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Vol. 20 Issue. 31

November 21 – 28, 2012

カスケド kaskade



Quelque chose en français depuis 1993


Cultural Olympiad

Globe-trotting with U-House and UFV International p. 10

Student arrested at Abbotsford campus p. 3

Twinkies are but a distant memory p. 7





Arts & Life

Sports & Health

Be a Role Model. Go On. We Dare You.

All for ASS and ASS for all.

Album Review: One Direction.

Grab Your Tiger and Play Ball.

Karen Aney talks with some bigs and some littles about what it means to pair up with the sibling you never had. That’s right; all the inspiration you never knew you needed to volunteer kids in your community is right here in one handy place.

What will become of our beloved AfterMath? In the midst of a dire financial situation, Sean Evans argues that SUS should simply let AfterMath sink . . . or change their name to ASS – the AfterMath Student Society.

Been captivated by those young Irish boys who like to sing on the beach? Ever wonder what one direction One Direction would be headed if they came face to face with Dessa Bayrock? The Opposite Direction.

In a return to childhood frolicking, this week Paul Esau writes about the supremacy of Calvinball over our pathetic, more conventional sports. Those of you who never read Calvin & Hobbes as children . . . we’re sorry.

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Volume 20 · Issue 31 Room C1027 33844 King Road Abbotsford, BC V2S 7M8 604.854.4529 Editor-in-chief Nick Ubels Managing editor Amy Van Veen Business manager Joe Johnson


Online editor Michael Scoular

Why extended minors are all kinds of dumb

Production manager Stewart Seymour

UFV holding students back with BA extended minor NICK UBELS

Art director Anthony Biondi


Please. Someone enlighten me. What on earth is the point of an extended minor? We’re now in the thick of registration for the winter semester. You can tell because MyUFV is crashing a little more often than usual. Students are also meeting with advisers to uncover the best way to graduate with their sanity intact, pondering which credentials are worth the risk. Extended minors? Save yourself the anxiety and a couple thousand dollars. It is not worth your time. I’m an English major with a keen interest in history. I’ve completed my requirements for a history minor and have been interested in taking additional upper-level history classes. Yet the only difference between an extended minor and a minor in nearly every arts discipline is more lower-level classes. I’m sorry, but at this point in my bachelor’s degree, more lower-level classes in history or English are a royal waste of my time. I’d be all for taking more advanced classes to satisfy more rigorous graduation requirements, and to walk across the stage in June with a slightly more impressive notch on my diploma, but there’s no way it’s worth taking more lower-level classes. Once you’ve fulfilled the requirements that allow you to enrol, there’s no going back. I know plenty of stu-

Copy editor Joel Smart News editor Dessa Bayrock Opinion editor Sean Evans Arts & life editor Sasha Moedt

Boredom creeps in when fourth year students take lower level classes. dents in this situation, finishing up lower-level requirements, who don’t even read the textbook, yet are pulling an A average on all their assignments so far. Yes, upper-level classes are more difficult and time-consuming, requiring a certain skill set and university experience to be able to handle. But since taking upper-level English and history courses, it’s been tough to find myself engaged by or learning anything at all in lower-level classes. Moreover, extended minors crowd already over-capacity lower-level classes. First-year students don’t stand a chance of

getting into the classes they want when they’re clogged with bored seniors adding an extended minor one semester before they leave. And nothing kills a learning environment better than disinterested students. Extended minors need to be reworked to provide students with real incentive and real reward for devoting more of their open credits to a particular discipline. Rather than petering out at the end of your graduate degree, you should be gearing up for your most intensive, pride-worthy work. Without the option of completing a double major, one of the few ways to distinguish yourself from

Image: screenshot Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986)

the throngs of UFV grads is to get an extended minor. But this nominal distinction is actually nothing more than a time suck. It doesn’t signify anything other than wasted time and wasted money. Until the faculty of arts rethinks the way it offers additional credentials, arts students are better off just taking upper-level electives that they’re actually interested in. If you’re one of the rare few that can sit through a first-year survey course three or more years into your degree, I applaud you. But I can’t put myself through that.


November 24

November 23

November 25

Movie night was your idea

Vintage and handmade market

Get your dancing shoes

Bring on the weekend by questioning reality with the Association of History Students’ movie night screening of the modern masterpiece Inception at 7 p.m. and it’s going to look lovely on the big screen of B101. Admission is free and donations are accepted but not at all expected. Go ahead – lose your end of semester blues in a dream world (or is it three dream worlds?).

Let’s face it: Christmas is fast-approaching. Need something one-of-a-kind for your mom, sibling or special someone? No fear – the Poplar Vintage and Handmade market is popping up for one day only and boasts a selection of everything cool, old and crafty. There will be food and gift ideas a-plenty from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. at North Poplar School on Marshall Road.

Stressed? Kill some zombies.

The weather outside is frightful, but the apocalypse could happen at any time. Train to kill zombies this Friday from 5 p.m. to 9 p.m. at U-House, where UFV’s Humans vs. Zombies club is gathering with their nerf equipment to have a mock apocalyptic battle. Bring your biggest guns and survive to win some sick prizes.

Let’s face it – you’ve always wanted to be the suave one on the dance floor. Here’s your chance to start; meet up at the ASAA hall on Essendene Avenue in Abbotsford for some swing-dance lessons. With a student fare of $8, drop in at 7:45 p.m. for a quick lesson and then a free-for-all dance floor. The chicks will dig you. Seriously.

Sports editor Paul Esau News writer Jess Wind Photojournalist Blake McGuire Staff writers Karen Aney, Taylor Johnson, Nadine Moedt Contributors Brittni Brown, Mike Cadarette, Derek Froese, Ryan Pederson, Shea Wind, Ali Siemens, Tim Ubels Printed By International Web exPress The Cascade is UFV’s autonomous student newspaper. It provides a forum for UFV students to have their journalism published. It also acts as an alternative press for the Fraser Valley. The Cascade is funded with UFV student funds. The Cascade is published every Wednesday with a circulation of 1500 and is distributed at UFV campuses and throughout Abbotsford, Chilliwack, and Mission. The Cascade is a member of the Canadian University Press, a national cooperative of 75 university and college newspapers from Victoria to St. John’s. The Cascade follows the CUP ethical policy concerning material of a prejudicial or oppressive nature. Submissions are preferred in electronic format through e-mail. Please send submissions in “.txt” or “.doc” format only. Articles and letters to the editor must be typed. The Cascade reserves the right to edit submissions for clarity and length. The Cascade will not print any articles that contain racist, sexist, homophobic or libellous content. The writer’s name and student number must be submitted with each submission. Letters to the editor must be under 250 words if intended for print. Only one letter to the editor per writer in any given edition. Opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect that of UFV, Cascade staff and collective, or associated members.




Two-minute summaries and other tales from MicroLectures NADINE MOEDT THE CASCADE

There are a lot of things you can do it two minutes: heat up a cup of coffee, make a to-do list, skim a Facebook newsfeed. But could you explain months or years of research? UFV faculty took on the challenge last week as they presented their latest research as part of UFV’s annual MicroLectures event. Seventeen faculty members took up the challenge Wednesday at the Roadrunner Café, condensing their research and engaging a broad range of audience members and displaying a rich tapestry of interests – all in less than two minutes. A traffic light stayed green for just under two minutes while each presenter stepped up to the stage. Once it turned yellow each presenter had 30 seconds left; red meant the time was up. The audience heard presentations on a number of topics, from potential “green structures” in Tanzania to the biology of blueberries here in the Fraser Valley. Lenore Newman, of the Geography department, is the current Canada Research Chair in food security and the environment, opened the MicroLectures with “Poutine Goes National.” She spoke on how food defines our regions as well as our identity as Canadians.

Image: UFV

Lenore Newman, food expert in the Geography department, spoke about the national nature of poutine. Cherie Enns, of the Geography department, presented “Children’s Rights and Community Design in Global Context,” a theme related to her work with orphaned children in Kenya. Her focus during her presentation, however, was on what she did wrong while working towards a PhD. “How do I do research in Kenya, attend school in Germany and try to teach here full-time?” she asked the audience. “My

method and approach was really a lifelong journey. I had no research questions; in fact, I had all the answers before I began. As my PhD advisor said, ‘If you really did all you think you did, you should have the Nobel peace prize by now.’ I don’t.” Eventually, Enns decided to try writing her PhD on why she did not have a PhD. “In the end,” she told the audience, “my PhD, which was my non PhD, became my actual PhD.”

Student arrested after threatening staff JESS WIND


First fire trucks, now police cruisers – it’s been an eventful month at UFV’s King Road campus. On November 5, just before 7 p.m., campus security and officers of the Abbotsford Police Department (APD) were seen escorting a handcuffed man off campus, to a cruiser waiting in the loading zone between B and D buildings. This followed an incident in administration where the man in question became agitated during an attempt to sort out some paperwork. The APD received a call at 6:30 p.m. from campus security about the incident. The man, a

40-year-old Mission resident and UFV student, became verbally aggressive with UFV staff, which resulted in a call to security and then the APD. APD media liaison, constable Ian Macdonald reported that once the discussion regarding his paperwork did not go in his favour he became aggravated. “When things didn’t go his way he became verbally belligerent and the staff felt scared. We arrested him for uttering threats,” MacDonald explained. The man is not someone police have had experience with before. The student was, at the time of his arrest, due to be in Introduction to Communication Theory with social and cultural media studies professor, Éric Spalding.

Spalding did not wish to comment on the incident, except to confirm that the student is still registered in the course, despite being absent the week following his arrest. UFV Marketing and Communications (MarCom) did not comment directly on the incident, but confirmed that they cooperate entirely with APD when police-related situations arise. “If there are incidents on campus involving the police, UFV cooperates fully with the authorities,” MarCom director Leslie Courchesne said.

Jonathan Hughes, Paleoecologist from the UFV Geography department, spoke on something a little closer to home. His research on “Ancient Floods in the Fraser Lowland” delved into what ancient deposits tell us about the frequency of flooding in the Fraser valley. Hughes spoke about “how flood frequency varies with time, [and] how the variation coincides with past climate change in the Fraser basin,” and briefly touched on how “floods have in-

fluenced ecosystem functions.” Several faculty speakers shared their personal stories. Roger Friesen, from the Kinesiology and Physical Education (KPE) department, has been working as a sports psychology consultant to Canadian Olympic athletes for 22 years. His presentation, “The Pursuit of Excellence and Lessons Learned from the London Olympics,” dealt with his experience assisting athletes trying to “compete under the spotlight.” Some presenters ran out of time before completing their lecture, to the audible disappointment of the audience. Shelley Canning of the nursing department, fell into this category: her presentation on “Children, Frail Elders and Ballet: A Magical Combination,” included a way to “measure magic.” After an explanation of the benefits of ballet to the children involved, such as an increase in empathy and comfort, Canning began talking about the “magic” involved in the project but was unfortunately cut off by the red light. By the end of the event, the audience had grown to standing room only; students watched from the balcony above and stopped in the hallways to listen. It might be hard to compact hundreds of hours of research and effort into two minutes, but in the end the MicroLecture format was a success – promoting a sense of community across many disciplines as well as pride in the research pursued at UFV.




Big Brothers Big Sisters makes a big difference KAREN ANEY

close of their own accord. He says there are two main accomplishments he and Alex have achieved. First, Alex has gotten his grades up in school and understands why it’s important. Second (and more importantly, Brar says) the pair have worked together to develop his little’s confidence. “When we first met, he was this shy little kid who didn’t talk much . . . [we played football and basketball with friends], and he started building his confidence in there and real life too . . . now, he’s not really afraid to talk to anybody because he doesn’t feel inferior to anyone,” Brar says. If this kind of volunteering doesn’t seem like it’s up your alley, there are a few other options. One example is the Go Girls! (for girls) or Game On (for boys) program. These are after-school mentoring programs that consist of two-hour classes once a week for up to 10 weeks, where mentors teach grade five and six students about healthy living, including nutrition, physical activity, selfesteem and diversity. Jessica Warkentin is a social work major at UFV who has been directing a Go Girls! class since September. Along with two other co-leaders, she guides the girls through exercises that encourage healthy lifestyles, inside and out. Last week, her supervisor visited the class to ask the girls their thoughts on what they were learning. Warkentin said this was rewarding, because she was able to hear them mention all the things she’s been trying to teach them. “A bunch of them mentioned ‘it’s helped me with my self es-

teem, and helped me realize that what other people think about me isn’t as important.’ That was really cool, to hear that they were getting the message,” she said. Though she doesn’t know what career she is aiming for, Warkentin is sure she’ll use her Go Girls! skills in the future. “Learning to facilitate a group is a big thing,” Warkentin says. “All the girls have their own unique interest and a way of expressing themselves. [I’m] learning to bring them all together as one group.” Gurv Brar says that his time with Alex has helped him as well – and not just with future employment opportunities. “It helped me get an $800 scholarship from UFV,” he states. He went on to say that it’s always great to have on a resume – it demonstrates that you can be trusted and are able to work with youth, which is a valuable skill in many fields. If you can’t commit as much time as Brar or Warkentin, there is also an In-School Mentoring Program that involves spending time with a child in their school once per week. This time is used to connect with the child and simply be there as a friend. Students are welcome to apply for all programs. Potential Big Brothers and Game On leaders are especially needed. Mentoring coordinator Cassie Silva, a recent UFV Bachelor of Social Work graduate, explains that this is an invaluable relationship for young boys. “Some moms tell me they just want their sons to realize that it is possible to have a genuine relationship with an adult man . . . some of their stories can be heart-

breaking to hear while others are very common; I am so fortunate to be in a position where I can match children with a great role model and make a positive difference that will truly impact the

Image: Håkan Dahlström / Flickr

Image: London Summit / Flickr

Image: Reuters


BC unveils new colorectal screening program

Canada pledges again to balance budget by 2015

Israel says prefers diplomacy but ready to invade Gaza

New film chases glaciers, with time-lapse photos

Israeli government websites under mass hacking attack

NEW WESTMINSTER (CUP) — The BC government will be introducing a new colorectal screening program next spring. Colorectal cancer, commonly known as bowel or colon cancer, takes the lives of over 1000 British Columbians a year. The aim of the program is to try and catch signs such as pre-cancerous polyps or malignant tumours early on by employing a fecal immunochemical test (FIT) which can be completed in the privacy of one’s own home before sending the samples to a lab for analysis. “As a province, we are known for excellence in cancer control. Early detection through screening saves lives,” said Dr. Max Coppes, president of the BC Cancer Agency.

