The Cascade Vol. 22 No. 19

Vol. 22 Issue 19

www.ufvcascade.ca

July 16, 2014 to September 2, 2014

Sowing the seeds of discord since 1993

UFV grad wins the internet with beer resumĂŠ

p. 11 Apartment hunting? Look no further p. 12-13

Gender-free bathrooms in Vancouver schools p. 9

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NEWS

News

Briefs Fire engulfs Mann Farms Home of the Goatel 6, Mann Farms at the corner of Vye Road and McKenzie was ablaze early Monday morning. Abbotsford Fire and Rescue Services (AFRS) responded to flames coming from the top floor of the barn and shooting about 60 feet in the air, reports Abbotsford News. Animals were housed in pens adjacent to the main building but were not harmed by the blaze, but assistant chief Rob Hull told BC Local News property damage is extensive. Officers from Abbotsford Police Department’s major crime unit and AFRS are still looking into the cause, but as of July 15 was being investigated as suspicious.

Fraser Valley Economic Summit : coming soon Plans are already underway for the Fraser Valley Economic Summit, set to take place in the Abbotsford Centre on September 9.

Speakers include UFV president Mark Evered, Kinder Morgan Canada president Ian Anderson, KerryLynne Findlay, Minister of National Revenue, and more. The event seeks to empower small to medium businesses in the Fraser Valley and will include a 20-year plan for the area. Tickets are $165 and include access to all the day’s events.

UFV students take on Amazing Race Canada UFV sibling alums Sukhi and Jinder Atwal were cast in the second season of Amazing Race Canada, which premiered on July 8. The Atwals both graduated with molecular biology degrees from UFV, and since graduating have lived in various cities around the world.

Their contract swears them to secrecy regarding the outcome of the show, but they have said they will be active on Twitter during episodes.

Have a news tip?

Let us know!

Email news@ufvcascade.ca or tweet @CascadeNews

News

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Opinion

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Culture

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Arts in Review

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Sports & Health

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WEDNESDAY, JULY 16, 2014 www.ufvcascade.ca

Science on Porpoise

Seven new things about the majestic “pig fish,” which leads the way in swimming speeds, sixth senses, and adorableness.

The show must go on with Rob Ford You may think it’s a hoax, but it’s all too true: Canadian spectacle Rob Ford will yet again be in the limelight, but this time accompanied by music and dancing. Taylor Breckles has more to tell on Rob Ford: The Musical.

Résum-ale goes viral Looking for a creative edge in resumé-building? Jess Wind interviews UFV grad and Résum-ale inventor Brennan Gleason, who tells us how to get your dream job and become an internet superstar.

Eat, Pray, Love author shows her mettle

Elizabeth Gilbert captivated the hearts of the middle-aged with her emotional memoir. Now she’s back with an astounding work of fiction that takes readers through the golden age of discovery and proves to the literary world that she’s got chops.

Ohmmmm...

Kiss your stress goodbye! Valerie Franklin gives her perspective on a night of meditation and total relaxation at Two Dragons Tai Chi Academy.

Pipeline debate a battle of PR versus sensationalism KATIE STOBBART

THE CASCADE

The latest in the oil-slinging pipeline battle is a lawsuit launched by the Federation of BC Naturalists (BC Nature) to challenge the approval of the Northern Gateway pipeline.

The action is meant to provide an opportunity to appeal the approval, as BC Nature calls the legal foundation of the Cabinet’s decision into question, according to a July 14 press release.

At the risk of inciting accusations of environmental blasphemy, I’ll admit I struggled to find a spark of excitement when I read the release. As the pipeline debate has surged on, I’ve become increasingly fatigued. After so many ads appropriating BC’s sweeping wild landscapes for the pipeline push, the old flames of annoyance have flickered into a kind of irate apathy.

The sheer volume of pro- and anti-oil flooding the news and social media has dulled the sharpness of indignation.

On the one hand, it’s easy to be sucked into the debate: you just have to pick a side and float along. On the other hand, there’s the recurring frustration with the floaters — the people who pick a side without doing their homework. It has become a battle of PR versus sensationalism: whoever has the most Facebook posts, the biggest collection of random petitions, wins the public opinion. Of course, it’s an artificial win; to a certain extent, the approaches of each side involves a lot of preaching to the choir. Proponents see the reassurances of natural gas Volume 22 · Issue 19 Room C1027 33844 King Road Abbotsford, BC V2S 7M8 604.854.4529 Editor-in-chief katie@ufvcascade.ca Katie Stobbart Managing editor valerie@ufvcascade.ca Valerie Franklin

Image: rickz/Flickr

companies that pipeline expansion won’t hurt the environment, and opponents see all the evidence pointing to environmental doom. Actions like BC Nature’s recent lawsuit, and any real landmarks of progress in either direction, are swallowed into the thick tar of the debate.

To paraphrase investigative journalist David Barsamian, who visited UFV last year, it becomes a game of sifting the bull from the shit. The shoulder angel and devil shout fiercely into the public’s ears, one insisting the first priority is the environment, the other the economy. What information can be trusted?

The propaganda from either side not only muddies the issue, it solidifies the divide.

News editor jess@ufvcascade.ca Jess Wind

Staff writer breckles@ufvcascade.ca Taylor Breckles

Opinion editor brittney@ufvcascade.ca Brittney Hensman

Production manager stewart@ufvcascade.ca Stewart Seymour

Culture editor nadine@ufvcascade.ca Nadine Moedt Arts editor sasha@ufvcascade.ca Sasha Moedt

Business manager joe@ufvcascade.ca Joe Johnson

Sports editor catherine@ufvcascade.ca Catherine Stewart

Online editor ashley@ufvcascade.ca Ashley Mussbacher

News writer katherine@ufvcascade.ca Katherine Gibson

Copy editor kodie@ufvcascade.ca Kodie Cherrille

Meanwhile, the powers that be are lining up the ducks.

The BC education system, for example, is being “re-engineered” by the BC Government to accommodate for new jobs in the liquid natural gas (LNG) sector. Dollars are being spent on the anticipated changes.

Yet as far as I know, the card linking the environment and the economy hasn’t been played yet — at least not in an impactful way. Yes, LNG can and likely would bring the dough rolling. But it also threatens a couple of BC’s biggest industries: obviously other natural resources, but also tourism. It seems to me that’s a significant point against too heavy a focus on oil, gas, tar sands, fracking — the whole

News writer megan@ufvcascade.ca Megan Lambert

Art director anthony@ufvcascade.ca Anthony Biondi Production assistant shyanne@ufvcascade.ca Shyanne Schedel Contributors Vanessa Broadbent, Martin Castro, Jeremy Hannaford, Aly Sczebel, Rachelle Strelezki, Tori Thistlethwaite

Cover image Anthony Biondi Logo Brennan Gleason

shebang — pushing into BC. To just come out screaming against pipelines without offering any alternative solutions is not a productive battle strategy. Relying on other methods of transporting oil seems to pose just as many what-if threats to the sanctity of BC’s environment.

The real crux of the issue is the impasse: no one wants to budge. Everyone is sticking fiercely to their principles. As an aside, it’s a nice change to see so many people impassioned about something which will directly affect them, one way or another. The result, however, will probably be a heap of proponents, a heap of opponents, and a new pipeline buried in the ground between them.

Printed By International Web exPress The Cascade is UFV’s autonomous student newspaper. It provides a forum for UFV students to have their journalism published. It also acts as an alternative press for the Fraser Valley. The Cascade is funded with UFV student funds. The Cascade is published every Wednesday with a circulation of 1500 and is distributed at UFV campuses and throughout Abbotsford, Chilliwack, and Mission. The Cascade is a member of the Canadian University Press, a national cooperative of 75 university and college newspapers from Victoria to St. John’s. The Cascade follows the CUP ethical policy concerning material of a prejudicial or oppressive nature.

Submissions are preferred in electronic format through e-mail. Please send submissions in “.txt” or “.doc” format only.

Articles and letters to the editor must be typed. The Cascade reserves the right to edit submissions for clarity and length. The Cascade will not print any articles that contain racist, sexist, homophobic or libellous content. The writer’s name and student number must be submitted with each submission. Letters to the editor must be under 250 words if intended for print. Only one letter to the editor per writer in any given edition.

Opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect that of UFV, Cascade staff and collective, or associated members.

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NEWS

WEDNESDAY, JULY16, 2014 www.ufvcascade.ca

New associate dean of students in the college of arts looks to engage students KATHERINE GIBSON

THE CASCADE

UFV is welcoming a new associate dean of students in the college of arts.

Alisa Webb, a faculty member of UFV’s history department since 2004, has taken over the position — a role previously held by Susan Fisher.

As Webb explains, this position will not only give her the opportunity to harness the skills that she has acquired over the past decade, but also add her voice to discussions surrounding change within the post-secondary system and encourage student success.

“The position offers the ideal opportunity for me to bring together the work I’ve been doing in various capacities for the past decade, my educational background, and my passion for student success,” says Webb.

“Plus, post-secondary education is a period of change.

We’re re-evaluating what postsecondary education should look like and what our students need to be successful,” she continues. “I’ve been contributing to those discussions; this position offers me the chance

to lead them, ever mindful of UFV’s diverse student body.”

Past associate deans of students have effectively engaged faculty and administration in significant discussions surrounding topics such as writing across the curriculum, learning outcomes, integrated learning experiences, highimpact learning practices, and learning communities. And while Webb desires to continue these discussions, she also wants to engage departments and build a stronger connection with students themselves.

“I’d like to start working more closely with departments within the arts as they go through the process of program and curriculum review and revision,” she notes. “I’d also like to find more avenues for my office to directly connect with students. Leaving the classroom means leaving the front lines of student engagement.”

Although Webb recognizes that this role has a steep learning curve, she maintains excitement for the opportunity to lead the college of arts through future changes — all of which she believes will benefit students.

“I’ve been engaged for quite some time at UFV in discussions about the directions we need to take and I am very excited to be shaping that vision and working out an implementation plan,” she continues. “This position is all about students: student success, access, learning, experience. The person who holds this office speaks on behalf of the student and ensures that the student voice and perspective is heard throughout the university.”

At times, our society questions the validity of an arts degree. However, in the face of this criticism, Webb still believes that they are important for teaching students the types of skills that prospective employers look for.

“Statistics show the continued relevance of your degrees and employer demand for the very skills that arts students acquire,” Webb concludes. “Are there things we could be doing better? Yes, and we’re working on that, particularly by exploring new models for the BA. For now, though, you are all gaining the skills you need for a dynamic world which values transferable skills.”

Image: ufv.ca

Alisa Webb is the new college of arts associate dean for students.

CASA prepares for Lobby Week Student associations discuss mental health, student debt, and unemployment MEGAN LAMBERT

THE CASCADE

“It was really cool to see the work slowly materializing into something more tangible,” said Student Union Society (SUS) VP external Dylan Thiessen.

SUS attended the Poly-Strat CASA (Canadian Alliance of Student Associations) conference in Nova Scotia July 9-11, where members discussed issues that relate to students.

CASA prepared student unions across Canada for “Lobby Week,” a conference that connects students and MPs to advocate for change.

CASA members focused on mental health awareness, youth unemployment, and access to financial aid, which looked at anything from unpaid internships to helping recent graduates find jobs in their field, according to Thiessen.

“We want to increase the number of bursaries and nonrepayable grants,” he continued. “Right now a lot of students are not even eligible for student loans because their parents make a lot of money, but it doesn’t take into consideration [the parents’] willingness to pay for their children’s education.”

Thiessen went on to note that the current student loan process doesn’t account for any debt the parents have, and is instead solely based on their annual income.

“There is an appeal process,” he noted, “but a lot of students don’t pursue that and a lot of

Image: Dylan Thiessen

students don’t even apply for student loans just out of perceived ineligibility.”

For alumni, Thiessen notes CASA will be asking the government to remove select tax credits for graduated students and reinvest that into grants and bursaries available to students beginning post-secondary education.

“So, it’s kind of like helping students pay for their education at the beginning while they’re doing their education,” Thiessen said.

CASA’s agenda seeks to address increased aboriginal access to education. However, a chief stepped down from their position in the Congress of Aboriginal Peoples.

“I think for the time being, that’s preventing CASA from pursuing anything aboriginal-

related,” Thiessen concluded.

CASA linked mental health advocacy with financial aid, hoping to reach the federal government by appealing to values like family and the economy.

“When students have to take an unbearable amount of debt or loans in order to finance their education, that increases stress,” Thiessen explained. “It can have a lot of adverse mental effects for students, and that in turn can really place a lot of strain on families, and make them less productive in the workplace.

“They won’t be contributing to society or to the economy as they could be if they were fully healthy.”

SUS presents these issues during CASA’s “Lobby Week” conference in November 2014.

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NEWS

WEDNESDAY, JULY 16, 2014 www.ufvcascade.ca

Science on Porpoise

Seven things you didn’t know you wanted to know about the porpoise DESSA BAYROCK

CASCADE ALUM

What is a porpoise?

The quick answer: porpoises are adorable. The longer answer: porpoises belong to the cetacean family, which includes whales and dolphins.

If you’re trying to picture a porpoise in your mind, think of a broader, stouter dolphin without the “melon” lump dolphins and whales have on their heads.

Porpoises also take less kindly to living in captivity and aren’t as easily trained as their dolphin cousins — think of porpoises as the indifferent cats of the cetacean family. Are they cute? Yes. Will they do what you say? It depends on how much fish you’re willing to dish out.

Porpoises: the underdogs of the ocean Porpoises are often beaten up or killed by dolphins or seals. As the smallest cetaceans, they’re often picked on by their larger family members. Scientists suspect that dolphins might see porpoises as competitors for food supplies — since both dolphins and porpoises feast on just about any fish they can get their jaws on, including herring, pollock, and squid.

Your local porpoise The Vancouver Aquarium currently has two porpoises, named Jack and Daisy, and these are actually the only two harbour porpoises in captivity in North America. The pair were both rescued as young porpoises, and although they don’t have impressive leaps or dives like their aquarium neighbours, you can catch an informational show at their tank every afternoon.

Porpoise en français?

The name “porpoise” hails not from the French, but from the Old French: porcus for “pig” and piscis for “fish. That’s right — “porpoise” literally means “pig fish.”

Speaking of names, porpois-

es are also called “mereswine,” although nobody but their mothers calls them that.

The porpoise has nothing to do with potatoes … we think.

You’re forgiven for thinking tubercles have anything to do with tubers (or, for that matter, tuberculosis), but the fact of the matter is scientists are pretty much at a loss when it comes to figuring out just what, exactly, tubercles are for. Tubercles are one of the defining features of porpoise — they’re tiny bumps along the dorsal ridge along porpoises’ backs. One theory states that the tubercles are the equivalent of anti-slip mats, designed to help adult porpoises carry calves. Another (more likely) says that each tubercle might actually mark a bundle of nerve endings, serving as extra sensitive areas.

