Student Government decides to step up to the Illuminati Bolonius
Mr. Hollywood And you though secret societies only existed in paperbacks. After exhaustive research and conclusive proof, it is clear that the EmbryRiddle Student Government is nothing more than a recruitment program for the Illuminati. The shadowy overlords that control virtually every sector imaginable. They are real and they are recruiting new initiates from the highest ranks of the SGA. In a recent ceremony held at the Ponce Inlet lighthouse, a location chosen for its near flawless symbolism representing as a pillar to, vision, leadership, and a giant phallus. The inner circle of
the SGA became initiated as first degree journeymen of the Daytona Beach chapter of the illuminati. The Bavarian Illuminati originally formed in 1776 was a secret society of radical thinkers survived a ruthless persecution by going further u n d e rg r o u n d . This drove the Illuminati to subvert the current workings of the world. A task that will come closer to fruition with the new initiates.
The aims of the Illuminati are to subvert the aviation industry in
order to spread their influence via the air. I am referring of course
to the chemtrails phenomenon. While some believe chemtrails are en elaborate means of geoengineering and still others think it’s a way of distributing mind controlling nanobot (but please we all know that’s what Black Helicopters are for). The truth is that the chemtrails are in fact a means of population and migration control by distributing the distilled essence of equine,
bovine, and swine feces. As we all know the olfactory bulb (the receptor in your nose) is on the neurological fast lane to amygdala , the brains center of emotional nerochemincal response. By spraying the right location via air with this essence the popultion below can be subconsciously persuaded to relocate. No elaborate dream entering necessary. The first degree journeymen will be put in charge of operations for the Flying Animal Refuse Team or FART. In order to test the weight and balance of this configuration for various aircraft, FART is conducting test flights out of the closed Kai Tak airport in Hong Kong with rubber proof loads.
has made multiple attempts to determine the true reason of this largely impulsive expenditure, however, have not been able to reach any of the Saints. As a result, this author will be jumping to a conclusion and saying they all wanted to inflate their egos and something to put on their resume so when they are all fired, they can impress potential employers to let them spend their money. The next goal of the department will be to push for the
destruction of the SGA Illuminati. SARCASM’s board of directors have decided that their releasing of chemicals and nanobots into the student body goes against its agenda of spending all the student’s money. If you have any questions, feel free to call the Department’s head snob at 1-800-SARCASM. However, do not expect to get an answer because the person responsible has been sacked. Also, a llama will come through the phone and bite your legs off. That is all.
Student Activities changes name for the fifth time in one semester Flyboy Shuttle
Snappy McClickclick The Office of Student Activities and Campus Events is proud to announce that it has officially changed its name for the second time this year. Its new name is “Student Activities and Really Childish Appropriation of Student Money, SARCASM. The director of the department went through great lengths to have the change approved as the office loved to squander money on gay colored
plastic chips and how to demoralize and haze club member workshops. “I feel this new name is appropriate as these endeavors are a giant waste of time.” said the director of SARCASM. In addition to the new name change. All staff involved in the department decided to pool its money and spend it on the honor of becoming Saints of the Church of Money Wasting. The Avioff Staff
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The Avioff is a satirical newspaper that is not meant to be taken seriously. All articles, photographs and editorials published in this issue are false and might (probably will) be offensive to readers. If you think you might be offended by the content of this publication, please DO NOT read beyond this disclaimer. Happy April Fool’s Day!