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Oink-oink! Check out The Bacon: Where all the news is • Lil Champ and MC Art Attack fit to print • Squatter issues • FALL campaign • Wally tests positive for steroids


See inside Special Section for more: pages 7-10 Vol. 112, Issue 21

BEACON The University of Portland’s student newspaper

Thursday March 31, 2011

Missed deadline means empty pockets for some clubs Thirty clubs that failed to meet the budget request deadline will not receive ASUP funding Sarah Hansell Staff Writer

About 30 clubs and organizations will not receive funding from ASUP for the fall 2011 semester because they missed the submission deadline. They include Crew Club, Men’s Soccer and Men’s Water Polo. Funding requests were due March 11. About 70 percent of the clubs and other groups eligible for funds turned in the funding requests on time. ASUP Treasurer and senior Ben Thompson made the decision to honor the deadline, leaving about 30 clubs and other groups without funding from ASUP for next semester. “About 30 percent of the people eligible to receive funds from ASUP did not turn in a budget request,” Thompson said. “As far as I know there has never been an incident like this before.” Besides official clubs, the groups eligible for funding include CPB, service-learning trips and KDUP. Although the Executive Board supports Thompson’s decision, some senators and club members disagree with this choice. “If (that many) of our clubs aren’t turning in a budget I don’t think it’s just a coincidence,” said ASUP Senator and sophomore Kyle Hamm, who is also copresident of Schools for Schools, which did not turn its request in on time. “I think there’s an issue in communication that we need to take responsibility for.” Crew Club President Kyle McDonnell, a sophomore, agrees

that there is a communication problem with ASUP, but acknowledges that the responsibility also lies with the clubs. Crew Club did not turn in a budget request on time – McDonnell said they received one email reminder in mid-February. “I think it’s just a communication issue, not just between clubs and themselves but an ASUP communication issue,” McDonnell said. “I don’t see 30 percent of clubs not submitting a budget as just an ‘oops.’” Other senators

Ben Thompson, ASUP treasurer

and students involved in clubs find the decision to be a fair one. “College is prepping us for the real world,” said ASUP Senator and senior Chloe Ruffin, treasurer of Kappa Delta Pi, a club that Fotolia

did turn in its request on time. “(In the real world) if you miss deadlines on your job, issues are going to rise.” KDUP’s General Manager Aaron Davis, a senior, said KDUP has had a communication problem with ASUP for a long time. It is not on ASUP’s email list because it is a branch of student media rather than an official club. KDUP did not turn a request in on time, but was able to negotiate with ASUP to be included in the budget because it did not receive an email reminder. “In the past I’ve never heard of a problem like this,” Davis said. “If KDUP has always had a problem with communication with ASUP, I assume the other clubs have too.” Members of the finance committee, a group of senators headed by Thompson, which crafts a proposed budget for the Senate to review, stand behind his decision. “It’s unfortunate,” ASUP Senator, member of the finance committee and freshman Melanie Pesut said. “But I feel that Ben See Budgets, page 2

Scott Chia | THE BEACON

Crew Club was one of almost 30 clubs that did not turn its budget request on time. Crew Club has one of the highest ASUP budget requests each semester.



March 31, 2011

On On Campus Campus

Nursing students reflect on trip to India

‘LITTLE FOCKERS’ Friday and Saturday, “Little Fockers” will play in the Buckley Center Auditorium at 10 p.m. LATIN AMERICAN NIGHT Saturday, OLE is hosting its annual Latin American Night in St. Mary’s from 5:30 to 8:30 p.m. There will be food and drinks from Latin American countries as well as entertainment. Tickets are $2 and can be bought in the Cove today from 3 to 4 p.m. and tomorrow from noon to 1 p.m. and The Bauccio Commons today from 6 to 7 p.m. and tomorrow from 11:30 a.m. to 3 p.m. DONATE LIFE WEEK Monday, Donate Life Week kicks off with the documentary about Rogue Wave drummer in “D-Tour” as well as junior Katy Portell’s personal story about her heart transplant in St. Mary’s Lounge at 7 p.m. During the week, students can sign up on the donor registry at Donate Life Northwest booths around campus. The booths will be at the Pilot House Monday through Friday from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. and The Bauccio Commons Monday through Friday from 5 p.m. to 7 p.m. Booths will also be at the baseball game on Tuesday, Espresso UP on Wednesday beginning at 7 p.m. in St. Mary’s and Pilot Palooza on April 8 from, 9 to 11 p.m. in Chiles. Students who register or are already registered on Oregon’s donor registry will be given the chance to win spa, movie and restaurant gift cards. Even if you’re already registered in your home state, you can register in Oregon too.

Photo Courtesy of Lily-Claire Orme

Students spend 11 days teaching women’s health and working with orphans Amanda Blas Staff Writer Eight UP nursing students and three faculty members made an 11-day trip to India, where they practiced their nursing skills, promoted health care education among natives and worked with children in an orphanage. “The purpose of the trip was to give free basic medical care to people as well as women’s health care education,” senior Erin Kozlowski said. Students spent their first couple of days at a rural campus in Narasaraopet, a village in southeastern India, where people received healthcare and education. In the following days, students traveled to small villages around the main campus to reach people who could not meet them at the main campus. “The immensity of it was amazing,” graduate student Suzie Rice, who is part of the School of Nursing’s alternate entry master’s program, said. “We saw over a thousand people in 10 days.” “It was more than we expected,” Kozlowski said. The education was aimed at women. Students talked about

BUDGETS: Debates begin Monday Continued from page 1

‘BILLY ELLIOT THE MUSICAL’ TICKETS ON SALE Tuesday at 7:30 a.m. sign-ups begin for tickets to “Billy Elliot the Musical” in the Office of Student Activities in St. Mary’s. Students must be present with valid Spring 2011 student ID and $10 payment. There are 70 tickets for the Thursday, April 7, evening performance. Buses will leave campus at 6:30 p.m. Riding the bus is mandatory.

Accuracy in The Beacon

The Beacon strives to be fair and accurate. The newspaper corrects any significant errors of fact brought to the attention of the editors. If you think an error has been made, contact us at Corrections will be printed above.

topics such as breast cancer, selfbreast examinations, fertility and how to recognize symptoms indicating a child needs to see a doctor. “On the last trip that was made to India, the women were asked what health issues they wanted to know more about,” Lily-Claire Orme, who is also part of the School of Nursing’s AEMUP program, said. “Those issues were fertility, breast health, and when to take your child to the doctor.” Foot care was another major healthcare topic. People in rural India often do hard labor, walk far distances and rarely wear shoes, which can lead to a lot of foot and knee pain. “We taught them how to use a tennis ball as a stretching device,” Orme said. “But every single kid in the village thought we were just giving out tennis balls, which was kind of amusing.” In addition to conducting healthcare assessments and education, students also participated in grief work with orphans in a two-day seminar. On the first day, volunteers discussed the grief and loss the orphans experienced. On the second day, they got to meet the

has done his job to its fullest and the finance board supports him.” This year ASUP had just over $200,000 to put toward funding for clubs and other organizations. Because approximately 30 percent of the clubs missed the deadline, the groups that turned in their requests on time will receive more funding than they would have otherwise. The finance committee finished next semester’s ASUP budget last Friday. Although the primary decision regarding the budget is made by the treasurer and the finance committee, the Senate can choose to amend the budget during the last two ASUP meetings of the semester. This potentially gives clubs who missed the deadline another chance to receive funding. Clubs and other group

members can contest the budget and request changes at the budget debates on April 4 and 11. However, since the entire budget has already been crafted, there is no extra money for clubs that want more. The money must be taken away from another club or group and reallocated to the new club. “If clubs want more than what we have proposed to give, they have to propose taking it from another club,” Thompson said. In making the decision to honor the deadline, the finance committee and the executive board wanted to treat all the clubs and groups fairly. “(Our) number one reasoning is that basically a deadline is a deadline,” ASUP Vice President and senior Katie Scally said. “We didn’t think it would be fair to other clubs who did manage to get all their information in on time.”

orphans and do art projects with them. It gives them the chance to express themselves,” Orme said. The volunteers also presented the orphans with memory books, a concept conceived by UP alumna Tamara Faris. “The principle behind the memory books is that these orphans hold so much in that they don’t know how to verbalize, and also because they’re so young or have no one to tell it to,” Orme said. The books help with the children’s self-expression, giving them different activities to help share their story. “There’s a ceremony where we hand the books out,” Orme said. “They just light up. It’s amazing.” Besides being able to practice their nursing skills, the students were also able to be part of a multicultural experience. “We got to know the women and culture of India through our assessments,” Rice said. India’s culture and beliefs played an important role in the way the students handled their assessments. For example, when it came to washing feet for foot care education, it manifested

itself as a cultural experience as well. “It was very emotional because usually only those of the higher caste get their feet washed,” Kozlowski said. “It showed we respected them.” According to Rice, students’ exposure to a different culture will help them in their future nursing careers. “It will make me more culturally competent, especially when it comes to different ailments,” Rice said. However, being immersed in a different culture did have its share of problems. Because many of the people in India speak Telugu rather than English, students experienced a language barrier. “We used a lot of body language and factual and upfront phrases,” Kozlowski said. “It was frustrating for us and for them as well.” According to Rice, the nursing students’ experiences during their trip to India touched them. “Just the fact that the women we saw will take the information we gave them and share it with others is far-reaching,” Rice said.

For more photos from the Hawaii Club’s 35th Lu’au last Saturday night, go to

Scott Chia | THE BEACON


The Beacon —  3

There’s a first time for everything

For the first time, UP students were selected for the United Kingdom Fulbright Jocelyne LaFortune Staff Writer

be studying the engineering application of lasers at the University of Liverpool. Tsao, also a mechanical Seniors Sean Frederick, engineering major, will be Natalie Higgins and Jessica Tsao studying sports biomechanics at had excellent spring breaks. John Moore’s University. Each student was awarded “We’ve never had students a Fulbright grant to spend a selected for the United Kingdom year abroad doing research or Fulbright,” John Orr, Assistant further study in his or her field of to the Provost for Honors and interest. Fellowships and Grants, said. Frederick, a mechanical “To have two students selected to engineering student, will go to the UK is unprecedented at UP.” The United Kingdom receives the most applicants per available position, Juniors interested in according to Orr. This year, the UK applying for Fulbright program received 603 awards are invited to attend applicants for 14 available a meeting with John Orr, Assistant to the Provost for grants, according to the website. Honors and Fellowships Fulbright “So far we’re batting a and Grants, on April 14 in thousand,” Orr said. “And Shiley Hall 301. that is very exciting.”

Interested in applying for a Fulbright?