OTTAWA/NEW YORK (Reuters) — The Canadian government on Friday reiterated its intention to balance its budget by 2015, three days after projecting there would be deficits until 2016-17. In separate appearances in Quebec City and New York, Prime Minister Stephen Harper and Finance Minister Jim Flaherty were at pains to say they still intended to end the red ink by 2015. “It remains the government’s plan, intention, to balance the budget prior to the next federal election. The recent economic and fiscal update by the minister indicates we are actually very close to that objective,” Harper told reporters in Quebec City. The next election is in October 2015.

GAZA/JERUSALEM (Reuters) — Israel bombed dozens of targets in the Gaza Strip on Monday and said that while it was prepared to step up its offensive by sending in troops, it preferred a diplomatic solution that would end Palestinian rocket fire. Mediator Egypt said a deal for a truce to end the fighting could be close. The leader of Hamas said it was up to Israel to end the new conflict it had started. Israel says its strikes are to halt Palestinian rocket attacks. For the second straight day, Israeli missiles blasted a tower block in the city of Gaza housing international media. Two people were killed there, one of them an Islamic Jihad militant.

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) — Six years after Gore’s “An Inconvenient Truth,” a new film, “Chasing Ice,” goes beyond the data and the diagrams to document the disappearance of the world’s glaciers with time-lapse photography. Photographer James Balog has been capturing the grandeur of glaciers and ice floes since 2007. He started the Extreme Ice Survey the same year, which is considered the most wide-ranging photographic study of glaciers. What started as a video record of Balog and his team’s Arctic excursions instead turned into “Chasing Ice,” a chronicling of the effort to capture and consolidate timelapse photos of vanishing polar landscapes.

(Reuters) — More than 44 million hacking attempts have been made on Israeli government web sites since Wednesday when Israel began its Gaza air strikes, the government said on Sunday. Finance Minister Yuval Steinitz said just one hacking attempt was successful on a site he did not want to name, but it was up and running after 10 minutes of downtime. Typically, there are a few hundred hacking attempts a day on Israeli sites, the ministry said. Attempts on defence-related sites have been the highest, while 10 million attempts have been made on the site of Israel’s president alone.


There are a plethora of activities for students to devote their time to when they aren’t in school – not the least of which are napping and watching reality television. Neither exactly screams job potential, however. If you’re looking to get off the couch and maybe give back to your community, think about giving Big Brothers Big Sisters a call. The group has a chapter in the Fraser Valley, and you could be their next volunteer. There are different ways to get involved. The volunteer position that most of us have heard of is the classic mentor program, where an adult is paired with a young member in their community. This involves a two to four hour commitment per week, where the pair engages in an activity that suits their interest – this could mean hiking, biking, swimming, knitting, baking, joining a book club or any number of things. Gurv Brar, a fourth-year Criminology major at UFV, has had a Little Brother through this program for just under two-and-ahalf years. Alex, his “little,” is now 14. Gurv interacts with Alex around 10 hours per week – they typically go out once, and often play football or basketball (something they both enjoy), and finally spend a lot of time texting and on Facebook or FaceTime. He says that the overall experience has been very rewarding, and he and Alex are at the point where they don’t really need the Big Brothers association to facilitate their time together; they’re

Image: courtesy Gurv Brar

Gurv Brar, a Criminology major at UFV and also a Big Brother.

rest of their lives.” If you’re interested in volunteering, phone 604-852-3331 or email


Image: Failed Guide Dog Photography




Upgrades for Fraser Valley libraries JESS WIND


A new UFV library opened its doors with the new CEP building this past September, and soon it won’t be the only new kid in town; new libraries are popping up all over the Fraser Valley. November 2 marked the last operational day for Abbotsford’s downtown MSA Centennial library. Opening in 1967, the building became a staple in the reading routines of Abbotsford residents over the past 40 years. Judy Casey, who has been the branch supervisor for 15 years, enjoyed the familiar sounds of the old building. “There’s something comfortable about it, even though it’s not up to 21st century standards. Old buildings that creak and make noises are comfortable,” she said in an interview with The Abbotsford News. MSA centennial closed to make way for the new Abbotsford Community Library, which will be larger, brighter and better organized. The new facility opens on November 26 and is located on the Abbotsford Senior Secondary School campus. The $4 million project is essentially double the size of the old facility and has added approximately 10,000 new items to the

collection, as well as new seating, and children’s and teens’ reading areas. Not to be outdone, Chilliwack is also in the midst of constructing a new library on the Sardis side of town, which is due to open in January 2013. The $3.4 million project has focused on sustainable design features including energy-saving techniques, water conservation procedures and conscientious construction practices. The facility will feature a multipurpose community space, an adult area (complete with fireplace and a children’s reading space). Rob O’Brennan, chief administrative officer for the Fraser Valley Regional Library (FVRL), said the library will be beneficial for both the residents of the area and FVRL. The new Sardis Library is very exciting for both the community and Fraser Valley Regional Library,” he said in an interview with The Chilliwack Progress. “It’s going to be a beautiful facility that will be used and enjoyed by everyone on Chilliwack’s south side. Three days after MSA Centennial closed their outdated library for good, Langley Township council discussed plans for upgrades and expansion to their library facilities. With a project-

ed population of over 127,000 in 2021, the city expects to need over 50,000 square feet of library facilities in addition to what they currently operate. The plan involved renewing the existing libraries and possibly adding a new one in Willoughby sometime in the next 10 years. A second idea suggested constructing a large central library in Willoughby and delaying upgrades to the older buildings until later. The third plan encompassed ideas from the first two; a smaller central library for Willoughby residents and upgrades to existing facilities elsewhere in the township. According to an article published in The Langley Times, the third plan gained the most council support and is estimated to cost at least $11.4 million over 15 years. A majority vote within council decided they would gather proposals for all three plans before moving forward. Abbotsford, Chilliwack and Langley, in conjunction with FVRL, are working hard to bring residents upgraded public libraries. These libraries will come as a great benefit to UFV students that are used to commuting to campus in order to find a quiet place to study.

SUS to get food-certified JESS WIND


At last Friday’s Student Union Society (SUS) board meeting, VP social Chris Doyle pushed through a motion for SUS to fund up to three board members to attain FOODSAFE and Serving It Right certification, which would allow them to prepare and serve food in a variety of situations. The motion was a long time in the making. “About . . . two months ago, I brought it up in an [executive meeting]; they told me to bring it up at board,” said Doyle. It was tabled three times for different reasons before being discussed on Friday. “At that point, I didn’t even care

if it got through, I just wanted someone to talk about,” Doyle said with a laugh. This motion was the result of a conversation with Biology and Chemistry Students’ Association (BCSA) who were looking into hiring bartenders for one of their upcoming events. “I was thinking that the SUS events committee should be able to support this – we have volunteers,” Doyle explained. Many of the board members already possess one or both of these certifications that allow the bearer to serve food or liquor at events. “A lot of people that have [the certification] . . . have no free time to attend events. So I wanted to make sure that events committee members would have it,” Doyle

said. Serving It Right is a certification done online, and costs $35 per person. FOODSAFE is more expensive at $110 per person, but SUS has looked into options for reducing this cost. “We know that one of the chefs at TTC gives a discount for FOODSAFE,” Doyle explained, noting that they’ll also pursue options through Doug Fowler, general manager of food services for Sodexo at UFV. “We are hoping to cut the cost in half for FOODSAFE.” The members SUS currently plans to fund are Doyle, residents representative Sean Webber and representative-at-large Vitor Carvalho.

Interested in contributing to your campus newspaper? We’re always looking for new writers, photographers, comic artists, crossword junkies and pretty much everything in between. Email editor in chief Nick Ubels at for more hot details! (Or visit us on the Abby campus in C1027 – someone is always around and no one bites.)

UFV students stand up for the Paramount

Image: Dessa Bayrock/The Cascade

Chilliwack’s Paramount theatre is slated for demolition.


What happens when you mix three UFV students, a UFV professor and a SFU Criminology major? A plan to save the local theatre. The Paramount theatre in downtown Chilliwack hasn’t shown a movie in years, but a variety of community groups have been fighting to save the old building. But despite efforts from several volunteer teams, the Paramount was finally slated to be torn down earlier this year, and demolition was scheduled to start sometime in the month of November. Last month, in a final push, a couple of UFV students decided to step up to the plate in a lastditch effort to save the theatre. Megan Davies, an English major at UFV, says the idea evolved after chatting with a couple of friends. “We wanted to see if we could do something about it. So we did,” Davies says, describing how she and a couple of UFV students joined forces with a UFV professor and an SFU criminology major to form UFV Students to Save the Paramount. Together they came up with a business proposal to transform the empty building into a youth community centre. According to group member and SFU criminology major Sarah Gillis, opening the building again for this purpose would also help reduce crime in the area. “The Yale area [is] the number one hot-pocket for crimes of opportunity in Chilliwack,” Davies says, summarizing Gillis’ side of the plan. “If there’s more lighting on, or there are lights on around the area, they’re less likely to break into a car or get that purse.” The group quickly put together a plan to raise awareness – a combination of flash mob, protest, and drive-in theatre. They handed out flyers, sent out press releases, and gathered a

group to watch a movie projected onto the side of the old building this past Sunday. Davies says about 30 people took part in the event, but many more drove by and stopped to ask what all the action was about. “It was kind of wet and cold, so I understand that not a lot of people wanted to come out,” Davies admits, “but it was kind of neat because there were a lot of people that drove by on Yale Road and didn’t know about the protest.” The team chose to screen Modern Times, a black-and-white film starring Charlie Chaplin. “Charlie Chaplin was a big advocate for going against social injustice and economic injustice,” Davies explains. “I picked that one because it came out after the depression, and it focussed on the factory worker versus the factory owner . . . which I thought really paralleled [the situation].” Davies admits the plan to save the space was extremely last-minute, but says the plan could be fulfilled in some other downtown location even if the Paramount is demolished. “We’re going to come up with a plan for an alternative area,” Davies says. “A lot of people still feel like there can be a good community in that downtown Yale area, so we’re going to . . . support the historic buildings that are still there.” The group plans to hold another movie night this Sunday, November 25, assuming the theatre is still standing. Davies says that the building has been gutted of chairs and furniture, and crews could start tearing it down any day. Even so, the group plans to use the space as long as it’s around. “A lot of people that came were really excited, and really just enjoyed having that nostalgia moment,” Davies says. “Even if this doesn’t deter them from demolishing the building, it’ll still create more of a sense of community in that area.”




Disaster tourism as ruin porn Tweets of the Week If you have a tweet you think should be featured, tweet it to @ufvcascade

Conan O’Brien @ConanOBrien Somewhere, in the offices of a smalltown newspaper, a young columnist excitedly types the name “General Betrayus,” thinking he’s first

Tim Ubels @meresheep My relationship with my bed was so much better when I was unemployed. #priorities

Hostess Snacks @Hostess_Snacks Sorry to announce Hostess Brands has been forced to close operations due to the Bakers Union strike http:// jimmy fallon @jimmyfallon After transforming into a werewolf, Jacob spends most of the movie chasing a squirrel. #faketwilightspoilers

Rainn Wilson @rainnwilson I just read the funniest tweet!

Kai Nagata @kainagata If Obama lets Twinkies go down without a bailout, everything I thought I knew about America is wrong.

The Twinkie as a metaphor


Tour operator Gray Line has begun the inevitable disaster tours around areas of New York most heavily hit by hurricane Sandy, hardly giving residents a chance to catch their breath after the storm. Two days after many residents lost everything, the wreckage that once was their lives is being featured on many a disaster tourists’ Facebook page. There are countless of examples of disasters that turned into a lucrative business for tourism companies; the wrecked cruise ship Costa Concordia, the devastation of New Orleans, ground zero. When does disaster tourism change from an act of solidarity with the victims to a voyeuristic motivation? These tourists are not taking tours to pay respect to the lives destroyed by these disasters; they are simply observing, the same as one would observe the Eiffel tower, or the pyramids. Why do we have such a morbid interest in destroyed lives? A look at “ruin porn” sheds some light on the question. Ruin porn is the fascination many experience in looking at and photographing abandoned and dilapidated urban buildings. Imagery of old schools, factories and hospitals inspire romantic and nostalgic feelings; it goes back to mortality, passing time and lost lives. Detroit is a popular place for ruin porn addicts; whole blocks, derelict and crumbling, and the abandoned Motor city make the perfect setting for avid photographers. Tim Edenser, a professor of geography at Manchester Metropolitan University who studies the appeal of urban ruins, said to The Huffington Post that these areas present “an escape from excessive order.” Images from



look at the Twinkie as a metaphor for childhood. We begin life all soft and filled with good ideas, and then somebody dunks us in a deep-fryer and that’s still pretty cool, and then you realize that Twinkies don’t come from a magical place but are actually created, day after day, by some single mother in Philadelphia who works 12-hour shifts for minimum wage. And then one day she went on strike because she wanted better wages so she could feed her children more than complimentary Ho Hos. And here we are. Last week my arts advisor told me I could graduate next semester and now I’m terrified of real life. What happens when I inevitably can’t find a job and get rejected from a couple grad schools? You know what else didn’t make it into the digital era? Lite Brite. The world is literally darker. I guess that we all, sooner or later, have to grow up and accept that people don’t appreciate little cakes with cream in them until they’re gone.

