance. I've got to go for it." I ended up winning that and making it to the final. I was by myself, warming up for the final, and I paddled out four or five minutes before it started. The under 16 girls were on at the time. The girls had just finished as I got out the back and the girl who won stood up on her board, splashing water and just going crazy. She started crying and stuff. I was just like, "Wow, that'd be the best feeling ever, imagine that." I went out there and got off to a good start straight away, then backed it up immediately. I was in first place for half the heat, then Kade Matson came in with a couple of pretty good scores, so I needed an 8. The formula was pretty much two turns out the back, two turns on the shore and you've got a score of eight-plus, so I waited to have priority and managed to get one, and I ended up getting an 8.6. There was about two minutes left and I just tried to sit on everyone. Everyone had big scores; everyone was in striking range. They all had sevens and eights. The Japanese guy in the final needed an 8 to win. He took off with about a minute to go and did a massive air and nearly made it but kind of stomped and fell back. If he made that, he would have won. Finally the


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hooter went off and there I was. I'd actually won. It was pretty intense. Is it true that most of the guys were a year older than you as well? Yeah, I won it when I was 15, and I'm pretty sure the rest were 16. How has your life changed since then? Coming back to Sydney, everyone was coming up to me and saying congrats, people I'd never seen before. I even signed a couple autographs for some kids, which was pretty funny. People I'd never seen before wanted photos and stuff. Did your Instagram following go up? Yeah, I got like 1,000 followers in a day. Have you had to fight off the birds or were you fighting them off anyway? No, ha ha, no comment. A few years back we got sent a photo of a grommet pulling a skateboard down Hastings Parade with an enormous kingfish hanging off either end; do you know the photo I'm talking about? Yeah, I don't have the photo of it on my skateboard but I have a photo of me holding it up. I shot that one south of Bondi. I was pretty far away from home and I couldn't get home because my dad was annoyed with me. He came to get me but I was taking too long. I ended up just strapping it to the skateboard with my float line and dragging it home. It took me about an hour and a half to get home because everyone was stopping me to take photos. Every five metres I'd get stopped. I just started powering through everyone towards the end. What gives you a bigger buzz: blasting steel through an unsuspecting hoodlum or getting a stand-up barrel? Oh, getting barrelled is way better than shooting a kingfish. It's a different feeling, I suppose. Getting barrelled lasts longer. You just

40 The Beast April 2019

always have the memory there; the feeling stays there forever. Every time you think about it? Yeah, it's just there. When you shoot a king there’s kind of like the buzz of adrenalin, but it happens so quick that you don't really remember what happened. You just fillet it, eat it and it's just gone - you kind of eat the memory - whereas getting barrelled stays with you forever. Has your diving helped with your surfing in any way? Oh, yeah. Ever since I started pushing my diving, holding my breath for up to two minutes plus, I kind of enjoy getting pumped by big waves now. Because you can hold your breath for so long? I can just hold my breath and stay really relaxed. The Surfing Australia High Performance Centre actually did a little course on impact zone training with breath-hold. They taught me some skills to stay calm in big waves if everything goes wrong, which it usually does.

Getting barrelled lasts longer. You just always have the memory there; the feeling stays there forever. How long can you hold your breath for? Have you done a timed breath-hold? I've never timed it but I can dive down to 20 to 25 metres for around two minutes, but I'm not really fussed about that because to get the fish you don't need to be down long. How long do you need to be down to catch a 95-centimetre kingfish? What depth are you usually at? The kings sit midsurface at about 10 metres so you need to be around 15 to 20 metres down. They usually just hang off ledges. They're stupid fish most of the time so you don't really need to hold your breath.

You just dive down, shoot it in the head, hold on to your gun and pray it doesn't take you down with it. That's about it. How far do you think surfing can take you? Obviously you're still young, but are there other things that you would like to pursue or are you just going all out with your surfing? I'm definitely going to go all out with surfing, really try and milk it and see how far it can take me. I'd love to be able to do it professionally and be on the World Championship Tour (WCT) within the next few years. It'd be the best thing ever. I'm definitely interested in lifeguarding as well. Lifeguarding at Bondi would be really fun. I know it's pretty hectic but I just reckon it'd be so sick. If I wasn't surfing right now, if I didn't have surfing going for me, I would definitely be lifeguarding when I finish school, for sure. If you do make a career out of surfing would you prefer to do so as a competitive surfer contesting WCT events or as a free surfer? Competitive surfing is what I've grown up doing. It's all I know really and you can't angle yourself towards free surfing. It just doesn't work like that. You have to pretty much come from a competitive background. I definitely would rather be a competitive surfer. Getting to travel the world with all your mates and just surfing and making money from it would be sick, but free surfing does look amazing. You get to do nothing and surf and get paid for it, but I'm not going to go for that; it's too far-fetched. Did you make many new mates when you did the Huntington Beach comp? Yeah, there were around 400 people in the event and I probably made 100 new friends from all around the world. Everyone says, "Stay at mine next time you're here!" You make so many great connections. How was your recent trip to Hawaii? Hawaii was epic. I managed to get a few good bar-


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rels and learnt to foil with some mates that I’ve met over there in the past. The waves were pretty good and we had a couple of insane sessions between the winds. Do you have a favourite WCT surfer? I reckon Wade Carmichael's pretty sick. His power game's so good. I love watching power surfing rather than people just doing chop-hops. Among some of the young guys there seems to be a bit of a move away from the fancy aerial manoeuvres and back towards power surfing; do you prefer ripping out a big carve or getting airborne? I think doing airs is the best feeling ever. If you just spin through the air and land it that definitely gets you super psyched, but I think you need a bit of both now. It was definitely angled towards aerial surfing for a while there but the tour is kind of shifting back to a bit of both, so you definitely need to be able to do both to be on tour. Which surfers do you look up to around the Eastern Suburbs? Definitely Perth (Standlick) and Sage (Gubbay). They help me a lot with my surfing. It's good to know them when you're surfing crowded Bondi. Do they take you away on trips and stuff as well? Yeah, definitely. They’ve showed me a lot of new waves, especially Perth. Maroubra surfer Blake Thornton is coaching you; is that right? Yeah, Blake's probably my biggest inspiration. He's taught me everything since I was 12. Blake is the best surf coach in Australia. He just knows me the best out of everyone. He's so supportive. Is he still competing in any comps? I think he does a couple every so often when he travels with some of the older QS (Qualifying Series) people he coaches, but not really. He just has his own business now, Awayco, and a bunch of other stuff.