Hannah Gray News Editor

Higgins will be conducting research about structural monitoring of cables at the University of Stuttgart in Germany. “It’s basically predicting when something, like a bridge, is going to break so that we can fix it before that actually happens,” Higgins said. Frederick had all but given up on receiving the award after waiting so long to hear from the selection committee. “We all kind of thought it was over, since it took so long to hear back,” Frederick said. “It was hard because you never really knew how you were doing. You just heard if you made it to the next round.” Throughout the school year, Orr helped the students prepare their applications and revise their essays for submission. “In addition to having outstanding academic records,

all three of these students worked very, very hard on their applications,” Orr said. “There was about a month where each of them was in my office three times a week, for about an hour each time.” Tsao and Frederick both said the application process helped them verbalize and focus their goals. “(The application process) really helped me focus my goals and discover exactly what I want to do,” Tsao said. For Frederick, the biggest difficulty was narrowing himself and his goals down to a single essay. “It’s hard to condense yourself and your life onto a single page,” Frederick said. Several students are still waiting to hear about English Teaching Assistantship positions, which have not been announced.

Sean Frederick, United Kingdom Fulbright

Natalie Higgins, Germany Fulbright

UP club places second at national competition

Last weekend, three members of the University of Portland Investment Association placed second at a national competition. Seniors Scott Olberding, Ben Pressler and Court Reeves competed at the Financial Management Association Quiz Bowl in New York City, where 107 teams and 55 schools were in attendance. “It was exciting to be the school no one knew about and to play the underdog,” Olberding said.

In the preliminary round – a 25-question exam – UP tied for second place with three other schools. After taking another test to decide which teams would advance, UP advanced to a Jeopardy-style final round, according to Pressler. The teams that competed in the final round were Georgetown University, George Mason University and UP. Even though UP got second place, it was the only team to answer the final Jeopardy question correctly, according to Olberding. However, before the final

Willamette collision update Employee’s husband dies after car crash Caitlin Yilek Staff Writer

Phil Johnson, husband of Bon Appétit employee Gwen Johnson, died Mar. 24, four days after the two were involved in a car collision near the University’s main entrance. Phil Johnson was 76. “He was the greatest person on earth, and a fantastic father and husband,” Johnson said. Johnson’s station wagon hit a tree after her husband suffered a stroke while driving her to work early March 20. “I’m ready to get back to work, but (my bosses) won’t let

me,” Johnson said. “I suppose I need to get over the shock of everything.” The crash left Johnson with fractured ribs and vertebrae in her neck. UP employees have been supportive of Johnson. Physical Plant employees helped fix the plumbing in Johnson’s kitchen this week and other employees have helped her grocery shop, Tamee Flanagan, a marketing manager at Bon Appétit said. “We are supporting her in any way that she allows us to,” Flanagan said. “We all respect and care for her greatly.”

Jeopardy question, there were 1,000 points between UP and George Masson, according to Reeves. “They could have made it into an inspirational story,” Reeves said. Georgetown placed first, and George Mason placed third. “There were Ivy League schools there, and they weren’t putting up the numbers we were, so that says something about the faculty and students here,” Pressler said.

Photo Courtesy of Ben Pressler

Seniors Court Reeves, Ben Pressler and Scott Olberding placed second at Financial Management Association Quiz Bowl.



March 31, 2011

Schenberger senses a change in orthopedics Engineering professor is creating a sensor that will assess the effectiveness of spinal implants

Luke Riela Staff Writer Someone with a spinal implant doesn’t have an effective way of knowing how well it is working, if it is working at all. Deborah Schenberger, assistant professor of engineering, is working on a sensor that will eliminate this problem. “The way I have developed (the sensor) shows a lot of promise,” Schenberger said. The microscopic sensor built onto the spinal implants measures the implant’s effectiveness by assessing how much tissue has fused with it. The fusion should relieve the implant of some physical strain, and eventually take all the pressure off, according to Schenberger. “Initially, all of the load will be carried by the hardware, then bone will start to develop,” she said. This information is important if the implant isn’t functioning properly, according to Schenberger. X-ray machines are useful in seeing the implant itself, but not the forming bone tissue. “It’s really hard to see soft tissues with X-ray,” Schenberger said. “You don’t want to see the metal hardware – you want to see the bony hardware.” Schenberger’s research is being sponsored by K2M Inc., one of the major orthopedic spine companies, and the sensor is a few months away from being a patented design. “We filed (for the patents) in 2004,” Schenberger said. “This particular field is so full of patents that it takes a bit longer.” According to Schenberger, other sensors have been made in the past but are flawed. “There are other ways to do the sensing, but they have drawbacks,” Schenberger said. One of the issues with the sensors is a high sensitivity to temperature. “Even a fever would throw off your reading,” Schenberger said. Another problem is the sensors’ high power requirements. “You’re going to have batteries that need to be recharged, and that just doesn’t work,” Schenberger

said. She has been working on the sensor since 2002, when she studied for her doctorate in biological systems engineering at The University of California, Davis. “It’s my graduate research, and it’s my current research,” Schenberger said. Schenberger has collaborated with Monish Gupta, the chief spine surgeon at UC Davis and one of Schenberger’s dissertation research advisers, since beginning research on the sensor. “We filed for the patents together, we talk on the phone every couple months and he has helped with the sheep studies,” Schenberger said. The tests carried out on sheep have helped them understand how the sensor works. “We’re trying to correlate the sensor reading with the amount of fusion that has occurred,” Schenberger said. Next year, a number of UP students will help with the sensors as part of their senior projects. “I have a cross-disciplinary engineering group that wants to take this on as a project,” she said. “I enjoy working with the students.” One of these students, junior Sacha Hall, sees the project as a rare opportunity. “I want to get a foot in the door to becoming a biomedical engineer,” she said. “It’s one of the only chances you can get for hands-on experience in this field.” Junior Mindy King is also looking forward to doing the biomedical project. “It’s something that pertains to what I’m actually studying,” King said. Despite the help, Schenberger predicted she is still a few years away from the finished product. “We have a lot of animal testing and stuff that has to be done first,” she said. The technicalities on how the sensor will relay the information also still need to be figured out. “The doctor will have some sort of handheld device,” Schenberger said, mentioning that the device would probably display a graph of the strain on the implant.

Before coming to UP three years ago, Schenberger worked in the orthopedic industry. “Most of my experience is industrial, not academic,” she said. Schenberger feels as if her work experience in orthopedics has aided in both her research and teaching. “It not only helps with research, but makes me a better teacher as well,” Schenberger said. “The more you can relate to something practical, the more they can learn.”

Alissa White | THE BEACON

The UP Public Safety Report 1. March 24, 8:21 a.m. - Public Safety responded to a medical call at The Bauccio Commons. A staff member was experiencing heart pressure. 911 was contacted, and the staff member was transported to Emanuel Hospital by AMR.

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2. March 24, 11:05 a.m. - A student reported to Public Safety his wallet was stolen from Howard Hall. A report was taken. 3. March 24, 9:39 p.m. - A student reported to Public Safety his bike was stolen from Fields Hall. The bike was not registered.

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4. March 25, 7:06 a.m. - Public Safety responded to a medical call at Fields Hall. A student was in pain and vomiting. Public Safety contacted 911, and the student was transported to Emanuel hospital by AMR.


The Beacon —  5

Blast into The Bacon’s past The first issue of The Bacon directly parodied The Beacon. Goggin, who wrote a weekly column called “Inside ASUP” for The Beacon, wrote a column called “InEverybody who is anybody knows side KDUP” for The Bacon. The issue also about The Bacon: the parody of The Bea- poked fun at the reporter who had quescon that appears every year around April tioned the validity of the constitution. 1. What people probably don’t know is “It caused quite a stir, and we never rethat the legacy of The Bacon goes back 55 vealed who the editors were,” Goggin said. years. Goggin believes the reception on camIn 1956, two UP students had some beef pus was positive. with The Beacon. Bob Goggin and Les “(The students) enjoyed it,” he said. Ebeling decided the best way to deal with “Parodies are funny, you the situation on their hands know.” was to poke fun at UP’s stuBecause the first Badent newspaper in the form of con was successful and parody. fun to make, Goggin and Thus the Bacon was born. Ebeling published anGoggin was the ASUP other in May 1957. Gogpresident in 1956. After The gin eventually revealed Beacon’s staff investigated himself as the creator and reported the constitution before he graduated, used by ASUP was invalid, but Ebeling, who was Goggin decided to do some an academic year beresearch of his own and dislow Goggin, remained covered The Beacon was anonymous in order to wrong. create two more Bacons “After checking into the the next year. legal issues we determined Photo Courtesy of Bob Goggin Although Goggin has that because the council had Bob Goggin in his University long since graduated been elected each year by the of Portland yearbook photo. from UP with degrees in Goggin was president of ASUP student body since then that, in 1956 and was co-creator of speech and philosophy, ipso facto, the (constitution) The Bacon. The Bacon lives on. was valid,” Goggin said. “What’s great is that But proving the facts wasn’t enough for it’s carried on as The Bacon on April 1,” Goggin. He wanted to go further by poking Goggin said. some fun at The Beacon and the situation. Goggin was born in Mason City, Iowa, He and Ebeling, who had met in the the town that inspired Meredith Wilson to Blue Key Honor Society, wrote and edited write “The Music Man.” After serving in the first Bacon in April of 1956. According the Air Force, Goggin utilized the GI bill to Goggin, it was a 2-sided, 8-by-11 inch to further his education. publication. He and Ebeling distributed the “I wanted a Catholic college on the west publication on the sly. coast where you could ski,” he said. “We delivered it all over campus in the While at UP, Goggin was a member of middle of the night and no one had a clue the Blue Key Honor Society, the president of who was behind it,” Goggin said. of the ski club, ASUP president, involved Elizabeth Vogel Staff Writer

The second issue of The Bacon, which was published on May 27, 1957. with KDUP and performed in some plays. “He’s a man of varied interest, a Renaissance man,” Doug Hansen, director of planned giving and friend of Goggin, said. Goggin and his wife rented an apartment on Harvard Street while he attended UP. After graduating, he got into a master’s program in journalism and communications at Stanford University. He worked for nine years in news and radio and then went into public relations and marketing. He

Courtesy of Bob Goggin

also taught journalism at San Diego State University and news writing at California Polytechnic State University. He currently lives in San Diego, where he is active in the California Lung Association, his church, golf and wine tasting. “He placed well in wine-tasting competitions,” Hansen said. “He is still very engaged in life.”