Porpoises are really fast If you’ve ever been on a whale-watching trip, you know cetaceans are surprisingly quick in the water. Whales can hit speeds around 40 km/h in prime conditions (read as: shallow water and imminent danger). Dolphins really hit their stride by leaping out of the water to reduce drag and get an extra boost of acceleration, but even then they only have a max speed of around 25 km/h. Porpoises, on the other hand, can reach a top speed of 55 km/h without breaking a sweat. How? No one’s quite sure.

Fossil porpoise has an underbite This spring, palaeontologists found fossils of an ancient porpoise — with a giant chin. Where modern porpoises have chins of only a few centimetres, this fossil porpoise — dubbed Semirostrum ceruttii, or the skimming porpoise — has a chin a whopping 85 cm long. Researchers also found sensory nerves in the bone — meaning the porpoise probably used its giant jaw as a sixth sense, possibly making up for poor eyesight by feeling the ocean floor.

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NEWS

WEDNESDAY, JULY16, 2014 www.ufvcascade.ca

Images and Land Claims event raises awareness of aboriginal land disputes, local and beyond VANESSA BROADBENT

CONTRIBUTOR

Last weekend’s films left one visitor feeling like she “was experiencing a historic moment.”

The Images and Land Claims series featured films, maps, and discussions at the Chilliwack Stó:lō Resource Centre on the Coqualeetza grounds.

Hosted by UFV and Stó:lō Nation, the weekend featured various films and presentations exploring the land claims of the Kalahari (South Africa), the Gitksan (BC), and the Evenki (Siberia). Maps illustrated the areas of the land claims and how the issues affected these areas.

Saturday started with a bus tour of Stó:lō territory guided

by Sonny MacHalsie, cultural advisor and historian for the Stó:lō Research and Resource Management Centre.

In addition to learning about their culture and touring their territory, attendees enjoyed a traditional Stó:lō salmon barbecue on Saturday evening.

Anthropologist Hugh Brody, UFV’s Canada Research Chair in Aboriginal Studies, introduced his new film Tracks Across Sand, exploring the South African Kalahari land

Image: Vanessa Broadbent

Visual tools like maps and films illustrate land claims. claims. The film was followed by a discussion led by Kalahari San tribe representatives, Annetta Bok and Dirk Pienaar.

On Saturday evening, Nettie Wilde’s film Blockade explored

Fraser Valley express bus approved

the issue of land claims in northwestern British Columbia. Neil Sterritt and Don Ryan, who was the chief negotiator of the Gitksan land claims, led a Q&A period.

Visitors discussed the issues from 1992 and 1993 — the time the movie was filmed — and how these issues are still relevant in British Columbia today.

The group also explored the

significance of the maps made of the Gitksan territory.

Images and Land Claims took place near the end of the four-week UFV Indigenous Maps, Films, Rights, and Land Claims certificate.

“This event is a unique standalone weekend, but it’s taking place within the four weeks of the certificate,” Brody explained. “I wanted it to take place then so the students of the certificate could come.”

According to Brody, the goal of the event was to “share ideas, be involved, and to share thinking; to explore ideas together and create an opportunity for the public to come.

“You might say, why does this event not happen a lot more often?” Brody asked.

“These are hugely important issues that affect thousands of people and thousands of cultures around the world. How do they establish their right to land, their right to culture?

How do they rebuild their pride and self-respect? It’s a huge issue for Canada. The idea is to have a weekend where people can hear about it, think about it, and explore the meaning of the land claims.”

Social work students fundraise for women and children in crisis

MEGAN LAMBERT

KATHERINE GIBSON

THE CASCADE

THE CASCADE

BC Transit’s Fraser Valley express bus has been approved for funding, but the Student Union Society (SUS) has not determined if the service will be linked to the U-Pass.

The bus will connect Chilliwack, Abbotsford, and Langley (with limited stops at key communities) via the TransCanada Highway. Abbotsford’s bus stop will be at the McCallum Park-and-Ride and Chilliwack’s will be in the downtown core area.

“The project is in design at the moment,” notes Rebecca Newlove, senior transit planner of the Fraser Valley region.

BC Transit looks to implement the service as soon as spring 2015, given approval and availability of funds from local partners.

Though UFV’s shuttle already directly connects the campuses, SUS wonders if investing in this new bus would benefit students.

The UFV campus connecter shuttle services the Abbotsford and Chilliwack campuses directly, whereas the express bus would have pickups and drop-offs in different locations of the city. Students would have to use municipal transit in order to reach the campuses.

The shuttle fee is $17.75 per semester. If UFV were to contribute to the express bus, usage would be covered by the U-Pass, although whether it

Balloon animals, a professional hula-hooper, and a BBQ took over the Green on July 12, as social work students raised funds and awareness for women and children in crisis.

Fourth-year social work student Alyssa Kavanagh, along with others from her SOWK 380 class, spent the afternoon collecting items to support local transitional homes. Several members from the group have personal experience with these homes; Kavanagh herself completed a practicum in one of the facilities.

Kavanagh’s experience broadened her understanding of the large scope of women and children who require transitional homes.

“When I did my practicum with one of [the transitional homes],” she says, “I went into a room and there were just files, and files, and files of all the women who have been in there — it was pretty shocking, actually, to see how many people over the years actually utilized these transitional houses.

“You don’t really know about it until you hear about it, or maybe you need the services. It’s definitely really important because so many women need to use these transition houses and there aren’t always enough resources to give out to the women.”

Kavanagh explains that fundraising for household goods is also important because

Image: Flickr/ Dennis Tsang

would affect the fee has yet to be determined.

Additionally, Langley students would gain greater access to the campuses, and the route would connect to the Skytrain.

SUS president Ryan Petersen is meeting with BC Transit in late July to further discuss the options.

Image: Alyssa Ruth

SOWK 380 raises awareness for local transitional homes. many women who enter these facilities have very few possessions with them.

“A lot of women come through fleeing abuse and when they get there they don’t have anything but the clothes on their back,” she explains.

“They may not necessarily be going back home from where they came from because sometimes that could be a dangerous situation.”

The fundraiser supports transitional homes in the Fraser Valley, which Kavanagh believes will help connect students to the event.

“They’re all local organizations: it’s Abbotsford; it’s Mission; it’s Chilliwack,” she continues. “They’re all areas that students reside in. It affects everyone.”

Although there is no formal plan to continue fundraising for these facilities, Kavanagh maintains that students can and should support transitional homes in their communities.

“Women are the mothers of our children and it’s really important to be able to give every woman opportunity,” she concludes. “Protection and safety is the number one goal, and to give better opportunities to women who are maybe not in the best situations and really need support.”

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OPINION

OPINION

SNAPSHOTS

Poop on that notion!

Catherine Stewart

Commercially frustrated Jess Wind

Automatic flushing toilets are probably the most frustrating things I’ve ever been forced to put up with. Sure, I suppose they’re convenient since a good chunk of people these days take the biggest shit possible and let it fester in the toilet bowl as a gift for the next person.

Getting rid of that problem is the only plus side to automatic toilets.

The last thing I want when relieving myself is to be startled by a noise from behind me that sounds like the rapture has finally come, only then to realize it’s just the toilet deciding to rudely flush itself without my permission. I’m not done my business yet — I do not appreciate this. I also don’t appreciate the toilet bestowing its water on my rear end.

If you move so much as an inch, the toilet flushes. If you make a noise, the toilet flushes. But when you’re officially done doing the deed, the toilet is silent. So you’re forced to manually push the damn button down to flush it, now that you’re actually finished.

In the end, these toilets really aren’t much of an improvement.

When commercials actually achieve something new, I gain momentary respect for the industry trying desperately to stay ahead of online streaming.

The Salvation Army’s latest purchase of ad space on CTV’s website, for example, has earned my brief change of heart.

On the screen, a homeless person sits on the curb with a cardboard sign. As the camera pans, it freezes and the buffering circle pops up, spinning. As a user of terribly spotty internet, I’m short-fused and quick to blame Telus. Then the tagline flashes, “We all get frustrated by this.” The ad unfreezes and closes in on the unfortunate individual, “Why not this? It’s time to end poverty in Canada. Donate now.”

The Salvation Army’s marketing team got me. Frustrated by what I thought was a failing stream, I was ready to pause, reload, and change rooms for a stronger signal.

So well done, Sally-Ann; I can promise you I’m frustrated by the deeper problems at work in your marketing scheme, and I can promise you I have and will continue to donate. I truly hope you frustrate enough people with your fake buffering to evoke change.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 16, 2014 www.ufvcascade.ca

Curtailed commentary on current conditions

“Sports don’t matter!”

Recycling isn’t an inconvenience Vanessa Broadbent

I recycle a lot. I wouldn’t necessarily say I’m an environmentalist or even really that passionate about the environment, but I take my recycling seriously.

Just the other day I was in a coffee shop and noticed there was nowhere for me to recycle my straw wrapper. Upon asking the barista if there was a recycling bin close by, he responded with an annoyed sigh and a slight roll of the eyes.

He did take my wrapper and put it in the recycling bin, which happened to be behind the counter only about two feet away from him, but I was made aware I had been a bother.

It wasn’t the fact that I couldn’t find a recycling bin that upset me as much as the negative attitude of the barista whom I had inconvenienced. No, I don’t expect everyone to put as much effort into recycling as I do, but we should at least try.

Have we really come to the point where it is too much of an inconvenience to put something in a recycling bin only two feet away?

I’m disturbed by the thought of a society where making the smallest environmentallyconscious decision has become too much of a hassle.

Kodie Cherrille

“I don’t care about your stupid sports!” is a phrase you hear often if you surround yourself with people who aren’t sports fans. Usually this reaction is a response to the “sports buzz” — when the next big cup-of-whatever is being contended for and everyone is talking about it.

But it turns sport apathy into hostility.

You’ll hear claims stating “sports don’t matter!” and maybe even imperatives like “shut the hell up about FIFA!” Watching sports doesn’t click for me either, but my apathy of the game does not extend to disrespect. I can understand if you get tired of hearing the hype around the game, but the game itself is something that should be respected.

People can be apathetic to something you consider important as well. They aren’t required to care about your fascinations to writing, art, or philosophy. But you hope they won’t talk down to your interests. The fact that you’re not invested in something doesn’t make it universally redundant.

Remember: these players are performing miracles in the artistry of their game every time they play, so try to at least appreciate their skills for what they’re worth.

The Canadian tragedy: Rob Ford the Musical TAYLOR BRECKLES

THE CASCADE

Toronto mayor and Canadian trademark Rob Ford is getting his own musical. You read correctly: the embarrassment of Ontario is going to be singing and dancing alongside brilliant works such as Wicked and Mamma Mia. I really hope this horror doesn’t reach Broadway.

Playwright Brett McCaig had an interesting opinion about this musical, comparing Ford to one of the major icons of world history.

“He is very Shakespearean or operatic. He’s our modern tragic hero — he rode in on his white stallion to save his village, and then through his own weaknesses fell hard,” McCaig told CBC News.

A modern tragic hero, reminiscent of Shakespeare? Seriously?

Modern, yes. Tragic, perhaps.

Hero? Highly unlikely. The only white stallion Ford was riding consisted of a long line of something illegal, trying to save his system from lacking endorphins.

McCaig states that Ford’s story is “one of the greatest stories that’s ever happened.” To me, Ford’s antics of doing drugs, strolling around intoxicated, and mouthing off on national TV has placed the politician closer to Justin Bieber

Image: Stewart Seymour/The Cascade

Rob Ford always gets the spotlight. than Shakespeare.

When I first found out about this “musical,” I thought it had to be a hoax: no lover of the theatre would actually allow this man to be the inspiration for a performance.

Alas, this is real. You, dear reader, are not being tricked; no cameraman is going to pop out of a bush to tell you that you’ve been fooled.

1,000 years from now, when the aliens find what’s left of our destroyed planet, they will find the story of Rob Ford the Musical: The Birth of a Ford Nation and judge our civilization harshly.

While it is possible, according to McCaig, that “Toronto has never been more spoken of or thought about in North American dias-

pora,” this talk might not be in our favour. Ford is our Bush. He is our political idiot for whom we are harshly judged. There has not been a musical about George Bush; therefore it is not necessary to make one about Rob Ford. A musical about Tim Horton’s would be both more understandable and respectable. I could watch a show

about coffee and how a restaurant chain can sweep a nation and make itself a landmark. I could not however, stomach a performance about Ford.

Perhaps the worst part about this show is that music and literature are also going to take a hit.

There are going to be 10 original songs in the genres of pop, rock, and country, in addition to some ballads that the actor playing Ford will sing. Even country music doesn’t deserve this. Not only is this travesty going to be a gigantic zit on the face of musicals, but it is also going to worm its way into various styles of music.

Furthermore, Margaret Atwood will be one of several famous people to be a featured character in this musical, and if you’ve read The Handmaid’s Tale you’d understand that this would not be a welcome gesture.

All in all, I am horrified and deeply saddened that this musical will be produced. Soon enough a spiritual guide named Transgression (a.k.a. Tranny) will take you into the world of Rob Ford — as McCaig would say, “what better way to take Rob Ford through his life than [with] a transvestite?”

McCaig really didn’t think this through.

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OPINION

WEDNESDAY, JULY 16, 2014 www.ufvcascade.ca

Safety nets for the Lions Gate Bridge — worth it or worthless?

CATHERINE STEWART

THE CASCADE

The Golden Gate Bridge holds a record of over 1,600 suicides, making it the second most-used suicide site in the world. On average, there’s a jumper once every two weeks. According to the Los Angeles Times, approximately one person jumped every three days in August 2013.

In order to prevent these numbers from increasing, numerous methods have been introduced over the years. There are nightly patrols and bridge closures, and suicide hotline telephones lining the bridge.

Despite the measures taken, the suicides continue to happen. Finally, in June of this year, the City of San Francisco approved the plan to install a suicide barrier beneath the bridge. The barrier is a steel net that stretches 20 feet wide, and will be there to catch jumpers.

Now, the big question for us Canadians is: will we get anti-suicide nets, too? Do we even need them?

We already have an anti-suicide fence on the Golden Ears Crossing.

However, many are wondering if the Lions Gate Bridge will be getting the same treatment. It’s a good question. Jane Seyd from North Shore News has an article about this particular debate, bringing to light the families who lost a loved one to suicide via the Lions Gate Bridge.

“More people jump to their deaths from the Lions Gate Bridge each year than any other bridge in the province,” Seyd reports. “For the families of those who have

Image: viagensimagens /Flickr/The Cascade

Could anti-suicide nets prove to be a means of self-reflection for potential jumpers? died, the bridge remains a painful reminder of their loss.”

It was more than five years ago when the topic of anti-suicide barriers was brought up by the BC Coroners Service, and yet it’s just this year that we’re finally doing something about it. Apparently the Lions Gate Bridge can’t hold the weight of barriers, which I find pretty concerning. The bridge can’t hold the weight of the barriers,

Gay oil won’t be allowed through pipeline PHILIP BUSTER

MASTER OF DELAYS

The Conservatives have added another stipulation to their original 209 that must be fulfilled before the Enbridge pipeline project gets the green light — the oil cannot be gay.