42 The Beast April 2019

Is it true that you've never beaten Perth in a Bondi Boardrider's heat? Yes, that is true. Will this be the year? Yes it will. I refuse to lose to him again. I have to beat him once. I've gotten close but he's always gotten the better of me. It sucks. He's in your head... Yeah. What's your favourite surf break? In the summer I like surfing Tamarama the most because of the nor-east swells. Or Mackenzies, but that place doesn't break anymore; it's given up.

Culling sharks is the worst idea that the government has ever put out. What about your favourite wave you've ridden anywhere in the world? It would have to be Teahupo’o. I surfed there at the start of 2017, so I would have been 14. I went with Lost Surfboards and a couple of other groms. We stayed there for a couple weeks and it's just the most perfect wave ever. How big did you score it? Well I paddled out when it was on the border of tow size and paddle size, but I only got one in the morning and the crowd got too intense with the locals. When it's around that six-foot size it's just the most perfect wave you'll ever surf. It just rolls in, easy take-off and then it hits the shallow section and you get so barrelled. Is it dangerous? You hit the bottom every wave if you fall off. You literally hit the bottom every time you fall. It's really shallow. You get cut up and you definitely want to have a bunch of limes waiting at home. What are your thoughts on traditional fibreglass versus epoxy surfboards? The great debate. I own a bunch of both

and I reckon you have to go with an epoxy when it's small and grovelly. It's easier. You can't really surf a one-foot mushy wave with a glass board. Epoxy boards definitely make your surfing really flicky and slidey. It's a bit like you're riding a skateboard. I definitely prefer to ride a glass board in anything over two foot. What's your go-to short board for competitions? My allrounder go-to is definitely a Lost Surfboards ‘Driver’. It's just a normal rounded square thruster with light glassing. It goes good. Do you have any other sporting skills beside your spearfishing and surfing? Are you one of those blokes who is good at everything? I love skating. Skating's definitely an awesome thing to do when there's nothing else to do, but I recently injured myself pretty badly. I was out of the water for a month because I tore my LCL (lateral collateral ligament) skating, so I've kind of steered away from skating a bit right now. Do you play any team sport? I hate all team sports. When I was little I used to go to Cranbrook so I played rugby, and I was actually pretty good at rugby, but everyone grew and I didn't. It wasn't very enjoyable getting destroyed by kids three times your size. There have been multiple shark sightings this summer, including a four-metre great white at Bronte and Tamarama when I was out the other morning; are they on your mind? I only really think about sharks when I'm by myself on the far north coast, but I never think about sharks at home. They're there but they're usually just cruising past. Do you think there are more sharks around now, or do you think it's just because there are more drones and more people looking for them so they're spotting ones that previously would have gone unnoticed? Ever


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April 2019 The Beast 43


since drones have come into the picture I think they're just out there to scare you more. I know they're intending to be there to let people know if there's a shark so they can get out of the water - I think they're helpful and they probably do prevent shark attacks - but I think now that they're showing it to everyone, it's just more of the scare factor. I don't really ever look at the footage anymore. Have you had any close encounters? Yeah, I've had great whites breach next to me surfing on the north coast and I've had a bull shark kind of knock me off my surfboard on the north coast, but nothing around home. I've seen big bull sharks and hammerheads while diving around here though. Can you tell us what happened the other month after you’d speared a little kingfish? I'd just jumped in the water, shot a nice little king and I was gutting it on the surface hoping for some more kings to come in. I did a drop and I just saw this massive bull shark coming straight at me. I just dropped my heart rate, gave it eye contact and it swam off into the depths. How do you drop your heart rate? You just kind of relax. You don't really think about it. Just don't move any muscles and kind of slowly move your head. Keeping eye contact is the most important thing. And was there a hammerhead on the same day? Yeah, a couple of days before. I'd shot a 13-kilo kingfish and was gutting it on the surface. It was pretty murky water actually. My mate just started screaming, so I looked up and there was this massive hammerhead right next to me. I think it was just there for the guts and then it swam off. Do you think culling should be allowed? Culling sharks is the worst idea the government has ever put out. It just kills all the

44 The Beast April 2019

cycle, the natural cycle. They're not out there to kill you. We're in their home. It's our problem. If we get attacked, it's our fault not theirs. It's just something you have to live with? Something you have to live with, yeah. Don't go in the water if you're scared of sharks. I agree, although if I knew that I was definitely going to get eaten by one I wouldn't mind if someone killed it first... If one ate me, or took a foot off or something, I'd definitely go out and try and get revenge.

I personally think the marine park lockouts are complete rubbish with no science-based proof of recreational fishing’s impact - there is no impact. How do you feel about the current marine park legislation? I personally think the marine park lockouts are complete rubbish with no science-based proof of recreational fishing’s impact - there is no impact. It’s a bid to appeal to the uneducated on the issue and it needs to be completely thrown out. Why should young local kids join their board riders club? Joining Bondi Boardriders or any local club when you're a grom is great for meeting new people and getting that first experience in competitive surfing. That's how I started. I just joined Bondi Boardriders, did a couple of comps and built up my competitive surfing through that. Who's Bondi's A-team at the moment? Bondi's A-team is probably Perth, Sage, Chris Friend, Pama Davies and sometimes they bring Clancy Dawson down from up the coast. They mix it up a bit. It's changed a few times.

How far off are you from getting a spot in the A-team? I surf for them in the tag teams now but I suck at tag teams. What is your plan of attack for the pro juniors? Do you have to pick certain comps? How does that all work? I plan to do every single pro junior this year. I want to make top 10 in the pro juniors. I missed one because I got invited to a Julian Wilson comp, and when Julian Wilson personally invites you to a competition you're definitely going to choose that over anything else. I’m glad I did because I ended up winning that comp. I assume you want to beat Perth in board riders this year too? That's my number one priority. When can you start competing in the QS? I did one the other week but I stuffed up. I nearly made my heat, actually, but I made a priority mistake and the waves were too small to get back in first priority. There's no making mistakes in those events and there's a lot of luck involved, too. Will you do more QS competitions? I'll hopefully do one or two more this year, depending how everything's going and my schedule, because with surfing a lot comes up out of nowhere. Who are the local groms to look out for at the moment? Definitely Luke Adam. He's probably my best mate. Luke's getting really good. His surfing has stepped up to the next level within the last year, so within a couple years he'll be deadly. Monty Tait from Maroubra is next level too. He should be on tour. In a perfect world, what does the future hold for Grayson Hinrichs? I'd definitely like to be on tour in a few years, and stay on tour. And then whenever that ends, depending on how old or young I am, I’ll either get back on the QS and try to get back on tour or go and work as a lifeguard.


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April 2019 The Beast 45


Rock 'n' roll ain't noise pollution!

