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the carillon the staff

editor-in-chief editor@carillonregina.com

john loeppky

executive director business@carillonregina.com

jacob nelson

production manager production@carillonregina.com

jeremy davis

advertising manager advertising@carillonregina.com

ty cote

technical editor frank nordstrom carillontechnical@carillonregina.com multimedia/Graphics editors multimedia@carillonregina.com graphics@carillonregina.com copy editor copyeditor@carillonregina.com

kate thiessen sarah carrier morgan ortman hannah senicar

news editor news@carillonregina.com

sara birrell

a&c editor aandc@carillonregina.com

ethan butterfield

sports editor sports@carillonregina.com

tyler meadows

op-ed editor op-ed@carillonregina.com

taylor balfour

distribution manager distribution@carillonregina.com

kyle anderson

staff writer

elisabeth sahlmueller

staff writer

marty grande - sherbert

news writer

isaac adelouwa atayero

a&c writer

Janna wood

sports writer

brian palaschuk

web writer

julia peterson contributors kate nimegeers, katherine decoste, nick giokas and matthew thomson

Vol. 62

board of directors Erickka Patmore, Lindsay Holitzki, Maddie Ouelette, Dustin Smith. John Loeppky, and Jacob Nelson

the paper

227 Riddell Center University of Regina - 3737 Wascana Parkway, Regina, SK, Canada S4S 0A2 www.carillonregina.com Ph: (306) 586 8867 Printed by Star Press Inc, Wainwright, AB The Carillon welcomes contributions. Opinions expressed in the pages of the Carillon are expressly those of the author, and do not necessarily reflect those of The Carillon Newspaper Inc. Opinions expressed in advertisements appearing in the Carillon are those of the advertisers, and not necessarily of The Carillon Newspaper Inc. or its staff. The Carillon is published no less than 11 times each semester during the fall and winter semesters and periodically throughout the summer. The Carillon is published by the Carillon Newspaper Inc., a non-profit organization. land acknowledgement The carillon is written on treaty four territory. As such, the staff recognize that we are living, working, and telling stories on and of Indigenous lands. We recognize that we are on the traditional homelands of the Nakota, Lakota, and Dakota peoples, along with the homeland of the Métis nation. The carillon understands that it is pointless to acknowledge the land on which we work without speaking to our commitment to telling stories and prioritizing voices that further the return of the land to its place sacred place in the cultures of those that live here. the manifesto In keeping with our reckless, devil-may-care image, our office has absolutely no concrete information on the Carillon’s formative years readily available. What follows is the story that’s been passed down from editor to editor for over forty years. In the late 1950s, the University of Regina planned the construction of several new buildings on the campus grounds. One of these proposed buildlings was a beltower on the academic green. If you look out on the academic green today, the first thing you’ll notice is that it has absolutely nothing resembling a belltower. The University never got a belltower, but what it did get was the Carillon, a newspaper that serves as a symbolic bell tower on campus, a loud and clear voice belonging to each and every student.

The People’s Friend; the Tyrant’s Foe

The University of Regina Students’ Newspaper Since 1962 March 26th - April 1st, 2020 | Volume 62, Issue 23 | carillonregina.com

news

Students in limbo

cover

“We make everyday life better, everyday.” It was this or rename the paper the COVIDALLON.

news

P.4

Closure of the university has students navigating a difficult transition to online courses. library access and various essential academic services have been halted, making this transition near impossible for some.

sports

Pandemics effect

arts

P.5

Butterfield says goodbye P.7

The University of Regina’s Dr. Gordon Asmundson is conducting a psychological study of COVID-19s effect on mental health.

Arts & Culture Editor Ethan Butterfield will be leaving the carillon. We wish him all the best as he pursues exciting new opportunities.

op-ed

humor

Check out our website as we hire for volume 63. That’s it, that’s the intro, our editor’s tired. We will be publishing online throughout the week, so check back for the latest.

photos

cover................................ morgan ortman news............................................. pixabay news.. USArmyTrainingandDoctrineCommand a&c................................. ethan butterfield sports....................... wikimedia commons op-ed............................................. pickpik humor.............. pete linforth from pixabay

Cancelling the olympics P.13

Procrastination

P.18

The Canadian Olympic and Paralympic Committees have officially withdrawn from the Tokyo 2020 olympics. The IOC still hasn’t decided whether or not to postpone the games.

Self-isolation has many draw backs, Taylor Balfour has a suggestion as to how we can spend our time.

Apocalypse now?

P.19

You’d think that the apocalypse would have more gaudy death metal bikers, polluted wastelands, landmark-hating alien invaders or even slow walking zombies. Instead we’re expected to sit inside all day to ride out the storm. Matt Thomson asks “Can we get a better apocalypse?”


News

3

Editor: sara birrell news@carillonregina.com the carillon | March 26th - April 1st, 2020

Uncertainty reigns for international students amid pandemic What happens when you can’t simply go home? adeoluwa atayero news writer If there is anything that the coronavirus has shown us in the few months since its emergence, it is that we really are all very different. Whether its students on various college campuses shouting racist slurs at their Asian colleagues or the want of toilet paper rolls in department and grocery stores all over the nation, what the coronavirus has been able to highlight is how, although we are all human, we have different priorities and ultimately, different realities. For example, the effect the pandemic has on a middle-aged working-class Canadian citizen differs greatly to that of a Canadian student. We can even take it a step further and see how the effect differs from a Canadian student who is a citizen to that of an international student. In the days following news of the university taking days off to figure out its next steps, many students in campus residence could be seen packing up and going home. Families showed up to pick up some students to take them home for social distancing and for some much-needed comfort during these tumultuous times. This, however, is not a luxury that is afforded to all. Vibya Natana, a second-year social work student, is one of the many students who have the privilege of not only being in the country of their citizenship during this time, but who are also able to practice social distancing with their family. “Times like these remind me of how fortunate I am for the sacrifices of so many working to protect us and also my own support system. Like many others, Canada has become home to my family in their search for a better life. What made it home was community support, especially during tough times. It gave them hope. In my eyes, this is more important than ever with what we are facing today,” Natana said. For many of the international students left behind, the closest comfort they can get from their loved ones is through a WhatsApp or Skype call. The international students who were toying with the idea of booking that flight and making it home had a quick rethink when the Government of Canada restricted all foreigners flying in from any country except from the United States of America until June 30, 2020.

University of Regina Student Union (URSU) president and international student, Victor Adeolu Oriola, has also found the realities of being an international student to be especially trying during times like these. “Several factors, like the cost of travel and potential immigration hassles, make going home sometimes unfeasible for international students. In light of the recent federal government edict that essentially restricts travel, international students, like me, once again realize just how far away from home we are. Times of crisis like these serve to highlight the incredible sacrifice and resolve necessary to leave your country of residence and place of comfort in service of obtaining a higher education,” Oriola said. According to the Government of Canada’s official website, if your student visa is about to expire, you “are able to apply to extend their status online if they need to extend their status. A temporary resident who has applied to extend their status is allowed to remain in Canada until a decision is made on their new application, even if their initial status expires while they are waiting for that decision. This is called implied status.” During this time, however, they are unable to “travel to a port of entry (POE) to apply directly to a border services officer. Travelling to a POE from inside Canada for the purpose of getting immigration services is not considered essential travel, and they will not receive these services.” Apart from not being able to return upon exiting the country, other international students have to worry about what this means for the visa and study permit if it’s close to expiry. It is an unending rabbit hole of worry and concern further amplified by uncertain times and widespread panic. For second-year human justice student, Rooky Jegede, not being able to connect with family during times like these has more severe consequences than homesickness. “During times like these, nothing feels better than being with the ones you love and care about. Being continents away in the middle of a pandemic, with no option but to stay alone in a time where everyone else is apparently self-isolating themselves with their families, is such a recipe for depression and mental crisis.” Echoing Jegede’s sentiments is first-year student, Abdalla Al

Courtesy of the SAA

Sikh Students’ Association offers support to students during their time away from family

Jaedy. He finds himself worried not only about his inability to be with his family, but also the realities that they are facing in his absence. “To be honest, this whole pandemic makes me feel so sad. My parents are both in their mid-50s and I do not fully trust the healthcare system we have back home in Africa. I find myself always thinking about them and my whole family and worrying extensively. Like I wish I had the proper words to express how frustrated I am feeling right now. It feels like I am in a nightmare and I cannot wait to wake up,” Al Jaedy said. As the world continues to grapple with how to handle the coronavirus and the university updates its responses to the on-

going pandemic, it is essential that the needs and concerns of international students are not lost in translation. The University of Regina does have a significant population of international students, and it is alarming that not many steps have been taking to specifically address their needs. URSU will be hosting an URSU Cares Pantry at the Owl Multipurpose Room on Wednesday, Mar. 25 for students who are unable to afford groceries and essentials that they need now more than ever. The Sikh Student Association, in collaboration with the Regina Sikh Community has also launched a “No Hungry Tummy” initiative which provides free grocery items to new students with all safety measures. Outside the university, anoth-

er initiative that international students may find helpful is that of the self-organized support group, Caremongering YQR. According to the description on their Facebook page, the group was made for “sharing and organizing community resources in response to COVID-19 in Regina.... [I]t is also for redistribution of resources in the case that stockpiling prevents people from accessing basics.” For students interested in reaching out to the Sikh Student Association, you can reach them at 306-209-4505. Reach out to an international student today. It will mean more than you know.