A derelict building in Detroit, Michigan. these places make viewers “see and feel things [they] can’t in the ordinary world.” Ruin porn in this sense is alike to disaster tourism; people escape the routine and “excessive order” of their lives, briefly stepping into the ruin of others’ for a quick thrill. The “porn” comparison suggests a rather disturbing trend. Porn is a trivialization of something deeper and more complex, whether it is a physical and emotional connection with another sexual being or the circumstances that results in the desertion of an urban location. In disaster tourism it is the aestheticisation of devastation. Also similar to porn is the possible connection to exploitation; images of destruction titillate viewers but do not serve up the reality behind the

Image: Jason Paris/Flickr

images, the history of socio-economic exploitation in Detroit is one such example. While on the surface the devastation is clear, many do not see the horror that is implicit in the scene, be it an abandoned school, or the wreckage that results from a disaster. If these tours generated much needed relief funds to the communities afflicted, there would be some shred of decency, some excuse to gawk at other people’s misery. But more often profits only go to the company that runs the tours. Disaster tourism is no different than following the tabloid stories on a movie star’s downwardly spiralling life. As indecent, insensitive and voyeuristic as it may be, there’s money to be made; it seems impossible to avoid.

When democracy begins to crumble SEAN EVANS

DESSA BAYROCK Amid a slough of Zombieland references, the lady of snack cakes has closed her doors. That’s right – so long, Hostess. So long, Ho Hos. So long, Twinkies. After complications with strike action and I guess a tough market for snacking desserts, Hostess has filed for bankruptcy. All the factories are closed. It seems fitting that Hostess declared bankruptcy in what is perhaps the dreariest time of year. The rain is setting in. Exams are creaking up slowly like a haunted clockwork toy. I feel like the fact that Twinkies will no longer exist is a metaphor for something ominous. To tell the truth, I’ve never eaten a Twinkie. I’ve never had a Twinkie, and now I never will. This reminds me of the way that the phrase “a Kodak moment” will never reach the next generation, since Kodak went out of business last year. What is wrong with this world when people aren’t buying film and they aren’t buying Twinkies? What are they buying? You know what I find extremely upsetting? Hostess was the company that also produced Wonderbread. They have taken the wonder out of bread. Is it any wonder the world seems a little greyer? Maybe it’s just the end-of-semester blues talking, but I’m beginning to


This may come as a surprise to some (especially if the reader is an elected official), but taxes should not be treated as a private campaign piggy bank for the party in power. Last week the National Post reported that the Ministry of Immigration spent some $750,000 monitoring “ethnic media” and public perceptions of minister Jason Kenney between March 2009 and May 2012. While it is a common practice of the civil service to monitor the media and public perceptions in regards to their specific mandate, trouble arises when politics enter the fray – especially during elections. The expenses may be understandable—it was over the course of three years—and “ethnic media” (whatever that is) may be directly related to the ministry of immigration. And I may even be able to forgive the fact that department funds were used to monitor the public perceptions of minister Kenney; of course the minister needs to know what the public thinks of him – what if someone doesn’t like him!? Of course that would effect the day-to-day operation of the civil service. Quick, someone whip up a pie-chart – this is serious business.

What is most concerning, however, is that by all appearances, this money was spent on contractors that were used to analyze information that was pertinent to minister Kenney’s reelection in the Spring of 2011. Daily media reports during the campaign included assessments, as the National Post reported, “graded from ‘very positive’ to ‘very negative’ – on campaign events by Kenney and Prime Minister Stephen Harper and their political opponents.” In fact, in March of 2011 these reports, paid for by the Canadian public for use by the civil service, were emailed by the department to an anonymous email account: “” It is not known who this account belonged to, but Jason Kenney’s ministerial office, along with the department headquarters, are located at 365 Laurier Street in Ottawa. Coincidence? Maybe, but that is highly doubtful. What would normally be considered a campaign expense was possibly being paid for by the federal government under the auspices of “research” for the Ministry of Immigration. This is the kind of information that determines how limited campaign funds (unlike our neighbours to the south) are spent, and is therefore extremely valuable during an election. The fact is that if minister Kenney and the Conservative Party

of Canada did indeed use federal government funds for political purposes during an election, there ought to be some serious concern among Canadians. This misuse of resources is an abuse of power and represents cracks in the foundation of our democracy. If our elected officials feel free to use their position of power as a means of maintaining said power, no matter the party, democracy becomes a sham. When those who’ve been given a mandate by the citizens to lead the country use that power for their own individual gain, the very voice that gave them that mandate is silenced in favour of personal aggrandizement. This represents more than calling in a favour or two from your buddies in the civil service. If this goes unchecked, we may find ourselves in the midst of exchanging a robust system of government based on democracy for totalitarianism with a cheap plastic mask that looks like democracy but ultimately leaves a bad taste in your mouth. The question is this: to what end shall the voters be duped out of their right to a responsible government? To what end shall elected officials cheat to maintain power? If they are really on the side of the people, should that even be necessary?




AfterMath is making an ASS out of SUS SEAN EVANS THE CASCADE

As many of you may know, AfterMath is struggling financially – and that’s putting it lightly. To put it plainly, AfterMath is bleeding out. If it were a ship, AfterMath would have about as much chance of success as the Titanic in the North Atlantic. I say, let ‘er sink. If you were, by chance, unaware of the financial woes of AfterMath, Jess Wind of The Cascade explained it nicely in an article last week: “AfterMath’s budget shows a cost of $306,135 to run from April 2012 until the end of March 2013. They projected to make back $225,450 of that total cost in sales. This is where the $80,000 comes in; this is the deficit that SUS accounted for in their current budget.” Currently, AfterMath—eight months into the fiscal year, and only three months into the school year (they were closed for the summer, although some staff remained on payroll)—is set to exceed the $80,000 deficit that was budgeted. Right now, they are in need of approximately $50,000 to remain open for the rest of the fiscal year. Currently, SUS board members and a group of students are working to take that $50,000 from other budgeted areas and give it over to the cash-eating cow that is AfterMath. What’s on the menu for our friendly bovine, you ask? The Chilliwack and Abbotsford events budgets, the remainder of the CASA budget, the advocacy budget and the accessibility fund. First, let me say this. I appreciate the idea of AfterMath. I know that the school needs a place for students to gather, eat good food and drink cheap beer. I get that. But, I fail to see what on earth would compel SUS to gut their existing programs in an effort to save a pub that is always going to fail. Ironically, one of those supporting the continued funding of AfterMath is VP social Chris Doyle. I find this ironic in that Doyle is apparently willing to pillage the budgets for events on the Ab-

botsford and Chilliwack campus in exchange for . . . what? Cheap beer? A restaurant that is fiscally never going to work? If the events budgets are handed over to AfterMath, it would only make sense for Doyle to resign his position and pay, because he would be out of a job. Do we need a VP social if we are no longer going to have events? AfterMath can take care of events, right? Students from Chilliwack and Hope can take a hike. Or better yet, why not just gut all the programs that SUS currently offers, and give all the cash to AfterMath. I motion that we rename SUS the AfterMath Student Society (ASS). Why not? That way we can all keep getting our chicken strips for a few dollars less than at Sodexo. That way we can all keep getting our beer for a few dollars less than at Finnegans (wait, they offer pitchers for $9.99 on Thursdays, scrap that). ASS will provide all we need as students. ASS will advocate on our behalf – when it comes to chicken dipping sauce! ASS will speak for those who have a small voice – unless they eat at Sodexo! ASS will provide us with health insurance, provided there are funds left over after the nuggets are paid for! ASS! ASS! ASS! (Are you with me!?!) Now, obviously I am speaking with my tongue firmly planted in my cheek, but the real question we ought to be asking is this: what is the point of SUS? When the board was elected with the classically strong mandate that is given in a student election, what was that mandate? What does SUS exist for? I think it is for more than subsidized french fries. The SUS website states that “The mission of the SUS is to create a strong, unified student voice and to provide innovative and valuable services to its members by advocating on behalf of and collaborating with the Student Body, UFV and the community.” I wholeheartedly agree with this statement. The question now, is, does the continued funding of AfterMath fit into this mission state-

ment? No. If the purpose of SUS is to “provide innovative and valuable services to its members,” AfterMath cannot possibly fit into either of those categories, while simultaneously running a massive deficit that wipes out the budgets of very valuable services for the members of SUS. By putting SUS at risk of bankruptcy, running through the budget like a bull in a china shop and, by necessity, devoting major funds to one portion of the student population while excluding others (ie. Chilliwack, et al.), AfterMath unfortunately finds itself outside of the SUS mandate. Perhaps one day AfterMath could be an innovative and valuable service for students at UFV, but in its current state, it is simply not feasible. Now, to those who argue that AfterMath provides a great place to hold student events and it needs to be saved at all costs, I would say this: can we not continue to use the space that AfterMath currently occupies? Food could be made, alcohol could be served when the appropriate permits were obtained, and events could be held on an asneeded basis. The sad fact is that those who support bailing out the sinking ship that is AfterMath, though small in number, are a powerful enough force to get their way. Since no one votes in SUS elections and very few will show up the the EGM this Wednesday, a relatively small group can (and likely will) divert major amounts of funding away from programs that serve the wider student body to prop up AfterMath. In fact, the Facebook group “Oppose closure of AfterMath” has set their event to November 28 – the second EGM attempt, rather than November 21. This means that less students would be required to make changes, as the quorum for the second attempt is far smaller. ASS will prevail. The system is broken.


You have heard it said that AfterMath is causing SUS to go broke, but I tell you that there is a reasonable solution. A careful analysis of the numbers show that AfterMath is financially viable, and can be run within the funding that SUS already receives without shutting down student services. Why is AfterMath worth saving? • AfterMath is the cheapest place to eat on campus. A regular burger and fries is $6 at AfterMath, but $8.18 at the cafeteria. • Clubs and Associations can hold events at AfterMath for free with reasonable catering costs. It costs $600 to rent the small gym (the only available UFV space larger than a classroom) for one night, and private catering typically costs three to four times as much as AfterMath. Since Clubs and Association events are mostly funded by SUS, these additional costs would be passed on to SUS anyways. • Keeping AfterMath open from January to March will only cost about $16,000 more than if it was closed prematurely (according to estimates from SUS VP Finance). • Without AfterMath, UFV is a dry campus. Why is AfterMath suddenly a problem? For the 2012-13 SUS budget, an operating budget of $80,000 was allotted to run AfterMath for the whole year. AfterMath has approached that budget ($63,000 as of October 2012). This makes it look like AfterMath is a problem. However, If we compare AfterMath’s cumulative costs from April until October in this year next to previous years: • October 2012: AfterMath costs $63,045.83 • October 2011: AfterMath costs $83,674.15 • October 2010: AfterMath costs $105,293 And if we look at how much it cost to run AfterMath in the past for an entire year: • 2011 $160,944 • 2012 $140,203 Even though AfterMath continues

Image: Aftermath

Ridonkulous Burger

to do better each year, capping its costs at $80,000 was an unrealistic expectation that set it up to fail. Why is SUS running out of money? Even though AfterMath is running leaner than it has in the past, SUS claims to be running out of money. Where does that $30 per student you pay every semester go? ($682,900 per year) • $248,800 administrative costs for the SUS office including staff, benefits, office supplies, etc. • $143,600 for government costs for the board members including honoraria, cell phones, mileage, retreats. • $290,500 for student services such as AfterMath, Clubs and Associations, SUS events, conferences for SUS board members, U-Pass setup. SUS spends 42 per cent of its $682,900 budget on things that directly benefit students. The rest goes to sustaining SUS itself. What will we have to cut to keep AfterMath open? Nothing drastic, actually. In fact, things like the events budget, accessibility, athletics and other things mentioned in the November 14 issue of The Cascade need not be changed. Now that we’re partway through the year, the VP Finance of SUS estimates that many budget items are going to come in well under their allotments. This extra room can be given to AfterMath without having to cut any services. Don’t believe it? Come to the SUS General Meeting Second Attempt on November 28 at 9 a.m. in AfterMath to hear how it can be done. All budget-related numbers come from SUS documents or directly from SUS VP Finance.

The Conservative attack machine has become a cannon of white noise JOE JOHNSON THE CASCADE

White noise, it’s all starting to become white noise. “Canada’s NDP has a new leader, but can we afford him? Thomas Mulcair’s $20 billion carbon tax will make everything you need cost more: groceries, heating, electricity. Experts say Mulcair’s carbon tax will raise the price of gas by $0.10 a litre. You name it. Under Mulcair, you’ll pay more. Taxes, taxes and more taxes. We can’t afford Mulcair’s NDP, we just can’t!” That’s the current line of Conservative attack ads to come down on us. I first heard this particular one on CKNW, but there are already variations of it being played up on the television and internet. The federal Conservatives are

Image: John Allard

NDP leader Thomas Mulcair

going after the newly-elected leader of the federal NDP, Thomas Mulcair. Having been elected as head of the party only last March, and without an actual election scheduled for almost three years from now, the reasoning behind them almost causes you to won-

der. Clearly, they are going back to their tried and proven character and policy assassination technique. Regardless of an election or not, they’re working on chipping away at Mulcair so that whenever the election does come, some Canadians will have developed a deep seeded doubt. It worked so many times in the past it wouldn’t make sense for them not to keep doing it. As long as the Conservatives have their large cash reserve, and are given the freedom by the telecommunications body to sling half-truths and lies, they’ll continue to do so. Honestly, I grow weary. I grow weary of seeing these black and white television ads, and menacing overtones that continue to be

pushed through the airwaves. They’re simply not true and try to obfuscate what people need to hear. People need to hear all sides of policies to decide for themselves which is the best for the country, not have one party diminish another. It’s nauseating and far from civil. But after hearing the new attack ad on Mulcair, I actually had hope for once. That hope arose because after hearing so many of these same types of ads against every single person who has, or even has had a chance to, oppose the Prime Minister it felt like white noise. Being obsessed with politics, I pay attention to these ads maybe more than others. But as the same types of ads have been recycled for so long now, I have a growing confidence that the target demograph-

ic of them will begin hearing the same noise. After a while people begin to either tune the message out or think about what’s behind it. Either everybody but Stephen Harper is irresponsible and will ruin this country with taxes and wonky policies, or something else is going on behind the scenes. And that’s exactly what it is, there’s a Conservative machine in place to annihilate Harper’s competition. But it’s not going to work this time. Mulcair is not leading a weakly held together party. The huge upswing in NDP support during the last federal election proved it. The Conservative messaging is becoming white noise, plain and simple.