Scholarship named to honor longtime UP Events Director Rachel McIntosh Staff Writer As a man who has every right to be proud of the work he has done for UP, Bill Reed is the epitome of humility. John and Patricia Beckman decided to honor the hard work and dedication of their longtime friend and UP’s Events Director, Reed, by creating a scholarship in his honor. “We believe it is important to recognize inspiring people like Bill before they retire,” John said. “Bill has been around for quite a while and is an exemplary person who carries his job lightly and does well.” “We like his spirit and the way he does everything cheerfully. He is a great example to everyone,” John added. The scholarship is designated to support juniors or seniors with financial need as recognition of the investment they have made in their education. The scholarship

is set up as a matching gift. That means the Beckmans will match $2 for every $1 donated by anyone to the scholarship fund, up to a total of $100,000. “There are not enough scholarships available for students,” Beckman said. “This scholarship is special because it helps the students who have two years left and are financially struggling to finish their education. We can’t allow tuition to bury them.” Reed began working for UP 27 years ago as the alumni director. Even after almost three decades of service to UP, Reed still greets each day with the same contagious enthusiasm as he did on his first day on the job. “I look forward to every day because it is different,” Reed said. “I spend many parts of my day solving problems and making sure an event goes the way it is supposed to go. It makes me feel good when I can resolve the issues.” Reed remembers the night the Beckmans invited him over to dinner to give him the news of

the proposed scholarship in his honor. “It was both embarrassing and humbling,” Reed said. “I am not the person that likes to be in the center of any fan fair … to the side, but not the center.”

Kevin Kadooka | THE BEACON

As the oldest of 12 children, Reed loves being around a lot of people and being a member of a team but he also appreciates the

serenity of his garden. “In my free time I enjoy spending time in the garden making things grow,” Reed said. “I find that neither plants nor dirt can talk back to you.” Students can apply for this scholarship any time throughout the school year through the Office of Financial Aid. The focus of this scholarship is to assist students who have unexpected financial hardships that may result in their leaving the university before graduating. “Students who have finished two or three years at UP have made a significant investment in their educations,” Director of Annual Giving Diane Dickey said. “So, too, does the University have an investment in wanting dedicated students to succeed. The Bill Reed Scholarship is one means available to help ensure that the investment is realized.” Students interested in applying for this scholarship should contact Financial Aid to make sure the proper funds will be available by September.

Everyone who has worked with Reed agrees his accomplishments for UP are innumerable and priceless. “I really don’t have just one word to describe Bill because he is the person that seems to always be on campus and can get anything done that needs to be done,” CPB Director-elect and sophomore Sean Ducey said. “I hope that one day I can be like him and be able to have all the patience in any situation that Bill always shows.” As Reed has worked with ASUP to plan and organize events, he has had the opportunity to inspire many students with his dedication to UP. “Bill Reed is one of the reasons UP is the great place it has become,” ASUP Vice President and senior Katie Scally said. “Every year he puts his entire heart and soul into the university as if every event is his last.”


6  March 31, 2011

Students balance books and babies Caitlin Yilek Staff Writer While some students wake up minutes before class, grab a cup of coffee and rush out the door, a typical school day for junior Nichole Lehr involves waking up at 6 a.m. Twenty-one year old Lehr, a social work major, not only cares for herself, but also for her 2-year-old daughter, Gabbi. After getting ready for school and daycare, the two hop on a bus to downtown Portland and then transfer to a bus that brings them to North Portland by 10 a.m. “I take (Gabbi) to daycare at the university and then head off to class,” Lehr said. According to Lehr, the two arrive home shortly after 5 p.m. depending on traffic. “I make dinner, give her a bath and get her ready for bed,” Lehr said.

Lehr said she tries to have her daughter in bed by 9 p.m. “That’s usually when I start my homework and then I stay up however late I need to in order to get it done,” Lehr said. “School days are long, but (someday) it’ll all be worth it.” Junior Karen Elizondo, a social work and Spanish studies double major, remained a student until she was eight months pregnant. After the birth of her 1-yearold daughter, Dayanara, she took a medical leave of absence. “It’s challenging to keep my priorities balanced, but I usually do homework between classes or when my baby is sleeping,” Elizondo said. Elizondo said being a mom and finishing school would not be an easy goal to achieve if she had not received financial support from scholarships, which pay for most of her tuition. Lehr works 30 hours a week, but also relies on her mom for support.

Junior Nichole Lehr and her 2-year-old daughter, Gabbi.

“I don’t think I could do it without my mom,” Lehr said. “She puts a roof over our head and does pretty much everything that a second parent would do.” Gabbi’s father left Lehr when she was four months pregnant, Lehr said.

“I have learned love I never could have guessed, patience I didn’t know I had and strength when I didn’t think I could manage anymore.”

Karen Elizondo junior

“I guess he didn’t want to have her even though he told me he would always be there for me and our child,” Lehr said. “He’s never once seen her, and I would rather have it stay this way because he doesn’t get to choose when to walk in and out of her life.”

Photo submitted by Nichole Lehr

Though she has little time to date, Lehr said she does not believe having a daughter affects her dating life. “I don’t think having Gabbi affects my dating life because I know plenty of men who are not afraid to date someone just because they have a child,” Lehr said. Elizondo is engaged to the father of her daughter. “We plan on getting married through the Church after I graduate,” Elizondo said. After she graduates, Elizondo plans to pursue a career as a medical or public health social worker. Not only does Elizondo have family support, she also found support from professors. “I feel lucky to say that I have had professors that are extremely understanding and supportive,” Elizondo said. Lehr has also recieved support from UP faculty. “They understand that, being a single mom, I don’t have

the option or the luxury of having someone else stay home with her,” Lehr said. “She is my number one priority. If she is sick I put her before work and school.” Though Lehr makes sacrifices – for example, she could not major in Spanish because she cannot study abroad – she believes having a daughter is the best thing to happen to her. “She has made me into the person I am now,” Lehr said. “No one believed that I would continue on with my education after I had Gabbi, and they were all wrong. You can do anything you put your mind to.” Elizondo said her life has changed completely since having her daughter. “There are so many amazing experiences you get as a mom,” Elizondo said. “I have learned love I never could have guessed, patience I didn’t know I had and strength when I didn’t think I could manage anymore.”

Photo submitted by Karen Elizondo

Junior Karen Elizondo and her 1-year-old daughter, Dayanara.

UP Stonecarvers chisel away stress Kevin Kadooka | THE BEACON

Corey Fawcett Staff Writer At 6 p.m. every Thursday the Buckley Center art room is bustling with activity. Professor Mylan Rakich’s stone carving students don’t seem anxious to get class over with. They file happily into the studio, greet Rakich by first name and disperse throughout the room to devote the next two hours to one of the world’s most ancient art forms. “This class is awesome,” junior Mark Davinroy said. “You basically get to take out your aggression on a rock for two hours.” Stone carving students use different tools to shape hunks of natural stone into whatever they please. Many of them took Sculpture 1 with Rakich, but it is not a prerequisite for the class, which is listed as “Sculpture 2: Stone Carving.” During class, students flit around the room using the different equipment, pulling out

finished pieces from cabinets and consulting Rakich on their current projects. “It gets hectic obviously, but this is what it’s all about,” Rakich said. Whatever direction students take their projects is left entirely up to them. “I was handed a big hunk of rock in the beginning of the semester,” sophomore Anya Bury said. “We didn’t have much prompt, but I saw a leaf.” The variety of the student work is wide. Bookends, dolphins, guitars, elephants, puzzle pieces and chess sets are just a few projects the students have chiseled and sanded this semester. Right now, sophomore Jenya Rafikova is working on a mermaid. Junior Adam Harnden is working on an owl. “You kind of become addicted to it,” Harnden, who has taken the class before, said. The students had enthusiastic words not only for stonecarving, but for their professor as well. “He’s really involved with his

craft,” Bury said. “And you can poke fun at him. He also trusts us with tools like the sander.” Rakich spends much of class time giving students tips and suggestions instead of walking them through their projects.

“You basically get to take out your aggression on a rock for two hours.”

Mark Davinroy junior

“Mylan helps your project become real,” Rafikova said. “But he lets you do what you want.” Rakich, who also teaches drawing and design at Portland Community College, has been a professor at UP for nearly three years. He got his masters of fine arts at Portland State University where he was taught by Michi Kosuge, an artist he admires. Students, he said, also inspire him. “The energy of the students is very refreshing. They give a fresh

Kevin Kadooka | THE BEACON

Students work on their projects in the stonecarving class. The class, which meets every Thursday at 6 p.m., is focused on the craft of shaping natural stone with various tools and instruments. look on artwork and stone carving,” Rakich said. Although the classroom environment is full of activity, stress does not seem to factor in. Rakich jokes around with students, some of whom eat while they work. Nineties rap plays in the background. “I really enjoy sculpture. It’s that one class that I never stress

about. It’s the class I can enjoy as opposed to dread,” Bury said. For anyone interested in doing a little carving of their own, the studio is open to all students on Thursdays from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. “I wish this was a three-day-aweek class,” Paja said.


Download Lil’ Champ’s and MC Art Attack’s hit single “White and Purple” for free on iTunes!

Vol. 112, Issue 21


Thursday March 31, 2011

Squatters unable to stand up straight

Rosemary “Boss Lady” Peters Madame-in-Chief

This morning, an official report was released by the UP Health Center concerning a medical issue affecting approximately 500 UP students. These students, known as “squatters,” have been diagnosed with what the Health Center has named “squatitis.”

