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THE CASCADE

Bickering like children since 1993

Upcoming Events 2 News 3 Opinion 7 Arts & Life 11 Feature 12 Reviews 14-18 Below the Belt 16 Sports & Health 21 Fitness 21

Ed Fast defends Conservative stance on pot P. 6

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 2012

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Cascades split grudge match with Spartans p 22

88 - 72

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UFV’s undead nightmare

Gingrich reaches for the stars

P. 5 & 20

P. 9

UFV welcomes new writer in residence Anash Irani

P. 12


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WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 2012

EDITORIAL Volume 20 · Issues 4 Room C1027 33844 King Road Abbotsford, BC V2S 7M8 604.854.4529

A + B = Snowflake ? 2

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Paul ESAU THE CASCADE The Math Nerds* have a concept called the Koch snowflake which I’ve been pondering as I’ve watched the snow come and go over the last couple weeks. It hasn’t been a really comprehensive pondering—I understand fractal curves about as well as I read Sumerian cuneiform—but then again I haven’t had a lot of time since the Ice Age finally began to retreat and the wheels of civilization returned to motion. A Koch snowflake is an equilateral triangle in which the middle third of each line segment is puckered into a smaller equilateral triangle, which is then subdivided again and again, in an infinite cycle. It begins so simply, three lines, yet within only a couple of steps it achieves a level of complication and a form akin to (obviously) a snowflake. I’ve seen a lot of snowflakes recently, but it’s the complexity, rather than the form, which has held my interest. It’s amazing how simple events, in our case, a dump of snow, can spin such profound consequences through our lives. With the snow came a flurry of emails, phone calls, schedule changes, and five days of cancellations. Most of us were left with gaping schedules and complicated logistical challenges for the few appointments we considered absolutely necessary, simple tasks made suddenly intricate by the application of a natural force. Yet in the last week I’ve talked to a fair number of people who spent the snow week battling a

more subtle challenge: sheer boredom. Caught without the necessity of being anywhere else, and aware of the tuition money slowly melting into the gutters (about $11 per credit hour missed), these people began to resent the cosmos and all its meteorological manifestations. One individual admitted to developing a sudden, debilitating Facebook addiction, while another related a cute cat YouTube binge in all its glory. People paced through suffocating suburban dwellings, trapped by snowbound automobiles, and claimed to go slowly mad. The general consensus among these individuals was that the snow cost us a week of valuable learning, was bloody inconvenient, and, most of all, was terrifically dull. There are not a lot of arguments that can be made against the first two accusations in that triad, but I am somewhat astounded that people, when given a week of drastically reduced responsibility, complained about boredom. I hate to make this personal. I hate to be that person, but I think I’m going to do it. You see, I rolled a chest-high snowball then attempted (unsuccessfully) to roll it down a hill like a real life Calvin & Hobbes adventure. I built an igloo. I learned to encrypt and decrypt secret messages by manipulating a deck of cards, in what (I’ve heard) is one of the most secure ciphers that doesn’t involve microchips. I also wasted a lot of time on various social networking sites, so I don’t feel too selfrighteous, but I wouldn’t have described myself as bored. In fact, the problem I have with

Editor-in-Chief esau@ufvcascade.ca Paul Esau Managing Editor nick@ufvcascade.ca Nick Ubels Business Manager ali@ufvcascade.ca Ali Siemens Online Editor michael@ufvcascade.ca Michael Scoular Production Manager stewart@ufvcascade.ca Stewart Seymour Art Director anthony@ufvcascade.ca Anthony Biondi

boredom is not a matter of arguing who most creatively utilized the five days of cancellation, but instead a matter of perspective. Most of us here in university are paying a good deal of money for the opportunity to “get an education,” which presumably means to accumulate knowledge, sophistication, marketable skills, etc. Yet this is not a quantifiable transaction, in that we are also supposedly paying for a paradigm shift, a change in perspective beyond the mere accumulation of fact. The hope is that our curiousity will be cultivated, indeed develop such a crushing grip upon us, that even when the professors and classrooms are not physically present we will still endeavor to explore. That eventually we will embark on projects that are not directly required on a syllabus,

image: wrtlprnft

and involved ourselves in dialogues that we could have previously ignored. I will admit that the people who used the word “bored” in conversations with myself, probably did not choose it as a profound description of their emotional, physical, and intellectual state during the majority of their time off. It was an easy answer, easier than explaining in detail the tasks they attempted and the goals they accomplished. I understand that, but I also understand that “bored” is a triangle word, and that university is about creating snowflakes. *Definition 1: People who can use the phrase “irrational number” without feeling rather silly. Definition 2: People who can subtract double-digit integers.

UPCOMING EVENTS

February 3

February 4

February 8

February 14-15

Men’s and Women’s Basketball Cascades vs. UBC

Model Auditions for Absolute Style 2012 fashion show

Let’s talk… Mental Health

It’s my wedding

Come out to support UFV Men’s and Women’s Cascades basketball teams who will be taking on the UBC Thunderbirds Friday, February 3. The women’s game will take place at 6 p.m. followed by the men’s game at 8 p.m. The women’s team, having lost in their recent match-up against rival team TWU will be hungry for a win while the men will be looking to maintain their dominance in a successful season.

UFV’s Fashion design program is looking for models again this year for the Absolute Style 2012 fashion show in April. You must be 14 years of age or older to audition. You need not have any previous experience in modeling as you will be trained if you are selected. The auditions will be held Saturday, February 4, from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. in Building D, Room D101, on Abbotsford Campus.

UFV’s Student Association of Philosophical Counseling in conjunction with the Canadian Association of Philosophical Counselling will be hosting a seminar Wednesday February 8 from 5:30 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. The seminar is in support of BELL Canada’s “Let’s Talk” initiative Canada-wide on February 8 where for every text message sent by a Bell customer Bell will donate five cents towards mental health and wellness organizations.

Do you or someone you know have a wedding coming up this year? At Tradex & Exhibition Centre on Friday 14 and 15 “It’s my wedding” a two-day wedding show will feature everything from wedding fashion to flowers. A blend of more traditional to uniquely innovative wedding ideas will be featured. Many door prizes available to be won. Admission is $17.00 per adult.

Copy Editor joel@ufvcascade.ca Joel Smart News Editor grace@ufvcascade.ca Grace Romund Opinion Editor dessa@ufvcascade.ca Dessa Bayrock Arts & Life Editor amy@ufvcascade.ca Amy Van Veen Sports Editor sean@ufvcascade.ca Sean Evans Photojournalist Rebecca Groen Staff Writers Karen Aney, Jennifer Colbourne, Joe Johnson, Sasha Moedt, Leanna Pankratz, Alexei Summers Contributors Balraj Dhillon, E.J. Harrow, Paige Hoblak, Aaron Levy, Kenneth Muir, Tanya Ruscheinski, Tim Ubels Printed By International WebExpress

The Cascade is UFV’s autonomous student newspaper. It provides a forum for UFV students to have their journalism published. It also acts as an alternative press for the Fraser Valley. The Cascade is funded with UFV student funds. The Cascade is published every Friday with a circulation of 1500 and is distributed at UFV campuses and throughout Abbotsford, Chilliwack, and Mission. The Cascade is a member of the Canadian University Press, a national cooperative of 75 university and college newspapers from Victoria to St. John’s. The Cascade follows the CUP ethical policy concerning material of a prejudicial or oppressive nature. Submissions are preferred in electronic format through e-mail. Please send submissions in “.txt” or “.doc” format only. Articles and letters to the editor must be typed. The Cascade reserves the right to edit submissions for clarity and length. The Cascade will not print any articles that contain racist, sexist, homophobic or libellous content. The writer’s name and student number must be submitted with each submission. Letters to the editor must be under 250 words if intended for print. Only one letter to the editor per writer in any given edition. Opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect that of UFV, Cascade staff and collective, or associated members.


WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 2012

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Campus composting initiative gains traction Tanya Ruscheinski

CONTRIBTOR

Back in the winter of 2011, UFV conducted a nine-week pilot program to test how composting could work on campus. It’s been a while since the successful test-run ended, but now plans are brewing to implement the program regularly. Lisa Banks, the new owner of Down-To-Earth Kitchen Compost Pick-up, is working with the university to establish a plan that will bring composting to UFV permanently. While nothing is certain yet, Banks met with Martin Kelly, UFV student life programmer, last week, to take a look around and get a feel for what would be involved. “I walk[ed] around and [did] an evaluation of what your needs are,” said Banks, who continued on to say she is hopeful that a plan can be put in place and UFV can begin to reap the benefits of composting. “You will be down-sizing the waste for sure,” said Banks, “especially with the coffee shops; that’s a lot of waste that’s getting thrown

A compost receptacle.

out that could be composted,” referring to all of the cups and tissue

paper that tend to end up in the garbage for lack of a better dispos-

al outlet. “It’s exciting,” concluded Banks. Meanwhile, the City of Abbotsford is also coordinating with Down-to-Earth and is already running a successful composting program in many of its buildings, an initiative that began with only a small group of employees over three years ago. “We started just on the fourth floor [of city hall] in 2008 and taking it home into our own backyard composters,” said Barry Azevedo, the solid waste and environmental engineer at City Hall. Since then, the program has spread through the rest of the floors at City Hall and also exists in the fire halls and most of the main parts of the city. “We haven’t gotten to ARC and MRC yet,” said Azevedo, “but that’s something that we will be looking at.” Azevedo noted the possibility of changing by-laws to require that composting programs be established in all city buildings. He also noted how the response to the program so far has been “very positive” and once people get accustomed to using the compost it becomes second-nature. “They like to see that we’re

leading the way and that we have experience with this,” explained Azevedo, “so that when we do make requirements of them, we already have the experience in it.” He reassured that a process of changing by-laws would involve a lot of consulting with businesses and is not something that would be put in place by tomorrow. While regular curb-side compost collection hasn’t been established yet, there has been a pilot program that involved 425 homes in the Chief Dan George area. Azevedo explained how the results have been encouraging and garbage collection has been moved to every other week due to the sheer drop in the amount of garbage being bagged. “We’re hopefully planning on expanding that to the whole city and planning on doing that perhaps September of this year,” Azevedo said. With hopes of composting at UFV, Azevedo is eager to see what happens. “I think it’s very positive and I’m very excited to hear it,” he said. “I think UFV is doing a great job by pursuing [composting]; you want to stay ahead of the curb.”

Wikipedia in academia An understanding of Wikipedia’s place in academics JOE JOHNSON

THE CASCADE

Perhaps the greatest friend and worst enemy to academics is Wikipedia. Over this past week The Cascade has surveyed students, faculty members and the Research Services department to get a better understanding of where it fits in, how it is understood, and to see if it can be a reliable source of information in academia. The problems with Wikipedia are inherent. The information can be falsified or changed if an article is new, or if many users mob the site to overwhelm the truth. Perhaps best proven true a few years ago on the Colbert Report regarding ‘wikiality’, “together we can create a reality that we all agree on—the reality we just agreed on.” He had his viewers go to the page on elephants and enter “The number of elephants has tripled in the last six months.” In this way, it can be viewed as problematic. But arguably there remain many positive aspects of the site. From a student perspective of Wikipedia, its uses range from it serving as an initial information gathering place for further research, to full citations of credible articles within it. Of course, some students realize that much of Wikipedia information is cited and the links to sources provided will take you to where that information came from. Anecdotally and intuitively, first year students would be more likely to cite a Wikipedia article. But as your studies advance, so does your critical use of it – where those list-

ed articles on the bottom of each page begin to come in play. This evolution can often be attributed to a professor’s insistence on real research, as well as being taught how to view the site critically. And when speaking with professors, it appears to be true. Over half a dozen educators, all from different departments had nearly identical things to say. One of the reoccurring themes was that it’s a great place to get an overview of

the topic at hand and is a place to start searching, but should never be the last. Barbara Messamore from UFV’s History department said, “I tell students to go ahead and read Wikipedia – I love to read it myself. But they need to know that everything they read there has to be verified in some other source. I have seen students cite false information that someone has added mischievously.”

Irwin Cohen of the Criminology department stated, “I do not allow my students to cite the website in their work as it is an open source website that is not peerreviewed. While I don’t restrict my students exclusively to peerreviewed material, I don’t allow Wikipedia because there are no external controls to ensure that the information is accurate, to the best of my understanding.” English professor Trevor Caro-

lan mentioned that this year he began adding to his course outline, “Note: Wikipedia is not a credible reference source.” He also explained that, “If you’re writing a research paper and think that slamming into Wikipedia and nothing, or little, else will get you through, that’s not scholarship, it’s slack practice. Most profs I know, myself included, would hand a paper of this kind back unread.” Finally, Yvon Dandurand, associate vice president of Research & Graduate Studies was of the mind that while Wikipedia is great, students have a wealth of access to many different research sources. There are databases, journals, books, reports, even librarians at students’ disposal – all for free. “Wikipedia, like anything else, can turn into an opportunity to learn,” Dandurand concluded. “There’s nothing wrong with using Wikipedia as long as it’s a starting point, not the destination. And that as a student when you start with using Wikipedia, that’s convenient like any search instrument, then you keep on looking, and you look at alternative sources - make use of our extensive library.” While inroads are being made to increase the credibility of Wikipedia, such as professionals in specific areas monitoring information, editors involved, and even schools teaching students how to properly edit – as well as read– articles, Wikipedia states on their own website, “Do your research properly. Remember that any encyclopedia is a starting point for research, not an ending point.”


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WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 2012

NEWS

Fire at Chilliwack substation cuts off Abbotsford power

Do you have the journalism bug? (And we don’t mean norovirus) We are currently accepting applications for

News Writer ALEXEI SUMMERS

THE CASCADE

Students at UFV’s Abbotsford campus found themselves in the dark without power on Saturday morning when the Chilliwack Atchelitz BC Hydro substation at 6155 Lickman Road reportedly experienced an explosion followed by a fire. Classes were cancelled, and power through much of the townships of Abbotsford and Chilliwack was lost for the majority of the late morning. The exact cause of the explosion remains undetermined. The flames quickly spread to a storage tank containing approximately 100,000 litres of oil. Soon the surrounding area was engulfed in black smoke plumes, which drifted high into the sky. BC Hydro quickly issued a public warning for those nearby to stay indoors, to close windows, and to not use their furnaces. BC Hydro has not been able to determine the full extent of the

toxicity from the plumes from the oil, and from the burning of the substation itself. They do admit that some chemicals will have been released into the air as a result of the fire. David Lebeter, BC Hydro vice president, advised those with breathing problems to seek medical advice. “My response would be to treat it as any other smoke from any other kind of fire. Try not to breathe it. If you did inhale and felt tightness in your chest, I would go to the doctor,” he said. Power was restored around noon after a frantic morning-long battle with the blaze by local firefighters. Many local creature comforts were shut off as a result of the blaze. Residents nearby found themselves without water to drink or bathe, and without electricity to light and heat their homes. Local farmers also found it difficult to cope with the loss of power. Many residents of the Fraser Valley have been quick to criticize BC Hydro for their dedicated

commitment to their new Smart Meter program that will cost taxpayers around $1 billion to change the analog electricity meters on every home and business in the province to digital wireless ones. Taxpayers have complained that funding should be being allocated to upgrading substations to ensure accidents such as this do not occur in the future. BC Hydro has commented that thankfully nobody was killed, hurt, or injured in the fire, but that several employees have been taken to the hospital just as a precaution. “None of the employees have been injured. Everybody is accounted for, and everybody’s safe,” Lebeter said. The fire is contained for now, however there is some speculation by BC Hydro and Abbotsford Fire Rescue Service that the remaining oil could still reignite. There is no word yet on environmental damage, but an investigation has been launched.

image: CDU

image: M.N. Malik//The Lance

The News Writer is responsible for producing quality news articles in conjunction with the News Editor. He or she will endeavor to provide the student body with stories and information pertinent to the UFV community, while upholding the highest in journalism ethics and standards. He or she will produce two News or Feature articles per issue, and must possess strong interviewing and writing skills. Qualifications: Must be registered in at least one credit hour in the winter semester. Must be available to work varying hours. Must be available to be present in the office for at least 2 hours per week during publishing weeks. Must have effective interpersonal skills. Pay: $65 per issue Please email resume, brief statement of interest, and sample news article (500 to 750 words) to nick@ufvcascade.ca

NEWS BRIEFS

imgae: Reuters

Image: Ryan Bromsgrove/The Gateway

Image: merlinprincess/Flickr

Canadian values in spotlight after “honor killings”

Merkel to urge China to cut Iran oil imports: source

Globes pulled from U of W library after anti-Israeli vandalism

U of A student embezzled $27,000 from Business Students’ Association

Canadian dollar softens on sluggish GDP data

TORONTO (Reuters) - The “honor killing” of three teenaged Canadian girls by members of their own family has prompted soul-searching in pro-immigration Canada, as it protects minority religious freedoms and upholds its liberal laws. Muslim groups said their religion could not be blamed for the quadruple murder - an elder relative was also killed in the gruesome outburst of family violence. All four were found drowned inside a submerged Nissan Sentra that had been pushed into a canal near the eastern Ontario city of Kingston. Government ministers were quick to condemn the killings, which the prosecution said took place after the three teenagers sought a more liberal lifestyle than the one forced on them by their overbearing Afghan Canadian father. “Honor motivated violence is NOT culture, it is barbaric violence against women. Canada must never tolerate such misogyny as culture,” Rona Ambrose, the government’s minister in charge of women’s rights, wrote on Twitter soon after the Sunday verdicts against the Montreal couple and their eldest son. A Kingston jury found husband and wife Mohammad Shafia and Tooba Mohammad Yahya, and their son Hamed Mohammad Shafia guilty of four counts of firstdegree murder. They face life in prison, with no chance of parole for 25 years. The victims were three of Hamed’s younger sisters and Mohammad Shafia’s first wife in a polygamous marriage.