“Being continents away in the middle of a pandemic, with no option but to stay alone in a time where everyone else is apparently self-isolating themselves with their families, is such a recipe for depression and mental crisis.” – Rooky Jegede


March 26th - April 1st, 2020

carillonregina.com | The Carillon | 4

news

COVID-19 plunges students into uncertainty Daily campus updates disguise fact that the government should do more

sara birrell news editor As the number of confirmed COVID-19 cases in the country rises into the hundreds – more than 50 of those in Saskatchewan as of press time, but almost certainly much more by the time of publication – governments and institutions across Canada have begun shuttering their doors, telling those who can to work from home, cancelling on-site classes and large gatherings, closing schools, and otherwise attempting to stanch the spread of the novel coronavirus whose reach few could have anticipated when the media first began reporting on it in late December 2019. Canadians have been urged to practice social distancing, and on Mar. 23, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau told the country to “go home and stay home.” The timing of the virus’ arrival in Canada has meant that academic institutions are navigating an unprecedented shake-up in the waning weeks of the winter semester. Although the first case of the novel coronavirus hit Canada on Jan. 25, it wasn’t until the beginning of March that this country began to see the exponential increase in cases that has led to the closures of universities and K-12 institutions across the country. On Mar. 13, the Carillon reported that the U of R would be transitioning to online classes. “We’re kind of in limbo,” said University of Regina student Katelyn Johnson. “I wish they would just make the semester pass/fail.” Johnson said it has been difficult to focus on her schoolwork as the university shuts down services one by one – the Archer library, the only place for some students to access computers and the internet, announced it would be closed indefinitely from Mar/ 23 on – and she worries about how she will pay rent. “I work for a small business and they had to close,” Johnson said. Since she only works full-time during the summer months, any income she receives from EI will be especially meagre. University-aged people are already a demographic that has been hard hit by austerity cuts to public services. 17.4 per cent of people who live in poverty in Saskatchewan are between the ages of 18-30 and a 2016 report found that 39 per cent of students struggle with food insecurity. A similar study in 2018 found that around 70,000 Canadian students experience homelessness every year. Nairn MacKay, an anti-poverty advocate who has had years of

Pixabay

Washing your hands is all well and good, but what about those struggling with a lack of services

experience living below the poverty line says that when it comes to the pandemic, the situation facing students, particularly their housing situation, will worsen the crisis. “This is a catastrophe waiting to happen that affects students.” One student, who asked that their name be withheld because “the world doesn’t need to know how poor I am” said that now that the library has closed, they have no way to access a computer or the internet. “I borrowed a laptop like every single day,” the student said. “Now I’m going to have to try to write my final papers on the notes app.” With the province stepping in to rescind the Regina’s emergency measures – against the wishes of the mayor and council – and offering little in the form of relief

to Saskatchewan residents, it has been students themselves who are stepping up to take care of one another. The Sikh Students’ Association (SSA) in particular has started a “No Hungry Tummies” campaign, where they buy groceries for those in need and deliver them to their doorstep. The campus club, which formed in September 2018, didn’t hesitate when it came time to jump into service mode. “When the first case was announced in Saskatchewan, that’s when we were like, ‘yeah, it’s here in Saskatchewan now and people who have no family here are going to suffer,” said Sumandeep Kaur, an SSA member who started as an international student herself eight years ago. Jaspal Singh, another member of the SSA said that support-

ing the community in times of crisis is just part of what it means to be a Sikh. “A core pillar of Sikhi is what we call ‘selfless service,’” Singh said, adding that one of the principles of selfless service is “food and freedom for everyone.” “In the time of need we should be serving the community.” And this time of need is likely to be a long one. The pandemic has only just begun here, and many people, especially students and other young people, have already been living on the razors edge of financial ruin for a long time. Although it is inspiring when residents provide mutual aid – the exchange of resources and services for the mutual benefit of all – and community service, what is needed is wide-scale relief from the government, including the

suspension of all rent and utilities, a minimum of $2000 monthly in direct financial support to every Canadian, without restriction, for the duration of the crisis (and after), and legislation providing hazard pay to all frontline workers, including those who work in pharmacies, grocery stores and other essential industries.

“I borrowed a laptop like every single day. Now I’m going to have to try to write my final papers on the notes app.” – U of R student


March 26th - April 1st, 2020

carillonregina.com | The Carillon | 5

news

U of R academics unpack the pandemic’s effect on people Asmundson works to understand the virus while campus program supports mental health

adeoluwa atayero news writer Dr. Gordon Asmundson from the University of Regina’s Department of Psychology is conducting research that explores the impact of the recent global pandemic, a novel coronavirus called COVID-19 on the mental health of the general populace. Asmundson, a fellow of the Royal Society of Canada and the editor-in-chief of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy believes that understanding why human beings behave the way they do during times of pandemic is important to understanding the pandemics themselves. “Psychological factors play a major role in the spread and containment of infection and socially disruptive behaviours … psychological factors have an important public health implication,” said Asmundson in a recent interview with 620 CKRM. His latest project, “The Role of Psychological Factors in the Spreading of Disease, Discrimination, and Distress,” has received $400,000 in funding from the Canadian Institutes of Health Research. According to him,

USArmyTrainingandDoctrineCommand

Research proves to be one way the U of R can move support forward

there are three main ways human beings respond during a time of crisis. The first is responding appropriately, which in recent times can be seen as people taking heed to social distancing and taking hand washing and other recommended precautions seriously. The second is over-responding, which has led to ignorant acts of racism towards people from Asia as well as panic buying and the spread of various conspiracy theories. The final way is under-responding which can be seen when college students go to parties and churches hold services despite warnings of social distancing. Under-responding, however, may be the most serious way of concern to Asmundson. In a conversation with Jonathan Guignard of Global News, he said, “If we see somebody or know somebody who is having quite significant emotional concerns around this, that is part of adapting to this process.... There’s also those under-responding, who don’t see this as a considerable threat.” Asmundson will be collaborating with the University of Brit-

ish Columbia’s Dr. Steven Taylor as a co-principal investigator. To accomplish the goal of the project, the two researchers will be creating a series of planned studies that will create a rapid assessment system which will be relevant for any epidemic, pandemic, infection-related phenomena of a notable scale. Asmundson has made it known that his research team will be making use of three different studies that will directly targeted towards the coronavirus. Asmundson’s research, however, is not the only Canadian-sponsored effort to further understanding of the nature of the coronavirus. The Government of Canada recently added 49 research projects in its efforts to tackle the growing pandemic. The additional projects will cost the Canadian government a bill of $25.8M in research. Prior to the additional 49 projects, the government had invested $27 million towards coronavirus research on Mar. 6. As of present, Canada has invested $52.6 million and set up 96 research teams nationwide to help unpack the virus. Canadian Prime Minister

Justin Trudeau has also revealed that Canada is currently spending about $192 million to create and produce a vaccine targeted towards this pandemic. Another researcher at the University of Regina whose work may well help students is Vanessa Peynenburg, a doctoral psychology student working with the Online Therapy unit. Peynenburg says the work of the program, which provides cognitive behavioural therapy, is even more important given the current pandemic. “Students are experiencing a great level of uncertainty and distress surrounding the COVID-19 situation. For those who have existing mental health concerns, the current environment is likely exacerbating their symptoms. I want to ensure that students are aware of this support that is open to them during this difficult time.” The unit has now opened a course that Penenburg says can make a significant difference in the lives of students. “The Online Therapy Unit is now also offering a free online therapy course specifically for stu-

dents. The UniWellbeing Course aims to provide free education and guidance on simple but effective techniques for managing depression and/or anxiety for post-secondary students in Saskatchewan. The Course helps students with thoughts, behaviours, and physical symptoms of depression, anxiety, and stress. Students who enroll in the course complete 4 lessons over the span of 5 weeks and receive weekly support from a therapist.” For more information about the program students are asked to visit www.onlinetherapyuser.ca/ uniwellbeing.

“Psychological factors play a major role in the spread and containment of infection and socially disruptive behaviours...psychological factors have an important public health implication,” – Dr. Gordon Asmundson


March 26th - April 1st, 2020

carillonregina.com | The Carillon | 6

news

Communities that game together stay together

Bridging physical distance

marty grande-sherbert staff writer Since the announcement of COVID-19 as a pandemic, many media outlets have already made the connection between the spread of the virus and the crisis of capitalism. The pandemic and capitalist structures are unavoidably connected, and it’s clear to a growing number of people that the goal is not “getting back to normal” after the quarantine ends – rather, it’s creating a “normal” that is sustainable and humane for all. Working towards this new tomorrow will require us to unpack capitalist logic: ideas about who “deserves” wealth and why, which workers are “essential” and “skilled,” what security really means, and what things are really important to contribute to society. A cornerstone of the logic of capitalism is a compulsive drive for productivity, one that tells us if we aren’t working for a boss (even if that boss is ourselves), we aren’t being human. We need to push back against this idea often, especially while many of us (those who are not still very much working on the front lines) are working from home. As the editor of Jewish leftist publication Jewish Currents, Arielle

Bago Games Via Flickr

Don’t cross these animals

Angel, wrote this week, the distinction between home and work is already all but dissolved in our culture, and in many ways quarantine is making us neglect ourselves more, not less. So instead of feeling perpetually guilty that we aren’t working as much as we could if not quarantined, we can take tangible steps towards collective, care-based activity, and not individual work with the time we have. In the five or so days the quarantine has lasted so far, for many other students I know this has meant an activity that most people think of as “doing nothing”: games. The first quarantine project I took on when things started closing down – one that I’m currently patching together with the help of UR Pride – was a weekly online Dungeons and Dragons group, geared towards those who usually hang out at UR Pride’s SPACE centre. For 2SLGBTQ+ youth, spending time with like-minded peers is essential, and isolation is a serious mental health risk. Having an online group that can replace game nights, events people can no longer have in person, fights isolation and creates routines for people to keep. Everyone knows

their own communities best, and it benefits everyone when we actively make time to have fun together. Roll20 is an online platform that you can use to play DnD with your own online campaign, if you’d like to learn. Learning to play DnD is a very fun project on its own – there are some great videos that explain the game step-by-step (how to play DnD is a fruitful YouTube search), but I also very much recommend learning it from a friend who knows how and making it into a virtual hangout. Of course, as I discuss in another article in our arts and culture section, many students are using Animal Crossing right now to have goals and routine, to stay social, and to find a peaceful place to go every day. Another big recommendation for groups are the Jackbox Party Pack games 1-6, which can be found on Steam – you can use Twitch, or a screen-sharing video conversation on Skype or Discord, to play these games with your friends. They are a ton of fun and make an instant party; I know they’ve gotten me closer to the feeling of hanging out with friends that’s hard to go without.

