Pillars of Salt Winter 2014

Satan in Stilettos

She looks fat in natural light. Everyone says she’s so beautiful and perfect. But if you pay close attention, Marilyn resembles a pudgy bulldog with red lipstick. Not many of the guys can see it, but I sure can. And so can a lot of other people, but they don’t say it out loud. Just cause she’s the leading girl people are kissing her ass constantly, Oh Miss Monroe you’re so gorgeous and so talented and so magnificent. Makes me sick.

I am just as pretty. When I walk down the street, people’s jaws drop to the damn concrete and their eyes lose their ability to blink. If I had a leading role, men would be throwing themselves at me too. I mean, I’m just an extra and we’re all so busy on set that no one has time to flirt. I guarantee you they want to though. I see the passing glances I get. Everyone just feels the need to act so professional so they can be remembered as one of the “good ones.” And if you’re a “good one,” you get asked back to do more movies, and maybe (if God’s on your side) a one-liner. So that dazzling possibility remains a priority over any romantic entanglement. But hey, who’s to say I’d ever take any offers, eh? I think I deserve someone a little more pristine than an actor or a showbiz man.

See, the reason Marilyn sleeps with tons of actors is cause deep down she really feels awful about herself and wants to get her self-esteem up. She is an insecure tight-ass. You didn’t hear it from me, but the latest rumor is that she and Tony Curtis slept together. Waited for her in the lobby and tried to discreetly take her back to his room. But who knows. Just some gossip I heard from another extra.

Yes all the extras are very close with each other, especially us girls. We always like to hit the parlor of The Hotel Del, have some tea, and discuss our shared hatred for Blondie McPerfect. I’ve become an expert at telling Marilyn jokes. What’s the difference between Marilyn and a Mosquito? One’s a blood sucking, irritating pest, and the other is an insect. We all roar with laughter and practically shake the entire room. But right as we’re all in the middle of having a good time, my best girl Minnie would always turn to me and say, “Holly, isn’t it in bad taste that we talk about Ms. Marilyn like this?” I always say no and go on to explain that to her that “Ms. Marilyn” is worth hating.

The two of us have only met once. At least we sort of did. The whole Pillars of Salt 23