“We have to make sure our quality of oil remains up to industry standards,” says one MP. “Gay oil is, very often, too crude. We can’t take our chances.”

The Opposition has been very vocal about the Conservatives’ violations of oil’s right as a citizen under the Albertan Charter of Rigs and Frackdoms. One member urges the Conservatives to heed the words of Pierre Trudeau, who once said that there is no place for the state in the bedrocks of oil. “Let them frack whatever way they want,” she finished, elbowing the interviewer and saying “eh? Eh?” The Cascade contacted Dr. Cee Spoils, whose research provided the rationale behind the government’s added condition. She recalled the day she looked at a puddle of water tainted with oil near the refinery.

“The water looked like it had rainbows in it,” she said about the incident, two years ago. “There is only one scientific explanation to rainbows in oil: the oil is gay.”

The prime minister spoke in a press conference with his cabi-

net ministers earlier this week, remarking that he only sticks to facts and is not making any value judgments based on the oil’s lifestyle choices. He also mentioned that there is no discrimination in science. When asked by reporters about his own possible discrimination of science, the prime minister interrupted the question, saying “Sciiiiiiiiience,” and then made explosion sounds as his cabinet ministers replicated a dubstep drop.

The Conservatives have made no comment on whether oil will be allowed to have abortions, and debate has continued over whether or not oil has right to its own death by means of euthanasia.

Image: BlogSpot /Google

“The water looked like it had rainbows in it.”

and yet we still trust it to be sturdy enough to drive over? Because of this issue, we have to settle for crisis phones lining the bridge instead of safety nets.

In the time it took for us to reach this decision, more than 20 people jumped off the Lions Gate Bridge.

There’s a 2006 documentary film called The Bridge which shows footage of the Golden Gate Bridge obtained over the course of a year.

The point of the movie was to bring light to all the suicides that occur without us even realizing it. One of the women interviewed told her story of how she had personally witnessed someone jump off the bridge. She couldn’t believe what she had seen at first, and telling the highway patrolman what had happened, she asked if this was an unusual occurrence. The patrolman smiled sadly and said it

happened all the time.

According to the film, many jumpers who survived their falls have confessed to regretting their decision right after letting go of the ledge. Their obstacles didn’t seem all that daunting when they were falling to their deaths.

Perhaps having safety nets underneath bridges is a good idea for more than just the obvious reason.

The nets also provide a way to get the urge to jump out of a person’s system. It gives them a rush and thrill of danger, and the apparent promise of death without the actual commitment. It’s nice to think when people hit the net, in those short moments of falling through the air, perhaps they will open their eyes with a certain clarity they couldn’t see through their depression.

It’s a shame that the Lions Gate Bridge has been declared unfit to have safety nets installed. I think it’s a good idea, despite how expensive it might turn out to be. It would definitely save more lives than the preventative measures we all encourage, seeing as how those only work if we are willing to talk to the strangers lingering against the safety rails.

In the meantime, more people are becoming aware of these tragedies, and the installation of crisis phones is the first step in the right direction.

Quebec’s right-to-die legislation is not as painful as it may seem ASHLEY MUSSBACHER

THE CASCADE

Euthanasia is still illegal in Canada, but Quebec passed legislation in June giving patients with terminal illness a choice to end their lives.

Technology has radically transformed health care, both positively and negatively. The development of life support machines began in the mid-1930s to help take over the function of the heart and lungs. This was to allow for support during critical operations like open heart surgery, but over the years these machines have been recreated for a more permanent duty: prolonging life.

This idea of preventing the inevitable is echoed back to us in the media with commercials of anti-aging creams and healthy diets to make you feel younger.

We are obsessed with death and dying to the point where we will keep a loved one plugged into a machine long after they lose consciousness and the opportunity to die naturally. There is no sense in keeping a body alive once the mind has departed. Common sense suggests that life ends when a person’s breathing and heartbeat stop.

It proves we don’t know how to let go. Prolonging life is a selfish

Image: BlogSpot /Google

Whether or not dying is a “right,” too often are people trying to prolong the natural decay of life. choice. It physically and emotionally alienates the individual from their family. Instead of being at home surrounded by family, they are kept in the hospital, surrounded by strangers. And while some family members may visit them as a courtesy, most will avoid the tension and formality of a hospital room.

At this moment there are around 10,000 people in Canada on life support who are in a vegetative state. Maybe that’s because their family members are waiting for a miracle, or their lives have become an item on the to-do list to deal with later. Whatever the case may be we must ask: do people

have the right to die? This is the question Quebec’s legislation tries to answer.

Euthanasia does not devalue the lives of sick and disabled; it’s a way to not only ease their suffering, but draw clearer regulations for doctors in regards to end-oflife decisions.

8

OPINION

OPINION

WEDNESDAY, JULY 16, 2014

Would you go see Rob Ford the Musical?

Feel like sharing your short-andsweet opinion? Keep an eye out for our whiteboard-toting pollsters roaming the halls.

www.ufvcascade.ca

9

OPINION

WEDNESDAY, JULY 16, 2014 www.ufvcascade.ca

Hobby Lobby: against contraceptives but not Viagra MARTIN CASTRO

CONTRIBUTOR

Hobby Lobby is a chain of arts and crafts stores with more than 570 locations throughout the US. Since last year, representatives of Hobby Lobby have been in and out of courthouses and newspapers due to their refusal to provide their employees with insurance covering certain contraceptives, namely the morning-after pill, due to religious reasons. After lengthy legal proceedings, the US Supreme Court ruled the company could legally be exempt from covering certain types of birth control since the Affordable Care Act’s contraception coverage clashed with the religious beliefs of the Hobby Lobby owners.

A quick online search told me emergency contraceptive pills cost anywhere between $35 and $60. I don’t exactly know how much a Hobby Lobby employee makes, but I’m sure they’d much rather keep that money in their wallets where it can later be used to pay for heating and food. But the point is, a company — an economic entity made up out of supposedly tolerant and (one would hope) non-partisan businesspeople — has been allowed to discriminate against its employees based on a religious principle they hold. If this doesn’t have you picking your jaw up off the floor then I don’t know what will.

While the insurance offered by Hobby Lobby does not cover the morning-after pill and other contraceptives, they seem to have no problem providing coverage for Viagra and vasectomies. How

Image: Hobby Lobby/Benderson

“The company’s policies are so slanted they might as well be lying down, taking a nap.” much more cartoonishly evil could a company get? Not much.

I don’t know what’s more offensive: the fact that Hobby Lobby has been allowed to oppress their female employees’ rights based on a religious principle, or that they totally overlook their own religious principles by only covering contraceptive methods used by male employees. This company’s policies are so slanted they might as well be lying down, taking a nap.

Related to the issue of religious beliefs pitted against medical coverage is the fact that some doctors follow in the footsteps of Hobby

Lobby in denying certain services based on personal beliefs. In an article on religion and contraception, Konrad Yakabuski from the Globe and Mail included an excerpt from a letter penned by Ottawa doctor Edmond Kyrillos, which stated he would not prescribe any form of birth control due to “reasons of [his] own medical judgment, as well as professional ethical concerns and religious values.” Apparently, 25-year-old Kate Desjardins, the woman referenced in the article, went to another medical facility in order to obtain the contraceptives she was denied by Dr.

Kyrillos.

How is it acceptable for a doctor to pick and choose what practices he wants to partake in and endorse based on his religious principles? The fact that Dr. Kyrillos’ office had the nerve to hand Ms. Desjardins such a condescending letter — which not only shamed her but also removed from her immediate grasp a safe, governmentapproved medical contraceptive — has me scratching my head in disbelief, and I question the kind of policies in place that allow such discriminatory act to occur.

In the end there’s a lot one can

say about religious influences in policies and practices all over Canada and the US; however, there is a proper balance between secularism and religion, and we’re not levelling out. Religious practices should be as self-contained as they can be. Let the practitioner practice without encroaching on anyone else’s philosophical boundaries.

The practices of the state, however, should be entirely secular, and those who represent the state should try to be as neutral as they can while acting in an official capacity.

Everybody poops — and deserves a place to do it Gender-free bathrooms finally offer transgender students equality JESS WIND

THE CASCADE

The Vancouver School Board (VSB) has approved the integration of gender-free bathrooms in K-12 schools in the district. The move comes as one of many revisions to the sexual orientation and gender identities policy for the VSB, encompassing topics that range from the allowance of gender-nonconforming kids to dress how they like to recognizing the right of transsexual kids to be addressed by their preferred gender pronoun.

Basically, kids that don’t fit into the socially constructed blue boxes for boys and pink boxes for girls may now have a place to take a shit without feeling like they are in the “wrong” room.

The changes were made in June, with the ensuing debate calling out issues of privacy for students as well as other arguments regarding parental rights and cultural norms.

VSB clearly states the reasons for the change within the language of the policy: “The use of washrooms and change rooms by trans students shall be assessed on a case-by-case basis with the goals of maximizing the student’s social integration, ensuring the student’s safety and comfort, minimizing stigmatization and providing

equal opportunity to participate in physical education classes and sports.”

This allows transgendered students the safety, social freedoms, and psychological development that should be experienced by every child in the public education system.

However, speakers against the change are concerned about the privacy of their young children in gender-free bathrooms and change rooms.

Privacy from what? Do you think that little boys and little girls will be squatting over a community toilet? Global News’ coverage of the story included footage of what we’re to assume is an adolescent male and an adolescent female washing their hands together at a public sink, the stalls reflected in the mirrors behind them. This implies a neutral hand-washing space in the gender-free bathroom scenario. However, the policy doesn’t describe this situation at all.

“The Board will strive to make available single stall gender-neutral washrooms at all school locations and worksites,” reads the VSB policy. It doesn’t get much more private than your own gender neutral stall — if anything, this move will allow more privacy to any students wishing to make use of the single stall option. For ev-

eryone else, there is still the traditional locking stall and community sink option.

Ann Travers, associate professor of sociology at SFU, spoke to Global BC about the invisibility felt by gender non-conforming kids and transgender kids in schools.

While these children are far from the majority, school is still hell for them on a daily basis. Most of us had fears in elementary school of accidentally walking into the “wrong” bathroom out of absentmindedness. These kids live with that sense of uncertainty every day, because society has long since developed a binary system of gendered bathrooms.

“It’s really basic daily things,” Travers said. “Knowing that when you have to go to the bathroom that you can find a bathroom and you can use it and that’s the end of it.”

There it is, broken down. Using the bathroom is not a gendered matter. Everyone uses the toilet, and no one should feel stigmatized for the room in which they choose to do so.

Throughout the policy it is clear VSB’s goal was inclusiveness — to allow transgendered students the freedom to choose to be themselves, to embrace their identity as opposed to stifling it until the far-off graduation day.

Inclusiveness is something board trustee Ken Denike comments on in a statement for Global News following the policy’s adoption. Denike and his fellow trustee member Sophia Woo were ejected from the Non-Partisan Association caucus after they made attempts to delay the policy. In a statement about their removal, the party identified their lack of sensitivity to the LGBTQ community and an inability to work with the caucus as reasoning. They were the only two to vote against the policy.

“I can’t believe the Vancouver School Board, [which] talks about inclusiveness, [is] not translating a policy that affects every student [and] every parent in this district,” he tells Global. Essentially, his claim is a lack of consultation on the policy — though CBC News reported three separate, well-attended consultation meetings prior to the decision.

One man opposed to the policy change claimed gender identity is a private issue, that it shouldn’t be public.

Gender identity isn’t private, because society says so. It is permitted to be private (and by this I mean unscrutinized) if you fit into the gender boxes. However, if you stray outside those boxes, your gender identity is forced into the public eye for judgement. It’s this

construction in our society that led Erving Goffman to use a theatre analogy to explain how we present ourselves to people. The frontstage (public) self is the one society sees and judges; non-conformists are judged and labelled as deviant.

The backstage self (private) is the one people keep hidden to avoid the whole judgement by society issue. Is it really fair to ask kids, who deal with all sorts of other growing-up garbage, to be conscious of the self they are projecting to the public when all they need to do is take a piss?

“Your gender is about yourself,” said the same opposed man, and here he is right, but for the wrong reasons. Gender expression is about the self, about becoming a well-adjusted human being in our maladjusted society. This policy is, as far as I can tell, based on the language included, as inclusive as it gets for someone trying to navigate the messy world of gender identity. As a transgender or gender non-conforming student in Vancouver’s public education system, you now have the power to take a shit without worrying about the sign on the door telling you it’s wrong.

10

CULTURE

www.ufvcascade.ca

SUDOKU PUZZLE

CROSSWORD Summer blues

WEDNESDAY, JULY 16, 2014

2 7

by KATIE STOBBART

9 5 7

1 6

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ACROSS

Answer keys Last week’s crossword ACROSS

DOWN 1 EUTHANASIA 2 WEIGHT 4 STEVENUNIVERSE 5 SHOWERSEX 6 POOP 8 SALMON 9 TIDES

The Weekly Horoscope Aquarius: Jan 20 - Feb 18: If your socks don’t match, don’t worry. Wear flip flops.

Pisces: Feb 19 - March 20: Your purpose resides in the porpoise.

Aries: March 21 - April 19: The crow flies at midnight.

Taurus: April 20 - May 20: Hazard a guess when replying to your next text message — someone may read it.

Gemini: May 21 - June 21: Your Venus will reach temperatures of up to 462°C.

Cancer: June 22 - July 22: Don’t worry. Be crabby.

Leo: July 23 - Aug 22: A sweet Gemini will make you want to roll your eyes. A lot.

Virgo: Aug 23 - Sept 22: You can bet your bottom dollar you’ll be the change you want to see in the world. It’ll make cents.

4 1 6 5 3 2 7 8 9 9 3 8 1 6 7 5 4 2 5 7 2 8 4 9 3 1 6

1. Don’t forget check out Buckingham Palace while visiting this historical British city.

3. One of the mostly densely populated cities in the world, this capital of Japan features bright lights, giant billboards, and tiny apartments.

5. This Brazilian cultural hub features a giant statue of Jesus overlooking the city.

7. Want to visit the Great Pyramid of Giza? This nearby Egyptian city is a great place to stay.

8. A Turkish city once known as Constantinople, especially in song.

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3 CHROMEO 7 BLOGILATES 10 ALBIONFAIRGROUNDS 11 VPEXTERNAL 12 ROBBENSON

DOWN

Sudoku solution 7 2 3 9 5 1 4 6 8 6 9 4 7 8 3 2 5 1 1 8 5 6 2 4 9 3 7

2. Beautiful canals — not to mention legalized prostitution and drugs — make this Netherlands city a major tourism destination.