Students who are afflicted by squatitis showed the first signs of the disease in February when the Office of Residence Life offered UP students the ability to “squat” in order to keep their rooms for the following year. According to Tim Crumpet, the Health Center’s nurse practitioner, students who have squatitis are stuck in a squatting position due to semi-permanent muscle contractions in their legs. “I believe squatitis is caused

Freshman John Smith was found on Friday in the squatting position atop the Bell Tower and has been unable to stand up straight since.

by a mental condition due to an overexposure to the squatting ads all over campus and on Facebook,” Crumpet said. “The Office of Residence Life did such a thorough job of making sure students knew they had the ability to squat their rooms that eventually it was all students could think about.” The Health Center’s report on squatitis gives several examples supporting its belief that squatitis is a mental condition. According to the report, students in the first stage of squatitis would dream of squatting. After a week or two of dreaming about squatting, many students would wake up in the middle of the night to find themselves squatting in random places around campus or in the surrounding North Portland neighborhood. “I woke up around 3 a.m. one morning. I didn’t recognize my surroundings,” freshman John Smith said. “After a few seconds, I realized I was in the squatting position at the top of the Bell Tower.” Smith says he was unable to get out of the squatting position. He had to be rescued from the

Charlie Sheen is graduation speaker Corey Faucet Staff Writer President Lil Champ announced yesterday that Charlie Sheen, former star of “Two and a Half Men” and current spiritual leader of C-list actors and overprivileged 14-year-old boys, will be Sheen this year’s commencement speaker for the class of 2011. Sheen, who referred to Lil Champ as “Beauchampion” on the phone, was selected for morale purposes. “He’s an abusive, spoiled, lazy drug addict,” Lil Champ said. “Who would be better to boost our students’ confidence before entering such a depressing job market? If this man could earn a couple million dollars a week making John Cryer look funny – and handsome – in comparison, UP graduates have got the world on a string.” Sheen, who will be arriving at UP with his goddesses on tiger back, also plans on choosing his intern among the graduating pilots during his visit. “I’m looking for someone winning,” Sheen, who contacted The Bacon, said. “Actually, bi-winning. Someone who wins here and wins there, which is different from being bipolar. Duh.” Sheen was elusive about what the intern’s job will actually entail. “You can’t process the job description with a normal brain. It will include violent loving and violent hating, and it will make all other interns look like droopy-

eyed, armless children. That’s all I’m going to say,” he said. Rumor has it that a small handful of UP Sheen supporters has already started gearing up for the speech by siphoning blood from tigers at the local zoo after closing hours. According to an inside source, they plan on smearing the blood on their graduation robes at the commencement ceremony in order to attract Sheen’s attention. “We understand his big, beautiful warlock brain,” Sheen supporter Wally Pilot, who recently tested positive for steroids, said. “We don’t misinterpret his passion for anger. We are the only qualified intern candidates at this school.” Lil Champ said Sheen’s speech will focus on following your heart, and breaking through societal conventions to fully assert your individuality. “I honestly don’t care what he talks about, as long as he makes the graduating students feel good about themselves compared to him,” Lil Champ said. “But when I asked for his suggestions he just started muttering something

about trolls, so I picked the topic for him.” Sheen seemed excited about giving the commencement speech. “I will expose the class of 2011 to magic. I will expose the students to something they will never again see in their boring, normal lives: myself,” Sheen said. “I may not remember the speech in a week, but I will have given them a lifelong gift.” UP seniors are still struggling with what to make of Sheen’s upcoming visit. “I have a feeling he could be like this genius that’s playing a huge prank on the country, in which case, that’s awesome,” senior Noah Fence said. “But if he’s not…” Fence did not finish the sentence. The speech will take place May 8 in the Chiles Center. Animal rights groups, women’s rights groups, and My Dad’s Love for Two and a Half Men Made Me Disrespect His Taste in Comedy support groups are already planning on protesting outside.

Courtesy of Google Images

top of the Bell Tower via a crane. He hasn’t been able to stand upright since, which, according to Crumpet, is stage three of squatitis. Nearly 450 of the 500 students who contracted squatitis are in stage three. “I have to walk everywhere in the squatting position ever since that night,” Smith said. Crumpet believes all of the students affected by squatitis will eventually be able to walk upright again. “We have seen some hopeful results with students who have started seeing a psychologist,” Crumpet said. “I believe the condition is only semipermanent. It will probably last between three months Bazooka Kadooka | THE BEACON and a year.” Sophomore Joshnya Barks is one of 500 After long discourses students suffering from squatitis. with Crumpet, UP’s President Fr. Lil Champ, C.S.C., is planning on hiring a squatting one day,” Smith said. full-time psychologist for each “In the mean time, my legs have dorm to help the students with never been so buff.” squatitis return to a normal life as soon as possible. “I hope to be able to stop

UP unveils new FALL campaign

Lisa McManHandle Copy Queen

This week, the UP Office of Marketing and Communications revealed plans for a new university-wide campaign in response to the recent success of the RISE campaign. “We’re calling it FALL,” Lou Zer, associate director of the new campaign, said. “We thought about dubbing it FAIL but decided it carried too many negative connotations. Know what I mean?” According to Zer, the idea was the brainchild of the Office of Admissions and the Office of Residence Life. Staff members blame UP’s “rockin’ street cred” for the rising numbers of applications and incoming students. Sifting through applications to find the best of the best is time consuming, and students are already faced with problems finding housing on campus, some resorting to sleeping in drawers and in the Bell Tower. “The RISE campaign seemed like a great idea in theory,” UP President Fr. Lil Champ, C.S.C., whose newly acquired moniker seems to conflict with the University’s new mentality, said. “It’s ended up being a lot of work, though. It ain’t easy being number one.” Although the tenets of the new campaign have yet to be announced, the University is working to change its mission statement to communicate the new, carefree perspective. “Teaching and learning, faith and formation, service and leadership? Those sound nice in theory but we want to get at the core of what college should be like,” Zer said. “What about ‘Play’? ‘Chillax’? ‘Focus on

funsies’?” The FALL campaign’s first task, according to sophomore ASUP Senator O.K. Whut-Eva, is encouraging students to just live life. “We’re hoping to get rid of our grading system and head back to the good old gold star system,” Whut-Eva said. “I’ve received a lot of feedback from my constituents about standards being just too darn high.” Zer said staff members involved in designing the campaign are adopting a similarly lackadaisical mindset. According to him, there is no concrete goal or plan for the FALL campaign. “In a way it’s kind of like the campaign itself is falling,” he said. “We’re encouraging alumni to donate their time, money and positive thoughts. Or not, you know, whatever floats your Pilot boat.” Zer proffered more nebulous but cool-sounding pearls of wisdom from the comfort of his new bean bag chair, which all faculty members received at the campaign’s launch party at the Twilight Room last Thursday. “This campaign isn’t like one small step for UP, one giant leap for mankind,” he said. “It’s more like a refusal to move because improvement just seems grueling.” Students expressed support for the campaign, which is advertising primarily through a social networking website called MySpace. “I feel like the main theme of the campaign is just being okay with apathy,” sixth-year senior Stuart “Stu” Pid said. “I’m actually proud of UP for finally realizing what students have known for years – C’s get degrees, bro. We have finally arrived at a time when settling is not only OK, it’s encouraged.”


March 31, 2011



Lil Champ and MC Art Attack lay down beats

Fr. William Beauchamp, C.S.C., and Fr. Art Wheeler C.S.C., legally change their names to match their new rapper personas. After seeing Rebecca Black’s song “Friday” go viral last week, Fr. William Beauchamp, C.S.C., and Fr. Art Wheeler, C.S.C., are talking with Black’s producers about releasing their own single in support of the FALL Campaign. The FALL Campaign

encourages UP students to scale back their studies and extracurricular activities. Beauchamp and Wheeler will be recording under the pseudonyms Lil Champ and MC Art Attack. “We’ve gotten so attached to our rap alter egos that we decided to make the change permanently,” MC Art Attack said. “As of April 1, our names will be legally changed.” MC Art Attack looks forward to saving a lot of time pronouncing Beauchamp’s name now that he will be known only as Lil Champ. Both Lil Champ and MC Art Attack are looking forward to spending time in the studio during this coming semester. “We’re really excited to lay down some beats in the studio, man,” Lil Champ said. “We really hope we can convey

the message that it’s not really important to exceed people’s expectations.” Their song, titled “White and Purple,” is expected to hit YouTube in the upcoming weeks. With lyrics like “Makin’ 40 G’s a head/Don’t go to class/Let’s play games instead,” the song is sure to both impress its listeners and inspire students to be less than the best. Both Lil Champ and MC Art Attack were inspired to learn to rap after attending a Lil Wayne concert together last year. “Lil Wayne brought tears to my eyes with his rhythm and flow,” Lil Champ said. “My rap name was also inspired by him.” According to MC Art Attack, the two rappers are motivated to bring a taste of hip hop to The Bluff. “What this school needs is a little kick snare, if you know what I’m sayin’,” MC Art Attack said. “We’re doing this to help students realize that they’re overachieving too much.” Lil Champ said students inspired him to write this rap with MC Art Attack. “It’s not about the money,” Lil Champ said. “It’s all about getting our

message out to the students – namely that they need to relax and stop trying so hard.” Noah’s Ark Music Factory producers are thrilled to have Lil Champ and MC Art Attack on board. “Lil Champ and MC Art Attack are some of the most talented and inspired artists we’ve had the privilege of working with,” Clara Jay, a producer at Noah’s Ark Music Factory, said. “They have really put in the hours on this one and we hope to

work with them again in the future.” Lil Champ and MC Art Attack said they will record more songs in the future. In fact, Lil’ Champ is planning to release a single titled “It’s tough being Catholic.” “As priests we are men of God, but as rappers we are called to spit hot bars for the auditory pleasure of our listeners,” Lil Champ said. “I don’t see why I can’t run the University and be a baller at the same time.” -Catcall Lick, Jocelyn “Betch” LaFortune and Paul McCartney contributed to this article.

CHUB beefs up presence on campus Wills Lyin’ Staff Writer lyin’

In response to a recent online survey of the student body, Bön Appétìté has decided to adopt a new food service program. “What we had going at the beginning of the year was super local, in tune with the phases of the moon seasonal, 124 percent biodegradable style of food management,” said Bön Appétìté director Kurt Mustaceain, said. “In light of the recent survey we’re going to change things up a bit.” The survey, conducted by Psychology 101 students in exchange for two extra credit points, found that over 97 percent of the student population would rather have fattening foods made quickly instead of fancy healthy foods and insanely long lines. “After hearing what the students had to say, we’re proud to announce CHUB, or Corn-fed Hermetically-sealed Unorganic Buffet program,” Mustaceain said. “The global station will now only serve MSG ramen noodles, the carve various fatty chunks of beef with sauces made almost entirely of lard, and at breakfast

Crisco will be available with bagels.” To kick off the program, Bön Appétìté and the company’s exclusive supplier of chocolately goodness, Just Desserts, are teaming up in the CHUB UP for Charity Challenge during the month of April, which will send much needed aid to the Red Cross in Japan. “We just can’t wait to shove your little faces with cake and help the devastated in Japan,” Just Desserts spokesman Tim Tation said. According to Tation, the contest will involve teams of three students trying to gain the most weight over the course of a month. Each team will compete in raising the most money in donations. An example donation might be $7 per pound gained. In order to encourage participation in Bön Appétìté’s new food program, the entire student body will be punished for not using all of their meal points. For each 100 points not spent by the end of the year, Just Desserts food managers will physically take away a cupcake from St. Johns elementary school children. “We’re really excited for all the commotion this will create,”

Tation said. Many UP students aren’t thrilled by this cupcake caveat. “I have over 2,800 meal points,” freshman Garrett Athleticman said. “I’m about to make a bunch of children cry.” Despite the mixed reactions of the student body, Fr. Lil Champ couldn’t be happier with the goals of the new program and competitions. “Listen, the way I see it, you kids are way too fit,” Lil Champ said. “We keep trying to make you kids as unattractive as the general population. I mean, look at the gym. Isn’t it obvious we’ve been trying to deter working out?” So far, the only immediate fallout from the new program has been the loss of UP’s spring speaker Michael Dander. “I’ll shrivel and die if I’m near such fatty foods,” Dander said in a phone interview. Although saddened by the loss of Dander, Athleticman is still looking on the bright side. “You’re telling me I’ll be able to just get a burger without waiting around forever?” Athleticman said. “What’s next, a water dispenser that’s not in the most awkward corner of the Commons?”