The key here is not to avoid interacting with the world by losing yourself in a game. Rather, games can act as excuses to socialize, and tools to help us connect with each other when things like physical contact and easy conversation aren’t as easy to come by. Building networks of friends and neighbours is a critical first step towards caring for each other in other ways, and the more you play together with others, the easier it is to trust each other through harder times. I’ll finish off this piece with some other games and hobbies I recommend to “waste time” – remember, if it made you feel a little more ready to take on the world, it’s never a waste of time. No matter what the bosses tell you. Games to Play: I am once again recommending Stardew Valley (hours of gameplay, plus co-op options! On Switch or PC.) The Sims 4 is currently on sale for about $5 on Origin! There is so much free custom content and so many mods out there to explore.

When I asked some students about games they used to relax and cope, one of them mentioned Neopets! Yes, people still play it (I hear the economy is a wreck now) -- I’m sure it still has its appeal. Why not see how you and your friends’ pets are doing and compare notes? Or your Webkinz, for that matter? To search for games: Itch.io has tons of indie titles with lots of tags to search with, many of which cost less than five dollars. Supporting independent developers and artists during this time is always a good idea, if possible. Lastly, this one isn’t a game, but it’s my go-to whenever I want to do something fun; the SCP Foundation Wiki is a collaborative project full of horror/sci-fi fiction, the best entries of which are some really incredible writing. If you like what you read, consider writing for the Wiki too! Anyone is able to contribute.

“Games can act as excuses to socialize, and tools to help us connect with each other when things like physical contact and easy conversation aren’t as easy to come by.” – marty grande-sherbert


Arts & Culture

7

Editor: ethan butterfield aandc@carillonregina.com the carillon | March 26th - April 1st, 2020

So long Carillon, and thank you Five years later

ethan butterfield a&c editor February 16, 2015. That’s the date of the first Carillon article I ever wrote, which was titled Sweet November is the worst love movie ever. I find myself watching the film now at 2:10 a.m. on what is now Mar. 23, 2020, all while I write this goodbye piece because that’s just the sort of sentimental individual I am [EIC’s note: So sentimental that he wrote it a full week before his term ended.]. And you know what? It’s honestly not the worst love movie ever. Don’t get me wrong, it is quite rubbish, but it’s cliché-filled rubbish with a twist ending, so I guess that’s what gives it an edge. Actually, confession time, I really quite like Sweet November, I would even go so far as to say that it’s a personal favourite of mine in the rom-com genre. Want to know the kicker? I have no idea why I like it. Perhaps it’s nostalgia goggles, or I could just have terrible taste in films but whatever the reason, I enjoy it. So, if you ever find yourself reading that original piece, know that it no longer accurately represents my thoughts and feelings. Still a funny article though, if I do say so myself. When I wrote that mock review” I was just starting out as a contributor and Destiny Kaus, the then A & C Editor, was oh so kind as to let me write a piece for Valentine’s Day. It was during that time that I got put onto the pitch list (quite possibly my greatest enemy as an editor) and away I went. Fast forward five years and I went from contributor to A & C Editor. I guess it is true what they say, time really does fly. Long story short, I cannot express how thankful I am to both my co-workers and the organization of the Carillon as a whole. At the same time, I would also like to personally apologize to John Loeppky, our Editor-in-Chief, for all the headaches that I may or may not have caused when there was one article waiting to come in late at night. I can’t give you that time back, but I can buy you a beer to try and make up for it. Now, as I’m sure most know, I’m not exactly the most confident individual on the planet. I’m fairly awkward and my social skills are, as a member of the Montreal Canadiens would say, “le fucked.” However, I like to feel that I do have a good heart deep down and I do try my best to be an entertaining worker, as well as a good person. I think one of my favourite quotes to that regard came from our news editor Sara Birrell, who said something to the effect of “Ethan, I swear you’re like a movie character”, to which I responded “well I hope it’s a good movie,” to which she replied “it’s a movie.” Solid gold. One of the things I’m most thankful for, along with the

friends that I’ve made and the person that I’ve aspired to be (i.e., just a decent human being), is the ol’ Banding with Butterfield recurring feature that came to be on a whim. That section technically started with an Alex Runions interview, which was a nightmare to get because the original artist I had planned at the time (who I won’t name) couldn’t be bothered to return my messages. I thought that was the end of my interviewing career right then and there, especially considering (and this is something that my parents never fail to bring up) I was quoted saying after the whole endeavor: “I am never doing another interview again.” Oh how wrong I was. I think the band people won’t let me live down is Smash Mouth. That was another of those “on a whim” things. I sent them an email, you know, just because, and they actually said yes, to which I made a noise that sounded something like “Wha? Huh?” This led to a giveaway draw, a short video (which you can find on the Carillon Facebook page) and ended up just being a whole thing. Personally, my proudest achievement as far as band interviews go is probably Hinder, just because I know there’s one specific individual out there that appreciates it more than most. Enough about bands though. I was also fortunate to do a lot of movie-based writing when working for the Carillon. Some articles weren’t as well received as others, with good reason, but hey, mistakes happen, life goes on, hakuna matata. Speaking of films, I am going to miss talking about, not only movies, but a wide variety of other subjects with one of my very good friends, Jeremy Davis. A class act, a hard worker, and as passionate as they come, I see nothing but success in his future. And it’s well earned. As well, thank you for helping to make me become better overall, it honestly means the world. Also shout out to Taylor Balfour and Marty Grande-Sherbert, you two are wonderful in every sense of the word and I wish you the very brightest of futures. Speaking of good friends, a former writer of mine, Holly, was kind enough to say the following about me: “One of the hardest things for someone my age is finding a job where the people there genuinely care about you. Fortunately for me and all who worked with him, Ethan was always there to lend an ear or help you out any way he could. Through technical difficulties and miscommunications he had endless patience for me, and I’ll always be glad to have had that example.” Betterment and thankfulness aside, let’s touch on regrets for a moment shall we? If I had any regrets, it would be that I probably could’ve done more while

Ethan Butterfield

The archives will remember that smirk forever

running the section, but I was happy with the results of it at the end of the day. I truly believe that we as individuals ask more from ourselves then we can give. At least that’s what I do to myself, I demand perfection right from the start despite my level of experience and then, when I do mess up, I beat myself up and convince myself I’m beneath the common individual. That I have no worth as a person. This is simply not the case. I am extremely proud of what I have been able to accomplish and, despite the mistakes I’ve made along the way (however big or small), I now view these moments as opportunities to grow and mature. Life has a funny way of making you look at your mistakes like a greatest hits playlist of things that you should cringe

looking back on. But no, now I embrace these mistakes, and use them as fuel to better myself day after day so that won’t make them again. I can’t wait to see what life throws at me next. To end off, I suppose I’ll leave you, the reader, with a piece of an inspirational quote from the movie Rocky Balboa (2006) because, as mentioned earlier, that’s just the kind of sentimental person I am: “Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gon-

na hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done.” So long Carillon, and thanks for everything.


March 26th - April 1st, 2020

carillonregina.com | The Carillon |

arts & culture

8

Rainbow Cinemas closing in Saskatoon Still upsetting regardless

ethan butterfield a&c editor

Movie-goers had a bit of a scare in the late hours of March 23rd, 2020 as it looked like one of Regina’s most beloved theaters was closing its doors for good. The Rainbow Cinemas theatre, wellknown for being one of the more cheaper options in Regina’s film selection, had made the following startling announcement “To our beloved moviegoers, Unfortunately, given the ongoing situation and the short timeframe we had left, we are sadly unable to re-open. It’s been a wild ride, we’ve enjoyed every second of bringing the magic of movies to you and we have nothing but the deepest

appreciation for your 25-years of patronage in Saskatoon. - Everyone at the Rainbow Cinemas Saskatoon Team ADDENDUM: Please continue to visit us at our other Saskatchewan locations -- The Roxy Theatre, Rainbow Cinemas Regina, Capitol Theatre North Battleford, and Aurora Cinemas Meadow Lake -- once isolation/ quarantine is lifted!” Many people, including me, were taken aback by such news. It wasn’t until (at least for me) that someone pointed (thank you Ethan Williams) that it was the Saskatoon Rainbow Cinemas which was closing. Despite the miscommunication, it’s still disheartening to see such a wellloved theater chain, whether it be

one or all, close its doors. Considering that the options for film-going are slim enough as is, this would’ve been a rather significant blow to the Queen City. What do you expect me to do? Fork over all my money to Cineplex? Well… I mean, I do already, but that’s beside the point. A clarifying statement was released by the Regina Rainbow Cinemas to put those who were worried into ease. “We sincerely hope you are staying well and safe! Just a quick note here - Rainbow Cinemas Regina is NOT closing down for good! We will surely let everyone know when we know of a re-opening date. A reanimation date. The Return of Rainbow Regina!