4. Don’t forget to catch a musical on Broadway when you visit this East Coast business centre.

6. Napoleon once unsuccessfully tried to conquer this chilly Russian capital.

9. Known as the City of Love, this French destination features a certain iconic tower at its heart.

10. You can find an entire Forbidden City hidden in the heart of this Chinese urban centre.

11. This nearby Canadian city is a multicultural mosaic that has restaurants from all over the world.

Star Signs from Sybil la Clair

Libra: Sept 23 - Oct 22: You will find prosperity in your endeavors. Unless you don’t.

Scorpio: Oct 23 - Nov 21: Astronomic fountains exit from the heart.

Sagittarius: Nov 22 - Dec 21: Point and shoot.

Capricorn: Dec 22 - Jan 19: Upgrade to yam fries or onion rings for $1 more.

11

CULTURE

WEDNESDAY, JULY 16, 2014 www.ufvcascade.ca

Gleason’s Résum-ale wins the internet An interview with the guy who put his resumé on a box of beer

JESS WIND

THE CASCADE

Ever wondered how to make your resumé float to the top of the pile?

Recent UFV graduate Brennan Gleason found the recipe with his Résum-ale — a full resumé and portfolio wrapped around four of his own signature beers. And the internet loved it.

You went viral, how’d that happen?

I had originally put my resumé on the internet on a site called Dribble, which is just for designers to post work-in-progress. I put it on there back in February or March and from there it just sat for a long time ... Then at the beginning of last week I started getting mentions on Twitter and a few design blogs had picked it up; they were saying awesome things about it. That, for me, was just enough to be like “this is awesome, I’m glad it’s finally getting some recognition.” I never really expected it to turn into what it did. I woke up on Wednesday morning and there was an email from an editor at Yahoo and they wanted to write a piece on it. And then from there it was just Huffington Post and ABC News and then I had an onair interview with Fox News’ national morning show and it just kind of spiralled from there.

How does that feel?

It’s kind of overwhelming. I’m still trying to take it all in, but it’s just been awesome. I was on CBC News and I was on the CKNW morning talk show and I think next week I’m going into the studio with 99.3, their morn-

ing show. It’s crazy.

You put it on there in February or March and what came of it? Techtone?

I had been contracting for Techtone for a little while, just doing work here and there while I was in school ... then they started to take off. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to be there but it was still a place I really liked. I put a few resumés out — I handed them to four places that I knew I’d love to get a job at, but I ultimately ended up deciding to work full time with [Techtone].

Has anyone offered you jobs since?

I got an interview offer from Google. They unfortunately are in California and I didn’t want to move there.

Gleason graduated from UFV’s graphic and digital design program (GDD), taking home the Governor General’s bronze medal — an accomplishment he credits largely to his final self-directed project: a design for his personal home-brew, High Seas Brewing. Gleason’s portfolio highlights the breadth of skills gained both through years of experience and the UFV GDD program.

He elaborated on the balance between work, school and developing a personal style.

How was working and going to school?

I’d go to school, and then I’d come home and work for six or seven hours, and then do homework after that. It was just insanely long days. It got overwhelming at the end, but I pulled through.

You say you have over six years of experience. How did the diploma change your skill set?

I started working right after high school for a software company in Langley and I went into Kwantlen for some business classes because I couldn’t find a design program that really took my interest. Then I heard that UFV was finally starting their design program. I wasn’t expecting a whole lot just because I thought I had all the skills I needed just from my previous work experience, but I was super wrong and it definitely helped my skill set quite a bit.

How did you pitch a beer marketing design to your prof?

It wasn’t a hard sell by any means to say I want to do an identity for a beer. That’s becoming such a huge thing nowadays, especially with all the craft brewers. I just put it on paper, said this is what I’m going to do, this is what I’m going to deliver, and ended up doing that.

You describe yourself as “creative, energetic designer with a goal to create meaningful, simplistic design.” Tell me more about your style and your personal brand.

I have the mentality that if it doesn’t serve a purpose then it shouldn’t be there. Just because I come from a web-and-user experience design background, I look at things a little more for the end-user rather than the overall design. I really believe that a strong user experience can benefit more than an amazing design.

I see a lot of designers who spend a lot of time creating these amazing — almost art — pieces.

But there’s no functionality to it.

It doesn’t do what it’s supposed to, especially in web design.

I’m not saying it can’t work for building an identity or brand or something, because that’s a whole different story, but [that mentality] kind of just carries over into my overall design.

As for his High Seas Brewing, Gleason explained it is still in a very young stage, not that he doesn’t want to see it become more.

Focusing on a balance between bitterness and citrus to appeal to more people, Gleason has the same mentality toward brewing as he does toward his design style.

When did you first start brewing?

I started brewing in January or February. So right around the time I started coming up with the idea for the resumé. It was just one of those nights, I was sitting with my roommate and we were just like “How hard could it be to brew beer?” So we went on Amazon and bought all the equipment.

Where did the nautical theme come from?

That came from my roommate.

He did a lot of sailing, he loves the ocean. I had a few different ideas for names for the brand, but ultimately we settled on that. Mostly because we kept coming up with awesome nautical beer puns that ended up on the bottles.

Which breweries inspire your

design, and which inspire your brew?

When it comes to beer taste and quality for inspiration, I would say Phillips Brewing Company.

They have some awesome, really random beers. I definitely have been inspired by a lot of their beer … Mission Springs Brewing, the design on their bottles I love. There was an agency in Vancouver that handled all of their designs. Those are probably the two biggest ones.

How would you describe High Seas? What are some of the notes in your beer?

Definitely more fruity. The first one that we did was an IPA, and it had a citrusy tone to it, but that came from the sailors back in the day getting scurvy so we kind of played off that. I like my beer to have a good balance between bitterness and fruitier flavours. I find it appeals to a lot more people. I have yet to do a dark beer. I just did a double-IPA and that’s about as close as I’ve gotten to anything super high in alcohol and dark in colour.

Do you want to make the beer happen, open the brewery, the whole thing?

I would love to. My problem is I just can’t find the time to do it. I’ve been talking to one of my friends, who’s got a huge interest in opening a brewery. We’re in the process of figuring that out, what it would cost to get a brewery started. That’s something I would just like to own and handle all the design for.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

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FEATURE

OPINION

WEDNESDAY, JULY 16, 2014 www.ufvcascade.ca

Finding a room of one’s own in Abb Forest Village Condominiums

Chelsea Park Gardens

Tempo Apartments

1909 Salton Road $625-695 one-bed $695-800 two-bed, one-bath

33710 Marshall Road $688 one-bed (with year lease) $848 two-bed (with year lease)

33546 Holland Avenue $850 one-bed, one-bath $1100 two-bed, two-bath

The building is managed by MacKinnon Property Management, located in Vancouver. Each apartment is privately owned and rented out by the owner through the on-site manager, therefore each unit will have different rules regarding pets and smoking. The hallways are wider than average low-income apartments, and a laundry room is located on each floor with multiple machines. The outdoor pool is free to use for all tenants May through September, and is cleaned each week. Management is friendly, attentive, and on top of repair jobs. If you’re a gardener, you’ll be allowed to garden anywhere on the property provided it’s clean and tidy year-round. Management also hosts community events: each September gardeners compete in the “best looking garden or balcony” contest, and in May owners and tenants get together to do a spring clean-up, after which lunch is provided.

Chelsea Park Gardens is an older building, but the suites have been renovated for a fresh, clean look. There are nice looking laminate floors, new countertops, and beige paint (no dingy apartment-white). There’s a large, quiet, and well-kept green space behind the buildings.

Balconies are a good size — plenty of room for a couple chairs and a balcony garden. The apartment manager is helpful and accessible, and maintenance is quick to solve any minor problems like damaged screens or backed-up sinks.

The oven is pretty small — it works, but I had to give up my big cookie sheet. Heat is included, but the hallways are cold in the winter and hot in the summer, and the in-suite climate tends to follow suit; I invested in a good space heater and a couple of fans. Parking is a bit strange, with two lots on either side of the U-shaped building, and the front door at the centre is not directly accessible by car. The pool is small and indoors, but okay for a quick dip — on the plus side, it’s seldom used, which ensures privacy.

I’ve lived here for a year and recently renewed my lease. I scored with a great suite — if you want to do the same, look for a courtyardfacing unit.

Tempo is a relatively new building (2008) and is well-maintained by an impassioned and helpful (although a little eccentric) live-in caretaker. The units have an open-concept design with quartz counters, laminate flooring in the main living area, and carpeted bedrooms. While the green space is limited, the suites see an abundance of natural lighting with large windows and covered balconies. The two-bedroom suites have an electric fireplace which actually throws heat, unlike some of the more decorative fireplaces in other buildings. Every unit has a dishwasher, in-suite laundry, and the basic kitchen amenities. Some of the units facing McCallum Road can get unpleasant early morning street noise, but its proximity to the highway — and to UFV — pays off. A party room on the main floor is available for $25 dollars a day and is equipped with a kitchen, TV and bathroom for a larger gathering. Each bedroom also comes with a secure locker for extra storage.

Tempo’s various suites are mainly privately owned, which means the prices and contracts differ from unit to unit. While this building is a little pricier than some of the surrounding apartments, if you are looking for something more modern, Tempo delivers.

WALK SCORE

WALK SCORE

WALK SCORE

To UFV: 20 minutes To bus stop:

one minute To downtown, Subway, Laundromat, Little Japan, Starbucks, Wired Monk Café, Walmart, and Husky gas station:

To UFV: 20 minutes

To UFV: 10 minutes

To bus stop:

To bus stop (routes three and 12), People’s Drug Mart, Wired Monk, Subway, various gas stations, Tim Horton’s:

less than five minutes (routes two and three) a little over five minutes to Wired Monk

15 minutes

FEATURES On-site coin laundry Dishwasher One small pet allowed No smoking Outdoor swimming pool Fireplace (some units) On-site storage unit One parking stall per bedroom 24-hour on-site management / caretaker Community garden Heat and hot water

one minute

To coffee shop:

To Little Japan Sushi and McCallum convenience store:

three minutes

FEATURES

FEATURES

Fireplace (in some units) Indoor swimming pool Two pets allowed Heat and hot water “Crime-free building”

In-suite laundry Underground parking Fireplace (in some units) Dishwasher One small pet allowed No smoking

WEDNESDAY, JULY 16, 2014 www.ufvcascade.ca

botsford

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FEATURE

by Nadine Moedt, Ashley Mussbacher, and Katie Stobbart

Town and Country Apartments

Wellesley Manor

Wellesley Court

1948 McCallum Road $650 one-bed, one-bath $780 two-bed, one-bath

1916 McCallum Road $725 one-bed $875 two-bed $995 three-bed

1918 McCallum Road $925 one-bed $1100 two-bed, two-bath

While Town and Country Apartments may be infamous for the 2011 incident involving a naked gun-toting Canucks fan, the building has recently undergone a management change. An overhaul led to the apartments being painted a variety of rather gaudy colors. The biggest pro (aside from the cheap rent), is that this building is inclusively pet-friendly; if you have a giant dog or any number of cats, this is the building for you. The green space is a little scruffy, but plentiful — a nice place to let pets roam. Town and Country is an older building and its design reflects its age: rickety elevators, narrow hallways, and not a lot of natural light in some of the units. Some units are endowed with laminate flooring (I always try to avoid carpeting in older buildings) and new countertops. If you are looking for a unit in this building, make sure it has a balcony, as some of them come without one, and choose an east-facing unit, away from the busy roads of McCallum and Marshall.

Wellesley manor was my first home away from home while attending UFV. The building is run by a meticulous on-site manager who will do any repairs or replacements when you require it in a timely manner. When I moved in, the fridge and toilet had been replaced, and the unit repainted. The units are older and the carpets a little suspect, but the building has been taken care of and gives a more welcoming feel than something like Town and Country. The units on the first floor have a small fenced courtyard and direct access to some green space, where friendly cats roam free and find their way into your apartment while the screen door is open.

Most units have a walk-in closet in the entrance for extra storage. While the atmosphere is friendly, you can’t really escape the highway noise and the walls are thin enough to hear your neighbour snoring. Wellesley Manor provides a happy medium in price and quality of living for the student renter.

Wellesley Court is a brand-new apartment building located right behind the older Wellesley Manor. Corner suites are a bit more expensive (and come with a fireplace and a little extra square footage), and prices go up for higher floors, but the building is offering $250 off your first month’s rent as move-in incentive.

The building shares green space with Wellesley Manor, on which some large cedars provide as nice a view as Mount Baker does on the opposite side. The exercise room is air-conditioned and features all-new equipment with free access for residents. Each unit has quartz countertops, laminate floors and carpeted bedrooms, and in-suite laundry. Walk-in pantries provide plenty of storage space. Each unit allows one parking spot and a second one for rent at $25 a month. Another move-in incentive provides renters with free cable for a year.

WALK SCORE

WALK SCORE

WALK SCORE

To UFV: 10 minutes

To UFV: 10 minutes

To bus stop (routes three and 12), People’s Drug Mart, Wired Monk, Subway, various gas stations, Tim Horton’s:

To bus stop (routes three and 12), People’s Drug Mart, Wired Monk, Subway, various gas stations, Tim Horton’s:

one minute To Little Japan Sushi and McCallum convenience store:

three minutes

FEATURES Underground parking On-site coin laundry Pet friendly Heat and hot water

one minute To Little Japan Sushi and McCallum convenience store:

three minutes

To UFV: 10 minutes To bus stop (routes three and 12), People’s Drug Mart, Wired Monk, Subway, various gas stations, Tim Horton’s:

one minute To Little Japan Sushi and McCallum convenience store:

three minutes

FEATURES

FEATURES

On-site coin laundry One cat allowed Heat and hot water On-site storage unit

Fireplace (in some units) Underground parking Exercise room Bike storage room Cat friendly Dishwasher In-suite laundry Heat and hot water

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WEDNESDAY, JULY 16, 2014 www.ufvcascade.ca

Berry Beat partners with Jam in Jubilee, CIVL to celebrate local music and food VANESSA BROADBENT CONTRIBUTOR

The Berry Beat Festival takes place every July in downtown Abbotsford and is always a good place to check out different vendors and buy local produce.

This year, many different vendors sold everything from handmade jewellery to artisan food.

On top of the shopping and food, the Berry Festival always boasts an engaging live music scene. This year featured three stages with live performances throughout the weekend. The main festival stage was accompanied by shows hosted by Jam in Jubilee and CIVL Radio. Each stage found a different style of performer. While the main stage was geared for the widest audience possible, the Jam in Jubilee stage featured local and younger bands. Shows by CIVL featured singer-songwriters, many of which had performed earlier in the year at the radio station’s singer-songwriter competition.

