“A beautifully written and engaging story about a man and his dog that will touch every part of you.” Dick Van Patten, Actor and Founder, National Guide Dog Month
y o , B B e y n M A STORY OF LOVE, LOSS AND
Grace
D AV I D WH EATO N
y o , Ben B y M A STORY OF LOVE,
Dad and Mom,
LOSS AND
Grace
It was a special time . . . and he was a most special dog. David
By David Wheaton
TRISTAN Publishing Minneapolis
y o , Ben B y M A STORY OF LOVE,
Dad and Mom,
LOSS AND
Grace
It was a special time . . . and he was a most special dog. David
By David Wheaton
TRISTAN Publishing Minneapolis
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Wheaton, David, 1969My boy, Ben / written by David Wheaton. pages cm ISBN 978-1-939881-04-5 (alk. paper) 1. Labrador retriever. 2. Human-animal relationships. 3. Pets--Death--Psychological aspects. I. Title. SF429.L3W49 2014 636.752’7--dc23 2014009948 All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE®, Copyright © 1960,1962,1963,1968,1971, 1972,1973,1975,1977,1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide. TRISTAN Publishing, Inc. 2355 Louisiana Avenue North Golden Valley, MN 55427 Some names have been changed for purposes of anonymity. Front cover photograph taken by Bruce Wheaton, David’s dad. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher. Text copyright © 2014, David Wheaton ISBN 978-1-939881-04-5 First Printing Printed in Canada To learn about all of our books with a message please visit www.TRISTANpublishing.com
TABLE OF CONTENTS Introduction
vii
Chapter 1: Desiring a Dog, in a Distant Land
1
Chapter 2: And on the Third Day, a Down Payment
17
Chapter 3: Who Chose Whom?
25
Chapter 4: Puppy-Picking Panic
37
Chapter 5: Boats, Birds, and Puppy Lessons Learned
45
Chapter 6: Training the Puppy . . . er, Owner
53
Chapter 7: Seasons of Life with Ben
63
Chapter 8: For the Love of Dog
79
Chapter 9: A Gentle Nudge
97
Chapter 10: Ultra Unexpected
109
Chapter 11: Weighing Options
123
Chapter 12: Road Trip
133
Chapter 13: Darkest Day
145
Chapter 14: Aftershock
155
Chapter 15: A Time to Mourn . . . A Start to Heal
161
Chapter 16: Foundation for Hope
175
Chapter 17: Not Over, but Through
185
Chapter 18: “Just to Look”
197
Chapter 19: A Little Bit o’ Grace
211
Chapter 20: Considering Job
223
Chapter 21: My Good, His Glory
237
Afterword
249
Acknowledgements
253 v
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Wheaton, David, 1969My boy, Ben / written by David Wheaton. pages cm ISBN 978-1-939881-04-5 (alk. paper) 1. Labrador retriever. 2. Human-animal relationships. 3. Pets--Death--Psychological aspects. I. Title. SF429.L3W49 2014 636.752’7--dc23 2014009948 All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE®, Copyright © 1960,1962,1963,1968,1971, 1972,1973,1975,1977,1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide. TRISTAN Publishing, Inc. 2355 Louisiana Avenue North Golden Valley, MN 55427 Some names have been changed for purposes of anonymity. Front cover photograph taken by Bruce Wheaton, David’s dad. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher. Text copyright © 2014, David Wheaton ISBN 978-1-939881-04-5 First Printing Printed in Canada To learn about all of our books with a message please visit www.TRISTANpublishing.com
TABLE OF CONTENTS Introduction
vii
Chapter 1: Desiring a Dog, in a Distant Land
1
Chapter 2: And on the Third Day, a Down Payment
17
Chapter 3: Who Chose Whom?
