Pillars of Salt Winter 2014

Forging i need you to understand, i need you to understand listen to me listen, listen, i cannot be alone here please please don’t leave me here alone. look at the ocean. look at the constant ebb. look at the foam dry on the sand. look at the waves cling to the shore tighter and tighter even as they are dragged back to the sea, returning only to leave once more. you’re at the beach. smile, wave, sit down for a while. relax, you look tired. just look at the light on the water, look at it sway back and forth, and look at you, lying on crushed rocks, crushed mountains, the once-proud cliff faces made small. there is a beating like a heart, a steady tattoo drilling the same ba-DUM-dumba-DUM-dum into the earth and it seeps into your skin. you look to your left and you see your friend no not your friend, your brother, he who shares your blood. or maybe you are friends, you’re not sure, but he’s there and for some reason that means now you have permission to breathe. he grabs your hand and drags you to the shore to the edge of the water where the sand scrunches between your toes and he falls into the water and pulls you down with him. he’s laughing, you’re laughing, it’s still funny but now your feet can’t reach the floor and he’s still falling and he’s still dragging you down with him and this isn’t peaceful isn’t calm and your lungs are filling with salt and— believe me, believe me but you already do, don’t you? you don’t think that i am lying, you never do, never, never. why is that, why do you always believe me? when do i start to lose your trust finally, finally, when can i lose sight of this open wound? this trust, this vulnerability that you are showing me, i don’t want it, i don’t want it but you keep forcing me to look, shoving your faith into my hands, forcing my fingers tight around it when i don’t want to hold on, why do you keep giving me this, why do you keep forcing me to hold on? don’t you understand that i cannot? the wind is roaring and when you look down, the sea is churning and groanPillars of Salt 41