Although CIVL Radio and Jam in Jubilee have collaborated with each other, this was the first year that both organizations have partnered with Berry Beat. CIVL station manager Aaron Levy explained how this partnership began: “We’ve been an evening sponsor at Jam in Jubilee for the last three years. Tina [Stewart], from the Abbotsford Downtown Business Association, wanted to have some more live entertainment and some more exciting things at the Berry Festival. She thought — since we were so involved with Jam in Jubilee —

Image: Wikimedia

maybe we’d want to put together a singer-songwriter stage and be another sponsor of Berry Beat and I thought that we should totally do that.”

The variety in music between the three stages attracted a different demographic of people than usual at Berry Beat. Stephen O’Shea, the music director of Jam in Jubilee explained that a focus on youth was of particular interest this year. “Our stage, the Jam in Jubilee stage, is hyper-focused to youth and creativity so bands playing original music and full bands obviously, and is directed to a younger demographic: high school and university students.”

Kristin van Vloten, one of the organizers and communication

representatives with Jam in Jubilee, thought the Jam in Jubilee and Berry festival combination presents an opportunity for younger people in Abbotsford to engage in a community event.

“I really hope that folks take the time to come out and see what it feels like to just be able to hang out with not only your friends, but a bunch of people your age you may have never met before in Abbotsford,” van Vloten said. “[It’s] kind of an unusual occurrence.”

The musicians involved with Jam in Jubilee and the Berry Festival seemed enthusiastic about the combination as well. Jake Holmes, drummer for bands Little Wild and Aerophonics —

both of which performed at the festival — added, “It’s a very cool way of getting everyone together.”

Kyler Pierce, singer and guitarist of Harma White and Aerophinics and veteran performer of both Berry Festival and Jam in Jubilee, said, “I think it’s good that they’re doing the two combined. Now they’re bringing in local artists, and the local artists are bringing in their friends and family … it’s only adding support.”

Pierce went on to explain the more community-based difference between past Berry Festivals and Jams in Jubilee. “It’s basically built by the people that cherish downtown and cherish

Abbotsford, whereas the Berry Festival is much more of a corporate kind of feel,” Pierce explained. “It’s a larger event. Jam in Jubilee is put on by the people that want to see live music stick around in Abbotsford.”

This year ’s Berry Festival was a nice change to previous years.

The addition of stages added an interesting new dynamic to the festival; despite a bout of miserable weather and some difficulty hearing the music due to more than one band playing at once, the Berry Beat festival was able to delight all ages.

Style on Campus

Seeking fashion wisdom from UFV students

by MARTIN CASTRO

What is your name?

Taylor.

What are you studying, Taylor?

English.

Can you tell me why you’re wearing what you’re wearing?

It’s comfortable. I’m here all day. I usually get cold in class so I’m wearing a sweater.

How would you describe your personal style?

Normally, I’m very preppy, but today I’m more casual.

Where do you usually get your clothes?

SIRENS and American Eagle.

What’s your favourite part of your outfit?

Probably my jeans. I like the rips and the stressing.

Is your outfit comfortable?

Yes. Definitely.

What is your name?

Jesse Kaufman.

What are you studying?

Business.

Can you tell me why you’re wearing what you’re wearing?

Today’s a nice sunny day, pink’s nice on sunny days.

Jeans are comfortable, they’re not too casual.

How would you describe your personal style?

Casual, maybe a bit preppy.

Where do you usually get your clothes?

Ralph Lauren, H&M, places like that.

What’s your favourite part of your outfit?

The watch. I wear it every day.

Is your outfit comfortable?

Yes. It’s very comfortable. The main thing is the shirt has to be untucked. If it was tucked in, it wouldn’t be comfortable.

What is your name?

John.

What are you studying?

Kinesiology.

Can you tell me why you’re wearing what you’re wearing?

Well, I work at J. Crew, so a lot of my clothes come from there.

How would you describe your personal style?

I’d say I have two [different styles] ... more formal/ prep, and a street-wear side. I’m into a lot of Japanese streetwear brands [like] Double Tap, Supreme, that kind of thing.

What’s your favourite part of your outfit?

Probably these shoes. They’re Kenton suede wingtips.

I’ve had them for a couple of weeks now and they’ve been great.

Is your outfit comfortable?

I would say so, yeah. I find fitted clothes pretty comfortable; I would say they’re the best.

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WEDNESDAY, JULY 16, 2014 www.ufvcascade.ca

Below the Belt

Good vibrations, sweet sensations: picking the right sex toy ROXY NOVA

What your preferred toy looks like is up to you. Try out anything that looks interesting, and invest in a better model when you find something that you like. Like most things, cheaper toys tend to last not as long as quality ones — but the last thing you want is to waste a chunk of change on something that doesn’t work for you.

SEXPERT

While there are probably couples out there who are perfectly content with sweet vanilla missionary — and power to them — it’s natural to be curious, especially when it comes to sex. Just like an experienced hiker will start tackling bigger and bigger hills, it’s normal for anyone regularly doing the dirty to start to wonder what else is out there. New positions? New scenarios? New partners? New...?

One of the ways to increase your sexy repertoire is to add a little something to the routine — and today that something refers to sex toys.

As a brief aside, I personally hate the phrase “sex toys,” which gives these friendly sexy devices a weird, cutesie, juvenile connotation that I don’t really agree with. Chances are you also have a bias against sex toys; they tend to get a bad rap in general, although society is slowly becoming more inclusive of these helping hands. The truth is, sex toys are more useful, quiet, and well-designed than ever — and this goes for both solo and multiplayer arrangements.

Finding your mechanical sex friend Take a gander through a couple internet catalogues, preferably when you know no one’s going to walk in on you, and see what catches your fancy. I enjoyed reading through the archives of Erica Moen’s comic review blog Oh Joy Sex Toy when I was looking for inspiration, and she has a couple of other suggestions for places to look. For some psychological reason, looking at cartoon images of sexy positions and ideas is a little easier than facing naked examples head-on — pun intended. You might find it a little easier to swallow cartoon depictions of how-to guides if this is your first foray into the beautiful land of sex toys.

When considering whether you want to invest in a mechanical sex friend, imagine yourself using it: does it interest you? Excite you? Turn you on? Can you

picture adding another person to this hypothetical scene?

The most important part of exploring sex toys — or anything new in sex, for that matter — is being completely honest with yourself. Don’t dismiss anything out of the gate because it looks weird or because you think others would judge you for it. The nice thing about a sex toy is that it can stay safely tucked in your bottom drawer, and no one else ever has to know.

This is your happiness and your orgasm we’re talking about — and no one can tell you what’s right or wrong for you. And keep in mind it might take a couple of tries to find something you really like. A certain toy might work for 99 per cent of the population and not for you, and that’s totally okay.

Things you need to know There are a couple of tips, tricks, and myths to get straight before we dive into the what and the how. First of all, using a vibrator on your bits will eventually make them less sensitive — temporarily. Think about how your hands feel after clapping for a long time, and that’s exactly what happens to your genitalia after long-running use of a vibrator. This is more noticeable if you use it on a daily or semi-daily basis, especially if you’re using a toy with more horsepower. The good news: by giving it a break for a while, you’ll regain all the sensation you had before. You won’t sustain permanent damage from using a vibrator unless you put it in your eye.

Secondly, the composition of your sex toy is important. You don’t want anything that’s going to play host to bacteria, so look for something non-porous. The phrase “medical-grade” is often a good sign. You also want to stay away from scary chemicals: find something proudly phthalate-free, and do your research.

Anything bendy, squishy, or skin-like is more likely to have phthalates, which are linked to a host of unpleasant possible sideeffects. Silicone is good; PVC and vinyl can be bad.

Finally, know how to store the damn things. Wrap them in a protective layer before laying them to rest; if silicone toys touch for extended amounts of time they melt, so it’s always better to tuck them individually in a towel or a sock. For this same reason, use a water-based lube with silicone toys if you need a little extra slip and slide, and leave the silicone-based lubes in the bottom drawer.

A cornucopia of sex toys The range of sex toys is enormous, from the Rolls Royce of Lelo brand to the humble bullet vibrator. There are cock rings and sleeves for those with penises to play with, dildos for the vagina clan, and vibrators and butt plugs to suit all parties. My advice for the beginning toyer is to start with a vibrator, something with a few speeds and a friendly shape. Vibrations are an interesting addition to any sexual activity, often adding a new and intriguing layer to acts you already enjoy — be it masturbation or being bent over.

A masturbatory guide for him: Try: a cock ring. It fits around the penis, scrotum, or both, allowing an erection to last longer than normal by reducing blood flow to the penis.

Try: a Tenga egg. This style of sex toy functions as a soft and comfortable sleeve to mimic a vaginal or anal passage. You still control the speed and tightness with your hand as per usual, but stimulate more of yourself by surrounding the member in question with a snug sensation.

A masturbatory guide for her: Try: a vibrator. The simplest advice is to place it on your clit and let the toy do the work for you, increasing speeds as necessary (if necessary). You can combine this with fingering or other toys to get to your ultimate destination.

Try: a dildo. The vagina likes to be filled, no matter which way you swing, and sometimes you don’t have a partner around to fill it for you. This is where your friendly dildo comes in. Use it to a depth and with a speed that you would want from sex, and you’ll be done before you know it.

Duos (and trios! and quartets!

And…!)

For multiplayer action, refer to the masturbatory aids above — and combine with the genitalia of your favourite sexual human(s). Put your partner on the other end of the toy to combine your favourite masturbating techniques with the thrill of giving up control, or use a toy on yourself or a partner as you pursue other tandem activities.

The secrets to finding a good pair of shorts BRITTNEY HENSMAN THE CASCADE

Let’s talk about shorts.

It’s a warm sunny day and you, wanting to embrace it for all it’s worth, decide to put on a pair of shorts. Great — but shorts are a tricky thing to sport when you’re not running a race or headed to the pool.

Shorts can be a great alternative option on a hot day when the thought of wearing pants makes you want to faint from suffocation. However, choosing the right pair of shorts is important.

Consider the high-waisted cut-offs, or the loosely fitted romper “bloomers.” It’s a style derived from some of our 1980s fashion trends, utilizing floral patterns or acid-washed denim with fringes and fashionably designed holes.

These styles have a few flaws which are essential to point out before you consider jumping on the “high-rise” short-shorts bandwagon.

Let’s start with the cut. Highwaisted bottoms can often give the backside an elongated appearance because there is no separation from the buttocks with the lower back. You can avoid this by wearing an open cardigan or blazer with your high-waisted bottoms. It cuts your back nicely and leaves that high-waisted look for the front.

There’s another drawback in wearing high-waisted shortshorts: the fabric always finds a way to ride up. As there is not enough material on your legs to hold the leg cuffs down, they manage to inch up with every bend you make, and the fabric becomes wedged into all crevices of that region since they sit so high on the waist. If they

are of the scrunchy waistband type (which are notorious for cinching themselves up into the smallest part of your body), this gradual rise lifts the portion of your shorts intended to cover the lower half of one’s buttock

Image: Wikimedia

Cute shorts should fit well.

and therefore exposes your bum.

You can avoid this conundrum by finding shorts that are cut and fitted properly to your body.

A cuff around the legs (with at least a half-inch of space between the material and your leg) and a well-fitted natural waistline are great factors to a classy pair of shorts. As for length, keep it five to six inches above the knee. And if worn in a high-waisted fashion, they need to have a bit of structure (denim doesn’t count).

Pair them with a simple skinny belt and a tucked-in blouse — or baby-doll buttoned tank — and you’ll have Audrey Hepburn’s chic style written all over you.

Upcoming

Events July 19

Envision Concert at the Park Series A free concert featuring the talented concert finalists from CIVL’s singer-songwriter contest, John Welsh, Franklyn Currie, and Tristan Smith.

This concert series runs until the end of summer and features various local artists, food trucks, and an ongoing art auction at the Kariton Gallery. Make sure to come out every Saturday from 6-8 p.m. for this Abbotsford Arts Council-hosted event!

August 1-3

Clova Cinema’s last weekend Clova Cinema, a historical gem and jewel of downtown Cloverdale, is going out of business. A last weekend celebration of life will feature The Rocky Horror Picture Show, an Abba tribute concert, a amazing race that spans the streets of Cloverdale, and a auction for those interested in some Clova paraphernalia.

Dates and times for specific events are listed on the Clova Facebook page.

August 2-23 Cinema under the stars Prospera Credit Union is hosting a screening of a different movie every Saturday around the Fraser Valley, starting August 2. Abbotsford is up August 15 at Exhibition Park with Rio 2. Check out times and locations online and bring your own popcorn to this free, family-friendly event. Don’t you love it when credit unions compete for our affection?

August 8-10 Abbotsford Airshow Like heights, noisy machinery, and celebrating military splendour? The Abbotsford Airshow is back for another display of Snowbirds, parachuting militants, flaming schoolbuses, and the Canadian Airforces demonstration team. General admission is $25 a day, or bring in a carload in for $80. Daily schedules with lists of performance times can be found at www. a b b o t s f o r d a i r s h o w. c o m .

Bring a cooler for beverages, a blanket, and some earplugs and enjoy spending a beautiful summer day squinting at the sky!

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WEDNESDAY, JULY 16, 2014 www.ufvcascade.ca

UFV’s own read their creative works at Harrison’s Literary Café ASHLEY MUSSBACHER THE CASCADE

Standing on the shoreline of Harrison Lake — toes in the water, staring out at the mountains — is a great way to spend a summer day, especially when there is a promise of poetry in the evening.

Unlike the beach, Harrison Community Hall was well air-conditioned. As attendants gathered and seated themselves on cool plastic chairs, host Cheryl Isaac opened the event with an introduction of the writers and this year’s theme: in honour of UFV’s 40th anniversary, the Lit Café featured works written by UFV students and staff.

UFV professor Andrea MacPherson set the tone of the evening with pieces from her recently published poetry collection Ellipses. It’s one thing to read poetry silently on a patio with a cup of tea, and another thing entirely to hear it read aloud by the writer.

The first poem, “Unclaimed,” claimed our attention immediately. The words flowed together like trails of thought, forcing nostalgia to boil up out of the cracks our memory, even though those memories did not belong to us.

Michelle Rickaby, who works in UFV’s international education and upgrading departments, read from her personal essay “My Symbol of Hope,” in which she told us how she was diagnosed with cancer in the 1980s. She said, “It felt as if my skin was crawling with bugs...

I knew then I had Hodgkin’s — cancer of the lymphatic system.”

Her struggle, though, was not just surviving. Once she had survived cancer, she still struggled with something that had settled deeper in her than cancer ever could.

“Yes, I had beaten cancer,” she explained, “but why’d I survived and my brother didn’t?”

As she stepped away from the

Image: Ashley Mussbacher/The Cascade

Image: Ashley Mussbacher/The Cascade

Daniela Elza reads from her poetry collection the weight of dew.

Rajnish Dhawan and John Carroll delighted the audience with a biting comedy sketch.

podium to applause, student Katie Stobbart stepped up to it with her poetry. The unintentional theme of memory had played through each of the writers so far, and Stobbart continued it on.

“I’m taking some advice from my teachers to be brave and read something new,” she said, opening with a poem titled “Shoestrings.”