25
Chapter 4: Puppy-Picking Panic
37
Chapter 5: Boats, Birds, and Puppy Lessons Learned
45
Chapter 6: Training the Puppy . . . er, Owner
53
Chapter 7: Seasons of Life with Ben
63
Chapter 8: For the Love of Dog
79
Chapter 9: A Gentle Nudge
97
Chapter 10: Ultra Unexpected
109
Chapter 11: Weighing Options
123
Chapter 12: Road Trip
133
Chapter 13: Darkest Day
145
Chapter 14: Aftershock
155
Chapter 15: A Time to Mourn . . . A Start to Heal
161
Chapter 16: Foundation for Hope
175
Chapter 17: Not Over, but Through
185
Chapter 18: “Just to Look”
197
Chapter 19: A Little Bit o’ Grace
211
Chapter 20: Considering Job
223
Chapter 21: My Good, His Glory
237
Afterword
249
Acknowledgements
253 v
INTRODUCTION “That’s my boy.” I whispered this often to Ben. It is curious how such a little phrase, and the gentle stroke of his head that accompanied it, could express all of my affection and admiration for him. But it did. Ben was I held him, a soft and adorable, buff-colored Labrador puppy, to relationship was forged between a man and his dog that brought the simplest and best of earthly joys, the depths of grief and sorrow, and ultimately, comfort and grace beyond all expectation. He was a constant presence in my life. Whether next to my bed at night or my desk by day, whether asleep on my lap on the couch or begging food beside me at the table, whether on walks or hikes or road trips—actually, any trip in the car—Ben was just always there. I used to think my inseparable bond with Ben was somewhat unique, maybe even a bit abnormal. Are other people this connected with their dogs? I often wondered. Sometimes I even wrestled with the extent of my love for him. With so many people in need of love and companionship, am I investing too much of myself in a dog? It’s easy to see why we were so close. I was a single guy in my thirties who lived alone and worked out of my home. Most days it was just Ben and me. And although I had grown up in a family that responsibilities—from feeding to training to exercising to looking after his health. But the depth of my relationship with him was a result of more than solitude, time, and care. It was rooted in the kind of dog Ben was. Beyond his physical traits—his athletic build, beautiful coat, pleasing face, and almond-shaped brown eyes—it was his noble vii
INTRODUCTION “That’s my boy.” I whispered this often to Ben. It is curious how such a little phrase, and the gentle stroke of his head that accompanied it, could express all of my affection and admiration for him. But it did. Ben was I held him, a soft and adorable, buff-colored Labrador puppy, to relationship was forged between a man and his dog that brought the simplest and best of earthly joys, the depths of grief and sorrow, and ultimately, comfort and grace beyond all expectation. He was a constant presence in my life. Whether next to my bed at night or my desk by day, whether asleep on my lap on the couch or begging food beside me at the table, whether on walks or hikes or road trips—actually, any trip in the car—Ben was just always there. I used to think my inseparable bond with Ben was somewhat unique, maybe even a bit abnormal. Are other people this connected with their dogs? I often wondered. Sometimes I even wrestled with the extent of my love for him. With so many people in need of love and companionship, am I investing too much of myself in a dog? It’s easy to see why we were so close. I was a single guy in my thirties who lived alone and worked out of my home. Most days it was just Ben and me. And although I had grown up in a family that responsibilities—from feeding to training to exercising to looking after his health. But the depth of my relationship with him was a result of more than solitude, time, and care. It was rooted in the kind of dog Ben was. Beyond his physical traits—his athletic build, beautiful coat, pleasing face, and almond-shaped brown eyes—it was his noble vii
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
character and endearing personality that caused people to almost invariably remark, “What a sweet boy.” Then the questions would begin, “Where did you get him?” “Has he always been that calm?” “Did you train him to do that?”
side is mostly futile. Utilitarians will never persuade Egalitarians to “just leave the dog in the car” overnight at the motel, and Egalitarians will never convince Utilitarians to “just have him up on the couch.” At least they can agree that owning a dog is a worthwhile endeavor, as opposed to those poor souls who can’t even see the point. These are the people you come across on your walks who recoil when your dog tries to nicely greet them. What can you do? Some people are just DUDs (Don’t Understand Dogs). Onward and upward. My conversion from semi-Utilitarian to full-blown Egalitarian took place almost immediately after Ben came home. Here I thought I was getting a dog to sniff out game birds during the fall hunting