BERLIN (Reuters) - German Chancellor Angela Merkel will use a planned visit to China this week to encourage Beijing to reduce its imports of Iranian oil, a German government source said on Tuesday. Last week, the European Union agreed to ban from July 1 all imports of oil from Iran, OPEC’s second largest producer, in a drive to pressure Tehran into reining in its nuclear activities. “It is in German interests that China does not raise its imports (from Iran). It would be good if China would reduce its imports,” the government source told a news briefing ahead of Merkel’s trip to China that begins on Wednesday. China has criticized the EU ban, saying it is “not a constructive approach.” Beijing, the world’s second largest crude consumer, has long opposed unilateral sanctions that target Iran’s energy sector and has tried to reduce tensions that could threaten its oil supply. The 27-nation EU delayed until July the entry into force of the oil import ban because it also wants to avoid penalizing the ailing economies of Italy, Greece and others for whom Iran is a major oil supplier. The EU strategy will be reviewed in May to see whether it should go ahead. Western powers accuse Iran of planning to build nuclear weapons. Tehran says its nuclear program is for purely peaceful purposes.

WINDSOR (CUP) — Officials at the University of Windsor’s Leddy Library removed three globes from the Curriculum Resource Centre on Jan. 11 after being notified that Israel had been scratched from their surfaces. The chance of the vandalism being random is highly unlikely, as closer examination revealed the only altercation to all three spheres was the absence of the nation of Israel. The globes have been in this condition for at least the past three years despite student complaints, according to third-year law student Gavin Wolch. Wolch, who is Jewish, said he noticed the problem a few years ago after seeing someone else’s complaint posted on the library’s question board. “I looked at it and I added one. Nothing was done about it,” he said. “I saw [the globes] and it was frustrating, but it’s really hard to get angry at someone else’s ignorance.” Peter Zimmerman, head of information services, has worked at Leddy Library for the past 10 years and indicated he had never come across a complaint about the globes. The library does keep complaint records, but not going back far enough to verify Wolch’s claim, he explained. “I’ve checked recent complaints up until last semester, and I haven’t found a record of a complaint in the nature of what has been raised. We don’t necessarily keep all old complaints,” said Zimmerman. “We are taking this very seriously — it’s a pretty upsetting incident, and it’s certainly something we would have responded to. Some of [the globes] are from the ‘50s and that’s really disappointing.”

EDMONTON (CUP) — A student embezzled more than $27,000 from a faculty association at the University of Alberta, according to a statement released Jan. 23 to faculty of business students. In their statement, the Business Students’ Association (BSA) revealed that $27,745 was stolen from a BSA bank account over the course of the summer, a fact which the association became aware of in August 2011. When asked, the BSA said they could not comment on the investigation or the identity of the student, but BSA president Kimberley Menard said that the association is working with the Students’ Union (SU) to ensure that this does not happen to any other clubs in the future. “Our internal controls are pretty tight already,” Menard said. “We’re just making sure that if an error is made in the future, we’re able to catch it sooner.” The BSA statement said the student in question acted alone, although all transactions are supposed to require two authorized signatures. Menard was unable to elaborate on how the student was able to act on their own, although their statement indicated it was due to a bank error. Students’ Union vice-president academic Emerson Csorba confirmed that the SU and the BSA have been working together with the Office of the Dean of Students to investigate the issue. “We’ve been doing a lot of investigating over the last few months, just in terms of looking at the financial procedures of the BSA,” Csorba said. “The BSA has been handling this well over the last few months, and we’ve been working with the dean of students to make sure something like this doesn’t happen again, and at the same time that something like this can’t happen to other faculty organizations.”

TORONTO (Reuters) - The Canadian dollar gave back most of its early gains against the U.S. currency on Tuesday morning after data showed Canada’s economy unexpectedly contracted in November for the first time since May, offsetting the overnight boost the currency got from an agreement on a new European pact to tackle the euro-zone debt crisis. The Canadian dollar rose as high as C$0.9966 against the greenback, but pared some of its gains after Statistics Canada said Canadian real gross domestic product fell 0.1 percent in November. Economists had forecast an increase of 0.2 percent. The weak data was not expected to alter Bank of Canada monetary policy in the near term but left the market deflated. “The number was definitely a bit softer than expected, but in terms of policy implications we know the bank’s on hold here for some time,” said Shaun Osborne, chief currency strategist at TD Securities. “We’d need to see more data to even raise the prospect of rate cuts in Canada in the future.” At 10:10 a.m. (1510 GMT), Canada’s dollar was at C$1.001 to the U.S., or 99.90 U.S. cents, after finishing Monday at C$1.0028 to the U.S., or 99.72 U.S. cents. The currency’s early highs were reached after the European Union agreed on Monday on a deal that sets strict new measures on sovereign budget discipline, and which is intended to prevent a repeat of the massive overspending that spurred the debt crisis. Markets rallied early around the news with commodity prices broadly up.


WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 2012

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UFV Zombie outbreak traced to U-House Students advised to head indoors, stock up on essentials alexei summers

THE CASCADE

UFV’s Abbotsford campus became the outbreak epicenter of a deadly zombie virus last Friday evening. The origin of the organized outbreak was traced to UHouse in the official investigation that was launched by the journalistic efforts of those at the UFV student newspaper, The Cascade. The objective of the game was to stay alive, not be zombified and to have some fun by firing Nerf guns at those infected. The event, aptly titled “Humans versus Zombies” on Facebook by its creators, was organized by UFV student Jonathan Bayrock, and UFV Student Life Programmer Martin Kelly. “We had somewhere between 44 and 60 people come out to play,” said Bayrock about the event. “I think the event went pretty good. There were a few hiccoughs, but we managed to work around those. I think the next game will greatly improve from the issues we encountered this time around.” Nerf and zombie enthusiasts alike flocked to U-House just before 5 p.m. to check in, and get their bandannas which represented their humanity, and lack of zombification. When asked where he got the idea for the Humans versus Zombies (HvZ) event, Bayrock replied,

“Last summer a bunch of friends and I got into Nerfing. As I was looking up Nerf game types on the internet, I stumbled upon the HvZ official website.” The event began promptly at 5 p.m. and went on well into the long, cold night. Safety precautions were taken by event organizers to ensure that no one was injured by the Nerf guns. The guns were individually tested on a volunteer, wearing goggles before the event began. Bullets were shot at his forehead to make sure the guns were not too powerful. “Martin Kelly and I decided to break up organizing the event into two parts: Selling the game to the school, and selling the game to the students,” said Bayrock. “I started off walking around the campus with a signup sheet to see if there was any interest in the game. Once I had about 30 people sign up, I started coming up with missions and poster ideas. About a week from the event, we put up posters, created an event on Facebook, and started recruiting people to be moderators.” A second HvZ event is in the works, according to Bayrock. No word yet on when it is to be expected. In the meantime students have been advised to stay indoors, and to avoid anyone whose flesh seems to be in a permanent state of decay, or whose mouth is covered with blood.

Image: Paul Esau/ The Cascade

Cascade staff ready to fight the zombie hordes (Left to Right: Anthony Biondi, Alexei Summers, Nick Ubels, Joe Johnson, Dessa Bayrock)

Check out our zombie survival logs on page 20!

Chilliwack-Hope NDP members vote O’Mahony to compete in by-election Gwen O’Mahony wins Chilliwack-Hope NDP nomination JOE JOHNSON

THE CASCADE

With the dust settling, Gwen O’Mahony has come out on top to be nominated as the BC NDP’s candidate for the ChilliwackHope riding. However, she should enjoy this moment while she can as there will be very little turnaround time to enjoy this victory. Having beaten out two other potential NDP nominees, Dennis Adamson and Kathleen Stephany, at this past weekend’s NDP nomination meeting, she will now jump back into campaign mode. O’Mahony will be trying to win the riding’s upcoming by-election, set off by resigning Liberal Barry Penner. But for the moment, O’Mahony—after taking the NDP’s nomination on the first ballot—simply had this to say on

winning, “Amazing, absolutely amazing.” With a background in science and health, O’Mahony has previously worked as a health advocate for multiple organizations, as well as having worked in the private sector. She has also in the past been a president of the Roteract in Abbotsford, an academic division of the Rotary, and she’s very involved in community and environmental issues. This also isn’t her first foray into politics. Having run in the 2009 provincial election, she lost to Penner by over a 20 per cent margin. And in this past national election, she was the federal NDP candidate for Chilliwack-Fraser Canyon. Although, she failed in her attempt to derail the strongly supported Conservative candidate, Mark Strahl. To address these recent losses at the meeting she said, “Where

would our country be if Jack Layton had given up? The first time he ran he came fourth. Second time, he didn’t win. Third time [he was] lucky. So I think there’s something to say about perseverance.” On getting the nomination this time around O’Mahony stated, “When you go into an election, already having won a nomination, you’re starting with that sense ‘I can win.’ So, it increases your optimism. Not only that, it’s an opportunity for members to really get behind you because then they actively have to choose who they want to represent the area. That speaks volumes, and it’s really important.” Adrian Dix, leader of the BC NDP and who was in attendance, also touched on the subject of her previous attempts, “She’s a great candidate. She did very well in the last election. [She] raised our vote, got a great historically strong margin and I think she’s going to do very well as our candidate.” The meeting itself proved to be very busy as the hall was packed with a rough head count of 200 people, some of which were left standing in the back. Notably,

that number consisted of 36 voting NDP members of the potential 84 in the riding. On stage each of the nominees were given 10 minutes to make a final appeal. O’Mahony spoke first and gave a rundown of her background, followed by Stephany who talked about how she could get the youth and small business vote and last was Adamson who was most notable for not having a prepared speech but who ended with stating that he could continue with what O’Mahony has done and that it was “time for her to pass the torch.” Of course, during the meeting there was the typical but impressive fundraising pitch by Sue Hammell, MLA for Surrey-Green Timbers, who raised $10,000 for O’Mahony to begin with. Dix also took his turn on stage to give an empowering speech to the party members and supporters before O’Mahony was announced the winner. Following the event was question time. With UFV having three campuses within Hope and Chilliwack, it was asked for O’Mahony to speak to university students. She said, “don’t waste time read-

ing about this in the newspapers, or studying it, but actually get an opportunity to get your feet wet. I highly encourage them to step forward and join this campaign. There is a place for students in my campaign team.” But while things were all celebratory on the day, O’Mahony faces challenges from the growing BC Conservatives and the Liberals. John Martin, a professor at UFV has been nominated by the Conservatives, while the Liberals are currently still fielding names to come forward. Speaking to that competition, O’Mahony noted, “Whatever steps I took to assure myself of a win in this nomination are the same steps that will be taken on a broader scale to assure a win for Chilliwack-Hope.” Finally, Dix made the point that “There are always challenges, but what we’ve got is a great candidate, we’ve got a great message, we’ve got a committed team, [and] we’ve got the biggest crowd we’ve had here in a long time.”


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WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 2012

NEWS

Award-winning reporter speaks to students of new journalism class TANYA RUSCHEINSKI

CONTRIBUTOR

Award-winning CTV investigative reporter, Jonathan Woodward, made the trip from Vancouver to speak to the students of UFV’s Journalism 301 class in a small classroom setting last week. For over an hour-and-a-half on January 26, the small class engaged in an interactive presentation that explored the ins and outs of television broadcasting and helped prepare the students for their upcoming news report projects. “It’s television that makes the impact,” said Woodward, noting that while print provides the “historical record,” it’s the visual elements that a news broadcast provides that can really make a story memorable. One of the points that resonated throughout the evening, however, was the importance of people in news. Woodward explained how it’s the people that make a story memorable and it’s when you can engage with them in a one-on-one situation that you get the human side of a story. “The best shots are when you come up to them after [a press conference] and you engage in them as a human being,” said Woodward. “If you talk to them

image: ctv.ca

CTV reporter Jonathan Woodward visited UFV last week. as a human being then they open up… and when they’re connecting with you the camera is there, too, which means that they’re connecting with an audience.” Woodward went on to talk about almost every aspect that students could expect to encounter as a reporter, should they choose to follow such a career path. No question was left unanswered, as discussion top-

Conservative government still opposes the legalization of marijuana

ics ranged from taking the right shots to on-camera presence and from writing for television to the role of social media. “Be confident and be yourself,” said Woodward about talking in front of the camera. “A lot of people think when they start television that they have to talk like a news announcer, which usually means people start talking like this,” at which point his voice

deepened a whole octave as he mimicked the stereotypical news anchor persona. Instead, Woodward pressed the point that you really just need to be natural and invested in your point. “You want to be so interested in what you’re saying that you can’t help but emphasize everything,” explained Woodward. Tom Konyves, professor and coordinator of the new journal-

ism class, thought that having Woodward come in to speak was an important part of exposing the students to the world of broadcasting. “I thought that this would be the perfect way to start off a brand new course being offered for the first time at UFV… and who better than young, enthusiastic Jon Woodward,” said Konyves. “I think he opened the students’ eyes to many of the inner workings of what it takes to be a professional broadcasting reporter.” On top of it being important that students hear from professionals in the field that can provide another perspective on the material, Konyves also commented on how the timing of these kinds of presentations can work to the students’ advantage. “I think it’s important for it to come at the beginning of the course because it shows that people who are working in the field are really dedicated to the work that they’re doing and hopefully that will be an added incentive for the students to try and excel in their assignments,” said Konyves. As for the students of Journalism 301, news broadcasting projects will be taking place over the next few weeks, and with an arsenal of first-hand tips now in their pockets, the process should hopefully be a bit easier.

We are currently accepting applications for the position of

Managing Editor

grace romund

THE CASCADE

In the wake of the Liberal party’s recently announced resolution to legalize marijuana the Conservative party has now been singled out as the only remaining major political party in Ottawa to oppose legalization and decriminalization of marijuana. In an interview with The Cascade, Ed Fast, Member of Parliament (MP) for Abbotsford reaffirmed the Conservatives negative opinion of any discussion of legalization or decriminalization of marijuana. “Our government’s position has not changed. We will continue to resist efforts to legalize marijuana and believe that the harm that such drugs cause far outweighs any perceived benefits of legalization.” According to Fast, the Conservatives view marijuana as a “gateway” drug that could have harmful implications if legalized. “Legalization of marijuana is the ‘thin edge of the wedge’ and would undoubtedly lead to calls for a broader legalization of dangerous drugs such as cocaine, crystal meth and heroin. Indeed, some within both the Liberal and NDP parties have actually advocated such broader legalization,” Fast said. Fast also made note that the Conservatives “have always been consistent on the issue” unlike other parties such as the Liberals

The Managing Editor acts largely as support for the Editor-in-Chief, assisting with EIC duties. While the focus of the Editor-in-Chief is largely on the content in The Cascade, the Managing Editor focuses on the personnel side of the paper; he/she hires and trains staff, with input from the EIC. The Managing Editor is responsible for office management, scheduling and chairing editorial and writers’ meetings, recruiting contributors, and human resources. The Managing Editor also assists sectional editors in developing features for the paper and contributes content as needed. Abbotsford MP Ed Fast and NDP. “We will continue to focus on tougher sentences for those who produce and traffic in drugs and sell those drugs to our children. At the same time, we will continue to support efforts to help those who are addicted to drugs and to improve education and drug prevention programs.” In this way, the Conservative government is going in the opposite direction of all their political opposition. The Safe Streets and Communities Act, an omnibus crime bill, passed in parliament this past fall in a fast-tracked attempt to crack down on crime which will favour harsher sentences for drug traffickers among others. With a Conservative majority government this bill passed without difficulty in the House of Commons on December 5 where it had failed under previous minority governments.

Qualifications: Must be registered in at least one credit hour in the winter semester. Must be available to work varying hours. Must be available to be present in the office for at least 12 hours per week during publishing weeks. Must be available to oversee production on Monday and Tuesdays. Must have effective interpersonal skills and strong organizational abilities. Pay is $300 per issue Position starts March 5, 2012.

Please email resume, statement of interest, and sample article (500 to 750 words) in .doc format to Nick Ubels (nick@ufvcascade.ca).


WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 1 , 2012

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7

OPINION

Iran isn’t playing games Research In Motion JENNIFER COLBOURNE THE CASCADE

Enriching uranium in an underground facility; harassing U.S. warships with revolutionary guard speedboats; threatening to block the strait through which one sixth of the world’s oil passes; these are not the actions of a stable and peaceful country. Nearly every day, Iran is in the news. People can sense the tension around the issue, but the situation as a whole is largely ignored by the public as “just some other Middle East issue.” We’re used to tensions with the Middle Eastern states, though admittedly the word “nuclear” makes everyone feel a little uneasy. And it should. Very uneasy. Iran is no Iraq or Afghanistan. Neither of those countries was outright seeking to go to war with the U.S. Iran, on the other hand, has basically been fingering the States and yelling “Nananananana!” for the last little while. Now, frankly, that’s just stupid. The Americans, to say the least, are a proud, militaristic folk. They aren’t just going to ignore such provocation with a smile and a shrug. So if Iran is willing to taunt the States, they must have a reason. Everyone just assumes Iran can’t be serious. They must be playing a game. After all, defying the West the way they have been is just downright suicidal – right? The authorities are, at this point, fairly certain that Iran doesn’t have the nuclear capability, nor

will have in the next year. This makes the public feel at ease, but that isn’t to say Iran isn’t developing nuclear technology. Enriching uranium in secret underground facilities only means one thing. And here’s the catch – the US admits that they actually don’t have the weaponry to completely destroy such facilities. In the meantime, the UN and the IAEA are all playing diplomatic games with Iran that are unlikely to amount to anything more than the usual bluster, serving no purpose but to buy Iran time. I can’t help but wonder if Iran thinks they have a decent shot against the States. Let’s face it, the Americans have an amazing army and an ego to go with it, but nonetheless their track record isn’t too impressive when it comes to fighting in foreign counties. The wars in Iraq and Afghanistan certainly didn’t turn out to be the “in and out” operations they were supposed to be. Never mind the fact that economically the wars were severely crippling to the States. Can they even afford a war against Iran? Not really. It also doesn’t help that the American people are getting tired of war. Especially with elections looming, G.I. Joe (for once) seems reluctant to go rushing in. Now things are starting to get scary, fast. The EU has decided to boycott Iranian oil as of July 1, and in retaliation Iran is contemplating cutting off oil sales to Europe immediately. According to The

New York Times, Iranian legislator Moayed Hosseini Sadr was quoted as saying they would make Europe “understand the power of Iran.” That’s the opposite of reassuring. It isn’t certain what effect sanctions will have. Put between a rock and a hard place, Iran is either going to give in or retaliate. I have a feeling it isn’t about to give in. So what happens if Iran and the West go to war? Regardless of the outcome, the effects will be devastating. The American economy (let alone Europe’s) can’t handle another war. More lives will be lost. If the Iranians do, in fact, develop or have nuclear weapons, we could be seeing loss of life on a grand scale. Plus, if Israel gets involved, as Israel says they will, there will be a whole other dangerous dynamic at play in the Middle East. We Canadians can also expect to be dragged into the fray. What’s taking place right now is dangerous, and almost certain to end badly. America’s day as super power already seems to be waning, and if they go to war again they may never recover. This will be the opportunity for up-and-coming super powers China and India to start exerting their power. Whether we like it or not, we’re at the beginning of a huge shift in global power. War with Iran may just determine how quick and severe that shift will be. It’s the end of the world as know it. Stop feeling fine.