Letters to the editor Re: “The problem of tolerance: Are we strong enough to disagree (and keep talking)?” by Sean Evans and “Unlikely as a double rainbow” by Paul Esau This is a response to two articles that were printed in The Cascade, UFV’s student newspaper. The articles in question are, “The Problem of Tolerance” by Sean Evans and “Unlikely as a Double Rainbow” by Paul Esau. I believe that media should have the right to print stories without the fear of censorship and yet should also be able to be questioned and called out for journalism that is discriminatory and excluding to some members of their student body. …I believe that media should have the right to print stories without the fear of censorship and yet should also be able to be questioned and called out for journalism that is discriminatory and excluding to some members of their student body. The articles I have pointed out were steeped in homophobic beliefs that still try to put sexuality on a moral versus immoral binary; they denied historical events and policies that have been discriminatory and restricted human rights; and they use offensive and belittling language to silence and deny the voice of those that they attack. In the interest of time and space, I have organized my response into four main points: history, morality, silencing and current implications. The article makes reference to “a long and public history of antagonism” (Esau 2012), I do not believe that the relationship between the queer community and Christianity

has been that of mutual antagonism, but instead one of control, repression and persecution. This does not mean that every Christian has participated in this; however, Christianity as an institution in society has behaved this way… Members of the LGBT community have been subject to lynch mobs, physical violence, public discrimination, social exclusion and bullying all because of the fact that they are not heterosexual. This is not antagonism; this is abuse and a violation of human rights. As offensive as it would be to refer to the struggle for civil rights in the United States as “public antagonism,” so is referring to queer rights in this way. … The use of words such as “tolerance” (Evans 2012) and “acceptance” to describe people is offensive and discriminatory. Queer individuals are constantly being judged based on their identity, which is not the case when people disagree about political views, worldviews or even religion. Using the term “tolerance” to describe a person is reinforcing the morality argument and is speaking out of a place of implied moral high ground. I accept that tuition is increased every semester; I tolerate when I get the flu, but this is not how I would describe people. The use of these terms is viewing what is being accepted or tolerated as something negative, unnatural and wrong. Shouldn’t people be celebrated, embraced and enjoyed? How would it feel to hear you described by your friends and family as someone who was just tolerated?

… In Evan’s article he states, “Feel free to disagree with me on what I believe to be the new tolerance, but please, realize the implications of your disagreement’ (Evans 2012). To me, this sounds like the end of a conversation, rather than the start of an open and safe dialogue. In a university newspaper article, that is published and circulated to students of all walks of life, this is inappropriate and promotes exclusivity. … The point of this response is not to blame Christians for homophobia, or its consequences, but to take a stand against publications that are not inclusive to all people, but silence and condemn some students while perpetuating the exclusive privilege of others. Both of these articles have contributed to the current barriers that keep queer people on the fringes of society; and deny that many other people have embraced and celebrated them… The original letter was approximately 1200 words, and was therefore too lengthy to print. We have included what we see as some key highlights. For the full letter, please visit ~Angela Ostrikoff

This letter has been edited down for length and space constraints. The full version can be found on our website at

Re: “The problem of tolerance: Are we strong enough to disagree (and keep talking)?” by Sean Evans I agree with your statements regarding the problems with the postmodern idea of tolerance. Not only has there been a redefinition of “tolerance” in our society, but also in the concept of what it means to “hate” another person. Nowadays, expressing the belief that another individual or their lifestyle is wrong is considered “hate speech”, at least with regards to certain groups and issues. I Re: “AfterMath vs. Sodexo: a rope of sand(whiches)” by Nick Ubels Aftermath had a chance. When the cafeteria was renovated their prices went waaaay waaaaaaaay up. But Aftermath, or Caseys, or whatever it was at that time, failed to do anything except let their quality continue to drop. In my first two years at UFV I could go with friends for a pint and a burger or wrap and watch a movie or a hockey game on campus. Then they switched out fries with their food for lunch-sized chip packages and charged us extra money to get an actual combo. It just made more sense to pay at the cafeteria for faster service, equal

don’t deny that it is possible to speak hatefully about another individual or group of people through personal attacks, racist remarks, etc. However, why does speaking up for one’s beliefs about the morality of certain actions, lifestyles, or behaviour automatically constitute “hatred” of those people who engage in them? Can’t we believe (and say) that someone is wrong without having a personal hatred of them? In fact, if we truly believe that something is wrong, wouldn’t it be unloving never to say so? ~Jonathan Hall quality food, and the luxury of eating in a heated building. I’ve personally been to Aftermath about 5 times since it changed. The service is terrible, the food is mediocre, and it’s always freezing in there. The last straw for me was going there after a class on a friday night. There were 5 of us heading over, the Canucks game was about to start, and we were looking forward to hot food and cold beer. But nope. The university campus is closed on Friday night during playoffs. Food was better at the cafeteria, and the campus-life experience was made better by just walking to Finnigans. Food is bad, service is bad, it’s always cold, and it only accommodates people who can go for lunch ~4th year student

Letter from the editor: All letters to the editor must be less than 400 words or they will not be printed. Please email all letters to in .doc format.

Don’t Forget to Submit Your Health & Dental Claims from Last Year

Important notice for students who were enrolled in the SUS Health & Dental Plan in 2011-2012 DEADLINE FOR SUBMITTING CLAIMS FROM LAST YEAR (for students covered in 2011-2012) All health and/or dental claims incurred on or before August 31, 2012 (for the 2011-2012 policy year) must be received by the insurance company (Sun Life) by November 29, 2012. Claims received after the deadline will not be reimbursed. Claim forms are available at or call the Member Services Centre at 1 866 358-4437 from 9 am to 5 pm on weekdays.

Have a smart phone with a QR code reader? Scan the box to be directed your Plan’s website.






Fairytales are among us 3






1. This little German boy committed a B&E with his sister. (6 letters) 4. You have to say his name or give him your baby. (15 letters) 5. He may be green and covered in warts, but give this fella a chance. (4, 6 letters) 7. Who takes a random apple from a wart-covered old woman? (4, 5 letters) 11. This goes in soup, not in mattresses. (3 letters) 12. In every story, the prince claims to be this. (8 letters) 13. Straw and wood proved nothing, brick wins all for this number of swine. (5 letters)

8 9



11 12


2. She really doesn’t need any more naps. (8, 6 letters) 3. This moron lost her shoe. What an idiot! (10 letters) 6. He plays a flute and rats come running. That is terrifying. (4, 5 letters) 8. Just imagine how much she spends on shampoo. (8 letters) 9. This kid thought beans were worth more than a cow. (4 letters) 10. This ginger lost her voice to get her man. (5 letters)


LAST WEEK’S Answer Key Across 1. Goldeneye 6. DrNo 8. RoaldDahl 11. Jaws 12. NeverDies

Down 2. LiveAndLetDie 3. ForBritish 4. GoldenGun 5. SecretService 7. CasinoRoyale 9. DiamondsAre 10. NeverAgain

The Weekly Horoscope Star Signs from Swamp Bob Aquarius: Jan 20 - Feb 18

Gemini: May 21 - June 21

Libra: Sept 23 - Oct 22

Mars says that all the pens that you mysteriously keep losing are not being stolen by a mischievous gang of gnomes but rather by your coworkers and fellow students. Wreak unholy vengeance upon them by filling their underwear drawers with turnips and perturbed badgers.

Mercury recommends that you take a walk to enjoy the fall air and colours. Take deep breaths and appreciate the cycle of the seasons. Realize that nothing is forever. Not even your annoying roommate that blasts Enya while studying.

Mercury and Jupiter see the cold in your future and debate the best course of action. Mercury states that you should drink plenty of fluids, stay warm and get lots of rest. Jupiter suggests sacrificing a lamb, wearing a laurel of green onions and bathing in the blood of your enemies.

Pisces: Feb 19 - March 20

Cancer: June 22 - July 22

Scorpio: Oct 23 - Nov 21

Uranus reminds you that to fail is to learn but to poke a bear in the eye with a spork is just stupid.

Pluto suggests that you go on a cleaning rampage, all the while listening to the latest Pomplamoose album . . . or was that while eating a grapefruit. We’ll get back to you on that.

Jupiter says that variety is the spice of life. Go buy a motorcycle, get a mohawk and dye it flamingo pink and start running with a travelling caravan of gypsy accountants from Vermont.

Aries: March 21 - April 19

Leo: July 23 - Aug 22

Sagittarius: Nov 22 - Dec 21

Neptune and Uranus have a bet that the pressures of life will induce an early life melt-down which will result in you sitting in a bathtub of strawberry jam singing the “Spam” song by Monty Python.

Saturn senses your distraught nature over the over presence of Christmas décor so early in the season, and suggests you move to Tahiti.

Mars cautions against your attention being drawn to the new Lotto 6/49 jackpot and suggests tarting your own pyramid scheme instead, based on the sale of Condoleezza Rice kewpie doll sales.

Taurus: April 20 - May 20

Virgo: Aug 23 - Sept 22

Venus foresees that you will be plagued by unsettling dreams of calm picturesque meadows infested by cuddly kittens with Jim David faces. She suggests this is brought on by a vitamin D deficiency.

Venus states that a wise man once said, “billions of stars in every galaxy, billions of galaxies in the observable universe. And here I am sitting in one spot. One tiny speck in the universe.”

Capricorn: Dec 22 - Jan 19 Mercury sees good fortune and prosperity in your future, also your lucky numbers are: 6, 32, 9, 15, 88 and 5 . . . Sorry, Mercury seems to be sending in his fortune cookies again. We shall have a word with him.

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AROUND THE WORLD IN FIVE DAYS International Week showcases cultures from across the globe at U-House



International festivities came the week before everyone started panicking about final exams (and or essays). With tea from around the world in an international tea party, a Diwali Party, a community dinner featuring food from France to Brazil, all rounded up with the UFV international Olympics, students were kept pretty busy.

What’s a community dinner without dessert?



Student life programmer Martin Kelly said the events were a success. “When events go right, they go right because they succeed on multiple levels . . . Diverse students from diverse departments and groups [worked] together with minimal funds to create something inclusive and community building within UFV.”

Students line up for the community dinner.







Diners help themselves to international cuisine.

Tea, tradition and talk at U-House

Cha, thee, ocha, chai, tea. There are hundreds of ways to say it and countless ways to prepare it because tea is an ancient beverage with a long history spread across many cultures. UFV students had the opportunity to sample tea from dozens of countries at last Monday’s afternoon event at U-House. There were Japanese-style pancakes and other small finger foods available to help cleanse the palette between each new cup and flavour. Suzete Silva, Julieana Flores and Jonatas Bezerra are three Brasilian students currently studying at UFV. They said that the event provided a unique insight into the cultures of some of their fellow international

students. Flores explained that the way tea is consumed reveals a lot about the way of life in a certain region. “For example,” she said, “if you live in a hot country you don’t usually drink hot tea, you will drink cold tea.” Silva added that tea provides an excellent forum for discussion. “We can have a good conversation with our friends and know about their culture,” she said. “Today is very good because we love tea and we have a lot of tea to try. The people here are so friendly. We love them.”

A bag of tea stands alone. What does it mean to you?

Tea gently pours from teapot to tea cup. It’s a delicate art.

When it comes to drinking tea, cup choice makes a difference.





Diwali Celebration

On Wednesday the U-House was alive with the beating of music as the South Asian Peer Network Association hosted a Diwali celebration. Renee Hartwig was at the Rangoli station, where there was a contest for most creative piece – and she explained the various stations. Besides the Indian food—including samosas and teas—there was the henna station and the sari station, where students could try on a sari. Hartwig explained the Rangoli station: “you make a design using sand; sometimes it’s done with rice or

any other coloured material. Usually it’s done on the floor, but today we’re doing it on paper.” This was the first time she learned about Rangoli, and perhaps the same could be said for more UFV students attending. “So you draw a pattern with some chalk on the black construction paper, “ Hartwig explained, “and as you see we’re just filling them in with the different coloured sand. So the end result is just a bunch of colourful designs and patterns.”

Lights flickered in unison as part of the Diwali celebration.

It was party time in U-House.

Students have fun dressing up in traditional outfits. . .



. . . even a couple men had a good time at the sari station.

International Student Association Dance

A dance party took over the U-house this past Thursday, and if you weren’t there, you missed out! The event, which was put on by the International Student Association (ISA), provided a relaxed environment for students to mix and mingle. Some students enjoyed a variety of refreshments, while others took advantage of the open dance floor. Many different styles of dance were showcased throughout the night. Salsa and Brazilian Forro dance lessons were lead by members of the UFV Dance Club. Later, strobe lights and pounding music set the stage for a Wii dance-off. Most students who attended the event are international students, studying abroad here at UFV, al-

UFV students play a dancing game on the Wii.

though all students were encouraged to “come bust a move.” Bandana Jhoree, one of six ISA executives, said they hope to host similar events more often. She explained that many international students only attend UFV for a few short months, and it can be difficult to build strong relationships within that time; dances allow students to loosen-up and network with their domestic peers. The Dance Club currently meets every Friday in the Baker House, from 2:30 to 4:00 p.m., for Tea Time. Jhoree encourages more UFV students to come out and try and try a new style of dance. “Who knows, you may find a new hobby,” she said.