Music to My Ears Words Dr Marjorie O'Neill Photo Bon Scott At a time of celebration, music inevitably comes to mind. How better to express our happiness? Music is obviously important to all of our lives. It not only expresses our culture, it also defines and shapes our feelings. Who has not felt uplifted, nostalgic or just plain sad when hearing particular music? Music has always been an important part of peoples’ culture everywhere, including in Australia. While our Indigenous Australians have always used song and dance as a means of preserving and passing down history, in more recent years modern Australian artists like AC/DC, INXS, Kylie Minogue and the Wiggles have used music as a medium for telling different kinds of stories, often accompanied by appropriate dances. Music both mirrors and shapes our emotions. I particularly love music in the context of celebration, be that in the context of a party, wedding or a funeral. 46 The Beast April 2019

Think about Kylie, Mardi Gras, Crowded House or the Gregorian chants at a requiem mass. Music, and live music in particular, elevates our spirits and manages to express our deepest feelings, which words alone could never do. Music goes to our heart and bounces back, vibrating through our social context. There are times in our lives when music is the only medium capable of expressing who we are. Music has always been an important part of my family. My very existence is likely the result of music, but not in the way that the contemporary reader might imagine. My mother was the product of parents who met while performing as musicians. My grandfather, Thomas (Tom) Spooner, played the piano accordion and my grandmother, Marjorie Favell Spooner, was a singer. They met as teenagers while performing on the Holy Hour on 2SM - not quite my idea of a romantic context, but

it worked for them! My mum, who did not inherit the musical gene, describes her childhood of a mother constantly singing and a father who played lived music with mixed emotions. For those who cannot hear the music, it becomes noise. Yet music survives in my family with every family function marked by the playing of music and major events requiring some live music. We search for musicians and singers amongst our friends and relatives because we know how much live music will contribute to the occasion. My sister Bridget runs a Glee Club at her school in Clovelly. My niece has a role in her school’s upcoming musical. My mum, as dean of a higher education college, has actively sought friends to sing ‘We Are One’ at graduations because of the power of that song to break down racial differences and help build a common sense of being. Music often communicates much more than words can ever do. I played the alto saxophone and piano when I was at school and some of my fondest memories were playing in the school jazz band. I have always sung and in my final years of high school I moved away from jazz and started singing opera. For me, music has always been used as a medium to cleanse the soul. My mum thinks that if I was a singer I would be more useful at family functions. She is probably right. While music has been an important part of Australian history and culture for so many years, is there now a war against it? 176 live music venues have been shut down, often replaced by apartment blocks and supermarkets, with new tenants moving in and complaining about long existing venues. As such, many are now no longer able to host live music outside due


to the new arrivals’ complaints. The Royal Oak Hotel, the Moore Park View, the Marlborough and the Kings Cross Hotel, all of which have stood for one hundred years or more, are now being threatened with noise complaints, with particular reference to live music. In addition, a NSW Parliamentary inquiry into live music has found that noise complaints have been crippling live music venues. While some people like to blame lockout laws for the downfall of live music, the rationale for the failure of our nighttime economy in areas of Sydney is far more complex than just lockout laws. Similarly, it is a mistake to make a causal correlation between music and violence. The demise of live music in Sydney has also destroyed what was once an integral part of the dating ritual in the Eastern Surburbs. How many of you can remember stepping out onto the floor of the Kei-Ron, the Delmar or the Palace to experience your first dance? I love Australian culture but I do feel that we need to loosen up a bit. A few years back my family did a house swap and we found ourselves on the edge of Golden Gate Park in San Francisco, where we listened to free music day and night. It was wonderful. Of course we need a balance in our regulations. No one wants loud music played in a suburban street, blasting till all hours of the night or early in the morning. But let’s not forget that music is important for our lifestyle and our self-expression, as well as an essential part of our celebrations. I love the music! Dr Marjorie O’Neill is a Waverley Councillor. The views expressed here are her own.

How Important is Live Music to Our Culture? Interviews and Pictures Stiffy McPherson

Douglas COOGEE We’ve produced some of the greatest musicians ever, such as Tommy Emmanuel, Keith Urban and Dame Joan Sutherland. It’s important to keep music strong in our culture and to support and recognise our artists. Music is a vital part of every culture; music is where we feel those nameless impulses that define our primal nature. I say, “More music, less road rage”.

Tracy BRONTE Live music is very important to the culture anywhere. It brings the community together. I’m from Adelaide and there is a lot more live music there. My partner’s a singer and he was amazed by how much easier it is to perform in Adelaide, compared to Sydney. Live music is being phased out here, and for no good reason other than to drive people into the casino.

Daniel BONDI It’s essential! Live music is an important part of our culture and contributes to our wellbeing; it gets you out doing things and it’s good for your soul. Many Sydney bands have gone on to global stardom - Hoodoo Gurus, Cold Chisel, Midnight Oil, INXS - and they promote Australia how we should be promoted. Keep the politicians out of it, get some real people up there! April 2019 The Beast 47


More plastic than face.

If You’re Happy and You Know It Words Jeremy Ireland Photo Bo Tox At a Christmas gathering last year a mate of mine gave me a book, ‘The Very Embarrassing Book of Dad Jokes 2’. It was a simple but effective gift and certainly got the attention of the other dads. It immediately made me smile and I started fishing out all the funny one-liners, many of which were so bad that you couldn’t help but laugh. I have to admit, I love a one-line joke. They’re quick, direct and if delivered correctly can hit you like a knockout punch. Perhaps my all-time favourite one-liner was delivered by the late Joan Rivers - not really known for her dad jokes but most definitely the queen of the lowball one-liner. She had many but this one was delivered with such precision it hit like a scud missile. On one of her panel shows she was discussing a recent comment made by an unhappy but wealthy Hollywood celebrity who had stated that money can’t buy you happiness. “Well honey, if money can’t buy you happiness then you’re shopping in the wrong place,” Rivers shot back. It definitely hit the mark and has stuck with me ever since, but it also got me thinking if there is in fact any truth to Rivers’ reply.