Students return stolen food!

University of Portlandia?

Scott ChiaPet | THE BEACON

‘Portlandia’ to film second season skit at the university to highlight UP’s un-Portland-like behavior

Lizabeth Vogel Staff Writer

UP is getting ready for its close-up. Creators of the hit IFC show “Portlandia” plan to film a skit about the University of Portland. They have asked the University of Portland for permission to film on campus sometime in June. The episode will air in the second season, which will premiere in January 2012. “Portlandia” generally makes fun of the weirdness of Portland,

but co-creator Carrie Brownstein was baffled to find a haven of un-Portlandness in the middle of North Portland. “I thought the Portland vibe had reached all corners of this city, but somehow UP seems to have escaped it,” she said. “The people here are so normal and boring. It’s a little scary.” According to Brownstein, the skit will follow a group of typical non-local UP freshmen as they venture off campus for the first time. According to co-creator Fred Armisen, they will journey on the bus to Saturday Market. As they get farther and farther

from campus they will become increasingly uncomfortable by the hipsters and homeless people they run into on the bus and in the city. The skit will end with the students returning safely to campus where they sob while clutching their Abercrombie & Fitch shirts and Coach purses. “Once they discover Portland’s true colors, they begin to question their judgment in moving here,” Brownstein said. The students will be played by Brownstein, Armisen and Aubrey Plaza. “We won’t be using real students,” Armisen said. “The

theater students fit the Portlandia profile too well.” Although the normalness that pervades UP’s campus mystifies Brownstein, others have theories about the phenomenon. “The Willamette River and Willamette Boulevard have created natural borders to keep the weirdness out,” sociology professor Bob Ruff said. “It leads to the sort of ‘bubble on The Bluff.’” Others speculate that it is the population. “There are so many people here who aren’t from Portland, so it’s easy to not fall into a Portland

stereotype,” senior Clarissa McGee said. Sophomore Jared Hansberry disagrees. “There are tons of hipsters here,” he said. “Have you seen the glasses on some people?” Students had mixed reactions about the skit. “That’s, like, really rad. That show is hilarious,” senior environmental science major Kelly Cribs said. Other students were less interested. “Where is ‘Portlandia’?” junior Fred Oblivia said.

10  March 31, 2011


Of muscles and mascots: Wally tests positive Paul McCartney Staff Writer

The world of mascots is all about image and Wally Pilot is no exception. Though he began as a pea-coat-wearing, corncobpipe-smoking sailor, a lot has changed in 50 years and it seems the newer, more muscular Wally came at a price. The National Collegiate Mascot Association (NCMA), the regulatory body of all Division I and II school mascots, announced that Wally Pilot and 12 other mascots from schools around the country tested positive for steroids and other performance enhancing drugs. “Most people really don’t

stop to consider the pressure to perform that these mascots are faced with,” Ike Broflovski, president of the NCMA, said. “There has been an increase in steroid use among athletes across the board and I am ashamed to say that this trend has affected the mascots too.” Following the announcement of his positive test, Public Safety officers subjected Wally to a strip search while they raided his locker. According to Public Safety officer Buzz Killington, no illicit substances were found on Wally’s person. However, the locker search resulted in two syringes, 50 mL of human growth hormone, 16 unidentified steroid pills and an empty container of the infamous Bay Area Laboratory Cooperatives’

(BALCO) testosterone cream. “The sad part of this whole debacle is that deep down, Wally really cares about the fans. He lives for the Pilots, he worships the athletes and he’ll do anything to entertain the fans,” Martha Scots, Wally’s personal publicist, said. “He wanted to be stronger so he could impress the crowd with cartwheels and slam dunks. He had an image to maintain, and the pressure finally got to him.” According to Barry Williams, the director of Mascot Affairs, Wally will be allowed to attend games for the remainder of the spring season but he will be subjected to weekly urinalysis tests. Though University substance abuse policy makes no specific reference to steroids, Wally

is facing sanctions from the NCMA and will be meeting with a UP judiciary committee at an undisclosed date. According to Hector G. Houghton, Wally’s personal trainer, some of Wally’s close friends and other athletic department staff were planning an intervention in the weeks leading up to the NCMA tests. “I’m not sure when I first noticed a difference in Wally. His endurance and strength just increased exponentially over the course of a few weeks,” Houghton said. “I noticed that he seemed testy and a little paranoid but who was I to complain? I thought it was my training that allowed Wally to do bicep curls while holding members of the dance team.”

Houghton wasn’t the only one who noticed Wally was behaving differently. According to junior Portland Dance Team member Dienda Marod, Wally was prone to violent mood swings. Marod said that Wally would stalk around the locker room “getting pumped” for games by punching and head butting lockers. “We were throwing T-shirts into the crowd during a basketball game and I saw that Wally was throwing them farther then the sling shot could reach,” Marod said. “One girl took a T-shirt to the chest at close range and was knocked into the row behind her.” Wally will issue a personal apology at a press conference on Friday, April 1 in the Chiles Center.

The Pilots have a strong team lead by high school All-American Seeker, Priscilla “the Predator” Peterson. “My parents played professionally in Europe so I was introduced to the sport at a very young age,” sophomore Peterson said. “I started playing when I was about 3 years old and from the beginning (my parents) said I had the potential to be one of the greats, and that’s what I expect to be when all is said and done.” Head Coach Randall Evansworth is pleased with the veteran hiders who are on the UP squad this year.

“I believe we have some of the best athletes in the sport on our team this year,” Evansworth said. “I don’t want to look too far ahead but if this sport goes to Division1, I know that there will be at least a few National Championships coming to The Bluff.” He may be right too. Over spring break, the team was scrimmaging and senior hider, Anthony Harrington, still has not been found. “It is unclear whether Anthony (Harrington) is just really good at his sport or if he is seriously lost,” Public Safety officer Terrence DiGiovanni said. “We’ll give

it another week or two and if we can’t find him by then we’ll probably notify his parents and the authorities.” The team consists of two seekers, one starter and one backup. There are five hiders; four on the field and one reserve hider in case of injury. With Harrington gone, the team has no substitute hiders. Competing teams send out their hiders while each team’s seekers hide their face in their hands (no peeking) and count to 100. Once the seekers finish the count they go about the course looking for the opposing hiders.

The first team to find all the opponents players wins. “We have a lot of depth on our squad this year,” Evansworth said. “A few weeks ago one of our hiders (Leah Henderson) had to be put on injured reserve due to severe cramping and we had to play a back up. He came in and ended up being the last one found, which is quite a feat for such a young player in his first match.” The team is planning to add one more player as a walk-on in case Harrington needs to be replaced. Tryouts are being held at Merlo Field on Friday, April 1.

Ready or not? UP ‘finds’ new sport for all to play

PB&J Marcello Staff Writer

A classic American pastime is taking the University of Portland by storm. UP has added coed Hide-and-Seek as its newest Division 1 sport. The sport has been getting more and more popular among major universities, especially along the West Coast. Eight Pac-10 schools have added H&S to their scholarship sports and the WCC starting a league of its own.

Blackn’ White | THE BEACON

Hide-and-Seek has been named an official UP sport. Seven students have suffered mild heart attacks after being frightened by other students hiding behind doors and in bushes.

Eliminating (almost) all sports

Puce Publishers-Clearing-House came out of the women’s soccer team’s love for hide-and-seek. Staff Writer The seasons don’t conflict, allowing them to compete in both sports. Yesterday, UP was notified The University will be its sports programs were not holding tryouts for next year’s in compliance with Title 9 and team and encourages all former subsequently all sports teams athletes to tryout. except for women’s soccer were “I really have no other cut. The school also has added a choice,” freshman “Tiny” hide-and-seek squad. Tim Douglessthansixfeettall. University officials said last “I came here to compete. I’m Wednesday that the decision pretty small and sneaky so I to ban all other sports “made think I have a good chance.” sense” considering the undying However, many of the and unconditional love for the basketball players said what they women’s soccer team. were originally recruited for is “It’s all we talk about when now posing as a disadvantage we give our tours anyway,” for hide and seek. Athletic Director William “I’m like 7 feet tall,” Jaysonn Lawrence said. “Visiting Hannitall said. “Where the hell students will be like ‘What other am I supposed to hide?” sports are there?’ and we’ll be Continuing its added like, ‘Well who cares?’” focus on women’s soccer, the Many students are confused University also plans to turn by the addition of a hide- every piece of land with grass and-seek team, pointing out into alternate practice fields. the difficulties it creates for “We felt that giving the spectators. women only one field to rarely “The point is not to be seen. practice on was clearly an It’s hard to watch people not injustice. Now they will have wanting to be watched,” junior a lot more options not to use,” Eric Adams said. Lawrence said. Lawrence said the decision

As with the current practice field, students will not be allowed on them and face serious penalty if caught trespassing. Head of Public Safety Harry Burke-Silver said he hopes to step up the security around the new practice fields. “We don’t even really want students to look at them. If we could somehow keep the students from thinking about them, that would be ideal,” Silver said. Lawrence added that the Title 9 compliance simply served as a vehicle for a plan that has been in action for a while now. “We have been trying to eradicate all the other sports for some time now,” Lawrence added. “We just felt women’s soccer wasn’t being given the focus they truly deserved.” Lawrence said this is only the beginning in making the UP campus women’s soccer-centric and mentioned plans of turning the Chiles Center into a day spa reserved solely for the women’s soccer team. “Yeah, you won’t be able to go in there either,” Lawrence said.