Students connect over dance in the U-House.

Either by themselves or with each other, the music had people grooving.




NaNoWriMo Update

Dessa Bayrock

Working title: The Metaphorical Giraffe NaNoWriMo username: DessaYo Confidence to finish 50,000 words in one month: 75 per cent Current wordcount: 26,085 I am really tired. I’m about four days behind in writing. You may have noticed that I changed the title of my novel. It is true that the giraffe is now a metaphor for something. What is it a metaphor for, you may ask? I don’t know yet. All I know is that it is no longer a talking giraffe, and it no longer comes back from the dead. I think it’s probably going to be a catalyst for my characters to change and grow. That’s how literature works, right? My confidence to finish on time is dropping. I remember saying that I was going to spend a day getting caught up, but let’s be serious. There are three weeks left in the semester. Ain’t nobody got time for that shit.

Sasha Moedt

Anthony Biondi

Working title: [hysterical laughter] NaNoWriMo username: smoot Confidence to finish 50,000 words in one month: 69 per cent Current wordcount: 23,571

Working title: The Big Smoke NaNoWriMo username: ABiondi Confidence to finish 50,000 words in a month: 60 per cent Current wordcount: 37,063

My main character is no longer a virgin, so there goes that working title. I’m fucked, too. I haven’t written a word in days; I have presentations, essays and final exams hovering, due in the very, very near future. I calculated an estimate of how many words I’d have to write if I completed my word count for NaNoWriMo as well as meeting the length requirements for my final papers: 32,429 words. And I didn’t include how many words I’d speak for my presentation, and how many words I might write for my final exams. The plot is going well. Things are working out. It’s very dark and gothic. I am being very vague about historical details; I figure I’ll do the research and fill it in come December. But all in all, the story took a turn I didn’t expect, that’s for sure. Always interesting where your writing wanders, isn’t it?

It has begun. The death of the ending of my novel. As I write, I find that I must consider the actions of my novel more and more. And this deep thinking has taken me away from the multitudes of final projects, presentations and obligations I have due as the semester draws to a close. Because of this, my novel has begun to take the back burner. I can’t seem to find the time that I had before to write the damn thing. On top of this, I believe I am slowly losing my mind. It’s cold outside and dark and cold. It’s really cold. I hate it. I hate the rain. I hate the dark. I hate the cold. Thusly, my novel must suffer. On top of this, purchasing Guild Wars 2 may not have been a wise purchase for the middle of November.

If you’re interested in writing for The Cascade in January, come to Monday’s meeting at 10 a.m. in room C1429. Or email editor in chief Nick Ubels ( or managing editor Amy Van Veen (amy@ufvcascade. ca). Or visit us in room C1027. The options are endless.

Discussions Below the Belt Behind the bra TITS MCGEE


Given my pseudonym, this article has been a long time coming. Hah. Get it? Coming? That bit of juvenility aside, it’s time to talk tits. Boobs. Ta-tas. Breasts. Turns out, they’re a pretty crucial addition to your sex life. A July 2011 study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine used functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to map the areas of the brain that go bonkers when female genitals are stimulated. At the same time, they mapped what happens when breasts are stimulated. Turns out, stimulation to both areas triggers reactions in the same portion of the brain. This was tested by having the women (test subjects) stimulate themselves while inside a brain scanner by tapping on her clitoris and nipple or using a dildo to stimulate her vagina and cervix. This, coincidentally, simultaneously creeps the heck out of me (apparently I’m not an exhibitionist) and makes me wonder how popular the hospital genre of porn is. Don’t scoff, you know it exists. In both women and men, arousal shows in the paracentral lobule of the brain. This is basically a strip that sits underneath where the top of a headband or headphones would sit. Turns out, stimulating the nipples makes it light up like the fourth of July.

No study has been done to prove that nipple stimulation acts the same way in men. However, we know that—in terms of evolution—men have nipples because women do, and they’re basically the same. (Even men can lactate!) Given that, and the fact that men experience arousal just like women do, it’s entirely possible that it’s just the same. With that in mind, here are a few tips for incorporating nipple and breast stimulation into your sex lives. These tips are for both guys and gals, but keep in mind that everyone’s body and sensitivity is different – so what works for most may not work for some. Like with all things sexual, it involves communication. Gentle touching Yes, I said gentle. Think of butterflies and down feathers and bubbles. Lightly caress the nipple, taking your time and circling around the centre. This will have the same effect as it does on the genitals – intense, pumping blood flow and increased stimulation. Cold water/ice cubes I’ve suggested this before for blowjobs, and there’s a reason for that. Sharp change in temperature—once again—encourage blood flow and will heighten sensation. Try drinking ice cold water before stimulating the nipples orally, gently drag an ice cold cloth

across the nipples, or trace circles around and on the nipples with an ice cube. Try blowing on the area afterwards – it’ll heighten the effect. Toothpaste No, nipples aren’t prone to plaque buildup. But one of the great things about nipples is that they react in much the same way that our wobbly bits do – but they aren’t as prone to infection as our bits down south. Try dabbing a small amount of toothpaste (increasing as necessary for individual levels of sensitivity) directly on—or just around—the nipple. This will have the same effect as cold water or ice cube, but has the added bonus of not being wet and drippy (toothpaste dries, folks). Pinching/twisting Yes, purple nurples suck. Except for the fact that they have an awesome name. But light pinching and twisting can have an extremely positive effect, because our bodies actually interpret pain and pleasure in extremely similar ways. If you’re experiencing enough pleasure already, light shocks of pain— like quick, small pinches on the breasts or nipples—can blend in and enhance your experience. Light binding I hesitate at mentioning this one, because in reality this kind of thing is dangerous enough that

it shouldn’t be tested without extensive prior research. However, restricting blood flow slightly to the breasts can enlarge vessels and enhance sensation by quite a bit. If you’d like to try this and don’t feel like researching further than this, use something stretchy – a length of an old stretchy shirt, maybe, or a stretchy headband. Tie them lightly around the breast, and keep a pair of scissors handy in case a quick escape is needed and you can’t undo your knot (though depending on the shape of the breast, it may be fairly easy to simply pull off). If the breast begins turning shades of blue and purple, it’s time to stop. If your partner is scared or losing all sensation, it’s time to stop. If nothing about the situation is turning either of you on, it’s time to stop. Light pricks No, this isn’t a suggestion that you find a light-skinned guy and use his penis to stimulate your breasts. Using tools such as the Wartenberg wheel (a small wheel, originally designed for neurological tests, with sharp pins all around it that is rolled across the skin), small sharp contact with the skin—particularly if you’ve already aroused it through one of the aforementioned methods—can be very intense. This works for the same reasons as Pinching and twisting – pain and pleasure go hand in hand, if you’re mentally

prepared for it. Impact play This should be introduced gently, for obvious reasons. Hitting stuff hurts, man. But—again, especially if already aroused—light impact play is extremely stimulating. Try floggers, rulers, belts or even just your hand to introduce impact onto the breast. Again, doing this requires research to make sure you’re being safe. Pro tip? Don’t hit the sternum too hard by accident. Your partner might die. And on that note, my tips are done with. One final thought that I’ll leave you with is that the study concluded that though women were neurologically aroused, they didn’t necessarily term themselves as “turned on.” I find this pretty freaking interesting, mostly because it’s really indicative of the influence of mental state on sexuality. This could also be why a lot of guys don’t think their nipples are erogenous zones – physically, they’ve got all the parts women do going on there, but perhaps mentally they’re too wrapped up in the fact that nipple play is for the girls? Long story short, make sure you’re considering the mental state of your partner in regards to nipple and breast play. Otherwise, it could cause some trauma to the sexual relationship – or just make for bad sex. And no one needs bad sex.




Haute Stuff Scarves are like magic in the wind ALI SEIMENS


There is a lot to discuss regarding fall fashion. ‘Tis the season for boots, cardigans, pea coats and all of the pieces from our wardrobe that keeps us warm and cozy. One of my fall favourites is the ability to accessorize and keep warm with the addition of a scarf. The pashmina is a scarf that goes great to dress up an everyday outfit. Whether you are going to school or taking a trip to the grocery store, the cashmere-embroidered scarves give extra flare to any outfit. One of the great things about pashminas is that so many stores have duplicated them, so even if authentic cashmere isn’t within your budget, stores such as GAP, Garage or American Eagle hold more affordable options. Two local sisters who have a knack with knitting needles are producing my personal favourite scarf for the season. Pip & Pin, founded by Megan and Katie Williams, is based out of Abbotsford and creates original scarves that are handmade and extremely cozy. Of the many warm and fuzzy scarves they create, the cowl is one

Image: Andreakw

Scarves keep your neck warm and they look good too. You should definitely put one on now. piece that brings in a reel of compliments. Like the infinity scarf, which is connected at both ends, the cowl can be put on and almost likened to the turtleneck look. Except remove the idea that it is tight and constraining. The sisters deco-

rate the cowls with vintage buttons, allowing you to adjust how tight you want the cowl around your neck. Although I love infinity scarves, they can often be bulky, and when sitting down for a meal, they aren’t always practical. The

cowl is loose enough to still contribute to the appearance of a bulky scarf, but it doesn’t hang low and interfere with eating. Make sure to buy a scarf that is wide enough to provide that snug look, while remaining both practical and stylish.

If buttons aren’t your favourite, the Williams sisters also crafted a bow made of wool that has been attached to many of their scarves. The bow adds a little more to the wool around your neck and gives it that girly touch. Diversity in fall fashion is one thing I am always looking for. If you are heading out for the evening and the weather is being unpredictable, carrying an umbrella or ensuring you wear a jacket with a hood can be frustrating when it comes to tailoring your outfit. One of the great abilities of the infinity scarf is turning it into a snood – which essentially means lifting the middle section over your head, and turning your scarf into a hood. Versatility is great for any new clothing item you pick up, and a scarf serves just that purpose. Hang it over your shoulders, tie it in a bow or wrap it twice over your neck. Either way, a scarf is one accessory that can be worn for multiple days and you won’t get accused of outfit repeating. Stay warm and fashionable – wrap up before you walk out the door this fall.

Clubs and Associations: Student Association of Philosophy SASHA MOEDT


On November 15, World Philosophy Day, UFV’s Student Association of Philosophy came together for a discussion, questioning the designation of World Philosophy Day. “Are we supposed to be proving ourselves?” Professor Moira Kloster asked. The discussion brought up more observations about the term “World Philosophy Day” (how does world philosophy differ from Western philosophy) as well as insights about what humanities bring to the table for society, and questions about why United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organisation (UNESCO) would “force philosophy into a certain mode, or avenue,” as Peter Raabe wondered. The three philosophy professors— Glen Baier, Moira Kloster and Peter Raabe—led the discussion, facilitated by the Student Association of Philosophy co-president Nathan Todd. Afterward, Todd sat down for an interview about the association, how students can get involved, and what philosophers are all about. How many years have you been involved? Three years, this just finishing my first year as co-president. And why are there co-presidents? Well there is Association for Philosophy, and then there is Student Association for Philosophical Counsellors . . . And you can only have one student association per faculty, so we did the co-president thing so each would have equal control of what’s going on within the whole association. So did you help start up the group, or how did that go? No, the association was led by a friend of mine two or three years prior to me even getting here . . . And I took over after he left. Okay. I had assumed the associ-

ation started up when the degree program started up [three years ago]. No, yeah, I think the [association] kind of helped bring the idea of the degree program around. Right. I’ve only ever taken the one philosophy course . . . Just the basic Reasoning. Yeah, everyone has to take that one. Is it kind of like the English 105 of philosophy? Yes, it’s really – Reasoning is really more like the logical aspect, method of philosophy, not really looking at the content, so looking at logical fallacies, critical thinking, basic reasoning, whereas philosophy courses you’re looking at specific philosophers and what their arguments were. They’re going to be based on and involving these things covered in Reasoning but using it to prove or disprove is a different [thing]. So how did you think this event went? I thought it was great, really well attended. It always produces a bit of . . . anxiety just about how [the discussion] is going to run, because we’re just kind of running blind for the most part . . . But I couldn’t see it going better, there was more people than I expected. Yes, it is really difficult to get students involved sometimes. Absolutely. It’s part of the culture of the school, being a commuter school, right? No one comes here to live, they come here to do their class and leave. What other troubles do you run into as a student-run association? Well . . . I mean, the issues of bureaucracy I find are pretty minimal, because I just don’t pay attention to them. If we need money, I just put in a request, and because there is so little activity at the student association level, I feel like SUS is

pretty willing to get involved and provide resources. But, yeah, organisation stuff, room bookings is really difficult sometimes. This wasn’t the optimal room I wanted, but it turned out to work great. At this point the problem that I am running into is trying to find someone to replace executives of the association because a bunch of us are done in April . . . It’s bringing in the new students to keep it going. So I try to run groups like this, that are accessible, that can draw in a few people. I had a few people express interest in going to the meeting, and that’s something. So if a student wanted to hold a position on the association, what do they have to do? We cover all that kind of stuff at the Annual General Meeting— we’ve never had more than one person running for a position at one time, but we’ll be having the AGM in the winter, and people will announce their candidacy and we’ll vote at that time . . . It’s pretty open. You’re going to want to get involved to get voted in. The position will always go to a philosophy major over someone that isn’t, so we do have that written into the constitution. Did you find the discussion kind of . . . increased your hope for your future as a philosopher? Umm . . . No. Short answer no. I don’t have much of an anxiety because I know philosophy’s place, I don’t think that’s going to change, I think it’s kind of inherent to what it is . . . Philosophy is about deconstruction, whereas they’re trying to make education about construction; building platforms or trying to create technologies, built things . . . Philosophy is there for asking questions about all of it, deconstructing everything. The funny thing is, I’ve heard Glen Baier talk about this too; when universities went to businesses and asked them what they want from universities, what’s going to help them, they

Image: Sasha Moedt

Nathan Todd is the co-president of the Student Association of Philosophy. said they wanted people who can think – and so philosophy is like “okay, we can do that.” The problem is that the thinking business wants is problem solving. [What] critical thinking philosophers do is problem finding. So we’re creating more problems, not solving, as a grand activity. I don’t think it’s going anywhere, I think it’s going to get relegated and sloughed away as it always has. In the discussion, there was a mention about the relationship between philosophy and psychology. Can you clarify? Psychology is an empirical science focused on human activity and cognition. Philosophy is the method of questioning positions and developing fundamental knowledge claims, claims about being, claims about the world. So in order to be a psychologist you have to assume certain philosophical positions, so you have to assume that there is a self that is knowable, that can be studied, and psychology branches off further into how do we study that self, what is the nature of that self in terms of various neurons firing off in the brain, in terms of behaviour that is manifested, in terms of concept management, all that stuff.

