Satan in Stilettos, Carly Winant

Satan in Stilettos

She looks fat in natural light. Everyone says she’s so beautiful and perfect. But if you pay close attention, Marilyn resembles a pudgy bulldog with red lipstick. Not many of the guys can see it, but I sure can. And so can a lot of other people, but they don’t say it out loud. Just cause she’s the leading girl people are kissing her ass constantly, Oh Miss Monroe you’re so gorgeous and so talented and so magnificent. Makes me sick. I am just as pretty. When I walk down the street, people’s jaws drop to the damn concrete and their eyes lose their ability to blink. If I had a leading role, men would be throwing themselves at me too. I mean, I’m just an extra and we’re all so busy on set that no one has time to flirt. I guarantee you they want to though. I see the passing glances I get. Everyone just feels the need to act so professional so they can be remembered as one of the “good ones.” And if you’re a “good one,” you get asked back to do more movies, and maybe (if God’s on your side) a one-liner. So that dazzling possibility remains a priority over any romantic entanglement. But hey, who’s to say I’d ever take any offers, eh? I think I deserve someone a little more pristine than an actor or a showbiz man. See, the reason Marilyn sleeps with tons of actors is cause deep down she really feels awful about herself and wants to get her self-esteem up. She is an insecure tight-ass. You didn’t hear it from me, but the latest rumor is that she and Tony Curtis slept together. Waited for her in the lobby and tried to discreetly take her back to his room. But who knows. Just some gossip I heard from another extra. Yes all the extras are very close with each other, especially us girls. We always like to hit the parlor of The Hotel Del, have some tea, and discuss our shared hatred for Blondie McPerfect. I’ve become an expert at telling Marilyn jokes. What’s the difference between Marilyn and a Mosquito? One’s a blood sucking, irritating pest, and the other is an insect. We all roar with laughter and practically shake the entire room. But right as we’re all in the middle of having a good time, my best girl Minnie would always turn to me and say, “Holly, isn’t it in bad taste that we talk about Ms. Marilyn like this?” I always say no and go on to explain that to her that “Ms. Marilyn” is worth hating. The two of us have only met once. At least we sort of did. The whole

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cast and crew had just checked into the hotel. We were all so excited, especially me since this was my first time being part of a real feature film. A bunch of us were relaxing in the lounge one night and I was feeling pretty tired, so I told everyone I was gonna hit the hay. I started walking to my room but stopped in the lobby to admire how beautiful it was. This was the most luxurious place I ever stayed at and I wanted take it all in. The ceilings were so high and the floors were painted with marvelous designs. Every table had fresh flowers and every chair was made of rich velvet. Just two years ago I was living in a boarding house, and now look where I’m staying. For most of the actors it didn’t seem like much, but for me it was like Camelot. As I ran my fingertip over the golden accents of a banister, for the first time, I felt like I was living the life of an actor. Suddenly, the atmosphere of this splendid room became cluttered with an overly pungent scent. I thought a dead, pregnant cat was rotting under the stairs, but turns out it was just that perfume Marilyn always wears. She started coming towards me so I smiled, “Good evening, Ms. Monroe.” She didn’t say anything back. Anything. Didn’t even make eye contact with me. She simply walked past me and even had the nerve to even push me out of the way a little bit. The sharp clomping of her stiletto heels stung my eardrums as she ran over to some guy with dark glasses who picked her up off the ground and carried her to his room. I stared intensely and angrily at the two of them, thinking somehow my mind could telepathically make him drop her. A few of the male extras saw this and started laughing at me. And I heard Marilyn laughing as she was whisked away to the elevator. Whore. Anyways, today we’re shooting out by the ocean. All the girls are in their swimsuits playing with this big beach ball and laughing with Jack Lemmon. Sounds fun, right? No. Lord, you should see the suits we have to wear, absolutely horrendous; navy and white nightmares complete with incredibly tight swim caps. We could barely breathe while wearing them. We’re in our early thirties for Christ’s sake, we aren’t all size twos anymore. I swear, whoever our costume designer is hates women and wants them to die of suffocation and humiliation. Marilyn, on the other hand, gets to wear this stunning, sexy white robe. Probably cause the bitch complained about her costume, just like she

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complains about everything else. Either her scenes weren’t long enough or her costume wasn’t pretty enough or she just wasn’t getting her way. Something was always bothering that pessimistic harlot. You know, I heard from Minnie that Tony and Jack went to Billy Wilder yesterday. They offered to work for free if he fired Marilyn. I love those boys, God bless them. Unfortunately, Billy said no. So Blondie McPerfect remains the center of attention. The thing is, her role is so easy. It’s every stereotypical blonde bimbo ever put into a screenplay. I could play Sugar Kane Kowalczyk just as good, maybe even better. You know, I’ve always wanted to be a star. I would lay in my bed at night and dream of holding a thin, black pen in my hand and swiftly scribbling my name across some kid’s notepad. Or feeling squishy cement mold around my fingertips and palms as I imprint then in front of The Grauman’s Chinese Theater. Or even having a scandalous affair with a mainstream heartthrob and protest that we didn’t have sex, even though we most certainly did. I’ve never acted in anything before, but I am very talented. People have always told me so. Being adored by millions is my life’s calling. I know it. I have to pursue it no matter what the cost. You think getting my hair bleached platinum blonde was cheap? It sure as hell wasn’t. And do you think I enjoy taking those miracle diet pills they advertise on I Love Lucy to seem thin? I don’t. So why do I put myself through all this? Because I am an actress and it’s simply what I have to do. It’s what we all have to do. Whether it’s destroying your hair, starving yourself, or sleeping with every man who blinks at you like McPerfect does, you do what you gotta do to make it in this vain, life-sucking business. And one day, someone will appreciate all your hard work and see that you belong on the silver screen. I will be a star. You’ll see. Marilyn will see. Everyone will see. Just wait.

Carly Winant ’14

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