48 The Beast April 2019

The happiness industry is alive and well. It sells, and sells for a reason. At its core is the suggestion that we can increase our sense of happiness if we follow certain strategies, i.e. lose a certain amount of weight, follow a particular financial plan, win Powerball, renovate the house, buy the right clothes or marry some random stranger on a TV show because a mental health expert says your profiles match. The bookstores are full of books on self-help happiness. What makes life pleasurable is a topic that can bring out much philosophical debate. Indeed, such debate can be traced way back to ancient Greece when the philosopher Epicuris promised the world a list that would lead to true happiness. After much rational analysis he came up with an ‘acquisition list’ for a happy life. It was a short list. First was friendship; drinking beer with your mates brings more happiness than sipping expensive champagne on your own. To have friends, according to Epicuris, is to be understood and to feel a sense of belonging. Second on his list was freedom; more importantly, the freedom

gained from having nothing to prove. The third and final item on his list was thought, particularly writing, talking and sharing ideas, all of which, according to Epicuris, alleviate confusion, displacement and surprise. It should be clarified here that having money is unlikely to make you miserable. Indeed, it certainly can make life easier - there is a definite relationship between money and happiness. However, if you have friends, freedom and the ability for thought, the amount of money required to find happiness is relatively low. After all, is there any point to being wealthy if you lack true friends, true freedom and the ability to think and speak freely? In more modern times, from a biological standpoint, it’s been shown that not much has changed since the days of the ancient Greeks. Psychologist Abraham Maslow introduced what he termed a ‘hierarchy of needs’ or, in real terms, what we need more of and less of to survive. Picture a pyramid divided horizontally into four parts. At the bottom is physiological needs, the second layer is safety and security, third is belongingness and love, fourth is esteem, then at the top is self-actualisation. Maslow proclaims we need more of what’s at the bottom of the pyramid than the top, i.e. more hugging, less tugging. As much as I love Joan Rivers, and I do suspect her tongue was firmly planted in her cheek, her infamous comment sits on thin ice. Don’t get me wrong, we as humans are attracted to expensive things, but that is a discussion for another time. At the end of the day my book of dad jokes allowed me to share something money can’t buy. To find out more about achieving happiness, please contact Jeremy at www. bondicounsellingservices.com.


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Start them early.

UNSW to Become World’s Greatest Child Care Centre Satire Kieran Blake, kieranblake13@yahoo.com.au Photo Al Jebra The insatiable demand for outstanding child minding facilities among Eastern Suburbs parents has prompted the conversion of the University of New South Wales into the world’s largest elite child care centre. The transformation of the internationally recognised seat of learning into a kindergarten of excellence will begin shortly, following an agreement between various levels of government, the university and a lobby group known as Uber Powerful Parents of Impossibly Talented Youths (UPPITY). “The existing child minding facilities in the Eastern Suburbs do not match the calibre of our children,” declared the head prefect of UPPITY. 50 The Beast April 2019

“For this reason, we are satisfied with the anticipated response of the government and the university to our demands for a kindergarten of excellence.” The NSW government leapt at the opportunity to hurl millions of taxpayers’ dollars at another major infrastructure project in the Kensington region, which will see current university students displaced to make way for toddlers. The demands from UPPITY included a faculty with a minimum qualification of PhD, a full report on their child’s progress at the end of each day, an entrance test, exorbitant fees and graduation ceremonies in full regalia every academic year.

Furthermore, internationally acclaimed research installations are to be bulldozed to accommodate parking for SUVs and four-wheel drive prams. In addition, colleges such as Basser, Goldstein and Phillip Baxter will house parents on campus, allowing them to provide constructive feedback to educators in real time. Existing staff members with PhD qualifications will be offered positions at the childcare centre, as will current student welfare officers, who will be charged with supporting the ever-increasing number of very young children diagnosed with stress and anxiety disorders. The centre will also provide each faculty with therapy dogs, which anxious children can pat as they enter the hall for their finger painting and Play-Doh exams. While current faculty members declined to comment lest they risk their already tenuous positions, the university did issue a short statement. The statement expressed gratitude to the government for finally allocating a reasonable amount of funding to the institution and briefly outlined some future developments. “The Faculty of the Built Environment will be converted into a sandpit, the Arts and Social Sciences faculties will make way for story time and dress-ups, and the Law faculty will devote itself to determining who pushed whom off the swing,” the statement said. “We expect the change to attract interest from overseas parents and in light of the potential earnings from the international market, we will adjust our educational programs accordingly. “Furthermore, we are very pleased to continue the outstanding work of UNSW in teaching young Australians to read and write in English.”


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of my friends has been 47 for the last 12 years. If they can do it, so can you. Choose an age you fancy and be that for as long as you can get away with it. You could even go the other way and say you’re 10 years older than you are - people will think you look amazing.

Smoking keeps you young apparently.

The Unreliable Guide To... Age and Aging Words Nat Shepherd Photo Joanna Lumley The Unreliable Guide suffered a significant birthday recently and it got us thinking about age. We are obsessed with aging: by 2021 the charlatans peddling botox, tucks, lifts, silicon and liposuction are predicted to be milking worldwide insecurities for more than $465 billion. That’s a ton of dough, especially, as writer Kaz Cook notes, that “given the choice of doing nothing or cosmetic surgery, we’re all going to have to choose between looking old and looking weird”. But if youth is so desirable, why do we spend our early years wishing we were older? There’s no perfect age; society has rules for everyone. Eight year-olds aren’t allowed to drive, no matter how good 52 The Beast April 2019

they are at reverse parking, 38 year-olds can’t get youth travel discounts and 88 year-olds are rarely allowed to live without state meddling. Biology is equally bossy about what age things can happen, especially for women. Worst of all, we willingly conform to culturally prescribed ‘age-suitable’ behaviours. But fear not, The Unreliable Guide has some tips and tricks on how to beat the clock… Lie The character Patsy Stone in the TV series Absolutely Fabulous knew full well that she would be inappropriately pigeonholed because of her advanced years, so she was eternally “Patsy Stone, 39”. One

Rewrite the Rules Apparently 60 is the new 40, 50 is the new 30, and 30 is probably the new foetus. This redefining of landmark birthdays proves how angry we are at being sidelined just because we’ve enjoyed a few dozen birthday cakes. I say go further: make 60 the new 25, 80 the new 43. Try this simple test: at the next birthday bash you are forced to attend, carefully study your peers. A couple of them might still look amazing but several will probably look and act much older than you, so forget about age and just be you. Shag Someone Much Younger or Older It can be wonderfully invigorating shagging someone much younger than yourself - you’ll probably go out more, do a wider variety of things. This can be great for a while but you might end up completely knackered and feeling every year of that age gap. Plus, the pertness of their bits will only make yours seem saggier. Conversely, while someone much older than you might not be as lively as you, or as lithe, they’ll think you are young and gorgeous. This is a great boost to the ego. Moreover, older people tend to have more cash - always a bonus. Finally, The Unreliable Guide suggests you forget about age and just enjoy yourself. You are, as the proverb says, a long time dead. Just being alive is pretty damn fine, so make the most of it.