That’s going to be after the fact of philosophy, so philosophy is going to be prior to that. Okay. Upcoming events? I’m kind of tapped out for this semester, because I have way too much work to do. I have some ideas for speakers in the winter semester . . . I am toying with the idea of doing something on existentialism because there might be some guest speakers we could get. I don’t want to commit anyone, but yeah, I want to do at least one more speaker event in the winter as well as some social events. So all in all, what was your conclusion today? Why is there a World Philosophy day? Because UNESCO decided to start one. Aha! Yes, that’s the thing, it’s just going to keep devolving into more questions; it’s not necessarily going to come to a solid conclusion, you know what I mean? For students looking to get involved, drop by room D 125 on Tuesdays from 1:30 to 2:30 p.m. for Student Philosophy Association meetings.




Never Shout Never

August Burns Red

Nick Ferrio & His Feelings Nick Ferrio & His Feelings


On their fourth record since their 2007 debut, Myspace generation trio Never Say Never have crafted an album full of contradictions. There are small moments of surprising beauty as Christopher Ingle launches into unexpected song writing turns, but the overall experience of the record is bogged down by a mismatched emo generic disposition. Indigo is fairly pop literate and soft-spoken throughout, but there are far too many unnecessary, downright boring tracks (see the flat aimlessness of “Life Goes On”) shoehorned in between the album’s better ones that prevent it from being truly memorable. “Between Two Worlds” best captures the dual creative impulses at the heart of Ingle’s project, both lyrically and musically. A doubled up snare-kick beat and staccato bridge power chords contradict the smooth, slowly moving vocals and orchestral backdrop. “Lust” once again demonstrates these competing inclinations, but to far less success. Its unfortunately fake horn intro is cut off by a dramatic piano line and soaring musical score. Herein lays the major problem with Never Shout Never: great and almost unlistenable moments invade nearly every non-boring track. “Lust” has an impressive and moving verse and an absolutely terrible intro/chorus that falls apart when Ingle half-sings “Figure it ooouuut.” Overwrought, overproduced and in serious need of a critical collaborator or producer, Never Shout Never prove to be mostly exasperating because of their evident, unrealized potential.

Behold Sleddin’ Hill, the first fulllength instrumental Christmas album from the Pennsylvanian Metal band, August Burns Red. I know you’re wondering, how do blast beats, guitar solos and double bass drum pedals have a place in Christmas songs? But believe me, they do! Overall, the balance of musical genres is the success of this 13-track album. Songs like “Sleigh Ride,” and “We Wish You a Merry Christmas,” include beautiful jazz and classical portions that maintain a traditional merry tone, while the huge metal breakdown in “Frosty the Snowman” turns Frosty into a total bad ass who would destroy Professor Hinkle. The two original songs of the album, “Flurries,” and “Sleddin’ Hill,” wisely aim to recapture timeless winter occurrences instead of being futile attempts to create instant classic carols. The slow instrumental build in “Flurries” transports you to an enchanting wintery snow scene, where you inevitably engage in a momentous snowball fight. The banjo and acoustic guitar in the track “Sleddin’ Hill” brings you back to your childhood, when you were having a humdinger of a time on the hill tobogganing with your chums. The whole album is expertly thought out and is laden with fun, so give it a listen for a new sound this Christmas.

Pensive, charming, and sometimes vulgar, Nick Ferrio & His Feelings’ selftitled debut sounds like the country music your grandfather used to listen to. His voice is raw and sincere, even when he’s weaving lyrical fabrications, and the music is deceptively upbeat, played with spirit and gusto, reminiscent of Cash, Nelson, Guthrie, and more recently the Traveling Wilburys. The songs he writes are poignant, witty, and heartfelt, which is what elevates the album beyond a mere homage to the previously mentioned artists. The album’s first two tracks – the slide guitar heavy “Night Garden” and “Popular Flower” are among the most appealing of the album, but it’s around the end of the bluesy third track, “Always Searching,” that the Ferrio really begins to open up emotionally. In the final moments of the song he digs into the heart of miscommunication between lovers in the pursuit of romance: “I want to fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!” and so on while his backing band chime in with do-wop style vocals. It’s a jarring, divisive and truly amusing moment that captures how Ferrio’s debut somehow never surrenders its underlying charm.

Tomas Barfod’s Salton Sea is composed of halves – trance and chiptune sequences alternating with guest lyric repetition over twisting, unpredictable synths. The instrumental-only material, even when building as in “Python,” exists more as a break from the best of the album, working only, as in the wind and debris pelleted “Baxter St,” as a transition into the tracks that follow, the one in this case being “November Skies,” the album’s now seasonally appropriate single, one that hopes for vision beyond the visible. Aside from the empty marimba, single drum “Till We Die,” improved upon by Blondish’s recent remix, Barfod’s arrangements work as if breathing needs digital representation, and individual sentences or couplets their own song, to wrap and record and replay. On “Broken Glass,” Jeppe Kjellberg’s voice is filtered and tuned into an unrealistic register, where love is met as “I tiptoe into broken glass/it hurts like hell, I torture the past,” and consonants tingle. Similar strains of leaden love philosophy/electronic lift echo throughout, culminating in album closer “Only Human,” where “We all make mistakes and be who we don’t want to be” is repeated as implicit act against judgment, mantra to ward off the chase of regret.





Mini Album Reviews



Sleddin’ Hill


Salton Sea

Cascade Arcade JOEL SMART


The whistling wind rushes across the snowy ice of the arctic. An unusual beginning to a game, but so too is the main character – an ancient polar bear that saunters across the snow and dives into the deep blackness of the sea. Alone in the Light is not the game you’d expect from a FarmVille game designer, but Chelsea Howe is not so easily characterized when it comes to making games. “This is a dream you had about being alone when the world was falling apart.” Suddenly the northern lights forget who they are, freeze and fall to the earth in broken shards. Nameless and completely alone in the world, you begin to wander in search of the shards. Soon it becomes apparent that the best way to find them is to howl into the wind. “You sing into a void and broken lights echo back,” the game hints. Sure enough, back comes a ringing note to alert you the direction and distance of the nearest shard. As you collect each piece it flutters into the air, circles around and follows you as you continue to hunt. “You saw them fall. Three shards for every note. Seven notes in all,” you are

Aurora Borealis and the last polar bear: a love letter to a friend

informed. The idea came to Howe in a dream. “In the dream I was actually a seal, swimming in artic water black as a void. I couldn’t go on land – but that restriction made the water feel safe, like home,” she explained on her website. That’s when the northern lights came into play. “I found specks of the Aurora Borealis that had fallen from the sky and called out to them to wake up, wake up! When they were glowing again, I shepherded them together, guiding them through the waters.” For Howe, the experience was powerful and her game design instincts took hold. “I woke up with a vivid emotional imprint, and a head start on the mechanics,” she noted. Building on the ideas, she began “Project Aurora.” Her focus was on evoking the emotions she felt: curiosity and wonder, but also solace and smallness. It was to be a touchdriven game designed for the iPad, and she began a partnership with a friend, Kim Koscamp, who volunteered to concept and create the art for her, despite having never done work on a game before. They worked and worked and things progressed; but not everything always goes as planned.

Image:Promotional Poster

Chelsea Howe designed Alone in the Light for the iPad, but it ultimately wound up on PC instead.

Howe realized the game was never going to make it onto the platform she had envisioned. She took it hard, not just because she felt she had failed, but because she felt she’d failed Koscamp who’d put her all into the project. She couldn’t let it all just die. So in her spare time, she kept working on it. Not the original, touchscreen version, but a free version that could be played online. She found someone to help her convert the game to Flash, and slowly

Project Aurora became Alone in the Light. On September 8, she finally released the game, along with a note to Kim, to whom she dedicated the game. “Kim, this is for you! Failing might phase you, but it never stops you. You hit walls and find ways to leap over, dig under, or just barrel right through them . . . You put your heart and soul into this project, and I hope at least some of that’s honoured with this version.” It’s a game that plays like a love

letter – to her friend and to her original concept that began with a powerful dream. It’s inventive and special and hopefully a sign of things to come from Howe and from other designers who create from their hearts. It’s not a difficult game, and it isn’t a long one, but from its depths, Alone in the Light emanates its simple beauty. It is poetry. Check it out now at w w w .




Album Review Take Me Home – One Direction DESSA BAYROCK


1 2 3 4 5 6 7


Run With The Kittens Letters From Camp Crystal Castles Crystal Castles (III) Bison B.C. Lovelessness D.O.A We Come In Peace



CIVL brings back Larry Portelance’s CIVL Stage series with the Doers, Rags to Radio, and GSTS this Friday, November 23, at AfterMath, right here on UFV’s Abbtosford campus for just $5!

Slam Dunk Welcome to Miami

Kyprios The Lap Dog EP

The Doers – “Doin’ Yer Taxes”

Diamond Rings Free Dimensional

A mainstay of the West Coast music scene for years, influencing the likes of Polaris Prize nominated Apollo Ghosts, who opened the Doers’ Vancouver reunion stop in September, The Doers are back in the Valley after taking a turn to open for Arrabio in Previous Tenants last month at AfterMath.

Vitalic Rave Age

Rags to Radio – “Gallow’s Humour”

Dustin Bentall & The Smokes Orion

8 9 10 11 12 13 14

The Luyas Animator

Pizza Sub Pizza Sub Ladyhawk No Can Do Amelia Curran Spectators School Of Seven Bells Ghostory


Cypress Hill & Rusko EP01

16 17 18 19 20

Rah Rah The Poet’s Dead

Boombox Saints For The Moment Julie Doiron So Many Days Advance Base A Shut-In’s Prayer

Blackberry Wood Strong Man vs. Russian Bears

Another band who’s paid their dues, tax wise, and pays homage to the other great certainty in life, death, with this infectious singalong and rompy, rhythmic room pumper. Fifty per cent UFV alumni, Rags won a contest this season that brought them to Pop Montreal thanks to a “Sunglasses at Night” cover! GSTS – “The Machine, The System It Runs On, The Man Who Built It, And The Grindcore Bands That Fight It Everyday” GSTS are not a grindcore band. And word to the wise, their direction may follow a new trajectory in the coming months; after scrapping a European tour, GSTS will head into the studio with a new look in the new year; meanwhile, enjoy vintage Guests at this, their 100th show! Fleetwood Mac – “The Chain” GSTS used to, and on occasion still do, cover this song, and boy jeegolly-willickers do I ever love it. I think it’s from “Rumours,” but I wouldn’t know since I don’t exactly go double big mac on the ‘Wood to be honest, but GSTS’ Drew Riekman sounds pretty Stevie.