Where have all the good books gone? LEANNA PANKRATZ THE CASCADE

As a book lover, I become a little disheartened each time I walk into a bookstore. It’s not that I’ve grown tired of reading, or tired of the written word in general. I’m simply tired of anything post-1990s. A large statement, but I will stand by it. I’ve tried, I really have. I cracked open Twilight a few years back only to be turned off of the vampire scene altogether. I’ve given most of Oprah’s favourite books the benefit of the doubt only to be left with doubt, and Elizabeth Gilbert certainly didn’t inspire me to eat, pray, or love. In fact, with the exception of a few standout novels (and at the risk of sounding like a prematurely stodgy booksnob), I have been thoroughly disappointed by the calibre of modern literature. What was that biblical quote from Ecclesiastes? “What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.” Unfortunately, I haven’t immersed myself in the works of modern-day authors simply because I’ve been disappointed by their work. I much prefer Oscar Wilde’s accounts of decadence and depravity to Gossip Girl’s, or the fast paced antics of Hunter S. Thompson’s Rum Diary to

the cocky nonsense of that depressing misogynist behind I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell. We’re a culture that thrives on recycled ideas, and I choose to stay safely in the somewhat antiquated language of our allthe-more-fascinating (literary) past – and therefore read plotlines that were at least semi-new when they were written. It’s a sad but true fact that there is nothing new in literature. It’s rare that a popular and well-written novel’s author is not glaringly compared to such literary greats as Hemingway and Salinger. Can a writer not be great in their own right? Apparently not. It seems that the highest compliment paid to a young writer is generally not one involving a “fresh and original voice,” but a “fresh and original spin on the style of [insert famous and revered twentieth century heavyweight].” I’ve grown to hate the infernal presence of literary name-dropping on any book review I read. Is it at all possible for lush, melancholic prose to not be “reminiscent of Capote?” There were authors who genuinely earned their right to book-word fame and recognition, and I hate to see their names being sprayed around the pages of reviews like adjectives. What happened to the days of innovation and the act of a writer

bringing an innovating new method of writing or format to the table? It seems almost impossible to spin the threads of new ideas in our society – our jaded society that thrives on the notion of “been there done that.” How does a writer market to such a generation? Want to write about money, aspiration, and disappointment in deeply descriptive language? Scott Fitzgerald claimed that one. Want to eliminate description and cut down language to its barest bones? Sorry, Hemingway called it. How about a detailed, cross sectional look at modern day class structures? Charles Dickens took that one running. What about Edwardian gender-bending? Chalk that one up to Virginia Woolf. Dizzyingly spiritual stream-of-consciousness ramblings and verbal nonsense? James Joyce beat you to it. What we have these days are the regurgitated and possibly subconsciously semi-plagiarized ideas of these great men and women with a few pop-culture references and modernized language. I’ll stick with my vintage copy of Tender is the Night, thank you very much. If you’re jaded and you know it, clap your hands.

set to rise from the ashes

Research In Motion set for return to dominance amidst crazy strong competition JOE JOHNSON THE CASCADE

After playing Zombies vs. Humans last night on the UFV green I began to feel that maybe Blackberry maker, Research In Motion (RIM), had become very much like the undead – in the unconscious, decaying, trying to stave off death, sort of way. At least, so it would seem – they’ve been almost totally stagnant in terms of producing anything worthwhile for the consumer. Their tablet, the Playbook, was meant to steal sales away from the iPad but only lost RIM hundreds of millions of dollars last year. Posting such poor sales numbers, they were actually forced to make deep cuts in price just to sell what they did. To add insult to injury, RIM’s ability to deliver on quality was greatly undermined when the Playbook was launched, since the operating system was woefully undeveloped and problematic. And this wasn’t the only time RIM dropped the quality ball. Only a few months ago, a Blackberry service outage went worldwide, separating everybody from their cozy relationship with their Blackberries (nicknamed “crackberries” for a reason). This sent RIM’s already shaky customer base into a quagmire. Given these problems, it is easy to see how RIM’s shares have dropped from a high of $148 in 2008 down to their current $16.79 value. And it’s not like these problems

are anything new. Investors have been clamoring to have Jim Balsillie and Mike Lazaridis booted from their shared position of CEO for a while, and this is exactly what has now happened (unless you take Balsillie and Lazaridis at their word that it was their decision to step down two weeks ago). Nevertheless, Thorsten Heins is now the man at the top, appointed unanimously by the board of directors. Is Heins, who has a background in engineering and business, the man who can raise RIM from the ashes? The proof is yet to come. But I don’t want to see the company become another Nortel, providing more support to the claim that tech companies can’t exist successfully in Canada. We have a country rich in innovation and intellect, and I want RIM to be a beacon of that success. However, in order to do that, Heins is going to have to pick the company up from the bootstraps and chip away at the monsters of the industry: Apple and Google. Apple dominates projections: it just posted its best quarter in company history, largely on the back of the iPhone and iPad, and according to some analysts is poised for even better sales in 2012. Google also continues to see its market share of tablets increase, a slice of the market pie mostly taken from Apple. By producing the Android operating system and not the hardware, Google has been able to integrate itself into many more devices to allow for that growth. Although Google is a just another competitor for RIM, it also serves as a beacon of hope: if Google can eat away at Apple’s stranglehold on the cell phone and tablet industry, maybe RIM still has a shot to do the same. In Heins’ hands, RIM could return to dominance. Especially with a new operating system set for release in the coming months (which will drive all RIM mobile devices and be able to run Android apps) the path for return looks already set. Add a revamped Playbook 2.0 to this, and maybe RIM is a phoenix rising from the ashes after all.


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WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 2012

OPINION OPINION

Gingrich promises the sky. Literally. DESSA BAYROCK THE CASCADE

I like living in the future. Sometimes I just stand back and take a look at what technology allows us to do, and let’s face it: it’s pretty damn cool. Bullet trains in Japan go upwards of 250 km/hour. I can buy anything from anywhere and have it shipped to my door – from clothing to books to vegetables to German candy. We built a tunnel underground and underwater from France to England just so we didn’t have to go outside. And have you seen what kind of real-time shenanigans you can pull with Google docs? This is the kind of world imagined in 1960s science fiction – minus the freeze-dried food. Except for one little thing: the moon. Or any interstellar travel, really. The race to space has pretty much ended with a whimper, and it’s gotten to the point where rockets are launched into space without any kind of a fanfare. After Neil Armstrong’s big gig, to be honest, we all became kind of jaded. Personally, the wow factor of watching other people walk on the moon has completely disappeared. You have to up the ante, NASA – if you don’t have the technology to send me to the moon, I’m frankly not interested. Which apparently was Newt Gingrich’s thought as well. Last week he declared that, if elected president, he would have a permanent colony on the moon by his second term in office. Gingrich, you’re playing with my heart and I don’t like it. I’ve always wanted to be part of a space colony, and I’m sure I’m not the only one. The interesting thing is that Newt Gingrich has finally made me sit up and take notice. It might just be a crazy campaign promise that he’ll

never follow through on (it does, after all, hinge on the assumption that he stays in office for two terms), in which case it’s fulfilled its purpose of separating him from the herd. In a world where apathy is the real president of the people, maybe that one crazy claim will be enough to drive people to the polls, even if their votes are founded on a pipe dream. But back to the future (no pun intended): just think of the technology we have at our fingertips. Is a moon base really that crazy? Think about what kind of an impact computers had on humanity’s way of thinking, or the telephone, or radio, or calculators. These concepts are beyond normal to us. Some of them, like typewriters, which were the pinnacle of technology when they were first produced, are straight-up outdated. Which is exactly the point: as a species, we are driven to advance. This kind of progress rarely happens overnight, but sometimes there are sudden leaps forward. Might it be possible we’re due for another one? Say, putting a permanent base on the moon? I’m sure people laughed at Kennedy when he said he’d send man to the moon, but years later Neil Armstrong proved that even crazy claims can come to fruition. In short, Gingrich’s might never follow through on his promise – but there is a distinct possibility, however small, that he might. People are capable of nearly anything if they put their mind to it and dedicate the resources and time to making it happen. Maybe I read too much science fiction as a child, but I have to admit that Gingrich’s moon base claim doesn’t just have me thinking about the future, but hopeful about it as well. And isn’t that exactly what the American people – people everywhere for that matter – really need?

Dear Nickelback

You’re about to go on tour; I’m about to blow my lid

Image: Shayne Kaye/Flickr

Kroeger and company bringing the rawk. Brendan Kergin — The Omega (Thompson Rivers University) KAMLOOPS, B.C. (CUP) — I’ve been able to bottle it up until now. It has been boiling in the background, but I put a lid on it and let it be. But now — now you’ve done it. You have, once again, ended up (almost) at the top of U.S. record sales. Sure, other Canadians have joined you in the Top 10 album sales spotlight — Buble, Drake and Bieber to be specific. Buble: Great guy, sap music; he’s a wash to me. Drake: Don’t know him, and that’s enough. Bieber? Inauthentic bubble-gum crap, but at least we know it. But you, sirs, of the “our name is the grammatically incorrect way to give change to a customer” tribe, I take issue with. It’s not just that I dislike the music. It’s that the music is almost literally illegal. It’s so similar, the only reason it’s not plagiarizing

is that you’re not willing to sue yourselves. It has all the sonic creativity of a muffler. But okay — so you don’t intend to revolutionize the way music is played. No one is comparing you to, well, any worthwhile musician. The lyrics I find more offensive. They’re the WWE of poetry. Half are sappiness repackaged for testosterone-based life forms. The other half seem to be based on a half-dozen KISS songs. Playing Scrabble against you would be a joy, but would likely lack the mental stimulation of washing dishes. But the thing that bothers me the most is that you exist. You are proof that marketing is more powerful than culture or taste. You project an idea of masculinity that is not only unhealthy for the individual, but also for society. You’re practically creating an army of unthinking clones who look at your lifestyle and agree that, “Sure, getting drunk off cheap corporate beer and watching

guys fight on TV is probably what I want to achieve in my life.” You are seemingly run by marketing executives so morally bankrupt I bet tobacco lobbyists meet up with them to hear tales of the dark side. And that’s where my anger lies. Not with the man-children up on stage, reliving fantasies of junior high. It’s the Nickelback that exists in the boardroom. Adding insult to injury, you just booked a massive, 39-city North American tour for this spring and summer. You are still apparently relevant, what, 10 years after your only real hit? Since then it’s been a constant Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V on album after album. So where does that leave us? I’m not sure about you, but I’m going to go listen to a three-year-old bang on a pot. Sure, it may not be produced to someone’s idea of sonic perfection, but at least it’s authentic.

Bow down to the nastyass honey badger KAREN ANEY THE CASCADE

Urbandictionary.com defines a meme as “an idea, belief or belief system, or pattern of behaviour that spreads throughout a culture either vertically by cultural inheritance (as by parents to children) or horizontally by cultural acquisition (as by peers, information media, and entertainment media).” That’s great and all, but a little too technical. What it’s really saying is that every meme attempts to take over not just the internet, but our bodies, minds, and souls. Few are successful; few can permeate every faction of our existence. The honey badger, though? He doesn’t care. Thus, the honey badger is taking over not just the internet, but the whole world. It started sooner than most of us realize. Back in 2003, when askjeeves. com was still kicking, flash anima-

tor Jonti Picking made a jaunty little looping video of animated badgers doing a hypnotic dance interspersed with intensely sized and coloured mushrooms and snakes. It’s referred to as “Badger Badger Badger,” and generally considered something not to watch after partaking in some of BC’s finest. The video would be well utilized as an interrogation technique – five minutes watching this baby while strapped to a chair and you’ll be begging to tell your captor about why your childhood dog cried every time he smelled peanut butter. FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU. Clearly, this video infiltrated our collective psyches, hanging out in the back of our brains behind the broken Spanish we learned on Sesame Street. The badgers in the video then recruited one of us sub-par humans to be their spokesperson. His name? Randall. That’s how you know they’re taking over the world:

single name entities are always eerily powerful. They also trololol at the rules of life itself, because they don’t age. Case in point? Cher and Madonna. Randall narrated the YouTube video that really truly elevated the honey badger to fame. He informed the world—the minions—that the honey badger don’t care. He just don’t give a shit. Ew. He’s just going to eat that cobra. He eats larva, too. That’s just so – ew. So gross. He gets stung like a million times, but he doesn’t care! He’s just craaaazy. The video, and the narration, permeate the minds of minions everywhere. However, YouTube wasn’t enough for the honey badger. His scope of influence expanded: articles quickly popped up on cracked.com, the Huffington Post, TMZ – the usual suspects. Meme status was established. But the honey badger climbs trees and eats cobras. He literally eats

them, he’s so nastyass. So he didn’t stop with the internet. The honey badger minion, Randall, narrated some Mythbusters promotional material. Then, the honey badger himself was featured whipping a cobra around and cracking open pistachios in a stunning display of badassery on a commercial that first aired during Dancing With the Stars. Shirts and accessories featuring the honey badger popped up in Hot Topic, the popular American store that clothes approximately 82.9 per cent of the under-angsted youth in North America. There’s even talks that a brand new show, featuring a honey badger named Randall who teaches science at a university, is in the works. The honey badger, it seems, has taken over the entertainment and commercial industries. You know it’s true. Even Forbes wrote about it. But the honey badger don’t care.

Having taken over the internet, crappy reality television, and massproduced trendy merchandise, he’s clearly not going anywhere anytime soon. What can you do? Respect your new leader, the nastyass honey badger. He can haz all of us. Amend your wardrobe – slogan-covered t-shirts for casual wear, and respectful honey badger black and white for work wear. Always keep a bowl of larva on hand, should a honey badger care to bless you with his presence. Consider setting up home altars to pray to the honey badger, prominently featuring cobra skin and dead mice. Just accept it, because the honey badger don’t care. He crawled up in our internets, he’s taking our televisions, and he accidentally the entire world. What is this, I don’t even.

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WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 1 , 2012

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9

OPINION

Gingrich 2012: A Space Odyssey Have a hard time following conversations about the American primaries? Have no fear. Sean and Nick discuss and debate American politics for the everyman, so even your cat can follow along! Soon you, too, will be able to name-drop in drunken conversations with PoliSci students. Stay smart, stay informed. It might be the USA but it affects us Canadian kids too.

the vote. While that is not necessarily indicative of the general population, Paul is clearly gaining traction with some Republicans. The question is whether or not Mitt and Newt will continue their current pattern of self-destruction – if they do, all bets are off. Who knows what skeletons those two have in their closets? The fact that Paul has indeed committed to remain in the race until the convention leads me to believe that he is pretty convinced he still has a shot at winning the nomination. There is a real possibility that if the three reach a stalemate, the nomination may be handed out via a brokered convention at the GOP convention in August. While it is unlikely that Paul would receive the nomination, it would place him in the position to insure that some, if not many, of his ideas and platforms are added to the Republican platform for the coming election – something that may help them distinguish themselves from Obama.