April 2019 Tide Chart Numbers Bureau of Meteorology Tidal Centre Photo Mark Hunter Instagram @bondihunter Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday

Thursday 4 0230 0842 1500 2107

1 0026 0645 1321 1928

0.72 1.55 0.53 1.38

2 0113 0728 1357 2003

0.65 1.59 0.48 1.45

3 0153 0806 1430 2036

0.58 1.63 0.45 1.52

8 0404 1009 1605 2226

0.45 1.52 0.50 1.72

9 0448 1052 1642 2307

0.48 1.45 0.56 1.71

10 0538 1141 1724 2355

0.51 1.37 0.62 1.68

15 0422 1105 1719 2305

1.72 0.41 1.46 0.58

16 0524 1.78 1159 0.33 1812 1.58

17 0005 0619 1246 1900

0.47 1.83 0.28 1.70

22 0426 1029 1614 2240

0.37 1.50 0.53 1.82

23 0516 1116 1653 2323

0.44 1.39 0.63 1.75

24 0609 0.52 1206 1.30 1734 0.72

29 0406 1048 1705 2249

1.49 0.61 1.35 0.78

30 0500 1131 1747 2342

1.51 0.57 1.44 0.71

The early bird.

Friday

Saturday

5 0307 0916 1530 2140

0.48 1.64 0.42 1.64

6 0344 0952 1600 2213

0.46 1.62 0.43 1.68

11 0635 0.54 1237 1.30 1815 0.69

12 0050 0742 1345 1920

1.65 0.56 1.26 0.73

13 0158 0856 1503 2039

18 0100 0712 1331 1945

0.38 1.84 0.27 1.79

19 0154 0802 1414 2030

0.32 1.80 0.29 1.86

25 0008 0704 1300 1822

1.66 0.59 1.24 0.80

26 0058 0802 1401 1921

1.58 0.64 1.21 0.85

0.53 1.64 0.43 1.58

Sunday 7 0323 0930 1531 2148

0.45 1.58 0.46 1.71

1.63 0.54 1.27 0.73

14 0312 1005 1618 2158

1.66 0.48 1.35 0.68

20 0245 0851 1455 2114

0.30 1.72 0.35 1.88

21 0335 0940 1534 2157

0.32 1.62 0.44 1.87

27 0157 0901 1510 2033

1.51 0.66 1.23 0.87

28 0303 0958 1613 2146

1.48 0.64 1.28 0.84

• New Moon • First Quarter • Full Moon • Last Quarter


Harvesting with love.

Behind the Scenes at Bordeaux’s Beautiful Chateau Cos d’Estournel Words and Photo The Bondi Travel Bug I have been lucky enough to visit a few of the great wine regions of the world including the Napa Valley (USA), Stellenbosch (South Africa), Tuscany (Italy) and our very own Margaret River and Barossa Valley regions. I’ve also cruised along the Danube and Rhine Rivers, passing by Wachau Valley’s wine growing province (Austria) and Rheinhessen (Germany). All of these places are beautiful in their own right, and produce magnificent wines, but one wine precinct stands out like Goliath above the rest, and that, of course, is Bordeaux in France. 54 The Beast April 2019

Bordeaux is one of the most famous wine growing regions in the world and home to the ‘Bordeaux Blend’ (70 per cent Cabernet Sauvignon, 15 per cent Cabernet Franc, 15 per cent Merlot). It’s here that many of the best red wines are blended from a selection of approved grape varieties, and they also do some cracking whites. Recently I was lucky enough to visit one of Bordeaux’s most exclusive and historical wineries, Chateau Cos d’Estournel. The drive from my city centre accommodation took about 90 minutes and before I knew it I could see the chateau’s famous and unique pagodas that fea-

ture on the labels of each bottle. Louis Gaspard d’Estournel, nicknamed the Maharajah of Saint-Estèphe (he imported wine to India, hence the nickname) founded Chateau Cos d’Estournel in 1791. He was convinced the terroir (the complete natural environment in which a particular wine is produced, including factors such as the soil, topography and climate) of this estate was exceptional and took it upon himself to take risks to enhance it. He invested massively in the acquisition of neighbouring land and in due course expanded his vineyard from 14 to 45 hectares. Today the winery extends to over 100 hectares. Eventually d’Estournel, who lived close by but never actually lived on the estate, sold the property but returned later only as a resident and eventually died there. A statue in his honour is prominently located at the entrance to the winery. Today the Cos d’Estournel is owned by Switzerland’s successful hotelier Michel Reybier, who recently built a splendid eight-bedroom private villa on the estate that boasts indoor and outdoor pools and spas and a most impressive private wine cellar. Mr Reybier stays there when in Bordeaux, but when he is away it can be hired in its entirety. This residence also comes with a house manager, chef and private tours and tastings. I was taken on a tour of this magnificent property and its surrounding gardens and private courtyards. The residence has doors and fittings imported from India and Zanzibar. In fact, the entire estate boasts an array of foreign treasures due to d’Estournel’s past connection with the Orient. It was late September when I visited Bordeaux and luckily for


me that meant it was harvesting time and I had the opportunity to get involved in the collection process. I was met by my guide, Vanessa, and driven to an area of the winery where the harvesting was in full swing. The warm autumn sun beat down upon us and the deep purple grapes bunched up on the bright green vines screamed out to be picked. The grapes are harvested entirely by hand by a team of people who come from Ermita Nueva in Spain. They have worked at the château since 1974 and include grandparents, mums, dads and their children, many from the same families. I only assisted in harvesting for about an hour, but it will go down as one of my finest travelling memories as I observed these enthusiastic workers who, though only doing it for a few weeks of the year, harvest the grapes with love and passion.

After my harvesting contribution I was taken on a tour of the barrel rooms and other controlled temperature areas including the remarkable cellar that houses priceless bottles of wines dating back many decades. In 2003, the château was equipped with insulated, coneshaped vats for optimal juice extraction. They were specially designed for the estate and were the first to be used in the winemaking industry. In 2008, Cos d’Estournel was also the first Bordeaux estate to install a 100 per cent gravity-flow cellar. This unprecedented innovation was designed and developed by the château’s teams to meet their specific requirements. The entire winemaking process is driven by gravity, as this makes it possible to preserve the character of the fruit and fully express the complexity of the terroir.

After my extensive and fascinating tour I was invited to a lunch that was being held in the winery’s refurbished horse stables and included the entire Cos d’Estournel staff, harvesting team and also the owner, Michel Reybier, and his colleagues. Long communal tables draped in red and white chequered tablecloths hosted lively conversations as traditional food and a selection of their wines were served. This was such an intriguing day that gave me a unique insight into the running of a hugely successful operation at one of Bordeaux’s finest wineries. How to Book Your Tour www.estournel.com How to Get There Vicki Gilden Rose Bay Travel (02) 9371 8166

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It's that time of year.