After a break filled with improvised jazz from Jared Burrows (guitar), Rob Kholer (bass), and Clyde Reed (bass), UFV’s former writer-in-residence Daniela Elza joined the band in a mixed poetrymusic performance with pieces from her collection the weight of dew.

Elza noted the band sometimes

he took his place next to Carroll and they continued into their hilarious script. Dhawan wrapped up the act with a call for actors needed for roles in a play directed

by Carroll on the Komagata Maru incident.

“To me, it is not one story, but 376 stories,” Dhawan said. “We need all roles, all ages, all ethnicities!”

“Don’t sound so desperate,” whispered Carroll, next to the microphone.

When Elza asked what kind of role she would play, Dhawan joked, “A bitchy, racist, white woman.” And just like that, the humour was restored for the next speaker.

Just as notes of memory were

accompanies her on readings and improvises as she reads: “I’m, most of the time, surprised by what happens.”

Her piece “Snowflake” suggested a sense of nostalgia again, like MacPherson’s reading, and added to the theme of memory that ran through the evening.

UFV professor John Carroll was next to take the stage. Oddly, he was alone, even though the program noted he and fellow professor Rajnish Dhawan would be reading together. To our amusement, Dhawan’s untimely arrival to the stage was all part of the act.

He stomped down the bleachers and out of the audience yelling, “Is this the Literary Café?”

The hall burst with laughter as

fresh early in the evening, it seemed humour would finish it off. UFV’s Hope Centre coordinator Michelle Vandepol read from her short fiction collection Stories Your Mother Never Told You, and, like Dhawan and Carroll’s act, it had the audience laughing. It brought up memories of our own experiences with overprotective mothers, which ended the evening with both unexpected themes tied together in a perfect ribbon.

Editor’s Note: Katie Stobbart is Editor-in-Chief at The Cascade.

Image: Ashley Mussbacher/The Cascade

UFV talent, from students to instructors, entertained at the annual Harrison Festival of Arts.

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WEDNESDAY, JULY 16, 2014 www.ufvcascade.ca

Mill Lake Cruise-in revs up the fun VANESSA BROADBENT CONTRIBUTOR

The third annual Cruise-In took place this past Saturday at Mill Lake. The event featured live music, children’s activities, and of course, classic cars. There were well over 1,000 attendees, who braved blistering heat to admire the nearly 700 cars, and enjoyed the performances by bands Robyn and Ryleigh, Inner Wild, and Topaz.

It was the first year that it was sponsored by Envision Financial and was combined with the

Envision Financial Concert Series.

Envision was also collecting food and cash donations for The Full Cupboard, their innovative community program designed to raise food, funds, and awareness for food banks in the communities where Envision Financial operates.

Kimberly Houlind, the community investment officer of Envision Financial, explained that the event organizers this year approached Envision to sponsor as it made a “nice complimentary sponsorship,” falling on the same evening of the usual Envision Concert Series.

Aside from the donations brought for The Full Cupboard, the proceeds from the event went to the Abbotsford Arts Council and the MSA Museum Society, a non-profit organization dedicated to preserving and interpreting our community’s history.

Pete and Robbie Zomar, the event coordinators, explained, “It’s our first year with [Envision Financial]. We just got on board with them, so they’re new to us and we’re doing whatever we can to promote them.

“Our charity is the MSA Museum Society and the Abbotsford Arts Council, which takes care of

all of this, but we asked people to bring non-perishable items to donate,” Zomar continued.

Houlind thought the event was very successful, especially in giving The Full Cupboard more exposure.

“Building awareness is really what we need to be doing so people ... know that we’re doing something that supports the community even further than the sponsorship,” he said.

The Zomars explained that another reason the event was so successful was the amount of prizes there were — a hefty list including a Ford motor worth over $7,000.

Other prizes included homemade trophies that were made out of restored car parts. Winners were announced frequently throughout the day.

The event coordinators have been more than happy with the success of the event in past years, and were especially pleased this year. Robbie Zomar said, “We’ve been lucky three years in a row, and thank you to the City of Abbotsford for allowing us to have this venue.”

Image: Vanessa Broadbent/The Cascade

Snazzy cars!

Image: Vanessa Broadbent/The Cascade

Car owners won quaint homemade trophies made from spare car parts.

Image: Vanessa Broadbent/The Cascade

Your grandfather’s car!

Image: Vanessa Broadbent/The Cascade

Bands Robyn and Ryleigh, Inner Wild, and Topaz performed on the green.

MONTESSORI CHILD GROWTH SOCIETY Where children of all needs grow

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Image: Vanessa Broadbent/The Cascade

Spiffy cars!

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ARTS IN REVIEW

WEDNESDAY, JULY 16, 2014 www.ufvcascade.ca

Book Review

Elizabeth Gilbert ‘s The Signature of All Things combines history with a human story SASHA MOEDT THE CASCADE

The Signature of All Things is a sweeping novel of a woman’s life, spanning from 18th century Kew Gardens in London, to Cook’s journey through South America, a grand estate in Philadelphia, and finally to the wild colour and beauty of Tahiti. The scope is broad, but it focuses on the experiences and inner world of Alma Whittaker, the brilliant daughter of a wealthy and selfmade man, Henry Whittaker.

Alma is born at the turn of the century. She holds inside her the spirit (and unfortunately, the physical features) of her father: “a right little dromedary, she was — tireless and uncomplaining. If her millstone of a mother had not steadfastly ground the impudence out of her, she might have turned out to be frankly rude. As it was, she was merely forceful.”

Alma has the determination, curiosity and work ethic of her father. She spends her childhood roaming White Acre, dissecting sheep heads, and exploring the forests, documenting her discoveries with careful precision. Her father no longer adventures, but is rich enough to bring the great explorers, natural philosophers, and academics to the White

Acre dinner table, where Alma is allowed to listen and converse with them.

In raising Alma, Elizabeth Gilbert uses an engaging point by

point style. It isn’t lyrical or sentimental, but a list of experiences that fits Alma’s straightforward nature. Romantic moments come from Alma’s mind through her

experiences and thoughts.

Alma is insatiable for knowledge, but as she grows, her insatiability also includes the desire for companionship and love. Her companions are limited at White Acre, and she has not learned to engage in easy conversation. She is intense and straightforward.

Things that cannot be examined, dissected, logged and logically understood — i.e. human behaviour — are difficult for Alma to understand. And as she craves companionship as she grows older, this confusion becomes frustrating.

Her desires naturally move to a physical longing that cannot be slaked. In a time when showing any sexuality is taboo, Alma becomes a detached scientist on the outside and a sensual, longing woman on the inside. And when an enigmatic man appears at White Acre, and Alma falls in love, she is thrown into an unfamiliar world of magic and spirituality. This meeting catalyses an adventure far away from White Acre, to the unexplored corners of the world.

At about 500 pages, The Signature of All Things is a hefty read.

But Gilbert’s prose is — as we learned by the wild popularity of Eat, Pray, Love — very engaging. You don’t have to be having a midlife crisis to appreciate this novel, though.

The aspect that impressed me most in Signature was the research. The easy intimacy Gilbert displays with all aspects of the broad subject of 18th and 19th century natural philosophy (or, better known to us today as science) is a joy to read.

Having read the good and bad of historical fiction, I can say that Signature is the epitome of what research should be like in a story: smooth, flawless, and fascinating.

Gilbert’s research includes the tricky subject of cultural mindset: for example, how did Europeans view the Holland in the 18th century? As a Dutch descendant on both sides who has wooden shoes by her front door and Delftware in her house, Gilbert’s description early on in the book made me laugh: “Industrious, tireless, ditch-digging beerdrinking, straight-speaking, coin-counting calvinists... [Holland was] a country of bankers, merchants and gardeners.” She got it dead-on, and from that point on I trusted the research.

The Signature of All Things is one of the best books of the year.

It is about an incredible time in history — the age of discovery — with human passion thrown into the mix.

Dine and Dash

Come for groceries, stay for a meal at Lepp’s Farm Market JESS WIND THE CASCADE

33955 Clayburn Road, Abbotsford Star rating: 5 Breakfast prices: $6 - $12 Monday to Saturday: 9:00 a.m. 6:00 p.m.

Sunday: 10:00 a.m. - 6:00 p.m.

Lepp’s Farm Market prides itself on high quality meats and produce straight from their farm to your table, but you can also get them to do the work of cooking for you.

And it’s delicious.

Located in the same building on the corner of Highway 11 (Abbotsford-Mission) and Old Clayburn Road, Lepp’s Farmer ’s Table offers up a wide selection of salad and entrée options, including twice-baked potatoes, stuffed mushroom caps, slowroasted chicken, hearty sandwiches, and daily soups, as well as fresh bakery items. These are available all day long and provide a fresh, local lunch or dinner meal option.

But what about breakfast?

If you roll out of bed early enough, or are willing to fight the midday crowd for a seat, Lepp’s Sunday breakfast is entirely worth it.

Starting at 9 a.m., the hash browns are tossed with rosemary and other spices, ready to accompany any number of egg-leading entrées. Mornings at Lepp’s are all-hands-on-deck as employees set out patio furniture, cook up the daily offerings, set up the grocery shelves, and serve the early risers; it’s not frantic, just efficient.

As I sip my self-serve coffee, a farmer comes around the corner

“Lepp’s Farmer’s Table offers up a wide selection of salad and entrée options.” of the building and stops to chat with customers. Lepp’s lives up to their home-grown family farm feel — even if they don’t know you, they treat you like you’re there for a home-cooked meal.

The real test for any breakfast restaurant is in their eggs Benedict. Are the eggs hand-poached in the boiling water? Is the hollandaise from a package? Is it on a traditional English muffin, or a creative alternative?

Lepp’s stood up to all these benny requirements. The eggs held their shape until the moment my fork pierced the yolk.

Traditional made-to-order hollandaise blended with the bright yellow yolk, pouring over the

freshly shaved ham and bacon (yes, both pigs come with this meal). Nothing in the Benedict was overseasoned, allowing each element to shine.

The breakfast menu also offers up a classic two-egg ensemble, French toast, kids’ breakfast or a choice between three omelettes: farmer sausage, bacon and cheese, or Mediterranean (vegetarian). Each features a generous portion of fillings, including farmer sausage, double-smoked bacon, feta, Swiss or cheddar cheese, or caramelized onions — and the farmer sausage option comes with a bacon garnish.

I would have been impressed had it stopped there, but right

down to the garnish, Lepp’s does things their own way. Accompanying my meal was a small yellow cherry — sweet Rainier cherries, I’m told — and a white chocolate-covered strawberry.

As a person who never eats my garnish, I couldn’t wait to top my morning meal off with a little dessert fruit.

If breakfast isn’t your thing you could always pop by Lepp’s between 11 a.m. and 4 p.m. for their summer barbecue. Positioned under white tents on their patio, they offer meat from a variety of their farm animals.

You could sink your teeth into an angus burger, shaved brisket, or a gluten-free turkey burger,

Image: Jess Wind/The Cascade

as well as vegetarian falafel or mushroom burger options.

All prices include a drink and chips or salad side, and range from $7.99 (hot dog) to $13.99 (donair).

Heading between Mission and Abbotsford? Cutting across town from East Abbotsford to the Mt. Lehman area? Just plain hungry and looking for something fresh and locally made? Head down to Lepp’s Farm Market for a variety of tasty options, Sunday breakfast, or the right ingredients to recreate your meals at home.

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ARTS IN REVIEW

WEDNESDAY, JULY 16, 2014 www.ufvcascade.ca

Film Review

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes dwells on the humanity of apes, but not of humans JEREMY HANNAFORD CONTRIBUTOR

Reactions were mixed when director Rupert Wyatt brought us Rise of the Planet of the Apes in 2011. While some believed that a failed reboot (Tim Burton’s 2001 film) was enough, 20th Century Fox wanted to give it one more go. For the most part, it worked.

With a good script from Rick Jaffa and Amanda Silver, Rise of the Planet of the Apes brought a new and creative take on the apes who, while still primitive, possessed higher brain function and character development than any of the human characters. That was the only thing needing correction in the sequel, and they only got halfway there.

After images and audio messages superimposed to a revolving Earth explain how a virus encompassed the globe, the Dawn of the Planet of the Apes shows the community that Caesar, the leader of the apes, has created.

Andy Serkis has truly become the primate-animal-man of Hollywood. His character is still the strongest by far, but there are others with unique characteristics. Rick Raffa and Amanda Silver deliver a script that takes the narrative down surprising paths just when a predictable outcome appears to loom its head. The major turnaround is the growing aggression between the humans and apes. While there are some stereotypical characters, they are only minor and serve the necessary purpose of contriving conflict.

Jason Clarke delivers a decent performance as Malcolm, the man who builds a foundation

of trust with Caesar. For an actor who has spent most of his time as a secondary character, he takes a role closer to lead with an emotional resolve that had been absent from previous outings.

But despite his attempts, he still ultimately becomes a secondary character by the time the film comes to a close. This, in turn, weakens the viewer ’s emotional resonance with the humans.

Renowned actor Gary Oldman is given such a small amount of screen time that we only get peeks into his character when there is obviously so much more that needs to be shown. In the end, he turns out to be the guy who hates apes simply because he isn’t given enough time to reveal anything else.

The humans take a back-seat to a narrative once again controlled by the apes. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. This is in fact what this series has built itself on. We get so much more from the apes because of their simplicity. Their primitive nature lets us discern so much more than we can from the humans. When the film tries to observe humans with the same style, it only half works and leaves questions unanswered. A stronger connection to the human characters would have made the final climax more morally complicated.

But this is brought on because of choices in the editing room.

The film tends to drag in certain areas, but it still keeps the story constant. Had there been more

human development, the film would have ultimately damaged itself with an inflated runtime.

For those who wanted more drama from the apes, this film is full of it. Crumbling hierarchy, disobedience, and betrayal run amok in Caesar ’s community.

Andy Serkis delivers an even deeper look into the primate than ever as he struggles to connect with his tribesmen in the face of rising tension with the humans. His performance is incredible to watch as he attempts to rebuild a trust he once had with his adopted father (James Franco) from the previous film.

But not all of the apes are of the same mind. One of Caesar ’s loyal apes, Koba, is opposite Gary Oldman as the aggressor in this

film. Having lived a life of pain and confinement, he seeks the means to exact his revenge for what was done to him. Similar to Magneto’s story of loss and vengeance in X-Men, Koba follows a path that ultimately leads to darkness.

Throughout all of this, director Matt Reeves keeps everything in the camera’s focus with fantastic cinematography and excellent action sequences. There is one panoramic shot atop a mobile tank during the ape’s siege of the human settlement that is completely awe-inspiring. So much is happening in this one shot, and it is both terrifying and amazing to behold. Matt Reeves can still astound audiences by altering the tricks he used in Cloverfield to create such sequences.