That being said, we wish our wonderful colleagues in Saskatoon the very best as they are unfortunately not returning to Rainbow Cinemas Saskatoon after these...winter events...subside. We in Regina join all of our provincial communities in thanking Rainbow Cinemas Saskatoon for providing many years of entertainment, fresh popcorn, and fantastic service!” Again, it’s disheartening to think that a Rainbow Cinemas theatre anywhere has closed its doors. But for citizens of Regina, there’s at least a little bit of good news in knowing that it was the Regina branch which shut down. Yes, good news to be sure, unfortunately, as stated in the statement, there’s the small issue

of the coronavirus that needs to be dealt with first. A virus that, at the time of writing, has affected 14 more people and doesn’t seem to be slowing down. Remember to continue to self-isolate as best you can during this time. First thing I’m doing once this whole thing blows over, definitely taking in a film. I wonder what theatre I’ll go to. I don’t know, probably Landmark or something.

“First thing I’m doing once this whole thing blows over, definitely taking in a film. I wonder what theatre I’ll go to? I don’t know, probably Landmark or something.” – Ethan Butterfield Pexels

A fitting sign for Saskatoon’s Rainbow Cinema


March 26th - April 1st, 2020

carillonregina.com | The Carillon |

arts & culture

9

Creativity in isolation Art doesn’t stop

“I didn’t actually realize until I began isolation just how much my creative process relies on the presence of other people.” – Taylor Balfour

taylor balfour op-ed editor I have the attention span of a peanut. In fact, sitting down to start this article, I already know that it’s going to take me a hot minute to actually get it written. That’s because, in isolation and stuck at home, I’m about as productive as a peanut, too. I focus best in every aspect of my life when I’m in a certain location. I study best on campus, I sleep best in my bedroom, and I work best, well, at work. So, now being required to do all of that from my home, I’m really feeling the artistic (and academic) struggle. But for now I want to talk about art. Let’s try and have a lit-

DarkWorkX from Pixabay

All play and no work makes creatives dull

tle fun with this article, right? Isolation is both a blessing and a curse for an artist, regardless of genre or kind. On one hand, if you’re like me, you have all the time in the world to actually create something. But, if you’re also like me, that isn’t going to happen. Because in isolation, inspiration and motivation is non-existent. If I want a change of scenery to spice up my novel, I go from my bedroom to the living room. If I’m feeling real wild, I can even head down to the basement (I know, how scandalous). But, unlike what I would normally do if I’m not feeling inspired, I can’t really go anywhere to change that.

I can’t sit down at a coffee shop for a change of pace. I can’t sit on campus and feel a sense of urgency to write given the nature of those around me. I can’t go on a long walk with a friend or rattle off ideas with someone over drinks about where “I think my ok might be going.” I didn’t actually realize until I began isolation just how much my creative process relies on the presence of other people. Can I still create alone? Yes (you are reading this article after all) but it doesn’t pack the same punch that other pieces of my work have. Maybe it’s because when you’re forced to only look at your creations where you can’t see

anything else, you become overly critical of them. Maybe then you feel less motivated to keep creating because, seeing as you’re only stuck with your creations, it seems like everything is diluted of value. To put it scientifically, you think everything you make sucks. But, one of the best things about art is the ability to take whatever it is that you are feeling in that moment and turning it into something beautiful. So, maybe while you’re feeling unmotivated and uninspired, create something about that. Create something about being stuck in your home, hell, even make a collection about it. A series of paintings, or short stories, or poems, or sketches, or

journal entries. Maybe we all just need to take this moment of isolation and use it, ironically, to create art about isolation. Art is how we maneuver the world. Now, it just needs to be the way we maneuver our homes too.


March 26th - April 1st, 2020

carillonregina.com | The Carillon |

arts & culture

10

New Animal Crossing is good, surprising no one The new game that came out recently – no, the other one

marty grande-sherbert staff writer Yes, this is my second piece this week about Animal Crossing. We are all under a lot of stress right now, and frankly, I think we could use two of them. Am I wrong? There are so many positive things I have to say about Animal Crossing: New Horizons after playing it almost nonstop since its release. The graphics are what really makes the agonizing wait for this game worth it: the trees blowing in the breeze, the crystal-clear water looking realer than ever, and the subtle, beautiful shading on all the characters and the fruit makes you happy to walk around your island for hours. The sound effects, while generally the same as in previous games, just feel a little more crisp and updated. And of course, the addition of crafting into the series – building your own tools and furniture from natural resources, instead of buying everything with bells – means you can get thrifty and creative while having many more small goals to work towards. This makes the game more engaging and fun; I remember getting a little tired of New Leaf after a while because

Bago Games via Flickr

Nothings sets a mind at ease like a shit ton of pixels

there wasn’t as much to do. New Horizons took its sweet time getting here, and we were teased every step of the way with the trailers that showed us next to no footage, but I think it really was worth it. It’s everything we all love about Animal Crossing, improved. I have some friends who never played the franchise before, too, and they told me they were instantly hooked as soon as they opened it. Unfortunately, though, until Nintendo is rightfully collectivized by the gamers of the world, its products stay at that pricey $79.99 and never seem to go on sale – some simply aren’t able to buy it, or the even pricier Switch. But I don’t want anyone to feel left out of this cultural moment, and I know lots of people who are starting new towns in New Leaf on their 3DS, DS, Wi,i or GameCube versions. Plenty of YouTubers and streamers are playing Animal Crossing for viewers, as well. A lot of the fun of the franchise is turning your town or island into a personal project that showcases your own creativity, something you can proudly share

with your friends and the world. New Horizons makes that easier and more flexible than ever now that you can easily customize and change patterns on furniture, as well as place items outside. Players can create whole outdoor scenes now, and designing clothing has also become a lot more intuitive. Some of the favourite designs I’ve seen so far have been the famous “WOMEN WANT ME, FISH FEAR ME” meme hat, a wall canvas with Mitski’s “Be The Cowboy” album cover, and some blood splattered on the ground that was perfectly aligned with Gulliver’s passed-out body on the beach. The thing I most appreciate about New Horizons, though, is the ability to play with up to eight people at the same time, and easily invite friends to your island and play together. The social aspect of the game was always kind of there, but it’s been really improved with the Switch, and this couldn’t have happened at a better time. Not being able to hang out with my friends because of COVID-19 has been hard, but I have been to their islands every day. Having something to connect

us as well as occupy a lot of our time has meant a lot. (That being said, every person who worked at game stores on the release date for physical copies of New Horizons was a frontline worker and should have gotten hazard pay – heck, Nintendo should have just given everyone digital copies. Get digital always, folks!) Lastly, this game officially declared that gender was over. Instead of choosing a male or female villager, like players did in previous games, the character creation scene in New Horizons instead asks players to choose a “style” – which basically just means long or short hair. The best part, though, is the message that comes with that selection screen: “You can change this later.” Your character is no longer locked into the same expression, the same eyes, the same default hair for the entirety of the game – no more resetting a million times to get a character that you feel good about. Animal Crossing fans who have a more fluid gender presentation, or just a wide range of personal style, are able to change their appearance whenever they like. This is a huge

breath of fresh air, even if it takes away a little of the nostalgia for that very frustrating process of being like, “ugh, I got off the train with the weird eyes again.” Animal Crossing has always been a unique franchise, one that some people look down on because of what is actually its biggest strength: the way it invites the player to practice mindfulness and patience. There’s a lot more to do in New Horizons, but even so, you won’t be able to endlessly complete objectives at lightning speed without cheating. Time moves at its own pace, so playing is a chance to slow down and appreciate the beautiful scenery and the friendliness of your neighbours. We all kind of need to learn about that, and we can (nay, we must) look cute while doing it.

“Animal Crossing has always been a unique franchise, one that some people look down on because of what is actually its biggest strength: the way it invites the player to practice mindfulness and patience.” – Marty Grande-Sherbert.


Sports

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Editor: tyler meadows sports@carillonregina.com the carillon | March 26th - April 1st, 2020

Staying active during quarantine with U of R Athletics Here are the Cougars’ top quarantine workouts brian palaschuk sports writer Like everything else in society right now, the entire sporting world is on pause. It is a unique situation where nobody is exempt; gyms, tracks, pools, courts, and ice rinks are closed, even for many of the world’s most elite athletes. Celebrities and average joes alike have flocked to Instagram and Twitter to share their home workouts. I reached out to some of U of R’s best and brightest to see how the COVID-19 pandemic is affecting their sport, and what they are doing to overcome those challenges. Scott Joseph is one of the Cougars’ top track athletes, and he is hot off a U Sports gold medal in the long jump, where he broke a 45-year-old Canadian record. While to the average joe it may seem like track athletes would be better off because they can still run outside, for the elite athletes like Joseph, COVID-19 has been a huge blow. “My training has been negatively impacted by the COVID-19 to such an extent that it will take another year to get to the form I was at prior to the virus outbreak.” “The biggest challenge is that I don’t have access to an indoor training facility.” Going forward, Joseph had big aspirations to compete for Canada’s World Junior team, but after pulling out of the Olympics, Canada’s participation is unlikely [editor’s note: The Olympics appear to have now been postponed to 2021]. “I still don’t have a plan on what to do. I am stranded with the situation. It is all like a predicament.” However, in times like this it’s all about adaptability and Joseph is making the best of his situation by training at home. What kinds of exercise would he recommend to U of R students and faculty who want to stay active during social distancing? “It all depends on access to exercise facilities and training venue. Personally, I will take advantage of whatever is available at home, such as spending some time on stationary bike for a decent amount of time. For endurance workouts I would go on the treadmill to do a few runs.” Bennet Stusek was an integral member of the Rams’ receiving core this season. The third year Regina native, who played for Campbell Collegiate in high school, was second on the team in receptions and receiving yards in 2019. As a football player, the biggest challenge for Stusek is getting in the volume of work. “Obviously things have been very different over this period, with workouts and running being