Sean: Campaign promises are often extraordinary – “vote for me, and your lost pets will come home.” “Vote for me and I’ll eliminate world hunger, lower taxes and increase governmental services.” The general public has become used to these grandiose promises, and this year is no different. The grandiose promise this week? While campaigning in Florida, the home state of NASA, Newt Gingrich promised “By the end of my second term, we will have the first permanent base on the moon and it will be American.” First, this is an obvious attempt at getting votes from an economy that greatly benefits from the space industry. What is somewhat humorous is the hint at a second term – let’s get through these primaries first, Newt. Second, where the funds for this multi-billion dollar project will come from is unclear – Gingrich simply said that he believes that “private companies” will fund the mission. Sounds like a classic campaign promise that will quickly take a back seat to bigger issues – like a massive pile of debt and a weak dollar. Nick: As crazy as his claim seems, it might also be a brilliant political gambit. After all, it’s Gingrich’s arrogance that inexplicably won him so much support after the South Carolina debates. Now, his pledge to conquer the final frontier and assumption of a second term radiate the sort of implacable confidence that Romney could only dream of. His justification for this plan screams American exceptionalism. I have to admit that I’m a bit of a space exploration junkie (our future lies in the stars and all that jazz). But while Gingrich’s strategy may win some support from Ray Bradbury, Buzz Aldrin and their ilk, this ultimately seems like a pretty shortsighted grab for attention that could alienate (no pun intended) destitute and out-of-work Americans looking for economic relief. If this election is about one thing, it’s income inequality. And nothing says “out-of-touch” more than expanding non-essential government programs while slashing services that would most benefit a hurting people. How do you think Gingrich’s platform will, should he clinch the nomination, hold up against Obama’s optimistic, populist platform he outlined in his recent state of the union address? Sean: Well, Nick, I don’t think Newt Gingrich’s platform would hold up against Obama come November. To be quite frank, Obama and Gingrich are essentially two sides of the same populist coin. While Gingrich may be temporarily

Image: NASA Editing: Stewart Seymour/The Cascade

The final frontier? pandering to the libertarian movement that has propelled Ron Paul to a national level, many ideological conservatives (not just Republicans – there is a difference) can see right through this charade. And hear me now: the supporters of the libertarian movement will vote by principle, not by party. Gingrich will be hung out to dry in November. Here is the thing: many independents and Republicans alike are choked about the Wall Street bail-outs, economic injustice, and the state of the national debt and monetary system. Newt Gingrich would have an awful hard time calling out Obama on the bail-outs, while he voted in favour of them. Newt Gingrich would have a terrible time trying to convince voters that he will fight economic injustice -- all Obama has to do is point back to the millions Newt earned from Freddie-Mac. Finally, on the issue of the monetary system and national debt, Newt Gingrich has a history of financial irresponsibility and has just recently come on board with the policies of Ron Paul, calling for a gold standard and a balanced budget while still promising moon bases, a strong international military presence, etc. I think the people honestly concerned with these issues will see right through Gingrich’s platform. To be honest, if it comes down to Obama vs Gingrich or Obama vs Romney, I see no difference. All three have similar economic policies that will continue to expand the national debt level. Back at you, Nick. Do you see any

fundamental differences between Gingrich and Obama? Nick: In terms of their economic policies? It’s definitely not as wide a gap as some would care to believe. I think there’s two fairly distinct approaches as to how the money is spent -- Obama favouring social programs, unemployment, government works projects and Gingrich increased military spending and, uh, moon bases. Of course there are pretty significant differences as far as social issues are concerned, but those decisions are more often the responsibility of the judiciary, not the executive. If Ron Paul decides to launch an independent bid, I think that out of the three candidates (Obama, Gingrich, Paul), Gingrich’s position would be the most untenable in a national contest. Of course there are the die-hard Republicans who would still vote for the party candidate out of some sense of tradition or loyalty, but Ron Paul would have the Tea Party vote and Obama might be able to pull in the support of the Occupy movement. While Paul and Obama offer two very different potential solutions to income inequality in the United States, their platforms both suggest sensitivity to the plight of the everyman. Speaking of out-of-touch, I’m interested to see whether Mitt Romney will be able to make a comeback in the next few states in the primary circuit. After the release of his tax return (Romney paid only 13.9 per

cent on an income of over $40 million last year) which came on the heels of his big loss to Gingrich in South Carolina, he’ll have to make up a lot of ground to secure the nomination. That said, the outlook can change in an instant. Two weeks ago, it seemed like only a matter of time before Gingrich pulled out, but now he is considered to be the Republican front-runner. What do you think of Romney or Paul’s chances of wresting the nomination away from Gingrich? Sean: I honestly believe that this is still a three-man race. Although at the moment it looks like Paul is pretty much out of it, we are only four states into it. Just this evening (Sunday night), Paul has announced that he is committed to stay in the race until the Republican convention this summer. He is clearly in it for the long haul, and things can drastically change. What is interesting is that only Paul and Romney have their name on the ballot for all 50 primaries. While Gingrich and Romney have been hashing it out in Florida, Paul has been campaigning in Maine and preparing for a push in Nevada and some of the mid-west states – areas that he is more likely to gain traction and earn delegates through the proportional system rather than the winner-takes-all primaries, like Florida. There are still thousands of delegates to be awarded and this race is far from over. In fact, Paul recently won the Arizona GOP straw-poll with 85 per cent of

Nick: Paul is polling 85 per cent in Arizona?! I have to say I’m a little surprised. But if Paul can pull that kind of support as the primaries move west, Gingrich and Romney would be facing a much more even battle going into the convention. Like you said, it would take a pretty radical departure from the Republican Party’s current platform for Paul to take the nomination in a brokered convention, but perhaps that’s just what they need to stand much of a chance in November. There have also been rumours circulating lately that the GOP is pinning their hopes on bringing in a socalled “white knight” candidate at the convention if the contest is still to be decided. Some Republicans fear that a long, drawn-out battle would damage the candidates beyond electability, and considering the nature of some of the Super PAC attack ads we’re seeing, the prospect doesn’t seem too far fetched to me. Though Paul has managed to get through unscathed so far, perhaps a strong showing in one of the upcoming primaries will make his opponents reconsider where they should be directing their attacks. Mitch Daniels, Indiana Governor, was selected to give the official rebuttal to Obama’s State of the Union address, a spot usually reserved for the opposition’s presumptive candidate in an election year. It’s likely that this was done so as not to favour one out of the current field of potential nominees, but there is also the possibility that he is being positioned as a GOP savior. I guess we’ll have to see what happens! Stay tuned for next week, when Sean and Nick tackle campaign finances (who pays for what?) any political scandals that are sure to break out in the next week (we’re just getting started with the name-calling, we’re sure of it!) and if Obama can sway the hearts of the masses once more.

Care to comment? Visit ufvcascade.ca


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WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 2012

OPINION

No science behind bracelets, only gullible consumers

BCIT cares. RADIATION THERAPY, BACHELOR OF TECHNOLOGY As a radiation therapist, you’ll work in a dynamic high-tech environment delivering care and treatment to cancer patients. Earn your degree and have a career in radiation therapy in less than three years. If you have one year of university with math, English, and physics, plus 40 hours of volunteer service, this may be the program for you. Now accepting applications for September. Application deadline: April 1. Join us for an info session to learn more: Tuesday, February 7, 5–7 pm BCIT Burnaby Campus, Building SE6, Town Square C 3700 Willingdon Avenue, Burnaby, BC

SHANE POTTER CONTRIBUTOR

bcit.ca/infosessions For more information: 604.451.6923 or lorraine_clarke-roe@bcit.ca

It’s your career. Get it right.

client: Lynne Cruz ad name: Radiation Therapy publication: SFU, UFV docket #: A16995 size: 6” x 7” colour: black template: program_text_nofill photo: no designer: Vincent proof 1: Jan 17, 2012 required: Jan 23, 2012 special notes: promotes Feb 7 info session

When you know it will find you How to make Google work in your favour LAUREN STRAPAGIEL

THE EYEOPENER (RYERSON)

TORONTO (CUP) — Sometimes I envy all the Lisa Smiths and Mark Williamses of the world. Your dull and generic names protect you from the all-seeing eye of Google. To an employer, a search of your name may just prove an exercise in tedium as millions of your generically-named brethren are displayed. Your cookie cutter names shelter your awkward drunk Twitter updates and DeviantArt page of “artistic” macro photography. I’m not that lucky. I am the only Lauren Strapagiel in the world. There aren’t many Strapagiels out there, and most of them have Polish first names with more consonants than I’m capable of pronouncing. Having a unique name and associated history is great and all, but it also leaves me with the burden of keeping my online presence squeaky clean. Google my name and you only get me. And speaking as someone

who learned to build websites at an early age and possibly once had a thing for fan fiction (don’t judge me), that’s a damn dangerous thing. I’ve learned some tricks for keeping my online entity clean; for my fellow uniquely-named users, these may prove invaluable. First, if you are going to engage in unprofessional internet activities, do not attach your name to anything. Ever. As a tween, I once built a website that included a collection of pixel dolls (remember those?) and a special section professing my love for my favourite band, AFI. That mess of angst and sparkling gifs still exists, but you’ll never find it. My real name isn’t on it anywhere. This applies to your email too. Don’t use your fancy, “professional” Gmail account to sign up for those Harry Potter/Twilight crossover forums. You will be found. Second, make Google work for you by giving the search monster what it craves. Buy your name as a domain. Aside from being a great self-promotion tactic, URLs are high

Image: dimland.blogspot.com

up on Google’s search algorithm, meaning your personal website is going to show up at the top of the results. Load that domain up with professional information — the more pages, the better. Google also loves links, so help it out. Fill your website with links to your LinkedIn, your Twitter, your program’s homepage, your projects and clippings, your sanitized, workversion Facebook profile. Anything. Then link those back to your website. Google will pick up your linkcest and push those pages higher up on your results, putting you back in control. All that being said, my search results still aren’t perfect. A little digging finds the high school newspaper that I ran. Not exactly my finest journalistic work. Which brings me to my final tip: keep your passwords. My eleventhgrade musings will live forever because I’ve forgotten my login info. Although I suppose it could be worse. No one’s found my teenage MySpace pictures… right?

Life got you down? Feeling like you have no energy? Need more strength? The UFV bookstore has a product for you. It’s called the Edge Advantage bracelet and it uses the power of negative ions to possibly bring you many health benefits. Sound like a scam? It is. The whole concept is built upon the idea that negative ions make us feel good while positive ions make us feel bad. Keep in mind that an ion, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is merely “any individual atom, molecule, or group having a net electric charge (either positive or negative)”. Edge Advantage bracelets are one of the many companies that make negative ion-producing bracelets similar to Power Balance, a brand which also produced wristbands advertising health benefits. To promote their company, they stuck their bracelets on many top athletes around the world; soon people everywhere were wearing them. In the apex of the Power Balance craze, the company could sell a pad of ten individual holographic stickers advertised to have the same health benefits -- for $100. Seriously. Since Power Balance’s advertised claims that the bracelets were able to improve your strength, balance, and flexibility were unfounded, the company fell into legal trouble and was forced to admit that the wristbands had no creditable scientific evidence proving that they had any effect at all. After lawsuits, criticism, and legal battles from sponsored athletes and independent studies the company was forced to file for bankruptcy in November 2011. Sadly, this was not the end of the wristband craze. The temptation to take a cheap rubber band, put a holographic sticker on it, make it “negatively ionized,” and sell it for $20 or $30 each was too great. In the wake of Power Balance’s bankruptcy, hundreds of copycat companies popped up that had magically found their own way of “ionizing” wristbands to produce the same amazing health benefits. These copycat companies, however, unlike Power Balance, found loopholes in their sales tactics to make sure they didn’t get sued. The Edge Advantage guys, for instance, as well as many companies like them, make sure they add

the words “may” or “could” to any claim they make. If you go to the UFV book store in Abbotsford you can see the Edge Advantage bracelets and informational propaganda telling people what they do. The Edge advantage bracelet claims to be “embedded with innovative negative and scalar energy technology.” The company states that the product “may promote many health benefits such as improved balance, improved strength, improved flexibility, helps provide resistance to infection/bacteria, works with immune/ endocrine systems, helps destroy virus/bacteria, helps detoxify, helps increase energy, helps protect DNA from damage, helps slow the aging process.” Let me put this in perspective. This is the University of the Fraser Valley, not some kiosk at the mall. We are supposed to be intelligent academic minds who will go on to be the doctors, lawyers, and teachers of the next generation. What am I supposed to think when I see students buying a product that claims to help “protect DNA from damage” with “negative and scalar energy technology”? Better yet, why are we being sold a product like this at a university book store, a place we trust? Is this a joke? Let me make this clear: It’s a placebo! It’s drawing on our lack of understanding of science. That’s it. The company even admits on their website that they “make no claims to the science and technology behind the bracelet.” If you tell yourself that your favourite shirt will give you more energy or help you win the big game, any effect it has, it’s not because it’s infused with negative ions or holographic stickers. It’s because the mind is a powerful thing. And — suspending reality for a moment — if one brand of bracelet really did work, how can we validate it? Who tests and regulates these? Am I supposed to believe that any unscientifically educated entrepreneur can throw up their own company like Edge Advantage and know how to make products that protect DNA from damage or slow the ageing process? Maybe I should make my own bracelet. It’s still in the design process but I’m sure it’ll have too many ealth benefits to count.


WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 2012

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ARTS & LIFE

CROSSWORD

Know your noir!

ANTHONY BIONDI

THE CASCADE

LAST WEEK’S

ACROSS

1

2

3

4

5

6 7

8

Answer Key

1. “All right, Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my closeup...” is a quote from this film. (6 letters, 9 letters) 9. Actor known for Little Caesar. (6 letters, 1 letter, 8 letters) 10. Yellow hat, yellow coat. Detective character from the 1930s. (4 letters, 5 let ters)

Across

DOWN 9

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8.

Bogart’s character in The Maltese Falcon. (3 letters, 5 letters) The actor who played the third man. (5 letters, 6 letters) “Here’s lookin’ at you kid,” this actor said. (8 letters, 6 letters) Gloria Grahame takes a pot of hot coffee to the face in this film. (3 letters, 3 letters, 4 letters) Charlton Heston uncovers a detective planting evidence in this film. (5 letters, 2 letters, 4 letters) A Bogart love interest. (6 letters, 6 letters) Private detective in The Big Sleep and The Long Goodbye. (6 letters, 7 letters) Actor who was once The Public Enemy. (5 letters, 6 letters)

10

1. Elevator 6. Queen 7. Dad 11. Monsters 12. Meat 13. Shit 14. Madonna 15. Bisexuality Down 2. Akon 3. Germanotta 4. Beyonce 5. Vivaglam 8. Just Dance 9. Tisch 10. Clinton

EclipseCrossword.com

Aquarius: Jan 20 - Feb 18 It is the year of the dragon! Beware the burninating powers of Trogdor.

Pisces: Feb 19 - March 20 The fates have chosen YOU to be the next Pussycat Doll.

Aries: March 21 - April 19 Perhaps there is possibly a chance that indecisive and vaguely worded predictions might come true. Maybe.

The Weekly Horoscope Gemini: May 21 - June 21 You will have financial troubles this week. And next week. And the week after that. Pretty much forever, actually. Cancer: June 22 - July 22

Star Signs from the Sumas Sibyl Libra: Sept 23 - Oct 22 This Wednesday, expect wild adventures with a cowboy, a troupe of Hobbits and a bugle horn. Don’t look at me – you’re apparently the weirdo here. Scorpio: Oct 23 - Nov 21

You are actually from the planet Krypton. Or was that Kolob? Well, either you can move faster than a speeding bullet, or you’re an archangel. I’d suggest figuring out which. Leo: July 23 - Aug 22

There is a giant basilisk in the school’s basement. It is your duty to slay it.

You’re sexy and you know it. Now go wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle. Yeah!

Stop masturbating so much. Have some Kellogg’s cereal.

Taurus: April 20 - May 20

Virgo: Aug 23 - Sept 22

Snow suit? Snow suits are for losers. Now a gorilla suit – that’ll get you attention!

The moon is on the cusp of Venus’ menstrual cycle. Beware of bitches today.

Sagittarius: Nov 22 - Dec 21

Capricorn: Dec 22 - Jan 19 Actually, you should eat the yellow snow.

Visit us at www.monktucky.com!


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WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 2012

FEATURE

UFV welcomes 2012 writer in residence: Anosh Irani

SASHA MOEDT

THE CASCADE

UFV’s fifth writer in residence began his term with a reading and student-attended opening gala this past Thursday. Anosh Irani, award winning playwright and novelist, read excerpts of his work, engaged in a public interview conversation with English instructor Trevor Carolan and also answered student questions about his career. A creative writing graduate from UBC’s BFA pro-

gram, Anosh Irani writes with heavy substance, specifically social issues in the dark places of Bombay: the red light district, the underbelly of the city, the poor and the underprivileged. He’s just returned from India where he’s working on a film about the plight of farmers caught in the terrible debt crisis. Irani read to the audience two passages, one of a family driven from

their home and a dismal, psychologically twisted prelude of the story of a eunuch. The question period, predictably, dwelt on the nature of Irani’s stories, and how he himself deals with the heavy subject matter. “I do write about very dark subjects,” Irani said, “but I think what has really helped me also is that in my work there is also always the balance provided by a sense of hu-

mour, and that is really something you should keep in mind. I mean, you can’t manufacture a sense of humour so if you don’t have one, okay, and I feel bad for you… But if you do have a sense of humour, try [to] understand that darkness works only if there is something to counter it; the darkness keeps things grounded, the reality is grounded but the humour gives it a lightness that makes it accessible as a reader.” His writing follows characters facing poverty, suicide, violence and political turmoil. Irani explains that the darkness of his material doesn’t bring him down. “I’ve heard some writers cry when their characters die and it’s a waste of time, really. You just have to get on with it… I’m aware of my characters but I don‘t really sit down and cry… instead of catharsis you reach a level of understanding, that you never had before, and I think that is more valuable; that wisdom is more valuable.” Though Irani writes about these social issues in Bombay, he doesn’t feel as though he’s taken on a cultural responsibility. Rather, he chooses to see the responsibility of a writer as being an observer outside the existing structure. “If you are operating within the structure you are part of it, and you will fall into the same holes that everyone else is falling into,” he said. You must be an observer, a witness. “What are you being witness to? The truth. And that has nothing to do with cultural responsibility… And to get to the truth, you need to shatter everything you know.” Being within the struc-

ture can create no effect on the reader. “The minute someone expects me to do something, they’re going to be disappointed and this is an interesting tool to use in your writing. Even in my plays, I always start a monologue that’s funny… the idea is to make people relax. Because then you can punch them in the stomach.” “If you know you’re going to be punched in the stomach, you’re going to be tensed and ready, but if you’re thinking, ‘oh what a sweet play, sweet guy’ you get beaten up. That’s what art should do. It’s not a complacent thing. It should not make you feel comfortable.” Anosh Irani is excited to start working with aspiring writers at UFV. “As a novelist you end up spending a lot of time in isolation and I enjoy teaching… It’s always interesting for me to get young people excited about writing and expose them to writers they may not have read or not have heard of. I’m hoping the students come here and I’m happy to read their work, but more importantly have a conversation, what it takes to be a writer. And I think it’s important to talk to a writer who is actually alive.” Anosh Irani will be on campus Mondays and Thursdays. He will be visiting classes and conducting private consultations for writers during his office hours, 12:30-5:30 p.m. These meetings are ideal for writers who want additional critique from a high profile writer, as well as questions answered about what it takes to be a writer. Irani can be contacted by email for an appointment at Anosh.Irani@ufv.ca.


WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 2012

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FEATURE Anosh Irani took some time to answer the queries of some of the students present at the gala What was something you learned as a creative writing student at UBC? What I learned in the writing workshops, is that almost everyone can write. But not everyone has a story to tell. That is the single most important thing for me: why are you choosing to tell this story, are you compelled to tell it? It has to mean something to you. And the only reason to tell a story is because you are compelled, you are totally consumed by it, and if you don’t tell that story you can’t live. You can’t live if you don’t tell that story and that is the only reason you should be writing that story.

How do you know when to stop editing, if you can never reach the perfect version of the story you had envisioned? There is no such thing as a perfect story. It doesn’t exist. Perfectionism cannot exist in literature. It can exist in mathematics because there is an answer. There is only one answer… a final answer. But with literature there is no solution. You just ask questions and continue to ask questions and continue to create, and at some point you have to write the whole thing. What’s the worst thing that could happen? It will be the worst thing in the world. That’s the worst thing that can happen. But something beautiful can also happen. If you write the whole thing, you will discover that you can write. If you keep editing that one chapter it will take away your joy for story-telling, take away the juice that you have. This is what happens to books that are over-edited. Everything is perfect, the language is perfect, but there is no soul. And soul can only come through if you’re willing to take the risk, when you are humble enough to make mistakes.