Seaweed and Ice-Cream Words Con Gestion Photo Ecklonia Radiata My grandson loves riding the Mummy Taxi with me. He knows after kindy he will either get cake from Sweet Kiss on Clovelly Road or gelato from the Coogee Pavilion. I know how to buy a heart. Recently I had to collect some seaweed for my compost bin. Our poor sandy soils need a lot of work to grow vegetables and fruit trees. Seaweed is a magic ingredient mixed with dynamic lifter (chicken shit), well watered and covered with a tarpaulin to cook. I like to sit in my cabana as it steams away, enjoying the thought of millions of bacteria and insects chomping away, as I do with my olives, ouzo and octopus. Anyway, I thought I would give the boy an extra treat by doing a combination trip that included seaweed harvesting and gelato licking, knowing that the northern end of Coogee Beach had carpet rolls of the stinky stuff a stone’s throw from the Pavilion gelato bar. He wasn’t interested at all in collecting seaweed, only licking his mocha ice cream, a sophis-

56 The Beast April 2019

ticated choice. His decisionmaking was dazzling. How did he know about mocha at his age? We kicked off our sandals and wandered down the beach, me leading the way with three sacks, him dawdling, concentrating intently on licking. As I approached the coiled kelp I saw him turn around and start heading back. He probably thought sitting on the sandstone wall watching me and licking was a better option, but I couldn’t have that. He’d have been maybe 60 metres away from me. What would his parents say? I yelled to him to come down and help. He was not interested in trudging over hot sand to collect messy seaweed with a deranged Papou. From his diminutive perspective there was a mass of desert between us. He was absorbed in the cone and balancing the art of licking to the rate of melting. This needed concentration. He probably had never had mocha before. Maybe it had some caffeine in it to sharpen the drugging effect. Maybe some of the patron’s magic dust fell upon it.

Finally my yelling turned him around and he arrived from the long dawdle as I was about halfway through the task of bundling the wet gelatinous pulp, which I happen to love as I snorkel over it, regularly admiring its grace and otherworldliness. Sometimes I see the iridescent blue groper and its khaki-coloured mate glide through it. That some ignorant beachgoers call it dirty is a disgrace. My grandson ignores my calls for assistance, blissfully wandering along the water’s edge lost in the licking, occasionally collecting shells. I respected this lost world he had descended into and said nothing. Finally, with three bags full, I started trudging up the sand establishing little way stations to make it easier. Seaweed, fresh and wet, is bloody heavy. It is 100 per cent goodness like no other vegetable matter. About half way back he was on my heels finishing the end of the cone and, like a good boy, he handed me the soggy mush of tissue that had once provided some protection for his sticky fingers. I thanked him and put it in with the seaweed to be composted. The ice cream was an absolute knockout and the after-effect blissful to such young senses. I like to think he just enjoyed his time around me as well. Not so crazy Papou. He is a smart boy and knows the wonders a garden and good soil can bring. He loves my sunflowers, tomatoes and olives, and the butterflies and bees. He gets it. There was just one frustrating thing about this adventure. I wanted to explain to him that his delicious ice cream actually had a seaweed extract as one of its vital ingredients. Known as agar, it is used in food and pharmaceuticals. Seaweed is magic, just like ice cream, and look how much is gifted to us by the mighty ocean when it roars. You have to love this place.


You handsome bugger.

The Wonderful World of Winx Words Alasdair McClintock Photo Hugh Bowman Make no mistake, betting is a mug’s game, but goddammit I love horse racing. It is sports theatre at its finest, with high drama, crooks, champions, disappointments, great underdog victories, crooks (they always come back after the suspension), good looking people getting drunk and did I mention crooks? Then there is Winx. A champion all unto herself. Don’t even talk to me about Black Caviar. She was a flat track bully, beating up on lesser opposition. The Matt Hayden of horse racing, if you will. And Phar Lap was pumped full of speed. We all know it. Why do 58 The Beast April 2019

we keep denying it? It’s another uncomfortable truth about an Australian icon that we can’t admit to ourselves; like the fact Ned Kelly was a cop-killer, Don Bradman was a bit of a prick and Crowded House were actually from New Zealand. Winx is untouchable, though. An unassuming champion owned by (relatively) normal people and trained by a bloke who might actually be honest and clearly loves his horses. When she runs her expected final lap of Randwick, in the Queen Elizabeth Stakes this April, the only better show in town will be Bruce McAvaney’s

commentary while watching her. Someone needs to look into that bloke’s interest in horses, by the way. It’s all a little uncomfortably sexual for my liking. The crowd will no doubt be there in their droves and in all likelihood Happy Clapper will, like every gentleman should, come second. Spare a thought for the poor old Clapper. If Winx is to be beat, no one could begrudge him of that. I kind of hope he does win. Winx is etched in folklore as it is and it’s not as if she has a perfect record to maintain, given she had a few losses early on. A Happy Clapper win would make me a very happy chappy indeed (and the bookmakers too, I imagine). Don’t call me a Grinch for saying it. You’re the Grinch, if anything! Regardless of what happens, the world of sport will be lesser for Winx heading out to pasture. Heck, the world itself will be. It will be one less distraction from the rodeo clowns running the show. I might even have to engage for a while (don’t worry, I won’t). The cynic (read: Beast editor Dan Hutton) will tell you there is another Winx, pre-loaded around the corner, to keep us dumb, fat, happy and punting. And there is, a gelding by the name of Avilius, but it will take time for that love affair to bloom. I’m not sure the country is ready for it. Avilius deserves better than being a rebound lover, so I’d prefer we took our time, kept in touch for a while and let it develop naturally. Maybe have a drink in September? I don’t know, we’ll see what happens. We might hang out with some other horses, like The Autumn Sun and Kementari, for a while. Get drunk. Get silly. But we’ll always have that little spark in our hearts for Winx.


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Vantastic!