While his work in Cloverfield may the staple of his career, Dawn is by far the best work he has ever done.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes delves into social divides on both sides, though the apes come away with a much more powerful delivery than that of the humans. It’s not just because of the amazing effects or Andy Serkis’ performance, but of the collective performance. The apes deliver multiple sides to a story mainly through sign language and body emotion. And while the ending is morally grey, you will find you are still cheering for the apes once all is said and done.

Television Review

Brooklyn Nine-Nine’s got acting talent behind strong characters BRITTNEY HENSMAN THE CASCADE

ALY SCZEBEL

CONTRIBUTOR

Andy Samberg has weaseled his way into the hearts of his viewers yet again. It’s something about his class clown personality, or his inability to take anything seriously in any of the roles he plays. He is always “that guy:” not following protocol, saying “no” to the boss, and showing up to work without a tie. This is his role as Detective Jake Peralta in the TV series Brooklyn NineNine.

This sitcom had me laughing within minutes of watching thanks to Samberg’s ridiculously casual treatment of the stereotypically regimented detective / cop role. This is depicted well by his counterpart Captain Holt (Andre Braugher): the AfricanAmerican, gay television representative (a current standard requirement for any modern TV show), and commanding officer of their 99th precinct.

Jake continually clashes with the rules as he is constantly pushing the boundaries. Speedos in the office, pigeons in vents: each episode is packed with quick-

witted slapstick comedy. Jake’s devotion to the precinct makes him a surprisingly good detective, and his humour makes him completely lovable in spite of his “annoyed” colleagues. Andy Samberg is the big name of the show, and certainly the most familiar face, but the entire cast of Brooklyn Nine-Nine is strong.

Enter Detective Charles Boyle (Joe Lo Truglio): he is your Dwight Schrute, your Buster Bluth, your Ron Swanson; every

show has a Boyle. We love him for his oddities and his obliviousness to the world. Boyle is endearing, caring, and absolutely worships Jake.

Then there is Jake’s partner, Detective Amy Santiago (Melissa Fumero). She’s your typical overachiever who has a lovehate relationship with Jake. She encourages his juvenile behavior by engaging him in bets and he loves her for it.

Sergeant Terry Jeffords, played

by Terry Crews, is a machine of muscle and protein shakes. He refers to himself in the third person when he gets upset, a character tic introduced when he went gun crazy on a mannequin.

Detective Rosa Diaz (Stephanie Beatriz) baffles everyone with mystery. She was kicked out of a Catholic convent in high school, but no one really knows why. Her smiles are limited, and often sporting a black leather bomber and heels, her outfit

alone says “don’t mess with me.” Boyle’s unapologetic love for Diaz is like oil and water — another great twist to the show.

Last but not least (and by far my favourite) is the big and jazzy Gina Linetti, office administrator and right-hand lady to the chief.

Gina is a badass and queen of the backhanded compliments. She wears cat sweaters, colored skinnies, and is a strange combination of skill and inappropriateness (much like Jake) — in every episode you wonder how she’s not fired. She skips work, speaks in emoticons, and is constantly on her phone, yet in many episodes it’s Gina who saves the day. Oh, did I mention she has a dance troupe named Floorgasm?

Brooklyn Nine-Nine was nothing more than a happy late-night Netflix accident for me. But these 23-minute episodes will not let you down. Before you know it, Netflix will shamefully pause and they will ask you if “you’re still there?” and if you want to “continue watching?”

Don’t worry, no one’s judging you — it’s just that good.

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ARTS IN REVIEW

WEDNESDAY, JULY 16, 2014 www.ufvcascade.ca

Swans’ To Be Kind creates a dark world of sound KODIE CHERRILLE THE CASCADE

Mini Album Reviews

SoundBites

With the release of To Be Kind, Swans have three studio albums running past two hours, and it is further proof that the band works best when they indulge.

And like Soundtracks for the Blind and The Seer, To Be Kind stands out among a colourful discography as a titanic work of art that is nothing less than a dense and ferocious singularity.

To Be Kind preserves Swans’ penchant for rampant experimentation while also boasting some of their most immediate melodies. Many of the songs here have very minimal, bluesy foundations, upon which the band pile one terse melody after another until a final element simultaneously links the music together and threatens to blow the whole show apart (opener “Screen Shot”). At other times, they preserve the looseness of the first skeletal riff, adding reverb-soaked slide guitars and low-key synthesizers to singer / guitarist Michael Gira’s fascinating and terrifying vocal delivery (“Just a Little Boy [For Chester Burnett]”).

For the most part, Gira doesn’t

tell stories — rather, he typically has a handful of phrases that contribute to the song’s themes, which repeat with over-boiling intensity. He is a violent evangelist preaching an ecstasy that must be attained by any means, no matter how terrifying he has to make his music. In “A Little God in My Hands,” over a filthy bass line and fucking heavy drums, Gira summons “the universal mind” — and it arrives in the form of a massive, outof-nowhere blast of white noise that engulfs everything for 20 seconds. It will make you jump when you hear it the first time.

And then as suddenly as it arrives, the blast disappears and the main riff returns, this time accompanied with a haunted

music box of acoustic guitars and piano that linger on the edges of the mix. When Gira summons the universal mind again, the blast of noise finishes its job and completely obliterates the song.

And then there’s the 34-minute centrepiece, “Bring the Sun / Toussaint L’Ouverture.” It is a multi-part sprawl that allows the band to sketch absurdly cathartic peaks and tense, ambient valleys; to do it true justice here would be to write an entirely new album review for it. It begins with bludgeoning: wave after wave of huge guitars relentlessly playing the same note for two-and-a-half minutes.

After sufficiently conveying obliteration to their satisfaction, “Bring the Sun” begins in earnest. It’s a chant in three-four, with Gira and a choir (St. Vincent’s in there somewhere; she’s in a few other songs as well) taking turns belting out the title of the song, working up into a communal frenzy until Gira is screaming his lungs out and the band wailing with all they’ve got. In between “Sun” and “Toussaint L’Ouverture” is an ambient period that steadily unfurls into washes of dissonance, with the sounds of hacksaws and frightened horses stomping into the

mix. Whereas “Sun” is a band affair, “Toussaint” is completely Gira’s show, and over a tense melodic backdrop he howls to a lunatic freedom. Michael Gira has been making music for 30 years, and never has he sounded as frenzied as he does here.

After the plus-half hour of unrelenting intensity, “Some Things We Do” closes the first half of the album with a poem of sorts: a list of one-word verbs that human beings get up to over staccato plucking on contrabass and violins. There’s a lot of regret, fucking, and ultimately love.

As fantastic and daring as this first half of the album is, the second half is where Swans truly shine. There is an emotive momentum that propels this half, and it starts with the best song on the album, “She Loves Us!” It follows the formula of “Screen Shot,” with the band swirling around an incessant, dirty riff — that is, until the song disintegrates: the riff peters off, e-bowed guitars dive-bomb, the drummer ’s alternating between waves of crash cymbals and sudden stops, and what the fuck is that bassist doing? The band picks up the pieces after a few minutes, though, and turns into a driving, groovy jam.

Luluc Passerby

Ejecta Dominae

This is the kind of album you settle into; play it beginning to end on a long bus ride, a slow evening, or that rare morning when you get a chance to sit out on the patio with a steaming cup of tea.

The lyrics throughout Passerby dance between contemplative simplicity (“Fields of grass waiting for the sun and the spring, what it can bring — winter is passing” in the track “Winter is Passing”) and innocent whimsy (“Dazzling colours fill the page — who could guess you are your age? All the rooms are out of place. There’s me without a face” in “Without a Face”). In many of the tracks a lyrical line will seem to trail off, as if there is something unsaid behind it; you expect a line to follow, but instead the thought settles into the instrumentals.

My favourite tracks were “Without a Face,” “Reverie on Norfolk Street,” “Gold on the Leaves,” and the final track, “Star.” The album ends on a kind of serene tension, still waiting for the stars to send an answer down. Passerby is calm and lyrical, perfect for those soft, sweet summer moments.

Ejecta, the little-known side project of Leanne Macomber, is a haunting synth heaven band now with an album entitled Dominae. Macomber, who’s taking a slight step away from her headlining ensemble, Neon Indian, is found here teaming up with producer Joel Ford for 37 minutes of tracks ranging from a pure ‘80s core to others that are reminiscent at times of both Niki & the Dove and Chairlift.

This album is a continuation of Macomber’s earlier ethereal sound found while a member of Fight Bite.

But what really makes this album stand out — and it is absolutely sublime — is its lack of pretention in addressing the well-worn topic of love. Each of the 10 ghostly tracks is guided by Macomber’s quaint possession of subtlety, which when mixed with the synth and drum machine, crafts a calm collection. All songs follow a steady line, never meandering through many high or low notes. Yet they all have their own individuality. Perhaps “Afraid of the Dark” is the most classic track, standing above the others in progression and emotion, where midway it lets some of the subtlety drop for a greater infusion of synthpop. There is also “Silver,” a song that crescendos and crystallizes in pure electronic bliss. At the end, Dominae is nothing but infection.

KATIE STOBBART

JOE JOHNSON

The following song, “Kirsten Supine” — inspired by Kirsten Dunst’s character in the film Melancholia – provides gentle respite from the noise, until Gira proclaims “may planets crash / may God rain ash / to seal our skin / to fold us in,” and then soundtracks that proclamation with a slow, apocalyptic waltz.

This is followed by the careening, dissonant “Oxygen,” which memorably halts as Gira screams “feed me now.” Closer “To Be Kind” follows the same trajectory as “Supine,” but compresses the destruction into momentary bursts that finally quiet the album.

Swans do everything in their power to reach as intense a catharsis as possible. They don’t care that they are playing the same riff for eight minutes or that their music might be scary. Beyond the darkness and strangeness, there’s the force of a band working itself up like no other band, doing everything in their power to blow away the pretenses of sound, to find the underlying ecstasy in noise. It is a sadistic kindness these Swans profess.

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ARTS IN REVIEW

WEDNESDAY, JULY 16, 2014 www.ufvcascade.ca

Cascade Arcade

The Wolf Among Us: the final episode — same formula, same great writing JEREMY HANNAFORD CONTRIBUTOR

1 2 3 4 5 6

CHARTS

Jay Arner T.S.A.T.S. (RSD Flexi) Cult Babies Cult Babies Kin Health Cousins The Halls Of Wickwire

Greys If Anything

Shearing Pinx/Lunch Lady Take That, The Devil!

7

Bear In Heaven Time is Over One Day Old

8 9 10 11 12

weird candle weird candle Viet Cong Cassette OOIOO Gamel

Austra Habitat

Part I

Lydia Ainsworth Right from Real

13 14 15

Cheap High Ego Wholesale Hagface Hagface Mark Mills Triple Fire Sign

16

Mi’ens Experimentalsparklenoisepop

17 18

White Lung Deep Fantasy Andrew Bird

Things Are Really Great Here, Sort Of…

Shuffle AARON LEVY

CIVL STATION MANAGER

Station Manager Aaron Levy is about to watch the MLB All-Star game with a couple All-Star UFV current and former staffers! He does not necessarily like all of these songs.

Smash Mouth — “All Star” Not their best song — “Walking on the Sun” is still a supreme example of retro rehash success — but a commonly utilized soundtrack party starter with gruff pop vocals and the best 2000s production radio-ready songs could buy at the time. All that glitters is gold. No mould.

Stars on 54 — “If You Could Read My Mind” Famously revising Gordon Lightfoot for the hit soundtrack to Ryan Phillipe’s breakout (“Nothing up the nose,” he says), Stars on 54 give you one of the original feel-good club songs of the ‘90s. It’s also one of the more serious Mike Myers films, if not roles. What a tale.

Love Inc. — “Superstar” Chris Sheppard was so big he had his own compilation disc like Dance Party 96 or Big Shiny Tunes.

His face sold other people’s songs.

This song had a very popular video on MTV/MuchMusic. You’re a superstar.

Cyprus Hill — “Rap SuperStar” A song so meaningful across genre and background, they recorded multiple versions of it to reflect both the harder rock influences in its creation as well as the rap version that the boys are generally known for. “Can’t trust nobody, gotta look over your shoulder constantly.” Eerie words, guys.

The Tragically Hip — “Bobcaygeon” Named after a small Ontario town (the Hip are from the nation’s original capital, or Kingston), the song’s chorus repeats the eponymous and thematic symbolism while in Bobcaygeon, “the constellations reveal themselves one star at a time.” I’ve never seen them live, but I’d love to, in the right context.

I was of two very different opinions after finishing only two episodes of Telltale’s The Wolf Among Us. The first episode was a great introduction to the world of Bill Willingham’s Fables and offered a twisted detective narrative in this world of fairy tales and noir crime. The second episode, however, was delayed for more than three months and was very disappointing in terms of content and technicality. This change in quality shifted my appreciation for the game to complete rejection.

As much as these games give the sense of choice and consequence, the story will always come to a predetermined conclusion. This was extremely clear in the first two episodes of the The Wolf Among Us. At the basic core, these games are point-and-click adventures where different approaches to resolving disputes are met with identical reactions.

The final episode of The Wolf Among Us raises these same concerns. But this episode is the true essence of what Telltale Games is all about. The difference between those previous episodes and this one is their budget and their amazing writing team.

Every major decision you

have made in the game comes to a head in the interactions with the game’s final adversary, the Crooked Man. This is where The Wolf Among Us and The Walking Dead games differ. The Walking Dead was a survival game that ran on a set track, with characters dying no matter your actions. It was one major decision made early in the game that would come back to the forefront in the finale. In the The Wolf Among Us, all major decisions, including violence, come to bear when judging how you as the Sheriff have handled the investigation.

Whether you removed Grendel’s arm, abused suspects, or killed Tweedle Dum, it all works into the Crooked Man’s plans. He isn’t fighting for his innocence in the final climax; he’s proving how he is more of an asset to Fabletown than the authority has ever been.

When it comes to the confrontation with Bloody Mary, I have to applaud Telltale’s interpretation of her: turning the cult fable into a psychotic murderer was a stroke of brilliance, and she is incredible to watch every time she comes on screen. Her true form is made all the more terrifying by shards of glass embedded in her body and tribal markings burned into her skin.

The final fight scene is packed with action, drama and a hint of

wit. This is definitely the most expansive battle scene done by Telltale.

While it doesn’t beat The Walking Dead in overall scope, it certainly lays down a story that is full of compelling characters.

But despite that, I still prefer the The Wolf Among Us from a content standpoint just because of the intricacy of Willingham’s universe. And while the conclusion certainly leaves one pondering what else could be done with the series, I won’t deny that I’m interested in seeing where it will all go. Telltale just needs to understand the importance of quality assurance and broadening a story, especially in terms of a whodunit construct.

Telltale Games proves once again that it has a great writing team which can spin stories that Fables creator Bill Willingham would be proud of. There still are some technical issues to be addressed such as glitches and texture pop-ins (for the console anyway) as well as a rather lacklustre reveal to the identity of the murderer. But this episode was a massive improvement to the The Wolf Among Us series.

