About· Alzheimer's dise'as'e
By Dr. James and Mary Kenny Dear Dr. Kenny: My 81-year old father came to live with us two years ago. My husband and I didn't want him to go to a nursing home, and we believed in family care. We knew it would be hard on us and on our three teens. but our idealism led us to overlook some of the difficulties. I had no idea how hard it woUld be, how angry I'd feel for being used by him and put down at the same time. Then when I am not nice to him, I feel guilty. He finds fault with everything and everyone. If my husband and I go out for an evening and put one of our teens in charge, he tattles on them, comp1a1ning they Ignored him and would not do what he asked. I know this Is not true, having seen them go out of their way to respond even to his most unreasonable de mands. . Nothing satisfies him. No matter what I do for hlm, it Is wrong or not enough. All day long he calls my name. He is capable of going to the bathroom by himself, of dressing and un dressing himself, and of getting In and out of bed by himself, but he wants us to help. I knew my father as a loving. generous, thoughtful man, not this selfish
dependent person. lelon't know how much more I can take. Illinois You have described an all too-common situation very well. Job asked the same question long ago; Why is there such pain and suffering in the world? Watching a beloved parent become an un pleasant and dependent person is very hard to accept. Some old people remain spry and mentally alert until they die. Many others, however, are victims of Alzheimer's disease wherein the brain atrophies and loses functions and the person ality changes that you describe occur. There is no known cure for Alzheimer's disease. Some elderly persons who suf fer this degeneration become gentler and quieter. Most, how ever, become irritable, forgetful, confused and afraid. They focus on their physiocal .complaints, lloping. for attention and. re sponse. Fearful of ,being helpless, they try to take charge of their world by issuing commandS to everyone around them. The worst thing you can do with someone experiencing these personality changes is to argue with him or her. Much better to respond as briefly as possible to annoying behaviors.
Once you have decided your father can perform certain tasks by himself, insist that he do so. "You can get yourself undressed, -Dad. I'll be back in 10 minutes." Then leave the room abruptly. Do not argue. Return in 10 minutes as prom ised with something more posi tive to share. Perhaps a bedtime snack. Or you and your, husband and your father might watch the nightly news together. Maybe you can read some of the day's mail to him. Ignore unreasonable requests. Find positive things to do and . share together. Finally, do not be so hard on yourself. You were right in the beginning. Family care is better than institutional care. You may be expecting too much of your self, feeling that you are failing if you cannot return your father to the contented and kind man that he was. Accept him for what he is now and accept yourself as well for your patience in an unrewarding time. Reader questions on family living and chUd care to be an swered in print are invited. Ad dress The Kenny&, Box 872, St. Joseph's College. Rensselaer, Ind. 47978.
Birthright state parley in Attleboro
Representatives of the 17 Birthright chapters in Massa9hu setts participated in the annual state convention of the preg nancy assistance organization held recently at LaSalette Cen ter, Attleboro. Speakers were Associate Jus tice Thomas Quinn of the Bris tol County Juvenile Court; Rob ert Clemence, head off the Sam aritan Center in Falmouth; Kay Poirier, director of Birthright of Taunton; and Janet Barbelle, di rector of the Greater Fall River chapter and newly appointed re gional consultant. Judge Quinn spoke on the legal aspect of Birthright in volvement with pregnant clients, discussing such topics ·as report- . ing suspected abuse, court-ap proved abortions laclting paren tal knowledge or consent, re sponsibilities toward clients and the regulations of other agencies dealing with pregnant young women.
Client," citing case histories and judgmental assistance to' any demonstrating counseling tech woman troubled by being preg niques. nant. Founded 'in 1968 by Lou Discussing volunteer burnoui, .ise Summerhill of Toronto, it Ms. Barbelle described stages of now numbers over 500 chapters volunteerism, signs of' burnout in the ·U.S. and Canada, as well and ways of preventing it. She as chapters in Afri<:a and Eu encouraged a strong support net rope. work for volunteers and the tak In 'Massachusetts there are ing of time to replenish onself Birthright centers in Amherst, spiritually and emotionally. Attleboro, Beverly, . Boston, Ms. Barbelle, III Swansea resi Brockton, Concord, Fall River, dent, has been named Massa Framingham, Gloucester, Hyan chusetts regional consultant for nis, Hudson/Marlboro, Martha's Birthright, succeeding Mary Vineyard, New Bedford, Nor Madden of Plymouth. wood, Springfield, and Taunton. Birthright is 1Il nondenomina All are listed in their local tele tional volunteer. organization phone directories and welcome offering free, confidential, non-, calls at any time.
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THE ANCHOR Friday, Nov. 4, 1983
"On The Cape"
Clemence addressed preven tion of suicides among adults and teens. He warned that teen age suicides have tripled over the past 10 years, and that the suicide rate for women who have had abortions is also on the in crease.
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AT BIRTHRIGHT CONVENTION, Janet Barbelle, newly appointed regional consultant (left); Judge Thomas Quinn, among speakers; Mary Madden, past· regional con sultant.
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