I’ll admit that I listened to some N’Sync and Backstreet Boys as an awkward tween, and I know I’m not alone. However, I now find myself faced with a boy band comprised of members the same age that I am, and I’ve suddenly realized that boy band members don’t even pretend to play instruments. Yes, dear reader – I’m talking about One Direction. In all honesty, I’m in favour of decently-attractive Irish boys who spend their music videos dancing on beaches, and their songs are even decently catchy. The thing is—and I know you’re not supposed to do this—have you ever listened to their lyrics? We’ll start with the first track, “Let’s Live While We’re Young.” The title doesn’t sound that awful. That’s a nice enough sentiment, isn’t it? Then they start singing. “Hey girl, I’m waiting on you. Come on and let me sneak you out.” Maybe if you grew up watching ‘90s-era teen movies with Billy Joel soundtracks, the idea of sneaking your girlfriend out of her house is romantic and adventurous. However, we live in a world where if you try to sneak my teenage daughter out of her room at night, I will painfully and brutally show you why you should never do it again. It only gets better from here. “Tonight let’s get some, and live while we’re young,” croon the adorable boy-banders. Sorry, what? You’re going to sneak my teenage daughter out of her room, and then you’re going to “get some?” Is that supposed to be a romantic euphemism? While we’re at it, I hate to break it to you, but as long as you are alive you will be living. That is how both verbs and life work. The second track has a similarly innocent title: “The Kiss”. Cute, right? Well, it would be. Except, One Direction, the first line is once again your complete undoing. “Oh, I just want to take you any way that you like.” . . . One Direction, we both know that you are not talking about taking my teenage daughter to the movies or to the roller derby. You are using another euphemism for sex and pretending you are not. I’m not even going to get into the line where you say, “I just want to show you off to all of my friends, making them drool on their chinny-chin-chins.” #Objectification. #BigBadWolf? I don’t even know what’s going on here. You should have just kept to the refrain, which is, in fact, catchy and cute. Moving right along, “Little Things” is a bearable ballad. We’ll just leave it at that. It’s quickly followed by “C’mon, C’mon,” which ramps back up into the auto-tuned and drummachined status quo. It’s not halfbad, except for the line, “I’ve been watching you all night. There’s something in your eyes, saying ‘C’mon, c’mon, and dance with me baby.’” . . . Let me reinterpret that: “I could see it in her eyes – she wanted to dance with me! She wanted

it! She said she didn’t want it, but she totally did!” One Direction, please stop creeping the clubs. You don’t understand women. And in any other profession, Human Resources would be making you take a course right now. “Last First Kiss” is, again, bearable. When you say, “Maybe I’m a fool, yeah,” I’m inclined to agree with you. (Maybe you can explore that in a follow-up album!) And when you say, “I want to be the first to take it all the way like this,” I hope to God you are talking about marriage or I’m going to get my shotgun. There’s an interesting addition to “Heart Attack” that doesn’t appear anywhere else on the album – a “YEEOOOW!” sound effect that sounds like a cross between a cat call and a cougar hunting cry, but is probably one of the loveable Irish boys. For some reason it makes me think of Courtney Cox, and also sexual harassment. For both our sakes, One Direction, I would strongly consider contacting HR and taking a course before writing your next album, because cat-calling is largely frowned upon in this society. Before the song ends, we truly see that One Direction is king of the lyrics. “Never thought it’d hurt so bad, getting over you. You’re giving me a heart attack!” Oh, One Direction, that is so deep. After all, she is literally hurting your heart. And I see what you did with “Rock Me,” using the stompstomp-clap of Queen’s “We Will Rock You” for your own nefarious purposes. I think this slight difference in title alone is pretty indicative of One Direction’s thoughts on life – transferring the focus from audience (“We will rock you”) to the band itself (“I want to you to rock me”). One Direction? More like Five Narcissists. I have to mention, however, that this song has my favourite line from the whole album: “I want you to hit the pedal, heavy metal, show me you care.” Disclaimer: this album is about as far as you can get from heavy metal without being Taylor Swift. Another forgettable and notquite-creepy pseudo-ballad arrives in the shape of “Change My Mind.” “Baby, if you say you want me to stay for the night, I’ll change my mind.” Thanks for the favour, One Direction! How about I beg you to stay, and then you say, “Okay, you can have this sexy body for a little

bit longer. You’re welcome!” (You are invited to use that line in your next album, but I expect recompense. We can negotiate.) I can’t even understand what you’re saying in most of the next song, “I Would,” except for the predictable refrain of “I would” and the gem of the line, “I can’t compete with your boyfriend. He has 27 tattoos!” Because, obviously, tattoos equals toughness. It is known. I was almost pleasantly surprised with “Over Again,” which is another pseudo-ballad, but has lyrics that are more complicated and may even use basic literary devices. However, one of them likens hand-holding to the tightness of a t-shirt; banality quickly reasserts itself. And is that a note of desperation I hear when you sing, “You’ll never know how to make it on your own . . . do you really want to be alone?” One Direction, maybe you should just make a day of it and take a workshop on healthy relationships as well. Just a thought. To sum up the last three tracks in a nutshell, “Back For You” deals with the dichotomy of One Direction always leaving on tour but begging the subject of the song to never ever leave them. I hate to break it to you, kids, but long-distance never really has had a happy ending – even if you’ve “never been so into somebody before.” (Life pro tip: it’s because you only hit puberty last year and she was the first girl that didn’t make fun of your pizza face.) The penultimate track, “They Don’t Know About Us,” is kind of like Romeo and Juliet in that people say they’re “too young to know about forever” and “shouldn’t be together.” Oh, except for the fact that if Shakespeare met One Direction he would kick their asses for being pansies. At least Romeo put a ring on it. Finally, “Summer Love” finishes the album. I have to admit that I hoped it would be a cover of the Grease classic, but, alas, this was not the case (and I’m probably happier being wrong). As they croon about the end of a summer love, they join voices on the chorus, “It feels like snow in September,” which is honestly the strongest imagery in the album. It’s kind of a sad note to end the album on, but even 13-year-olds need break-up songs these days. Besides, it’s balanced out by the happy fact that this album is, indeed, over.




Film Review Lincoln MICHAEL SCOULAR


The problem of where to begin talking about or showing something as great and repeatedly iterpreted as Abraham Lincoln is solved by screenwriter Tony Kushner by zeroing in on one vote, one sequence of politicking, meeting and doing. In this case it’s the contested 13th amendment to the constitution, and within that partisan battle, the question of if it is for the ideas that will touch others or for personal gain this argument is being carried through high profile ballot. It’s a question that doesn’t feel out of place in any era, and yet director Steven Spielberg does not conflate time periods. Rather, Spielberg is concerned with burrowing into the faces behind the figures behind the figures modern popular history has erected as symbols. The image of Lincoln is important here, and Daniel Day-Lewis does his method best to mimic the iconic voice and appearance, but Spielberg places him as only one part of a gigantic working country. Lincoln is not the sole narrator of his own story—while some characters seem able to see that their actions will become a part of history, and this is something that makes Lincoln stand out as well—this is not the portrayal of a single, extraordinary man. There is a deep knowledge in Day-Lewis’ performance of physical limitations and the tact in slowness, deliberation, but manipulation can only travel so far. Lincoln is only someone Spielberg can cut to during the most important decision-making scenes, and once the engineering of creating support for Lincoln’s forced vote begins, the movie comes to belong to the numerous cast of character actors, in roles of heisted opinion

(John Hawkes, James Spader) and, markedly similar to Lincoln, careful weighing of options (David Strathairn, Tommy Lee Jones). Lincoln is the extraordinary start, but there are uncountable interlocking pieces that must exist, and by Kushner’s chosen starting point have existed, beforehand. Adolescence and before have always been associated with Spielberg, and so it is no surprise that they figure in strongly here. Lincoln’s relationship with his two sons Tad (Gulliver McGrath) and Robert (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) are suffused with alternate views – tender love and a stopping, slowing to the course of events in the first sense, a reactive discipline and fierce snappiness in the scenes of the second. And yet because of the wider expanse Spielberg details, not only do they not overtake the movie, though they appear fully formed within it, but by the time final actions are taken, they have been sidelined – just one of many, even if Spielberg trains his camera on them as centres rather than peripheral objects. In handling huge amounts of history, Spielberg both identifies a core that is felt in the best scenes of Lincoln, and leaves accounts and half-formed thoughts out, noticeable only because their effusive depiction is briefly there before it’s taken away. In one scene Mrs. Lincoln (Sally Field) bemoans the fact that everyone always has, and likely always will consider her nothing but Mrs. Lincoln, with no defining characteristic except rumoured hysteria. Though Spielberg is unable to devote enough time or break from form to challenge this assertion, there is one solitary moment, when Field’s unsatisfying role is given new meaning. She speaks of the necessity of “[putting] on a face,”

Dine & Dash

and in a single cut is transformed. It’s the economy of Spielberg’s tendency toward unsubtle ways, and as in the loving fades of Mrs. Narracott’s yarnwork in last year’s War Horse, even if it’s one instance, it is that one that remains in memory above all the rest. Collaborating as always with editor Michael Kahn, composer John Williams (after the stirring overevocation of War Horse, it’s back to predictable grace notes), and cinematographer Janusz Kamiński, Spielberg, while trodding on familiar ground in a number of ways, expands beyond the expected in his images. While the camera trains, zooms in on important speakers, there is both a refusal to fall into the wonder of the Spielberg face. The closest comes in questions of reasons of voting, conditions of pardon, and receiving of telegram, and it is always met with weariness. Kushner’s dive into Lincoln’s second term is answered with Spielberg’s adaptation of his own source material. His famed single subjects (even in scenes like the massive crowds of Empire of the Sun or War of the Worlds, there is always a lead character to guide our attention) are so divided they spread across the screen. As in that exemplary scene involving Mrs. Lincoln, where a grand reception gives us multiple planes and points of (relatively) unguided attention, Spielberg in Lincoln steps back and gives us a wide(r)-screen view of people as occupying both backdrop and front and centre. Young celebrity admirers open Lincoln, but the film that follows discards that assumption and tries to reconstitute an understanding of delegated power and leadership through compromise (mentioned as a self-deprecating criticism, it

becomes a praiseworthy step in the end). Lincoln doesn’t achieve the silver brilliance of John Ford’s Young Mr. Lincoln, which dashes convention, all while maintaining an even keel between laughter and law, manipulation and melancholy, that Spielberg, despite his larger scope, cannot match. But in seemingly impossible, beautiful moments like the scene that

Tamaringo’s Café

34261 Marshall Road Abbotsford, BC 604-854-1616 Prices: up to $7.99

Hours: Daily from 9 a.m. to 5:30 p.m.



A café in a nursery. This feels like déjà vu – either that or an Abbotsford trend I’m quickly becoming more and more aware of. In the same vein of thought as Brambles Bistro in Tanglebank Gardens, Cannor Nursery on Marshall Road in Abbotsford houses Tamaringo’s Café. Never mind the fact that Tamaringo’s is my new favourite word to say out loud—similar to Buddy the Elf’s obsession with “Francisco”—Tamaringo’s is an adorable little café within sight of Wal-Mart and the Greyhound station. With neighbours like that, it’s hard to think of a place as adorable, but Tamaringo’s actually is. The idea of a café inside of a nursery seems, at best, humid. When I

Tables fill the green space of Cannor Nursery. think nursery, I think greenhouses and its subsequent discomfort, but Cannor Nursery is less a garden store that happens to have a café and more a café that happens to have a garden store. I was expecting a little corner of the building devoted to a plate of muffins and an espresso machine, but half the front shop is devoted to tables and big comfy chairs. Their menu covers two walls and includes, among

ends the movie, or the way a meeting between Lincoln and Grant (Jared Harris) is cast about with shadowed soldiers, syllables drop away, and the culmination Spielberg seems to be reaching for appears within grasp.

other things, pizza, lasagne, sandwiches, chili, soups of the day, muffins, scones, seasonal drinks, regular drinks and gelato. Despite the fact that I was the only person under retirement age in the store, it was quite a lovely experience. The majority of the tables are in the front part of the store, with a few others spread throughout the greenhouse section of the nursery in the back. The ta-


bles are spread out enough to discourage eavesdropping, but not so spread out to feel empty. One thing that I always find troubling about café/gift shops is that feeling of claustrophobia. More often than not, stores are so packed full of goodies and gifts and knick-knacks that turning around becomes precarious for fear of knocking something off a shelf, never mind sitting down

and relaxing. Tamaringo’s, though, actually lets their patrons breathe. Their tall ceilings, exposed beams and well-placed stock let the eyes wander, but also make for a great conversational outing or an escape into the pages of a novel. I ordered a breakfast bagel and eggnog latte and took it to a little corner, away from the grey-headed biddies. The bagel was filled with fresh ingredients and, though toasted, did not suffer the unfortunate fate of most toasted bagels – that fate of it breaking into rocklike pieces with the ingredients spilling onto my lap. The eggnog latte was, of course, delicious and sided with a little Swiss chocolate – and any coffee that comes with an additional treat is perfection in my books. The prices were more than reasonable, the atmosphere was calming—despite its busy location— and the servers were friendly without being overbearing – albeit shocked to see someone younger than 50-years-old. If the library gets too much or you want a break from reading textbooks, the two-minute drive to Tamaringo’s Café in Cannor Nursery is more than worth your while.




Refs are always fair . . . right? PAUL ESAU


For the last two years I’ve spent a couple of weeks each summer coaching at basketball camps for middle school kids. It’s a fun job that allows me to indulge my love of sports, my juvenile sense of humour and my desire to make children arbitrarily do push-ups. Sometimes I stand there and watch their pre-pubescent, noodle-like arms shake and strain as they push against gravity, and I wonder how 12-year-old me would have reacted to my current coaching style. I remember my (then) absolute belief in the fairness and justice of the world, and the horror which inequality inspired in my small, somewhat chubby breast. I like to think that (despite the push-ups) I show more empathy than some of the coaches I had as a kid. I like to think that I’m teaching the kids something about more than simply basketball. I like to think that at heart I’m righteous and honourable. That is what I like to think, until I referee a basketball game between two teams of children and I realize how morally corrupt I have become. It’s not that I don’t try to be fair; it’s just that it’s so much easier to not be. Ten kids running around with a ball is chaotic enough before you try to enforce the intricacy of rules on the situation, and one man with two eyes is simply not enough to see every pinch, shove, poke, prod, trip or travel. Every time I blow the whistle I know someone will feel slighted, that some little child is being exposed to the brokenness of the world, and I quickly become desensitized to it. Often, I’m completely aware that I’ve made the wrong call, and yet I refuse to admit my mistake. Sometimes I call a foul only because the kid is clumsy and

Image: Anthony Biondi

uncoordinated and I expect him to foul, and because his smaller, faster, more skilled opponent simply outclassed him. But I try not to admit that in public. Which is why, in an interview with a CIS referee a few weeks ago, I asked him for his advice on officiating a basketball game fairly and justly, and professionally. “We [the refs] want the best players to play and not be hindered,” is one of the things he told me, “so that’s what we’re looking for: things that players are doing to hinder the better players, holding them [and] impeding their progress.” Wow, I thought, that’s quite a statement. You mean that at the highest level of Canadian basketball, officiated by refs who are at the top of their profession, players are given preference based upon skill? I was told referees were employed to enforce the rules

of the game impartially, not perpetuate some sort of NBA-style nepotism in which the star players take three-step lay ups and change their surnames to “World Peace”! No wonder I couldn’t get a break on the court in high school! No wonder everyone hates referees! And yet, this statement was made by one of the more reliable referees in the Canada West, a man with a number of credentials under his belt and a world-class ability to officiate basketball. Which means that, not only is this the accepted system, but it’s also been embraced by the experts in the field. Referees at the CIS level are perfectly fine with deciding on the “best” players and officiating the game to suit those players rather than aspiring to an ironclad law of fairness. Having had a week to mull over this ref’s

statement and discuss it with friends coaching at various levels, I’ve come to doubt whether “fair” should indeed be the absolute goal of officiating. I mean, every member of both teams (and every fan in the audience) hopes that each game will be reffed “fairly,” but their idea of what constitutes fairness already differs from the meaning of the word. Do we want every foul, every single minor infraction to be called? Do we want the fouls to be assigned evenly between teams? Do we want the fourth or fifth (disqualifying) personal foul to be given as easily as the first? Do we really want much of the current physical contact between post players eliminated because it technically violates the rulebook? No, we don’t, which means that already we’re prepared to accept officiating which deviates from strict fairness. We’re also prepared to accept that certain decisions, such as that between calling a block and a charge, are weighted towards the block and thus against the poor defender because of the difficulty of making that call. And we’re willing to admit that because of traditional strategies such as “hack-a-Shaq,” the treatment of star players on the court should be given special attention. We just don’t want to stop claiming that it’s “fair.” So, I’ve decided that after much deliberation, I agree with the CIS referee. Next summer when I’m back in the gym with a whistle between my teeth, I’m going to be even less apologetic than before. “I’m sorry kids,” I’ll say, “but basketball is like life in that it just ain’t fair. Some people are fast, some people are slow, some people crumble under pressure, and the odds are that none of you will ever make the NBA. Anybody who tells you differently is probably selling Air Jordans.”