What’s your writing process like? How do you deal with writer’s block? I need food. I feel like passing out if I don’t eat, I just love to eat… I don’t like outlines, I just [start] writing. There are times when I do not remember writing certain pages. There are pages and pages that I do not remember writing. I never read my work unless I’m at a reading, and when I flip through I’ll be like “wow that’s good.” It depends on how you are as a person; if you like a lot of security, if you like method, make an outline. There’s nothing wrong with that. But sometimes it’s important to throw everything away and just jump. And 99 per cent of the time you will fail. But the one percent of the time you actually get something, it’s really valuable. So, there’s a balance... Sometimes it’s just important to play, that’s what makes writing fun. I don’t believe in writer’s block. If I can’t write then I think obviously someone up there is not doing his job. It’s not me. This helps keep things light, and helps me relax. Because I don’t think there is any such thing as writer’s block. It doesn’t really exist.

How did you get into writing? I always loved telling stories, even as a child. As an only child, I’d tell stories to myself… that desire to tell stories comes from my family; most of them drink and tell stories. I don’t drink. I was lucky enough to be an observer when all of them were three whiskeys down… Even when I go back now, it’s the storytelling sessions that I really love – when my cousins get together, when my family gets together.

What’s one piece of advice for aspiring writers at UFV? Just take a risk. There’s something that is gained when you take a risk… you have to be ready to fail in order to get something that is unconventional. Otherwise play it safe, get something conventional, and be boring. That is another option… you have to learn how to be accessible, how to be entertaining but at the same time the reader or the audience should never be the same after they read your book. If they are the same, then you should write another book.


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WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 2012

ARTS & LIFE

Dine & Dash: The Baron Bar and Grill 1276 Tower Street Abbotsford, BC 604.852.7884 Hours: Monday to Wednesday: 11 a.m. to 10 p.m.; Thursday to Saturday: 11 a.m. to 12 a.m.; Sunday: 11 a.m. to 10 p.m. Prices: up to $23.95

AMY VAN VEEN

THE CASCADE

Bars and grills are in no short supply – both together and apart. There are bars, there are grills and there are bar and grills. But how many give you a clear vantage point of an international runway? (Less models, more airplanes.) The Baron Bar and Grill overlooks the Abbotsford International Airport runway. Granted, when it’s dark out it just looks like a lot of lights, but it gives patrons a little something extra with their meals when airplanes come in. The Baron, known by those who have been by their bright red door and falling under the guise of the Red Baron, serves appies, steak, chicken, fish, rice bowls and, of course, burgers – because no grill would be complete without a comprehensive list of burger options. For the other menu choices, there are the expected fettuccine or steak

along with the little more unexpected Grand Marnier mushroom chicken and butter chicken, but for the burgers, there’s a little more variation instead of one steak dish or one fish dish. For those looking for something basic, like me, opt for the modest burger, or, for those wanting something a little different, spice it up with the afterburner or make things interesting with the blue cheese mushroom burger. For the truly brave, though, The Baron offers an Everest even Ron Swanson would be proud to try. Baron’s Ultimate Monster Burger entices those who dare to try with twice as much beef, three different cheeses, bacon and sausage, fried egg, the Baron’s own onion straws—think a curlier, crispier, less offensive onion ring placed on the burger— and mushrooms. For the few brave heroes who find their way to the other side of this monstrosity, The Baron gives a prize. A pen. I, for one, didn’t have the guts to risk a heart attack for such a prize, but I’m sure finishing it is a prize unto itself. The modest burger, for only $11.95, along with that day’s drink special—a $3 pint—made for a satisfying, comforting dinner. The fries were perfection and provided the perfect crisp on the outside, soft on the inside pair with the burger that, though traditional, was clearly made from quality in-

Image: Amy Van Veen/ The Cascade gredients. Instead of requiring constant napkin use, this un-greasy burger left me feeling full without feeling gross. It’s definitely the least exciting menu option, but for those wanting a low-risk dinner, it works. The waitress, as well, provided friendly service without being too friendly, and everyone—from the hostess to the bus boy—seemed genuinely happy to serve people;

The Cascade Cookbook Teila Smart’s Sultry Succulent Strawberries

Teila Smart is the Pride coordinator at UFV. She is getting her double major in anthropology/sociology and philosophy, with an English minor. She believes in cooking with wine to get the best result. However, the wine is for drinking and not to be put into the recipe…

that type of consistency is rather uncommon in the hospitality industry. The Baron’s interior wasn’t anything special; it offered both bar tables and regular tables in one large, albeit spatially divided, room. Their claim to fame, though, is their outdoor patio which, for dark winter evenings, isn’t as much of a selling point, but as the days get longer and the nights get warmer—eventually—The Baron,

with its red front door and monstrous menu, would be enough of an enticement to anyone wanting to feel a little outside sitting limits without driving an hour to enjoy it. With better prices than Finnegan’s and a fairly close drive, The Baron Bar and Grill offers something familiar with a bit of a different spin.

Drink o’ the Week: Creamalada

“In a pinch? On a budget? On a diet? Here’s one quick way to romance your lover or impress your family with this quick, simple, yet seemingly complicated recipe that will have your friends and family thinking you are the aphrodisiac god/goddess of the kitchen with no time or hardly any effort!” Ingredients: 18 large fresh strawberries 1 cup cold fat free milk 1 (1 ounce) package sugar-free instant vanilla pudding mix 2 cups reduced-fat whipped topping 1/4 teaspoon almond extract Directions: Cut into the strawberries’ centers by cutting off the tips with the leaves and digging a hole in the center. Put strawberries on a plate to await their Image by Teila Smart fate. Mix milk and pudding mix until lump free, about two minutes or until you just don’t care anymore. Add almond extract into cream pudding by “folding” it – much less effort than mixing. Finally it’s ready! And all you have to do is pipe in or spoon in the cream into the strawberries. For those who don’t know, “pipe in” usually means using those icing bags with a long pipe pointed tip on it. What you actually do is shove the cream filling into the strawberries and try to make them look nice. *One may substitute almond extract with liquor such as amaretto, Kahlua, etc. **Be warned the icing bag can be tricky to use! Estimated cost: $15-$20

A nice light cocktail that tastes just like an orange creamsicle. 2 oz vanilla vodka Splash of orange juice 4 oz ginger ale Shake vanilla vodka and orange juice in a cocktail shaker with ice. Pour into an ice-filled cocktail glass. Add ginger ale. *Optional: Blend the ingredients with ice until smooth in a blender instead. Ideal for: Sitting on the front porch Bad for: Children On the Cascade scale: A-


WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 2012

www.ufvcascade.ca

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ARTS & LIFE

ALBUM REVIEW

Ben Howard – Every Kingdom KEN MUIR

CONTRIBUTOR

CHARTS

1 2 3

The Weeknd Echoes of Silence Magnificent Sevens All Kinds of Mean

The Barmitzvah Brothers Growing Branches

4

Yamantaka // Sonic Titan YT//ST

5 6

Feist Metals

The Forbidden Dimension The Golden Age of Lasers

7 8 9 10

Jon McKiel Tonka War Cloud Bry Webb Provider Hrdwtr Hardwater

Mercy

The Schomberg Fair

11

Rae Spoon I Can’t Keep All Your Secrets

12 13

Army Girls Close to the Bone

Miesha & The Spanks / The Sphinxs Miesha & The Spanks / The Sphinxs Split

14 15 16 17 18

The Pack A.D. Unpersons Honheehonhee Shouts Coeur De Pirate Blonde Odonis Odonis Hollandaze Ohbijou Metal Meets

Shuffle AARON LEVY

CIVL DJ/CONTRIBUTOR

Aaron Levy is CIVL Station Manager. He likes harmony and togetherness. These songs are not centered on those themes. Backstreet Boys – “Quit Playin’ Games With My Heart” Something every young man and woman can identify with, whether in love, land or labour. Jobs that make you wish you’d quit, partners making you wish you’d be alone, or big moves turning into less than effective business transactions. “Before you tear us apart… should’ve known from the start.”

The Clash – “Lost in the Supermarket” Later, the bassline would be ripped off by Pulp for Common People, but on London Calling, this song represented not knowing what to do with all of these choices, all of these opportunities, and all of the different ways you can make the wrong decision. “Can this really be happening?”

Green Day – “F.O.D.” “Something’s on my mind. It’s been for quite some time.” We all know what it’s like to be pre-occupied with a particular fixation. “This time I’m onto you. Where’s the other face? The face I heard before? Your head trip’s boring me.” Guess what F.O.D. stands for. I dare you.

Sheryl Crow – “Every Day is a Winding Road” “I get a little bit closer. I’ve been swimming in a sea of anarchy. I’ve been living off coffee and nicotine, I’ve been wondering if everything I’ve ever known is ever really happening.” And you thought all this American legend wanted to do was have some fun! Not so, sir.

This past fall I consumed Mumford and Sons’ Sigh No More album, and found the revival of mainstream folk music as an utterly refreshing change. Nowadays, pop music tends to saturate the radio waves like an antibiotic-resistant bacteria, leaving those of us who actually have a refined taste of music disillusioned, disheveled and ultimately discouraged by what the future of music may be if the only recipe needed to make a highselling album is simply one part auto-tune and two parts “heavy beats.” That said, it admittedly took some coaxing before I finally warmed up to Mumford and Sons. I found their lyrics too outlandish to be genuine; it sounded like they were trying too hard to make a good impression, somehow. The lyrics felt forced and didn’t really sound like they flowed naturally. Irrespective of that one niggling flaw, the album was definitely worth listening to, and further, inspired me to look for more folk artists in order to better round out my playlists. I very quickly came across Ben Howard’s Every Kingdom. Hitting the shelves in the UK last October, this will be his first album, having been recently signed on to Island Records. Howard is only 23, and spends most of his time on his acoustic guitar. He’s joined by Chris Bond, the drummer and double bass player, and the gorgeous India Bourne, who can be seen jumping between the roles of percussionist, bass guitarist and cello player. Howard is the lead singer, leaving the other two to vocally fill out the crescendos. Compared to Mumford and Sons, Ben Howard is a further step into folk territory, lacking any trace of the scant but noticeable alternative rock undertones of the former. Better still, the lyrics flow naturally and are obviously sincere. If you were thinking about getting more into folk music, look no further. The vocals showcase an anomaly that sometimes occurs in music wherein the voice has no congruency to the look of the singer. Howard’s voice is husky, and very

unique, but the man himself just looks like, well, some guy. You wouldn’t think twice of him if you passed him on the street. It therefore comes as a pleasant surprise to hear him sing for the first time. The true talent of his voice is his raw ability to convey his emotions and passion in whatever song he’s performing. It matches very well with the genre of music. Bond and Bourne’s abilities are proficient but remain largely overshadowed (as is the case with most backup vocals). Instrumentally, they are quietly brilliant, the spotlight being taken mostly by Howard’s acoustic guitar. He uses some very exotic guitar setups, such as in “Black Flies,” which sees open C tuning, with a capo at the third fret on all but the sixth string. In “The Fear,” Howard uses a different variation of open C with a capo at the third. These really display the depth of his musical ability: being able to craft and plan songs in an unintuitive manner. It’s difficult to stumble upon chord progressions using unfamiliar and nonstandard tunings, so assumedly this means that each song was deliberately planned and made before the first string was ever plucked. The other instruments help give depth to the music, and each song has a slightly different setup. In the music video for “The Fear,” India

Bourne can be seen using a standing drum setup and Bond rocks the bass guitar while also working the foot pedals on his own drum set. “The Wolves,” on the other hand, emphasizes Bourne’s cello. In any case, every instrument is used effectively and complements the music well. Thankfully there’s very little post-production to speak of. If there’s one thing I despise, it’s good music that’s been ruined by post-production, such as in the case of Ed Sheeran (have you ever wanted to hear folk music be mutated into pop music? I didn’t think so). The only noticeable effect given is the moderating of volume levels, to give or take away emphasis in specific instances. Everything on the album could be played live by the trio without any extra hands on deck. In that sense, the music is arguably simplistic, though it doesn’t sound like it’s missing anything. Every Kingdom won’t officially be released in North America until later this spring, but you can still pick it up right now in any online store, such as Amazon. This is a great album for anyone looking to enhance their palette with some folk. Granted it’s a little farther off the well-beaten mainstream path, even compared to Mumford and Sons, but it is well worth the detour.

We are now accepting applications for the position of

Arts & Life Editor

The Arts and Life Editor of the Cascade is responsible for assigning, collecting, and editing the content of the Arts and Life section of the Cascade. The Arts and Life Editor shall ensure that issues relevant to students are presented in his/her section, and allow the UFV arts community to be represented in his/her section. At all times, the Arts and Life Editor shall adhere to the Cascade Journalism Society’s bylaws, Code of Conduct and other polices, as well as ensuring that all material in his/her section does not violate the Canadian University Press Code of Ethics. Qualifications: 1) Must be registered in at least one credit course during the fall/winter semesters. 2) Must be available to work varying hours. 3) Must be available to be present in the office for at least 5 hours per week. 4) Must be able to deal effectively with Society and university staff, students and the public. 5) Must demonstrate strong command of the English language by passing an editing test, which will be administered during the interview process. 6) Must have knowledge of all relevant laws and journalistic standards concerning libel. Position starts March 5, 2012. Please resume, statement of interest, and sample arts article to Nick Ubels (nick@ufvcascade.ca)


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Mini Album Reviews

SoundBites

ARTS & LIFE

Gotye Making Mirrors Australian multi-instrumentalist Gotye (Wally DeBacker) has stitched together a stirring mosaic of R&B, blueeyed soul, dance, and psychedelic rock that is well-versed in pop music history without losing sight of the intricate, oddball sensibility that sets him apart. The title Making Mirrors hints at the introspective process of creating art, but the album is marked by a degree of verve and high drama that makes the listener want to dance away the depression. Gotye draws most heavily on ‘80s pop stars like Hall & Oates, George Michael and The Police for inspiration and some of his samples, peeling back the dated arrangements and production techniques (there is nary a sax solo) to reveal a vibrant well of untapped ideas that is often unfairly dismissed. Though the album is full of pleasant surprises and detours, “Easy Way Out” probably best encapsulates Gotye’s overriding aesthetic sensibility, with its electronic flourishes, hushed choir backing vocals, thrumming bass line and fuzzed-out guitar riff anchoring a falsetto-led Big Chorus. Clocking in at 1:58, the track demonstrates Gotye’s newfound dedication to crafting artistically-challenging tracks with broad appeal. It’s enough to restore your faith in radio-friendly pop.

Craig Finn Clear Hearts Full Eyes

Solo albums provide an opportunity for the artist to distinguish their sound from their main outlet, and by doing so, validate their decision to release a record without their band. The Hold Steady frontman Craig Finn’s long anticipated solo record Clear Hearts Full Eyes strips away the loud guitar riffs and inflated romanticism, opting for laid-back melodic arrangements. This mostly atmospheric music provided by his backing band allows for Finn’s rousing vocals to shine through, letting the listeners focus closely on his backalley storytelling, which has always been central to any Craig Finn record. In a recent interview with Vulture, Finn states that his lyrics are, “If not more personal, they’re certainly more human. They aren’t as high and low, they aren’t cinematic.” The softened edges of Clear Hearts Full Eyes allow time for Finn to explore more specific details about his forlorn and displaced characters. Although some of his lyrics fail to satisfy from time to time, the key moments when Finn’s gritty lyrics hit their mark give the listener the sense that these songs also belong to them.

NICK UBELS

TIM UBELS

Leonard Cohen

Blunts and Roses

Leonard Cohen’s unmistakable voice most definitely doesn’t die with age. In his new album Old Ideas, Cohen’s distinctive voice carries his heart-felt narratives in the most soothing way possible. His inner poet is manifest through the entirety of the album as he confesses his vulnerability in honest lyrics that speak to the heart. Cohen’s genuine character is undoubtedly communicated in this album. Although not everyone is a Cohen fan, his artistry is undeniable. If you are, however, a Cohen fan, Old Ideas will not let you down. The beautiful “Show Me the Place” sticks out as a favourite alongside the gentle melody of “Lullaby.” Listening to Cohen proves to be an experience in itself. I cannot think of any other musician whose musical approach comes anywhere near to that of Cohen’s. Sounding as if it could be American-south porch and whiskey music, Cohen is, in fact, a proud Canadian. If Leonard Cohen can be producing this kind of excellence at the age of 77, something tells me that his talents are not about to die anytime soon.

This album starts with the opening strains of the Beatles’ “I Am the Walrus” and somebody repeating the phrase “BLUNTS AND ROSEEEEEES” about a thousand times in a fake-sounding British accent. This is why I don’t generally listen to rap music. Once the initial shock wears off (just what are they doing to the Beatles? And how did they get the rights for this?), the rap itself falls into a steady rhythm that is easily followed. Some rappers try working with polyrhythms or unstressed syllables or have no sense of flow at all, and these problems – I find – are insurmountable. With rap, as a genre, you’ve given up melody (for the most part) in favour of flow. If you don’t have flow, it’s not actually music. Thankfully, Blunts and Roses has a pretty okay grasp on how to keep a beat going, and while I have to admit their lyrics didn’t stand out to me (I phased out after hearing the token “brother,” “neighbourhood,” “drugs” and “guns” mentioned) I feel it’s something that could be put on at a party and left running. The album as a whole, in fact, keeps from blurring into one long rappy whole by the clever (and possibly litigation-prompting) use of classic rock songs as background melody. As I said, once the listener gets over the initial shock of hearing “I Am the Walrus” or “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” in such a strange new scenario, it’s actually kind of cool.