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SPORTS & HEALTH

WEDNESDAY, JULY 16, 2014 www.ufvcascade.ca

Stretching is just as important as exercise CATHERINE STEWART THE CASCADE

Gym class always featured me dying on the track and then being forced back to my feet in order to stretch my legs (even though one of them had already fallen off and ran away after that last lap). Stretching was always my favourite part of the class. We were never fully educated on the importance of it, though. I don’t know about you, but the only stretching I do is either when I’m just waking up, or when I have a really sore leg and the only way to make it feel better is to somehow twist and fold it around my entire body.

According to a number of sources, this is an unacceptable amount of stretching. A majority of the articles I read even went so far as to say that stretching is just as important as daily exercise. Not only does your body benefit from it, but so does your mind. That makes sense, seeing as how you’re literally just sitting there basking in your own thoughts. You’re bound to find the solution even to world peace eventually.

But until you go far enough to cure the world, you’ll start small. Just 10 minutes of stretching can clear your mind and put you in a calmer state from which you started. It helps recharge your brain, giving it a little kick-start to help it along as you putter through your day.

Stretching for just 10 to 15 minutes a day helps your body increase in flexibility, corrects your posture, and increases the blood and nutrient supply to your muscles, which greatly reduces soreness. Because of this

Image: Naitokz/Flickr

newfound increased circulation, it’s quite common for people to also feel more energetic in their daily lives.

It’s greatly recommended to throw in a flexibility workout at least once a week into your regime. Taking a yoga class, for example, not only stretches muscles you didn’t even know you had, but also improves said muscles. You’ll get a strength and flexibility workout all in one, and will leave the class feeling like a million-dollar human pretzel.

If you think about it, a good chunk of physical therapy is pure stretching. About.com’s physical therapy page caught my eye as I attempted to find some information that hadn’t already been drilled through one

ear and out the other throughout my life. Yes, stretching is good for you. However, there are certain techniques to follow if you want to do it right and not risk injuring yourself.

The first rule from About. com’s physical therapy page is to never stretch before exercising. I found this surprising, since I just figured that all kinds of stretching were good.

Apparently stretching cold, unexercised muscles can increase the risk of pulling a muscle. It’s important to either do a quick warm-up first, or just stretch it all out once you’ve finished exercising.

Another rule on this website — one that I had carved into me while growing up — was to never bounce while stretch-

ing. You know you’ve done it.

You’re sitting there with your leg stretched out, holding onto your foot while gently bouncing your torso. That’s got to stop.

Bouncing can cause small tears in the muscle, resulting in scar tissue. This, in turn, causes the muscles to tighten even further, making your body more prone to pain.

If you feel pain, stop. “No pain, no gain” gets tossed out the window in this circumstance. If you’re in pain, you’d better stop before you gain a trip to the hospital.

Always make sure to breathe through your stretches, too. I often find myself holding in my breath as I reach for my toes or twist my back around.

And when I tell you to breathe, I don’t mean tiny little huffs and puffs. I’m talking about big, deep breaths that speak to your soul and rattle your bones.

Calming breaths. The breathing aspect of stretching is basically the equivalent to the stretching aspect of exercise. Ergo, if you’re not breathing while stretching, all the stretches you’ve done are almost pointless and have had next to no effect on your body.

It’s recommended to stretch right when you wake up and before you go to sleep. Let’s be honest, I’m too lazy in the morning and too tired at night. However, if you find time throughout the day to pop in a quick rendezvous to the floor to get some stretching done, I’d recommend it. Only good things can come out of it.

Learn to row at UFV RACHELLE STRELEZKI CONTRIBUTOR

This fall, UFV Rowing will be conducting their annual Learn to Row program for those interested on campus.

The Learn to Row program is directed toward students wishing to try the sport and meet new friends, or for those who might like to pursue this sport at the varsity level and beyond.

The program is held two to three days a week for seven to eight weeks, coached by varsity rowers and supervised by Liz Chisholm, UFV’s head rowing coach. Members will be able to try out their new skills at a regatta with other university novices, including SFU and UBC. Learn to Row members will be practicing in boats on the water as well as the indoor rowing machines raise their level of fitness and training. Once the Learn to Row program is finished, members can try out for a varsity spot on the team.

Fitness is not initially a critical factor, but any members who wish to achieve a varsity spot must increase their level of physical fitness. Varsity rowers train on the water five days a week, along with other forms of exercise such as weights, car-

Image: University of the Fraser Valley/flickr

dio, and the use of indoor rowing machine. Varsity rowers are expected to maintain a healthy diet and must be signed up for a minimum of nine credits per semester.

There will be an information meeting September 4 at 5:30 p.m. on the Abbotsford campus, classroom TBA. The first

boathouse orientation will be September 6 at 8:30 a.m. at UFV Rowing’s home venue in Fort Langley.

Some UFV rowers went on to the Canadian national team, such as Lisa Roman (gold and silver medals in the World Championships), Alex Janzen (fourth in the National Row-

ing Championships), Spencer Landsiedel (Team BC athlete in the National Rowing Championships), Mat Morrison (fourth in the National Rowing Championships), and Courtenay Landsiedel (three-time Team BC athlete in the U23 World Championships).

Juice cleanses: the ins and outs

TORI THISTLETHWAITE CONTRIBUTOR

In an age of instant gratification, it makes sense that most people would apply an attitude of convenience to health and fitness, but the reality is that it doesn’t translate. Health is something that is not defined by shortcuts or “quick fixes,” yet people keep trying to find the latest fad to beat the bulge.

Some of the worst “tricks” out there are juice cleanses or fasts.

Here is the truth: they do not work. Juice cleanses are harmful in multiple ways.

According to Cosmo, Women’s Health, Huffington Post, and Boston Magazine, juice cleanses do not remove toxins from your system, and point to a lack of peer-reviewed journals to support their claim.

Instead of cleansing toxins like you think, these cleanses deprive your system of essential minerals as well as nutrients, which causes your metabolism to slow. Your metabolic rate does not return to normal for several weeks and sometimes months afterwards.

The weight that you do lose is water weight, which you gain back once you finish the cleanse.

Lastly, statistics show that the majority of people who do these cleanses binge eat when they finish. They not only gain back the weight they “lost,” but they end up gaining even more.

So why do we believe these cleanses work? Many cleanses are endorsed by fit celebrities and you do lose weight, for a time. But like I said, it is water weight, not fat cells. If you want to cut water weight, there are healthier ways to go about it.

You can eat a low-sodium diet and drink plenty of water, and then sweat it out in a sauna, or wear a sweater while doing a hard workout. But keep in mind these results cannot be maintained for long periods of time and are not long-term solutions.

Instead of buying into these fads and cutting corners, get active and eat healthy, because that will not only naturally cleanse your system and change your appearance, but it will improve your overall life.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 16, 2014 www.ufvcascade.ca

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SPORTS & HEALTH

This is your brain on silence Local meditation classes offer plenty of benefits, both physical and mental VALERIE FRANKLIN THE CASCADE

Spending half an hour sitting in complete silence with a dozen strangers might not be on your Friday night to-do list, but it should be.

Tai chi teacher and UFV graduate Gurpreet Singh Cheema — known affectionately as just Cheema — has been holding drop-in meditation classes at Two Dragons Tai Chi Academy since January. Wearing a T-shirt that reads “S’all guru,” Cheema doesn’t take himself too seriously, and has a genuine warmth and clarity that’s impossible to fake. His infectious friendliness has attracted people from a multitude of religious backgrounds and walks of life who come together in his classes not only to relax, but to connect across cultures and generations.

“Here you’ll see Buddhists, Christians, Sikhs, and atheists all hanging out and getting to be friends,” Cheema says. “We all happen to be human. Earthlings. When you look at it, the best way to be is together.”

Meditation is not a religious activity but a deeply personal, self-reflective exercise, and Cheema’s classes are based on technique rather than dogma.

“It’s for helping people grow awareness and understanding of themselves as well as the universe we live in. It’s not just good for your mind and your soul, it’s good for your body,” Cheema explains. “After just the first class, you’ll sleep better.”

The science is there to back him up. In 2009, researchers at Harvard Medical discovered what they call “the relaxation effect:” As deeper states of calmness are achieved, genes that

Image: Relaxing Music

“Meditation is not a religious activity but a deeply personal, selfreflective exercise, and Cheema’s classes are based on technique rather than dogma.” fight disease and inflammation are activated. The more frequently and deeply the subjects meditated, the more profound their health benefits were.

Meditation also heightens production of serotonin and oxytocin, strengthens the immune system, and helps one achieve greater mental and emotional balance, among other effects.

Cheema’s attendees swear by it, saying it’s especially improved their sleep cycles and their ability to handle stress.

“It’s almost like a counselling session for some people,” one meditator observes.

Every meditation session begins with a relaxing cup of tea — Cheema’s own custom blend, a little different every time — served in adorably tiny teacups.

A thick black area rug is rolled out over the wood floor and

folding chairs are arranged in a circle, but Cheema encourages his students to position themselves however they are comfortable. Most people take the folding chairs, but a couple of meditators sit cross-legged on top of cushions they’ve brought from home, and someone even rolls out a yoga mat and lies down.

We take our shoes off and put our bare feet flat on the carpet in a grounded position. Unlike some meditation classes which involve guided visualizations, Cheema’s sessions consist of 30 minutes of simple silence. It sounds like something you can do at home — and it is. In fact, he encourages us to do so. He makes it clear that he is there as a facilitator, not as a guide.

“I’m not going to lead you through rivers and around

trees. That would corrupt your spiritual experience,” he says. “I want to give you the tools to do this on your own.”

In order to keep our stress levels low, he also emphasizes the importance of not expecting instant results: “No expectations, no limitations.”

We start with a deep breathing exercise. Once we are all calm and well-oxygenated, Cheema poses existential questions for us to ponder while meditating: “Who am I? What is my purpose? How can I help?” Finally, he gives us a grounding mantra to repeat silently to ourselves.

When we’re ready, he taps a tiny xylophone, signalling the beginning of the half hour.

The minutes pass slowly.

There’s almost no sound. Occasionally someone’s tummy growls, or a siren wails in the distance, or the air conditioner clatters to life. My mind wanders. I fidget. I think about the cup I broke this morning, the last episode of True Detective I watched, the errands I have to run tomorrow...

I don’t even notice my mind gradually clearing, like clouds scudding off the sky to reveal blue above them. I begin to daydream about wandering through smoky purple caves while deeper thoughts about my life begin to bubble up from within. Like those hazy, warm minutes of half-consciousness just before sleep takes over, it’s a strange state of mind that I’m only aware of once I’ve left it.

My shoulder begins to ache after a few minutes, snapping me back into this world. As Cheema recommends, definitely bring a pillow or something squishy to help you sit comfortably.

I spend the next 20 minutes

unfortunately ignoring the advice about keeping one’s expectations low, trying too hard to get back into that first state of focus and mostly failing. Who knew that sitting in silence was so hard?

When the xylophone pings again, I open my eyes. Everyone is slumped back in their chairs looking blissful and boneless.

“Don’t operate heavy machinery,” someone jokes. “Don’t drive home yet.”

Cheema is currently trying to organize meditation and tai chi classes at UFV, his alma mater.

For now there are several weekly meditation drop-in sessions, including Wednesdays at Two Dragons Tai Chi Academy on Essendene Avenue, and Fridays at U Weight Loss on Clearbrook Road. Admission is $10 and classes start at 6:30 p.m. Details about meeting times are on Two Dragons’ Facebook page.

After the Friday sessions, attendees usually linger for a group discussion, sharing their different points of view about philosophy or spirituality, which delights Cheema. He gestures to his T-shirt.

“S’all guru, right? Everything is a teacher. Everyone is a teacher.”

Maybe it’s coincidence, but I do sleep better than usual that night. Later, I try meditating at home using the mantra and breathing techniques from the class. It’s easier than the first time, but I’m already planning to head back to Cheema’s class.

It’s just more fun with other people — and clearly I need more practice at doing nothing.

Floating to relaxation in a sensory deprivation tank MARTIN CASTRO CONTRIBUTOR

Sensory deprivation tanks are essentially giant tanks of water with a high salt concentration in which a person floats in relative or complete darkness. These tanks have been around since the 1950s, when psychiatrist John C. Lilly invented them in order to study neurophysiology.

Since then, sensory deprivation tanks have come to be used mainly in therapy and wellness centres around the world, and are also used as a tool for relaxation, meditation, treatment of chronic pain, and physiotherapy. I was first introduced to the concept of sensory deprivation tanks through television and film, where they were depicted more glamourously than they are in real life.

The 1980 film Altered States actually takes its premise from real life. John C. Lilly had run a series of experiments in which he ingested either LSD or ket-

amine while inside a sensory deprivation tank.

I set off to an establishment with sensory deprivation tanks.

I wasn’t entirely surprised to find that nowadays, sensory deprivation tanks are not associated with experiments involving hallucinogenic drugs.

I had the chance to speak with Travis McLaren, owner of Cloud 9 Float Spa in Coquitlam and self-styled “float guru” about the benefits of sensory depriva-

Image: Runn_az

tion tanks.

“A lot of people come for therapy,” McLaren explains.

“Chronic pain sufferers [find] they don’t feel as much pain in float tanks. It really alleviates their condition. Athletes also float [in a float tank] — they can practice in their mind, and it seems to really help.”

McLaren also noted that firsttimers often feel like they’re in a different world when they come out of the float tank. “They have

to sit and ground themselves,” he added.

Once I spoke with McLaren (and drank some awesome green tea which was offered to patrons in the lobby), it was my turn to enter a sensory deprivation tank for myself and see what it was like. I was excited, nervous, and feeling slightly cynical as I walked down a corridor and into a white and blue room. Inside was an equally white tank, about the size of a queen bed, filled halfway with water. The salt and chemicals in the water causes the person in the tank to float, almost as if they were in the Dead Sea. After stripping off my clothes and taking a quick shower to rid myself of any contaminants, I inserted the ear-plugs provided, which kept water out of my ears and also muted any distracting sounds. I stepped into the tank and closed the door, leaving myself in a nearly pitch black environment, lying on my back and floating effortlessly on the water.

After some five minutes of consciously trying to relax, my imagination began to act up. It may have just been my eyes becoming accustomed to the darkness, but I could have sworn I saw some circles floating in front of me, even when I closed my eyelids. My mind began to run through different scenarios, all very vivid, and I had recurring thoughts of a plane of land, almost like a desert. The whole thing was ridiculously relaxing.

The two hours passed faster than I expected. Calm music and soft lights signalled it was time to get out. Once I got dressed and had some more tea, I realized I was calm, but with a lot of energy. There was literally nothing on my mind. It was a pretty surreal experience, and not to mention ridiculously cool.

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SPORTS & HEALTH

WEDNESDAY, JULY 16, 2014 www.ufvcascade.ca