Van Expresso Bar Vietnamese with a French twist Words Joel Bevilacqua Photo Michaela Vujovic The Clovelly food scene has gained a new star recruit in Van Expresso Bar. The restaurant/ café, which serves Vietnamese food with a French twist, moved into the old trophy store next door to Out of the Blue on Clovelly Road last November. Chef and owner Anna BachCuc Kellett and her partner Vladimir Vujovic are the same couple who own Young Alfred in Circular Quay and previously owned Love Supreme in Paddington. Vladimir also founded Arthur’s Pizza back in the ‘90s. Upon reading the Van menu, one could be forgiven for being a bit confused about what type of cuisine it’s actually serving up. Anna said most first-time diners are. To use a sporting metaphor, if the neighbourhood’s food scene was a footy team, Out of the Blue would be the salt of the earth front-rower who never lets you down and Van Expresso would be the mercurial halfback with a bagful of tricks up his sleeve. 62 The Beast April 2019

The all-day menu is no doubt rooted in Vietnamese methods, but there are also French, Japanese, Korean, Chinese and Thai influences. We were treated to dishes such as pork and prawn dumplings, smoked trout salad with wonton crackers, crab and prawn spring rolls, and the market fish curry with a sweet rice bun. For dessert, we had a rice chia pudding with coconut and seasonal fruits. The verdict? Van Expresso serves up some of the best food I have had in some time. The pork and prawn dumplings were a standout performance in a winning team, but the man of the match award had to be given to the fish curry and the perfectly contrasting sweet rice bun that accompanied it. When I enquired about the menu’s influences, Anna had a simple answer: “It’s Anna!” A lifetime in the hospitality industry, a French and Vietnamese background and time spent in Southeast Asia has culminated in a unique

and versatile menu that plays outside the boundaries. Van also does breakfast, and this is where Anna’s family’s influence really shows in the form of crepes, omelettes and brioche served with anchovy and crème fraiche. I was impressed to learn that Anna doesn’t have a freezer on the premises, but not overly surprised given the quality of the food we ate. All the ingredients are locally sourced and this means that the Van menu must change every three months. Predictably, Van Expresso doesn’t take bookings, but while you wait for a table their talented mixologist Fabio will fix you one of Van’s signature cocktails such as the fruity ‘Van With Me’, made with Wyborowa vodka, lychee puree, lemon, rose, plum sake and palm jelly. We visited Van on a Wednesday and even on a school night there was a fun energy about the cosy bar. Van is sure to become a popular date spot. It’s intimate but you’re not packed in like sardines and the mood is set by summery techno beats, dark timber furniture and low hanging lights. There’s also an impressive collection of wines. In opening Van Expresso, Anna said she wanted to bring some colour to the neighbourhood, and with her unique, playful menu and vibrant atmosphere she has certainly achieved this. Van Expresso Bar www.vanexpressobar.com Address 3/272 Clovelly Road Facebook Van Expresso Instagram @vanexpressobar Phone 02 8054 5287 Open Tue-Sun 7am-3pm and 5-10pm Prices Breakfast $9-25, AllDay $8-30, Dessert $6-8, Cocktails $16-18 Cards Master, Visa, AMEX Licensed Yes


The beauty of Aussie lamb.

Slow Cooked Lamb Shoulder Words and Picture Dana Sims Insta @stone_and_twine It can be very satisfying when a dish is so delicious but doesn’t rely too much on technique, just a good quality piece of meat. With a few easy steps you can create something mouthwatering and versatile with little more than a shoulder of lamb and a paste made from the simple pairing of a subtle spice and citrus. The ‘low and slow’ cooking of the meat allows the marinade to work it’s magic for hours in the oven, and with a little basting here and there the end result is always a success. The shoulder joint does need time to break down in the oven and the intention is to produce lamb that easily pulls away from the bone. It’s best to cover the lamb with foil for the majority of the cooking time before removing it to allow the meat to get more colour and create some yummy crispy bits on top. I also throw lemon halves into the roasting tray, which cook up beautifully and you can squeeze some of the syrupy lemon juice over the lamb at the end.

Ingredients (Serves 4) 2 cloves garlic, crushed Zest of 1 lemon Juice of ½ a lemon 1½ tbsp ground sumac 1 tbsp olive oil Salt Ground black pepper 1.3kg lamb shoulder – bone in Salad Bunch of watercress, roughly chopped Small bunch of mint, leaves separated Small bunch of parsley, roughly chopped 1 tsp olive oil 1 tsp lemon juice 1 tsp white wine vinegar 1 tsp seeded mustard Method 1. Take your lamb shoulder out of the fridge and bring it to room temperature; 2. Preheat the oven to 140 degrees; 3. Make the marinade by combining the olive oil, crushed

garlic, lemon zest, lemon juice and sumac in a bowl. Season with salt and pepper and stir together; 4. Make a few small incisions into the lamb to allow the marinade to get into the meat as it cooks; 5. Place in a roasting tray and pour over the marinade, making sure the whole shoulder is covered, then add the two lemon halves; 6. Cover the roasting tray with aluminium foil and seal on the sides; 7. Place the lamb in the oven and allow to cook at this temperature for 4.5 hours. Ensure you baste the lamb with the pan juices that drip down every hour; 8. In the last hour, remove the foil, baste again a couple of times and allow the top to colour and crisp up; 9. Remove from the oven after 4.5 hours and allow to rest on a chopping board (covered lightly with foil) for 20 minutes before serving; 10. While the lamb is resting, prepare the salad. Combine the watercress, mint leaves and parsley in a bowl; 11. Combine olive oil, lemon juice, white wine vinegar, seeded mustard, salt and pepper in a jar and shake to combine, then pour over the salad and toss; 12. Carve or pull apart the lamb as you wish. Dana Sims is a Sydneybased food and prop stylist who has grown up in the Eastern Suburbs and loves to create delicious food for entertaining and family. She is inspired by the fresh produce we have access to here in Sydney. For ideas, recipes and styling inspiration, check out her Instagram, @stone_and_twine. April 2019 The Beast 63


HILLTOP HOODS The Great Expanse Label Universal Music Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  The Hilltop Hoods can look back on their career and be pretty darned pleased with themselves. The Great Expanse would be a fitting conclusion and ideally they could now stroll off into the sunset. I doubt the reality of paying bills will allow that though. The singles still bounce and they continue to drop the odd goosebump inducing line, but the energy is not quite there anymore. They’re not stale yet, but the bread has been on the counter for a few days and we’re not getting any more fresh ham sandwiches. It’s Vegemite on toast from here on in.