Old Ideas

PAIGE HOBLAK

iLLvibe and Absent Minded

DESSA BAYROCK

Fake orgasms: short term fix becomes a long term problem JOHNNY RODDICK

THE CASCADE

Orgasms are amazing. They feel great, they’re good for your health and they promote bonding between couples. Yet, they can be pretty tough to achieve. Many women (and some men) struggle to orgasm even on their own, and adding a partner to the mix can often complicate matters further. Add in the fact that there exists an immense pressure in our culture to be naturally skilled at “giving” orgasms to our partners, and there is no question as to why it has become so common in our culture to fake orgasms. According to a 2010 MSNBC Health article, up to 80 per cent of women admit to doing it. Yet, by faking an orgasm, many well-intentioned partners don’t realize that they’re actually sabotaging the future of that sexual relationship. What might seem like a harmless way to end an awkward, painful or boring sexual encounter only ensures that the next sexual encounter with that individual will be more of the same; it actually reinforces the behaviour that inspired the first fake. Even worse, it introduces dishonesty into one

of the most intimate, vulnerable components of a relationship. Although it might seem like an easy out, faking an orgasm is never the answer. For men, the pressure to be able to sexually please their partner begins early in life. The message is reinforced in media and among peers. Although it’s certainly a step-up from a more selfish approach to sex, the pressure to be a sex god can wreak havoc on their ego – a performance anxiety that puts their entire masculine identity on the line. Yet, there is no venue to vent these concerns. Unlike women who will often divulge their hang-ups with close friends, men are socialized to bottle up these emotions and pretend they don’t exist. The end result is somewhat predictable. Women soon learn that every sexual encounter with a man—regardless of any great moments in the process—will be deemed a failure if she does not cum. Also not helping matters is the fact that most men are often trained by porn rather than reputable sources about the ways in which women are most likely to reach orgasm. Even still, many women remain quiet. This is large-

ly due to the cultural shame they are taught to feel about masturbation; either they don’t masturbate and don’t know how to help, or they know but don’t know how to share it. So for many couples, frustrations are almost unavoidable –

Image: Women of Scorn/flickr especially if they opt to have sex before they’re comfortable talking about sex with each other. The solution is relatively simple. First, couples must learn to communicate – if someone can’t tell their partner that something isn’t

working, they need to refrain from having sex until they are. The second step is to take the pressure off; partners should remind each other that it’s the journey, not the destination, from which they derive the most pleasure. Yes, orgasms rock, but not getting there isn’t a reflection of your self-worth. Lastly, partners should take the time to learn from each other – to pay attention when a partner explains what they like and what they don’t; it shouldn’t be taken personally. Every person likes different things, and despite those who’d have you believe you should just intuitively know what works, it’s by being attentive and adaptable that success is found. For women, this step means getting in touch with themselves first, if they’ve been avoiding it. You can’t be a tour guide until you’ve learned the exhibits. Both partners play an equal role in ensuring that a sexual relationship remains honest and open. It can take a lot of work and a lot of time, but the value of putting in that effort is absolutely worth it. Coddling an ego or protecting yourself from embarrassment isn’t polite or meaningless – it’s a sign that your relationship is in trouble. Work on it or it will only snowball.


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ARTS & LIFE

Haute Stuff

Channeling Jay Gatsby LEANNA PANKRATZ

THE CASCADE

“Youth is a dream, a form of chemical madness,” wrote Scott Fitzgerald in his ledger. “After all, life hasn’t much to offer except youth, and I suppose for older people, the love of youth in others.” It was this same fast living, youth-worshipping prototype that drove the novels of the late Lost Generation writer – the gin infused party antics of a gilded generation. Ralph Lauren has packaged and sold a little bit of that delicious decadence in his spring 2012 line. A homage of sorts to the flappers and philosophers of old that makes people want to pour themselves a sidecar and do the Charleston. In a way, the 1920s were like some frenzied chemical dream. With alcohol on the mind and jazz in the ears, the youth of the day danced their cares into oblivion.

“Women in those days were more glamorous than you can imagine,” actress Tallulah Bankhead once stated in an interview with Vogue magazine. The dresses in Lauren’s collection are as exquisite as they are elegant – complete with floaty chiffon and Swarovski strewn with the same insouciance and nonchalance that a true Fitzgeraldian heroine would have exemplified. Think Gatsby party-attendee, or French Riviera chic. Why the sudden rush to stay young in the face of global turmoil? People are always looking for an escape. Ralph Lauren had this notion in mind as he designed his 1920s garments. In the face of strife, the world needs laughter, charm and a little bit of tonguein-cheek decadence. It needs gin, tonic, diamonds and lawn parties that go for days. And if we can’t experience it, we sure as anything can at least wear it.

Image: ralphlauren.com

Cascade Arcade

Book Review

Nigel Slater – Toast: The Story of a Boy’s Hunger LEANNA PANKRATZ

THE CASCADE

In the 2005 novel Toast: The Story of a Boy’s Hunger, celebrated British chef Nigel Slater pays homage to and puts a spin on the ages-old notion that a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Known for his avid support of honest, simple food, Slater tells his story in an honest and simple manner. Toast is a tale told through vignettes, all of which revolve around some element of 1960s British cuisine (be it an idiosyncratic Sunday dinner or a much cherished chocolate bar), and he relates each food item masterfully to the milestones in his own life that have led him to become the person he is now. Chapters are given names such as “Walnut Whip” or “Lemon Meringue.” In between the food featured in Toast, we meet a young Nigel Slater, who at the age of ten is living with an insatiable and seldom satisfied appetite for love, with a father who is best described as distant and troubled, and a warm and affectionate mother who is often taken away by violent fits of asthma. The young Nigel seeks comfort in all things culinary, always having considered the concepts of love and food interchangeable, thus his comfort in the burnt toast proffered by his well meaning but domestically inept mother. “It is impossible not to love someone who makes toast for you.” When his mother passes away, the chain-smoking, rough talking Joan Potter makes her way into the Slater household and ultimately into Nigel’s father’s bed. Thus begins a whirlwind of blended family tension, silent feuds over lemon meringue pie and familial competition resulting in a slew of almost frenziedly fetishistic descriptions of the desserts and dinners Nigel and Joan cook for the ever-heavier Mr. Slater in conflicting efforts to satisfy that unquenchable thirst for love that resides in those who don’t find it enough.

laced with adolescent sexual innuendo, to the lemon meringue pie that became such a representation of the power struggle between Joan and the young Nigel. Slater’s style is atmospheric and easy to read – simple, to the point, and told in first person narrative that is as singular and possessing of a “world revolves around me” mindset that is reminiscent of, one can presume, the 14-year-old boy that Slater is trying to conjure up again and come to terms with. While in its barest form, Toast: A Story of the Boy’s Hunger is about the food of Slater’s childhood, it is also a brilliantly and tightly crafted peek into the comfy monotony of mid-twentieth century British society, and a wonderful, voyeuristic look into the life of a young boy as he adjusts himself to grief, change, and the ache that is growing up. It is a story steeped in a good amount of melancholy, as nostalgia often is, and sprinkled with a bittersweet dash of hopefulness for the man we already know the young Nigel was to become.

SSX and Tony Hawk attempt to raise extreme sports genre from the dead

JOEL SMART

THE CASCADE

Although it’s tough to say when exactly it happened, the amount of extreme sports games being released has dwindled to almost nothing in the last couple years. A classic extreme sports series, SSX, is hoping to buck the trend with its first sequel in five years (SSX Blur was released February 2007 for the Wii). With SSX scheduled to release on February 28, the question remains: is the market for extreme sports gone, or did people just need a break from the oversaturation the genre faced a few years ago. Chances are good that with the right innovations and a little bit of nostalgia, the genre could make a bit of a comeback, but if SSX tanks, it could be the final nail in the coffin. “‘Extreme sports is a dead genre.’ Over the past three years I can’t tell you how many times I have heard this,” said SSX creative director Todd Batty in a statement,

Readers who open Toast expecting a warm, sugary tale of childhood flour messes and spoon licking will be somewhat surprised at the raw content of the novel, and Slater’s obvious aversion to retelling his experiences through a rose-coloured lens. Toast is rather a very real look at a boy’s formative years, with a real hunger in his heart for absent affection. Slater does not shy away from detailing even the most gritty experiences of his pre-teen and adolescent years – from a somewhat disturbingly nonchalant reference to early incestuous advances by an uncle, to grisly descriptions of vomit that only a 14-year-old boy could muster, to a slightly awkward loss of virginity, and the author’s experimentation with and acceptance of his own homosexuality. The dishes and candy featured in the book are first, very British, and second, very 1960s. With the majority of college-aged readers having experienced life in neither Britain nor the ‘60s, the food in itself may be difficult to relate to as an exercise in nostalgia. However, younger readers are not to be deferred by the culture and era Slater focuses on, as his strong emotional response to the situations in his life that food plays a role in pervades any social boundaries, and encapsulates readers of any age in a wonderfully recreated diorama of 1960s suburban English life. Toast seems to be in many ways a therapeutic exercise for Slater, as he looks back with every emotion from regret to impish pride on the experiences that have shaped him into the chef, and ultimately, man that he is. In fact, emotions play such a large role in the book that the foods featured seem to take on more the role of landmarks – fetishized in a sense and revered, especially for their early significance and symbolism. From the book’s namesake burnt toast depicting the genuine efforts of a loving but essentially fading mother, to the numerous chocolates and crèmes

Image: Screenshot of Tony Hawk Pro Skater /www.gamemunition.com who has been playing games for over 20 years. “As a huge fan of games like SSX and Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater (THPS), it is also something that I refuse to believe.” It might be an expected thing for the director of the game to say, but it represents the fearless attitude

that is characteristic of the genre. “Spending hundreds of hours with my friends stringing together endless combos in search of the ‘perfect run’ in SSX and THPS is easily some of my fondest gaming memories,” he said. I have to give him nostalgia points for that, because I

can’t help but agree. The original THPS kicked off the “extreme sports” fad in 1999 and for an entire decade the world could count on a new iteration of the skateboarding series every year. Snowboard racing game Cool Boarders, released in 1996, also deserves some credit for the genre’s original popularity. The genre has expanded over the years to include: BMX, surfing, motocross and ATV, among many others. There have been arcade-like and hyper-realistic versions, but what really caused the genre to “jump the shark” is when the THPS series began releasing expensive skateboard peripherals to try to cash in on the craze that Rock Band and Guitar Hero started. The subsequent failure to sell copies resulted in the series going on hiatus. However, in December a $15 download-only Tony Hawk HD was announced for a summer 2012 release. The game is set to feature only the seven most beloved levels from the first two THPS games,

completely rebuilt in high definition with new, crisp textures and polygon counts worthy of a PS3 and 360 release. The game intends to be more fan-service for fans of the original than an attempt to reinvent the genre. SSX is taking a completely different approach for its first PS3/360 release – even using NASA imagery to digitize real-life mountains for a never-before-seen level of freedom to explore on the slopes. The game will also include wingsuits to allow players to soar over otherwise-impassible chasms. Regardless of whether this approach or the approach taken by Tony Hawk HD proves more successful, there is a possibility that one or both of the games could spark a new era in extreme sports gaming. Or, maybe the genre will finally just settle for the occasional gem. Whatever the case may be, it should prove to be an interesting divergence from the types of games that have begun to dominate the gaming sphere of late.


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ARTS & LIFE

FilmReview MICHEAL SCOULAR

THE CASCADE

A tumbleweed blows by as two shadowed figures stand nearly nose to nose to iron out an agreement. A landscape of faces, marred by recent encounters, watching for the subtlest of movements that might give away their opponent. A final showdown builds to a climax, only to have the action pause for a detailed flashback to take place, wrapping up every possible loose end and putting a ludicrous spin on what traditionally would be time to build, not retrace. Memorably explosive silences are punctuation marks in an otherwise loud, catchy back wall of sound. But this isn’t a Leone western. This is Haywire, Steven Soderbergh’s latest – an action picture starring Gina Carano as burned spy Mallory based on a script by Lem Dobbs. The narrative is so focused on figures, locations and missions we don’t know of, that Dobbs’ solution is to have Mallory borrow a civilian’s car—he’s along for the ride and she’s telling him what amounts to her life as a spy story because she’s not one for awkward silences—followed by is his dazed reply of “that makes sense” after being assaulted by a swirl of names. That alone acted as the most comical moment in the movie, up to that point. But the plot—involving spy operations and possible conspiracies—mostly takes place in flashback and the aforementioned plot

Haywire

device of the civilian hearing her account is how we learn everything. Basically, it can be boiled down to this: some people stand in Carano’s way. Dobbs’ script, though made up mostly of pared down dialogue for Carano and corporate speak that Michael Douglas makes sound admirably intelligent (and Ewan McGregor turns into muddled malarkey) is far from outstanding work, relying too heavily on structural tricks and a mixture of genre familiarities to be terribly interesting on its own. But Haywire’s strength lies solely in its action, which speaks so much louder than its words. Gina Carano faces off with a similar style throughout the movie, due to the improvisational appearance of the combat which is heightened by Steven Soderbergh’s decision to capture all the action with a steady camera. Soderbergh has chosen not to jerk around the frame to create the appearance of intensity – the force of the kicks, strangleholds, shaking walls and threatening to snap both bedframes and necks is all the intensity the scenes need. The way bodies are beaten and falls are aggravated recalls tales of stunt person injuries on the sets of Tony Jaa movies, yet here there’s the presence of the actual actors in the main roles doing the fight scenes. Carano—who, in addition to her athletic skill, has a face the camera loves—uses every eye shift to tell a story, convey experience and show character. Her recognizable

presence imparts information the script can’t; so, too, is this the case for Michael Fassbender and Channing Tatum. However, in the case of Ewan McGregor this works in the other direction, as to how he ever got approval for field duty is questionable given the performance we see. But maybe that’s intentional. In every case though, David Holmes’ score—not quite a Morricone whistle, but every bit as invigorating as it sings the rhythms of espionage in a way Michael Giacchino only wishes he could— moves scenes beyond their natural velocity, dropping out only for the ritual of fighting and the dead spaces of the corporate building. Soderbergh’s digital aesthetic is easily recognizable by now, and though the way the queasy yellows of artificial light indicate undesirable territory is as unsubtle as his colour coding in Traffic, it’s an interesting way his penchant for playing with the lighting and sounds creates sorta-realism. For 90 minutes, Haywire towers above similar stories because of Soderbergh’s carefully framed images, every shot packed with information, every punch landing with a wince. There’s a scene early on that opens with post-it notes laying out every objective and every step of the plan that the Malloryled team is about to execute and includes such helpful descriptions as “BAD GUY #1.” Its actual execution is a mixture of surveillance footage crosscut with Mallory’s

team expertly doing their job and Channing Tatum waiting in a car all overlaid with Holmes’ spirited, playful score. It’s a scene that’s

been done 100 times, but elevated by Soderbergh’s strengths as a visual artist and collaborator.

Confessions of a barista LEANNA PANKRATZ

THE CASCADE

I love my job. No, really – I actually love my job. When I’m not pounding down pages for my beloved Cascade, bless its heart (I certainly love this job too), or essaying the Shakes out of Shakespeare, I am what is known to most of the informed world as a barista. This part-time java queen, also known as myself, works for a certain coffee industry giant whose name shall be withheld. Now this large nameless company has certainly provided me with more than I could ask for. The benefits, the camaraderie and the unavoidable coffee snobbery that comes with such an occupation has kept me more than satisfied, and I intend to stay here as long as my little heart can withstand what is essentially caffeinated retail. I revel in the workings of the nitpicky food and drink market. I secretly love when customers come in with an excitingly-complex new variation, and over these last few months I have grown to appreciate the deep, caramelly notes that are telling of a really good shot of espresso. I enjoy the outlet for creativity that comes with the construction of a personalized drink, as well as the sounds sights, and scents that come with any coffee shop. However, dear friends, I have also accumulated a list of goodnatured grievances that I feel are ripe for some prime airing. These grievances are not against my dear nameless corporation, but rather coffee culture in general, particularly when it intertwines itself with

Image: Amy Van Veen/ The Cascade the monster that is retail culture. Coffee people are a funny bunch, and yet, they’re an undeniably relatable bunch that we can all take a moment to have a bird’s eye view chuckle at. Part of having a job is laughing about its particular nuances – something that members of the java cult certainly have no shortage of. Allow me to detail several customer nuances with nothing more threatening to the corporation than a wink and maybe a nudge or two. 1. The Mile Long Orderers: Probably the most widely recognized and satirized form of coffee

consumer and one that I harbor a secret affection for. The aforementioned nameless corporation has created for itself a niche market, and this market’s particular niche happens to be a perfectly personalized cup of Joe – with every variation one can imagine. They really do mean every variation. Mile Long Orderers know their stuff, and exactly what they have to say to get it. Often coffee regulars, they’ve perfected their drink to an art, and will proudly tell a barista so – often with a long inhale, a straight face, and a slightly cocked head while rattling off some varia-

tion of “triple nonfat latte.” They’ll look you questioningly in the eyes, wondering, and perhaps hoping, that you didn’t understand and they’ll have to repeat the order all over again. Mile Long Orderers are fun to try and impress with special touches like nutmeg or swirly latte art – as long as it doesn’t infringe on their stern requests of “no foam.” 2. The Slightly Creepy Overly Friendly Men: This one is pretty much self-explanatory. As a barista giving advice to fellow and future baristas, I must say: choose your conversation partners well. A lot

can go through a customer’s mind between the time they pay to the moment that paper cup reaches their hand. Limit chatter at times to only the basics – weather, health and the fact that you really should know their name by now. I learned this firsthand. Three months into my job, and I have already been asked out over the counter by a regular, told that my glasses resembled those of a “sexy librarian” and pestered to have my photo taken for a certainly well-meaning stranger’s Facebook album that was apparently labeled “New Friends.” 3. The Speed Demons: These are an elusive breed that typically orders the drink on the menu that is the least detailed and decorated, opting instead for a simpler Americano or drip coffee due to its apparent speed of construction and higher espresso content. Anything that just keeps them going. These often take the form of a corporate or fellow retail type on a break, Speed Demons love to multi-task, and can often be seen cradling a cell phone between shoulder and ear, carrying on a conversation while attempting to place an order and search for their keys – often unsuccessfully, leading to quick comments of “just a minute” to both barista and conversation partner. As well, is the hurried payment and frustrated shoe-tapping while waiting for the shots to pour. Shoetapping is often accompanied by pointedly audibly sighs of impatience, before cutting off a barista’s chirpy “Here you go!” with an eyeroll and a terse “Thanks.” Thus, the cult that is coffee.