UP’s favorite sports

A new poll mapping the diversity of student activities was released Thursday, revealing data that may be surprising for some. “As always, Nerf-Gun ‘Drunk Hunting’ remains a favorite, although some veterans maintain that the incoming freshman class has ‘made it way too easy,’” Carin’ Melson, director of the Office of Institutional Research, said. “However, ‘Hipster Hunting’ is still pretty underground. Most people probably haven’t heard about it,” Melson added. Despite the fact that the University of Portland is a Catholic institution, ‘Synchronized Napping’ is a popular underground student activity, even though most of it (though not all of it) happens behind locked doors. Although it is most commonly a doubles activity, a lucky few play the sport with more than two participants, according to the Internet. The veracity of this claim has yet to be verified. -Phillipe Buttress

Being colorblind Ultimate frisbee Hipster hunting Drunk hipster hunting Drunk hunting


March 31, 2011



Three cheers: UP to host royal wedding The University of Portland is soon to host the rebellious royal nuptials. Prince William and his fiancee Kate Middleton are ditching Westminster Abbey for our chapel. Needless to say, it is all that students, and all of Portland for that matter, can talk about. Regardless of the shocking betrayal and schism in the British monarchy the switcharoo has caused, the lovebirds are excited about their decision. “We just didn’t feel like the Church of England was meeting our needs,” William explained. “The Catholics have had a bad go of it in England for a long time and it’s time the country got back to its roots.” Prince William’s fiancee Kate Middleton is not known for her political guile but relishes the

decision to lead the country in a more holy direction. “I think a lot of people reminisce about the reign of Queen Mary I,” Middleton said. “She was bloody brilliant!” Fr. Jimmy Lying C.S.C., who has been coaching the couple night and day through their speed-conversion process and will preside at the ceremony, lists many reasons why the couple decided to go in a new direction with their faith. “Well first of all Protestant Churches are very plain. I’ve been to Westminster and it is a big snore in comparison to Catholic architecture and decor,” Lying said. “I think Kate was really craving a little more refined taste in her faith and she found it — with the Catholics, of course.”

MC Art Attack was at first shocked about the nuptials but now sees that the Prince and his fiancee simply desire to return to a tradition. “I think they really missed the reliable hierarchical structure of Catholicism. In Protestantism you never really know who is in charge and the Prince certainly likes to know where he stands,” Attack said. UP students are dropping all of their schoolwork in preparation of the closely approaching nuptials, as they should if they want to properly welcome the couple. Many covert groups, comprising mainly female students, are strategizing lastminute attempts to steal Prince William for themselves. “I mean now that he’s

Editorial policy

down with the Pope and transubstantiation he only gets that much hotter,” junior Dana Delusionary said. “I was considering asking for a flight to London as an early graduation present but now I can just use that extra cash on the honeymoon.” Dana and many other hopefuls will camp out in front of the chapel until the wedding on April 29. Physical Plant is planning to expel the campers from the campus to make way for a complete makeover of the central quad. The groundskeepers plan on converting all wayward shrubs and bushy trees into regal topiary.

Courtesy of

Prince William gives a thumbs up when asked about how he feels about having his wedding in Chapel of Christ the Teacher. “It is something the royal family has been dying to do for centuries,” Prince William said.

The editorial reflects the majority view of The Bacon Editorial Board. The editorial does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the collective staff or the Administration of the University of Portland. Other submissions in this section are FAKE! Have a Happy April Fools Day! Oink Oink!


Letters to the Editor

Chivalry is an art – an art that must be brought out from the dark closet from whence it was condemned as the race of man swept in with his misogynistic attitude, slamming the door of courtesy. Must I bring to light the fact that every woman is born a princess and must be treated accordingly? I am not asking for men to be knights in shining armor or for the shirt off his back – merely his jacket to wade the puddles found all too frequently on this campus. I mean, I take the time to put on a little make-up and heels for them, so the least they could do is open a door once in a while. I must say, the audacity of the lack of chivalry is at an all-time high. Men are running rampantly in the opposite direction when a woman needs someone to pull out her chair so she will not ruin her freshly manicured, dainty lady-fingers, hold an umbrella when she is walking in the rain or pull the car around when it seems the walk to the Commons is just too far. My point is, men should part the Red Sea, escort women to the front of the line and offer to build monuments to celebrate their greatness! Is that too much to ask? I think not. -Lady Ray Ray

Rain, rain go away Let’s face the facts: snow is no more deserving of a day off than rain. Icy roads are dangerously slippery, but has anyone seen some of the puddles on campus? A short student could easily be fully submerged in the puddle by

the chapel, and the massive puddle at the campus entrance just waits to swallow unsuspecting bikers. You try to avoid the puddles by walking in the grass and then faceplant in the mud. You aren’t even safe once you make it to class as undoubtedly one of your classmates has caught some sort of contagious virus on the walk over. Not to mention the sort of emotional impact the rain has on UP students. It’s not news that gloomy days make gloomy people. Sometimes people aren’t just wet from the constant showers, but from their own tears. That is no way to prepare for a Philosophy class and have Descartes tell you everything in your life is fake. And what happens if you just want to do some last minute studying as you walk to class? Your textbook gets soaked and you can’t sell it back to the bookstore because of rain damage. Or those notes that you borrowed get ruined. I could go on and on, but you get the point: Rain blows. The idea of a rain day is really quite a modest suggestion. On average, there are about 155 rainy days a year in Portland. So that would mean about 90 or so canceled days of school. Well, actually, since sunny days following rainy days tend to be a bit damp, I’ll say 110. That leaves more than two months for sunny and happy education. Having rain days may limit the amount that we actually “learn” in college, but as we’ve been taught: It’s better to be safe than sorry. It should be easy for the administration to realize that student safety comes before academics. What’s more

important: our knowledge or our health? -Rain Man

You don’t even go here As a UP student, I’m very concerned about the unemployed grads recently found living in the sinkhole. Ever since Physical Plant discovered the grads’ elaborate underground tunnel system, and not pipe leakage, was the real problem, these jobless alumni have been getting more and more obnoxious. I’m always late to my 8:10 classes because the grads, or as they are now known around campus, the hole people, are begging me for food and change. I saw one holding up a cardboard sign the other day that read, “Please Help. Commons Too Expensive. Virgin Mary Bless.” I mean, the real issue here is pretty evident – I’m paying $5,000 a semester for my dorm room, and these grads, who aren’t even going here anymore, are living on campus for FREE! Something needs to be done about this right away. Just because these music and philosophy majors can’t find a job anywhere doesn’t mean they can just camp out underneath the UP campus. Just yesterday I glanced down into the sinkhole and saw furniture and big-screen TVs that the grads had dragged in from residence halls’ study lounges. Administration is even talking about assigning them their own hall director and getting them cable. Unless these grads start paying for their underground living arrangements, I say they need to get out! -Disgruntled Student

Samantha Furcoat | THE BEACON

Faces on The Bluff

We DIDN’T ask... What is the best joke you have pulled on students?

By Brian Brenize Photographer

“I once taught class in a “I gave my German 105 Borat mankini.” students their chapter test Dr. Aaron Wootton in Russian.” Dr. Alexandra Hill “On the first day of class, I told students the class was canceled for the semester - they left. Then at the end of the semester, I sent them all a message telling them I was disappointed that they had not been coming to class and to let them know the final exam was the next day at 8 a.m.! Some actually did pretty well on the exam...” Dr. Kenneth Lulay Note: These answers are entirely ficticious.

And then we REALLY asked... Where’s your favorite place to poop?

By Blackn’ White Photographer

“The big stall on the Mehling 5th floor.” Tara Benavente

“I don’t do that but if I did it would be in my compostable toilet.” Rachel Caldwell

“The basement of the library on the quiet floor.” Vince Dato-On

“I enjoy all restrooms equally.” Ian Clark


Wiz loses his magic... Music Review Bruce Garlinghouse Staff Writer After spending hours downloading Wiz Khalifa’s mixtapes, I, along with probably 75 percent of college students, was highly anticipating the release of his first album “Rolling Papers.” So when my housemate informed me the album leaked a week before its scheduled release date I quickly got back on my laptop. Even though it was the first album I considered actually purchasing since Eminem’s “The Eminem Show,” I couldn’t resist locating the leaked music. After listening I was immediately happy with my decision – not because I would be the coolest kid on campus bumpin’ the new Wiz a week before my peers, but because I was saved from wasting my money on such a letdown. The album is littered with longwinded intros, poor vocals and a song I could have sworn featured the Jonas Brothers. While I’m sure fans of the radio will love songs like “No Sleep,”

the song seriously undercuts the identity that propelled Wiz to the forefront of the hip-hop scene. If you’re a real Wiz fan, you’ll soon realize that of the keepers on the album, you probably already have most of them because the album contains a couple of songs that were on his mixtapes. Wiz needs to stop singing and go back to what he knows: champagne and women with whom he has no intention of developing a serious relationship.

Courtesy of

...but hope is not lost with OFWGTKA Music Review Bruce Garlinghouse Staff Writer If you just read my review of Wiz Khalifa’s “Rolling Papers” and are afraid the album just robbed you of hip-hop’s last breath of fresh air, please continue reading if you have any hope of not suffocating among the garbage that makes up the hip-hop and rap scene today. Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All, or OFWGKTA, is taking the music scene by storm and it’s hard to pinpoint exactly why. Their lyrics are dark and disturbing and certainly not for the faint of heart. Their beats are a controlled chaos that invoke feelings of confusion and uneasiness. But with the confusion comes a spark of curiosity that makes you keep listening.

They are like a car crash you can’t help but look at except you want to make the scene your desktop picture and look at it over and over again. Right now they have only released mixtapes, which can be downloaded on the Internet for free. Yes – free, because unlike just saying they don’t make music purely for the money, OFWGTKA actually shows it and their “We don’t care what people think we’re going to do what we want, how we want” attitude is refreshingly believable. OFWGKTA isn’t for everyone, and viewer discretion is most certainly advised. But if you really want to hear something different, I say throw discretion out the door and check them out. You’re either going to love them or hate them. Either way I can assure you they don’t really care.