U of R Athletics

Swimmers are some of those most affected by COVID-19 but that doesn’t mean they don’t have some advice

cancelled it’s been really hard to keep up the levels of activity that I’m used to.” However, for Stusek, the biggest problem hasn’t been a directly athletic one. Laughing, Stusek adds,“Honestly the biggest challenge has been boredom. Just not being able to hang out with all my friends and teammates.” So, without access to team training how is he keeping up with the grueling demands of football fitness? “With no access to the university or public gyms it has been hard to keep up the levels of workouts. Our training staff has done a good job in creating a new home workout program. Obviously gaining strength at the same level isn’t gonna [sic] happen, but I’m really just trying to maintain the strength I’ve gained this season.” I posed the same question to each of the athletes: What is the best exercise you can recommend to U of R students? “Push-ups and air squats, but honestly it doesn’t really matter as long as you stay active.” Bree Crookshanks is a star swimmer for the University of Regina Cougars. In 2019-2020 she raced to two medals at the Canada West Championships: bronze in the 100-metre breaststroke and silver in the 200m distance. How is a swimmer like Crookshanks impacted by COVID-19? “I think swimmers are especially impacted by the COVID-19 situation. Swimmers spend the majority of their training in a pool, and without access to a pool, we are out of our element. Our training has completely changed as we are unable to do the things that we normally do on the daily basis. We have lost at least 15 hours per week in the pool, and this is near impossible to make up

outside of the pool. It is a challenge to find an activity that can replace what we do in the water.” Crookshanks echoed Joseph in saying that her biggest worry is a loss of hard-earned progress. “The biggest challenge for me during this isolation period is the uncertainty of the situation. We are not sure how long we will be out of the water, and I have concerns about losing some of the progress made during this swim season.” However, like her Cougar teammates, Crookshanks is staying focused by controlling the controllable. “I am trying to maintain my aerobic fitness by going for runs and walks outside. I am also trying to gain strength and power by doing at-home workouts provided by my trainer. It is important to focus on what I can control and do what I can to maintain my fitness as much as possible.” What exercise would she recommend to her fellow students? I would recommend U of R students to try to get outside during this time of social distancing. Going for a walk or a run can improve not only physical health, but mental health as well. There are also many short, effective workouts on Youtube available to use. Connor Chaulk is a dynamic forward for the men’s hockey hockey. Chaulk led the Cougars with 16 points in 2019-2020, contributing 6 goals and 10 assists for the Green and Gold. Like swimmers, Hockey players work in a different medium – ice. With all of the rinks out of operation, skating isn’t possible. How is Chaulk managing that challenge? “My training hasn’t been as affected as I thought it would be. Since hockey just ended, we aren’t usually on the ice. But

finding an area to work out and keep in shape has been a challenge.” Like Stusek and Crookshanks, Chaulk sees the biggest difficulty as workout volume. “The biggest challenge I have as an athlete during this COVID-19, is not being as physically active as I usually am or would like to be.” In spite of this difficulty, he too has been adapting his workout routines for social distancing. “The way I have been trying to keep up with my workouts is doing more plyometrics and conditioning. Some example would consist of long-distance running, hill sprints, sled pushes, to name a few.” And for the U of R population? Chaulk suggests they just keep it simple. “The exercise I would suggest is just making sure students are being active any way possible, whether it is as simple as going for a walk.” also caught up with U of R strength trainer Carmen Agar to see how she has been adapting workouts and to see if she has any creative ideas for the U of R populace. Agar echoes many of the athletes in saying that one of the biggest challenges is the lack of social interaction. “The biggest hurdle I’ve felt personally was the sudden lack of in-person contact with the athletes. During the summer months there are always athletes that choose to leave campus, but it always occurs around the same time of year, which allows me to have a plan in place and to be able to explain that plan before we lose time face to face.” Adapting to the sudden lack of face to face contact is something everyone has to deal with,

and this has been a big challenge in the world of U of R athletics as well. “My biggest challenge is the inability to see my athletes as well as the other clients I provide exercise therapy services to. So much of my job involves dealing with people in person, and now I have to rely on emails, text messages, video conferences.” Despite these challenges, Agar is committed to bringing fun and exciting workouts to her Cougar athletes, which is something that requires a lot of innovation. “Creativity is certainly the key right now. The more I can shift the traditional views of what fitness equipment looks like the more I can have success in terms of providing exercises and ideas to my athletes and clients.” “For example, shifting the idea of seeing a soup can as a food item or a jug of milk as a beverage to seeing them as objects of different weights that can be lifted, pushed, or pulled similar to how a dumbbell could be used.” As a trainer, what kind of alternative workouts does Agar recommend? “I would recommend any exercise that can be done outside, allowing people to get out of their houses for a brief period of time and experience the fresh air. Activities such as walking, biking, running, and rollerblading can provide enjoyment while also functioning as exercises that improve cardiovascular fitness. Remember to do it alone, while practicing good social distancing!”


March 26th - April 1st, 2020

carillonregina.com | The Carillon | 12

sports

Joely Welburn: a story of success Athletic success, life as an athlete, and next year’s season

elisabeth sahlmueller staff writer At the end of February, second-year University of Regina track and field athlete Joely Welburn wrapped up a very successful season after her stellar performance at the U Sports Track and Field Championships where she won pentathlon gold. Throughout the past season, Welburn set several season bests and earned multiple podium finishes; including gold in high jump, silver in long jump and a bronze in the 4×400 relay [along with teammates, Skylar Smith, Michaela Allen and Laura Huck]. Welburn also broke three records, one of which was her own, from earlier in the season. At the Bison Classic, Welburn toppled the U of R’s high jump record, which had held for the past seven years, until she cleared the bar at 1.73m. During the Golden Bear Open Welburn ran the 4×400 with the same ladies as mentioned above, and their time of 3.53.15 set a new record. Despite this incredible finishing time, later on in the season at the U Sports Championships, Welburn and her teammates set a new 4×400 record of 3.50.96. At the last competition of the season, the U Sports Track and Field Championships, Welburn competed in five events: high jump, long jump, the 4×400, 60m hurdles and shot put. Despite a slightly disappointing finish in shot put, Welburn placed well enough in her other four events that she was able to earn 4055 points. This astonishing total was not only a new personal best

U of R Athletics

Joely Welburn was one of the Cougars who stood with pride at U Sports nationals

for Welburn, but was also good enough to finish in first place, taking home pentathlon gold. In achieving gold, Welburn became only the second female Cougar to accomplish this at a national level. As a result of her success, Welburn has been recognized with three significant honours: U of R Athletics Female Rookie of the Year, Canada West Rookie of the Year, and the 2019 U Sports Female Rookie of the Year. Welburn was kind enough to take the time to answer some questions about her past season, life as an athlete and goals for next year’s season.

Which event is your favourite and why?

What motivated you to begin competing in track and field?”

What were some of the best experiences or moments from this past season?

“I came from a small town where everyone was encouraged to participate in all the sports that were offered. Track and field challenged me to push my athletic abilities even as a kid. I eventually joined the Excel Track and Field Club where my passion really began to grow and I improved dramatically.”

“I would say some of my best experiences were ones I learned from. I false started at nationals in my hurdle race and was flashed a card by one the officials. I wasn’t sure what it meant or if I was supposed to leave the race or not.”

What do you love best about competing? “I enjoy that before any race or jump competition, I am able to feel [both] calm [and] a huge rush of adrenaline at the same time. It’s awesome what being in a competition can make your body accomplish.”

“[As] a multi-eventer, my favourite event changes constantly… right now, my favourite is hurdles.” How do you feel about all of your success this past season? “I’m extremely proud of the work both myself and my coach Wade [Huber] put in. I do feel accomplished, but I also want to keep building off of this season to see what I can do. “

In your opinion, what all has contributed to your success? “Consistency for me is key. I like having a routine for both track and school. I also couldn’t have done it without my teammates and family backing me up the entire season. Track is an individual sport so having support is very important.” What does your training

involve? “We train six days a week and we have specific plans for each day. Usually we do two to three event-specific sessions in a day, [as well as] weightlifting sessions three times a week.” How do you get pumped up before competition? “It’s difficult to explain, but I like to get in my own head. I try to visualize what techniques are going to land me where I need to be.” What is the most valuable piece of wisdom you learned from competition? To grow as an athlete, [I need] to take … what might be seen as failures and turn them into a lesson of some sort. Who is your athletic role model and why?” “Brianne Theisen-Eaton. I can relate to [her because] she was a small-town Saskatchewan [girl who] pursued her Olympic dreams. I think of the picture where all of her opponents are laying on the track after the 800 and she is the only one left standing. That’s the strength I aspire to have.” What is your favourite pre and post-race snack or food and why?

“Before competition, I usually get a rice bowl with salmon or chicken. During and after competition I love granola bites and squeeze apple sauce.” What goals do you have for next season? “I would like to keep building on my pentathlon score and improve in shot put.” What are you most excited about for next year’s season? “I’m excited to see what another base season can do for me. That’s the part of the season where we are getting whipped into shape. I just want to build off of this season and continue to grow as an athlete. “ What advice would you give to a student unsure if they should consider competing in university sports? “The correspondence between life and sports is crazy. I have enjoyed this process thus far and have developed so many important relationships. I would tell them not to pass up an opportunity like this. It is a part of your life that you don’t want to end.”


