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School News ENTIRE SOPHOMORE CLASS FAILS ENGLISH
LIBRARY, CH - An entire class of sophomores failed their finals after the booksummary website Sparknotes suffered an outage in midJanuary. The website server crashed the weekend before the final due to an unprecedented number of students trying to access the site at once. “When I realized I wasn’t going to be able to get my chapter-by-chapter Sparknote summary of my assigned books, all I could do was accept an F on the final,” said Darby White (13), whose feelings were mirrored by many other students in her English class. “I haven’t read a whole book since the 3rd grade,” said sophomore Griffin Mckinzie (13). “Once I realized Sparknotes was down and freetranslation.com couldn’t translate from Shakespearian to English, I knew my chances at passing the final were slim.” According to the admin-
Sophomores express shock and horror.
istration, up to 67% of the sophomore class complained of flu-like symptoms on the day of the exam. Students were disapponited to find that the health office was stocked with extra ibuprofren. Despite the technical difficulties, some clever students found ways to obtain the coveted Sparknotes. A student who prefers to be anonymous shared, “I re-
Photo by Lexi Klein (11)
alized that the overflow of Sparknotes users the weekend before the final might crash the site. I was one step ahead of the game.” The student could have been found on Ben Street the morning before the exam selling printout copies of Sparknotes for $50 each. “It’s basic supply and demand” said Economics Teacher Mr. Kevin Morgan after hearing of the make-
shift business. Representatives from sparknotes.com refused to be interviewed for this story. When pressed, senior executives insisted that their product is not marketed towards school-aged kids, but towards adults that are looking to appear more sophisticated at cocktail parties. --M.R.