I was merely an amateur owner who had been blessed with a truly exceptional dog—a dog of a lifetime. *** Ben forever changed how I view the human-dog relationship. Dog owners span a wide spectrum on this. On one end, there are those who see their dogs in a more utilitarian purpose, such as protecting the livestock, retrieving the fowl, entertaining the kids, accessorizing the home . . . and then it’s back to the kennel after that. A distinct and intentional separation of man and dog is maintained at all times because “it’s a dog” . . . and that’s that. This is certainly not to question whether Utilitarians love their dogs, because they do. It’s just that they keep them at more of an arm’s-length distance than the dog owners at the other end of the spectrum—the Egalitarians, who view and treat their dogs as coequal members of the family. Dog hair on clothes, the couch, the bed, or the front seat of the car is a minor inconvenience for Egalitarians—“It’s just part of having a dog.” Going anywhere without their dog would be, well, “Why go?” Licks on the face or plate aren’t unhygienic (“Dogs have cleaner saliva than humans, you know.”) but rather shared affection. Baby talk and a half-dozen nicknames characterize the conversation between the Egalitarian and his or her dog. Utilitarians and Egalitarians may share a love for dogs, but never the twain shall meet from that point on. And proselytizing the other viii
was the outdoor dog run that had been constructed in the side yard in anticipation of Ben’s arrival. “Dogs live outside,” after all. At least that is where our family dogs had always lived for as long as I could remember. There was the half-Lab, half-Samoyed, Muffy, whose favored napping location was in the middle of the street, and the two Siberian huskies, Tonka and Tinka, who actually preferred being out in the cold, marauding about in search of smaller animals. Ben was different, much different. He would never spend a night in that pen. In fact, it was soon dismantled and removed, thus providing been changed simply by the presence of a different kind of dog that didn’t demand in-house residence but rather just seemed to belong there. Silly me for thinking that I had simply acquired “a dog.” When, in truth, what had been bestowed upon me was a year-round, lifeenriching relationship that would expand my boundaries of joy and sorrow, and help me understand poignant lessons about life and faith. This is the story of my boy, Ben. It’s a story about love and loss. But most especially, it’s a story about grace. ix
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
character and endearing personality that caused people to almost invariably remark, “What a sweet boy.” Then the questions would begin, “Where did you get him?” “Has he always been that calm?” “Did you train him to do that?”
side is mostly futile. Utilitarians will never persuade Egalitarians to “just leave the dog in the car” overnight at the motel, and Egalitarians will never convince Utilitarians to “just have him up on the couch.” At least they can agree that owning a dog is a worthwhile endeavor, as opposed to those poor souls who can’t even see the point. These are the people you come across on your walks who recoil when your dog tries to nicely greet them. What can you do? Some people are just DUDs (Don’t Understand Dogs). Onward and upward. My conversion from semi-Utilitarian to full-blown Egalitarian took place almost immediately after Ben came home. Here I thought I was getting a dog to sniff out game birds during the fall hunting
I was merely an amateur owner who had been blessed with a truly exceptional dog—a dog of a lifetime. *** Ben forever changed how I view the human-dog relationship. Dog owners span a wide spectrum on this. On one end, there are those who see their dogs in a more utilitarian purpose, such as protecting the livestock, retrieving the fowl, entertaining the kids, accessorizing the home . . . and then it’s back to the kennel after that. A distinct and intentional separation of man and dog is maintained at all times because “it’s a dog” . . . and that’s that. This is certainly not to question whether Utilitarians love their dogs, because they do. It’s just that they keep them at more of an arm’s-length distance than the dog owners at the other end of the spectrum—the Egalitarians, who view and treat their dogs as coequal members of the family. Dog hair on clothes, the couch, the bed, or the front seat of the car is a minor inconvenience for Egalitarians—“It’s just part of having a dog.” Going anywhere without their dog would be, well, “Why go?” Licks on the face or plate aren’t unhygienic (“Dogs have cleaner saliva than humans, you know.”) but rather shared affection. Baby talk and a half-dozen nicknames characterize the conversation between the Egalitarian and his or her dog. Utilitarians and Egalitarians may share a love for dogs, but never the twain shall meet from that point on. And proselytizing the other viii
was the outdoor dog run that had been constructed in the side yard in anticipation of Ben’s arrival. “Dogs live outside,” after all. At least that is where our family dogs had always lived for as long as I could remember. There was the half-Lab, half-Samoyed, Muffy, whose favored napping location was in the middle of the street, and the two Siberian huskies, Tonka and Tinka, who actually preferred being out in the cold, marauding about in search of smaller animals. Ben was different, much different. He would never spend a night in that pen. In fact, it was soon dismantled and removed, thus providing been changed simply by the presence of a different kind of dog that didn’t demand in-house residence but rather just seemed to belong there. Silly me for thinking that I had simply acquired “a dog.” When, in truth, what had been bestowed upon me was a year-round, lifeenriching relationship that would expand my boundaries of joy and sorrow, and help me understand poignant lessons about life and faith. This is the story of my boy, Ben. It’s a story about love and loss. But most especially, it’s a story about grace. ix