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ARTS & LIFE

POSTCARD LITERATURE The lost flight will not return EJ Harrow It was one hell of a ride. And it ended in a shower of riotous shards, scraping, serrated edges, blinding, ripping and tearing meat off the bone. It was one single livelong moment of terror strung out into a dissection of different eternities and directions. For a split second the man in the white suit saw something as the masks ejected themselves simultaneously in a mechanized droning fashion, and the lights flickered on and off. The row of emergency lights kicked in a second later, lining the aisles to define the way for any potential survivors. He had seen a man in black, his face obscured by a cloth. The man’s eyes glowed crimson red and there was an intensity and animosity in their gaze. But the most frightening thing of it all was that the man had a bright red rubber ball where his left hand should’ve been. Their eyes met during a brief electrical flicker, and when the emergency lights kicked in, the man was gone.

And then came the plunge. At first it was soft. Everything went silent. The screams of the passenger’s subsided, and the man in the white suit wondered if it was simply a chemical reaction occurring within his brain as his body’s natural reaction eased his system into shock to cope with the great horror that was filling his eyes, but he knew better in the next instant, because the nightmare kept on going. There was a crippling groan of mettle for a second, and then a great splash. The sound of the ocean filling a small tin container rushed into his ears. Then nothing. He waited. There were no screams. There was only the sound of water upon water upon water. The engines finally found some form of releasing relaxation, as the fire was doused, and they cooled off, only to sink to their watery grave some several fathoms below. The depths were pulling them down. In a matter of seconds escape due to oxygen deprivation would

Decay

Edgar Jacob Harrow is an American-born writer of fiction and poems. He was born in Boston, Massachusetts in 1987, and relocated to British Columbia, Canada at a young age. His favourite authors include: Edgar Allen Poe, Franz Kafka, Joseph Heller and James Joyce. He is currently writing a novel.

be made impossible. But suddenly like a blinding beam from heaven something rather strange occurred. The ceiling of the vessel simply freed itself from the rest of the plane, and floated off, as though it had been cut, like a hot knife through a hunk of butter, it simply slid off into the deep, and the few that hadn’t fainted, and were able to free themselves from the wreckage—that is, the few that had any strength left, whatsoever—floated upwards back to the surface. His head hurt. He also entirely wasn’t sure how long it took to get to the surface. He blacked out halfway there. Some fools might insist that what he was experiencing was his life flashing before his eyes. The man in white would disagree. He would tell them that that was a cliché. Others would say it was just an adrenaline rush. He would disagree with this too. He would tell them that what he was experiencing was the clearest state of mind

he’d ever felt before. A state in which he perceived everything around him, and he understood it all perfectly, even if for just a few brief seconds. He saw life distilled. Another voice inside his head – one of his own voices, was arguing with himself. He claimed that his mind was simply sedating itself. He took this criticism in, but ultimately rejected it. He realized a simple truth. There were lucky ones, and there were unlucky ones. Though, he wouldn’t really call them lucky, for nobody truly has any luck anymore, or so it seems. But for some, the story ended here. For some, the story continued. He recalled a poem he’d been reading just before chaos had broken out midflight. “Some are born to sweet delight. Some are born to endless night.” He didn’t know why, but he’d been one of the lucky ones this time. His story did not end here. He was to be free. Of

course, he also realized that everything he had just thought of was quite possibly subjective, and a thought exclusive to only him. He then realized just how warped these thoughts were. He had seen something, and felt something. Something supernatural, perhaps even sacred, and he’d arrived at an altered state. He had found something that he couldn’t quite put his finger on, something he couldn’t quite place. It was in this moment, right before he passed out, that he realized the true horror of it all. It was a splitting fleeting instant that would never come again, but for a second he once again saw that image of the man in black, with the ball for a hand. Fate applauds us all, he thought. There was pain. Then it all went dark. For the next hour he was tossed about, lost upon the sea.

EJ Harrow

Too much time in a day to lie in bed and waste away. Too much time on my hands to let nature have her way. I don’t care what you know, I don’t care what you say. There’s too much time in the day to sit and waste away. Insurance is a fallacy, and cousin morphine inflicts pain. I’m not on your guest list, and you knew I had no intention to stay. Don’t expect to decay in some hospital bed for you. Moonlit, pallid, and grey. I think you find that I’m not there when you’re lost. I will not decay.

Postcard Lit Call for Submissions

Please attach all submissions as a Word .doc.

or community members.

Would you like to see your short fiction published? The Cascade is looking for original flash fiction to grace the pages of this fine publication. Each week, we will include a thematic prompt for writers to work with.

Submissions must be under 500 words. Show us what you can do in a limited amount of space.

Biography: - Feel free to include a short 50-75 word blurb about yourself in your submission.

This week’s prompt is: “Loss of Innocence.”

What we like: - General fiction is preferred, but humour and satire are also appreciated. - We’re not sticklers for genre. As long as it’s good, we’ll consider it. - Please inform us if your submission has been previously published. - Submissions can come from UFV students, faculty

Submission guidelines *Insert name of story, poem, or monologue here* by *Insert name of author here*.

Writers are encouraged to create new work each week to fit with the prompt.

Response time will typically be one week. Please email all submissions to: alexei@ufvcascade.ca Stories about “Loss of Innocence” will be accepted until January 18.


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ARTS & LIFE

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 2012

ZOMBIES!!! on campus

The Last Will and Testament of Salvatore J. “Sticks” Romero So it comes to this: completely, completely, completely surrounded. Barricading myself in this nook under A building might have bought me the few moments required to pen this farewell, but there is no way out of here. No fucking way. I’m out of ammo. I threw my last clip to the Russian, that unhinged bastard. From my hiding place, I could just make out his last stand across the brick path. Two brain suckers were ambling toward the bus loop when he jumped up. “Surprise, mother-fuckers!” A few wild shots. Then a third jumped him from behind. If anyone’s left to read this, these shitheads are fast. Don’t believe everything you see in the movies. This day, I’ve seen men, women, wide-eyed freshmen and stoic seniors fall, one after another. Like basketball hoops in a wind storm. They cry and pray for death, because a much worse fate awaits them. But not me. I can hear those maniacs clawing their way in. I may be out of ammo, but I’ve still got a couple sticks of dynamite. And I’ll be damned if I don’t take a baker’s dozen down with me. Give my “regards” to Boston.

私はかつみをずっと愛してる Sticks Romero 11 June 1984 to 27 January 2012 Romero’s account was found scrawled over both sides of a 1000 yen note taped to the underside of A building, 10 metres away from his own corpse and the charred and mutilated remains of at least 10 brain suckers. May he rest soundly, that crazy son of a bitch.

Survivor’s Journal

Bullets and Brain Suckers: A Rick East tale

We gather just as night is falling, about 40 survivors armed to the teeth. We nervously watch the sun go down, knowing that they would come out at night. Shambling. Diseased. Vicious. Infected. Zombies. We finger our triggers and practice our aim, uneasily waiting to be briefed. As humanity’s last fighters, we have a mission to accomplish – fight the undead in whatever way we can. “Listen up!” cries the leader, finally. “If they catch hold of you, it’s over! So don’t let ‘em touch you.” I look around, wondering who we will lose first. “I gotta get through this,” says the man next to me. “I’ve got a little girl in Seattle. I’ve got to get to her.” The meeting breaks up. The sun has set. We’re raring to go. It’s not just pride speaking when I say I have the biggest gun. It is. A pump-action rifle that can hit a zombie twenty feet off. Other hunters regard me jealously, many of them armed only with the standard-issue revolver, which is prone to jamming. “Sorry, boys,” I say, “This is why you should’ve invested before the apocalypse.” The missions go well until two hours after sunset. Only a few have fallen to the undead. We’ve successfully completed two missions and believe we’re beating the monsters back. All that changes with the next mission. Escorting a scientist from one safe house to another, our team is ambushed. I get two shots off but neither hit home. Before I know it, a zombie has grabbed and turned me. I am one of the enemy. Mustering one last push of humanity, I pass my rifle off to a newbie, a terrified, curly-haired girl. “Go!” I gasp, already feeling the change. “Carry on the legacy!” I begin to taste infection and know I don’t have long. She’s looking at me like she thinks she can save me, like we’re still on the same team. “Don’t hesitate to shoot,” I warn her, gasping, losing strength with every second, “Shoot to kill. Every last motherfuc—“ With that, I too begin craving the sweet flesh of man, and she, maybe seeing the intelligence leave my eyes, finally runs. Shambling, I give chase.

We lost half the team to the brain suckers. They tried to make a plan to get around it. A decoy group, they said. Turns out it was the decoy group that lived. It’s ironic how those things in life, such as exercise and an itchy trigger finger, are taken for granted. I blew away two of the brain suckers. Saw my friend get tagged, but he argued it with a shot to the sucker’s gut. There were raids to follow. Us against them. We needed the cure bad, so we took it. I was the one that grabbed it. It was me and some buddies. We were surrounded the whole way, but we let our guns do the work. They left us alone – until we found the cure. There was order in the group until we reached the safe house. We were ambushed again, just outside. Thesek suckers are smart, I could hear them talking. Could have sworn I heard them organizing. Funny thing is, I didn’t think they were capable of that. We secured the case, but we didn’t have anyone to figure out how to cure the damn curse. More of us turned, and we could do nothing but watch. In the end I lost a few more shells in the heads of people I had coffee with just yesterday. The power went out an hour later. There were ten of us left. We had to go out and find the power cones in order to make our safe house safe again. We split up almost right away. I was with my friend John, one of the only ones left. There were suckers around is in no time flat. So many of us had turned. I found a cone and we made our break back to the safe house. The others were dying. I could hear their screams echo over the courtyard. The suckers kept their distance up until the end. We reached the front of the safe house, and they charged us. John and I ran as hard as we could, but they got him. I dodged past a few. My legs were giving out and my guns were empty. I took down a few in my panic. As I approached the door, I reached for my sidearm. It was unloaded. I threw the power pylon into the room and turned to face my end. They got me. Game over.


WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 2012

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SPORTS & HEALTH

Canuck prospects light up Abbotsford JOEL SMART THE CASCADE It’s always a strange sensation to cheer for the away team, but especially so when you’re sitting amongst the hometown press and management. That’s where I found myself in a two-games-in-two-nights doubleheader between the Abbotsford Heat and the Chicago Wolves. The Wolves are the farm team for the Vancouver Canucks, and so many of the players on the team have played (or will one day play) for the NHL team. I found myself with media credentials for the games, thanks to the efforts of sports editor Sean Evans, and with my interest in watching promising Canucks prospects like Chris Tanev and Jordan Schroeder at an all-time high, I opted to attend both games. The immediate proximity between UFV and the Abbotsford Entertainment and Sports Centre (AESC) may have also played a role in my decision. There was something ever so magically special about walking around

behind the scenes at a spectator event, and I felt ever so slightly like I’d finally made it as a journalist when I picked up a copy of the latest stats guide that had been prepared for the press. A free can of root beer from the cooler reinforced the sense that I was someone. Of course, being a bigger game than usual, the press box was full and we were seated in the overflow section. So much for my imaginary plans to rub elbows with those who actually know what they’re doing! The game itself was spectacular. AHL hockey, at times, seems startlingly close to NHL calibre. The Wolves went up 3-0 before a nearcomeback when the Heat turned it up in the third. Two of the Wolves goals came from Steve Reinprecht, who the Canucks acquired in the trade with Florida that saw David Booth come to Vancouver earlier in the season. After the 3-2 Wolves victory, I followed the rest of the press down in the bowels of the arena and attempted to get in on some scrum action. A reporter from Team 1040

Heat fall prey to young Canucks SEAN EVANS THE CASCADE

Colin Stuart is the ideal fan that the Abbotsford Heat organization is so desperate for. I met Stuart by the beer garden during an intermission last week, as the hometown Heat took on the Chicago Wolves, farm team to the Vancouver Canucks. What caught my eye immediately when I saw Colin was his jersey. It went against everything I stand for as a fan of the Canucks – it was an Abbotsford Heat jersey with a Canucks logo stitched on just under the Heat logo. I asked Colin about his unique jersey. He explained, “I’m a homer, that’s all.” He explained that he loves the Canucks and he loves the Heat – he doesn’t really see them as Calgary’s team, he sees them as Abbotsford’s team. When the Heat came to town, Stuart was ready to give them his full support: “I bought tickets right off the bat.” The trouble was that Stuart wanted a jersey and the similarity between the Heat jersey and the Calgary jersey was just too much for the die-hard Vancouver fan. Stuart explained, “I had trouble trying to buy a jersey to support them because I just plain hate Calgary and I love the Canucks.” So, his wife came up with the sacrilegious plan – attach a Canucks logo to a Heat jersey. It makes one dizzy just thinking about it. In any case, Colin represents a small per cent of the population who have been able to overcome the obvious relation to the Albertan team. That fact was made abundantly clear as the Abbotsford Heat faced off against the Chicago Wolves, affiliate to the Vancouver Canucks, this past week. The Abbotsford Entertainment and Sports Center (AESC) was buzzing with media and fans of the Canucks hoping to catch a glimpse of the talent of the future. For the Abbotsford Heat, on the other hand, it was the perfect chance to showcase to those who would normally never attend a Heat game just how entertaining the Heat games can be. The Heat have averaged 3314 in attendance this year, while the Wolves brought in well over 5000 on both nights. Unfortunately for the Heat organization,

the plan to show an extra 2000 people just what the Heat are all about was undermined by two lackluster games. On Tuesday night the Wolves came out strong, to the delight of many in the AESC, and led 3-0 going into the third period. The Heat, however, came roaring back to within one and were denied overtime as they pulled their goalie in the final minute of the game. On Wednesday night it was a similar story. The Wolves came out strong, out-skating, out-hitting and just out-playing the Heat. The result was a 5-0 victory for the Wolves, whose fans loved it. Steve Reinprecht, who scored four goals over the two nights, commented: “It was nice to contribute and I had a lot of chances. I thought our line played well. We created a lot of chances. We wanted to come in here and get some confidence and get our game back in order.” Indeed, the Heat have been giving a lot of other teams their confidence back. The problem has been a lack of personnel. As the Flames have faced their own struggles this season, the Heat have had to send up some key players; Leland Irving, TJ Brodie, Lance Bouma, Greg Nemisz were all absent for both games against the Wolves. The four have pretty much made up the heart and soul of the franchise, and they have clearly been missed over the past few weeks, as the Heat have struggled, winning only four of their last 12. Following the second game, coach Troy Ward of the Abbotsford Heat concluded: “I’m not really too worried about where we’re at right now. Quite frankly, if we’re not going to play well at a particular time, we’re in about that time zone where I don’t want us to play well. And we’re also at a time when I want us to go through adversity, and we’re going through adversity, so I’m totally cool with it.” As for Colin Stuart, he will likely continue to go to Heat games and cheer on his Abbotsford Heat through thick and thin, donning his piecedtogether jersey. Whether or not those extra spectators in the stands last week will return remains to be seen.

Image: Joel Smart/ The Cascade

Wolves’ centre and the Canuck’s first overall pick in 2009, Jordan Schroeder, takes the draw asked most of the questions, while I stood there, slightly dumbstruck. Yet, if the first night was intense, the second game was on a whole different level. The overflow seating completely full, as the Canucks sent over 25 individuals from scouting and from management to check out the game. As cool as it was to witness these individuals, it also meant that I would be watching the game

sitting next to the off-ice officials on a delicately-balanced table atop a wooden riser. Yet, what was lost in terms of the view was made up for in performance by the Wolves. Reinprecht continued to shine by potting an additional pair of goals, and by the end of the night the team had scored five times. The Heat, on the other hand, had started the game poorly, and their performance only got worse

throughout the night. The final score was 5-0, and though Eddie Lack was great in net, he wasn’t put to the test often in the game. Schroeder finished the night with a goal and an assist. At the end of the night we were taken into the dressing room to interview Wolves head coach Craig MacTavish, who was justifiably happy with his team’s performance. The amount of Canuck management and press in the area was intense. Not only was Team 1040 interviewing the players and coaches, but so was CKNW. The two-night experience was both fascinating and enlightening. For one thing, I was very impressed by the amount of work that goes on, even at the AHL level, to monitor and detail the stats of each game. Individuals are employed to count faceoff wins, or hits or shots. It’s all measured and updated on the fly. It’s an impressive feat, and one that makes me allthe-more interested in attending another AHL game soon. The AESC is a pretty great venue for hockey; there’s not a bad seat in the house.

Pumped Up Health Kick: Pressing on with your plan KENNETH MUIR CONTRIBUTOR

Last week we discussed the critical steps that need to be taken in order to survive your first few weeks of exercise, such as wearing the right clothes, having the right gear, and starting slowly. By now, you should be just getting over your initial first-week soreness. Hopefully by this point you haven’t packed it in yet. And if you haven’t dropped out, then you’re probably thinking about it. “What have I gotten myself into? Maybe I’m just going to hurt myself. Am I ready for this kind of commitment?” Fretting about it will get you nowhere. Well, it will get you back on the couch in a hurry. But that wasn’t the goal you originally set out to do (right? If so, you have some weird and inefficient goals). Luckily there are some motivational strategies that can stave off these negative thoughts, some of them being as simple as changing your social circle. And now is the time to start implementing these special tactics: before you can stop yourself from achieving your own goals. Don’t hang out with people who make unhealthy choices Before there are calls of discrimination, know this: science has got my back. According to a study conducted by Arizona State University, published last year in the American Journal of Public Health, having friends who make unhealthy choices increases your own risk of making poor health decisions, such as getting dessert or skipping your workout. Apparently, if you have a large number of close friends who make these poor decisions, you’re way more likely to crumble to peer pressure. Generally, unhealthy people do things that are tailored for unhealthy people. By joining in on those activities, you too will join their ranks. Cruel though it may be, you may want to re-evaluate what you’re getting out of your friends. If your answer is “a lot of goading into getting dessert,” you could have some tough choices ahead of you. The upside is that you can attain the same effects by hanging out with healthier people. If your goal is to be-

come thinner, hang out with thinner people. If you want to become Mr. Universe, find some bodybuilders to chum around with. You’ll get the benefits of being engaged in healthier activities and choices, and your motivation to exercise should likewise increase. Make goals with a friend Or better yet, join some kind of exercise club. The important thing is to have someone with you while you exercise. For most of us, a six-km run feels more like 18-km when doing it alone. Having someone there to push you when you feel like giving up will help you stick with it when your morale is low. Better yet, you can maintain your workout schedule if you’ve made plans with someone else. It becomes so easy when exercising alone to a skip workout if you don’t feel like doing it that day. If you exercise with other people, it means that they depend on you to be there, and not showing up would mean letting them down. It’s crude, but the slight guilttrip will get you out the door. At my exercise club, you’ll be openly mocked if you miss workouts, and haggled at length for days afterwards. Skipping a workout there just isn’t worth the hassle. Luckily other people are more forgiving than that crowd. And, frankly, exercising with other people is just straight up more enjoyable. Just make sure you’re of a similar fitness level: it’s no fun having to wait for someone much less fit than you, and it sucks even harder to be waited on. Find someone who is fairly compatible with your own speed and strength. Vary your workouts If your goal is simply to lose weight, the optimal thing for you to do would be to run three-plus times a week for 30-plus minutes per session, using at least 60 per cent of your max heart rate. Sound boring? You bet. Anything that becomes routine also becomes boring in a big hurry, and sometimes boredom is the big motivation-killer. To combat this, don’t always do the most optimal workout. Mix it up! If you normally run on a treadmill or a track, go run a mountain trail instead. If you normally swim laps, go swim at a lake.