March 26th - April 1st, 2020

sports

carillonregina.com | The Carillon |

13

The maple leaf has wilted: Canada pulls out of the 2020 Olympics

Athletes rise in support of Canada as impending Olympic postponement looms. brian palaschuk sports writer The Canadian Olympic committee shocked the sporting world on Mar. 23, leading the world’s sporting organizations in officially pulling out of the Tokyo 2020 Olympic and Paralympic Games. In a press release on an otherwise sleepy Monday morning, Canada announced their decision: “The Canadian Olympic Committee (COC) and Canadian Paralympic Committee (CPC), backed by their Athletes’ Commissions, National Sports Organizations and the Government of Canada, have made the difficult decision to not send Canadian teams to the Olympic and Paralympic Games in the summer of 2020.” The announcement comes in the face of IOC President Thomas Bach’s repeated insistence that it is too early to decide on the postponement of the games, despite many athletes and organizations pushing to postpone to 2021 or beyond. These organizations include two of the largest medal-winning groups at the Olympic games, USA Swimming and USA Track and Field, both of whom urged the US Olympic committee to delay the Olympics. In response to the push, Bach finally announced a four-week timeline to decide on Olympic postponement or cancellation. However, the decision will likely not take four weeks. Following Canada’s withdrawal, Australia has too barred their athletes from Olympic competition. In response to an impending Olympic decision, athletes are ambivalent. With restricted training, many are relieved things are heading toward postponement, but the decision does not come without disappointment. In a tweet responding to the announcement, defending Olympic gold medalist in the trampoline, Rosie Maclennan voiced her support for the Canadian Olympic committee. With the hashtag “37 million strong,” Maclennan wrote: “It’s an honour to represent #teamcanada in a sport I love. I am so proud to be part of a team that had prioritized the health of the true Team Canada and the world. Postpone today, conquer tomorrow.” Rio wrestling gold medalist Erica Wiebe voiced a more ambivalent opinion. While Wiebe admits, “I stood on the podium in Rio and I wanted to do it again in Tokyo.” “The most critical thing right now is protecting our community’s health and safety.” Athletes from other countries across disciplines have also voiced their support for Canada’s decision. Swimming Olympic gold medalist and world record holder Adam Peaty tweets: “So the Canadians have pulled out of the Olympics and the Australians said they won’t travel this summer, @Worldathletics have also put the pressure

on IOC to move. Let’s hope @ final1908 do the right thing in the next few days, not weeks.” American Olympic champion in decathlon Ashton Eaton also tweeted: “#Tokyo2021. Nothing else makes sense.” As an Olympic hopeful myself, I am ambivalent about the situation. For fair competition and the health and safety of the global population I think postponement is the only decision and I am proud of Canada for leading the way. On the other hand, as an athlete, if the Olympics are cancelled. 2024 seems a long way off.

As an Olympic hopeful myself, I am ambivalent about the situation. For fair competition and the health and safety of the global population I think postponement is the only decision and I am proud of Canada for leading the way. On the other hand, as an athlete, if the Olympics are cancelled. 2024 seems a long way off.” – Brian Palaschuk

Wikimedia Commons

Canada withdraws from 2020 Olympics


March 26th - April 1st, 2020

carillonregina.com | The Carillon | 14

sports

Olympics cancelled, maybe… How have our athletes responded? tyler meadows sports editor It’s almost official: according to an IOC member, the 2020 Olympics have been postponed. Dick Pound confirmed the postponement on Monday March 23 in an interview with USA Today. “On the basis of the information the IOC has, postponement has been decided.” Make no mistake; it’s not like the corrupt IOC has come to this decision as the leading international committee showing the way for all other nations. The IOC has ultimately been forced into the decision as Canada, Australia, and Great Britain all announced that they would not be participating in this year’s games amid the COVID-19 outbreak. Many other countries also urged the IOC to postpone the games including the US, Germany, Norway, and Brazil. Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has commended the Canadian Olympic and Paralympic Committees for taking the lead and pulling out of the games. “This is absolutely the right call and everyone should follow their lead.” The IOC as of right now is denying that they have made an official decision, but it is hard to imagine them walking back from that statement and continuing on with a July 24 start date. Particularly amid the outbreak and death toll increasing by the day and most of their top countries urging otherwise. It would make the most sense to tentatively postpone the Olympics until 2021 and hope that the pandemic does not last until next year. Though the quick responses in China and South Korea are reason for optimism, the long-term predictions of if there will be multiple waves of the virus outbreak remain to be determined. Canadian Olympic icon Hayley Wickenheiser had this to say in a Twitter post about Canada’s decision to withhold their athletes from competing. “I’ve given this a lot of thought, and over the past few days my perspective has changed. I was voted to represent and protect athletes. As an IOCAC member, 6x Olympian and [m] edical doctor in training on the front lines in ER up until this week, these are my thoughts on @Olympics:” “From an athlete perspective, I can only imagine and try to emphasize with the anxiety and heartbreak athletes are feeling right now. The uncertainty of not knowing of where you’re going to

DSS via Flickr

IOC and IPC appear to have made the only conceivable decision for athlete welfare

train tomorrow, as facilities close and qualification events are cancelled all over the world, would be terrible if you’ve been training your whole life for this.” “Everyone looks forward to an Olympics – fans, athletes, the media, the TV audience, the sponsors and marketers. It’s the biggest sporting event in the World. It would be a wonderful thing to look forward to. BUT (sic) – this crisis is bigger than even the Olympics.” “Athletes can’t train. Attendees can’t travel plan. Sponsors and marketers can’t market with any degree of sensitivity. I think the IOC insisting this will move ahead with such conviction, is insensitive and irresponsible given the state of humanity. We don’t know what’s happening in the next 24 hours, let alone in the next three months.” In a rare offering of sensible commentary Wickenheiser attempts to coddle any (apparently) justified anger towards the Canadian Olympic and Paralympic committee’s decision. She acknowledges the difficult transition that athletes will face while also supporting the decision because

of the “crisis” that we are experiencing now. Thankfully Wickenheiser is urging support for the discontinuation of the Olympics because of the uncertainty surrounding covid-19. A number of other Canadian athletes are supporting the decision via social media including Brianne Jenner andClara Hughes. “We’re with you @TeamCanada. We will see thee rise when the time is right. – Brianne Jenner “Full respect for this decision” – Clara Hughes Thankfully our athletes are also using their major platforms to support social distancing and ensuring that the global public good is prioritized over the Olympic games, no matter how special and important the games are to millions of people. Japan has already invested over 12 billion dollars and there have only been three prior instances (1916, 1940, 1944) in which the Olympics were cancelled, and they were all because of the entire world literally being at war. The IOC can be given a bit of a break considering the stakes

that are involved with the Olympics involve tens of billions of dollars and hundreds of stakeholders. The IOC has also been known to have many issues involving nefarious deals, conning cities and countries into paying billions of dollars and typically incurring huge amounts of debt and creating unusable facilities. So expecting a rational and prompt decision from the International Olympic Committee is almost as unreasonable as the lack of a decision from the committee. Ultimately, it’s likely every single International sporting event within the next four months will be cancelled or postponed and contingencies for all future events should be beginning right now. Not to start a paranoid thread, but the Beijing 2022 Winter Olympics better begin planning contingencies because the long-term ramifications of this outbreak are so uncertain; beginning now would be prudent. The Imperial College COVID-19 response team created a document that discusses the serious long-term possibilities that will be the most likely outcome if society decides to ignore the se-

riousness of this outbreak. For more information please refer to this document. And another friendly reminder to stay home, maintain social distance, and know the Olympics and Paralympics will be back soon.

“On the basis of the information the IOC has, postponement has been decided.” – Dick Pound to USA Today


Op-ed

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Editor: taylor balfour op-ed@carillonregina.com the carillon | March 26th - April 1st, 2020

An Open Letter to the Provost

Martin Vorel from Pixabay

My name is Kate Nimegeers and I have been a member of the university community since 2010 when I began my first undergraduate degree in business administration. As of right now, I am considered a third-year student in my second undergraduate degree in the Department of Mathematics. I am writing to you because, as someone who has been really struggling with the new changes that we are all facing, I truly believe that the administrative leaders at the University of Regina can provide myself and the rest of the student body with some much-needed relief. I am writing to you publicly so that if my sentiment is shared, perhaps others will be inspired to also reach out with their own letters of support for my suggestion. First off, I want to thank you all for the hard work that you have undoubtedly been putting in over the past month. This change has been difficult on all of us, and I realize that the people who are forced to make difficult decisions for our campus are no doubt feeling that pressure. That being said, as a student who has been directly impacted by all of these changes, I would like to ask that you consider my suggestion

for how final grades/exams should be dealt with. To be frank, I usually struggle with my mental health during finals season. Part of this is because finals are always difficult, but it is also because I have aspirations of attending grad school and my final grades impact my chances of being accepted. The extra effort that is required to get top marks in final exams is comparable to an educational marathon. It is difficult, but in previous semesters I have managed the stress through things like studying with friends, working at coffee shops, finding quiet spaces to focus in the library, and spending time working on problems with professors during their office hours. However, as you are aware, none of those coping mechanisms have merit while we face the COVID-19 crisis. The shift from “regular life” to a life where leaving the house is equivalent to endangering yourself and others, classes are held online, and the general sense of global panic increases by the hour (all while our sense of existential continuity continues to shatter) has been mentally taxing in a way that is otherwise incomparable.

