I SS U E 4
JENAY ROSS
THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE
For Me
BECAUSE SHOWING UP MATTERS Thank You For Being Here is a digital publication of original poetry and prose rooted in self-discovery and gratitude. Jenay Ross shares her experiences through exploring topics of identity, self-worth, anxiety, relationships and personal growth. As someone who struggled with feelings of abandonment at a young age, she values the act of showing up for others and putting her well-being first. With her work, she aims to shed self-doubt and old grudges in order to emerge with more confidence and good energy to move forward in her own light. Jenay’s identity is a puzzle. Every piece unique and scattered, working together to evolve into the ultimate self portrait. @tyforbeinghere ~ @jenayross ~ #TYFBH Cover Photo Photographer: Vadym Zhyrov Contributing Photographer: Jalin Siu
A Note From Jenay Seasons are not limited to spring, summer, fall, and winter. I feel the pulse of changing seasons in a multitude of ways. From week to week or month to month. Sometimes even day to day. I’m currently in a season of learning to not accept things that do not better my life and striving for things that make me feel great. I’ve reached a conclusion that I have spent enough time of my life dwelling on situations and people that don’t add good energy to my life. It’s a very intimate experience to shed old beliefs that didn’t age well and to heal. I’ve heard a few times that growth and change can be painful, even when positive and necessary. And I’ve only recently started to understand this. Whether it’s recalibrating my habits or letting go of friendships that weren’t meant to last forever.
This year I have learned that healing is an ongoing journey and not an overnight success story. And this journey looks different for everyone. What works for me might not work for others. But with this space for me to share my experiences, maybe I can motivate you to speak up for yourself and find your own way to make the most out of your seasons. Be kind to others and yourself. Keep moving. Some of the poems in this issue were scribbles in a notebook back in 2017. Others were written within the last year. Thank you for reading. Thank you for being here. With care, Jenay
A Poet i am a poet saying this still feels foreign to me because i’m learning to trust myself with a piece of paper weighted with words that may or may not resonate it’s scary sharing how i feel about situations and circumstances in short bursts of lines or long winding sentences but i have a voice and a story that can jump off of pages into your own translation that could be totally different from mine that’s fine i have a notebook dedicated for scribbled poems and a fuzzy place in my mind that i visit in order to remember and understand how i felt in certain defining moments it’s not always easy but i love it i am a poet
The Race welcome to another season of change another chance to steady your footing while you walk through the highlights and lowlights of life count your blessings set your intentions run after them at your own pace the only race you need to be running is against yourself so make it count
Vessel i was a string bean at least that’s what they called me until my curves swelled thick thighs, bouncy bottom and a stomach a little rounder than i was used to i haven’t learned how to love the softness and instead i place my hand on it wishing my extra layers of love would melt off he tells me it’s cute and that i’m beautiful, even sexy and every day i have to convince myself that he’s not a liar and that i’m just having a hard time loving my vessel for what she is and thanking her for getting me this far
Tethered i’m tethered to the ideal version of myself the one who isn’t afraid of the dark jealous of others scared to say the wrong thing biting her nails to stubs instead she’s the one everyone cheers on because she radiates kindness and inspires them to be better every time she steps in a room i’m tethered to the idea that i am more than i am but i’m already that ideal version of myself deep down she’s just stifled in the underground climbing to get out and trade places
A Curl Story strangers used to soak my hair in chemicals so that i could be beautiful even though my scalp burned, my kink-less hair fell to my shoulders frizz tamed, i was beautiful when my edges started to show i desperately kept them hidden wishing i had been born something i was not in fear that my natural curls would make me less desirable to boys and employers i dreaded the hours it took to not look like me whether i was stuck in a salon chair or pressing my hair between a flat iron that burned the tips of my ears i will never get that time back one day i set myself free allowing myself to live in my own element more wildly not caring about unsolicited opinions because if they rejected my curls, they rejected me
Addict i often find myself here with my dimmed phone as the only light in my room situated way too close to my face i should be sleeping soundly but the glow is like a siren song luring me to the depths of self-deprecation the never ending social feeds hold me captive i neglect my body of the sweet zzzzs it needs for healing and wrap myself with poisonous lies and pointless noise i’m better off without social media raised me as an addict
Enough most nights i listen to music that remind me of you my head is where my feet should rest eyes staring at the whirring ceiling fan round and round it goes a familiar motion most nights i think i will never be enough or maybe you don’t want to be enough for me
Deep and Shallow Blue you are an aquaman at peace in both the deep and shallow blue you flip into the twirly currents becoming one with the waves diving into them instead of running away unafraid of what swims beneath the surface you had a method for everything, all-in or nothing
Relief with you i felt naked in all of my clothes one glimpse at me and you could always tell a thunder stormed through my mind shaking the pillars that kept me standing gently but persistently you chiseled away at the cracked parts of my mind so that i could see my own light what a relief
FOMO the work i invest in myself is an ongoing journey leading me to make healthier choices i used to end up in places i thought i wanted to be but it turns out i was in surroundings that drained my energy to empty burnout and self-neglect started feeling like a disease so i learned to no longer feel obligated to say yes to everything i once had a strong fear of missing out but all that time i think i was missing out on me
Did You i wonder if you’ve changed since we last spoke did you defeat your demons did you realize it’s ok to let someone in did you learn to keep your room clean have you checked to see that i’ve grown too
THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE THANK THANK THANK THANK THANK
YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU
FOR FOR FOR FOR FOR
BEING BEING BEING BEING BEING
HERE HERE HERE HERE HERE