Alternatively you could change tact completely and play weekly basketball sessions with friends. Go on a long hike. Variety is the spice of life, and is consequently the key to staying active, so once or twice a week, try straying from the optimal and instead attend to other active options. Theoretically you won’t meet your goals as quickly, but in reality you’ll be more excited to exercise and you won’t miss as many workouts due to waning interest, therefore improving upon what seems at first glance to be optimal. At all costs, don’t skip workouts It’s sort of counter intuitive, but the less you exercise, the less you’ll want to exercise. If you miss a workout, your motivation will likely take a dive. I’m not sure why this occurs, but it does. Alternatively, the more you exercise, the more you’ll want to exercise. For this reason, a good way to keep your motivation strong is to exercise often and consistently. Taking a week off due to scheduling conflicts or some other reason will be motivationally debilitating. Try to avoid missing workouts at all costs. Even if you’ve developed an injury, there are usually other ways you can stay active without aggravating the problem, such as working out your core and upper body if you have a leg injury. And, above all else: some days you won’t feel like doing your workout. Ignore this feeling and go do your workout. You’ll feel much better if you just suck it up and do it; trust me on that one. Nike’s slogan got it right. Otherwise, you’ll bash yourself for missing the workout that you voluntarily skipped. By being more proactive and varied in the way you exercise, you can keep your motivation on the up and up, allowing you to take the necessary steps to meet your goals. By using these tools, and the tips that were provided in the last issue of The Cascade, you should be able to blast through your first few months of exercise without any problems. Next week, we’ll discuss how nutrition can improve upon the effectiveness of your workouts, which should get you to your goals even faster.


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www.ufvcascade.ca

SPORTS & HEALTH basketball

Image: Rebecca Groen/ The Cascade

Jasper Moedt in the paint.

Huge dreams and small crowds: Building a tradition at the AESC PAUL ESAU THE CASCADE

When I talked to UFV Athletics marketing director David Kent last June when the Abbotsford Entertainment and Sports Centre (AESC) doubleheader was announced, the one question I couldn’t bring myself to ask was this: How do you expect the Cascades, who pull 300 spectators on a good night at the Envision Athletic Centre, to fill a 7000 seat arena? Why are you doing this? Who is paying for this? And will there be mini-donuts at the concession? Okay, I realize that was more than one question, but I think it can be argued that they are interrelated. Obviously somebody in the UFV brass was experiencing VISION (in the capital sense), and the rest of us were being swept along in the wake of that VISION, until that somebody returned to the reality and practicalities of an institutionary funding crunch. The fact that the AESC planned to charge 15 bucks admission for students and public alike was salt in the wound, prompting other visions of disastrous failure, a furtive game of basketball in a silent, grave-like arena, etc. Now I have some bad news, some good news, and some more good news. First of all, the number of paying attendees of Saturday’s massively publicized, exhaustively planned

doubleheader was exactly 649. The doesn’t count officials, staff, groupies, media and other parasites (if it did the number would be closer to 800), but it does prove that if I had spent the night moving from empty seat to empty seat at the rate of one seat every 10 seconds, I still would have run out of game before I’d run out of vacant real estate. Not that I would have considered this a productive use of my time. Instead I sat at my complementary media courtside chair and occasionally munched my complementary media cookies and pizza, and felt a little ashamed that Abbotsfordians weren’t showing up in droves. It was amidst this musing that I remembered that this was the first time the Cascades and TWU Spartans men’s teams have met since that blistering first round of the CIS playoffs last year. I then further realized that the women’s teams occupy consecutive positions in the standings, and therefore were fighting as much for rank as honour. “Blimey,” I said to myself, “we may have ourselves a ball game!” From that point on, I had a memorable night. I cheered as UFV’s Kayli Santori drove the rim, dishing to Sarah Wierks inside at the last, impossible second. I laughed as Jasper Moedt crashed into the Fanzone behind the basket and gave a couple Baker House females a truly personal encounter. I even thought about booing when TWU’s Sean Peter playfully flicked

Kayli Santori warming up her shot. a ball at James York’s crotch, a little reminder of last year’s game three hostility. I was waving my ubiquitous UFV “Bam Bams,” staring myself in the face on the overhead Jumbotron, and trying to figure out why Nicole

Image: Puliarf/Flickr Image: Rebecca Groen/ The Cascade

Wierks has “Warning: Gang life is a dead end” written on the back of her promotional playing card. In other words, I was having a good time. After the games, I mustered a little courage and prepared to ask David

Kent a second round of harder questions. While I already believed that the night had been about as much of a success as was realistically possible, I wasn’t sure what Kent, whose vision was central to the event, was thinking. Abbotsford had not descended en masse upon the AESC, and the vaunted UFV/Trinity rivalry had been significantly more apparent on the court than in the crowd. Yet Kent, smart man that he is, beat me to the punch. “It was brilliant,” he said, “I’m just so happy. We do need a larger crowd in the future, the AESC and the City of Abbotsford took a bit of a hit on this because the crowd was smaller, but crowds grow as you build the product.” Thus he immediately informed me the venue was a success (something I affirm), that the event will happen again next year (something I also affirm), and that somebody else is footing the bill. This, of course, made me very happy as well. But in all seriousness, I am looking forward to next year. A lot of great events have humble beginnings (Nascar anyone?), and I’m confident that the increasing prestige of UFV’s basketball program will pay future dividends. I’m also glad that UFV Athletics has someone like David Kent who can take vision and turn it into a promising reality. Lastly I’d like to thank the AESC and the City of Abbotsford for... well... you know.


WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 2012

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SPORTS & HEALTH

Cascades and Spartans collide under the big top KYLE BALZER CONTRIBUTOR For as long as the Abbotsford Entertainment and Sports Centre (AESC) has been in existence, it has played host to many major pop culture events. It is the home arena for your Abbotsford Heat; it has hosted concerts for big-name musical acts such as Maroon 5, ZZ Top, and KISS; and it’ll soon be the one of the stops for Cirque du Soleil’s new acrobatic show called “KA.” But this past Saturday, the AESC held one of the most anticipated basketball matches of the Canada West season. Both the men and women of UFV took on their cross-town rivals, the Spartans of Trinity Western University (TWU). The women were the first ones to taste the thrill of playing in a bigger arena and the Cascades got off to a terrific start. Veteran star Tessa Klassen took charge by displaying great offensive play along with Samantha Kurath, who executed great plays from inside the key. The Cascades had an 11-point lead, but TWU quickly came back in the second quarter by scoring a couple of

three-pointers and showing tough defence from their inside players. By halftime the score was 35-33 in favour of UFV. As the third quarter began, both teams went back and forth in taking over the lead. Kayli Sartori and Sarah Wierks played excellent defence combining for a total of 14 defensive rebounds and guard Aieisha Luyken was dominant on the offence making her, along with Kayli Sartori, one of the top scorers with 11 points. Despite getting to within five of the lead, the ladies weren’t able to keep up with the Spartans in the fourth quarter and lost the match by a score of 71-59. Although it was a tough loss for the women, they still had the better field-goal percentage (39 per cent) and the better free-throw percentage (69 per cent). Afterwards, it was the men’s turn to play in the slightly-larger-thannormal gym and like the women, they got off to an amazing start. Guard Sam Freeman rallied the defensive end by contributing three defensive rebounds and the team’s free-throw percentage was nearly perfect at 90 per cent thanks to four different players. By halftime, the score was 34-

Joel Friesen dribbles past a defender. 23. 2011 Canada West Second team All-Star Joel Friesen was magnificent in the second half. He was perfect in free throws, he had eight defensive rebounds, and two key steals

Image: Rebecca Groen/ The Cascade

that gave the Cascades the energy to pull away. He was also the top scorer with 24 points. Veteran Kyle Grewal was also a huge contributor finishing the game at 64 per cent from

field-goal range. Even though the Spartans got to within nine points, the Cascades were able to seal the deal with a win by a score of 88-72. Coach Barnaby Craddock was pleased with his team’s level of focus and tempo on the defensive side. “We’ve got more than 100 points in four of our last six games and that’s because we were able to maintain that level of focus and that’s the level of focus that was shown tonight,” said Craddock. Also, even though it was a different venue, it didn’t affect their mentality. “We knew that coming in it’d be a harder venue for our shooters, compared to a local university gym, but it was a great time and a good experience for the players and hopefully in the future we’ll be able to pack this place.” So all in all, having a regular season game in the AESC for the first time was a huge success. Both teams lived up to the challenge and in this reporter’s opinion, it has the potential of becoming an annual event. You can continue to see the Cascades in action this Friday and Saturday as they take on the UBC Thunderbirds right here at home.

FOOTBALL

Super Bowl XXXXVI preview BALRAJ DHILLON CONTRIBUTOR Three storylines will dominate the week before the Super Bowl during media days for coaches and players; the 18-1 season, revenge, and David Tyree’s freak catch. All three headlines refer to Super Bowl 42 in 2007 in which the wild card New York Giants defeated the perfect New England Patriots on a game-winning touchdown. The touchdown to end the game was set up by a miracle catch by Giants receiver David Tyree in which he jumped up for the ball and fell back to the ground pressing the ball against his helmet as Patriots defenders attempted to strip the ball away. The Patriots and Giants meet once again at Super Bowl 46 in similar fashion to that of 2007; the Patriots are the number one seed and the Giants made it to the big game despite being a wild card. However, in 2007 the Patriots defeated the Giants in

the regular season. This past season the Giants defeated the Patriots on a game-winning touchdown. Despite both teams changing drastically over the past four seasons, and David Tyree no longer being in the NFL, players and coaches have already begun receiving questions regarding their last Super Bowl meeting. From a general perspective, the Super Bowl features an offence versus defence match up. The Patriots were lead by Tom Brady, Wes Welker, Rob Gronkowski and the rest of the offensive line en route to being the number one seed in the AFC as their defence gave up the most yards in the league. Tom Brady threw for 5234 yards and 29 touchdowns and Rob Gronkowski shattered the receiving yards and touchdowns record by a tight end as he had 1327 receiving yards and 17 touchdowns. On the other side, the Giants defensive line and aggressive defensive backs stole the thunder away from Eli Manning

and the offence as the season wound down. Despite throwing for nearly 5000 yards and 29 touchdowns, along with 16 interceptions, the emergence of a healthy defensive line late in the season has been accredited with the Giants playoff berth. Pressuring the quarterback is what will decide who wins this game. If the Patriots offensive line, which features three pro-bowl players, can handle the Giants defensive line, Tom Brady will be able to sit back in the pocket and dissect the Giants secondary. However, if the Giants can get pressure on Brady he’ll be forced to evacuate the pocket and check down to throwing screens and short throws. If the Patriots defensive pass rush, lead by Rob Ninkovich who has emerged as a force to be reckoned with this post season, can pressure Eli Manning it will give the Patriots defensive backs—who have struggled all year but are fully healthy for the first time all season—an easier time dealing

with Giants superstar receivers Victor Cruz and Hakeem Nicks. Both teams are able to run the ball on offence and stop the run on defence, so the outcome falls on the passing game. Turnovers will also play a big part in the Super Bowl. Both offensive lines feature enough weapons to score at will, and one turnover that gives the opposing offence one extra series could decide the outcome. Brady is coming off one of his worst postseason games ever, in which he didn’t throw for a single touchdown but did leap from the one-yard line to score the go-ahead touchdown. However, it’s very rare for Tom Terrific to have two bad games in a row and following the AFC Championship game he promised Patriots owner Robert Kraft, “I will be better in two weeks.” On the Giants side, Eli Manning is coming off a game in which he threw for over 300 yards and two touchdowns. In order for the Patriots to win, the secondary will have to shut down

Hakeem Nicks and Victor Cruz on the outside while not taking any risks on fourth downs if they are in field goal territory; the extra three or six points off of field goals will be important as the game winds down in the fourth quarter. In order for the Giants to win, it’s simple: get pressure on Brady. If Brady is given time to stand back in the pocket, the speed of the Patriots receivers will burn the Giants secondary. Even if Brady has to check down to his tight ends, he’ll be throwing to two of the best in the NFL in Aaron Hernandez and Rob Gronkowski, both who have proven they can take a five-yard pass and turn it into a 30-yard gain. Dhillon’s prediction: The Patriots get rid of demons from ’07 once and for all as they avenge their loss in Super Bowl 42 by winning Super Bowl 46 by a score of 31-24.

contact was purely accidental or committed with an offensive or defensive edge. The take-away here is that it’s hockey – contact is going to happen. Banning this contact means that coaches will not be allowed to teach their players how to hit. More importantly, it means that coaches will not be allowed to teach their players how to take a hit. Sure, they can tell them that it’s a good idea to keep their head up when completing a pass. However, unless that player’s been slammed into the boards, the lesson isn’t going to stick. Ignorance is dangerous, and this move seems like it’s going to create a whole new branch of the Darwin Awards: “When people who don’t know how to play hockey do so anyways”. A big defence to the decision is that hitting is still allowed in the highest tier. However, this doesn’t account for a few things. The first issue with this is that many players who play at the “rep” level will choose to

play “house” (the lower tiers) for a season or partial season in order to make less of a time commitment. This means that players who are trained to hit—who are bigger, faster, and more skilled than those relegated to the house leagues based on talent alone— will, at times, play amongst those who cannot hit. As any athlete will tell you, sports are instinctual. Having two such players on the ice—one who can hit and one who has never been hit—seems like a disaster to me. None of this accounts for the effect that the decision will hold on the NHL. Players who came from the PCAHA include Ryan Getzlaf, Brent Seabrook, Evander Kane, and Ryan Nugent Hopkins. No big deal. Now imagine these players beginning their careers without hitting. In those early, formative years, learning to hit is crucial. Looking at Nugent Hopkins in particular – he’s currently playing on a starting line in the NHL, yet he’s only 18. Had he been given even a year

less of hitting practice, could he be where he is today? Another Canadian player, Ed Jovanovski, didn’t start playing “rep” hockey until the age of 15. The idea that he could have ended up in the NHL if he had learned to hit that late in life is laughable. Whether you care about player safety or Canadian honour at the NHL level, this is a bad idea. Instead of banning hitting altogether, alternatives should be found. Currently, hitting clinics in the PCAHA amount to 60 players on one rink, with one coach for one afternoon. Though some coaches choose to focus more on hitting, it’s not required. Why not create hitting clinics, and make extensive education mandatory for all players? Banning isn’t the answer, and won’t stick – especially in this hockey-crazed corner of the world. PCAHA, take pride in this part of our game. Foster skill, rather than playing the over-protective parent. The players will thank you for it.

Body checking blues KAREN ANEY THE CASCADE Though lacrosse is Canada’s national sport, hockey has much more clout in most circles. Canada has long been the home of predominate players in the NHL: we’ve produced the Great One, Sid the Kid, the Rocket, and so many more. However, this tradition may soon be diminished, as leagues across Canada have begun to intercede in game play in the name of safety. Following an increasing trend, the Pacific Coast Amateur Hockey Association (PCAHA) made the decision to ban body checking in every tier for ages 5-19 outside of the representative—highest—league. The PCAHA encompasses hockey leagues from Hope to the Sunshine Coast: that’s a lot of hockey. The problem with this blanket ban is that it’s extremely short-sighted. The move almost seems on-trend

with the media buzz surrounding head injuries in the NHL. Yes, head injuries are terrible—we’re just beginning to understand how terrible, in fact—but banning body checking in hockey is not the answer. In fact, banning body checking in hockey could very well be the antithesis of making the game safer. Look at it logically. It’s a game played on ice, with blades strapped to boots, a hunk of rubber designed to move quickly, and boards barricading the playing surface. At the very least, two people skating towards the boards for a puck is going to result in minimal contact. That’s not something that can change, and asking players to give up this opportunity to focus contact in order to give themselves an offensive edge is unreasonable. Further, it’s impossible to officiate: the contact will happen regardless, and there are too many variables in this situation to ask a referee to judge whether or not the


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www.ufvcascade.ca

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 2012

SPORTS & HEALTH

ELECTION ‘12 Candidate nomination

packages are available as of January 21st, 2012 at the SUS offices in Abby C1015 & Chwk G133 and at ufvSUS.ca. Completed nomination packages will be accepted at the SUS offices during business hours between Jan. 31 at 8:30 a.m. & Feb. 20, 2012 at 4 p.m.

The 2012 SUS Election Campaign Period will run from Feb. 22 to March 6, 2012.

Polling will take place online at MY.UFV.CA from 12:01 a.m., Wed., March 7 to 11:59 p.m., Tues., March 13.

Get involved with UFV Life. Date posted: January 31, 2012

The Cascade Vol. 20 No. 4 - February 1, 2012  

The Cascade is the University of the Fraser Valley's autonomous student newspaper, and has been since 1993.

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