Adding that pressure on top of the pressure of exams while simultaneously eliminating the coping mechanisms that many students use to deal with exams is, in my opinion, unsustainable. When you also consider that we are now being asked to learn material from online sources rather than in person, that lack of sustainability is simply compounded further. It is because of the extreme levels of stress that I am facing, and that I am sure many of the thousands of U of R students are facing, that I ask you to please consider eliminating final exams from course requirements this semester and allow us to use that time to cope with the existential grief we are feeling. This solution would allow me to breathe again, knowing that the effort I put into this semester will not be wasted, my applications to grad schools will not be compromised by a final exam that felt insurmountable, and that I can now focus on more immediate issues such as looking after my family and myself during this crisis. I understand that not everything is as simple or straightforward as I might wish and that this would be a big decision for the university to make. I understand that each

university has to balance the well-being of staff, faculty, and students while maintaining a reputation in the community at large. Please just know that it would be seen by myself, and I suspect many other students, as an act of grace in an otherwise hectic situation.

kate nimegeers contributor

“Please consider eliminating final exams from course requirements this semester and allow us to use that time to cope with the existential grief we are feeling.” – Kate Nimegeers


March 26th - April 1st, 2020

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Evicting students in the name of social distancing is unsafe In light of the rapidly developing COVID-19 pandemic, universities across Canada and the globe are shutting down. Closing buildings and shifting to remote learning in an effort to uphold standards of social distancing, the latest tactic is to evict students from on-campus housing, where shared facilities like bathrooms and kitchens are hotbeds for infectious disease. The University of Alberta has given students in major residences like Lister Centre only four days to vacate their homes, a well-intentioned but short-sighted decision that does little to support its most vulnerable students in these uncertain times. Although dorms make social distancing and self-isolation particularly difficult, ordering thousands of students to leave its nine residences in less than a week is a recipe for chaos and anxiety. As transit services like air and bus lines limit available routes, travel has become more and more difficult. The challenge of finding storage, transportation home, and packing over the course of a weekend is overwhelming for students already faced with the transition to online learning and the mental health challenges that accompany social distancing. For students whose parents are able to help them pack and travel home, where they will be safe and supported, the decision may seem reasonable, simply the next step in preventing the spread of novel coronavirus in Canada. But this is a privilege that isn’t the reality for many students. For those who have come to the U of A from out-of-province, eviction will necessitate air or possibly bus travel, increasing the chance of an asymptomatic carrier passing on the virus, and forcing students to self-isolate for up to two weeks upon

arriving home. For international students, leaving the country can be even more risky, as more and more nations close their borders and those here on temporary visas may be unable to return. Possibly even more worrying is the thought of students who move away to university to escape unsafe home situations, where caregivers could be abusive or controlling. For some, travelling home is not a relief in stressful times, but an added stressor, or even danger. And for many, returning home may not even be an option. These students could be forced into homelessness without the time to make alternate permanent residence arrangements (such as signing a lease to rent a property, many of which begin on May 1 for those renting to students). The university has stated that international students, out-of-province students, and those with “exceptional circumstances” can apply to remain in residence longer, but even these students will be mandated to relocate from dorm-style residences to more private apartment living. The difficulty of packing and moving will remain even for those the university does deem in need of housing. The lack of detail on the university webpage regarding who will be eligible for such exceptions is troubling, as the new policy homogenizes student situations without considering the unique challenges faced by many. Social distancing is crucial to prevent the spread of COVID-19 in Canada, but the university would serve its students better by investing further in cleaning services, limiting dining hall capacity, and encouraging those who are able to vacate residence, rather than evicting its student tenants. Desperate times call for desper-

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ate measures, but by failing to consider its most vulnerable student tenants, the university has only exacerbated an already critical situation.

katherine decoste contributor

Watching the pandemic from abroad It is difficult to put into words just how abnormally normal daily life in Seoul has become. At a fundamental level, very little has changed for me. I still have homework and classes. I listen to podcasts on my metro commutes. I bargain hunt at grocery stores. Yet at the same time, life has very much changed. All my classes are online for the foreseeable future (my University, Yonsei, is looking to return to normal by April 13 at the earliest). My fellow commuters all wear masks. Cashiers always have a bottle of hand sanitizer at the ready and use it constantly. Despite these changes to daily life there isn’t a sense of anxiety or fear present. It feels as though not wearing masks on the metro and not sanitizing one’s hands all the time is more of a faux pas than a reckless act in the midst of a pandemic, which makes it feel incredibly strange watching the news reports from back home, the US, and Europe. There, it seems like abject chaos. It was terrifying watching the videos of people hoarding toilet paper and disinfectant supplies. It’s concerning watching more and more places shut down. It feels inconceivable to see entire cities under quarantine. Despite the fact that COVID-19 is the same disease here as it is there, it feels like a completely different pandemic. The kinds of drastic measures governments are having to take to “flatten the curve” have an almost unbelievable quality to them. In Korea, the borders remain completely open. The only differences are temperature tests and that immigration officers now ensure that incoming travelers have a Korean cell number so that they can be tracked and receive alerts concerning the

virus. Bars, restaurants, everything down to department stores, remain open for business. The only thing that has truly changed is that events or meetings of large groups of people are highly discouraged, but not necessarily banned. The definition of “social distancing” in Korea, for all intents and purposes, seems truly different than the rest of the world. The reason for this is the prevalence of testing and the “track and trace” method the government uses. If I’m concerned

I may have COVID-19 it is remarkably easy to get tested. I can go through a drivethrough test, go to a clinic, and it may be a possibility soon that I can even go to a phonebooth-esque installation and get tested there. Furthermore, I can track where each case is, where they travelled throughout the city, and know where infections cluster. To use a metaphor for why I think panic has dissipated in Seoul: For me, the scariest part of being in the ocean is not truly knowing what else is swimming out there

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with you. Once you know where the sharks are, the fear abates and you merely swim with caution rather than fear.

nick giokas carillon alumnus


March 26th - April 1st, 2020

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The struggles of searching for employment Although leaving university is an exciting time, full of enthusiasm, relief, and celebration, there is also significant fear, stress, and worry, especially when considering what direction to take in regards to employment. For many students, obtaining employment that is secure, well-paid, and enjoyable is important. However, obtaining these types of jobs, let alone any decent job, is nowhere near as easy as it should or could be. Over the last few years I have gotten work through the University of Regina as a staff writer for the Carillon, a research assistant, and a teaching assistant for numerous professors. While I am grateful to have had these opportunities, now that I will no longer be a U of R student, these jobs are no longer an option for me. As a result, seeking other employment has become a major priority. Over the last few months I’ve come to realize that although searching and applying for jobs is a necessary process, unfortunately it’s a horrible one, because not only is it difficult and time-consuming, but it also frequently ends in frustration and disappointment. Despite the existence of multiple job search engines, I have realized that looking through their postings is an extremely time-consuming process, which often results in significant wasted time. Many jobs seem to require various qualifications, such as previous experience, owning your own car, or even having some specific certificate. It always seems that no matter what job posting I read over, I am always lacking the required qualifications. It’s difficult to not feel extremely frustrated and stressed when

an interesting job comes up, but is just out of my reach because of these specific qualifications. The most frustrating requirement is needing to have a certain number of previous years of experience. How can someone ever get this experience if no one will hire them to begin with? I understand that experience is an asset, but it’s unfair for a lack of experience to limit or prevent an individual from getting hired. Employees seem to believe that individuals who lack former experience will not be a good employee and are therefore not worth hiring. I strongly disagree because not only can individuals be trained, but many also have beneficial transferable skills and should be given a chance, before being completely ignored and bypassed because they lack experience. As a graduate student with a degree, I have significant skills, which I am confident would be beneficial in a variety of different work environments. However, because I don’t have the amount of experience that a specific employer requires, I am prevented from obtaining a job. Even if I do apply for the job and highlight multiple skills which should make me a good individual to hire, because I lack experience, I will most likely be bypassed and this reality completely pisses me off. In addition to often unfair qualification requirements, I’ve also found that employers have multiple unrealistic expectations. For example, employers expect that if you are interested in a job, then you are more than willing to work anytime. It doesn’t matter if you only want to work daytime

hours, or just evenings and/or weekends. No, that is just simply not good enough for most employers. Many job postings stress that your availability must include daytime, early mornings, evenings, and weekends. I understand that employers need workers for shifts throughout the entire work time, but why do these availability requirements have to fall on the shoulders of only one individual? Some people only want to work evenings or weekends and others only during the day. So, I honestly don’t understand why most employers can’t hire with this concept in mind. Additionally, many companies have online job applications which is problematic for a variety of reasons. Firstly, this usually requires individuals to make an account, which is not only time-consuming, but also involves submitting a great deal of personal information. I’m not a lazy person and I don’t mind putting time and effort into something that I want. However, I have made quite a few of these online job profiles/accounts, which have led nowhere, and it is absolutely frustrating. Secondly, as part of this process there’s usually some type of questionnaire with a variety of work-related questions, as well as questions which seem completely irrelevant. For example, an older acquaintance of mine applied a couple of years ago at a grocery store and was asked if she could be a fruit or vegetable, what would she be? Excuse me, but what does this have to do with assessing whether someone is qualified for the position or not? Interviews are another stressful and frustrating component of job searching. In

the past, if you got an interview it usually meant that you would get the job, unless you really screwed up the interview. However, this reality is no longer the case. No matter how confident and prepared you are heading into a job interview, there’s always some surprising question that often results in an unintelligent and regrettable response. My decision to pursue a post-secondary education was motivated by the belief that obtaining a degree would lead to wellpaid, secure and enjoyable employment. I know that I will have to look for this job because it is not going to just fall into my lap one day. However, there are days when I feel that my expensive and hard-earned university degree is absolutely useless to employers since it does not seem to lead to a job. I wish employers would have less specific requirements and would give people a chance based on their skills, personality, and work ethic rather than the amount of experience they have. People have told me to try to be patient because eventually something will come up. I sure hope they are right, because to be honest, right now I can’t help but feel pissed, frustrated and beyond stressed out by the lack of available job opportunities as well as employers’ unrealistic job expectations.