DAN SULTAN Aviary Takes

Film Review Title US Genre Horror-Thriller Reviewer Linda Heller-Salvador If you’re after a seriously creepy film this month, look no further than multi-talented, Oscar winning writer-director Jordan Peele’s (Get Out) latest offering, Us. His second feature film, this is a dark and chilling horrorthriller that delves into the darker side of people and subtly questions, among other things, whether we are our own worst enemy. All appears light and breezy when Gabriel (Winston Duke) and Adelaide (Lupita Nyong’o) take their two children, Zora (Shahadi Wright Joseph) and Jason (Evan Alex) on a relaxing family getaway to Adelaide’s childhood home by the beach, but the fun, sun and happy times quickly descend into the holiday from hell when they are stalked by four ‘strangers’ who appear on their doorstep. If you think Us sounds like your run-ofthe-mill home invasion film you will be in for a delightfully twisted surprise. When writing his debut feature film, Get Out, Peele said he wanted to “write my favourite film I haven’t seen yet”. Well, in my mind he has done it again with this provocative and intriguingly original horror that will be sure to garner him a new legion of followers and a swag of awards. 64 The Beast April 2019

Label Liberation Records Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  My goodness me, Dan Sultan has just gone and blown my mind. The only reason I’m not giving this five stars is because it’s a ‘best of’ and there are a few covers, so it’s kind of cheating, but geez it’s a cracker. Fans of Sultan will enjoy the stripped back versions of his originals and nonfans will just enjoy them, full stop. I fall somewhere in between and I’m not exaggerating when I say I checked four or five times to see whether some of his original songs were actually covers, because I thought they were too good not to be.

BAND OF SKULLS Love Is All You Love Label SO Recordings Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  Band of Skulls are a group that I’ve always known existed but circumstances have never allowed for us to be friends. Like that person you used to get along with but who ran in different circles and was never free at the same time, so now it’s kind of awkward when you see them. It’s not awkward for me to listen to this album, but I do feel like I’m too late to the party. People are doing shots and screaming along to Darryl Braithwaite and I’ve just rocked up with a mid-strength six-pack. But I digress. This is okay. Think Black Keys crossed with Kasabian.


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ACROSS 1. Red and smells like blue paint (3,5) 8. Country code for Guinea (1,1) 9. Protects clothes during cooking (5) 10. Sugar used in baking (6) 11. Lead actor in Milk (4,4) 12. Jetty (4) 13. Gory (8) 14. F*cken ... (4) 15. Part of Old Testament that means “instrumental music” in Greek (5) 16. Keanu Reeves in The Matrix, ... Anderson (2) 17. United partner for mutual benefit (4) 19. Moby Dick

writer, Herman ... (8) 21. Consume (3) 22. Supreme group (5) 23. Fencing sword (4) DOWN 1. Did the same in return (12) 2. Holder of after dinner meal (7,5) 3. Gets older (4) 4. With hindsight (2,10) 5. Soft Cell hit (7,4) 6. Uppermost tree part (7) 7. Not understanding, “... and out the other” (2,3,3) 18. Hit with open hand (4) 20. Day before event (3)

Trivial Trivia Words Cameron Anderson Photo Sean Connolly 1. Which famous drummer voiced a character on Thomas the Tank Engine? 2. Who voiced Darth Vader from Star Wars and Mufasa from the Lion King? 3. In 2018 there were 3 new EGOT winners (Emmy, Grammy, Oscar & Tony): Tim

Rice, Andrew Lloyd Webber and who? 4. What is Whoopi Goldberg’s original first name? 5. What animal does cashmere wool come from? 6. Who was the daughter of Lord Byron, also known as the first computer programmer?

7. Which vegetable provides the most nutrients per farmed acre? 8. Which Sydney restaurant is believed to be the first in the world to serve avocado toast? 9. Who has played M in the most James Bond films? 10. Which Randwick café once made the world’s largest burger?

Sunrise splash. April 2019 The Beast 65


GEMINI MAY 22-JUN 21 Just when you think you’re screwing someone over, someone else will be screwing you. Don’t be a snake in the grass.

SCORPIO OCT 24-NOV 22 You don’t watch enough TV. How can you expect to join in conversations if you don’t watch more TV? Don’t be so antisocial.

CANCER JUN 22-JUL 22 If you’re not 69ering your partner at least once a month you probably don’t love each other enough and should just split up.

SAGITTARIUS NOV 23-DEC 21 Every group of friends has a tight-arse and in your group that person is you, which is why you’ll be the first to retire.

Visions Beardy from Hell

LEO JUL 23-AUG 22 Start to incorporate afternoon naps into your days. 20 minutes of arvo nap is the equivalent of around two hour’s sleep.

CAPRICORN DEC 22-JAN 20 No matter how many times you wipe your bum you just can't seem to get it clean. Hop in the shower and get the job done.

ARIES MAR 21-APR 20 The best long-term plan is to have as much fun as possible in the short-term so you have plenty of happy memories.

VIRGO AUG 23-SEP 23 Working like you don’t need the money is fine in theory, but not in practice when you’ve got a coke habit to support.

AQUARIUS JAN 21-FEB 19 Knowledge is of no value unless you use it to f*ck people over. It’s time for you to start being a little bit evil.

TAURUS APR 21-MAY 21 Big challenges lie ahead but you’re ready for them and you’ll power through, just as you always have done.

LIBRA SEP 24-OCT 23 Don’t live in the shadows of others’ judgment, unless you want them to like you, which is all you seem to care about.

PISCES FEB 20-MAR 20 Leave your keys in the same spot every time you enter your home and you’ll never lose them again.

Star Signs

SURFBOARD REPAIRS

Trivial Trivia Solutions

1. Ringo Starr 2. James Earl Jones 3. John Legend 4. Caryn 5. Goat 6. Ada Lovelace 7. Sweet potato 8. Bill’s 9. Dame Judi Dench 10. Ambrosia on The Spot 1

TELEPHONE 0405 059 134 WWW.DINGDOCTOR.COM.AU

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RANDWICK 88 Clovelly Road Ph: 9399 3311 66 The Beast April 2019

MASCOT 1077 Botany Road Ph: 9693 2449

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THURSDAY 25 APRIL 2019 5.30AM COOGEE BEACH

Join the Coogee Randwick Clovelly RSL sub-Branch for an ANZAC Day Dawn Service at Coogee Beach. The sunrise service will commence at 5.30am and will include speeches, hymns and wreath laying. This event is free to the public and all are welcome to attend. Road closures will apply from 5.00am to 6.45am on Arden Street. Following the service, buses will operate as usual from the Arden Street terminus. Limited parking is available close by. A number of local cafes and businesses in Coogee will open early for breakfast.

1300 722 542 randwick.nsw.gov.au


FAMOUS SUNDAY ROAST

Beef, Lamb & Pork Roasts every Sunday from 12pm til 9pm

81 Carrington Road, Waverley Ph: 9389 3093 @charingcrosshotel www.charingcrosshotel.com.au

Bring this advert in for a

FREE PINT of Guinness or Bulmers with any Sunday Roast purchased

Offer valid until 30 April 2019. 1 per person.

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The Beast - April 2019  

The April 2019 edition of The Beast featuring Grayson Hinrichs...

The Beast - April 2019  

The April 2019 edition of The Beast featuring Grayson Hinrichs...

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