Volleyball and basketball at the envision athletic Centre Friday, November 23

basketball vs. Manitoba @ 6 p.m. (W) & 8 p.m. (M) Volleyball vs. douglas @ 6 p.m. (W) & 8 p.m. (M) Saturday, November 24

basketball vs. Winnipeg @ 5 p.m. (W) & 7 p.m. (M) Volleyball vs. douglas @ 6 p.m. (W) & 8 p.m. (M) UFV to honor 2012 PACWEST Golf Champions on Friday Night at Basketball Games

$5 Adult/Alumni | $2 non-UFV Student UFV students FREE

For more information, 604-557-4041 UFV Cascades Athletics

For more information, call 604-557-4041 scan the QR code or visit

Last ho games u me ntil th New Yea e r





‘‘Q to 12’’ and other nonsensical expressions of joy PAUL ESAU


I’m a rules guy in sports. I admit it. In middle school, when Caleb “Achilles” Toews only counted to four steamboats before crushing George “Pipsqueak” Klassen, it bothered me, and not just because it meant I had to root around for George’s scattered teeth (again). Rules create the means through which athletes can directly compare excellence. Rules create order, order creates “sport” from mere “war,” and “sport” is a God-given North American pastime. Still, there are moments when even I grow tired of the strictly regulated, multiple-refereed, instant-replayed sporting events which have come to dominate our culture, and yearn for something more spontaneous. Where is the ingenuity in our sports? Where is the chance to match not only skill against skill, but also intellect against intellect? If sports are indeed a thinly-veiled, sociallyacceptable replacement for battle, then why are they so strictly formalized into quaint little games? I’ve only come across one sport in all my years of athletics which creates adequate flexibility for the breadth and flux of true competition, and it’s one I’ve never been brave enough to try. In fact, I’m only sure of a single rule, one golden rule in contrast to the manuals which accompany most other sports. And that rule is simple: you may not play the game the

Image: Anthony Biondi

Calvinball, except with a stuffed dinosaur for copyright reasons. same way twice. Yup folks, I’m talking about Calvinball. Named after the wisest six-yearold I have ever known, Calvinball is the brainchild of cartoonist Bill Watterson, and has been widely

popularized in Calvin & Hobbes. Like life itself, it combines triumph and tragedy, passion and pain, sorrow and song, and occasionally bandit masks and wickets. Also like life, Calvinball is a competition which encompasses

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every facet of human accomplishment into a single fluctuating battle of skill and wits. Played by two or more individuals who begin in a vacuum of possibility, the game accrues complexity with each stroke, swing or play. The rules are created by the players themselves, and often marked by specific “zones” in which specific rules apply. Some zones have sub-zones with corollary rules, others are affected by specific objects such as the “opposite pole” or “slow-motion flag,” while others involve the composition of poetry or songs for successful navigation. Scorekeeping in Calvinball is also governed by a general lack of coherence (“Q to 12” being a famous example), which subverts the traditional expectation that scores document the relative progress of two sides in competition. The game can be played with wickets, balls, flags, boxes, mints, shuttlecocks, water balloons, sacks, buckets, coins or any other object which any player decides to incorporate. The actual gameplay is frantic and interspersed with the spontaneous creation of new rules or zones to improve gameplay or counteract previous rules. Masks are (almost) mandatory, and symbolize the mischief at the heart of the sport, the mischief which has been largely lost from more conventional athletics. Actually, the game can be played pretty much anywhere with pretty much anything. In short, Calvinball stands in defiance of our culture’s obsession with rules and regulations, our need to make each sport a science understood only by the professionals. Frankly, I suspect the only reason we care so much about rules is because we have, culturally, such an obsession with winning. In order to achieve victory one has to quantify the expectations

necessary for victory, and therefore one must have lots, more, too many rules. Admittedly, Calvinball is a hard sport to win, but that’s because it’s not a sport you play to win. It’s a sport you play simply for the joy of playing. Yes, I am a rules guy. But I’m also a guy who understands that, in order to clearly define victor from loser, we have narrowed the definition of our sports down to such a specific expression that we’ve had to cultivate an army of specialists just to play them. Our sports don’t reflect the frantic, varied nature of our lives. They don’t reflect who we are, or the creativity which is so inherent to the human condition. So next time you and a couple friends are sitting at a restaurant table with some spare change waiting for your food to come, or lounging in the airport with a hacky sack and two packs of breath-mints, or even playing a conventional sport that you hate (like baseball), exercise some of that common human ingenuity and create a little Calvinball. Think of it as a rebellion against the system, a sporting version of Occupy Wall Street. Or simply think of it as a way to have fun. And thank Calvin for teaching you that fun is more important than rules, and that a properly composed “pernicious poem” is just as devastating as a touchdown punt return.

“Other kids’ games are all such a bore! They’ve gotta have rules and they gotta keep score! Calvinball is better by far! It’s never the same! It’s always bizarre! You don’t need a team or a referee! You know that it’s great, ‘cause it’s named after me!” ~Calvin (from Calvin & Hobbes)



SPORTS & HEALTH Scoreboard

Last week’s scores Basketball Men

Nov. 16 UFV vs. UBC L 71-76

Nov. 17 UFV vs. UBC W 89-77


Nov. 16 UFV vs. UBC W 76-48

Nov. 17 UFV vs UBC W 88-82 2OT

Volleyball Men

Nov. 16 UFV vs. VIU L 0-3

Nov. 17 UFV vs. VIU L 1-3


Nov. 16 UFV vs. VIU L 0-3

Nov. 17 UFV vs. CVIU W 3-1

Image: Abbotsford Heat

The Heat are HOT! Karen & Mike discuss four pieces of hockey gossip MIKE CADARETTE CONTRIBUTOR


Optimism that the NHL lockout would mend the Heat’s attendance issues was high before the season had started. Is the perennial problem back for the Heat’s fourth season? Mike: The Abbotsford Heat have averaged an attendance of 4452 people per game. Those numbers are, of course, skewed because of two Chicago Wolves games and two Oklahoma City games in which three out of four of the games were sell outs. It’s unfortunate that people in the Valley don’t like the sport of ice hockey because the Abbotsford Heat are very good at it. If the team isn’t Vancouver affiliated or doesn’t have one of Edmonton’s young stars on it, people won’t watch. I’ve come to accept that fact. If a Canucks farm team was located in Airdrie or Cochrane, I’m going to assume Flames fans wouldn’t support them either. In the meantime, the Heat will keep winning and people will keep missing out on what is arguably the best team playing in all of North America right now. Karen: See, I don’t think it’s that people in the Valley don’t like ice hockey. In fact, I think we’re pretty hockey crazy (or maybe that’s just me). That being said, I think the biggest mistake made in bringing the Heat here was marketing them as a Flames farm team. Because, really, when you take all the trappings away, they’re an awesome team with really amazing players. We’re blessed to have one of the top NHL teams in the league and one of the best AHL teams in the league within driving distance. That’s what should be marketed. Any affiliation with the Flames should be downplayed as much as possible. After training camp ended, three goalies remained on the Heat: Danny Taylor, Barry Brust and Leland Irving. It’s a rare situation the Heat are in; are the coaching staff juggling their netminders well?

Mike: I’m going to go ahead and put this out there. If the Heat win the Calder Cup this season, I’ll get a tattoo of Barry Brust on my back in Steve-O-esque fashion. My body is a temple, but any goalie that has more hits than goals allowed deserves to have his face immortalized on my flesh. Not only that, but he also sports Ryu and Ken from Street Fighter doing the Shoryuken on his mask. Besides Brust currently being in God mode, the Heat have a good thing happening in net. Brust leads the league in goals against average, Danny Taylor is third in the league in the same category, and Leland Irving (considered the most NHL-ready goalie on the team) continues to eat a lot of popcorn from the stands, but has been good when he’s been summoned from the Loge section of the AESC. Karen: While I’m not going to hop on the tattoo bandwagon anytime soon, I kind of agree. The boy’s a beast. More than that, he’s fun to watch. He told us in a media scrum that one of his nicknames is Ninja – I think it’s totally accurate. I don’t understand how the guy moves the way he does. Oh my, that kind of sounded dirty. Another plus to Brust is that the boy gives a great interview. He’s authentic, intelligent and well spoken. I think it relates to his play – he has great hockey sense, and seems to know what’s happening before it happens. I hope we see more of him, because quite frankly watching Irving either bores me or makes me cringe – he’s so robotic! Hopefully Brust keeps up his fluid ways of awesomeness, so we can keep our love fest going. Long story short – when your team’s weakest (statistically) goalie is NHL-ready, you’re in a pretty good place. A little bit of a backstory: On Monday, November 12, Dave Sheldon (of CKNW’s Sportstalk Weekend) was having his weekly interview with Ryan Pinder about the Abbotsford Heat. Pinder got slightly upset that his team, while being the best in the AHL, got no recognition from Vancouver media. Oklahoma City—a team barely over .500—got more attention when they were in town. Jason Botchford took

offence to Pinder’s remarks and embarrassed himself on Twitter shortly after the interview. Thoughts? Mike: I was a Heat fan before I took on this job for The Cascade. From a fan’s perspective, I can’t help but to agree with Ryan Pinder, who is the play-by-play voice of the Abbotsford Heat. The Vancouver media do not do a good job covering the Heat. Getting Team 1040 to talk about the Heat is like trying to get a complete interview between Brian Burke and James Duthie – it’s not going to happen. So when Ryan Pinder told Dave Sheldon that the Vancouver media would rather go for the “low hanging fruit” than to do some research and cover the Heat, he wasn’t wrong. It seems Jason Botchford of The Province took offence to Ryan’s comments and declared publicly, on Twitter, that he’d “rather cover ballet” and he was “done with abby [sic].” I look forward to calling his bluff the next time the Wolves are in town. Karen: I’ll go ahead and be the bad guy here. I understand where Pinder was coming from, because it’s frustrating to herd so many media into the building only to see them report purely on the other team. That being said, media attention is media attention. The Heat beat the “Kids” (Barons) 4-0. No matter how many sonnets you’re writing to Nugent-Hopkins’ fledgling moustache, people are going to take note that something awesome is going down in the AESC – any press is good press, right? Let’s face it, part of the experience of going to a hockey game is running into a myriad of different types of fans. You two have been watching hockey for quite some time, so give some thoughts on your favourite type of fan. Mike: There are so many different types of fans that attend hockey games. There are the drunken girls who somehow develop a brain disorder as soon as they’re shown on the JumboTron and begin shouting, “WOOO!” in ear-piercing unison. Then there are the over-65 fans that spend their Old Age Security pension money on sea-

son tickets and love their hometown team. But whatever you do, don’t keep getting up and strafing past them every 15 minutes for a new beer or else they’ll give you the demon stare. There are also the “Hometown Hater” fans that deliberately cheer against the hometown team even if they don’t like hockey. They do it simply to get a reaction out of you. But my favourite fan of all time is the “Shoot the Puck!” fan. By no means are they rare at hockey games. In fact, every fan base has hundreds of them. These are the people who bust a lung shouting, “shoot the puck!” at the oddest times. Before faceoffs, at centre ice, when the goalie just made a glove save – it doesn’t matter. They’ll still insist that their team shoot the puck. These fans are especially noticeable when their team is on the power play. Every shooting lane on the ice could be blocked and they’ll still want to see a shot. If only their team would listen to them, they’d have the best power play in the league. Karen: So you like idiots? Those guys make me want to jab rusty forks into my ears. I think I prefer the kids. They can be idiots, but it’s okay because they’re children and cute. It’s a toss-up which kind I like best – maybe the babies with the headphones who follow the puck back and forth on necks that barely hold their head up? Maybe those kids who get to play after the first period? They make me “want to procreate,” as I’ve been quoted on Twitter as saying. My all-time favourite, though, has got to be the kids who are passionate about the sport and the team. I saw a kid—he couldn’t have been more than 10—wearing a “red man” suit (like the Green Men who cheer for the Canucks). The kid rocked it, cheering his Heat on with passion that was unrivaled by anyone around him. Also, this was at a Wolves game; it isn’t easy to do that with a sea of blue around you!







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The Cascade Vol. 20 No. 31  

The Cascade is the University of the Fraser Valley's autonomous student newspaper, and has been since 1993.

The Cascade Vol. 20 No. 31  

The Cascade is the University of the Fraser Valley's autonomous student newspaper, and has been since 1993.