elisabeth sahlmueller staff writer

“Over the last few months I’ve come to realize that searching and applying for jobs is necessary but horrible, because it frequently ends in frustration and disappointment.” – Elisabeth Sahlmueller

picpedia


March 26th - April 1st, 2020

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Productive procrastination, isolation, and you

Isolation is kicking my ass. By that I mean I cannot, for whatever reason, actually get things done at home. I study my best on campus or at coffee shops, I write my essays best in public, and I can focus best when I’m not surrounded by things I love (i.e., video games, my rabbit, and a never-ending flow of YouTube videos and Netflix shows). Because of that, I find myself trying to find ways to not get work done, but...I always feel guilty. My struggle then became: how can I avoid work, but not feel guilty? And that, my friends, is why I’m here today. So, today I’m going to make the case for both the bane of my existence and the reason I’m currently sane: productive procrastination. Allow me to elaborate: instead of working on the things that you need to do, why not do chores that you don’t need to do now, but that still need to be done eventually? You could be writing that paper that’s due in two days, or, riddle me this, you could dust the entirety of your living room. Does it need to be done today? No. Does it need to be done eventually? Yes. Is that time now? Hell yes. Productive procrastination is both the best and worst thing to happen to me

during isolation. Anyone close to me in my life knows that since isolation has started, I have nailed my skin care routine. My skin has truly never looked better. It’s gonna be pissed the second all of this is over and I don’t have the same amount of time to wash my face whenever I’m bored. My room has also never looked this clean. Ever. I’ve already sorted the books and clothing I plan to donate once all of this is over (note: if donations are accepted) and have hashed out a game plan for moving out which is supposed to happen at some point this year. Does it suck whenever I open my computer and see a totally blank screen with no essay writing work on it? Yeah, but you know what doesn’t suck? Sitting in a freshly dusted and polished desk while staring at that empty screen. That shit is satisfying. But here’s the best part: while productive procrastination is still procrastination, it puts a fire under your ass when something is actually due. Picture this: you’ve been scrubbing the kitchen floor with a toothbrush for three days out of sheer boredom. The house is dusted. You’ve taken out all the garbage five times already, and everything smells like sanitizer. The hospital isn’t even this

clean. You are thriving. You are a disinfected, untouchable being. You are the peak of humanity. But that seven-page English paper is due in exactly 12 hours. Everything is clean. Everything is sanitized. Everything is done, except that paper. Now, it’s crunch time. Now, that’s the thing you can pour all of your energy into because you have no other choice. And then you crank out that paper because the pressure is finally settling in, and that is the absolute bane of the lack of inspiration’s existence. Diamonds are made under pressure. Unfortunately for us, essays aren’t worth as much as diamonds. If they were, we wouldn’t all be so poor right now. The point I’m trying to make here is that if you want to not do your work, at least make it worth your while. At least do other things that matter less, but still matter, instead of doing everything that’s more pressing. Here’s the truth of the matter: none of us are content with the current situation. Even if you’re a fellow introvert and love staying at home, being forced to never leave the house isn’t fun. Part of the joy of staying home is choosing to do so. So, because

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of that, we all need to do the best with what we’re given. Right now, that means cracking jokes about doing both nothing and everything at the same time. So, while we’re all stuck in the house and unhappy, lets at least make our time grumbling worthwhile by doing all the household chores we convince ourselves that “we’ll do eventually” and never do. Eventually is now, fellow procrastinators. Let’s get to it. So, if you’ll excuse me, now that I’m done writing this, I’m going to avoid writing a paper analyzing poetry, so I can clean my rabbit’s cage for the second time in the past 24 hours. She, too, is going to be really pissed once all of this is all over, and she’ll no longer be getting this luxurious of treatment.

taylor balfour op-ed editor

“At least do other things that matter less, but still matter, instead of doing everything that’s more pressing.” – Taylor Balfour


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Editor: taylor balfour humor@carillonregina.com the carillon | March 26th - April 1st, 2020

This apocalypse sucks. Make a better one.

Corona panic and the state of the modern world matthew thomson contributor

For the better part of a month I was preparing for this. Twelve years playing Fallout games, nine years watching Mad Max, eight years laughing at preppers, seven years watching the first and only good season of The Walking Dead, six years realizing preppers might actually be on to something, and five years of writing my own post-apocalyptic novel, I was beginning to look forward to the End of Days. Barely a week ago you all laughed at me, you all laughed at the 24/7 News-corporations greasing the wheels of mass hysteria for that sweet, sweet advertiser money, and you all laughed at the Book of Revelations and the poor Mayans. Well guess what, the Rapture is upon us, and so far, the Rapture sucks! You’d think after all the buildup, predictions, and preparation that the collapse of civilization would at least have the courtesy to be exciting. Nukes levelling cities and covering the world in ash, radioactive mutants stalking the last survivors of humanity, demons rising forth from the bowels of hell, a ten thousand prophecy fulfilled as the planets align and a great seven-headed beast descends upon the earth – y’know,

fun stuff? But, as usual, reality is disappointingly mundane and tremendously lame. No robots taking over the world, no Cold War 2: Soviet Boogaloo, no nothing. Instead a bat in Wuhan got sick, got everyone else sick, everyone’s favourite totalitarian regime covered it up and failed to contain it, and now this. Frankly, I’m feeling more than a little short-changed. Where’s the weeks, months, and years of escalating tension between super powers, huh? Where’s the thousands of rockets flying across the sky before falling back to Earth to deliver our doom? Where are the aliens and/ or mutants trying to wipe humanity off the face of the Earth? Where is the grossly incompetent global leadership fumbling civilization into disaste- wait, never mind, we got that part right at least. I mean, death by global pandemic, really? Is that the best the genius’s over at Corona Extra Beer Co.’s marketing department could come with? I can hear them now, “Johnson! We need something that’s catchy and will spread our brand name globally, got anything?” “Well, sir, I was thinking we could a sequel to SARs and usher a new era of world-wide panic and hysteria.” *grabs cigar from his mouth*

“God damn it, Johnson, that’s brilliant! Send the intern down to the nearest black market and make sure he doesn’t come back until he’s figured this shit out; I want the boys downtown to start runnin’ this ASAP!” Or at least I hope it went down like that. Christ, it’s not even original. Societal collapse via plague has been done like thousand times already; shit, the god-damn Romans were doing it even before the first Dawn of the Dead came out. At least back then plagues had the courtesy to wipe out 4070 per cent of us, not this Millennial shit that has a lower death rate than the common flu. Hell, the concept isn’t even exciting. Case in point, what sounds more dramatic: watching the sun set one last time with a friend before a series of mushroom clouds engulfs the horizon and instantly vaporizes every atom in your body leaving nothing but your shadow seared into the concrete, or some microbe forgetting how microbes work and making you sick for a month? You know what, fine, if just has to be death by plague then I guess I can deal with it. After all, it’s not the apocalypse that’s important, it’s the wild and wacky aftermath, right? But, for fuck’s sake guys, we can’t even get that part right! We should be out and

about scavenging the ruins of civilization for piles of scrap, not this lame social distancing malarkey. We should be constantly terrorized by humanity’s primal instincts, not subjecting ourselves to the Lovecraftian horrors of daytime television (seriously, how the hell is Ellen DeGeneres still on the air?). The stupidest and irredeemable dregs of society should be out forming punk-esque gangs and pillaging communities, not lounging their bigoted asses in the digital cesspool formerly known as Facebook and blaming a health crisis on immigrants and whatever conservative scapegoat is most convenient. The post-apocalyptic wasteland is nothing like my friendly neighbourhood street-side preacher promised me as a kid. I’m not fending off droves of leather-clad bikers from my home with a shotgun, I’m waiting for Nioh 2 to come in the mail, so I don’t die of boredom. There aren’t shortages of food, clean water, or even gasoline, just a lack of legitimate reasons to get out of bed in the morning. I have yet to make a single Molotov cocktail or jury-rip a firearm out of household objects, and am instead forced to read actual books and sweep my kitchen floor. Not once have I been hounded by a pack of feral dogs over a scrap of food; however, my cat did vomit

on my carpet after eating a piece of cardboard. Today, my tough but supportive cyber-punk girlfriend and I should’ve been fighting for our lives against a horde of monstrously mutated undead amidst the looted remains of a Superstore over the last case of bottled water with nothing but our matching M-16s. Instead, I fought for my life against a horde of grossly misinformed boomers/ soccer moms with nothing but a shiv made from the cracked remnants of my iPhone amidst the looted remains of a Superstore over the last roll of toilet paper; and I’m still single. Ugh… You know, at least the people in The Last of Us got martial law, fungal zombies, and wonderful parent-child character arcs. What did we get? A beer company taking over the world and a month of boredom, that’s it. Well, I won’t stand for this shit. I refuse to sit in my apartment and write this article anymore. I say we all put on our hazmat suits, march all the way to the United-freaking-Nations, and force our world leaders to go home, think about what they’ve done, and do the end of world properly this time, Nukes and all! If we’re going down, it’s going down be with a bang, damn it, not a bored, lethargic groan.

Pete Linforth from Pixabay

Let’s just say that COVID-19 is generating some panic.


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Editors: sarah carrier, morgan ortman, kate thiessen graphics@carillonregina.com the carillon | March 26th - April 1st, 2020

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