Courtesy of

The Beacon —  11


12  March 31, 2011

The Lenten Season: Finding God without bling Maureen Briare Guest Commentary Okay, I admit that I love “bling” – things that sparkle, razzle dazzle, and add pizzazz. Bring on the scarves, lipstick and costume jewelry! Beyond the physical, I also seem to gravitate to “bling” when I compose liturgical music. When I add “bling” to music it is often in the form of chimes, cymbals, handbells or instrument parts that “dress up” a melody. Otherwise, a simple melody on its own sounds so “naked” or “exposed.” Shall I say “boring?” Aren’t enhancements and embellishments the ideal? My inner ear might say “yes” but here’s a challenging question for me: Does the musical “bling” actually distract people from having a prayerful musical experience? Music within the season of Lent, ideally, should simply and understatedly draw people into sung prayer using the God-giv-

en musical instrument that you carry around with you 24-7: your own voice! In many ways, hearing a group of people sing without instrumental accompaniment is one of the most deeply moving, powerful and beautiful ways to experience music. And when this song is coupled with divine prayer and text, it is a profound sacred experience of beauty. I wish I knew why it is so hard for me to cling to the simple. It’s like I’m a magnet to the complex. Why am I so drawn to what is “fancy” in life, like the frosting on the cake, which alone is sweet and unfulfilling? And not only in regard to music, but in my things: knick knacks and decorations that “dress up” a room, clothing and accessories. The list can go on and on. You know what I mean! But seen with a spiritual lens, this gravitation toward bling can be perceived as “clutter” or distractions that keep God away. The immense gift of the Lenten Season is that it truly challenges us to see beyond our outward “things” and our “plenty” and focus on the inner recesses of our heart, where quiet, simplicity and God’s ocean of love abides. I’ve

heard the Season of Lent likened to a span of time when one figuratively enters a desert. Make your heart empty, barren, sparse, so there will be room for God to make an “oasis” there. How can you cultivate the oasis in your heart? Can prayer be as simple as conscious breathing in, breathing out, or the inner dialogue to God as you journey through your day? I would say yes as a wonderful start. For once the channel of communication with God is open. As with any friendship, one will want to go deeper, spending more time talking and listening as the relationship grows. The potential for spiritual discovery is limitless with prayer. What immeasurable grace, just for the asking! I’m reminded of the scripture passage from Matthew when Jesus instructs his disciples to “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you (Matthew 7:7).” God hears and answers our prayer. Simply open the door to your heart. No technology or bling is needed. So back to the Lenten music question: It is my hope that the

less-adorned music of the Lenten season draws us more deeply, and quickly into the “space” of spiritual communication with God. It is my own personal challenge to focus on music not like “ear-candy” with lots of sweet layers, filling and outer coating but as true sustenance in our relationship with God. Music truly is such a gift, as well as a tool that can connect us with God. TODAY marks the halfway point of Lent! March 31 is day 20 out of 40. To echo the words of St. Paul, God calls us to a holy life – adorned with faith, service and justice, and willing to em-

brace the cross. May the glare of “bling” in our lives not blot out the Divine Light that is Christ, our way, our truth, our hope. Now I can’t end this commentary on “bling” without a reality check. As of today, there are 20 more days of simple Lenten music. Let me tell you that by the time Easter rolls around, I will be more than ready to infuse “bling” back into the liturgical music! Alleluia! Alleluia! Maureen Briare is the associate director of music for Campus Ministry. She can be contacted at

Easter Triduum Masses at the Chapel of Christ the Teacher Holy Thursday: April 21 at 4:30 p.m. Good Friday: April 22 at 3:00 p.m. Paschal Vigil: April 23 at 9:00 p.m. Easter Sunday: April 24 at 10:30 a.m.


The Beacon —  13

ASUP doles out some much-needed tough love Many students can recall the day when their parents taught them about spending money. Instead of your parents just buying you that new video game or Barbie, they’d tell you to save your allowance and buy it for yourself. Clubs are now learning a similar lesson from ASUP. ASUP came down tough on club this week, denying funds from one-third of UP clubs because they did not turn in their funds requests on time.

Clubs are completely aware of the deadline. ASUP sends an email to remind them of the deadline. The funds allocation process is a long and often painful one. Students need to respect the deadline for the whole process to move along smoothly. Of course, people are going to upset about ASUP’s clampdown on the deadline this year. Students will claim it’s not fair, especially clubs that were late on the deadline but need a ton of

money to fund activities. But ASUP’s clampdown is totally necessary and fair. It’s clear that clubs have not been taking the deadline seriously and that scolding them hasn’t been enough to solve the problem. Clubs need a harsh wake-up call. This decision rewards the clubs that were on top of their game and turned in their requests. Clubs who stuck to the deadline will get more money than usual with big players like


crew and a third of the other clubs out of the pool. This move can change club structure for the better. Clubs will have to unify and raise money for their various activities. This will no doubt boost club member involvement. Even when they are in the allocation process, clubs are constantly complaining that they don’t get enough money. The harsh reality of having to raise their own funds will no doubt make clubs more grateful for the

funds they usually receive from ASUP. As students, we are all aware of deadlines. Professors give students deadlines and students are penalized if they don’t meet them. And even though students get tired of hearing stories that start with the phrase, “in the real world…” it’s so true in this circumstance. Your boss will punish you for missing deadlines. ASUP should too.

The editorial reflects the majority view of The Beacon Editorial Board. The editorial does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the collective staff or the Administration of the University of Portland. Other submissions in this section are signed commentaries that reflect the opinion of the individual writer. The Student Media Committee, providing recommendation to the publisher, oversees the general operation of the newspaper. Policy set by the committee and publisher dictates that the responsibility for the newspaper’s editorial and advertising content lies solely in the hands of its student employees.

Breast Friends Mikel Johnson Guest Commentary Natalie Portman once shaved her head, and she was still beautiful. Britney Spears shaved her head too, only to solidify the widespread belief that she is, without a doubt, crazy. I’m not crazy, and I’m not conceited enough to compare myself with Natalie Portman, but I am determined: I’m going to shave my head. Growing up, we worry more about little things than we do about the larger problems of life: losing our allowance or impressing that cute boy in math class, issues that are insignificant in the long run. I once believed there were some things that could never touch me, things like burglary or major car accidents. As I grew up, I slowly realized how possible those things were, but there was one reality in particular I did not face until recently: cancer. When I smoked Marlboro Reds, I gave the excuse that no one in my family ever had cancer, even if they smoked too, but I can’t use that excuse anymore.

My mother, who works out every day, doesn’t drink, smoke or go tanning, eats healthy and has taken every precaution she knows of in order to not get cancer, was diagnosed with breast cancer a month ago. Instead of letting worry overcome me, I decided to put my energy toward fundraising for cancer research. Together, Holly Duffy and I have created a Relay for Life team called Breast Friends. Breast Friends has a huge goal: We want to raise $3,000 by April 16 for the American Cancer Society. In order to do that, we want to give some incentive as well as make a bold statement. That’s why, when we reach our goal, I am going to shave my head. Even if I end up looking more Britney Spears crazy than Natalie Portman beautiful, it’s a statement I want to make. If you want to help us reach our goal, come to Breast Fest on April 10 at 4 p.m. in the Mehling Ballroom, check out our Facebook group, “Brave. Bold. Bald. Help Breast Friends in the fight against cancer!” or look for the team Breast Friends on the Relay for Life website. Mikel Johnson is a senior English major. She can be contacted at johnsomi11@

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Letters and commentaries from readers are encouraged. All contributions must include the writer’s address and phone number for verification purposes. The Beacon does not accept submissions written by a group, although pieces written by an individual on behalf of a group are acceptable. Letters to the editor must not exceed 250 words. Those with longer opinions are encouraged to submit guest columns. The Beacon reserves the right to edit any contributions for length and style, and/or reject them without notification. University students must include their major and year in school. Nonstudents must include their affiliation to the University, if any.

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April’s reverse square date Aziz Inan Guest Commentary Since 1967, April 2nd has been celebrated as International Children’s Book Day (ICBD) to inspire a love of reading and draw attention to children’s books. This date was chosen to commemorate the birthday of Hans Christian Andersen (April 2, 1805-August 4, 1875), one of the most well-known writers of children’s literature. This year’s ICBD will be special for another reason. Saturday, April 2nd, 2011 is a “reverse perfect square date,” a term first coined last year for December 12, 2010 because the date number of this day was a reverse perfect square date. What is a reverse perfect square date? The full date number of December 12, 2010 can be expressed in a single number as 12-12-2010, or simply, 12122010. If one reverses this number to 01022121, it is a perfect square equaling the square of 1011! This is unique because full date numbers having perfect square reverses seldom

occur. The reverse of date number 422011 corresponding to April 2nd, 2011 is 110224 which is also a perfect square, 110224 = 332 x 332! April 2nd is the third of the total 17 reverse perfect square dates to occur in this century. Notice that date number 422011 is expressed with only six digits. In general, some full date numbers in four-digit years including all the digits of the year can be expressed as six-, seven-, or eight-digit numbers depending on the day and the month numbers. April 2nd, 2011 will be the first of the six six-digit reverse perfect square dates to occur in the 21st century. The other five will be September 4, 2013 (310249 = 557 x 557), May 2, 2045 (540225 = 735 x 735), January 4, 2054 (450241 = 671 x 671), May 2, 2079 (970225 = 985 x 985) and September 4, 2084 (480249 = 693 x 693). April 2nd was also a reverse perfect square date in 1966 (since 669124 = 818 x 818) and will again be in 2296 (692224 = 832 x 832). Six six-digit reverse perfect square dates occurred in the 19th and 20th century each and five and seven are to occur in the 22nd and 23rd centuries respectively. There also exist seven- and

eight-digit reverse perfect square dates. Indeed, December 12, 2010’s date written as 12122010 was the first of three eight-digit reverse perfect square dates contained in this century. The other two are December 14, 2030 (03024121 = 1739 x 1739) and October 20, 2062 (26020201 = 5101 x 5101). Two eight-digit reverse perfect square dates occurred in the 19th century and four in the 20th. The 22nd and 23rd centuries contain two each. There are eight seven-digit reverse perfect square dates in this century. The first occurred on May 22, 2002 (2002225 = 1415 x 1415) and simply went unnoticed. The other seven will be May 22, 2017 (7102225 = 2665 x 2665), April 27, 2052 (2502724 = 1582 x 1582), January 21 and December 1, 2057 (7502121 = 2739 x 2739), April 4, 2063 (3602404 = 1898 x 1898), and January 29 and December 9, 2076 (6702921 = 2589 x 2589) respectively. The 19th and 20th centuries had a total of six and ten seven-digit reverse perfect square dates and 22nd and 23rd centuries will have fourteen and nine respectively. Reverse perfect square dates are indeed fascinating because of their baffling cryptic characterisSee Name, page 14

THE BEACON Editorial Board Editor-in-Chief. . . . . . . ����� Rosemary Peters News Editor . . . . . . . . . . ��������� Hannah Gray Opinions Editor . . . . . . �������� Megan Osborn Living EditoR�������������� Roya Ghorbani-Elizeh Sports Editor . . . . . . . . �����Aaron O’Connell Copy Editor. . . . . . . . . . . �������� Lisa McMahan

Contacting The Beacon E-mail: Website: Address: 5000 N. Willamette Blvd. ● Portland, OR 97203-5798

Staff Writers

PJ Marcello, John McCarty, Bruce Garlinghouse, Elizabeth Vogel, Jocelyne LaFortune, Caitlin Yilek, Sarah Hansell, Philippe Boutros, Amanda Blas, Will Lyons, Corey Fawcett, Rachel McIntosh, Joanna Goodwin and Luke Riela.


Alissa White, Kevin Kadooka, Bryan Brenize and Scott Chia Designer. . . . . . . . . . Alexander Domingo and Andrea Jackle Business & Ad Manager . Emily Lindgren Artist . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Samantha Heathcote Web Technician . . . . . . . . . . . . Bob Alger Circulation Manager. . . . . . . Sal Liotta Adviser. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Nancy Copic Publisher . . Fr. E. William Beauchamp, C.S.C.

14 ď ? March 31, 2011


Reverse Square: April 2, 2011 Continued from page 13

cially children to turn this year’s ICBD into a special one.

tics, which is difficult to observe and track down. My hope is this article will help raise awareness of the existence of these dates and recognize their interesting hidden property. I suggest we not only enjoy this coming Saturday, April 2nd in itself but also share this story with others and espe-

Aziz Inan is a professor of electrical engineering at University of Portland celebrating his 22nd year of teaching. He can be reached at 503-943-7429 or

No one is an alien

Jorge Gonzalez Guest Commentary Imagine your parents on trial, in shackles, and without the liberty to defend themself. Their crime is trespassing. This is not a scene out of a foreign land. It is a brief glimpse of Operation Streamline here in the United States. This system prosecutes immigrants who have no previous criminal history in a hearing where as many as 100 immigrants are prosecuted in two hours. The immigrants on trial are downtrodden and disoriented. Pleads of health concerns are heard on deaf ears. Their charges are extreme and their treatment is heartless. This is what we witnessed as Border Plunge participants who dedicated our spring break to educate ourselves on the issue of immigration. You may already have a stance for strict immigration policies, but try to remember that these are people and they deserve to be treated with human dignity. Every immigrant has a unique story behind their motives to immigrate to the U.S. Our first trip in Arizona was to a day labor center led by a Presbyterian congregation. Migrant labor is often taken advantage of by employers, so these centers are designed to provide work with dignity. Our conversations with the workers revealed that many were escaping poverty and in search of a better living in the U.S. We participated in a Spanish Mass, served food, painted a house and revived a garden. We met two teenage brothers who spent 49 days in the desert in an attempt to reunite with their mother. Two UP students humbly gave up their own shoes to these brothers when they found out they were without. In the desert, we found remnants of tattered backpacks, shoes and clothes.

These reflected the journeys of immigrant families in search of a better life. A walk in the desert mirrors the path immigrants take daily, searching for refuge and a freedom from exhaustion. We spoke with one of the founding members of the Minute Men, a group that advocates for increased security along the U.S.-Mexico border. This man was a strong critic of current immigration policy and was against immigrant amnesty. We tried to remember that his unique life experiences led him to these conclusions. Similarly, we met with the Immigration and Customs Enforcement, who focused on crime surrounding the border, especially drug smuggling. We were saddened that they neglected to see it is a humanitarian issue at hand. Keep in mind that the high demand for drugs in the U.S. is what drives the influx of drugs across the border. Also, U.S. foreign policies, such as NAFTA, have a heavy hand dictating the situations in many Latin American countries which fuels immigration here to the US. After a week of insightful dialogue, heart-wrenching observations and relationship building, we learned that there is no perfect solution to the immigration issue. The path of progression and empowerment will be continued in our community by remaining educated and informed, serving the immigrant population, advocating for just laws and by sharing our stories with the world. We must empower our community to see, think and act on resolving these issues when our government fails us. We encourage every UP student to apply to Border P lunge next year. It is life changing. Jorge Gonzalez is a sophomore biology major. He can be contacted at


The Beacon — 


16  March 31, 2011


Spring into action

John McCarty Staff Commentary You may have noticed it, but spring is in the air at UP. The increase in bare legs and freshmen couples might have tipped you off, or perhaps its the 15 minutes of sunshine between rain showers and the fact that it no longer gets dark at 5 p.m. Like most UP students, at one point in late January I was beginning to have serious doubts about the existence of the sun.

Bryan Brenize | THE BEACON

The oppressive NoPo gray was finally getting to me. I refused to even consider that I might be succumbing to the dreaded Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD); but, I realized there was a cure. I’m not talking about the happy lights, but rather the commencement of the spring season of intramurals. Yeah, this is another column where I petition, plead, and otherwise ramble about how you should play intramural sports. No, the Department of Recreational Services is not paying me to write this, although I think I will inquire about some kind of reward the next time I’m in Howard. I presume you are an intelligent and thoughtful person – this

is the part where I flatter you so you keep reading – who is fully capable of making informed decisions. You don’t need some chump sports reporter to tell you all the awesome things about intramurals, but since you’ve already read this far you might as well let me remind you. As crazy as it may seem, summer isn’t all that far away, which means it’s about time to start working out again so you will feel comfortable wearing less clothing come June. What better way to stay physically active than trying to clobber your opponents with a red rubber ball in the name of sportsmanship and friendly competition? If dodgeball isn’t your thing,

never fear. There’s soccer, 4x4 basketball, ultimate frisbee, and even bowling. If half-pint pop star Justin Bieber can be the MVP of a celebrity basketball game while making millions selling records to pre-teen girls, what exactly is stopping you from having a little fun playing sports with your friends? I know you don’t want to do homework all the time, and we’re going to be seeing more and more of the sun, so why not start an ultimate frisbee team or co-ed soccer team and enjoy the weather? You don’t have to be the star forward of your high school soccer team; you don’t even need previous experience playing. If you just want to have fun, there’s

a division for you, and if the fires of competition burn deep in your soul, there’s a division for you too. To put it simply, intramural sports are a fun way to stay physically active in the context of (friendly) competition. Rec. Services is even nice enough to provide the league champions with sweet T-shirts. So what are you waiting for? Consider this column a formal invitation for your participation in one of the few socially acceptable and encouraged distractions from schoolwork. Create or join a team on today. Seriously though, or you’ll miss the signup deadlines.

ketball powerhouses that seemed to win it all year after year. So what has changed that makes smaller schools more of a contender in recent years? The best answers would probably be experience, being overlooked by big programs and fundamental team basketball. “Experience can’t be taught, the only way to learn it is by doing it and that’s how mid-major schools can make up for talent,” freshman Tyler Desmarais said. In a time when many of the prominent basketball schools recruit the top freshmen in the country and then send them to the NBA year in and year out,

schools like VCU, which starts four seniors, can use their knowledge and experience with basketball to win games in the tournament. This is a good sign for the University of Portland. Being a mid-major is no longer such a disadvantage, especially in a strong conference like the WCC. “Our conference is already one of the better ones for midmajors since we have Gonzaga and St. Mary’s. Plus we are adding BYU to the conference next year,” Desmarais said. “If we keep our competitive schedule up like we did this year playing UW, WSU and Kentucky and we steal

some of those games, we have a chance to go to the tournament.” Once a team makes it to the tournament it is all about getting hot at the right time. The best example of that this year is VCU, a No. 11 seed that many experts said should not even be in the tournament. “Jay Bilas and a lot of ESPN analysts were ragging on how we shouldn’t even be there and now seeing your team not only competing but winning when they weren’t supposed to be is sweet!” VCU senior David Benson said. The success in the tournament is huge for not only VCU but all mid-majors because it shows that

they can play with the big programs and should not be taken for granted. “Winning games in the tournament is huge because it gets us that ESPN time. You’re not going to see our conference games on TV so when we can get attention on a big stage it gets people to know who we are now,” Benson said. “Mid-majors are competing and it might change how they feel about picking teams for the tournament. Winning a game might be luck, but not a run like this.” So next year, when you’re filling out your tournament bracket, do not overlook the small schools.

The 2011 NCAA Tournament, the year of the mid-major

PJ Marcello Staff Writer

This year’s NCAA tournament is being shaken up by the success of mid-majors like Butler and Virginia Commonwealth advancing to the Final Four. This is by no means the first year mid-majors have made a run in the tournament. In fact, the Butler Bulldogs did it last year before losing the championship to always-favored Duke. However, this historic tournament, where no one- or twoseeded teams made the Final Four has people wondering if the midmajors are catching up to the bas-

Featured Pilot of the Week: Brandon Hanson Joanna Goodwin Staff Writer

Various track athletes wander through the Chiles Center after a workout. When they see Brandon Hanson, more commonly known as Pono, in the middle of an interview, they holler out words of encouragement and say it’s about time he is recognized. “I enjoy the teammates. It is funny to see the younger kids because I was in their shoes once and I known where they’ve been,” Hanson said. His teammates know he has proven to be a benefit to the team. “He is a good teammate and a silent leader. He has really got a presence on the team and people look up to him a lot,” teammate and junior Patrick Torreloas said. The months are winding down to weeks for Hanson to show that leadership because it isn’t long

before he graduates. “Graduating in May has really turned from being very surreal to now more real than ever,” Hanson said. It has been a long road, one that started in his hometown of Aiea, Hawaii. “My parents grew up in track and that’s why I started. When I was younger I ran for track clubs,” Hanson said. After recruits came to his high school he chose UP and started here in 2007 as an environmental engineering major. It wasn’t long before Hanson realized the combination of athletics and academics can be very difficult. “It’s rough to balance for every athlete. You really have to learn how to be organized and I think it makes all of us better in the end,” Hanson said. As opposed to the other sports on campus, track is a very individual sport in which it could be

difficult to form a team unity. “With sprinters, there are eight of us. There are challenges but more of a mental aspect because it is such an individual thing,” Hanson said. “I’ve raced against teammates like Patrick because you’ll be in the same heat. But we like to consider it a friendly team competition.” Torreloas agrees it is a different kind of unity as well. “In the beginning, we got together as a group of sprinters but we weren’t totally cohesive. From that we were always competing, every day, giving 100 percent,” Torreloas said. “We have all been getting our asses kicked and those who remained have been brought together from that struggle.” The future is bright for Hanson in the track season to come. “He has got the motivation to improve his records, but he also needs to enjoy his senior year,” Assistant Coach of Sprints and Hurdles Chad Colwell said.

“Next weekend he will open with his 400m hurdle at Willamette University for the first time of the year and we know he can better his times.” Hanson participates mostly in sprints like the 60 or 200m dashes and also the 4x400 and 400 hurdles. Beyond this season Hanson has big goals for his postgraduation future. “I’m looking to go to graduate school, but I still have a little

Bryan Brenize | THE BEACON

bit of time to decide where. I have done biathlons but now I want to train for triathlons as well,” Hanson said. Torreloas agrees that Hanson’s future is bright and he can take anything coming his way. “He is good enough as a person already and he works so hard, there is no way bad things could come his way with everything he wants to do,” Torreloas said.

The Beacon - March 31 - Issue 21  
The Beacon - March 31 - Issue 21  

This week's Beacon includes The Bacon, the April Fools Day spinoff of The Beacon that dates back to 1956. See the living section for the ful...